Kayla had her first ever court date today. Heck it was my first ever as well for that matter. I promised you all I would tell you what all that was about today, so here goes...
A while ago, Kayla was dating this guy. This boy had been in trouble before, even been arrested several times. She's of course not seeing him now. Back when they were dating there was a fight that broke out at school. This guy got really mad at some other kids. According to Kayla, he got REALLY upset and was physically and verbally worked up. Well, Kayla said she 'held him back' and didn't let him hit this boy. The school officials came over, as well as the school police officer. The boy got really upset and very disrespectful with the police officer. Kayla said he puffed up his chest 'as if he was going to do something to the cop' -- and that he was literally centimeters from his face -- but that he didn't actually TOUCH the police officer.
Well, the boy got arrested for the whole thing. Today was his trial and Kayla was called in to testify on behalf of the defense. She was called in to say that the kid didn't touch the police officer, which contradicts the testimony of all the school officials as well as the police officer.
I was really afraid they were going to come down on her pretty hard today. That they were going to make her trip over her words... mix up her story... catch her in a lie... or something. But it ended up being okay.
They did get her to mix up one thing - which probably completely voided most of her testimony anyways. She told the defender that she was NEXT to the police officer and her boyfriend the whole time, so she could clearly see that at no time did her boyfriend put his hands on the cop. But when the prosecutor cross examined her, she said: "So, you were saying that you were standing behind the police officer, correct?" And Kayla responded: "Yes." And the attorney responded again with: "And then you walked around and stood next to your boyfriend?" Kayla said: "Yes, that's right." I saw the boy's mom sitting there, crossing her arms, getting very uncomfortable and upset. I immediately knew Kayla had been worked into saying something that wasn't correct, for their benefit.
Of course, the prosecutor ended Kayla's session with: "So, he was your ex-boyfriend you said? Is that correct?" Kayla said yes. And she said, "But, you don't really want to see him get into any trouble, now - do you?" Kayla said, "well, of course not." But it was the WAY she said it.... that you knew that she meant that Kayla was talking to try to keep her friend out of trouble. Jeez.
So, that's how I spent much of my day today. Tons of fun there, huh?
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I'm really worried about Julie's upcoming move. I'm afraid she's not going to be ready for the move. Mom and Katie keep telling me not to expect Julie to do anything -- to just go over there and that we should all go do everything FOR her.
But -- dag-nabbit -- I don't wanna. She's home most of the time... she has time to sit out by the pool all ding-dang day and work on her tan.... why shouldn't she be expected to pack her own boxes?
I know she's never moved before all by herself. I get that. She's always had someone else do all the moving for her (moving companies). But -- heck, if I told Jonathan, who is 15, that he was moving from here to his Aunt Katie's house and he needed to pack everything he needed to live in a box - I'm betting he'd do it just fine.
I know Julie can do this. She's moving into a 2 room apartment for goodness sake, how hard could THAT be? I would think it would be harder to sell the things that she's NOT bringing with her, and that she has been doing - or at least I think she has been doing anyways.
I don't know, I'm just a bit worried about it. Moving date is end of the month next month -- after Amanda's birthday, Kayte's birthday, Justin's birthday and father's day. It'll be a busy month!
I should run, I just wanted to post a quick blog to let you know about the court thing today with Kayla. As promised... more soon as I have much to catch you up on.
Please continue to keep us in your prayers. Thank you
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Loooooooong Time No Blog
I know it's been a long time since my last blog. Soooooo much has gone on, I'm sure so many of you, even those of you who are with me all the time wonder what the HECK is going on. I know, I know.
Many of you have asked if 'just nothing is going on' because I'm not blogging. That wouldn't be true. In fact, tons of stuff has gone on. But the computer a friend from church who was generous enough from church to give us is again full of Trojan viruses ~ love kids! Even with virus protection, it got in. Chris keeps trying to clean it, but we can't get rid of it. Not yet anyways.
The laptop, the only other computer we have which we've told the kids they can 'use' but not really put anything on as far as downloading on or anything because the laptop is completely full as far as space on the hard-drive. We have told them this, sat them down - shown them how full it was - explained it was Chris's 'work' computer and not to put stuff on it. Yet, we keep finding pictures and stuff that the kids keep putting on the hard drive. Their friends........ lunch pictures............... pictures of them in the bathroom..... with their friends....... with their bathing suits..... etc...... just kills me. Of course, it too had a Trojan but we managed to remove it off the laptop. I just find it very difficult to use this laptop for several reasons... the touch pad is very sensitive.... it's hard drive is full... so much on it doesn't work, from the CD drive not opening anymore to the power cord not plugging in. I've blogged before about this one "limping along".
Anyways.... with Mr. Bush's tax stimulus check received last week, I decided to go to Sam's club and get an inexpensive laptop. A small one that Chris and I can use - NOT the kids. E-V-E-R. We didn't get a docking station, it's not going to go into the office, it's just something that Chris and I can use for our own personal use (well, Chris for business use of course). Sweet, huh?
So.... with computer on my lap - let's get down to business, shall we?
Things here are pretty good - and sometimes bad - just as usual, huh?
On the good side, the kids have dong a phenomenal job in school. There is a darn good chance -- like maybe as much as a 95% probability - that all three of Julie's kids are going to have honor roll this last 9 weeks. Jonathan, we believe, is going to have all A's and B's and only 1 C. This is just... unreal. We had NO IDEA that this could really happen. The problem is that we promised the kids if they got honor roll that they could have something they wanted as a reward. All the kids have wanted cell phones. We are going to be a cell phone family, let me tell ya. We are going to have to either get two plans (maximum number of phones you can have on one plan is 5, so we can't have 6 without adding a whole other plan) -- or we might have a friend add Justin to her cell plan as that would be easier.
Justin's grades have just gone WAY UP since getting on his new medication. It's amazing to see the difference that little pill has made. It hasn't changed anything in his personality or anything about him in any way other than in his ability to focus at school.
Kayla and I are still having 'issues'. Tonight we had another big talk. It started because she wanted to go to a different school. The same school that her boyfriend goes to. It's a technical 'career' school. She started off the conversation saying that she wanted to go because it was close to her mom, and since she was moving there when she was 18, she might as well start going there now.
Well, you can imagine this sat real well with us. (NOT!) However, we wanted to be adults about it and sit down with her and discuss it. However, Kayla was SUPER upset that we were not totally excited and willing to immediately sign the paper without even thinking twice. She got up, grabbed her paper, balled it up into a wad and started to leave.
Chris and I were really upset with her. What we wanted to do was sit down and create a pros and cons list for this change in schools. We also found out that this school she's asking to go to is a drop out prevention school. A last resort for kids who have been failing in the regular schools. Is that really supposed to be right for Kayla? She's now an honor roll student! They did tell her that she could graduate early. Because it's a dropout prevention school, they don't have to stick to the same rules/guidelines as regular schools. They don't have to have X number of math credits and English credits and so on in order to graduate.
So we argued a bit. Yelled a bit. Then talked for a long time.
This time Chris was much more upset about Kayla saying she was going to move out when she was 18. Last time we spoke, Kayla said she wasn't going to do this... now, she's telling us that she's not only going to move out, but that everyone knows all about it - including Julie.
Pause here for me to say how incredibly pissed off I am that Julie is going behind my back and making these plans with Kayla. FURIOUS. I am just FURIOUS with Julie over this. I don't know what to do about it. I want to punish her, but am not sure how to do so. Do I tell her she can't come over for visits for a while? That's what Katie says I should do. But the, for how long? Ooooooo it just makes me SO MAD. Okay - unpause.
So, we talk to Kayla about this whole thing. First thing we talk about is her grand plan of moving in with Julie. We talked about all kinds of things. Has she thought through that completely? How small Julie's apartment is.... high crime neighborhood.... what's going to happen when she gets manic or depressed and needs to go back into the hospital....
Then we talked about the school. Chris read all the requirements for the school. You have to agree to go into their work program after high school, meaning they place you into a job in your career field. And the career field isn't one that she's actually wanting to get into after high school. What about college? Well, since this school is DESIGNED for kids who are about to drop out of high school, they aren't college material. Kayla IS going to college. The whole school setup isn't right for her.
I created a pros and cons list with her help. The biggest things she had on her pros list was that she'd graduate early and that she'd be going to school with her boyfriend. The cons list however was quite long - that it was a drop out prevention school, she'd have to go into the career field, not college, she'd lose her friends, and that although it's a career oriented school, it doesn't have the career that SHE wants in it.
So, end result, we are not signing the paper. If she wants to move in with her mom in January and she wants to sign her up - go for it.
Then we created a pros and cons list for Kayla moving in with Julie. The only thing Kayla could give me for "Pros" was "I can do whatever I want" and "My boyfriend can sleep over". Two grand reasons I'd say... real mature. On the "Cons" list were: Mom's mental health-cutting/suicide attempts, snoring, being there when Julie has men over, it being a very SMALL apartment, high crime neighborhood, no privacy, leaving all her friends and sister and brother behind, the apartment is right NEXT to the pool (which has no hours people can't be in it), and changing schools mid-year.
I asked Kayla at one point.... if your dad were to come down for just a minute... and he was standing in our living room talking to you about all of this.......... WHERE would HE want you to live while you finished school? Then Chris asked her to answer honestly. She said he would want her to finish here. I know he would, I know he would be SO PROUD of her. He would NOT want her living at Julie's house just to push her buttons and seeing how much she can get away with. He knows that we have given her stability and fair yet firm discipline.
I don't honestly know anymore what Kayla is going to do when she's 18. I'm really trying not to care. TRYING.
I should run for tonight. Now that I have the laptop, I'll post a lot more often. I have so much more to catch you all up on. Kayla is going to court tomorrow to testify against what a police officer and the assistant principal of her school is going to say is true. This will take a while to blog about... but I'm tried tonight. I'll blog tomorrow on this one!
Please keep us in your prayers. Pray for Chris and I in particular, that we stay connected. We've had a bit of disconnect lately and could use some prayers in this area. Thanks!
Many of you have asked if 'just nothing is going on' because I'm not blogging. That wouldn't be true. In fact, tons of stuff has gone on. But the computer a friend from church who was generous enough from church to give us is again full of Trojan viruses ~ love kids! Even with virus protection, it got in. Chris keeps trying to clean it, but we can't get rid of it. Not yet anyways.
The laptop, the only other computer we have which we've told the kids they can 'use' but not really put anything on as far as downloading on or anything because the laptop is completely full as far as space on the hard-drive. We have told them this, sat them down - shown them how full it was - explained it was Chris's 'work' computer and not to put stuff on it. Yet, we keep finding pictures and stuff that the kids keep putting on the hard drive. Their friends........ lunch pictures............... pictures of them in the bathroom..... with their friends....... with their bathing suits..... etc...... just kills me. Of course, it too had a Trojan but we managed to remove it off the laptop. I just find it very difficult to use this laptop for several reasons... the touch pad is very sensitive.... it's hard drive is full... so much on it doesn't work, from the CD drive not opening anymore to the power cord not plugging in. I've blogged before about this one "limping along".
Anyways.... with Mr. Bush's tax stimulus check received last week, I decided to go to Sam's club and get an inexpensive laptop. A small one that Chris and I can use - NOT the kids. E-V-E-R. We didn't get a docking station, it's not going to go into the office, it's just something that Chris and I can use for our own personal use (well, Chris for business use of course). Sweet, huh?
So.... with computer on my lap - let's get down to business, shall we?
Things here are pretty good - and sometimes bad - just as usual, huh?
On the good side, the kids have dong a phenomenal job in school. There is a darn good chance -- like maybe as much as a 95% probability - that all three of Julie's kids are going to have honor roll this last 9 weeks. Jonathan, we believe, is going to have all A's and B's and only 1 C. This is just... unreal. We had NO IDEA that this could really happen. The problem is that we promised the kids if they got honor roll that they could have something they wanted as a reward. All the kids have wanted cell phones. We are going to be a cell phone family, let me tell ya. We are going to have to either get two plans (maximum number of phones you can have on one plan is 5, so we can't have 6 without adding a whole other plan) -- or we might have a friend add Justin to her cell plan as that would be easier.
Justin's grades have just gone WAY UP since getting on his new medication. It's amazing to see the difference that little pill has made. It hasn't changed anything in his personality or anything about him in any way other than in his ability to focus at school.
Kayla and I are still having 'issues'. Tonight we had another big talk. It started because she wanted to go to a different school. The same school that her boyfriend goes to. It's a technical 'career' school. She started off the conversation saying that she wanted to go because it was close to her mom, and since she was moving there when she was 18, she might as well start going there now.
Well, you can imagine this sat real well with us. (NOT!) However, we wanted to be adults about it and sit down with her and discuss it. However, Kayla was SUPER upset that we were not totally excited and willing to immediately sign the paper without even thinking twice. She got up, grabbed her paper, balled it up into a wad and started to leave.
Chris and I were really upset with her. What we wanted to do was sit down and create a pros and cons list for this change in schools. We also found out that this school she's asking to go to is a drop out prevention school. A last resort for kids who have been failing in the regular schools. Is that really supposed to be right for Kayla? She's now an honor roll student! They did tell her that she could graduate early. Because it's a dropout prevention school, they don't have to stick to the same rules/guidelines as regular schools. They don't have to have X number of math credits and English credits and so on in order to graduate.
So we argued a bit. Yelled a bit. Then talked for a long time.
This time Chris was much more upset about Kayla saying she was going to move out when she was 18. Last time we spoke, Kayla said she wasn't going to do this... now, she's telling us that she's not only going to move out, but that everyone knows all about it - including Julie.
Pause here for me to say how incredibly pissed off I am that Julie is going behind my back and making these plans with Kayla. FURIOUS. I am just FURIOUS with Julie over this. I don't know what to do about it. I want to punish her, but am not sure how to do so. Do I tell her she can't come over for visits for a while? That's what Katie says I should do. But the, for how long? Ooooooo it just makes me SO MAD. Okay - unpause.
So, we talk to Kayla about this whole thing. First thing we talk about is her grand plan of moving in with Julie. We talked about all kinds of things. Has she thought through that completely? How small Julie's apartment is.... high crime neighborhood.... what's going to happen when she gets manic or depressed and needs to go back into the hospital....
Then we talked about the school. Chris read all the requirements for the school. You have to agree to go into their work program after high school, meaning they place you into a job in your career field. And the career field isn't one that she's actually wanting to get into after high school. What about college? Well, since this school is DESIGNED for kids who are about to drop out of high school, they aren't college material. Kayla IS going to college. The whole school setup isn't right for her.
I created a pros and cons list with her help. The biggest things she had on her pros list was that she'd graduate early and that she'd be going to school with her boyfriend. The cons list however was quite long - that it was a drop out prevention school, she'd have to go into the career field, not college, she'd lose her friends, and that although it's a career oriented school, it doesn't have the career that SHE wants in it.
So, end result, we are not signing the paper. If she wants to move in with her mom in January and she wants to sign her up - go for it.
Then we created a pros and cons list for Kayla moving in with Julie. The only thing Kayla could give me for "Pros" was "I can do whatever I want" and "My boyfriend can sleep over". Two grand reasons I'd say... real mature. On the "Cons" list were: Mom's mental health-cutting/suicide attempts, snoring, being there when Julie has men over, it being a very SMALL apartment, high crime neighborhood, no privacy, leaving all her friends and sister and brother behind, the apartment is right NEXT to the pool (which has no hours people can't be in it), and changing schools mid-year.
I asked Kayla at one point.... if your dad were to come down for just a minute... and he was standing in our living room talking to you about all of this.......... WHERE would HE want you to live while you finished school? Then Chris asked her to answer honestly. She said he would want her to finish here. I know he would, I know he would be SO PROUD of her. He would NOT want her living at Julie's house just to push her buttons and seeing how much she can get away with. He knows that we have given her stability and fair yet firm discipline.
I don't honestly know anymore what Kayla is going to do when she's 18. I'm really trying not to care. TRYING.
I should run for tonight. Now that I have the laptop, I'll post a lot more often. I have so much more to catch you all up on. Kayla is going to court tomorrow to testify against what a police officer and the assistant principal of her school is going to say is true. This will take a while to blog about... but I'm tried tonight. I'll blog tomorrow on this one!
Please keep us in your prayers. Pray for Chris and I in particular, that we stay connected. We've had a bit of disconnect lately and could use some prayers in this area. Thanks!
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Stupid Criminals
Sooooo.... Just another night in the Rhocchini house.
The kids are going to bed - late of course. Nine-ish we are telling them to "go to bed". Ten-ish we still hear them up but they are at least in bed, mostly asleep.
Eleven thirty on Sunday I decide to go to bed. Chris is next to me - watching ESPN Sports Center something-or-another until he falls asleep.
About 1:30 in the morning we hear yelling in the back yard. Some guy is yelling "What did I do? Don't tase me!" Our bedroom windows are really big and old - over 100 inches long and when the wind blows hard, they tend to move a bit... so hearing yelling isn't unusual if a neighbor gets rowdy. But our neighbors are good normally. We live in a quiet neighborhood - a dead end road off a dead end road... who would be outside yelling??
I open my eyes a bit and notice the red and blue flashing lights..... hmmm.... police lights?
Then I hear the pounding on the door....
Chris jumps up and throws on shorts - runs downstairs to find out what's going on.
I hear "Sir, we are with the City of Tampa Police. We have a suspect in your back yard. For your own safety, please stay inside. Thank you."
I'm dazed.
Confused.
Suspect?
Police?
In MY BACK YARD?
WHATTTTTT?????????????????
I throw on shorts and of course the FIRST place I go is out back.
I'm still in a fog. My contacts are dry.... I'm not sure I'm even really awake.
I feel like I'm in an episode of Cops.
I go onto the back porch where I see probably 8 City of Tampa police officers and a guy - mid to late 20's, white male, face down - on the ground. An officer has his knee in his back holding him down on the ground. The guy just keeps asking "What did I do? What did I do?"
I'm thinking to myself... how the HECK did he get in my back yard? The police talk to him very little, which is just fine with me... he appears to be 'out of it'. Not really drunk, but definitely impaired somehow. Maybe drugs? I dunno.
I then hear the officers talking about how they can't find the weapon.
Weapon?
Yeah... they can't find the gun this guy used. It's probably in our yard somewhere. They want to know if they can get to our shed - and of course I say yes. Chris is talking to them a lot more than I am. I'm completely dazed and confused. I just keep wishing I could go back to bed and wake back up. There's really a gun out here somewhere? Am I dreaming? A couple of officers take flashlights and go to the shed... looking for a gun.
To recap: a bad guy is in my yard - 8 police officers are now looking for his gun.
Oh
My
GOSH!
Well, come to find out.... this guy did something... we don't yet know what he did. He left his car out by the road.... got out and ran. He then hid in a neighbors yard. The police went looking for him and he jumped the fence into OUR yard.
The police couldn't find him.
But - they had his cell phone number.
......................Yes... the story gets more and more weird. I know ~ I know.......................
So.... they call him. His cell phone is ON. It RINGS!
Ring......
Ring...............
Ring........................
They follow the rings...... CATCH him in our yard. Pounce on him.............. hold him down, and he says "What did I do? What did I do?" And this is where I first saw him. Laying on the ground with the police officer on his back.
Unreal.
Stupid criminals.
They know ~ I'm supposing from 'whatever' he did that led to the police from the City of Tampa chasing him up to Hillsborough County (where I live) that he had a gun. They assumed he hid it somewhere around our house, but they couldn't find it. They asked us if we were to find it to leave it alone and call them (leaving us their phone number). We looked the next day and didn't find anything.
It was just a really ODD day, ya know?
And not one of the kids woke up. Not one! They all slept through the whole ding-dang thing.
Unreal.
Just thought I'd share with you all before I forgot the story... knowing that you would all NEVER believe it. :o)
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Weekend Update
The first thing I wanted to tell you is that Genetix - Jonathan and Chris's father-son Quartet with Arne and Paul - finished EIGHTH! Eighth in a field of 20! This was incredible! They were actually singing at a B level!
The top 10 are asked to come back and sing again the next night. They never expected to make the cut, they only had two 'contest' songs ready to sing. They made 'the cut' to sing the second night, and I drove up last Saturday to see them sing again. What an amazing thing... to witness such an amazing thing.
The funny thing was that they had to run out on Saturday to get an outfit to sing on stage with on Saturday night because they never anticipated making the cut. Also, one of their songs for the second night was not a contest song so it scored zero points. But even still.... they scored eighth. Way to go Genetix!
I wish everyone could share the bond that Chris and Jonathan shared that weekend. The memories.... memories that will last a lifetime for sure. Every man in that auditorium (and there were thousands of men there for the competition) wished that they had the chance to sing on the stage with their son - just once. Jonathan is young enough where Chris had the opportunity to do it once, and will have opportunities to do it again and again. What an amazing experience.
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We had a weird experience with Kayla this week. She got really MAD at me this week, for some reason. I can't really say 'why', for sure. On Monday, she was dating one guy. On Tuesday she sent me a message telling me that she had broken up with him because she had always loved this other guy. She thinks we really don't like the guy she's going back out with now.
Well, that's partly true, but not really. We like HIM - but we don't really like the two of THEM going out together. They've dated TWICE already in the past. The two times have ended badly.... once with him wanted to end his own life over the break-up and once with a physical assault (Kayla punching in the face). So..... yeah..... I'm thinking the two of them are just not the greatest together.
HOWEVER - the one thing I learned from my mom and from being a teenager in love myself and getting pregnant as a teenager is that - you can't tell a teenager who to date because they do the EXACT opposite. So -- I have always told Kayla that she can date whomever she wants to date.
Even though we haven't liked how the relationship ended with this boy... the boy himself isn't a bad kid. As a matter of fact... I like the kid. He's a good boy, and has a very a sweet soul.
But - long story short about this whole thing is that Kayla has it in her head that Uncle Chris and Auntie Tina hate this boy. After a long odd fight.... I mean.... a day and a half of not talking to each other.... we finally had a long talk.
In that talk we told her how we felt. She could certainly date him, we didn't mind at all. We wanted HER to be happy! Her happiness was our #1 priority.
The funny thing was that two days later I asked her when he was going to come over for dinner or just to hang out at the house. She said "You are going to allow him to come over the house? For real?" I said... "Were you even AT the meeting we had in your room Kayla when we talked about all of this?" She still thinks we hate him! OIE!
We also had a long talk about how she keeps stomping her feet and saying she's moving out when she's 18. She told everyone this time - including me - that "In 8 months when she's 18, she's moving out, but if she could move out right now she would!" I told her that she was not going to keep doing that to me -- she was not going to keep holding me emotionally hostage that way. That -- from now on, I'm perfectly okay with her moving out when she's 18.
I suppose her plan is to move onto her mommas sofa when she turns 18. She's going to pack up everything she owns and put it into a tiny, TINY apartment, change schools mid-year, and I suppose then she'll be happy. And -- if this will make her happy -- so be it.
But I'm not going to spend one more second of one more day worried about it.
I could blog about how I'm pissed that Julie would talk to Kayla about this. How Julie thinks this is the "right" thing to do. About how Julie thinks this is the "motherly" thing to do. But... that would be giving it more seconds out of another day... so I won't. :o)
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Heavy on my heart this weekend is the fact that Chris is on praise team..... I am not.
I have to figure out how I'm going to feel about this. How I'm going to sing and be happy about this. How I'm going to worship and be happy when inside I feel like crying. I don't know how to do that yet. I have a day to figure that out.
Chris is very excited about the new layout, and as his wife, I want to be supportive for him. I really do. It's just SO hard.
For those who don't understand, they went from 6 teams of singers... each team had about 5-6 people on it -- where we now have 2 teams of 6 -- 4 as 'back-up' singers with 2 worship leaders out front. So, a lot of people were cut with the new format.
I just hope I can make it through the service tomorrow. I'm going to pray about it today. It's not a pride thing for me. It's not that I'm sitting here thinking I'm better than someone - I don't care about that.
I'm sad.
I'm sad I'm not singing with Chris.
I'm sad I'm not singing more praise and worship because I enjoy it so much.
And of course I'm sad that I auditioned and I FAILED. That's a big one for me. I hate failing anything. I feel like a marked woman now. I feel like there's a big mark across me where everywhere I go everyone can see "oooo.... there's that girl who FAILED!!!" Ugg
Let's move onto a new subject, shall we??
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SCHOOL!
The kids are doing GREAT in school!
Even Jonathan has pulled up his grades and is now doing well. Let me tell you how they are all doing here with one month left of school:
Jonathan:
English: B
Spanish: C
Geometry: B
Science: C
American Govt: C
Semantics & Logic: A
Chorus: A
Kayte:
Medical Skills: B
Algebra: C
ROTC: B
Computer: B
Science: A
English: B
Reading: A
Kayla:
Math: B
ROTC: B
English: B
Reading: B
Science: B
History: B
Teachers Asst: A
Justin:
History: B
Algebra: B
Drama: C
English: B
Biology: B
Spanish: B
Wt. Training: A
Yes folks -- NO D's or F's..... NONE, and only 5 C's.... not too bad, huh? I'm just thrilled. They are all working SO HARD.
I just can't BELIEVE how much Justin's grades have shot up since he started his new medication, it's been unreal. It's making everyone else work harder as well. I'm so proud of each and every one of them.
I should run folks. It's almost 11:30 on Saturday and I've GOT to go do something with my day. I promise to blog some more in a bit... not wait a week - I promise!
The top 10 are asked to come back and sing again the next night. They never expected to make the cut, they only had two 'contest' songs ready to sing. They made 'the cut' to sing the second night, and I drove up last Saturday to see them sing again. What an amazing thing... to witness such an amazing thing.
The funny thing was that they had to run out on Saturday to get an outfit to sing on stage with on Saturday night because they never anticipated making the cut. Also, one of their songs for the second night was not a contest song so it scored zero points. But even still.... they scored eighth. Way to go Genetix!
I wish everyone could share the bond that Chris and Jonathan shared that weekend. The memories.... memories that will last a lifetime for sure. Every man in that auditorium (and there were thousands of men there for the competition) wished that they had the chance to sing on the stage with their son - just once. Jonathan is young enough where Chris had the opportunity to do it once, and will have opportunities to do it again and again. What an amazing experience.
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We had a weird experience with Kayla this week. She got really MAD at me this week, for some reason. I can't really say 'why', for sure. On Monday, she was dating one guy. On Tuesday she sent me a message telling me that she had broken up with him because she had always loved this other guy. She thinks we really don't like the guy she's going back out with now.
Well, that's partly true, but not really. We like HIM - but we don't really like the two of THEM going out together. They've dated TWICE already in the past. The two times have ended badly.... once with him wanted to end his own life over the break-up and once with a physical assault (Kayla punching in the face). So..... yeah..... I'm thinking the two of them are just not the greatest together.
HOWEVER - the one thing I learned from my mom and from being a teenager in love myself and getting pregnant as a teenager is that - you can't tell a teenager who to date because they do the EXACT opposite. So -- I have always told Kayla that she can date whomever she wants to date.
Even though we haven't liked how the relationship ended with this boy... the boy himself isn't a bad kid. As a matter of fact... I like the kid. He's a good boy, and has a very a sweet soul.
But - long story short about this whole thing is that Kayla has it in her head that Uncle Chris and Auntie Tina hate this boy. After a long odd fight.... I mean.... a day and a half of not talking to each other.... we finally had a long talk.
In that talk we told her how we felt. She could certainly date him, we didn't mind at all. We wanted HER to be happy! Her happiness was our #1 priority.
The funny thing was that two days later I asked her when he was going to come over for dinner or just to hang out at the house. She said "You are going to allow him to come over the house? For real?" I said... "Were you even AT the meeting we had in your room Kayla when we talked about all of this?" She still thinks we hate him! OIE!
We also had a long talk about how she keeps stomping her feet and saying she's moving out when she's 18. She told everyone this time - including me - that "In 8 months when she's 18, she's moving out, but if she could move out right now she would!" I told her that she was not going to keep doing that to me -- she was not going to keep holding me emotionally hostage that way. That -- from now on, I'm perfectly okay with her moving out when she's 18.
I suppose her plan is to move onto her mommas sofa when she turns 18. She's going to pack up everything she owns and put it into a tiny, TINY apartment, change schools mid-year, and I suppose then she'll be happy. And -- if this will make her happy -- so be it.
But I'm not going to spend one more second of one more day worried about it.
I could blog about how I'm pissed that Julie would talk to Kayla about this. How Julie thinks this is the "right" thing to do. About how Julie thinks this is the "motherly" thing to do. But... that would be giving it more seconds out of another day... so I won't. :o)
********************************************************************
Heavy on my heart this weekend is the fact that Chris is on praise team..... I am not.
I have to figure out how I'm going to feel about this. How I'm going to sing and be happy about this. How I'm going to worship and be happy when inside I feel like crying. I don't know how to do that yet. I have a day to figure that out.
Chris is very excited about the new layout, and as his wife, I want to be supportive for him. I really do. It's just SO hard.
For those who don't understand, they went from 6 teams of singers... each team had about 5-6 people on it -- where we now have 2 teams of 6 -- 4 as 'back-up' singers with 2 worship leaders out front. So, a lot of people were cut with the new format.
I just hope I can make it through the service tomorrow. I'm going to pray about it today. It's not a pride thing for me. It's not that I'm sitting here thinking I'm better than someone - I don't care about that.
I'm sad.
I'm sad I'm not singing with Chris.
I'm sad I'm not singing more praise and worship because I enjoy it so much.
And of course I'm sad that I auditioned and I FAILED. That's a big one for me. I hate failing anything. I feel like a marked woman now. I feel like there's a big mark across me where everywhere I go everyone can see "oooo.... there's that girl who FAILED!!!" Ugg
Let's move onto a new subject, shall we??
*************************************************************************
SCHOOL!
The kids are doing GREAT in school!
Even Jonathan has pulled up his grades and is now doing well. Let me tell you how they are all doing here with one month left of school:
Jonathan:
English: B
Spanish: C
Geometry: B
Science: C
American Govt: C
Semantics & Logic: A
Chorus: A
Kayte:
Medical Skills: B
Algebra: C
ROTC: B
Computer: B
Science: A
English: B
Reading: A
Kayla:
Math: B
ROTC: B
English: B
Reading: B
Science: B
History: B
Teachers Asst: A
Justin:
History: B
Algebra: B
Drama: C
English: B
Biology: B
Spanish: B
Wt. Training: A
Yes folks -- NO D's or F's..... NONE, and only 5 C's.... not too bad, huh? I'm just thrilled. They are all working SO HARD.
I just can't BELIEVE how much Justin's grades have shot up since he started his new medication, it's been unreal. It's making everyone else work harder as well. I'm so proud of each and every one of them.
I should run folks. It's almost 11:30 on Saturday and I've GOT to go do something with my day. I promise to blog some more in a bit... not wait a week - I promise!
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
One Day Two Julies
I just realized that I completely forgot to tell you all that Jonathan broke his big toe on Friday night after his show.
He went to the cast party and was playing basketball with the boys - without shoes on - and fell, hard. The scrapes were really odd. He had a scrape on his knee, his hand of course, and across his foot about an inch to inch and a half above his toes. As if his foot bent back - WAY back - when he fell.
It was a little bruised and slightly swollen. I figured if it were broken though his whole foot would swell. It never did. Sunday afternoon I realized that I was really going to have to fight with him to get him to put shoes on Monday morning for school. All weekend long he had been limping, refusing to put shoes on, etc.
Knowing the walk-in clinic closed at 5:30, I figured I'd run him up for an x-ray. The last two times I thought for SURE he had not broken something, he did. We walked in and the Doctor took a look at it and said that he really didn't think it was broken, but he'd x-ray it just to be sure. They came back to re-do the x-ray because they were not sure about something. They wouldn't say what just yet.
Sure enough the doctor walks in and said "Well, I can't believe it, but it's broken!" He broke his big toe, you can see it on the x-ray clear as day.
They didn't do anything for us while we were there. They gave us a prescription for one of those nifty orthopedic shoes that Jonathan said he'd never wear. They told us to follow up with an orthopedic doctor in a few days, after the x-ray is read by a radiologist.
*************************
I did get some GOOD news yesterday. From - of all people - Verizon.
I've had Verizon FIOS service for 11 months now. It has been a love/hate relationship with them the whole time. I love their quality TV - you can't beat their digital quality.. It's awesome. However, they changed us over from Brighthouse telling me my bill would be about the same - I signed up for a $99 a month plan for TV/Cable/Internet. My bill is now roughly $220 a month for everything. It's unreal. AND I had a one year commitment, so I'm tied to this plan until May of 2008.
When we received our first bill around May of 2007 or so, I called to find out what was going on and they explained the whole "well, $99 was for the basic service - but then you pay extra for the box, and each TV needs a box, plus your taxes and regulation fees and the DVR box is extra, plus, plus, plus, plus. And by the time we are done, we were paying over 200 a month. CRAZY, huh?
Well, I got a Verizon bill yesterday and it had past due charges which I thought were a mistake because I always pay my bills on time.
I called Verizon and spoke with a representative - "Julie". I explained that it showed a balance of $214.97, which HAD to be a mistake because on 3/13 I paid $420.48. I can't possibly be behind, right?
She explains the $214.97 was on a bill that came out on 3/14. OUCH.
So, I really DO owe what's on this bill? This bill shows that I owe $438.91.
Really?? OUCH.
Julie tells me not to worry. Because I can get on a bundled plan with Verizon for ONLY $127 a month and start saving about $50 or $60 a month. I just have to sign a one or two year commitment.
"Thanks but no thanks, Julie" I tell her. "In May, my one year is up and I'm going to Brighthouse where I KNOW I can save about $100 a month with NO hidden fees."
I then ask her "Tell me, your $127, is that REALLY $127? Or, is it $127 plus box fees and taxes and added fees which once everything is added comes up to a whole heck of a lot more?" She said, that yes - there are more fees and it is really more than $127.
I explained to her how I signed up for Verizon because I was told that I'd pay the same or a little less than I was paying for Brighthouse at the time. Only now I'm paying twice as much, and stuck with it for a year.
She said "It looks like you could have been bundled though and they COULD have saved you about $30 a month." I said .... "Julie, that's another sore subject. When I signed up, it took them 6 months to get my bill right. They were billing me for only Online and TV on one bill and my phone service came on another bill. It took 6 months for them to fix the bill. When they FINALLY fixed it, they told me they could then bundle it - but my one year would start from THEN, not from the 6 months when I signed up with Verizon! At that point, I had already had a 6 month NIGHTMARE history of billing - there was no WAY I was going to sign up for a one year commitment at that point.
So, Julie says to me "Mrs. Rhodes, it sounds as if you have had a really bad time with Verizon. At the very LEAST we should have been giving you the bundle credits. In my opinion. I tell you what I'm going to do. I'm going to give you a credit, enough for this entire bill, at least. It's the very least I can do for you."
Uh... She's going to credit my account over $400 for no real reason?
Really?
I didn't know what to say, except... "Thank you" And to tell her that, she was the ONLY customer service rep whom I have spoken with whom I felt had actually HEARD me. And for that... I thanked her from the bottom of my heart.
I just pulled up my balance on Verizon.com - and I actually have a credit balance. A CREDIT! Can you believe it? Granted, it's a $35 credit, but still. Wow....
***************************
I haven't blogged much at all about Julie.
She's been doing very well, really. She's working now and so that keeps her pretty occupied. She's lost quite a bit of weight which is really good for her.
She still has 'issues', which of course she'll always have. Most recently I've seen a few little judgement issues creep up which remind me that there are still things there. She's had people in and out of her life lately that are just... Not good people. Even those that were supposed to be "GOOD" were not-so-good. Arthur stole from her. The girl roommate who was supposed to be working hard and clean and sober she now tells me was snorting her pills and the one who showed her HOW to crush pills and snort them that one time she nearly died.
Now the plan is that is is going to walk away from her house at the end of June into a one bedroom apartment. But Julie hates living alone. So... She met this guy online who lives in Miami. He's going to move to Tampa and move in with her. Never met him in person - just going to move in with her. Sigh.....
Get a dog is what I'm thinking. They are cheaper. They don't steal from you. They don't do drugs. Don't break your heart. Don't take your car But they do look forward to when you come home, and give you unconditional love.
Her visits have been really nice the past month or so. Well, with the exception of this past Sunday. But she's clear and seems to be doing SUPER well. It is so great to see her doing so well. Really and truly. There was nothing wrong with this last visit other than she and the kids were slipping away all the time to talk privately. In rooms, outside, etc. And when I'd walk out or into a room, I was CERTAINLY given the impression that I was not supposed to be there. Yet, I'm supposed to be there. Legally even.
I don't know, it just felt different. And, other Sundays Julie helps out and this past Sunday it was more like I did everything for everyone. Well, Me, Michelle and Chris that is, since I had to run to the walk-in clinic. Of course, it might just be my stress level as well. Who knows. These are just my thoughts and feelings. Not tangible 'things', you know?
At any rate, I am thrilled that Julie is doing well for this long. It's been several months now. I just hope the kids don't take it too hard when she gets depressed or manic next. And I hope that if and when that happens, Julie doesn't wait too long to seek treatment. Often times she'll wait too long because she thinks she should have been able to beat it or something. But in fact, it's bound to happen - she just needs to deal with it quickly and not wait until things get really out of control.
But for now, we are enjoying the good times!
***************************
Funny, Julie just called me. First she told me she can't wait to move so that she can come over after the kids get out of school. I said, "Well, just because you live closer doesn't mean you can just stop in any time you want. Your visits are still supervised." Then she talked about going to court and getting that removed.
She wants to get unsupervised visits AND sleepover visits with the kids.
This is where it gets really difficult for me.
I really want Julie to do well. Really and truly I do.
But - only TWO months ago - TWO - she was found unconscious, not breathing, foam coming out of her mouth, and blue -- because she SNORTED her PAIN PILLS.
That was February. This is April.
It seems like forever ago to Julie. I get that. I really do. But - it's been two months .
Two.
She thinks the courts will have no problem giving her unsupervised visits. I sat quietly, not wanting to argue with her - because I have told her the same thing over and over again - AND she has read it here. If she goes to court and tries to say she is 'ready' and she is CLEARLY not... She risks them - the courts - taking away her parental rights. This will crush her, and as her older sister, I don't want to see this happen.
But I'm not going to say anything. If for no other reason than because I've said it a dozen times already. Maybe I'm not supposed to. Maybe it's just supposed to play itself out.
I should run. Almost time to get home and start dinner. I leave you with this for tonight:
So do not fear, for I am with you;
Do no be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.
Isaiah 41:10
He went to the cast party and was playing basketball with the boys - without shoes on - and fell, hard. The scrapes were really odd. He had a scrape on his knee, his hand of course, and across his foot about an inch to inch and a half above his toes. As if his foot bent back - WAY back - when he fell.
It was a little bruised and slightly swollen. I figured if it were broken though his whole foot would swell. It never did. Sunday afternoon I realized that I was really going to have to fight with him to get him to put shoes on Monday morning for school. All weekend long he had been limping, refusing to put shoes on, etc.
Knowing the walk-in clinic closed at 5:30, I figured I'd run him up for an x-ray. The last two times I thought for SURE he had not broken something, he did. We walked in and the Doctor took a look at it and said that he really didn't think it was broken, but he'd x-ray it just to be sure. They came back to re-do the x-ray because they were not sure about something. They wouldn't say what just yet.
Sure enough the doctor walks in and said "Well, I can't believe it, but it's broken!" He broke his big toe, you can see it on the x-ray clear as day.
They didn't do anything for us while we were there. They gave us a prescription for one of those nifty orthopedic shoes that Jonathan said he'd never wear. They told us to follow up with an orthopedic doctor in a few days, after the x-ray is read by a radiologist.
*************************
I did get some GOOD news yesterday. From - of all people - Verizon.
I've had Verizon FIOS service for 11 months now. It has been a love/hate relationship with them the whole time. I love their quality TV - you can't beat their digital quality.. It's awesome. However, they changed us over from Brighthouse telling me my bill would be about the same - I signed up for a $99 a month plan for TV/Cable/Internet. My bill is now roughly $220 a month for everything. It's unreal. AND I had a one year commitment, so I'm tied to this plan until May of 2008.
When we received our first bill around May of 2007 or so, I called to find out what was going on and they explained the whole "well, $99 was for the basic service - but then you pay extra for the box, and each TV needs a box, plus your taxes and regulation fees and the DVR box is extra, plus, plus, plus, plus. And by the time we are done, we were paying over 200 a month. CRAZY, huh?
Well, I got a Verizon bill yesterday and it had past due charges which I thought were a mistake because I always pay my bills on time.
I called Verizon and spoke with a representative - "Julie". I explained that it showed a balance of $214.97, which HAD to be a mistake because on 3/13 I paid $420.48. I can't possibly be behind, right?
She explains the $214.97 was on a bill that came out on 3/14. OUCH.
So, I really DO owe what's on this bill? This bill shows that I owe $438.91.
Really?? OUCH.
Julie tells me not to worry. Because I can get on a bundled plan with Verizon for ONLY $127 a month and start saving about $50 or $60 a month. I just have to sign a one or two year commitment.
"Thanks but no thanks, Julie" I tell her. "In May, my one year is up and I'm going to Brighthouse where I KNOW I can save about $100 a month with NO hidden fees."
I then ask her "Tell me, your $127, is that REALLY $127? Or, is it $127 plus box fees and taxes and added fees which once everything is added comes up to a whole heck of a lot more?" She said, that yes - there are more fees and it is really more than $127.
I explained to her how I signed up for Verizon because I was told that I'd pay the same or a little less than I was paying for Brighthouse at the time. Only now I'm paying twice as much, and stuck with it for a year.
She said "It looks like you could have been bundled though and they COULD have saved you about $30 a month." I said .... "Julie, that's another sore subject. When I signed up, it took them 6 months to get my bill right. They were billing me for only Online and TV on one bill and my phone service came on another bill. It took 6 months for them to fix the bill. When they FINALLY fixed it, they told me they could then bundle it - but my one year would start from THEN, not from the 6 months when I signed up with Verizon! At that point, I had already had a 6 month NIGHTMARE history of billing - there was no WAY I was going to sign up for a one year commitment at that point.
So, Julie says to me "Mrs. Rhodes, it sounds as if you have had a really bad time with Verizon. At the very LEAST we should have been giving you the bundle credits. In my opinion. I tell you what I'm going to do. I'm going to give you a credit, enough for this entire bill, at least. It's the very least I can do for you."
Uh... She's going to credit my account over $400 for no real reason?
Really?
I didn't know what to say, except... "Thank you" And to tell her that, she was the ONLY customer service rep whom I have spoken with whom I felt had actually HEARD me. And for that... I thanked her from the bottom of my heart.
I just pulled up my balance on Verizon.com - and I actually have a credit balance. A CREDIT! Can you believe it? Granted, it's a $35 credit, but still. Wow....
***************************
I haven't blogged much at all about Julie.
She's been doing very well, really. She's working now and so that keeps her pretty occupied. She's lost quite a bit of weight which is really good for her.
She still has 'issues', which of course she'll always have. Most recently I've seen a few little judgement issues creep up which remind me that there are still things there. She's had people in and out of her life lately that are just... Not good people. Even those that were supposed to be "GOOD" were not-so-good. Arthur stole from her. The girl roommate who was supposed to be working hard and clean and sober she now tells me was snorting her pills and the one who showed her HOW to crush pills and snort them that one time she nearly died.
Now the plan is that is is going to walk away from her house at the end of June into a one bedroom apartment. But Julie hates living alone. So... She met this guy online who lives in Miami. He's going to move to Tampa and move in with her. Never met him in person - just going to move in with her. Sigh.....
Get a dog is what I'm thinking. They are cheaper. They don't steal from you. They don't do drugs. Don't break your heart. Don't take your car But they do look forward to when you come home, and give you unconditional love.
Her visits have been really nice the past month or so. Well, with the exception of this past Sunday. But she's clear and seems to be doing SUPER well. It is so great to see her doing so well. Really and truly. There was nothing wrong with this last visit other than she and the kids were slipping away all the time to talk privately. In rooms, outside, etc. And when I'd walk out or into a room, I was CERTAINLY given the impression that I was not supposed to be there. Yet, I'm supposed to be there. Legally even.
I don't know, it just felt different. And, other Sundays Julie helps out and this past Sunday it was more like I did everything for everyone. Well, Me, Michelle and Chris that is, since I had to run to the walk-in clinic. Of course, it might just be my stress level as well. Who knows. These are just my thoughts and feelings. Not tangible 'things', you know?
At any rate, I am thrilled that Julie is doing well for this long. It's been several months now. I just hope the kids don't take it too hard when she gets depressed or manic next. And I hope that if and when that happens, Julie doesn't wait too long to seek treatment. Often times she'll wait too long because she thinks she should have been able to beat it or something. But in fact, it's bound to happen - she just needs to deal with it quickly and not wait until things get really out of control.
But for now, we are enjoying the good times!
***************************
Funny, Julie just called me. First she told me she can't wait to move so that she can come over after the kids get out of school. I said, "Well, just because you live closer doesn't mean you can just stop in any time you want. Your visits are still supervised." Then she talked about going to court and getting that removed.
She wants to get unsupervised visits AND sleepover visits with the kids.
This is where it gets really difficult for me.
I really want Julie to do well. Really and truly I do.
But - only TWO months ago - TWO - she was found unconscious, not breathing, foam coming out of her mouth, and blue -- because she SNORTED her PAIN PILLS.
That was February. This is April.
It seems like forever ago to Julie. I get that. I really do. But - it's been two months .
Two.
She thinks the courts will have no problem giving her unsupervised visits. I sat quietly, not wanting to argue with her - because I have told her the same thing over and over again - AND she has read it here. If she goes to court and tries to say she is 'ready' and she is CLEARLY not... She risks them - the courts - taking away her parental rights. This will crush her, and as her older sister, I don't want to see this happen.
But I'm not going to say anything. If for no other reason than because I've said it a dozen times already. Maybe I'm not supposed to. Maybe it's just supposed to play itself out.
I should run. Almost time to get home and start dinner. I leave you with this for tonight:
So do not fear, for I am with you;
Do no be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.
Isaiah 41:10
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Nobody's Cookie
I had the day from hell Monday.
First and foremost, I got the call that I did not make the praise team at church. Chris did - I did not.
Now... I suppose I am to think that this is a God thing. God has a plan, the Church has a plan, and I just don't fit into the plan right now. Maybe later? But not now. But... I FEEL like a failure. An utter failure. I haven't really failed anything like this in a very long time. I failed my audition with Toast of Tampa when I first auditioned back in 1994 or something like that - but it was technically a 'pre-audition'. I never failed another, and made sure I was fully prepared for every song I sang after that. I don't say that to brag, because it doesn't have anything to do with your voice really, it has to do with your preparation and commitment.
Course, right there might be the problem. Commitment. Maybe my emailing them telling them how unsure I was about the commitment was a factor in their decision. But I keep telling myself I must be a terrible singer. One of those that audition for American Idol that everyone laughs at. Sigh....
I realize that some of you might tell me that I need to realize that I'm singing to praise the Lord. And I will continue to do so, in the choir. Singing was my only way of 'giving' to the church really. And I've failed at it. I'm really trying to not get down on myself too bad. Trying to tell myself I'm not THAT bad of a singer. But the more I keep talking to myself, the worse off I keep feeling.
Lucky for me, lots of other things came about on Monday to keep my day occupied.....
I received my AT&T cell phone bill for the month. Go ahead.... GUESS.... Guess what the bill was for the month.
I'll wait.....
try to guess...
........................
Okay, it was ----
$2,685.76
for the month of April.
Two Thousand
Six Hundred
Eighty Five Dollars
And Seventy Six Cents.
HOLY CRAP
This included 6,771 minutes, 2,084 of which were for just Kayla. Kayte came in a close second with 1,733 minutes. The most amazing thing though was that Kayla sent 10,064 text messages in April. TEN THOUSAND SIXTY FOUR.
Last week, after my 'talk' with Kayla when she had the 500 messages in 2 hours 23 minutes - while in school - I finally got the nerve to look at the bill Monday morning to see what damage has been done thus far. It had been one week into the plan that started 4/21/08 - last Monday. So far Kayla has texted 3,500 times - but that figure is not counting anything on Monday, so it's really more than that. I see the talk didn't really work. Sigh...
Needless to say, I saw this bill -- and my heart stopped. My blood pressure, which is already a little high to begin with, went through the roof. I could feel my brain pushing through the top of my head. Literally.
I call AT&T and tell them they have made SOME kind of mistake. We pay a lot for 5 cell phones, but we do so because we want to make sure we don't go over in minutes (again) and so that the kids can have unlimited text. No surprises on our phone bills. Additionally, Chris, Kayla and myself have data packages - so it's costly, but it's BUDGETED. However, I did not set aside nor plan for anything resembling $2,685.76. That's more like what I pay in a YEAR for all 5 phones.
Sure enough, AT&T made a mistake.
I had called a week or two ago and upped my minutes, afraid we were gong to go over. When she increased the minutes, she accidentally dropped off the 'all you can text' family plan. OOPS
Well, because we were talking about THOUSANDS of dollars here, it needed supervisors approval. So, I had to hold for a supervisor. In speaking with a supervisor, she explained that they would have to assign a dedicated person to sit down for a couple of days and work on my account. They would have to manually go over each and every charge, call and text message. Because there were SO MANY, it was going to take a a bit of time, and a dedicated employee.
Okay. Well, at least they are going to FIX the problem.
We've also been struggling with Justin. He is improving in school. His grades are WAY improving, I'm happy to say. The medication he is on is working beautifully there. However, he and I are struggling with moral issues and I just can't get him to listen to me.
The other day I caught him with MORE raunchy lyrics on his myspace page. I was LIVID. I have told him over and over and over again NOT to put songs up - in particular by this one guy named "Project Pat". There is NOTHING Project Pat sings about that is any good. Google him if you want to see for yourself, Project Pat Lyrics and just pick one.
There was one song in particular that Justin and I went around and around and around about. Justin swore that it wasn't 'bad'. But, the song talked about buying pot, smoking it, doing his girlfriend in the back seat of a car. I mean.... COME ON. Really??? We need to talk about the reasons WHY it's not a good song? Sure he ALSO talked about how he liked this girl. But it's far from a good wholesome song. He seriously thought this wasn't a bad song? We fought about this. Finally I ended up yelling at him and telling him to take the damn song OFF his myspace or else I was going to shut down his myspace for good. End of debate.
But it was frustrating to me that I couldn't get him to SEE that it was a bad song. And we've been through this SO MANY TIMES. I've told him SO MANY TIMES not to put the bad songs on his myspace. Yet he keeps doing it.
I'm losing my cool over it. He shows a complete lack of respect and disregard for my authority.
Additionally, I found an email thread while I was on his myspace for this one kid - a boy whom Justin has been in trouble with recently. This boy and Justin - for very good reason - are no longer allowed to hang out together. They still see each other at school, but I don't allow Justin to go over his house. There are a few reasons for this, a couple of reasons I can mention are that Justin used to smoke Cigars when he hung out with this guy and that the two of them have been mischievous when together. So, the guy writes Justin. He is talking about some party he went to and says that the party wasn't any good. He explains it wasn't good because there was a dad there and because the dad was there "we were not allowed to drink or smoke, so we all just left." Yeah, great kid, huh?
Later in the email thread, the boy tells Justin to LIE to me - tell me that he's going to the park, and then come over to his HOUSE. Justin explains that he can't because his mom is over. (It was on Sunday). I wonder if he would have if it were not a Sunday? So, I email this kid back and tell him that Justin is SO not allowed to see him and how DARE he tell him to LIE to me. I tell him that he shouldn't go to parties to drink and smoke, and that Justin wasn't allowed to hang out with kids who drank and smoked. The kid wrote me back and told me he didn't go to the party to drink and smoke. Yet, clearly... in his email - plain as day - he stated they left because they were not allowed to. Obviously I didn't write the kid back... I'm not going to argue with some kid - he's just a kid.
Justin and I talked about the email. We discussed peer pressure. He didn't even know what peer pressure was. Yet, Justin now has smoked weed and states that he rather enjoys it. He states that he enjoys some kinds of smoking. He likes cigars - black and tans. He doesn't like drinking, but only because he doesn't like beer. Which tells me that his 'peers' could easily get him to try other things that he might like better and he could easily be influenced into trying harder liquor. He strongly felt this guy was a good kid. I strongly feel otherwise. After talking with Justin about him for a while though, I asked him... if you really feel he's a good guy, and you know that smoking and drinking is bad - especially for him because he's a big baseball guy up for multiple scholarships -- why haven't YOU encouraged HIM to NOT do those things? Why haven't YOU said... "Drew, I don't want to smoke, and I don't think you should either. It's just not cool man." Maybe, just maybe you could set him straight... put him on the right path. You could be the one friend he has that could show him the way. It certainly couldn't HURT him and it might just save his life some day, if not help him with his college chances. This never once occurred to Justin. But, I don't know that Justin is strong enough to do this. He is terribly weak when it comes to peer pressure.
Anyways.....Monday night we go to bible study. Heavy on my heart are the kids. How they just don't listen to me. Their complete and utter lack of respect for Chris and myself.
We come home from bible study - sit down on the sofa - the new sofa, less than 2 weeks old. And find a round oil stain on the arm. One of these kids took a fresh baked COOKIE and placed it directly ON the brand freaking new sofa. No plate. No napkin. No nothing. Just sat it there and apparently, from the deepness of the stain, left it there for a while.
Chris went nuts yelling at the kids. I went to work on the stain taking every cleaner I had in the house to it. From heavy duty cleaners to woolite -- nothing worked. It's still there.
Chris got all the kids up out of bed and lined them up in the hallway. He let them have it, telling them that he was sick and tired of the constant disobedience. Sick and tired of them living like they could care less about their surroundings. Living like they have maids that clean up after them. Tired of the constant disrespect shown to the two of us, and it was going to end TONIGHT. The cookie was the cookie that broke our backs. We had ONE nice thing since these kids moved in... and in less than two weeks, they took it away from us. We were fed up.
Kayla... we gave examples of how she takes care of only what she cares about. She takes great care of her phone and her shoes. But her room is a DISASTER. Her carpet is NASTY because she puts GOBS of hair gel in her hair and then PURPOSELY flings her hair back and forth to 'shake out' the excess gel... across the room onto the carpet and the furniture. OUR carpet and furniture. What she does in the bathroom is NASTY - the hair and conditioner... it's EVERYWHERE - she just doesn't care. When I cleaned the bathroom last time I was having dry heaves as I cleaned it was so nasty.
Jonathan - his room is horrible. He just drops his clothes wherever he wants, not caring that nothing makes it into the laundry hamper. Clean clothes, dirty clothes, doesn't matter. Hangers, papers, towels... everything is on the floor.
Justin - we discussed his constant disrespect over the lyrics. Why does he choose to just ignore me? Just do what I tell him to do. He's not going to win this battle. I tell him not to do something, just DO IT. And if I tell him he can't hang out with Drew, just flippin DON'T DO IT. End of story. Don't sneak out. Don't lie. Don't smoke. Don't drink. And don't give into peer pressure.
Then he looks over at Kayte. Kayte and I have gone around and around lately. Kayte always thinks nothing applies to her. And you are always flying under the radar, but it's going to stop. Kayte said she didn't do anything wrong. Kayte always says she doesn't do anything wrong. Chris points out that she knows about EVERYTHING that goes on, and she chooses to do nothing and to tell nobody -- which is wrong in and of itself.
He tells them all that is stops TONIGHT.
Although.... NOBODY fessed up to putting the cookie on the sofa. That 'Nobody' kid again must have done it. I'm sick and tired of all the kids saying nobody did it. All the kids said "the cookies were gross, so I didn't eat any". Well, guess what? They are all gone. Someone ate them.
Liars. I hate it. Hate it, hate it, hate it. One of them is lying, and I can't tell which. What would be worse is if someone else knew who was lying and they were covering up for them. But I'd rather think that one of them is just living in guilt.
For now, I'm just denying them when they ask to go someplace.
Want to go to the park? No....
Want to go to your friends? No....
Want to have your friend come in? No....
Lord knows it'll be a long while before I make cookies again.
First and foremost, I got the call that I did not make the praise team at church. Chris did - I did not.
Now... I suppose I am to think that this is a God thing. God has a plan, the Church has a plan, and I just don't fit into the plan right now. Maybe later? But not now. But... I FEEL like a failure. An utter failure. I haven't really failed anything like this in a very long time. I failed my audition with Toast of Tampa when I first auditioned back in 1994 or something like that - but it was technically a 'pre-audition'. I never failed another, and made sure I was fully prepared for every song I sang after that. I don't say that to brag, because it doesn't have anything to do with your voice really, it has to do with your preparation and commitment.
Course, right there might be the problem. Commitment. Maybe my emailing them telling them how unsure I was about the commitment was a factor in their decision. But I keep telling myself I must be a terrible singer. One of those that audition for American Idol that everyone laughs at. Sigh....
I realize that some of you might tell me that I need to realize that I'm singing to praise the Lord. And I will continue to do so, in the choir. Singing was my only way of 'giving' to the church really. And I've failed at it. I'm really trying to not get down on myself too bad. Trying to tell myself I'm not THAT bad of a singer. But the more I keep talking to myself, the worse off I keep feeling.
Lucky for me, lots of other things came about on Monday to keep my day occupied.....
I received my AT&T cell phone bill for the month. Go ahead.... GUESS.... Guess what the bill was for the month.
I'll wait.....
try to guess...
........................
Okay, it was ----
$2,685.76
for the month of April.
Two Thousand
Six Hundred
Eighty Five Dollars
And Seventy Six Cents.
HOLY CRAP
This included 6,771 minutes, 2,084 of which were for just Kayla. Kayte came in a close second with 1,733 minutes. The most amazing thing though was that Kayla sent 10,064 text messages in April. TEN THOUSAND SIXTY FOUR.
Last week, after my 'talk' with Kayla when she had the 500 messages in 2 hours 23 minutes - while in school - I finally got the nerve to look at the bill Monday morning to see what damage has been done thus far. It had been one week into the plan that started 4/21/08 - last Monday. So far Kayla has texted 3,500 times - but that figure is not counting anything on Monday, so it's really more than that. I see the talk didn't really work. Sigh...
Needless to say, I saw this bill -- and my heart stopped. My blood pressure, which is already a little high to begin with, went through the roof. I could feel my brain pushing through the top of my head. Literally.
I call AT&T and tell them they have made SOME kind of mistake. We pay a lot for 5 cell phones, but we do so because we want to make sure we don't go over in minutes (again) and so that the kids can have unlimited text. No surprises on our phone bills. Additionally, Chris, Kayla and myself have data packages - so it's costly, but it's BUDGETED. However, I did not set aside nor plan for anything resembling $2,685.76. That's more like what I pay in a YEAR for all 5 phones.
Sure enough, AT&T made a mistake.
I had called a week or two ago and upped my minutes, afraid we were gong to go over. When she increased the minutes, she accidentally dropped off the 'all you can text' family plan. OOPS
Well, because we were talking about THOUSANDS of dollars here, it needed supervisors approval. So, I had to hold for a supervisor. In speaking with a supervisor, she explained that they would have to assign a dedicated person to sit down for a couple of days and work on my account. They would have to manually go over each and every charge, call and text message. Because there were SO MANY, it was going to take a a bit of time, and a dedicated employee.
Okay. Well, at least they are going to FIX the problem.
We've also been struggling with Justin. He is improving in school. His grades are WAY improving, I'm happy to say. The medication he is on is working beautifully there. However, he and I are struggling with moral issues and I just can't get him to listen to me.
The other day I caught him with MORE raunchy lyrics on his myspace page. I was LIVID. I have told him over and over and over again NOT to put songs up - in particular by this one guy named "Project Pat". There is NOTHING Project Pat sings about that is any good. Google him if you want to see for yourself, Project Pat Lyrics and just pick one.
There was one song in particular that Justin and I went around and around and around about. Justin swore that it wasn't 'bad'. But, the song talked about buying pot, smoking it, doing his girlfriend in the back seat of a car. I mean.... COME ON. Really??? We need to talk about the reasons WHY it's not a good song? Sure he ALSO talked about how he liked this girl. But it's far from a good wholesome song. He seriously thought this wasn't a bad song? We fought about this. Finally I ended up yelling at him and telling him to take the damn song OFF his myspace or else I was going to shut down his myspace for good. End of debate.
But it was frustrating to me that I couldn't get him to SEE that it was a bad song. And we've been through this SO MANY TIMES. I've told him SO MANY TIMES not to put the bad songs on his myspace. Yet he keeps doing it.
I'm losing my cool over it. He shows a complete lack of respect and disregard for my authority.
Additionally, I found an email thread while I was on his myspace for this one kid - a boy whom Justin has been in trouble with recently. This boy and Justin - for very good reason - are no longer allowed to hang out together. They still see each other at school, but I don't allow Justin to go over his house. There are a few reasons for this, a couple of reasons I can mention are that Justin used to smoke Cigars when he hung out with this guy and that the two of them have been mischievous when together. So, the guy writes Justin. He is talking about some party he went to and says that the party wasn't any good. He explains it wasn't good because there was a dad there and because the dad was there "we were not allowed to drink or smoke, so we all just left." Yeah, great kid, huh?
Later in the email thread, the boy tells Justin to LIE to me - tell me that he's going to the park, and then come over to his HOUSE. Justin explains that he can't because his mom is over. (It was on Sunday). I wonder if he would have if it were not a Sunday? So, I email this kid back and tell him that Justin is SO not allowed to see him and how DARE he tell him to LIE to me. I tell him that he shouldn't go to parties to drink and smoke, and that Justin wasn't allowed to hang out with kids who drank and smoked. The kid wrote me back and told me he didn't go to the party to drink and smoke. Yet, clearly... in his email - plain as day - he stated they left because they were not allowed to. Obviously I didn't write the kid back... I'm not going to argue with some kid - he's just a kid.
Justin and I talked about the email. We discussed peer pressure. He didn't even know what peer pressure was. Yet, Justin now has smoked weed and states that he rather enjoys it. He states that he enjoys some kinds of smoking. He likes cigars - black and tans. He doesn't like drinking, but only because he doesn't like beer. Which tells me that his 'peers' could easily get him to try other things that he might like better and he could easily be influenced into trying harder liquor. He strongly felt this guy was a good kid. I strongly feel otherwise. After talking with Justin about him for a while though, I asked him... if you really feel he's a good guy, and you know that smoking and drinking is bad - especially for him because he's a big baseball guy up for multiple scholarships -- why haven't YOU encouraged HIM to NOT do those things? Why haven't YOU said... "Drew, I don't want to smoke, and I don't think you should either. It's just not cool man." Maybe, just maybe you could set him straight... put him on the right path. You could be the one friend he has that could show him the way. It certainly couldn't HURT him and it might just save his life some day, if not help him with his college chances. This never once occurred to Justin. But, I don't know that Justin is strong enough to do this. He is terribly weak when it comes to peer pressure.
Anyways.....Monday night we go to bible study. Heavy on my heart are the kids. How they just don't listen to me. Their complete and utter lack of respect for Chris and myself.
We come home from bible study - sit down on the sofa - the new sofa, less than 2 weeks old. And find a round oil stain on the arm. One of these kids took a fresh baked COOKIE and placed it directly ON the brand freaking new sofa. No plate. No napkin. No nothing. Just sat it there and apparently, from the deepness of the stain, left it there for a while.
Chris went nuts yelling at the kids. I went to work on the stain taking every cleaner I had in the house to it. From heavy duty cleaners to woolite -- nothing worked. It's still there.
Chris got all the kids up out of bed and lined them up in the hallway. He let them have it, telling them that he was sick and tired of the constant disobedience. Sick and tired of them living like they could care less about their surroundings. Living like they have maids that clean up after them. Tired of the constant disrespect shown to the two of us, and it was going to end TONIGHT. The cookie was the cookie that broke our backs. We had ONE nice thing since these kids moved in... and in less than two weeks, they took it away from us. We were fed up.
Kayla... we gave examples of how she takes care of only what she cares about. She takes great care of her phone and her shoes. But her room is a DISASTER. Her carpet is NASTY because she puts GOBS of hair gel in her hair and then PURPOSELY flings her hair back and forth to 'shake out' the excess gel... across the room onto the carpet and the furniture. OUR carpet and furniture. What she does in the bathroom is NASTY - the hair and conditioner... it's EVERYWHERE - she just doesn't care. When I cleaned the bathroom last time I was having dry heaves as I cleaned it was so nasty.
Jonathan - his room is horrible. He just drops his clothes wherever he wants, not caring that nothing makes it into the laundry hamper. Clean clothes, dirty clothes, doesn't matter. Hangers, papers, towels... everything is on the floor.
Justin - we discussed his constant disrespect over the lyrics. Why does he choose to just ignore me? Just do what I tell him to do. He's not going to win this battle. I tell him not to do something, just DO IT. And if I tell him he can't hang out with Drew, just flippin DON'T DO IT. End of story. Don't sneak out. Don't lie. Don't smoke. Don't drink. And don't give into peer pressure.
Then he looks over at Kayte. Kayte and I have gone around and around lately. Kayte always thinks nothing applies to her. And you are always flying under the radar, but it's going to stop. Kayte said she didn't do anything wrong. Kayte always says she doesn't do anything wrong. Chris points out that she knows about EVERYTHING that goes on, and she chooses to do nothing and to tell nobody -- which is wrong in and of itself.
He tells them all that is stops TONIGHT.
Although.... NOBODY fessed up to putting the cookie on the sofa. That 'Nobody' kid again must have done it. I'm sick and tired of all the kids saying nobody did it. All the kids said "the cookies were gross, so I didn't eat any". Well, guess what? They are all gone. Someone ate them.
Liars. I hate it. Hate it, hate it, hate it. One of them is lying, and I can't tell which. What would be worse is if someone else knew who was lying and they were covering up for them. But I'd rather think that one of them is just living in guilt.
For now, I'm just denying them when they ask to go someplace.
Want to go to the park? No....
Want to go to your friends? No....
Want to have your friend come in? No....
Lord knows it'll be a long while before I make cookies again.
Friday, April 25, 2008
18 Seconds
This has been one crazy week. Jonathan had his first of two performances Thursday night and he did great. It's Friday afternoon as I begin this blog and he's gearing up for tonight's second performance. I'm sure it will go just as well. It's amazing the talent level they have at Gaither High school - the singers, dancers, and the band there are just incredible. I'm so happy Jonathan is having the opportunity to learn under Debbie Connelly's tutelage - he has grown so much as a singer and a performer in just this past year.
I hope to be able to post some photos of his performance soon, so keep your eyes posted! More on that soon.
*************************
On to more crazy Rhocchini news
On Wednesday I thought I should check in on my AT&T bill online. Our new billing cycle started Monday the 21st and given last month's 279 page phone bill that cost me over $500 for the month, I thought I needed to keep a CLOSE eye on the whole thing this month.
Only two days into the month and I see that Kayla has talked over 40 minutes already and Kayte is up to 112. However, of those minutes, only 25 of them - each (25 for Kayla, 25 for Kayte) are actually eating into our family shared minutes. The rest of them are 'free minutes' as in... after hours minutes or other AT&T customers that we don't actually get charged for.
Hmmm.. Not too terribly bad, but - we can't keep going at that pace, for if all 5 of us did at that pace, with Chris much more as his is his business phone, we'd be over our minutes for sure by the end of the month, if my math is correct.
But - oh yes - there is more.
I hit the "DATA USED" button on Kayla's phone.
HOLY COW
I only looked at the first 5 pages, because I couldn't possibly stomach any more than that.
On Monday morning, between the hours of 8 am and 10:35 am, Kayla had over 500 text messages.
OVER FIVE HUNDRED?????
Some of you are thinking, "Hey, wasn't Kayla IN SCHOOL - in CLASSES - at that time on Monday?"
The answer to that very important question is "Yes". And, no, kids are not allowed to use cell phones in school. Nor are the allowed to text message in school. Not before class, between classes, not even at lunch.
I called AT&T to see if there was a misprint... if I was reading what I was seeing on my screen correctly. First, of course, they ask if they can review your bill. I said yes, of course. Then I explained what I needed. So she looked at Kayla's text messaging history. After she stopped LAUGHING, she apologized for laughing. Then with a chuckle, asked how her THUMBS were. Then she wondered if we should maybe get her to a doctor for Carpal Tunnel Syndrome or something.
I mean, really. I'm not panicked enough - I need to be laughed at by an AT&T employee? Really??
Yeah, there is no glitch. No computer error. Kayla has just.... what were the words of the AT&T lady?... oh yes.... Kayla has just "been one busy girl while she's at school." Yes indeed.
Well, it was all I could do to not call the school or email her teachers and ask them to LOOK AT HER. See - she MUST be TEXTING right in FRONT of them. Because - by my math, 500 text messages in 2 hrs 35 minutes means that freaking phone is buzzing every stinkin 18 SECONDS
18 SECONDS!
But I didn't. I waited until she got home to have a conversation with her. What I thought would be a rational conversation. What the heck was I thinking? She's a 17 year old girl full of hormones with a cell phone that buzzes every 18 seconds. Rational? Yeah... This is how it went:
Tina: Kayla, I almost called your teachers today and asked them to take away your cell phone.
Kayla: WHY?
Tina: Because Kayla. How many times have you texted on it?
Kayla: Who cares? I can text how many ever times I want to.
Tina: Kayla! You know you are not allowed to text in school! I just talked to AT&T and they told me on Monday morning, in only a little more than 2 hours, you texted over 500 times.
Kayla: Well, I paid you my $30 for my phone, so I can use it any time I want to. If I want to text while I'm at school, I'll text.
Tina: WHAT? First of all, regardless of what money you give to use the phone, cell phones are NOT permitted to be used in school. Regardless of who pays for them.
Kayla: You don't like it take away my phone. I'll go to metro and get a phone.
Tina: WHAT? You think that you can get YOUR fancy phone at metro for what you give Chris and I for that phone? No. Watch your step little girl. You KNOW you are not allowed to text in school. Not MY rule, it's a SCHOOL rule.
Kayla: Besides, I'm getting A's and B's - so you can't say it's affecting my grades. So just leave me alone.
Tina: That's not the point, Kayla. You are not allowed to text in school. And not only are you texting in school, you are sending and receiving text messages every flipping 18 seconds. Don't you think that's a little excessive?
Kayla: You can't tell me what to do.
Tina: Just watch me.
And with that, I punished her and told her she couldn't go to the mall like she had planned on doing that afternoon. And I yelled at her. And BOY OH BOY it was a ROUGH conversation.
After this I called Chris.
He took a surprising stance on the subject Not on Kayla's side. But not on my 'side' either. He told me that -- I needed to "pick my battles" and that this might not be one of them.
No, it's not affecting her grades right now. No, she hasn't yet been caught. So... Maybe the best course of action was to simply tell Kayla that we strongly feel that she is EXTREMELY excessive right now with her text messaging. She needs to limit the amount of text messaging she does in school. AND - if she gets caught and they take away her phone - we are not going to pick it up for her. That will hurt. Because, once they catch you with it, they take away the phone and a parent needs to pick it up. She paid $400 of her own money for that phone. Losing it will hurt her, I'm sure. And if it's gone, it will no doubt teach her a hard lesson.
The other thing that I do realize is that ALL kids text message in school. Heck, even Jonathan does it. Kayte does it. Not excessively though. Just a few here and there. Nothing like a few hundred a morning, or a thousand a day.
The thing I'm wrestling with in my mind is this: at what point does the school consider me a rotten parent for NOT taking away the cell phone? Then, like I was telling my boss, I if I do take away the cell phone, she'll just go get another. There is not one single rule or law allowing her to NOT get one. I HATE that. Parents of kids who are very young who are reading this - beware - your time is coming. As technology improves and kids have more and more access to things... Parents are losing control over what their kids can and can't do. It's a terrible thing. And it's only going to get worse. I used to think it was simple... "Oh, just take away the phone". Yeah, not so simple any more. Then she runs out to Metro PCS and buys a phone that she can use at any time and I can't SEE when she's using it and who the heck she is talking to. Scary stuff.
So - for now - I've gone with Chris on the "Choose your battles" stance. I've told Kayla that she is way excessive and she needs to cut back. She agrees. I've told her that just because she pays $30 a month for the phone doesn't mean she can just use it whenever the heck she feels like it. She's still living under MY roof and under MY rules.
Ya know, I was just looking online for a great bible verse to put in at the end of this blog, and came a cross a site instead. The site discusses various verses in the bible at length. One of them is Ephesians 6:1-9. It's the one that talks about Children obeying their parents and honoring your mother and father and all that. Yeah, I get that and have read it a million times. Have blogged that verse before as well. But he had some interesting thoughts that I had not read before nor thought of.
Of course he starts off at one point talking about how when he was a teenager he had heated arguments with his parents. This caught my eye, of course. He talked about how, no matter how very passionate he was in his arguments at the time, if he took his Dad's position instead of the one he had 'so hotly contended for' things just turned out better for some reason.
He then goes on to say "For children to obey -- and for parents to enforce obedience -- is sometimes difficult. But children learn "in school of the home" the vital ability to submit their wills to another. How can a child who doesn't learn to obey a PARENT when wills conflict, ever learn to obey GOD when self-will is propelling him beyond God's limits? Parents have a sacred task to teach obedidence, for their children's siritual and physical lives are at stake. Obedience to parents is directly transferred to obedience to our Heavenly Father."'
He then goes on to talk about when a child goes on to marry. He or she leaves for form a new family and is required to HONOR and be united to his wife or husband. If he or she hasn't learned to honor parents... Will they transfer that to their spouse? In honoring parents, it's teaching them what they need to be good wives or husbands.
So I end instead with the verse below...
"Do not withhold discipline from a child. If you punish him with the rod, he will not die. Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death." Proverbs 23:13-14
I hope to be able to post some photos of his performance soon, so keep your eyes posted! More on that soon.
*************************
On to more crazy Rhocchini news
On Wednesday I thought I should check in on my AT&T bill online. Our new billing cycle started Monday the 21st and given last month's 279 page phone bill that cost me over $500 for the month, I thought I needed to keep a CLOSE eye on the whole thing this month.
Only two days into the month and I see that Kayla has talked over 40 minutes already and Kayte is up to 112. However, of those minutes, only 25 of them - each (25 for Kayla, 25 for Kayte) are actually eating into our family shared minutes. The rest of them are 'free minutes' as in... after hours minutes or other AT&T customers that we don't actually get charged for.
Hmmm.. Not too terribly bad, but - we can't keep going at that pace, for if all 5 of us did at that pace, with Chris much more as his is his business phone, we'd be over our minutes for sure by the end of the month, if my math is correct.
But - oh yes - there is more.
I hit the "DATA USED" button on Kayla's phone.
HOLY COW
I only looked at the first 5 pages, because I couldn't possibly stomach any more than that.
On Monday morning, between the hours of 8 am and 10:35 am, Kayla had over 500 text messages.
OVER FIVE HUNDRED?????
Some of you are thinking, "Hey, wasn't Kayla IN SCHOOL - in CLASSES - at that time on Monday?"
The answer to that very important question is "Yes". And, no, kids are not allowed to use cell phones in school. Nor are the allowed to text message in school. Not before class, between classes, not even at lunch.
I called AT&T to see if there was a misprint... if I was reading what I was seeing on my screen correctly. First, of course, they ask if they can review your bill. I said yes, of course. Then I explained what I needed. So she looked at Kayla's text messaging history. After she stopped LAUGHING, she apologized for laughing. Then with a chuckle, asked how her THUMBS were. Then she wondered if we should maybe get her to a doctor for Carpal Tunnel Syndrome or something.
I mean, really. I'm not panicked enough - I need to be laughed at by an AT&T employee? Really??
Yeah, there is no glitch. No computer error. Kayla has just.... what were the words of the AT&T lady?... oh yes.... Kayla has just "been one busy girl while she's at school." Yes indeed.
Well, it was all I could do to not call the school or email her teachers and ask them to LOOK AT HER. See - she MUST be TEXTING right in FRONT of them. Because - by my math, 500 text messages in 2 hrs 35 minutes means that freaking phone is buzzing every stinkin 18 SECONDS
18 SECONDS!
But I didn't. I waited until she got home to have a conversation with her. What I thought would be a rational conversation. What the heck was I thinking? She's a 17 year old girl full of hormones with a cell phone that buzzes every 18 seconds. Rational? Yeah... This is how it went:
Tina: Kayla, I almost called your teachers today and asked them to take away your cell phone.
Kayla: WHY?
Tina: Because Kayla. How many times have you texted on it?
Kayla: Who cares? I can text how many ever times I want to.
Tina: Kayla! You know you are not allowed to text in school! I just talked to AT&T and they told me on Monday morning, in only a little more than 2 hours, you texted over 500 times.
Kayla: Well, I paid you my $30 for my phone, so I can use it any time I want to. If I want to text while I'm at school, I'll text.
Tina: WHAT? First of all, regardless of what money you give to use the phone, cell phones are NOT permitted to be used in school. Regardless of who pays for them.
Kayla: You don't like it take away my phone. I'll go to metro and get a phone.
Tina: WHAT? You think that you can get YOUR fancy phone at metro for what you give Chris and I for that phone? No. Watch your step little girl. You KNOW you are not allowed to text in school. Not MY rule, it's a SCHOOL rule.
Kayla: Besides, I'm getting A's and B's - so you can't say it's affecting my grades. So just leave me alone.
Tina: That's not the point, Kayla. You are not allowed to text in school. And not only are you texting in school, you are sending and receiving text messages every flipping 18 seconds. Don't you think that's a little excessive?
Kayla: You can't tell me what to do.
Tina: Just watch me.
And with that, I punished her and told her she couldn't go to the mall like she had planned on doing that afternoon. And I yelled at her. And BOY OH BOY it was a ROUGH conversation.
After this I called Chris.
He took a surprising stance on the subject Not on Kayla's side. But not on my 'side' either. He told me that -- I needed to "pick my battles" and that this might not be one of them.
No, it's not affecting her grades right now. No, she hasn't yet been caught. So... Maybe the best course of action was to simply tell Kayla that we strongly feel that she is EXTREMELY excessive right now with her text messaging. She needs to limit the amount of text messaging she does in school. AND - if she gets caught and they take away her phone - we are not going to pick it up for her. That will hurt. Because, once they catch you with it, they take away the phone and a parent needs to pick it up. She paid $400 of her own money for that phone. Losing it will hurt her, I'm sure. And if it's gone, it will no doubt teach her a hard lesson.
The other thing that I do realize is that ALL kids text message in school. Heck, even Jonathan does it. Kayte does it. Not excessively though. Just a few here and there. Nothing like a few hundred a morning, or a thousand a day.
The thing I'm wrestling with in my mind is this: at what point does the school consider me a rotten parent for NOT taking away the cell phone? Then, like I was telling my boss, I if I do take away the cell phone, she'll just go get another. There is not one single rule or law allowing her to NOT get one. I HATE that. Parents of kids who are very young who are reading this - beware - your time is coming. As technology improves and kids have more and more access to things... Parents are losing control over what their kids can and can't do. It's a terrible thing. And it's only going to get worse. I used to think it was simple... "Oh, just take away the phone". Yeah, not so simple any more. Then she runs out to Metro PCS and buys a phone that she can use at any time and I can't SEE when she's using it and who the heck she is talking to. Scary stuff.
So - for now - I've gone with Chris on the "Choose your battles" stance. I've told Kayla that she is way excessive and she needs to cut back. She agrees. I've told her that just because she pays $30 a month for the phone doesn't mean she can just use it whenever the heck she feels like it. She's still living under MY roof and under MY rules.
Ya know, I was just looking online for a great bible verse to put in at the end of this blog, and came a cross a site instead. The site discusses various verses in the bible at length. One of them is Ephesians 6:1-9. It's the one that talks about Children obeying their parents and honoring your mother and father and all that. Yeah, I get that and have read it a million times. Have blogged that verse before as well. But he had some interesting thoughts that I had not read before nor thought of.
Of course he starts off at one point talking about how when he was a teenager he had heated arguments with his parents. This caught my eye, of course. He talked about how, no matter how very passionate he was in his arguments at the time, if he took his Dad's position instead of the one he had 'so hotly contended for' things just turned out better for some reason.
He then goes on to say "For children to obey -- and for parents to enforce obedience -- is sometimes difficult. But children learn "in school of the home" the vital ability to submit their wills to another. How can a child who doesn't learn to obey a PARENT when wills conflict, ever learn to obey GOD when self-will is propelling him beyond God's limits? Parents have a sacred task to teach obedidence, for their children's siritual and physical lives are at stake. Obedience to parents is directly transferred to obedience to our Heavenly Father."'
He then goes on to talk about when a child goes on to marry. He or she leaves for form a new family and is required to HONOR and be united to his wife or husband. If he or she hasn't learned to honor parents... Will they transfer that to their spouse? In honoring parents, it's teaching them what they need to be good wives or husbands.
So I end instead with the verse below...
"Do not withhold discipline from a child. If you punish him with the rod, he will not die. Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death." Proverbs 23:13-14
Monday, April 21, 2008
Bedtime Struggles
Okay, these kids are older teenagers - I should NOT be struggling like I am with bedtimes. Bedtimes? Isn't that something only parents with 5 and 6 year old kids talk about???
What time do they my kids go to bed? Well, that depends on what time Chris and I get home or if we've yelled at them enough.
If we are home on a 'normal' night and their bedtime (since the cruise and taking mom and Katie's suggestion) is now 10 pm, we tell them to go to bed at 10. But they are NEVER in bed at ten. The just start getting ready at 10. Kayla gets in from work about 10 or 10:30. Jonathan takes his pill to help him sleep sometime around then (after I've told him 2 or 3 times already to do so). Justin goes to the bathroom and brushes his teeth and does I have no idea what else. Kayte will come down for water about 10:30. Or she'll paint her nails. Or put on a face mask. Often times I'll see Jonathan coming out of Kayte and Justin's room about 10:20 or 10:30. Or he'll just walk around room to room doing I don't know what. Nobody is EVER really in bed until at LEAST 10:45 or 11 pm. On a GOOD night, meaning when we are home.
Then there are nights like tonight - bible study night. We left and WARNED them to make SURE they were all in bed on time, even Kayla who was home from work tonight. I knew it was going to be bad when we pulled up and saw Kayla's new boyfriend around the corner in his car - Kayla standing in front of his car talking to him. This was at 10:05 pm. AFTER bedtime. We stopped the car, shined our headlights on the two of them and told her to get her pretty little butt INSIDE the house. NOW.
We walk in only to find Kayte on her cell phone. The cell phone she's not supposed to be on this late to begin with - never mind she's supposed to be in bed. Jono is still up. Justin is still up.
Oh
My
God
I could just KILL THEM.
Every single night it's SO HARD to get them to bed. I've been telling Chris that I've been frustrated with it. Most nights he tells me that I'm overreacting. Tonight - he flipped out himself.
He told all the kids that THIS WAS IT. The new normal bedtime was going to be 9 pm from now on.
I like that a lot. I mean.... not to be mean - but - I WANT them to go upstairs and take forty five minutes to an hour, if that's what they need - to get ready for bed. Without me screaming at them.
I hate yelling at them. HATE it.
But the fact of the matter is.... when I am ready for bed at 11 or so.... and it's MY TIME to go upstairs and have some 'alone time' with just me and Chris. And I STILL hear the kids up talking and playing around - which happens A LOT - it's just not right. I can't focus on me. I can't focus on him. I can't give him my undivided attention knowing that the kids are 15 feet away whispering and most likely listening to our conversation as well.
So, them getting ready for bed earlier will make ALL of us happier. They may not realize it in the short-term... but in the long run it'll make life easier.
Waiiiiit...... I did want to tell you all that after my blog before last where I was so bummed about Praise Team and I didn't know what to do with myself, my heart was just SO sad - I don't know that sad is the right word - but I just felt... not right. Displaced maybe is a better word. Well, after a few calls from family members telling me to get off my RUMP because I was no happier having decided to do nothing and not audition, I decided to just ask about auditioning. I met with Jeff and Josh and at least had the meeting and sang with them. I don't know how it went - but I met with them. It's now in God's hands... where it should be.
Another thing I want to blog about - but I'll get into it more later as I'm super tired. Summer is coming up and I simply HAVE to find something for the kids to do. They are getting older and leaving them home alone could really be trouble. Sure, they are old enough to be home alone. But, they are also at that age where they could start getting into trouble, ya know? So, I really would like to look into getting them into at least ONE thing over the summer. Even if it's one little thing for each of them to do. For example, we would LOVE to get the kids into camp. We were thinking about Vandyke's Sports Camp for Justin, but that's for little kids - but looking online, they have a week-long camp in June. That would be great for Kayte, Justin and Jonathan. We'll see... but it's something I need to give some more thought to down the road this next month or so.
I should run... please keep us in your thoughts and prayers. Thank you!
What time do they my kids go to bed? Well, that depends on what time Chris and I get home or if we've yelled at them enough.
If we are home on a 'normal' night and their bedtime (since the cruise and taking mom and Katie's suggestion) is now 10 pm, we tell them to go to bed at 10. But they are NEVER in bed at ten. The just start getting ready at 10. Kayla gets in from work about 10 or 10:30. Jonathan takes his pill to help him sleep sometime around then (after I've told him 2 or 3 times already to do so). Justin goes to the bathroom and brushes his teeth and does I have no idea what else. Kayte will come down for water about 10:30. Or she'll paint her nails. Or put on a face mask. Often times I'll see Jonathan coming out of Kayte and Justin's room about 10:20 or 10:30. Or he'll just walk around room to room doing I don't know what. Nobody is EVER really in bed until at LEAST 10:45 or 11 pm. On a GOOD night, meaning when we are home.
Then there are nights like tonight - bible study night. We left and WARNED them to make SURE they were all in bed on time, even Kayla who was home from work tonight. I knew it was going to be bad when we pulled up and saw Kayla's new boyfriend around the corner in his car - Kayla standing in front of his car talking to him. This was at 10:05 pm. AFTER bedtime. We stopped the car, shined our headlights on the two of them and told her to get her pretty little butt INSIDE the house. NOW.
We walk in only to find Kayte on her cell phone. The cell phone she's not supposed to be on this late to begin with - never mind she's supposed to be in bed. Jono is still up. Justin is still up.
Oh
My
God
I could just KILL THEM.
Every single night it's SO HARD to get them to bed. I've been telling Chris that I've been frustrated with it. Most nights he tells me that I'm overreacting. Tonight - he flipped out himself.
He told all the kids that THIS WAS IT. The new normal bedtime was going to be 9 pm from now on.
I like that a lot. I mean.... not to be mean - but - I WANT them to go upstairs and take forty five minutes to an hour, if that's what they need - to get ready for bed. Without me screaming at them.
I hate yelling at them. HATE it.
But the fact of the matter is.... when I am ready for bed at 11 or so.... and it's MY TIME to go upstairs and have some 'alone time' with just me and Chris. And I STILL hear the kids up talking and playing around - which happens A LOT - it's just not right. I can't focus on me. I can't focus on him. I can't give him my undivided attention knowing that the kids are 15 feet away whispering and most likely listening to our conversation as well.
So, them getting ready for bed earlier will make ALL of us happier. They may not realize it in the short-term... but in the long run it'll make life easier.
Waiiiiit...... I did want to tell you all that after my blog before last where I was so bummed about Praise Team and I didn't know what to do with myself, my heart was just SO sad - I don't know that sad is the right word - but I just felt... not right. Displaced maybe is a better word. Well, after a few calls from family members telling me to get off my RUMP because I was no happier having decided to do nothing and not audition, I decided to just ask about auditioning. I met with Jeff and Josh and at least had the meeting and sang with them. I don't know how it went - but I met with them. It's now in God's hands... where it should be.
Another thing I want to blog about - but I'll get into it more later as I'm super tired. Summer is coming up and I simply HAVE to find something for the kids to do. They are getting older and leaving them home alone could really be trouble. Sure, they are old enough to be home alone. But, they are also at that age where they could start getting into trouble, ya know? So, I really would like to look into getting them into at least ONE thing over the summer. Even if it's one little thing for each of them to do. For example, we would LOVE to get the kids into camp. We were thinking about Vandyke's Sports Camp for Justin, but that's for little kids - but looking online, they have a week-long camp in June. That would be great for Kayte, Justin and Jonathan. We'll see... but it's something I need to give some more thought to down the road this next month or so.
I should run... please keep us in your thoughts and prayers. Thank you!
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Painting in Words
Justin brought home a poem today that he wrote for school. It's called "Painting in Words" - they are to use words, then write a short paragraph/poem about the word. His teacher liked his poem so much that she saved his poem for last... reading it to the class herself. Justin couldn't read it himself. When she read it aloud to the class, nearly everyone was crying. He decided to write a poem about his dad. Memorial day is almost here and these kids still miss their dad so much. Their dad was such a good man, a good father, a good friend. He was so sick for so long. And then.... then he was gone.
I thought I'd share the poem with you....
Painting in Words
By: Justin
Sadness
My eyes filled with tears
As I witnessed my dad in pain
Dying.
In the hospital.
Begging me to stay with him.
Strength
Me going to the funeral.
Saying my speech
In front of about 50 U.S. Soldiers.
And my little sister, who couldn't do anything but hold her mother and cry.
Love
My Dad and I bonding.
Throwing a baseball together.
Him coaching my baseball team
While he was sick.
Loyalty
Giving all my time
At the hospital
Fulfilling his every need.
Staying with him as long as it took -
Until it was time for him to go.
I thought I'd share the poem with you....
Painting in Words
By: Justin
Sadness
My eyes filled with tears
As I witnessed my dad in pain
Dying.
In the hospital.
Begging me to stay with him.
Strength
Me going to the funeral.
Saying my speech
In front of about 50 U.S. Soldiers.
And my little sister, who couldn't do anything but hold her mother and cry.
Love
My Dad and I bonding.
Throwing a baseball together.
Him coaching my baseball team
While he was sick.
Loyalty
Giving all my time
At the hospital
Fulfilling his every need.
Staying with him as long as it took -
Until it was time for him to go.
Monday, April 14, 2008
Piano Recital
One more quick update, and a note for those who get emails.
Those who get updates about my blog via email - I didn't get one this morning (Monday) telling me that I had blogged yesterday (Sunday) - but I did. Maybe it's because I haven't blogged in SO LONG my computer forgot how to - LOL. I don't know... but I wanted to let you know if you received THIS one via email... go to the website and check out the long one before this and get the latest updates. It's not too terribly long. I promise.
Also wanted to let you all know that Jonathan has his FIRST EVER piano recital on Saturday. He's asked us not to invite any family or friends because he's not practiced the piece and he is not ready. Now - he's a 'ham' and a bit of a show off... so if he doesn't want people to come, I'm going to assume he's got a good reason. There will be other opportunities though. He's one talented guy, as reflected in his many You Tube videos.
So.... keep him in your thoughts and prayers Saturday. He'll be nervous I'm sure. Or - maybe I'll be more nervous FOR him. :o)
That's all for now. See - short and sweet.
“Life is like a piano... what you get out of it depends on how you play it.”
Those who get updates about my blog via email - I didn't get one this morning (Monday) telling me that I had blogged yesterday (Sunday) - but I did. Maybe it's because I haven't blogged in SO LONG my computer forgot how to - LOL. I don't know... but I wanted to let you know if you received THIS one via email... go to the website and check out the long one before this and get the latest updates. It's not too terribly long. I promise.
Also wanted to let you all know that Jonathan has his FIRST EVER piano recital on Saturday. He's asked us not to invite any family or friends because he's not practiced the piece and he is not ready. Now - he's a 'ham' and a bit of a show off... so if he doesn't want people to come, I'm going to assume he's got a good reason. There will be other opportunities though. He's one talented guy, as reflected in his many You Tube videos.
So.... keep him in your thoughts and prayers Saturday. He'll be nervous I'm sure. Or - maybe I'll be more nervous FOR him. :o)
That's all for now. See - short and sweet.
“Life is like a piano... what you get out of it depends on how you play it.”
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Multiple Updates
So, I've gotten many emails asking me about why so long with no blog. Sorry about that. Things have been -- busy. Crazy. I've been a bit down I guess. Not wanting to talk about it maybe. Not wanting to put into words what I think and feel perhaps.
I suppose the biggest 'change' that is happening in my life right now that I haven't wanted to blog about is the fact that I'm not re-auditioning to be on the Church praise team. This is something that has been on my heart for months now and I just haven't known what to do with it, and for SURE haven't known how to blog about it or how to explain it. You see, our church has the choir which Chris and I sing in. Then there are praise teams which are auditioned and, if chosen, you are on a team of people (usually 5 or 6 on a team) that rotate about once a month or so to sing at church to lead praise and worship. It's the main thing that hooked Chris and I in at VanDyke when we first came to church - the singing and praise and worship was awesome. Coming from the Barbershop background that we came from, we both thought 'we could do that', so eventually we auditioned.
But... something just hasn't felt right for me in my heart. For two years we sang with the same group of singers. We were mostly all barbershoppers - all had the same singing 'style' - all worked hard on our music and practiced before rehearsals and came ready to sing - and all were good friends. Even before singing at the church, we had been singing together in the Barbershop organization for over 10 years. With us being on the same praise team together, it strengthened our bond and we prayed together.... it was more like a 'small group' than a singing team. Then one day we were told we'd no longer be singing together. And just like that - we were singing with different people.
Now.... I really did try to get used to the change. I gave it three months. But my heart was just never the same. I'm not going to go into details about why my heart wasn't the same because it's unimportant. There are a great many factors in which play a small role in the emotions of the whole thing. But the bottom line is this... I find such GREAT joy in singing. That joy wasn't there anymore. So, I didn't sign up to sing this next rotation.
But - Chris is.
So............ this is going to be a bit strange for me. To watch Chris sing praise and worship without me. To have me give my heart to the Lord from the pew (which I keep telling myself over and over again I'm okay doing) while Chris is on the platform with a team of 5 or 6 others giving his heart to the Lord. It's just going to be difficult.
I keep wondering if I made the right decision. But -- I know God would NOT want me to be unhappy. Certainly not in His house, and not while singing praise and worship to Him.
But then there is so much else that I think about.
The church - VanDyke - has been WONDERFUL to my family. Will my not re-upping be seen as ungrateful of their kindness?
Singing on the praise team gives me reason to go to church every week. Will my unhappiness in this whole thing cause me to pull away from church all together? Will I use it as a reason to not go to church? Heck, it's Sunday today... and I didn't go to church today. They are also giving the Choir time off (sort-of) over the summer. They are asking the choir to just come in and stand behind the praise team and sing praise and worship songs, not choir numbers. Well, heck, maybe that's going to be a good reason to not go to church? No - it's not! But I'm just saying... the Devil just needs a small crack in the window of opportunity to sneak in and start working on you, ya know?
Will I resent Chris for getting up there and singing without me? I shouldn't. He had the guts to go to a meeting with Josh and Jeff and actually discuss his feelings in a one-on-one meeting - getting all his feelings off his chest. Chris was actually WAY more upset that I was when we were taken off the team we were with for 2 years. But Chris was just more emotional, I - on the other hand - was less emotional but had a set goal in my mind. I had decided that I was going to give it till the end of this 3-month rotation and see if I was going to step out for the next rotation to give myself a 3-month breather to see how I felt.
But, as it just so happened, just before the end of the rotation, they decided to re-audition everyone and I just decided it was just easier not to re-audition. I mean, it would be bad to audition, make it - then tell them I'm stepping out for 3 months. So... I just didn't re-audition.
And it's just killing me inside and I don't know why.
I'm doing nothing musical right now. Nothing 'for me' really. No Toast of Tampa. No singing. No barbershop. No praise team. No nothing. I don't feel like I deserve it... like I did before when I really wanted to join TOT for me. I just feel.... I dunno.... empty. Like the joy is just -- gone. And I don't know HOW to put it back in.
Going back to Toast of Tampa is not an option. It's expensive and it's time-consuming.
Joining the praise team is not an option since, well, I didn't audition.
So... I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I don't know how to put it back. Thus my reason for not wanting to blog about this part of my life.
Okay..... no crying..... moving on to something else...............
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Michelle, Julie and I took Kayte to get her belly button pierced today. I've never had a problem with teenagers getting their belly buttons pierced. It's hidden. It's not tacky. It actually can be rather pretty.
Now, piercings on the face, tongue, etc -- that's just all KINDS of nasty. Especially on teenagers.
So, we are there and Kayte mentions about her friends who are all getting these tongue piercings on the tips on their tongues. Not straight up and down, but across right-to-left. Kayte explains that she LOVES it and wants to get it.
I tell her that she is NUTS and that there is no way in HELL I'd EVER allow her to get it done. She tells me she can't wait to turn 18 then because that's exactly what she's going to have done when she turns 18.
So she asks the guy who works there - who is COVERED in tattoos and piercings, if he has ever heard of these kinds of piercings and what does he think of them. He laughs and says that yes, of COURSE he has heard of them. But he does NOT like them. He explains that because of where the kids are putting them, they keep hitting the teeth. When they keep hitting the teeth, they break down the enamel. Breaking down the tooth enamel leads to broken teeth. So - NO - he does not like these kinds of piercings.
Kayte says something about "not like you're going to need your teeth in like 10 years anyways... so who cares - duh!". I said, "Kayte, you may not care now - but when you are 30 or 40 or 50, you are really going to want to have good teeth!" She said, "Who cares what my teeth are like then."
This is EXACTLY the reason they should not allow kids to get piercings. EXACTLY. Yet, they do it. Kayte could care less what her teeth are like when she's 30? I should save this blog for her and remind her on that, don't ya think?
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Julie has found an apartment and is moving in at the end of June. I'm VERY excited for her. She's renting a place for less than $550 a month and only 15 minutes from our house. Very cool. I only hope that she is able to SELL her house between now and then, so that she doesn't have to just walk away from the house and just let it fall into foreclosure.
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Amanda and Gene have moved into an apartment here in Tampa as well! They are TWO miles from our house! Amanda is working at Stein Mart and Gene is a chef at Floyd's at Seminole Hard Rock Casino. (Very cool job, huh?)
They are only a week into the new place and already getting quite settled. The apartment looks GREAT. Jobs are going well. It's really great having her close to home again. I've missed her. :o)
*******************************************************
One of the things Chris and I did - maybe to 'celebrate' this savings... maybe just because it NEEDED to be done at some point.... is we went out to buy a new sofa Saturday.
Our sofa was purchased at Badcock maybe 5 years ago. It's DEFINITELY worn and seen better days. It has holes in it, which I've tried to sew... but - with four teenagers, none of whom weigh under 100 lbs, or who are 'gentle' when sitting - it's not held up very well. It also has multiple dirt stains that won't come clean even when we've used a steam cleaner on it.
Anyways
When we ran my credit for the home loan, it showed $1,800 available credit at Badcock, with $0 due - since I paid it off a little more than a year ago. We though, since we need a sofa, and we'll have a little extra 'per month'... let's go back to Badcock and buy a sofa there. Why not?
So, we head all the way down to South Tampa (you have to go to the same store where you opened the credit). First we picked out the sofa we wanted. Then we tried to apply it to the credit, which is when we find out that - since I paid it off over a year ago, they have to re-run my credit. No problem there. I know my credit 'score' has actually increased. So, Badcock re-runs it... and what does it show? Well...
When I applied for my home loan - Badcock reported me late once. Sure, it was paid off - but my mortgage guy suggested that I take any 'negative' reportings on my credit report and dispute them. If the company is able to substantiate them, it's reported as "updated 3/08", and if they can't prove it, it's removed from my credit report. Seemed like a no-brainer to me.... so I disputed anything that showed up as negative. Sure enough, several things were substantiated and many things were dropped - my credit score increased. Cool beans.
But - Badcock was TICKED that I disputed this late charge. Almost as if -- they took it PERSONALLY. Like, I personally called them liars or something. After picking out the sofa, waiting - quite literally 2 hours for them to call around and try to get this credit thing fixed - they tell me this "since you disputed your late charge about Badcock, we've decided to decrease your credit limit from $1,800 to $1,000."
Are you KIDDING ME?
I was furious! Chris was furious! We were just -- blown away.
We, of course, walked out. We took our happy little butts to Rooms to Go who was more than willing to extend credit to me, more credit actually - although with NO interest through June 2009 and they don't have that funky interest accrual thing. So, I actually am BETTER OFF, go figure.
We bought a sofa, love seat and chair for the living room. Not fancy... just sturdy enough with the right kind of material to where we think it'll make it for 4 years. We hope so anyways. :o) I'll have to send pictures when we get it all in place.
Funny, as sad as I've been about the whole singing thing.... shopping really seemed to help. Shopping therapy. Funny - that could get expensive, huh?
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One more quick little thing, then I should run. Chris and I are thinking about completely re-hauling our kitchen. Sounds expensive? Especially after I just talked about 'shopping therapy'. I know... I know... But - we have a guy from bible study who can do the brainstorming design phase of it - he can tell us what he thinks we should do - what walls should come down, what cabinets to move, etc. Then Chris can do the labor and work to get the materials at the least expensive price possible.
Sure, this isn't something that's going to happen next week. Or next month even. But it's something we've started talking about and putting on paper to get it going. Because what I do know for sure is that our kitchen cabinets will NOT make it another 4 years as-is. Not only do they just look bad and do the doors just keep falling off, but the wood in the cabinets themselves are cracked. You can't screw the doors on tight enough to hold the doors on, the wood is too badly cracked, the screws just fall out eventually. They are too far gone. The one cabinet between the oven and the fridge is water damaged terribly. So, yeah, something has to be done at some point.
When our friend, Dan, came over to do the measurements and get some ideas for the design phase of it, we were talking about how much our kitchen doesn't work for us. It didn't hit me how incredibly small our kitchen area really was until I started actually showing it to him. Showing him "this is where I put the pans that I use to cook for the 6 or more of us every night" and "this is the tiny little pantry where I put all the food for the week to feed the six of us every week". I mean... it's just not much room at all. I'm excited about the possibilities of it.
And, oddly, not at all worried about sinking money into the kitchen. All the work I've seen Chris do and all the TV shows I've seen now I've learned -- first Chris knows a LOT about this stuff and no doubt will do an awesome job and that putting money into a kitchen pays off in the long-term investment of your home's value. So, no worries at all for me there.
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Funny, I just spent a few minutes and went to my blog -- went to some OLD postings. When Amanda had just moved in with us. When Doug was living with us. When Chris and I had just auditioned for the praise team and then found out we'd made it - we were SO excited. Gosh... that really hurt to read. Then found this.
NEVER GIVE UP
No matter what is going on
Never give up
Develop the heart
In your country too much work is spent developing the mind
Instead of the heart
Be compassionate
Not just to your friends
But to everyone
Be compassionate
Work for peace
In your heart and in the world
Work for peace
And I say again
Never give up
No matter what is happening
No matter what is going on around you
Never give up
The Dalai Lama
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I don't know if I feel better or worse having found that and felt 'led' to post that in this blog. Think I'll just leave it at that.
Please keep us all in your thoughts and prayers.
I suppose the biggest 'change' that is happening in my life right now that I haven't wanted to blog about is the fact that I'm not re-auditioning to be on the Church praise team. This is something that has been on my heart for months now and I just haven't known what to do with it, and for SURE haven't known how to blog about it or how to explain it. You see, our church has the choir which Chris and I sing in. Then there are praise teams which are auditioned and, if chosen, you are on a team of people (usually 5 or 6 on a team) that rotate about once a month or so to sing at church to lead praise and worship. It's the main thing that hooked Chris and I in at VanDyke when we first came to church - the singing and praise and worship was awesome. Coming from the Barbershop background that we came from, we both thought 'we could do that', so eventually we auditioned.
But... something just hasn't felt right for me in my heart. For two years we sang with the same group of singers. We were mostly all barbershoppers - all had the same singing 'style' - all worked hard on our music and practiced before rehearsals and came ready to sing - and all were good friends. Even before singing at the church, we had been singing together in the Barbershop organization for over 10 years. With us being on the same praise team together, it strengthened our bond and we prayed together.... it was more like a 'small group' than a singing team. Then one day we were told we'd no longer be singing together. And just like that - we were singing with different people.
Now.... I really did try to get used to the change. I gave it three months. But my heart was just never the same. I'm not going to go into details about why my heart wasn't the same because it's unimportant. There are a great many factors in which play a small role in the emotions of the whole thing. But the bottom line is this... I find such GREAT joy in singing. That joy wasn't there anymore. So, I didn't sign up to sing this next rotation.
But - Chris is.
So............ this is going to be a bit strange for me. To watch Chris sing praise and worship without me. To have me give my heart to the Lord from the pew (which I keep telling myself over and over again I'm okay doing) while Chris is on the platform with a team of 5 or 6 others giving his heart to the Lord. It's just going to be difficult.
I keep wondering if I made the right decision. But -- I know God would NOT want me to be unhappy. Certainly not in His house, and not while singing praise and worship to Him.
But then there is so much else that I think about.
The church - VanDyke - has been WONDERFUL to my family. Will my not re-upping be seen as ungrateful of their kindness?
Singing on the praise team gives me reason to go to church every week. Will my unhappiness in this whole thing cause me to pull away from church all together? Will I use it as a reason to not go to church? Heck, it's Sunday today... and I didn't go to church today. They are also giving the Choir time off (sort-of) over the summer. They are asking the choir to just come in and stand behind the praise team and sing praise and worship songs, not choir numbers. Well, heck, maybe that's going to be a good reason to not go to church? No - it's not! But I'm just saying... the Devil just needs a small crack in the window of opportunity to sneak in and start working on you, ya know?
Will I resent Chris for getting up there and singing without me? I shouldn't. He had the guts to go to a meeting with Josh and Jeff and actually discuss his feelings in a one-on-one meeting - getting all his feelings off his chest. Chris was actually WAY more upset that I was when we were taken off the team we were with for 2 years. But Chris was just more emotional, I - on the other hand - was less emotional but had a set goal in my mind. I had decided that I was going to give it till the end of this 3-month rotation and see if I was going to step out for the next rotation to give myself a 3-month breather to see how I felt.
But, as it just so happened, just before the end of the rotation, they decided to re-audition everyone and I just decided it was just easier not to re-audition. I mean, it would be bad to audition, make it - then tell them I'm stepping out for 3 months. So... I just didn't re-audition.
And it's just killing me inside and I don't know why.
I'm doing nothing musical right now. Nothing 'for me' really. No Toast of Tampa. No singing. No barbershop. No praise team. No nothing. I don't feel like I deserve it... like I did before when I really wanted to join TOT for me. I just feel.... I dunno.... empty. Like the joy is just -- gone. And I don't know HOW to put it back in.
Going back to Toast of Tampa is not an option. It's expensive and it's time-consuming.
Joining the praise team is not an option since, well, I didn't audition.
So... I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I don't know how to put it back. Thus my reason for not wanting to blog about this part of my life.
Okay..... no crying..... moving on to something else...............
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Michelle, Julie and I took Kayte to get her belly button pierced today. I've never had a problem with teenagers getting their belly buttons pierced. It's hidden. It's not tacky. It actually can be rather pretty.
Now, piercings on the face, tongue, etc -- that's just all KINDS of nasty. Especially on teenagers.
So, we are there and Kayte mentions about her friends who are all getting these tongue piercings on the tips on their tongues. Not straight up and down, but across right-to-left. Kayte explains that she LOVES it and wants to get it.
I tell her that she is NUTS and that there is no way in HELL I'd EVER allow her to get it done. She tells me she can't wait to turn 18 then because that's exactly what she's going to have done when she turns 18.
So she asks the guy who works there - who is COVERED in tattoos and piercings, if he has ever heard of these kinds of piercings and what does he think of them. He laughs and says that yes, of COURSE he has heard of them. But he does NOT like them. He explains that because of where the kids are putting them, they keep hitting the teeth. When they keep hitting the teeth, they break down the enamel. Breaking down the tooth enamel leads to broken teeth. So - NO - he does not like these kinds of piercings.
Kayte says something about "not like you're going to need your teeth in like 10 years anyways... so who cares - duh!". I said, "Kayte, you may not care now - but when you are 30 or 40 or 50, you are really going to want to have good teeth!" She said, "Who cares what my teeth are like then."
This is EXACTLY the reason they should not allow kids to get piercings. EXACTLY. Yet, they do it. Kayte could care less what her teeth are like when she's 30? I should save this blog for her and remind her on that, don't ya think?
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Julie has found an apartment and is moving in at the end of June. I'm VERY excited for her. She's renting a place for less than $550 a month and only 15 minutes from our house. Very cool. I only hope that she is able to SELL her house between now and then, so that she doesn't have to just walk away from the house and just let it fall into foreclosure.
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Amanda and Gene have moved into an apartment here in Tampa as well! They are TWO miles from our house! Amanda is working at Stein Mart and Gene is a chef at Floyd's at Seminole Hard Rock Casino. (Very cool job, huh?)
They are only a week into the new place and already getting quite settled. The apartment looks GREAT. Jobs are going well. It's really great having her close to home again. I've missed her. :o)
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Oh - we closed on the house on Thursday! Well, we refinanced the house, getting out of the adjustable rate mortgage and out of two mortgages and into one flat-rate mortgage that was lower than either of the two existing ones. Cool, huh? That is going to save us about $300 a month!! I'm VERY happy about that. More happy about the peace of mind of knowing, without a doubt, that - sure the insurance and taxes will fluctuate - but the mortgage itself is locked in at a reasonable rate.
I'm tickled pink!
One of the things Chris and I did - maybe to 'celebrate' this savings... maybe just because it NEEDED to be done at some point.... is we went out to buy a new sofa Saturday.
Our sofa was purchased at Badcock maybe 5 years ago. It's DEFINITELY worn and seen better days. It has holes in it, which I've tried to sew... but - with four teenagers, none of whom weigh under 100 lbs, or who are 'gentle' when sitting - it's not held up very well. It also has multiple dirt stains that won't come clean even when we've used a steam cleaner on it.
Anyways
When we ran my credit for the home loan, it showed $1,800 available credit at Badcock, with $0 due - since I paid it off a little more than a year ago. We though, since we need a sofa, and we'll have a little extra 'per month'... let's go back to Badcock and buy a sofa there. Why not?
So, we head all the way down to South Tampa (you have to go to the same store where you opened the credit). First we picked out the sofa we wanted. Then we tried to apply it to the credit, which is when we find out that - since I paid it off over a year ago, they have to re-run my credit. No problem there. I know my credit 'score' has actually increased. So, Badcock re-runs it... and what does it show? Well...
When I applied for my home loan - Badcock reported me late once. Sure, it was paid off - but my mortgage guy suggested that I take any 'negative' reportings on my credit report and dispute them. If the company is able to substantiate them, it's reported as "updated 3/08", and if they can't prove it, it's removed from my credit report. Seemed like a no-brainer to me.... so I disputed anything that showed up as negative. Sure enough, several things were substantiated and many things were dropped - my credit score increased. Cool beans.
But - Badcock was TICKED that I disputed this late charge. Almost as if -- they took it PERSONALLY. Like, I personally called them liars or something. After picking out the sofa, waiting - quite literally 2 hours for them to call around and try to get this credit thing fixed - they tell me this "since you disputed your late charge about Badcock, we've decided to decrease your credit limit from $1,800 to $1,000."
Are you KIDDING ME?
I was furious! Chris was furious! We were just -- blown away.
We, of course, walked out. We took our happy little butts to Rooms to Go who was more than willing to extend credit to me, more credit actually - although with NO interest through June 2009 and they don't have that funky interest accrual thing. So, I actually am BETTER OFF, go figure.
We bought a sofa, love seat and chair for the living room. Not fancy... just sturdy enough with the right kind of material to where we think it'll make it for 4 years. We hope so anyways. :o) I'll have to send pictures when we get it all in place.
Funny, as sad as I've been about the whole singing thing.... shopping really seemed to help. Shopping therapy. Funny - that could get expensive, huh?
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One more quick little thing, then I should run. Chris and I are thinking about completely re-hauling our kitchen. Sounds expensive? Especially after I just talked about 'shopping therapy'. I know... I know... But - we have a guy from bible study who can do the brainstorming design phase of it - he can tell us what he thinks we should do - what walls should come down, what cabinets to move, etc. Then Chris can do the labor and work to get the materials at the least expensive price possible.
Sure, this isn't something that's going to happen next week. Or next month even. But it's something we've started talking about and putting on paper to get it going. Because what I do know for sure is that our kitchen cabinets will NOT make it another 4 years as-is. Not only do they just look bad and do the doors just keep falling off, but the wood in the cabinets themselves are cracked. You can't screw the doors on tight enough to hold the doors on, the wood is too badly cracked, the screws just fall out eventually. They are too far gone. The one cabinet between the oven and the fridge is water damaged terribly. So, yeah, something has to be done at some point.
When our friend, Dan, came over to do the measurements and get some ideas for the design phase of it, we were talking about how much our kitchen doesn't work for us. It didn't hit me how incredibly small our kitchen area really was until I started actually showing it to him. Showing him "this is where I put the pans that I use to cook for the 6 or more of us every night" and "this is the tiny little pantry where I put all the food for the week to feed the six of us every week". I mean... it's just not much room at all. I'm excited about the possibilities of it.
And, oddly, not at all worried about sinking money into the kitchen. All the work I've seen Chris do and all the TV shows I've seen now I've learned -- first Chris knows a LOT about this stuff and no doubt will do an awesome job and that putting money into a kitchen pays off in the long-term investment of your home's value. So, no worries at all for me there.
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Funny, I just spent a few minutes and went to my blog -- went to some OLD postings. When Amanda had just moved in with us. When Doug was living with us. When Chris and I had just auditioned for the praise team and then found out we'd made it - we were SO excited. Gosh... that really hurt to read. Then found this.
NEVER GIVE UP
No matter what is going on
Never give up
Develop the heart
In your country too much work is spent developing the mind
Instead of the heart
Be compassionate
Not just to your friends
But to everyone
Be compassionate
Work for peace
In your heart and in the world
Work for peace
And I say again
Never give up
No matter what is happening
No matter what is going on around you
Never give up
The Dalai Lama
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I don't know if I feel better or worse having found that and felt 'led' to post that in this blog. Think I'll just leave it at that.
Please keep us all in your thoughts and prayers.
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Cell Phone - Thugs - Alarms -- Oh My
I wanted to let you all know that we could still use more prayer. More prayer for strength and guidance that Chris and I do the 'right things' that God would have us do on a day to day basis.
Things here are continually crazy. The kids are acting like... well... teenagers. I know, I know -- they ARE teenagers. Well, there are FOUR of them, and they each come with ~ shall I say ~ unique problems. And it's just a bit overwhelming at times.
The funny thing is that lately I've felt sorry for my mom and my sister Katie whom I've been leaning on for support and advice (because I've not been blogging about it). They know how stressed I've been about the whole thing and I know they just wish there was something they could do or say to make it better. It's just not that simple.
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I told you last time about Kayla's big lie problem. It's been a constant problem for her.
Wednesday we had Kayla's boyfriend over for dinner. He and his little brother. Now, they are nice enough boys, really. Especially the younger brother. He has GREAT manners. But, something just isn't right with them, and I couldn't put my finger on it completely for a while.
At first, Kayla told me he was a great kid doing well in school. This is usually a requirement for dating a boy in our house. Must be a good kid and must be doing well in school. Well, then Kayla tells me he got in a fight at school, but the fight 'wasn't his fault'. But Kayla was there and she saw that he didn't really hit the boy. Then when the policeman was there, the police man said that Kayla's boyfriend bowed up to hit him (a 'battery on a police officer') but - again - Kayla said she was there and this 'never happened'. Now, I love Kayla, but she is NOT the most truthful person I know. As a matter of fact, it's the opposite. I've never known anyone who lies as much as Kayla does. So.... take that for what it's worth.
So.... now I fully believe that this boyfriend hit this boy at school and threatened to hit this officer, and was arrested for battery on a police officer. Not so bad - maybe. Then more and more truth starts coming out.
Kayla tells me that the boy now attends Chamberlain high school, because of the fight at Gaither. But then one day she asks if he can come over after school. He is at my house IMMEDIATELY after school. Odd since he attends Chamberlain. In emailing the mom, I find out that he doesn't attend school - at all. He's been kicked out and mom has to figure out what to do with him. Get him a job. Maybe get a GED.
Also the younger brother - who can't be more than 14 or 15 - is also kicked out of school. How sad is that? I have NO idea what he did. But in talking to Kayla about her boyfriend - I find out that her boyfriend has been arrested at least four times.
Arrested? Four times????
Ah geez.
So much for the good kid who attends school with her. What we found most sad is that Kayla lied and lied and lied and that truth just started coming out little by little. Then as it happened, she'd be caught in a lie - which of course is bad. But Kayla would say she didn't REALLY lie. Come on! How can you say you didn't lie when you FLAT OUT DID? Kayla is the worst liar on the planet and she is the only one who believes her lies. Maybe someone who doesn't know her might believe her.
*********************************
So, after the boys leave our house that night - we all sit down and talk. Chris talked to them all about the choice of friends. BAD choice of friends. There are thousands of choices... why choose to date someone with a police record? Not attending school? Someone who is failing? Someone who can't even attend school? Someone who is going nowhere in life? There are other kids who are doing well in school who have a promising life ahead of them.... CHOOSE THEM to date.
Kayte - thinking Kayla had made the mistake of NOT telling us about her boyfriend's mistakes up-front - tells us that she would like to take this time to tell us that she's thinking about bringing home a new boyfriend. But she'd like to tell us about him now. Up-front. To get it all out in the open.
Oh boy. This is going to be good, I can tell already.
She says.... Well, he's on probation now, and he's a really good kid, now. But he didn't used to be. You see, he was arrested when he was 14 for dealing Cocaine.
ARRESTED?
FOURTEEN?
COCAINE??
I didn't know what Cocaine was until I was an adult. At fourteen this kid was a dealer? If he was arrested for it at 14, I wonder at what age he REALLY started dealing?
Chris proceeded to go into "corrections officer" mode... telling her that he is only a good kid now BECAUSE he HAS to be because he has a PROBATION OFFICER. Chris told her that if the kid came to our house, Chris wanted to be able to pat him down, to ask him questions, and he wanted the name and phone number of his probation officer so that he could call him/her.
Kayte was, needless to say, NOT happy.
Chris and I tried sitting down with them and trying to get her to see -- what kind of a little KID would DEAL COCAINE? She didn't see anything wrong. Maybe it was wrong before, but for right now, he's better. And that's all that matters.
Of course, since this time -- I've now learned that she's not interested in dating him because he treats her like crap. This is the second boyfriend she's had that has done that, and that - to me - is concerning. Mentally abusive is what I would call it, actually. Kayte actually has a very low self-image. I guess that's something we'll have to work on with her. We keep telling her that she deserves better. But I think deep down, SHE doesn't believe it.
*********************************
Thursday I received my cell bill. All 279 pages of it. Kayla had talked her pretty-little-head-off all month long. She used up ALL her minutes, all our minutes, ALL our saved rollover minutes, and then kept going. More than $200 later, my cell phone bill, which for 5 of us is usually around $220 was this month over $500. Unbelievable.
After Chris and I discussed it, we decided to have Kayla to pay us the difference. She owed us $204.06 in overage charges. She just got paid, it shouldn't be a problem. However, she's already spent her money. On what, I don't know... but it's mostly gone. She has about $50 left. So, Chris and I decided to 'suspend' her service and we would turn it back on after she paid us for it.
Needless to say, Kayla was NOT happy. But, we figured this might teach her a lesson. Julie told me that I should have let her get the cell phone that has unlimited everything. But, I told Julie, we wanted her on our plan so we could control what hours she was on the phone - so she wasn't on the phone all hours of the day and night. She mentioned something about how we obviously couldn't control her now. Yeah, thanks for that. But, that's where discipline comes into play. And she WILL be disciplined, trust you-me. And ya know - and I explained this to Kayla - you HAVE to learn self-control. HAVE to. It will apply to so many aspects of your life.
Of course, Kayla did try to tell me that it was impossible for her to have talked for as many minutes as Cingular said she did - which is where printing 279 pages of a cell phone bill came in handy. I dropped all the pages in front of her and showed her each and every call - every text message - every EVERYTHING. Told her to go ahead and check it out. While she was at it, she could check out the highlighted areas in which I noted the times she was on the phone when she wasn't allowed to be on the phone. Midnight. 1am. Etc. Yeah... it's ALL on the bill. So... you can't get away with ANYTHING in this age of technology. Don't try me little girl.
*********************************
Oddly that night - Kayte decided to sleep with Kayla that night. At the time, I didn't wonder why. Looking back I'm kicking myself. Usually, Kayte and Justin sleep in the same room. Putting two and two together now, I realize that Kayla didn't have a cell phone and Kayte DID.
Hindsight. Gotta love Hindsight.
So after bedtime, Chris couldn't sleep. About 1:30 am he was up walking around downstairs in the dark. He hears some whispering - it's Kayla and Justin.
There - in the dark - is Kayla -- FULLY dressed, shoes on, jacket over her arm, hand on the front door, turned around whispering to Justin who is trying to tell her that "Uncle Chris is UP!" Kayla lets go of the front door, drops the jacket by the game room and proceeds to 'innocently' look for him. But he's already seen her. He catches her and scares the bejeezus out of her.
"What ARE you doing?" He asks her - as IF there is any question really.
"I got up to pee" she explains. Mind you - there are TWO bathrooms upstairs. A half bath downstairs. Which of course doesn't explain fully dressed, WITH shoes on and a jacket and out the front door.
Long story short, Kayla is really upset that "we don't believe her... again...." She mumbles stuff about how we NEVER believe her. She just got up to pee. Nothing more. It's not fair. Blah. Blah. Blah.
Now, we are NOT idiots. We were NOT born yesterday. What's the first thing I do?? That's right... I go to the Cingular website and look to see where little-miss-dressed-and-ready-to-pee might have called using Kayte's cell phone.
Sure as heck, there were outgoing and incoming calls - lots of them - between 10:30 pm and 1:30 am. How odd is that. BUT - not from Kayla's boyfriend. Who was this mystery person? I called the number. A guy answers the phone. I said, "Hey, did you call Kayla last night?" Yes... he says. I ask him WHY. He said, I was with Mario (Kayla's boyfriend) and he wanted to talk to Kayla, I was calling for him - he was using my cell phone.
Okay. Now THAT makes sense.
First person I called was Mario's mom telling her about the whole thing. Letting her know that Mario was not coming over any time soon. Not after his walk to my house at 1:30 am. Nor was Kayla going to HIS house any time soon. Nor will she be going ANYWHERE anytime soon for that matter.
Can you believe it???
Oh my GOSH.
*********************************
Friday morning we had ADT installed on the house here. Full alarm system - all the doors, windows, motion sensors, the whole she-bang. I'm EXTREMELY concerned with the kind of kids that Kayla, Justin and Kayte hang out with. It's mind-boggling.
They think nothing of sneaking out. Of going out with Cocaine dealers. Former dealer ... whatever. I guess in their minds, there is a difference. Going out with kids who have been arrested not once, not twice, not three times, FOUR times? And counting.... Justin has things going on that I've told you I can't blog about, but it rates in here with the above and the need for alarms. I'm telling ya, it's scary stuff.
Please keep us in your prayers.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
courage to change the things I can
and wisdom to know the difference.
Things here are continually crazy. The kids are acting like... well... teenagers. I know, I know -- they ARE teenagers. Well, there are FOUR of them, and they each come with ~ shall I say ~ unique problems. And it's just a bit overwhelming at times.
The funny thing is that lately I've felt sorry for my mom and my sister Katie whom I've been leaning on for support and advice (because I've not been blogging about it). They know how stressed I've been about the whole thing and I know they just wish there was something they could do or say to make it better. It's just not that simple.
*********************************
I told you last time about Kayla's big lie problem. It's been a constant problem for her.
Wednesday we had Kayla's boyfriend over for dinner. He and his little brother. Now, they are nice enough boys, really. Especially the younger brother. He has GREAT manners. But, something just isn't right with them, and I couldn't put my finger on it completely for a while.
At first, Kayla told me he was a great kid doing well in school. This is usually a requirement for dating a boy in our house. Must be a good kid and must be doing well in school. Well, then Kayla tells me he got in a fight at school, but the fight 'wasn't his fault'. But Kayla was there and she saw that he didn't really hit the boy. Then when the policeman was there, the police man said that Kayla's boyfriend bowed up to hit him (a 'battery on a police officer') but - again - Kayla said she was there and this 'never happened'. Now, I love Kayla, but she is NOT the most truthful person I know. As a matter of fact, it's the opposite. I've never known anyone who lies as much as Kayla does. So.... take that for what it's worth.
So.... now I fully believe that this boyfriend hit this boy at school and threatened to hit this officer, and was arrested for battery on a police officer. Not so bad - maybe. Then more and more truth starts coming out.
Kayla tells me that the boy now attends Chamberlain high school, because of the fight at Gaither. But then one day she asks if he can come over after school. He is at my house IMMEDIATELY after school. Odd since he attends Chamberlain. In emailing the mom, I find out that he doesn't attend school - at all. He's been kicked out and mom has to figure out what to do with him. Get him a job. Maybe get a GED.
Also the younger brother - who can't be more than 14 or 15 - is also kicked out of school. How sad is that? I have NO idea what he did. But in talking to Kayla about her boyfriend - I find out that her boyfriend has been arrested at least four times.
Arrested? Four times????
Ah geez.
So much for the good kid who attends school with her. What we found most sad is that Kayla lied and lied and lied and that truth just started coming out little by little. Then as it happened, she'd be caught in a lie - which of course is bad. But Kayla would say she didn't REALLY lie. Come on! How can you say you didn't lie when you FLAT OUT DID? Kayla is the worst liar on the planet and she is the only one who believes her lies. Maybe someone who doesn't know her might believe her.
*********************************
So, after the boys leave our house that night - we all sit down and talk. Chris talked to them all about the choice of friends. BAD choice of friends. There are thousands of choices... why choose to date someone with a police record? Not attending school? Someone who is failing? Someone who can't even attend school? Someone who is going nowhere in life? There are other kids who are doing well in school who have a promising life ahead of them.... CHOOSE THEM to date.
Kayte - thinking Kayla had made the mistake of NOT telling us about her boyfriend's mistakes up-front - tells us that she would like to take this time to tell us that she's thinking about bringing home a new boyfriend. But she'd like to tell us about him now. Up-front. To get it all out in the open.
Oh boy. This is going to be good, I can tell already.
She says.... Well, he's on probation now, and he's a really good kid, now. But he didn't used to be. You see, he was arrested when he was 14 for dealing Cocaine.
ARRESTED?
FOURTEEN?
COCAINE??
I didn't know what Cocaine was until I was an adult. At fourteen this kid was a dealer? If he was arrested for it at 14, I wonder at what age he REALLY started dealing?
Chris proceeded to go into "corrections officer" mode... telling her that he is only a good kid now BECAUSE he HAS to be because he has a PROBATION OFFICER. Chris told her that if the kid came to our house, Chris wanted to be able to pat him down, to ask him questions, and he wanted the name and phone number of his probation officer so that he could call him/her.
Kayte was, needless to say, NOT happy.
Chris and I tried sitting down with them and trying to get her to see -- what kind of a little KID would DEAL COCAINE? She didn't see anything wrong. Maybe it was wrong before, but for right now, he's better. And that's all that matters.
Of course, since this time -- I've now learned that she's not interested in dating him because he treats her like crap. This is the second boyfriend she's had that has done that, and that - to me - is concerning. Mentally abusive is what I would call it, actually. Kayte actually has a very low self-image. I guess that's something we'll have to work on with her. We keep telling her that she deserves better. But I think deep down, SHE doesn't believe it.
*********************************
Thursday I received my cell bill. All 279 pages of it. Kayla had talked her pretty-little-head-off all month long. She used up ALL her minutes, all our minutes, ALL our saved rollover minutes, and then kept going. More than $200 later, my cell phone bill, which for 5 of us is usually around $220 was this month over $500. Unbelievable.
After Chris and I discussed it, we decided to have Kayla to pay us the difference. She owed us $204.06 in overage charges. She just got paid, it shouldn't be a problem. However, she's already spent her money. On what, I don't know... but it's mostly gone. She has about $50 left. So, Chris and I decided to 'suspend' her service and we would turn it back on after she paid us for it.
Needless to say, Kayla was NOT happy. But, we figured this might teach her a lesson. Julie told me that I should have let her get the cell phone that has unlimited everything. But, I told Julie, we wanted her on our plan so we could control what hours she was on the phone - so she wasn't on the phone all hours of the day and night. She mentioned something about how we obviously couldn't control her now. Yeah, thanks for that. But, that's where discipline comes into play. And she WILL be disciplined, trust you-me. And ya know - and I explained this to Kayla - you HAVE to learn self-control. HAVE to. It will apply to so many aspects of your life.
Of course, Kayla did try to tell me that it was impossible for her to have talked for as many minutes as Cingular said she did - which is where printing 279 pages of a cell phone bill came in handy. I dropped all the pages in front of her and showed her each and every call - every text message - every EVERYTHING. Told her to go ahead and check it out. While she was at it, she could check out the highlighted areas in which I noted the times she was on the phone when she wasn't allowed to be on the phone. Midnight. 1am. Etc. Yeah... it's ALL on the bill. So... you can't get away with ANYTHING in this age of technology. Don't try me little girl.
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Oddly that night - Kayte decided to sleep with Kayla that night. At the time, I didn't wonder why. Looking back I'm kicking myself. Usually, Kayte and Justin sleep in the same room. Putting two and two together now, I realize that Kayla didn't have a cell phone and Kayte DID.
Hindsight. Gotta love Hindsight.
So after bedtime, Chris couldn't sleep. About 1:30 am he was up walking around downstairs in the dark. He hears some whispering - it's Kayla and Justin.
There - in the dark - is Kayla -- FULLY dressed, shoes on, jacket over her arm, hand on the front door, turned around whispering to Justin who is trying to tell her that "Uncle Chris is UP!" Kayla lets go of the front door, drops the jacket by the game room and proceeds to 'innocently' look for him. But he's already seen her. He catches her and scares the bejeezus out of her.
"What ARE you doing?" He asks her - as IF there is any question really.
"I got up to pee" she explains. Mind you - there are TWO bathrooms upstairs. A half bath downstairs. Which of course doesn't explain fully dressed, WITH shoes on and a jacket and out the front door.
Long story short, Kayla is really upset that "we don't believe her... again...." She mumbles stuff about how we NEVER believe her. She just got up to pee. Nothing more. It's not fair. Blah. Blah. Blah.
Now, we are NOT idiots. We were NOT born yesterday. What's the first thing I do?? That's right... I go to the Cingular website and look to see where little-miss-dressed-and-ready-to-pee might have called using Kayte's cell phone.
Sure as heck, there were outgoing and incoming calls - lots of them - between 10:30 pm and 1:30 am. How odd is that. BUT - not from Kayla's boyfriend. Who was this mystery person? I called the number. A guy answers the phone. I said, "Hey, did you call Kayla last night?" Yes... he says. I ask him WHY. He said, I was with Mario (Kayla's boyfriend) and he wanted to talk to Kayla, I was calling for him - he was using my cell phone.
Okay. Now THAT makes sense.
First person I called was Mario's mom telling her about the whole thing. Letting her know that Mario was not coming over any time soon. Not after his walk to my house at 1:30 am. Nor was Kayla going to HIS house any time soon. Nor will she be going ANYWHERE anytime soon for that matter.
Can you believe it???
Oh my GOSH.
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Friday morning we had ADT installed on the house here. Full alarm system - all the doors, windows, motion sensors, the whole she-bang. I'm EXTREMELY concerned with the kind of kids that Kayla, Justin and Kayte hang out with. It's mind-boggling.
They think nothing of sneaking out. Of going out with Cocaine dealers. Former dealer ... whatever. I guess in their minds, there is a difference. Going out with kids who have been arrested not once, not twice, not three times, FOUR times? And counting.... Justin has things going on that I've told you I can't blog about, but it rates in here with the above and the need for alarms. I'm telling ya, it's scary stuff.
Please keep us in your prayers.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
courage to change the things I can
and wisdom to know the difference.
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