Okay, I never - EVER - blog about politics. However, today I simply can't help myself.
We are all struggling. My pay was cut $10,000 a year - my daughter just called me and was told she had two choices: move to part time or take a severance package of 3 weeks pay - it's EVERYWHERE. We are in a recession. And the things our taxpayer money is going towards makes me sick.
It was bad enough the day after Obama was elected that Taxpayer money was now funding abortions. I suppose that means that I may possibly be viewed by God as an accomplice to murder since some of my money is going towards this. This troubles my soul in ways I can't put into words.
Then Obama started talking about the TV Converter Boxes. He said that he wanted the date pushed back because everyone in America wasn't ready for the 'all digital' upgrade. In particular low income people. For this reason, the rest of America, and all of the people who have been preparing for it by getting their boxes or going to cable, have to wait for the upgrade. I was pleased when they announced that the date was going to remain the same. Frankly - I'm sick and tired of seeing the blurb across the bottom of my screen warning me of the upcoming date.
And please don't misunderstand. I'm not a rich person who could care less about the low-income family. I've been that low income family for more years than I care to talk about.
Now, with the new stimulus bill.... $650 MILLION is being given for these stupid converter boxes. Yes... now everyone in that low income bracket will be able to get their converters.
Oh Joy. $650 million of our tax dollars to give low-income families TV.
Tell me........... when did television become a NECESSITY? It has always been a luxury item, hasn't it? I will try to refrain from spouting my thoughts on why Obama is so set on this... but you know he relies on the media to help support him - and if millions of people didn't have TV's - how would they get their Obama fix? That's all I'll say about that.
There were days when, if you wanted to hear what was going on in the news and you couldn't afford a TV, your family huddled around a radio. Some say times then were better. Simple. Happy.
What's next? Are we going to buy TV's for anyone without a TV? Seriously... if the government is now saying that it is a necessity... then surely every family in America is entitled to a TV as well, right? And then... at some point down the road... does cable TV become a necessity? I mean... you do get more stations, such as CNN. So, will the government then start paying for cable if you can't afford it? Where does it end?
Entitlement is a problem right now. Everyone is entitled to so many things.
I'm furious that my pay is going down and the government is spending all this money on STUPID shit.
They already gave the banks tons of money in an effort to allow more American's the opportunity to get better rates on their mortgages. Wasn't that the reason for the huge checks - millions of dollars (or was it billions? I forget...) written to banks?
Well, for two months now I've been trying to refinance my home with 5.5% interest, because the government says I should be able to. The banks are giving me all kinds of hassles. I pay every single bill on time. I have VERY little credit card debt. I have a steady job and make decent money, as does Chris. Heck, the kids we are raising get SS and VA benefits. And yet.... I've been jumping through hoops for months. The woman doing the paperwork just told me "The guidelines have changed drastically and it takes a lot more to get things done."
Isn't the purpose of lowering the interest rate so that my payment goes down... so when they cut my pay 20% I can still afford to live in our family home? Isn't the government decreasing the federal rate to ZERO in an effort to 'get credit flowing'? Given ALL of this, shouldn't this be easy?
Oh, and also on CNN.... "Uncle Sam Wants To Sell You A Car". Really? Who can afford a car payment right now? They have a "cash for clunkers" program floating around right now... where you turn in your car that is paid for and buy a new car - they give you a rebate check of some sort. But still... you then have monthly payments on a vehicle. I consider myself blessed to have every car we own paid for. I'm buying generic everything to save cash - Uncle Sam thinks I can afford a new car?
Are politicians living in a bubble? TV's are no longer a luxury but something every American should have. Abortions are funded by tax dollars. They give money to the banks without a promise from the banks of sharing that with their customers. And now everyone - in a recession - needs to buy a new car. And this is just a start to the madness.
Sorry about a political blog here... but I'm just so frustrated. Thanks for listening. :o)
"You could afford a house without the government if it weren't for the government."
Rush Limbaugh
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Answered Prayers
Julie and I went to court this morning for Julie's request of unsupervised visits. The more I think about it... I believe that the outcome was the best thing for the kids.
We went to court at 9:30 this morning and waited a LONG time. When we went in, Julie stated that she had been out of the hospital for a 10 month period of time and that she deserved unsupervised visits. He asked me how I felt about it and I told him that I agreed that she certainly could have unsupervised visits. I explained that there were many times that I - or any family member - could tell when Julie was not well... and that during those times... she shouldn't be able to take them. But when she is doing well... she could be just fine with them. The district attorney did a GREAT job of saying what it was that I was feeling. She told the judge that she recommended that Julie be given unsupervised visits at my complete discretion.
One thing that was kind of weird is that Julie told the judge that Justin was 17 and Kayte was 16. They are not... Justin is 16 and Kayte is 15. Sure... they have a birthday later this year, but when he asked how old they were now... she said they were older. I told the judge their actual ages and that their birthdays were in late June. I think she did that so that the kids would seem older in the judges eyes, but I don't know exactly why.
We then talked about some difficult stuff. The Doctor from Hillsborough Kids stated that he had concerns after reading Julie's discharge summary from her recent bakers act in Tampa General. In that summary he said that, among other things, Julie would self medicate. We then explained to the judge what her mental conditions were. I also told him that my other concern that I wanted to mention was that - even when she was doing well, she didn't think and rationalize consequences of her actions as an adult. Not because she was being mean or hard-headed, but often times she just isn't capable of that level of reasoning.
There were two times when I thought the judge was going to stop and not allow any visitations what-so-ever... one when I told him about her lack of reasoning skills and two when he heard what was in her discharge paperwork from TGH.
The funny thing is... what I prayed would happen is that I would give my opinion, Julie give her opinion, and the judge takes all of that and makes a determination that is solely based on the best interest of the kids. I now believe that is exactly what happened.
Julie is allowed to see the kids unsupervised for a maximum of 3 hours, however, she is never allowed to drive with them and she must have her visits in a public place. Julie nor I were expecting these stipulations. Julie at one point said "Sir, I am a very good driver." The judge just replied "I don't care, with the amount of medication you take, you are not driving with the kids." When he talked about the public place, Julie was very upset. She really wanted to take the kids back to her apartment. The judge just said no... that she had to take them someplace public such as the mall, a park, the movies, McDonald's, the Zoo, etc. Julie said she didn't have money to take them to those kinds of places, and he named several places, such as a park, that she could take the kids to for free.
I've been pretty shocked about the outcome all day. However, I now think that this was the answer to my prayers. The judge certainly didn't do exactly what I wanted him to do... he took the information and did what he thought best.
So, that was our day in court.
The kid's grandma and grandpa (Ron's mom and dad) came down this last weekend. It was a great visit... Friday we had dinner at Olive Garden - 20 family members for Kayla's birthday. Gwen decided not to get Kayla a car just yet. We found out the insurance was going to be very expensive and Kayla really needs to save up for that. Saturday Gwen took Kayla to try to get her license, but the place was closed so they all went to the mall. We had dinner Saturday night - 10 of us around the table. The on Sunday my mom came over and we had a late lunch (11 of us). It was a busy weekend, but I know the kids loved seeing Gwen and Coley.
Chris has been working SO HARD, it's unreal. He left for work at 8pm on Sunday night and worked all night and all the next day and came home about 10pm on Monday. He looked HORRIBLE when he got home... dragging tail for sure. Tuesday morning he was back out at the crack of dawn and didn't get home again until after 10pm. He did the same thing today and will be working again until late tonight. Poor guy. Although he LOVES what he is doing. He's standing in as the General Contractor on a remodel of a big chain bookstore. It's only a week of work - a very LONG week with long hours - but he's enjoying it. If nothing else, he absolutely knows he wants to get his license to become a contractor. I'm great with that, as long as he doesn't always work those long hours. I miss him!
My chorus is going SUPER well. I joined and was made tenor section leader immediately. I love that... the respect I get from the section and leaders of the chorus. We were just riser placed... which is a really big deal in our chorus. My FAVORITE spot is in the middle of the chorus with the three other parts around me - no other Tenors. I was a little worried they wouldn't put me in the middle. They usually put the tenors in little 'pods' on the sides, but they have done that before and just put me in the middle, which was AWESOME. We have another tenor in the chorus who has WON an international quartet contest as a tenor... so surely she'd go there. Well, they put her in the middle - as well as me. We have a bass singing between us, and I'm surrounded by all three other parts - LOVE it. I'm trying to deal with the fact that I am going to pick and choose what competitions I go to... like - I'm not going to go to Regional competition in April, but I am going to the International competition in October. I just love singing with them and feel so blessed to be a part of the group.
Well, I should run for tonight. I have to start dinner, take Kayte to work at church, then pick her up and bring her to her school, and somewhere in there finish cooking dinner and eat. Need to get started now to get done in time.
Thank you all for your prayers! It means the world!
"Your living is determined not so much by what life brings you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens."
-Lewis L. Dunnington-
We went to court at 9:30 this morning and waited a LONG time. When we went in, Julie stated that she had been out of the hospital for a 10 month period of time and that she deserved unsupervised visits. He asked me how I felt about it and I told him that I agreed that she certainly could have unsupervised visits. I explained that there were many times that I - or any family member - could tell when Julie was not well... and that during those times... she shouldn't be able to take them. But when she is doing well... she could be just fine with them. The district attorney did a GREAT job of saying what it was that I was feeling. She told the judge that she recommended that Julie be given unsupervised visits at my complete discretion.
One thing that was kind of weird is that Julie told the judge that Justin was 17 and Kayte was 16. They are not... Justin is 16 and Kayte is 15. Sure... they have a birthday later this year, but when he asked how old they were now... she said they were older. I told the judge their actual ages and that their birthdays were in late June. I think she did that so that the kids would seem older in the judges eyes, but I don't know exactly why.
We then talked about some difficult stuff. The Doctor from Hillsborough Kids stated that he had concerns after reading Julie's discharge summary from her recent bakers act in Tampa General. In that summary he said that, among other things, Julie would self medicate. We then explained to the judge what her mental conditions were. I also told him that my other concern that I wanted to mention was that - even when she was doing well, she didn't think and rationalize consequences of her actions as an adult. Not because she was being mean or hard-headed, but often times she just isn't capable of that level of reasoning.
There were two times when I thought the judge was going to stop and not allow any visitations what-so-ever... one when I told him about her lack of reasoning skills and two when he heard what was in her discharge paperwork from TGH.
The funny thing is... what I prayed would happen is that I would give my opinion, Julie give her opinion, and the judge takes all of that and makes a determination that is solely based on the best interest of the kids. I now believe that is exactly what happened.
Julie is allowed to see the kids unsupervised for a maximum of 3 hours, however, she is never allowed to drive with them and she must have her visits in a public place. Julie nor I were expecting these stipulations. Julie at one point said "Sir, I am a very good driver." The judge just replied "I don't care, with the amount of medication you take, you are not driving with the kids." When he talked about the public place, Julie was very upset. She really wanted to take the kids back to her apartment. The judge just said no... that she had to take them someplace public such as the mall, a park, the movies, McDonald's, the Zoo, etc. Julie said she didn't have money to take them to those kinds of places, and he named several places, such as a park, that she could take the kids to for free.
I've been pretty shocked about the outcome all day. However, I now think that this was the answer to my prayers. The judge certainly didn't do exactly what I wanted him to do... he took the information and did what he thought best.
So, that was our day in court.
The kid's grandma and grandpa (Ron's mom and dad) came down this last weekend. It was a great visit... Friday we had dinner at Olive Garden - 20 family members for Kayla's birthday. Gwen decided not to get Kayla a car just yet. We found out the insurance was going to be very expensive and Kayla really needs to save up for that. Saturday Gwen took Kayla to try to get her license, but the place was closed so they all went to the mall. We had dinner Saturday night - 10 of us around the table. The on Sunday my mom came over and we had a late lunch (11 of us). It was a busy weekend, but I know the kids loved seeing Gwen and Coley.
Chris has been working SO HARD, it's unreal. He left for work at 8pm on Sunday night and worked all night and all the next day and came home about 10pm on Monday. He looked HORRIBLE when he got home... dragging tail for sure. Tuesday morning he was back out at the crack of dawn and didn't get home again until after 10pm. He did the same thing today and will be working again until late tonight. Poor guy. Although he LOVES what he is doing. He's standing in as the General Contractor on a remodel of a big chain bookstore. It's only a week of work - a very LONG week with long hours - but he's enjoying it. If nothing else, he absolutely knows he wants to get his license to become a contractor. I'm great with that, as long as he doesn't always work those long hours. I miss him!
My chorus is going SUPER well. I joined and was made tenor section leader immediately. I love that... the respect I get from the section and leaders of the chorus. We were just riser placed... which is a really big deal in our chorus. My FAVORITE spot is in the middle of the chorus with the three other parts around me - no other Tenors. I was a little worried they wouldn't put me in the middle. They usually put the tenors in little 'pods' on the sides, but they have done that before and just put me in the middle, which was AWESOME. We have another tenor in the chorus who has WON an international quartet contest as a tenor... so surely she'd go there. Well, they put her in the middle - as well as me. We have a bass singing between us, and I'm surrounded by all three other parts - LOVE it. I'm trying to deal with the fact that I am going to pick and choose what competitions I go to... like - I'm not going to go to Regional competition in April, but I am going to the International competition in October. I just love singing with them and feel so blessed to be a part of the group.
Well, I should run for tonight. I have to start dinner, take Kayte to work at church, then pick her up and bring her to her school, and somewhere in there finish cooking dinner and eat. Need to get started now to get done in time.
Thank you all for your prayers! It means the world!
"Your living is determined not so much by what life brings you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens."
-Lewis L. Dunnington-
Friday, January 16, 2009
Live The Questions
I have so much to get off my chest, I don't even know where to start.
Let's start after my last blog... with all the things that have helped me feel like I'm going insane the past two weeks.
On Sunday, 1/4, we all knew Julie was a little depressed. She kept to herself... didn't say much. Heck, Justin had even asked her to please not go home and hurt herself. Julie seemed pretty 'clear'... she didn't seem to be on anything... but she wasn't quite right.
Mom, I found out later, had also talked to Julie sometime on Sunday. Mom knew she was depressed and told her that she should go to the hospital. (We can't ever fool mom... she knows how I'm feeling just talking to me on the phone!) Julie told her that IF she ever did decide to go to the hospital, she wouldn't tell anyone. Monday afternoon mom calls me and asks me if I'd heard from Julie all day. I had not. Her cell phone was going directly to voice mail, so we knew it was off. Nobody was answering at home. I went to bed Monday night afraid that Julie was dead on her apartment floor. I thought about going over there to check on her... but I was afraid to do that. I figured if she was still 'missing' on Tuesday afternoon... we'd call the police and file a report - they could then go look for her at her apartment.
Later on Tuesday I finally hear that Julie did go into the hospital. She was depressed and the doctor sent her to Tampa General ER. The ER said her levels were off and they Bakers Acted her to take care of it. She was there until Friday, the 9th.
Julie can say all she wants to that she should be able to go into a hospital and not tell anyone and none of us should worry... but the amount of times she's overdosed and tried to kill herself - we certainly DO worry. If we didn't worry, that would mean we've given up on her... and we haven't done that.
So, she's in the hospital... and the first person / family member that she calls to notify that she is in the psych unit is who? Justin... of course. Not an adult. Justin. Amazing.
So... the rest of my week that week, as you saw from my last blog, was full of teenage drama. Chris was out of town and I was just up to my eyeballs in it. Nuff said about that.
Sunday Julie comes back over to visit - this would be the 11th, 2 days after she gets out of the hospital. I was going to make sloppy joes for dinner, but Julie really wanted my chicken alfredo, so I went to the grocery store and we had - of course - the chicken alfredo. At one point, I was making dinner and Julie was in the kitchen and we were talking about Justin. Julie talked about how she wanted Justin to take care of her when he grew up. I asked her "don't you want him to grow up, go to college, get married and have kids?" She responded by telling me that he HAD to take care of her... "what else am I supposed to do?" she asked. I continued to try to tell her that she needed to not pressure Justin into thinking this way... but she was really quiet so I left it alone after a little while.
At one point on Sunday she lifted up her shirt and I could see fresh cut marks on her stomach.... many of them. I assume she did this earlier in the week when she was either going to or in the hospital. She told me they were not new, which was funny given the fact that it had blood on it still... but she also gave me that 'look' telling me that of course they were new. So sad....
On Monday I think it was, she has a one-night-stand with some guy she really didn't even know. She wakes up on Monday morning to her phone ringing. It's the landlord telling her that her front door to her apartment was open. At first Julie didn't tell us anything about the guy that was with her. Her story at first was that she went to bed with the apartment door unlocked and when she got up, she found her keys and car missing. We found out later in the day that when she woke up, her keys were gone, her car was gone... as was the guy that she didn't really know. Coincidence? I don't think so.
Julie did file a police report... which was really good for her. She did tell them all about the guy who was with her the night before, so now they are looking for him and her car.
On Tuesday, Julie's boyfriend - that I hear she has known for 10 days, doesn't work, doesn't own a car, and receives a disability check every month - tells her that he wants to "go steady" as Julie puts it. He wants to move in and take care of her. She moves him in immediately and - although she says he's going to help her with rent... no specific dollar figure was discussed nor the date it would be paid. I just thought it was funny that she was with some guy on Monday, then Tuesday moves her 'boyfriend' into the apartment.
I can't say that I'm surprised. Julie has been labeled a 'sex addict' - although what I really think is that she needs love and physical attention very badly. My sister Katie was WAY more upset about this than I was. Katie grilled her on everything (as only a sister would do!) - and was shocked to hear that she was doing all of this unprotected. Julie's response: "I was tested last year, and I'm a good person, so nothing will happen to me." Utterly amazing. My mom too was very upset. Funny thing is that I think I was the least upset of the three of us in this instance. Of course, I worry about her, and I certainly worry about the kids if they were to be able to go over there and hang out with these people. I mean, if the guy moved in that day... he obviously wasn't under a lease somewhere else... which means he's living with someone else now - not on his own - at the age of 48.
Then there is the rental car / her car deal. She got a rental car deal from someplace by the airport... but had no way to get there. Then she had to pay a week in full to get the deal (if they find her car tomorrow... she's out of luck for insurance reimbursement). My sister Katie was talking to Julie about looking for a job (she didn't get her job back at Walmart). Katie told her that she needed to look for something around her house that she could walk to. Julie asked why she'd need to walk... and Katie replied that - if they didn't find her car, she'd have no vehicle. Julie thought she could use insurance money to buy herself a new car. But the car she's driving isn't paid off... and she's most likely upside down. It's more likely that they'll pay off some of her car loan and Julie will still have a payment due to the bank for the car. Julie never thought she'd have to pay off the loan if the car was stolen. I don't know how she'd think this... but she did.
Earlier this week I got a phone call from a Doctor from "Family Matters". He is the guy who will be making a recommendation to the courts as to what to do about Julie's motion to have unsupervised visits. We talked for a long while... I explained to him about how I had already allowed her to have some unsupervised visits when she was doing well. I told him that Julie actually stated that it could be used against me in court. He said it wouldn't. He knew that she had been Bakers Acted and that she was discharged on the 9th. He started off by telling me that Julie needed to have completed her case plan. If she didn't do that - then they would throw the whole thing out of court to begin with. Then with the new Baker's Act... well... he wasn't sure how it would look.
I told him this about that: Although I do not appreciate how she went into the hospital (not telling anyone and the family worried sick about her) - I told him that I thought it was extremely important that she DID go in when she needed help. I explained that she has many mental health issues that would never go away. The rest of her life, she'll have ups and downs... and that she needed to go to the hospital at certain times. Penalizing her for this was not 'right' in my opinion. Julie already has it in her head that when she goes to the hospital it's "bad". As her sister, I don't WANT her to think that way... I want her to seek help the very day that she realizes that she needs help - not feel like she has to hide it. The courts could determine whether or not Julie is well enough to have the kids unsupervised given her mental conditions... but please don't use the bakers act alone as any kind of reason.
He talked about the possibility of having Julie have unsupervised visits only when I deem it appropriate. I know that will be really hard because there are many times when Julie is slurring and she SWEARS that she is okay. This is going to put me in the role of being the 'bad guy'... and I totally HATE that. But if it's the only way this can happen for her, and what the court wants... of course I'd do it.
He explained to me that the courts view me - as the permanent guardian - the "parent". And that they usually take the views of the "parent" in these cases. I explained that I honestly didn't know what was best. I think that when she IS well, she's okay to take them for certain things. But at the same time still doesn't always think things through completely... so I don't know. I explained EVERYTHING to him and think that he really got the way I feel.
Other news: Jonathan tried out for the talent show at Gaither. He played a song he wrote on the piano... and then his quartet sang a song called "Moondance". He made the talent show for BOTH things! Amazing... he is SO TALENTED!
I have to run as I'm really not feeling all that well. I want to leave you with something I heard on... of all places... the Ellen Degeneres show. A Doctor who is apparently really well known came on to share some new year resolutions with everyone and he said the most profound thing that I loved - I had to write it down.
Live The Questions:
Focus less on consumption and more on relationships.
What do I find important?
Who am I?
What do I want?
How can I be a good friend?
What gives me meaning and purpose?
What are the things I look for in a relationship?
Live the questions and you won't need to worry about the answers.
Let's start after my last blog... with all the things that have helped me feel like I'm going insane the past two weeks.
On Sunday, 1/4, we all knew Julie was a little depressed. She kept to herself... didn't say much. Heck, Justin had even asked her to please not go home and hurt herself. Julie seemed pretty 'clear'... she didn't seem to be on anything... but she wasn't quite right.
Mom, I found out later, had also talked to Julie sometime on Sunday. Mom knew she was depressed and told her that she should go to the hospital. (We can't ever fool mom... she knows how I'm feeling just talking to me on the phone!) Julie told her that IF she ever did decide to go to the hospital, she wouldn't tell anyone. Monday afternoon mom calls me and asks me if I'd heard from Julie all day. I had not. Her cell phone was going directly to voice mail, so we knew it was off. Nobody was answering at home. I went to bed Monday night afraid that Julie was dead on her apartment floor. I thought about going over there to check on her... but I was afraid to do that. I figured if she was still 'missing' on Tuesday afternoon... we'd call the police and file a report - they could then go look for her at her apartment.
Later on Tuesday I finally hear that Julie did go into the hospital. She was depressed and the doctor sent her to Tampa General ER. The ER said her levels were off and they Bakers Acted her to take care of it. She was there until Friday, the 9th.
Julie can say all she wants to that she should be able to go into a hospital and not tell anyone and none of us should worry... but the amount of times she's overdosed and tried to kill herself - we certainly DO worry. If we didn't worry, that would mean we've given up on her... and we haven't done that.
So, she's in the hospital... and the first person / family member that she calls to notify that she is in the psych unit is who? Justin... of course. Not an adult. Justin. Amazing.
So... the rest of my week that week, as you saw from my last blog, was full of teenage drama. Chris was out of town and I was just up to my eyeballs in it. Nuff said about that.
Sunday Julie comes back over to visit - this would be the 11th, 2 days after she gets out of the hospital. I was going to make sloppy joes for dinner, but Julie really wanted my chicken alfredo, so I went to the grocery store and we had - of course - the chicken alfredo. At one point, I was making dinner and Julie was in the kitchen and we were talking about Justin. Julie talked about how she wanted Justin to take care of her when he grew up. I asked her "don't you want him to grow up, go to college, get married and have kids?" She responded by telling me that he HAD to take care of her... "what else am I supposed to do?" she asked. I continued to try to tell her that she needed to not pressure Justin into thinking this way... but she was really quiet so I left it alone after a little while.
At one point on Sunday she lifted up her shirt and I could see fresh cut marks on her stomach.... many of them. I assume she did this earlier in the week when she was either going to or in the hospital. She told me they were not new, which was funny given the fact that it had blood on it still... but she also gave me that 'look' telling me that of course they were new. So sad....
On Monday I think it was, she has a one-night-stand with some guy she really didn't even know. She wakes up on Monday morning to her phone ringing. It's the landlord telling her that her front door to her apartment was open. At first Julie didn't tell us anything about the guy that was with her. Her story at first was that she went to bed with the apartment door unlocked and when she got up, she found her keys and car missing. We found out later in the day that when she woke up, her keys were gone, her car was gone... as was the guy that she didn't really know. Coincidence? I don't think so.
Julie did file a police report... which was really good for her. She did tell them all about the guy who was with her the night before, so now they are looking for him and her car.
On Tuesday, Julie's boyfriend - that I hear she has known for 10 days, doesn't work, doesn't own a car, and receives a disability check every month - tells her that he wants to "go steady" as Julie puts it. He wants to move in and take care of her. She moves him in immediately and - although she says he's going to help her with rent... no specific dollar figure was discussed nor the date it would be paid. I just thought it was funny that she was with some guy on Monday, then Tuesday moves her 'boyfriend' into the apartment.
I can't say that I'm surprised. Julie has been labeled a 'sex addict' - although what I really think is that she needs love and physical attention very badly. My sister Katie was WAY more upset about this than I was. Katie grilled her on everything (as only a sister would do!) - and was shocked to hear that she was doing all of this unprotected. Julie's response: "I was tested last year, and I'm a good person, so nothing will happen to me." Utterly amazing. My mom too was very upset. Funny thing is that I think I was the least upset of the three of us in this instance. Of course, I worry about her, and I certainly worry about the kids if they were to be able to go over there and hang out with these people. I mean, if the guy moved in that day... he obviously wasn't under a lease somewhere else... which means he's living with someone else now - not on his own - at the age of 48.
Then there is the rental car / her car deal. She got a rental car deal from someplace by the airport... but had no way to get there. Then she had to pay a week in full to get the deal (if they find her car tomorrow... she's out of luck for insurance reimbursement). My sister Katie was talking to Julie about looking for a job (she didn't get her job back at Walmart). Katie told her that she needed to look for something around her house that she could walk to. Julie asked why she'd need to walk... and Katie replied that - if they didn't find her car, she'd have no vehicle. Julie thought she could use insurance money to buy herself a new car. But the car she's driving isn't paid off... and she's most likely upside down. It's more likely that they'll pay off some of her car loan and Julie will still have a payment due to the bank for the car. Julie never thought she'd have to pay off the loan if the car was stolen. I don't know how she'd think this... but she did.
Earlier this week I got a phone call from a Doctor from "Family Matters". He is the guy who will be making a recommendation to the courts as to what to do about Julie's motion to have unsupervised visits. We talked for a long while... I explained to him about how I had already allowed her to have some unsupervised visits when she was doing well. I told him that Julie actually stated that it could be used against me in court. He said it wouldn't. He knew that she had been Bakers Acted and that she was discharged on the 9th. He started off by telling me that Julie needed to have completed her case plan. If she didn't do that - then they would throw the whole thing out of court to begin with. Then with the new Baker's Act... well... he wasn't sure how it would look.
I told him this about that: Although I do not appreciate how she went into the hospital (not telling anyone and the family worried sick about her) - I told him that I thought it was extremely important that she DID go in when she needed help. I explained that she has many mental health issues that would never go away. The rest of her life, she'll have ups and downs... and that she needed to go to the hospital at certain times. Penalizing her for this was not 'right' in my opinion. Julie already has it in her head that when she goes to the hospital it's "bad". As her sister, I don't WANT her to think that way... I want her to seek help the very day that she realizes that she needs help - not feel like she has to hide it. The courts could determine whether or not Julie is well enough to have the kids unsupervised given her mental conditions... but please don't use the bakers act alone as any kind of reason.
He talked about the possibility of having Julie have unsupervised visits only when I deem it appropriate. I know that will be really hard because there are many times when Julie is slurring and she SWEARS that she is okay. This is going to put me in the role of being the 'bad guy'... and I totally HATE that. But if it's the only way this can happen for her, and what the court wants... of course I'd do it.
He explained to me that the courts view me - as the permanent guardian - the "parent". And that they usually take the views of the "parent" in these cases. I explained that I honestly didn't know what was best. I think that when she IS well, she's okay to take them for certain things. But at the same time still doesn't always think things through completely... so I don't know. I explained EVERYTHING to him and think that he really got the way I feel.
Other news: Jonathan tried out for the talent show at Gaither. He played a song he wrote on the piano... and then his quartet sang a song called "Moondance". He made the talent show for BOTH things! Amazing... he is SO TALENTED!
I have to run as I'm really not feeling all that well. I want to leave you with something I heard on... of all places... the Ellen Degeneres show. A Doctor who is apparently really well known came on to share some new year resolutions with everyone and he said the most profound thing that I loved - I had to write it down.
Live The Questions:
Focus less on consumption and more on relationships.
What do I find important?
Who am I?
What do I want?
How can I be a good friend?
What gives me meaning and purpose?
What are the things I look for in a relationship?
Live the questions and you won't need to worry about the answers.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Today
Today might be the lowest I've felt in the three years since the kids moved in. I feel sad. I feel beaten. I feel like there is no hope for some things.
It's a long story about last night... and I'm not going to blog about it now. I want to because I want to explain how I'm feeling, but I'll try without getting into last night.
First of all, I got a blog comment from my daughter. She didn't understand that the last blog was really about more than the kids not going to bed when "I" tell them to. There are many reasons for the 10 PM bedtime - the most important being that they have school the next morning. But it wasn't about the 'time'... it was about how they don't listen to me. About them trying to justify somehow and to some extent talking back. All of THAT is the underlying problem. So... I don't think the appropriate motherly thing for me to do is 'relax'.
Chris is gone... and I am a horribly leniant disciplianarian. Something happened yesterday and I punished one of the kids - wait... I'm going to get into what happened and I said I wasn't going to do that. Sigh.....
I feel horrible today. I feel weak and beaten. I am up before 9 on a Saturday because I have to go into work this morning so they can finish installing the carpet in the office. What I want to do is go back to bed and cry the rest of the day.
Please say a prayer for me. Thanks.
It's a long story about last night... and I'm not going to blog about it now. I want to because I want to explain how I'm feeling, but I'll try without getting into last night.
First of all, I got a blog comment from my daughter. She didn't understand that the last blog was really about more than the kids not going to bed when "I" tell them to. There are many reasons for the 10 PM bedtime - the most important being that they have school the next morning. But it wasn't about the 'time'... it was about how they don't listen to me. About them trying to justify somehow and to some extent talking back. All of THAT is the underlying problem. So... I don't think the appropriate motherly thing for me to do is 'relax'.
Chris is gone... and I am a horribly leniant disciplianarian. Something happened yesterday and I punished one of the kids - wait... I'm going to get into what happened and I said I wasn't going to do that. Sigh.....
I feel horrible today. I feel weak and beaten. I am up before 9 on a Saturday because I have to go into work this morning so they can finish installing the carpet in the office. What I want to do is go back to bed and cry the rest of the day.
Please say a prayer for me. Thanks.
Thursday, January 08, 2009
Bedtime Struggles - Yet Again!
Yes... it's back-to-school time after the long (and I mean REALLY long) Christmas break - which means the kids have set bedtimes again. Of course, they hate having a bedtime so they give me a hard time about it - which means I get to vent about it here. :o)
Chris has been gone all week, which leaves me home to take care of everything that needs to be done after work. Last night I took Justin to physical therapy, dropped Kayte off at work, went home to start dinner, left again to pick up Justin, home to continue cooking dinner, Church to pick up Kayte from work, then home to eat... all between 5:30 and 8:00. Fun stuff....
First of all... I absolutely hate being responsible for getting Kayte to work 3 - 4 times a week. I know that might sound awful... but... I do. We didn't take Kayla to work this much - why Kayte? Kayla didn't mind walking to work when she needed to. Kayte's job at the church is 1.7 miles from our house... she totally could walk this or ride a bike. But she said... if we make her do so - she will just quit. Sigh.... Last night she told me that she has training at work on Friday from 6 - 9.... so any plans I had for the evening are now out of the question - unless I make her find some other way to get to work. I hate doing that because then she asks the mom of her friend Michelle, who lives quite a distance from our house and the church. This mom always takes Kayte when she asks... Kayte told me last night that her mom 'doesn't mind driving all the time for her'. Well... EVERYONE minds spending a lot of money on gas nowadays, don't they? I think what I'll do is... when she turns 16 in June tell her she must find another job within walking distance of the house so she can get there herself.
So... the bedtime stuff....
Remember the bedtime rule now? 9:30 they turn off all electronics and get ready for bed (which seems to take them forever), then at 10 they are to be IN bed.
Well, at 9:30 I tell the kids to get off the computer and off the video games. Kayla was on the computer and Justin was on the video game. I went back to check on them just before 10 and they were both still on. I told them to get off and get up to bed. Justin was 'just finishing' a game. Kayla got off and went upstairs. At a little after 10:05 I go in there and Justin is STILL on the video game. He tells me that he's in the middle of a football game and can't get off. I said not to start a game so late... he said he started it at 9:00 or so. I told him I didn't care and he needed to get off. He again said 'just a minute'.
I then went into the computer room and rebooted the router. Of course, this booted him from his game right away and he was none-to-happy, let me tell ya. Oh well....
I then went upstairs at 11 to go to bed myself and I can hear Justin talking and I see their bedroom light on. I go in there and Kayte is putting on pajamas and Justin is sitting on his bed, which is still completely made up.
I of course 'went off' on both of them. Kayte says, in her sweet yet attorney voice "but I had to put my pajamas on!". I told her she SHOULD have done so over an HOUR ago. Justin tells me "Auntie Tina, I AM in bed!" I looked at him... sitting there fully dressed, ice pack on his knee, sitting UP in bed. I told him that "in bed" meant like he was going to sleep.
I asked these two why I ALWAYS have to come in there and talk to them. They are always talking, washing their faces, putting on pj's, sorting clothes, etc - after bedtime. LONG after bedtime. Perhaps we needed to separate them. (They HATED hearing this) I told them we could always turn the downstairs game room back into a bedroom like it was for Grandpa and Justin could sleep down there.
Again Justin tells me that he's okay because he "is in bed". I looked at him and said "can you sleep like that?" He looks at me confused and said that he guesses so. I told him - fine... sit up all night long and sleep in THAT position. Do NOT lay down! If this was what "in bed" looked like... I wanted to SEE him sleep like that.
Sigh..............
Oh, and Julie called last night and is getting out of the hospital on Friday. She thought it was completely wrong for me or mom to be worried about her the other day... saying that she should be able to go somewhere for a while and us not have to check up on her all the time. Whatever... she should be happy that she has family that loves and cares about her.
I'm supposed to be going to Choir tonight, but Kayla keeps messing up my night. She wanted to have her boyfriend come over tonight... so I planned a roast. I got it all ready to go this morning and it's in a pan waiting to be cooked now. Then she called and told me that I never told her it was okay for him to come over - which is wrong, we had a long conversation about it... I would cook dinner, she would make brownies... etc. Okay - I figure we'll just have the roast without him. But she asks if her friend Jessica can come over and eat with us. I tell her that's fine... we'll have plenty anyways.... dinner would be ready about 7:00 or or 7:30 I figure. I hang up the phone with her and literally 2 minutes later I get a text message - she now wants to go to the school basketball game tonight. No, I didn't plan my night around you. Twice. Cancel choir... started cooking this morning.
Kids.... make me crazy sometimes.
Now... Jonathan is at school for quartet practice and I have to pick him up after work. At 5:30 he has piano practice. I need to continue working on dinner, and then figure out what I'm going to do about Kayla. Pick Jono up at 6. Hopefully dinner will be ready by 7 or 7:30 if I can get my act together quickly enough.
Oie.
Hurry home Chris! :o)
I should run.... need to finish up some stuff before I dive into my evening. Thanks for listening to my ranting today!
That which does not kill you makes you stronger. - Neitzsche
Chris has been gone all week, which leaves me home to take care of everything that needs to be done after work. Last night I took Justin to physical therapy, dropped Kayte off at work, went home to start dinner, left again to pick up Justin, home to continue cooking dinner, Church to pick up Kayte from work, then home to eat... all between 5:30 and 8:00. Fun stuff....
First of all... I absolutely hate being responsible for getting Kayte to work 3 - 4 times a week. I know that might sound awful... but... I do. We didn't take Kayla to work this much - why Kayte? Kayla didn't mind walking to work when she needed to. Kayte's job at the church is 1.7 miles from our house... she totally could walk this or ride a bike. But she said... if we make her do so - she will just quit. Sigh.... Last night she told me that she has training at work on Friday from 6 - 9.... so any plans I had for the evening are now out of the question - unless I make her find some other way to get to work. I hate doing that because then she asks the mom of her friend Michelle, who lives quite a distance from our house and the church. This mom always takes Kayte when she asks... Kayte told me last night that her mom 'doesn't mind driving all the time for her'. Well... EVERYONE minds spending a lot of money on gas nowadays, don't they? I think what I'll do is... when she turns 16 in June tell her she must find another job within walking distance of the house so she can get there herself.
So... the bedtime stuff....
Remember the bedtime rule now? 9:30 they turn off all electronics and get ready for bed (which seems to take them forever), then at 10 they are to be IN bed.
Well, at 9:30 I tell the kids to get off the computer and off the video games. Kayla was on the computer and Justin was on the video game. I went back to check on them just before 10 and they were both still on. I told them to get off and get up to bed. Justin was 'just finishing' a game. Kayla got off and went upstairs. At a little after 10:05 I go in there and Justin is STILL on the video game. He tells me that he's in the middle of a football game and can't get off. I said not to start a game so late... he said he started it at 9:00 or so. I told him I didn't care and he needed to get off. He again said 'just a minute'.
I then went into the computer room and rebooted the router. Of course, this booted him from his game right away and he was none-to-happy, let me tell ya. Oh well....
I then went upstairs at 11 to go to bed myself and I can hear Justin talking and I see their bedroom light on. I go in there and Kayte is putting on pajamas and Justin is sitting on his bed, which is still completely made up.
I of course 'went off' on both of them. Kayte says, in her sweet yet attorney voice "but I had to put my pajamas on!". I told her she SHOULD have done so over an HOUR ago. Justin tells me "Auntie Tina, I AM in bed!" I looked at him... sitting there fully dressed, ice pack on his knee, sitting UP in bed. I told him that "in bed" meant like he was going to sleep.
I asked these two why I ALWAYS have to come in there and talk to them. They are always talking, washing their faces, putting on pj's, sorting clothes, etc - after bedtime. LONG after bedtime. Perhaps we needed to separate them. (They HATED hearing this) I told them we could always turn the downstairs game room back into a bedroom like it was for Grandpa and Justin could sleep down there.
Again Justin tells me that he's okay because he "is in bed". I looked at him and said "can you sleep like that?" He looks at me confused and said that he guesses so. I told him - fine... sit up all night long and sleep in THAT position. Do NOT lay down! If this was what "in bed" looked like... I wanted to SEE him sleep like that.
Sigh..............
Oh, and Julie called last night and is getting out of the hospital on Friday. She thought it was completely wrong for me or mom to be worried about her the other day... saying that she should be able to go somewhere for a while and us not have to check up on her all the time. Whatever... she should be happy that she has family that loves and cares about her.
I'm supposed to be going to Choir tonight, but Kayla keeps messing up my night. She wanted to have her boyfriend come over tonight... so I planned a roast. I got it all ready to go this morning and it's in a pan waiting to be cooked now. Then she called and told me that I never told her it was okay for him to come over - which is wrong, we had a long conversation about it... I would cook dinner, she would make brownies... etc. Okay - I figure we'll just have the roast without him. But she asks if her friend Jessica can come over and eat with us. I tell her that's fine... we'll have plenty anyways.... dinner would be ready about 7:00 or or 7:30 I figure. I hang up the phone with her and literally 2 minutes later I get a text message - she now wants to go to the school basketball game tonight. No, I didn't plan my night around you. Twice. Cancel choir... started cooking this morning.
Kids.... make me crazy sometimes.
Now... Jonathan is at school for quartet practice and I have to pick him up after work. At 5:30 he has piano practice. I need to continue working on dinner, and then figure out what I'm going to do about Kayla. Pick Jono up at 6. Hopefully dinner will be ready by 7 or 7:30 if I can get my act together quickly enough.
Oie.
Hurry home Chris! :o)
I should run.... need to finish up some stuff before I dive into my evening. Thanks for listening to my ranting today!
That which does not kill you makes you stronger. - Neitzsche
Tuesday, January 06, 2009
Quick Update
I'm headed out to chorus in a few minutes... but I did want to try to get in a quick post.
Julie is in the hospital and didn't want anyone to know.
I hadn't heard from her since yesterday afternoon. Julie and I had actually had a bit of an argument. She called me and told me that we should really talk about what's going to happen in court about the unsupervised visits so we could get on the same page. I agree with that, and in many aspects: I liked what she said. She talked about how she didn't want to just be able to take them 'whenever' but rather, on Sundays if she wanted to go to the mall with them... she could. I like that idea to some extent, but again - only if she is in a good condition to do so. I was working and both bosses were in the office (our first day back at work after being off for nearly 2 weeks... so we were rather busy). I told Julie I really couldn't talk much about it now and said something about the courts would, I'm sure, do what's best. This I think got her a bit upset.
She then started telling me "Tina, there are things that I'M SURE you wouldn't want to come up in court."
What?????
She continued on with telling me that it 'could come out' that I got drunk the other night. Saturday night we had a family get together at the beach. Chris and I rented a room so that - if we did drink... we did not drive. I had wine... actually no more than I would usually have at an all-day event - but I didn't eat much. I had two small hot dogs for an early dinner with a very small amount of chips... and I think it just wasn't enough in my tummy. ANYWAYS... she's thinking I wouldn't want them to know I drank.
Whatever.... I told her that I would be happy to tell them myself. I have nothing to hide.
Then she said "well, you wouldn't want them to know that you allowed me to take the kids when you weren't supposed to". I can't even believe she had the balls to say it - let alone that she would try to use that AGAINST me.
I told her that I had no problems telling them all about it. While we were at it... we could talk about how those visits went. How DARE SHE try to do that to me!!
I was livid. She actually tried to blackmail me? WHAT??? I told her we could talk about it later that night, after 6:30 as Justin had physical therapy that I had to bring him to.
Mom called me last night and told me she was worried about her. She hadn't heard from her yet (nor had I) and that her cell phone was going right to voice mail. Mom thought she had gone into a hospital, checked herself into a mental unit.
To say the next few hours were upsetting would be an understatement. I went to bed wondering if my sister was unconscious on her bedroom floor due to an overdose. Or maybe she did go to a hospital. I didn't know.... I didn't sleep much.
Today I thought - if we can't find her by late this afternoon, we'll call the police and file a missing person's report. They'll find her that way, I'm sure. Well, we found out that she IS in a hospital. She had told mom "If I do go into a hospital, I'm not going to tell anyone", and sure as heck - she didn't. As a result we were all worried sick.
The funny thing is... I'm not really angry with her about this. I'm actually HAPPY that she went into a hospital because she felt she needed it. I'm just upset that she did it and purposely didn't tell anyone. I am still angry, however, about her phone call to me yesterday afternoon.
I believe now that mom, my sister Katie and I are all on the same page now as far as unsupervised visits. We all realize that Julie is not the best judge of when she's 'okay' or 'not okay'. Someone else has to be able to tell her 'no' if she calls slurring and wants to pick up the kids. The only one who doesn't realize it is Julie.
She's probably really upset because she did so good for so long.... but as I've said before, she will always have mental problems, and will always be an addict. She will have GOOD days, and she will have BAD days. I want nothing more than for Julie's 'good days' to be spent with her kids. Someone just has to tell us how to make that happen.
I should really run... I've got to get dressed for chorus. I suppose at some point while I'm back I'll go all grungy and stuff... but for now... I enjoy getting dressed nice and putting on make up to hang out with the girls all night.
Please everyone... say a prayer for Julie. Thanks!
Julie is in the hospital and didn't want anyone to know.
I hadn't heard from her since yesterday afternoon. Julie and I had actually had a bit of an argument. She called me and told me that we should really talk about what's going to happen in court about the unsupervised visits so we could get on the same page. I agree with that, and in many aspects: I liked what she said. She talked about how she didn't want to just be able to take them 'whenever' but rather, on Sundays if she wanted to go to the mall with them... she could. I like that idea to some extent, but again - only if she is in a good condition to do so. I was working and both bosses were in the office (our first day back at work after being off for nearly 2 weeks... so we were rather busy). I told Julie I really couldn't talk much about it now and said something about the courts would, I'm sure, do what's best. This I think got her a bit upset.
She then started telling me "Tina, there are things that I'M SURE you wouldn't want to come up in court."
What?????
She continued on with telling me that it 'could come out' that I got drunk the other night. Saturday night we had a family get together at the beach. Chris and I rented a room so that - if we did drink... we did not drive. I had wine... actually no more than I would usually have at an all-day event - but I didn't eat much. I had two small hot dogs for an early dinner with a very small amount of chips... and I think it just wasn't enough in my tummy. ANYWAYS... she's thinking I wouldn't want them to know I drank.
Whatever.... I told her that I would be happy to tell them myself. I have nothing to hide.
Then she said "well, you wouldn't want them to know that you allowed me to take the kids when you weren't supposed to". I can't even believe she had the balls to say it - let alone that she would try to use that AGAINST me.
I told her that I had no problems telling them all about it. While we were at it... we could talk about how those visits went. How DARE SHE try to do that to me!!
I was livid. She actually tried to blackmail me? WHAT??? I told her we could talk about it later that night, after 6:30 as Justin had physical therapy that I had to bring him to.
Mom called me last night and told me she was worried about her. She hadn't heard from her yet (nor had I) and that her cell phone was going right to voice mail. Mom thought she had gone into a hospital, checked herself into a mental unit.
To say the next few hours were upsetting would be an understatement. I went to bed wondering if my sister was unconscious on her bedroom floor due to an overdose. Or maybe she did go to a hospital. I didn't know.... I didn't sleep much.
Today I thought - if we can't find her by late this afternoon, we'll call the police and file a missing person's report. They'll find her that way, I'm sure. Well, we found out that she IS in a hospital. She had told mom "If I do go into a hospital, I'm not going to tell anyone", and sure as heck - she didn't. As a result we were all worried sick.
The funny thing is... I'm not really angry with her about this. I'm actually HAPPY that she went into a hospital because she felt she needed it. I'm just upset that she did it and purposely didn't tell anyone. I am still angry, however, about her phone call to me yesterday afternoon.
I believe now that mom, my sister Katie and I are all on the same page now as far as unsupervised visits. We all realize that Julie is not the best judge of when she's 'okay' or 'not okay'. Someone else has to be able to tell her 'no' if she calls slurring and wants to pick up the kids. The only one who doesn't realize it is Julie.
She's probably really upset because she did so good for so long.... but as I've said before, she will always have mental problems, and will always be an addict. She will have GOOD days, and she will have BAD days. I want nothing more than for Julie's 'good days' to be spent with her kids. Someone just has to tell us how to make that happen.
I should really run... I've got to get dressed for chorus. I suppose at some point while I'm back I'll go all grungy and stuff... but for now... I enjoy getting dressed nice and putting on make up to hang out with the girls all night.
Please everyone... say a prayer for Julie. Thanks!
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Nuts For Christmas
I've been so busy I honestly haven't had time to blog. There is so much going on... I'll fill you in on the big things.
First things first: to those who get emails when I post a blog: Please know that it is NOT working very well right now. I've noticed I post blogs and then I don't get the email telling me a new one is posted. If any of you have a better application I could use instead of the Feedblitz, please let me know and I'll be happy to try it.
My boss decided to give me the $10,000 per year pay cut, but I told him I wanted my hours cut 20% as well. He wanted me to sign something saying that I would stay until April - but with that he would give me a larger year-end bonus. I disagreed with that, telling him that any year-end bonus I get is what I earned and should NOT be tied to the time that I work in 2009. We agreed that I wouldn't have to sign anything, but the bonus will be significantly less. This gives me the freedom to continue to look for a job now, without having to promise him I'd stay until April. If the 'perfect' job comes up in March, I'm able to take it.
Cutting our living expenses over $800 a month will be extremely difficult. Eating out and getting my nails done are things we are going to have to cut out for a while. We'll go from there and see what else we can cut. It's going to hurt - sure - but given the economy, I'm just going to have to do what I can.
The house here has been busy with kids anticipating Christmas and doing their own shopping. Kayte and Kayla both have jobs so they have been out buying their own presents. We decorated for Christmas and got a small Christmas tree for the living room. We got one small enough this year so that we didn't need to move any furniture.
The kids are doing pretty well. With the exception of Jonathan and his grades in school. He is going to actually make an F on this report card. Frustrating. Additionally, Kayla will have at least one D on hers. Neither of them seem to care much about their grades - unlike Kayte and Justin who care a great deal about what they make in school.
Oh - here's a great story. Remember the girl who was having letters sent to our house? Her boyfriend was in a court-ordered rehab facility and he didn't want the girlfriend's mom finding the letters, so he had them sent to OUR house? Well, one Sunday night about a week and a half ago, the doorbell rings. It's a woman about my age, and her son who is 22. Apparently this girlfriend had run away from home and the last place she was seen was MY house, as the brother dropped her off here on Saturday morning.
When I found out who she was, I asked her if she knew where her daughter's boyfriend was. Now... I knew that he was locked up in the facility, that he was going to get out on weekends, and that their 'cover story' that they were going to tell her mom was that he was in New York (so that the mom didn't know where he really was). She responded with "He's in New York" and then asked why I asked. I took a deep breath, walked outside (where she was) shut the door behind me, and began to tell her all I knew about the letters, her daughter and her daughter's boyfriend.
She was at our house for a good hour I'd say. We discovered that the boyfriend HAD been in town, but had to go back to the facility on Sunday afternoon. We tried to find out where she was, but none of her friends were helpful at all. We finally told her that, since her daughter had been missing for more than 24 hours, she should call the police and report her. It was about this time Julie made her way downstairs and asked me if I was still cooking dinner and if so, when it would be ready. I laughed at her immaturity and felt a little sad that she could not empathize with this mom at all. I mean... I'd never had a runaway child... but I can at least show some empathy towards her in the midst of her crisis.
They ended up finding her later that night over a friend's house. I did, indeed, make dinner after the mom left.... in case you were wondering. LOL
Other news is Julie. She reads these blogs and I know she's going to be upset... but here goes.
She has been good for a while - since February, her last severe overdose. Julie decided to get some surgery done on her hand. She was having some numbness in two of her fingers, so she went to a doctor who told her at her first visit she needed surgery. I don't get that and I know I've blogged about my feelings on the whole thing: no second opinion, no trial of other things prior to surgery - but whatever. Julie decided to do it just before Christmas.
Mom tried to talk her out of it - explaining that she would lose her job and would get pain medicine over Christmas. For a person who lost her husband, lost custody of her children, is mentally ill (bipolar with borderline personality disorder), who is a cutter and who often overdoses on whatever she can get her hands on.... to start pain pills and have surgery over Christmas seemed like horrible timing. Myself and my other sister felt that Julie probably just... 'needed' to go to the hospital. It's hard to explain but - if you go to the hospital and get medical treatment that often... sometimes it feels like it's 'needed'. I saw it often when I worked in the medical field.
Julie's visits have been really good in the recent past. Then, after the surgery, she started acting a bit odd. Her first visit was.... well.... funny. She was EXTREMELY loving - planting a big wet kiss on me and telling me how much she loves me while hugging me hard. She was talkative and even a little outgoing. Like I said - it was funny - and yet I was thrilled that she wasn't slurring so badly that we couldn't understand her - a giant fear which I had when I knew she was going in for surgery and being discharged with medication. But, Julie said that she asked them NOT to give her Percocet because she knew she 'liked it' too much and would abuse it - they gave her Vicoden instead. That's really good.
On Wednesday night we had a family get-together at my house with Julie, Katie and family, Amanda and Gene, Michelle, Evie, Jimmie and Danny. At last year's get together of the same group - Julie showed up bleeding with over 50 self-inflicted gashes across her stomach. (Not to even mention the ones on her arms) I have to admit, I thought about that a LOT and was hoping and praying that this year would be better.
Julie showed up that evening, and the first thing she did was chastise me for telling mom she was 'loopy' at her last visit. Well.... she WAS... but I explained to her how I felt she was so much different in this 'loopy' versus the other pain pills. As she spoke to me, she was slurring her words badly, and getting progressively worse. Before long, she was COMPLETELY out of it.
By the time Amanda and Gene arrived, Julie was sitting on the sofa, yelling simple words which made no sense. She's yell for Gene, multiple times, then not have anything to say... stumbling over words that made no sense when put together.
We kept asking her what she took... and how much she took... not knowing if she had overdosed - but she SURE was on something. She kept saying that she "only took one pill". Everyone in the house (which was everyone who was coming at this point) knew she was lying. I'd seen her several times after taking one Vicoden... this was NOTHING like that. She became agitated when everyone kept asking how much she took... and her kids (Kayla, Justin and Kayte) were getting VERY upset. They hadn't seen their mom this bad in a very long time.
My sister Katie took charge and told Julie that she was NOT going to ruin this Christmas party for everyone else and that Julie was going to bed. At first Julie refused, trying to say she was "fine"... but Katie insisted and told her to get upstairs and 'sleep it off'. As Julie got up from the sofa it was apparent that she was now unable to even walk on her own (she went downhill very quickly) -and so Katie and Chris both helped Julie upstairs. She almost fell down the stairs once, but Chris guided her and helped her keep her balance.
The next few hours were wonderful - spending time with my mother and father in law... Danny... Gene (who I rarely get to see because he works so much) and Amanda. Michelle who has become like a second mother to the kids. Katie and her kids looked fantastic and having the little kids in the house made the whole evening energized. There really is nothing like watching kids at the age of 5 and 1 rip open presents, happy with whatever is packed inside... heck, sometimes just thrilled to see a box!
We had tried to wake Julie up for the presents being opened, but she just wouldn't wake up. Three or four hours later, she made her way downstairs. I fully expected that she had slept off much of whatever she took, but she didn't - she was still EXTREMELY bad. Watching her try to look at photos taken on the camera... she'd hold up the camera to look at it, then her head would fall back and she'd fall asleep sitting up and she'd drop the camera. Then she'd repeat the same thing a dozen times or so. I kept asking her what she had taken. Finally she admitted that she had taken an extra strength Soma along with the pain pill. She claimed her surgeon gave her both.
Why would the surgeon give a very powerful muscle relaxer? That didn't make sense. Additionally... if she thought enough to tell him she can't have Percocet (she didn't tell HIM why, just told him she didn't want the Percocet) - then why did she take the Soma when she knows that she gets equally addicted to that pill? I told her that I felt we should call the doctor because -- perhaps she was having some kind of allergic reaction. The whole time I said this... I knew it wasn't a reaction -- everyone knew she had taken too much of something, and it sure as heck wasn't one or even two pills.
Her kids were now extremely agitated... Kayla wanting to call 911, Justin and Kayte not wanting to look at her. At one point, with Julie sitting on the sofa and the three kids there, Justin said "maybe she really did just take one pill and she's just tired". Everyone looked at him... and I looked that poor baby in the eye and said "Justin... look at her. Do you honestly believe she's 'just tired'?" Of course, he said no. But in that poor boy's heart he wanted so badly to believe it.
Julie kept wanting to leave and I knew I couldn't let her drive in her condition. I was going to let her sleep over, but the kids wanted no part of that - and I was going to respect their wishes. My options were to call 911 and have her evaluated - or to drive her home. Chris, Michelle and I decided to drive her home.
I have to admit that at one point I thought: if Julie had unsupervised visits, and she was in THIS condition... would she drive the kids somewhere? I thought about video taping her in this condition to show the court, or heck - to even show Julie later, what she looked like in this horrible condition. But I decided out of love and respect not to do that.
The next day Julie was calling and apologizing. She texted the kids multiple times asking for forgiveness. I think all of us were thinking the same thing: WHY would you do this before a party? The kids and I are in different places about the incident: the kids were mad, I try to be compassionate as I understand it's part of her mental illness - and to some degree, she can't control some of the things she does.
Julie later admitted that the hand surgeon is not the one who gave her the Soma - which just means that she's getting medication from multiple doctors and taking them how she sees fit. Not good... and I hope and pray that she's learned from it.
Christmas day Julie came over again. This time she didn't take ANYTHING but Advil or something like that for pain. She was a completely different person. My mom came over and -- heck -- at one point Julie got up and was doing karaoke with us! Too funny.
Our Christmas, none-the-less, was wonderful. We spent time together, shared the good times with our family and loved ones, and even though at times there was drama, everything worked out in the end.
I do hope that all of you had a blessed Christmas and that you kept in mind the entire time the REAL meaning of Christmas. The birth of our savior, Jesus Christ. One of my favorite Christmas decorations in my house is the "Kneeling Santa". It brings both worlds together, with Santa, hat in hands, kneeling over the baby Jesus in a straw bed. It reminds me so often of the true meaning of Christmas.
KNEELING SANTA PRAYER
The sleigh was was all packed, the reindeer were fed,
But Santa still knelt by the side of his bed,
"Dear Father, " he prayed, "Be with me tonight.
There's much work to do and my schedule is tight.
My sack will hold toys to grant all kids' wishes.
The supply will be endless like the loaves and the fishes.
I can do all these things, Lord, only through You.
I just need your blessing, then it's easy to do.
I do this only to honor the birth of the One,
That was sent to redeem us, Your most Holy Son.
So to all of my friends, lest Your glory I rob,
Please, Lord, remind them who gave me this job.
Monday, December 08, 2008
Job Decisions
Sorry I've been so long without a blog. It's been a CRAZY week.
Justin is home resting. He had surgery on Friday to repair his torn ACL. He has been in a great deal of pain, and even ran a low grade fever for a couple of days, although today said he was doing much better. He'll be going to school tomorrow. I need to wake up EARLY to do this, get home, then turn around and get ready for work. I am NOT a morning person, so I'm not really looking forward to it, but - you gotta do what you gotta do. Right now he can't climb the steps to get on the bus, so I'll need to drive him for a while. At least until he has physical therapy enough to where he can make his way up the stairs on the bus.
Everything with Kayla is still the same. She's been.... "good" to me - nice and all - I'm just not sure how long that will last. I hate to say that.. But I honestly didn't know what happened last time, so I'm a bit leery. Right now she's going out with her friends every night that she's not working. As long as she tells me where she is going, how she's getting there and getting home, and she's not out too late, I'm letting her go.
Kayte is doing great. She loves working at the church, and I know it's really good for her. It's just hard knowing that 3 - 4 days a week I've got to plan on driving her and picking her up. Many times there are conflicts, like this Wednesday when Justin has his physical therapy appointment at 6, and Kayte is supposed to be at church at 6 the same night. Thank goodness her friend works with her and has an ANGEL of a mom who picks Kayte up often
Jonathan is still in his on and off funk. He had a stack of clothes in his room probably three feet high, and I just can't motivate him to do ANYTHING, he'd rather lay in his messy room and do nothing. Yet other times he is just witty and fun. I dunno...
I read the most interesting article in the paper last week that I really wanted to blog about.
You know how often times I tell you that the kids do things that are kind of bad, but they say they are better than their friends. Like Kayla telling me that her 2.something GPA wasn't all that bad because all her friends had worse GPA's. It's frustrating to make an argument to that.
An article in the paper (associated press) discussed how students today lie, cheat and steal, but say they are better than most of the people they know. They referenced a study they did of nearly 30,000 students in randomly selected high schools nationwide, both public and private. 64 percent of students cheated on tests, 35 percent have stolen from a store in the past year, 1 out of 5 had stolen from a friend and 23 percent stole something from a parent or other relative. It discussed the lowering of ethical standards in America and how we all let kids get away with it. And the stunning statistic that followed: 93 percent of students said they were satisfied with their personal ethics and character and said that "when it comes to doing what is right, I am better than most people I know."
I was talking to Chris about this and Jonathan was in the car. Jonathan told me that HIS school just did a study as well and found that 75 percent of kids in his school cheat.
What's happening to kids? Where did we go wrong?
************************
I have been job hunting for so long without any responses and finally got a call for an interview. The position was for Front Office Manager for a cosmetic dentist in Temple Terrace.
I went to the interview, only to open the door and see 8 other people in the waiting room holding job applications.
Great.. A mass interview.
Well, they hand me the paperwork to fill out the job application. The first page was extremely odd. It stated that the doctor was a member of Christian Scientology, and that - although they didn't deal with 'religion' really at work, the entire office is run off Scientology principals and teachings by L. Ron Hubbard.
Obviously - I , being a devout Christian, did not get the job.
And for more bad news: my boss told me his 'plans' for me after the first of the year. I can keep my job, and they will lower my pay to what I was making when I was originally hired years ago ($10,000 less a year than what I make now.) However, he will give me an end of year bonus IF I agree to sign a contract stating that I will stay with them until the end of April.
April is when they are planning to move the office to a location closer to their homes (they build a year or two ago, one in New Port Richey and one in Dunedin). The new location will be in the Safety Harbor area... About 25 minutes drive with no traffic.
The thing I have to think about after April is can I afford to drive a 12 year old car that far every day for much less pay. Increase in gas as well as wear and tear on the old car.
I don't think it's 'legal' that they just decrease my pay - I think they technically have to fire then rehire me in at a lower rate. But am I going to comp lain about that little part of it? No... Because I am really forced to take the job, there just isn't anything else out there. What I have to think about is this: Do I want to be locked in until April? What is a better job come along and they want me to start in February or March? And... What expenses can I cut to make up for the $10,000 loss in income.
The part that really bothers me (other than working the same for much less pay) is that he wants to only give me a bonus for 2008 IF I agree to work until April of 2009 because they 'can't afford to lose me'. Well, a BONUS is something I earned from doing a kick-ass job in 2008! It shouldn't be tied to my staying at all.
It's a lot to think about. I've got to talk to Chris when he gets home from Pensacola.
I'm really trying not to stress about it. God has a plan, right? Right.
The funny thing is that I feel guilty for NOT feeling guilty about being back in Toast of Tampa, regardless of the lower pay. I just LOVE being back and singing that Barbershop harmony.
Speaking of TOT, they asked me to be a section leader my second week back as a member. How cool is that? I was honored to be asked. The difference between this time and last time I was a member though is pretty remarkable. This time family comes first... Like today Tony asked section leaders, if they could, to please be there at 6 tomorrow to go over a new song. I wrote him immediately and told him that Chris was out of town and my first priority was taking care of Justin after his first day back at school... And I might even be late.
**********************
Oh, and it's 17 days before Christmas. 24 days till my job drastically changes and my pay lowers. No stress... No pressure.
**********************
I had that big event that I blogged about last week and asked for prayers about. I guess you could say that I 'hit it out of the park' - the event went off without a problem.
It was a chipping /putting contest first with an open bar. I should mention here that I got a hole in one o n the chipping part - the ONLY hole in one on that hole! We then had dinner and gave out awards. Many of the principals told my boss what a great asset I was... "the heart and soul of the company". It was an awesome time and Chris learned a LOT about how power plants work!
**********************
I just realized I should apologize if this blog is scattered or if there are horrible spelling errors. Chris took our laptop with him, and at home we have the one laptop I could us that we 'gave' the kids to use... But it's full of viruses and horrible to type on (I keep typing then losing entire paragraphs). We also have the computer that Paul from church gave to me a while back, but it got a virus (KIDS!!!!) and we need to reload windows and all that stuff, but don't own a copy of windows or whatever it is needed to wipe it clean and start over. It's been a low priority since I got my own laptop. :o) So I'm sitting here on my PHONE with a little bluetooth keyboard typing.
*********************
Please keep Justin in your prayers and pray for my job - that I'll be able to see God's plan and that I'll trust it.
*********************
"Whatever you do, do well. For when you go to the grave, there will be no work or planning or knowledge or wisdom." - Ecclesiastes 9:10
Justin is home resting. He had surgery on Friday to repair his torn ACL. He has been in a great deal of pain, and even ran a low grade fever for a couple of days, although today said he was doing much better. He'll be going to school tomorrow. I need to wake up EARLY to do this, get home, then turn around and get ready for work. I am NOT a morning person, so I'm not really looking forward to it, but - you gotta do what you gotta do. Right now he can't climb the steps to get on the bus, so I'll need to drive him for a while. At least until he has physical therapy enough to where he can make his way up the stairs on the bus.
Everything with Kayla is still the same. She's been.... "good" to me - nice and all - I'm just not sure how long that will last. I hate to say that.. But I honestly didn't know what happened last time, so I'm a bit leery. Right now she's going out with her friends every night that she's not working. As long as she tells me where she is going, how she's getting there and getting home, and she's not out too late, I'm letting her go.
Kayte is doing great. She loves working at the church, and I know it's really good for her. It's just hard knowing that 3 - 4 days a week I've got to plan on driving her and picking her up. Many times there are conflicts, like this Wednesday when Justin has his physical therapy appointment at 6, and Kayte is supposed to be at church at 6 the same night. Thank goodness her friend works with her and has an ANGEL of a mom who picks Kayte up often
Jonathan is still in his on and off funk. He had a stack of clothes in his room probably three feet high, and I just can't motivate him to do ANYTHING, he'd rather lay in his messy room and do nothing. Yet other times he is just witty and fun. I dunno...
I read the most interesting article in the paper last week that I really wanted to blog about.
You know how often times I tell you that the kids do things that are kind of bad, but they say they are better than their friends. Like Kayla telling me that her 2.something GPA wasn't all that bad because all her friends had worse GPA's. It's frustrating to make an argument to that.
An article in the paper (associated press) discussed how students today lie, cheat and steal, but say they are better than most of the people they know. They referenced a study they did of nearly 30,000 students in randomly selected high schools nationwide, both public and private. 64 percent of students cheated on tests, 35 percent have stolen from a store in the past year, 1 out of 5 had stolen from a friend and 23 percent stole something from a parent or other relative. It discussed the lowering of ethical standards in America and how we all let kids get away with it. And the stunning statistic that followed: 93 percent of students said they were satisfied with their personal ethics and character and said that "when it comes to doing what is right, I am better than most people I know."
I was talking to Chris about this and Jonathan was in the car. Jonathan told me that HIS school just did a study as well and found that 75 percent of kids in his school cheat.
What's happening to kids? Where did we go wrong?
************************
I have been job hunting for so long without any responses and finally got a call for an interview. The position was for Front Office Manager for a cosmetic dentist in Temple Terrace.
I went to the interview, only to open the door and see 8 other people in the waiting room holding job applications.
Great.. A mass interview.
Well, they hand me the paperwork to fill out the job application. The first page was extremely odd. It stated that the doctor was a member of Christian Scientology, and that - although they didn't deal with 'religion' really at work, the entire office is run off Scientology principals and teachings by L. Ron Hubbard.
Obviously - I , being a devout Christian, did not get the job.
And for more bad news: my boss told me his 'plans' for me after the first of the year. I can keep my job, and they will lower my pay to what I was making when I was originally hired years ago ($10,000 less a year than what I make now.) However, he will give me an end of year bonus IF I agree to sign a contract stating that I will stay with them until the end of April.
April is when they are planning to move the office to a location closer to their homes (they build a year or two ago, one in New Port Richey and one in Dunedin). The new location will be in the Safety Harbor area... About 25 minutes drive with no traffic.
The thing I have to think about after April is can I afford to drive a 12 year old car that far every day for much less pay. Increase in gas as well as wear and tear on the old car.
I don't think it's 'legal' that they just decrease my pay - I think they technically have to fire then rehire me in at a lower rate. But am I going to comp lain about that little part of it? No... Because I am really forced to take the job, there just isn't anything else out there. What I have to think about is this: Do I want to be locked in until April? What is a better job come along and they want me to start in February or March? And... What expenses can I cut to make up for the $10,000 loss in income.
The part that really bothers me (other than working the same for much less pay) is that he wants to only give me a bonus for 2008 IF I agree to work until April of 2009 because they 'can't afford to lose me'. Well, a BONUS is something I earned from doing a kick-ass job in 2008! It shouldn't be tied to my staying at all.
It's a lot to think about. I've got to talk to Chris when he gets home from Pensacola.
I'm really trying not to stress about it. God has a plan, right? Right.
The funny thing is that I feel guilty for NOT feeling guilty about being back in Toast of Tampa, regardless of the lower pay. I just LOVE being back and singing that Barbershop harmony.
Speaking of TOT, they asked me to be a section leader my second week back as a member. How cool is that? I was honored to be asked. The difference between this time and last time I was a member though is pretty remarkable. This time family comes first... Like today Tony asked section leaders, if they could, to please be there at 6 tomorrow to go over a new song. I wrote him immediately and told him that Chris was out of town and my first priority was taking care of Justin after his first day back at school... And I might even be late.
**********************
Oh, and it's 17 days before Christmas. 24 days till my job drastically changes and my pay lowers. No stress... No pressure.
**********************
I had that big event that I blogged about last week and asked for prayers about. I guess you could say that I 'hit it out of the park' - the event went off without a problem.
It was a chipping /putting contest first with an open bar. I should mention here that I got a hole in one o n the chipping part - the ONLY hole in one on that hole! We then had dinner and gave out awards. Many of the principals told my boss what a great asset I was... "the heart and soul of the company". It was an awesome time and Chris learned a LOT about how power plants work!
**********************
I just realized I should apologize if this blog is scattered or if there are horrible spelling errors. Chris took our laptop with him, and at home we have the one laptop I could us that we 'gave' the kids to use... But it's full of viruses and horrible to type on (I keep typing then losing entire paragraphs). We also have the computer that Paul from church gave to me a while back, but it got a virus (KIDS!!!!) and we need to reload windows and all that stuff, but don't own a copy of windows or whatever it is needed to wipe it clean and start over. It's been a low priority since I got my own laptop. :o) So I'm sitting here on my PHONE with a little bluetooth keyboard typing.
*********************
Please keep Justin in your prayers and pray for my job - that I'll be able to see God's plan and that I'll trust it.
*********************
"Whatever you do, do well. For when you go to the grave, there will be no work or planning or knowledge or wisdom." - Ecclesiastes 9:10
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Completely Blessed
We are completely and utterly blessed.
Chris has several jobs which he's been given by a contractor that should take him into January. The work he's getting is,without a doubt, given as a blessing. Well, I mean a lot of it has to do with the fact that he's an awesome worker and does a fantastic job. But additionally, he's getting this job through a friend from our bible study group. At a time when the housing market and economy are so bad, the jobs he is getting are for commercial work. It's just a complete blessing at a time of year that is usually very scary to us.
We have Christmas decorations up at the house... but nothing outside and no tree as of yet. We also made lots and lots of Christmas cookies. Yummy!
Kayla, Chris, Julie and I all had a talk last Sunday. Actually, Chris started talking to Julie, and eventually Kayla came in the room. Chris did a good job of talking to her without getting emotional about it. First he chastised Julie about working on this with Kayla without talking to us. Then with Kayla, he basically told her that he honestly believed that her moving out now, before she finished high school, would be a mistake. He talked about the obvious pitfalls: changing schools, perhaps not being able to start a new school because she's be over 18, Julie's very small apartment, having someone there to help her if her car broke down, and other things that would be harder for her. But he did a good job of just telling her how we felt.
I got the opportunity to tell her that I was really upset that she was telling everyone that she and I were fighting all the time - when we weren't. At first she said that we DID fight all the time, but when I asked her to tell me of ONE time, she couldn't think of anything. She then told me that she was very upset with me because I wouldn't let her go to parties. I asked WHAT parties (because we rarely tell Kayla 'no'). She said that there was this one time that she asked if she could go to a party and apparently I said no. She never asked again, just assumed I'd say 'no' to any future parties. We then had a long talk about what was a party, what 'happens' at parties, and about our general rule: as long as we know where she is going, who she is going with, how she's getting there and getting home, and when she'll be home... all is good.
I can't say that I know what Kayla has planned for when she turns 18, but I do know that I feel better after talking to her and getting it all out in the open.
I have been swamped at work. This week we have a big event here in the power industry called "PowerGen". It's in Orlando every other year, and so every other year we plan a big event. Monday is a big golf day - 18 rounds of golf with the big-wigs of all the companies we represent. Then on Wednesday a chipping/putting contest, dinner and awards ceremony. I'm in charge of running this whole event, and have put it together with no real problems. However we have some big things going on here at the office which have made this quite problematic.
First, I may have told you in a prior blog, but one of my bosses - Steve - is in the reserves. He's been called to Active Duty and is to report in February. He's really trying to get out of it because he has some medical problems... but we'll see how all that goes.
Then there is my other boss, David. He's been having neck/shoulder problems for a week or so which started after he was golfing one weekend. Come to find out, he's got some ruptured vertebrae or something to that effect... he's going to need spinal surgery this week to fix it. This means he can't go to Orlando with us to give out awards, golf, do the dinner or anything! OIE
So, guess who is going to have to pick up the slack? Yepper... me. I now have a script to read when passing out awards. (We award the principals who gave us the most commission every year.) Thank goodness Chris is going with me because I think I'll be a nervous wreck. My boss rented a hotel room for us Wednesday night so we didn't have to drive back at midnight... which was nice.
All this stuff is happening at my work, and -- all the while -- I don't know what's going to happen with me in January 2009. Are my hours cut? My pay? I'm still looking for a job like crazy - but nobody - and I mean NOBODY is calling back. It sure seems to ME like a really bad time for them to cut me to part time and therefore lose me. But... I don't know what the plan is. And now with David out, I don't know how or when I'm going to get to ask him!
Geez
Okay... on to more wonderful stuff!
So I told you that Jonathan is doing horrible in school, right? Middle of the 9 weeks and he was failing 3 classes. You look in his book bag and it's HORRIBLE... papers everywhere, not in folders - his whole life from school just scattered in a book bag.
Well, I got tired of it.
Across the hall from my office is Gail Myers of Myers Tutoring. She is always SO NICE to me, and she has a beautiful office, so I went over there to ask her if she could help me somehow. She offered to give him 'organizational classes' -- for FREE!
Amazing!
We went to meet with her on Sunday and she was awesome. She looked at all the papers in his book bag and saw that his papers that were graded had good grades. In a matter of minutes she figured out that he was a "global learner". She asked how he was doing in math... he said he was doing okay, but didn't understand imaginary numbers... it didn't make sense to him. She said that she LOVED imaginary numbers and she showed him how to do them in a way that made complete sense to him. She was doing problems on the board (a really cool 'smart' board!) and at one time Jonathan corrected her answer.
She then told him that she would try to help him get organized, stay organized and get better grades, so that HE will have more FREE time.
I told her about how he didn't ever want to do his Notebook in World History because it's only 4% of his grade. He said it took up too much time to put the notebook together for that little of a grade, so he'd rather just not do it. I see a zero and freak out! Gail explained to me that - because he was a global thinker/learner - this made total sense to him and to her. But, she said and looked right at Jonathan, that means the rest of your grades have to be good enough to allow you to miss that notebook assignment.
She suggested we get him a pendflex - which is an idea he hated. But she told him to just give it a try and see how he does with it. Chris picked one up today so we'll see how he does with it.
Justin is going in for surgery on Friday. I feel kinda bad that I'm not going to be there the day of his surgery, I have to work. But Chris and Michelle will both be there, and I'll see him when I get out of work. Please keep him in your prayers!
Julie is supposed to be having surgery on her hand for a carpal tunnel type injury on December 19th. I have mixed feelings about this surgery... on one hand, if she's uncomfortable (tingling in two fingers) and they can do surgery to fix it - great. On the other hand, she'll be off work through Christmas (bad time of year) and she'll miss a lot of work - who's to say in this economy that she'll have a job to come back to? And let me tell ya... it's HARD getting a job right now anywhere. Plus I can't imagine them just doing surgery right off... not trying anything else first. But anyways... she's having surgery on the 19th so keep her in your thoughts and prayers as well.
"We love Him because He first loved us." 1 John 4:9-10
Chris has several jobs which he's been given by a contractor that should take him into January. The work he's getting is,without a doubt, given as a blessing. Well, I mean a lot of it has to do with the fact that he's an awesome worker and does a fantastic job. But additionally, he's getting this job through a friend from our bible study group. At a time when the housing market and economy are so bad, the jobs he is getting are for commercial work. It's just a complete blessing at a time of year that is usually very scary to us.
We have Christmas decorations up at the house... but nothing outside and no tree as of yet. We also made lots and lots of Christmas cookies. Yummy!
Kayla, Chris, Julie and I all had a talk last Sunday. Actually, Chris started talking to Julie, and eventually Kayla came in the room. Chris did a good job of talking to her without getting emotional about it. First he chastised Julie about working on this with Kayla without talking to us. Then with Kayla, he basically told her that he honestly believed that her moving out now, before she finished high school, would be a mistake. He talked about the obvious pitfalls: changing schools, perhaps not being able to start a new school because she's be over 18, Julie's very small apartment, having someone there to help her if her car broke down, and other things that would be harder for her. But he did a good job of just telling her how we felt.
I got the opportunity to tell her that I was really upset that she was telling everyone that she and I were fighting all the time - when we weren't. At first she said that we DID fight all the time, but when I asked her to tell me of ONE time, she couldn't think of anything. She then told me that she was very upset with me because I wouldn't let her go to parties. I asked WHAT parties (because we rarely tell Kayla 'no'). She said that there was this one time that she asked if she could go to a party and apparently I said no. She never asked again, just assumed I'd say 'no' to any future parties. We then had a long talk about what was a party, what 'happens' at parties, and about our general rule: as long as we know where she is going, who she is going with, how she's getting there and getting home, and when she'll be home... all is good.
I can't say that I know what Kayla has planned for when she turns 18, but I do know that I feel better after talking to her and getting it all out in the open.
I have been swamped at work. This week we have a big event here in the power industry called "PowerGen". It's in Orlando every other year, and so every other year we plan a big event. Monday is a big golf day - 18 rounds of golf with the big-wigs of all the companies we represent. Then on Wednesday a chipping/putting contest, dinner and awards ceremony. I'm in charge of running this whole event, and have put it together with no real problems. However we have some big things going on here at the office which have made this quite problematic.
First, I may have told you in a prior blog, but one of my bosses - Steve - is in the reserves. He's been called to Active Duty and is to report in February. He's really trying to get out of it because he has some medical problems... but we'll see how all that goes.
Then there is my other boss, David. He's been having neck/shoulder problems for a week or so which started after he was golfing one weekend. Come to find out, he's got some ruptured vertebrae or something to that effect... he's going to need spinal surgery this week to fix it. This means he can't go to Orlando with us to give out awards, golf, do the dinner or anything! OIE
So, guess who is going to have to pick up the slack? Yepper... me. I now have a script to read when passing out awards. (We award the principals who gave us the most commission every year.) Thank goodness Chris is going with me because I think I'll be a nervous wreck. My boss rented a hotel room for us Wednesday night so we didn't have to drive back at midnight... which was nice.
All this stuff is happening at my work, and -- all the while -- I don't know what's going to happen with me in January 2009. Are my hours cut? My pay? I'm still looking for a job like crazy - but nobody - and I mean NOBODY is calling back. It sure seems to ME like a really bad time for them to cut me to part time and therefore lose me. But... I don't know what the plan is. And now with David out, I don't know how or when I'm going to get to ask him!
Geez
Okay... on to more wonderful stuff!
So I told you that Jonathan is doing horrible in school, right? Middle of the 9 weeks and he was failing 3 classes. You look in his book bag and it's HORRIBLE... papers everywhere, not in folders - his whole life from school just scattered in a book bag.
Well, I got tired of it.
Across the hall from my office is Gail Myers of Myers Tutoring. She is always SO NICE to me, and she has a beautiful office, so I went over there to ask her if she could help me somehow. She offered to give him 'organizational classes' -- for FREE!
Amazing!
We went to meet with her on Sunday and she was awesome. She looked at all the papers in his book bag and saw that his papers that were graded had good grades. In a matter of minutes she figured out that he was a "global learner". She asked how he was doing in math... he said he was doing okay, but didn't understand imaginary numbers... it didn't make sense to him. She said that she LOVED imaginary numbers and she showed him how to do them in a way that made complete sense to him. She was doing problems on the board (a really cool 'smart' board!) and at one time Jonathan corrected her answer.
She then told him that she would try to help him get organized, stay organized and get better grades, so that HE will have more FREE time.
I told her about how he didn't ever want to do his Notebook in World History because it's only 4% of his grade. He said it took up too much time to put the notebook together for that little of a grade, so he'd rather just not do it. I see a zero and freak out! Gail explained to me that - because he was a global thinker/learner - this made total sense to him and to her. But, she said and looked right at Jonathan, that means the rest of your grades have to be good enough to allow you to miss that notebook assignment.
She suggested we get him a pendflex - which is an idea he hated. But she told him to just give it a try and see how he does with it. Chris picked one up today so we'll see how he does with it.
Justin is going in for surgery on Friday. I feel kinda bad that I'm not going to be there the day of his surgery, I have to work. But Chris and Michelle will both be there, and I'll see him when I get out of work. Please keep him in your prayers!
Julie is supposed to be having surgery on her hand for a carpal tunnel type injury on December 19th. I have mixed feelings about this surgery... on one hand, if she's uncomfortable (tingling in two fingers) and they can do surgery to fix it - great. On the other hand, she'll be off work through Christmas (bad time of year) and she'll miss a lot of work - who's to say in this economy that she'll have a job to come back to? And let me tell ya... it's HARD getting a job right now anywhere. Plus I can't imagine them just doing surgery right off... not trying anything else first. But anyways... she's having surgery on the 19th so keep her in your thoughts and prayers as well.
"We love Him because He first loved us." 1 John 4:9-10
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Wonderfulizing Your Day
I can't believe how hard it is to find a job right now. *sigh* I have applied EVERYWHERE, hospitals, offices, monster.com, craigslist, heck - yesterday I applied for a job as a manager of Chuck-E-Cheese! Yes... I'm that desperate right now.
The good news is that my boss told me that they are not moving the office until April, and that he thought we could 'work something out' about my pay. But... I don't want a pay cut at all. I am PHENOMENAL at what I do... if anything, I'm underpaid. Additionally I can't AFFORD a pay cut. So -- I keep looking, hoping that the 'perfect' job will be waiting.
I'm also trying to get my sister Katie to get me an interview at Sun Trust. Kayte makes good money managing a Sun Trust. The funny thing is, how little she knows about computers and such. She's a good 'manager' but not so good in the office. Heck, she had to call me to ask me how to spell her job title for business cards! (I love you Katie!!) Whenever she needs something done on the computer or she needs something written, she'll ask me for help. Of course I help because I LOVE doing that kind of thing.
Katie said she talked to the head of H.R. the other day and actually told the woman that I should have HER job because I'm so good at it. Actually, Katie underestimates some of her strengths... she's very good with employees... something she's better at than I. Anyways, the HR manager told her to send my resume to her and maybe after the first of the year they'd have something open up for me. That would be really great!
********************************************************
Kayla and I have talked very briefly. She called me to get onto me about taking away her mom's unsupervised visits. She told me it wasn't fair for me to do that to Julie when this was about her and me. I told her that the reason I took Julie's unsupervised visits away was because she showed extremely poor judgment in not coming to talk to me. I also explained to Kayla how I went into this knowing if Julie ever did ANYTHING that made me pause and question her intent or mental ability, I would HAVE to do this. The court order said she's not allowed to see them or talk to them unless I am within eye and earshot - I'm not punishing anyone - I'm following the court order.
I also was able to express my hurt feelings to Kayla in this conversation. I told her that what hurt me the most was that she had been telling everyone that she and I are "fighting all the time" when it just wasn't true. I asked her to name ONE time that she and I argued. She recalled a time last weekend when I cursed at her in the car (the time she was baiting me for a fight... sat in the back seat all the way to Church and kept laughing at me). I told her that the fight she was talking about was AFTER the phone call from Grandma Gwen... after she had gone around telling everyone that we were fighting. I asked her to tell me ONE time prior to that in which she and I argued or fought. She - of course - couldn't recall anything.
I told Kayla that if she wanted to move out just because she wanted to be on her own when she was 18, that's one thing. But to leave in a funk - telling everyone lies so that she'd feel more justified in leaving --- that was something else entirely. She can't do that... tell everyone all those lies... and then expect me not to be upset with her.
And... why Julie? Julie's apartment is TINY. (Oh, Julie tells me that she is NOT getting a new, 2 bedroom apartment until her lease is up) There are only a few reasons that I can think of: 1) Kayla just wants to go somewhere that she can do anything she wants to do without any rules. 2) Julie is lonely and wants someone to come live with her just to keep her company. 3) Kayla has issues with Chris and myself that she hasn't expressed to us. Any one of these three reasons isn't a good reason to get up and leave your brother, sister, high school, etc. Now Julie is going to help her with college applications? Julie who didn't finish high school and can't pass a GED exam? Really??
Regardless, Kayla is leaving and I've accepted it. I don't like it, but I've accepted it.
I still pray often for God to help me with taking the emotion out of it. To just let God do His thing, and me not get upset or emotional about it. It's working, but I still struggle at times.
********************************************************************
Jonathan is not doing well in school at all. He is failing at least 3 classes right now. He's grounded, not playing any games, no computer, and no cell phone. Yet... he's still unorganized and not motivated to get good grades. We have an appointment next week to discuss with the doctor - see about changing his medicine. Maybe that will help. Can't hurt!
It's funny because he's doing SO WELL in other areas... not stuck on the computer, more interactive at home, does and says funny things, plays piano often. He's just a pleasure to be around. But then... try to get him to do homework, wash clothes or pick up his room and it becomes a different story.
I don't think it's just him being a teenager - because teenagers usually WANT to do whatever they need to do to get off restriction. So... we'll see.
The other odd thing about Jonathan that I've never blogged about (it came up in therapy the other day) is how particular he is at SOME things. For example... in the morning when he has cereal, he goes through the ENTIRE spoon drawer looking for the perfect spoon. No spots, no smudges, nothing - has to be perfect. The same thing with cups/glasses... he looks for imperfections in the glass, fingerprints, smudges, whatever - and won't use it if it's not perfect. He's VERY much rigid with routines, in particular in the morning. He won't wear something unless it's COMPLETELY clean and ironed. If the shirt has a spot on it, he won't wear it.
Yet... his room is completely and utterly TRASHED. You can't walk on his floor without stepping on clothes or other things. When he eats in the game room or office, he'll just leave everything there. There have been times when I've found 4-5 glasses sitting on the desk and lots of bowls, spoons, etc... all over the floor. It's odd how his is so particular about some things, but not others. Course, I think it just makes him very interesting.
Funny - after just writing about what a pleasure he is to be around at home right now, he just threw a massive fit. One of his teachers was supposed to have uploaded his grade from an F to a D. He said... er... yelled... "I've been working my a** off all week to get my grade up, and she didn't fix it?" Slamming things around... just pure ANGRY. Sigh....
Pray that the medication change next week will help him, please!
***********************************************************************
Panic is beginning to set in for Christmas.
I went to the mall last Saturday to pick up a couple tops for work and a choir performance we're having and the prices of things began to hit me.
Little Kayte went with us and showed me what she liked -- all pretty expensive. She's a "Hollister" kind of girl. LOL
We burned through all of our savings the past few months thanks to a tanking housing market. Course, then there's the broken tooth and the Durango broken down a few times that also hurt a bit. OIE! Course, the looming reality that the week after Christmas my monthly pay goes way down.
I figure I've got the four kids, Amanda (who now lives really close and spends more time here), and of course Julie - I'm sure they will all be here for Christmas. P-A-N-I-C. How am I going to get anything? Will what I can afford be enough? Sigh... I know it will be. The kids are really good and just happy to get anything.
********************************************************************
It's funny how much I realize, by blogging, that I hate it when I don't know things. I am unsure about my job in January. My pay come January. If we can do Christmas presents. Not knowing or understanding why Kayla is moving out. If Chris's business is going to be okay in this horrible recession we are in.
==============================
Let's talk about how we spend our time thinking when we are alone not engaging with others. Much of the time we are thinking about events that might happen in the future or digging up the past.
When we think about the future, the tendency is to feel anxious, worry, or become uptight. When we look to the past, we often feel regret, sadness, or guilt over past deeds.
Neither one of these thinking tendencies appear to be useful. Instead, why don't you try practicing "wonderfulizing." This is the practice of creating stories in your head that have happy endings. Where the internal events of the stories are full of healthy exchanges and positive interactions.
All of your characters get what they want, and sometimes even more than they would ever imagine. Since it is a story about the future, we know it has no basis in reality, it is fiction. But it is fiction with a happy ending UNLIKE the fiction you create when you awfulize or catastrophize when you become uptight about an upcoming speech, confronting a dear friend,or beginning to play a "big" game.
These stories are also fictional, but they have unhappy endings. If both are fictional or irrational, I say choose wonderfulizing. You will enjoy the experience much more, and who knows, you may get more than you ever imagined.
The good news is that my boss told me that they are not moving the office until April, and that he thought we could 'work something out' about my pay. But... I don't want a pay cut at all. I am PHENOMENAL at what I do... if anything, I'm underpaid. Additionally I can't AFFORD a pay cut. So -- I keep looking, hoping that the 'perfect' job will be waiting.
I'm also trying to get my sister Katie to get me an interview at Sun Trust. Kayte makes good money managing a Sun Trust. The funny thing is, how little she knows about computers and such. She's a good 'manager' but not so good in the office. Heck, she had to call me to ask me how to spell her job title for business cards! (I love you Katie!!) Whenever she needs something done on the computer or she needs something written, she'll ask me for help. Of course I help because I LOVE doing that kind of thing.
Katie said she talked to the head of H.R. the other day and actually told the woman that I should have HER job because I'm so good at it. Actually, Katie underestimates some of her strengths... she's very good with employees... something she's better at than I. Anyways, the HR manager told her to send my resume to her and maybe after the first of the year they'd have something open up for me. That would be really great!
********************************************************
Kayla and I have talked very briefly. She called me to get onto me about taking away her mom's unsupervised visits. She told me it wasn't fair for me to do that to Julie when this was about her and me. I told her that the reason I took Julie's unsupervised visits away was because she showed extremely poor judgment in not coming to talk to me. I also explained to Kayla how I went into this knowing if Julie ever did ANYTHING that made me pause and question her intent or mental ability, I would HAVE to do this. The court order said she's not allowed to see them or talk to them unless I am within eye and earshot - I'm not punishing anyone - I'm following the court order.
I also was able to express my hurt feelings to Kayla in this conversation. I told her that what hurt me the most was that she had been telling everyone that she and I are "fighting all the time" when it just wasn't true. I asked her to name ONE time that she and I argued. She recalled a time last weekend when I cursed at her in the car (the time she was baiting me for a fight... sat in the back seat all the way to Church and kept laughing at me). I told her that the fight she was talking about was AFTER the phone call from Grandma Gwen... after she had gone around telling everyone that we were fighting. I asked her to tell me ONE time prior to that in which she and I argued or fought. She - of course - couldn't recall anything.
I told Kayla that if she wanted to move out just because she wanted to be on her own when she was 18, that's one thing. But to leave in a funk - telling everyone lies so that she'd feel more justified in leaving --- that was something else entirely. She can't do that... tell everyone all those lies... and then expect me not to be upset with her.
And... why Julie? Julie's apartment is TINY. (Oh, Julie tells me that she is NOT getting a new, 2 bedroom apartment until her lease is up) There are only a few reasons that I can think of: 1) Kayla just wants to go somewhere that she can do anything she wants to do without any rules. 2) Julie is lonely and wants someone to come live with her just to keep her company. 3) Kayla has issues with Chris and myself that she hasn't expressed to us. Any one of these three reasons isn't a good reason to get up and leave your brother, sister, high school, etc. Now Julie is going to help her with college applications? Julie who didn't finish high school and can't pass a GED exam? Really??
Regardless, Kayla is leaving and I've accepted it. I don't like it, but I've accepted it.
I still pray often for God to help me with taking the emotion out of it. To just let God do His thing, and me not get upset or emotional about it. It's working, but I still struggle at times.
********************************************************************
Jonathan is not doing well in school at all. He is failing at least 3 classes right now. He's grounded, not playing any games, no computer, and no cell phone. Yet... he's still unorganized and not motivated to get good grades. We have an appointment next week to discuss with the doctor - see about changing his medicine. Maybe that will help. Can't hurt!
It's funny because he's doing SO WELL in other areas... not stuck on the computer, more interactive at home, does and says funny things, plays piano often. He's just a pleasure to be around. But then... try to get him to do homework, wash clothes or pick up his room and it becomes a different story.
I don't think it's just him being a teenager - because teenagers usually WANT to do whatever they need to do to get off restriction. So... we'll see.
The other odd thing about Jonathan that I've never blogged about (it came up in therapy the other day) is how particular he is at SOME things. For example... in the morning when he has cereal, he goes through the ENTIRE spoon drawer looking for the perfect spoon. No spots, no smudges, nothing - has to be perfect. The same thing with cups/glasses... he looks for imperfections in the glass, fingerprints, smudges, whatever - and won't use it if it's not perfect. He's VERY much rigid with routines, in particular in the morning. He won't wear something unless it's COMPLETELY clean and ironed. If the shirt has a spot on it, he won't wear it.
Yet... his room is completely and utterly TRASHED. You can't walk on his floor without stepping on clothes or other things. When he eats in the game room or office, he'll just leave everything there. There have been times when I've found 4-5 glasses sitting on the desk and lots of bowls, spoons, etc... all over the floor. It's odd how his is so particular about some things, but not others. Course, I think it just makes him very interesting.
Funny - after just writing about what a pleasure he is to be around at home right now, he just threw a massive fit. One of his teachers was supposed to have uploaded his grade from an F to a D. He said... er... yelled... "I've been working my a** off all week to get my grade up, and she didn't fix it?" Slamming things around... just pure ANGRY. Sigh....
Pray that the medication change next week will help him, please!
***********************************************************************
Panic is beginning to set in for Christmas.
I went to the mall last Saturday to pick up a couple tops for work and a choir performance we're having and the prices of things began to hit me.
Little Kayte went with us and showed me what she liked -- all pretty expensive. She's a "Hollister" kind of girl. LOL
We burned through all of our savings the past few months thanks to a tanking housing market. Course, then there's the broken tooth and the Durango broken down a few times that also hurt a bit. OIE! Course, the looming reality that the week after Christmas my monthly pay goes way down.
I figure I've got the four kids, Amanda (who now lives really close and spends more time here), and of course Julie - I'm sure they will all be here for Christmas. P-A-N-I-C. How am I going to get anything? Will what I can afford be enough? Sigh... I know it will be. The kids are really good and just happy to get anything.
********************************************************************
It's funny how much I realize, by blogging, that I hate it when I don't know things. I am unsure about my job in January. My pay come January. If we can do Christmas presents. Not knowing or understanding why Kayla is moving out. If Chris's business is going to be okay in this horrible recession we are in.
When I blog, I get to go back and read it and remind myself that God is in control. That He will do a much better job of things than I would and I just need to have faith.
No doubt I should blog more, even if things with the kids aren't completely chaotic - if for no other reason than to remind myself that it's all going to be okay. Because I have been a emotional/mental mess as of late - full of worry.
So, I'll leave it to God. I'll ask you for prayers. And I'll try to keep remembering that God has a plan.
Speaking of thinking positive; Chris sent this to me a few weeks ago. I thought this would be a good time to share it. Enjoy:
==============================
Try Wonderfulizing. It's.....Wonderful!==============================
Let's talk about how we spend our time thinking when we are alone not engaging with others. Much of the time we are thinking about events that might happen in the future or digging up the past.
When we think about the future, the tendency is to feel anxious, worry, or become uptight. When we look to the past, we often feel regret, sadness, or guilt over past deeds.
Neither one of these thinking tendencies appear to be useful. Instead, why don't you try practicing "wonderfulizing." This is the practice of creating stories in your head that have happy endings. Where the internal events of the stories are full of healthy exchanges and positive interactions.
All of your characters get what they want, and sometimes even more than they would ever imagine. Since it is a story about the future, we know it has no basis in reality, it is fiction. But it is fiction with a happy ending UNLIKE the fiction you create when you awfulize or catastrophize when you become uptight about an upcoming speech, confronting a dear friend,or beginning to play a "big" game.
These stories are also fictional, but they have unhappy endings. If both are fictional or irrational, I say choose wonderfulizing. You will enjoy the experience much more, and who knows, you may get more than you ever imagined.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Get Out Of God's Way
To say that I am angry with Julie right now would be a huge understatement. I found out she's going behind my back - lying to me or at the very least keeping things from me.
Remember the problem with Kayla? Well... Julie has been working with Kayla for a while now, telling her that she could just move in with her. She's even getting a 2 bedroom apartment - THAT is how much she has been working on this.
My sister Katie told me about it. Kayte and Justin sat down and talked to me about it. Seems everyone knew about it but me. Kayte and Justin actually told me that they hated it that they were doing this and I was going to be the 'last to know'. I was told that Kayla has been calling around playing the "I hate it here" card, seeing what she can get out of anyone. I guess I should expect it of a 17 year old... it wasn't too long ago that my daughter Amanda was in the same boat. But I did expect Julie to respond differently.
I was so angry that she was doing all this behind my back that I wrote her and told her that the trial run she had with unsupervised visits was now over. She's going behind my back first of all, which is immature and unacceptable. You would think that when Kayla talked to her and told her how we are always fighting and she is miserable and hates it here - Julie would have encouraged her to TALK to me. Then, a mature adult would have come and talked to me about the situation. Instead she just made plans to move her in.
If I can't trust her - if I can't trust what she is saying to the kids is a mature and appropriate conversation - then she shouldn't be able to take them unsupervised. What other inappropriate conversations is she having? Is she going to undermine me all the time? So from now on, she gets her once a week visit and that's it. Supervised - within eye and earshot at all times, just like the judge said.
Then -- early this morning she called my mom. Mom is in Hawaii, 5 hours behind us. Julie called mom at 5 am Hawaii time to ask her what MY address was. Mom didn't have it -- so Julie called our sister Katie. Katie asked her why she needed it and Julie said that she couldn't tell her because if she did... Katie would tell ME, and she didn't want that. Katie finally got it out of her -- she... no... "they" (so I assume it was her and Arthur) were at the courthouse. She was there to file paperwork to get unsupervised visits. Well, Katie didn't have my address and Julie ended up having to call me to get it.
Of course, I'm going to fight it. We'll let the courts decide.
*********************************************************************
Things with the kids otherwise are going okay.
Kayla still isn't even talking to me, but I think she is doing okay. I'm trying to be as nice as I can.
Kayte is working at the church watching kids in the nursery. She now works four nights a week.
Justin is doing SO well in school. His surgery is scheduled for December 5th.
Jonathan isn't doing well at all in school - but his personality is phenomenal. He's much more fun around the house... playing games, active, playing with friends. It's really great.
I talked to Chris about the discipline in the house. He's agreed to take the responsibility of dishing out punishment. After checking grades and checking cell phone use, we found that Jonathan's grades were really bad and that Jonathan, Kayla and Kayte are all using their phones to text long after 10 pm. So tonight we sat Jonathan down and talked to him about how we WANT him to do better... but he MUST bring up his grades. We took his cell phone until he brings his grades up to at least a C. Then we took Kayte's cell phone when she went to bed so she couldn't text, telling her that she could get it back in the morning.
I have faith that it's all going to work out. I really do. Even the Kayla thing... if/when she moves out in January, we'll give each kid a bedroom - Kayte and Justin won't have to share a room anymore. Everything will work out. God has a plan.
I was at bible study Monday night and a friend said a really neat prayer that I have been using all week. He said that his prayer was to "take the emotion out of the situation. Get out of God's way." How perfect is that? I've been saying that over and over to myself ever since.
**********************************************************************
Chris had a birthday yesterday - birthday #41. I was off for the day and we went to Busch Gardens for the day. We have year passes, so it was a beautiful way to spend the day. It was SO NEAT - we got to feed Giraffes! It was really a unique experience.
Then that night we all went to dinner, all 6 of us, which is unbelievably rare. Chris's mom and Jimmie joined us way up north at a place called Rapscallions. It was really nice, and really cool to have everyone together out to eat.
**********************************************************************
I am exhausted after a long day at work and home. I should run for the evening. Please continue to keep us in your prayers. I know God is listening!
Believe while others...
By William Arthur Ward
Believe while others are doubting.
Plan while others are playing.
Study while others are sleeping.
Decide while others are delaying.
Prepare while others are daydreaming.
Begin while others are procrastinating.
Work while others are wishing.
Save while others are wasting.
Listen while others are talking.
Smile while others are frowning.
Commend while others are criticizing.
Persist while others are quitting.
Remember the problem with Kayla? Well... Julie has been working with Kayla for a while now, telling her that she could just move in with her. She's even getting a 2 bedroom apartment - THAT is how much she has been working on this.
My sister Katie told me about it. Kayte and Justin sat down and talked to me about it. Seems everyone knew about it but me. Kayte and Justin actually told me that they hated it that they were doing this and I was going to be the 'last to know'. I was told that Kayla has been calling around playing the "I hate it here" card, seeing what she can get out of anyone. I guess I should expect it of a 17 year old... it wasn't too long ago that my daughter Amanda was in the same boat. But I did expect Julie to respond differently.
I was so angry that she was doing all this behind my back that I wrote her and told her that the trial run she had with unsupervised visits was now over. She's going behind my back first of all, which is immature and unacceptable. You would think that when Kayla talked to her and told her how we are always fighting and she is miserable and hates it here - Julie would have encouraged her to TALK to me. Then, a mature adult would have come and talked to me about the situation. Instead she just made plans to move her in.
If I can't trust her - if I can't trust what she is saying to the kids is a mature and appropriate conversation - then she shouldn't be able to take them unsupervised. What other inappropriate conversations is she having? Is she going to undermine me all the time? So from now on, she gets her once a week visit and that's it. Supervised - within eye and earshot at all times, just like the judge said.
Then -- early this morning she called my mom. Mom is in Hawaii, 5 hours behind us. Julie called mom at 5 am Hawaii time to ask her what MY address was. Mom didn't have it -- so Julie called our sister Katie. Katie asked her why she needed it and Julie said that she couldn't tell her because if she did... Katie would tell ME, and she didn't want that. Katie finally got it out of her -- she... no... "they" (so I assume it was her and Arthur) were at the courthouse. She was there to file paperwork to get unsupervised visits. Well, Katie didn't have my address and Julie ended up having to call me to get it.
Of course, I'm going to fight it. We'll let the courts decide.
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Things with the kids otherwise are going okay.
Kayla still isn't even talking to me, but I think she is doing okay. I'm trying to be as nice as I can.
Kayte is working at the church watching kids in the nursery. She now works four nights a week.
Justin is doing SO well in school. His surgery is scheduled for December 5th.
Jonathan isn't doing well at all in school - but his personality is phenomenal. He's much more fun around the house... playing games, active, playing with friends. It's really great.
I talked to Chris about the discipline in the house. He's agreed to take the responsibility of dishing out punishment. After checking grades and checking cell phone use, we found that Jonathan's grades were really bad and that Jonathan, Kayla and Kayte are all using their phones to text long after 10 pm. So tonight we sat Jonathan down and talked to him about how we WANT him to do better... but he MUST bring up his grades. We took his cell phone until he brings his grades up to at least a C. Then we took Kayte's cell phone when she went to bed so she couldn't text, telling her that she could get it back in the morning.
I have faith that it's all going to work out. I really do. Even the Kayla thing... if/when she moves out in January, we'll give each kid a bedroom - Kayte and Justin won't have to share a room anymore. Everything will work out. God has a plan.
I was at bible study Monday night and a friend said a really neat prayer that I have been using all week. He said that his prayer was to "take the emotion out of the situation. Get out of God's way." How perfect is that? I've been saying that over and over to myself ever since.
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Chris had a birthday yesterday - birthday #41. I was off for the day and we went to Busch Gardens for the day. We have year passes, so it was a beautiful way to spend the day. It was SO NEAT - we got to feed Giraffes! It was really a unique experience.
Then that night we all went to dinner, all 6 of us, which is unbelievably rare. Chris's mom and Jimmie joined us way up north at a place called Rapscallions. It was really nice, and really cool to have everyone together out to eat.
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I am exhausted after a long day at work and home. I should run for the evening. Please continue to keep us in your prayers. I know God is listening!
Believe while others...
By William Arthur Ward
Believe while others are doubting.
Plan while others are playing.
Study while others are sleeping.
Decide while others are delaying.
Prepare while others are daydreaming.
Begin while others are procrastinating.
Work while others are wishing.
Save while others are wasting.
Listen while others are talking.
Smile while others are frowning.
Commend while others are criticizing.
Persist while others are quitting.
Sunday, November 09, 2008
Teenager Troubles
For anyone who subscribes to my blog via feedblitz, it didn't send the last blog - so you might want to go check it out.
Tonight I'm still in a knot about the kids. Kayla in particular. We had a really bad night tonight. Things between us haven't been good for a while. Our communication is horrible, she doesn't talk to me, she lies to me about silly little things as well as important things. And I just HATE it.
I don't even know what happened tonight. Gwen had told me that she was going to hold off on getting Kayla a car. Kayla fully believed that at Christmas Gwen was coming down to buy her a car. Since Gwen told her that she's going to fully pay for the car, regardless of how much money she saved, as well as the insurance she'll need for the car - Kayla just hasn't been saving as much, she puts aside $100 or so every paycheck, but sometimes she just keeps the whole thing. Plus - Kayla will have a car, insurance, and not be able to drive. She hasn't taken drivers ed - and I've driven with her... she needs to practice more. She isn't home enough for us to teach her, as I think I said in the last blog.
Tonight, apparently Kayla called Gwen and I found her in her room crying quite a bit. Now Kayla tells me that she is going to get her car from Gwen. But she called Gwen just when we were sitting down for dinner. We called her to come to the table, and called her, and called her. She ignored us (she said she didn't hear us, but our house is NOT that big). Chris yelled at her for not coming to the table -- we ended up eating the entire dinner without her as she never did come down to dinner.
Later I took the kids to a goodbye party for their youth leader. On the way there, they 'baited me' into arguing with them. Justin thought I should let him listen to whatever kind of music he wants to. (I just had him take off a song he had on his Myspace that said words like "Fuc*" and "Motherfuc*er" ALL the time.) He said that he should be able to listen to whatever he wants to. That his Auntie Katie thought the song was fine and he couldn't understand why I didn't think it was okay. She listens to the same music and she's just fine. I tried telling him 'because I said so', especially because we have talked about this same thing over and over and over and over again. But Kayla sat in the back seat snickering at every thing I said. Drove me nuts, and I ended up yelling at her telling her to stop laughing at me. It was just............ horrible.
Now she's putting on her myspace that she "can't wait" and that she is "DONE fighting with this family."
I feel broken inside. I feel so sad when she is hurt or angry or unhappy. Yet I know she is struggling with this desire to be albe to do anything she wants to do.
Please pray for our relationship.
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Julie had her visit today. She hasn't been to Church with us in.... jeez... I don't know how long. Course I've missed a few weeks here and there as well. She came over about 11:30 and took Kayte and Justin to her house until about 6.
I was home making dinner when she called and said she couldn't come over for dinner because Arthur needed her. Apparently he doesn't have a car and needed someone to take him to the hospital. I guess I'm going to keep my mouth shut about how I feel about him not being able to take himself - but suffice to say I wasn't happy about making a big dinner and her canceling out at the last minute.
I guess it just added to my horrible day.
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I don't have a lot of energy to go into things too much tonight. I'm just writing to ask you to please pray for us. Pray for our family.... for Kayla.... and for me. I need to find a place of happiness even when the kids are -- acting like tough teenagers. Thanks.
Tonight I'm still in a knot about the kids. Kayla in particular. We had a really bad night tonight. Things between us haven't been good for a while. Our communication is horrible, she doesn't talk to me, she lies to me about silly little things as well as important things. And I just HATE it.
I don't even know what happened tonight. Gwen had told me that she was going to hold off on getting Kayla a car. Kayla fully believed that at Christmas Gwen was coming down to buy her a car. Since Gwen told her that she's going to fully pay for the car, regardless of how much money she saved, as well as the insurance she'll need for the car - Kayla just hasn't been saving as much, she puts aside $100 or so every paycheck, but sometimes she just keeps the whole thing. Plus - Kayla will have a car, insurance, and not be able to drive. She hasn't taken drivers ed - and I've driven with her... she needs to practice more. She isn't home enough for us to teach her, as I think I said in the last blog.
Tonight, apparently Kayla called Gwen and I found her in her room crying quite a bit. Now Kayla tells me that she is going to get her car from Gwen. But she called Gwen just when we were sitting down for dinner. We called her to come to the table, and called her, and called her. She ignored us (she said she didn't hear us, but our house is NOT that big). Chris yelled at her for not coming to the table -- we ended up eating the entire dinner without her as she never did come down to dinner.
Later I took the kids to a goodbye party for their youth leader. On the way there, they 'baited me' into arguing with them. Justin thought I should let him listen to whatever kind of music he wants to. (I just had him take off a song he had on his Myspace that said words like "Fuc*" and "Motherfuc*er" ALL the time.) He said that he should be able to listen to whatever he wants to. That his Auntie Katie thought the song was fine and he couldn't understand why I didn't think it was okay. She listens to the same music and she's just fine. I tried telling him 'because I said so', especially because we have talked about this same thing over and over and over and over again. But Kayla sat in the back seat snickering at every thing I said. Drove me nuts, and I ended up yelling at her telling her to stop laughing at me. It was just............ horrible.
Now she's putting on her myspace that she "can't wait" and that she is "DONE fighting with this family."
I feel broken inside. I feel so sad when she is hurt or angry or unhappy. Yet I know she is struggling with this desire to be albe to do anything she wants to do.
Please pray for our relationship.
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Julie had her visit today. She hasn't been to Church with us in.... jeez... I don't know how long. Course I've missed a few weeks here and there as well. She came over about 11:30 and took Kayte and Justin to her house until about 6.
I was home making dinner when she called and said she couldn't come over for dinner because Arthur needed her. Apparently he doesn't have a car and needed someone to take him to the hospital. I guess I'm going to keep my mouth shut about how I feel about him not being able to take himself - but suffice to say I wasn't happy about making a big dinner and her canceling out at the last minute.
I guess it just added to my horrible day.
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I don't have a lot of energy to go into things too much tonight. I'm just writing to ask you to please pray for us. Pray for our family.... for Kayla.... and for me. I need to find a place of happiness even when the kids are -- acting like tough teenagers. Thanks.
Thursday, November 06, 2008
Parental Funk
I'm in a funk. I feel like a horrible parent who has no control over her teenagers.
Report cards came in yesterday. First up... Kayla, who got a D in math. Kayte and Justin each got one C, and Jonathan got 4 C's. Here's my problem -- the 'consequence' for not making honor roll for Justin, Kayte and Kayla was for them to lose their phones until they DID make honor roll. However, Kayla has already told us she'd just go out and get another cell phone from Metro PCS and pay for it herself. We don't want that... we want to be able to know when she's on the phone at 2am, ya know? So... we told her that she could, instead, just pay HER portion of the cell phone bill.
However, how unfair is that to Kayte and Justin? To add to the unfairness, Jonathan wasn't given the cell phone and warned against not making honor roll... he NEVER makes honor roll. Instead he was given a phone to put in appointments and reminders. However, lately he uses his cell phone mostly for texting and talking. How can we take away their phones when Kayla and Jonathan are able to keep theirs? Heck, Kayte and Justin's report cards were BETTER than Kayla's and Jonathan's.
It's easy to say "just take all the phones away".... but.... I'm having a really hard time with it. First of all... you have to LIVE in the teenage hormone hell that we are in to know that having FOUR unhappy teenagers is going to be an awful living environment for the next 2 nine weeks. Second, I'm not a good disciplinarian, Chris is. But Chris has backed WAY off of disciplining since the big thing with Jonathan, when Jonathan started going to counseling - and that has worked to help mend the relationship between the two of them. Yet... they are all now getting away with everything. In the past, Chris would get all over the kids for doing poorly, and I'd allow it when needed and pull him back if I felt he was being unfair. Now... it's just on me.
The funny thing is that all 4 of them feel that the grades they received were, for one reason or another, "not really their fault". I suppose that's a teenager thing... but they need to own up to their grades - they earned them. Kayla's just not good in math, so it's not really her fault. Kayte had a 79.6 and the teacher, she feels, should have rounded up her grade. Jonathan isn't allowed to make up the work or for whatever reason he just can't do it. Justin was using somebody else's locker and his workbook was stolen out of the locker, allowing several zeros to bring down his grade. So.... nobody here is taking blame.
Well, I wouldn't say nobody... I'm taking all the blame. I'm a horrible parent. I feel that way anyways.
Then there is this current 9 weeks, which we are now 3 weeks into. Of the few grades that are posted, Kayla has one F, Jonathan has 2 F's. F's???????? Yeah.... F's. Both of them say not to worry, that they will bring them up. But ya know... last week I had that conference with Kayla's teacher last week, and just today I got a call from one of Jonathan's teachers. She noted that he was 'just not the same' the past week or so in math. Not doing assignments, not taking notes, not bringing his book, etc. Today she had to stand him up in the back of the class as a discipline method. Sigh..........
The funny thing about that is -- since the computer was taken away from Jonathan... he's been a pretty GREAT kid at home. He's outside playing, going to the park, hanging out with friends... it's been like a dream come true. All the kids have noticed it as well. I expected him to do as Kayla does when she doesn't get her way.... go in his room and sleep all day. But he hasn't.
I'm also worried about Kayla and the people she's hanging out with - still. I know I've mentioned it as a concern before. Kayla isn't really 'doing' anything wrong at home, but I just feel it... I just know it.... she's headed in the wrong direction. For example - one of her friends, Anne, has a boyfriend who was just "locked up" and is now in a treatment facility. Well... the guy wanted to send letters to Anne, but he and Anne didn't want Anne's mom to find out. They planned on lying to her mother when he got "passes" to come home. Their plan was to tell the mom that he was in New York. Well, he's now sent 5 letters to my house. First of all, I have a problem with Kayla giving out our address to a guy who is locked up. Chris is a retired corrections officer... we do NOT want our address known by those people. Second... this guy is NASTY in his emails. He talks about how he wants her to have his "jit"(his baby), and that if they didn't 'do it' last time, they would work on it more when he got out. He says that she should know how much he loves her because if he didn't he would have worn a condom. EWW! Oh, and he best part... not only does he smoke weed, he SELLS IT. He wrote one letter to a guy who he used to smoke with and sell with. In that letter he told the guy that he should get his grades better, focus on school for a little while, and THEN he could start "burning" (smoking weed) again. Great advice, huh? Yeah... these people, these friends of hers, are really going places, ya think?
I can't get her to see it. She thinks her friends are misunderstood. And... if I can't help her see it, then doesn't it again make me a bad parent? Again, I strike out. Fail. Sigh....
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Okay, that's pretty sad up there. Let me start telling you some good news.
Justin got a note from his teacher. He did an essay where he was asked to interview a teacher then write about it. Well, he did and in his essay he talked about how he never realized how difficult their jobs were. (Sucking up to the teachers I'd guess, but it worked!) The teacher gave him back the essay and wrote this on it:
"Justin,
This is the bet essay in all of my classes. Excellent job - you were clear, precise & creative. Thanks! :o)
P.S. - Out of 60+ papers, you were the ONLY one to get a 100% and one of the only people who deserved / received an "A". I'm SO PROUD of you! :o)"
Good stuff, huh? Of course, essay writing that these kids do is NOT what we used to have to do. The teachers, even English teachers (which was the case in this paper) didn't grade based on spelling. Kids today are ALLOWED to spell things wrong, and even not have them corrected. Teachers today feel that it's more important that kids learn to express themselves than spelling correctly. I disagree, thinking they are not going to get very far in the corporate world if they can't spell correctly. But... I'm not a teacher, and I have to trust that they know what they are doing.
Anyways, we are SO PROUD of Justin for this note from the teacher - I didn't mean to imply I wasn't when I talked about the spelling.
Speaking of Justin -- he had the MRI and saw the Orthopedic guys at USF -- he definitely has a complete tear of his ACL. Additionally he may have something wrong with his meniscus... but they can't tell for sure on the MRI. He is scheduled for surgery on 12/5/08. It was weird hearing them talk about how they were going to fix it: they were going to try to use some of his hamstring but they were going to have a cadaver part on-hand just in case they can't use his.
It was difficult scheduling this surgery for the 5th and not wait for December 12th. I'm off on Dec. 12th and would love to be there for him. It's outpatient surgery, but still... would love to be there for him. Working alone... it's not so easy to get additional days off - so Chris is going to take him. It's MORE important that he get the surgery quickly... they say that the sooner he has it done, the better and shorter his recovery will be. (There I go again, feeling like a horrible parent!)
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OMG... I'm sitting at my desk typing this and a SPIDER just walked across my chest/shirt. I think I bruised myself slapping the HECK out of it. I'm DEATHLY afraid of spiders. Usually I can't even MOVE when I see them... but to see it walking across me, I just squished it hard. And bruised myself probably. LOL
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Did I tell you that I rejoined Toast of Tampa Show Chorus? Well... I did. I've been to 5 rehearsals so far, passed my audition, choreography, and am just now waiting to be voted into the chorus. Chris loves it that I come home every Tuesday night so happy.
At lunch today I was thinking about Barbershop Competitions... both men's and women's. And my mind went to a really cool story I'd like to share with you. It shows the kindness that stems from this barbershop family.
Chris was in the Heralds of Harmony at the time. We were young... rather new to barbershop, and the kids were young. The Heralds were getting ready to go to International Competition in Nashville. We didn't have a lot of money, and certainly didn't have anything saved for emergencies (the getting married and having a baby at 18 didn't allow us to save anything).
It was the night before we were supposed to leave. The plan was that Chris was going to drive up to Nashville in his truck. But that evening, heck, I think it was actually on the way to rehearsal, his truck broke down. I remember it was something he could fix, but he couldn't fix it in a day.
I drove him up to the last rehearsal before we were supposed to leave. We were late (because of the truck breaking down) so he didn't have time to tell his director, then Tony DeRosa (who is now my chorus at director!) that he couldn't go to Nashville. So he jumped into the rehearsal and figured he'd talk to Tony after rehearsal.
I was sitting on the floor, watching them sing. I remember Chris singing and how much I enjoyed watching him sing. Then they got to "When You Wish Upon a Star" or something like that.... it was a slow song and just BEAUTIFUL. The chorus locking and ringing barbershop chords. Watching Chris sing from the heart. And my heart breaking because I was the only person in the room (other than Chris) who knew he couldn't go with them to Jacksonville. My heart began to break for him... and I felt the tears beginning to well in my eyes.
I didn't want to make a scene at ALL, and so I quietly got up in the middle of the song, and went outside to cry by myself. I was sobbing quietly when a friend of mine, Chris DeRosa, came in. She was walking past me and I tried to pretend like I was fine, but she noticed I was crying and asked me what was wrong. I tried to just smile and say I was fine, but I couldn't hold it in.
You have to know that in our Barbershop choruses, singing at an international competition level, the WORK that you put into getting everything ready for competition is a LOT of work. I could understand if he couldn't go just because we were broke... but... it was just because the truck broke down that evening.
I explained to Chris DeRosa why I was crying. Explained about the car and all of that. Well... her family is a big-ole barbershopping family. Her brother, Tony, was the director, her dad, Papa Joe DeRosa was the former director and a VERY well known barbershopper. Her mom was also a barbershopper. She understood why I was so upset.
The next thing I remember was her talking to her parents, Lois and Papa Joe. They came over to me and said "he is taking our Van to Nashville, and you are not saying no".
Uh... what?
They explained that they had a van at home that was just going to sit there. It would make it to Nashville just fine. They insisted that we take the van.
How can we borrow their car? Not to run to the store... to run up to Nashville! It seemed like WAY too much. My ears were ringing... I remember being stunned by the offer. I kept trying to say no... I mean, what if something happened on the way up to Nashville? What if, God forbid, there was an accident? Papa Joe said if there was an accident - it was meant to be, it would have happened anyways, they had insurance, and they would not hold it against us by any means... it was God's will. Again, they wouldn't take no for an answer.
It's been many years now since that contest. Chris DeRosa is now Chris Kirkman... married to a WONDERFUL man. She lost her daughter to cancer. Papa Joe passed away the year before that. And I now sing in the chorus with Tony as director and his mom and Chris.
I will never forget their graciousness. They didn't just 'let us borrow a van'... they allowed him to make that memory of the International Competition in Nashville.
If the whole world were like the DeRosa's example... we'd live in one wonderful place. God is blessing them every day I'm sure.
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“‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.”
Matthew 22:37-40
Report cards came in yesterday. First up... Kayla, who got a D in math. Kayte and Justin each got one C, and Jonathan got 4 C's. Here's my problem -- the 'consequence' for not making honor roll for Justin, Kayte and Kayla was for them to lose their phones until they DID make honor roll. However, Kayla has already told us she'd just go out and get another cell phone from Metro PCS and pay for it herself. We don't want that... we want to be able to know when she's on the phone at 2am, ya know? So... we told her that she could, instead, just pay HER portion of the cell phone bill.
However, how unfair is that to Kayte and Justin? To add to the unfairness, Jonathan wasn't given the cell phone and warned against not making honor roll... he NEVER makes honor roll. Instead he was given a phone to put in appointments and reminders. However, lately he uses his cell phone mostly for texting and talking. How can we take away their phones when Kayla and Jonathan are able to keep theirs? Heck, Kayte and Justin's report cards were BETTER than Kayla's and Jonathan's.
It's easy to say "just take all the phones away".... but.... I'm having a really hard time with it. First of all... you have to LIVE in the teenage hormone hell that we are in to know that having FOUR unhappy teenagers is going to be an awful living environment for the next 2 nine weeks. Second, I'm not a good disciplinarian, Chris is. But Chris has backed WAY off of disciplining since the big thing with Jonathan, when Jonathan started going to counseling - and that has worked to help mend the relationship between the two of them. Yet... they are all now getting away with everything. In the past, Chris would get all over the kids for doing poorly, and I'd allow it when needed and pull him back if I felt he was being unfair. Now... it's just on me.
The funny thing is that all 4 of them feel that the grades they received were, for one reason or another, "not really their fault". I suppose that's a teenager thing... but they need to own up to their grades - they earned them. Kayla's just not good in math, so it's not really her fault. Kayte had a 79.6 and the teacher, she feels, should have rounded up her grade. Jonathan isn't allowed to make up the work or for whatever reason he just can't do it. Justin was using somebody else's locker and his workbook was stolen out of the locker, allowing several zeros to bring down his grade. So.... nobody here is taking blame.
Well, I wouldn't say nobody... I'm taking all the blame. I'm a horrible parent. I feel that way anyways.
Then there is this current 9 weeks, which we are now 3 weeks into. Of the few grades that are posted, Kayla has one F, Jonathan has 2 F's. F's???????? Yeah.... F's. Both of them say not to worry, that they will bring them up. But ya know... last week I had that conference with Kayla's teacher last week, and just today I got a call from one of Jonathan's teachers. She noted that he was 'just not the same' the past week or so in math. Not doing assignments, not taking notes, not bringing his book, etc. Today she had to stand him up in the back of the class as a discipline method. Sigh..........
The funny thing about that is -- since the computer was taken away from Jonathan... he's been a pretty GREAT kid at home. He's outside playing, going to the park, hanging out with friends... it's been like a dream come true. All the kids have noticed it as well. I expected him to do as Kayla does when she doesn't get her way.... go in his room and sleep all day. But he hasn't.
I'm also worried about Kayla and the people she's hanging out with - still. I know I've mentioned it as a concern before. Kayla isn't really 'doing' anything wrong at home, but I just feel it... I just know it.... she's headed in the wrong direction. For example - one of her friends, Anne, has a boyfriend who was just "locked up" and is now in a treatment facility. Well... the guy wanted to send letters to Anne, but he and Anne didn't want Anne's mom to find out. They planned on lying to her mother when he got "passes" to come home. Their plan was to tell the mom that he was in New York. Well, he's now sent 5 letters to my house. First of all, I have a problem with Kayla giving out our address to a guy who is locked up. Chris is a retired corrections officer... we do NOT want our address known by those people. Second... this guy is NASTY in his emails. He talks about how he wants her to have his "jit"(his baby), and that if they didn't 'do it' last time, they would work on it more when he got out. He says that she should know how much he loves her because if he didn't he would have worn a condom. EWW! Oh, and he best part... not only does he smoke weed, he SELLS IT. He wrote one letter to a guy who he used to smoke with and sell with. In that letter he told the guy that he should get his grades better, focus on school for a little while, and THEN he could start "burning" (smoking weed) again. Great advice, huh? Yeah... these people, these friends of hers, are really going places, ya think?
I can't get her to see it. She thinks her friends are misunderstood. And... if I can't help her see it, then doesn't it again make me a bad parent? Again, I strike out. Fail. Sigh....
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Okay, that's pretty sad up there. Let me start telling you some good news.
Justin got a note from his teacher. He did an essay where he was asked to interview a teacher then write about it. Well, he did and in his essay he talked about how he never realized how difficult their jobs were. (Sucking up to the teachers I'd guess, but it worked!) The teacher gave him back the essay and wrote this on it:
"Justin,
This is the bet essay in all of my classes. Excellent job - you were clear, precise & creative. Thanks! :o)
P.S. - Out of 60+ papers, you were the ONLY one to get a 100% and one of the only people who deserved / received an "A". I'm SO PROUD of you! :o)"
Good stuff, huh? Of course, essay writing that these kids do is NOT what we used to have to do. The teachers, even English teachers (which was the case in this paper) didn't grade based on spelling. Kids today are ALLOWED to spell things wrong, and even not have them corrected. Teachers today feel that it's more important that kids learn to express themselves than spelling correctly. I disagree, thinking they are not going to get very far in the corporate world if they can't spell correctly. But... I'm not a teacher, and I have to trust that they know what they are doing.
Anyways, we are SO PROUD of Justin for this note from the teacher - I didn't mean to imply I wasn't when I talked about the spelling.
Speaking of Justin -- he had the MRI and saw the Orthopedic guys at USF -- he definitely has a complete tear of his ACL. Additionally he may have something wrong with his meniscus... but they can't tell for sure on the MRI. He is scheduled for surgery on 12/5/08. It was weird hearing them talk about how they were going to fix it: they were going to try to use some of his hamstring but they were going to have a cadaver part on-hand just in case they can't use his.
It was difficult scheduling this surgery for the 5th and not wait for December 12th. I'm off on Dec. 12th and would love to be there for him. It's outpatient surgery, but still... would love to be there for him. Working alone... it's not so easy to get additional days off - so Chris is going to take him. It's MORE important that he get the surgery quickly... they say that the sooner he has it done, the better and shorter his recovery will be. (There I go again, feeling like a horrible parent!)
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OMG... I'm sitting at my desk typing this and a SPIDER just walked across my chest/shirt. I think I bruised myself slapping the HECK out of it. I'm DEATHLY afraid of spiders. Usually I can't even MOVE when I see them... but to see it walking across me, I just squished it hard. And bruised myself probably. LOL
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Did I tell you that I rejoined Toast of Tampa Show Chorus? Well... I did. I've been to 5 rehearsals so far, passed my audition, choreography, and am just now waiting to be voted into the chorus. Chris loves it that I come home every Tuesday night so happy.
At lunch today I was thinking about Barbershop Competitions... both men's and women's. And my mind went to a really cool story I'd like to share with you. It shows the kindness that stems from this barbershop family.
Chris was in the Heralds of Harmony at the time. We were young... rather new to barbershop, and the kids were young. The Heralds were getting ready to go to International Competition in Nashville. We didn't have a lot of money, and certainly didn't have anything saved for emergencies (the getting married and having a baby at 18 didn't allow us to save anything).
It was the night before we were supposed to leave. The plan was that Chris was going to drive up to Nashville in his truck. But that evening, heck, I think it was actually on the way to rehearsal, his truck broke down. I remember it was something he could fix, but he couldn't fix it in a day.
I drove him up to the last rehearsal before we were supposed to leave. We were late (because of the truck breaking down) so he didn't have time to tell his director, then Tony DeRosa (who is now my chorus at director!) that he couldn't go to Nashville. So he jumped into the rehearsal and figured he'd talk to Tony after rehearsal.
I was sitting on the floor, watching them sing. I remember Chris singing and how much I enjoyed watching him sing. Then they got to "When You Wish Upon a Star" or something like that.... it was a slow song and just BEAUTIFUL. The chorus locking and ringing barbershop chords. Watching Chris sing from the heart. And my heart breaking because I was the only person in the room (other than Chris) who knew he couldn't go with them to Jacksonville. My heart began to break for him... and I felt the tears beginning to well in my eyes.
I didn't want to make a scene at ALL, and so I quietly got up in the middle of the song, and went outside to cry by myself. I was sobbing quietly when a friend of mine, Chris DeRosa, came in. She was walking past me and I tried to pretend like I was fine, but she noticed I was crying and asked me what was wrong. I tried to just smile and say I was fine, but I couldn't hold it in.
You have to know that in our Barbershop choruses, singing at an international competition level, the WORK that you put into getting everything ready for competition is a LOT of work. I could understand if he couldn't go just because we were broke... but... it was just because the truck broke down that evening.
I explained to Chris DeRosa why I was crying. Explained about the car and all of that. Well... her family is a big-ole barbershopping family. Her brother, Tony, was the director, her dad, Papa Joe DeRosa was the former director and a VERY well known barbershopper. Her mom was also a barbershopper. She understood why I was so upset.
The next thing I remember was her talking to her parents, Lois and Papa Joe. They came over to me and said "he is taking our Van to Nashville, and you are not saying no".
Uh... what?
They explained that they had a van at home that was just going to sit there. It would make it to Nashville just fine. They insisted that we take the van.
How can we borrow their car? Not to run to the store... to run up to Nashville! It seemed like WAY too much. My ears were ringing... I remember being stunned by the offer. I kept trying to say no... I mean, what if something happened on the way up to Nashville? What if, God forbid, there was an accident? Papa Joe said if there was an accident - it was meant to be, it would have happened anyways, they had insurance, and they would not hold it against us by any means... it was God's will. Again, they wouldn't take no for an answer.
It's been many years now since that contest. Chris DeRosa is now Chris Kirkman... married to a WONDERFUL man. She lost her daughter to cancer. Papa Joe passed away the year before that. And I now sing in the chorus with Tony as director and his mom and Chris.
I will never forget their graciousness. They didn't just 'let us borrow a van'... they allowed him to make that memory of the International Competition in Nashville.
If the whole world were like the DeRosa's example... we'd live in one wonderful place. God is blessing them every day I'm sure.
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“‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.”
Matthew 22:37-40
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