Kids Are HOME!

The kids arrived home from Maryland this morning about 9:30 am, safe, sound, and slightly spoiled (which is normal after an 8-day stay with a grandma I suppose!) I am VERY thankful to Gwen for treating the kids to an extra special Christmas. They really had a great time and I want to blog more about it after we've had time to sit down and talk to the kids more about their trip.

Things at the house are just as crazy as they were before. I don't have much time to blog... I am making dinner and working around the house. But I did want to post a couple of pictures for you to enjoy.

Jonathan opening up his Wii for Christmas (yes, he really was that excited):














Chris opening his metal detector (and yes, he too really was that excited):















Amanda on Christmas morning:













Justin at his Grandma Gwen's house:



















Kayla and Kayte at their Grandma's house:















Tomorrow is our big "Christmas" with the kids. Yes I know it's really New Years Eve, but that is our planned "Christmas" with the kids. Although Chris has to work a bit, in the evening we will gather and the festivities will begin. I'm planning a Taco dinner since that's the kid's favorite. Julie and our friend Michelle are coming over for dinner and Christmas as well. After dinner we'll do presents, play some games as a family, then ring in the new year together. It should be fun.

I need to run.... please continue to keep us in your thoughts and prayers. There are times that it's the only thing that keeps us going. :o)

Pennies From Heaven

I promised more frequent blogs... and I'm LOVING my time off but am going to try to sneak a few in here and there.

The kids are still up in Maryland and I had today off work (the day after Christmas). Chris, Jonathan, Amanda, Gene and I spent most of the day today together. We went shopping earlier in the day with Michelle, then spent a little time on the Wii. Tonight we went to visit Chris's step-sister and her family. B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L baby girls she has! Goodness they are just perfect girls. (Two about the same age as they adopted one when they were certain they couldn't have kids, then sure enough - wham - pregnant.) Anyways... it's been a great day.

Julie... I'm not sure how she is doing.

I THINK she might be blaming me somehow for her doctor taking her off all of her medication. I had sent a message to her doctor asking her WHY she would prescribe a quantity of 100 pills to a woman who OVERDOSED on a regular basis (I think this was right after she overdosed on 500 pills), and add to that that it was 100 of a narcotic pill. I didn't understand why she would do that. At the visit, Julie said the doctor 'made' her sign something so that she could talk to me. When the doctor called me she told me that Julie hadn't TOLD her about the overdoses or narcotics problem, so she didn't know. Great.

Julie had last seen this doctor (keep in mind she's the 'good doctor') in September. It's now the end of December. She's been in and out of the hospital since then so she hasn't been back in to see her. In this time, Dr. Vijapuri has had his hands on her and has COMPLETELY messed up her prescriptions and has her on a TON of medications again. (At last count at my house I think she was on 20 different pills.)

Anyways, Julie tells me that this 'good doctor' had decided to take her off of everything except for TWO pills. TWO. Julie was FREAKING out about this. Clearly Julie believes she needs a lot more than this. Julie made mention to me, SEVERAL times, that the decision to do this came about as a direct result of my conversation with the doctor. I don't believe that for one second. I told her that MY only conversation with the doctor was about the QUANTITY of pills. I told her that if Julie needed pills that were strong enough to kill her in large quantities.... to simply give them to her in SMALLER QUANTITIES.

Makes sense, right?

Julie hates the idea, apparently.

Oh, and you'll love this. Julie tells me that although the doctor is putting her on only TWO pills - she's not THAT upset just yet because she has a 'stash' at home. So... she has 'stuff she can take'. My exact words......... "Julie.... why do you tell me these things? I mean really. Don't you think you should just keep that kind of stuff to yourself?"

So, Julie has the mindset of self medicating again. I warned her though... I told her "You know what has happened to you in the past when you have tried to manage your own medications yourself. You don't do so good. You should just call the doctor and talk to them."

But that just brings up another problem: this doctor is leaving USF and has to transfer Julie's care to another Doctor there. Julie doesn't want that to happen. So.........

Julie is shopping for a new doctor.

Part of me feels that Julie is a 38-year old woman who should be able to do whatever the heck she wants to do. Take what pills she wants, do whatever, and suffer the consequences - if any.

But then part of me is REALLY upset about this. Part of me believes whole-heartedly that Julie is a VERY smart psyc patient who knows exactly what to do to get what she wants. She is going to find another doctor who DOESN'T know her history who WILL prescribe in large quantities and who will prescribe what Julie feels that she needs. Deep down I believe this... Julie is very smart about this sort of thing. She fights it hard a lot of times, but this disease, this illness, this addiction - it's a strong one.

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Okay, I have two more Julie stories for you. With the kids gone, I don't know why I have so many Julie stories, but anyways....

Julie calls me today. This is our conversation....

Julie: Wanna hear something really funny?
Tina: Sure.
Julie: Where are you?
Tina: Out with Amanda. (shopping)
Julie: Oh. Well, okay. Do you wanna hear something funny?
Tina: Yes, Julie, Sure.
Julie: Okay. Well, have you ever run out of toilet paper?
Tina: Yes. It happens all the time.
Julie: Really? Wow. Okay. Well, it has never happened to me. It happened to me.
Tina: Okay. Well, it happens to me all the time. But okay.
Julie: Yeah. I ran out.
Tina: Okay. (And I wait for the punch line of "and I had to use a shirt" or something like that to make this the "funny" part.
Julie: So, Katie (our sister) gave me a $50 gift card to Publix.
Tina: That's nice.
Julie: You are not mad?
Tina: Why the hell would I be mad? No, I'm not mad.
Julie: Well, you'd be mad because you two are always fighting to see who would be the better sister.
Tina: (Thinks to self - Uh, I'm raising your three kids so I think I WIN that one hands down, but I keep my mouth shut and don't say it and instead say...) No, Julie, I don't care if she gave you a gift card. She can give you whatever she wants.
Julie: Well, I really need money. I have no food.
Tina: (Wondering when this is going to get funny) Okay Julie. Well, that's great. So what's funny?
Julie: It's funny that I ran out of toilet paper.
Tina: Oh.
Julie: Hey, me and my roommates are having steak for dinner tonight.
Tina: (I darn near bit my tongue off trying not to say anything negative here) That's nice Julie. I've got to go now.

So yeah...................... funny stuff.

And, no I personally didn't feel at all sad for Julie. She had called me the night before sounding pretty pitiful as if she needed money. Saying she had not food, no money, etc. Well, the way I figure it... she's a BIG girl... she needs to eat a LOT less. That's first of all. That may have sounded mean, but - seriously - she's a VERY seriously ill diabetic who does NOTHING about her diet to control her diabetes. She eats fudge, drinks coke, etc. Portion control might be a start and having no money might be a good way to kick-start that into action.

Second of all, she needs to ABSOLUTELY insist that her roommate pay her. She has one who pays, one who doesn't. The one who doesn't keeps 'getting' jobs. Whatver. Pay, or move out. That simple.

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The last story for you is a really sad one. But it has a really neat ending.

At 3:45 this morning Julie sent an email to the family telling us that she was going to try to go to bed. (She didn't because after 5am she sent another... but anyways....)

She said that all night long she was in her bedroom thinking of Ron. This would be Christmas Day. She was watching videos and crying. She said that she was "speaking to the air and talking to Ron all night".

She said that just yesterday she was telling her roommate how that when Ron first passed away she would find pennies in the house all the time and she swore that Ron was dropping the pennies from heaven just to let her know that he was there. However, lately she hasn't found any pennies - not one single penny - around the house any more. And, she finds that she's been getting angry with Ron over it. Upset because she felt that Ron was no longer looking out for her any longer.

So, last night she's in her room crying her eyes out, watching old videos of her husband before he passed. Eventually she decides to go downstairs to turn off all lights and get some milk.

She sits down at the kitchen table with only a dim light in the living room on and a shadow on the kitchen floor catches her eye. She freaks out at first thinking it's a roach or some kind of bug. She flips on the light quickly and what does she see?

A penny.

She says that Ron sent her a penny on Christmas. So, she sent an email out to the family to tell them that "even though it's 4 am Ron said for me to tell everyone MERRY CHRISTMAS"

Kids in Maryland!

Okay.... long time, no blog - I know, I know. First of all, the home computer totally broke. The hard drive is bad. But - a blog reader and fellow choir singer GAVE me a computer in which I can blog with from home - so THANK YOU so much for that. To that end, I find myself back home and up and running with a computer. Of course, that was Thursday and today is Sunday... but it's been a bit crazy at home the past few days.

We've had yet MORE computer drama around here. With the home computer completely broken and the laptop limping along, things have been stressful at home computer-wise. I keep catching kids on the computers and I freak out when I see them on it. Then when I see the kids friends over the house on the computer - I REALLY freak out.

The laptop is set up in the kitchen because it needs to be plugged in to the docking station in order to charge. But then nothing else on the docking station works.... ugg. Then there are wires run everywhere - to the printer sitting on the other side of the table - to the mouse - to the speakers - all kinds of wires everywhere.

Yet because it's in the kitchen it poses the problem of being in the way of food and drinks. We constantly tell the kids to NOT eat or drink at this table (we don't usually eat or drink at this table, we have the dining room table which is much bigger). But the kids keep putting cups on this kitchen table anyways and it drives Chris and I nuts.

Saturday morning Chris gets up and is trying to cut a CD to work on for our performance at Church later that night. Nothing on the laptop seems to be working right. He can't get the CD burner to work. The sound isn't working. Different things just keep 'happening' wrong. He can't figure it out and he's getting frustrated. He begins to raise his voice which wakes up the kids.

Kayla and Kayte sneak down the stairs to come talk to me. They have "that look" on their face. That "I-have-something-horrible-to-tell-you" look on their faces. I knew this wasn't going to be good.

Can you almost tell where I am going with this one? Yeah....

They tell me that one of the kids down the street, Sean, the same one who put a hole in the wall, in the bathroom wall, broke the dining room chair, the picture in the living room, and Kayla's door frame in her bedroom -- he ------ spilled water on the laptop last night.

Oh.

My.

God.

I just sat with utter shock and amazement that they TOLD me this... knowing I was going to have to go in there and find a way to tell Chris. I told the girls to go upstairs and shut their doors... I would find a way to tell Uncle Chris.

And I did manage to tell him -- and I did so in such a way that he DIDN'T freak out.

The sad thing is that I think we are becoming a bit too numb to things breaking around here. They break things ALL THE TIME. I try to blog when it's something big like this... but things happen almost EVERY day that I couldn't possibly blog about. I come home and it's not a surprise to find glass in my driveway, or plastic in my office, wood in the dining room, and doors coming off their hinges in the kitchen every other day in the kitchen. All. The. Time.

I don't know what we are going to do about it.

I know that I wanted to go down and talk to Sean's mom... but Chris didn't want to do it. So.... we'll wait until we decide on a course of action we can both agree upon together and move on it together. That's the way we roll. :o)

What else.....

We've been getting the kids ready to go to visit Gwen for Christmas. This has been no small task, let me tell you. At first I felt really GUILTY about feeling SO GREAT about them going away for Christmas. But... now that they are gone, I realize that I am so happy for them that they are with their Grandmother and I am so happy to be spending some quality time with Jonathan. It's just... a much needed break.

Let me tell you about their packing experience for Maryland. That was fun.

First of all... Justin told us the morning of the day that they were leaving that he only had TWO pairs of pants. TWO. He was planning on bringing shorts. Snowing, and he was going to bring shorts. WHAT? Okay... no. So, we knew we needed to make a trip to the store. Justin had to have more pants. Did anyone else need anything?

We asked.

Kayte mentioned that she didn't have any socks. Again, why the morning of the trip and we just now know about this I wonder? Okay, we'll get socks.

Actually a friend of ours lets Kayte borrow socks. However, Kayte tells her that they are 'too big' for her. How that's possible I don't know. Kayte is a size 7 or 8, this friend is a size 8 or 9. They only make socks in one size for us girls. Kayte is just used to the 'no-show' socks I think. Anyways....

So we head to the store to get everything and tell the kids to get packed and we would check everything when we get home.

When we arrive home, it's pretty chaotic. Kayla has by far the largest suitcase. I had told her to save room in it for the 'extra' stuff that inevitably would be coming back from Grandma's house (after all, it was Christmas and they surely would come back with more than they are going up with!). However, he suitcase was COMPLETELY packed, no room for anything else.

Kayte on the other hand had two suitcases, both of them half-packed and she thought they were both full. I questioned her about her packing choices:

* flip flops
* two suitcases both half-full
* no winter clothes at ALL. I take that back... she had ONE long sleeve sweatshirt. Everything else in her suitcase was short sleeve and VERY thin material clothing.
* no jacket. Well, she had one, but was REFUSING to bring it with her. She felt it was 'un-cool' and would not pack it. Flat out refused.
* the shirt she had chosen to wear on the plane was so thin you could see through it. This is the one that she was going to step off the plane into the snow of Maryland. Mind you, with NO jacket. No sweatshirt. Nothing.


When I told her that her one suitcase was half full and she should put the stuff from the smaller one into it she said (in that smart-teenager-smarty-pants-voice) "what, you just want me to poof some more room in my suitcase?" OH MY GOD I could have KILLED her right then. Or come across the bed and smacked her in the mouth. One of the two.

Now, Kayla on the other hand HAD a jacket to bring with her. Her Grandmother last year bought her a nice white jacket with fur lining around the collar. She LOVES it and it's perfect for the cold weather up there. However, Kayla didn't want to bring it with her. Why not you may ask? Oh, you are going to love this one.... she was afraid it would get dirty. Yeah... if she wore it, it might get dirty... then what would she do?? It wouldn't look pretty hanging in her closet any more.

Lovely, Kayla.

Oh yeah, and after we get home from the store, Kayla tells us that she too has NO socks for the trip. None. Nada. Zero. Zilch. Great.

We went over everything with the kids.... what to do once they arrive at the airport, how to act, what to say, what NOT to say, how to be respectful, etc. Told them NOT to lose their ID, their boarding passes, etc. Our friend Michelle was going to take them to the airport so that Chris and I could sing at church Saturday night.

The only reason I let Michelle take them to the airport for me was because I was told by the airline that they were pretty sure I wouldn't be allowed to walk them to the gate. They would let one person walk them to the gate if they were little kids, but given their age (16, 15 and 14) they probably wouldn't let that happen. But, when Michelle takes them to the airport she asks, and they do allow her to walk them all the way to the gate and wait for the plane.

Michelle tells me that she is SO HAPPY that she was allowed to go with them. She doesn't think they would have been able to make it on their own. THREE TIMES Justin dropped his wallet and it had to be returned to him while waiting for the plane. THREE. Kayla whined. They just didn't do well on their own. Thank goodness she was there to wait with them is all I can say. Late last night I got a call from Kayla telling me that she arrived in Maryland. Gwen got on the phone to tell me how happy she was to have the kids with her. She told me that they were safe and happy and that Chris and I should enjoy the week to ourselves... take the week off and enjoy it - they had everything under control.

That felt really good.

So, I breathe a big sigh of relief.

I smile and I plan for my daughter's visit tomorrow with her husband. My heart leaps for joy as I think about our Christmas plans. Church tomorrow night together as a family for the first time in........... well......... it'll be a first that will include Gene. I really can't wait.

I should run. I promise to blog more now that I have a computer up and running! Thank you Paul for the computer. You are an angel. :o)

Slicing and Dicing

Jonathan went to his doctor's appointment yesterday with Dr. Coniglio. The appointment went great. This guy really knows his stuff about kids and Aspergers, for sure. He remembered Jonathan very well, even though he hadn't seen him in a few years. He remembered he was a singer, in a quartet, and lots of other information about him personally. Jonathan felt right at home with him.

The doctor told us that, in particular as he gets older, he can have side effects from the Adderol he was on. One of those side effects: Anger issues. When I told him the doctor we just saw was going to up his dose to 30mg a day, he said that it was the WORST thing we could do. There is a new medication out that he wanted to try him on. This new medication has reportedly NO side effects. (One of the side effects Jonathan hates on the Adderol is that he is never hungry and thus he is skin and bones!)

He explained to Jonathan that everyone gets angry, and told him how to just walk away. He told him with the change of medicine it should be a bit easier, hopefully.

The hardest thing was fitting everything that has happened in the past 3 years or so in a 50-minute session. But we managed and he's going to follow up with him next month. Jonathan started the new medicine today, so lets hope it goes well. I'll let you know.

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We had some..... Problems... With Julie yesterday.

Julie has been "hearing voices". These voices keep urging her to cut herself. She called me yesterday to tell me that she decided to listen to the voices and cut herself, but that she 'hid it' so that the kids wouldn't see it. (She cut her stomach.)

Then she told me the cuts were pretty deep and that she was worried about them. Well, of course I thought she might need stitches, but more importantly, I was concerned that she was 'hearing voices' that were telling her to hurt herself. I told her that I thought she needed to go to the hospital.

She agreed and called Tampa General and they sent an ambulance.

She was sutured up at TGH and released, believe it or not. They didn't have any room in the psyc ward for her. They also knew that she had a follow-up visit with her regular doctor this Friday.

Personally, I just can't fathom hearing voices telling me to do something. I think it would drive me nuts. Uh, no pun intended.

Julie called last night and asked that I NOT tell the kids. I don't think that is the right thing to do. The kids need to know their mom is still not well, but in a nice way of telling them. They are nearly adults now and hiding things from them isn't going to make anything better. Then she wrote me this morning asking me to wait for her to come over and she and I would both sit down and tell the kids what she did together.

I don't think this is a good idea either.

I don't want the kids to think this is a "okay kids, sit down we have something horrible to tell you" kind of thing with both Julie and I there. This, in my opinion, should be a "your mom had a little setback" talk that I can handle with them - Julie doesn't need to be there. Frankly, she's mentally ill and totally NOT well at the moment and I don't want her there while I'm explaining it to the kids.

I told Julie that she pretty much lost the right to be able to dictate what or how I told the kids what happened when she picked up the razor and sliced a dozen or so long slices into her stomach. I don't mean that to be mean... But SHE is not the one here thinking rational. She is not the one who should be telling me how and what to tell the kids. Ya know?

Lastly I told Julie that if she had only gone to the hospital as SOON AS she heard the voices, this would have been a non-issue. Additionally, she had an option when she knew she was going to run out of medicine - she could have gone to Baylife and they would have given her more pills to last her through her appointment. But she chose not to do so because 1) she didn't want to sit there all day and 2) she thought they might want to keep her for a day or two (although at that time she was doing GREAT and wasn't off any meds, so I can't imagine that would have happened.) Again, she decided to roll the dice and go without meds.

The biggest thing is that I know that this isn't "Julie". This is Julie when her meds aren't right. This can be fixed. Easily. So... Jules, if you are reading this... No worries hun. It'll be better VERY SOON. Everyone in this blog is praying for you.

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That being said, Julie sent an email to me a few minutes ago:

"As I sit here and want to cut (myself) so bad....... It hurts my head to have these thoughts. I just want it to stop. I want it to go away. I should take a sleeping pill and go to sleep. If I am asleep I'm not thinking of cutting.... Not sure what I'm gunna do... Cutting is an addition for me."

Boy oh boy.

Suggested that she call the church and ask someone to pray with her. That - maybe she could find some STRENGTH in it. Instead, she managed to ask them for money to help pay her electric bill. I dunno how that happened. But she seems to feel some better.

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I received another email from one of Justin's teachers today. It's the same one who has been emailing me all year telling me that Justin keeps talking in her class and goofing off - not doing his work - and that the class ends up having to wait for HIM to calm his butt down so they can get started on classwork.

This email said that an assignment she gave to Justin on November 11th was due today and he DID NOT turn it in. It was worth TWO TEST GRADES.

Great.

Additionally, no surprise here, she still can't keep him from talking in her class. She says that every day she asks him no less than two times to STOP TALKING.

Needless to say when he got home today and called me I yelled at him about this. He said something about how he wasn't really "talking in class" he was simply "answering" other kids who were talking to HIM.

I told him to STOP TALKING.

If I didn't work all day, I would go to his school and SIT BEHIND HIM in every single class for a day or two to keep him humble and show him what it's like to behave in class. I can guarantee if I were sitting right behind him in class he would NOT be acting up. It infuriates me that he ARGUES with me about it.

He's not TALKING?

He's ANSWERING?

Is that a real argument that I'm really and truly supposed to buy? Seriously?

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We are going to Chris's mother's house tonight for "Christmas" since they won't be here on Christmas day, they will be in North Carolina. It should be fun.

Katie, Tony, Tatiana, and Isabella will all be there, as will Julie.

I'm not sure what to do about Julie. How do you act around someone who is hearing voices telling them to do things? To hurt themselves? Do I tell the kids before we go? What it it makes it awkward while we are there? Do I fight the urge to ask to see the cuts? I'm the curious type like that, ya know. But then if I see them, do I feel angry or sorry for her? Funny... I don't think EITHER of those feelings are appropriate in this case.

Funny thing is that I told Julie that I was going to be really rushed getting home after work, jumping in the shower, getting the kids 'ready' to go to Nana's house and out the door by 6:15 or so. She said something about them not being little kids, I didn't have to put out their clothes or anything.

I wish you could sometimes see what goes on here to truly understand how hectic it can be. I get home and of course nobody has done chores. Lunch and snacks are still out. At about 5:45 I catch Justin eating a huge Little Debbie snack cake (it's nearly dinner time, why munch now?). Kayla and Kayte are in bed sleeping when I get home. Jonathan freaks out when I tell him we have to leave by 6-ish and he tells me that he 'needs and hour to an hour and a half to get ready'. Yeah, whatever. I try to get Kayla, Justin and Kayte together to talk to them about their mom, but that entails getting the girls up. This takes a good 20 minutes or so, and I find out later that Kayla never really woke up anyways. I had to tell her the whole story again on the drive over to Evie's house.

After I break the news to the kids about their mom.... get Jonathan moving on getting ready to go... get all the kids getting dressed (they are in the pajamas already).... then I jump in the shower and try to get myself ready.

No, they are not kids, but getting them all out the door quickly by myself AIN'T all that easy, let me tell ya. (Oh, Chris was already at his mom's house waiting for us.)

----- Well, since that paragraph, I left home and went to the Christmas party. Evie's house was of course wonderful. Tons of food, family and fun.

Julie on the other hand was not so well.

She showed up with a towel held to her stomach as her cuts were bleeding on the way over. She had blood all over her shirt. She needed help 'hiding' the blood and the cuts so that it didn't freak out Tatiana (and everyone else there for that matter).

Folks, let me tell you - her stomach looked horrible. Additionally she cut up her arm. She doesn't have stitches on her stomach - she has staples. Yeah, she cut that deep. I quickly helped her into the bathroom and needed Evie to help with gauze bandages and such. She wanted to help... but I had to try to prepare her for what she was going to see when she opened the door to the bathroom. I told her, "Look, I know you read my blog and I've talked about her cutting before... but if you have never SEEN it, it's quite bad. Please prepare yourself." I thought she was going to pass out when she opened the door. She cried....

The kids all got to see what their mom had done. I wasn't expecting that. But, it was hard to miss it.... there was just............. so much.

I have to leave for tonight. I'm tired......... I have a headache........ and I've got to get the kids to go to bed. Please say a prayer for this family who --- is really suffering as a result of this mental illness. The kids just don't know how to feel about their mom - angry? upset? normal? Heck, I'm struggling with it myself. I try to blame it on her mental illness, saying it's 'not her fault'... but is it? Sometimes I am sure it's not.... then other times I'm not quite so sure.

My God you guys should have seen her stomach. It was horrible. Please............. pray for the whole thing.

I leave you with this for tonight. I just learned how to upload video's and thought I'd put Jonathan in here. This is him playing a song he learned from listening to a game. Remember... it's all playing by ear.

The Overwhelming Little Things

I have to tell you that I still sit here at work in shock that my son is serving a 10-day out of school suspension for cursing at an administrator. It's unreal.

I did drop an email to the principal telling her that he DID actually BREAK his hand, it wasn't just HURT. Not that it meant anything really, but I thought she'd want to know. Especially since the school nurse sent him back to class and didn't call me. But, she didn't respond. It is what it is I suppose. Still it's hard to believe he has 10 days out of school for this.

Speaking of Jonathan, he has an appointment tomorrow (Tuesday) with Dr. Coniglio. When Jonathan said he wanted to see someone about his anger outburst at school, we talked about who he could see. There are several great folks up here in Carrollwood he could see. He could see them more frequently because they are close, but they wouldn't know HIM that well really, because they may not know all that much about his Aspergers.

Now, Dr. Coniglio down in South Tampa knows ALL ABOUT Aspergers. When Jonathan saw him years ago, we thought he was an angel. He did a test on Jonathan and after that test, began to tell us all about our son... What he was like as a small child, who he would play with, what kinds of toys he liked, what kind of friends he liked, what kinds of activities he liked, EVERYTHING. IT was SO COOL. It was like he KNEW everything about Jonathan. He would call Jonathan his "poster Asperger child" because he was the perfect Asperger kid.

Well, when Jonathan considered his options, he told me that he'd really like to see Dr. Coniglio if he was on our insurance - even if it meant seeing him not as often. Because, he would at least UNDERSTAND him more. So... That's what we are doing. Jonathan will go to see Dr. Coniglio, and he is SO happy to be going.

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Jonathan has had another outburst of anger other than the one at school, this one at home. Thank goodness his appointment is tomorrow with Dr. Coniglio, maybe he can give us some insight / answers.

This time, he got really angry at Justin and Kayla walked into the middle of it.

Kayla got the brunt of it and - well - it was bad. I know Chris had to go home and take care of it. I heard him on the phone and it was HORRIBLE. Jonathan just screaming at the top of his lungs at the other kids. All the kids yelling back at him. It sounded horrible. We called our friend Michelle who was closer to the house than Chris or I and had her go over to check on them to make sure nobody was hurt. I don't know what we'd do without our good friend Michelle!

Jonathan got so angry with Kayla, and Kayla was so afraid she fell into a wall and literally dented the drywall.

Yes, more broken stuff at the Rhocchini house.

Great.

This happened on a Thursday and I found myself crying hysterically on the way to Choir rehearsal. Sometimes a good cry is really good, ya know? I mean, it's nothing anyone could do anything about... Chris had everything under control at the house at the time. The kids are just being teenagers, with issues.

Sometimes, though, when it's just me and God, I want to ask him WHY. Why did he give this to me? I'm no super-mom. I'm not rich. I'm not tolerant to the point of being some kind of counselor to these kids. Sometimes it feels like too much.

That day, that Thursday, it DEFINITELY felt like too much. Then God touches my heart and reminds me of what things were like at their home before DCF stepped in. He reminds me that he thinks they still need to go to college and only Chris and I can help them with that. And that we are in the right place.

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Funny story about maturity level which makes me think of Julie and church this weekend. Julie - bless her heart - has been going to Church with us. This is GREAT!!! I am SO HAPPY. This week she wanted to sleep in, but as she said "God woke her up". She looked AWESOME. Her makeup was beautiful, she'd lost a little weight, she looked just GREAT. I am so proud of her.

Anyways, we are at Church, middle, center, third pew in, nobody in front of us. I mean, we have Pastor Matthew spittle on our faces we are so close to front. Pastor is talking about what a great church we are -- how we tend to 'get the big picture' in terms of giving of ourselves, how we've built churches and donated so much time and money.

He had just finished talking about how our church is going to build a center to help children who have lost a parent - it'll be the first one of it's kind in the area. Right now the only time a child can get help is from Hospice, but if you are a child who's parent dies suddenly (auto accident, murder, suicide, etc), there just isn't a place for you to get assistance.

Anyways, it was a big talk and one I would think Julie would get a lot out of since her kids, in particular, would have been greatly impacted by such a facility had one been built a few years ago. Heck, they could even probably offer to work at this new one once it's up and working here. Anyways....

Pastor is preaching some deep stuff... Julie leans over and says "Hey, Tina. I just bought this new base makeup. It's really neat. It has two holes - one hole has base makeup, the other hole has lotion. (she grabs my hand and puts it on her face) Feel my face - how soft it is! Isn't it soft???"

Uh, yeah, Julie. Real soft.

So funny. Bless her heart.

******************

I got another call today from a principal at Gaither. This time for Kayte. She really dislikes her Math teacher and has been trying to get out of the class.

It's hard to explain, but she isn't teaching in such a way that Kayte understands it. Even Jonathan agrees that the teacher isn't teaching correctly.. Something about not teaching slopes for Algebra 1, and so Jonathan has been teaching her at home things that the teacher SHOULD be showing her at school. When Jonathan teaches Kayte, she immediately 'gets it'. Of course, she can't show her 'work' because the teacher hasn't shown them anything about using these slopes in class. Anyways, Kayte doesn't like the teacher and states that almost all the kids in the class are receiving D's and F's. (Kayte has a D in this class, which is very unusual for her.)

Today Kayte brought in a paper to the teacher to try to get out of the class. The teacher questioned her as to where she received the paperwork, not believing that she actually got it from guidance and Kayte replied "Well, I didn't pull it out of my BUTT!" Which, of course is disrespectful and rude, and so the teacher sent her to the principal's office.

At least she didn't say "Ass" because, as we all now know, this would have gotten her 10-days out of school suspension. Sigh.....

***********************

The computers at home are still not so good. I don't know what we are going to do. I've looked online and computer prices are really reasonable now. Maybe if I get a good new-year bonus, I can consider spending a little on this. It's hard knowing where to prioritize... With bigger things such as the termites... That it's hard to really think about. I'm still behind on things - I've been paying the mortgage 28 days late for the past year (end of the month instead of the first of the month), as a result racking up late fees but never really going over 30 days late. Catching up on this would be really great as well. But - try having 4 teenagers and a husband who works for himself and NOT having a working home computer... It just doesn't work. Not to mention it helps MY sanity when I can blog and I just CAN'T blog when I can't blog at home. I'm sitting her trying to blog from my phone. Do you know how long this is going to take me?? Yeah..... I'm going to need thumb wraps....

Sigh

So, it really is a priority. I know it is. I found this really great website that my boss uses, ecost.com. They have great deals, and I'm going to keep looking there - maybe they'll have a new-year blowout sale or something.

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I am DONE Christmas shopping, by the way. I need to do one small thing for my mom, but other than that, I'm done.

The Church gave us some gift cards the other day and with that, we were able to go out and get each kid something that they wanted for Christmas. Nothing too extravagant, but at least something they wanted. Except for Jonathan, we got him a few things since he will be with us on Christmas morning (Kayla, Justin and Kayte will be in Maryland with their Grandma) we figured he needed more under the tree than just one thing. Again, nothing TOO extravagant, but he'll be happy.

He is getting everything that he asked for. Course, he hasn't asked for much. Because he has been in trouble, he keeps saying that he 'doesn't deserve anything'.

Hopefully Dr. Coniglio can help with that some tomorrow. He has been beating himself up a LOT lately.

The thing with this Christmas is... I am happy. I am very happy. Each kid has something. I realize I am blessed. I know it's not about 'things'.

I see Amanda.... She is SO STRESSED about 'things'. Maybe it's because she works in retail... Maybe it's because she is young... Maybe it's because she's not yet financially stable... But she's very unhappy and doesn't understand the 'Reason for the Season'. Sure... She isn't religious. I get that. But it's more than that. She's tightly wound around the frantic-hectic-money-side of Christmas.

Maybe she needs to experience one Christmas where she literally MAKES all the gifts - pot holders or something totally corny like that and just ENJOYS the GIVING of the gifts and not the stress of anything else. I dunno.

She's tightly wound and I wish I knew how to help. No, that's not it... I don't want to 'help'... I want HER to EXPERIENCE more and agonize LESS.

******************

OIE

I just got in from picking up Jonathan from the ATOSS program and am back at work. Phone here is ringing OFF the HOOK.

Customers calling and Kayte calls.

Kayte called to try to tell me how RIGHT she was to tell her teacher that she didn't "pull that paperwork out of her butt". She said "even the assistant principal agreed with me!" I said, "Hold it right there. The assistant principal might have agreed that the teacher was wrong in not understanding about the paperwork, but you were COMPLETELY and TOTALLY wrong in the DISRESPECTFUL MANNER in which you talked to the teacher.

She sucked her teeth at me.

I hate that.

I had to put her on hold because my phone were ringing off the hook here (I work alone I might point out) and she hung up and called me BACK so that she could once again have my undivided attention. WHAT?

She wants to go to tutoring after school. She said she needed an answer RIGHT NOW.

FINE I said. Without time to even think about how she was going to get home. I guess she needed an answer RIGHT THAT SECOND after all, right? So maybe she'll have to walk home. Then she'll have time to think about her attitude with that teacher.

Did she really think that she was going to WIN a conversation with me in which she told a teacher that she "didn't pull paperwork out of her butt"?? How completely disrespectful.

I'm still fuming over this.

******************

Great. To add to my teenage frustrations for today - a cell phone that I purchased with Kayla's money for her on Ebay came in today - and it doesn't work.

Lovely.

Now I have to research how to get my money back for an ebay auction from some schmoe selling refurbished cell phones on ebay.

Just made my day.

Sigh.....

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It's funny... Sometimes I feel so very blessed and fortunate. Sometimes I feel so stressed that I think my heart is just going to STOP one day. As if there were not one more thing I could possibly handle, and I'm not even sure if I can handle what I DO already have.

It's not the computer, or the phone, or one kid, or grades, or one thing... It's a lot of little things that - if you take them all at once - can become completely overwhelming.

I just have to sit back and think about the blessings at the same time. It's hard though when you are feeling overwhelmed and you feel like crying. Times like that I should just go pray.

Matter of fact, I think that's exactly what I'll go do right this second. I have 30 minutes before I have to go home. Phones have stopped ringing. I have a few minutes to compose myself. I think I'll go pray.

Computer Issues

Quick update - The "Blue Screen Of Death" came up last night on the little laptop we have at home last night.  The laptop was just limping along... having issues itself as Justin broke the back of it and we can't get it fixed just yet and we had to kind of rig it to get it to work temporarily until we could get it repaired fully.  As you may remember, the big computer that is our main home computer is really broken.

 

Chris mentioned what we really need is a new home computer.  The one we have at home is just really old.  We've had it for years... it's full of memories and programs... we've deleted everything we can, but it's just old technology and has stuff on the hard drive we just don't want to get rid of on it.  Photos, files, songs, etc.  But we are FAR away from being able to buy a whole new computer system for the house.  So... I don't know what we are going to do. 

 

I don't think the blue screen of death on the laptop is a huge issue... Google told me it was most likely an 'overheating issue'. 

 

But here's the thing. 

 

It's almost Christmas.

 

I haven't done ANY Christmas shopping. 

 

I'm stressed.

 

Computers are broken.

 

Teenagers are driving me NUTS.

 

One is on a 10-day suspension.

 

Two of them are going through PMS at the moment.

 

One is trying to be the umber-cool-guy in school and is thus failing a class.

 

And both of my computers at home have the "Blue Screen of Death".

 

I am not allowed to blog from work. 

 

Please.... nobody call me or email me and ask why I haven't blogged lately.  I promise I will blog when I can.  Okay????

 

Big................. deep............... breath................. okay then!  Thanks y'all!

 

I love each of you that care so very much for me that you CARE about what goes on in my life!!  I truly do! I thank GOD for your love and blessings every day. 

 

Never forget that the most powerful force on earth is love. Nelson Rockefeller

Broken Hand

This is going to be an extremely quick update. It's nearly 1am on Saturday night and I realize I didn't blog about the doctors appointment on Friday afternoon yet. I should do so, for those of you who don't know.

Sure enough, Jonathan DID break his hand at school on Thursday. Who is to say if that is one of the reasons he was so 'out of control' in the lunchroom. Was the school nurse wrong to send him back to class and not call me? Again, who knows. As I always say, "it is what it is".

On the way to the doctors appointment I received a call from the principal and they are NOT going to reduce his 10-day out of school suspension, which truly blows my mind. I'm trying not to focus on it because there is nothing more I can do about it and I need to set a positive example for my son. I followed the rules, I asked for a review, I was given the answer, I need to accept their response. As does he.

About his hand, he has a fracture on his left hand on around his index finger. He'll be in a cast for no less than 4 weeks. They did, however, knowing he was an active boy, put him in a removable cast. It was kind of neat actually - they form-fitted it to him there in the office and he can take it off to shower or to rest a bit at the end of the night. I simply couldn't believe it when they came back and told me it was broken. I thought for sure they were going to tell me it was just bruised. Can you IMAGINE having 10 days of "out of school suspension" work to try to make up............ WITH A CAST ON THE HAND YOU HAVE TO WRITE WITH? Do you know how long that is going to take?? OIE!

We picked out the tree today and it's really beautiful. In addition, we have lights out front, most courtesy of Chris's mom and dad, Evie and Jimmie. Kids in the neighborhood come by just to look at the lights... and they are not even all up yet! Really cool stuff!!

Please continue to keep us in your thoughts and prayers. I have so much more to blog about, but it's really late and I don't want to mess it up. Please continue to pray for strength for our family throughout the holiday season. Thanks so much.