Okay, I never - EVER - blog about politics. However, today I simply can't help myself.
We are all struggling. My pay was cut $10,000 a year - my daughter just called me and was told she had two choices: move to part time or take a severance package of 3 weeks pay - it's EVERYWHERE. We are in a recession. And the things our taxpayer money is going towards makes me sick.
It was bad enough the day after Obama was elected that Taxpayer money was now funding abortions. I suppose that means that I may possibly be viewed by God as an accomplice to murder since some of my money is going towards this. This troubles my soul in ways I can't put into words.
Then Obama started talking about the TV Converter Boxes. He said that he wanted the date pushed back because everyone in America wasn't ready for the 'all digital' upgrade. In particular low income people. For this reason, the rest of America, and all of the people who have been preparing for it by getting their boxes or going to cable, have to wait for the upgrade. I was pleased when they announced that the date was going to remain the same. Frankly - I'm sick and tired of seeing the blurb across the bottom of my screen warning me of the upcoming date.
And please don't misunderstand. I'm not a rich person who could care less about the low-income family. I've been that low income family for more years than I care to talk about.
Now, with the new stimulus bill.... $650 MILLION is being given for these stupid converter boxes. Yes... now everyone in that low income bracket will be able to get their converters.
Oh Joy. $650 million of our tax dollars to give low-income families TV.
Tell me........... when did television become a NECESSITY? It has always been a luxury item, hasn't it? I will try to refrain from spouting my thoughts on why Obama is so set on this... but you know he relies on the media to help support him - and if millions of people didn't have TV's - how would they get their Obama fix? That's all I'll say about that.
There were days when, if you wanted to hear what was going on in the news and you couldn't afford a TV, your family huddled around a radio. Some say times then were better. Simple. Happy.
What's next? Are we going to buy TV's for anyone without a TV? Seriously... if the government is now saying that it is a necessity... then surely every family in America is entitled to a TV as well, right? And then... at some point down the road... does cable TV become a necessity? I mean... you do get more stations, such as CNN. So, will the government then start paying for cable if you can't afford it? Where does it end?
Entitlement is a problem right now. Everyone is entitled to so many things.
I'm furious that my pay is going down and the government is spending all this money on STUPID shit.
They already gave the banks tons of money in an effort to allow more American's the opportunity to get better rates on their mortgages. Wasn't that the reason for the huge checks - millions of dollars (or was it billions? I forget...) written to banks?
Well, for two months now I've been trying to refinance my home with 5.5% interest, because the government says I should be able to. The banks are giving me all kinds of hassles. I pay every single bill on time. I have VERY little credit card debt. I have a steady job and make decent money, as does Chris. Heck, the kids we are raising get SS and VA benefits. And yet.... I've been jumping through hoops for months. The woman doing the paperwork just told me "The guidelines have changed drastically and it takes a lot more to get things done."
Isn't the purpose of lowering the interest rate so that my payment goes down... so when they cut my pay 20% I can still afford to live in our family home? Isn't the government decreasing the federal rate to ZERO in an effort to 'get credit flowing'? Given ALL of this, shouldn't this be easy?
Oh, and also on CNN.... "Uncle Sam Wants To Sell You A Car". Really? Who can afford a car payment right now? They have a "cash for clunkers" program floating around right now... where you turn in your car that is paid for and buy a new car - they give you a rebate check of some sort. But still... you then have monthly payments on a vehicle. I consider myself blessed to have every car we own paid for. I'm buying generic everything to save cash - Uncle Sam thinks I can afford a new car?
Are politicians living in a bubble? TV's are no longer a luxury but something every American should have. Abortions are funded by tax dollars. They give money to the banks without a promise from the banks of sharing that with their customers. And now everyone - in a recession - needs to buy a new car. And this is just a start to the madness.
Sorry about a political blog here... but I'm just so frustrated. Thanks for listening. :o)
"You could afford a house without the government if it weren't for the government."
Rush Limbaugh
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Answered Prayers
Julie and I went to court this morning for Julie's request of unsupervised visits. The more I think about it... I believe that the outcome was the best thing for the kids.
We went to court at 9:30 this morning and waited a LONG time. When we went in, Julie stated that she had been out of the hospital for a 10 month period of time and that she deserved unsupervised visits. He asked me how I felt about it and I told him that I agreed that she certainly could have unsupervised visits. I explained that there were many times that I - or any family member - could tell when Julie was not well... and that during those times... she shouldn't be able to take them. But when she is doing well... she could be just fine with them. The district attorney did a GREAT job of saying what it was that I was feeling. She told the judge that she recommended that Julie be given unsupervised visits at my complete discretion.
One thing that was kind of weird is that Julie told the judge that Justin was 17 and Kayte was 16. They are not... Justin is 16 and Kayte is 15. Sure... they have a birthday later this year, but when he asked how old they were now... she said they were older. I told the judge their actual ages and that their birthdays were in late June. I think she did that so that the kids would seem older in the judges eyes, but I don't know exactly why.
We then talked about some difficult stuff. The Doctor from Hillsborough Kids stated that he had concerns after reading Julie's discharge summary from her recent bakers act in Tampa General. In that summary he said that, among other things, Julie would self medicate. We then explained to the judge what her mental conditions were. I also told him that my other concern that I wanted to mention was that - even when she was doing well, she didn't think and rationalize consequences of her actions as an adult. Not because she was being mean or hard-headed, but often times she just isn't capable of that level of reasoning.
There were two times when I thought the judge was going to stop and not allow any visitations what-so-ever... one when I told him about her lack of reasoning skills and two when he heard what was in her discharge paperwork from TGH.
The funny thing is... what I prayed would happen is that I would give my opinion, Julie give her opinion, and the judge takes all of that and makes a determination that is solely based on the best interest of the kids. I now believe that is exactly what happened.
Julie is allowed to see the kids unsupervised for a maximum of 3 hours, however, she is never allowed to drive with them and she must have her visits in a public place. Julie nor I were expecting these stipulations. Julie at one point said "Sir, I am a very good driver." The judge just replied "I don't care, with the amount of medication you take, you are not driving with the kids." When he talked about the public place, Julie was very upset. She really wanted to take the kids back to her apartment. The judge just said no... that she had to take them someplace public such as the mall, a park, the movies, McDonald's, the Zoo, etc. Julie said she didn't have money to take them to those kinds of places, and he named several places, such as a park, that she could take the kids to for free.
I've been pretty shocked about the outcome all day. However, I now think that this was the answer to my prayers. The judge certainly didn't do exactly what I wanted him to do... he took the information and did what he thought best.
So, that was our day in court.
The kid's grandma and grandpa (Ron's mom and dad) came down this last weekend. It was a great visit... Friday we had dinner at Olive Garden - 20 family members for Kayla's birthday. Gwen decided not to get Kayla a car just yet. We found out the insurance was going to be very expensive and Kayla really needs to save up for that. Saturday Gwen took Kayla to try to get her license, but the place was closed so they all went to the mall. We had dinner Saturday night - 10 of us around the table. The on Sunday my mom came over and we had a late lunch (11 of us). It was a busy weekend, but I know the kids loved seeing Gwen and Coley.
Chris has been working SO HARD, it's unreal. He left for work at 8pm on Sunday night and worked all night and all the next day and came home about 10pm on Monday. He looked HORRIBLE when he got home... dragging tail for sure. Tuesday morning he was back out at the crack of dawn and didn't get home again until after 10pm. He did the same thing today and will be working again until late tonight. Poor guy. Although he LOVES what he is doing. He's standing in as the General Contractor on a remodel of a big chain bookstore. It's only a week of work - a very LONG week with long hours - but he's enjoying it. If nothing else, he absolutely knows he wants to get his license to become a contractor. I'm great with that, as long as he doesn't always work those long hours. I miss him!
My chorus is going SUPER well. I joined and was made tenor section leader immediately. I love that... the respect I get from the section and leaders of the chorus. We were just riser placed... which is a really big deal in our chorus. My FAVORITE spot is in the middle of the chorus with the three other parts around me - no other Tenors. I was a little worried they wouldn't put me in the middle. They usually put the tenors in little 'pods' on the sides, but they have done that before and just put me in the middle, which was AWESOME. We have another tenor in the chorus who has WON an international quartet contest as a tenor... so surely she'd go there. Well, they put her in the middle - as well as me. We have a bass singing between us, and I'm surrounded by all three other parts - LOVE it. I'm trying to deal with the fact that I am going to pick and choose what competitions I go to... like - I'm not going to go to Regional competition in April, but I am going to the International competition in October. I just love singing with them and feel so blessed to be a part of the group.
Well, I should run for tonight. I have to start dinner, take Kayte to work at church, then pick her up and bring her to her school, and somewhere in there finish cooking dinner and eat. Need to get started now to get done in time.
Thank you all for your prayers! It means the world!
"Your living is determined not so much by what life brings you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens."
-Lewis L. Dunnington-
We went to court at 9:30 this morning and waited a LONG time. When we went in, Julie stated that she had been out of the hospital for a 10 month period of time and that she deserved unsupervised visits. He asked me how I felt about it and I told him that I agreed that she certainly could have unsupervised visits. I explained that there were many times that I - or any family member - could tell when Julie was not well... and that during those times... she shouldn't be able to take them. But when she is doing well... she could be just fine with them. The district attorney did a GREAT job of saying what it was that I was feeling. She told the judge that she recommended that Julie be given unsupervised visits at my complete discretion.
One thing that was kind of weird is that Julie told the judge that Justin was 17 and Kayte was 16. They are not... Justin is 16 and Kayte is 15. Sure... they have a birthday later this year, but when he asked how old they were now... she said they were older. I told the judge their actual ages and that their birthdays were in late June. I think she did that so that the kids would seem older in the judges eyes, but I don't know exactly why.
We then talked about some difficult stuff. The Doctor from Hillsborough Kids stated that he had concerns after reading Julie's discharge summary from her recent bakers act in Tampa General. In that summary he said that, among other things, Julie would self medicate. We then explained to the judge what her mental conditions were. I also told him that my other concern that I wanted to mention was that - even when she was doing well, she didn't think and rationalize consequences of her actions as an adult. Not because she was being mean or hard-headed, but often times she just isn't capable of that level of reasoning.
There were two times when I thought the judge was going to stop and not allow any visitations what-so-ever... one when I told him about her lack of reasoning skills and two when he heard what was in her discharge paperwork from TGH.
The funny thing is... what I prayed would happen is that I would give my opinion, Julie give her opinion, and the judge takes all of that and makes a determination that is solely based on the best interest of the kids. I now believe that is exactly what happened.
Julie is allowed to see the kids unsupervised for a maximum of 3 hours, however, she is never allowed to drive with them and she must have her visits in a public place. Julie nor I were expecting these stipulations. Julie at one point said "Sir, I am a very good driver." The judge just replied "I don't care, with the amount of medication you take, you are not driving with the kids." When he talked about the public place, Julie was very upset. She really wanted to take the kids back to her apartment. The judge just said no... that she had to take them someplace public such as the mall, a park, the movies, McDonald's, the Zoo, etc. Julie said she didn't have money to take them to those kinds of places, and he named several places, such as a park, that she could take the kids to for free.
I've been pretty shocked about the outcome all day. However, I now think that this was the answer to my prayers. The judge certainly didn't do exactly what I wanted him to do... he took the information and did what he thought best.
So, that was our day in court.
The kid's grandma and grandpa (Ron's mom and dad) came down this last weekend. It was a great visit... Friday we had dinner at Olive Garden - 20 family members for Kayla's birthday. Gwen decided not to get Kayla a car just yet. We found out the insurance was going to be very expensive and Kayla really needs to save up for that. Saturday Gwen took Kayla to try to get her license, but the place was closed so they all went to the mall. We had dinner Saturday night - 10 of us around the table. The on Sunday my mom came over and we had a late lunch (11 of us). It was a busy weekend, but I know the kids loved seeing Gwen and Coley.
Chris has been working SO HARD, it's unreal. He left for work at 8pm on Sunday night and worked all night and all the next day and came home about 10pm on Monday. He looked HORRIBLE when he got home... dragging tail for sure. Tuesday morning he was back out at the crack of dawn and didn't get home again until after 10pm. He did the same thing today and will be working again until late tonight. Poor guy. Although he LOVES what he is doing. He's standing in as the General Contractor on a remodel of a big chain bookstore. It's only a week of work - a very LONG week with long hours - but he's enjoying it. If nothing else, he absolutely knows he wants to get his license to become a contractor. I'm great with that, as long as he doesn't always work those long hours. I miss him!
My chorus is going SUPER well. I joined and was made tenor section leader immediately. I love that... the respect I get from the section and leaders of the chorus. We were just riser placed... which is a really big deal in our chorus. My FAVORITE spot is in the middle of the chorus with the three other parts around me - no other Tenors. I was a little worried they wouldn't put me in the middle. They usually put the tenors in little 'pods' on the sides, but they have done that before and just put me in the middle, which was AWESOME. We have another tenor in the chorus who has WON an international quartet contest as a tenor... so surely she'd go there. Well, they put her in the middle - as well as me. We have a bass singing between us, and I'm surrounded by all three other parts - LOVE it. I'm trying to deal with the fact that I am going to pick and choose what competitions I go to... like - I'm not going to go to Regional competition in April, but I am going to the International competition in October. I just love singing with them and feel so blessed to be a part of the group.
Well, I should run for tonight. I have to start dinner, take Kayte to work at church, then pick her up and bring her to her school, and somewhere in there finish cooking dinner and eat. Need to get started now to get done in time.
Thank you all for your prayers! It means the world!
"Your living is determined not so much by what life brings you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens."
-Lewis L. Dunnington-
Friday, January 16, 2009
Live The Questions
I have so much to get off my chest, I don't even know where to start.
Let's start after my last blog... with all the things that have helped me feel like I'm going insane the past two weeks.
On Sunday, 1/4, we all knew Julie was a little depressed. She kept to herself... didn't say much. Heck, Justin had even asked her to please not go home and hurt herself. Julie seemed pretty 'clear'... she didn't seem to be on anything... but she wasn't quite right.
Mom, I found out later, had also talked to Julie sometime on Sunday. Mom knew she was depressed and told her that she should go to the hospital. (We can't ever fool mom... she knows how I'm feeling just talking to me on the phone!) Julie told her that IF she ever did decide to go to the hospital, she wouldn't tell anyone. Monday afternoon mom calls me and asks me if I'd heard from Julie all day. I had not. Her cell phone was going directly to voice mail, so we knew it was off. Nobody was answering at home. I went to bed Monday night afraid that Julie was dead on her apartment floor. I thought about going over there to check on her... but I was afraid to do that. I figured if she was still 'missing' on Tuesday afternoon... we'd call the police and file a report - they could then go look for her at her apartment.
Later on Tuesday I finally hear that Julie did go into the hospital. She was depressed and the doctor sent her to Tampa General ER. The ER said her levels were off and they Bakers Acted her to take care of it. She was there until Friday, the 9th.
Julie can say all she wants to that she should be able to go into a hospital and not tell anyone and none of us should worry... but the amount of times she's overdosed and tried to kill herself - we certainly DO worry. If we didn't worry, that would mean we've given up on her... and we haven't done that.
So, she's in the hospital... and the first person / family member that she calls to notify that she is in the psych unit is who? Justin... of course. Not an adult. Justin. Amazing.
So... the rest of my week that week, as you saw from my last blog, was full of teenage drama. Chris was out of town and I was just up to my eyeballs in it. Nuff said about that.
Sunday Julie comes back over to visit - this would be the 11th, 2 days after she gets out of the hospital. I was going to make sloppy joes for dinner, but Julie really wanted my chicken alfredo, so I went to the grocery store and we had - of course - the chicken alfredo. At one point, I was making dinner and Julie was in the kitchen and we were talking about Justin. Julie talked about how she wanted Justin to take care of her when he grew up. I asked her "don't you want him to grow up, go to college, get married and have kids?" She responded by telling me that he HAD to take care of her... "what else am I supposed to do?" she asked. I continued to try to tell her that she needed to not pressure Justin into thinking this way... but she was really quiet so I left it alone after a little while.
At one point on Sunday she lifted up her shirt and I could see fresh cut marks on her stomach.... many of them. I assume she did this earlier in the week when she was either going to or in the hospital. She told me they were not new, which was funny given the fact that it had blood on it still... but she also gave me that 'look' telling me that of course they were new. So sad....
On Monday I think it was, she has a one-night-stand with some guy she really didn't even know. She wakes up on Monday morning to her phone ringing. It's the landlord telling her that her front door to her apartment was open. At first Julie didn't tell us anything about the guy that was with her. Her story at first was that she went to bed with the apartment door unlocked and when she got up, she found her keys and car missing. We found out later in the day that when she woke up, her keys were gone, her car was gone... as was the guy that she didn't really know. Coincidence? I don't think so.
Julie did file a police report... which was really good for her. She did tell them all about the guy who was with her the night before, so now they are looking for him and her car.
On Tuesday, Julie's boyfriend - that I hear she has known for 10 days, doesn't work, doesn't own a car, and receives a disability check every month - tells her that he wants to "go steady" as Julie puts it. He wants to move in and take care of her. She moves him in immediately and - although she says he's going to help her with rent... no specific dollar figure was discussed nor the date it would be paid. I just thought it was funny that she was with some guy on Monday, then Tuesday moves her 'boyfriend' into the apartment.
I can't say that I'm surprised. Julie has been labeled a 'sex addict' - although what I really think is that she needs love and physical attention very badly. My sister Katie was WAY more upset about this than I was. Katie grilled her on everything (as only a sister would do!) - and was shocked to hear that she was doing all of this unprotected. Julie's response: "I was tested last year, and I'm a good person, so nothing will happen to me." Utterly amazing. My mom too was very upset. Funny thing is that I think I was the least upset of the three of us in this instance. Of course, I worry about her, and I certainly worry about the kids if they were to be able to go over there and hang out with these people. I mean, if the guy moved in that day... he obviously wasn't under a lease somewhere else... which means he's living with someone else now - not on his own - at the age of 48.
Then there is the rental car / her car deal. She got a rental car deal from someplace by the airport... but had no way to get there. Then she had to pay a week in full to get the deal (if they find her car tomorrow... she's out of luck for insurance reimbursement). My sister Katie was talking to Julie about looking for a job (she didn't get her job back at Walmart). Katie told her that she needed to look for something around her house that she could walk to. Julie asked why she'd need to walk... and Katie replied that - if they didn't find her car, she'd have no vehicle. Julie thought she could use insurance money to buy herself a new car. But the car she's driving isn't paid off... and she's most likely upside down. It's more likely that they'll pay off some of her car loan and Julie will still have a payment due to the bank for the car. Julie never thought she'd have to pay off the loan if the car was stolen. I don't know how she'd think this... but she did.
Earlier this week I got a phone call from a Doctor from "Family Matters". He is the guy who will be making a recommendation to the courts as to what to do about Julie's motion to have unsupervised visits. We talked for a long while... I explained to him about how I had already allowed her to have some unsupervised visits when she was doing well. I told him that Julie actually stated that it could be used against me in court. He said it wouldn't. He knew that she had been Bakers Acted and that she was discharged on the 9th. He started off by telling me that Julie needed to have completed her case plan. If she didn't do that - then they would throw the whole thing out of court to begin with. Then with the new Baker's Act... well... he wasn't sure how it would look.
I told him this about that: Although I do not appreciate how she went into the hospital (not telling anyone and the family worried sick about her) - I told him that I thought it was extremely important that she DID go in when she needed help. I explained that she has many mental health issues that would never go away. The rest of her life, she'll have ups and downs... and that she needed to go to the hospital at certain times. Penalizing her for this was not 'right' in my opinion. Julie already has it in her head that when she goes to the hospital it's "bad". As her sister, I don't WANT her to think that way... I want her to seek help the very day that she realizes that she needs help - not feel like she has to hide it. The courts could determine whether or not Julie is well enough to have the kids unsupervised given her mental conditions... but please don't use the bakers act alone as any kind of reason.
He talked about the possibility of having Julie have unsupervised visits only when I deem it appropriate. I know that will be really hard because there are many times when Julie is slurring and she SWEARS that she is okay. This is going to put me in the role of being the 'bad guy'... and I totally HATE that. But if it's the only way this can happen for her, and what the court wants... of course I'd do it.
He explained to me that the courts view me - as the permanent guardian - the "parent". And that they usually take the views of the "parent" in these cases. I explained that I honestly didn't know what was best. I think that when she IS well, she's okay to take them for certain things. But at the same time still doesn't always think things through completely... so I don't know. I explained EVERYTHING to him and think that he really got the way I feel.
Other news: Jonathan tried out for the talent show at Gaither. He played a song he wrote on the piano... and then his quartet sang a song called "Moondance". He made the talent show for BOTH things! Amazing... he is SO TALENTED!
I have to run as I'm really not feeling all that well. I want to leave you with something I heard on... of all places... the Ellen Degeneres show. A Doctor who is apparently really well known came on to share some new year resolutions with everyone and he said the most profound thing that I loved - I had to write it down.
Live The Questions:
Focus less on consumption and more on relationships.
What do I find important?
Who am I?
What do I want?
How can I be a good friend?
What gives me meaning and purpose?
What are the things I look for in a relationship?
Live the questions and you won't need to worry about the answers.
Let's start after my last blog... with all the things that have helped me feel like I'm going insane the past two weeks.
On Sunday, 1/4, we all knew Julie was a little depressed. She kept to herself... didn't say much. Heck, Justin had even asked her to please not go home and hurt herself. Julie seemed pretty 'clear'... she didn't seem to be on anything... but she wasn't quite right.
Mom, I found out later, had also talked to Julie sometime on Sunday. Mom knew she was depressed and told her that she should go to the hospital. (We can't ever fool mom... she knows how I'm feeling just talking to me on the phone!) Julie told her that IF she ever did decide to go to the hospital, she wouldn't tell anyone. Monday afternoon mom calls me and asks me if I'd heard from Julie all day. I had not. Her cell phone was going directly to voice mail, so we knew it was off. Nobody was answering at home. I went to bed Monday night afraid that Julie was dead on her apartment floor. I thought about going over there to check on her... but I was afraid to do that. I figured if she was still 'missing' on Tuesday afternoon... we'd call the police and file a report - they could then go look for her at her apartment.
Later on Tuesday I finally hear that Julie did go into the hospital. She was depressed and the doctor sent her to Tampa General ER. The ER said her levels were off and they Bakers Acted her to take care of it. She was there until Friday, the 9th.
Julie can say all she wants to that she should be able to go into a hospital and not tell anyone and none of us should worry... but the amount of times she's overdosed and tried to kill herself - we certainly DO worry. If we didn't worry, that would mean we've given up on her... and we haven't done that.
So, she's in the hospital... and the first person / family member that she calls to notify that she is in the psych unit is who? Justin... of course. Not an adult. Justin. Amazing.
So... the rest of my week that week, as you saw from my last blog, was full of teenage drama. Chris was out of town and I was just up to my eyeballs in it. Nuff said about that.
Sunday Julie comes back over to visit - this would be the 11th, 2 days after she gets out of the hospital. I was going to make sloppy joes for dinner, but Julie really wanted my chicken alfredo, so I went to the grocery store and we had - of course - the chicken alfredo. At one point, I was making dinner and Julie was in the kitchen and we were talking about Justin. Julie talked about how she wanted Justin to take care of her when he grew up. I asked her "don't you want him to grow up, go to college, get married and have kids?" She responded by telling me that he HAD to take care of her... "what else am I supposed to do?" she asked. I continued to try to tell her that she needed to not pressure Justin into thinking this way... but she was really quiet so I left it alone after a little while.
At one point on Sunday she lifted up her shirt and I could see fresh cut marks on her stomach.... many of them. I assume she did this earlier in the week when she was either going to or in the hospital. She told me they were not new, which was funny given the fact that it had blood on it still... but she also gave me that 'look' telling me that of course they were new. So sad....
On Monday I think it was, she has a one-night-stand with some guy she really didn't even know. She wakes up on Monday morning to her phone ringing. It's the landlord telling her that her front door to her apartment was open. At first Julie didn't tell us anything about the guy that was with her. Her story at first was that she went to bed with the apartment door unlocked and when she got up, she found her keys and car missing. We found out later in the day that when she woke up, her keys were gone, her car was gone... as was the guy that she didn't really know. Coincidence? I don't think so.
Julie did file a police report... which was really good for her. She did tell them all about the guy who was with her the night before, so now they are looking for him and her car.
On Tuesday, Julie's boyfriend - that I hear she has known for 10 days, doesn't work, doesn't own a car, and receives a disability check every month - tells her that he wants to "go steady" as Julie puts it. He wants to move in and take care of her. She moves him in immediately and - although she says he's going to help her with rent... no specific dollar figure was discussed nor the date it would be paid. I just thought it was funny that she was with some guy on Monday, then Tuesday moves her 'boyfriend' into the apartment.
I can't say that I'm surprised. Julie has been labeled a 'sex addict' - although what I really think is that she needs love and physical attention very badly. My sister Katie was WAY more upset about this than I was. Katie grilled her on everything (as only a sister would do!) - and was shocked to hear that she was doing all of this unprotected. Julie's response: "I was tested last year, and I'm a good person, so nothing will happen to me." Utterly amazing. My mom too was very upset. Funny thing is that I think I was the least upset of the three of us in this instance. Of course, I worry about her, and I certainly worry about the kids if they were to be able to go over there and hang out with these people. I mean, if the guy moved in that day... he obviously wasn't under a lease somewhere else... which means he's living with someone else now - not on his own - at the age of 48.
Then there is the rental car / her car deal. She got a rental car deal from someplace by the airport... but had no way to get there. Then she had to pay a week in full to get the deal (if they find her car tomorrow... she's out of luck for insurance reimbursement). My sister Katie was talking to Julie about looking for a job (she didn't get her job back at Walmart). Katie told her that she needed to look for something around her house that she could walk to. Julie asked why she'd need to walk... and Katie replied that - if they didn't find her car, she'd have no vehicle. Julie thought she could use insurance money to buy herself a new car. But the car she's driving isn't paid off... and she's most likely upside down. It's more likely that they'll pay off some of her car loan and Julie will still have a payment due to the bank for the car. Julie never thought she'd have to pay off the loan if the car was stolen. I don't know how she'd think this... but she did.
Earlier this week I got a phone call from a Doctor from "Family Matters". He is the guy who will be making a recommendation to the courts as to what to do about Julie's motion to have unsupervised visits. We talked for a long while... I explained to him about how I had already allowed her to have some unsupervised visits when she was doing well. I told him that Julie actually stated that it could be used against me in court. He said it wouldn't. He knew that she had been Bakers Acted and that she was discharged on the 9th. He started off by telling me that Julie needed to have completed her case plan. If she didn't do that - then they would throw the whole thing out of court to begin with. Then with the new Baker's Act... well... he wasn't sure how it would look.
I told him this about that: Although I do not appreciate how she went into the hospital (not telling anyone and the family worried sick about her) - I told him that I thought it was extremely important that she DID go in when she needed help. I explained that she has many mental health issues that would never go away. The rest of her life, she'll have ups and downs... and that she needed to go to the hospital at certain times. Penalizing her for this was not 'right' in my opinion. Julie already has it in her head that when she goes to the hospital it's "bad". As her sister, I don't WANT her to think that way... I want her to seek help the very day that she realizes that she needs help - not feel like she has to hide it. The courts could determine whether or not Julie is well enough to have the kids unsupervised given her mental conditions... but please don't use the bakers act alone as any kind of reason.
He talked about the possibility of having Julie have unsupervised visits only when I deem it appropriate. I know that will be really hard because there are many times when Julie is slurring and she SWEARS that she is okay. This is going to put me in the role of being the 'bad guy'... and I totally HATE that. But if it's the only way this can happen for her, and what the court wants... of course I'd do it.
He explained to me that the courts view me - as the permanent guardian - the "parent". And that they usually take the views of the "parent" in these cases. I explained that I honestly didn't know what was best. I think that when she IS well, she's okay to take them for certain things. But at the same time still doesn't always think things through completely... so I don't know. I explained EVERYTHING to him and think that he really got the way I feel.
Other news: Jonathan tried out for the talent show at Gaither. He played a song he wrote on the piano... and then his quartet sang a song called "Moondance". He made the talent show for BOTH things! Amazing... he is SO TALENTED!
I have to run as I'm really not feeling all that well. I want to leave you with something I heard on... of all places... the Ellen Degeneres show. A Doctor who is apparently really well known came on to share some new year resolutions with everyone and he said the most profound thing that I loved - I had to write it down.
Live The Questions:
Focus less on consumption and more on relationships.
What do I find important?
Who am I?
What do I want?
How can I be a good friend?
What gives me meaning and purpose?
What are the things I look for in a relationship?
Live the questions and you won't need to worry about the answers.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Today
Today might be the lowest I've felt in the three years since the kids moved in. I feel sad. I feel beaten. I feel like there is no hope for some things.
It's a long story about last night... and I'm not going to blog about it now. I want to because I want to explain how I'm feeling, but I'll try without getting into last night.
First of all, I got a blog comment from my daughter. She didn't understand that the last blog was really about more than the kids not going to bed when "I" tell them to. There are many reasons for the 10 PM bedtime - the most important being that they have school the next morning. But it wasn't about the 'time'... it was about how they don't listen to me. About them trying to justify somehow and to some extent talking back. All of THAT is the underlying problem. So... I don't think the appropriate motherly thing for me to do is 'relax'.
Chris is gone... and I am a horribly leniant disciplianarian. Something happened yesterday and I punished one of the kids - wait... I'm going to get into what happened and I said I wasn't going to do that. Sigh.....
I feel horrible today. I feel weak and beaten. I am up before 9 on a Saturday because I have to go into work this morning so they can finish installing the carpet in the office. What I want to do is go back to bed and cry the rest of the day.
Please say a prayer for me. Thanks.
It's a long story about last night... and I'm not going to blog about it now. I want to because I want to explain how I'm feeling, but I'll try without getting into last night.
First of all, I got a blog comment from my daughter. She didn't understand that the last blog was really about more than the kids not going to bed when "I" tell them to. There are many reasons for the 10 PM bedtime - the most important being that they have school the next morning. But it wasn't about the 'time'... it was about how they don't listen to me. About them trying to justify somehow and to some extent talking back. All of THAT is the underlying problem. So... I don't think the appropriate motherly thing for me to do is 'relax'.
Chris is gone... and I am a horribly leniant disciplianarian. Something happened yesterday and I punished one of the kids - wait... I'm going to get into what happened and I said I wasn't going to do that. Sigh.....
I feel horrible today. I feel weak and beaten. I am up before 9 on a Saturday because I have to go into work this morning so they can finish installing the carpet in the office. What I want to do is go back to bed and cry the rest of the day.
Please say a prayer for me. Thanks.
Thursday, January 08, 2009
Bedtime Struggles - Yet Again!
Yes... it's back-to-school time after the long (and I mean REALLY long) Christmas break - which means the kids have set bedtimes again. Of course, they hate having a bedtime so they give me a hard time about it - which means I get to vent about it here. :o)
Chris has been gone all week, which leaves me home to take care of everything that needs to be done after work. Last night I took Justin to physical therapy, dropped Kayte off at work, went home to start dinner, left again to pick up Justin, home to continue cooking dinner, Church to pick up Kayte from work, then home to eat... all between 5:30 and 8:00. Fun stuff....
First of all... I absolutely hate being responsible for getting Kayte to work 3 - 4 times a week. I know that might sound awful... but... I do. We didn't take Kayla to work this much - why Kayte? Kayla didn't mind walking to work when she needed to. Kayte's job at the church is 1.7 miles from our house... she totally could walk this or ride a bike. But she said... if we make her do so - she will just quit. Sigh.... Last night she told me that she has training at work on Friday from 6 - 9.... so any plans I had for the evening are now out of the question - unless I make her find some other way to get to work. I hate doing that because then she asks the mom of her friend Michelle, who lives quite a distance from our house and the church. This mom always takes Kayte when she asks... Kayte told me last night that her mom 'doesn't mind driving all the time for her'. Well... EVERYONE minds spending a lot of money on gas nowadays, don't they? I think what I'll do is... when she turns 16 in June tell her she must find another job within walking distance of the house so she can get there herself.
So... the bedtime stuff....
Remember the bedtime rule now? 9:30 they turn off all electronics and get ready for bed (which seems to take them forever), then at 10 they are to be IN bed.
Well, at 9:30 I tell the kids to get off the computer and off the video games. Kayla was on the computer and Justin was on the video game. I went back to check on them just before 10 and they were both still on. I told them to get off and get up to bed. Justin was 'just finishing' a game. Kayla got off and went upstairs. At a little after 10:05 I go in there and Justin is STILL on the video game. He tells me that he's in the middle of a football game and can't get off. I said not to start a game so late... he said he started it at 9:00 or so. I told him I didn't care and he needed to get off. He again said 'just a minute'.
I then went into the computer room and rebooted the router. Of course, this booted him from his game right away and he was none-to-happy, let me tell ya. Oh well....
I then went upstairs at 11 to go to bed myself and I can hear Justin talking and I see their bedroom light on. I go in there and Kayte is putting on pajamas and Justin is sitting on his bed, which is still completely made up.
I of course 'went off' on both of them. Kayte says, in her sweet yet attorney voice "but I had to put my pajamas on!". I told her she SHOULD have done so over an HOUR ago. Justin tells me "Auntie Tina, I AM in bed!" I looked at him... sitting there fully dressed, ice pack on his knee, sitting UP in bed. I told him that "in bed" meant like he was going to sleep.
I asked these two why I ALWAYS have to come in there and talk to them. They are always talking, washing their faces, putting on pj's, sorting clothes, etc - after bedtime. LONG after bedtime. Perhaps we needed to separate them. (They HATED hearing this) I told them we could always turn the downstairs game room back into a bedroom like it was for Grandpa and Justin could sleep down there.
Again Justin tells me that he's okay because he "is in bed". I looked at him and said "can you sleep like that?" He looks at me confused and said that he guesses so. I told him - fine... sit up all night long and sleep in THAT position. Do NOT lay down! If this was what "in bed" looked like... I wanted to SEE him sleep like that.
Sigh..............
Oh, and Julie called last night and is getting out of the hospital on Friday. She thought it was completely wrong for me or mom to be worried about her the other day... saying that she should be able to go somewhere for a while and us not have to check up on her all the time. Whatever... she should be happy that she has family that loves and cares about her.
I'm supposed to be going to Choir tonight, but Kayla keeps messing up my night. She wanted to have her boyfriend come over tonight... so I planned a roast. I got it all ready to go this morning and it's in a pan waiting to be cooked now. Then she called and told me that I never told her it was okay for him to come over - which is wrong, we had a long conversation about it... I would cook dinner, she would make brownies... etc. Okay - I figure we'll just have the roast without him. But she asks if her friend Jessica can come over and eat with us. I tell her that's fine... we'll have plenty anyways.... dinner would be ready about 7:00 or or 7:30 I figure. I hang up the phone with her and literally 2 minutes later I get a text message - she now wants to go to the school basketball game tonight. No, I didn't plan my night around you. Twice. Cancel choir... started cooking this morning.
Kids.... make me crazy sometimes.
Now... Jonathan is at school for quartet practice and I have to pick him up after work. At 5:30 he has piano practice. I need to continue working on dinner, and then figure out what I'm going to do about Kayla. Pick Jono up at 6. Hopefully dinner will be ready by 7 or 7:30 if I can get my act together quickly enough.
Oie.
Hurry home Chris! :o)
I should run.... need to finish up some stuff before I dive into my evening. Thanks for listening to my ranting today!
That which does not kill you makes you stronger. - Neitzsche
Chris has been gone all week, which leaves me home to take care of everything that needs to be done after work. Last night I took Justin to physical therapy, dropped Kayte off at work, went home to start dinner, left again to pick up Justin, home to continue cooking dinner, Church to pick up Kayte from work, then home to eat... all between 5:30 and 8:00. Fun stuff....
First of all... I absolutely hate being responsible for getting Kayte to work 3 - 4 times a week. I know that might sound awful... but... I do. We didn't take Kayla to work this much - why Kayte? Kayla didn't mind walking to work when she needed to. Kayte's job at the church is 1.7 miles from our house... she totally could walk this or ride a bike. But she said... if we make her do so - she will just quit. Sigh.... Last night she told me that she has training at work on Friday from 6 - 9.... so any plans I had for the evening are now out of the question - unless I make her find some other way to get to work. I hate doing that because then she asks the mom of her friend Michelle, who lives quite a distance from our house and the church. This mom always takes Kayte when she asks... Kayte told me last night that her mom 'doesn't mind driving all the time for her'. Well... EVERYONE minds spending a lot of money on gas nowadays, don't they? I think what I'll do is... when she turns 16 in June tell her she must find another job within walking distance of the house so she can get there herself.
So... the bedtime stuff....
Remember the bedtime rule now? 9:30 they turn off all electronics and get ready for bed (which seems to take them forever), then at 10 they are to be IN bed.
Well, at 9:30 I tell the kids to get off the computer and off the video games. Kayla was on the computer and Justin was on the video game. I went back to check on them just before 10 and they were both still on. I told them to get off and get up to bed. Justin was 'just finishing' a game. Kayla got off and went upstairs. At a little after 10:05 I go in there and Justin is STILL on the video game. He tells me that he's in the middle of a football game and can't get off. I said not to start a game so late... he said he started it at 9:00 or so. I told him I didn't care and he needed to get off. He again said 'just a minute'.
I then went into the computer room and rebooted the router. Of course, this booted him from his game right away and he was none-to-happy, let me tell ya. Oh well....
I then went upstairs at 11 to go to bed myself and I can hear Justin talking and I see their bedroom light on. I go in there and Kayte is putting on pajamas and Justin is sitting on his bed, which is still completely made up.
I of course 'went off' on both of them. Kayte says, in her sweet yet attorney voice "but I had to put my pajamas on!". I told her she SHOULD have done so over an HOUR ago. Justin tells me "Auntie Tina, I AM in bed!" I looked at him... sitting there fully dressed, ice pack on his knee, sitting UP in bed. I told him that "in bed" meant like he was going to sleep.
I asked these two why I ALWAYS have to come in there and talk to them. They are always talking, washing their faces, putting on pj's, sorting clothes, etc - after bedtime. LONG after bedtime. Perhaps we needed to separate them. (They HATED hearing this) I told them we could always turn the downstairs game room back into a bedroom like it was for Grandpa and Justin could sleep down there.
Again Justin tells me that he's okay because he "is in bed". I looked at him and said "can you sleep like that?" He looks at me confused and said that he guesses so. I told him - fine... sit up all night long and sleep in THAT position. Do NOT lay down! If this was what "in bed" looked like... I wanted to SEE him sleep like that.
Sigh..............
Oh, and Julie called last night and is getting out of the hospital on Friday. She thought it was completely wrong for me or mom to be worried about her the other day... saying that she should be able to go somewhere for a while and us not have to check up on her all the time. Whatever... she should be happy that she has family that loves and cares about her.
I'm supposed to be going to Choir tonight, but Kayla keeps messing up my night. She wanted to have her boyfriend come over tonight... so I planned a roast. I got it all ready to go this morning and it's in a pan waiting to be cooked now. Then she called and told me that I never told her it was okay for him to come over - which is wrong, we had a long conversation about it... I would cook dinner, she would make brownies... etc. Okay - I figure we'll just have the roast without him. But she asks if her friend Jessica can come over and eat with us. I tell her that's fine... we'll have plenty anyways.... dinner would be ready about 7:00 or or 7:30 I figure. I hang up the phone with her and literally 2 minutes later I get a text message - she now wants to go to the school basketball game tonight. No, I didn't plan my night around you. Twice. Cancel choir... started cooking this morning.
Kids.... make me crazy sometimes.
Now... Jonathan is at school for quartet practice and I have to pick him up after work. At 5:30 he has piano practice. I need to continue working on dinner, and then figure out what I'm going to do about Kayla. Pick Jono up at 6. Hopefully dinner will be ready by 7 or 7:30 if I can get my act together quickly enough.
Oie.
Hurry home Chris! :o)
I should run.... need to finish up some stuff before I dive into my evening. Thanks for listening to my ranting today!
That which does not kill you makes you stronger. - Neitzsche
Tuesday, January 06, 2009
Quick Update
I'm headed out to chorus in a few minutes... but I did want to try to get in a quick post.
Julie is in the hospital and didn't want anyone to know.
I hadn't heard from her since yesterday afternoon. Julie and I had actually had a bit of an argument. She called me and told me that we should really talk about what's going to happen in court about the unsupervised visits so we could get on the same page. I agree with that, and in many aspects: I liked what she said. She talked about how she didn't want to just be able to take them 'whenever' but rather, on Sundays if she wanted to go to the mall with them... she could. I like that idea to some extent, but again - only if she is in a good condition to do so. I was working and both bosses were in the office (our first day back at work after being off for nearly 2 weeks... so we were rather busy). I told Julie I really couldn't talk much about it now and said something about the courts would, I'm sure, do what's best. This I think got her a bit upset.
She then started telling me "Tina, there are things that I'M SURE you wouldn't want to come up in court."
What?????
She continued on with telling me that it 'could come out' that I got drunk the other night. Saturday night we had a family get together at the beach. Chris and I rented a room so that - if we did drink... we did not drive. I had wine... actually no more than I would usually have at an all-day event - but I didn't eat much. I had two small hot dogs for an early dinner with a very small amount of chips... and I think it just wasn't enough in my tummy. ANYWAYS... she's thinking I wouldn't want them to know I drank.
Whatever.... I told her that I would be happy to tell them myself. I have nothing to hide.
Then she said "well, you wouldn't want them to know that you allowed me to take the kids when you weren't supposed to". I can't even believe she had the balls to say it - let alone that she would try to use that AGAINST me.
I told her that I had no problems telling them all about it. While we were at it... we could talk about how those visits went. How DARE SHE try to do that to me!!
I was livid. She actually tried to blackmail me? WHAT??? I told her we could talk about it later that night, after 6:30 as Justin had physical therapy that I had to bring him to.
Mom called me last night and told me she was worried about her. She hadn't heard from her yet (nor had I) and that her cell phone was going right to voice mail. Mom thought she had gone into a hospital, checked herself into a mental unit.
To say the next few hours were upsetting would be an understatement. I went to bed wondering if my sister was unconscious on her bedroom floor due to an overdose. Or maybe she did go to a hospital. I didn't know.... I didn't sleep much.
Today I thought - if we can't find her by late this afternoon, we'll call the police and file a missing person's report. They'll find her that way, I'm sure. Well, we found out that she IS in a hospital. She had told mom "If I do go into a hospital, I'm not going to tell anyone", and sure as heck - she didn't. As a result we were all worried sick.
The funny thing is... I'm not really angry with her about this. I'm actually HAPPY that she went into a hospital because she felt she needed it. I'm just upset that she did it and purposely didn't tell anyone. I am still angry, however, about her phone call to me yesterday afternoon.
I believe now that mom, my sister Katie and I are all on the same page now as far as unsupervised visits. We all realize that Julie is not the best judge of when she's 'okay' or 'not okay'. Someone else has to be able to tell her 'no' if she calls slurring and wants to pick up the kids. The only one who doesn't realize it is Julie.
She's probably really upset because she did so good for so long.... but as I've said before, she will always have mental problems, and will always be an addict. She will have GOOD days, and she will have BAD days. I want nothing more than for Julie's 'good days' to be spent with her kids. Someone just has to tell us how to make that happen.
I should really run... I've got to get dressed for chorus. I suppose at some point while I'm back I'll go all grungy and stuff... but for now... I enjoy getting dressed nice and putting on make up to hang out with the girls all night.
Please everyone... say a prayer for Julie. Thanks!
Julie is in the hospital and didn't want anyone to know.
I hadn't heard from her since yesterday afternoon. Julie and I had actually had a bit of an argument. She called me and told me that we should really talk about what's going to happen in court about the unsupervised visits so we could get on the same page. I agree with that, and in many aspects: I liked what she said. She talked about how she didn't want to just be able to take them 'whenever' but rather, on Sundays if she wanted to go to the mall with them... she could. I like that idea to some extent, but again - only if she is in a good condition to do so. I was working and both bosses were in the office (our first day back at work after being off for nearly 2 weeks... so we were rather busy). I told Julie I really couldn't talk much about it now and said something about the courts would, I'm sure, do what's best. This I think got her a bit upset.
She then started telling me "Tina, there are things that I'M SURE you wouldn't want to come up in court."
What?????
She continued on with telling me that it 'could come out' that I got drunk the other night. Saturday night we had a family get together at the beach. Chris and I rented a room so that - if we did drink... we did not drive. I had wine... actually no more than I would usually have at an all-day event - but I didn't eat much. I had two small hot dogs for an early dinner with a very small amount of chips... and I think it just wasn't enough in my tummy. ANYWAYS... she's thinking I wouldn't want them to know I drank.
Whatever.... I told her that I would be happy to tell them myself. I have nothing to hide.
Then she said "well, you wouldn't want them to know that you allowed me to take the kids when you weren't supposed to". I can't even believe she had the balls to say it - let alone that she would try to use that AGAINST me.
I told her that I had no problems telling them all about it. While we were at it... we could talk about how those visits went. How DARE SHE try to do that to me!!
I was livid. She actually tried to blackmail me? WHAT??? I told her we could talk about it later that night, after 6:30 as Justin had physical therapy that I had to bring him to.
Mom called me last night and told me she was worried about her. She hadn't heard from her yet (nor had I) and that her cell phone was going right to voice mail. Mom thought she had gone into a hospital, checked herself into a mental unit.
To say the next few hours were upsetting would be an understatement. I went to bed wondering if my sister was unconscious on her bedroom floor due to an overdose. Or maybe she did go to a hospital. I didn't know.... I didn't sleep much.
Today I thought - if we can't find her by late this afternoon, we'll call the police and file a missing person's report. They'll find her that way, I'm sure. Well, we found out that she IS in a hospital. She had told mom "If I do go into a hospital, I'm not going to tell anyone", and sure as heck - she didn't. As a result we were all worried sick.
The funny thing is... I'm not really angry with her about this. I'm actually HAPPY that she went into a hospital because she felt she needed it. I'm just upset that she did it and purposely didn't tell anyone. I am still angry, however, about her phone call to me yesterday afternoon.
I believe now that mom, my sister Katie and I are all on the same page now as far as unsupervised visits. We all realize that Julie is not the best judge of when she's 'okay' or 'not okay'. Someone else has to be able to tell her 'no' if she calls slurring and wants to pick up the kids. The only one who doesn't realize it is Julie.
She's probably really upset because she did so good for so long.... but as I've said before, she will always have mental problems, and will always be an addict. She will have GOOD days, and she will have BAD days. I want nothing more than for Julie's 'good days' to be spent with her kids. Someone just has to tell us how to make that happen.
I should really run... I've got to get dressed for chorus. I suppose at some point while I'm back I'll go all grungy and stuff... but for now... I enjoy getting dressed nice and putting on make up to hang out with the girls all night.
Please everyone... say a prayer for Julie. Thanks!
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