I wanted to let you all know that we could still use more prayer. More prayer for strength and guidance that Chris and I do the 'right things' that God would have us do on a day to day basis.
Things here are continually crazy. The kids are acting like... well... teenagers. I know, I know -- they ARE teenagers. Well, there are FOUR of them, and they each come with ~ shall I say ~ unique problems. And it's just a bit overwhelming at times.
The funny thing is that lately I've felt sorry for my mom and my sister Katie whom I've been leaning on for support and advice (because I've not been blogging about it). They know how stressed I've been about the whole thing and I know they just wish there was something they could do or say to make it better. It's just not that simple.
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I told you last time about Kayla's big lie problem. It's been a constant problem for her.
Wednesday we had Kayla's boyfriend over for dinner. He and his little brother. Now, they are nice enough boys, really. Especially the younger brother. He has GREAT manners. But, something just isn't right with them, and I couldn't put my finger on it completely for a while.
At first, Kayla told me he was a great kid doing well in school. This is usually a requirement for dating a boy in our house. Must be a good kid and must be doing well in school. Well, then Kayla tells me he got in a fight at school, but the fight 'wasn't his fault'. But Kayla was there and she saw that he didn't really hit the boy. Then when the policeman was there, the police man said that Kayla's boyfriend bowed up to hit him (a 'battery on a police officer') but - again - Kayla said she was there and this 'never happened'. Now, I love Kayla, but she is NOT the most truthful person I know. As a matter of fact, it's the opposite. I've never known anyone who lies as much as Kayla does. So.... take that for what it's worth.
So.... now I fully believe that this boyfriend hit this boy at school and threatened to hit this officer, and was arrested for battery on a police officer. Not so bad - maybe. Then more and more truth starts coming out.
Kayla tells me that the boy now attends Chamberlain high school, because of the fight at Gaither. But then one day she asks if he can come over after school. He is at my house IMMEDIATELY after school. Odd since he attends Chamberlain. In emailing the mom, I find out that he doesn't attend school - at all. He's been kicked out and mom has to figure out what to do with him. Get him a job. Maybe get a GED.
Also the younger brother - who can't be more than 14 or 15 - is also kicked out of school. How sad is that? I have NO idea what he did. But in talking to Kayla about her boyfriend - I find out that her boyfriend has been arrested at least four times.
Arrested? Four times????
Ah geez.
So much for the good kid who attends school with her. What we found most sad is that Kayla lied and lied and lied and that truth just started coming out little by little. Then as it happened, she'd be caught in a lie - which of course is bad. But Kayla would say she didn't REALLY lie. Come on! How can you say you didn't lie when you FLAT OUT DID? Kayla is the worst liar on the planet and she is the only one who believes her lies. Maybe someone who doesn't know her might believe her.
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So, after the boys leave our house that night - we all sit down and talk. Chris talked to them all about the choice of friends. BAD choice of friends. There are thousands of choices... why choose to date someone with a police record? Not attending school? Someone who is failing? Someone who can't even attend school? Someone who is going nowhere in life? There are other kids who are doing well in school who have a promising life ahead of them.... CHOOSE THEM to date.
Kayte - thinking Kayla had made the mistake of NOT telling us about her boyfriend's mistakes up-front - tells us that she would like to take this time to tell us that she's thinking about bringing home a new boyfriend. But she'd like to tell us about him now. Up-front. To get it all out in the open.
Oh boy. This is going to be good, I can tell already.
She says.... Well, he's on probation now, and he's a really good kid, now. But he didn't used to be. You see, he was arrested when he was 14 for dealing Cocaine.
ARRESTED?
FOURTEEN?
COCAINE??
I didn't know what Cocaine was until I was an adult. At fourteen this kid was a dealer? If he was arrested for it at 14, I wonder at what age he REALLY started dealing?
Chris proceeded to go into "corrections officer" mode... telling her that he is only a good kid now BECAUSE he HAS to be because he has a PROBATION OFFICER. Chris told her that if the kid came to our house, Chris wanted to be able to pat him down, to ask him questions, and he wanted the name and phone number of his probation officer so that he could call him/her.
Kayte was, needless to say, NOT happy.
Chris and I tried sitting down with them and trying to get her to see -- what kind of a little KID would DEAL COCAINE? She didn't see anything wrong. Maybe it was wrong before, but for right now, he's better. And that's all that matters.
Of course, since this time -- I've now learned that she's not interested in dating him because he treats her like crap. This is the second boyfriend she's had that has done that, and that - to me - is concerning. Mentally abusive is what I would call it, actually. Kayte actually has a very low self-image. I guess that's something we'll have to work on with her. We keep telling her that she deserves better. But I think deep down, SHE doesn't believe it.
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Thursday I received my cell bill. All 279 pages of it. Kayla had talked her pretty-little-head-off all month long. She used up ALL her minutes, all our minutes, ALL our saved rollover minutes, and then kept going. More than $200 later, my cell phone bill, which for 5 of us is usually around $220 was this month over $500. Unbelievable.
After Chris and I discussed it, we decided to have Kayla to pay us the difference. She owed us $204.06 in overage charges. She just got paid, it shouldn't be a problem. However, she's already spent her money. On what, I don't know... but it's mostly gone. She has about $50 left. So, Chris and I decided to 'suspend' her service and we would turn it back on after she paid us for it.
Needless to say, Kayla was NOT happy. But, we figured this might teach her a lesson. Julie told me that I should have let her get the cell phone that has unlimited everything. But, I told Julie, we wanted her on our plan so we could control what hours she was on the phone - so she wasn't on the phone all hours of the day and night. She mentioned something about how we obviously couldn't control her now. Yeah, thanks for that. But, that's where discipline comes into play. And she WILL be disciplined, trust you-me. And ya know - and I explained this to Kayla - you HAVE to learn self-control. HAVE to. It will apply to so many aspects of your life.
Of course, Kayla did try to tell me that it was impossible for her to have talked for as many minutes as Cingular said she did - which is where printing 279 pages of a cell phone bill came in handy. I dropped all the pages in front of her and showed her each and every call - every text message - every EVERYTHING. Told her to go ahead and check it out. While she was at it, she could check out the highlighted areas in which I noted the times she was on the phone when she wasn't allowed to be on the phone. Midnight. 1am. Etc. Yeah... it's ALL on the bill. So... you can't get away with ANYTHING in this age of technology. Don't try me little girl.
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Oddly that night - Kayte decided to sleep with Kayla that night. At the time, I didn't wonder why. Looking back I'm kicking myself. Usually, Kayte and Justin sleep in the same room. Putting two and two together now, I realize that Kayla didn't have a cell phone and Kayte DID.
Hindsight. Gotta love Hindsight.
So after bedtime, Chris couldn't sleep. About 1:30 am he was up walking around downstairs in the dark. He hears some whispering - it's Kayla and Justin.
There - in the dark - is Kayla -- FULLY dressed, shoes on, jacket over her arm, hand on the front door, turned around whispering to Justin who is trying to tell her that "Uncle Chris is UP!" Kayla lets go of the front door, drops the jacket by the game room and proceeds to 'innocently' look for him. But he's already seen her. He catches her and scares the bejeezus out of her.
"What ARE you doing?" He asks her - as IF there is any question really.
"I got up to pee" she explains. Mind you - there are TWO bathrooms upstairs. A half bath downstairs. Which of course doesn't explain fully dressed, WITH shoes on and a jacket and out the front door.
Long story short, Kayla is really upset that "we don't believe her... again...." She mumbles stuff about how we NEVER believe her. She just got up to pee. Nothing more. It's not fair. Blah. Blah. Blah.
Now, we are NOT idiots. We were NOT born yesterday. What's the first thing I do?? That's right... I go to the Cingular website and look to see where little-miss-dressed-and-ready-to-pee might have called using Kayte's cell phone.
Sure as heck, there were outgoing and incoming calls - lots of them - between 10:30 pm and 1:30 am. How odd is that. BUT - not from Kayla's boyfriend. Who was this mystery person? I called the number. A guy answers the phone. I said, "Hey, did you call Kayla last night?" Yes... he says. I ask him WHY. He said, I was with Mario (Kayla's boyfriend) and he wanted to talk to Kayla, I was calling for him - he was using my cell phone.
Okay. Now THAT makes sense.
First person I called was Mario's mom telling her about the whole thing. Letting her know that Mario was not coming over any time soon. Not after his walk to my house at 1:30 am. Nor was Kayla going to HIS house any time soon. Nor will she be going ANYWHERE anytime soon for that matter.
Can you believe it???
Oh my GOSH.
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Friday morning we had ADT installed on the house here. Full alarm system - all the doors, windows, motion sensors, the whole she-bang. I'm EXTREMELY concerned with the kind of kids that Kayla, Justin and Kayte hang out with. It's mind-boggling.
They think nothing of sneaking out. Of going out with Cocaine dealers. Former dealer ... whatever. I guess in their minds, there is a difference. Going out with kids who have been arrested not once, not twice, not three times, FOUR times? And counting.... Justin has things going on that I've told you I can't blog about, but it rates in here with the above and the need for alarms. I'm telling ya, it's scary stuff.
Please keep us in your prayers.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
courage to change the things I can
and wisdom to know the difference.
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Monday, March 24, 2008
Just Bummed
Kayla and I have been at each other for two days now and it's just KILLING me. Tonight I "think" we have everything kind-of resolved. But still... things that were said are bouncing around in my head and I feel the need to blog about some of it. So bear with me as I try to put some of these feelings onto paper.
On Easter Sunday Kayla had asked if her boyfriend could come over. Actually, that's not entirely correct - Julie had asked me. Julie mentioned it to Kayla, who was working at the time. Kayla said to ask me - so Julie asked. I said no - I hadn't planned on having him over, AND he most likely had dinner planned with HIS family on Easter Sunday. Additionally, Kayla has spent nearly every moment with this boyfriend when she's not at school or working.
Later in the day, her boyfriend's mom called me out of the blue (which I find VERY odd) and asked me if they could come over and pick up Kayla so she could could come to their house. I told her - no, it was Easter Sunday and we had the whole family over and Kayla was with us. I mean... If she's not at work or not at school, she's probably with him somewhere. YES, I wanted her at our house on Easter Sunday.
Kayla was pretty upset that we wouldn't let her spend time with this boyfriend and - well - she spent the entire time she got home from work (about 3pm) until bedtime, with the exception of when we MADE her get up for dinner (having asked her four times to get up), in bed under the covers on her cell phone.
She'll say she was upset about one thing or another. But we've all been 17. We all know what was going on... what she REALLY wanted to do. She was upset that she couldn't see her boyfriend.
Today wasn't any better. She wanted, again, to go out with this boyfriend. I was still upset about yesterday. Additionally we had asked her for a copy of her work schedule. Since she had lied about when she was going to work - we insisted that we have a written copy of her schedule. It could be in her handwriting, but we wanted to see her schedule. Well, the last date we had written was Friday, 3/21/08. Chris and I were not to happy about that either. We honestly didn't know if she was supposed to work today and had called out or if she was really off today or what. How would we know? So, I told her - NO, she could not go to her boyfriend's house today.
She was VERY unhappy. Telling everyone that I "never let her go anywhere" when she asks. Well, I have to tell you - I take GREAT exception to this. This was the FIRST TIME I have flat-out told her NO to going to her boyfriend's house, with the exception being Easter Sunday for heaven's sake. "I never let her go anywhere"??? Was she kidding????? She told my sister Katie this and my friend Michelle both the same thing. I was furious.
She huffed around the house quietly, not saying anything. But you could clearly tell she was unhappy. She then asked if he could come over our house for dinner. I told her that would be fine. Well, long story short, that didn't work out - he couldn't come and I won't get into the details of that as it's a long story in itself.
By about 7 pm this evening Kayla was one unhappy girl. We sat down and talked a bit. She told me about what she thinks. She thinks that I don't love her. That I don't listen to her. My favorite line was that she was pretty much supporting herself and Kayte financially with her job. I talked about all that I have done for her and Kayte and Justin... and about how much I have given to them and how much that should show her that I love her and that I'm there for her. She told me that meant nothing - that I've given up nothing and that I'm not doing anything for them. I told her if she really believed that, she should call Grandma, Auntie Katie, Grandma Gwen, Grandpa Coley, Uncle Tony, heck even Julie would tell her how much Chris, Jonathan and I have given to them.... how much we do for them. How can she say we do NOTHING for them?
Kayla talked about how she often times catches a "look" that someone will just look at her and she will instantly know they are mad at her. Then she'll ask "are you mad at me?" and they will not answer and she will just KNOW they are mad at her. Heck, she's asked me this before and I've assumed she's being silly because it's for no reason. She does it all the time. But... she's serious. It's been a problem for her. She talked about how she can go from being happy one minute to crying the next minute. Then she looked up and said....... "Auntie Tina. I think I really might be Bi-Polar."
Ah jeez.
I know. I guess I've always known it's a really good possibility. We've taken her to the doctor before and they put her on a medication for the OCD, which she didn't stay on or take on a consistent basis- so we stopped going.
After a long conversation, I think I'm going to make another appointment with the doctor and have her go in again. I think we need to re-address the issue. I think the last medication she was on did nothing, so maybe something else would be good.
I told her that I've always been afraid that one of my biggest failures would have been NOT getting her (Kayla) the help she needs. Part of it - if I'm being honest about it, here in my blog, is that she's so mature already. Is it too late to fix problems that are THAT ingrained? But what if I didn't try hard enough? What if I could have given it one good-hearted try at the age of 17 and she have gotten on a medication that was JUST RIGHT and it balanced her out perfectly, just in time for college?
What if?
Sigh.........
Yet the words that are ringing through my head tonight are the negative ones that she spoke of earlier in the night.......
I don't listen.
I don't love them.
She's supporting herself (which is laughable really) but sad that she thinks that way.
She had more fun in one day with Auntie Katie than she has had in a year with me.
I don't care about the kids.
If I don't listen and I don't care........... how come it's late and I can't sleep because these words are still ringing in my ears?
Sigh........
On Easter Sunday Kayla had asked if her boyfriend could come over. Actually, that's not entirely correct - Julie had asked me. Julie mentioned it to Kayla, who was working at the time. Kayla said to ask me - so Julie asked. I said no - I hadn't planned on having him over, AND he most likely had dinner planned with HIS family on Easter Sunday. Additionally, Kayla has spent nearly every moment with this boyfriend when she's not at school or working.
Later in the day, her boyfriend's mom called me out of the blue (which I find VERY odd) and asked me if they could come over and pick up Kayla so she could could come to their house. I told her - no, it was Easter Sunday and we had the whole family over and Kayla was with us. I mean... If she's not at work or not at school, she's probably with him somewhere. YES, I wanted her at our house on Easter Sunday.
Kayla was pretty upset that we wouldn't let her spend time with this boyfriend and - well - she spent the entire time she got home from work (about 3pm) until bedtime, with the exception of when we MADE her get up for dinner (having asked her four times to get up), in bed under the covers on her cell phone.
She'll say she was upset about one thing or another. But we've all been 17. We all know what was going on... what she REALLY wanted to do. She was upset that she couldn't see her boyfriend.
Today wasn't any better. She wanted, again, to go out with this boyfriend. I was still upset about yesterday. Additionally we had asked her for a copy of her work schedule. Since she had lied about when she was going to work - we insisted that we have a written copy of her schedule. It could be in her handwriting, but we wanted to see her schedule. Well, the last date we had written was Friday, 3/21/08. Chris and I were not to happy about that either. We honestly didn't know if she was supposed to work today and had called out or if she was really off today or what. How would we know? So, I told her - NO, she could not go to her boyfriend's house today.
She was VERY unhappy. Telling everyone that I "never let her go anywhere" when she asks. Well, I have to tell you - I take GREAT exception to this. This was the FIRST TIME I have flat-out told her NO to going to her boyfriend's house, with the exception being Easter Sunday for heaven's sake. "I never let her go anywhere"??? Was she kidding????? She told my sister Katie this and my friend Michelle both the same thing. I was furious.
She huffed around the house quietly, not saying anything. But you could clearly tell she was unhappy. She then asked if he could come over our house for dinner. I told her that would be fine. Well, long story short, that didn't work out - he couldn't come and I won't get into the details of that as it's a long story in itself.
By about 7 pm this evening Kayla was one unhappy girl. We sat down and talked a bit. She told me about what she thinks. She thinks that I don't love her. That I don't listen to her. My favorite line was that she was pretty much supporting herself and Kayte financially with her job. I talked about all that I have done for her and Kayte and Justin... and about how much I have given to them and how much that should show her that I love her and that I'm there for her. She told me that meant nothing - that I've given up nothing and that I'm not doing anything for them. I told her if she really believed that, she should call Grandma, Auntie Katie, Grandma Gwen, Grandpa Coley, Uncle Tony, heck even Julie would tell her how much Chris, Jonathan and I have given to them.... how much we do for them. How can she say we do NOTHING for them?
Kayla talked about how she often times catches a "look" that someone will just look at her and she will instantly know they are mad at her. Then she'll ask "are you mad at me?" and they will not answer and she will just KNOW they are mad at her. Heck, she's asked me this before and I've assumed she's being silly because it's for no reason. She does it all the time. But... she's serious. It's been a problem for her. She talked about how she can go from being happy one minute to crying the next minute. Then she looked up and said....... "Auntie Tina. I think I really might be Bi-Polar."
Ah jeez.
I know. I guess I've always known it's a really good possibility. We've taken her to the doctor before and they put her on a medication for the OCD, which she didn't stay on or take on a consistent basis- so we stopped going.
After a long conversation, I think I'm going to make another appointment with the doctor and have her go in again. I think we need to re-address the issue. I think the last medication she was on did nothing, so maybe something else would be good.
I told her that I've always been afraid that one of my biggest failures would have been NOT getting her (Kayla) the help she needs. Part of it - if I'm being honest about it, here in my blog, is that she's so mature already. Is it too late to fix problems that are THAT ingrained? But what if I didn't try hard enough? What if I could have given it one good-hearted try at the age of 17 and she have gotten on a medication that was JUST RIGHT and it balanced her out perfectly, just in time for college?
What if?
Sigh.........
Yet the words that are ringing through my head tonight are the negative ones that she spoke of earlier in the night.......
I don't listen.
I don't love them.
She's supporting herself (which is laughable really) but sad that she thinks that way.
She had more fun in one day with Auntie Katie than she has had in a year with me.
I don't care about the kids.
If I don't listen and I don't care........... how come it's late and I can't sleep because these words are still ringing in my ears?
Sigh........
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Catching Up
I know - I know... I have a lot of catching up to do. When everything is going well, I tend not to blog. I guess that's when you know things are going well... when I'm quiet and not blogging. However, things have been busy at home and I guess you could even say at times frantic here since we got home from the cruise. But I was SUPER busy at work - I just haven't had time to blog.
What I figured was that I'd stay after work and just try to type a little and catch up what I could. Maybe that'll work better than going home. Let's see what I can do here real quick....
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There is a really important reason I've not blogged. We have something private going on at home. Something I can not blog about. Something personal. One of 'those things', ya know? One of those family things that you just 'keep in the family'? I can tell you that it involves Justin and that we are dealing with it as best we know how. I wouldn't even blog about it, except that I want to tell you that it troubles my heart and for that I need prayer. We all do. Chris, myself, all the kids.
"KC's. Back at 7."
"Spending the night at Michelles"
"Going to McDonalds"
Then when I talk to her about it.... she says she asked. Or that she told me where she was going. Okay, TELLING me is NOT asking.
Last night when she didn't come home by 7... the normal "Kayte has to be home by" time... Chris asked me where she was. I said I didn't know. When I couldn't find her... I checked my cell phone. Sure enough, there was a text message asking me if she could spend the night at a friends house. Now.... she DID ask. But.......... I was at Church. We had our Church Cantata this weekend. I didn't reply to her!!! She just ASSUMED that my non response was a "Yes"????
Since she never came home.... I assume so.
Today we have to talk about this.
The new rule is.... NO TEXT MESSAGES.
Even my friend Michelle has been over our house before when we've gone through this. Waiting for Kayte to come home for dinner, only to check my cell phone to see that Kayte is having her hair straightened and is going to be 2 hours late. No -- PICK UP THE PHONE. As a matter of fact, I think I blogged about this back then and we talked about this back then. We said then -- PICK UP THE PHONE and CALL. It just doesn't happen.
I know it's easier. Easier to text message. Easier than asking me if they can do something.
But... it's got to happen.
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Update on Kayla. Well... oie - this is a big one as well. I've had a gut feeling about Kayla for the past few weeks. I've had a gut feeling that she's been lying to me.
No real 'reason' -- no signs -- nothing like that. Just a gut feeling.
The other day I went into McDonalds to pick up some burgers for the kids. I NEVER go in - I would usually do drive-thu - but this day I just so happened to go in. I saw the schedule sitting out on the counter, and what do I see? Kayla's name crossed out.
Odd.
So I asked, half-heartedly jokingly.... "Why is Kayla's name crossed out? Doesn't she still work here?"
No, they tell me. She quit today.
Quit? Today? What??????????????
Two managers come up to talk to me when they realize who I am. "The strict Aunt" is what they call me.
Then they tell me lots of other stuff. She's been calling OUT of work a lot. Every single Saturday for starters. She uses LOTS of excuses.... her mom had a heart attack. Someone died. Her mom, my sister (Julie) has CANCER. They just thought it was odd that her mom just happened to have everything - heart attack, cancer, all kinds of horrible things happen on SATURDAYS. Well, that didn't happen. But I didn't say anything to them. I told them that - yes, indeed, Kayla's mom was very sick. I did not confirm nor deny that any of the alleged illnesses were true nor false. Cancer? Every Saturday? What was Kayla doing if she wasn't working every Saturday?
I just knew my gut reaction had been correct.
So, when I got home, we talked about it. Sure enough.... she told us the truth. But only partially the truth. She claimed that - somehow - we always knew where she was. I don't see HOW that could be true when we THOUGHT she was working an 8 hour shift at McDonalds when she was actually at a friends house all day, but then she'd call and say "can I got to the mall after work with Mario?" and we'd say "yes" -- so then she'd go to the mall. By that - she means that we knew she'd be at the mall later with Mario... so we knew where she was. That makes NO SENSE to me. But then again, my logic is that of a 40-year old, not a 17-year old.
Chris got really angry with her, telling her she couldn't work at all - she didn't deserve it.
I sat her down outside to talk to her. I knew there had to be more to it. I just knew there was more. I asked her............. was she really going to night school.
You see.... every Monday and Wednesday she would go to a 'friends house' after school. Then she'd attend "night school" at Gaither High School and come home at about 10:30 or so. This was so that she could graduate next year at 18 instead of the year after at the age of 19.
She told me "no".
I just knew it.
How she thought she was going to pull this off for any length of time I have no idea. But I just knew she wasn't attending.
I am so disappointed in her, I just can't begin to tell you.
She CHOOSES to lie for some reason, and I just can't figure out WHY.
She's 17 years old. If she WANTS to go to the mall with her friends, I'm probably going to be okay with it. Really I am.
So............................................. WHY LIE?
I'm crushed.
I asked her to give me a while before I could trust her again. To let me heal... to just stay at home for a while and BE A GOOD GIRL for a while and let me 'lick my wounds' so to speak. Of course, less than 12 hours later she's pushing me to go to her boyfriend's house again. This time, I let her go. BUT... I talked to her boyfriends mother and told her what happened. I told her that Kayla had lied to me. I told her that I wanted her to call me whenever Kayla came over and gave her my home and cell numbers. This way, Kayla can't lie about going over there and really being somewhere else.
The other thing I did was insisted Kayla TRY to get her job back.
When her managers were there offering me their condolences about my sister having Cancer - they also told me what a loss it was to lose Kayla as an employee. She was a hard worker - if only she didn't call out so much. Plus, one of the reasons she quit was because her ex-boyfriend was there. Well, he had quit just three hours before she did!
Kayla had applied at another McDonalds. A dirty, nasty one - much smaller - inside a Walmart - with only four employees. She wouldn't get a lot of hours. It wouldn't be nice and clean like she likes. It's not close to home. But.... she was going to try to apply.
I told her to call the McDonalds she just quit - talk to her manager - and tell them that she was so sorry for quitting. Then ask if she could PLEASE have her job back. She made a mistake in quitting. Calling out on Saturdays was a mistake, and she won't do it again. What's the worst thing they can say? No? Then go apply at the other one. The best answer is YES! So.... she did just that, and they took her back! On probation, of course. :o)
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What I figured was that I'd stay after work and just try to type a little and catch up what I could. Maybe that'll work better than going home. Let's see what I can do here real quick....
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There is a really important reason I've not blogged. We have something private going on at home. Something I can not blog about. Something personal. One of 'those things', ya know? One of those family things that you just 'keep in the family'? I can tell you that it involves Justin and that we are dealing with it as best we know how. I wouldn't even blog about it, except that I want to tell you that it troubles my heart and for that I need prayer. We all do. Chris, myself, all the kids.
We have an appointment to see a Psychiatrist Thursday afternoon with Justin to help sort through things. I've asked everyone I know for prayers. I'll ask the professionals for guidance, and we'll just sort through it from there.
It's difficult when I usually sort through all my feelings HERE. In my blog. When something this tumultuous happens - I feel all out of whack and unsure of what to do. I sat at my desk at work and cried on Monday for a good long while.
Ya know, I was thinking that there are just time when things in our lives are going great. We are doing things for God. Our home life is doing well. Then all of a sudden it is like our world is turned upside down. We feel like we have been beaten and wonder, "how are we going to get out of this one?"
I know the answer is always - prayer. Pray and worship God, even in the darkest times. I know it's hard. I just wrote something out for the church in it I talked about this very thing. It's so easy when bad things happen to say to God "Why God? Why me? Why us? Why now? Why did you allow this to happen?" But, God can always turn a bad situation into a good one, if we let him. We just have to have faith and believe.
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Kayte has also gotten into a bad habit of texting me to 'tell me' what she is going to do."KC's. Back at 7."
"Spending the night at Michelles"
"Going to McDonalds"
Then when I talk to her about it.... she says she asked. Or that she told me where she was going. Okay, TELLING me is NOT asking.
Last night when she didn't come home by 7... the normal "Kayte has to be home by" time... Chris asked me where she was. I said I didn't know. When I couldn't find her... I checked my cell phone. Sure enough, there was a text message asking me if she could spend the night at a friends house. Now.... she DID ask. But.......... I was at Church. We had our Church Cantata this weekend. I didn't reply to her!!! She just ASSUMED that my non response was a "Yes"????
Since she never came home.... I assume so.
Today we have to talk about this.
The new rule is.... NO TEXT MESSAGES.
Even my friend Michelle has been over our house before when we've gone through this. Waiting for Kayte to come home for dinner, only to check my cell phone to see that Kayte is having her hair straightened and is going to be 2 hours late. No -- PICK UP THE PHONE. As a matter of fact, I think I blogged about this back then and we talked about this back then. We said then -- PICK UP THE PHONE and CALL. It just doesn't happen.
I know it's easier. Easier to text message. Easier than asking me if they can do something.
But... it's got to happen.
******************************************************************
Update on Kayla. Well... oie - this is a big one as well. I've had a gut feeling about Kayla for the past few weeks. I've had a gut feeling that she's been lying to me.
No real 'reason' -- no signs -- nothing like that. Just a gut feeling.
The other day I went into McDonalds to pick up some burgers for the kids. I NEVER go in - I would usually do drive-thu - but this day I just so happened to go in. I saw the schedule sitting out on the counter, and what do I see? Kayla's name crossed out.
Odd.
So I asked, half-heartedly jokingly.... "Why is Kayla's name crossed out? Doesn't she still work here?"
No, they tell me. She quit today.
Quit? Today? What??????????????
Two managers come up to talk to me when they realize who I am. "The strict Aunt" is what they call me.
Then they tell me lots of other stuff. She's been calling OUT of work a lot. Every single Saturday for starters. She uses LOTS of excuses.... her mom had a heart attack. Someone died. Her mom, my sister (Julie) has CANCER. They just thought it was odd that her mom just happened to have everything - heart attack, cancer, all kinds of horrible things happen on SATURDAYS. Well, that didn't happen. But I didn't say anything to them. I told them that - yes, indeed, Kayla's mom was very sick. I did not confirm nor deny that any of the alleged illnesses were true nor false. Cancer? Every Saturday? What was Kayla doing if she wasn't working every Saturday?
I just knew my gut reaction had been correct.
So, when I got home, we talked about it. Sure enough.... she told us the truth. But only partially the truth. She claimed that - somehow - we always knew where she was. I don't see HOW that could be true when we THOUGHT she was working an 8 hour shift at McDonalds when she was actually at a friends house all day, but then she'd call and say "can I got to the mall after work with Mario?" and we'd say "yes" -- so then she'd go to the mall. By that - she means that we knew she'd be at the mall later with Mario... so we knew where she was. That makes NO SENSE to me. But then again, my logic is that of a 40-year old, not a 17-year old.
Chris got really angry with her, telling her she couldn't work at all - she didn't deserve it.
I sat her down outside to talk to her. I knew there had to be more to it. I just knew there was more. I asked her............. was she really going to night school.
You see.... every Monday and Wednesday she would go to a 'friends house' after school. Then she'd attend "night school" at Gaither High School and come home at about 10:30 or so. This was so that she could graduate next year at 18 instead of the year after at the age of 19.
She told me "no".
I just knew it.
How she thought she was going to pull this off for any length of time I have no idea. But I just knew she wasn't attending.
I am so disappointed in her, I just can't begin to tell you.
She CHOOSES to lie for some reason, and I just can't figure out WHY.
She's 17 years old. If she WANTS to go to the mall with her friends, I'm probably going to be okay with it. Really I am.
So............................................. WHY LIE?
I'm crushed.
I asked her to give me a while before I could trust her again. To let me heal... to just stay at home for a while and BE A GOOD GIRL for a while and let me 'lick my wounds' so to speak. Of course, less than 12 hours later she's pushing me to go to her boyfriend's house again. This time, I let her go. BUT... I talked to her boyfriends mother and told her what happened. I told her that Kayla had lied to me. I told her that I wanted her to call me whenever Kayla came over and gave her my home and cell numbers. This way, Kayla can't lie about going over there and really being somewhere else.
The other thing I did was insisted Kayla TRY to get her job back.
When her managers were there offering me their condolences about my sister having Cancer - they also told me what a loss it was to lose Kayla as an employee. She was a hard worker - if only she didn't call out so much. Plus, one of the reasons she quit was because her ex-boyfriend was there. Well, he had quit just three hours before she did!
Kayla had applied at another McDonalds. A dirty, nasty one - much smaller - inside a Walmart - with only four employees. She wouldn't get a lot of hours. It wouldn't be nice and clean like she likes. It's not close to home. But.... she was going to try to apply.
I told her to call the McDonalds she just quit - talk to her manager - and tell them that she was so sorry for quitting. Then ask if she could PLEASE have her job back. She made a mistake in quitting. Calling out on Saturdays was a mistake, and she won't do it again. What's the worst thing they can say? No? Then go apply at the other one. The best answer is YES! So.... she did just that, and they took her back! On probation, of course. :o)
******************************************************************
I really should run. It's nearly 6 and I have to get home. But I wanted to post pictures of the cruise!
I'll tell ya what.... check out the link below and go see some photos for yourself! Enjoy!
http://www.kodakgallery.com/I.jsp?c=c3nujgxy.3d8bc12u&x=0&y=dayqgx
Please go look at them.... and then post a comment to tell me what you think!
I read all comments. They could really UPLIFT me. And I could use some UPLIFTING today!
God bless!
Thursday, March 06, 2008
Cruise Today
Today is a GREAT day!
Chris and I have packed and are ready to go on our cruise!
We've hugged and kissed the kids goodbye before sending them to school. Made arrangements for mom and my sister Katie to come over and watch the kids for the four days we'll be gone, and we are READY for a mini-vacation.
I have a couple more things to do - I have to run to the store and make sure mom has a couple things here at the house (milk/paper towels/etc). It's 9am and Chris has to run to TWO jobs before we can head over to the boat.
Chris and I both have had two incredibly busy work-weeks so we are REALLY looking forward to this vacation. Yesterday we didn't get home until after 8 as we wanted to make sure we went to visit Doug before we left for vacation. He had quite a bit of fluid in his lungs this time and he looked SO thin. It's so hard to watch this happen to him. I'm rather surprised that we have not heard anything from Hospice yet.
I wanted to take a moment to say a special "thank you" to Ann and her husband who donated two bicycles to the Rhocchini house! They are GREAT and the kids are already using them to go everywhere. Having teenagers is tough, especially because they want to go everywhere. When I was a kid we walked everywhere. Nowadays kids drive everywhere. I can't possibly let all four teenagers get licences (can you IMAGINE my insurance rate???) so they will all bike until they can get jobs to pay for insurance. They are active kids and they LOVE being outside, going to the park. So.... thank you Ann!
I should run - I have much to do to get ready for the cruise. I will post pictures if you want to see them.
"The time to relax is when you don't have time for it."
Chris and I have packed and are ready to go on our cruise!
We've hugged and kissed the kids goodbye before sending them to school. Made arrangements for mom and my sister Katie to come over and watch the kids for the four days we'll be gone, and we are READY for a mini-vacation.
I have a couple more things to do - I have to run to the store and make sure mom has a couple things here at the house (milk/paper towels/etc). It's 9am and Chris has to run to TWO jobs before we can head over to the boat.
Chris and I both have had two incredibly busy work-weeks so we are REALLY looking forward to this vacation. Yesterday we didn't get home until after 8 as we wanted to make sure we went to visit Doug before we left for vacation. He had quite a bit of fluid in his lungs this time and he looked SO thin. It's so hard to watch this happen to him. I'm rather surprised that we have not heard anything from Hospice yet.
I wanted to take a moment to say a special "thank you" to Ann and her husband who donated two bicycles to the Rhocchini house! They are GREAT and the kids are already using them to go everywhere. Having teenagers is tough, especially because they want to go everywhere. When I was a kid we walked everywhere. Nowadays kids drive everywhere. I can't possibly let all four teenagers get licences (can you IMAGINE my insurance rate???) so they will all bike until they can get jobs to pay for insurance. They are active kids and they LOVE being outside, going to the park. So.... thank you Ann!
I should run - I have much to do to get ready for the cruise. I will post pictures if you want to see them.
"The time to relax is when you don't have time for it."
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