First things first... a big 'shout-out' of thanks to Kaye and Michelle! Michelle (a friend who is visiting from Jacksonville this weekend) brought down school supplies for the kids. Kaye brought a BUNCH of stuff for the kids - hair gel, body wash, etc! As well as some laundry detergent and things for me! Cool bean -- thanks guys! And to the person who suggested the library for books... you are correct. And the kids do go get them from their school libraries -- they just don't do a good job of reading them. But they do a super good job of LOSING them. Grrr! But you are correct, it's totally free and worth another try. We are still in need of food assistance if anyone is able and willing. But of course, we'll make it just fine without! (Not without food obviously! Without help! Ha ha ha ha)
This is going to be a short post tonight. GUESS what I am doing right this second. Well... aside from blogging of course! I am sitting here - hair done, makeup on (don't fall out of your chairs!), cool jeans and jacket on, sparkly shirt.... I'm going OUT with a couple of girls. Michelle and her friend from South Tampa invited me to go to Channelside with them tonight. Here I sit... waiting for the phone call to say -- let's go!
I must admit though, I've truly been moping around all night about it. Chris kept saying... "if you don't want to go, just don't go". And it's not that I don't want to go. Finally after he said it about 3 times... I realized what I was feeling... "I don't deserve to go".... and so I told him just that. I'm the 'parent' of 5 teens now (includes Amanda). I'm damn near 40. I shouldn't spend any money on myself. And yet... I don't even remember the last time I went 'out' with girl friends. Not like... sometime last year - I don't remember. I mean more like... years and years and years and years and years I don't remember. Chris and I always go. He's my best friend and we have fun with each other. And I don't have a lot of 'girlfriends'. (Goes to that thing about having a baby at 17 and having nothing in common with girls my age.) Sigh....
But I'm dressed and I'm going to enjoy myself - damnit!
You should have seen me trying to figure out what to wear and how to look. I'm putting on my mascara -- and I realize that this stuff is OOOOOLLLLDDD. It is probably at least 6 years old if not older. (No, I don't want to hear any 'you'll get eye infections' crap. I haven't yet and it's nearly gone!) But I did have to really work at it to get anything out of the damn thing... I guess it's time to break down and buy more mascara. LOL
While I'm applying this crapola to my eyelashes... I realize I don't have a wedding band. Not that ANYONE would try to pick me up... I mean... I'm overweight.... not good looking... wrinkles beginning to show. But I feel odd going out 'with the girls' without one. (Remember that one story about the time I went out with a girlfriend and didn't wear a wedding band?) Yeah... don't want ANY chance that it'll happen again! But the ding-dang thing is too small. I was 17 when we bought it.
And.... there -- in a nutshell -- is three paragraphs showing how damn cheap I am. Gosh Tina!!!! And I don't even tell ya'll everything... there are LOTS more. Sigh............
Time to run............... going out................ wish me luck!!
Friday, April 27, 2007
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
The Three Angels
Thanks y'all for letting me 'vent' yesterday. Boy do I feel better! Not that much has changed... but being able to journal how I'm feeling really helps put things into focus. Sure ain't all that bad folks, let me tell ya! We've seen worse no doubt and I'm well aware of it. For that matter, I'm equally well aware of how truly blessed I am. I suppose if we didn't have those days when we sat and reflected it would be nearly impossible to see how really blessed we are.
Chris was home yesterday when the kids got home from school and was able to witness first-hand the 'feeding frenzy' that goes on at the Rhocchini house when the kids get home. First of all let me say that -- my wonderful husband -- after reading my blog and seeing how I felt yesterday (yes, even he doesn't really know how I'm feeling at times until I blog about it) -- had the perfect evening set up for me. Kids did their chores... were doing homework and studying when I got home... dinner was in the oven.... I even got to go to Jonathan's 'fort' he built on Spring break at a creek down the street after dinner... just a GREAT night. (Thanks hon! I love you!) Anyways... I didn't know about the 'feeding frenzy' right away. It was at the dinner table when Kayla and Jonathan were picking at their food. We had Chicken Parmesan with spaghetti. Kayla was picking at the chicken... smelling it as if it were a foreign fish or something... "ITS JUST CHICKEN!" I tell her, frustrated because she seemed to be so picky, not able to comprehend why she's giving this breaded chicken such a hard time. That's when Chris tells me what they ate after school. Let's just tell you what Kayla ate... she only had Romain Noodles.... but not a bowl... she had a mixing bowl full. No wonder she wasn't hungry!!! Jonathan as well is guilty... usually he'll have cereal or oatmeal plus a whole bag of popcorn as an 'after school snack'. These kids have completely re-defined what a 'snack' is let me tell ya. So of COURSE we forced them to eat every single thing on their plate.
So... good news about Julie and the girls. Our Church, VanDyke, is having a mother/daughter luncheon on May 5th. The girls have talked about me going with them... but I'm not their mom, ya know? It would feel a little.... weird. I talked to Julie last night and I've decided to let her go with the girls. It's going to be a breakfast, photos, a concert by a Christian singer, a lunch, give aways, and of course prayer. Don't know if Julie will like it or not, but for sure she'll enjoy being with her girls to celebrate Mother's Day a bit early. I was talking to someone at church about it, unsure on what to do - I didn't want to register myself because I wasn't 'mom', yet by law I'm required to be there with them.... so she suggested I go as a volunteer and work. What a GREAT idea, huh?? So that's exactly what I'm doing. Please pray that God will speak to Julie that day! It should be fun.... I'll keep you posted.
I also didn't blog about our weekend fun with some good friends, Peggy and Al. Chris and I went out on Saturday morning and spent the day on their boat. Fun. Friends. Boat. Ocean. Margaritas. Just doesn't get any better than that my friends, does it? Hee hee. We really had a good time, and thanks so much to Peggy and Al for getting us out of the house to have some fun!
So... I feel like telling another story - and I know which one I should tell - but not sure if I'm going to get it right. It's Chris's story and he tells it better than I... and I'll probably mess up many of the details... but I'll give it a shot.
It's about Chris's 3 Angels. Before this experience, Chris did not really believe in 'Angels'.
Chris was up North somewhere after visiting his father. I couldn't get off work, and he took the two kids with him. Jonathan was an infant at the time, Amanda was 7. Money was tight then and he couldn't afford to rent a car to come back nor to fly... he had to take a Greyhound bus home.
Now... I don't know if any of you have even ridden Greyhound... but from what Chris tells me, a Greyhound station is like the armpit of the world... anything and everything good and bad all mixed up in one place.... although more 'bad' than good tends to wander around the bus depot. Smelly, dirty, and I'm not just talking about the people... everything there has it's own 'ick' factor.
Chris gets to the station and purchases his tickets to Tampa. I forget the actual time and bus number, but for story sake let's just say he purchased tickets for the 2 pm bus to Tampa, route #123. His dad who had dropped him off and asks if he should stay... but it was only an hour or so away, so Chris told him he could leave and Chris checks the luggage.
Chris sits and waits.... infant sleeping on his shoulder, 7 year old Amanda playing close by his side... sitting waiting for his bus.
When 2 pm rolls around and he doesn't see a bus, he gets back in line to ask where the bus is. He's told there is no 2 pm bus, #123, going to Tampa today. He explained he just purchased the tickets, how could that be? But they insist... no such bus exists. They tell him the next bus going to Tampa will be 9 pm tonight and that he can get on that bus.
Frustrated, Chris goes back to sit and wait.
You have to mentally try to get the picture of poor Chris... a young dad... infant boy sleeping on one arm, diaper bad slung over his shoulder, and him trying his best to keep his 7 year old daughter close by his side as the people walking around look like they could easily be on 'most wanted' posters.
Then -- what no man wants to hear from their little girl actually happens.
"Daddy, I have to go to the bathroom!"
What is he to do? He can't go in there with her, obviously. But, she's too old to go to the men's room. So... he sends her into the women's bathroom alone. And he sits............... and waits.
And waits... and waits............. Amanda does not come out. He waits a little longer... still nothing.
He waits to the point where he is pure panic-stricken. Look at the people here... surely someone could have taken this blonde hair blue eyed angel. I'm sure at some point poor Chris is trying to figure out how he's going to go home and tell his wife he lost their daughter. What to do? What to do?
Finally he gives in.... he asks a woman - a stranger - if she could please go into the bathroom and check on his little girl. I can only imagine what it must have taken Chris to have asked that of a stranger. This woman said "sure" and Chris gives her a description.... Blonde hair, blue eyes, this tall, wearing this.... and so this stranger goes in to check on Amanda. She's gone a little bit longer than Chris would have expected. Surely this means she can't find her? Maybe she's really gone? All thoughts racing through his mind! She finally emerges and quietly explains that our little girl had an 'accident' and needed a change of clothes. If he could provide her with a change of clothes, this woman, a stranger, would be happy to get her cleaned up and changed into clean clothes. I'm sure he was filled with relief... and then a sudden swell of panic. Change of clothes? The clothes... are all with checked baggage.
He knows he needs to do something... so he goes to ask about the luggage. They tell him that it's been checked and he can go back there and search through it himself. Well, he can't do it with the baby in his arms! What to do now? He makes the decision he is terrified might come back and haunt him.... already missing one beautiful child.... he asks this woman... this stranger... "will you hold my son while I check luggage". She agrees. He finds the luggage, gets a change of clothes, and this woman... whom he'd later come to know of his first Angel.... takes care of our daughter, putting the soiled clothes in a baggie and getting her cleaned up and changed.
They then continue on with the waiting. I can only imagine how uncomfortable it was for the three of them. Finally he sees people lining up for what he'd assume was the 9 pm bus to Tampa. Exhausted, infant still sleeping in his arms, daughter laying in his lap, diaper bag still over his shoulder, he is still sitting while everyone else is lined up. He asks a worker there if this was the 9 pm bus to Tampa, and he said "yes".... however, when they checked his ticket, he said - "your ticket was for the 2 pm bus to Tampa, not this one... you can't get on this bus." WHATTTTT?? Knowing Chris... I'm assuming that he would have been furious... but probably too exhausted to really show it. He explained how there really was NO 2 pm bus to Tampa, it was a mis-print or something. He explains how he's been here all day waiting for the bus... with the baby and our little girl.
This worker... who Chris would later come to know as his second Angel of the day... looked at Chris.... looked at the line.... the line Chris was not in.... and told him to 'come with me'. He put Chris, Amanda and Jonathan on the bus before everyone else. It was shortly thereafter that he realized that there were too many people in line already and not enough seats on the bus. Anyone waiting beyond a certain point could not board. Had he have waited at the end of the line, ticket or no ticket, he'd not have been able to get on the bus - he'd have had to wait for the next one. Yes... his Angel who looked at the line first before moving him to the front of the line, surely must have known that.
So he's finally ON the bus headed to Tampa. It's late... dark.... he's exhausted and wants nothing more than to close his eyes and sleep for the entire trip. The kids are asleep. The bus pulls away from the depot and all the lights go out in the bus.
All the lights... except one.
Yep.... the one light just over his head... the bright little reading light... broken! Shining in his face. Chris, who many know as the 'can-fix-anything-guy' can't get this light to go off. He futzes with it for a while and it just won't go off.
He's soooooo tired. Mentally and physically. He looks up to the sky... exasporated... and says "Please Lord, Please....." and with that, the light just went off. That unknown, unseen person watching over him at that time, Chris would later come to know as his third Angel of the day.
Needless to say... we now believe in Angels.
Chris was home yesterday when the kids got home from school and was able to witness first-hand the 'feeding frenzy' that goes on at the Rhocchini house when the kids get home. First of all let me say that -- my wonderful husband -- after reading my blog and seeing how I felt yesterday (yes, even he doesn't really know how I'm feeling at times until I blog about it) -- had the perfect evening set up for me. Kids did their chores... were doing homework and studying when I got home... dinner was in the oven.... I even got to go to Jonathan's 'fort' he built on Spring break at a creek down the street after dinner... just a GREAT night. (Thanks hon! I love you!) Anyways... I didn't know about the 'feeding frenzy' right away. It was at the dinner table when Kayla and Jonathan were picking at their food. We had Chicken Parmesan with spaghetti. Kayla was picking at the chicken... smelling it as if it were a foreign fish or something... "ITS JUST CHICKEN!" I tell her, frustrated because she seemed to be so picky, not able to comprehend why she's giving this breaded chicken such a hard time. That's when Chris tells me what they ate after school. Let's just tell you what Kayla ate... she only had Romain Noodles.... but not a bowl... she had a mixing bowl full. No wonder she wasn't hungry!!! Jonathan as well is guilty... usually he'll have cereal or oatmeal plus a whole bag of popcorn as an 'after school snack'. These kids have completely re-defined what a 'snack' is let me tell ya. So of COURSE we forced them to eat every single thing on their plate.
So... good news about Julie and the girls. Our Church, VanDyke, is having a mother/daughter luncheon on May 5th. The girls have talked about me going with them... but I'm not their mom, ya know? It would feel a little.... weird. I talked to Julie last night and I've decided to let her go with the girls. It's going to be a breakfast, photos, a concert by a Christian singer, a lunch, give aways, and of course prayer. Don't know if Julie will like it or not, but for sure she'll enjoy being with her girls to celebrate Mother's Day a bit early. I was talking to someone at church about it, unsure on what to do - I didn't want to register myself because I wasn't 'mom', yet by law I'm required to be there with them.... so she suggested I go as a volunteer and work. What a GREAT idea, huh?? So that's exactly what I'm doing. Please pray that God will speak to Julie that day! It should be fun.... I'll keep you posted.
I also didn't blog about our weekend fun with some good friends, Peggy and Al. Chris and I went out on Saturday morning and spent the day on their boat. Fun. Friends. Boat. Ocean. Margaritas. Just doesn't get any better than that my friends, does it? Hee hee. We really had a good time, and thanks so much to Peggy and Al for getting us out of the house to have some fun!
So... I feel like telling another story - and I know which one I should tell - but not sure if I'm going to get it right. It's Chris's story and he tells it better than I... and I'll probably mess up many of the details... but I'll give it a shot.
It's about Chris's 3 Angels. Before this experience, Chris did not really believe in 'Angels'.
Chris was up North somewhere after visiting his father. I couldn't get off work, and he took the two kids with him. Jonathan was an infant at the time, Amanda was 7. Money was tight then and he couldn't afford to rent a car to come back nor to fly... he had to take a Greyhound bus home.
Now... I don't know if any of you have even ridden Greyhound... but from what Chris tells me, a Greyhound station is like the armpit of the world... anything and everything good and bad all mixed up in one place.... although more 'bad' than good tends to wander around the bus depot. Smelly, dirty, and I'm not just talking about the people... everything there has it's own 'ick' factor.
Chris gets to the station and purchases his tickets to Tampa. I forget the actual time and bus number, but for story sake let's just say he purchased tickets for the 2 pm bus to Tampa, route #123. His dad who had dropped him off and asks if he should stay... but it was only an hour or so away, so Chris told him he could leave and Chris checks the luggage.
Chris sits and waits.... infant sleeping on his shoulder, 7 year old Amanda playing close by his side... sitting waiting for his bus.
When 2 pm rolls around and he doesn't see a bus, he gets back in line to ask where the bus is. He's told there is no 2 pm bus, #123, going to Tampa today. He explained he just purchased the tickets, how could that be? But they insist... no such bus exists. They tell him the next bus going to Tampa will be 9 pm tonight and that he can get on that bus.
Frustrated, Chris goes back to sit and wait.
You have to mentally try to get the picture of poor Chris... a young dad... infant boy sleeping on one arm, diaper bad slung over his shoulder, and him trying his best to keep his 7 year old daughter close by his side as the people walking around look like they could easily be on 'most wanted' posters.
Then -- what no man wants to hear from their little girl actually happens.
"Daddy, I have to go to the bathroom!"
What is he to do? He can't go in there with her, obviously. But, she's too old to go to the men's room. So... he sends her into the women's bathroom alone. And he sits............... and waits.
And waits... and waits............. Amanda does not come out. He waits a little longer... still nothing.
He waits to the point where he is pure panic-stricken. Look at the people here... surely someone could have taken this blonde hair blue eyed angel. I'm sure at some point poor Chris is trying to figure out how he's going to go home and tell his wife he lost their daughter. What to do? What to do?
Finally he gives in.... he asks a woman - a stranger - if she could please go into the bathroom and check on his little girl. I can only imagine what it must have taken Chris to have asked that of a stranger. This woman said "sure" and Chris gives her a description.... Blonde hair, blue eyes, this tall, wearing this.... and so this stranger goes in to check on Amanda. She's gone a little bit longer than Chris would have expected. Surely this means she can't find her? Maybe she's really gone? All thoughts racing through his mind! She finally emerges and quietly explains that our little girl had an 'accident' and needed a change of clothes. If he could provide her with a change of clothes, this woman, a stranger, would be happy to get her cleaned up and changed into clean clothes. I'm sure he was filled with relief... and then a sudden swell of panic. Change of clothes? The clothes... are all with checked baggage.
He knows he needs to do something... so he goes to ask about the luggage. They tell him that it's been checked and he can go back there and search through it himself. Well, he can't do it with the baby in his arms! What to do now? He makes the decision he is terrified might come back and haunt him.... already missing one beautiful child.... he asks this woman... this stranger... "will you hold my son while I check luggage". She agrees. He finds the luggage, gets a change of clothes, and this woman... whom he'd later come to know of his first Angel.... takes care of our daughter, putting the soiled clothes in a baggie and getting her cleaned up and changed.
They then continue on with the waiting. I can only imagine how uncomfortable it was for the three of them. Finally he sees people lining up for what he'd assume was the 9 pm bus to Tampa. Exhausted, infant still sleeping in his arms, daughter laying in his lap, diaper bag still over his shoulder, he is still sitting while everyone else is lined up. He asks a worker there if this was the 9 pm bus to Tampa, and he said "yes".... however, when they checked his ticket, he said - "your ticket was for the 2 pm bus to Tampa, not this one... you can't get on this bus." WHATTTTT?? Knowing Chris... I'm assuming that he would have been furious... but probably too exhausted to really show it. He explained how there really was NO 2 pm bus to Tampa, it was a mis-print or something. He explains how he's been here all day waiting for the bus... with the baby and our little girl.
This worker... who Chris would later come to know as his second Angel of the day... looked at Chris.... looked at the line.... the line Chris was not in.... and told him to 'come with me'. He put Chris, Amanda and Jonathan on the bus before everyone else. It was shortly thereafter that he realized that there were too many people in line already and not enough seats on the bus. Anyone waiting beyond a certain point could not board. Had he have waited at the end of the line, ticket or no ticket, he'd not have been able to get on the bus - he'd have had to wait for the next one. Yes... his Angel who looked at the line first before moving him to the front of the line, surely must have known that.
So he's finally ON the bus headed to Tampa. It's late... dark.... he's exhausted and wants nothing more than to close his eyes and sleep for the entire trip. The kids are asleep. The bus pulls away from the depot and all the lights go out in the bus.
All the lights... except one.
Yep.... the one light just over his head... the bright little reading light... broken! Shining in his face. Chris, who many know as the 'can-fix-anything-guy' can't get this light to go off. He futzes with it for a while and it just won't go off.
He's soooooo tired. Mentally and physically. He looks up to the sky... exasporated... and says "Please Lord, Please....." and with that, the light just went off. That unknown, unseen person watching over him at that time, Chris would later come to know as his third Angel of the day.
Needless to say... we now believe in Angels.
Monday, April 23, 2007
Top 5 List
If you concentrate on finding whatever is good in every situation, you will discover that your life will suddenly be filled with gratitude, a feeling that nurtures the soul. - Rabbi Harold Kushner
I start out with this quote today because I can tell you now, I've had a really bummer couple of days. I'm down-and- out and I know it. I hate blogging about it because I don't want you to get the impression that I am depressed or anything like that. Yet I'm in a funk... and that is partly why I blog ~ right? To blog about my funk... I realize it ain't all that bad ~ and wallah! I'm out of my funk. I am already feeling hopeful!
As most of my funks happen to start, this one is about money... or lack thereof. I overspent for the month and it's clear to see it was a result of eating out and excess gas. Feeding a family of 6 on the road 4 or 5 times can put you behind quite a bit. Even McDonald's, our cheapest stop on the way to the hospital, ran us almost $40 for one night. So... here we are. Broke beyond words can express until payday, the first of the month. Then, when it does come in, we'll be behind a bit as I had to borrow to stay afloat.
Saturday afternoon I was watching a man and his young son (maybe 3 or 4 years old) clean their shiny new beamer as I sat and wondered how I was going to gather enough change to buy milk. Milk is a staple in our house... and we have a lot of cereal already (thanks to my recent Sam's Club shopping spree). But it's no good without milk. I watched this guy and his son... extremely happy, washing a car that easily cost more than a years worth of my pay... and life suddenly felt VERY unfair.
But this time it was different. Yes it's true that "Envy" is a sin I'm constantly fighting. But this time it was different. It wasn't that I felt angry. I didn't feel ashamed of my life (which sometimes happens when I think I should be more financially stable than I am right now). I didn't feel an unfairness to him per se. I did feel an overwhelming sense of unfairness globally though. And with that, I felt a certain bit of happiness about where I am in life.... where we all are in life.
What I mean is that... okay... let's not even think globally - lets stick to the USA. You have mom and dads out there working 2, 3 and 4 jobs to make ends meet. A paycheck with a person on minimum wage buys you NOTHING right now, you can't make it yourself, never mind raising a family on it. Yet, every day, thousands if not millions of Americans are out there with this 'poverty' level of income. And others, take Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt for example, who have recently purchased a 280-foot-long Italian luxury yacht for $268 million. And, I thank God... I'm somewhere in the middle of that! And in the middle of that as well was the man washing his shiny expensive car.
So, what I realized from the whole 'car-washing' experience was that... I'm pretty darn thankful for where I am. That doesn't mean it doesn't SUCK sometimes... but I think it's really okay to feel that way sometimes.
But at the same time, it saddened me that there is such differences out there in the first place. If I could snap my fingers and make a wish... it would be that there would be not one single person wondering how they were going to get milk, or bread, or food, or the basics in life: electric, water, etc. Sure... that guy washing his car was probably an attorney or doctor or something - I'm sure he's earned every penny he's made. But the difference in what a person can make in this... our 'land of opportunity'... is sometimes frightening. A baseball player is making tens of millions of dollars - our teachers - the ones molding the future of our society - are making $35,000 a year? And frankly, that teacher works every bit as hard as the baseball player does, I'm sure of it. I just sometimes wish that God, or someone, would level the playing field a little bit. No necessarily take away from the rich, but just make it so that nobody has to live without the basics in life.
Everyone doesn't need that fancy Yacht. But there shouldn't be anyone out there working hard and still living in poverty. Here I sit with a good paying job... a husband working full time... and I've got a pocket full of quarters I pulled from the washing machine, sofa, and my desk at work to buy milk on the way home. Sigh.........
What I decided to do was to try to go out and get a part time job for a few months. Sure, I'll make what -- $7.00 an hour? But it might be enough to keep us afloat until vacation comes up. But mainly... I'll feel like I'm DOING something. But... I don't know how it's going to fly here at home. Chris would have to really work hard alone here at home... dinners and such. I would miss a lot of church I'd imagine as I'd need to work Sundays if possible. I've applied but haven't taken any jobs yet. I still have to give it some serious though. Quick, yet serious thought.
Of course, if Social Security would send the money they owe the kids for their mistake last year... we'd not need to do any of this! They paid Julie for several months last year before realizing they weren't supposed to be. They corrected the kids monthly amount with the first check in 2007, but they owe in the neighborhood of $6,000 to us for last year. They don't dispute that amount, or that it's even owed. The problem is the paperwork end of it. Well... you KNOW how the government works! Sllllllloooooooowwwww. If that money came in, my trouble would be over. But that's not likely to happen very soon. Soon as in this year, yes. Soon as in this month, no. So.... Target or Publix... here I come!
And ya know... I look at my life - it's ups and downs... and clearly - very clearly - we are doing the right thing day in and day out. The kids are.......... amazing. Where they were and where they are now. It's mind-blowing. We have our arguments with them, we have our typical teenage rants, we have the frustrating expenses that come from having 4 kids between the ages of 13 and 16, sure we do. But it's been God's plan - no doubt. He knocked on that door for me a year and a half ago and I said "you bet" to the question of taking them in.
Good news... the Durango is fixed! Chris is test driving it as I speak. It doesn't drive better... the problems we had are still there (slipping transmission, ball joints are bad) -- but the body work is fixed at least. Actually, one thing was fixed... the windshield wipers for some reason haven't sprayed out fluid in years. Today... it works! They fixed it!! Yippeeeeeeeeee! (It's the small things, I know!)
I think I just had an idea -- I'm going to give another 'top 5' list of things we need that could help us. Often times a friend or family member who reads the blog will say "what can I do to help". My response always 'nothing, we're fine'. Well, that's my typical positive outlook and stubborn refusal to accept help self. Additionally I don't want anyone to ever judge us based on anything written here. But... putting a "Top" list out there just makes me feel... if you want to do something, here is where you can know exactly what can help. If you don't - no biggie.
Top 5 List - April 2007
1) Food. Kids still eating like there is no tomorrow. Maybe a gift certificate? Maybe stuff you have around the house you are not using? Even saving me one weekly trip to the grocery store might help us back up on our feet.
2) School supplies (paper, pencils, pens, etc). Yes, it's almost the end of the year, but they've run out already.
3) Hair Gel / Hair Spray stuff. All of them still using a TON of it, all the time.
4) Borders gift certificate. The kids need to read more. I've come to realize it's one of their biggest downfalls and I'd like to correct it. But buying a book is on the last of my 'to-do' list.
5) Did I mention food?
That'll do it. Again, thanks to anyone who can help with any of this stuff. It means the world to us.
Onto Julie news... she is home and feeling much better. Prayers ANSWERED! She's coming over for a visit on Wednesday night. It's been so long since we've had weekly visits from Julie that it's going to be odd setting them up again. Her friend Kaye is coming over as well. Course she wants dinner and I'm a little stressed about that. I just............... don't have enough food. I might have enough spaghetti if I thin out the sauce with enough water.... maybe. I need to see if I have only 1 or 2 jars at home. Sure, I could ask Julie to bring stuff over, and I will.... green beans or salad or bread of something. But the fact is.... she's been in the hospital for almost 2 months now... and not working. (Although she gets VA money) I am just so happy she's alive, ya know? Sigh............
I realize this is a long blog... I better close now. My sister Katie hates it when I write long blogs! Short attention span. She probably hasn't even made it this far....
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud; it is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” I Corinthians 1:8
I start out with this quote today because I can tell you now, I've had a really bummer couple of days. I'm down-and- out and I know it. I hate blogging about it because I don't want you to get the impression that I am depressed or anything like that. Yet I'm in a funk... and that is partly why I blog ~ right? To blog about my funk... I realize it ain't all that bad ~ and wallah! I'm out of my funk. I am already feeling hopeful!
As most of my funks happen to start, this one is about money... or lack thereof. I overspent for the month and it's clear to see it was a result of eating out and excess gas. Feeding a family of 6 on the road 4 or 5 times can put you behind quite a bit. Even McDonald's, our cheapest stop on the way to the hospital, ran us almost $40 for one night. So... here we are. Broke beyond words can express until payday, the first of the month. Then, when it does come in, we'll be behind a bit as I had to borrow to stay afloat.
Saturday afternoon I was watching a man and his young son (maybe 3 or 4 years old) clean their shiny new beamer as I sat and wondered how I was going to gather enough change to buy milk. Milk is a staple in our house... and we have a lot of cereal already (thanks to my recent Sam's Club shopping spree). But it's no good without milk. I watched this guy and his son... extremely happy, washing a car that easily cost more than a years worth of my pay... and life suddenly felt VERY unfair.
But this time it was different. Yes it's true that "Envy" is a sin I'm constantly fighting. But this time it was different. It wasn't that I felt angry. I didn't feel ashamed of my life (which sometimes happens when I think I should be more financially stable than I am right now). I didn't feel an unfairness to him per se. I did feel an overwhelming sense of unfairness globally though. And with that, I felt a certain bit of happiness about where I am in life.... where we all are in life.
What I mean is that... okay... let's not even think globally - lets stick to the USA. You have mom and dads out there working 2, 3 and 4 jobs to make ends meet. A paycheck with a person on minimum wage buys you NOTHING right now, you can't make it yourself, never mind raising a family on it. Yet, every day, thousands if not millions of Americans are out there with this 'poverty' level of income. And others, take Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt for example, who have recently purchased a 280-foot-long Italian luxury yacht for $268 million. And, I thank God... I'm somewhere in the middle of that! And in the middle of that as well was the man washing his shiny expensive car.
So, what I realized from the whole 'car-washing' experience was that... I'm pretty darn thankful for where I am. That doesn't mean it doesn't SUCK sometimes... but I think it's really okay to feel that way sometimes.
But at the same time, it saddened me that there is such differences out there in the first place. If I could snap my fingers and make a wish... it would be that there would be not one single person wondering how they were going to get milk, or bread, or food, or the basics in life: electric, water, etc. Sure... that guy washing his car was probably an attorney or doctor or something - I'm sure he's earned every penny he's made. But the difference in what a person can make in this... our 'land of opportunity'... is sometimes frightening. A baseball player is making tens of millions of dollars - our teachers - the ones molding the future of our society - are making $35,000 a year? And frankly, that teacher works every bit as hard as the baseball player does, I'm sure of it. I just sometimes wish that God, or someone, would level the playing field a little bit. No necessarily take away from the rich, but just make it so that nobody has to live without the basics in life.
Everyone doesn't need that fancy Yacht. But there shouldn't be anyone out there working hard and still living in poverty. Here I sit with a good paying job... a husband working full time... and I've got a pocket full of quarters I pulled from the washing machine, sofa, and my desk at work to buy milk on the way home. Sigh.........
What I decided to do was to try to go out and get a part time job for a few months. Sure, I'll make what -- $7.00 an hour? But it might be enough to keep us afloat until vacation comes up. But mainly... I'll feel like I'm DOING something. But... I don't know how it's going to fly here at home. Chris would have to really work hard alone here at home... dinners and such. I would miss a lot of church I'd imagine as I'd need to work Sundays if possible. I've applied but haven't taken any jobs yet. I still have to give it some serious though. Quick, yet serious thought.
Of course, if Social Security would send the money they owe the kids for their mistake last year... we'd not need to do any of this! They paid Julie for several months last year before realizing they weren't supposed to be. They corrected the kids monthly amount with the first check in 2007, but they owe in the neighborhood of $6,000 to us for last year. They don't dispute that amount, or that it's even owed. The problem is the paperwork end of it. Well... you KNOW how the government works! Sllllllloooooooowwwww. If that money came in, my trouble would be over. But that's not likely to happen very soon. Soon as in this year, yes. Soon as in this month, no. So.... Target or Publix... here I come!
And ya know... I look at my life - it's ups and downs... and clearly - very clearly - we are doing the right thing day in and day out. The kids are.......... amazing. Where they were and where they are now. It's mind-blowing. We have our arguments with them, we have our typical teenage rants, we have the frustrating expenses that come from having 4 kids between the ages of 13 and 16, sure we do. But it's been God's plan - no doubt. He knocked on that door for me a year and a half ago and I said "you bet" to the question of taking them in.
Good news... the Durango is fixed! Chris is test driving it as I speak. It doesn't drive better... the problems we had are still there (slipping transmission, ball joints are bad) -- but the body work is fixed at least. Actually, one thing was fixed... the windshield wipers for some reason haven't sprayed out fluid in years. Today... it works! They fixed it!! Yippeeeeeeeeee! (It's the small things, I know!)
I think I just had an idea -- I'm going to give another 'top 5' list of things we need that could help us. Often times a friend or family member who reads the blog will say "what can I do to help". My response always 'nothing, we're fine'. Well, that's my typical positive outlook and stubborn refusal to accept help self. Additionally I don't want anyone to ever judge us based on anything written here. But... putting a "Top" list out there just makes me feel... if you want to do something, here is where you can know exactly what can help. If you don't - no biggie.
Top 5 List - April 2007
1) Food. Kids still eating like there is no tomorrow. Maybe a gift certificate? Maybe stuff you have around the house you are not using? Even saving me one weekly trip to the grocery store might help us back up on our feet.
2) School supplies (paper, pencils, pens, etc). Yes, it's almost the end of the year, but they've run out already.
3) Hair Gel / Hair Spray stuff. All of them still using a TON of it, all the time.
4) Borders gift certificate. The kids need to read more. I've come to realize it's one of their biggest downfalls and I'd like to correct it. But buying a book is on the last of my 'to-do' list.
5) Did I mention food?
That'll do it. Again, thanks to anyone who can help with any of this stuff. It means the world to us.
Onto Julie news... she is home and feeling much better. Prayers ANSWERED! She's coming over for a visit on Wednesday night. It's been so long since we've had weekly visits from Julie that it's going to be odd setting them up again. Her friend Kaye is coming over as well. Course she wants dinner and I'm a little stressed about that. I just............... don't have enough food. I might have enough spaghetti if I thin out the sauce with enough water.... maybe. I need to see if I have only 1 or 2 jars at home. Sure, I could ask Julie to bring stuff over, and I will.... green beans or salad or bread of something. But the fact is.... she's been in the hospital for almost 2 months now... and not working. (Although she gets VA money) I am just so happy she's alive, ya know? Sigh............
I realize this is a long blog... I better close now. My sister Katie hates it when I write long blogs! Short attention span. She probably hasn't even made it this far....
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud; it is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” I Corinthians 1:8
Friday, April 20, 2007
Freaky Friday
I hate Myspace. Often times I hate computers. Part of me thinks that internet access should be in the same category as driving requirements - when you become of a certain age and are aware and have proven (by testing) that you are well aware of the consequences of poor decisions -- THEN you can do it.
Sigh ~
We had a problem with... of all people... Kayte. She's on Myspace very little now. Since she got a cell phone, and since we stopped the kids from using the home computers at ALL, she's not been on it much. (For the record, none of the kids being allowed on the home computer is a dream come true!) She can access her Myspace from friends houses mainly, which we did not object to and it's just every few days for a limited amount of time. As usual, I check their accounts on occasion.... Kayte's not-so-often because she's pretty 'kiddish' in her conversations: "what are you doing this weekend?" "I'm bored" "I love lip gloss", etc. But this past week I found some disturbing conversations as well as too many 'friends'. They are allowed to have 30 or so friends. She had 76. She is required to only add people she personally knows. She has a couple of guys whom she clearly didn't know.
One guy asked to be her friend, she said "do I know you?" and he said 'no' then made mention of how beautiful she was. She added him and the conversation that ensued was every parent's nightmare.
She told him she lived in Tampa, where she went to school, what mall she goes to, what she was doing, those kinds of things. Clearly a HUGE no-no. Additionally this guy continued to make references to her age (she told him she was only 13) and even at one point, when he was trying to 'hook up' with her said "I sure hope you are worth going to jail for" in which she replied "LOL. You are sweet." SWEET??? My heart stopped.
I just responded to this jerk as follows:
Hello. I am Kayte's legal guardian and I am writing from her account to tell you that I have read everything written to and from you to Kayte. Clearly she told you she was 13. Clearly you continued to make remarks about "going to jail" and "hooking up" with her - at one time stating "I hope you are worth going to jail for". Clearly you are an internet predator of some sort. I wonder if your employer, Verizon, is aware that you are attempting to pick up 13 year old girls? I wonder if the task force in Tampa that is assigned to this very thing would be interested in reading your conversations as well. I'm quite sure they would. I have one request for you - crawl back under the rock in which you came out from and never - EVER talk to my child or to any other child under age again.
Oh my lord my blood is boiling. What kind of a man hits on 13 year old kids? The answer is, only ONE kind of man... and for that very reason, this guy deserves harsh treatment if not criminal mischief charges.
We sat down and talked to Kayte about this. In her typical 'lawyer' fashion she defended herself. She said that she was aware that it was wrong, but did not think she was being stupid and said that it was "a very long time ago". Apparently Kayte's definition of a long time ago is 2 weeks. Then we told her that she, by her actions, was the epitome of "stupid" in what she did. In every single way possible what she did was wrong and against every rule we ever made for the kids. Don't give out personal info. Don't add people you don't know. I guess we left out the part about flirting with adult men... silly me. Although if she hadn't broke the first two rules, the third couldn't have happened.
Because this was an isolated incident and 99% of what she DOES do online on Myspace is okay.... we allowed her to keep her account. However, I'm going to check it DAILY now. And... I can't WAIT for the perv to write me back.
Okay... on to another conversation.
Chris and I are really trying to step up the physical love shown in our house. Hugging the kids often. Kissing them goodnight. I'll text Kayte in the middle of the day to tell her I love her. Writing something for Kayla saying I love you. Chris and I really thought that it was probably a big thing that they were missing since being away from their mom. It might seem like a 'given' that you'd do these things, but they are not OUR kids, ya know? We just didn't do it as much as we probably should. And with Jonathans' Asperger Syndrome, he's prone to be less affectionate to begin with. So... it's a good thing happening here at the Rhocchini house.
I didn't blog that Julie was out of the hospital - Palms of Pasadena - I think just one day, and had to go back to the emergency room. She went to Tampa General and was admitted for a couple of days. They couldn't believe that PoP discharged her without some kind of steroid for her lungs. (Remember, they didn't want to give her anything). Her breathing has been HORRIBLE since this whole thing started. The really weird thing is that her oxygen levels are okay... but her breathing is extremely labored.
She originally thought she was still going to be in the hospital last night and asked if I could bring the kids down to see her. Julie doesn't realize what her hospitalization has cost me.... the gas and food and other expenses. I told her I'd have to think about it, but I knew there would be no way I could spend the gas needed to get down there again. Then she found out she was getting discharged. She called wanting to see the kids for a visit. We had choir practice that night... which leaves me with one hour to get home, clean house, check homework, follow-up on chores, get dinner cooked, on the table, eaten and put away. Have you ever tried doing that for a family of 6 that included 4 teenagers? Tough stuff. So, I clearly told her NO... she could not come over. I knew when I hung up that wasn't going to be the last of it. I know my sister all too well.
She called back saying that she wanted to just 'swing by the house for 5 minutes to pick up a purse'. I said yes.... and made a mental note that if she tried to do anything more it was going to mean we'd have to re-discuss any kind of future visits. I don't mean to be mean here... but even 5 minutes given what I had to cram into an hour was almost too much. But I love my sister and wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt that she could "just swing by."
As it turned out, she wasn't able to come by. I think she was discharged from the hospital later that expected. I talked to her at 5-ish and she was on a breathing treatment still in the hospital. I guess it was for the best, ya know? I really didn't want to put her to the test. She's been through so much... we all have.
Really good news about Julie though is that she has decided to try to change psychiatrists! Away from Dr. Vijapuri and into the care of Dr. Pages who had treated her at TGH and Memorial. Granted Dr. Pages was the one that wrote out the dozen or so prescriptions that nearly killed Julie, but he was following orders from Julie's primary psychiatrist, Vijapuri. If this Dr. Pages will see her and will CARE about her and try treating her with more intense therapy and less medication... it'll be a great thing. At the same time, they recommend she find a new primary care doctor. Right now her doctor is the clinic in Brandon that every Military person needs to go to. They are SWAMPED and rarely can see her when she needs them. This change, too, could be a good thing.
The downfalls to all of this is that Julie is starting 'from scratch' with doctors who don't know her. They don't know her quirks, addictions, personality, her manipulative ways, etc. Julie even made mention of seeing Dr. Pages and just "starting all over". The only question I have is this... can you really start all over from the here and now and progress forward without really knowing and fully understanding what happened in the past? I'm sure that's completely debatable. But I tend to think no. I think this because both Mom and I clearly see when Julie is headed for disaster LONG before the paid professionals do. And that comes from one thing and one thing only: a clear understanding of Julie's past. Perhaps if Julie could find a way to make the family (Mom, Katie and I) fully participate in her psychiatric care from the beginning it might be beneficial to the doctor. Help with his 'learning curve', ya know? But then I fear that Julie might view it as some sort of attack. And truly, all anyone wants is the best for Julie.
But.... as I talk about this (or type is better worded I suppose).... I clearly know that absolutely none of this is in my control. And... I'm perfectly okay with that. If Julie were still in the process of 'getting her kids back' I would for sure have to play a role in her treatment. But - I think everyone at this time - and perhaps even Julie - realizes that it's not going to happen.
I was in contact with one of Julie's good friends while she was in the hospital when things were 'touch and go'. She told me that she was going to have a conversation with Julie when she was better... talking to her about what to let go of, what to hold on to, and what changes she could make to have a better and closer relationship with her kids - even though they are living with me. I explained to her my theory of how Julie could have sold her house, moved into a small apartment up in Carrollwood, and been around a lot more for the kids this past year. Been there for football games, baseball games, school meetings, etc. Yes, she still has to be supervised by me at all times, but -- when you are 5 minutes away vs. 60 minutes away... it's just logical that you're going to be around more. She completely agreed with this. But then she also made mention of Julie taking the equity from her home and putting it into an account for the kids college.... which we all know would never happen. But this friend does think like that... well educated... college degree... career woman.... it's almost odd that she is such good friends with Julie. But then again, Julie does tend to draw in a unique group of friends. I think that's because - if you really got to know her - you'd clearly see her HUGE heart of gold. :o)
What else is new?
Destruction of the house continues as a result of all the teenagers. Kayla's floor in her bedroom... once a nice white-ish gray peppered Berber Carpet is completely covered in hair gel gook. The furniture, dresser, night stand, carpet, everything has this ICK on it. I've told her that when she gets a job, the FIRST thing she is doing with the money is paying for a company to come in and clean that carpet. Then we'll have to get a throw rug of some sort in there to protect the clean carpet (assuming they are actually able to clean it). I say it all the time... but you really CANT imagine how much hair stuff that girl uses. And... it's EVERYWHERE. The funny thing is that she has the 'cleanest' room. Neat-wise that is, not goopy floors and furniture-wise.
Chris and I decided at lunch today that we are going to HAVE to get a lock for our bedroom door. I keep losing things... not big things, small things. Hair dryer. Iron. Socks. Tweezers. The sock problem is crazy because I should be able to find them! Surely they are WASHED with someone's clothes every week, right? But I find socks everywhere. One on the floor. Three on in my car. One by the pool. Five by the trampoline. One under the sofa. Never pairs left somewhere.... just multiple odd socks everywhere. And the tweezers drive me INSANE. I am one of those people who has a place for everything and everything in it's place. I keep everything in the same spot and always put it back when done. Extremely anal about that. And since, once again, my tweezers have grown legs and walked out of my room, I'm now going to have to purchase my 8th pair of tweezers. Yeah, yeah... only cost - what - $5? But that's not the point! I know what some of you are thinking.... "go into their room and find them and take them back!" To those I say... you haven't seen their room. It's often a miracle they can find their beds! Some might say "Just ask who took them and ask them to bring them back!" To those I say.... NOBODY ever does it. I swear to God, I am waiting for the one day that I know this will happen... I will see someone with it IN THEIR HANDS and ask why they took it, and that person will say they didn't do it. I just know it'll happen! LOL
Well, I better run for now. I leave you with this on this happy Friday:
If you want happiness for an hour - take a nap.
If you want happiness for a day - go fishing.
If you want happiness for a year - inherit a fortune.
If you want happiness for a lifetime - help someone else.
Chinese Proverb
Sigh ~
We had a problem with... of all people... Kayte. She's on Myspace very little now. Since she got a cell phone, and since we stopped the kids from using the home computers at ALL, she's not been on it much. (For the record, none of the kids being allowed on the home computer is a dream come true!) She can access her Myspace from friends houses mainly, which we did not object to and it's just every few days for a limited amount of time. As usual, I check their accounts on occasion.... Kayte's not-so-often because she's pretty 'kiddish' in her conversations: "what are you doing this weekend?" "I'm bored" "I love lip gloss", etc. But this past week I found some disturbing conversations as well as too many 'friends'. They are allowed to have 30 or so friends. She had 76. She is required to only add people she personally knows. She has a couple of guys whom she clearly didn't know.
One guy asked to be her friend, she said "do I know you?" and he said 'no' then made mention of how beautiful she was. She added him and the conversation that ensued was every parent's nightmare.
She told him she lived in Tampa, where she went to school, what mall she goes to, what she was doing, those kinds of things. Clearly a HUGE no-no. Additionally this guy continued to make references to her age (she told him she was only 13) and even at one point, when he was trying to 'hook up' with her said "I sure hope you are worth going to jail for" in which she replied "LOL. You are sweet." SWEET??? My heart stopped.
I just responded to this jerk as follows:
Hello. I am Kayte's legal guardian and I am writing from her account to tell you that I have read everything written to and from you to Kayte. Clearly she told you she was 13. Clearly you continued to make remarks about "going to jail" and "hooking up" with her - at one time stating "I hope you are worth going to jail for". Clearly you are an internet predator of some sort. I wonder if your employer, Verizon, is aware that you are attempting to pick up 13 year old girls? I wonder if the task force in Tampa that is assigned to this very thing would be interested in reading your conversations as well. I'm quite sure they would. I have one request for you - crawl back under the rock in which you came out from and never - EVER talk to my child or to any other child under age again.
Oh my lord my blood is boiling. What kind of a man hits on 13 year old kids? The answer is, only ONE kind of man... and for that very reason, this guy deserves harsh treatment if not criminal mischief charges.
We sat down and talked to Kayte about this. In her typical 'lawyer' fashion she defended herself. She said that she was aware that it was wrong, but did not think she was being stupid and said that it was "a very long time ago". Apparently Kayte's definition of a long time ago is 2 weeks. Then we told her that she, by her actions, was the epitome of "stupid" in what she did. In every single way possible what she did was wrong and against every rule we ever made for the kids. Don't give out personal info. Don't add people you don't know. I guess we left out the part about flirting with adult men... silly me. Although if she hadn't broke the first two rules, the third couldn't have happened.
Because this was an isolated incident and 99% of what she DOES do online on Myspace is okay.... we allowed her to keep her account. However, I'm going to check it DAILY now. And... I can't WAIT for the perv to write me back.
Okay... on to another conversation.
Chris and I are really trying to step up the physical love shown in our house. Hugging the kids often. Kissing them goodnight. I'll text Kayte in the middle of the day to tell her I love her. Writing something for Kayla saying I love you. Chris and I really thought that it was probably a big thing that they were missing since being away from their mom. It might seem like a 'given' that you'd do these things, but they are not OUR kids, ya know? We just didn't do it as much as we probably should. And with Jonathans' Asperger Syndrome, he's prone to be less affectionate to begin with. So... it's a good thing happening here at the Rhocchini house.
I didn't blog that Julie was out of the hospital - Palms of Pasadena - I think just one day, and had to go back to the emergency room. She went to Tampa General and was admitted for a couple of days. They couldn't believe that PoP discharged her without some kind of steroid for her lungs. (Remember, they didn't want to give her anything). Her breathing has been HORRIBLE since this whole thing started. The really weird thing is that her oxygen levels are okay... but her breathing is extremely labored.
She originally thought she was still going to be in the hospital last night and asked if I could bring the kids down to see her. Julie doesn't realize what her hospitalization has cost me.... the gas and food and other expenses. I told her I'd have to think about it, but I knew there would be no way I could spend the gas needed to get down there again. Then she found out she was getting discharged. She called wanting to see the kids for a visit. We had choir practice that night... which leaves me with one hour to get home, clean house, check homework, follow-up on chores, get dinner cooked, on the table, eaten and put away. Have you ever tried doing that for a family of 6 that included 4 teenagers? Tough stuff. So, I clearly told her NO... she could not come over. I knew when I hung up that wasn't going to be the last of it. I know my sister all too well.
She called back saying that she wanted to just 'swing by the house for 5 minutes to pick up a purse'. I said yes.... and made a mental note that if she tried to do anything more it was going to mean we'd have to re-discuss any kind of future visits. I don't mean to be mean here... but even 5 minutes given what I had to cram into an hour was almost too much. But I love my sister and wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt that she could "just swing by."
As it turned out, she wasn't able to come by. I think she was discharged from the hospital later that expected. I talked to her at 5-ish and she was on a breathing treatment still in the hospital. I guess it was for the best, ya know? I really didn't want to put her to the test. She's been through so much... we all have.
Really good news about Julie though is that she has decided to try to change psychiatrists! Away from Dr. Vijapuri and into the care of Dr. Pages who had treated her at TGH and Memorial. Granted Dr. Pages was the one that wrote out the dozen or so prescriptions that nearly killed Julie, but he was following orders from Julie's primary psychiatrist, Vijapuri. If this Dr. Pages will see her and will CARE about her and try treating her with more intense therapy and less medication... it'll be a great thing. At the same time, they recommend she find a new primary care doctor. Right now her doctor is the clinic in Brandon that every Military person needs to go to. They are SWAMPED and rarely can see her when she needs them. This change, too, could be a good thing.
The downfalls to all of this is that Julie is starting 'from scratch' with doctors who don't know her. They don't know her quirks, addictions, personality, her manipulative ways, etc. Julie even made mention of seeing Dr. Pages and just "starting all over". The only question I have is this... can you really start all over from the here and now and progress forward without really knowing and fully understanding what happened in the past? I'm sure that's completely debatable. But I tend to think no. I think this because both Mom and I clearly see when Julie is headed for disaster LONG before the paid professionals do. And that comes from one thing and one thing only: a clear understanding of Julie's past. Perhaps if Julie could find a way to make the family (Mom, Katie and I) fully participate in her psychiatric care from the beginning it might be beneficial to the doctor. Help with his 'learning curve', ya know? But then I fear that Julie might view it as some sort of attack. And truly, all anyone wants is the best for Julie.
But.... as I talk about this (or type is better worded I suppose).... I clearly know that absolutely none of this is in my control. And... I'm perfectly okay with that. If Julie were still in the process of 'getting her kids back' I would for sure have to play a role in her treatment. But - I think everyone at this time - and perhaps even Julie - realizes that it's not going to happen.
I was in contact with one of Julie's good friends while she was in the hospital when things were 'touch and go'. She told me that she was going to have a conversation with Julie when she was better... talking to her about what to let go of, what to hold on to, and what changes she could make to have a better and closer relationship with her kids - even though they are living with me. I explained to her my theory of how Julie could have sold her house, moved into a small apartment up in Carrollwood, and been around a lot more for the kids this past year. Been there for football games, baseball games, school meetings, etc. Yes, she still has to be supervised by me at all times, but -- when you are 5 minutes away vs. 60 minutes away... it's just logical that you're going to be around more. She completely agreed with this. But then she also made mention of Julie taking the equity from her home and putting it into an account for the kids college.... which we all know would never happen. But this friend does think like that... well educated... college degree... career woman.... it's almost odd that she is such good friends with Julie. But then again, Julie does tend to draw in a unique group of friends. I think that's because - if you really got to know her - you'd clearly see her HUGE heart of gold. :o)
What else is new?
Destruction of the house continues as a result of all the teenagers. Kayla's floor in her bedroom... once a nice white-ish gray peppered Berber Carpet is completely covered in hair gel gook. The furniture, dresser, night stand, carpet, everything has this ICK on it. I've told her that when she gets a job, the FIRST thing she is doing with the money is paying for a company to come in and clean that carpet. Then we'll have to get a throw rug of some sort in there to protect the clean carpet (assuming they are actually able to clean it). I say it all the time... but you really CANT imagine how much hair stuff that girl uses. And... it's EVERYWHERE. The funny thing is that she has the 'cleanest' room. Neat-wise that is, not goopy floors and furniture-wise.
Chris and I decided at lunch today that we are going to HAVE to get a lock for our bedroom door. I keep losing things... not big things, small things. Hair dryer. Iron. Socks. Tweezers. The sock problem is crazy because I should be able to find them! Surely they are WASHED with someone's clothes every week, right? But I find socks everywhere. One on the floor. Three on in my car. One by the pool. Five by the trampoline. One under the sofa. Never pairs left somewhere.... just multiple odd socks everywhere. And the tweezers drive me INSANE. I am one of those people who has a place for everything and everything in it's place. I keep everything in the same spot and always put it back when done. Extremely anal about that. And since, once again, my tweezers have grown legs and walked out of my room, I'm now going to have to purchase my 8th pair of tweezers. Yeah, yeah... only cost - what - $5? But that's not the point! I know what some of you are thinking.... "go into their room and find them and take them back!" To those I say... you haven't seen their room. It's often a miracle they can find their beds! Some might say "Just ask who took them and ask them to bring them back!" To those I say.... NOBODY ever does it. I swear to God, I am waiting for the one day that I know this will happen... I will see someone with it IN THEIR HANDS and ask why they took it, and that person will say they didn't do it. I just know it'll happen! LOL
Well, I better run for now. I leave you with this on this happy Friday:
If you want happiness for an hour - take a nap.
If you want happiness for a day - go fishing.
If you want happiness for a year - inherit a fortune.
If you want happiness for a lifetime - help someone else.
Chinese Proverb
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
God Always Provides
Julie is out of the hospital. I'm surprised because she sounds so bad... her breathing is awful. But they say that when a person is on a ventilator as long as Julie was it's to be expected.
Not expected was the problem we were going to have getting Julie into a doctor or a hospital.
The doctors at Palms of Pasadena discharged her with no medication. They were 'afraid' to give any to her.... on one end they could have given her the same thing she had when she came in - on the other end they could have prescribed new and safer doses of medications. Of course, prescribing what she was on when she came in was out of the question because the doctor said the massive doses she was on could have killed her. Also out of the question was beginning new medication as they don't have the mental floor to be able to keep her while stabilizing and adjusting her medications to find the 'perfect' dose for her. So... they sent her home on nothing.
Mom (who has been there every day/all day since this whole thing started) was there to take her home and on the way they are going to go to Dr. Vijapuri's office to see what medications he wants to put her on. (Mind you... this is the same doctor who prescribed the massive doses to begin with). But... Julie has no choices here.
You see... she has no choices because she's burned so many bridges due to her condition and her continual non-compliance. Memorial hospital flat-out told us that they would not take her medically or mentally. Tricare said they are not paying for any more hospitalizations regardless. And... she's seen other psychiatrists in the past - all who have dropped her because of her non-compliance. Dr. Vijapuri is her only hope of getting ANY psychiatric care... good or bad... it is what it is.
Mom just called and they finished up with the appointment with Dr. Vijapuri/Dr. Vergeese. Her words... "We have to get her in to see another doctor." No kidding! Dr. Vijapuri's problem is that he just prescribes pill after pill after pill after pill. No real intensive treatment, no caring about 'you', no attention to your personal situation. They put her back on ALL the medications she was on when she overdosed, with the exception of the Thorazine (which she took because of the noises she heard in her head).
The other huge problem here is that they are going to follow up with her in two weeks. She has been on NO medication at ALL since this thing started. Typically when they have to adjust the dosage or change medications for a patient with Julie's condition, they put you in a hospital so that if you have a horrible depression episode, manic episode, or hear voices, or get the shakes or whatever... the nurses are there to care for everything. But... since Memorial refuses to take her, Tampa General is full, and she has no psychiatric benefits left.... she's going to do it from home.
Mom is going to go and buy her pill boxes, four of them (morning, afternoon, evening and bedtime dose) and is going to put the pills in there that she needs to take for the week but leave her with 2 weeks at a time. And then.... take the rest home. That way, Julie CAN'T take too much. Well, she could, but she'd be out too soon. She could still do like she did this last time, take a morning dose with an afternoon dose - but let's just think positive!
Speaking of thinking positive (or not I suppose) - I've pretty much given up on the idea of Kayla being able to go to Mexico this summer with the church. I finally received the certified birth certificates for all the kids - but still would need to get her a passport. I'm just not sure I want to spend money on that - AND it might not get here in time - AND she might not be able to go anyways. Additionally... I've got to work on getting Kayte, Justin and Jonathan to summer camp with the Florida Sheriff's Youth Ranch... if they are accepted to go again this year. This means I've got to go out and get them all physicals - oie! Plus I'm trying to save for a vacation we wanted to take in July! It just seems like 'too much'... and maybe it's the happy pills, but I don't feel like stretching myself that thin for the sake of all the kids having a good time. She can always go next year!
I think the kids were shocked last night when I said that I had to go to the doctors yesterday because I was under so much stress that it was making me ill. They have never seen me go to a doctor ever since they got here a year and a half ago. We sat down and had a family meeting last night.
It's really funny the difference in each kid. I suppose I didn't see it as much with Amanda and Jonathan because they were 7 years apart and boy/girl. These kids being so close together in age, it's crystal clear to see their differences. I got a little offended recently because the kids in one of our long rides to the hospital were talking about 'the way things are in school' - and the subject came up about how I had no clue what it was like for them. I mentioned that Amanda was not THAT much older than they were... and then there was Jonathan. They all quickly replied that it was totally different: Amanda and Jono were 'geeks' and all three believe they are very 'popular' kids in school. Not 'have a lot of friends' kind of popular but rather, "I could win a popularity contest because everyone knows me and loves me" kind of thinking. So we talked about it last night at length. When we talked about different 'groups' that there WERE to be popular in - I hoped I helped them to see that there are other kids out there that are just as popular as they were... but that everyone had their own 'clicks' or 'groups'. They were popular with the black hip-hop kind of kids, Jonathan is popular with the more shy kids. There are the preps who dress in very nice expensive clothes, drive BMW's to school and are in the running for homecoming and/or prom queen. All different kinds of popular out there. The only one who - at the end of the conversation - fully believed that she was popular with EVERY single group was Kayte. Funny really.
She is SO hard to argue with. She wants the last word. She's quiet, very quiet, yet VERY assertive. She is convinced she is right no matter what you say. But she doesn't argue about it, she tries to reason her way out of it. We call her the 'lawyer'... she'd be good at it!
I also took the time while I was talking to them about this to remind them - very clearly - that they needed to completely and totally respect their little cousin Jonathan. He has given up SO MUCH since they moved in. Shared his love. His house. His food. His room. His clothes. His time. His parents. His everything. They sometimes I think forget that! But I'll be here to remind them every so often.
Sigh... I've sat here often today thinking about how I 'had' to break down and see a doctor last night.... and I can't get over feeling somewhat like a failure. Yet, I know it's not logical. I've never - EVER - been prescribed that kind of medication. I know that what I was feeling was physical and that no matter how often I told myself to relax, it didn't work. I know that I have come SO FAR in the way I think of things now. I try to be SO MUCH more positive in my daily walk through life. More positive and more spiritual.
Sigh.... left the blog for a bit and did some 'family stuff', now back to blog again. I looked at my bank balance today and nearly fell out of my chair. I simply can't BELIEVE how much money we've spent with Julie in the hospital.... gas.... food out (eating on the way)... I just can't believe it. I was really upset... overdrawn $12.22. Twelve dollars - how much does THAT suck? Well, I decided to get one of those 'advances' from Amscot. I haven't been there in years... but figured it'd work for the two weeks before payday. I suppose it's supposed to be embarrassing and private... but... doesn't that kind of thing happen to everyone? I suppose so.
While there, there was a scary looking guy who came in. He wanted to cash a check and got VERY anxious when they had to 'call it in' and didn't give him cash right away. He kept asking questions... who are you calling... why are you calling... then said he needed his check back because he 'was late for something'. He began to get EXTREMELY irate. Everyone there quickly realized the guy was up to no good. I'm positive the girls behind the glass had probably called police. I remember thinking... does he have a gun? What do I do? Stay here? Be nice (he was a foot away from me)? Should I just stop what I'm doing and leave? I stayed... and he eventually ran out the door. It sure did scare the hell out of me though.
On the way home I kept thinking.... God always provides. Always. We've always had it tight. But never gone without... not for long anyways. Sure, I have to pay the money back in 2 weeks... but I'm betting that by the, God will provide. He's always got my back.
I've got to run... time to watch American Idol!
"The kindest thing you can do for the people you care about is to become a happy, joyous person."--Brian Tracy
Not expected was the problem we were going to have getting Julie into a doctor or a hospital.
The doctors at Palms of Pasadena discharged her with no medication. They were 'afraid' to give any to her.... on one end they could have given her the same thing she had when she came in - on the other end they could have prescribed new and safer doses of medications. Of course, prescribing what she was on when she came in was out of the question because the doctor said the massive doses she was on could have killed her. Also out of the question was beginning new medication as they don't have the mental floor to be able to keep her while stabilizing and adjusting her medications to find the 'perfect' dose for her. So... they sent her home on nothing.
Mom (who has been there every day/all day since this whole thing started) was there to take her home and on the way they are going to go to Dr. Vijapuri's office to see what medications he wants to put her on. (Mind you... this is the same doctor who prescribed the massive doses to begin with). But... Julie has no choices here.
You see... she has no choices because she's burned so many bridges due to her condition and her continual non-compliance. Memorial hospital flat-out told us that they would not take her medically or mentally. Tricare said they are not paying for any more hospitalizations regardless. And... she's seen other psychiatrists in the past - all who have dropped her because of her non-compliance. Dr. Vijapuri is her only hope of getting ANY psychiatric care... good or bad... it is what it is.
Mom just called and they finished up with the appointment with Dr. Vijapuri/Dr. Vergeese. Her words... "We have to get her in to see another doctor." No kidding! Dr. Vijapuri's problem is that he just prescribes pill after pill after pill after pill. No real intensive treatment, no caring about 'you', no attention to your personal situation. They put her back on ALL the medications she was on when she overdosed, with the exception of the Thorazine (which she took because of the noises she heard in her head).
The other huge problem here is that they are going to follow up with her in two weeks. She has been on NO medication at ALL since this thing started. Typically when they have to adjust the dosage or change medications for a patient with Julie's condition, they put you in a hospital so that if you have a horrible depression episode, manic episode, or hear voices, or get the shakes or whatever... the nurses are there to care for everything. But... since Memorial refuses to take her, Tampa General is full, and she has no psychiatric benefits left.... she's going to do it from home.
Mom is going to go and buy her pill boxes, four of them (morning, afternoon, evening and bedtime dose) and is going to put the pills in there that she needs to take for the week but leave her with 2 weeks at a time. And then.... take the rest home. That way, Julie CAN'T take too much. Well, she could, but she'd be out too soon. She could still do like she did this last time, take a morning dose with an afternoon dose - but let's just think positive!
Speaking of thinking positive (or not I suppose) - I've pretty much given up on the idea of Kayla being able to go to Mexico this summer with the church. I finally received the certified birth certificates for all the kids - but still would need to get her a passport. I'm just not sure I want to spend money on that - AND it might not get here in time - AND she might not be able to go anyways. Additionally... I've got to work on getting Kayte, Justin and Jonathan to summer camp with the Florida Sheriff's Youth Ranch... if they are accepted to go again this year. This means I've got to go out and get them all physicals - oie! Plus I'm trying to save for a vacation we wanted to take in July! It just seems like 'too much'... and maybe it's the happy pills, but I don't feel like stretching myself that thin for the sake of all the kids having a good time. She can always go next year!
I think the kids were shocked last night when I said that I had to go to the doctors yesterday because I was under so much stress that it was making me ill. They have never seen me go to a doctor ever since they got here a year and a half ago. We sat down and had a family meeting last night.
It's really funny the difference in each kid. I suppose I didn't see it as much with Amanda and Jonathan because they were 7 years apart and boy/girl. These kids being so close together in age, it's crystal clear to see their differences. I got a little offended recently because the kids in one of our long rides to the hospital were talking about 'the way things are in school' - and the subject came up about how I had no clue what it was like for them. I mentioned that Amanda was not THAT much older than they were... and then there was Jonathan. They all quickly replied that it was totally different: Amanda and Jono were 'geeks' and all three believe they are very 'popular' kids in school. Not 'have a lot of friends' kind of popular but rather, "I could win a popularity contest because everyone knows me and loves me" kind of thinking. So we talked about it last night at length. When we talked about different 'groups' that there WERE to be popular in - I hoped I helped them to see that there are other kids out there that are just as popular as they were... but that everyone had their own 'clicks' or 'groups'. They were popular with the black hip-hop kind of kids, Jonathan is popular with the more shy kids. There are the preps who dress in very nice expensive clothes, drive BMW's to school and are in the running for homecoming and/or prom queen. All different kinds of popular out there. The only one who - at the end of the conversation - fully believed that she was popular with EVERY single group was Kayte. Funny really.
She is SO hard to argue with. She wants the last word. She's quiet, very quiet, yet VERY assertive. She is convinced she is right no matter what you say. But she doesn't argue about it, she tries to reason her way out of it. We call her the 'lawyer'... she'd be good at it!
I also took the time while I was talking to them about this to remind them - very clearly - that they needed to completely and totally respect their little cousin Jonathan. He has given up SO MUCH since they moved in. Shared his love. His house. His food. His room. His clothes. His time. His parents. His everything. They sometimes I think forget that! But I'll be here to remind them every so often.
Sigh... I've sat here often today thinking about how I 'had' to break down and see a doctor last night.... and I can't get over feeling somewhat like a failure. Yet, I know it's not logical. I've never - EVER - been prescribed that kind of medication. I know that what I was feeling was physical and that no matter how often I told myself to relax, it didn't work. I know that I have come SO FAR in the way I think of things now. I try to be SO MUCH more positive in my daily walk through life. More positive and more spiritual.
Sigh.... left the blog for a bit and did some 'family stuff', now back to blog again. I looked at my bank balance today and nearly fell out of my chair. I simply can't BELIEVE how much money we've spent with Julie in the hospital.... gas.... food out (eating on the way)... I just can't believe it. I was really upset... overdrawn $12.22. Twelve dollars - how much does THAT suck? Well, I decided to get one of those 'advances' from Amscot. I haven't been there in years... but figured it'd work for the two weeks before payday. I suppose it's supposed to be embarrassing and private... but... doesn't that kind of thing happen to everyone? I suppose so.
While there, there was a scary looking guy who came in. He wanted to cash a check and got VERY anxious when they had to 'call it in' and didn't give him cash right away. He kept asking questions... who are you calling... why are you calling... then said he needed his check back because he 'was late for something'. He began to get EXTREMELY irate. Everyone there quickly realized the guy was up to no good. I'm positive the girls behind the glass had probably called police. I remember thinking... does he have a gun? What do I do? Stay here? Be nice (he was a foot away from me)? Should I just stop what I'm doing and leave? I stayed... and he eventually ran out the door. It sure did scare the hell out of me though.
On the way home I kept thinking.... God always provides. Always. We've always had it tight. But never gone without... not for long anyways. Sure, I have to pay the money back in 2 weeks... but I'm betting that by the, God will provide. He's always got my back.
I've got to run... time to watch American Idol!
"The kindest thing you can do for the people you care about is to become a happy, joyous person."--Brian Tracy
Monday, April 16, 2007
Happy Pills
Things here are moving along. Kids are still driving me nuts at times, which comes with the territory of being teenagers I suppose. Nobody still lives here at our house. As a matter of fact, none of the kids do more around here than Nobody does. :o)
We had an episode with Kayla this weekend. She's been acting... odd... the past week or so. Not worried odd... hiding something odd. While we were visiting her mom yesterday (spent the ENTIRE day there) she said something about wanting to go to her boyfriend's church later that night. I have a few issues with that: 1) she's out too much and too late with him. Saturday she left the house about 1pm to have lunch and a movie and didn't come home till 10:30pm. Too much time in my book. 2) We'd had a FULL day at the hospital and I just wanted to go home and relax, not deal with this. 3) She's out too much with him and I'm worried about the 'situation' if you catch my drift. So... after I told her 'no' at the hospital, she literally curled up into a ball and pouted the rest of the time. Wouldn't look at me... wouldn't talk to me... nothing. Then as we walked into the front door at home she says "Auntie Tina, did you really mean it that I can't go with John tonight?" Uh.... YES I meant it. She was just pissy and manipulative. She thinks we are so stupid and naive... we don't 'get it'. We really do... but it's my job to raise her, to protect her, and to know where she is and what she's doing all the time. So she stayed home, but she was NOT happy about it. Ah... I remember 16 years old... fun fun.
Progress reports came in and I didn't blog about that. Jonathan and Justin are the two doing no-so-well right now. Jonathan had 3 D's and an F, Justin had 2 F's. Frustrating. Very very frustrating. It's a never-ending task staying on top of them and their assignments and their grades.
I should tell you that... I know a lot of you think I'm super-woman. I know I've dealt with a lot since getting the kids... and I can't say it's even surprised me. There are rewards that are difficult to even describe. I've always felt that this was what God wanted me to do.
Well.... today I realized I'm not super-woman. I've been having panic attacks ever since Julie went into the hospital. My other sister Katie has been having a 'difficult' pregnancy (she's 20 weeks along now and has been put on light duty with no lifting) - this 'difficulty' started this past weekend. The kids... I've tried to be strong for them.... at one point at the hospital Mom said something about how well she was holding it together, but she knew when she got home it was going to catch up with her and she'd lose it. I've not had the luxury... when I come home the kids still need me to be their strong Aunt... the one to tell them that it's going to be okay. Remember, they aren't just worried about their mom, they are feeling guilty for not being there and are often reminded of their dad's passing only 2 years ago. Got to hold it together.
After a weeks worth of heart racing, hands going numb, dizziness, and my heart at times feeling like it was going to explode from pumping so hard.... I broke down and saw the doctor today after work. I'm on 'happy pills' now... and am hoping this will help get me through this time.
I'm not really in the mood to blog more than that... it was difficult just putting that in writing. But - it is what it is - isn't that what I say all the time?? So... I better run for tonight.
I leave you with this a friend sent to me the other day....
The cross is God's way of turning a negative into a positive.
We had an episode with Kayla this weekend. She's been acting... odd... the past week or so. Not worried odd... hiding something odd. While we were visiting her mom yesterday (spent the ENTIRE day there) she said something about wanting to go to her boyfriend's church later that night. I have a few issues with that: 1) she's out too much and too late with him. Saturday she left the house about 1pm to have lunch and a movie and didn't come home till 10:30pm. Too much time in my book. 2) We'd had a FULL day at the hospital and I just wanted to go home and relax, not deal with this. 3) She's out too much with him and I'm worried about the 'situation' if you catch my drift. So... after I told her 'no' at the hospital, she literally curled up into a ball and pouted the rest of the time. Wouldn't look at me... wouldn't talk to me... nothing. Then as we walked into the front door at home she says "Auntie Tina, did you really mean it that I can't go with John tonight?" Uh.... YES I meant it. She was just pissy and manipulative. She thinks we are so stupid and naive... we don't 'get it'. We really do... but it's my job to raise her, to protect her, and to know where she is and what she's doing all the time. So she stayed home, but she was NOT happy about it. Ah... I remember 16 years old... fun fun.
Progress reports came in and I didn't blog about that. Jonathan and Justin are the two doing no-so-well right now. Jonathan had 3 D's and an F, Justin had 2 F's. Frustrating. Very very frustrating. It's a never-ending task staying on top of them and their assignments and their grades.
I should tell you that... I know a lot of you think I'm super-woman. I know I've dealt with a lot since getting the kids... and I can't say it's even surprised me. There are rewards that are difficult to even describe. I've always felt that this was what God wanted me to do.
Well.... today I realized I'm not super-woman. I've been having panic attacks ever since Julie went into the hospital. My other sister Katie has been having a 'difficult' pregnancy (she's 20 weeks along now and has been put on light duty with no lifting) - this 'difficulty' started this past weekend. The kids... I've tried to be strong for them.... at one point at the hospital Mom said something about how well she was holding it together, but she knew when she got home it was going to catch up with her and she'd lose it. I've not had the luxury... when I come home the kids still need me to be their strong Aunt... the one to tell them that it's going to be okay. Remember, they aren't just worried about their mom, they are feeling guilty for not being there and are often reminded of their dad's passing only 2 years ago. Got to hold it together.
After a weeks worth of heart racing, hands going numb, dizziness, and my heart at times feeling like it was going to explode from pumping so hard.... I broke down and saw the doctor today after work. I'm on 'happy pills' now... and am hoping this will help get me through this time.
I'm not really in the mood to blog more than that... it was difficult just putting that in writing. But - it is what it is - isn't that what I say all the time?? So... I better run for tonight.
I leave you with this a friend sent to me the other day....
The cross is God's way of turning a negative into a positive.
Saturday, April 14, 2007
Off The Ventilator
Good news! Julie is OFF the ventilator! They took her off yesterday, and the kids and I went up to see her last night. She looked tired, but a heck of a lot better than she has the past few days. She's still having quite a problem breathing... but I'm told that's to be expected. If all goes well, they are going to move her out of ICU tomorrow and into a regular room.
I'm still hopeful she can get into TGH though. I think she needs a total psychological workup before she's sent home again. I also think that she needs to have another doctor look at her condition and prescribe her medications appropriately... not give her 20+ prescriptions to take home. I should mention that she has been off all psychiatric medications this whole time. She'll need to be put back on them then watched as they monitor her and adjust her dosage to make sure it's 'right' for her. This should be done at a psychiatric wing of a hospital (in my opinion).
A sad story is that Friday, after they took her off the vent, Julie was exhausted and sore - as well as icky and in need of a good washing. Her hair was all icky from the stuff they put her on when they did a brain wave test and she was just generally grungy from all the equipment and tape and stuff. A nurse's aid brought Julie a set-up to wash up with. Shampoo, soap, lotion, etc. After she set it all up, she started to leave. Julie said (in a whisper) "aren't you going to help me?" The aid turned and said to her "Is there something wrong with your hands?" I'm telling you, I HATE this hospital. Hate hate hate. I want her out of there and into good hands - the sooner the better.
Mom has been a trooper since this whole thing with Julie started. She's been up there ALL the time; morning noon and night - whereas I've just been going up after work and when the kids are together and all want to go up. Julie said something to me last night and mom asked me about it today... and I'm not sure how I feel about it. I know and completely agree that Julie did not overdose on purpose. However, I do not believe she had been taking her medications exactly as directed. As I stated a few days ago... when she got to the hospital and a pill count was done, there was some stuff that had too many pills gone. Not a ton, but probably an extra dose taken here and there. I don't believe that Julie was taking only medication that she needed and only exactly the amount as prescribed. (example of 'needed' is Flexaril, a muscle relaxer, doesn't need to be taken around the clock, but I'm betting she was taking it daily if not several time a day). Anyways... I believe that Julie's medical breakdown - her body basically 'giving up on her' - was because she was on massive amounts of prescriptions taken too many times a day. I do realize that she took her morning dose close (if not with) her afternoon dose that day... and perhaps that was her ONLY mistake that day. But I truly believe that he blood stream just had too much prescriptions in it for the body to deal with.
And, I don't blame Julie for this really. I warned the hospital when they tried to discharge her when her insurance ran out... I warned them that 1) she was on too many medications 2) she hadn't learned to deal with things without medication yet and 3) she wasn't compliant with her medications to the degree that they could send her home with massive quantities and her be 'safe'. And... this - in my opinion - is not Julie's fault. I believe Julie is mentally incompetent when it comes to her medical care. What I meant by #2 here is that... when Julie's back hurts when she sleeps wrong, it doesn't occur to her to sleep with a pillow or some other adjustment... she thinks there has to be a pill to make it better. When she's stressed, she doesn't think of things to do to relieve the stress, she thinks about what pill she can take to ease the stress. As I said earlier (while she was still in the mental ward) - I believe that Julie needs to be completely retrained on how to deal with this kind of thing. And sending her home without it was negligent, in my opinion.
But then again... the hospital knew all of this. I went through that whole "it's been 12 days since she was declared mentally incompetent, and NOW you think she's fixed?" thing... and the whole damn thing makes NO SENSE what-so-ever.
This damn system keeps failing. Over and over. And it's driving me nuts.
One of the things that they talked about at the mental ward, and has again come up, was Julie going to an assisted living facility. No doubt Julie would HATE that. But... mom, Katie and I have been talking about how to help Julie control her medications when she gets out this time. I don't think we can send her home with a dozen bottles of 100 pills each. I think we need to fill up a weekly pill container and send her home with that. If she takes too much, she'll run out early and won't have any for the end of the week. I hope that will at least HELP. Course, she can always then start doctor shopping again. But - at least we can feel like we are doing something to help.
As to all of us here at the Rhocchini family, we are holding up okay. I went to Sam's today for groceries... and didn't buy ANY meat yet. Spent $411. It's simply AMAZING to me every single time I go.
I'm DIGGING having the rental van to drive around in. It's a 2007 Toyota Sienna... and it's WONDERFUL. Big enough for all of us and drives well. I LOVE it. Course it's a 30 thousand dollar vehicle. That's an insane amount for a car. For a while we were unsure what Geico was going to do about our Durango... total it or fix it. If they totaled it, it would have been good and bad. Good because we'd be forced to get another vehicle (the transmission is still going so we know it doesn't have a lot of time left) - but bad because we are only 6 payments away from having NO car payments. If we had to get another car, we'd have to finance again for another 3-5 years. ICK ICK ICK. Plus my credit is in the crapper - when the kids moved in I got behind with the mortgage. Never more than a month, but it KILLED my credit rating which would kill us when it came to financing. Course if Geico just fixed the Durango it'd be good and bad as well. Good because we're still only 6 payments from being car-payment free. Bad because we still have to deal with the transmission. But Geico told us on Friday that they are going to fix it. Don't know how long it's going to take... they can take their sweet time... I'm LOVING the rental!! :o)
I better run... have to go make dinner for the family. Please continue to keep Julie in your thoughts and prayers.
I'm still hopeful she can get into TGH though. I think she needs a total psychological workup before she's sent home again. I also think that she needs to have another doctor look at her condition and prescribe her medications appropriately... not give her 20+ prescriptions to take home. I should mention that she has been off all psychiatric medications this whole time. She'll need to be put back on them then watched as they monitor her and adjust her dosage to make sure it's 'right' for her. This should be done at a psychiatric wing of a hospital (in my opinion).
A sad story is that Friday, after they took her off the vent, Julie was exhausted and sore - as well as icky and in need of a good washing. Her hair was all icky from the stuff they put her on when they did a brain wave test and she was just generally grungy from all the equipment and tape and stuff. A nurse's aid brought Julie a set-up to wash up with. Shampoo, soap, lotion, etc. After she set it all up, she started to leave. Julie said (in a whisper) "aren't you going to help me?" The aid turned and said to her "Is there something wrong with your hands?" I'm telling you, I HATE this hospital. Hate hate hate. I want her out of there and into good hands - the sooner the better.
Mom has been a trooper since this whole thing with Julie started. She's been up there ALL the time; morning noon and night - whereas I've just been going up after work and when the kids are together and all want to go up. Julie said something to me last night and mom asked me about it today... and I'm not sure how I feel about it. I know and completely agree that Julie did not overdose on purpose. However, I do not believe she had been taking her medications exactly as directed. As I stated a few days ago... when she got to the hospital and a pill count was done, there was some stuff that had too many pills gone. Not a ton, but probably an extra dose taken here and there. I don't believe that Julie was taking only medication that she needed and only exactly the amount as prescribed. (example of 'needed' is Flexaril, a muscle relaxer, doesn't need to be taken around the clock, but I'm betting she was taking it daily if not several time a day). Anyways... I believe that Julie's medical breakdown - her body basically 'giving up on her' - was because she was on massive amounts of prescriptions taken too many times a day. I do realize that she took her morning dose close (if not with) her afternoon dose that day... and perhaps that was her ONLY mistake that day. But I truly believe that he blood stream just had too much prescriptions in it for the body to deal with.
And, I don't blame Julie for this really. I warned the hospital when they tried to discharge her when her insurance ran out... I warned them that 1) she was on too many medications 2) she hadn't learned to deal with things without medication yet and 3) she wasn't compliant with her medications to the degree that they could send her home with massive quantities and her be 'safe'. And... this - in my opinion - is not Julie's fault. I believe Julie is mentally incompetent when it comes to her medical care. What I meant by #2 here is that... when Julie's back hurts when she sleeps wrong, it doesn't occur to her to sleep with a pillow or some other adjustment... she thinks there has to be a pill to make it better. When she's stressed, she doesn't think of things to do to relieve the stress, she thinks about what pill she can take to ease the stress. As I said earlier (while she was still in the mental ward) - I believe that Julie needs to be completely retrained on how to deal with this kind of thing. And sending her home without it was negligent, in my opinion.
But then again... the hospital knew all of this. I went through that whole "it's been 12 days since she was declared mentally incompetent, and NOW you think she's fixed?" thing... and the whole damn thing makes NO SENSE what-so-ever.
This damn system keeps failing. Over and over. And it's driving me nuts.
One of the things that they talked about at the mental ward, and has again come up, was Julie going to an assisted living facility. No doubt Julie would HATE that. But... mom, Katie and I have been talking about how to help Julie control her medications when she gets out this time. I don't think we can send her home with a dozen bottles of 100 pills each. I think we need to fill up a weekly pill container and send her home with that. If she takes too much, she'll run out early and won't have any for the end of the week. I hope that will at least HELP. Course, she can always then start doctor shopping again. But - at least we can feel like we are doing something to help.
As to all of us here at the Rhocchini family, we are holding up okay. I went to Sam's today for groceries... and didn't buy ANY meat yet. Spent $411. It's simply AMAZING to me every single time I go.
I'm DIGGING having the rental van to drive around in. It's a 2007 Toyota Sienna... and it's WONDERFUL. Big enough for all of us and drives well. I LOVE it. Course it's a 30 thousand dollar vehicle. That's an insane amount for a car. For a while we were unsure what Geico was going to do about our Durango... total it or fix it. If they totaled it, it would have been good and bad. Good because we'd be forced to get another vehicle (the transmission is still going so we know it doesn't have a lot of time left) - but bad because we are only 6 payments away from having NO car payments. If we had to get another car, we'd have to finance again for another 3-5 years. ICK ICK ICK. Plus my credit is in the crapper - when the kids moved in I got behind with the mortgage. Never more than a month, but it KILLED my credit rating which would kill us when it came to financing. Course if Geico just fixed the Durango it'd be good and bad as well. Good because we're still only 6 payments from being car-payment free. Bad because we still have to deal with the transmission. But Geico told us on Friday that they are going to fix it. Don't know how long it's going to take... they can take their sweet time... I'm LOVING the rental!! :o)
I better run... have to go make dinner for the family. Please continue to keep Julie in your thoughts and prayers.
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
One Step Away
Have you ever felt that you were an itty-bitty-tiny step from losing your mind totally? Not really your mind... but - one step away from crying uncontrollably - one step away from feeling hopeless - one step away from a panic attack - one step away from getting really angry with God over a situation. I'm almost there right now. I'm trying to stay positive... but it is difficult at times.
I went to bed last night and the only thing I kept thinking was... I can't believe my 37 year old sister is on a respirator right now. It's........ surreal.
We borrowed a friend's van last night to go to the hospital together. The kids got to see their mom awake... although she was pretty confused and obviously couldn't talk. She did sign some things to us, over and over again telling us she didn't do it on purpose and that she had pneumonia. As she laid there I kept remembering a story we kept reminding Julie of when we were worried she was going to eat her way into a diabetic coma. We have a friend of the family who had a stroke. Her mind was there... but her body would not function for her. She was trapped in her body, unable to say what she was feeling. As I watched Julie last night... on the respirator, unable to tell us what she wanted and in a confused daze... I kept remembering that story and that -- it was really happening, albeit most likely temporary.
I should mention here that Mom talked to the doctor last night. After reviewing her medications she was on at the time of admission, he said that... he couldn't talk badly about another physician - BUT - that we (the family) should check into why she was on so much and perhaps medication that shouldn't be combined - or something to that effect. Also I should mention that she is still at Palms of Pasadena... waiting for an ICU bed at TGH to open up.
Both Katie and I are pretty darn upset that we wrote to the hospital telling them not to let her out... that something like this would happen... and they chose to do so anyways. And sure enough... she wasn't even out a week and this happens. As a matter of fact, in my letter to the doctor I stated my concerns about the quantity of medication she was on.
But more than angry or upset... I'm worried. Worried about my sister. Worried that she won't fully recover. Worried that she will full recover and won't change anything.
Please pray for Julie.
I just re-read a letter she wrote to me the morning she went into the hospital. I'll share some of it with you... so you can see the inner workings of Julie's mind. Mind you, she said she was doing better on her meds and wasn't slurring at all which was totally not true. I honestly wonder if she just doesn't see it. Anyways... here is the email she wrote to me from the beach hotel the morning she went into the hospital (going to have to turn spell-check off for this one!):
I took out some parts of that... just wanted you to see some of it. I honestly wondered if she had done something to herself after this bad dream... but I know she didn't do it on purpose. Oh my..... my heart is just breaking for her.
I've got more to blog about... progress reports from the kids... update on the car situation. But for now... I'm exhausted and need to go to bed. Thank you all so much for your prayers, love and support. Please keep them up - they are needed more than ever right now.
I went to bed last night and the only thing I kept thinking was... I can't believe my 37 year old sister is on a respirator right now. It's........ surreal.
We borrowed a friend's van last night to go to the hospital together. The kids got to see their mom awake... although she was pretty confused and obviously couldn't talk. She did sign some things to us, over and over again telling us she didn't do it on purpose and that she had pneumonia. As she laid there I kept remembering a story we kept reminding Julie of when we were worried she was going to eat her way into a diabetic coma. We have a friend of the family who had a stroke. Her mind was there... but her body would not function for her. She was trapped in her body, unable to say what she was feeling. As I watched Julie last night... on the respirator, unable to tell us what she wanted and in a confused daze... I kept remembering that story and that -- it was really happening, albeit most likely temporary.
I should mention here that Mom talked to the doctor last night. After reviewing her medications she was on at the time of admission, he said that... he couldn't talk badly about another physician - BUT - that we (the family) should check into why she was on so much and perhaps medication that shouldn't be combined - or something to that effect. Also I should mention that she is still at Palms of Pasadena... waiting for an ICU bed at TGH to open up.
Both Katie and I are pretty darn upset that we wrote to the hospital telling them not to let her out... that something like this would happen... and they chose to do so anyways. And sure enough... she wasn't even out a week and this happens. As a matter of fact, in my letter to the doctor I stated my concerns about the quantity of medication she was on.
But more than angry or upset... I'm worried. Worried about my sister. Worried that she won't fully recover. Worried that she will full recover and won't change anything.
Please pray for Julie.
I just re-read a letter she wrote to me the morning she went into the hospital. I'll share some of it with you... so you can see the inner workings of Julie's mind. Mind you, she said she was doing better on her meds and wasn't slurring at all which was totally not true. I honestly wonder if she just doesn't see it. Anyways... here is the email she wrote to me from the beach hotel the morning she went into the hospital (going to have to turn spell-check off for this one!):
Hey Things are well here.. Wanted to wish you a Happy Easter........
kiss kiss kiss.....Hug hug hug. So I hope you know..
I would of rather been at Tinas with my kids.. But I understood why I couldnt
of been there.. I have been doing much better on my meds
though . I havnt noticed any slurring much.. Tina I had a bad dream.... I
hate to even tell you that I had a bad dream but I did.. I always do.. my worst
fear.. im going to tell you.. I drempt that you looked at me and said, You
cant see my kids.. I said what.?? you said you heard me, you cant see MY KIDS i
said who.. and you said Kayte.. then I woke up... My biggest fear and Im so
dumb to think that way.. You are my sister.. You wouldnt take my kids away from
me.. And even if I never get them back, you would not call them your kids..I am
and always will be there mother and I have to keep telling myself that.. ya
no,,. But I have been dreaming that so much in so many diffrent
dreams you had said that and I wake myself up.. anwyay
am at the beach
with Kaye paid for the room, it was very nice of her to do that. I only went in
the sun for like an hr and a half and got burnt.. Wasnt in the sun much cus it
was just plain old cold outside.. Sure of all weekends to go to the
beach.. Hey those who dont pay for nuthin but food shouldnt complain.. So
I will shut up... I gotta say the rays of light though was very strong.. i wore
sun glassses outside so now i got one of those raccon things goin on my face..
it is funny......
As I was sitting outside I had some crazy thoughts......... How do birds
fly twards the sun?? Doesnt sun get in there eyes and blind them.. Cant be
with there eyes closed and they dont wear sunglasses so how do they keep the sun
outta there eyes/???
--things that make you go
hmmmmmmmmmmmm
Love your sis,
JuLeZZ
I took out some parts of that... just wanted you to see some of it. I honestly wondered if she had done something to herself after this bad dream... but I know she didn't do it on purpose. Oh my..... my heart is just breaking for her.
I've got more to blog about... progress reports from the kids... update on the car situation. But for now... I'm exhausted and need to go to bed. Thank you all so much for your prayers, love and support. Please keep them up - they are needed more than ever right now.
Monday, April 09, 2007
When It Rains... It Pours
Didn't I just say last Wednesday was the "Day from Hell"? Wow... I spoke way too soon!
**warning -it's late and I'm tired... this blog is going to be short and to-the-point**
About 3 pm today I got a phone call from Chris while I was at work. He's driving around, and all the sudden I hear a bang and the cell phone drops - hitting the floor. I assume he's dropped the phone. Oh no... can't be that easy. He picks it up and tells me.... "I was just in a car accident". WHHHHAAAAATTTTT? First things first... Chris is okay. Second things second... the Durango is not. A guy turned in front of Chris and hit him. Police came. The other guy was charged with the accident (thank goodness). But the one vehicle we have that can fit all of us at one time.... is in the driveway - undrivable. We are waiting for the insurance company to come out and get it fixed. Sigh........
About 3:30 today my mom calls me. Julie is in the hospital. No big news there... she's always in, right? Not this time.... today was different. She was in St. Pete on vacation and Julie hadn't been feeling well today so her roommate Kay was driving her to a walk in clinic.... when suddenly Julie stopped breathing. Kay rushed her to the hospital - Palms of Pasedina - a hole in the wall hospital in St. Pete. While there Julie was in and out of consciousness.... and at times would just stop breathing... but they didn't yet know why. While there and awake - Julie told them that Kay was her sister and that she (Julie) was on two medications. It wasn't until Mom called the hospital sometime later that they realized her true and complete medical history.... how many and what kinds of medications she was on and that she was a diabetic.
And yet.... still.... none of us worried really... Julie being in an emergency room was really nothing new.
About 5:30 mom calls again. She went to the hospital... and said that Julie looked horrible. "The worst she has ever seen her". The doctors said that the family should come to see her now. She appeared to be getting worse... they don't know for sure what is wrong with her. That just didn't sound well at all, so, I gathered up the kids and we crammed in the Mustang and headed over to St. Pete.
By the time we got there Julie had gotten worse. She was no longer having episodes of being 'awake'... tried as we did to stimulate her to wake up (pushing, yelling, poking, etc) she just would no longer respond. Additionally her breathing was getting worse. They pumped her stomach finally about 8 or so this evening, although whatever she had consumed earlier in the day was most likely gone by then.
Finally they ended up putting her on a respirator.
She's not breathing at all on her own right now. (Apparently the machine will tell you how much you are trying to breathe on your own.) They are going to try to bring it down tomorrow to see if she will try breathing any on her own. Best case... she can be off the respirator soon. I have to think best case.........
There is still a LOT we don't know. We don't know what she took, or for sure how this happened. We don't know if she'll be able to breathe on her own. We don't know for sure that no other damage was done to her body. What we think is that she just took too much of the medications that were prescribed to her. When the got the pill bottles she had on her... I think there were 12 different ones.... she had taken too much of all of them.
The kids were troopers though... saying that Julie didn't look as bad as their dad did when he was on the respirator only 2 years or so ago. Sad that they have been through so much already and they now have to go through this. It just doesn't seem fair.
I'm trying not to think worst case scenario. Heck.... I don't know what we'd do right now if Chris, Jono, Kayla, Justin, Kayte and myself all needed to go to the hospital.... we wouldn't FIT! Brings me back to the Durango mess.... oh lordy.....
I'm exhausted.... and need to go to bed. Please keep Julie in your prayers. As well as mom, my sister Katie and I who are all struggling to deal with this.
**warning -it's late and I'm tired... this blog is going to be short and to-the-point**
About 3 pm today I got a phone call from Chris while I was at work. He's driving around, and all the sudden I hear a bang and the cell phone drops - hitting the floor. I assume he's dropped the phone. Oh no... can't be that easy. He picks it up and tells me.... "I was just in a car accident". WHHHHAAAAATTTTT? First things first... Chris is okay. Second things second... the Durango is not. A guy turned in front of Chris and hit him. Police came. The other guy was charged with the accident (thank goodness). But the one vehicle we have that can fit all of us at one time.... is in the driveway - undrivable. We are waiting for the insurance company to come out and get it fixed. Sigh........
About 3:30 today my mom calls me. Julie is in the hospital. No big news there... she's always in, right? Not this time.... today was different. She was in St. Pete on vacation and Julie hadn't been feeling well today so her roommate Kay was driving her to a walk in clinic.... when suddenly Julie stopped breathing. Kay rushed her to the hospital - Palms of Pasedina - a hole in the wall hospital in St. Pete. While there Julie was in and out of consciousness.... and at times would just stop breathing... but they didn't yet know why. While there and awake - Julie told them that Kay was her sister and that she (Julie) was on two medications. It wasn't until Mom called the hospital sometime later that they realized her true and complete medical history.... how many and what kinds of medications she was on and that she was a diabetic.
And yet.... still.... none of us worried really... Julie being in an emergency room was really nothing new.
About 5:30 mom calls again. She went to the hospital... and said that Julie looked horrible. "The worst she has ever seen her". The doctors said that the family should come to see her now. She appeared to be getting worse... they don't know for sure what is wrong with her. That just didn't sound well at all, so, I gathered up the kids and we crammed in the Mustang and headed over to St. Pete.
By the time we got there Julie had gotten worse. She was no longer having episodes of being 'awake'... tried as we did to stimulate her to wake up (pushing, yelling, poking, etc) she just would no longer respond. Additionally her breathing was getting worse. They pumped her stomach finally about 8 or so this evening, although whatever she had consumed earlier in the day was most likely gone by then.
Finally they ended up putting her on a respirator.
She's not breathing at all on her own right now. (Apparently the machine will tell you how much you are trying to breathe on your own.) They are going to try to bring it down tomorrow to see if she will try breathing any on her own. Best case... she can be off the respirator soon. I have to think best case.........
There is still a LOT we don't know. We don't know what she took, or for sure how this happened. We don't know if she'll be able to breathe on her own. We don't know for sure that no other damage was done to her body. What we think is that she just took too much of the medications that were prescribed to her. When the got the pill bottles she had on her... I think there were 12 different ones.... she had taken too much of all of them.
The kids were troopers though... saying that Julie didn't look as bad as their dad did when he was on the respirator only 2 years or so ago. Sad that they have been through so much already and they now have to go through this. It just doesn't seem fair.
I'm trying not to think worst case scenario. Heck.... I don't know what we'd do right now if Chris, Jono, Kayla, Justin, Kayte and myself all needed to go to the hospital.... we wouldn't FIT! Brings me back to the Durango mess.... oh lordy.....
I'm exhausted.... and need to go to bed. Please keep Julie in your prayers. As well as mom, my sister Katie and I who are all struggling to deal with this.
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
The Day From Hell
Yes.... we are mid-week without Chris home and today I truly went insane. We're talking crying in the car because the stress is almost too much kind of insane.
Julie had asked yesterday if her new roommate could come over for Easter with us. Now, I'm sure this girl is really nice - and my decision had NOTHING to do with her what-so-ever. But... with Chris gone all week, me managing here alone, and on top of that with a little cold - no, I really don't want to entertain guests. Our family, Evie and Jimmie, Mom, Julie, is great -- but not someone I've not met before. I was trying to figure out a way to nicely tell Julie this yesterday when I got a call from Julie about 11am.
She and her new roommate had gone out to breakfast. Both had taken their medications and reacted badly to them.... slurring.... sleeping sitting up. The roomie was driving and kept almost hitting cars, swerving, that kind of thing. They were up by my house and wanted to know if they could come over and they could take a nap at my house. Now.... the nap I certainly didn't mind - I'd much rather them rest than drive around in a doped up sleepy stupor. Ya know? But..... the whole thing was just............... odd. I don't EVER recall having to ask someone if I could sleep at their house because I was too tired to drive. Never mind the fact that it was 11 in the morning. (Apparently they were up all night talking - as Julie said "like a teenage slumber party") So.... they crashed at my house until 3 or so. I told her she HAD to be gone before the kids got home from school. I did manage to tell her that I didn't want her new roommate to come over for Easter - but it had nothing to do with her... I just.... wasn't in the frame of mind to entertain on that day.
About 1 or 2 today, Julie calls me at work. She just talked to mom, and mom had told her that I might not want her to come over to my house on Easter. Why?? Because she was terribly drugged.... slurring her words something horrible... not making any real sense. Julie goes on to tell me that she had just come from seeing Dr. Vergeese - but he really couldn't do anything because she was difficult to understand and she kept falling asleep sitting up. And... as I'm talking to Julie, I totally understand why my mom said what she did -- Julie sounded horrible! So... "Easter" she says, "can I still come over?" Then she follows quickly with "if not, it's fine. Kay and I will go to the Sandpiper Beach Resort for the weekend." I truly felt like she almost would rather go to the beach. She mentions that Easter and Thanksgiving were not big holidays for her anyways. After thinking about it for a while, I told her that I really felt it best that the kids NOT see her in that condition.
At about 3 she called and wants to come over tonight to say "hi" to the kids - she wants to know if I'll be home so she can swing by. She sounds better on the phone at this time. Not normal, but better. I explain to her that I have a lot going on tonight: I have to go to the pool store after work and get chlorine, come home and maintain the pool, take Kayla to dance practice, take Justin to baseball practice, go to the grocery store, then go back and get Kayla and Justin. Mind you.... this is all timed to the minute. Pool store by 5:30, treat the pool by 5:45, 5:45 take Kayla to Church, drop Justin off at 6, go to the grocery store until 6:45, go back and pick up Kayla, then Justin, then home and make dinner. So.... no.... there is no TIME. She says she'll call anyways and see if I'm home. Sigh...........
4:30 I get a call from home while I'm at work and all hell is breaking loose at home. One of the kids who comes over all the time, Sean (who is NOT supposed to be in the house before 5) is in the house and he and Jonathan just got into a fight. Sean had Jonathan in a headlock, Jonathan hit Sean. It sounded HORRIBLE and it's an awful feeling to hear that chaos going on at home and not being there to deal with it.
Sometime between my telling Julie "no" about the visit tonight when I talked to her at 3 and 4:30 she's called Justin to talk to him about coming over. He calls and tells me that he does not want to miss baseball practice tonight. I tell him not to worry about it, he IS going. He said his mom didn't sound so good and asked "how long is she going to be like this?" I didn't know what to say... but I told him it might take a couple weeks for her medications to get regulated.
On the way to the pool store, Julie called to see where I was... could she come over. I tell her I am just insanely busy right now... too much to do. She says she'll call later and see if I'm home and she can come over. We talked about how to tell the kid she wasn't coming at Easter. I told her that I was just going to tell them about her medication.. how it wasn't 'right' yet. Julie explained that -- she takes the meds as prescribed, but right after she takes them she gets dopey and the slurred speech, which lasts a while. She doesn't like taking afternoon meds, but she has to because if she doesn't the voices come back. She says they are louder in the late afternoon and at night... then quickly points out that they are not really 'voices' as much as 'sounds'. Yeah... okay.
I head home, expecting the house to be in horrible shape. Of course, I was not surprised to see it was. Jonathan broke a wooden lip to the wood floor... super glue on the wooden dining room table from where he tried to fix it... course NOBODY had done their chores... and they are just sitting around like they have nothing better to do. I'm FURIOUS with everyone at this point. In particular Jono who broke my floorboard into three pieces. I go to Jono's room (where I sent him in anger mode to keep myself from yelling at him) and I see that he still has not cleaned his room... the clothes that **I** folded for him earlier in the morning that I asked him to put away were not done. I was LIVID.
Somewhere in this time Julie calls. Again. I tell her I am headed out to go drive Kayla to Church. She said she'd call back in a bit to see if she could come over. At this point I just want to cry.... I don't need one more thing. Is this some kind of joke? Argh....
I take Kayla to Church, go to the grocery store, come home to take Justin (only to find out someone else is going to take him to the park - YAY!) I put away groceries and realize that I have 15 minutes now before I have to go back and pick up Kayla. I figure I can quickly start dinner and it'll be done at a reasonable time - so I'm making dinner. Phone rings... it's Julie. (Anybody counting these??) "Can I come over now?" She asks. I explain that I have 15 min before I have to go get Kayla. She said... "it's okay, I don't mind. What are you doing for dinner? I could make the chicken dish that you love!" Okay wait... now she wants to eat over??? I am FRAZZLED beyond BELIEF at this point. I'm still huffing over Jono, frantically trying to get groceries put away and dinner started in time to go get Kayla. I tell her that I guess she can come over, but only for the 15 min or whatever - I've got to go get Kayla. She comes right over.
I finally meet her roommate, Kay. Very nice lady. When it's time to get Kayla, Julie suggested I take Kayte with me, then Julie can stay and visit with Kayla when I get back. She mentions bringing her bathing suit so they can go swimming too. Boy... I think she had this planned the whole time. I take Kayte, go pick up Kayla and come home.
Mind you, any time I'm alone at this point, I am balling my eyes out because I am so stressed. I feel......... like I have no control... and I HATE THAT!
Long story short (oops, too late!) Julie stayed over, ate with us, went in the hot tub, and it was really okay. The kids were worried about her... she kept shutting her eyes falling asleep. But other than that, it was a good visit.
On top of it all.............. it's report card day. I'm going to post their grades here real quick, then go watch some TV. I'm utterly exhausted.... and I need some 'me' time. The only thing I'm missing is some Gray Goose............ that would be nice! Anyways.........
Kayla: 3 A's, 1 B, 3 C's
Justin: 2 B's, 4 C's, 1 D
Kayte: 2 A's, 4 B's
Jonathan: 2 B's 2 C's, 2 D's
Don't spend your precious time asking
'Why isn't the world a better place?'
It will only be time wasted.
The question to ask is 'How can I make it better?'
To that there is an answer.
Leo F. Buscaglia
Julie had asked yesterday if her new roommate could come over for Easter with us. Now, I'm sure this girl is really nice - and my decision had NOTHING to do with her what-so-ever. But... with Chris gone all week, me managing here alone, and on top of that with a little cold - no, I really don't want to entertain guests. Our family, Evie and Jimmie, Mom, Julie, is great -- but not someone I've not met before. I was trying to figure out a way to nicely tell Julie this yesterday when I got a call from Julie about 11am.
She and her new roommate had gone out to breakfast. Both had taken their medications and reacted badly to them.... slurring.... sleeping sitting up. The roomie was driving and kept almost hitting cars, swerving, that kind of thing. They were up by my house and wanted to know if they could come over and they could take a nap at my house. Now.... the nap I certainly didn't mind - I'd much rather them rest than drive around in a doped up sleepy stupor. Ya know? But..... the whole thing was just............... odd. I don't EVER recall having to ask someone if I could sleep at their house because I was too tired to drive. Never mind the fact that it was 11 in the morning. (Apparently they were up all night talking - as Julie said "like a teenage slumber party") So.... they crashed at my house until 3 or so. I told her she HAD to be gone before the kids got home from school. I did manage to tell her that I didn't want her new roommate to come over for Easter - but it had nothing to do with her... I just.... wasn't in the frame of mind to entertain on that day.
About 1 or 2 today, Julie calls me at work. She just talked to mom, and mom had told her that I might not want her to come over to my house on Easter. Why?? Because she was terribly drugged.... slurring her words something horrible... not making any real sense. Julie goes on to tell me that she had just come from seeing Dr. Vergeese - but he really couldn't do anything because she was difficult to understand and she kept falling asleep sitting up. And... as I'm talking to Julie, I totally understand why my mom said what she did -- Julie sounded horrible! So... "Easter" she says, "can I still come over?" Then she follows quickly with "if not, it's fine. Kay and I will go to the Sandpiper Beach Resort for the weekend." I truly felt like she almost would rather go to the beach. She mentions that Easter and Thanksgiving were not big holidays for her anyways. After thinking about it for a while, I told her that I really felt it best that the kids NOT see her in that condition.
At about 3 she called and wants to come over tonight to say "hi" to the kids - she wants to know if I'll be home so she can swing by. She sounds better on the phone at this time. Not normal, but better. I explain to her that I have a lot going on tonight: I have to go to the pool store after work and get chlorine, come home and maintain the pool, take Kayla to dance practice, take Justin to baseball practice, go to the grocery store, then go back and get Kayla and Justin. Mind you.... this is all timed to the minute. Pool store by 5:30, treat the pool by 5:45, 5:45 take Kayla to Church, drop Justin off at 6, go to the grocery store until 6:45, go back and pick up Kayla, then Justin, then home and make dinner. So.... no.... there is no TIME. She says she'll call anyways and see if I'm home. Sigh...........
4:30 I get a call from home while I'm at work and all hell is breaking loose at home. One of the kids who comes over all the time, Sean (who is NOT supposed to be in the house before 5) is in the house and he and Jonathan just got into a fight. Sean had Jonathan in a headlock, Jonathan hit Sean. It sounded HORRIBLE and it's an awful feeling to hear that chaos going on at home and not being there to deal with it.
Sometime between my telling Julie "no" about the visit tonight when I talked to her at 3 and 4:30 she's called Justin to talk to him about coming over. He calls and tells me that he does not want to miss baseball practice tonight. I tell him not to worry about it, he IS going. He said his mom didn't sound so good and asked "how long is she going to be like this?" I didn't know what to say... but I told him it might take a couple weeks for her medications to get regulated.
On the way to the pool store, Julie called to see where I was... could she come over. I tell her I am just insanely busy right now... too much to do. She says she'll call later and see if I'm home and she can come over. We talked about how to tell the kid she wasn't coming at Easter. I told her that I was just going to tell them about her medication.. how it wasn't 'right' yet. Julie explained that -- she takes the meds as prescribed, but right after she takes them she gets dopey and the slurred speech, which lasts a while. She doesn't like taking afternoon meds, but she has to because if she doesn't the voices come back. She says they are louder in the late afternoon and at night... then quickly points out that they are not really 'voices' as much as 'sounds'. Yeah... okay.
I head home, expecting the house to be in horrible shape. Of course, I was not surprised to see it was. Jonathan broke a wooden lip to the wood floor... super glue on the wooden dining room table from where he tried to fix it... course NOBODY had done their chores... and they are just sitting around like they have nothing better to do. I'm FURIOUS with everyone at this point. In particular Jono who broke my floorboard into three pieces. I go to Jono's room (where I sent him in anger mode to keep myself from yelling at him) and I see that he still has not cleaned his room... the clothes that **I** folded for him earlier in the morning that I asked him to put away were not done. I was LIVID.
Somewhere in this time Julie calls. Again. I tell her I am headed out to go drive Kayla to Church. She said she'd call back in a bit to see if she could come over. At this point I just want to cry.... I don't need one more thing. Is this some kind of joke? Argh....
I take Kayla to Church, go to the grocery store, come home to take Justin (only to find out someone else is going to take him to the park - YAY!) I put away groceries and realize that I have 15 minutes now before I have to go back and pick up Kayla. I figure I can quickly start dinner and it'll be done at a reasonable time - so I'm making dinner. Phone rings... it's Julie. (Anybody counting these??) "Can I come over now?" She asks. I explain that I have 15 min before I have to go get Kayla. She said... "it's okay, I don't mind. What are you doing for dinner? I could make the chicken dish that you love!" Okay wait... now she wants to eat over??? I am FRAZZLED beyond BELIEF at this point. I'm still huffing over Jono, frantically trying to get groceries put away and dinner started in time to go get Kayla. I tell her that I guess she can come over, but only for the 15 min or whatever - I've got to go get Kayla. She comes right over.
I finally meet her roommate, Kay. Very nice lady. When it's time to get Kayla, Julie suggested I take Kayte with me, then Julie can stay and visit with Kayla when I get back. She mentions bringing her bathing suit so they can go swimming too. Boy... I think she had this planned the whole time. I take Kayte, go pick up Kayla and come home.
Mind you, any time I'm alone at this point, I am balling my eyes out because I am so stressed. I feel......... like I have no control... and I HATE THAT!
Long story short (oops, too late!) Julie stayed over, ate with us, went in the hot tub, and it was really okay. The kids were worried about her... she kept shutting her eyes falling asleep. But other than that, it was a good visit.
On top of it all.............. it's report card day. I'm going to post their grades here real quick, then go watch some TV. I'm utterly exhausted.... and I need some 'me' time. The only thing I'm missing is some Gray Goose............ that would be nice! Anyways.........
Kayla: 3 A's, 1 B, 3 C's
Justin: 2 B's, 4 C's, 1 D
Kayte: 2 A's, 4 B's
Jonathan: 2 B's 2 C's, 2 D's
Don't spend your precious time asking
'Why isn't the world a better place?'
It will only be time wasted.
The question to ask is 'How can I make it better?'
To that there is an answer.
Leo F. Buscaglia
Monday, April 02, 2007
Our 6th Kid - Nobody Rho-cchini
Well, just wanted to let you all know that our 6th kid, "Nobody" still lives here. I'm sure you remember Nobody; Nobody is the one who does everything wrong around the house. Who left all the cabinets open? Nobody. Who left out the ice cream? Nobody. Who left the front door wide open? Nobody. Who ate four bowls of cereal in one sitting? Nobody.
Nobody should really be a child on our tax return next year.... as Nobody does so much around here.
Nobody put a hole in our bathroom wall the other day. We have a door dingy thing behind the door, and not a weak one - a nice strong one. We put it there on purpose when we re-did the bathroom downstairs to make sure the wall stayed nice. Since Chris fixes things like this all day every day, we knew what to get to prevent wall damage. Well, best we can figure is that Nobody's friend was over and the two of them were wrestling and the friend slammed Nobody into the door, bending it and putting a hole in the wall.
But... Nobody did not break the picture on the wall the other day. The kids quickly placed blame on someone other than Nobody. We had two really pretty pictures on either side of the plasma TV and fireplace. (Got them at Kirkmans - LOVE that store!) The story from the kids was..... oh..... you are just going to love this........ Jonathan was upstairs watching TV in his room, Justin was in the dining room doing homework. The CATS jumped up on the wall - 5 feet up on the wall - and hit the picture with such force that it fell crashing to the floor, breaking the glass and frame. Additionally, on the way down the wall, it fell with such force it broke the plastic thingy around the electrical socket.
Now... my cats are truly amazing, no doubt. Yes they are brother and sister and so often times they wrestle around the house. Yes, Jinx with his 6 toes on 3 feet is often times a little clumsy as he bats things around. But.... one thing about my cats for SURE is that they are lazy.... and them jumping 5 feet up the wall -- well -- I just can't see happening!
My sister Katie came over my house on Sunday. She nicely mentioned how neat and clean my house usually was - or should I say - used to be, before all the teens moved in. Now there are filthy walls, dirty floors, holes in the sofa, broken pictures, holes in the wall. I'm the kind of person who would be VERY happy to just take a huge box of Clorox Cleanups around the house and dust EVERYTHING. Matter of fact one of my specialties has always been baseboards and the top of door frames. They always get dirty and people always forget to dust there! I'm anal like that. Usually anyways. But now, it's a lost cause and I know it. Even with the chore chart, it gets out of control a LOT around here. The perfectionist I am read what I just wrote and it's all I can do to keep typing and not get up and go CLEAN! But anyways.......... the point of telling you this was to tell you I got fed up with Nobody and the Blame Game.
I put all four kids on restriction until someone fessed up about the picture. Then, knowing that the hole in the bathroom wall probably came from a friend being over and Jonathan and Justin wrestling with him, I told them all that not ONE single friend was allowed over the house and they were not allowed out with friends until someone fessed up about the hole in the wall.
It lasted a whole few hours (these kids are BUSY and like spending time with friends). I got a call from Justin (we were at Church singing Saturday night) who told me that Jonathan admitted to putting the hole in the wall. But it didn't FEEL right. First that Justin called, not Jonathan. And.... Jono wasn't even HOME on Friday night, the night we are pretty sure it happened. Sure enough, come to find out later once we got home and talked about it, the kids decided it was best to let Jonathan take the fall for it so they could go to the mall with friends. Of course, the mall didn't happen.
I had a talk with them about how much I hate it that they always tell me that Nobody did something. Then I talked about what an IDIOT they must think I am because they think I'd actually believe "the cat did it" story.
Sure enough, everyone fessed up to what they had done. Justin, Jono and Sean (a friend down the street) were wrestling and hit the door in the bathroom.
And as for the picture breaking, Jonathan threw a calculator at Justin, who ducked to miss it, and it hit the picture and broke.
Oh, here comes the cat again to lay in my arms as I'm typing. So sweet...........
Chris is in Jacksonville for the week. It's odd sleeping without him. It's really odd knowing that I've got all these kids to care for, a house to keep clean, schedules to manage, all - alone. But so far... so good. Course it's only Monday night - Ha ha ha ha!
I asked a friend at church today to say a prayer for me... which felt odd to ask for one for me. But I feel the stress already, and Julie has only been out for a day. Only a little more than a week ago she was claiming she couldn't eat differently, wouldn't stop McDonald's or drinking all the cokes every day -- yet today she's claimed to have turned over a new leaf.... home cooked healthy meals. It's just.......... sudden............ and I'm afraid that it's manic. The stress is mostly that... she sounds so good - today she's telling me how good her blood sugar is... how she's going to have the bi-polar friends move in with her and they are going to help her... that she knows that she's not getting the kids back anytime soon.
But then I realize that she's still very ill... in the next breath she talked about the guy living there who was just there for sex. Not a friend. Not paying to live there. Just... someone for her to have sex with when she wanted to. EWWWWW. Then she mentioned how she wasn't at all concerned about her bi-polar friends moving in with her and them being manic or depressed. That she doesn't really get the swings. She went on to explain that - even as she tried to kill herself over and over again 2 months ago (injecting herself with insulin all the time or eating sugar to the point where she hoped she'd slip into a coma) - even at that time she was still 'okay' -- "not depressed or anything" so she says. How can you want to kill yourself and feel that you were not the slightest bit depressed? And how can you know for a FACT that you are bi-polar, and then say that you don't have the ups and downs that go along with it?
How does this affect me? Well.... one of two things generally happens: Either I get my hopes up and I begin to think "maybe she can really do it this time".... "maybe she's really changed"... only to feel the incredible disappointment when it's not the case. Or I refuse to see it as a change and I see it as yet another manic episode, in which case I feel like I'm not supporting my sister. Most all the time I see it as the later... another manic episode, and I just deal with the 'crappy sister' feelings. But the kids are now involved. And, I know that they've seen Julie through this same thing hundreds and hundreds of times. But which attitude would be the right one for their betterment? I honestly don't know. And.... what if it's better for them if I get my hopes up... but then I just can't do it?
Julie called today a few times. Talking to the kids, asking about a visit this week, then talking about Easter (she didn't realize Easter was this Sunday). I've decided that I have enough on my plate this week that Chris is gone and that Julie should just come over on Easter Sunday. She wasn't happy and pressed me for another day this week, but we've got something going on every day this week... and I'm doing it all alone here. So, she can just come over for Easter; we'll have Ham and whatever else I can throw together. And then Mom, Katie, Julie and I will all sit down and have a talk... try to get on the same page about how we all feel and what we are all thinking.
I dunno.... I really can't put into words where all the stress I'm feeling right now is coming from. I'm trying - but the words just are not flowing. Funny... I just though... maybe as the week progresses and things keep getting worse and more and more stressful, I'll be better able to put it into words at that time. Yeah, I'm sure that's the case. :o) Stay tuned.
For now, I'm off to bed. The cat is now fully asleep in my arms and it's pretty difficult to type like this. :o) I leave you with this and remind you.... if you've not accepted Christ into your life as of yet... what better time than Easter? Go to Church. Listen to God. He'll be waiting for you.
For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him may not perish but may have eternal life.
John 3:16
Nobody should really be a child on our tax return next year.... as Nobody does so much around here.
Nobody put a hole in our bathroom wall the other day. We have a door dingy thing behind the door, and not a weak one - a nice strong one. We put it there on purpose when we re-did the bathroom downstairs to make sure the wall stayed nice. Since Chris fixes things like this all day every day, we knew what to get to prevent wall damage. Well, best we can figure is that Nobody's friend was over and the two of them were wrestling and the friend slammed Nobody into the door, bending it and putting a hole in the wall.
But... Nobody did not break the picture on the wall the other day. The kids quickly placed blame on someone other than Nobody. We had two really pretty pictures on either side of the plasma TV and fireplace. (Got them at Kirkmans - LOVE that store!) The story from the kids was..... oh..... you are just going to love this........ Jonathan was upstairs watching TV in his room, Justin was in the dining room doing homework. The CATS jumped up on the wall - 5 feet up on the wall - and hit the picture with such force that it fell crashing to the floor, breaking the glass and frame. Additionally, on the way down the wall, it fell with such force it broke the plastic thingy around the electrical socket.
Now... my cats are truly amazing, no doubt. Yes they are brother and sister and so often times they wrestle around the house. Yes, Jinx with his 6 toes on 3 feet is often times a little clumsy as he bats things around. But.... one thing about my cats for SURE is that they are lazy.... and them jumping 5 feet up the wall -- well -- I just can't see happening!
My sister Katie came over my house on Sunday. She nicely mentioned how neat and clean my house usually was - or should I say - used to be, before all the teens moved in. Now there are filthy walls, dirty floors, holes in the sofa, broken pictures, holes in the wall. I'm the kind of person who would be VERY happy to just take a huge box of Clorox Cleanups around the house and dust EVERYTHING. Matter of fact one of my specialties has always been baseboards and the top of door frames. They always get dirty and people always forget to dust there! I'm anal like that. Usually anyways. But now, it's a lost cause and I know it. Even with the chore chart, it gets out of control a LOT around here. The perfectionist I am read what I just wrote and it's all I can do to keep typing and not get up and go CLEAN! But anyways.......... the point of telling you this was to tell you I got fed up with Nobody and the Blame Game.
I put all four kids on restriction until someone fessed up about the picture. Then, knowing that the hole in the bathroom wall probably came from a friend being over and Jonathan and Justin wrestling with him, I told them all that not ONE single friend was allowed over the house and they were not allowed out with friends until someone fessed up about the hole in the wall.
It lasted a whole few hours (these kids are BUSY and like spending time with friends). I got a call from Justin (we were at Church singing Saturday night) who told me that Jonathan admitted to putting the hole in the wall. But it didn't FEEL right. First that Justin called, not Jonathan. And.... Jono wasn't even HOME on Friday night, the night we are pretty sure it happened. Sure enough, come to find out later once we got home and talked about it, the kids decided it was best to let Jonathan take the fall for it so they could go to the mall with friends. Of course, the mall didn't happen.
I had a talk with them about how much I hate it that they always tell me that Nobody did something. Then I talked about what an IDIOT they must think I am because they think I'd actually believe "the cat did it" story.
Sure enough, everyone fessed up to what they had done. Justin, Jono and Sean (a friend down the street) were wrestling and hit the door in the bathroom.
And as for the picture breaking, Jonathan threw a calculator at Justin, who ducked to miss it, and it hit the picture and broke.
Oh, here comes the cat again to lay in my arms as I'm typing. So sweet...........
Chris is in Jacksonville for the week. It's odd sleeping without him. It's really odd knowing that I've got all these kids to care for, a house to keep clean, schedules to manage, all - alone. But so far... so good. Course it's only Monday night - Ha ha ha ha!
I asked a friend at church today to say a prayer for me... which felt odd to ask for one for me. But I feel the stress already, and Julie has only been out for a day. Only a little more than a week ago she was claiming she couldn't eat differently, wouldn't stop McDonald's or drinking all the cokes every day -- yet today she's claimed to have turned over a new leaf.... home cooked healthy meals. It's just.......... sudden............ and I'm afraid that it's manic. The stress is mostly that... she sounds so good - today she's telling me how good her blood sugar is... how she's going to have the bi-polar friends move in with her and they are going to help her... that she knows that she's not getting the kids back anytime soon.
But then I realize that she's still very ill... in the next breath she talked about the guy living there who was just there for sex. Not a friend. Not paying to live there. Just... someone for her to have sex with when she wanted to. EWWWWW. Then she mentioned how she wasn't at all concerned about her bi-polar friends moving in with her and them being manic or depressed. That she doesn't really get the swings. She went on to explain that - even as she tried to kill herself over and over again 2 months ago (injecting herself with insulin all the time or eating sugar to the point where she hoped she'd slip into a coma) - even at that time she was still 'okay' -- "not depressed or anything" so she says. How can you want to kill yourself and feel that you were not the slightest bit depressed? And how can you know for a FACT that you are bi-polar, and then say that you don't have the ups and downs that go along with it?
How does this affect me? Well.... one of two things generally happens: Either I get my hopes up and I begin to think "maybe she can really do it this time".... "maybe she's really changed"... only to feel the incredible disappointment when it's not the case. Or I refuse to see it as a change and I see it as yet another manic episode, in which case I feel like I'm not supporting my sister. Most all the time I see it as the later... another manic episode, and I just deal with the 'crappy sister' feelings. But the kids are now involved. And, I know that they've seen Julie through this same thing hundreds and hundreds of times. But which attitude would be the right one for their betterment? I honestly don't know. And.... what if it's better for them if I get my hopes up... but then I just can't do it?
Julie called today a few times. Talking to the kids, asking about a visit this week, then talking about Easter (she didn't realize Easter was this Sunday). I've decided that I have enough on my plate this week that Chris is gone and that Julie should just come over on Easter Sunday. She wasn't happy and pressed me for another day this week, but we've got something going on every day this week... and I'm doing it all alone here. So, she can just come over for Easter; we'll have Ham and whatever else I can throw together. And then Mom, Katie, Julie and I will all sit down and have a talk... try to get on the same page about how we all feel and what we are all thinking.
I dunno.... I really can't put into words where all the stress I'm feeling right now is coming from. I'm trying - but the words just are not flowing. Funny... I just though... maybe as the week progresses and things keep getting worse and more and more stressful, I'll be better able to put it into words at that time. Yeah, I'm sure that's the case. :o) Stay tuned.
For now, I'm off to bed. The cat is now fully asleep in my arms and it's pretty difficult to type like this. :o) I leave you with this and remind you.... if you've not accepted Christ into your life as of yet... what better time than Easter? Go to Church. Listen to God. He'll be waiting for you.
For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him may not perish but may have eternal life.
John 3:16
Sunday, April 01, 2007
Lies and Hospital
Oh Lordy... where to start with today's news?
I found out today that Kayla left with her boyfriend yesterday when she was 'supposed' to be at a birthday party and went to see her mom at the hospital. It may not seem like that big of a deal... but it's court ordered that every single time Julie sees the kids I am to be within 'eye and ear-shot' of them. The judge asked me at least two or three times if I clearly understood what he was saying. Kayla says she didn't know, but I am positive she did know but that she waned to go anyways.
There is much I could say about all of this.... but I won't go into every aspect of my feelings on the matter. In my opinion... as soon as Julie saw Kayla there alone, Julie (who is the adult, the mom, and knew the rules for sure) should have told her that she was not allowed to be there. But that didn't happen. My mom showed up shortly thereafter and supervised the rest of the visit. But again, Julie should have done the grown-up thing there... but we all know that she can't do that I suppose, right? Sheesh....
I'm furious with Kayla for doing this. For lying about where she was. About sneaking out to do this. About being forced to tell the truth (by being 'caught' by my mom). When I called her today to talk to her about it, she wasn't at her friends house (where I thought she was supposed to be), she was out driving around with her boyfriend again. Needless to say, Kayla is grounded. Sigh..........
All of this leads me into Julie news. She's now home from the hospital. She was tired of being there, she didn't want to wait for a bed at long term care. And with her insurance out, nobody at the hospital was thrilled about keeping someone there who didn't want to be there anyways. My youngest sister Katie (Julie's legal guardian) went to the hospital to tell them to keep her, but it did no good.
Furthermore, Katie and Julie apparently got into a big argument about the kids - Julie trying to get them back. Katie, who is new to being this close to the issues, is now seeing Julie's irrational feelings on the whole thing. Katie thinks I should stop all visitation between Julie and the kids until we can all sit down and have a family meeting and try, as a family, to get through to Julie about the actual possibilities of her getting the kids back. I don't know what the right thing to do is here... but I do know that Katie has been talking to Julie at LEAST one a day here recently and that I should therefore really consider anything she has to suggest.
I'm going to pray about it and hopefully make a decision before Easter.
There was also a lot more said... Julie believing that she has a right to visits once a week (it doesn't state that in the paperwork at all). Julie believing that she just needs a letter for Dr. Vijapuri to get her kids back. Julie refusing to listen to the workers at the hospital who were telling her that 3 bi-polars under one roof is not such a smart idea. Sigh............
Chris has left for Jacksonville to work for the week.... won't be back until Saturday. I have a cat cuddling with me between my arms as I type this... purring and reaching up to kiss my face on occasion. Awww... too cute, eh? Yes, it's time for bed I think.
Please keep all of us in your prayers. In particular for this decision on how to handle Julie now that she is out of the hospital.
I found out today that Kayla left with her boyfriend yesterday when she was 'supposed' to be at a birthday party and went to see her mom at the hospital. It may not seem like that big of a deal... but it's court ordered that every single time Julie sees the kids I am to be within 'eye and ear-shot' of them. The judge asked me at least two or three times if I clearly understood what he was saying. Kayla says she didn't know, but I am positive she did know but that she waned to go anyways.
There is much I could say about all of this.... but I won't go into every aspect of my feelings on the matter. In my opinion... as soon as Julie saw Kayla there alone, Julie (who is the adult, the mom, and knew the rules for sure) should have told her that she was not allowed to be there. But that didn't happen. My mom showed up shortly thereafter and supervised the rest of the visit. But again, Julie should have done the grown-up thing there... but we all know that she can't do that I suppose, right? Sheesh....
I'm furious with Kayla for doing this. For lying about where she was. About sneaking out to do this. About being forced to tell the truth (by being 'caught' by my mom). When I called her today to talk to her about it, she wasn't at her friends house (where I thought she was supposed to be), she was out driving around with her boyfriend again. Needless to say, Kayla is grounded. Sigh..........
All of this leads me into Julie news. She's now home from the hospital. She was tired of being there, she didn't want to wait for a bed at long term care. And with her insurance out, nobody at the hospital was thrilled about keeping someone there who didn't want to be there anyways. My youngest sister Katie (Julie's legal guardian) went to the hospital to tell them to keep her, but it did no good.
Furthermore, Katie and Julie apparently got into a big argument about the kids - Julie trying to get them back. Katie, who is new to being this close to the issues, is now seeing Julie's irrational feelings on the whole thing. Katie thinks I should stop all visitation between Julie and the kids until we can all sit down and have a family meeting and try, as a family, to get through to Julie about the actual possibilities of her getting the kids back. I don't know what the right thing to do is here... but I do know that Katie has been talking to Julie at LEAST one a day here recently and that I should therefore really consider anything she has to suggest.
I'm going to pray about it and hopefully make a decision before Easter.
There was also a lot more said... Julie believing that she has a right to visits once a week (it doesn't state that in the paperwork at all). Julie believing that she just needs a letter for Dr. Vijapuri to get her kids back. Julie refusing to listen to the workers at the hospital who were telling her that 3 bi-polars under one roof is not such a smart idea. Sigh............
Chris has left for Jacksonville to work for the week.... won't be back until Saturday. I have a cat cuddling with me between my arms as I type this... purring and reaching up to kiss my face on occasion. Awww... too cute, eh? Yes, it's time for bed I think.
Please keep all of us in your prayers. In particular for this decision on how to handle Julie now that she is out of the hospital.
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