Thank You So Much

I just wanted to take a moment and make sure to thank everyone and anyone who has helped us in small or large ways. The Church and it's members who have given us meals making us have 'one less thing to worry about' (I don't know who you are, but we all really appreciate the care and love that went into preparing those meals).... Mom and Katie who call me daily to support me and in their own way tell me that they love me and are there for me.... Judie the nurse from Church.... Bill Atkinson who went to pray with Doug yesterday..... the Care Team at Church who just wants to know how things are going and if there is anything they can do.... Pastor Matthew who prays for us all the time..... Katie and Tony who are not only there for us often, but also helped us plan a much-needed vacation in June with them.... my bosses who believe that daily life should be about: 1) God, 2) Family and 3) work, reminding me all the time that work is not just work, it's what you do so you can have fun and spend time with the family.... Gwen for her support and love of her Grandkids (thank you so much for the cash to take them to Plato's Closet!).... anyone who lifts us up in prayer, for I know God is listening.... and of course, our God who is ever so present in our lives every single minute of every single day.

If you were wondering how last night went, it went pretty well after I got home and talked to the kids. I sat all of them down and explained all of the rules - again. After each rule, I asked if anyone had any questions about that rule. No questions... on to the next rule. I told Kayte that it was flat out unacceptable that she date someone down in Riverview while living here, and that it was unacceptable that she date someone who is in High School. No if - ands - or buts.

The kids actually got to bed by 10:30 last night. It was actually pretty funny. Amanda came over and she was telling me that the kids said that my three favorite words were (in a yelling voice) "GO TO BED!!!!!!" Yeah, they hear it 5 or 6 times a night.

Speaking of Amanda, she brought me a little gift last night. A License Plate with "The Rhocchini Family" on it. Very cool. Thanks Amanda!

Toast of Tampa is having their Regional Competition this weekend. Gosh how much I miss singing in Chorus. Ringing chords.... 130 friends every week.... and of course, I also miss the management / leading part of it. If you don't know about them, check them out at http://www.toastoftampa.org/ - and if you've never head the sound of this kind of Barbershop... check out http://www.sweetadelineintl.org/recordings.cfm and go down to 2006 International Champion Chorus, Scottsdale Chorus, and check out one of the audio or video clips. It's really something. (And if you're in Church Choir with me and see the video, you'll know why it's hard for me to hold music and not move around!)

Well, I had better run for the day. Take care, and remember to thank God for your blessings today.

Busy Days....

So... I kind-of kept track of the things I did yesterday throughout the day that involved the kids. I'm sure that it may be hard to fathom the constant calls and ongoing updates it takes to keep up with the system and raise these kids. So... here's some of what I did yesterday:

• Emailed teachers asking for updates on kids and touching base with them about the kids progress reports.
• Phone call from Nick, the guy from the Prodigy program - regarding Kayla's arrest for shoplifting. This was in response to a fax I sent to his supervisor (good news here, they had a meeting because of my faxed letter to them and agreed with my recommendations - Kayla is not going to have to do the Cultural Classes for 8 weeks - she'll be the first one to complete the program and not have to have done those classes.)
• Phone calls to Dentists trying to firm up picking up Justin's X-Rays so that Katie can take them to the new dentist later.
• Phone call to and from Karen from Hillsborough Kids. Discussed Julie's progress and the phone call from Nick. Also, Karen confirming she'll be at our house on Thursday night for Julie's visit with the kids.
• Phone call from Dottie, the kids Guardian Ad Litem. Touched base on a couple of issues, and she'll be over our house on Friday.
• Email to/from our church - they are going to provide some meals for us, just to give us some quick meals to throw in the oven when we're on-the-go like we are today!
• Phone calls from Julie (multiple) - wants to know what mom and I are going to do so that she can see the kids on Mother's day. More on that some other time...
• Phone calls from Mom, talking about Mother's day and other issues.
• I get home from work and Kayte wants me to pick her up - she walked to a friend's house and it's too hot to walk back. I, of course, pick her up and her friend comes with her to our house.
• Took kids to Play It Again Sports to buy a glove, bat and baseball (gosh that stuff is expensive now!) Car broke down in parking lot- have to call Chris to rescue me (again) (car keeps dying and I'm not sure why)
• Kayte's friend's mom was supposed to come and pick her up, but she didn't as of 8:30 so I had to drive her home.
• Katie (sister) calls about 9pm. I'm now eating and watching TV... Katie notes how much TV we watch -- throw me a bone here... we've had a busy day! I want to put my feet up and relax for a bit! LOL
• 10pm - Bedtime - and the kids are not going to bed. I tell them to do so. 10:10 kids are still up and I yell at them. 10:20 and they are still up, I yell at them to go to bed. 10:25 Chris yells at them telling them that we shouldn't have to yell this much to get four smart teenagers to simply go to bed - night after night. (It is an ongoing problem at night)

So... that's a normal day in the life of the Rho-des parents now-a-days.

Well, there is some new stuff brewing that I really don't have time to blog about right now. It involves Kayte, MySpace, and a high school boy, oh, and he's from Riverview. She's trying to 'hook up' with him, and I found out he was in high school, so I sent the kid an email asking him what he wanted with a TWELVE year old. She's really upset with me. But I really don't care. My #1 priority is their safety and well-being. I told her there is a world of difference between middle school kids and high school kids - and of course she didn't take that well. I finally just said that -- it's just too bad, he's from Riverview and it AIN'T happening so forget it. I expect more to develop when I get home. Say a quick prayer for me....

Progress Reports Are In....

Well... there is good news and bad news. The good news is that they have done better than they'd done on their last mid-9-weeks progress report. The bad news is that they didn't do as well as I had hoped they would. Here's a breakdown comparison:

Kayla
Last 9 Weeks Academic/Conduct ----- This 9 Weeks Academic/Conduct
Language Arts F / A -------- D / A
Reading D / A -------- A / A
Math D / A -------- B / A
Social Studies F / C -------- D / D
Science F / C -------- D / A
PE C / D- -------- B+ / B+

Kayte
Last 9 Weeks Academic/Conduct ------ This 9 Weeks Academic/Conduct
Language Arts C / A -------- B / B
Reading B / A -------- A / A
Math F / -------- C /
Social Studies B / B -------- B / A
Science F / B -------- B / A
Drama B / C -------- B / A

Justin
Last 9 Weeks Academic/Conduct ------ This 9 Weeks Academic/Conduct
Language Arts F / A -------- B / A
Drama C / C -------- B / A
Math C / B -------- C / B
Social Studies D / A -------- D / D
Science C / B -------- C / B
PE B / B -------- A / A

Jonathan
Last 9 Weeks Academic/Conduct ------ This 9 Weeks Academic/Conduct
Language Arts C / A -------- D / B
Drama A / A -------- A / A
Math C / -------- B /
Social Studies A / A -------- B / A
Science B / A -------- F / A
PE F / A -------- A / A

So... that's the grades. I'm really trying to not be too disappointed - with the wow wall and everything - I had hoped they would be inspired by things being so positive.


Speaking of that... here is a picture of the Wow Wall....

Ain't it cool??!!!

This is our dining room wall for the time being.






What else is new??? OH... let me get your opinion here.... Kayte KNOWS she is not allowed to see anyone from Riverview while here. We've talked about it literally DOZENS of times. She tells me that she wants to go to Adventure Island this weekend with some guy, and he's going to pay for her to go, and will I let them go. First I say yes, then I ask about this boy. See.... she talks to him ALL DAY long.... hours and hours and hours and hours at a time. Well... guess where he is from?? Yepper.... Riverview. She has the balls to tell me that she didn't know she wasn't allowed to see him. Just infuriates me. Here's the kicker though... Justin asked if some guy from Riverview could spend the night here next weekend. I say it's okay, and then find out he too is from Riverview. Now... I'm okay with that because they will be HERE... where I can supervise them all day long. But not 'out' with friends from Riverview............. that I have a problem with. I told Kayte that I'd talk to Karen about it, but I already know I shouldn't do that. I already know what is right... and what my gut is telling me is that she needs to stay away from this guy. Even IF he is a good guy.... Kayte is obsessed over him to the point of talking to him for hours on end. And even IF she likes him, he likes her, and they are good kids - he's lives down in Riverview and she can't see him or be around him right now anyways... so why start something???

This is where Kayte pushes my buttons. She knows the answers... she asks and begs and pleads anyways. Then it just breaks my heart to tell her no over and over again... and -- she forces me to explain the 'why' all over again. (I have done all of this already). Then she tries to argue why it's that way to begin with when she thinks things would be so much better her way. UGG.

I had better run, got to get the kids ready for bed. Goodnight to all!

The Rhocchini Family

This is the name the kids have given the family. When we took pictures this Easter together, I think they felt we needed a name. Too funny.

Well, nothing much has happened since my last blog - which is good and bad. On the Doug-front, we are still just waiting. Carmen from the CARES program (from the Department of Elders Affairs) is going out to see Doug today to see if they can offer the financial assistance he'll need to get into an Assisted Living Facility. I'll tell ya, the whole thing is just surreal. I keep thinking I might be making more of it than I should, or that I'm making it more difficult than it needs to be... so I keep asking people 'what am I supposed to do here'... and it really is just this difficult and time consuming. Poor Doug probably thinks I've abandoned him because I've not been out there to see him recently, when in fact, I spend hours daily working on his paperwork and/or talking to Doctors, nurses and others about his care plan. Ugg.

On the kid-front, they are still doing pretty well. We get progress reports tomorrow which will really tell us a lot. I don't expect them to be all A's and B's... much as I'd like them to be. We missed Church on Sunday morning... the kids really wanted to go, but Chris and I just couldn't do it. Chris's step-sister, Jennifer, is adopting a baby next month. They flew in from Biloxi Saturday night so the baby shower didn't start until 7 pm. Chris and I got home at about 1 am-ish. Yeah, we are not the party animals we once were... even if we do stay out late, our bodies just don't function well the next morning. LOL. The sad truth is that I wasn't hung over, I was perfectly sober... I was just exhausted. Good lordie I'm getting old!

So Kayla is having a boyfriend crisis at the moment. Her boyfriend, Elmo, broke up with her last night and she just cried and cried about it. It's funny though, she was 'dating' him but she was also talking to a lot of other guys about 'hooking up' with them (remember the 20 year old we talked about last week!?) and of course others. So, I know she isn't heartbroken or crushed because this boy was the love of her life or anything like that, but I know it also hurts anyways. He was recently taken by DCF for reasons she's yet to share with me and so I think they had a close bond in that regard.

Ooooo... just got a great phone call from my sister Katie. She told me that she would worry about the kids teeth and medical needs and I'll worry about their psychiatrist visits and Doug. Boy, that takes a lot off my plate - yeah!!!! LOVE YOU KATIE!!!

Julie has also called a couple of times today. She went to see her psychiatrist and he said he's going to write the court a letter saying she's following her care-plan and that he hopes she can get the kids back in a year or so. That would be awesome... I'm happy for her... I just hope he's right. Remember what I've been telling you about the 2 V's... Vijapuri and Vergeese... if they haven't been able to fix her in the past 20 years, how now??? But if it CAN happen, it would be great.

Julie was also talking to me about the kids talking to her until 1:30 am the other day. I guess they were both on the phone and online. Then today mom or Katie asks me if I realized the kids were online until the wee hours of the morning. Sigh.... When I got home for lunch today, I looked at the house and I got so frustrated. Their rooms look horrid, and every day I tell them they have to clean them up, and every day they don't, or they do and 10 minutes later they are awful again. So... with all of this... I decided to unplug the computers. Boy are they going to be upset when they get home today. But... I'm tired of asking over and over and over again, and I'm tired of explaining the rules all the time. Like the phone rule... they know they are not supposed to be on the phone after 9pm, but I've caught them on a couple occasions in their bedroom talking on the phone to different guys. (Uh, that's the girls that is - Justin has no problem following the phone or computer rules). It's funny... when I told Julie the kids would get in trouble for doing all of this so late, she was upset because she 'didn't want to get them into trouble'. I explained that SHE wasn't getting them into trouble, that they knew the rules - they are the ones who choose to go around them or ignore them.

But something else is happening with the daily phone calls. Julie calls at 8:30 or 9 or so... and the kids are still talking to her long past 10pm. I personally think that's too long to be on the phone. I could understand if Julie talked to them only once a week... but not when it's every day. So I'm going to keep an eye on it and make sure it doesn't get out of hand.

Oh... I have to tell you this funny thing that happened yesterday with the phone. As I've stated already, the kids are consistantly talking after curfew (9 pm). And I've been getting pretty grumpy lately about that and other things (chalk it up to stress I suppose) Anyways... Kayla and her friend Jenny went to their friend's Modeling show yesterday afternoon. Jenny asks to eat over and of course we say yes. She eats over and goes upstairs with the girls to play until her mom comes over to pick her up. Flash forward a little bit... it's after 9 pm and sure enough, I am downstairs and I hear girls on phones upstairs. I pick up a phone and yell into it something about it being after 9pm and they know they are not supposed to be on the phone that late. Yeah... you've probably guess the obvious... it was Jenny calling for her mom. The mom just laughs and says something about how 'good I am' at knowing when the girls are on phones after-hours. (She knows the story of why they are here and all of that). Thank goodness she had a sense of humor!!! I just wanted to crawl under a chair and die! LOL

That's all for me today. Keep the prayers coming!

Dr. Oneil Finally Called

Well... this is going to be short - but I wanted to give you an update.

I sent Dr. Oneil a fax yesterday and he finally returned my call today. He tells me that Doug can not be left alone at home, he would not be safe. He said that Doug is too 'impulsive' - which is a really good word that describes a lot of his behavior before he went into the hospital.

So.... I asked about getting nursing at our home for him - since the doctors feel that he needs 24 hour a day care - he said it's not covered. The could send a nurse out, but it would be for an hour or so a day. Oh - I just mentioned him being at home - let me explain that real quick. I know we are not going to be able to afford Assisted Living for Doug, and I know we won't be able to get the paperwork approval from Medicaid by then... which left the only option as his coming home. But now the Doctor said that is not possible either. So what the heck are we supposed to do??

I'm at a loss as to what is expected of us here... but I did get Dr. Oneil to put him back on his Lexapro, thank goodness. I just called Fletcher Health and Rehab and they are vigorously working on getting him into Rocky Creek Assisted Living. I just told her what Dr. Oneil said about Doug not being able to be left alone, and she already knew this as the doctors there say the same thing. Please pray that this is what will happen for Doug... Rocky Creek... because it sounds like a wonderful place and I'm hoping and praying that it's something Doug will love. Pray for the paperwork to be processed quickly, and pray that Doug will get the best care possible as he is an amazing man who deserves nothing but the best.

More later... love to you all.

One More Week...

I just received a call from Fletcher Health regarding Doug. He is often times refusing therapy and when he does go, he leaves shortly thereafter as he wants to go out and smoke instead of doing therapy. Because of this, the insurance company will no longer cover him to stay there. Which means... as of next Friday, 4/28/06, Doug will be discharged.

Where he's going to go I don't know. They won't keep him at Fletcher Health because they need the beds for people who are either so sick they need feeding tubes and such or they are interested in going to therapy and getting better. They recommended an Assisted Living Facility, which is usually very expensive.

I'm here at work crying.... I really don't know where to go or what to do. A friend of mine (Betty Risk) had told me a while ago that her father in law went to Rocky Creek Village for assisted living. Here's what she told me:
Look into Rocky Creek Village on Waters. It is really nice and one of the more reasonably priced facilites in town. Ron's dad was there and his social security check covered what he had to pay per month plus had about $100 left. For the assisted living they have huge mobile homes with 4 nice sized bedrooms for 4 men. Each bedroom has an area for a desk and each bedroom has it's own private bathroom. Then there is a very large living area that is for all the fellows to use plus a kitchen that is shared. They are provided with lunch and dinner and just have to take care of breakfast for themselves. His dad usually just had cereal or maybe danish rolls or something easy... although there is a full kitchen if they wanted bacon and eggs, etc. A trolly (kind of like those at Disney) comes and picks everyone up for lunch and dinner which is at a big dining hall. They also come and give the meds to everyone so he would not have to worry about any of that. They have activities all the time and if he is a very social person this would be great. There is a barber shop, beauty shop, swimming pool! , a rec hall with a piano, etc..there is even a little store which carries a minimal amount of items such as bread, milk, etc. The women have their own homes like the men. Also in the village are mobile homes where people live independently. It is very nice. I thought one of the neat things about the facility was that he had guys to hang around with during the day and even socialized with the ladies. They also had a big screened in porch. They take you to the doctor's if you let them know the appointment time and there are certain days they go to the groceries and drug stores.
Boy... doesn't that sound perfect for Doug?? Sigh... it is just happening so fast. Okay - just called Rocky Creek - they'd need $4,030 down and $2,015 a month. She took a ton of information from me and feels that Doug needs their personal care unit, which requires 24 hour a day nursing staff. Good lord.............. What to do?? What to do???

Okay, then I just get a call from the guy about Kayla and her arrest thing. I think I told you that they wanted her to go every Saturday for 8 weeks to this fun thing where she'll learn how to dance and then they'll drop the charges (along with letters and community service). I was hoping that her outside activities (ELP/Dance tryouts for Gaither/Basketball tryouts for Gaither) would work in place of this dance class at the Community Center. Well, the guy tells me that USF sponsors the whole thing because of the classes, and that - without the weekly Saturday classes, Kayla can't get out of it.

So, I just called Karen and told her -- quite simply -- I'm at the end of my rope. I just can't do 'one more thing'... I just can't. Here I've got all of this going on with Doug, the other kids, work, homework, doctors appts, dentist appts, etc, etc. I just can't do it. If they have to file the charges - so be it. Kayla shouldn't have stole to begin with.

Sepaking of all the stuff going on, I also have been slacking in getting all the kids their appointments. I have Kayte set up to go to therapy, but not Justin yet. I need to take Justin... but I don't know -- one more thing every week AND an additional $25 copay per visit. That would be $75 every time the kids go to therapy for the three of them... I am not made of money!!! Plus the Dentist who stopped taking Medicaid right after Justin went, so now I need to find another medicaid dentist to take Kayla and Kayte. Oh, and a medical doctor for Kayla for reasons that won't be mentioned here in the blog. Oh good LORD.

I'm going to have a nervous breakdown or a stroke...

I'm here at work... and I think I'll go find a quiet corner and say a little prayer. When you read this... please say a little one yourself. Thanks.

Sometimes Life Doesn't Seem Fair

Yes, it's true... sometimes life doesn't seem fair.

I used to think there were two things you never talked about with people if you didn't want to get into a heated debate: religion and politics. I've since learned that 'care for the elderly' ranks up there as well. When it comes to Doug, everyone has an opinion and thinks we need to know what it is. For the record and so that I can 'say it' (remember this is my opinion, my feeling) - I personally want nothing more than Doug to live a long happy life with us or at home on his own. When Chris and I took him into our home, it wasn't temporary - we thought he would live with us all the rest of his days. We bought this particular house for him, it had an area just for him - his own living area and bedroom, bathroom nearby - at no time did it occur to me that he would have mini strokes and be where he is now. We prepared ourselves for the possibility of another big stroke and waking up one morning to find him with the heavenly Father, but were not prepared for what is happening to this wonderful man now. Four years ago, on this day, at this time - this man was most likely on a bicycle riding for hours and hours - between 30-40 miles every day. How wrong it feels that he can't get up anymore, he can't remember what he did a few hours ago, he can't eat, he drools constantly, his poor little brain is so busy he does things like cut up all of his clothes just because it's what his brain tells him is the right thing to do, and his brain... oh Lord... his brain is mostly gone because of the strokes. It's not fair that this has happened to Doug. Right now, the best thing for Doug - per all the doctors, nurses, social workers, and everyone involved in his medical care - say that he needs ongoing physical therapy and skilled nursing care around the clock, and say that he can not be left alone. It's just that simple in our minds - he needs that care, he requires that care, and frankly - he deserves that care. Chris and I, of course, hope that Doug will do exactly as he did after his first stroke - go to rehab and get better like he did before. He couldn't walk after his last stroke either, and with the nursing care and rehab, he was able to get so much better he was actually able to live on his own for several months. Again, everyone has their opinions and tells us about them. What people don't realize is that, when you are a person in this state of mind - a caregiver, grieving because this person whom you love so very much is now so very sick - words and opinions can cut like knives. Support and prayer are the two biggest things a person in this position needs. Support and prayer.

Okay, onto the kids! We had so much fun last night!! It was a beautiful night outside and Chris had worked all day yesterday on the pool area and it looked awesome outside, so we ate dinner together on the patio by the pool and then went swimming together until about 10pm. Jonathan had so much fun; as I watched him play with his cousins I couldn't help but think of how different things would have been if we did not have the kids and Amanda was out of the house. He's really enjoying the kids being there for the most part. I then put the kids to bed and went on the computer for a few minutes. Now remember, I'm really pleased with the kids progress, but I'm not saying they are total angels -- they still need to be watched carefully to make sure that they don't fall into old behaviors again. So, I'm reading Kayla's archive on instant messanger. She's emailed some guy and she tells him that she wants to date him. They are trying to figure out how they are going to hook up, meet, etc. She invites him to our house (I like that a lot, as I want to meet everyone she's 'hanging' with). Problem is... this kid will be 20 next month. TWENTY. She's 15. Chris and I had a talk with her and told her, not only did we 'have a problem with this' but -- it's simply illegal. He may think she's cute... he may really want to date her... but he HAS to wait a few years! I think she got it. But you know... how wonderful it is that we are dealing with normal teenage problems with the kids. Considering where they came from - considering where they were and what they were doing 6 months ago - they are doing awesome!

So let me tell you about Jonathan's doctors appt yesterday. I got a call from the school telling me that Jonathan was having chest pain and I had to go and pick him up. He's had this problem in the past, even as a very young boy. He says it feels like his heart has stopped for a minute... he can't breathe, it hurts, and feels like a million needles stabbing into his chest/heart. So I bring him to the doctors. When he was little and this happened, they did an EKG and said he was fine, but he wasn't able to give us a good description of how he felt as he was too young. So he explains it to the doctor, and she totally understands what is wrong. She gets him to tell her exactly where it hurts and how it feels... and it wasn't his heart, it was the upper center of his chest/ribs. She tells us she's pretty sure it's one of two things: Costochondirtis or Mitral Valve Prolapse. Costochondritis is inflammation of the junctions where the upper ribs join with the cartilage that holds them to the breastbone or sternum. It presents with all of Jonathan's symptoms - it happened yesterday 4 times in 3 hours, it lasted only seconds long, and went away with no after-affect. This is what we are pretty sure it is. The second possible (and less-likely) diagnosis is Mitral Valve Prolapse. She gave us a prescription to simply rule it out and told me that we could wait until school was over (summer break) to have it done. I get home and tell Chris about it and he tells me that this is the condition his dad had that he needed open heart surgery for years and years ago. Grrrrrrreat. We'll get the test done and see.

I was talking some to mom and Karen yesterday about Julie. I told mom that I felt the problem with Julie is this... nobody is fixing the underlying problem. Even IF Julie behaves herself and does what she's supposed to and as she's told to do, she doesn't comprehend why. This creates a problem for after she gets the kids back and she's on her own to make decisions - if she didn't understand why to do something and she's left to make her own decision, she's going to make the wrong decisions. I told her that it feels to me like everyone is just waiting for Julie to get better. She goes to see Vergeese every week, sees Vijapuri once a month or every other week (I don't remember how often) for her meds, but nobody is trying to or able to fix the underlying problem. Julie didn't have Gang members living with her because she wanted to be bad. Julie didn't allow the kids to do whatever they wanted because she wanted to be a bad mom. She doesn't want to tattoo her 12 year old to show everyone how bad of a parent she is. She doesn't have sex with any man because she wants to be bad. She has serious problems making decisions involving morals, ethics or values. She thought doing all of this stuff was okay to do! That's the difference between her and all the other crack heads out there that have their kids taken away. Those addicts know what they are doing is wrong and are simply addicted to the drug. All of Julie's addictions... drug... pot... sex... are because of the underlying issue of her mental health problems. If they can't fix that problem, everything else will still be there - even if she's not acting out at the moment. My biggest fear is that Julie is going to 'behave' long enough to get the kids back and then slip back into her old patterns. I honestly do not believe that Virgeese or Vijapuri can help Julie. They've been trying to since she was 16. Why would it be any different now? Sigh............

Okay, I had better run and get my day started. Love to you all and keep all of us in your thoughts and prayers.

Easter Is Over - God is Great

Easter is finally over, and what a gift God has given to me... or rather, to Chris and I.

The week has gone very well for us so far. The kids have been so good, work is going so well, Chris was gone a lot, but working hard. We got the kids some Easter clothes so that they look somewhat dressed up for Sunday. Usually the kids spend the church service at Sunday school, but Sunday they didn't have Sunday school, so they sat in the Church while we sang - then afterwards - we all sat together and listened to Pastor Matthew's message.

Pastor Matthew is really such a great guy, not just with words, but in his entire presence, you just feel the positive power when you meet him. So we are listening to the message, the kids are trying to keep up with his bible references, turning to the passages he's talking about and reading along with him. Then he gets to the part of the service where he asks about being saved. He asks... "If you were to die today, do you know for sure that you would go to heaven?" It's a powerful message - and I really like it that he's not referencing becoming any "religion" but rather, trying to tell members that they all needed a relationship with God. He asks for those who would like to accept Jesus as their Lord and Savior to please raise their hands. Sitting next to us, Chris and I see four little hands go right up... Kayla, Justin, Kayte and Jonathan. Chris and I begin to really cry. Easter Sunday 2006 is the day I realized how much of a change these kids have made. Pastor Matthew talked about 'turning 180 degrees', and wow - have these kids accomplished that. From gangs and drugs to saved by Jesus in four months. God and his army of angels have to be smiling down on them. All I think of when I think of these changes is the Lord telling Chris and I: "Well done good and faithful servant". I know the kid thought about their dad a lot Sunday as well, and I'm sure Ron was smiling down from heaven on them. Even if the kids went home tomorrow, they have experienced a Christian life with morals and values.

Here is a photo of everyone from Sunday:

If you want to see more of the Easter photos, you can cut and paste this text into your internet browser: http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/krs4u2/album?.dir=/57d3&.src=ph&.tok=phr.auEBxJQgFIRG

The kids got to see Julie Sunday, and Julie was very good. Mom kept an eye on Julie and things went very well. She misses them so much, and they miss her too. At times I feel so very bad for her... but - as I keep telling Chris - I can only worry about what I can change. I can worry about the kids, I can worry about certain things with Doug, but I can't change Julie, so I can't allow myself to worry about it. I'll think about her, I'll hope and pray that she's doing the things she needs to do... but I can't worry about her.

So - what else was new since I last blogged? Hmmmmmmm

Oh good lordy, let me tell you about the snoring the other night. I'm sleeping and I keep hearing Chris snoring. It wakes me up and I'm just laying there listening to it, but I don't push him or move him or anything else. Finally I realize that all the snorning has caused me to get a headache. It's 4am on Sunday and I figure I better get up and get some Advil or else I won't be able to function when the kids get up for Easter baskets. I get up and take the Advil, and I realize... Chris isn't snoring... he hasn't snored since I got up. I sat next to him in bed waiting for it to start again, and it simply doesn't. Finally, it hits me............... it wasn't Chris snoring, it must have been ME. I kept myself up and I gave myself a headache. Totally laughing at myself here - it was so funny.

Update on Doug - we took him with us to Janet's house on Sunday afternoon. We sprang him from the facility about 1 pm and figured he could watch the kids look for easter eggs, eat some food, and enjoy the time away from the rehab center. He was really not happy the whole time, and we ended up taking him back early, which was okay because he was pretty tired as well. I just wish he had enjoyed his afternoon a little better. An example of how difficult things were: we first get him into the car, and I happen to have one of his news papers in the car for him (from Tennessee). He opens it and spits this wad of gook into the middle of it, then begins to read the paper. Ewwwwww. We had ham, potatoes and baked Ziti for dinner, and I knew he couldn't eat the ham, so I have him the potatoes and Ziti. He wouldn't eat it saying it tasted just like hospital food. At least Chris and I gave it our best effort. It may have been difficult, or even gross at times, but - spending some time with him at our Easter celebration was the right thing to do.

Speaking of Doug and effort, we did get a chance to look at the therapy center at the rehab center, you know - the therapy Doug said they weren't doing? Well, Doug showed us all of the things they have him doing, exercises for his muscles and for his brain. It's a nice little therapy center with lots to do. We told Doug if he got bored during the day, he should go there to hang out. As it is now, he's spending all his time smoking.

What else is new.... hmmm.....

We got our first two teacher call / email of the 9 weeks. Jonathan happens to be failing science and Kayte was removed from her science class last week due to excessive talking. Jonathan swears his teacher is missing a grade which is why his grade is so low - and Kayte swears she didn't really do anything wrong to deserve being removed from class. These are the normal responses. I'll talk to the teacher again tomorrow when school resumes. I'll let you know how that goes. However, all this said, I'll say it again, the kids are doing so much better than they have in the past.

Chris is taking the kids to Busch Gardens today. Gosh those year-long passes are just awesome! I've got a busy day at work after being off for 4 days. Jonathan is the only one at home, he didn't want to go to Busch Gardens with everyone else... I wonder what's up with him?! He said he's fine, he just didn't feel like going today.

Okay, I should run as I have to head off to work. Remember to thank God for the blessings in your life today.

Requiem Night

Last night the choir performed the Requiem and it was great. We had members from another church join the choir for the performance, a great orchestra... just a great performance. I ran into a member of Toast of Tampa from the other choir - oh how I miss TOT. Every week getting to sing and dance with 130 members.... sigh.... Anyways - I was talking to her about my life right now (she asked why I wasn't still in TOT) and I began to tell tiny bits of what's going on, but kept the overall message that God was in charge; that He had a plan and I was just following it. I told her how awesome VanDyke was and how much it helped the family and I. She commented on how great it was to hear me "talking like this". I paused and reflected on my life a year ago... two years ago... and thought how right she is - that I am filled with a faith and hope that I simply didn't have back then. Even back then when things were great, I lived day by day just -- simply.... content. I didn't really have hope or faith in anything, nor did I really think about any 'big picture' - I just lived day by day.

So I left work a little early to check on Jonathan who was home all day yesterday sick. He was fine by the time I got home. I jumped in the shower, got dressed up, headed out the door by 5pm to get over to the Church. The kids were arguing when I left... as it's always chaotic about that time as there's homework to be done and then everyone tries to find something to do: X-Box, Nintendo, Computers, Television, etc. They have plenty to do... but they always clash as it seems all four tend to want the same thing at the same time. **sigh** I grab some cigarettes to bring to Doug after the performance as I know he's probably out and probably upset that I didn't get to see him yesterday. During rehearsal my phone rings and I quickly decide to put it on silent as I'm sure the kids will be fine. We have the great performance and I went to grab some food the Church was giving to me. They asked if some prepared foods would make life a little easier at home (heck YES! One les thing to worry about - God is good!) so I put them in my car. I have a voice mail... it's Jonathan... picture this:

Background is full of loud music and kids yelling. Television blaring, music pumping, kids yelling. Got the image in your head? Good. Now there's Jonathan trying to talk over the loud music and chaos in the background - he's telling me
Justin has the music and TV up so loud he's afraid he's going to blow our speakers... and Jonathan just can't make him stop. I hear Justin being goofy in the background, I'm sure he's just pushing Jonathan's buttons... but Jono is right - it's too loud. So... kids yelling.... music pumping... television blaring.... and Jonathan finishes with "Oh, and by the way, is Kayla allowed to have one of her friends over here when there are no adults home?" Now, Jono knows the answer to that - and I'm quickly trying to remember who Kayla is dating this week.... Jono didn't say if it was a girl-friend or a boy-friend. Who was at my house????? Was Kayla getting into trouble??? See - this is the problem with raising kids that aren't yours - they don't know all the rules of the house. You try to explain them all, but others that you assume are common sense are not really common sense when you consider the life
they led before they moved in with us. **sigh** So okay, music blasting, tv blaring, kids yelling, and Jono telling me "is Kayla allowed to have a 'friend' over".... then click, he hangs up. Pure panic are the two words that best describe how I'm feeling at the moment. It's a long drive home. (really only a few minutes, but felt like a long drive)

I arrive at home to find the 'friend' is a girl who is doing Kayla's hair - no biggie. But I did explain the rule to her that nobody comes over when there is no adult in the house, unless I give special permission. I drop the food off at home, then run back out to see Doug.

Doug is sleeping by the time I get there. I bring him some cigarettes and some slim-fast (not for diet but for a supplement as he can't eat too much because of his teeth) and McDonalds ice cream, which he loves. I wake him up and his first question is "do you have any shirts for me". I say "Doug, I just bought you 6 shirts, 2 shorts and a pair of sweat pants". Well... he hated all of them and so he threw them away. Now... I'm furious. Threw them away??Why?? He says he didn't like them, and besides - he says - you can get shirts two for a dollar. All those new clothes, all that money, flushed away. I tell him that - no - I'm not bringing him anything and that next time he wants to throw something away he needs to ask someone first. I'm so upset. I know he didn't understand what he was doing, but I just keep remembering the other day when he demanded we go immediately and buy him these clothes - it was such a bad day as Chris took Kayla to the doctors in the morning, followed by an all-day car repair job for tires, a rush to WalMart to pick up these clothes because he needed them right away, running them over to Doug quickly then trying to get to church for rehearsal. And he threw them away. **sigh**

I've been talking to Julie a little bit the past couple of days. She's really upset as she doesn't know why they took her kids away -she's "a good mom"... she keeps saying. She "knows moms that have beat their kids, and they still have them"... she keeps saying. Kayla and I talked about it some yesterday. Kayla was not looking forward to Easter Sunday with her mom... she kept remembering Christmas morning... how bad Julie was. I don't think I blogged back then. Julie spent most of the day sleeping and only got up when we made her do so. Then- in the afternoon - when she finally decided to get up and stay up because everyone kept telling her to get up and spend some time with the family, she got so angry that she MADE the kids sit next to her for hours - not playing with their toys, not having fun on Christmas day, instead, sitting so close they were touching parts of her - for, as Julie thought, if they wanted her up so bad to spend time with her they should be RIGHT THERE with her. As miserable as she was. It was horrible. So this is the next holiday and Kayla isn't looking forward to it. I don't blame her, but I promised her that we would not let that happen again. Mom is going to keep an eye on Julie and make sure she behaves herself. Pray that this Easter we can focus on what it's REALLY about - about Jesus dying and rising for us... for our sins... for our salvation. It's not our day... it's not about the easter egg hunt... it's not about Julie being able to see the kids finally... it is about our Lord.

Speaking of God, did I tell you lately how much I Love my job? I asked my boss about working tomorrow... I never remember having off on Good Friday. He said "That’s Jesus’ day! We’re off and the office is closed." Gotta love it. I was going to take the kids to see the Passion at Church Friday night, but since I'm off Friday and I have the DVD at home, I might have them watch it with me at home during the day. We'll see how it goes.

I just got an email from Gwen asking about the kids. I was so happy to tell her how great they are doing. I told her how much better I thought Kayla was doing. Better grades, and thinking of the big picture much more often. I really am so proud of these kids... they have come such a long way since November....

Easter Week, Let The Chaos Begin

I forgot to tell you last night about my visit with Doug. After buying him the clothes I brought them up to him. (A few tee shirts, shorts and some sweat pants) He (of course) hated them. Sigh.... Anyways... when I walked in Doug in a hallway (in his wheelchair) was yelling at the nurses. He told them that they didn't bring him any supper. Of course, I was upset along with him and I asked the nurses about it - they told me that he had just eaten. Not sure who to believe, I went into his room and talked to his roommate Thomas. Thomas is about Doug's age and is in for rehab after a knee replacement. Thomas said Doug did eat, and that he just forgot. Course, there's no convincing Doug, so the nurses ask if they can bring him something else... he says no. My visit with his was rather short. He did tell me that he has fallen several times at the facility - he really can't walk anymore and he keeps falling when he tries to move from the bed to the wheelchair. I'm calling them now about this - to see what can be done to prevent future falls - course I already know they won't talk to me.

The kids got their report cards! Justin and Kayla did really bad and so I'm not going to post about those here, (we're in a positive motivation mood here at the Rho-des house) but I'll give you the good news about Kayte and Jonathan. Jonathan went from a D in Science up to a B - from a F in Language Arts up to a C - from a D in Geography to an A - and his 2 electives he got an B in PE (had an F on his progress report so he really brought that up) and an A in Drama. Kayte went from a C in Language Arts up to a B - from a C in reading up to an A - from an F in Geography to a B - and from a D in Science to a B, with an A in Drama. Woo hooo!! I'm also rather pumped about their attendance - Kayte had a total of 6 absences her last 9 weeks at Eisenhower, Justin had 7 -- and while with me, they've only missed ONE day - and that was because Karen signed them out to go and get their base ID's (which could only be done during school hours). Speaking of grades... let me tell you - the WOW WALL is looking fantastic! It's almost full, and every day the kids come home excited about what they are going to put up on the wall.

So, after work today I picked up Kayla and went immediately to the appointment we had with some agency that is going to offer her a program instead of pressing charges on her shoplifting incident. When I left the meeting, I felt as if I had been put into a blender and someone hit the "on" button for just a moment... a little spun - ya know? There's a lot of things Kayla has to do... write letters of apology to both Chris and I and to the place she stole from... she has to do 15 hours of community service... she has to attend a class on stealing this Saturday.... and she has to attend some 'fun classes' at the community center for 8 weekends in a row. She has a curfew of 6pm every night unless we approve her going somewhere. The only thing that threw me for a loop was the 8 weekends in a row thing. She had two options: weekday classes twice a week for 1-1/2 hours each for 8 weeks in a row (making it 16 trips to the center) or 8 weekends at 3 hours per Saturday. But what kills me is that she's just going there for a Jazz Dance class... you see... their theory is that if kids are involved in something they are less likely to get into trouble. Now... I agree with that - but we have a LOT going on right now.

On the way home Kayla told me that she decided she really didn't want to try out for dance. She gave me a couple of reasons... first because she really didn't like what they were teaching, but more importantly, she says, she really needs to focus on her school work - if she doesn't pass the 8th grade, trying out for the dance team is not really the best thing to do. She also said that she has to go to the ELP program after school for the next couple of weeks which would interfere with her tryouts. She also knows the money it'll cost if she does make it would be difficult for us. So... she says... she'll worry about passing the 8th grade first -- then she'll try out for Basketball next year in high school -- then she'll try dance next summer if that's what she wants to do. Sounds like little Kayla is making pretty smart choices. **grin**

Chris is in Jacksonville and I'm home alone with the kids. Just got on the computer for a few minutes to blog... and Jonathan is up saying he doesn't feel good. Grrrrreat. I better go be a good mom and take care of him.

Love to you all.... keep those prayers coming.

It Might Just Be A Miracle

Ya know... I was just here thinking that it has to be some kind of miracle that we have been able to do what we've done so far and that I haven't died of some kind of stress factor as of yet.

So... Julie - let's start today's blog there... Julie, as you know, is not allowed to see the kids without supervision. Well, I worked it out with mom and Julie is going to get to see them on Easter. We're going over to a friend's house for dinner and Mom has agreed to 'watch' Julie closely. So, when I talked to Julie about this, she was so happy. She told me that before I told her that, she was thinking that I just wanted to take her kids and I didn't care about her. "Now I know" she says "that you really love me". Gee, that's really nice to know, eh? I kept thinking - as long as Julie got what Julie wanted, she was happy and nice. Sigh....

Julie had a meeting this afternoon with her therapist, Vergeese. She really wants phone visits or emails, and Karen is adament that it not happen right now. Julie said that the whole thing is totally unfair... that she knows moms who beat their kids and still have them, and hers got taken away, and it's not fair. Vergeese also told me that Julie's new live-in boyfriend has absolutely no clue as to why Julie's kids got taken away. It's very sad really. Anyways, when talking to Vergeese he asked me if I was okay with Julie talking to the kids if I was there to listen all of the time. I told him that I do not want to be the policeman. How many times do I have to say this over and over again???? I told him very simply, it's my job to take care of these kids, it's Karen's job to make sure Julie is okay with them, and it's his job to fix Julie. Isn't that the way it's SUPPOSED to be?? Speaking of fixing... Julie apparently told mom today that she was totally fixed. God I'd love to believe that....

I was reading CNN about that lady who cut off her baby's arms and legs because the voices told her to do it. She got off due to mental insanity. I couldn't help but think of Julie... if - God forbid she ever did something to those kids, I have 100% no doubt in my mind she'd be found mentally unstable and wouldn't be charged. I was also watching Dr Phil who was interviewing a mom who felt that she was still a great mom even though she smoked crack. The woman argued that crack was a small part of her life and that - for the other parts - she was a good mom. Again, I couldn't help but think of Julie as that is exactly how Julie feels.

So, Kayla is trying out for Gaither High School's dance team. She has rehearsal every day this week and the week of the 24th from 5-7 pm. She can't go tomorrow night because she has this hearing from when she was shoplifting - they are going to put her in a program and give her community service in exchange for dropping the charges. I'm supposed to go to Choir rehearsal tonight and tomorrow night, but - obviously both of those nights are now out. The good news is that Wed night is our big show and I will be able to make that. Pray that nothing big comes up between now and then.

Chris is supposed to be in Jacksonville today, but hasn't been able to leave yet. He took Kayla for her physical this morning at 8am and ended up being there until after 10. He then went to get new tires for the Durango as the car is shaking very bad on long trips, and WalMart only had one tire technician on the clock, so it was going to be 4-5 hours. Looks like he'll be going tonight instead. Sigh.... I want him to hurry up and go so he can hurry up home!

I am not sure I told you this earlier, but when Chris and I went to see Doug the other night Chris got to talk to the nurse about his care. They have taken him off of all medicine he's been on in the past, including his sleeping pill. He's not sleeping at all anymore. When we talked to the nurse, she mentioned that sleeping pills were for short-term care, not long term. I got frustrated and explained to her that the DOCTORS put him on it because of his stroke, his brain wouldn't shut down at night any more. She said we'd need to change doctors entirely to get him back on his old meds. I was so upset that this nurse would think she knew better than his doctors! UGG. We also talked to her about Doug's physical therapy because Doug said he isn't getting any. She simply said she was sure he was, otherwise he wouldn't be there. She was the night nurse and so couldn't answer what his actual physical therapy plan of care was. She also couldn't 'sign in' Doug with Chris there because it was the weekend. Frustrating. So... I figured... I have a prescription for Doug at home for Restoril. Last night I brought him up a few (along with some McDonalds ice cream, boy he loved that!). I bet he finally slept - but today the nurses found the med and called us and I got in trouble for bringing it. I suppose I was supposed to feel chastized for bringing it, but I was just more upset and angry at this place. Now on top of everything else I have to do, I've got to go up there and pick up the pills. Fartknocker!

Chris just called - Doug needs clothes too, and he wants sweatpants (which we don't have at home). So now I have to go home after work, pick up Chris, bring him to Walmart to pick up and pay for the Durango, I've got to go into Walmart and buy him some clothes, then go to the facility to drop them off, pick up the pills, swing by and get Kayla who should be done with Dance tryout practice about then, go home and make dinner for all the kids. Oh wait, I almost forgot, Jonathan has a quartet gig tonight, so add that to the mix. I've just had a horribly busy day at work and I'm nearly in tears as I type all of this. Funny, as I'm typing that, the good sister Katie called saying "I had a feeling you weren't doing very well and I just wanted to call and touch base with you". Such a good sister.

The other thing we have going on for the kids is Extended Learning Program for Kayla and Justin. It's kind of like what summer school was (a chance to make up for failing grades) only now it's after school for a few weeks. This will be in April and May for both of them in Science. More stuff "to-do"... grrrrrreat.

It's now 10:45 and I've finished my day! YEAH! I even took the kids to Cold Stone just a bit ago. Now they are bouncing off the walls... **mental note - don't take kids to get ice cream after 9pm!** I'm exhausted and going to bed. Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. And, feel free to comment - let me know that you are out there praying for us.

Weekend So Far

Well, it's Saturday night and it's been a pretty good weeeknd thus far.

Chris and I went to see Doug tonight. He really isn't doing well. At times it seems as if he is alert and aware of what's going on with him, then other times he's just totally mentally unaware. He kept forgetting Chris and I had come up to see him already, and he was pretty angry that Chris didn't see him late last week. I kept telling him Chris was in Jacksonville for the week, and he'd remember, then forget again a few minutes later. He seemed like he knew what he was talking about when he said they were not doing any physical therapy with him, but then he'd also say the Lewisburg Fire Department was coming down here to get him tomorrow and take him back to Lewisburg. He also said he wanted to go tomorrow to buy a new Nissan and a Parrot. Now, what Doug would do with a new car I have no idea... but that's what he wants today. I talked to Doug some before Chris got there about how much Chris hates going to hospitals or anything related to them (like his rehab center) - and, funny thing is - Doug said Chris gets that from him - that Doug himself hates hospitals and facilities. Doug said when his mom was in the hospital, he wouldn't go to see her. Too funny.

Doug can't walk anymore on his own, and can't even get up to pee. As much as I want to have him back home with us, I don't think we can do it. How do you raise four kids and change a diaper on Doug? Right now it seems that he'd need full time nurses to help with him. Sigh.... I don't know.... we are just going to continue to pray on it and will listen to whatever the doctors tell us to do. After his first stroke, he wasn't able to walk at all and managed to rehab so well he was able to live on his own for a little while. Maybe that'll happen again. God has a plan... I know it.

The kids are doing well. I took the girls shopping earlier today at Plato's Closet. For those who don't know what that is, it's a teen consignment shop with tons of really cool clothes. The girls got some things they can wear at Easter. No fru-fru dresses, but more dressy than what they would normally wear. We swam in the pool this afternoon together, the boys went to the movies and the girls went with Chris to MOSI tonight (for a school project).

I better run, going to go shoot some hoops outside before it gets too late.

The Day From Hell

Well.... it's 11:30 at night - after the day from hell. Let me walk you through it....

I get a call at 7am this morning at home. It's the rehab center, Doug has been vomiting brown gook and they are taking him to the Emergency Room. I get up, get the kids moving, and head to work (I work in an office alone, going with Doug to the ER was not possible). At work I call Chris and tell him what's going on with his dad. (He's still in Jacksonville) At about 11 Chris tells me his mom is at the hospital visiting Doug and that he doesn't look well at all. At noon I decide to spend my lunch at the hospital.

I get to the hospital and -- no Doug. He's already gone back to the rehab center. Now, this is a good thing, I just wish I had know 30 min ago he was heading out. So... out to my car I go to head back to work. My car won't start. Grrrrreat.

Now, I know my car pretty well and I know that this is probably a simple fix (little known fact, if I could learn a 'trade' it would be a mechanic - I've always wanted to do that). I pop the hood and the battery connections are covered with crud. I have no coke in the car to clean it off so I try just jiggling it a little with a spare shirt I have in the car. But it just won't work. **sigh** I call Chris (as if he could possibly help me from Jacksonville, I know I know!). I decide to go get some coke from the vending machine inside the ER. I leave my purse in the car but grab 75 cents for the soda and walk inside. The coke machine... broken. Grrrrrreat.

I go back out to my car (did I mention it's 90 degrees outside at this time?). I know I have water in my trunk. I try to open the trunk... the flipping button's won't work (probably because they are tied to the battery I can't get working either). Okay, Tina... think! I take my 75 cents and head back to the ER. I ask if there is another machine, they say around the side of the building. I head out to find it. I have to walk clear out by the street to get around some monster wall that's blocking that side of the building.... walk around and I can't find this machine they are talking about. Of course, no employees out for me to ask... so I head back to the car.

At this point, I'm just frustrated but not overly upset. In my car, still playing around w/ the battery cable, can't get it to work. I decide to head back into the ER and see what other drink they might have that would work. Again... leaving my purse and have 75 cents in pocket. Get to the machine... Orange Juice! That's acidic, right? It'll work! Guess what?? Yep... it cost a dollar. Now I could have asked one of the folks there for a quarter, but I didn't want to. Head back out to the car, cursing under my breath, and get the dollar. Get the OJ, pour it on the battery connection, gook gets gone. Yeah!!!

Still won't start. **exhaustive sigh**

I decide I should see if someone can jump start the car. I go to find security at the hospital... they have no cables to give me a jump. Grrrrrreat. I decide to call for a jump/tow. (I don't have AAA... I know... I know...) It would have cost over $60 just to come out! I figured for $60 I could continue to ask around and find jumper cables on my own! Further, since an ATM machine ate my debit card over the weekend and I don't yet have my replacement, I don't have any way to pay them! Oh good Lord!! So back out the the parking lot I go.

I continued to work on the connection to the battery. You see, the corosion had eaten away some of the metal and it just didn't stick on there very well. I finally get some guy to come over and help me. I ask him to try to start the car while I hold the connecter thingy to the battery. It works!! The car starts up and I'm filled with joy!

Back up, put it in drive and it dies. Rolling in the middle of the ER parking lot now. Grrrrrreat.

I can't leave it here... I know I need help. I push it, by myself, which is not an easy thing to do! The only way to steer is when the car is rolling so I have to push hard then steer a little... and so on. Here's where I'm going to point out something you may think is not nice, but it's true. When I was sick 3 years ago and weighed 120lbs... everyone stopped to help me if I even looked like I might be broke down. Not one person going by thought to give me a hand this time. Thanks folks... it's okay.

I park it off to the side and begin to really cry now. I could call for a jump... no card to pay it with.... I could get a rental car.... same thing. I could call Chris... Jacksonville. Really crying now. I'm cooking in the car here.... it's hotter than heck outside. I should point out that Amanda and Evie were going to come up to pick me up, but I was trying to handle this on my own and/or not have someone drive 45 min up Dale Mabry.

My boss calls and tells me he's coming up to help me. Yeahhhh!! He seems to know a little about cars! He and I both think it's the Alternator, but we try a temp fix. He flips over the cable connector and forces it onto the battery. (I tried that several times but couldn't do it myself) He then jump-starts the car. I can see the battery dummy dash thing getting better already. This is good! He follows me to work and it drove just fine.

I take Kayla to her meeting tonight. She wants to be on the dance team at Gaither High School next year. She's a GREAT dancer, so I'm really hoping she can get on the squad. We find out that she'll need a physical before this next Monday and total cost, should she make the squad, should run us about $1,000 - and that's without any trips. Oh lovely.

Get home just in time to run back out to Choir practice - which I'm late for - but better late than never! Had a great time there... I always do... I just love music! Get back to the house and sit down to watch some TV. In the game room, I hear a loud noise. I jump up to see what it is... and it's the two boys, Justin and Jonathan, fist fighting. Oh good Lord! They are really mad at each other. They've been teasing each other to the point of each of them getting furious with the other. I try to talk to them, but honestly... I am flat-out exhausted. Come to find out this is their 2nd fist fight today.

Just then Amanda calls and wants to know if she can come over and spend the night. I said sure, as long as you come talk to the boys. She did... she's here.... and the boys are calmed down.

I've decided for sure to take away the internet tomorrow. These kids just don't know how to monitor themselves on it. After the big fight when we were all talking, I told them if we could find a solution that would be fair to everyone and not cause fights, we could try it. Nobody could think of anything. So... off line they go tomorrow.

And so here I sit.... now 11:55 and I can hardly keep my eyes open. Praying my car will start tomorrow. Praying Doug is okay (I now haven't seen him in TWO days). Praying that Chris will get home safely. Praying that the kids will stop fighting. Praying that God will somehow find a few extra hours to let me sleep in tomorrow because I am so tired.

Wanted to tell you something about a phone call from Julie today, but I'll blog it tomorrow. For now... I'm off to bed. G'night everyone.

Why Is It?

Why is it that everything takes so long? I mean... I thought it was bad with the State in regards to the kids, but the hospital thing has me all tore up. The kids, Chris and I all went up to Doug's new facility - Fletcher Health and Rehab - where he's been sent for Rehab for the next month or so. He looked okay and didn't seem too angry or out of it. They couldn't find him a wheelchair to take him outside to smoke, which was the only thing he was a little upset about. The nurse promised to find him one today and for someone to take him outside to smoke. The place was not at all fancy by any means, but it seemed clean and quiet. I called this morning and asked the nurse how he was doing, she said he was sleeping (this was at 9:30 and very unusual for Doug to sleep mid morning) - I asked if they had him on Ativan, she said "we don't do that here". I expressed concern and explained that he needed it at the hospital because he kept trying to leave and throwing things, but she didn't seem concerned and said he was fine there.

So my plan was to call today and find out the following:

• What meds do they have him on now?
• What is his doctor's name and phone number?
• What is his plan of care?
• How often will he have therapy and what type?
• What is his prognosis?
• Did they get him a wheelchair?
• Who do I talk to about getting him signed up for Medicaid?

So I find out that they can't do anything until Doug is signed in. Chris is on his way up to Jacksonville, which means it will be at least Monday until he is able to do that. Why they didn't mention anything when we were there last night I haven't a clue, but they should have. Then I ask if I can sign him in, but since I'm not POA I can't do anything. Then I find out that because he's not 'signed in' they have no authorization to 'talk' to anyone about his medical care, so they can't discuss anything with me. To say I'm frustrated is an understatement - I'm frustrated to the point of tears. Of course, I just talked to Chris who mentioned that this level of frustration is nothing when compared to the frustration of Doug being at home and screaming/ yelling/ demanding/ poking all the time. True true.

So the kids this morning... let me tell you about that!

Chris goes to get on the computer because he's going to Jacksonville and needs to print a map. Guess what? No paper. They used it all to print crap that they print out all day every day. Could they say 'we're getting low on paper' or 'we are out of paper'? No... of course not. Then come to find out we are out of color ink. Thanks for telling us that guys. Then come to find out the wireless mouse 'broke' and rather than telling anyone, they went and found a corded one and plugged it in and started using that. Well.... who paid all that money for the computer? Who is responsible for it's upkeep and maintenance? Who is responsible if it breaks to get another one? We are already at a high frustration level over the computers because they are on them all the time and because they keep saving tons of things on the computers and downloading crap onto them. Julie had viruses and worms all the time on her computers and I now know why. About 2 months ago I deleted over 1,000 pictures from the laptop they had saved. Just pictures and just on one of the computers! Chris yelled at them this morning telling them that they were inconsiderate, which is exactly correct when referring to this. **sigh**

Julie and I had a huge fight yesterday. She just kept calling asking if she could see, talk to or email the kids. I just keep telling her over and over again that I don't want to police the situation... that as long as someone else was there to watch over her and make sure she didn't do anything wrong, it was fine. Then Julie tried telling me that she was a good mother and that it hurt her feelings that I implied that she was not a good mother. I kinda lost it there. Let me tell you all.... I have heard horror stories from these kids - they have had no mother for at least a year. I told Julie that she "consistantly put herself and her wants and needs over the wants, needs, education, phycial and emotional needs of her kids". I told her I didn't want to get into specifics andthat she knew what I was referring to. Part of me hoped that she'd ask for examples because I had them ready to go. But I haven't heard from her after that. How can you read these kids files, and read about how they'd take turns in her room watching her to make sure she didn't kill herself.... how her house was full of horrible people, gang members... one girl they had living there had such rough sex in every room of the house that she broke - BROKE - two of the kids beds - and how much they hated it that Julie let her have sex everywhere, even in their beds they had to sleep in.... the tattoos on young kids.... Julie sleeping all day and all night because she was so drugged up... all of them smoking pot - from the 12-year-old on up.... hanging out with whomever they wanted to and Julie having no idea where they were or who they were with.... Julie having no food in the house and stopping by McDonalds to get herself something and nothing for the kids, so they'd go to friends houses to eat.... this is a 'good mother'???? Yeah, I was pretty fired up. The problem is that, in Julie's eyes, as long as in her heart she 'loves them', it matters not what she says or does.

Kayla had her therapy appointment today and I need to ask about getting the other two in to see her as well. I keep putting it off because I have so much to do - so many appts with the kids - but I need to make it happen. The therapist said Kayla did really well. Then tonight Justin and Kayla both told me that they were really worried about Kayte. She obsesses over the computer, when it's not 'her turn' she waits until it is her turn, doing nothing in between but wait. And then there's the anger. Justin and Kayla both feel that Kayte is very angry over her daddy's death. She and I talked about it some tonight. I told her that her brother and sister were worried about her. I explained to her what 'misplaced anger' was. Again, I need to get her in to therapy before I lose her in the emotional anger she has building up inside of her.

I feel bad because I didn't get to see Doug tonight. We just now finished dinner, cleaning and getting the kids into bed - and it's nearly 10:30pm. Chris is in Jacksonville working and so I'm here alone trying to do everything. I have an appt for Kayla tomorrow at 6 and choir at 6:45, so I already know I can't make both. Dinner sometime in there... homework check... preparing them for tomorrow while telling them how great they did today (adding stuff to the 'wow wall')... just not enough time in the day. Poor Doug... I imagine he's going to be upset with me when I don't make it over there for a day or two. But - God - what can I do???

Pray for all of us. Your prayers lift us up so high I can feel it's power. Pray for Doug, Julie and the kids.

Love you all.

Monday

I talked to the hospital Monday about Doug. He is having some tests done; an EEG to determine brain activity and he's scheduled for the MRI but we don't know when he'll have that done yet. I also talked to his case manager about his care after the hospital. She told me that, no matter what, he would be going to a skilled nursing facility for 20 days after this hospital stay. From there they will determine if he is 1) able to rehabilitate with the possibility of going either home with us or to an assisted living facility -- or 2) determine that he needs skilled nursing from a nursing home. Chris and I at lunch today were talking about how incredible it is that we are now faced with these decisions - that we never really thought about Doug losing his mind (for lack of a more fitting phrase) so quickly and needing this care so quickly.

I just realized I didn't tell you about our visit with Doug on Sunday. Doug was pretty angry. They now have him strapped down in the bed and he is NOT happy about it. Apparently they have two options: 1 - to keep him asleep on Ativan all the time or 2 - tie him down in the bed so he doesn't get up and try to leave all the time. We went to see him Sunday and there was another man in the bed I had seen him in the night before (which freaked me out totally!). Apparently Doug had caused such a ruckus on Saturday night that they had to move him to a private room at the end of the hall. When we arrived on Sunday he was awake but didn't know who we were (Evie, Amanda and I that is, he knew Chris). His phone was disconnected as he had been making calls all over the place and even to 911. He called 911 and asked them to get him the Lewisburg Fire Department because he wanted them to come down here and pick him up. After the 911 calls they disconnected his phone. This made him furious and so he threw the phone while we were there. He also told us that he had kicked over his food because they didn't bring him soft foods (needs it because of his falling partial plate) - and that he was refusing to take his meds unless they made a deal with him, he'd take his meds if they let him smoke. **sigh** They have him on the patch, but I think it's the physical act of smoking that he's missing. Anyways....

A good friend of mine just sent me this message that was within another message, and I can't even begin to tell you how much I needed to hear these words today:

Someday, from your mansion in heaven, you will look back on this day and smile, because you will realize that your light and momentary troubles were achieving
for you an eternal glory that far outweighs them all in comparison. (2
Corinthians 4:17-18)

Yes, I can't begin to tell you how much I (and Chris) needed something like that today. I might just print that, frame it, and hang it on our wall at home.

The kids have a visit with their mom tonight. Dottie (the kid's Guardian Ad Litem) is coming over so Julie can visit with them. Julie hasn't seen them in a month or so and she hasn't talked to them for about a week now, so she is really happy to come and see them. I hope and pray the visit goes well. Julie wants me to make dinner tonight, and I'm not sure what I'm going to do yet. I was going to cook something, but - it'll be so hectic while she's here I think Pizza might be easier and more appropriate under the circumstances. Then I'd also be able to ask Dottie if she'd like to eat as well. Gosh... I can't even begin to tell you how much I hope Julie behaves herself.

Well, I saved to post and it's now Tuesday. Julie did very well last night. David came up in conversation one time just before she left, and Kayla controlled her emotions very well. Kayla simply told mer mom that she really didn't like David because Julie gave him a lot of Ron's clothes. Julie said that she had to get rid of them... Kayla asked why she didn't give them to Uncle Chris then.... Julie said "because I didn't want to see them all the time".... Kayla said, "Uh mom, Uncle Chris lives 45 min away from our house, David lived with us! How does that make sense?". Too funny. Julie just told her she was right. Most of Julie's visit was spent with the kids doing their homework. All of them had tons of it yesterday for some reason. We don't usually sit with them when they are doing homework and talk to them unless it's about their homework. But since Julie hadn't seen them in so long, we did.

We have begun to clean out Doug's living area and bedroom. We have lots of ideas about what to put in that room should Doug not be able to come back. For now we decided to make the living room a 'game room' for the boys to play X-Box and Nintendo. They have their own AC should it get too hot, they can shut the door so it's not too loud, and they are not on the 2nd floor doing all that dancing on Dance Dance Revolution. It works for now!

It's hard to sit in the living room and enjoy the quiet peaceful house and not feel tremendously guilty. Doug usually had the television in his room blaring - which is why we bought him the window-shaker AC for his room (so he could shut his door if he needed the TV up loud) but he just never wanted to shut his door... and he never wanted to sit with us and watch TV. (He usually had to watch short 30 min shows due to short attention span after the stroke). So it was always rather loud in the house, even before he started the talking and demanding all of the time.

Chris is home today fixing up things in the house. We hope to totally finish up the upstairs bathroom today. YEAH! (Yes, Chris, by "We" hope to finish up I do mean "Chris" hopes to finish up.... LOL!) The funny thing that we have going on at home right now is FLIES... dozens or flies. Remember when the second upstairs bathroom flooded and the ceiling in the kitchen started sagging so we removed the wet drywall? It started to smell about a week later and we thought it was either mildew or something dead between the floors. Well, apparently something died. ICK ICK ICK! The smell is gone but we are left with flies the size of a small cat. (Maybe not that big I guess, but they are huge flies)

Justin had his dentist appointment yesterday. He has three cavities, which isn't all that bad when you consider this is his first ever visit! When he got home Kayte started to pick on him about it, but I quickly reminded her that HER visit (first ever) was next week so she might want to re-think her teasing. Ha ha ha... she stopped sure enough. **grin**

Chris and I didn't get to see Doug at all yesterday as we were so busy with the kids and Julie's visit. We are going to see him tonight. I hope he's calmed down some.

Please continue to lift up in prayer: Julie, Kayla, Justin, Kayte and Doug. They all need our thoughts and prayers. He will give you strength and courage for whatever you may yet have to go through. (Romans 8:31)

So Quiet At home

Well, I know I was short this morning posting, so I'll try to fill you in a little more on what's going on here, both with Doug and the kids.

Doug is still in the hospital - and will be until at least Tuesday. They've rescheduled all testing to be done on Monday (which so far includes carotid ultrasound, an ultrasound of the heart, and an MRI of the brain). They'll be looking to see how much blood flow is getting to the brain - and last time he had his major stroke [3 years ago] it was 100%. Actually, low blood flow to the brain would explain a lot... it would explain why his brain is deteriorating so badly and so quickly. But we'll find out for sure on Monday. Chris and I went to see him early this afternoon (after we got up). He was out of it from the Ativan (I'll say it again, Ativan is our friend!) and so he slept for most of our visit. At one point he woke up and asked me if he had a phone he could use. Now... you have to know what recent phone calls he's been making.... he's called the doctor to simply tell him a joke and tell him that he's down to a half a pack of cigs a day... he called my mom to ask her if she believed in hell.... he keeps calling the operator asking for 'South Central Bell in Lewisburg' to which nobody has been able to find (I think it's Bell South now, but he doesn't believe it). So, I knew I didn't want him to make tons of calls from his room (even doped up on Ativan) so I told him he didn't have a phone. His response "What kind of Hotel is this that doesn't have a phone in the room??!!". Yeah.... okay..... **sigh** I understand he gave the nurses quite a fit earlier in the morning when he wanted to go out and smoke. They quickly realized that the Ativan needed to be 'round the clock'. They also have this neat thing on his bed where - if he gets up - an alarm goes off so the nurses come to help him (so he doesn't fall or try to walk out of the building).

I was with him every step of the way last night - stroking his hair, covering him up so he didn't get cold, going with him to X-ray and CT scan in case he woke up I was there, telling him every time that he seemed to wake up a little that we were there and "I love you". It just breaks my heart to see the same man who was on a bicycle 30+ miles a day - EVERY day - only 3 1/2 years ago now in this position. I know it's killing him to be as bad as he is, and it hurts me to watch him. Chris and I had the long hard talk today - the nursing home talk. It's hard to believe we just turned 38 and we are planning this for a parent, but we are. Chris got a wonderful call today from Doug's older brother telling him that if Doug needed a nursing home, or if we needed to put him in a nursing home, NOT to feel bad about it. He explained to Chris that he thought it was so 'noble' of him to have taken on raising his nieces and nephew, and that - Chris has a family to raise. If Doug needed to be in a nursing home - then that's where he needed to be. Chris was really happy after talking to him. No, happy isn't the word... relieved is a better word. He needed to hear that from Doug's brother.

Mom took the boys out today. Remember how I told you a few weeks ago how she had taken all 4 at one time to 'give Chris and I a break', when she quickly realized she could not take 4 at a time ever again as it took her days to physically recover? Well, she now takes them 2 at a time every other week. (2 weeks ago the girls, today the boys). The boys were taken to the base beach and told that they were on a mission. They were on a deserted island and they had to build shelter, find food, make fire, and make an S.O.S. sign to get rescued. They had a BLAST. They tried for 2 hours to spear fish when they finally decided crab was easier. Of course they couldn't catch big crabs, so they got a tiny little guy and 2 hermit crabs and called that 'food'. Wonder how much of that you'd have to eat to survive? LOL They really did have a great time and mom, thanks for taking them!

We took the kids roller skating tonight and just got home. They are really doing so much better. They each have their strengths and weaknesses, but they are doing SO much better than they were when they first got here. The WOW WALL is really filling up and when it's gets really full I'll take a picture and post it here on the blog. Of course, the biggest lessons they are learning with us however are not school work, it's the life lessons. And I think they are doing great at those. Example, I caught Kayla today trying to sneak out to see a guy. We had a looooong talk about it, and I even talked to the guy who she was trying to sneak out to see. (Quite candidly I might add) I know she wasn't looking for trouble, but it was her FIRST instinct to try to lie and sneak out. That's the thing I'm trying to get past, and I think it's working to some degree. Not 'fixed' as apparent by the fact she was trying to do this today, but better than it was back in January for sure.

I need to run to bed... Church in the morning and I've got lots to pray for and even more to give thanks for. I'll say it again, our God is an amazing God. Trust His plan, for there is a plan, and He already has it laid out and is smiling down on us knowing that we trust the plan. Thank you, God, for filling my life with a memorable journey.

Doug in the Hospital

This post is going to be short as we are on our way back to the hospital, but I thought it important to give you an update if you're reading this.

We ate about 8pm last night (Taco night at the Rho-des house). Chris and I sit down to eat shortly thereafter and Doug asks me to go get his photos. He's bored and he wants to 'go through them' and rip up what he wants to. Of course, we don't get up and get them for him, we can't let him destroy all these irreplacable memories. He walks away and comes back maybe 2 minutes later, very very angry that we haven't yet gotten him his photos. He said he asked for them weeks ago. Chris and I at the same time say "Doug, we're eating!". Well, he gets furious as he wants them now and proceeds to tell us many things. He tells us he wants his gun (locked away and no bullets in the house if you're worried about that) so he can kill himself. He's yelling saying he's 'getting out of here' and 'moving away'. Amanda comes over to visit about now. He now has his cane and he's poking her with it, and hitting her with it, but he tells her that he's NOT mad at her. Actually, his words were "there's three I'm not mad at in this house right now, Amanda and the two cats. I'm going to go get a gun and kill everyone else". **heavy sigh** Amanda asks him several times to stop hitting her with the cane. He apologizes but continues. He tried to walk out the front door several times, and we decided to call 911. Actually Chris is on the phone with 911 one of the times that Doug left, so he had to run out there and get him while on the phone.

The ambulance comes, checks him out, and no apparent medical emergency. Chris tells them to bring him to the hospital anyways as we're sure something is going on. Doug is not happy about getting into the ambulance, there are many hateful angry words said as he's taken away.

When he got to the hospital they tried their best to help him but he was angry, abusive and refusing treatment and ripping out IV's. They gave him a shot of Ativan and it really helped him. He slept for the most part of the remainder of the time there. Short version, the test show he's had "many many more strokes". They can't tell if he's had one recently enough to have caused these changes. Then they ask us the difficult question: do we want them to put him on Ativan and send him home, or admit him for more testing to determine if a more recent stroke has caused this to happen. We discuss the fact that getting him to the doctors is hard enough, we might as well do it now and know - for sure - what's going on. We decided to admit him.

We got home about 6am and slept until about an hour ago. We're supposed to be at a choir rehearsal all day today (a special clinic for Easter music). We, obviously, didn't make it. But God has other plans, obviously.

I will post more later, but I just wanted to give a quick update on what's going on. Pray for Doug... pray hard.