So often I do so much for the kids that I really truly begin to think that I do too much for them. Every morning I've been waking up at about 5:30am to make sure the high schoolers are up for school. If I still hear them up and in the house at 6:35 - I go to push them out the door (yell at them and tell them to get moving) - their bus comes at 6:40-ish. They tell me: "Auntie Tina, if you didn't get up, we'd still make it just fine, you worry too much." So... I decide to sleep in yesterday and let them get up on their own. Can you guess what I'm going to say??? Yepper... they overslept and Chris had to drive them to school. Grrrrrrr
Then there is the whole pushing at bedtime thing. We want them in bed, lights out, eyes shut at 10pm. In particular because Justin has such a hard time waking up at 5:30 in the morning, but also because we believe that well-rested kids do better in school. But - they do SO MUCH before bed: brush teeth, pick up their rooms, paint their nails, shower, etc - that they NEVER got to bed at 10pm. So we started telling them to go to their rooms at 9pm to get ready for bed... but they had to be IN bed by 10. It just hardly ever happens. I'm so tired of saying "go to BED" that it makes me sick just thinking about it. They don't understand that between 10 and 11 is Chris and my only time to be together quietly by ourselves for the day. And when 30 - 45 min of that is filled with my yelling "go to BED" - it's just not fun for us. I just hate it.
In the "I hate it" category as well.... towels. Each of them has a day they are to do their laundry during the week. Do I have to push them to do it on their day as well? Of course I do. Just this morning I finally got Kayte to take up the last of her clothes... she had ONE load to do on Monday. Course she didn't start them until Monday night.... didn't put them in the dryer until Tuesday night (cutting into Jonathan's laundry day) and I found the last of the load on top of the dryer this morning (Wednesday) and put it out for Kayte to finally finish bringing upstairs by 8 this morning. I probably told her to do her clothes 6 times in the last 2 days. It took a total of 3 days for the one load to get done... which is pretty typical of the kids doing their laundry. But...... the towel situation drives me nuts. This weekend, I couldn't find a clean towel to take a shower. I go to check the kids rooms, but I couldn't even open the door in Justin and Kayte's room there was so much CRAP in there. So I go into the room - frustrated and angry. I find TWENTY towels in their room dirty. TWENTY. How do 2 kids (who already had 2 laundry days this week) accumulate 20 towels in their room??
Don't get me wrong.... the kids do a LOT of stuff right. Each of them has a room downstairs that they are responsible for keeping the floors clean... and they do that often times with no pushing. But Lordy let me tell you... with four teenagers - when there is something difficult (like trying to get them to bed) - it's four times as hard as it was when I was raising Amanda. UGG
I have news on Julie. Last week Julie told me that she wanted to sell her house and move up here by us. Well... at first I thought this might be a great idea. I was the one who suggested it to her quite some time ago actually. My thinking was that Julie didn't need a 4 bedroom huge home way down in Riverview. She could sell it and live in an apartment or something up here closer to us... and she could be closer to the kids. As it is now it takes her 45 min to an hour one way to drive over. It would be really nice if she lived close enough to drive over on short notice... or maybe come over to watch Justin play baseball.... or who knows - maybe even attend a school football game with the kids or go to a parent/teacher conference with us. But Julie doesn't want to go smaller... I think that she believes that doing so would mean she's accepted that she's not going to get the kids back. I told her that even IF - best case scenario - she got better quickly and got the kids back in a year or two... she would have been closer to them for all that time and could look into getting something bigger if and when that happened. Of course, you all know that I don't really believe that to be possible... but who knows. Julie's hope was to sell her home and buy a large 4 bedroom home in Carrollwood and pay the same amount of money for the home. I don't think that's going to be possible, she only pays less than $900 a month now. And she doesn't pay taxes because of Ron's death or for some reason involving Ron. I've no idea if it's going to be a good financial decision for her to move. Ordinarily, people would put all the pros and cons out there and do some homework in researching different options, but... Julie isn't that savvy with this kind of thing. (Understatement) Anyways, it's something she's talking about doing, so I'll let you know how that progresses.
I think I told you that Julie is no longer talking to me or the kids right now... she wants some time for herself... to work on just herself without talking to the kids or to me. But she is talking to mom, so I do get some information second-hand. Apparently the psychiatrist treating her is going to go to court and try to get her in a Residential Treatment program. I'm assuming that this is the long term treatment that we've all been hoping Julie could get into since back in Jan of 06 when I first got the kids. Julie is not happy about it, but I think it might be good for her. No doubt - whatever she's been doing in the past has not worked - and trying anything new would be worth a try in my opinion. I talked to someone just a few minutes ago about this and they asked why Julie wouldn't want to give this a try. I said that I honestly felt that Julie still believes she's going to get her kids back in a few months. It's really so sad. Mom also told me that Julie thinks this residential treatment program will be someplace where she can come and go as she pleases. I can't imagine that's the case... but who knows. I just know that any kind of long-term treatment facility where Julie can just work on Julie would be perfect. I wish so much that it could be one of the nice places that I hear about on the news for stars and such or on Dr. Phil... but I'm pretty sure it's going to be a state-run facility who will take most all insurance or people with no insurance.
I wasn't sure if I was going to blog about this next thing or not. I try to just keep it about how we are doing with the kids and Julie, not our personal lives... but this is really a cool story which somewhat involves us and the kids.
Chris and I did our taxes and had a little left over after paying bills to think about spending on something fun. It wasn't much.... not enough to fix the transmission on the Durango, but more than a trip for dinner and a movie. We thought if we could find a really good deal on a very inexpensive hot tub (something we've been wanting for years now) it would be a good investment and something we could enjoy for years to come. So the hunt began.... searching the papers for a cheap hot tub that wasn't in horrible condition. From experience we knew that it should have a nice lid with it... lids can be very expensive and a good lid will save you money on your electric bill. We thought we'd want one that could fit 3-4 people, but our price range seemed to allow for only a 2-person tub.
Then, in the paper, Chris finds one very cheap... and it is a large tub. He calls the guy... and they hit it off well. He tells Chris about the tub.... holds 7 people comfortably, it's BIG, has a waterfall, cool color lights, etc. Of course I think it's got to be a hunk of junk. They chat on the phone about it a couple of times, each time Chris talks to him he's certain the guy must have sold the tub by now. Then the guy tells Chris to come over and take a look at it - see if we want it. I go with him to play devil's advocate; I ain't spending money on a hunk-of-junk that's going to be a money-pit needing repairs. What we see when we get to the guys house was surreal.
It was beautiful. Simply, beautiful. Large, top-of-the-line everything, and included one of those tops that one person can take off with one hand. It can't be true... must be some kind of bait and switch.
We talk to the guy and he tells us the story. He's a devout Christian who used to build houses. The market isn't doing so well, so he just changed jobs. He and his wife needed some quick cash so they decide to sell the hot tub. He tells us that he talked to a dozen people or more, and that of all of them - he felt a 'calling' to talk to Chris. He tells us that he almost immediately realized that he way under priced the hot tub because his phone wouldn't stop ringing - he had to turn off the phone. He and his wife realized that they could simply tell everyone that the hot tub had been sold or was no longer for sale... then turn around next week and put it in the paper for WAY more money and make two or three times their money by just waiting the week. But -- he said -- he had this nagging gut feeling that he needed to sell this hot tub to Chris. He says "I know that it's just a hot tub... I know! But... I felt God telling me to sell it to Chris." And he didn't say it in a 'scary Christian' kind of way... he was sincere and you could see a subtle bit of embarrassment he had in telling us that God was telling him to talk to us. He said that even as of that morning, he and his wife discussed it again - saying that if they waited only one week they could double or triple profits... so they got on their knees and prayed about it. Again, his embarrassment showed on telling us that he was praying about a hot tub. He says that it was then that they both felt that God wanted them to sell the tub to us, if we wanted to buy it.
Buying it was a no-brainer. Of course we did... and in the process... we got to meet an awesome Christian couple who's openness to talk about praying, and openly talking about God and Jesus really moved me. When the guys came to move the hot tub (Rec Warehouse) he told us that this tub is still sold new in their stores for $8,000. And the lid alone will cost you $800. My gosh, isn't God just amazing?
So... I don't know what God's intentions are with the hot tub - but He obviously has plans. Maybe it's just as simple as giving the kids something to be really excited about during this tumultuous time. Maybe we're going to need to relax because God sees a bumpy road ahead for us. Maybe we were just supposed to meet this couple. Who knows??? Oh wait, I know... God knows.
The kids really are pumped about this hot tub. They LOVE it. Jonathan was in it last night and comes running into the house telling me that something is trapped inside/under the tub. Sure enough... I hear a faint little 'meow'. I open up the panels around the tub and out comes the cutest little black cross-eyed kitten. Boy, he must have been scared and hungry! I assume he'd gotten in there when the guy opened the panels to show Chris the motor and stuff underneath, and got trapped when he closed it back up. The little guy made the trip all the way from Brandon to North Tampa inside this tub. We left him on the porch last night but this morning he was nowhere to be found.
I should also take a moment here to brag about my awesome husband. He had that tub installed, ran some special kind of wires from our breaker box, underground, to the hot tub, in ONE day. He dismantled the screened in porch so the movers could get it on the porch, and within hours we had a hot tub with electricity and a fixed screened in porch. Simply AMAZING. Again... if any of ya'll need some side jobs done - he's incredible and fast. It's funny really because he charges by the hour, but works super fast. I'm always telling him to SLOW DOWN, but he says that he wants to be fast and fair. I remember my dad used to do that as well; work side jobs and people would think they couldn't afford him because he charged by the hour, but he was fast and good at what he did and always had repeat customers.
Please keep the kids in your prayers. They are going through a lot right now. I think they all now realize they are not going home. I can't even begin to imagine how difficult this must be for them. I've grown to love these kids as if they were my own and it hurts me to see them confused and hurting. On one hand feeling happy and safe, and on the other hand feeling as if they are backstabbing their mom by feeling this way. It's a horrible position to be in. So - please - pray for them.
"The secret of life then is to control your mental states, for if you will do this the rest will follow. To accept sickness, trouble, and failure as unavoidable, and perhaps inevitable, is folly, because it is this very acceptance by you that keeps these evils in existence. Man is not limited by his environment. He creates his environments by his beliefs and feelings. To suppose otherwise is like thinking that the tail can wag the dog." Emmet Fox
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Redefining Normal
Gosh, I have so much to blog about.... and very little time this morning... but here goes anyways.
First I didn't finish telling you about Jonathan's Birthday Party! I know I told you it was great, but I didn't really get to emphasize just how great it was. He was soooo surprised a day before his birthday to open the door and see all his family and friends there! The 'longest trip and best of show' award would have to go to Amanda and Gene. They came all the way over from Orlando to surprise Jonathan. Gosh... it was great seeing Amanda again - I miss her! She'll be 21 this year..... sheesh! They also got her a really cool gift -- Jonathan loves online gaming. Right now he plays something called Runescape (when he's not on restriction). They got him the game and membership for 3 months for the hottest and coolest in online gaming today: World of Warcraft. Very cool indeed! Now Jonathan has a great incentive to get better grades and stay off restriction! Also there was our friend from Church and beyond, Denise and her two boys. She took Jonathan for the afternoon and early evening so that he could be surprised. :o) I hope it'll be a memorable day for him for years to come.
On to recent Julie news....
I've blogged about how Julie has been eating in such a manner that her blood sugar has been out of control. I've even said that I honestly felt at times as if this were the new way she was trying to hurt or kill herself (rather than overdosing or the cutting which she has done for many years prior). Well, apparently yesterday she finally realized that this is indeed the case. She called mom and I last night hysterically crying (three way call). She said that she had called her Therapist and told him that she is "trying to cut herself with food instead of sharp objects". That she had been eating to the point where she thought she couldn't eat anything else - then ate some more. I've heard now that she was even getting up at night to eat food. It's just sooooo sad. She was crying so so so so so so bad. We kept telling her over and over again that it was good that she could finally realize it and that we were proud of her.
She said that she had to go back into the psyc. ward at the hospital and felt that she was "undoing" everything. I told her that it wasn't undoing anything. That even though she's managed to keep herself out of psyc. - the underlying issues were there anyways. And that -- when she wanted to hurt or kill herself all the time... the BEST place she could be was in the hospital under a doctor's care. So... she brought herself to the hospital.
Trying to explain to the kids wasn't easy. They felt (and actually told me in these words) that their mom was choosing food over them. I quickly replied that their mom DID NOT CHOOSE this. That her doing this was because of her mental illness... and that she was trying VERY hard. It's so hard for them to understand.... they just want her to wake up one morning better. We talked about how - even before their Dad died - their mom was in the hospital all the time for a multitude of things.... and that it wasn't easy to just stop doing it.
I tried to explain to them that their mom and they should probably "redefine normal". I think that's going to be my new catch-phrase with them. I told them what that meant to me. That... a normal month could be where Julie comes over for 3 good visits... she's great on the phone with them.... you can understand her when she's talking on the phone (no overdosing on meds).... she is just fun to be around. Then one week she begins to get depressed - or manic - or just simply put 'out of balance' -- and instead of waiting too long, she goes to get treated right away and comes back in a few days balanced again. What would be so horrible about that??? I think it would be awesome for all of them... and I don't think that it's out of the realm of possibility that this happen. I think it is MUCH MUCH MUCH more do-able than Julie staying out of the hospital for years.
So we here at the Rhocchini house are going to work on redefining normal. And right now, I have to run to work. But I have MUCH more to catch you up on... so I'll post again tonight.
We fail to see that we can control our own destiny;
make ourselves do whatever is possible;
make ourselves become whatever we long to be.
Orison Swett Marden
First I didn't finish telling you about Jonathan's Birthday Party! I know I told you it was great, but I didn't really get to emphasize just how great it was. He was soooo surprised a day before his birthday to open the door and see all his family and friends there! The 'longest trip and best of show' award would have to go to Amanda and Gene. They came all the way over from Orlando to surprise Jonathan. Gosh... it was great seeing Amanda again - I miss her! She'll be 21 this year..... sheesh! They also got her a really cool gift -- Jonathan loves online gaming. Right now he plays something called Runescape (when he's not on restriction). They got him the game and membership for 3 months for the hottest and coolest in online gaming today: World of Warcraft. Very cool indeed! Now Jonathan has a great incentive to get better grades and stay off restriction! Also there was our friend from Church and beyond, Denise and her two boys. She took Jonathan for the afternoon and early evening so that he could be surprised. :o) I hope it'll be a memorable day for him for years to come.
On to recent Julie news....
I've blogged about how Julie has been eating in such a manner that her blood sugar has been out of control. I've even said that I honestly felt at times as if this were the new way she was trying to hurt or kill herself (rather than overdosing or the cutting which she has done for many years prior). Well, apparently yesterday she finally realized that this is indeed the case. She called mom and I last night hysterically crying (three way call). She said that she had called her Therapist and told him that she is "trying to cut herself with food instead of sharp objects". That she had been eating to the point where she thought she couldn't eat anything else - then ate some more. I've heard now that she was even getting up at night to eat food. It's just sooooo sad. She was crying so so so so so so bad. We kept telling her over and over again that it was good that she could finally realize it and that we were proud of her.
She said that she had to go back into the psyc. ward at the hospital and felt that she was "undoing" everything. I told her that it wasn't undoing anything. That even though she's managed to keep herself out of psyc. - the underlying issues were there anyways. And that -- when she wanted to hurt or kill herself all the time... the BEST place she could be was in the hospital under a doctor's care. So... she brought herself to the hospital.
Trying to explain to the kids wasn't easy. They felt (and actually told me in these words) that their mom was choosing food over them. I quickly replied that their mom DID NOT CHOOSE this. That her doing this was because of her mental illness... and that she was trying VERY hard. It's so hard for them to understand.... they just want her to wake up one morning better. We talked about how - even before their Dad died - their mom was in the hospital all the time for a multitude of things.... and that it wasn't easy to just stop doing it.
I tried to explain to them that their mom and they should probably "redefine normal". I think that's going to be my new catch-phrase with them. I told them what that meant to me. That... a normal month could be where Julie comes over for 3 good visits... she's great on the phone with them.... you can understand her when she's talking on the phone (no overdosing on meds).... she is just fun to be around. Then one week she begins to get depressed - or manic - or just simply put 'out of balance' -- and instead of waiting too long, she goes to get treated right away and comes back in a few days balanced again. What would be so horrible about that??? I think it would be awesome for all of them... and I don't think that it's out of the realm of possibility that this happen. I think it is MUCH MUCH MUCH more do-able than Julie staying out of the hospital for years.
So we here at the Rhocchini house are going to work on redefining normal. And right now, I have to run to work. But I have MUCH more to catch you up on... so I'll post again tonight.
We fail to see that we can control our own destiny;
make ourselves do whatever is possible;
make ourselves become whatever we long to be.
Orison Swett Marden
Friday, February 23, 2007
Long Time No Post
Well hellooooo out there. Long time no post! I've been ill... a cold/flu thing that's actually had me out of work for a couple of days. (Those of you who know how infrequently I use sick days know how sick I must have been). Today was a little better, although as the meds wear off I get pretty tired and feverish.
Nothing really new to report on the kids. Everyone here is doing just fine. Jonathan had a birthday on Thursday. Since Chris and I had choir rehearsal Thursday night, we decided to give him a 'surprise party' on Wednesday night. Denise took him after school and he played at her house until 7:30. We decorated the house - balloons, streamers and stars everywhere. Mind you I was horribly sick so Chris and the kids really did most of the work. EVERYONE came over for his party... my sis Katie and her family, mom, Evie and Jimmie, Julie, some neighborhood kids... when he opened that door you should have SEEN his face. Priceless.
Guess what we got Jono for his birthday? An IPod. Yep... we decided to do it. He was SO happy. Funny though was he didn't react with the excitement you'd expect. Chris was reading today that it is probably tied to his Asperger Syndrome... but that is a whole other blog for another night. Mom got him some nice clothes, Evie and Jimmie got him a super cool radio/alarm thing that works with the IPod, Julie and Katie each gave him money... this was one HAPPY kid let me tell ya.
Sigh............ I'm utterly exhausted.... still a little sick and wore out from the day. I should get to bed. I was even going to end this short blog with an uplifting bible verse of inspirational message... but alas, I am too tired. So sleep well, and I promise to post again very soon.
Nothing really new to report on the kids. Everyone here is doing just fine. Jonathan had a birthday on Thursday. Since Chris and I had choir rehearsal Thursday night, we decided to give him a 'surprise party' on Wednesday night. Denise took him after school and he played at her house until 7:30. We decorated the house - balloons, streamers and stars everywhere. Mind you I was horribly sick so Chris and the kids really did most of the work. EVERYONE came over for his party... my sis Katie and her family, mom, Evie and Jimmie, Julie, some neighborhood kids... when he opened that door you should have SEEN his face. Priceless.
Guess what we got Jono for his birthday? An IPod. Yep... we decided to do it. He was SO happy. Funny though was he didn't react with the excitement you'd expect. Chris was reading today that it is probably tied to his Asperger Syndrome... but that is a whole other blog for another night. Mom got him some nice clothes, Evie and Jimmie got him a super cool radio/alarm thing that works with the IPod, Julie and Katie each gave him money... this was one HAPPY kid let me tell ya.
Sigh............ I'm utterly exhausted.... still a little sick and wore out from the day. I should get to bed. I was even going to end this short blog with an uplifting bible verse of inspirational message... but alas, I am too tired. So sleep well, and I promise to post again very soon.
Friday, February 16, 2007
Why I Blog
I’d like to start off with a great big THANK YOU to everyone who said a little prayer for our cars. Chris has fixed my ac/heat in the Mustang and then he was just traveling down the road the other day in the Durango, hit a bump, and his was fixed. Sure…. It’s likely it was a loose wire or something, but I’d much rather prefer to think of it as the power of prayer. Now… if the transmission holds out a few years longer… that would be perfect!
We looked at vehicles while at the Fair and couldn’t BELIEVE the cost of a new car today. When you add the fact that it needs to hold no less than 6 people, the price gets outrageous. I’ll bet it was more than what my mom paid for her home when she first moved to Florida. It’s shocking and was somewhat depressing knowing we could never get something like that, but at the same time it made me so very grateful to have the little cars we have now, with only a few payments left on the Durango. So… come on Durango… give me a few more years. Then I can buy a small, sensible, economical vehicle. :o)
On the “Julie News”… she is back in the hospital. She went to a Health Fair with my mom. She got all kinds of information on how to help control her Diabetes, even a computer program to help guide her and help her stay on track. Her blood sugar at the time tested over 250. So… where does Julie decide to go on the way home?? She goes to get Chinese food. SIGH. She then couldn’t keep her blood sugar under 500, and after multiple calls to doctors, was told to go to the ER.
She explained to them that Brandon Hospital might not take her again. Apparently (according to Julie) they are upset that she is there all the time. This is the one she left 'Against Medical Advice' last time. She said that, even before she left, the doctors and nurses kept making comments about how often she was in the hospital and it ‘made her feel bad’ so she didn’t want to go back there. So… she went to Memorial Hospital.
She didn’t want to call me and tell me – she was afraid I was ‘going to be mad at her’. I honestly don’t know how to feel about it anymore. I definitely don’t have that ‘mother’ attitude I had before… she can admit herself once a week and it no longer really affects me. But as her sister, I hate to see her killing herself like this. She told me that she did not want to tell Dr. Vergeese that she was in again. I think this is a HUGE mistake. There is ONE person whom she is supposed to be working with to help her get back on track. ONE person… and that’s Dr. Vergeese. Lying to him or hiding things from him is not going to help her.
Oh, and I think I found out why Julie is thinking that she couldn’t possibly die from her blood sugar. My other sister Katie told me that Julie told her last night that her blood sugar would have to be over 1,000 in order for her to die. Where she got that number from I have no idea. I don’t know if someone really told her that or if she’s just saying it…. Well…. I don’t really know why else she would say it.
I had a talk with the kids of course when I got home yesterday telling them about their mom again. I had a rather serious talk with Justin though, because… I think he enables her. He caudles her and tells her what she wants to hear. The other day when Julie was over my house, she was talking to the kids. Kayla said “mommy, just stop going to the hospital!” Julie said, “What do you mean? I’ve only been twice!” Kayla told her to stop lying and Justin stood up for Julie saying that he believed her when she said she’d only been two times. Now… I know he could not POSSIBLY believe that. I know that he believes he is helping her by agreeing with her, but I really don’t think he is. So, I just told him what I felt and tried to guide him. I told him that I know that he loves his mom very much and that he wants her to get better, and that was so awesome. But that his mom really needed to step up and start working on getting herself better. And what she needed most was encouragement to do just that.
Speaking of encouragement, I need to go on the record here about my blog.
Dr. Vergeese asked me about why I keep an online blog. Mom has mentioned from time to time about how it's 'out there' for everyone. So let me go on record one more time about why I do this and what it means to me.
I originally started this blog as a way to give information to Katie, Mom and even Chris without repeating the same things multiple times. State visits and phone calls were continuous. Information was overwhelming. And the stress was nearly intolerable. When the DCF person would come to visit, instead of having to explain everything several times, I referred them to the blog. Of course, in the beginning, things happened multiple times a day, 7 days a week.
Then others began finding the blog. Friends. Family. Church members. They left messages (some posted on the blog, others personal to me) that we EXACTLY what I needed... inspirational.... supportive.... and positive. When I had a problem with Kayla and was at my WITS END as to what to do... these people gave me ideas on ways to help or ways to cope. When I thought I was going to lose my mind because I was being torn limb to limb - at one end the mother of the kids I was raising who was overdosing and incoherent many times --- at the other end the my little sister who was crying out for help. My heart BREAKS almost every single day. And these friends.... family.... church members.... all pray for me when I need it most. Their prayers give me strength.
I am VERY careful not to divulge information that is too personal. I am VERY careful as to what I do and do not blog about here, trying my best to keep it just about the kids and how that has affected our lives. I am VERY careful as to say things in here only as I would say directly TO Julie so that if she stumbles across the blog (and she has!) that she would not be blown away.
Then there have been a few 'outside' readers who have been very inspirational as well. One woman from Thailand or something like that wrote me and told me that she found my blog on accident, and was feeling very down and out. She thought her life was not going so well. She read the blog... felt the Christian undertones within it. Felt my strength and perseverance. And she wrote to me to tell me that it made a difference in her life. SHE now had strength to go out and face her challenges.
My blog isn't right or wrong. It isn't the "Gospel According to Tina". It is my feelings. My heart. My worries. My concerns. My fears. My love. All written very carefully. I'm not here to say Julie is bad and Tina is good. God continues to give me tools to walk me through this turmoil. Heck, this blog is one of those tools. When I blog about something that is troubling me, I FEEL better. When I talk about how the Lord is giving me strength to do things I didn't think I could possibly do, I feel even stronger.
But most of all I am here blogging to say that - there are many times, many many times, when I don't think that I should be caring for these kids. We had a lot going on in our own lives. Adding three teenagers to the mix is scary. It's straining every resource I have and mostly straining emotionally. I'm here to say that I don't know why God gave this to me, but more importantly I know that He did indeed give this to me. I believe that His reasons are right and His timing is perfect. I am a witness to His works and to the power of prayer. Were it not for the people who pray for me as a direct result of this blog, I honestly don't know where I would be right now.
It's so easy to think that you would for sure do something one way if something happened. It's so easy to look at how someone is handling something and think to yourself that if you were handling that problem, you'd handle it totally different (and of course, better). It's so easy to see someone stressed and think, 'if that were me, I wouldn't worry about this or that and my stress would be way less'. I know this... I've lived this. But -- until you've walked IN those shoes, you really have no idea.
So... thank you to each one of you who reads and prays.
Thank you for each one of you who reads and then supports and encourages me and our family.
And to anyone who doesn't think I should blog about this, my shoes are a size 7 and I'd be happy to let you wear them for a little while.
Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.
We looked at vehicles while at the Fair and couldn’t BELIEVE the cost of a new car today. When you add the fact that it needs to hold no less than 6 people, the price gets outrageous. I’ll bet it was more than what my mom paid for her home when she first moved to Florida. It’s shocking and was somewhat depressing knowing we could never get something like that, but at the same time it made me so very grateful to have the little cars we have now, with only a few payments left on the Durango. So… come on Durango… give me a few more years. Then I can buy a small, sensible, economical vehicle. :o)
On the “Julie News”… she is back in the hospital. She went to a Health Fair with my mom. She got all kinds of information on how to help control her Diabetes, even a computer program to help guide her and help her stay on track. Her blood sugar at the time tested over 250. So… where does Julie decide to go on the way home?? She goes to get Chinese food. SIGH. She then couldn’t keep her blood sugar under 500, and after multiple calls to doctors, was told to go to the ER.
She explained to them that Brandon Hospital might not take her again. Apparently (according to Julie) they are upset that she is there all the time. This is the one she left 'Against Medical Advice' last time. She said that, even before she left, the doctors and nurses kept making comments about how often she was in the hospital and it ‘made her feel bad’ so she didn’t want to go back there. So… she went to Memorial Hospital.
She didn’t want to call me and tell me – she was afraid I was ‘going to be mad at her’. I honestly don’t know how to feel about it anymore. I definitely don’t have that ‘mother’ attitude I had before… she can admit herself once a week and it no longer really affects me. But as her sister, I hate to see her killing herself like this. She told me that she did not want to tell Dr. Vergeese that she was in again. I think this is a HUGE mistake. There is ONE person whom she is supposed to be working with to help her get back on track. ONE person… and that’s Dr. Vergeese. Lying to him or hiding things from him is not going to help her.
Oh, and I think I found out why Julie is thinking that she couldn’t possibly die from her blood sugar. My other sister Katie told me that Julie told her last night that her blood sugar would have to be over 1,000 in order for her to die. Where she got that number from I have no idea. I don’t know if someone really told her that or if she’s just saying it…. Well…. I don’t really know why else she would say it.
I had a talk with the kids of course when I got home yesterday telling them about their mom again. I had a rather serious talk with Justin though, because… I think he enables her. He caudles her and tells her what she wants to hear. The other day when Julie was over my house, she was talking to the kids. Kayla said “mommy, just stop going to the hospital!” Julie said, “What do you mean? I’ve only been twice!” Kayla told her to stop lying and Justin stood up for Julie saying that he believed her when she said she’d only been two times. Now… I know he could not POSSIBLY believe that. I know that he believes he is helping her by agreeing with her, but I really don’t think he is. So, I just told him what I felt and tried to guide him. I told him that I know that he loves his mom very much and that he wants her to get better, and that was so awesome. But that his mom really needed to step up and start working on getting herself better. And what she needed most was encouragement to do just that.
Speaking of encouragement, I need to go on the record here about my blog.
Dr. Vergeese asked me about why I keep an online blog. Mom has mentioned from time to time about how it's 'out there' for everyone. So let me go on record one more time about why I do this and what it means to me.
I originally started this blog as a way to give information to Katie, Mom and even Chris without repeating the same things multiple times. State visits and phone calls were continuous. Information was overwhelming. And the stress was nearly intolerable. When the DCF person would come to visit, instead of having to explain everything several times, I referred them to the blog. Of course, in the beginning, things happened multiple times a day, 7 days a week.
Then others began finding the blog. Friends. Family. Church members. They left messages (some posted on the blog, others personal to me) that we EXACTLY what I needed... inspirational.... supportive.... and positive. When I had a problem with Kayla and was at my WITS END as to what to do... these people gave me ideas on ways to help or ways to cope. When I thought I was going to lose my mind because I was being torn limb to limb - at one end the mother of the kids I was raising who was overdosing and incoherent many times --- at the other end the my little sister who was crying out for help. My heart BREAKS almost every single day. And these friends.... family.... church members.... all pray for me when I need it most. Their prayers give me strength.
I am VERY careful not to divulge information that is too personal. I am VERY careful as to what I do and do not blog about here, trying my best to keep it just about the kids and how that has affected our lives. I am VERY careful as to say things in here only as I would say directly TO Julie so that if she stumbles across the blog (and she has!) that she would not be blown away.
Then there have been a few 'outside' readers who have been very inspirational as well. One woman from Thailand or something like that wrote me and told me that she found my blog on accident, and was feeling very down and out. She thought her life was not going so well. She read the blog... felt the Christian undertones within it. Felt my strength and perseverance. And she wrote to me to tell me that it made a difference in her life. SHE now had strength to go out and face her challenges.
My blog isn't right or wrong. It isn't the "Gospel According to Tina". It is my feelings. My heart. My worries. My concerns. My fears. My love. All written very carefully. I'm not here to say Julie is bad and Tina is good. God continues to give me tools to walk me through this turmoil. Heck, this blog is one of those tools. When I blog about something that is troubling me, I FEEL better. When I talk about how the Lord is giving me strength to do things I didn't think I could possibly do, I feel even stronger.
But most of all I am here blogging to say that - there are many times, many many times, when I don't think that I should be caring for these kids. We had a lot going on in our own lives. Adding three teenagers to the mix is scary. It's straining every resource I have and mostly straining emotionally. I'm here to say that I don't know why God gave this to me, but more importantly I know that He did indeed give this to me. I believe that His reasons are right and His timing is perfect. I am a witness to His works and to the power of prayer. Were it not for the people who pray for me as a direct result of this blog, I honestly don't know where I would be right now.
It's so easy to think that you would for sure do something one way if something happened. It's so easy to look at how someone is handling something and think to yourself that if you were handling that problem, you'd handle it totally different (and of course, better). It's so easy to see someone stressed and think, 'if that were me, I wouldn't worry about this or that and my stress would be way less'. I know this... I've lived this. But -- until you've walked IN those shoes, you really have no idea.
So... thank you to each one of you who reads and prays.
Thank you for each one of you who reads and then supports and encourages me and our family.
And to anyone who doesn't think I should blog about this, my shoes are a size 7 and I'd be happy to let you wear them for a little while.
Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Almost V-Day!
Valentine's Day is tomorrow. Sigh...........
I wish I had something wonderful planned for Chris, but I don't. Not as of now anyways. I did buy him a nice drill set while we were at the fair, but that is oh so FAR from romantic! I just wish I was able to think of something relatively inexpensive yet very romantic... but I can think of not one single thing to do. Every time I think of something, I think of reasons we can't do them. What kind of whacked-out brain function is that?? Jeez!! Cook a nice romantic dinner at home? Nope - got kids. Go out to dinner (along with 90% of all the other couples in Tampa tomorrow night) - sure, if you don't mind waiting a couple hours for a seat. But, that's not even really 'romantic'.
The problem is that for YEARS Chris and I delivered singing valentines. We'd get together with a quartet and go out all day and night singing for other people ($50 per valentine for a couple songs, card and candy). This was REALLY cool for us, we both enjoyed it so much. And, it made us feel so good to make other people so happy they cried. Then we'd do something together after V-day and share stories. But OUR romance of the day was in giving romance to OTHER people. (Wait... that sounded kinda bad...) But neither of us are in chorus right now, so we're not doing it this year. But we both recognized last night that the experience of doing singing valentines definitely took the romance out of the holiday for us. So.... what to do.... what to do.... ???? Eh, I'll keep thinking about it. Surely something will come to me.
Gwen and Coley came down this weekend. It was GREAT having them here. The kids were so happy to spend time with their Grandma and Grandpa. They came in on Friday night and made us some dinner... Coley's famous ribs and chicken - YUMMY. And he taught Chris so next time we can do it ourselves! Saturday morning they made breakfast for us (although again Chris helped out!), and then they took the kids out shopping for the day. Sunday morning they got up and went to Church with us (don't even ASK about the solo, barf!) and then took the kids to breakfast. After that we had all planned on going to the fair. However, after waiting in line at the EXIT off I-4 for an hour and a half, they decided they might miss their plane that night given the crowds of people there, so they left from the parking lot of the fair to go home, and the kids, Chris and I went to the fair all afternoon/night. On the way to the airport, Gwen stopped and bought Kayte a bed which was very thoughtfully. She moved out of Kayla's room and into Justin's room, where she's been sleeping on a futon kind of cot. I had always thought of the move to Justin's room as 'temporary' but I guess Kayte thinks of it as permanent. So... the bed will be delivered tomorrow.
At first I was.... what's the word..... maybe 'hurt'.... that she got the bed as I felt as if she was telling me that I couldn't take care of the her needs so she would. But I quickly realized I was over-reacting... that if I took "my feelings" totally out of it and just looked at it as an outsider, I could easily see that she was just doing something for her granddaughter. So I'm thrilled that she was able to do this for Kayte.
It occurred to me yesterday how Kayla, Justin and Kayte never really 'fight'. I grew up with 2 sisters... and I had friends who had siblings.... and I know people now who have multiple kids. Siblings just tend to fight with each other.
Not these kids. They stick together and support each other. They don't tell on one another. They don't argue or fight. And I know what you are thinking... I don't mean that I was always mean to my sisters. God forbid someone try to hurt them or be mean to them, I'd be all over it! But still... as normal siblings, we would fight over the most stupid things. But Kayla, Justin and Kayte do not. And I wondered... why.
Then I realized how different it must have been growing up with a mom who was always mentally ill and a dad who you knew was dying. Can you imagine being 5, 6 and 7 years old and watching your dad's kidney's shut down... watching as the whites of his eyes filled with blood from the constant vomiting from the Leukemia. Knowing he was exhausted 3-4 times a week when he was gone all night to Dialysis. Watching as their mom and dad dealt with it while never EVER talking about it.
It changed these kids, in a most profound way. And, oddly enough, changed them in some really good ways.
Then there is little Jonathan. Gosh, he's going to be 14 next week. I also just realized his birthday falls on Choir rehearsal night, on a night that we CAN'T miss because we are on praise team that weekend. So... I'm not sure what we are going to do on the night of his Birthday. Then we have to plan his kid party. He wants to go to Game Works, and I'm sure we are going to take him.
Julie came over for a visit tonight, and did SUPER. It was actually a very pleasant visit. Although she talked a lot about the kids going home.... things she was doing to their bedrooms and such. We did talk about it some - talked about how Julie knew that it was 'almost impossible' to get the kids back.... but she said it wasn't going to 'stop her'. She said she was going to work hard to bring the kids home. I talked for a little bit about how I felt... that she wasn't a 'BAD' person... that she had a mental condition and that, even if it were simply not possible for her to stay well long enough, it would still be okay... as long as she continued to work on herself.
Ya know... she's done so good the past couple of weeks, and my heart breaks for her. It feels like forever since things were bad. But then.... going into the blog here I can look and see titles of prior posts... and it was less than a month ago that she was bakers acted into the hospital last. Sigh............
As I sit typing this... you should know that Jonathan is here next to me practicing on the keyboard. Playing just beautifully... it's AMAZING the talent he has... it really is. At the fair, he went to a booth where they sell piano's and he asked if he could play something. She said yes, and he sat down to play (a $5,000 piano!) and the teacher was floored. She asked how long he'd been playing. I explained he got the keyboard for Christmas and had just been playing by ear. She was even more flabbergasted. When he finished one song she said that he was already better than most students she had playing that song after 3 years of lessons. She told me that we NEED to get him lessons... that even if he didn't learn to read music and such... that learning how to correctly place his fingers could only help him play by ear. She said that she could see that he was developing some 'bad habits' - but if she shut her eyes and didn't watch she'd never know. So... we are going to have to work on the lessons.
I better run for tonight. American Idol is on and I've got to get the kids to bed. I'll leave you with this for tonight. So I leave you with this for tonight:
Give your troubles to God; He will be up all night anyway.
I just love that. Simple.. funny... yet true.
I wish I had something wonderful planned for Chris, but I don't. Not as of now anyways. I did buy him a nice drill set while we were at the fair, but that is oh so FAR from romantic! I just wish I was able to think of something relatively inexpensive yet very romantic... but I can think of not one single thing to do. Every time I think of something, I think of reasons we can't do them. What kind of whacked-out brain function is that?? Jeez!! Cook a nice romantic dinner at home? Nope - got kids. Go out to dinner (along with 90% of all the other couples in Tampa tomorrow night) - sure, if you don't mind waiting a couple hours for a seat. But, that's not even really 'romantic'.
The problem is that for YEARS Chris and I delivered singing valentines. We'd get together with a quartet and go out all day and night singing for other people ($50 per valentine for a couple songs, card and candy). This was REALLY cool for us, we both enjoyed it so much. And, it made us feel so good to make other people so happy they cried. Then we'd do something together after V-day and share stories. But OUR romance of the day was in giving romance to OTHER people. (Wait... that sounded kinda bad...) But neither of us are in chorus right now, so we're not doing it this year. But we both recognized last night that the experience of doing singing valentines definitely took the romance out of the holiday for us. So.... what to do.... what to do.... ???? Eh, I'll keep thinking about it. Surely something will come to me.
Gwen and Coley came down this weekend. It was GREAT having them here. The kids were so happy to spend time with their Grandma and Grandpa. They came in on Friday night and made us some dinner... Coley's famous ribs and chicken - YUMMY. And he taught Chris so next time we can do it ourselves! Saturday morning they made breakfast for us (although again Chris helped out!), and then they took the kids out shopping for the day. Sunday morning they got up and went to Church with us (don't even ASK about the solo, barf!) and then took the kids to breakfast. After that we had all planned on going to the fair. However, after waiting in line at the EXIT off I-4 for an hour and a half, they decided they might miss their plane that night given the crowds of people there, so they left from the parking lot of the fair to go home, and the kids, Chris and I went to the fair all afternoon/night. On the way to the airport, Gwen stopped and bought Kayte a bed which was very thoughtfully. She moved out of Kayla's room and into Justin's room, where she's been sleeping on a futon kind of cot. I had always thought of the move to Justin's room as 'temporary' but I guess Kayte thinks of it as permanent. So... the bed will be delivered tomorrow.
At first I was.... what's the word..... maybe 'hurt'.... that she got the bed as I felt as if she was telling me that I couldn't take care of the her needs so she would. But I quickly realized I was over-reacting... that if I took "my feelings" totally out of it and just looked at it as an outsider, I could easily see that she was just doing something for her granddaughter. So I'm thrilled that she was able to do this for Kayte.
It occurred to me yesterday how Kayla, Justin and Kayte never really 'fight'. I grew up with 2 sisters... and I had friends who had siblings.... and I know people now who have multiple kids. Siblings just tend to fight with each other.
Not these kids. They stick together and support each other. They don't tell on one another. They don't argue or fight. And I know what you are thinking... I don't mean that I was always mean to my sisters. God forbid someone try to hurt them or be mean to them, I'd be all over it! But still... as normal siblings, we would fight over the most stupid things. But Kayla, Justin and Kayte do not. And I wondered... why.
Then I realized how different it must have been growing up with a mom who was always mentally ill and a dad who you knew was dying. Can you imagine being 5, 6 and 7 years old and watching your dad's kidney's shut down... watching as the whites of his eyes filled with blood from the constant vomiting from the Leukemia. Knowing he was exhausted 3-4 times a week when he was gone all night to Dialysis. Watching as their mom and dad dealt with it while never EVER talking about it.
It changed these kids, in a most profound way. And, oddly enough, changed them in some really good ways.
Then there is little Jonathan. Gosh, he's going to be 14 next week. I also just realized his birthday falls on Choir rehearsal night, on a night that we CAN'T miss because we are on praise team that weekend. So... I'm not sure what we are going to do on the night of his Birthday. Then we have to plan his kid party. He wants to go to Game Works, and I'm sure we are going to take him.
Julie came over for a visit tonight, and did SUPER. It was actually a very pleasant visit. Although she talked a lot about the kids going home.... things she was doing to their bedrooms and such. We did talk about it some - talked about how Julie knew that it was 'almost impossible' to get the kids back.... but she said it wasn't going to 'stop her'. She said she was going to work hard to bring the kids home. I talked for a little bit about how I felt... that she wasn't a 'BAD' person... that she had a mental condition and that, even if it were simply not possible for her to stay well long enough, it would still be okay... as long as she continued to work on herself.
Ya know... she's done so good the past couple of weeks, and my heart breaks for her. It feels like forever since things were bad. But then.... going into the blog here I can look and see titles of prior posts... and it was less than a month ago that she was bakers acted into the hospital last. Sigh............
As I sit typing this... you should know that Jonathan is here next to me practicing on the keyboard. Playing just beautifully... it's AMAZING the talent he has... it really is. At the fair, he went to a booth where they sell piano's and he asked if he could play something. She said yes, and he sat down to play (a $5,000 piano!) and the teacher was floored. She asked how long he'd been playing. I explained he got the keyboard for Christmas and had just been playing by ear. She was even more flabbergasted. When he finished one song she said that he was already better than most students she had playing that song after 3 years of lessons. She told me that we NEED to get him lessons... that even if he didn't learn to read music and such... that learning how to correctly place his fingers could only help him play by ear. She said that she could see that he was developing some 'bad habits' - but if she shut her eyes and didn't watch she'd never know. So... we are going to have to work on the lessons.
I better run for tonight. American Idol is on and I've got to get the kids to bed. I'll leave you with this for tonight. So I leave you with this for tonight:
Give your troubles to God; He will be up all night anyway.
I just love that. Simple.. funny... yet true.
Friday, February 09, 2007
Snapshot Of My Night
I thought some of you might get a chuckle out of reading what I think I'll call a 'snapshot of my night'.
It's Thursday night. The kids have no school on Friday, so they are going to bed later than normal.
The middle schoolers got their progress reports and Jonathan is on restriction - pretty much confined to his room until he brings up the F.
I've been to choir rehearsal and, getting back about 9 or so, try to make myself some dinner before it's way too late to eat.
The kids are rustling, trying to get ready for bed - hair, showers, clothes, brushing the teeth, etc. I'm not rushing them at this point because I know they don't have school in the morning. I'm trying to pick up their mess from the kitchen (from them making their own dinners) while making myself something to eat. Yes I should get the kids to clean up after themselves, but I want them in BED so I have some time for myself. I shudda known better than that!
Chris and I eat a little, watch a little TV, and then head off to bed... about maybe 11 pm.
Kids are STILL not in bed. By this time I'm getting frustrated with them and tell them strongly that they need to "Go to BED!" I shut the door to my room, but leave it cracked open (the cats like to sleep with us).
It's now about 11:45 and I get up because of all the noise in the house - and AGAIN I tell them to get to bed.... that SOME of us have to get up in the morning. They apologize and swear they are headed into bed.
Kayte is in the bathroom taking a shower and I hear her mention something about there being 'poop in the toilet'. I think... whatever.... flush it.... no biggie.
Midnight and again I get up, because of the lights on and the noise, yelling at them to go to bed. Justin tells me - with a straight and very serious face - "Auntie Tina, you aren't going to believe what just kind of magically happened. There is poo in the toilet." I look at him with all seriousness and tell him that it doesn't "Magically Happen".... someone pooped and didn't flush. No magic or mystery to it. He then happens to mention it's stopped up. I'm concerned about it being stopped up. But - I'm also tired and almost asleep standing up. My eyes are dry (I sleep in my contacts) and I can barely see anything. So... I stumble back to bed, confident the kids are nearly grown and they know how to take care of themselves.
As I lay in bed, I have visions of last Valentine's Day. (Read this if you've forgotten.... http://tinarhodes1968.blogspot.com/2006/02/shit-hits.html )
"How bad was it?" I found myself wondering. "Should I get up and check on it?" No... wait till morning is what my tired body kept telling me. But my mind would not rest... so I get up.
I should mention here that -- I'm not going to say 'who' but... someone in the house (kid) has a problem with going to the restroom. This person plugs the toilet up EVERY SINGLE time he goes.... and without toilet paper. You read that correctly.... EVERY time. I don't talk about it much here because - well it's POO and it's nasty! But it's a frustrating problem - one of the many things that add to the overall craziness in the house on a daily basis.
Okay, so I get up..... sure enough.... the toilet is full to the brim with brown nasty water (and.... well..... stuff). They ~ thank GOD ~ did think to shut off the water so that it didn't overflow onto the floor... but there is no room for anything here.... it's almost overflowing as it is. And.... the SMELL. Oh my GOSH!!!!! I try to plunge it myself, probably a dozen times. No luck. Finally... at my wits end, I get Chris up.
He's a handyman who works in bathrooms a LOT, he comes in and with one push, clog is gone. Sheeshhhhhhhhh. Course, the house now REEKS and the smell is stuck in my NOSE from being in there so long. And let me mention again the smell... folks... it was horrid! Chris and I get a bottle of bleach and begin to sanitize the room and plunger. (Safety first!)
So... about 12:45 or so we finally DID get to bed. And there is the snapshot of my night.
Come on... don't you ALL want four teenagers now??? Sure you do!! LOL
It's Thursday night. The kids have no school on Friday, so they are going to bed later than normal.
The middle schoolers got their progress reports and Jonathan is on restriction - pretty much confined to his room until he brings up the F.
I've been to choir rehearsal and, getting back about 9 or so, try to make myself some dinner before it's way too late to eat.
The kids are rustling, trying to get ready for bed - hair, showers, clothes, brushing the teeth, etc. I'm not rushing them at this point because I know they don't have school in the morning. I'm trying to pick up their mess from the kitchen (from them making their own dinners) while making myself something to eat. Yes I should get the kids to clean up after themselves, but I want them in BED so I have some time for myself. I shudda known better than that!
Chris and I eat a little, watch a little TV, and then head off to bed... about maybe 11 pm.
Kids are STILL not in bed. By this time I'm getting frustrated with them and tell them strongly that they need to "Go to BED!" I shut the door to my room, but leave it cracked open (the cats like to sleep with us).
It's now about 11:45 and I get up because of all the noise in the house - and AGAIN I tell them to get to bed.... that SOME of us have to get up in the morning. They apologize and swear they are headed into bed.
Kayte is in the bathroom taking a shower and I hear her mention something about there being 'poop in the toilet'. I think... whatever.... flush it.... no biggie.
Midnight and again I get up, because of the lights on and the noise, yelling at them to go to bed. Justin tells me - with a straight and very serious face - "Auntie Tina, you aren't going to believe what just kind of magically happened. There is poo in the toilet." I look at him with all seriousness and tell him that it doesn't "Magically Happen".... someone pooped and didn't flush. No magic or mystery to it. He then happens to mention it's stopped up. I'm concerned about it being stopped up. But - I'm also tired and almost asleep standing up. My eyes are dry (I sleep in my contacts) and I can barely see anything. So... I stumble back to bed, confident the kids are nearly grown and they know how to take care of themselves.
As I lay in bed, I have visions of last Valentine's Day. (Read this if you've forgotten.... http://tinarhodes1968.blogspot.com/2006/02/shit-hits.html )
"How bad was it?" I found myself wondering. "Should I get up and check on it?" No... wait till morning is what my tired body kept telling me. But my mind would not rest... so I get up.
I should mention here that -- I'm not going to say 'who' but... someone in the house (kid) has a problem with going to the restroom. This person plugs the toilet up EVERY SINGLE time he goes.... and without toilet paper. You read that correctly.... EVERY time. I don't talk about it much here because - well it's POO and it's nasty! But it's a frustrating problem - one of the many things that add to the overall craziness in the house on a daily basis.
Okay, so I get up..... sure enough.... the toilet is full to the brim with brown nasty water (and.... well..... stuff). They ~ thank GOD ~ did think to shut off the water so that it didn't overflow onto the floor... but there is no room for anything here.... it's almost overflowing as it is. And.... the SMELL. Oh my GOSH!!!!! I try to plunge it myself, probably a dozen times. No luck. Finally... at my wits end, I get Chris up.
He's a handyman who works in bathrooms a LOT, he comes in and with one push, clog is gone. Sheeshhhhhhhhh. Course, the house now REEKS and the smell is stuck in my NOSE from being in there so long. And let me mention again the smell... folks... it was horrid! Chris and I get a bottle of bleach and begin to sanitize the room and plunger. (Safety first!)
So... about 12:45 or so we finally DID get to bed. And there is the snapshot of my night.
Come on... don't you ALL want four teenagers now??? Sure you do!! LOL
Thursday, February 08, 2007
The Music Won't Last
It's just a 'blah' kind of day today. Thought it would be good to blog.
Julie's visit last night went very well.
She sent me an email yesterday telling me that she had read my blog and wanted to clear up a few things. She started by saying something about in my blog - how I say she sits on the sofa while at my house. Well, she explained that she did that to be in the 'center' of the house. I get that, no biggie. I explained that it wasn't 'where' she sat, it was how and that she was so demanding and needy while there. Last night she was much more conscious of this and it was great. Then she said that her house wasn't 'dirty'. I explained that I didn't mean 'don't clean up' kind of dirty, I meant things like the walls and such that the kids touch... and those WERE dirty. But please y'all, don't misunderstand... Julie is bipolar and extremely manic quite a bit. Her house was and is - VERY clean for the most part. I remember once she actually scrubbed her floors so much the tile began to wear.
Julie even got onto the kids about their watching "Jackass 2, Unrated". She wanted them to return it to her, but they brought it to their FRIENDS house for her to watch, so they couldn't give it back to her. I FLIPPED when I heard they brought it over someone's house. What would HER mother think of ME if she saw that movie? Oh my gosh!!!! Anyways......
Those were really the main things Julie picked out of my blog that she wanted me to clarify - so there ya go - I clarified for all of you too. She also told me that one of her friends (from her bipolar chat group) read my blog and was going to send me a nasty email or something like that. Well, I didn't get anything - but I told Julie --- this is my journal -- a window into my soul. I'm not going to apologize for anything I put in here. I'm VERY careful to never say anything 'too' personal nor to say anything downright mean or even 'wrong'. But it IS all about my feelings.
So, with all of this in mind... I find myself reflecting quite a bit today. Why do I blog? Am I just splattering my personal life all over the Internet for the world to see? No... I know that's not true. So.... why?? Sure I feel better when I blog, but why????
Have you ever had one of those times when you are driving down the road, say to work or something... someplace you've been a zillion times. All the sudden, you look up and realize you don't remember how you got to where you are right now??? Like... you just 'brain-farted' the last 10 miles or so??
I find myself doing that a LOT. Thinking about how I had no more than 2 kids on purpose - and HOW did I get to five?? Thinking about my neat little life and cozy little house - and HOW did it get this crazy???? Remembering when Julie was just my wild sister and that was just her life, and HOW did it get to where I'm in the parental role for her in her life?????? Remembering Ron being the strong father who loved his kids so deeply, worked hard, loved golf, built a home for his family, and HOW did it happen that God took him at such a young age, and now **I** am raising his kids??? How did I get here????
But don't read that wrong... I'm not unhappy. I do realize it's a blessing. And how fortunate we are to have God working in our lives every single day and to feel His presence. But sometimes it's just unfathomable that we are where we are right now. Like I must have blinked and missed an obvious and reasonable transition period. I couldn't have just woken up one day to have this all fall onto my lap. And yet............... it pretty much did.
And how does blogging fit into all of it? Well, I can easily look back and see how I got from one point to another. I can easily look back and see how far the kids have come. I can easily see how my struggles now are nothing in comparison to my struggles a year ago.
Sigh........... just a reflection kind of day.
I'm thinking of Pastor Matthew's message from last Sunday... "Slaying Giants" about David and Goliath, and reflecting on our own personal 'giants'. I was surprised to find myself having to really think HARD about my 'giants'. I suppose the most blaring 'giant' should be financial... but - God always finds a way to provide. Relationships? Well, Chris and I are doing remarkably well. Raising kids is something we are good at, and - believe it or not - what happened with us getting them actually helped our relationship. Addictions? Well, don't have any of those. Wait... I do, but it's a small one. You don't really want to know about that, do you?? You do??? Sigh..... Okay, I'm going to put it in print ONCE. I rarely even acknowledge it out loud. I am.... I am addicted to nasal spray. I have been for.... 14 years. I use it about 4 times a day. But it's not a normal addiction... not like pot or alcohol or anything like that. Nasal spray is DESIGNED by it's chemical nature to open nasal passages and then - in hours - MAKES them swell back up again. It's called 'rebound'. So, it's not like I'm jonesing for it, it's a physical reaction caused by the very item used to treat it. Chris totally doesn't 'get it'. I've seen doctors, a specialist even. The specialist (who knows a lot about this and said there are a LOT of people out there like me) says that just stopping won't help, nor will non-steroidal prescription sprays. He wants me on a mega-dose of steroids. And... that causes weight gain and tremendous swelling. So, I put it off and have been putting it off for a long time. I should go back to the specialist and just get on the steroids... but.... I dunno. Insurance. Deductibles. Time off work. It's just easier to buy a $2.00 bottle every week. Sigh............ there............... I said it. My big secret. My family reading this has probably fallen out of their chairs over the fact that I just admitted to this in such a public forum. But -- hey -- it's MY journal, right? My place to talk and feel safe -- right?? How did I get from having no 'giants' to that?? I dunno............. quick Tina, change the subject.
So, the kids' Grandma Gwen and Grandpa Coley are coming down this weekend. They are SO excited. I haven't seen Coley since Ron's funeral. The kids say he's a GREAT cook, and I hope he makes them something while here. They are staying at a hotel, even though I told them they are more than welcome to stay here. They'll be in at 10 am tomorrow morning. We might go to the State Fair on Sunday... I haven't really decided yet. It's arm-band day.... $25 bucks a person is not all that bad. But times 6, plus Gwen and Coley... well... we'll just see what happens. If it's meant to be, it'll be.
Oh my goodnes.... the Middle Schoolers just got home and got their progress reports.
Kayte did wonderfully..... 4 A's, 1 B and 1 C. WOOOOOOw
Jonathan did not so well..... 2 A's, 1 C, 2 D's and an F. Holy cow. I am so disappointed, I really thought he was going to do well this 9 weeks. I don't even know what else to say..... he's going to be on lock-down restriction yet again and has to work hard to get himself OUT of the hole -- again. Didn't I just say a few minutes ago that I was 'good' at parenting?? Maybe not.
Sigh.... I've got to run... and I'll leave you with this today:
SLOW DANCE
Have you ever watched kids
On a merry-go-round?
Or listened to the rain
Slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a butterfly's
erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun
into the fading night?
You better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.
Do you run through each day
On the fly?
When you ask "How are you?"
Do you hear the reply?
When the day is done
Do you lie in your bed
With the next hundred chores
Running through your head?
You'd better slow down
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.
Ever told your child,
We'll do it tomorrow?
And in your haste,
Not see his sorrow?
Ever lost touch,
Let a good friendship die
Cause you never had time
To call and say "Hi"?
You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.
When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift.... Thrown away.
Life is not a race.
Do take it slower
Hear the music
Before the song is over.
Julie's visit last night went very well.
She sent me an email yesterday telling me that she had read my blog and wanted to clear up a few things. She started by saying something about in my blog - how I say she sits on the sofa while at my house. Well, she explained that she did that to be in the 'center' of the house. I get that, no biggie. I explained that it wasn't 'where' she sat, it was how and that she was so demanding and needy while there. Last night she was much more conscious of this and it was great. Then she said that her house wasn't 'dirty'. I explained that I didn't mean 'don't clean up' kind of dirty, I meant things like the walls and such that the kids touch... and those WERE dirty. But please y'all, don't misunderstand... Julie is bipolar and extremely manic quite a bit. Her house was and is - VERY clean for the most part. I remember once she actually scrubbed her floors so much the tile began to wear.
Julie even got onto the kids about their watching "Jackass 2, Unrated". She wanted them to return it to her, but they brought it to their FRIENDS house for her to watch, so they couldn't give it back to her. I FLIPPED when I heard they brought it over someone's house. What would HER mother think of ME if she saw that movie? Oh my gosh!!!! Anyways......
Those were really the main things Julie picked out of my blog that she wanted me to clarify - so there ya go - I clarified for all of you too. She also told me that one of her friends (from her bipolar chat group) read my blog and was going to send me a nasty email or something like that. Well, I didn't get anything - but I told Julie --- this is my journal -- a window into my soul. I'm not going to apologize for anything I put in here. I'm VERY careful to never say anything 'too' personal nor to say anything downright mean or even 'wrong'. But it IS all about my feelings.
So, with all of this in mind... I find myself reflecting quite a bit today. Why do I blog? Am I just splattering my personal life all over the Internet for the world to see? No... I know that's not true. So.... why?? Sure I feel better when I blog, but why????
Have you ever had one of those times when you are driving down the road, say to work or something... someplace you've been a zillion times. All the sudden, you look up and realize you don't remember how you got to where you are right now??? Like... you just 'brain-farted' the last 10 miles or so??
I find myself doing that a LOT. Thinking about how I had no more than 2 kids on purpose - and HOW did I get to five?? Thinking about my neat little life and cozy little house - and HOW did it get this crazy???? Remembering when Julie was just my wild sister and that was just her life, and HOW did it get to where I'm in the parental role for her in her life?????? Remembering Ron being the strong father who loved his kids so deeply, worked hard, loved golf, built a home for his family, and HOW did it happen that God took him at such a young age, and now **I** am raising his kids??? How did I get here????
But don't read that wrong... I'm not unhappy. I do realize it's a blessing. And how fortunate we are to have God working in our lives every single day and to feel His presence. But sometimes it's just unfathomable that we are where we are right now. Like I must have blinked and missed an obvious and reasonable transition period. I couldn't have just woken up one day to have this all fall onto my lap. And yet............... it pretty much did.
And how does blogging fit into all of it? Well, I can easily look back and see how I got from one point to another. I can easily look back and see how far the kids have come. I can easily see how my struggles now are nothing in comparison to my struggles a year ago.
Sigh........... just a reflection kind of day.
I'm thinking of Pastor Matthew's message from last Sunday... "Slaying Giants" about David and Goliath, and reflecting on our own personal 'giants'. I was surprised to find myself having to really think HARD about my 'giants'. I suppose the most blaring 'giant' should be financial... but - God always finds a way to provide. Relationships? Well, Chris and I are doing remarkably well. Raising kids is something we are good at, and - believe it or not - what happened with us getting them actually helped our relationship. Addictions? Well, don't have any of those. Wait... I do, but it's a small one. You don't really want to know about that, do you?? You do??? Sigh..... Okay, I'm going to put it in print ONCE. I rarely even acknowledge it out loud. I am.... I am addicted to nasal spray. I have been for.... 14 years. I use it about 4 times a day. But it's not a normal addiction... not like pot or alcohol or anything like that. Nasal spray is DESIGNED by it's chemical nature to open nasal passages and then - in hours - MAKES them swell back up again. It's called 'rebound'. So, it's not like I'm jonesing for it, it's a physical reaction caused by the very item used to treat it. Chris totally doesn't 'get it'. I've seen doctors, a specialist even. The specialist (who knows a lot about this and said there are a LOT of people out there like me) says that just stopping won't help, nor will non-steroidal prescription sprays. He wants me on a mega-dose of steroids. And... that causes weight gain and tremendous swelling. So, I put it off and have been putting it off for a long time. I should go back to the specialist and just get on the steroids... but.... I dunno. Insurance. Deductibles. Time off work. It's just easier to buy a $2.00 bottle every week. Sigh............ there............... I said it. My big secret. My family reading this has probably fallen out of their chairs over the fact that I just admitted to this in such a public forum. But -- hey -- it's MY journal, right? My place to talk and feel safe -- right?? How did I get from having no 'giants' to that?? I dunno............. quick Tina, change the subject.
So, the kids' Grandma Gwen and Grandpa Coley are coming down this weekend. They are SO excited. I haven't seen Coley since Ron's funeral. The kids say he's a GREAT cook, and I hope he makes them something while here. They are staying at a hotel, even though I told them they are more than welcome to stay here. They'll be in at 10 am tomorrow morning. We might go to the State Fair on Sunday... I haven't really decided yet. It's arm-band day.... $25 bucks a person is not all that bad. But times 6, plus Gwen and Coley... well... we'll just see what happens. If it's meant to be, it'll be.
Oh my goodnes.... the Middle Schoolers just got home and got their progress reports.
Kayte did wonderfully..... 4 A's, 1 B and 1 C. WOOOOOOw
Jonathan did not so well..... 2 A's, 1 C, 2 D's and an F. Holy cow. I am so disappointed, I really thought he was going to do well this 9 weeks. I don't even know what else to say..... he's going to be on lock-down restriction yet again and has to work hard to get himself OUT of the hole -- again. Didn't I just say a few minutes ago that I was 'good' at parenting?? Maybe not.
Sigh.... I've got to run... and I'll leave you with this today:
SLOW DANCE
Have you ever watched kids
On a merry-go-round?
Or listened to the rain
Slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a butterfly's
erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun
into the fading night?
You better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.
Do you run through each day
On the fly?
When you ask "How are you?"
Do you hear the reply?
When the day is done
Do you lie in your bed
With the next hundred chores
Running through your head?
You'd better slow down
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.
Ever told your child,
We'll do it tomorrow?
And in your haste,
Not see his sorrow?
Ever lost touch,
Let a good friendship die
Cause you never had time
To call and say "Hi"?
You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.
When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift.... Thrown away.
Life is not a race.
Do take it slower
Hear the music
Before the song is over.
Monday, February 05, 2007
Kids Kids Kids
ARGH
Why do kids have to be so destructive at times?
I remember when I used to go to visit Julie's house and I'd see her filthy walls and wonder how stuff like that happened. Now... I know. These kids can make anything filthy, and they break anything they touch.
Chris went to the Depot this weekend and picked up some supplies to fix the entertainment center they broke recently. Went to fix it... and four of the six screws were just - gone. Missing. Chris was beside himself ranting and raving about "how could they just disappear?"... and I walked around the house and really realized the beating the house is taking. You can't walk into one single room and not see stuff where it doesn't belong, or stuff trashed. Missing. Broken. Dirty. Or overused. That describes a lot of things in our house right now.
Kitchen - dirty cups and plates everywhere except the dishwasher. Counter tops dirty. There is a knife with peanut butter stuck to it... not just a little peanut butter, it's everywhere - even on the handle. Peanut butter on the microwave. The cabinet where the paper plates are located. On the handle of the cupboard where we keep the peanut butter. On the fridge door.
In the downstairs bathroom there is hair gel out and open. A brush is on the floor.
Throughout the rest of downstairs, which I pick up a LOT - Chips on the floor of the office, game room, dining room, living room, kitchen and front door.
Upstairs in the main bathroom there is an open bottle of oxy pads (cap not put back on so of course they are drying out), toothpaste is open and oozing out of the bottle, covering the cap and surrounding area. Boxers, a shirt and one sock are on the floor, along with a towel, some papers that were just dropped instead of being put into a trash can.
Trailing into one of the bedrooms you find the other sock - it almost made it into the bedroom (but Lord knows even if it did make it into the bedroom it wouldn't have made it all the way into the laundry hamper - of course not!). There is a dirty oxy pad on the floor, again headed into the bedroom... as is the plastic wrapper from a "Crest White Strip" - the outside wrapper right outside the bathroom door, one of the clear plastic pieces in the hall, closer to the bedroom, the last plastic piece actually on the bedroom floor.
The other day I looked in the garbage can and saw 2 of our new glasses in there, broken. This isn't surprising, they break glasses all the time. But it's rare I see two together. This time, the kids tell me, there were TWO glasses, stacked, in the sofa (between cushions) and someone threw the remote, hitting the glasses, breaking them both. Sigh............
It amazes me the constant effort I put into this house every single day. The kids are pretty good about doing their chores. They tend to need to be reminded often, but they don't complain about it (and with Teenagers, that's a BIG relief).
So.... updates:
Kayla is no longer dating Pito. She's dating a nice young man from Church. He seems like a great kid. :o)
Cars are not fairing so well... the AC and Heat in Durango have now gone out. Funny thing is the AC in my car isn't working either. Remember... we were trying to get 4 more years out of these cars? Well, it's not looking so hopeful right now. AC and heat we can live without I know, but the transmission we can't. Maybe we should trade it in now before it just falls apart completely. But then we're looking at a HEFTY car payment. Sheeshhhhhhh
Two of the four kids received progress reports today - the High Schoolers. Kayla did pretty well! 2 A's, 3 B's, and 2 C's. Justin on the other hand... not so well. He has 3 B's, 2 C's and 2 D's. ARGHHHH. He said he's going to work real hard to bring the grades up... and I know he can do it. I was just a little disappointed. The middle-schoolers will get their progress reports on Thursday. Cross your fingers!!!
We had another episode with Kayla on the computer. I allowed her access to the internet again, but only allowing her to get on Yahoo chat and email (both monitored by me at all times). I found an email that Kayla had been sending to this girl from Church. Kayla starts off the email by saying "I really don't like you. Leave my brother alone." She writes back that she doesn't know why Kayla doesn't like her, and that if Justin wants to be her friend - Kayla should let him. It escalated quickly and - let's just say the word "whore" was used once and the F-bomb was dropped once. Both by my lovely niece. I was FURIOUS. The last thing the girl said to Kayla is that she should forward the email thread over to the youth group so 'everyone can see who you really are'. Sigh...... So I'm trying to teach Kayla how - when you put something like that in writing... it's ALWAYS there. It can't be taken back. I sent an email to the girl and apologized as Kayla's Aunt and told her that it would not happen again. She was happy that I cared that much about it. I still haven't decided what to do with Kayla. One friend from Church suggested that I allow Kayla to create email but not send. Then everything she 'sends' has to be approved by me. I like this idea... just not sure how to actually DO it. Not to mention anyone can get any email on Yahoo or Hotmail... I know she'd know HOW to get around it. But her getting around it wouldn't teach her anything. And she HAS to learn not to do that to people.
What else.... Chris and I had an informal class reunion last weekend. It was AWESOME, except for the fact it was FREEZING outside! It was at a local park - we rented a pavilion and had it catered. Everyone brought their kids and spouses. It was a grand total of $10 bucks a person so it was VERY affordable. And because it was a 'picnic' nobody had to really 'dress to impress'... we were all just........... us. It was WONDERFUL and I hope we do it again soon. My only regret is not getting people's email and phone numbers. :o) It was funny realizing that - my senior year - I had no 'click' - no one group I 'belonged' with. I knew the geeks, the brainiacks, the cheerleaders, the dancers... but didn't hang out with any of them really. I was really pregnant my senior year and so.... most of the friends that I had had for years were no longer there and I had too many other priorities other than who was dancing or cheering what night. But - oddly - it felt good. It felt good knowing that I knew of and was friends with this LARGE group of vastly DIFFERENT personalities. Even if we didn't stay friends after high school (who wants to hang out with the chick with the newborn when you are headed into college, eh?) I still have a great deal of respect for them and am happy to have just been able to call them friends.
Speaking of friends, so my friends reading this - keep me in your prayers. I've been asked to sing a solo next week at Church. A song I don't know. And did I mention solo? As in alone? Where is my Inderal when I need it? Think it's a sin to take a shot of Jack Daniels' before church that morning? Yeah.... probably..............
So, with that - I'll leave you with this....
"Do all the good you can,
By all the means you can,
In all the ways you can,
In all the places you can,
At all the times you can,
To all the people you can,
As long as ever you can."
Why do kids have to be so destructive at times?
I remember when I used to go to visit Julie's house and I'd see her filthy walls and wonder how stuff like that happened. Now... I know. These kids can make anything filthy, and they break anything they touch.
Chris went to the Depot this weekend and picked up some supplies to fix the entertainment center they broke recently. Went to fix it... and four of the six screws were just - gone. Missing. Chris was beside himself ranting and raving about "how could they just disappear?"... and I walked around the house and really realized the beating the house is taking. You can't walk into one single room and not see stuff where it doesn't belong, or stuff trashed. Missing. Broken. Dirty. Or overused. That describes a lot of things in our house right now.
Kitchen - dirty cups and plates everywhere except the dishwasher. Counter tops dirty. There is a knife with peanut butter stuck to it... not just a little peanut butter, it's everywhere - even on the handle. Peanut butter on the microwave. The cabinet where the paper plates are located. On the handle of the cupboard where we keep the peanut butter. On the fridge door.
In the downstairs bathroom there is hair gel out and open. A brush is on the floor.
Throughout the rest of downstairs, which I pick up a LOT - Chips on the floor of the office, game room, dining room, living room, kitchen and front door.
Upstairs in the main bathroom there is an open bottle of oxy pads (cap not put back on so of course they are drying out), toothpaste is open and oozing out of the bottle, covering the cap and surrounding area. Boxers, a shirt and one sock are on the floor, along with a towel, some papers that were just dropped instead of being put into a trash can.
Trailing into one of the bedrooms you find the other sock - it almost made it into the bedroom (but Lord knows even if it did make it into the bedroom it wouldn't have made it all the way into the laundry hamper - of course not!). There is a dirty oxy pad on the floor, again headed into the bedroom... as is the plastic wrapper from a "Crest White Strip" - the outside wrapper right outside the bathroom door, one of the clear plastic pieces in the hall, closer to the bedroom, the last plastic piece actually on the bedroom floor.
The other day I looked in the garbage can and saw 2 of our new glasses in there, broken. This isn't surprising, they break glasses all the time. But it's rare I see two together. This time, the kids tell me, there were TWO glasses, stacked, in the sofa (between cushions) and someone threw the remote, hitting the glasses, breaking them both. Sigh............
It amazes me the constant effort I put into this house every single day. The kids are pretty good about doing their chores. They tend to need to be reminded often, but they don't complain about it (and with Teenagers, that's a BIG relief).
So.... updates:
Kayla is no longer dating Pito. She's dating a nice young man from Church. He seems like a great kid. :o)
Cars are not fairing so well... the AC and Heat in Durango have now gone out. Funny thing is the AC in my car isn't working either. Remember... we were trying to get 4 more years out of these cars? Well, it's not looking so hopeful right now. AC and heat we can live without I know, but the transmission we can't. Maybe we should trade it in now before it just falls apart completely. But then we're looking at a HEFTY car payment. Sheeshhhhhhh
Two of the four kids received progress reports today - the High Schoolers. Kayla did pretty well! 2 A's, 3 B's, and 2 C's. Justin on the other hand... not so well. He has 3 B's, 2 C's and 2 D's. ARGHHHH. He said he's going to work real hard to bring the grades up... and I know he can do it. I was just a little disappointed. The middle-schoolers will get their progress reports on Thursday. Cross your fingers!!!
We had another episode with Kayla on the computer. I allowed her access to the internet again, but only allowing her to get on Yahoo chat and email (both monitored by me at all times). I found an email that Kayla had been sending to this girl from Church. Kayla starts off the email by saying "I really don't like you. Leave my brother alone." She writes back that she doesn't know why Kayla doesn't like her, and that if Justin wants to be her friend - Kayla should let him. It escalated quickly and - let's just say the word "whore" was used once and the F-bomb was dropped once. Both by my lovely niece. I was FURIOUS. The last thing the girl said to Kayla is that she should forward the email thread over to the youth group so 'everyone can see who you really are'. Sigh...... So I'm trying to teach Kayla how - when you put something like that in writing... it's ALWAYS there. It can't be taken back. I sent an email to the girl and apologized as Kayla's Aunt and told her that it would not happen again. She was happy that I cared that much about it. I still haven't decided what to do with Kayla. One friend from Church suggested that I allow Kayla to create email but not send. Then everything she 'sends' has to be approved by me. I like this idea... just not sure how to actually DO it. Not to mention anyone can get any email on Yahoo or Hotmail... I know she'd know HOW to get around it. But her getting around it wouldn't teach her anything. And she HAS to learn not to do that to people.
What else.... Chris and I had an informal class reunion last weekend. It was AWESOME, except for the fact it was FREEZING outside! It was at a local park - we rented a pavilion and had it catered. Everyone brought their kids and spouses. It was a grand total of $10 bucks a person so it was VERY affordable. And because it was a 'picnic' nobody had to really 'dress to impress'... we were all just........... us. It was WONDERFUL and I hope we do it again soon. My only regret is not getting people's email and phone numbers. :o) It was funny realizing that - my senior year - I had no 'click' - no one group I 'belonged' with. I knew the geeks, the brainiacks, the cheerleaders, the dancers... but didn't hang out with any of them really. I was really pregnant my senior year and so.... most of the friends that I had had for years were no longer there and I had too many other priorities other than who was dancing or cheering what night. But - oddly - it felt good. It felt good knowing that I knew of and was friends with this LARGE group of vastly DIFFERENT personalities. Even if we didn't stay friends after high school (who wants to hang out with the chick with the newborn when you are headed into college, eh?) I still have a great deal of respect for them and am happy to have just been able to call them friends.
Speaking of friends, so my friends reading this - keep me in your prayers. I've been asked to sing a solo next week at Church. A song I don't know. And did I mention solo? As in alone? Where is my Inderal when I need it? Think it's a sin to take a shot of Jack Daniels' before church that morning? Yeah.... probably..............
So, with that - I'll leave you with this....
"Do all the good you can,
By all the means you can,
In all the ways you can,
In all the places you can,
At all the times you can,
To all the people you can,
As long as ever you can."
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