Just wanted to give you all a quick update. I realize I left off last night with the police pounding on Julie's door and her hiding.......
Julie finally decided to let them in before the broke down the door - a good thing since Chris would be the one to fix the door if it were kicked in (again). LOL
The police took her to the hospital and she is now at Baylife here in Tampa. She HATES Baylife -- it's where you go when you have mental problems and no insurance! Lots of all kind of crazy people there, you can imagine.
I was feeling horrible today at lunch (headache) and tried to come home for 45 minutes and rest my eyes in a quiet dark room. But the phone would NOT stop ringing! At one point Kayla jumped in the shower and the phone rang... four times... nobody picked up (nobody else was home at the time except me and I was trying to rest). Hung up. Called back... rings four times... hung up. Called back... rings four times... hung up. Called back.... rings four times... Called back -- OH MY FREAKING GOODNESS!! (For anyone counting, that's 16 rings) I jump up, look at the caller ID assuming it's some idiot kid who must have the brain of a 5 year old and - nope - it's Julie. I can't begin to tell you what was running through my head at the time, but it wasn't nice. I assume she really wanted to talk to the kids badly before she was transferred so I didn't say anything.
Again, Julie wanted me to be sure to explain to the kids that she was sorry... that she didn't mean to do it on purpose. I told her that I've been really good with explaining to the kids that their mom has mental problems that are beyond her control most of the time. The cutting thing... there are actually not a lot of people and facilities who are really trained to deal with this. Imagine that you are stressed or upset, and you take a knife and cut into your arm till it bleeds. And the feeling you feel.... is BETTER. No stress, no worries, no pain, not upset. I explained to the kids that -- that very thing shows them that whatever runs from her arm (or wherever she's cut) to her brain just doesn't work like a normal person. She doesn't do it for pity or to hurt herself... she does it to feel better. Can you imagine??? Sigh............
I've got to run. I leave you with this for today and thank you for keeping Julie in your prayers.
Here's a test to find whether your mission on earth is finished:
If you're alive, it isn't.
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Lying, Tubing and Cutting
All things are going well at home. The kids are all out of school and all are now official “High Schoolers”. Oh joy! LOL
Kayla has a job and is doing well with it. We are still running into things that Kayla does to get herself into trouble. She has an appointment next week with the psychiatrist and I will make sure to bring it up then. The ‘things’ now are mainly still the lying. For example, a couple weeks ago she had not yet called to say she was done working. It was 11 pm and I figured she HAD to be done by now. I get in my car and drive to pick her up, only to find her sitting in the dining area with some guy who worked there. She had “that face” when I opened the door and saw her. She was there with 5 or 6 other employees so it wasn’t like she was going to get in trouble for where she was or what she was doing. But her face told me everything… it told me that she was doing something she knew she should not be doing. “He’s just a guy I work with” she kept saying. Rrrrrrright.
The very next day she broke up with her boyfriend. She tells him “let’s just stop going out for the next 4 to 5 days, then we’ll get back together”. WHO dumps someone for 4 or 5 days???? I knew – we ALL knew – she was breaking up with him, but trying to make it ‘not hurt’. I knew it HAD to be this new guy. She usually doesn’t break up with someone unless she has someone else ‘in the wings’, ya know? But she insisted that it was just a temporary thing. Rrrrrrrrright.
Couple of days later, Kayla is ‘at the park’ with a girl friend of hers. She calls on some cell phone to say she is on her way home. More than an hour later, still no Kayla and so Chris and I went to pick her up. We find her there, just getting ready to leave, nobody else with her. We ask her about her friend, to which Kayla replies “she just left”. Chris and I immediately knew she was lying. Don’t know how… we just ‘knew’. We press her for more information: “whose cell phone did you use”. She says it belonged to her girl friend’s brother. “So, if we call, we’ll get this girl’s brother, right?” Kayla said that she assumed so, never really believing we’d call – but we did. A guy answers. Chris is his name. “Were you just at the park with Kayla?” He responds “Yes.” “Are you her friend’s brother?” He responds “No.” Then, the question I just knew had to be the key to the whole thing: “Do you work with Kayla at Taco Bell/KFC?” “Yes” he responds. I KNEW IT! It was this SAME guy she was sitting with the week before. She snuck off to see him at the park, then LIED through her teeth about it.
Why lie? Why not have him come over and meet us? Why not ask if you can go to the park to meet him? Why must she lie ALL the time?
Today I get home for lunch and see a coke can sitting in the middle of the driveway. I knew Kayla had left it there. It looks like a spot where she would sit out with her friends who she knows can’t come into the house when we are not home. Sure enough, she was there (and had just left but came back) with her new work boyfriend, Chris. While I'm at home for lunch, she sits outside and talks to Chris. Then when I'm leaving she asks if her friend Suzanna can come over as long as she stays outside. Well… why does she feel she has to ask for Suzanna and NOT for her boyfriend??? It makes no logical sense and I’ve got to talk to her about that tonight.
Everyone else is doing just fine. Their Grandma Gwen bought them tickets to go to Busch Gardens for the year… which will be WONDERFUL this summer. I need to keep them busy this summer any way I can.
Julie is not doing so well. She is very depressed… her car is broken down in South Tampa – she is out in Riverview. She believes that the car is still under manufacturer warranty and needs to tow the car from where it is in South Tampa to the dealership. But she has to be with the car at the time. She has no friends… nobody with a vehicle that can drive her. It’s sad really. I feel bad for her, but also know that I couldn’t possibly help her either. I asked about neighbors/friends that may live around her, and she says she has none. I know she’s had guy friends over there in the past, but they were all “thugs” if ya know what I mean. So… she’s really stuck. I really can’t imagine being in THAT bad of a place. At first, in talking to her, I explained about how stuck we were when she was in the hospital, on the respirator, and Chris had the car accident and we were stuck with no car in which we could use to get over to see her. But – I have friends whom I can call and ask favors such as this. Indeed I did borrow a van to come and see her for a couple of days when she was out there and we didn’t have a car. Imagine being that far removed from everything and everyone where there is nobody you can ask. Sad. I feel really sad for her, yet I realize that these kinds of relationships develop over time and because of time and effort put into them. Sigh………..
So… this weekend! There were 19 of us who all went to Rainbow Springs for the day on Monday. We drove up, put our floats in at the KP hole, and floated down the river all day in our tubes. With 19 of us, it truly took F-O-R-E-V-E-R. We needed about an hour or so when we got to the starting point to blow up rafts and get everyone together. We put in and tied together with 50 ft plus of rope. By the time we got out, waited for a shuttle and got everyone in the car, it was about 3 pm.
Our last trip to Rainbow Springs was not so good, and I must admit I hesitated before agreeing to go this time. Last time we went all of the following horrible things happened:
* Amanda’s boyfriend lost his car keys in the river. AAA didn’t show up until 1 am to help him.
* Amanda’s boyfriend got 2nd degree burns all over from the sun.
* Amanda wrecked our Durango, backing into some guy in a parking lot.
* Amanda was out $400 cash for hitting the guy in the parking lot. (Thank goodness Papa Jimmie was there with her to help her deal with the guy and to float her the loan)
* Evie and Jimmie came up and got pretty ill while there and had to leave in the middle of the night (we were camping)
* Upon getting out of the river, hearing that Ron had passed away.
It was just a HORRIBLE trip. Good things happened as well: Jono bought the most amazing jewelry for his Nana… the river was just gorgeous… but the bad things that happened overshadowed anything good that I can remember.
This time everything went very well. We had a couple of instances of bad things happen this time… my sister Katie – who is pregnant – grabbed into a tree while floating down the river and hit a wasp nest. She was stung at least 5 times… her hands looked like “Shrek” hands – swollen beyond belief. Oh, and BOTH hands – poor thing. Then Kayla got very sick when we were waiting to be picked up after getting out of the river. We assumed a 4 or 5 hour trip, we could go without food. But… we didn’t eat breakfast (got up at 6 am), were on the river through lunch, and it was now after 3 pm – sun and exhaustion had taken its toll on poor Kayla. First she felt nauseous, then she felt dizzy. Charmaine and I both knew what was going to happen and sure enough, Kayla said “Auntie Tina, I don’t feel so….” then PLOP and went limp in my arms as I held her. She passed out. We gave her some juice we had taken down the river… not too much so she wouldn’t vomit, but enough to get her sugar back up a little. When Chris arrived with the car, Kayte was beginning to show the same symptoms… we got food quickly into both of them and they were fine afterwards. Thank goodness! Then, as we were ending our day I came down with some kind of allergy attack that is still with me. Throughout the day I could feel my sinuses getting bad, but assumed it was that ‘nasal spray addiction’ issue. No biggie. By late afternoon my throat felt like it was on fire and my head was completely stopped up, miserably so. My head felt like it was twice its normal size and I couldn’t catch my breath I was so congested. Right now Advil, Sudafed and DayQuil are my friends! But I still have a horrible headache. It’s got to be a sinus headache… although being in a cool dark room helps which would make me think migraine. Maybe a mix of both I suppose. Anyways………
An AWESOME time was had by all. We went from the KP Hole area (where you put your tubes in the river) to the actual state park. It cost only $1 to get in… and you can bring food/coolers/etc… even pets on a leash! Such a deal!! We all gathered on a hill under a big tree in the shade overlooking the beautiful swimming area and river. There we made lunch and then sat and talked for a while. We went to see the waterfalls and were then too exhausted to do any more… so we left, getting home after 8 pm. Just an amazing day. :o)
Julie just called.
Sigh…. Things are REALLY not going well for her. She is depressed and today she cut herself. This is the first time in over a year she's cut herself. I told her that she should call her new psychiatrist and tell her. Maybe she’ll want to change up some of her medications, maybe she’d want to see her sooner, maybe she’d just appreciate knowing… but that I felt she should call the doctor. Fifteen minutes later she calls me back and says, in a hushed and sarcastic voice: “Thanks a lot for telling me to call the doctor, the police are now at my door.” WHAT?!?!
Apparently the doctor got worried about Julie and felt she needed to call the police. They are there for one of two reasons: 1) they just want to make sure she is okay or 2) they are going to baker’s act her. Julie immediately assumed the latter and refused to answer the door. She’s hiding in her house as I type this, afraid they are going to come and get her. Sigh……. Just so SAD.
John (my mom’s husband) just came from her house. He picked up her key for her car and is going to take care of getting her car towed to the dealer (which is a whole other long story). He told me that Julie told him earlier today that her car being broken is “the worst thing that has ever happened to her”. That – in a nutshell – tells you her warped sense of mind. She went through a LOT growing up, her husband being diagnosed with Leukemia and then dying, her children being taken away by DCF…. And her car being broke down is the worst thing ever? Huh????
I'm still not feeling all that well and am going to run. Please say a prayer for Julie. Thanks.
BELIEVE WHILE OTHERS ... by William Arthur Ward
Believe while others are doubting.
Plan while others are playing.
Study while others are sleeping.
Decide while others are delaying.
Prepare while others are daydreaming.
Begin while others are procrastinating.
Work while others are wishing.
Save while others are wasting.
Listen while others are talking.
Smile while others are frowning.
Commend while others are criticizing.
Persist while others are quitting.
Kayla has a job and is doing well with it. We are still running into things that Kayla does to get herself into trouble. She has an appointment next week with the psychiatrist and I will make sure to bring it up then. The ‘things’ now are mainly still the lying. For example, a couple weeks ago she had not yet called to say she was done working. It was 11 pm and I figured she HAD to be done by now. I get in my car and drive to pick her up, only to find her sitting in the dining area with some guy who worked there. She had “that face” when I opened the door and saw her. She was there with 5 or 6 other employees so it wasn’t like she was going to get in trouble for where she was or what she was doing. But her face told me everything… it told me that she was doing something she knew she should not be doing. “He’s just a guy I work with” she kept saying. Rrrrrrright.
The very next day she broke up with her boyfriend. She tells him “let’s just stop going out for the next 4 to 5 days, then we’ll get back together”. WHO dumps someone for 4 or 5 days???? I knew – we ALL knew – she was breaking up with him, but trying to make it ‘not hurt’. I knew it HAD to be this new guy. She usually doesn’t break up with someone unless she has someone else ‘in the wings’, ya know? But she insisted that it was just a temporary thing. Rrrrrrrrright.
Couple of days later, Kayla is ‘at the park’ with a girl friend of hers. She calls on some cell phone to say she is on her way home. More than an hour later, still no Kayla and so Chris and I went to pick her up. We find her there, just getting ready to leave, nobody else with her. We ask her about her friend, to which Kayla replies “she just left”. Chris and I immediately knew she was lying. Don’t know how… we just ‘knew’. We press her for more information: “whose cell phone did you use”. She says it belonged to her girl friend’s brother. “So, if we call, we’ll get this girl’s brother, right?” Kayla said that she assumed so, never really believing we’d call – but we did. A guy answers. Chris is his name. “Were you just at the park with Kayla?” He responds “Yes.” “Are you her friend’s brother?” He responds “No.” Then, the question I just knew had to be the key to the whole thing: “Do you work with Kayla at Taco Bell/KFC?” “Yes” he responds. I KNEW IT! It was this SAME guy she was sitting with the week before. She snuck off to see him at the park, then LIED through her teeth about it.
Why lie? Why not have him come over and meet us? Why not ask if you can go to the park to meet him? Why must she lie ALL the time?
Today I get home for lunch and see a coke can sitting in the middle of the driveway. I knew Kayla had left it there. It looks like a spot where she would sit out with her friends who she knows can’t come into the house when we are not home. Sure enough, she was there (and had just left but came back) with her new work boyfriend, Chris. While I'm at home for lunch, she sits outside and talks to Chris. Then when I'm leaving she asks if her friend Suzanna can come over as long as she stays outside. Well… why does she feel she has to ask for Suzanna and NOT for her boyfriend??? It makes no logical sense and I’ve got to talk to her about that tonight.
Everyone else is doing just fine. Their Grandma Gwen bought them tickets to go to Busch Gardens for the year… which will be WONDERFUL this summer. I need to keep them busy this summer any way I can.
Julie is not doing so well. She is very depressed… her car is broken down in South Tampa – she is out in Riverview. She believes that the car is still under manufacturer warranty and needs to tow the car from where it is in South Tampa to the dealership. But she has to be with the car at the time. She has no friends… nobody with a vehicle that can drive her. It’s sad really. I feel bad for her, but also know that I couldn’t possibly help her either. I asked about neighbors/friends that may live around her, and she says she has none. I know she’s had guy friends over there in the past, but they were all “thugs” if ya know what I mean. So… she’s really stuck. I really can’t imagine being in THAT bad of a place. At first, in talking to her, I explained about how stuck we were when she was in the hospital, on the respirator, and Chris had the car accident and we were stuck with no car in which we could use to get over to see her. But – I have friends whom I can call and ask favors such as this. Indeed I did borrow a van to come and see her for a couple of days when she was out there and we didn’t have a car. Imagine being that far removed from everything and everyone where there is nobody you can ask. Sad. I feel really sad for her, yet I realize that these kinds of relationships develop over time and because of time and effort put into them. Sigh………..
So… this weekend! There were 19 of us who all went to Rainbow Springs for the day on Monday. We drove up, put our floats in at the KP hole, and floated down the river all day in our tubes. With 19 of us, it truly took F-O-R-E-V-E-R. We needed about an hour or so when we got to the starting point to blow up rafts and get everyone together. We put in and tied together with 50 ft plus of rope. By the time we got out, waited for a shuttle and got everyone in the car, it was about 3 pm.
Our last trip to Rainbow Springs was not so good, and I must admit I hesitated before agreeing to go this time. Last time we went all of the following horrible things happened:
* Amanda’s boyfriend lost his car keys in the river. AAA didn’t show up until 1 am to help him.
* Amanda’s boyfriend got 2nd degree burns all over from the sun.
* Amanda wrecked our Durango, backing into some guy in a parking lot.
* Amanda was out $400 cash for hitting the guy in the parking lot. (Thank goodness Papa Jimmie was there with her to help her deal with the guy and to float her the loan)
* Evie and Jimmie came up and got pretty ill while there and had to leave in the middle of the night (we were camping)
* Upon getting out of the river, hearing that Ron had passed away.
It was just a HORRIBLE trip. Good things happened as well: Jono bought the most amazing jewelry for his Nana… the river was just gorgeous… but the bad things that happened overshadowed anything good that I can remember.
This time everything went very well. We had a couple of instances of bad things happen this time… my sister Katie – who is pregnant – grabbed into a tree while floating down the river and hit a wasp nest. She was stung at least 5 times… her hands looked like “Shrek” hands – swollen beyond belief. Oh, and BOTH hands – poor thing. Then Kayla got very sick when we were waiting to be picked up after getting out of the river. We assumed a 4 or 5 hour trip, we could go without food. But… we didn’t eat breakfast (got up at 6 am), were on the river through lunch, and it was now after 3 pm – sun and exhaustion had taken its toll on poor Kayla. First she felt nauseous, then she felt dizzy. Charmaine and I both knew what was going to happen and sure enough, Kayla said “Auntie Tina, I don’t feel so….” then PLOP and went limp in my arms as I held her. She passed out. We gave her some juice we had taken down the river… not too much so she wouldn’t vomit, but enough to get her sugar back up a little. When Chris arrived with the car, Kayte was beginning to show the same symptoms… we got food quickly into both of them and they were fine afterwards. Thank goodness! Then, as we were ending our day I came down with some kind of allergy attack that is still with me. Throughout the day I could feel my sinuses getting bad, but assumed it was that ‘nasal spray addiction’ issue. No biggie. By late afternoon my throat felt like it was on fire and my head was completely stopped up, miserably so. My head felt like it was twice its normal size and I couldn’t catch my breath I was so congested. Right now Advil, Sudafed and DayQuil are my friends! But I still have a horrible headache. It’s got to be a sinus headache… although being in a cool dark room helps which would make me think migraine. Maybe a mix of both I suppose. Anyways………
An AWESOME time was had by all. We went from the KP Hole area (where you put your tubes in the river) to the actual state park. It cost only $1 to get in… and you can bring food/coolers/etc… even pets on a leash! Such a deal!! We all gathered on a hill under a big tree in the shade overlooking the beautiful swimming area and river. There we made lunch and then sat and talked for a while. We went to see the waterfalls and were then too exhausted to do any more… so we left, getting home after 8 pm. Just an amazing day. :o)
Julie just called.
Sigh…. Things are REALLY not going well for her. She is depressed and today she cut herself. This is the first time in over a year she's cut herself. I told her that she should call her new psychiatrist and tell her. Maybe she’ll want to change up some of her medications, maybe she’d want to see her sooner, maybe she’d just appreciate knowing… but that I felt she should call the doctor. Fifteen minutes later she calls me back and says, in a hushed and sarcastic voice: “Thanks a lot for telling me to call the doctor, the police are now at my door.” WHAT?!?!
Apparently the doctor got worried about Julie and felt she needed to call the police. They are there for one of two reasons: 1) they just want to make sure she is okay or 2) they are going to baker’s act her. Julie immediately assumed the latter and refused to answer the door. She’s hiding in her house as I type this, afraid they are going to come and get her. Sigh……. Just so SAD.
John (my mom’s husband) just came from her house. He picked up her key for her car and is going to take care of getting her car towed to the dealer (which is a whole other long story). He told me that Julie told him earlier today that her car being broken is “the worst thing that has ever happened to her”. That – in a nutshell – tells you her warped sense of mind. She went through a LOT growing up, her husband being diagnosed with Leukemia and then dying, her children being taken away by DCF…. And her car being broke down is the worst thing ever? Huh????
I'm still not feeling all that well and am going to run. Please say a prayer for Julie. Thanks.
BELIEVE WHILE OTHERS ... by William Arthur Ward
Believe while others are doubting.
Plan while others are playing.
Study while others are sleeping.
Decide while others are delaying.
Prepare while others are daydreaming.
Begin while others are procrastinating.
Work while others are wishing.
Save while others are wasting.
Listen while others are talking.
Smile while others are frowning.
Commend while others are criticizing.
Persist while others are quitting.
Monday, May 28, 2007
Memorial Day 2007
Today we had an amazing day, which I will need to blog about tomorrow as I am exhausted. The family all went to Rainbow Springs... we woke up at 6 am and just got home a little while ago (it's after 8 pm). Sun. Fun. River. Swimming. Exhausted.
But for today... I could not NOT post on Memorial Day and not pause to give words of praise to Ron; Kayla, Justin and Kayte's daddy.
Ron was an awesome father, wonderful husband, good friend and an Air Force man. He gave his life for our freedom. (Let's see if I can do this without getting political...)
Ron met Julie 16 years ago while on duty at MacDill Air Force Base. He was stationed several times overseas... but always came home in between long enough to create Justin and Kayte (LOL). His last overseas duty was in Saudi Arabia during the Gulf War. He handled dirty bombs... and as a result developed Kidney disease and Leukemia which killed him 6 short years later.
Ron was a strong man who never asked for much. He was active, loved playing racquetball (Chris killed many a racquet's playing against Ron), loved playing Baseball with Justin, loved his wife through all her difficult times of depression. He never wanted anyone to know he was sick. We all knew he was dying... he'd never say a word about it.
I remember when Julie and Ron moved to Maryland... how easy it was to think that Ron was 'too hard' on the kids. Funny how little we knew about their problems while up there: Justin's emotional problems as a young man, Julie's frequent hospitalizations, Julie's struggles living in a new city with a mother in law whom she didn't get along with all that well (understatement). Time and distance both have ways of playing with the mind, don't they?
If only I could go back and relive some of those times. A lot I could have changed... but I certainly couldn't have ever talked Ron out of going where his Country needed him, even if it meant it would kill him. He was like that... as are so many of our service men and women.
Today we celebrate their commitment to our freedom. Their dedication. Their sacrifice.
Ron paid the ultimate sacrifice... and Ron --- I miss you ever so much. Know that we all love you, think of you every day and pray for you often.
Rest in peace.
But for today... I could not NOT post on Memorial Day and not pause to give words of praise to Ron; Kayla, Justin and Kayte's daddy.
Ron was an awesome father, wonderful husband, good friend and an Air Force man. He gave his life for our freedom. (Let's see if I can do this without getting political...)
Ron met Julie 16 years ago while on duty at MacDill Air Force Base. He was stationed several times overseas... but always came home in between long enough to create Justin and Kayte (LOL). His last overseas duty was in Saudi Arabia during the Gulf War. He handled dirty bombs... and as a result developed Kidney disease and Leukemia which killed him 6 short years later.
Ron was a strong man who never asked for much. He was active, loved playing racquetball (Chris killed many a racquet's playing against Ron), loved playing Baseball with Justin, loved his wife through all her difficult times of depression. He never wanted anyone to know he was sick. We all knew he was dying... he'd never say a word about it.
I remember when Julie and Ron moved to Maryland... how easy it was to think that Ron was 'too hard' on the kids. Funny how little we knew about their problems while up there: Justin's emotional problems as a young man, Julie's frequent hospitalizations, Julie's struggles living in a new city with a mother in law whom she didn't get along with all that well (understatement). Time and distance both have ways of playing with the mind, don't they?
If only I could go back and relive some of those times. A lot I could have changed... but I certainly couldn't have ever talked Ron out of going where his Country needed him, even if it meant it would kill him. He was like that... as are so many of our service men and women.
Today we celebrate their commitment to our freedom. Their dedication. Their sacrifice.
Ron paid the ultimate sacrifice... and Ron --- I miss you ever so much. Know that we all love you, think of you every day and pray for you often.
Rest in peace.
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Baseball Magical Moment
This is going to be a quick post as I'm at lunch. But something happened the other day that I just can't wait to blog about.
Justin had a baseball game on Monday night. It was the last of the season. Justin has always wanted to pitch, but he really wasn't that good at it. The coach finally agreed to let him pitch as the starting pitcher their last game Monday night. Justin was VERY excited, and the whole family (Chris, Jono, Kayla, Kayte and I) all went to watch him.
There Justin stood... on the pitchers mound. The sun was setting, it was a beautiful evening, and he throws his first pitch. A strike! Holy cow!! I look at him and can't help but notice the coaches for the other team. Both coaches were black men, one was standing at first base coaching, the second at third base coaching - and Justin stood in the middle. Now... I should mention here that I do NOT think 'all black men look alike'. However, that being said, I couldn't help but think of Ron when I saw these two men. They were both about Ron's age... both had Ron's body type/weight... both had his skin coloring (dark). First I shrugged it off as nothing. But... I couldn't stop thinking about Ron. No... more than that..... I could FEEL him there.
All along this time we've had the kids I felt and knew that, if Ron were alive, he'd 'approve' of everything going on with the kids, given the circumstances with Julie. But this was different... I could actually FEEL him there, watching his son, beaming with pride over his son. Not because he was a stellar pitcher. Not because Justin never gave up. Not because the whole family was there to cheer him on. No... I think "Just because" was just the reason.
The sun setting.... Justin pitching... between the two coaches... it was magical.
Of course, it would have been a better story I suppose if Justin had done so well that he threw mostly strikes and they won the game. But... that was not the case. He pitched the whole first inning, walked a few guys, came in the second inning and was pulled early. In this case, being pulled early was a good thing - it didn't allow for things to get 'too bad'... while at the same time it allowed Justin to live a dream he's had for a while.
So.... it was a great night. :o)
I also wanted to let you know that Justin tried out for Gaither Baseball last night. It's not Varsity, it's their JV team, but he MADE the team and is VERY excited about it. It's a big step up from Little League.
The next hurdle is that Jonathan wants to play fall ball (instructional league). Jono has never played in his life. I'm not sure how it's going to work... if Justin is playing on another league in another division.... but I'm sure God has the plan already, we're just along for the ride.
I should run... just wanted to tell you about Justin's magical moment in Baseball.
Baseball is the only field of endeavor where a man can succeed three times out of ten and be considered a good performer. - Ted Williams
Justin had a baseball game on Monday night. It was the last of the season. Justin has always wanted to pitch, but he really wasn't that good at it. The coach finally agreed to let him pitch as the starting pitcher their last game Monday night. Justin was VERY excited, and the whole family (Chris, Jono, Kayla, Kayte and I) all went to watch him.
There Justin stood... on the pitchers mound. The sun was setting, it was a beautiful evening, and he throws his first pitch. A strike! Holy cow!! I look at him and can't help but notice the coaches for the other team. Both coaches were black men, one was standing at first base coaching, the second at third base coaching - and Justin stood in the middle. Now... I should mention here that I do NOT think 'all black men look alike'. However, that being said, I couldn't help but think of Ron when I saw these two men. They were both about Ron's age... both had Ron's body type/weight... both had his skin coloring (dark). First I shrugged it off as nothing. But... I couldn't stop thinking about Ron. No... more than that..... I could FEEL him there.
All along this time we've had the kids I felt and knew that, if Ron were alive, he'd 'approve' of everything going on with the kids, given the circumstances with Julie. But this was different... I could actually FEEL him there, watching his son, beaming with pride over his son. Not because he was a stellar pitcher. Not because Justin never gave up. Not because the whole family was there to cheer him on. No... I think "Just because" was just the reason.
The sun setting.... Justin pitching... between the two coaches... it was magical.
Of course, it would have been a better story I suppose if Justin had done so well that he threw mostly strikes and they won the game. But... that was not the case. He pitched the whole first inning, walked a few guys, came in the second inning and was pulled early. In this case, being pulled early was a good thing - it didn't allow for things to get 'too bad'... while at the same time it allowed Justin to live a dream he's had for a while.
So.... it was a great night. :o)
I also wanted to let you know that Justin tried out for Gaither Baseball last night. It's not Varsity, it's their JV team, but he MADE the team and is VERY excited about it. It's a big step up from Little League.
The next hurdle is that Jonathan wants to play fall ball (instructional league). Jono has never played in his life. I'm not sure how it's going to work... if Justin is playing on another league in another division.... but I'm sure God has the plan already, we're just along for the ride.
I should run... just wanted to tell you about Justin's magical moment in Baseball.
Baseball is the only field of endeavor where a man can succeed three times out of ten and be considered a good performer. - Ted Williams
Sunday, May 20, 2007
Sneaky Teens and Runaways
Kids have a week left of school... and everyone is in gear to finish well. Kayla is the only one with a D right now, and it's in computer class. Since she isn't allowed ON the computer at home I really can't say much about it, other than 'keep trying to do better'.
Prayers would be very much appreciated (and needed) for my mom. She had total knee replacement done earlier this week and is having a tough recoup. I talked to her today... it was kind of funny actually... my sister Katie had just given me the "you're a bad daughter" speech because I had not yet made it to the hospital to see her. I thought I better call mom and let her know what my plans were for today so she'd know I'm not home floating in a raft on the pool working on my tan, we're just crazy busy. The hospital is a good 45 min away, one way, so it's got to be a trip in which I have a couple hours to give. So, I call mom and immediately say "Mom, I know I should come up and see you, but we've been so busy: we sang at church yesterday afternoon then all morning today, Kayla went to work right from there, Jono had quartet, Justin to baseball, then Church tonight.... I really just can't get in the car right now and come see you, but I AM totally wishing I were there Mom. I love you." Mom responds with "Oh my gosh, please do NOT come see me right now. I feel horrible, I hurt, I'm drugged, and I really don't want to see anyone when I'm like this. Please plan to come and see me later, when I'm feeling better." Of course, being the comedian mom loves me for, I respond with: "What did I just say to you? Well.... what I really meant was I'm on my way down to see you right now with a big bouquet of flowers and all. But, if you'd really rather I stay home today and come see you later, **heavy sigh**, I guess I can do that instead." Too funny. I know she feels really awful right now and I'm sure she'd feel better knowing that people all over are praying for her. Please keep mom, June, in your prayers for a speedy recovery.
The kids are doing okay. We had an interesting run-in with one of the totally unexpected kids - Kayte. Chris and I came in from Church Saturday night and Kayte is on the stairs - wet from head to toe (in her pajamas). She runs down, and right out back. In the hallway is her friend Suzanna and some guy friend of Suzanna that we don't know. IN the house. Chris - in retired "Corrections Officer" mode senses immediately that 'something is wrong'. He heads around back where he sees two guys, one black on Hispanic, going out the back gate. WDF? Chris comes in -- fuming. Who's in our house when we are not home? Why? Are people allowed in the house when we are not home? NO! We immediately tell everyone to leave and sit Kayte down to talk with her.
Now... Kayte is a different kind of kid. She doesn't 'act' like you would think she should in a situation like this. She handles it VERY well, said she's sorry, she knows what she did wrong, and that she will accept whatever punishment we deem necessary. We decided, since there were 4 kids 'unauthorized' in the house (one is always okay, he's another boy down the street who practically lives here) - she would lose her cell phone for 4 days. So, she explains what happens, accepts her punishment and apologizes. Sigh.....
Speaking of the boy down the street, we had a sad happening with him last night. At about 11pm or so last night, Justin comes downstairs and tells me that this young man is in our driveway crying, could I please go check on him. I go outside and sure enough... there he is.... crying his eyes out. I hug him, tell him it's going to be okay, and then he really starts to cry. Poor guy.
He'd had a fight with his mom and dad and decided to 'run away from home'. He mentions his dad hit him, so I take him inside for Chris and I to try to figure out what to do with him. Long story short, his dad was just discipling him. He has been acting out a lot lately; failing several classes in school; going WAY over his minutes on his phone - then refusing to just give his mom the cell phone so she was forced to call and cancel his contract; playing on the computer until the wee hours of the morning when his mom and dad thought he was sleeping. Just... pushing the line with his parents over and over again. When we decided that we completely felt the parents were discipling not abusing, we knew we had to talk to the parents.
We went down the street to talk to his mom, asked her to give us 10 minutes more to talk to him, then she could come down and pick him up. When he left he was much better. Chris and I were very proud of the way we handled the situation, and found it......... gratifying. :o) As I've said before about how we feel when we got the kids in the beginning... parenting is something Chris and I do well. It's nice when we get to use skills we've learned.
We had one phone call from Julie yesterday which got Chris FUMING mad. She called about Kayla who has broken up with her boyfriend (but only for 4 or 5 days Kayla says). Julie kept asking him: Is she still on 'the shot' (birth control)? Was she late for it? Are we sure she's current? And that she is not ready to be a grandma, those kinds of things. Chris just yelled at her saying that WE WERE HANDLING IT.
He was offended that Julie would think anything else, and I don't blame him one bit for that.
There has been one time since the kids started living with us that Julie found out 'something' that she should have shared with us immediately. This was recently, and it was important, and telling us about it would have been the responsible thing to do. But she didn't... and I think partly because she wanted to maintain some sense of parental privacy. I understand that to some degree; there are certain things that my kids tell me I would never tell a single sole - EVER. But... when you are the mom and yet -- you are not the one parenting... it's a little harder to do, ya know? But.... this isn't something you read about how to handle in a Parenting magazine really.
So... I think when Julie comes over on Wednesday we are going to have to discuss these kinds of things. The three of us, Julie, Chris and Myself. Julie is really trying now, and I don't want anything to get her off track, ya know? She's been doing so well. :o)
Speaking of, Julie saw her new psychiatrist! The doctor is taking her off some of the high doses of medications she is on. She tells me that one of them was prescribed at more than twice the maximum recommended dose. She tells me that the supervisor for the doctor came into the room to meet her. He hadn't seen someone on THAT much medication, and he was floored that she was alert, talking, coherent, and was even able to drive. Funny really. They are going to do some adjusting on her medications, which will be hard for Julie I know. Hard for two reasons, 1) she won't 'feel' as well and may want to self medicate and 2) she will not do well the whole time they are working on her doses... she'll get bad and they'll realize they need to tweak something else. It's expected and necessary, and I hope that it doesn't deter Julie from sticking it out and giving these new doctors a shot at trying to help her.
Julie is coming over with all her medications on Wednesday and I get the fun of filling up her pill containers for her. Mom was doing this, but since she's out of commission for now, I'll do it for her. Julie has done really well since she has what she's supposed to take and ONLY what she is supposed to take in a container. No more, no less. Julie, if you are reading this... just make sure on Wednesday that you bring everything over and we'll keep the excess here.
I better run.... I'm on my lunch break and need to go eat something before I head back to work.
Prayers would be very much appreciated (and needed) for my mom. She had total knee replacement done earlier this week and is having a tough recoup. I talked to her today... it was kind of funny actually... my sister Katie had just given me the "you're a bad daughter" speech because I had not yet made it to the hospital to see her. I thought I better call mom and let her know what my plans were for today so she'd know I'm not home floating in a raft on the pool working on my tan, we're just crazy busy. The hospital is a good 45 min away, one way, so it's got to be a trip in which I have a couple hours to give. So, I call mom and immediately say "Mom, I know I should come up and see you, but we've been so busy: we sang at church yesterday afternoon then all morning today, Kayla went to work right from there, Jono had quartet, Justin to baseball, then Church tonight.... I really just can't get in the car right now and come see you, but I AM totally wishing I were there Mom. I love you." Mom responds with "Oh my gosh, please do NOT come see me right now. I feel horrible, I hurt, I'm drugged, and I really don't want to see anyone when I'm like this. Please plan to come and see me later, when I'm feeling better." Of course, being the comedian mom loves me for, I respond with: "What did I just say to you? Well.... what I really meant was I'm on my way down to see you right now with a big bouquet of flowers and all. But, if you'd really rather I stay home today and come see you later, **heavy sigh**, I guess I can do that instead." Too funny. I know she feels really awful right now and I'm sure she'd feel better knowing that people all over are praying for her. Please keep mom, June, in your prayers for a speedy recovery.
The kids are doing okay. We had an interesting run-in with one of the totally unexpected kids - Kayte. Chris and I came in from Church Saturday night and Kayte is on the stairs - wet from head to toe (in her pajamas). She runs down, and right out back. In the hallway is her friend Suzanna and some guy friend of Suzanna that we don't know. IN the house. Chris - in retired "Corrections Officer" mode senses immediately that 'something is wrong'. He heads around back where he sees two guys, one black on Hispanic, going out the back gate. WDF? Chris comes in -- fuming. Who's in our house when we are not home? Why? Are people allowed in the house when we are not home? NO! We immediately tell everyone to leave and sit Kayte down to talk with her.
Now... Kayte is a different kind of kid. She doesn't 'act' like you would think she should in a situation like this. She handles it VERY well, said she's sorry, she knows what she did wrong, and that she will accept whatever punishment we deem necessary. We decided, since there were 4 kids 'unauthorized' in the house (one is always okay, he's another boy down the street who practically lives here) - she would lose her cell phone for 4 days. So, she explains what happens, accepts her punishment and apologizes. Sigh.....
Speaking of the boy down the street, we had a sad happening with him last night. At about 11pm or so last night, Justin comes downstairs and tells me that this young man is in our driveway crying, could I please go check on him. I go outside and sure enough... there he is.... crying his eyes out. I hug him, tell him it's going to be okay, and then he really starts to cry. Poor guy.
He'd had a fight with his mom and dad and decided to 'run away from home'. He mentions his dad hit him, so I take him inside for Chris and I to try to figure out what to do with him. Long story short, his dad was just discipling him. He has been acting out a lot lately; failing several classes in school; going WAY over his minutes on his phone - then refusing to just give his mom the cell phone so she was forced to call and cancel his contract; playing on the computer until the wee hours of the morning when his mom and dad thought he was sleeping. Just... pushing the line with his parents over and over again. When we decided that we completely felt the parents were discipling not abusing, we knew we had to talk to the parents.
We went down the street to talk to his mom, asked her to give us 10 minutes more to talk to him, then she could come down and pick him up. When he left he was much better. Chris and I were very proud of the way we handled the situation, and found it......... gratifying. :o) As I've said before about how we feel when we got the kids in the beginning... parenting is something Chris and I do well. It's nice when we get to use skills we've learned.
We had one phone call from Julie yesterday which got Chris FUMING mad. She called about Kayla who has broken up with her boyfriend (but only for 4 or 5 days Kayla says). Julie kept asking him: Is she still on 'the shot' (birth control)? Was she late for it? Are we sure she's current? And that she is not ready to be a grandma, those kinds of things. Chris just yelled at her saying that WE WERE HANDLING IT.
He was offended that Julie would think anything else, and I don't blame him one bit for that.
There has been one time since the kids started living with us that Julie found out 'something' that she should have shared with us immediately. This was recently, and it was important, and telling us about it would have been the responsible thing to do. But she didn't... and I think partly because she wanted to maintain some sense of parental privacy. I understand that to some degree; there are certain things that my kids tell me I would never tell a single sole - EVER. But... when you are the mom and yet -- you are not the one parenting... it's a little harder to do, ya know? But.... this isn't something you read about how to handle in a Parenting magazine really.
So... I think when Julie comes over on Wednesday we are going to have to discuss these kinds of things. The three of us, Julie, Chris and Myself. Julie is really trying now, and I don't want anything to get her off track, ya know? She's been doing so well. :o)
Speaking of, Julie saw her new psychiatrist! The doctor is taking her off some of the high doses of medications she is on. She tells me that one of them was prescribed at more than twice the maximum recommended dose. She tells me that the supervisor for the doctor came into the room to meet her. He hadn't seen someone on THAT much medication, and he was floored that she was alert, talking, coherent, and was even able to drive. Funny really. They are going to do some adjusting on her medications, which will be hard for Julie I know. Hard for two reasons, 1) she won't 'feel' as well and may want to self medicate and 2) she will not do well the whole time they are working on her doses... she'll get bad and they'll realize they need to tweak something else. It's expected and necessary, and I hope that it doesn't deter Julie from sticking it out and giving these new doctors a shot at trying to help her.
Julie is coming over with all her medications on Wednesday and I get the fun of filling up her pill containers for her. Mom was doing this, but since she's out of commission for now, I'll do it for her. Julie has done really well since she has what she's supposed to take and ONLY what she is supposed to take in a container. No more, no less. Julie, if you are reading this... just make sure on Wednesday that you bring everything over and we'll keep the excess here.
I better run.... I'm on my lunch break and need to go eat something before I head back to work.
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Mornings, Medicine and Men
How do you start your day? I'm beginning to wonder if there is an easier way for me to start mine.
Typically my evening ends somewhere around 11 at night. I should mention that I am one of those people who functions best on 8 hours of sleep.
At 5-ish in the morning, I wake up – EVERY morning. I look over at the alarm clock and wonder to myself “what time to the kids have to get up again?” Yes… every morning, in the haze of it being so ding-dang early, I forget what time they get up. Like the movie “Ground Hog Day”, you’d think I’d remember one morning, but no. Then I remember that the two high schoolers have to catch the bus at 6:40, and Justin is usually up about 5:30 or so. Great… if I fall asleep between now and 5:30 and he oversleeps, then what? But he’s only missed the bus once or twice, so I think to myself, “come on Tina – go back to sleep”. I shut my eyes hoping and praying to not wake up until 7:40 but I usually wake back up about 5:30 again.
I listen for Justin to be up…. Sometimes he’s not up and I go to wake him up, but usually find him sitting up in bed, trying to slowly wake himself up. (I personally can NOT do that!) So, after either waking up and knowing he’s up or going to see for sure if he’s up, I head back into bed to try to sleep. Try being the operative word here. I try, but I can hear them showering, looking for clothes and/or book bags. But I usually do fall back asleep, only to wake up frantic – EVERY morning – at almost exactly 6:30.
This is the time when they realize they are going to miss the bus if they don’t get out the door by 6:35. I can literally hear running in the house at this point. One kid leaves…. **slam** the front door shuts; oblivious to the fact that there are 4 sleeping people in the house. The other kid (usually Justin) is still frantically looking for something. Funny really that Kayla is the first one out the door since she gets up at 6:15 and is ready by 6:30. But Justin usually makes it out the door JUST in time.
I look at the clock, it reads 6:38, **slam** the front door slams harder this time and I hear running footsteps. Then the sound of the bus (our bed is in front of three huge windows, 102 inches wide and go from the floor to the ceiling. Oh, and they are older windows so sound, breeze, sun, everything comes right through them.) But anyways… I hear the revving of the motor and then the air brakes of the bus and I hope and pray Justin has run fast enough to catch it. I get up and look at the clock again. EVERY morning. Then I try to go back to sleep. Usually if I'm going to have a panic attack this is about the time. I started worrying about them catching the bus on time, then I start thinking of all the other things I have to worry about. I try to stop, but it’s hard once you’ve started… work… bills… to-do lists… housework… termites… the car…. All kinds of things come to mind. I try to shut it down, sometimes I'm successful, sometimes I'm not. But regardless, I try to go back to sleep.
But… the cats are now awake and ‘need’ loving every morning. 6:45 and you hear “meowwww”. If we left the door cracked open the kids would wake us up (by us I guess I mean Chris, huh?). If I keep it closed they meow and meow and meow until we listen. So… I get up and let Grace in. The two don’t usually come in together. Grace comes in and INSISTS on being loved on for about 5 or 10 minutes. Then she wants out. I get up to let her out and try to get back to sleep.
I don’t need to get up until 7:40 (to leave by 7:45). So I’ve really got time to sleep, if I could only get more than 10 or 15 minutes at one time. But then… 7:30 or so, Jinx decides he needs to come in for some loving. He’s VERY lovable and prefers to love on Chris, but he’ll also want it from me. Try to let Jinx love on us and still get my 10 more minutes of sleep I'm due. As IF that’s gonna happen! Just when Jinx is done demanding attention and love, it’s 7:40 and my alarm clock is going off. Grrrrreat.
Now… I’ve found that if I take a ‘happy pill’ at bedtime, I can usually sleep until the door slams at 6:30-ish. Further, I’ve no worries with a panic attack and have no problem going back to sleep – AND – I slept like a rock all night. I don’t take them all the time of course, but I have noticed it – and it makes me wonder… am I one of those who should be on one of those sleep aid pills they advertise on TV all the time? I wonder if they’d help?? Or should I just get up when I get up and not try to go back to sleep? But then... should I go to bed earlier? ARGHHH
In a week all the kids will all graduate and officially be high schoolers – all four of them. Then it’ll be insane with FOUR trying to get ready at the same time. Yuck yuck yuck! I remember that from Middle School… the schedule was VERY precise and nobody could oversleep or shower too long without it throwing off everyone else. Totally not looking forward to that. :o)
I found out today that the kids will not be chosen for Summer Camp this year. I’ve been calling every week since April 2nd to find out who needs to sign the application – and every week the same woman tells me she doesn’t know and that as soon as she has the info, she’ll call me as well as everyone else on her ‘list’. Today they told me they are already ‘full’. I left a message for the supervisor to complain about it… I shouldn’t have to call this much to get information, then told the camp is full. Not really fair! We’ll see what happens with that.
Kayla started her first ever job last night! She’s working at Taco Bell/KFC on Ehrlich. She is the only girl who works nights and said that by far the worst part of her job was fending off dirty old men who were trying to ‘hook up’ with her all night long. By dirty old men she naturally meant 30-ish men. It’s sad though that this was her first impression of the working environment. I know what she means though… I’ve been with the girls when we go places and men keep looking at them, and it really hacks me off. One time we were in the car with the top down and some guy tried to get Kayte’s phone number. I yelled at him “She’s freaking 12 years old!” Do guys think it doesn’t matter??? Have we sunk that low in society? Of course, Kayla is taller and looks older, so I get less offended when it’s her. Although, it’s still wrong. She should not have had THAT many people ask her for her phone number and if they could ‘chill’ that it made her that uncomfortable on her first day of work. Just sad.
I’ve got to run and get ready for choir practice. I was asked to sing on the Memorial Day praise team... which kind of makes the decision for me about whether or not I can sing at that service. Now I've got to do it, so I'm going to just suck up my emotions and get through it.
Instead of looking for a miracle in your life, look to see if you are the miracle in someone else's life. Nola Rohde Vollmer
Typically my evening ends somewhere around 11 at night. I should mention that I am one of those people who functions best on 8 hours of sleep.
At 5-ish in the morning, I wake up – EVERY morning. I look over at the alarm clock and wonder to myself “what time to the kids have to get up again?” Yes… every morning, in the haze of it being so ding-dang early, I forget what time they get up. Like the movie “Ground Hog Day”, you’d think I’d remember one morning, but no. Then I remember that the two high schoolers have to catch the bus at 6:40, and Justin is usually up about 5:30 or so. Great… if I fall asleep between now and 5:30 and he oversleeps, then what? But he’s only missed the bus once or twice, so I think to myself, “come on Tina – go back to sleep”. I shut my eyes hoping and praying to not wake up until 7:40 but I usually wake back up about 5:30 again.
I listen for Justin to be up…. Sometimes he’s not up and I go to wake him up, but usually find him sitting up in bed, trying to slowly wake himself up. (I personally can NOT do that!) So, after either waking up and knowing he’s up or going to see for sure if he’s up, I head back into bed to try to sleep. Try being the operative word here. I try, but I can hear them showering, looking for clothes and/or book bags. But I usually do fall back asleep, only to wake up frantic – EVERY morning – at almost exactly 6:30.
This is the time when they realize they are going to miss the bus if they don’t get out the door by 6:35. I can literally hear running in the house at this point. One kid leaves…. **slam** the front door shuts; oblivious to the fact that there are 4 sleeping people in the house. The other kid (usually Justin) is still frantically looking for something. Funny really that Kayla is the first one out the door since she gets up at 6:15 and is ready by 6:30. But Justin usually makes it out the door JUST in time.
I look at the clock, it reads 6:38, **slam** the front door slams harder this time and I hear running footsteps. Then the sound of the bus (our bed is in front of three huge windows, 102 inches wide and go from the floor to the ceiling. Oh, and they are older windows so sound, breeze, sun, everything comes right through them.) But anyways… I hear the revving of the motor and then the air brakes of the bus and I hope and pray Justin has run fast enough to catch it. I get up and look at the clock again. EVERY morning. Then I try to go back to sleep. Usually if I'm going to have a panic attack this is about the time. I started worrying about them catching the bus on time, then I start thinking of all the other things I have to worry about. I try to stop, but it’s hard once you’ve started… work… bills… to-do lists… housework… termites… the car…. All kinds of things come to mind. I try to shut it down, sometimes I'm successful, sometimes I'm not. But regardless, I try to go back to sleep.
But… the cats are now awake and ‘need’ loving every morning. 6:45 and you hear “meowwww”. If we left the door cracked open the kids would wake us up (by us I guess I mean Chris, huh?). If I keep it closed they meow and meow and meow until we listen. So… I get up and let Grace in. The two don’t usually come in together. Grace comes in and INSISTS on being loved on for about 5 or 10 minutes. Then she wants out. I get up to let her out and try to get back to sleep.
I don’t need to get up until 7:40 (to leave by 7:45). So I’ve really got time to sleep, if I could only get more than 10 or 15 minutes at one time. But then… 7:30 or so, Jinx decides he needs to come in for some loving. He’s VERY lovable and prefers to love on Chris, but he’ll also want it from me. Try to let Jinx love on us and still get my 10 more minutes of sleep I'm due. As IF that’s gonna happen! Just when Jinx is done demanding attention and love, it’s 7:40 and my alarm clock is going off. Grrrrreat.
Now… I’ve found that if I take a ‘happy pill’ at bedtime, I can usually sleep until the door slams at 6:30-ish. Further, I’ve no worries with a panic attack and have no problem going back to sleep – AND – I slept like a rock all night. I don’t take them all the time of course, but I have noticed it – and it makes me wonder… am I one of those who should be on one of those sleep aid pills they advertise on TV all the time? I wonder if they’d help?? Or should I just get up when I get up and not try to go back to sleep? But then... should I go to bed earlier? ARGHHH
In a week all the kids will all graduate and officially be high schoolers – all four of them. Then it’ll be insane with FOUR trying to get ready at the same time. Yuck yuck yuck! I remember that from Middle School… the schedule was VERY precise and nobody could oversleep or shower too long without it throwing off everyone else. Totally not looking forward to that. :o)
I found out today that the kids will not be chosen for Summer Camp this year. I’ve been calling every week since April 2nd to find out who needs to sign the application – and every week the same woman tells me she doesn’t know and that as soon as she has the info, she’ll call me as well as everyone else on her ‘list’. Today they told me they are already ‘full’. I left a message for the supervisor to complain about it… I shouldn’t have to call this much to get information, then told the camp is full. Not really fair! We’ll see what happens with that.
Kayla started her first ever job last night! She’s working at Taco Bell/KFC on Ehrlich. She is the only girl who works nights and said that by far the worst part of her job was fending off dirty old men who were trying to ‘hook up’ with her all night long. By dirty old men she naturally meant 30-ish men. It’s sad though that this was her first impression of the working environment. I know what she means though… I’ve been with the girls when we go places and men keep looking at them, and it really hacks me off. One time we were in the car with the top down and some guy tried to get Kayte’s phone number. I yelled at him “She’s freaking 12 years old!” Do guys think it doesn’t matter??? Have we sunk that low in society? Of course, Kayla is taller and looks older, so I get less offended when it’s her. Although, it’s still wrong. She should not have had THAT many people ask her for her phone number and if they could ‘chill’ that it made her that uncomfortable on her first day of work. Just sad.
I’ve got to run and get ready for choir practice. I was asked to sing on the Memorial Day praise team... which kind of makes the decision for me about whether or not I can sing at that service. Now I've got to do it, so I'm going to just suck up my emotions and get through it.
Instead of looking for a miracle in your life, look to see if you are the miracle in someone else's life. Nola Rohde Vollmer
Monday, May 14, 2007
Fish, Fights, Friends and Gifts of Love
My Mother’s Day was absolutely wonderful. I just couldn’t wait to get a moment to write about it.
Julie was okay – her blood sugar was okay at the ER and they told her she could go back. Good news there – so our plans for going to the beach were still on.
I awoke on Sunday morning to Jonathan at my bedside, with a TV tray and breakfast served. Eggs, bacon, biscuit, cheese, chocolate milk; I could tell he worked a while that morning making things ‘just right’. Also served were cards and some flowers. Absolutely positively wonderful! We went to Church Sunday morning then straight over to the beach – Jonathan, Kayla, Kayte, Justin and I.
Although it seemed a bit overcast, there was just enough sun to get sunburn if not careful. Jonathan stuck by my side all day… we went looking for Sharks teeth… something I taught him to do some time ago. They are found along the shoreline in with shells and whatnot. It takes a keen eye to spot them – but he’s gotten good at it over the years. We found a total of 24 teeth! He also gave some away to little kids who were shell-hunting on the beach… he said “It’s so much fun to give them away”. That’s my boy!!
After a while mom came up to join us. Kayla, Justin and Kayte spent some time with their mom, although not as much as I’d have liked. Kayla and Kayte went to a hotel a few doors down to get in their hot tub. I asked them if they’d rather be there with their mom, but they wanted to go, so I let them. Ah… teenagers! (More on that later!)
Later that afternoon, Jonathan, Justin and I found some really cool things in the ocean that we put in a bucket to save to show around for a while. First we came across these “Pike” fish. They are long and thin and float straight up and down to make themselves look like seaweed. Once we realized they were cool looking fish, we caught some. A lot of them actually. We probably caught 15 of them with our hands before deciding we had too many for our little bucket.
Then we found “puffer” fish. You know - the ones when they get scared puff up really big. They were totally cool! They looked like little round marshmallows floating in the water as we caught them and put them in the pail. We had maybe 7 or 8 of them. They were swimmers and a little more difficult to catch with our bare hands.
Then Jonathan found a Seahorse. VERY cool! He was clinging to some seaweed that was floating in the ocean. Once he found one, he figured there must be more… and he kept looking. Sure enough, Jono and Justin together caught about 5 of them. They were SO cute!
Of course, as we’d come across little kids playing in the ocean, they’d want some of what we had and Jonathan just had to share with him. The one little girl that put a little seahorse in a clear cup… you’d have though we just gave her a million dollars – she was SO happy. **big sigh** I just love kids.
So… the last thing the two boys caught was a flying fish. Yeah, we looked it up when we got home, and that’s really what it’s called – a flying fish. The two were out looking for more ‘stuff’ when something flew by them. It flew for a while, then landed in the water and skirted ever so quickly on the top of the ocean water until it took flight again. They boys were like – “Now THAT is cool!” Of course, being boys, they chased it. The fish was fast… but the boys were determined. They chased the fish until he came to the shoreline and ‘cornered him in’ I guess you’d say. They call me over… and I saw it for the first time. It was absolutely amazing. Almost beached but not quite was this… thing… fish I guess… but it looked like a butterfly. It had a fish body, but instead of fins – it had what looked like butterfly wings. It also had a gorgeous tail that looked like the wings. It was stunning. Gently the boys picked it up and placed it in the pail. Now they had everything they could possibly want and more. It was, no doubt, the ‘icing on the cake’ of our day. We brought the pail up to the pool to show to Grandma, Julie, Kaye and whoever else wanted to look at the ‘treasure’.
The boys had a wonderful time showing everything off at the kid’s pool. Some of these kids vacationing here in Sunny Florida will probably never ever see these kinds of things again. Heck, it was just last year when I – a Floridian resident of over 30 years – caught my first Seahorse. The kids got lots of enjoyment out of it and then Jonathan and Justin brought the pail back out to the ocean and let them all go free.
I wish you could all feel my heart right now… filled with happiness and joy. Jonathan did a GREAT job for Mother’s Day.
I hate to transition from that right into the problems I had that day – but – with four teenagers, I suppose it’s bound to happen. Good with the bad, right?
I had some issues with Kayte yesterday. It started early in the morning. She was grumpy and EVERYONE asked her what was wrong and then told her that she was grumpy. Fast forward to the beach. I'm sitting in the car waiting for Kayla to arrive with the parking pass. I said something that was supposed to be ‘funny’ but nobody laughed. Two minutes later, Kayte said the same thing and just laughed and laughed and laughed, and everyone else in the car of course laughed along with her. I thought nothing of it at the time. We get to the room and Julie tells them all NOT to make a mess. They all go into the bathroom one by one, change and head to the pool where their mom is. I'm the last one and I notice that there are kids clothes all over the bathroom floor – boys and girls – shirts, shoes, shirts, everything just laying wherever they kicked them off. Great! So when I get downstairs I say to ALL the kids “Your mom asked you not to make a mess and there are clothes and shoes in the middle of the bathroom floor!” Kayte looks at me and says “I did that on purpose!!!” I said “what??” She repeats herself “I said I did it on purpose”– staring at me HARD as if to say ‘so, what are you gonna do about it?’ I said, “but your mom asked you not to make a mess!” to which she replies “well, what else am I supposed to have done with it?” **strong sense of sarcasm in her voice** I said “fold them up, put them together, up on a counter, on a chair, on a table, anywhere except for the middle of the floor!” She just looked at me and repeated “I did it on purpose” and stared at me…. For what seemed like forever. Were this Amanda or Jonathan, I would have smacked them in the mouth for mouthing off at me in such a tone. But – not my kid, ya know? So I just said to her “I'm going to walk away from you right now so that I do not hurt you”. And… I walked away.
It bothered me all day. Later, at dinner, we were all talking and Kayte brought up the subject about her attitude or something related to it. She said “I looked at you for I think two minutes, stared you down, to see what you’d do”. I said… “Why would you push me like that?” No response… or maybe her response was just because she wanted to. Then she brought up the incident in the car. She said that she told everyone not to laugh when I said what I did… then she said it and everyone laughed and she wanted to see if I would feel bad/hurt because of it. WHY? Why would she do this to me??? I just can’t fathom a reason… other than to think that she’s either 1) hormonal at the moment or 2) she’s going to be that one teenager who pushes their parent to the extreme. I’d have NEVER thought that child would be Kayte… she’s so quiet and loving. So, I’m hoping it’s just hormones.
Later that night Chris and I talked about it and he told me I’ve GOT to be firm with them… don’t let them push me around. Like when they wanted to go to the hot tub at the other hotel, I should have told them not to go, it was Mother’s Day, and they should enjoy their time with their mom. And of course with Kayte mouthing off at me. I should have done a lot of things differently. But – it’s so difficult when they are NOT your kids, ya know?
Update: I just sat Kayte down and talked to her about this. She said she was just being mean to be mean and that she was sorry. I had done something that kinda hurt her feelings earlier, and rather than her telling me, she lashed out. Sigh.... I feel so much better now. We hugged and all is good. :o)
Speaking of not your kids… did you see Extreme Makeover Home Edition last night? It was about a family just like US, only not exactly. A mother of 4 had a sister who had some problems and the state took away her kids. The mother of 4 took in her Nieces and Nephews – FIVE of them – to keep them out of the foster care program. Oh, and they had her dad, the kids Grandpa, living with them as well (he slept on the floor every night). The kids that were removed from the home were different though – they were abused. And of course the poor woman had 12 people living under one roof… 9 kids, mom and dad, and Grandpa. They had been living in 900 square feet of home. Amazing. But I could relate to everything this mom said… how much she loved her sister’s kids. How much she loved her sister and how much it broke her heart that this whole thing happened.
Then they showed the Dad at times. Here is this man with NINE kids and his father-in-law living on his paycheck alone, under his roof. Surely he had to wonder what he did so wrong that he was being ‘punished’. But, he had an amazing spirit about him. He loved everyone there; you could see it in his eyes. Chris and I found ourselves crying through much of the show.
All I could think about is how truly blessed we are. Sure I struggle to make my mortgage payment; sure the Durango is on its last leg. But we have a roof over our heads and transportation for the whole family. We have enough room for all the kids. Heck, if Doug (Chris’s dad) got to the point where he didn’t need 24-hour nursing, we’d have room for him as well! How much has God blessed us? More than what I deserve, for sure.
Yet at the same time I find myself worrying ALL the time still. I'm a month behind on the Durango payment, 3 weeks behind on the mortgage, and a little behind on a couple very small little things. Not a lot, just a little. I just keep thinking… if that SS check would come… it would be perfect. Not so much that we could splurge, but enough to catch up on everything and give a fair share to the church. I found myself praying over the mailbox before I opened it today, hoping it was in there. (Turn-around in a week? Nah…. But a girl can hope, right?) Course it wasn’t there. Maybe a month or two or maybe even three. They owe us $3,850 without question, another 2k when Julie finishes paying them off (4 years). Geez. God has a reason for everything, right? I believe that. Mom said I should be taking my ‘happy pills’… but I reserve those for times when I'm truly having a panic attack, not just worried. (Maybe 3 or 4 since I went to the doctors) But maybe I should take them a little more often. Heck, I paid for the prescription, right? Maybe God’s reasoning then was to give me a little ‘rest’ from my worrying while I'm waiting for Social Security. Yeah… maybe not. Surely God has more important things to worry about than that!
Speaking of God’s reasons, after the death of a friend from Church, my husband and I decided to get serious about getting more involved spiritually. He joined a men’s small group that meets at 6am on Monday mornings (ICK! But he loves it) and tonight we have our first couple’s small group meeting. I'm nervous as heck, but at the same time, can’t wait. If I come home half as ‘filled spiritually’ as he does after his 6am group, it’ll be awesome. I'm a little nervous because I don’t know if we’ll do bible study or not. Don’t get me wrong, I would NEED bible study – I'm a cradle Catholic who didn’t own a bible. We have the same readings from the bible every 3 years in pre-printed books for us. Why own a bible? Well, come to find out… they didn’t put everything in those readings I got at Church all those years going to church. There is a LOT more to the bible than that. I felt like a complete idiot for weeks when I first joined VanDyke because I didn’t know where to find anything in the bible. I couldn’t tell you where to find Matthew, Luke, John or the Psalms if my life depended on it. I did know Genesis was the beginning and Revelations was at the end. Ha ha ha. I wish you could know how I am totally not kidding here. Anyways… I'm sure I’ll get through it.
The biggest thing I think Chris is getting out of it is sharing. Bonding and sharing. That’s what I hope to get out of tonight as well. I know I say it all the time, but there is sooooo much MORE going on in my life than what I just blog about here. This is my walk with the kids since what happened back in 05 with Julie. But it is not all about me, there is so much more. Maybe sometime I’ll write a book. Wait….. that would mean I’d have to use proper grammar and such… maybe not. :o)
I've got to run.... need to get ready for my first ever couples small group. **grin** I'll leave you with this. I first received this last week, and I thought it was sappy... but I found myself thinking about it all weekend long, so I thought I'd share it with you.
A Gift of Love
"Can I see my baby?" the happy new mother asked. When the bundle was nestled in her arms and she moved the fold of cloth to look upon his tiny face, she gasped. The doctor turned quickly and looked out the tall hospital window. The baby had been born without ears. Time proved that the baby's hearing was perfect. It was only his appearance that was marred. When he rushed home from school one day and flung himself into his mother's arms, she sighed, knowing that his life was to be a succession of heartbreaks.
He blurted out the tragedy. "A boy, a big boy . . . called me a freak." He grew up, handsome for his misfortune. A favorite with his fellow students, he might have been class president, but for that. He developed a gift, a talent for literature and music. "But you might mingle with other young people," his mother reproved him, but felt a kindness in her heart.
The boy's father had a session with the family physician. Could nothing be done? "I believe I could graft on a pair of outer ears, if they could be procured" the doctor decided. Whereupon the search began for a person who would make such a sacrifice for a young man. Two years went by. Then, "You are going to the hospital, son. Mother and I have someone who will donate the ears you need. But it's a secret" said the father.
The operation was a brilliant success, and a new person emerged. His talents blossomed into genius, and school and college became a series of triumphs. Later he married and entered the diplomatic service. "But I must know!" He urged his father. "Who gave so much for me? I could never do enough for him."
"I do not believe you could," said the father, "but the agreement was that you are not to know . . . not yet." The years kept their profound secret, but the day did come . . . one of the darkest days that ever pass through a son. He stood with his father over his mother's casket. Slowly, tenderly, the father stretched forth a hand and raised the thick, reddish-brown hair to reveal . . . that the mother had no outer ears.
"Mother said she was glad she never let her hair be cut," he whispered gently, "and nobody ever thought mother less beautiful, did they"?
Real beauty lies not in the physical appearance, but in the heart. Real treasure lies not in what that can be seen, but what that cannot be seen. Real love lies not in what is done and known, but in what that is done but not known.
Julie was okay – her blood sugar was okay at the ER and they told her she could go back. Good news there – so our plans for going to the beach were still on.
I awoke on Sunday morning to Jonathan at my bedside, with a TV tray and breakfast served. Eggs, bacon, biscuit, cheese, chocolate milk; I could tell he worked a while that morning making things ‘just right’. Also served were cards and some flowers. Absolutely positively wonderful! We went to Church Sunday morning then straight over to the beach – Jonathan, Kayla, Kayte, Justin and I.
Although it seemed a bit overcast, there was just enough sun to get sunburn if not careful. Jonathan stuck by my side all day… we went looking for Sharks teeth… something I taught him to do some time ago. They are found along the shoreline in with shells and whatnot. It takes a keen eye to spot them – but he’s gotten good at it over the years. We found a total of 24 teeth! He also gave some away to little kids who were shell-hunting on the beach… he said “It’s so much fun to give them away”. That’s my boy!!
After a while mom came up to join us. Kayla, Justin and Kayte spent some time with their mom, although not as much as I’d have liked. Kayla and Kayte went to a hotel a few doors down to get in their hot tub. I asked them if they’d rather be there with their mom, but they wanted to go, so I let them. Ah… teenagers! (More on that later!)
Later that afternoon, Jonathan, Justin and I found some really cool things in the ocean that we put in a bucket to save to show around for a while. First we came across these “Pike” fish. They are long and thin and float straight up and down to make themselves look like seaweed. Once we realized they were cool looking fish, we caught some. A lot of them actually. We probably caught 15 of them with our hands before deciding we had too many for our little bucket.
Then we found “puffer” fish. You know - the ones when they get scared puff up really big. They were totally cool! They looked like little round marshmallows floating in the water as we caught them and put them in the pail. We had maybe 7 or 8 of them. They were swimmers and a little more difficult to catch with our bare hands.
Then Jonathan found a Seahorse. VERY cool! He was clinging to some seaweed that was floating in the ocean. Once he found one, he figured there must be more… and he kept looking. Sure enough, Jono and Justin together caught about 5 of them. They were SO cute!
Of course, as we’d come across little kids playing in the ocean, they’d want some of what we had and Jonathan just had to share with him. The one little girl that put a little seahorse in a clear cup… you’d have though we just gave her a million dollars – she was SO happy. **big sigh** I just love kids.
So… the last thing the two boys caught was a flying fish. Yeah, we looked it up when we got home, and that’s really what it’s called – a flying fish. The two were out looking for more ‘stuff’ when something flew by them. It flew for a while, then landed in the water and skirted ever so quickly on the top of the ocean water until it took flight again. They boys were like – “Now THAT is cool!” Of course, being boys, they chased it. The fish was fast… but the boys were determined. They chased the fish until he came to the shoreline and ‘cornered him in’ I guess you’d say. They call me over… and I saw it for the first time. It was absolutely amazing. Almost beached but not quite was this… thing… fish I guess… but it looked like a butterfly. It had a fish body, but instead of fins – it had what looked like butterfly wings. It also had a gorgeous tail that looked like the wings. It was stunning. Gently the boys picked it up and placed it in the pail. Now they had everything they could possibly want and more. It was, no doubt, the ‘icing on the cake’ of our day. We brought the pail up to the pool to show to Grandma, Julie, Kaye and whoever else wanted to look at the ‘treasure’.
The boys had a wonderful time showing everything off at the kid’s pool. Some of these kids vacationing here in Sunny Florida will probably never ever see these kinds of things again. Heck, it was just last year when I – a Floridian resident of over 30 years – caught my first Seahorse. The kids got lots of enjoyment out of it and then Jonathan and Justin brought the pail back out to the ocean and let them all go free.
I wish you could all feel my heart right now… filled with happiness and joy. Jonathan did a GREAT job for Mother’s Day.
I hate to transition from that right into the problems I had that day – but – with four teenagers, I suppose it’s bound to happen. Good with the bad, right?
I had some issues with Kayte yesterday. It started early in the morning. She was grumpy and EVERYONE asked her what was wrong and then told her that she was grumpy. Fast forward to the beach. I'm sitting in the car waiting for Kayla to arrive with the parking pass. I said something that was supposed to be ‘funny’ but nobody laughed. Two minutes later, Kayte said the same thing and just laughed and laughed and laughed, and everyone else in the car of course laughed along with her. I thought nothing of it at the time. We get to the room and Julie tells them all NOT to make a mess. They all go into the bathroom one by one, change and head to the pool where their mom is. I'm the last one and I notice that there are kids clothes all over the bathroom floor – boys and girls – shirts, shoes, shirts, everything just laying wherever they kicked them off. Great! So when I get downstairs I say to ALL the kids “Your mom asked you not to make a mess and there are clothes and shoes in the middle of the bathroom floor!” Kayte looks at me and says “I did that on purpose!!!” I said “what??” She repeats herself “I said I did it on purpose”– staring at me HARD as if to say ‘so, what are you gonna do about it?’ I said, “but your mom asked you not to make a mess!” to which she replies “well, what else am I supposed to have done with it?” **strong sense of sarcasm in her voice** I said “fold them up, put them together, up on a counter, on a chair, on a table, anywhere except for the middle of the floor!” She just looked at me and repeated “I did it on purpose” and stared at me…. For what seemed like forever. Were this Amanda or Jonathan, I would have smacked them in the mouth for mouthing off at me in such a tone. But – not my kid, ya know? So I just said to her “I'm going to walk away from you right now so that I do not hurt you”. And… I walked away.
It bothered me all day. Later, at dinner, we were all talking and Kayte brought up the subject about her attitude or something related to it. She said “I looked at you for I think two minutes, stared you down, to see what you’d do”. I said… “Why would you push me like that?” No response… or maybe her response was just because she wanted to. Then she brought up the incident in the car. She said that she told everyone not to laugh when I said what I did… then she said it and everyone laughed and she wanted to see if I would feel bad/hurt because of it. WHY? Why would she do this to me??? I just can’t fathom a reason… other than to think that she’s either 1) hormonal at the moment or 2) she’s going to be that one teenager who pushes their parent to the extreme. I’d have NEVER thought that child would be Kayte… she’s so quiet and loving. So, I’m hoping it’s just hormones.
Later that night Chris and I talked about it and he told me I’ve GOT to be firm with them… don’t let them push me around. Like when they wanted to go to the hot tub at the other hotel, I should have told them not to go, it was Mother’s Day, and they should enjoy their time with their mom. And of course with Kayte mouthing off at me. I should have done a lot of things differently. But – it’s so difficult when they are NOT your kids, ya know?
Update: I just sat Kayte down and talked to her about this. She said she was just being mean to be mean and that she was sorry. I had done something that kinda hurt her feelings earlier, and rather than her telling me, she lashed out. Sigh.... I feel so much better now. We hugged and all is good. :o)
Speaking of not your kids… did you see Extreme Makeover Home Edition last night? It was about a family just like US, only not exactly. A mother of 4 had a sister who had some problems and the state took away her kids. The mother of 4 took in her Nieces and Nephews – FIVE of them – to keep them out of the foster care program. Oh, and they had her dad, the kids Grandpa, living with them as well (he slept on the floor every night). The kids that were removed from the home were different though – they were abused. And of course the poor woman had 12 people living under one roof… 9 kids, mom and dad, and Grandpa. They had been living in 900 square feet of home. Amazing. But I could relate to everything this mom said… how much she loved her sister’s kids. How much she loved her sister and how much it broke her heart that this whole thing happened.
Then they showed the Dad at times. Here is this man with NINE kids and his father-in-law living on his paycheck alone, under his roof. Surely he had to wonder what he did so wrong that he was being ‘punished’. But, he had an amazing spirit about him. He loved everyone there; you could see it in his eyes. Chris and I found ourselves crying through much of the show.
All I could think about is how truly blessed we are. Sure I struggle to make my mortgage payment; sure the Durango is on its last leg. But we have a roof over our heads and transportation for the whole family. We have enough room for all the kids. Heck, if Doug (Chris’s dad) got to the point where he didn’t need 24-hour nursing, we’d have room for him as well! How much has God blessed us? More than what I deserve, for sure.
Yet at the same time I find myself worrying ALL the time still. I'm a month behind on the Durango payment, 3 weeks behind on the mortgage, and a little behind on a couple very small little things. Not a lot, just a little. I just keep thinking… if that SS check would come… it would be perfect. Not so much that we could splurge, but enough to catch up on everything and give a fair share to the church. I found myself praying over the mailbox before I opened it today, hoping it was in there. (Turn-around in a week? Nah…. But a girl can hope, right?) Course it wasn’t there. Maybe a month or two or maybe even three. They owe us $3,850 without question, another 2k when Julie finishes paying them off (4 years). Geez. God has a reason for everything, right? I believe that. Mom said I should be taking my ‘happy pills’… but I reserve those for times when I'm truly having a panic attack, not just worried. (Maybe 3 or 4 since I went to the doctors) But maybe I should take them a little more often. Heck, I paid for the prescription, right? Maybe God’s reasoning then was to give me a little ‘rest’ from my worrying while I'm waiting for Social Security. Yeah… maybe not. Surely God has more important things to worry about than that!
Speaking of God’s reasons, after the death of a friend from Church, my husband and I decided to get serious about getting more involved spiritually. He joined a men’s small group that meets at 6am on Monday mornings (ICK! But he loves it) and tonight we have our first couple’s small group meeting. I'm nervous as heck, but at the same time, can’t wait. If I come home half as ‘filled spiritually’ as he does after his 6am group, it’ll be awesome. I'm a little nervous because I don’t know if we’ll do bible study or not. Don’t get me wrong, I would NEED bible study – I'm a cradle Catholic who didn’t own a bible. We have the same readings from the bible every 3 years in pre-printed books for us. Why own a bible? Well, come to find out… they didn’t put everything in those readings I got at Church all those years going to church. There is a LOT more to the bible than that. I felt like a complete idiot for weeks when I first joined VanDyke because I didn’t know where to find anything in the bible. I couldn’t tell you where to find Matthew, Luke, John or the Psalms if my life depended on it. I did know Genesis was the beginning and Revelations was at the end. Ha ha ha. I wish you could know how I am totally not kidding here. Anyways… I'm sure I’ll get through it.
The biggest thing I think Chris is getting out of it is sharing. Bonding and sharing. That’s what I hope to get out of tonight as well. I know I say it all the time, but there is sooooo much MORE going on in my life than what I just blog about here. This is my walk with the kids since what happened back in 05 with Julie. But it is not all about me, there is so much more. Maybe sometime I’ll write a book. Wait….. that would mean I’d have to use proper grammar and such… maybe not. :o)
I've got to run.... need to get ready for my first ever couples small group. **grin** I'll leave you with this. I first received this last week, and I thought it was sappy... but I found myself thinking about it all weekend long, so I thought I'd share it with you.
A Gift of Love
"Can I see my baby?" the happy new mother asked. When the bundle was nestled in her arms and she moved the fold of cloth to look upon his tiny face, she gasped. The doctor turned quickly and looked out the tall hospital window. The baby had been born without ears. Time proved that the baby's hearing was perfect. It was only his appearance that was marred. When he rushed home from school one day and flung himself into his mother's arms, she sighed, knowing that his life was to be a succession of heartbreaks.
He blurted out the tragedy. "A boy, a big boy . . . called me a freak." He grew up, handsome for his misfortune. A favorite with his fellow students, he might have been class president, but for that. He developed a gift, a talent for literature and music. "But you might mingle with other young people," his mother reproved him, but felt a kindness in her heart.
The boy's father had a session with the family physician. Could nothing be done? "I believe I could graft on a pair of outer ears, if they could be procured" the doctor decided. Whereupon the search began for a person who would make such a sacrifice for a young man. Two years went by. Then, "You are going to the hospital, son. Mother and I have someone who will donate the ears you need. But it's a secret" said the father.
The operation was a brilliant success, and a new person emerged. His talents blossomed into genius, and school and college became a series of triumphs. Later he married and entered the diplomatic service. "But I must know!" He urged his father. "Who gave so much for me? I could never do enough for him."
"I do not believe you could," said the father, "but the agreement was that you are not to know . . . not yet." The years kept their profound secret, but the day did come . . . one of the darkest days that ever pass through a son. He stood with his father over his mother's casket. Slowly, tenderly, the father stretched forth a hand and raised the thick, reddish-brown hair to reveal . . . that the mother had no outer ears.
"Mother said she was glad she never let her hair be cut," he whispered gently, "and nobody ever thought mother less beautiful, did they"?
Real beauty lies not in the physical appearance, but in the heart. Real treasure lies not in what that can be seen, but what that cannot be seen. Real love lies not in what is done and known, but in what that is done but not known.
Saturday, May 12, 2007
QUICK Update
Mother's Day plans might change for tomorrow... we'll see.
Julie's blood sugar has been over 500 for 2 days in a row now. When she took Insulin as she was supposed to, it did nothing. When she called the doctor and they told her to take more Insulin and check it in an hour, it actually went up.
The other thing that has been going on for a week or so now is that she is peeing ALL the time. I mean... she can't make a 30 minute trip somewhere without having to stop at least once. I'm myself am positive this is a Diabetes related issue as she has no other symptoms.
So anywyas.... she is on her way to Palms of Pasedina Hospital's emergency room. Yeah... we all have such fond memories of that place. **sarcasm!** But she is staying at a hotel on the beach and this hospital is close... so it's where she is going.
Hopefully they'll do something to get her blood sugar down and send her home. We are hoping they don't admit her.
And, if you are curious... Julie has not been trying to 'hurt' herself with food anymore. But at the same time, she is not eating well either. When she was here the other day she had all the same foods we had, including a big piece of Cheesecake. Today she told me she had chocolate milk, English muffins with jelly and steak-um sandwich. "What's wrong with that?" she asks. I replied "carbs... carbs... carbs Julie!" Surely she knows this kind of stuff is not good for her. I really think that she thinks she should be able to just eat like everyone else and take Insulin and be fine. Sigh......... I hope she 'gets it' before IT gets her.
Please keep her in your prayers.
Julie's blood sugar has been over 500 for 2 days in a row now. When she took Insulin as she was supposed to, it did nothing. When she called the doctor and they told her to take more Insulin and check it in an hour, it actually went up.
The other thing that has been going on for a week or so now is that she is peeing ALL the time. I mean... she can't make a 30 minute trip somewhere without having to stop at least once. I'm myself am positive this is a Diabetes related issue as she has no other symptoms.
So anywyas.... she is on her way to Palms of Pasedina Hospital's emergency room. Yeah... we all have such fond memories of that place. **sarcasm!** But she is staying at a hotel on the beach and this hospital is close... so it's where she is going.
Hopefully they'll do something to get her blood sugar down and send her home. We are hoping they don't admit her.
And, if you are curious... Julie has not been trying to 'hurt' herself with food anymore. But at the same time, she is not eating well either. When she was here the other day she had all the same foods we had, including a big piece of Cheesecake. Today she told me she had chocolate milk, English muffins with jelly and steak-um sandwich. "What's wrong with that?" she asks. I replied "carbs... carbs... carbs Julie!" Surely she knows this kind of stuff is not good for her. I really think that she thinks she should be able to just eat like everyone else and take Insulin and be fine. Sigh......... I hope she 'gets it' before IT gets her.
Please keep her in your prayers.
Almost Mother's Day
I remember when Mother's Day was simple and stress free. Amanda, Jonathan and Chris would plan out my day... I would do nothing all day and LOVE it. Sadly... now... there is a stress factor involved which Chris and Jonathan can not do a single thing about it.
Last year it was easier. Julie was totally messed up and DCF was totally 'in charge'. Everything I did on a day to day basis was dictated and monitored by DCF. It's easier to not worry about something when it's not in 'your hands', ya know?
This year... it just feels different. I don't know why really.
Julie has made hints lately about the kids having 'two mothers'. And honestly, it's a thin line between 'parenting' and 'mothering'. When the kids have a bad day at school, I'm there. When they get hurt, I'm there. When they cry, I'm there. I cook and clean for them daily. Yet - I want them to do nothing for me on Mother's Day because I am not their mom. I want them to love on and support their Mom, my little sis, Julie. And yet, it just.... feels.... awkward. I don't know how else to describe it.
This is also the first year I can remember that Amanda's not been here. Maybe she wasn't around last year, but it was a blur really (our first time with all the kids here). I'll miss her very much. But at the same time, I'm thrilled to have time with Jonathan to myself. He's growing up so fast......... I'm the luckiest mom in the world to have such great kids. I need to make sure to spend some quality time with my son... while at the same time supervising a visit with Julie and her kids. I want Jonathan to know how much everything he has given up in order to help his cousins means SO much to me. That I think he's the BEST kid in the world. He deserves a medal of some sort. Absolutely the most 'giving' child ever. :o)
Today has been a busy day. Kayte got her toes and nails done for the Th grade dance. She's going with her boyfriend - he and his friend rented a hummer limo. She's going to a friends house to start getting ready at 5:30 or so. Meanwhile, I'm going to Justin's baseball game in a few minutes (starts at 3:30 and ends about 6). Kayla has a job interview with Taco Bell at 4:30. When I get home from Justin's game, I'll take Jonathan up to the dance. (I think I'll drop him off in the 55 Chevy with the top down. He'll look cool and NOBODY else will pull up in that kind of a car! Limo-schimo!) Chris is going to sing on the praise team for the 6pm service tonight, and I'll start dinner for the crew while he's at Church. Fun fun. Jonathan and Kayte are due home from the dance at 10, so I can start relaxing right after that.
Phone is ringing which reminds me about our phones around here. I don't know if I've blogged about this yet -- the kids have little by little destroyed all of our cordless phones. The other day I was on my way to work when I noticed one in the grass... covered with water from rain and dew... in the middle of the front yard. Freaking great, huh? We used to have 6 cordless phones... and little by little... they have killed them. I think I told you about the one time that all the cordless phones were completely dead. I made all the kids go to find them. We found one under EACH kid's bed and one under the sofa. I actually watched Justin grab the one from under the sofa, sit down on the sofa, and shove the phone under the cushion. I was like "JUSTIN! What are you doing?" He was like "oh, sorry". Yeah........... So I think we now have one working cordless phone. Course, we can't find the ding-dang thing. Frrrrrrrrrrrrrrrustrating. Two story house.... four teenagers... one working cordless phone... equals frustration. It's a simple equation really.
I don't know what we are doing tomorrow for Mother's day. The plan is.... Chris and I are taking 2 cars to Church. (He has to sing for both services) After I sing for the 9:30 service, I'm taking the kids and going to meet Julie at her hotel on the beach. There the kids can hang out with their mom all day.... and I get some relaxing time at the beach. I LOVE the beach. I feel bad that Chris isn't going with us... but he has plans for his mom on Mother's Day... as it should be. :o)
Still thinking about tonight's busy schedule. I sure wish I could meet Kayte's boyfriend. I'm sure he's fine, but I'd like to meet him myself. Jonathan is going solo, which is a little sad to me, but I hope he has fun! They say kids are going more often in groups now instead of with one person. When I think of the fact that Kayte - who was 12 when she moved in with me - had already had FIFTEEN boyfriends.... it blows my mind away. I know the kids think I'm a prude... but I think that's absurd. Amanda was a beautiful child, but she didn't date half that much. Perhaps it's related to her conditions at home after Ron died, but maybe not. Who knows. I just think that's a LOT of dating for a girl who's not even in high school yet. So you bet I want to meet the new guy. We have to have 'the talk'. The "You do anything to my sweet little niece and I'll hunt you down" speech. **grin**
I probably won't get a chance to blog tomorrow. So for all you mothers out there - Happy Mother's Day! I leave you with this in the meantime:
The art of mothering is to teach the art of living to children.
Elain Heffner
Last year it was easier. Julie was totally messed up and DCF was totally 'in charge'. Everything I did on a day to day basis was dictated and monitored by DCF. It's easier to not worry about something when it's not in 'your hands', ya know?
This year... it just feels different. I don't know why really.
Julie has made hints lately about the kids having 'two mothers'. And honestly, it's a thin line between 'parenting' and 'mothering'. When the kids have a bad day at school, I'm there. When they get hurt, I'm there. When they cry, I'm there. I cook and clean for them daily. Yet - I want them to do nothing for me on Mother's Day because I am not their mom. I want them to love on and support their Mom, my little sis, Julie. And yet, it just.... feels.... awkward. I don't know how else to describe it.
This is also the first year I can remember that Amanda's not been here. Maybe she wasn't around last year, but it was a blur really (our first time with all the kids here). I'll miss her very much. But at the same time, I'm thrilled to have time with Jonathan to myself. He's growing up so fast......... I'm the luckiest mom in the world to have such great kids. I need to make sure to spend some quality time with my son... while at the same time supervising a visit with Julie and her kids. I want Jonathan to know how much everything he has given up in order to help his cousins means SO much to me. That I think he's the BEST kid in the world. He deserves a medal of some sort. Absolutely the most 'giving' child ever. :o)
Today has been a busy day. Kayte got her toes and nails done for the Th grade dance. She's going with her boyfriend - he and his friend rented a hummer limo. She's going to a friends house to start getting ready at 5:30 or so. Meanwhile, I'm going to Justin's baseball game in a few minutes (starts at 3:30 and ends about 6). Kayla has a job interview with Taco Bell at 4:30. When I get home from Justin's game, I'll take Jonathan up to the dance. (I think I'll drop him off in the 55 Chevy with the top down. He'll look cool and NOBODY else will pull up in that kind of a car! Limo-schimo!) Chris is going to sing on the praise team for the 6pm service tonight, and I'll start dinner for the crew while he's at Church. Fun fun. Jonathan and Kayte are due home from the dance at 10, so I can start relaxing right after that.
Phone is ringing which reminds me about our phones around here. I don't know if I've blogged about this yet -- the kids have little by little destroyed all of our cordless phones. The other day I was on my way to work when I noticed one in the grass... covered with water from rain and dew... in the middle of the front yard. Freaking great, huh? We used to have 6 cordless phones... and little by little... they have killed them. I think I told you about the one time that all the cordless phones were completely dead. I made all the kids go to find them. We found one under EACH kid's bed and one under the sofa. I actually watched Justin grab the one from under the sofa, sit down on the sofa, and shove the phone under the cushion. I was like "JUSTIN! What are you doing?" He was like "oh, sorry". Yeah........... So I think we now have one working cordless phone. Course, we can't find the ding-dang thing. Frrrrrrrrrrrrrrrustrating. Two story house.... four teenagers... one working cordless phone... equals frustration. It's a simple equation really.
I don't know what we are doing tomorrow for Mother's day. The plan is.... Chris and I are taking 2 cars to Church. (He has to sing for both services) After I sing for the 9:30 service, I'm taking the kids and going to meet Julie at her hotel on the beach. There the kids can hang out with their mom all day.... and I get some relaxing time at the beach. I LOVE the beach. I feel bad that Chris isn't going with us... but he has plans for his mom on Mother's Day... as it should be. :o)
Still thinking about tonight's busy schedule. I sure wish I could meet Kayte's boyfriend. I'm sure he's fine, but I'd like to meet him myself. Jonathan is going solo, which is a little sad to me, but I hope he has fun! They say kids are going more often in groups now instead of with one person. When I think of the fact that Kayte - who was 12 when she moved in with me - had already had FIFTEEN boyfriends.... it blows my mind away. I know the kids think I'm a prude... but I think that's absurd. Amanda was a beautiful child, but she didn't date half that much. Perhaps it's related to her conditions at home after Ron died, but maybe not. Who knows. I just think that's a LOT of dating for a girl who's not even in high school yet. So you bet I want to meet the new guy. We have to have 'the talk'. The "You do anything to my sweet little niece and I'll hunt you down" speech. **grin**
I probably won't get a chance to blog tomorrow. So for all you mothers out there - Happy Mother's Day! I leave you with this in the meantime:
The art of mothering is to teach the art of living to children.
Elain Heffner
Friday, May 11, 2007
Warning.... Grumpy Today
**Reminder to self: I should not blog grumpy. Oh well... here goes anyways...**
Well, I had a horrible night last night. What was supposed to have been a lovely evening (jeez, did I say 'lovely evening? That sounded like my grandmother for a second) with just mom and her three girls just didn't happen. Well, eventually it sorta-happened... but it was far from stress free.
I had new tires put on my Mustang maybe 3 weeks ago. I'm driving down the Veterans expressway to meet mom, Katie and Julie at Maggiano's - my mom's most favorite Italian restaurant (and I LOVE it as well!!). I don't get to eat there much because it's expensive (unless you go to the happy hour early stuff that my mom takes advantage of) and also because it's about 40 minutes away from our home up here in Carrollwood. The plan was to get down South, pick up a card for mom, then meet at the restaurant. I was SO prepared... had it all worked out... I had a small credit card I have with just enough on it to cover dinner expenses. (Remember I was worried about not having enough in the bank). Everything seemed to be going my way. I enjoyed getting dressed up, putting on makeup, wearing nice clothes... I don't do that much for my job and it feels good to look good. :o)
I'm driving down the Veterans expressway when I suddenly realize I have a flat. A bad flat, not a whomp-whomp-whomp, but rather - metal screeching can hardly hold in on the road kind of flat. I am just peaking over a small hill and pull off as best I can. I realize I am sticking out in the road (I'm in the left lane, but the right and left sides were the same at this stretch of road, equally bad places to stop). I pull over as far as I can... I can't even open my door as it's right up against the metal guard rail. Still, I'm about 4 inches over the line and cars are WHIZZING BY lightening fast. I can feel my little car picking up slightly with each car that goes by over 60 mph. I tighten up with each pass, feeling I'm going to get hit. I call Chris. I know I've got to do something, I can't stay here, I'll be hit. But I'm sitting on the rim and you shouldn't drive it like that. He tells me I have to pull up to safety and he's on his way to rescue me. (My hero!)
I pull up to a patch of bushes about 50 yards in front of me. I'm so close to the bushes I still can't open the driver's side door, so I emerge out the passenger side. I have about a foot maybe a foot and a half clearance from the yellow line. Still cars WHIZZING by, not even changing lanes to avoid scaring the bajeezus out of me. I know Chris is on his way, but I need to do something - I'm a fix-it kinda gal who just can't sit like a damsel in distress waiting for my man to come and rescue me. Gotta get my hands dirty to help take care of myself.
I open the trunk and realize that we didn't replace my donut tire when we got the 4 new tires put on. We figured, 4 brand-spankin-new tires... we had some time before we'd need to buy a new donut tire. WRONG! So, I can't change the tire, they are going to have to pull this off and get it fixed. So, I pull out the jack and managed to jack the darn thing myself. (It's not an easy jack to work, it's small and a pain in the butt) I say 'managed' like that because the cars driving by were SO close, I had to face traffic so that if a car got too close I could move a little, pulling myself right up against the car. Drivers were CLUELESS.... not slowing down.... not stopping to help.... nothing. I was wearing a jacket and the cars going by were so fast that my jacket kept flying up behind me due to the wind velocity and I could feel the jacket hit the cars that came too close. Not once, not twice, many times. Scary as heck, let me tell you.
I might point out here that only ONE PERSON (and that was AFTER I had the car up on the jack) stopped to help. When I was thin, roughly 120 - 130 pounds, and broke down, I swear to God, must have been 10 men stopped to see if I was okay. That was the expressway as well. It just blows my mind away that it could possibly by related... but I would have to assume so. Anyways....
Chris and Wayne arrive to help me. They bring two cans of fix-a-flat with them. As he puts it in, the stuff spews out the hole. There is a hole in the tire so big you can put your finger in it. Not a small nail... something big caused this. So... we roll the tire onto the hole, put the fix a flat in, then drove fast as hell to a gas station about a mile away. Tire got completely flat again by the time we got there, so we put in the other can and aired it up at the gas station, then drove it another quarter mile or so to the tire place. It was about 5 till 7, they were just getting ready to close.
They tell us the tire was ruined from driving it flat. I believe them, chunks of tire were spewing out of the hole when we put in the fix-a-flat. A brand-damn-new tire... ruined. Thank God I had that credit card I was going to use for dinner, I had exactly enough to buy a new tire instead.
Chris and Wayne (my heroes) take off to go home, I decide to meet up with Mom and my sisters to try and redeem whatever might be left of our fantabulous mothers day dinner. They were finished eating, but saved a little for me. I got some leftovers, dessert, and a coke. Yummy. Of course, it then hit me that I had arrived with nothing in hand to say "I love you mommy"... no card... nothing. Only filthy hands, all scraped up from using the jack on the ragged street, sweaty, makeup running, and a bit frazzled from the chaos of the whole ordeal. Mom, being the good mom she is, told me it didn't matter... time with her is all she wanted.
Julie said a couple things at dinner that kinda weirded me out. One thing she said was that she hated it that I called the kids "Rhocchini" in my blog and when I talk about the whole gang here. I explained why... that I don't want someone to be able to google their last name and come up with a hit on the kids, first and foremost. Second, I used to talk about the Rhodes kids and then the C*cchini kids, but it's just too much... Rhocchini is just easy and sums up both families. Julie feels that she's somehow LOST something as a result of this. Not the ordeal itself, my 'calling' the blended family "Rhocchini". I don't understand that at all.
Katie actually got pretty upset about it, and quickly reminded Julie that SHE was the cause of all of this, that I (Tina) came into it like a champ and did what needed to be done to keep the kids out of foster care. Pretty much saying that I should be able to call them whatever the hell I want and Julie damn well better not say a ding-dang thing about it. It wasn't a heated debate there, just conversation really. Katie and I talked about it later. She pointed out that Julie tends to act as if she is not "grateful" and.... she's right. Julie really doesn't SHOW gratitude very well, even when she is. She tries at times... she bought me the most beautiful card for Mother's Day... it's perfect. She helps or at least offers to help with dinners and things when she comes over. But it's hard to see it often times.
Frankly, I'm just grumpy right now. Flat out grumpy. Dinner is cooking. Kids are scattered (but hopefully will be home in time to eat dinner). I've got nothing to drink, not soda or kool aid (course what I'd really like on this Friday night is a glass of wine) - but nothing but water here at the moment. I'm still slightly stressed about the LLC jobs. Our music director at church, Jason, has stepped down 'for a while' (how that makes me grumpy is that I really love this guy... he's smart and talented and a joy to sing for and with -- my heart is breaking for whatever he is going through right now). Singing makes me happy, Jason was great to sing for, and so I'm grumpy about this too. Chris is in the living room, music loud, singing, plucking notes out on the piano, as he was just asked to sing this Sunday in place of Jason. Course, it would be easier to listen to him practicing if I were holding a glass of wine... but I digress....
A friend from Church yesterday gave me a surprise. A sweet card and a candle. I don't even remember the last time a friend ever just gave me something like that 'just because'. I was so moved. I've had a lot of help with the kids since getting them for the first time back in November 05, but I don't recall a 'just because' and just for me. It was sweet. I think I'll go light it right now and see if it'll help with my mood. :o)
There............... that's better. Except that dinner is now ready and the kids are not home. Then again, neither is my husband........... ARGHHHHHHHHH
Did you know how the USA started celebrating Mother's Day? I just researched it and found that a woman, Julia Ward Howe, wrote a Proclamation to 'advocate the need of official celebration' of Mother's Day in the USA in 1870. Not only was she successful (as a result of this proclamation yearly observances began to take place on the second Sunday of May) - she's also the woman who became famous as the writer of the Civil War song, 'The Battle Hymn of the Republic'.
Here was the Mothers' Day Proclamation which started everything back in 1870. Enjoy:
Arise, then, women of this day! Arise all women who have hearts, whether your baptism be of water or of tears! Say firmly: "We will not have questions decided by irrelevant agencies. Our husbands shall not come to us reeking of carnage for caresses and applause. Our sons shall not be taken from us to unlearn all that we have been able to teach them of charity, mercy, and patience. We women of one country will be too tender to those of another country to allow our sons to be trained to injure theirs."
From the bosom of a devastated Earth a voice goes up with our own. It says "Disarm! Disarm!" The sword of murder is not the balance of justice. Blood does not wipe out dishonor, nor violence indicate possession.
As men have forsaken the plow and the anvil at the summons of war, let women now leave all that may be left of home for a great and earnest day of counsel. Let them meet first as women, to bewail and commemorate the dead. Let them solemnly take counsel with each other as to the means whereby the great human family can live in peace, each bearing after his time the sacred impress not of Caesar, but of God.
In the name of womanhood and humanity, I earnestly ask that a general congress of women without limit of nationality be appointed and held at some place deemed most convenient and at the earliest period consistent with its objects, to promote the alliance of the different nationalities, the amicable settlement of international questions, the great and general interests of peace.
Well, I had a horrible night last night. What was supposed to have been a lovely evening (jeez, did I say 'lovely evening? That sounded like my grandmother for a second) with just mom and her three girls just didn't happen. Well, eventually it sorta-happened... but it was far from stress free.
I had new tires put on my Mustang maybe 3 weeks ago. I'm driving down the Veterans expressway to meet mom, Katie and Julie at Maggiano's - my mom's most favorite Italian restaurant (and I LOVE it as well!!). I don't get to eat there much because it's expensive (unless you go to the happy hour early stuff that my mom takes advantage of) and also because it's about 40 minutes away from our home up here in Carrollwood. The plan was to get down South, pick up a card for mom, then meet at the restaurant. I was SO prepared... had it all worked out... I had a small credit card I have with just enough on it to cover dinner expenses. (Remember I was worried about not having enough in the bank). Everything seemed to be going my way. I enjoyed getting dressed up, putting on makeup, wearing nice clothes... I don't do that much for my job and it feels good to look good. :o)
I'm driving down the Veterans expressway when I suddenly realize I have a flat. A bad flat, not a whomp-whomp-whomp, but rather - metal screeching can hardly hold in on the road kind of flat. I am just peaking over a small hill and pull off as best I can. I realize I am sticking out in the road (I'm in the left lane, but the right and left sides were the same at this stretch of road, equally bad places to stop). I pull over as far as I can... I can't even open my door as it's right up against the metal guard rail. Still, I'm about 4 inches over the line and cars are WHIZZING BY lightening fast. I can feel my little car picking up slightly with each car that goes by over 60 mph. I tighten up with each pass, feeling I'm going to get hit. I call Chris. I know I've got to do something, I can't stay here, I'll be hit. But I'm sitting on the rim and you shouldn't drive it like that. He tells me I have to pull up to safety and he's on his way to rescue me. (My hero!)
I pull up to a patch of bushes about 50 yards in front of me. I'm so close to the bushes I still can't open the driver's side door, so I emerge out the passenger side. I have about a foot maybe a foot and a half clearance from the yellow line. Still cars WHIZZING by, not even changing lanes to avoid scaring the bajeezus out of me. I know Chris is on his way, but I need to do something - I'm a fix-it kinda gal who just can't sit like a damsel in distress waiting for my man to come and rescue me. Gotta get my hands dirty to help take care of myself.
I open the trunk and realize that we didn't replace my donut tire when we got the 4 new tires put on. We figured, 4 brand-spankin-new tires... we had some time before we'd need to buy a new donut tire. WRONG! So, I can't change the tire, they are going to have to pull this off and get it fixed. So, I pull out the jack and managed to jack the darn thing myself. (It's not an easy jack to work, it's small and a pain in the butt) I say 'managed' like that because the cars driving by were SO close, I had to face traffic so that if a car got too close I could move a little, pulling myself right up against the car. Drivers were CLUELESS.... not slowing down.... not stopping to help.... nothing. I was wearing a jacket and the cars going by were so fast that my jacket kept flying up behind me due to the wind velocity and I could feel the jacket hit the cars that came too close. Not once, not twice, many times. Scary as heck, let me tell you.
I might point out here that only ONE PERSON (and that was AFTER I had the car up on the jack) stopped to help. When I was thin, roughly 120 - 130 pounds, and broke down, I swear to God, must have been 10 men stopped to see if I was okay. That was the expressway as well. It just blows my mind away that it could possibly by related... but I would have to assume so. Anyways....
Chris and Wayne arrive to help me. They bring two cans of fix-a-flat with them. As he puts it in, the stuff spews out the hole. There is a hole in the tire so big you can put your finger in it. Not a small nail... something big caused this. So... we roll the tire onto the hole, put the fix a flat in, then drove fast as hell to a gas station about a mile away. Tire got completely flat again by the time we got there, so we put in the other can and aired it up at the gas station, then drove it another quarter mile or so to the tire place. It was about 5 till 7, they were just getting ready to close.
They tell us the tire was ruined from driving it flat. I believe them, chunks of tire were spewing out of the hole when we put in the fix-a-flat. A brand-damn-new tire... ruined. Thank God I had that credit card I was going to use for dinner, I had exactly enough to buy a new tire instead.
Chris and Wayne (my heroes) take off to go home, I decide to meet up with Mom and my sisters to try and redeem whatever might be left of our fantabulous mothers day dinner. They were finished eating, but saved a little for me. I got some leftovers, dessert, and a coke. Yummy. Of course, it then hit me that I had arrived with nothing in hand to say "I love you mommy"... no card... nothing. Only filthy hands, all scraped up from using the jack on the ragged street, sweaty, makeup running, and a bit frazzled from the chaos of the whole ordeal. Mom, being the good mom she is, told me it didn't matter... time with her is all she wanted.
Julie said a couple things at dinner that kinda weirded me out. One thing she said was that she hated it that I called the kids "Rhocchini" in my blog and when I talk about the whole gang here. I explained why... that I don't want someone to be able to google their last name and come up with a hit on the kids, first and foremost. Second, I used to talk about the Rhodes kids and then the C*cchini kids, but it's just too much... Rhocchini is just easy and sums up both families. Julie feels that she's somehow LOST something as a result of this. Not the ordeal itself, my 'calling' the blended family "Rhocchini". I don't understand that at all.
Katie actually got pretty upset about it, and quickly reminded Julie that SHE was the cause of all of this, that I (Tina) came into it like a champ and did what needed to be done to keep the kids out of foster care. Pretty much saying that I should be able to call them whatever the hell I want and Julie damn well better not say a ding-dang thing about it. It wasn't a heated debate there, just conversation really. Katie and I talked about it later. She pointed out that Julie tends to act as if she is not "grateful" and.... she's right. Julie really doesn't SHOW gratitude very well, even when she is. She tries at times... she bought me the most beautiful card for Mother's Day... it's perfect. She helps or at least offers to help with dinners and things when she comes over. But it's hard to see it often times.
Frankly, I'm just grumpy right now. Flat out grumpy. Dinner is cooking. Kids are scattered (but hopefully will be home in time to eat dinner). I've got nothing to drink, not soda or kool aid (course what I'd really like on this Friday night is a glass of wine) - but nothing but water here at the moment. I'm still slightly stressed about the LLC jobs. Our music director at church, Jason, has stepped down 'for a while' (how that makes me grumpy is that I really love this guy... he's smart and talented and a joy to sing for and with -- my heart is breaking for whatever he is going through right now). Singing makes me happy, Jason was great to sing for, and so I'm grumpy about this too. Chris is in the living room, music loud, singing, plucking notes out on the piano, as he was just asked to sing this Sunday in place of Jason. Course, it would be easier to listen to him practicing if I were holding a glass of wine... but I digress....
A friend from Church yesterday gave me a surprise. A sweet card and a candle. I don't even remember the last time a friend ever just gave me something like that 'just because'. I was so moved. I've had a lot of help with the kids since getting them for the first time back in November 05, but I don't recall a 'just because' and just for me. It was sweet. I think I'll go light it right now and see if it'll help with my mood. :o)
There............... that's better. Except that dinner is now ready and the kids are not home. Then again, neither is my husband........... ARGHHHHHHHHH
Did you know how the USA started celebrating Mother's Day? I just researched it and found that a woman, Julia Ward Howe, wrote a Proclamation to 'advocate the need of official celebration' of Mother's Day in the USA in 1870. Not only was she successful (as a result of this proclamation yearly observances began to take place on the second Sunday of May) - she's also the woman who became famous as the writer of the Civil War song, 'The Battle Hymn of the Republic'.
Here was the Mothers' Day Proclamation which started everything back in 1870. Enjoy:
Arise, then, women of this day! Arise all women who have hearts, whether your baptism be of water or of tears! Say firmly: "We will not have questions decided by irrelevant agencies. Our husbands shall not come to us reeking of carnage for caresses and applause. Our sons shall not be taken from us to unlearn all that we have been able to teach them of charity, mercy, and patience. We women of one country will be too tender to those of another country to allow our sons to be trained to injure theirs."
From the bosom of a devastated Earth a voice goes up with our own. It says "Disarm! Disarm!" The sword of murder is not the balance of justice. Blood does not wipe out dishonor, nor violence indicate possession.
As men have forsaken the plow and the anvil at the summons of war, let women now leave all that may be left of home for a great and earnest day of counsel. Let them meet first as women, to bewail and commemorate the dead. Let them solemnly take counsel with each other as to the means whereby the great human family can live in peace, each bearing after his time the sacred impress not of Caesar, but of God.
In the name of womanhood and humanity, I earnestly ask that a general congress of women without limit of nationality be appointed and held at some place deemed most convenient and at the earliest period consistent with its objects, to promote the alliance of the different nationalities, the amicable settlement of international questions, the great and general interests of peace.
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Give Your Worries To The Lord
I'm home sick today. Initially, I was just having a 'worrisome' day. Chris pointed out this morning that I usually get this worried at this time of the month. It's nearly time for his payday and - well - with him doing his own thing (his own business), it's not like a payroll check is cut by anyone, ya know? Although he's been really busy lately, with the new business and all. God is going to... I mean... God IS taking care of us. I know that. And still... I worry.
This morning, at work, feeling not so well and knowing I needed to just give my worry over to God, I actually went into the bathroom at work, shut the door, got on my knees and prayed. I prayed that God would just take my worry from me. I felt it -- I felt that I was trying to 'give it to God' but that my fingertips were just barely hanging on... trying desperately not not let go and by doing so trying to have at least SOME control. Yet, I know, it's better in His hands. Surely He knows better than I.
I felt better when I got up. A little silly for getting on my knees in a small and cold bathroom... but still better. Better spiritually -- but still had a headache so I came home for the day sick.
And I sit here blogging... laughing at myself. I'm sitting at the kitchen table on a laptop, looking outside at the pretty porch, pool, hot tub, plants, Pedro cleaning the pool (Pedro is our automatic pool cleaner guy... don't ask why we call him Pedro - we just do!). My bible is open to my left, kitchen looks clean enough. Clothes tossing gently in the dryer. Then my mind wanders to other things... the electric bill from laundry running ALL the time.... the kitchen cabinets with cracked wood and the refacing peeling.... knowing that termites have been eating at this back wall for over a year now and we NEED to get this place tented.... knowing I have only $45 in the bank and am going out to dinner with my mom tonight for Mothers day. And I laugh at myself... saying "Jeez Tina, just ENJOY the good stuff". I don't focus on the bad most of the time - I just know it's there. Sure, sometimes I tend to focus more... such as this morning... but I always come around and see the brighter side. God's gifts. God's blessings. They are everywhere.
I know I'm not alone in this. Yesterday on CNN they carried a story about a young man who is in high school, dying of cancer. He kept a blog that CNN says is a "magnet for people searching for ways to relish the simplicity of a single good day." How sad really that we are all really searching for ways to recognize and enjoy a simply good day.
This weekend a friend from church ended his life at the age of 41. It was horrible, tragic, and life-changing all at the same time. It's really not hard to imagine how someone could get depressed in today's time. Both parents working, prices going up everywhere, kids today dealing with things our parents could never even imagine them having to deal with, and so many faithless people out there... looking for something. But how does someone get so depressed that they don't know any way out other than death? Sadly, I understand that. Someone I love dearly has had suicidal thoughts in the past (long time ago). And no, not Julie! But clearly it happens and I've seen it first hand. When your mind isn't thinking right, it just isn't working right.
I was telling a friend of mine the other day how people just don't... talk... about bad things. As if speaking these things might make them 'less' in someone else's eyes. When in fact, in my eyes, talking about such things makes them bigger. I'm not talking about earth-shattering things here... we all have things we can not say to others. But certain experiences we have in life, if shared with other people, might make others think that they are not alone.
For example, my husband and I on a somewhat regular basis (spread out over nearly 21 years) have had marriage problems. Things are not always perfect. We are not always happy. But those bumps in the road HAVE made us stronger. Another thing I put in a Myspace survey that I don't ever talk about, but it asked for "the most tragic thing that ever happened TO me" -- in high school I was molested by 3 guys at one time; held captive in a room for over an hour while everyone was in class. Shocking? It happens. I thank God it was just a molestation. But do I ever talk about it? Nope.
When we were at the Mothers/Daughters luncheon, they had a speaker talk about staying 'pure' until you were married. I felt and OVERWHELMING urge to share my story. I didn't (not much anyways). But - maybe there are teens out there who need to know that if they have sex, and get pregnant, there are happy endings at times. That they have options. That they have choices. And that they should do as I did... listen to their heart. Pray. And make every decision with love in your heart. Not everyone will end up married, I know. And... maybe the talk I'm supposed to have is to tell girls that it (pregnancy) CAN happen on your VERY first time ever. Do you KNOW how many kids to this day don't know that? Shocking.
Other things have happened over the course of my life that I can not and will not talk about unless I need to. My relationship with my mom is... strained... at times; but not without cause. But I love my mother with all my heart and soul. Dr. Phil talks all the time about 'boundaries' and how they really help with any relationship. He's exactly correct. Everyone needs boundaries, and mom and I have made our relationship strong and loving in the face of difficult times. I love you mom.
My father died an alcoholic. He left my mom when I was 18, married another alcoholic, bought a bar up in North Carolina (a strip club bar) and there he drank himself to death. Tragic, yes. But there were a LOT of life lessons in what happened because of those things. Things that made ME a stronger person.
Funny story about my dad and his dying that I'll share with you. My sisters and I had not seen and very rarely heard from him in 15 years. When he did call, he was drunk. Anyways... we got the news that he was in the hospital dying. My sisters and I decided to go up and see him. "No regrets" my husband kept telling me.
Dad had been unconscious before we got there, but woke up and the doctors said seemed to improve the 2 or 3 days we were there. While visiting, we got to see his 'bar' - it was then we realized it was a little hole-in-the-wall strip club.
At this time you should picture this... Katie, the youngest sister, was very pretty and thin. Former prom queen, popular, dancer, the works. Julie, the middle sister, was morbidly obese. I, the oldest (and wisest!) was somewhere in the middle.
Dad wakes up when we are there... and looks at us. He yells at Katie for wearing makeup, saying she was too young. (I think he still thought we were the kids we were when he left home maybe, I dunno.) Then he looked at the three of us... he said to Katie.... "You could come to my club and work. You could work weekends and nights and make a lot of money." He then looks at me and says... "You could work weeknights and make decent money." Then he looks at Julie and says....... "You could work days." How funny is that.... one of the last things our dad wanted us to do is pole dancing at his strip club! Even assigned us times based on what he thought it would do for his business. Oh my LORDY that's funny.
I have another funny story about when my Nana passed away. One I just recently shared with Pastor Matthew's wife, and she just couldn't even believe it. It's a good one I'll share for another day.
I've got to run. Need to take Kayla to a job interview then get ready to go meet mom and my sisters for Mother's Day dinner.
Psalm 55: 22
Give your worries to the Lord. He will take care of you. He will never let good people down.
Give your worries to the Lord. He will take care of you. He will never let good people down.
And here is a photo from this weekend's mother/daughter luncheon. Enjoy:
Monday, May 07, 2007
Memorial Day Blues
I have a few minutes here of time to myself - going to try to squeeze in a quick blog. Don't know if I can be quick about it or not... so much to say... so much on my mind.... but here goes....
Saturday we had the Mother/Daughter Luncheon that Julie and the girls went to. We got there super early (I hate being late) and so I was able to help set up and help with photos. Julie got to spend a lot of time with her girls, and I'm sure it was good for her as well. Julie was clear, not slurring, and so all of that was really great. There was one time where I was reminded of her mental state. But overall the day went great. They took pictures of Julie and the girls... then one of me with the girls... and one with Julie and myself and the girls. Julie saw that one and said "the girls and their two moms"... and I quickly pointed out they only had ONE mom, and it was - to me - a picture of the two girls, their mom and their parent. Sigh....
Things with the kids are going okay. We're gearing up for the end of the school year push for everyone's grades to go up as high as possible. Always fun (NOT!).
What else....... I've been trying to debate whether or not I want to participate with the choir in the annual Memorial Day service here at church or not. Now, normally, you just say "sing" and my response is 'where and when' and I'm there. But... last year I attended as a member and I cried my eyes out. With me having the kids now... I'm just more emotional when it comes to members in the service. And I'm emotionally torn - on one had complete and total admiration for the men and women who serve our country. I'm proud of our country... I love living in the USA. And yet... on the other hand -- I'm absolutely livid at this same government for 'killing' Ron. Our dirty bombs.... ours! And I just haven't learned yet how to emotionally deal with it yet. I'm sure as more time passes... it'll get easier. But for now... I don't know if I can stand in front of the congregation in the choir and 'give' what I usually do without crying my eyes out. I suppose I should talk to Jason about it. I dunno....
I think the whole Rhocchini family are going to go to Rainbow Springs for Memorial Day. We usually stay in the camper when we go and stay the whole weekend, but - well - first they are probably booked, second I don't want to spend the money, and third we all can't fit in the camper. So... we've decided to get up at the crack of dawn and drive over. We'll make a lunch or something, get to where you rent and put in the tubes, float down the river for 4 hours, then maybe go to the spring/swimming area for the rest of the day. It'll be FUN! Kayla, Justin and Kayte have never been there before. Of course, there will be memories... the last time we were there was when we got the news that Ron had passed away. Sad sad day. But this time it'll be so much better!
More news.... did I already tell you that Chris is now a business owner. A real honest to goodness business owner! The name of the company is Helbig & Rhodes Remodeling, LLC. Awesome-tastic!
American Idol is on! I better run for the night. Please continue to keep us in your prayers. But while you are at it... please say a prayer for a church member Amanda. She just lost her husband suddenly and left behind a WONDERFUL wife and two children. Amanda... if you read this... I'm lifting you up in prayer many many times a day.
Children Learn What They Live
If children live with CRITICISM
They learn to CONDEMN
If children live with HOSTILITY
They learn to FIGHT
If children live with RIDICULE
They learn to BE SHY
If children live with SHAME
They learn to FEEL GUILTY
If children live with TOLERANCE
They learn to BE PATIENT
If children live with ENCOURAGEMENT
They learn to HAVE CONFIDENCE
If children live with PRAISE
They learn to APPRECIATE
If children live with FAIRNESS
They learn JUSTICE
If children live with SECURITY
They learn to HAVE FAITH
If children live with APPROVAL
They learn to LIKE THEMSELVES
If children live with ACCEPTANCE and FRIENDSHIP
They learn to FIND LOVE IN THE WORLD.
Saturday we had the Mother/Daughter Luncheon that Julie and the girls went to. We got there super early (I hate being late) and so I was able to help set up and help with photos. Julie got to spend a lot of time with her girls, and I'm sure it was good for her as well. Julie was clear, not slurring, and so all of that was really great. There was one time where I was reminded of her mental state. But overall the day went great. They took pictures of Julie and the girls... then one of me with the girls... and one with Julie and myself and the girls. Julie saw that one and said "the girls and their two moms"... and I quickly pointed out they only had ONE mom, and it was - to me - a picture of the two girls, their mom and their parent. Sigh....
Things with the kids are going okay. We're gearing up for the end of the school year push for everyone's grades to go up as high as possible. Always fun (NOT!).
What else....... I've been trying to debate whether or not I want to participate with the choir in the annual Memorial Day service here at church or not. Now, normally, you just say "sing" and my response is 'where and when' and I'm there. But... last year I attended as a member and I cried my eyes out. With me having the kids now... I'm just more emotional when it comes to members in the service. And I'm emotionally torn - on one had complete and total admiration for the men and women who serve our country. I'm proud of our country... I love living in the USA. And yet... on the other hand -- I'm absolutely livid at this same government for 'killing' Ron. Our dirty bombs.... ours! And I just haven't learned yet how to emotionally deal with it yet. I'm sure as more time passes... it'll get easier. But for now... I don't know if I can stand in front of the congregation in the choir and 'give' what I usually do without crying my eyes out. I suppose I should talk to Jason about it. I dunno....
I think the whole Rhocchini family are going to go to Rainbow Springs for Memorial Day. We usually stay in the camper when we go and stay the whole weekend, but - well - first they are probably booked, second I don't want to spend the money, and third we all can't fit in the camper. So... we've decided to get up at the crack of dawn and drive over. We'll make a lunch or something, get to where you rent and put in the tubes, float down the river for 4 hours, then maybe go to the spring/swimming area for the rest of the day. It'll be FUN! Kayla, Justin and Kayte have never been there before. Of course, there will be memories... the last time we were there was when we got the news that Ron had passed away. Sad sad day. But this time it'll be so much better!
More news.... did I already tell you that Chris is now a business owner. A real honest to goodness business owner! The name of the company is Helbig & Rhodes Remodeling, LLC. Awesome-tastic!
American Idol is on! I better run for the night. Please continue to keep us in your prayers. But while you are at it... please say a prayer for a church member Amanda. She just lost her husband suddenly and left behind a WONDERFUL wife and two children. Amanda... if you read this... I'm lifting you up in prayer many many times a day.
Children Learn What They Live
If children live with CRITICISM
They learn to CONDEMN
If children live with HOSTILITY
They learn to FIGHT
If children live with RIDICULE
They learn to BE SHY
If children live with SHAME
They learn to FEEL GUILTY
If children live with TOLERANCE
They learn to BE PATIENT
If children live with ENCOURAGEMENT
They learn to HAVE CONFIDENCE
If children live with PRAISE
They learn to APPRECIATE
If children live with FAIRNESS
They learn JUSTICE
If children live with SECURITY
They learn to HAVE FAITH
If children live with APPROVAL
They learn to LIKE THEMSELVES
If children live with ACCEPTANCE and FRIENDSHIP
They learn to FIND LOVE IN THE WORLD.
Thursday, May 03, 2007
Our Government At Work
What a busy day I've had today. Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeesh!
Let me talk you through my day and how much it takes to clean up after these fr*... no can't say that word... ummm.... fantabulous kids.
I come home every day at lunch. First thing I do is walk to the kitchen and clean up. Cereal bowls are in the sink (dishwasher is literally inches away), grab the cups that are all around the house and put them in the dishwasher as well as any plates I find in the sink. I clean the sugar that always mysteriously ends up on the counter and the floors after breakfast. Even if nobody has sugar, it's there. Damn that Nobody. I go to the kitchen table where there is always dried milk droplets on the table. Jonathan eats there every morning and I've actually seen him drop it, but regardless, he always insists it wasn't him. Rrrright. Then I make myself lunch and sit down to enjoy a little Dr. Phil recorded the day before (fast forward of course to allow for only 40 min I have left).
After work I come home and do pretty much the same thing, although there is usually more of a mess. There is usually a shirt out by the basketball hoop. Nobody left it there. (You know you want to say it with me, "damn that nobody!") Often times there is a dry cereal path leading from the kitchen down the hall, out the front door and into the driveway. That's usually Justin. Cups are out everywhere - floor, outside, table - everywhere. There's usually popcorn dropped somewhere, either in Kayla's room, on the floor in the kitchen or in the living room. But it's always somewhere. Then the wrapper the popcorn came out of is usually out on the counter. Oh, I forgot to mention the baseball gloves and/or basketball that is usually left out in the grass out front. There are more bowls in the sink - usually from more cereal or ice cream for an after school snack. When they do their chores, you can tell who did it last by where the broom is. If it's in the middle of the living room floor, Justin was last. Hallway and Kayla was last. But it's usually left out somewhere. There is rarely homework on the dining room table for us to check (supposed to be a requirement) - but there are always book bags thrown on the floor of the dining room - if they make it that far. Sometimes they are still by the front door/stairs when you first walk in the house. Shoes are usually wherever they took them off... out front sometimes, by the stairs other times, in the game room, or in the living room. After I get onto the kids about all of this... THEN I can start making dinner.
Makes for a fun night.... huh? Yeah......
I took Justin for his hair cut tonight. I really had to -- it was looking HORRIBLE. But it caused me to miss choir rehearsal - always a bummer. Chris said to me "you already know the song, why do you care about going?" I replied... "Cuz singing makes me happy". True true.
Speaking of talking - I finally got through to the Social Security office today. I've been leaving messages with workers there for 2 weeks - DAILY messages for 2 weeks. Finally today I asked for a supervisor.
Here's the thing: The kids get SS money because their dad died. In January of 07 they realized they'd made a 'mistake' and increased it a little each kid. The 'mistake' was that they were no longer paying Julie so it should go to the kids. But they didn't pay the kids any of that money in 2006. Here was my conversation with the guy:
Tina: You guys owe these kids their money for all of 2006. I understand you paid Julie in error from January to April, but regardless of that, the kids didn't see any increase until January of 2007.
SS: Doesn't matter, the kids check would not increase even if we didn't pay the mom.
Tina: Yes it would. The money would be split three ways instead of four.
SS: No, that's not correct.
Tina: Yes it is.... I'm positive it is.
SS: No, I'm sure it's not. The kids money would stay the same.
Tina: Sir, I am 100% sure you are wrong. Isn't there someone else you can ask?
SS: **puts me on hold to check with what I assume was a supervisor's supervisor, then comes back on the line** Yes ma'am, you are correct. The kids checks would have increased. And I see here that SS did increase their checks.
Tina: Yes, they did, but not until January 2007. What about all of 2006?
SS: Well, we can't pay them any money until their mom puts the money back. It's the governmental policy. At $50 a month it is going to take her nearly 4 years to put it all back.
Tina: Well, personally, I think that policy sucks. I mean... the money was supposed to go to KIDS and just because their mom took it doesn't mean the kids didn't need it. They weren't living with her, they didn't see a dime of that money. You guys still owe it to them. (Mental note here that the kids will be grown an in college before they will see any of that $2,000)
SS: Yes ma'am, I understand your position, but policy is policy. But thank you for calling.
Tina: Uh, no...... what about the money you didn't pay them from May till December 2006?
SS: What?
Tina: If you stopped paying their mom in April, and the kids checks didn't go up until January 2007 - what happened to the rest of the money.
SS: There is no more money due to you. Just the money the mom needs to pay back. And when she repays all of it, the kids can then get that money.
Tina: Forget the money from January 2006 to April 2006 - stay with me here and focus on May to December of 2006. What happened to that money. If they were not giving it to Julie - and they didn't give it to the kids - who has the money???
SS: You mean to tell me they didn't increase their checks in May of 2006?
Tina: No they did not, it's that what I've said for the past 5 minutes? Social Security is holding on to money that the government owes these kids for 2006.
SS: Oooooooooohhhhhhh... I see what you mean. Yes, the kids should have gotten that money.
Tina: When can they expect to receive it?
SS: Well, I can fill out the paperwork, but since it's not an emergency it'll take at least 30 days for the paperwork to process and then you should hear something. I'll start that paperwork now.
Tina: Yeah, okay. I'll follow up with you in a couple of days.
Now.............. I'm no government expert.... but WHY did it take this guy and all of the SS office this long to 'get it'. I should insist upon interest at this point, don't ya think? Thank goodness I have half a brain and I stood my ground to fight with this guy. Ah... our government at work!
I don't know what just made me think of this. "Everything is not always as it seems". The other night when I went 'out with the girls' I was on my way to meet them down in Channelside. I'm jamming to the music man... just singing my heart out... jamming in my seat.... dancing.... just having tons of fun. This guy pulls up next to me (I'm in my little red convertible.) Here I am oblivious - singing, dancing, having fun. I look over and he gives me 'the eye'. You know the one.... the one that says "we can take that party to my place if you'll follow me". And I just had to laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh. I'm jamming to my choir CD "I remember when my burdens rolled away. Remember when His spirit came to stay. Oh what a happy day I was sanctified and saved." And I remember just laughing to myself thinking... "yeah bud... I'll pray for ya, okay?" Too funny.
More funny stuff.... I went through some notes we have saved here from when Chris and I were in High School together. Some of them were downright funny. (One talked about growing out my nails so I could scratch him and 'make him my love slave'. HA ha ha ha. Some of them were sad. (Lonely and afraid being so young and pregnant.) But I also found a poem I wrote and I'd like to share with you, if you'd be so kind as to bear with me to listen (or read rather) a poem from an in-love and pregnant 17 year old kid. Here goes:
In my dream,
I am walking down a path.
I feel you there,
beside me
Walking hand in hand
Laughing
Loving
I look at you
But there is no one there
Still...............
I can feel you
We keep walking
I look again
But again,
No one.
We stop by a lake
To watch the ducks
We look at our reflections
In the water.
Still,
I can not see you
Who are you?
I look at my reflection
I see no one
Who am I?
We sit by the lake
And we talk.
I begin to see your reflection
Slowly
Not clearly
But I know you are there
I look again
I begin to see myself
Slowly
Focusing
I found you,
And at the same time,
Found me.
Let me talk you through my day and how much it takes to clean up after these fr*... no can't say that word... ummm.... fantabulous kids.
I come home every day at lunch. First thing I do is walk to the kitchen and clean up. Cereal bowls are in the sink (dishwasher is literally inches away), grab the cups that are all around the house and put them in the dishwasher as well as any plates I find in the sink. I clean the sugar that always mysteriously ends up on the counter and the floors after breakfast. Even if nobody has sugar, it's there. Damn that Nobody. I go to the kitchen table where there is always dried milk droplets on the table. Jonathan eats there every morning and I've actually seen him drop it, but regardless, he always insists it wasn't him. Rrrright. Then I make myself lunch and sit down to enjoy a little Dr. Phil recorded the day before (fast forward of course to allow for only 40 min I have left).
After work I come home and do pretty much the same thing, although there is usually more of a mess. There is usually a shirt out by the basketball hoop. Nobody left it there. (You know you want to say it with me, "damn that nobody!") Often times there is a dry cereal path leading from the kitchen down the hall, out the front door and into the driveway. That's usually Justin. Cups are out everywhere - floor, outside, table - everywhere. There's usually popcorn dropped somewhere, either in Kayla's room, on the floor in the kitchen or in the living room. But it's always somewhere. Then the wrapper the popcorn came out of is usually out on the counter. Oh, I forgot to mention the baseball gloves and/or basketball that is usually left out in the grass out front. There are more bowls in the sink - usually from more cereal or ice cream for an after school snack. When they do their chores, you can tell who did it last by where the broom is. If it's in the middle of the living room floor, Justin was last. Hallway and Kayla was last. But it's usually left out somewhere. There is rarely homework on the dining room table for us to check (supposed to be a requirement) - but there are always book bags thrown on the floor of the dining room - if they make it that far. Sometimes they are still by the front door/stairs when you first walk in the house. Shoes are usually wherever they took them off... out front sometimes, by the stairs other times, in the game room, or in the living room. After I get onto the kids about all of this... THEN I can start making dinner.
Makes for a fun night.... huh? Yeah......
I took Justin for his hair cut tonight. I really had to -- it was looking HORRIBLE. But it caused me to miss choir rehearsal - always a bummer. Chris said to me "you already know the song, why do you care about going?" I replied... "Cuz singing makes me happy". True true.
Speaking of talking - I finally got through to the Social Security office today. I've been leaving messages with workers there for 2 weeks - DAILY messages for 2 weeks. Finally today I asked for a supervisor.
Here's the thing: The kids get SS money because their dad died. In January of 07 they realized they'd made a 'mistake' and increased it a little each kid. The 'mistake' was that they were no longer paying Julie so it should go to the kids. But they didn't pay the kids any of that money in 2006. Here was my conversation with the guy:
Tina: You guys owe these kids their money for all of 2006. I understand you paid Julie in error from January to April, but regardless of that, the kids didn't see any increase until January of 2007.
SS: Doesn't matter, the kids check would not increase even if we didn't pay the mom.
Tina: Yes it would. The money would be split three ways instead of four.
SS: No, that's not correct.
Tina: Yes it is.... I'm positive it is.
SS: No, I'm sure it's not. The kids money would stay the same.
Tina: Sir, I am 100% sure you are wrong. Isn't there someone else you can ask?
SS: **puts me on hold to check with what I assume was a supervisor's supervisor, then comes back on the line** Yes ma'am, you are correct. The kids checks would have increased. And I see here that SS did increase their checks.
Tina: Yes, they did, but not until January 2007. What about all of 2006?
SS: Well, we can't pay them any money until their mom puts the money back. It's the governmental policy. At $50 a month it is going to take her nearly 4 years to put it all back.
Tina: Well, personally, I think that policy sucks. I mean... the money was supposed to go to KIDS and just because their mom took it doesn't mean the kids didn't need it. They weren't living with her, they didn't see a dime of that money. You guys still owe it to them. (Mental note here that the kids will be grown an in college before they will see any of that $2,000)
SS: Yes ma'am, I understand your position, but policy is policy. But thank you for calling.
Tina: Uh, no...... what about the money you didn't pay them from May till December 2006?
SS: What?
Tina: If you stopped paying their mom in April, and the kids checks didn't go up until January 2007 - what happened to the rest of the money.
SS: There is no more money due to you. Just the money the mom needs to pay back. And when she repays all of it, the kids can then get that money.
Tina: Forget the money from January 2006 to April 2006 - stay with me here and focus on May to December of 2006. What happened to that money. If they were not giving it to Julie - and they didn't give it to the kids - who has the money???
SS: You mean to tell me they didn't increase their checks in May of 2006?
Tina: No they did not, it's that what I've said for the past 5 minutes? Social Security is holding on to money that the government owes these kids for 2006.
SS: Oooooooooohhhhhhh... I see what you mean. Yes, the kids should have gotten that money.
Tina: When can they expect to receive it?
SS: Well, I can fill out the paperwork, but since it's not an emergency it'll take at least 30 days for the paperwork to process and then you should hear something. I'll start that paperwork now.
Tina: Yeah, okay. I'll follow up with you in a couple of days.
Now.............. I'm no government expert.... but WHY did it take this guy and all of the SS office this long to 'get it'. I should insist upon interest at this point, don't ya think? Thank goodness I have half a brain and I stood my ground to fight with this guy. Ah... our government at work!
I don't know what just made me think of this. "Everything is not always as it seems". The other night when I went 'out with the girls' I was on my way to meet them down in Channelside. I'm jamming to the music man... just singing my heart out... jamming in my seat.... dancing.... just having tons of fun. This guy pulls up next to me (I'm in my little red convertible.) Here I am oblivious - singing, dancing, having fun. I look over and he gives me 'the eye'. You know the one.... the one that says "we can take that party to my place if you'll follow me". And I just had to laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh. I'm jamming to my choir CD "I remember when my burdens rolled away. Remember when His spirit came to stay. Oh what a happy day I was sanctified and saved." And I remember just laughing to myself thinking... "yeah bud... I'll pray for ya, okay?" Too funny.
More funny stuff.... I went through some notes we have saved here from when Chris and I were in High School together. Some of them were downright funny. (One talked about growing out my nails so I could scratch him and 'make him my love slave'. HA ha ha ha. Some of them were sad. (Lonely and afraid being so young and pregnant.) But I also found a poem I wrote and I'd like to share with you, if you'd be so kind as to bear with me to listen (or read rather) a poem from an in-love and pregnant 17 year old kid. Here goes:
In my dream,
I am walking down a path.
I feel you there,
beside me
Walking hand in hand
Laughing
Loving
I look at you
But there is no one there
Still...............
I can feel you
We keep walking
I look again
But again,
No one.
We stop by a lake
To watch the ducks
We look at our reflections
In the water.
Still,
I can not see you
Who are you?
I look at my reflection
I see no one
Who am I?
We sit by the lake
And we talk.
I begin to see your reflection
Slowly
Not clearly
But I know you are there
I look again
I begin to see myself
Slowly
Focusing
I found you,
And at the same time,
Found me.
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
Julie's Weekly Visit
Julie came over for a visit today. This is Julie's second visit when she's been 'drugged free'. Again, it was wonderful. She got to play with the kids, went in the hot tub, the pool, all kinds of fun things. It was great seeing her again when she wasn't slurring or drugged or anything like that. As I was cooking, she'd ask if there was anything she could do. Just.......... nice.
The only thing that's concerning to me is that she's thinking about getting the stomach surgery to lose weight. Don't get me wrong, I totally think that she could use it, no doubt; She needs to lose 150- 200 lbs or so. The doctor last time dragged her along for a year collecting co-payments and working her up, and then the weekend before the surgery was scheduled he told her that he couldn't do the surgery because she was bipolar. Now, she said, he said she should make an appointment and come in again to have the surgery. (He told her this when she was in the hospital at Palms of Pasadena)
The problem is... Julie thinks she is just going to wake up the day after the surgery and begin eating better. "Promise" she says. Yet for now she's eating whatever she wants, gaining weight, eating double big macs from McDonald's, dessert, etc. But the 'day after the surgery' everything with be super. I tried telling her that I was pretty confident that no psychiatrist would approve her as long as she continued 'living' and eating this way... she had to make the change first.
I suppose the eating/diet thing is just a reminder though that Julie is still mentally ill. But I'm telling ya, I'll take it -- I'll take the immaturity in order to have more wonderful visits like this.
Chris and I went to a WONDERFUL seminar this weekend on the 5 Love Languages. I'd already heard about the stuff in the course, but watching the video and filling out the workbook really was nice for us. We learned that Chris's "Love Language" was nearly a tie between 'quality time' and 'touch'. However mine was 'acts of service' (which is doing things for me) and the ONLY thing I got an absolute ZERO in was 'touch'. Funny really. Funny because they say that whatever your 'love language' is happens to be the one that you do the most - comes easiest for you.
They say that if you learn your spouse's 'love language' and do things for them that pertain to it - it'll change your relationship entirely. Boy oh boy were they right. For example.... Chris might want to cuddle with me on the sofa all night watching TV, spending quality time with me. But all I can think about is the dishes left to do, the laundry that needs to be folded, the floor is so dirty, etc. Now, instead of cuddling with me, if he helped me wash dishes... floors.... laundry... etc.... THEN I'd be in a good mood. By the same token, I could do all kinds of things to help out Chris, but what he really wants is quality time with me. By focusing our time - our love - what we want to do for one another - what really 'speaks' to the other person -- we are SO happy. It's been awesome.
I mean... right now.... I am sitting in front of the TV, having watched American Idol and now watching Lost... cat curled up next to me on the sofa as I type on the laptop.... drinking a glass of wine, eating Ice Cream. Sweetness! Could I be any happier? Nope!
Speaking of sweet... Julie's friend/roommate Kaye sent over a Publix gift card today. Another big 'shout-out' of thanks to Kaye.
Things with the kids are going okay. Poor Justin needs a haircut but refuses to miss a baseball game or practice to do so. Problem is.... Monday he has practice, Tuesday a game, Wednesday is Julie's visit, Thursday is choir practice, Friday is practice, Saturday is his game, Sunday the hair cut place is closed.
Things with Chris's work is also going very well. This week he and his partner decided to form an LLC company. They have picked up a contractor who is going to give them jobs, as well as his regular jobs from friends and church members and what he does with the Realtor company with his partner. Today, he had a fun afternoon at work: he did a job for a guy at church. I suppose I shouldn't say who's house he worked on... but I'll tell you that he is a coach for an NFL team. He was ecstatic to be working in his house doing things for him.
I need to run... time for bed. Thank you all for your prayers. They lift us up every single day!
People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can't find them, make them. George Bernard Shaw
The only thing that's concerning to me is that she's thinking about getting the stomach surgery to lose weight. Don't get me wrong, I totally think that she could use it, no doubt; She needs to lose 150- 200 lbs or so. The doctor last time dragged her along for a year collecting co-payments and working her up, and then the weekend before the surgery was scheduled he told her that he couldn't do the surgery because she was bipolar. Now, she said, he said she should make an appointment and come in again to have the surgery. (He told her this when she was in the hospital at Palms of Pasadena)
The problem is... Julie thinks she is just going to wake up the day after the surgery and begin eating better. "Promise" she says. Yet for now she's eating whatever she wants, gaining weight, eating double big macs from McDonald's, dessert, etc. But the 'day after the surgery' everything with be super. I tried telling her that I was pretty confident that no psychiatrist would approve her as long as she continued 'living' and eating this way... she had to make the change first.
I suppose the eating/diet thing is just a reminder though that Julie is still mentally ill. But I'm telling ya, I'll take it -- I'll take the immaturity in order to have more wonderful visits like this.
Chris and I went to a WONDERFUL seminar this weekend on the 5 Love Languages. I'd already heard about the stuff in the course, but watching the video and filling out the workbook really was nice for us. We learned that Chris's "Love Language" was nearly a tie between 'quality time' and 'touch'. However mine was 'acts of service' (which is doing things for me) and the ONLY thing I got an absolute ZERO in was 'touch'. Funny really. Funny because they say that whatever your 'love language' is happens to be the one that you do the most - comes easiest for you.
They say that if you learn your spouse's 'love language' and do things for them that pertain to it - it'll change your relationship entirely. Boy oh boy were they right. For example.... Chris might want to cuddle with me on the sofa all night watching TV, spending quality time with me. But all I can think about is the dishes left to do, the laundry that needs to be folded, the floor is so dirty, etc. Now, instead of cuddling with me, if he helped me wash dishes... floors.... laundry... etc.... THEN I'd be in a good mood. By the same token, I could do all kinds of things to help out Chris, but what he really wants is quality time with me. By focusing our time - our love - what we want to do for one another - what really 'speaks' to the other person -- we are SO happy. It's been awesome.
I mean... right now.... I am sitting in front of the TV, having watched American Idol and now watching Lost... cat curled up next to me on the sofa as I type on the laptop.... drinking a glass of wine, eating Ice Cream. Sweetness! Could I be any happier? Nope!
Speaking of sweet... Julie's friend/roommate Kaye sent over a Publix gift card today. Another big 'shout-out' of thanks to Kaye.
Things with the kids are going okay. Poor Justin needs a haircut but refuses to miss a baseball game or practice to do so. Problem is.... Monday he has practice, Tuesday a game, Wednesday is Julie's visit, Thursday is choir practice, Friday is practice, Saturday is his game, Sunday the hair cut place is closed.
Things with Chris's work is also going very well. This week he and his partner decided to form an LLC company. They have picked up a contractor who is going to give them jobs, as well as his regular jobs from friends and church members and what he does with the Realtor company with his partner. Today, he had a fun afternoon at work: he did a job for a guy at church. I suppose I shouldn't say who's house he worked on... but I'll tell you that he is a coach for an NFL team. He was ecstatic to be working in his house doing things for him.
I need to run... time for bed. Thank you all for your prayers. They lift us up every single day!
People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can't find them, make them. George Bernard Shaw
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