Well, we're a week into the school year, and it had to start again -- problems at bedtime.
Tonight Chris is out - he went to the Rays game. I came home, took Jonathan to and from piano practice. For some reason, he was really grumpy today - which just added to the general chaos of the afternoon. At 6 I picked up Amanda, who needs to borrow my car. We drove to Publix, where I had to get a prescription refill and I thought I'd get something quick and easy for dinner. By 7:30 I was home, unloading groceries. Kayla, Jonathan and Kayte were all home, and I started cooking dinner. We had Chicken Pesto Pasta, another wonderful Publix Apron's meal. At 8, Justin came home and dinner was almost done.
By 8:30 we were eating. Today was Jonathan's laundry day -- I must have asked him 5 times if he did his laundry - starting at 5:30 when I took him to piano practice. I felt like SUCH a nag. Of course - it's 10:30 and his first load is now in the dryer (where I finally put it).
Course Kayte wasn't much today either - she and her friend were here all day on the computer and talking. Then there is Kayla... whom I thought was missing because I couldn't find her when I got home from work. Finally I realized she was curled up in a ball on her bed sleeping all afternoon. She spent the rest of her night in her room talking to her..... new interest.
After dinner, Justin, who is still sweaty and icky from football practice, immediately starts his homework. (He wants to stay on honor roll ya know!)
At 9:30 I sit on the sofa and start to watch some TV and relax. I realize and 9:45 the kids need to get off the electronics -- a new rule in the house: At 9:30, all electronics go off and you start getting ready for bed. Whatever that means... brush your teeth, read a book, play piano, take a shower, clean your room. But at 10, you go to bed.
So, at 10 -- on the nose -- I hear the shower go on. Right about the same time Justin is finished with his homework.
I was FURIOUS.
I found out who was in the shower - Kayte. She said she went up once after dinner and Kayla was in the shower... so she HAD to wait until now to take her shower. What-the-fartknock-ever. I told her that she had been HOME FROM SCHOOL since 4 this afternoon... she had PLENTY of time to take a shower.
Justin, however, really NEEDED to take a shower now - but had to wait another 20 minutes if he wanted one (they take really long showers). Then we're closer to 10:30? He didn't have options. He wasn't sitting at home from 4 till 10. 6 HOURS.
When I went up to her room to see who was in the shower, I see Kayte's room is still totally trashed. The room that yesterday I told her to clean up. You can't even walk to her closet. AND there is stuff all OVER her bed that she has to take care of before she goes to bed. Drives me nuts. So... now she's supposed to to clean all this after her shower?
PLUS.... the rule is to be IN BED AT 10. How flipping hard is that? I mean.... why don't these kids get that? Why must they test me?? What am I supposed to do? Put them to bed earlier? Continue to yell at them as if they were 5-year olds? Punish them for breaking the rules? I like that idea actually. I should pack up that laptop Kayte uses and not let her use it for a few hours tomorrow. Tell her that she can get online after she's ready for the day. Ready for bed. Taken a shower. Etc.
It's now 10:55; Justin just got done with his shower.
You think my blog tomorrow might just be about how they didn't get up in the morning?
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Fridges and Visits
Nothing new for me to post today, but I did want to let you know that I went for a physical this week. It would be my first 'female' physical I've had since Jonathan was born. Do the math -- he's 15 going on 16... so............ yeah - it's been a while.
I'm sure everything will be just fine. She did STRESS the importance of a woman my age getting these things done yearly. Yada ~ yada. My age... did I really just say 'my age'? Did the doctor call me old? Sheesh....
She cut out one of my blood pressure pills completely. Then again she gave me a prescription for a Mammogram. Ouch ~ I think I lost out on that one. See why I don't go to these things?
**********************************
So Chris and I made a major appliance purchase this past weekend. It's a big one for us, and it hurt just a little. The only other appliance we purchased ourselves was the dishwasher years ago. This time - our refrigerator was on it's last leg.
The seal on the bottom was rotten and fallen out. This led to warm air getting into the fridge, which of course isn't good for the fridge nor our electric bill. It caused condensation in the fridge and the poor thing was working so hard to try to keep up all the time. With the amount of water collecting on the bottom every day, I knew it was just a matter of time before the thing just gave out all together. So I decided to give in and just buy a new fridge.
We looked at many different kinds: side-by-sides, freezer on the bottom, cheap replacements, new vs. craig's list - and finally decided on the Kenmore Trio. It's HUGE, let me tell ya. We got it in Stainless Steel, even though we don't have anything else in SS, eventually - we'd like to get the other appliances in Stainless, so it seemed like the thing to do.
It has many nice features - water and ice on the door of course. If the kids leave the doors open for more than a minute or two, it beeps to tell them it's open. The freezer (on the bottom) is HUGE, and it tilts to open as well. Then the fridge on top is just - huge! LOVE it!
Chris and I moved everything from the old fridge into the new one last night - so proud that we didn't 'lose' anything -- that we had done something before the old fridge died. Feeling so proud of ourselves. (Yet at the same time feeling so totally broke!)
So, this morning - the kids get up -- LATE as usual. They get up and RUN all over the house, frantically getting ready for school. God forbid they should get up in plenty of time where they wouldn't have to actually RUN like Gazelles throughout the house. Yesterday Justin actually missed the bus he was so late.
But - they've been doing this for years - they consider it 'normal'.
They ~ rush ~ rush ~ rush ~ and of course eat (because I bought TONS of breakfast foods so they could feed their brains before they start school in the mornings).
They must have been in a huge rush because they left everything a MESS when they ran out the front door this morning.
I kept hearing this *beep* *beep* *beep* all morning. Kind of like a dump truck backing up... but all morning long. Finally at about 7:30 I said something to Chris about it who got up to investigate. He goes downstairs....
And the yelling begins....
DAMN KIDS..............
OH MY GOD.................
ARE YOU KIDDING ME??????............
WHAT THE...............
First of all, the beeping. It was the dummy beep of the new fridge. All morning long, beeping. Our bedroom door was shut and we are upstairs, so it didn't sound that loud... but... all morning long it had been going off. Everything in the fridge was wet... melting.... warm-ish.....
Then there was stuff everywhere -- whatever they'd had for breakfast -- left where ever they felt like leaving it.
Bagles open and left on the counter.
Cereal bowl, dirty, out, not cleaned out or put away.
Jelly out on the counter.
Just -- stuff everywhere. Carelessly left out - because they know that I can't stand it and I'll put it away at lunch. Only, I didn't have to because Chris saw it this morning and went nuts. Boy oh boy.
They just leave stuff all the time - wherever. I'll walk past one bathroom they were just in and there is 3 feet of toilet paper unwound off the roll and laying all over the floor. WHY?? Then the other bathroom the toilet paper roll is empty - but - they got another toilet paper roll and just set it on the floor, didn't think to take the old one off and replace the new one. Oh no, that would be WAY too much too ask. In the laundry room, where we ALL have to do our clothes, I find undies and stuff all the time all over the place. Just everywhere. Leave them there all week till it's their day again is what I guess they figure. I dunno. Once there was a pair on underwear on the entertainment center next to the TV in the game room. They were there for a month and I kept asking for SOMEONE to take responsibility for them - finally I just threw them away. I mean, we have to watch TV and look at your undies? Really??
I just called the kids who just got home from school. Guess who had breakfast this morning?
Our 5th kid............ NOBODY.
***********************************************
Oh - Julie has a new/old man in her life! Arthur. God I hate this guy. He's a user... he's done so many things wrong over the years I just can't begin to tell you all of them here. From living for free with Julie and taking whatever he could from her... to stealing from her... he makes my skin crawl.
And now he's back in town. In her life. Again.
Great.
The other reason I HATE this guy is that he seriously thinks he's Kayla's father. Two paternity tests say that he is not, yet he still tells Kayla that the tests are wrong and he KNOWS he is her daddy. (Julie met Ron when Kayla was a week old, so Kayla's real daddy isn't Ron, although he's the only 'father' she ever knew.) When Julie got pregnant back then... she had a couple boyfriends and couldn't really pinpoint the father... and... well.... who knows.
Years later, this guy - Arthur - SWORE he was Kayla's father. So they did the test. Proved he was not. Did ANOTHER test. Same results. Again, he thinks the test is wrong. The guy is nuts.
I want him to have NO CONTACT with Kayla. He's like a scam artist... he'll talk really nice to you, then take everything when you aren't looking. I don't trust him.
He used to tell me all this stuff about Julie -- how he'd walk in and find her cutting herself, trying to kill herself, cutting her wrists. I wondered... why didn't he take the razors away??? If he cared so much.... and he LIVED with her.... ugg
I just don't like the guy. And she's got him back in her life. Yeah Julie - who is reading this - I said it. YUCK - YUCK - YUCK. Get rid of the creep.
*********************************************
Julie called the other day. She needs the paperwork from when she completed drug courses and treatment and all that good stuff and thought maybe I had copies of all of that. Of course, I didn't keep copies of all of that. I have copies of everything else... things that pertain to the kids... but nothing really that pertains to Julie.
I don't really understand what good a drug class that she took way back then would do her anyways. I mean think about it. She took those classes back when she was still abusing medications on a very regular basis. Those certificates aren't worth the paper they are printed on, in my opinion. I guess they need them to say "yup, she did that" - but... they just need to re-evaluate her now to know where she is... not use paperwork from 2 or 3 years ago, ya know? That's just my opinion that really doesn't mean squat anyways.
So... I have to start thinking about how I feel about Julie getting unsupervised visits.
It's so hard to put into words how I feel about this - but I'll try....
It's not that I am dead-set against Julie getting unsupervised visits. I think that Julie having unsupervised visits right now - as long as she is mentally okay - is an okay thing. As long as...
* she doesn't step into 'mother' role. Julie wants to be their friend. She needs to let Chris and I parent the kids and she needs to enjoy her time with them, but as an adult, not as another child. It would confuse them greatly if she tried to be their mother and we were their parents. But also, she can't totally be their friend, she has to be an adult who watches over them as any adult would do. I've said it over and over again, Julie in many respects has the mind of a 15 or 16 year old -- and she needs to recognize some of the limitations and not allow things to get out of hand.
* she doesn't let them talk her into going anyplace that is not appropriate. (i.e. someplace that Chris nor I would 'usually' not let them go... so they wait and ask their mom to take them on 'her time' because they KNOW she will let them go. That is inappropriate.
* she does not abuse time, recognizing that we have a schedule. Of course it would be completely adjusted to fit unsupervised visits, but she can't just come over any time and pick up the kids and be gone for hours at a time with them. They still have schedules, appointments, and we still have a home to run.
* she (Julie) understands that no means no. This is where it gets hard -- it's hard to say no to Julie. She means well... I want her to be happy. But if I have something else to do, or if I just don't feel like it, or if the kids have already told me for some reason they don't want to go with her, or if I feel Julie is "on something" -- I should just be able to say "no".
Yet ----- I don't know what the courts are going to allow if they allow unsupervised visits. Does it mean that she is allowed to have a certain amount of time -- regardless of if she's mentally well or not? What if she came over like she was the other night when she had taken her night medicine and wanted to pick up the kids and take them somewhere. Now... she probably wouldn't -- but let's say she did and the courts allowed it via court order -- I'd have to just let them go??
Then there's the policing thing. The terrible FEAR that Julie getting unsupervised visits means I'm going to have to start policing her again. And I HATE that.
I kinda like it now. I like it that she comes over... spends time with the kids... takes them to the store when she's having a really good day... swims with them... whatever. I know she wants to be able to take them to the movies or to her house. And again -- while she's like THIS... that's really cool.
But... what happens when she gets depressed? She hears voices? She starts cutting? She starts over-medicating again?
I wish I could just LET her take them out right now... without fear that I'd lose the kids should I get caught. Just knowing that it's the right thing to do right now. That -- she's never been healthier than she is RIGHT NOW. She may NEVER be this healthy again. Who knows? Maybe she will. Maybe it's God taking over in her life. But I wish I could give her this time with them without the courts... without the fear of getting caught. It would be the right thing to do at this moment in time, like I said.
But.... to answer the question of do I want her to go to the courts and get unsupervised visits -- I guess the answer to that is a "no" -- for the long term effects reason. I dunno... I hate to blog on the world wide web that I'm thinking about breaking a court order... but maybe Chris and I need to sit down and logically think about this. If the 'right thing' to do right now is to let Julie have some time with the kids unsupervised, while she is well. With the understanding from Julie that... when she's not well... things will change. This way... she doesn't HAVE to go to court and all of that.
Sure, I can see it now... goodie-two-shoes Tina is wanting to break a rule? But -- you can't read my blog and not know that everything I do for and about these kids is in their BEST INTEREST. And that's really what it's all about. If Julie is really mentally well right now and stays that way for another month, two, or a year -- why deny her some alone time with her kids? As long as she's given a set of rules.... and she follows them.
I dunno.... I still have to think a lot more on this............. But that's why I blog. To help me think. Any input my blog readers want to give on this - I would appreciate hearing....
*****************************************
I will love you, O Lord, my strength. The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold - Psalm 18:1,2.
I'm sure everything will be just fine. She did STRESS the importance of a woman my age getting these things done yearly. Yada ~ yada. My age... did I really just say 'my age'? Did the doctor call me old? Sheesh....
She cut out one of my blood pressure pills completely. Then again she gave me a prescription for a Mammogram. Ouch ~ I think I lost out on that one. See why I don't go to these things?
**********************************
So Chris and I made a major appliance purchase this past weekend. It's a big one for us, and it hurt just a little. The only other appliance we purchased ourselves was the dishwasher years ago. This time - our refrigerator was on it's last leg.
The seal on the bottom was rotten and fallen out. This led to warm air getting into the fridge, which of course isn't good for the fridge nor our electric bill. It caused condensation in the fridge and the poor thing was working so hard to try to keep up all the time. With the amount of water collecting on the bottom every day, I knew it was just a matter of time before the thing just gave out all together. So I decided to give in and just buy a new fridge.
We looked at many different kinds: side-by-sides, freezer on the bottom, cheap replacements, new vs. craig's list - and finally decided on the Kenmore Trio. It's HUGE, let me tell ya. We got it in Stainless Steel, even though we don't have anything else in SS, eventually - we'd like to get the other appliances in Stainless, so it seemed like the thing to do.
It has many nice features - water and ice on the door of course. If the kids leave the doors open for more than a minute or two, it beeps to tell them it's open. The freezer (on the bottom) is HUGE, and it tilts to open as well. Then the fridge on top is just - huge! LOVE it!
Chris and I moved everything from the old fridge into the new one last night - so proud that we didn't 'lose' anything -- that we had done something before the old fridge died. Feeling so proud of ourselves. (Yet at the same time feeling so totally broke!)
So, this morning - the kids get up -- LATE as usual. They get up and RUN all over the house, frantically getting ready for school. God forbid they should get up in plenty of time where they wouldn't have to actually RUN like Gazelles throughout the house. Yesterday Justin actually missed the bus he was so late.
But - they've been doing this for years - they consider it 'normal'.
They ~ rush ~ rush ~ rush ~ and of course eat (because I bought TONS of breakfast foods so they could feed their brains before they start school in the mornings).
They must have been in a huge rush because they left everything a MESS when they ran out the front door this morning.
I kept hearing this *beep* *beep* *beep* all morning. Kind of like a dump truck backing up... but all morning long. Finally at about 7:30 I said something to Chris about it who got up to investigate. He goes downstairs....
And the yelling begins....
DAMN KIDS..............
OH MY GOD.................
ARE YOU KIDDING ME??????............
WHAT THE...............
First of all, the beeping. It was the dummy beep of the new fridge. All morning long, beeping. Our bedroom door was shut and we are upstairs, so it didn't sound that loud... but... all morning long it had been going off. Everything in the fridge was wet... melting.... warm-ish.....
Then there was stuff everywhere -- whatever they'd had for breakfast -- left where ever they felt like leaving it.
Bagles open and left on the counter.
Cereal bowl, dirty, out, not cleaned out or put away.
Jelly out on the counter.
Just -- stuff everywhere. Carelessly left out - because they know that I can't stand it and I'll put it away at lunch. Only, I didn't have to because Chris saw it this morning and went nuts. Boy oh boy.
They just leave stuff all the time - wherever. I'll walk past one bathroom they were just in and there is 3 feet of toilet paper unwound off the roll and laying all over the floor. WHY?? Then the other bathroom the toilet paper roll is empty - but - they got another toilet paper roll and just set it on the floor, didn't think to take the old one off and replace the new one. Oh no, that would be WAY too much too ask. In the laundry room, where we ALL have to do our clothes, I find undies and stuff all the time all over the place. Just everywhere. Leave them there all week till it's their day again is what I guess they figure. I dunno. Once there was a pair on underwear on the entertainment center next to the TV in the game room. They were there for a month and I kept asking for SOMEONE to take responsibility for them - finally I just threw them away. I mean, we have to watch TV and look at your undies? Really??
I just called the kids who just got home from school. Guess who had breakfast this morning?
Our 5th kid............ NOBODY.
***********************************************
Oh - Julie has a new/old man in her life! Arthur. God I hate this guy. He's a user... he's done so many things wrong over the years I just can't begin to tell you all of them here. From living for free with Julie and taking whatever he could from her... to stealing from her... he makes my skin crawl.
And now he's back in town. In her life. Again.
Great.
The other reason I HATE this guy is that he seriously thinks he's Kayla's father. Two paternity tests say that he is not, yet he still tells Kayla that the tests are wrong and he KNOWS he is her daddy. (Julie met Ron when Kayla was a week old, so Kayla's real daddy isn't Ron, although he's the only 'father' she ever knew.) When Julie got pregnant back then... she had a couple boyfriends and couldn't really pinpoint the father... and... well.... who knows.
Years later, this guy - Arthur - SWORE he was Kayla's father. So they did the test. Proved he was not. Did ANOTHER test. Same results. Again, he thinks the test is wrong. The guy is nuts.
I want him to have NO CONTACT with Kayla. He's like a scam artist... he'll talk really nice to you, then take everything when you aren't looking. I don't trust him.
He used to tell me all this stuff about Julie -- how he'd walk in and find her cutting herself, trying to kill herself, cutting her wrists. I wondered... why didn't he take the razors away??? If he cared so much.... and he LIVED with her.... ugg
I just don't like the guy. And she's got him back in her life. Yeah Julie - who is reading this - I said it. YUCK - YUCK - YUCK. Get rid of the creep.
*********************************************
Julie called the other day. She needs the paperwork from when she completed drug courses and treatment and all that good stuff and thought maybe I had copies of all of that. Of course, I didn't keep copies of all of that. I have copies of everything else... things that pertain to the kids... but nothing really that pertains to Julie.
I don't really understand what good a drug class that she took way back then would do her anyways. I mean think about it. She took those classes back when she was still abusing medications on a very regular basis. Those certificates aren't worth the paper they are printed on, in my opinion. I guess they need them to say "yup, she did that" - but... they just need to re-evaluate her now to know where she is... not use paperwork from 2 or 3 years ago, ya know? That's just my opinion that really doesn't mean squat anyways.
So... I have to start thinking about how I feel about Julie getting unsupervised visits.
It's so hard to put into words how I feel about this - but I'll try....
It's not that I am dead-set against Julie getting unsupervised visits. I think that Julie having unsupervised visits right now - as long as she is mentally okay - is an okay thing. As long as...
* she doesn't step into 'mother' role. Julie wants to be their friend. She needs to let Chris and I parent the kids and she needs to enjoy her time with them, but as an adult, not as another child. It would confuse them greatly if she tried to be their mother and we were their parents. But also, she can't totally be their friend, she has to be an adult who watches over them as any adult would do. I've said it over and over again, Julie in many respects has the mind of a 15 or 16 year old -- and she needs to recognize some of the limitations and not allow things to get out of hand.
* she doesn't let them talk her into going anyplace that is not appropriate. (i.e. someplace that Chris nor I would 'usually' not let them go... so they wait and ask their mom to take them on 'her time' because they KNOW she will let them go. That is inappropriate.
* she does not abuse time, recognizing that we have a schedule. Of course it would be completely adjusted to fit unsupervised visits, but she can't just come over any time and pick up the kids and be gone for hours at a time with them. They still have schedules, appointments, and we still have a home to run.
* she (Julie) understands that no means no. This is where it gets hard -- it's hard to say no to Julie. She means well... I want her to be happy. But if I have something else to do, or if I just don't feel like it, or if the kids have already told me for some reason they don't want to go with her, or if I feel Julie is "on something" -- I should just be able to say "no".
Yet ----- I don't know what the courts are going to allow if they allow unsupervised visits. Does it mean that she is allowed to have a certain amount of time -- regardless of if she's mentally well or not? What if she came over like she was the other night when she had taken her night medicine and wanted to pick up the kids and take them somewhere. Now... she probably wouldn't -- but let's say she did and the courts allowed it via court order -- I'd have to just let them go??
Then there's the policing thing. The terrible FEAR that Julie getting unsupervised visits means I'm going to have to start policing her again. And I HATE that.
I kinda like it now. I like it that she comes over... spends time with the kids... takes them to the store when she's having a really good day... swims with them... whatever. I know she wants to be able to take them to the movies or to her house. And again -- while she's like THIS... that's really cool.
But... what happens when she gets depressed? She hears voices? She starts cutting? She starts over-medicating again?
I wish I could just LET her take them out right now... without fear that I'd lose the kids should I get caught. Just knowing that it's the right thing to do right now. That -- she's never been healthier than she is RIGHT NOW. She may NEVER be this healthy again. Who knows? Maybe she will. Maybe it's God taking over in her life. But I wish I could give her this time with them without the courts... without the fear of getting caught. It would be the right thing to do at this moment in time, like I said.
But.... to answer the question of do I want her to go to the courts and get unsupervised visits -- I guess the answer to that is a "no" -- for the long term effects reason. I dunno... I hate to blog on the world wide web that I'm thinking about breaking a court order... but maybe Chris and I need to sit down and logically think about this. If the 'right thing' to do right now is to let Julie have some time with the kids unsupervised, while she is well. With the understanding from Julie that... when she's not well... things will change. This way... she doesn't HAVE to go to court and all of that.
Sure, I can see it now... goodie-two-shoes Tina is wanting to break a rule? But -- you can't read my blog and not know that everything I do for and about these kids is in their BEST INTEREST. And that's really what it's all about. If Julie is really mentally well right now and stays that way for another month, two, or a year -- why deny her some alone time with her kids? As long as she's given a set of rules.... and she follows them.
I dunno.... I still have to think a lot more on this............. But that's why I blog. To help me think. Any input my blog readers want to give on this - I would appreciate hearing....
*****************************************
I will love you, O Lord, my strength. The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold - Psalm 18:1,2.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Liars, Late Nights and Cheapskates
So I go home Tuesday for lunch. Kayla is home all day – she didn’t work on Tuesday. For some reason, she decides to spend lunch ‘with me’… talking to me- walking with me – sitting with me… odd.
She had been fighting with this friend of hers, Emilie. Emilie and Kayla had been the best of friends all summer. Spending the night at her house often times, talking to each other all the time, etc. But they had a fight the other day because Jackie thought Kayla was wearing one of her shirts. It was a $5 shirt and Kayla said it was hers. Kayla wears a small, Emilie a medium. Not to mention, Kayla says, if she wanted a $5 shirt, she would go out and BUY it – just like she did all the other gazillion shirts in her closet. (Her closet is FULL let me tell ya, she has spent all her money this summer on clothes!) Anyways, they had been fighting, and now they made up – apparently – so --- good. I don’t want to hear the details – high school drama – just tell me if you are friends now or not, and I’m good with just that knowledge.
Well, Kayla was following me around like a little lost puppy at lunch Tuesday, which I found odd. But, of course, I’ll take the time with my Niece when I can get it so I enjoyed it. Sure enough, at the very end of lunch as I’m getting ready to go to work – she asks the question I knew had to be coming. (There is ALWAYS a question!!) “Can I go to Emilie’s house this afternoon?” Yeah… I knew she wanted something. Ha ha ha ha ha. I make sure she has a ride there and a ride home and I tell her that of course she can.
Well, later that night I’m getting ready to go out. I have a ‘Girls Night Out’ party I’m going to. I don’t get out with ‘the girls’ much, and I’m pretty excited about the night – quite honestly. I have to leave work at 5, run home and get changed, get Jonathan to piano practice at 5:30, run out and get a bottle of wine, be back and pick Jono up at 6, bring him home, then be at the party by 6:30. No time to play around in my schedule – ya know? So… Kayla calls in the midst of all of this.
She tells me “so, is it still okay if I spend the night with Emilie like you told me earlier I could?” I said…. “What? I told you earlier you could do what?” She said that earlier I said she could spend the night with her. I said I must have been loopy – because I don’t recall that conversation at all. Then I sat for a second and completely recalled the conversation. I remembered Kayla sitting with me all through lunch, waiting to ask me if she could go over her house. Never mentioned spending the night. NEVER.
I have to point out how often these kids do that. They will BRING clothes to spend the night WITH them on purpose. THEN ask later. “Oh, well I brought my clothes so when I asked you later and you said yes, I’d have my clothes….” Well – why didn’t you just ASK me earlier?
It just flew all over me that she told me that she had asked me and expected me to think that I had just forgotten a conversation that never happened. And then I fully and completely recalled that entire lunch conversation – watching Ellen DeGeneres with her and eating Mac and Cheese and she only asked if she could go over there for the afternoon. She was going to get a ride over and back with Roberto. Gosh, I was SO ANGRY.
Course, like any good Aunt, I told her to ask Uncle Chris. I didn’t want to get involved. I was too angry.
******************************
It’s been a few days since I posted that part up there about Kayla. A week actually. Sometimes I’ll just write out a frustration and then give it a bit and hope to get back to the blog. In this case, I didn’t get back to it. Oh well…. Sorry about that.
***************************
Hey, what is it with God’s sense of humor – now that I’m getting older, with those strange chin hairs that grow one at a time really long? And then… some of my eyebrows are getting gray? What’s up with that? At first I thought they were blonde. Then I realized………… nope………… gray. Is that some kind of old-lady joke? I’m not ready to be an old lady yet!!!!!!
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So today is Saturday morning. Chris and I got in last night from a show and tried to get the kids who were here to bed in bed at a reasonable hour. It was 11 pm and Kayla, Justin and Jonathan were home. Jonathan went right to bed. Justin wanted to play video games – Kayla was on the back porch with Sean (a kid who practically lives here) and some girl whom I do not know at all.
Why these two were at my house at 11pm with no adult home I have NO idea and I didn’t like it ONE bit. I told Kayla to have those two leave the house immediately and Kayla went to bed. I told Justin to go to bed, and the resistance began. As it always does.
You see, Justin LOVES X-Box. He’s always in the middle of something that – apparently – you can’t just turn off. I don’t care what I do or how I try to prepare him, he’s never ready to go to bed on time. I can tell them to “prepare for bed at 11:30 so they are IN BED AT MIDNIGHT” (we only changed their bedtime to 10 this week because school was starting Monday) and still, at Midnight, I will find Justin – in the game room, remote in hand, in the middle of some ‘war’, asking me “Auntie Tina, can’t I just finish this one game???”
ALWAYS
I can tell him to just do WHATEVER HE PERSONALLY HAS TO DO to be ready for bed at whatever time, and he is just NEVER ready on time. Nor is Kayte, but that’s another story.
So last night when he asked me if he can finish this one game… I……. I………… lost it. I screamed my bloody head off. At the top of my lungs. I literally screamed “NO, YOU CAN NOT FINISH THIS GAME!!!” I was just soooooo tired of hearing him ask the damn question every day. Chris got up and said, “I’ve never heard you yell at him like that.” Well, ya know, it needed to be done.
We stood there and tried to tell Justin why he needed to go to bed. He tried to tell us that it was a Friday night and he should be able to stay up as late as he wanted to. Well – Justin has football practice at 7:30 tomorrow morning. He’s supposed to be up at 6:30 getting ready for it. If he went to bed at midnight, would he be in top physical shape in the morning? Would he be rested? Justin seemed to think he’d be fine. Of course he did… he’s 16.
At 7:30 this morning my alarm goes off. If we don’t leave the house at 7:40, he’s late for practice. I don’t hear any movement downstairs. This doesn’t sound good. I get up… go to his room… and guess who is still sound asleep in bed?
Justin. Mr. I-can-stay-up-late-and-it-not-affect-me.
I considered going back to bed and letting him suffer to consequences of his actions, but I decided against it. I woke him up and told him we were leaving in 5 minutes. I got dressed and hear Justin putting clothes in the dryer.
The dryer?
I asked…. “what are you doing?”
Justin tells me he has his clothes he’s supposed to wear today that he washed yesterday that need to be dried. IN FIVE MINUTES? More like four now.
I took him to practice with soaking wet clothes and sleep in his eyes. He said he was fine and his clothes were just ‘damp’. Yeah… okay.
Frustrating.
I can’t wait for school to start and more of these bedtime drama posts to happen. Get ready folks….
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Kayte told me the other day that she still needed shoes for school. I thought I was done school shopping, but I guess we are not. She had gone to the mall with her friends and done all her own school clothes shopping – and I guess I figured she had bought all her own stuff. She said she didn’t or couldn’t get shoes. So, today we’ll go get some shoes.
I decided to try to take her down to the base to get them. My boss told me I needed to try to get an AAFES Star Card, which I can talk to them about getting while I’m out there. If I get this “Star Card”, I can shop for things the kids need online and have them shipped to the house – TAX FREE (as an AAFES member because they are military). Things from appliances to jewelry to clothes. Worth looking into for sure.
I also need some groceries, so while I’m out at the base, I’ll go to the commissary as well. I think I’ll be allowed to go out there too. Although I think only one of us is allowed there so maybe Chris and I both can’t go… I don’t know. Guess I need to think about that, because I really wanted him to go with me. The commissary only allows one ‘guest’ and since I’m a ‘guest’ because I’m non-military… we’ll just have to see how it goes. I’ll bet they’ll let us in. The funny thing is, Kayte will have to buy everything.
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Speaking of things we need to buy at the store.... that reminds me of something that happened last night that I told Chris was totally a funny blog-story. Oh gosh - I can't even believe I'm going to tell you all this story.
So.... Chris and I are getting ready to go out last night.
We are penny-pinchers to the max. The kind of people who use every inch of toilet paper on the roll before throwing it away. Well -- I'm in the shower last night and Chris had just gotten out of the shower and was looking for his deodorant. I am in the shower shaving my legs with this cheap-ass razor where every time I use it it looks like something from a horror movie they cut my legs so bad. Actually they are not cuts, it's razor burns because they are such cheap blades. We got them at Sams I think really cheap in a big gazillion pack because of the kids. (The girls shave so much and heck, even Justin shaves his arms). And hey - razors are expensive. So.....
I'm shaving my legs.... with soap. Because shaving cream is too expensive, of course. The bar of soap is just a sliver. And I mean SLIVER of soap. Probably the size of a quarter. Literally. But, hey - you can't throw it out -- it's still SOAP! Here I am, shaving my legs with my sliver of soap and cheap-ass cut-up-my-legs razor --- and Chris pulls out his deodorant.
As he pulls off the cap, there is such a small amount left that the whole top thing comes out and falls to the floor. Yeah, a TINY bit left. Chris carefully pinches up what fell on the floor and holds it in his fingers and uses that -- putting it under his arms. Carefully as to not drop it again.
Then moves over to the other hand and does the other arm.
At one point we catch each other in the eye. I see his deodorant. He sees my soap. We realize what we are both doing. AND JUST LAUGH.
Oh my gosh -- are we cheap or what????????????
Yeah -- totally blog worthy. I've GOT to go shopping. On the top of my list -- soap, razors, deodorant. But we won't start using them until we finish what we've got here at home.
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1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
She had been fighting with this friend of hers, Emilie. Emilie and Kayla had been the best of friends all summer. Spending the night at her house often times, talking to each other all the time, etc. But they had a fight the other day because Jackie thought Kayla was wearing one of her shirts. It was a $5 shirt and Kayla said it was hers. Kayla wears a small, Emilie a medium. Not to mention, Kayla says, if she wanted a $5 shirt, she would go out and BUY it – just like she did all the other gazillion shirts in her closet. (Her closet is FULL let me tell ya, she has spent all her money this summer on clothes!) Anyways, they had been fighting, and now they made up – apparently – so --- good. I don’t want to hear the details – high school drama – just tell me if you are friends now or not, and I’m good with just that knowledge.
Well, Kayla was following me around like a little lost puppy at lunch Tuesday, which I found odd. But, of course, I’ll take the time with my Niece when I can get it so I enjoyed it. Sure enough, at the very end of lunch as I’m getting ready to go to work – she asks the question I knew had to be coming. (There is ALWAYS a question!!) “Can I go to Emilie’s house this afternoon?” Yeah… I knew she wanted something. Ha ha ha ha ha. I make sure she has a ride there and a ride home and I tell her that of course she can.
Well, later that night I’m getting ready to go out. I have a ‘Girls Night Out’ party I’m going to. I don’t get out with ‘the girls’ much, and I’m pretty excited about the night – quite honestly. I have to leave work at 5, run home and get changed, get Jonathan to piano practice at 5:30, run out and get a bottle of wine, be back and pick Jono up at 6, bring him home, then be at the party by 6:30. No time to play around in my schedule – ya know? So… Kayla calls in the midst of all of this.
She tells me “so, is it still okay if I spend the night with Emilie like you told me earlier I could?” I said…. “What? I told you earlier you could do what?” She said that earlier I said she could spend the night with her. I said I must have been loopy – because I don’t recall that conversation at all. Then I sat for a second and completely recalled the conversation. I remembered Kayla sitting with me all through lunch, waiting to ask me if she could go over her house. Never mentioned spending the night. NEVER.
I have to point out how often these kids do that. They will BRING clothes to spend the night WITH them on purpose. THEN ask later. “Oh, well I brought my clothes so when I asked you later and you said yes, I’d have my clothes….” Well – why didn’t you just ASK me earlier?
It just flew all over me that she told me that she had asked me and expected me to think that I had just forgotten a conversation that never happened. And then I fully and completely recalled that entire lunch conversation – watching Ellen DeGeneres with her and eating Mac and Cheese and she only asked if she could go over there for the afternoon. She was going to get a ride over and back with Roberto. Gosh, I was SO ANGRY.
Course, like any good Aunt, I told her to ask Uncle Chris. I didn’t want to get involved. I was too angry.
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It’s been a few days since I posted that part up there about Kayla. A week actually. Sometimes I’ll just write out a frustration and then give it a bit and hope to get back to the blog. In this case, I didn’t get back to it. Oh well…. Sorry about that.
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Hey, what is it with God’s sense of humor – now that I’m getting older, with those strange chin hairs that grow one at a time really long? And then… some of my eyebrows are getting gray? What’s up with that? At first I thought they were blonde. Then I realized………… nope………… gray. Is that some kind of old-lady joke? I’m not ready to be an old lady yet!!!!!!
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So today is Saturday morning. Chris and I got in last night from a show and tried to get the kids who were here to bed in bed at a reasonable hour. It was 11 pm and Kayla, Justin and Jonathan were home. Jonathan went right to bed. Justin wanted to play video games – Kayla was on the back porch with Sean (a kid who practically lives here) and some girl whom I do not know at all.
Why these two were at my house at 11pm with no adult home I have NO idea and I didn’t like it ONE bit. I told Kayla to have those two leave the house immediately and Kayla went to bed. I told Justin to go to bed, and the resistance began. As it always does.
You see, Justin LOVES X-Box. He’s always in the middle of something that – apparently – you can’t just turn off. I don’t care what I do or how I try to prepare him, he’s never ready to go to bed on time. I can tell them to “prepare for bed at 11:30 so they are IN BED AT MIDNIGHT” (we only changed their bedtime to 10 this week because school was starting Monday) and still, at Midnight, I will find Justin – in the game room, remote in hand, in the middle of some ‘war’, asking me “Auntie Tina, can’t I just finish this one game???”
ALWAYS
I can tell him to just do WHATEVER HE PERSONALLY HAS TO DO to be ready for bed at whatever time, and he is just NEVER ready on time. Nor is Kayte, but that’s another story.
So last night when he asked me if he can finish this one game… I……. I………… lost it. I screamed my bloody head off. At the top of my lungs. I literally screamed “NO, YOU CAN NOT FINISH THIS GAME!!!” I was just soooooo tired of hearing him ask the damn question every day. Chris got up and said, “I’ve never heard you yell at him like that.” Well, ya know, it needed to be done.
We stood there and tried to tell Justin why he needed to go to bed. He tried to tell us that it was a Friday night and he should be able to stay up as late as he wanted to. Well – Justin has football practice at 7:30 tomorrow morning. He’s supposed to be up at 6:30 getting ready for it. If he went to bed at midnight, would he be in top physical shape in the morning? Would he be rested? Justin seemed to think he’d be fine. Of course he did… he’s 16.
At 7:30 this morning my alarm goes off. If we don’t leave the house at 7:40, he’s late for practice. I don’t hear any movement downstairs. This doesn’t sound good. I get up… go to his room… and guess who is still sound asleep in bed?
Justin. Mr. I-can-stay-up-late-and-it-not-affect-me.
I considered going back to bed and letting him suffer to consequences of his actions, but I decided against it. I woke him up and told him we were leaving in 5 minutes. I got dressed and hear Justin putting clothes in the dryer.
The dryer?
I asked…. “what are you doing?”
Justin tells me he has his clothes he’s supposed to wear today that he washed yesterday that need to be dried. IN FIVE MINUTES? More like four now.
I took him to practice with soaking wet clothes and sleep in his eyes. He said he was fine and his clothes were just ‘damp’. Yeah… okay.
Frustrating.
I can’t wait for school to start and more of these bedtime drama posts to happen. Get ready folks….
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Kayte told me the other day that she still needed shoes for school. I thought I was done school shopping, but I guess we are not. She had gone to the mall with her friends and done all her own school clothes shopping – and I guess I figured she had bought all her own stuff. She said she didn’t or couldn’t get shoes. So, today we’ll go get some shoes.
I decided to try to take her down to the base to get them. My boss told me I needed to try to get an AAFES Star Card, which I can talk to them about getting while I’m out there. If I get this “Star Card”, I can shop for things the kids need online and have them shipped to the house – TAX FREE (as an AAFES member because they are military). Things from appliances to jewelry to clothes. Worth looking into for sure.
I also need some groceries, so while I’m out at the base, I’ll go to the commissary as well. I think I’ll be allowed to go out there too. Although I think only one of us is allowed there so maybe Chris and I both can’t go… I don’t know. Guess I need to think about that, because I really wanted him to go with me. The commissary only allows one ‘guest’ and since I’m a ‘guest’ because I’m non-military… we’ll just have to see how it goes. I’ll bet they’ll let us in. The funny thing is, Kayte will have to buy everything.
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Speaking of things we need to buy at the store.... that reminds me of something that happened last night that I told Chris was totally a funny blog-story. Oh gosh - I can't even believe I'm going to tell you all this story.
So.... Chris and I are getting ready to go out last night.
We are penny-pinchers to the max. The kind of people who use every inch of toilet paper on the roll before throwing it away. Well -- I'm in the shower last night and Chris had just gotten out of the shower and was looking for his deodorant. I am in the shower shaving my legs with this cheap-ass razor where every time I use it it looks like something from a horror movie they cut my legs so bad. Actually they are not cuts, it's razor burns because they are such cheap blades. We got them at Sams I think really cheap in a big gazillion pack because of the kids. (The girls shave so much and heck, even Justin shaves his arms). And hey - razors are expensive. So.....
I'm shaving my legs.... with soap. Because shaving cream is too expensive, of course. The bar of soap is just a sliver. And I mean SLIVER of soap. Probably the size of a quarter. Literally. But, hey - you can't throw it out -- it's still SOAP! Here I am, shaving my legs with my sliver of soap and cheap-ass cut-up-my-legs razor --- and Chris pulls out his deodorant.
As he pulls off the cap, there is such a small amount left that the whole top thing comes out and falls to the floor. Yeah, a TINY bit left. Chris carefully pinches up what fell on the floor and holds it in his fingers and uses that -- putting it under his arms. Carefully as to not drop it again.
Then moves over to the other hand and does the other arm.
At one point we catch each other in the eye. I see his deodorant. He sees my soap. We realize what we are both doing. AND JUST LAUGH.
Oh my gosh -- are we cheap or what????????????
Yeah -- totally blog worthy. I've GOT to go shopping. On the top of my list -- soap, razors, deodorant. But we won't start using them until we finish what we've got here at home.
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1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Wednesday, August 06, 2008
Trust In God
I’ve not been feeling well the past couple of days. Finally went to the doctor yesterday and was diagnosed with a Kidney Infection. I knew I had it… it’s one of those things you just “know” you have. They gave me some medicine for it and I should be fine in a few days. Drinking tons of water, which I usually do anyways. Oh – but the really good thing was – my Blood Pressure was good at this visit. Of course I’m still taking my BP medicine every day. Well, one of them every day – one of them I’m a little less-than-good about taking because it’s a diuretic as well and I don’t like that. But they told me whatever I’m doing ~ keep it up because the BP is great and maybe I’ll be able to get off the BP medicine soon. Great news!
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More good news ~ the paperwork came in from the VA for the kids to finally begin getting that “apportionment” that should have been going to them all along. Julie tells me now that it’s really supposed to be nine hundred and something dollars – but I really don’t know. I just know that when Ron died, the VA has money that they pay… part of which is for Julie, part of which is for the kids. All this time, Julie has been getting all of it. In January the VA realized that Julie was not supposed to be getting all of it and so in January 2008 they began investigating to see about getting that money transferred over to the kids.
Ah, the slow moving paperwork of the VA.
Finally, in August – EIGHT MONTHS LATER – I get paperwork telling me that they want to know what my income is… what other income we have… how much Chris makes… IRA’s…. property we own… vehicles we own… how much cash we have in the bank… and what our living expenses are. I told you all this last blog I know, but I’m going somewhere with this, trust me.
Well, I did mine and sent it all in. I assumed they would want an ‘average’ income or if we were able to actually work 40 hours a week. Not what we have ACTUALLY brought in the past month or so. Because, well, as I’ve told you in prior blogs… business has been VERY bad for Chris the past month or two. I put down a good month for Chris, I figured this was what they were looking for.
Julie came over on Saturday. She brought her paperwork with her. She couldn’t understand the paperwork and asked if I’d help her with it. Of course I would and of course I did. I put in exactly what she told me… but under income, she put in $300 a month. “$300 a month?” I asked . She went on to explain that since she moved in July she was only working a couple days a week. Well, heck, had I known we were only using last month’s income… I’d have used that for Chris’s figures as well.
You see, they are going to look at this paperwork, sit down, and figure out how much to give to Julie so she can ‘make ends meet’ – and then how much to give the kids. In their letter to her they say that they don’t want to “cause undue hardship” on her. Well, heck, some might figure -- why work?
Sigh. The system is broke folks. Broke. And we all pay for it. Because people like you and me are out here working our asses off 40 hours a week to pay our bills and other people sit home and collect checks who don’t work because government agencies don’t want to create ‘hardships’. And, sometimes it’s financially better to stay at home and collect government checks than it is to get out and work. The system is broke.
But I don’t mean Julie. I mean, she IS out there trying to work at least. Albeit one or two days a week
I tell ya, my heart really breaks for Julie right now. Here she is at the BEST she has been in a very long time. She’s been out of the hospital for months. She’s moved into her own apartment. And she can’t, for some reason, get her current employer to get her more than $7 an hour and more than 1- 2 days a week to work. So, she goes out to try to get another job doing anything and can’t get anything else… not McDonalds, not Sweetbay, not Publix, not 7-11, nothing. She has no High School Diploma, which rules her out of a lot of jobs and she’s unable to pass a GED – she’s tried. Dang, she is TRING so hard.
At her best………. This is the best?
My heart is breaking for my sister. I mean… it SHOULD be GREAT for her right now, ya know? She really should be on disability. She needs to get a lawyer and get on disability. I wish she could come into a little bit of money to hire someone to just do that for her. Without question, Julie is a CLASSIC case of a person who has a mental illness which qualifies them for disability.
I mean think about it… even IF she landed a beautiful job right now… one that paid her $8 an hour – how much longer REALISTICALLY is she going to be out of the hospital? She is now on her 6th month. She’s never gone more than 9 months… so we are getting close. So, she gets a job, and then has to go into the hospital to be balanced out because she gets depressed. If she was working for someone very caring who knew of her history and understood it that’s one thing; but a place like McDonalds or Burger King – they just don’t care. They will turn over staff – fire her and fill her spot while she is gone.
So again, my heart breaks.
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Tonight there is a meeting at Church. Jeff, the executive director (who booted me off the praise team) wants to talk to everyone. I have to tell you, my heart is heavy on this one. My heart is beating fast as I type this just thinking about it.
I’m hoping there will be a chance for some of us to be able to ask questions or to speak our minds. And if so, I’m hoping I will have the courage to do so. I have just been SO unhappy. Not just because I am not a part of them… I enjoy singing… I enjoy standing up there and giving God all I have with others. It’s a gift, a giving of my soul to glorify God. They took that away. And I’m hurt. And I can’t FIND JOY anymore. So, hopefully we’ll get to talk about it.
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And now I am back. It’s a new day and last night I did indeed get a chance to talk at the meeting. Although if you can call it “talking”. I cried mostly. What a BABY I am. He talked about there being times when you do something at Church when you “light someone’s fire”. I feel that – by singing, be it in choir or on praise team or even in Toast of Tampa, I was lighting fires. It was infectious. I could feel it, God working through me many times. Touching lives. Touching souls. Then he talked about how he felt that – through the actions that had come about… they had put out some of those fires in people. Well, I told him that – yes indeed, without question, I felt that their actions had indeed squelched my fire. I was actually pleased to hear that analogy. In that one sentance, he had summed up how I had been feeling all this time.
I had been going to church, looking for joy – unable to find it. Gone to choir trying to sing and trying to smile and find happiness, unable to do so – not sure why. Sitting in different sections at church looking for God to “find me” and fill me with some sort of joy that I once had from singing praise and worship to him – and it just didn’t happen ---- why? I just can’t find happiness at this church anymore. So, what am I supposed to do – I asked? Go to another church? Is that what God wants me to do?? But… I love Vandyke – God Himself LED me to Vandyke. (And with that I completely broke down into tears.)
Uh, yeah… I said all this IN the church. I don’t think I was supposed to do that, huh? You know me… speak your mind… with your heart… think about it later.
Chris asked me afterwards if I ‘felt’ any better. I did feel better for at least telling them how I felt about the whole thing. I still don’t FEEL better, I mean, I still don’t have that JOY, that PASSION for singing again. And I don’t know how to get it back.
I keep thinking that maybe the ‘key’ to the whole thing is part of the VA benefit money. When that money starts coming in, it’ll free up some of our regular money. Maybe what I’m supposed to do is go back to Barbershopping. I know I loved it so much. I mean – I know I can’t go back to the way it was before… I can’t go back to being the president and section leader and in charge of everything under the sun. But I can go back and sing on Tuesdays and practice my songs during the week. I can go to retreats a few times a year. I can go away every other year to the International Competition, and to Regional Competition in between. Maybe one of the things the kids need now is a happier Auntie Tina / a happier Mom / a happier wife.
Then again, I always have this inner struggle with myself. Do I want to go back? Do I not want to go back? Will I feel like it is never really “right” because it is never like it used to be?
Oh, the things that run through my head – you guys – if you had any idea of how MUCH I think about. My head should EXPLODE because I think too much!
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I’m making $100 bucks tonight for drinking beer. Go figure. Hey, with things as bad as they are right now, if I can make $100 in an hour or two, without breaking any laws or doing anything immoral, why not! Budweiser is paying me $100 to taste beer at Busch Gardens for an hour. Then they’ll feed me afterwards, so I don’t drive home drunk (which I can’t do because Michelle is going as well and she is driving). Give me beer, feed me, give me $100 bucks and send me on my way – LOVE IT!
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So, I check the cell phone records today and see that Kayla has been on her phone the past 3 or 4 days talking to 2 phone numbers on her cell phone. We extended their cell phone use (because the kids REFUSED to abide by the 10pm rule) and allowed them to talk to their friends until 11pm as long as they were talking to friends on a cell phone. No house phones permitted because that was just WRONG. Nobody should be on a house phone after 9 or 10 pm. Heck, I don’t use MY house phone after then unless it’s an emergency. So….
I see a lot of calls to these two numbers… 17 minute phone call at 11:55 pm, 12:39, 1:44 in the morning, 1:22 in the morning, 12:40 – you get the gist. I decide to CALL these numbers, since there are only the same TWO numbers recurring over and over again. It’s 8:30 in the morning, I’m sure this person would LOVE to hear from me so early in the morning.
The first number was a fax machine. Odd… but then I realize that all of the calls on the cell bill from that number were incoming. Odd, but then I noticed that after every fax call there was the call from the other number.
So, I called the other number. It rang and rang and rang and rang and rang. No voice mail. Odd – but heck – I’ll let it ring – why not? Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring. Finally… that stumble to the phone answer happens… you know the one… when someone is knocking the phone off the night stand answer. And a teenage girl answers in a soft and VERY TIRED voice “hello”.
I say in a VERY CHIPPER voice (You should call my office just so see how annoyingly CHIPPER I can be - “Well hello there! Did I wake you up?”
She sounds soooo tired and confused…. “........yes”
I reply, again, very chipper “Oh, gee. I’m so sorry about that. Well – ya know – if you were not up until 2 am on the phone talking to Kayla, maybe you wouldn’t be so TIRED this morning, ya know?”
“Huh?” she says
I ask: “Who is this by the way?”
She replies “This is Beba.”
I tell her, “Well, Beba, this is Tina, Kayla’s Aunt. And in my house, we don’t allow phone use after 11 at night. And I just pulled the phone records and see that for the past several nights, you and Kayla have been talking until 1 or 2 am. That’s pretty late. And it’s going to stop. Right now. And if it doesn’t happen, I’m taking away Kayla’s cell phone. Got it?”
She says, “Uhhhh, yes”
I say “That’s good, Beba. Have a good rest of the day. Goodbye.”
And I hang up.
Too funny.
I decided that Kayla had to be punished, of course. So I looked at the phone bill again and see that it’s only the last two nights that she’s been up till 1 and 2 am talking – so – I called her and told her to put her phone on my bed and walk away from it because for two days, as punishment for this since she couldn’t follow the rules, she was going to not use her phone for two days.
Course, as luck would have it – her phone broke today. Guess when her new phone arrives? Yepper – 2 days. She was going to try to use one of the older phones for now. Because she just COULDN’T go WITHOUT any phone! But now she’s going to HAVE to. She’ll live.
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Speaking of living, my back is still killing me because of this kidney infection. I felt horrible last night and now this afternoon it’s getting bad again. I guess I’m not drinking enough water. Only had one .5 liter of water thus far today… not nearly enough I think. Plus people from the choir are sending me words of encouragement and I’m crying out what little water I’ve had today. One choir member wrote “you are being lifted up by all that surrounded you last night and more” – how incredibly sweet is that? I didn’t say anything that I said last night because I wanted to be lifted up, but because I just wanted THEM to know how I felt. Yet – out of that came this… support. I didn’t go there to GET anything. I went there to – heck – to hope to “give ‘em a piece of my mind”, so to speak. And today I have people praying for me. That is soooo sweet. And here I go crying again. Dangit Tina.
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BRACES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We’ll talk about BRACES! Good news there! I finally got the kids an appointment with an Orthodontist who will be their first step in getting braces on their teeth! This is for Justin and Kayte. Kayla doesn’t need them and Jonathan, of course, doesn’t have insurance.
Here’s how it works: There are only a few Orthodontist who take Medicaid, because they pay so poorly. So, they reserve only a FEW spots for Medicaid patients. All the rest of their appointments are for cash paying patients. Once a month or so they tell their Medicaid patients that they can call in and the first few callers can get appointments if and when they have an opening. The rest have to try again later, whenever they open their schedule for the next scheduled calling (again, usually once a month). I’ve been putting it on my calendar at work and calling like a mad-dog every month. It’s like trying to “call-in-and-win” on a radio station. Only I’ve not been able to win yet. This month, I did! Their appointment is for October 29th! This will be their initial visit and I assume he’ll decide if they need braces and if so, when he’ll put them on.
How exciting!
**************************************************
Speaking of exciting, Chris’s job is going really well. He just LOVES what he is doing now. It’s --- completely different than what he was doing before. He’s not remodeling a bathroom or doing tile work. No ‘honey-do’ list. He’s doing the carpentry work in a mall where they are building a Coach store. I can’t wait to see it!
I know he’s working very odd hours… and very long hours. He comes home very dirty and very tired. One morning he had to get up for work to BE there at 3 am. He doesn’t get home most nights until 6 pm. One night he had to turn around and go back at 9 pm to unload a truck till 1 or 2 am. He’s working 10-12 hour days… but it’s an hourly rate.
God is giving us EXACTLY what I asked for in a prior blog. I said… Chris needs to work. He’ll work hard… he’ll earn it… just give him work to do and he’ll earn the rest. No gimmies ~ no handouts ~ just work. And there it is.
God is good.
***********************************************
And so I leave you today with this thought:
We all have our days when we feel we can’t survive.
Sometimes our dreams are shattered,
Friendships may fall apart.
We may even lose people we love.
But God will always be there to guide us
through even the toughest of times.
Never lose faith.
Hold onto hope.
Trust in God…. Always.
**********************************************
More good news ~ the paperwork came in from the VA for the kids to finally begin getting that “apportionment” that should have been going to them all along. Julie tells me now that it’s really supposed to be nine hundred and something dollars – but I really don’t know. I just know that when Ron died, the VA has money that they pay… part of which is for Julie, part of which is for the kids. All this time, Julie has been getting all of it. In January the VA realized that Julie was not supposed to be getting all of it and so in January 2008 they began investigating to see about getting that money transferred over to the kids.
Ah, the slow moving paperwork of the VA.
Finally, in August – EIGHT MONTHS LATER – I get paperwork telling me that they want to know what my income is… what other income we have… how much Chris makes… IRA’s…. property we own… vehicles we own… how much cash we have in the bank… and what our living expenses are. I told you all this last blog I know, but I’m going somewhere with this, trust me.
Well, I did mine and sent it all in. I assumed they would want an ‘average’ income or if we were able to actually work 40 hours a week. Not what we have ACTUALLY brought in the past month or so. Because, well, as I’ve told you in prior blogs… business has been VERY bad for Chris the past month or two. I put down a good month for Chris, I figured this was what they were looking for.
Julie came over on Saturday. She brought her paperwork with her. She couldn’t understand the paperwork and asked if I’d help her with it. Of course I would and of course I did. I put in exactly what she told me… but under income, she put in $300 a month. “$300 a month?” I asked . She went on to explain that since she moved in July she was only working a couple days a week. Well, heck, had I known we were only using last month’s income… I’d have used that for Chris’s figures as well.
You see, they are going to look at this paperwork, sit down, and figure out how much to give to Julie so she can ‘make ends meet’ – and then how much to give the kids. In their letter to her they say that they don’t want to “cause undue hardship” on her. Well, heck, some might figure -- why work?
Sigh. The system is broke folks. Broke. And we all pay for it. Because people like you and me are out here working our asses off 40 hours a week to pay our bills and other people sit home and collect checks who don’t work because government agencies don’t want to create ‘hardships’. And, sometimes it’s financially better to stay at home and collect government checks than it is to get out and work. The system is broke.
But I don’t mean Julie. I mean, she IS out there trying to work at least. Albeit one or two days a week
I tell ya, my heart really breaks for Julie right now. Here she is at the BEST she has been in a very long time. She’s been out of the hospital for months. She’s moved into her own apartment. And she can’t, for some reason, get her current employer to get her more than $7 an hour and more than 1- 2 days a week to work. So, she goes out to try to get another job doing anything and can’t get anything else… not McDonalds, not Sweetbay, not Publix, not 7-11, nothing. She has no High School Diploma, which rules her out of a lot of jobs and she’s unable to pass a GED – she’s tried. Dang, she is TRING so hard.
At her best………. This is the best?
My heart is breaking for my sister. I mean… it SHOULD be GREAT for her right now, ya know? She really should be on disability. She needs to get a lawyer and get on disability. I wish she could come into a little bit of money to hire someone to just do that for her. Without question, Julie is a CLASSIC case of a person who has a mental illness which qualifies them for disability.
I mean think about it… even IF she landed a beautiful job right now… one that paid her $8 an hour – how much longer REALISTICALLY is she going to be out of the hospital? She is now on her 6th month. She’s never gone more than 9 months… so we are getting close. So, she gets a job, and then has to go into the hospital to be balanced out because she gets depressed. If she was working for someone very caring who knew of her history and understood it that’s one thing; but a place like McDonalds or Burger King – they just don’t care. They will turn over staff – fire her and fill her spot while she is gone.
So again, my heart breaks.
*******************************
Tonight there is a meeting at Church. Jeff, the executive director (who booted me off the praise team) wants to talk to everyone. I have to tell you, my heart is heavy on this one. My heart is beating fast as I type this just thinking about it.
I’m hoping there will be a chance for some of us to be able to ask questions or to speak our minds. And if so, I’m hoping I will have the courage to do so. I have just been SO unhappy. Not just because I am not a part of them… I enjoy singing… I enjoy standing up there and giving God all I have with others. It’s a gift, a giving of my soul to glorify God. They took that away. And I’m hurt. And I can’t FIND JOY anymore. So, hopefully we’ll get to talk about it.
**********************************
And now I am back. It’s a new day and last night I did indeed get a chance to talk at the meeting. Although if you can call it “talking”. I cried mostly. What a BABY I am. He talked about there being times when you do something at Church when you “light someone’s fire”. I feel that – by singing, be it in choir or on praise team or even in Toast of Tampa, I was lighting fires. It was infectious. I could feel it, God working through me many times. Touching lives. Touching souls. Then he talked about how he felt that – through the actions that had come about… they had put out some of those fires in people. Well, I told him that – yes indeed, without question, I felt that their actions had indeed squelched my fire. I was actually pleased to hear that analogy. In that one sentance, he had summed up how I had been feeling all this time.
I had been going to church, looking for joy – unable to find it. Gone to choir trying to sing and trying to smile and find happiness, unable to do so – not sure why. Sitting in different sections at church looking for God to “find me” and fill me with some sort of joy that I once had from singing praise and worship to him – and it just didn’t happen ---- why? I just can’t find happiness at this church anymore. So, what am I supposed to do – I asked? Go to another church? Is that what God wants me to do?? But… I love Vandyke – God Himself LED me to Vandyke. (And with that I completely broke down into tears.)
Uh, yeah… I said all this IN the church. I don’t think I was supposed to do that, huh? You know me… speak your mind… with your heart… think about it later.
Chris asked me afterwards if I ‘felt’ any better. I did feel better for at least telling them how I felt about the whole thing. I still don’t FEEL better, I mean, I still don’t have that JOY, that PASSION for singing again. And I don’t know how to get it back.
I keep thinking that maybe the ‘key’ to the whole thing is part of the VA benefit money. When that money starts coming in, it’ll free up some of our regular money. Maybe what I’m supposed to do is go back to Barbershopping. I know I loved it so much. I mean – I know I can’t go back to the way it was before… I can’t go back to being the president and section leader and in charge of everything under the sun. But I can go back and sing on Tuesdays and practice my songs during the week. I can go to retreats a few times a year. I can go away every other year to the International Competition, and to Regional Competition in between. Maybe one of the things the kids need now is a happier Auntie Tina / a happier Mom / a happier wife.
Then again, I always have this inner struggle with myself. Do I want to go back? Do I not want to go back? Will I feel like it is never really “right” because it is never like it used to be?
Oh, the things that run through my head – you guys – if you had any idea of how MUCH I think about. My head should EXPLODE because I think too much!
***************************************
I’m making $100 bucks tonight for drinking beer. Go figure. Hey, with things as bad as they are right now, if I can make $100 in an hour or two, without breaking any laws or doing anything immoral, why not! Budweiser is paying me $100 to taste beer at Busch Gardens for an hour. Then they’ll feed me afterwards, so I don’t drive home drunk (which I can’t do because Michelle is going as well and she is driving). Give me beer, feed me, give me $100 bucks and send me on my way – LOVE IT!
***************************************
So, I check the cell phone records today and see that Kayla has been on her phone the past 3 or 4 days talking to 2 phone numbers on her cell phone. We extended their cell phone use (because the kids REFUSED to abide by the 10pm rule) and allowed them to talk to their friends until 11pm as long as they were talking to friends on a cell phone. No house phones permitted because that was just WRONG. Nobody should be on a house phone after 9 or 10 pm. Heck, I don’t use MY house phone after then unless it’s an emergency. So….
I see a lot of calls to these two numbers… 17 minute phone call at 11:55 pm, 12:39, 1:44 in the morning, 1:22 in the morning, 12:40 – you get the gist. I decide to CALL these numbers, since there are only the same TWO numbers recurring over and over again. It’s 8:30 in the morning, I’m sure this person would LOVE to hear from me so early in the morning.
The first number was a fax machine. Odd… but then I realize that all of the calls on the cell bill from that number were incoming. Odd, but then I noticed that after every fax call there was the call from the other number.
So, I called the other number. It rang and rang and rang and rang and rang. No voice mail. Odd – but heck – I’ll let it ring – why not? Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring. Finally… that stumble to the phone answer happens… you know the one… when someone is knocking the phone off the night stand answer. And a teenage girl answers in a soft and VERY TIRED voice “hello”.
I say in a VERY CHIPPER voice (You should call my office just so see how annoyingly CHIPPER I can be - “Well hello there! Did I wake you up?”
She sounds soooo tired and confused…. “........yes”
I reply, again, very chipper “Oh, gee. I’m so sorry about that. Well – ya know – if you were not up until 2 am on the phone talking to Kayla, maybe you wouldn’t be so TIRED this morning, ya know?”
“Huh?” she says
I ask: “Who is this by the way?”
She replies “This is Beba.”
I tell her, “Well, Beba, this is Tina, Kayla’s Aunt. And in my house, we don’t allow phone use after 11 at night. And I just pulled the phone records and see that for the past several nights, you and Kayla have been talking until 1 or 2 am. That’s pretty late. And it’s going to stop. Right now. And if it doesn’t happen, I’m taking away Kayla’s cell phone. Got it?”
She says, “Uhhhh, yes”
I say “That’s good, Beba. Have a good rest of the day. Goodbye.”
And I hang up.
Too funny.
I decided that Kayla had to be punished, of course. So I looked at the phone bill again and see that it’s only the last two nights that she’s been up till 1 and 2 am talking – so – I called her and told her to put her phone on my bed and walk away from it because for two days, as punishment for this since she couldn’t follow the rules, she was going to not use her phone for two days.
Course, as luck would have it – her phone broke today. Guess when her new phone arrives? Yepper – 2 days. She was going to try to use one of the older phones for now. Because she just COULDN’T go WITHOUT any phone! But now she’s going to HAVE to. She’ll live.
**************************************
Speaking of living, my back is still killing me because of this kidney infection. I felt horrible last night and now this afternoon it’s getting bad again. I guess I’m not drinking enough water. Only had one .5 liter of water thus far today… not nearly enough I think. Plus people from the choir are sending me words of encouragement and I’m crying out what little water I’ve had today. One choir member wrote “you are being lifted up by all that surrounded you last night and more” – how incredibly sweet is that? I didn’t say anything that I said last night because I wanted to be lifted up, but because I just wanted THEM to know how I felt. Yet – out of that came this… support. I didn’t go there to GET anything. I went there to – heck – to hope to “give ‘em a piece of my mind”, so to speak. And today I have people praying for me. That is soooo sweet. And here I go crying again. Dangit Tina.
******************************************
BRACES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We’ll talk about BRACES! Good news there! I finally got the kids an appointment with an Orthodontist who will be their first step in getting braces on their teeth! This is for Justin and Kayte. Kayla doesn’t need them and Jonathan, of course, doesn’t have insurance.
Here’s how it works: There are only a few Orthodontist who take Medicaid, because they pay so poorly. So, they reserve only a FEW spots for Medicaid patients. All the rest of their appointments are for cash paying patients. Once a month or so they tell their Medicaid patients that they can call in and the first few callers can get appointments if and when they have an opening. The rest have to try again later, whenever they open their schedule for the next scheduled calling (again, usually once a month). I’ve been putting it on my calendar at work and calling like a mad-dog every month. It’s like trying to “call-in-and-win” on a radio station. Only I’ve not been able to win yet. This month, I did! Their appointment is for October 29th! This will be their initial visit and I assume he’ll decide if they need braces and if so, when he’ll put them on.
How exciting!
**************************************************
Speaking of exciting, Chris’s job is going really well. He just LOVES what he is doing now. It’s --- completely different than what he was doing before. He’s not remodeling a bathroom or doing tile work. No ‘honey-do’ list. He’s doing the carpentry work in a mall where they are building a Coach store. I can’t wait to see it!
I know he’s working very odd hours… and very long hours. He comes home very dirty and very tired. One morning he had to get up for work to BE there at 3 am. He doesn’t get home most nights until 6 pm. One night he had to turn around and go back at 9 pm to unload a truck till 1 or 2 am. He’s working 10-12 hour days… but it’s an hourly rate.
God is giving us EXACTLY what I asked for in a prior blog. I said… Chris needs to work. He’ll work hard… he’ll earn it… just give him work to do and he’ll earn the rest. No gimmies ~ no handouts ~ just work. And there it is.
God is good.
***********************************************
And so I leave you today with this thought:
We all have our days when we feel we can’t survive.
Sometimes our dreams are shattered,
Friendships may fall apart.
We may even lose people we love.
But God will always be there to guide us
through even the toughest of times.
Never lose faith.
Hold onto hope.
Trust in God…. Always.
Friday, August 01, 2008
Ding-Dang-Phones
Ya know what drives me crazy? The fact that when someone calls my house, nobody can find a cordless phone.
If you ever call my house and it goes to voice-mail, it's because everyone who is home is frantically running around looking for a cordless phone.
Sure, we have two corded phones, but the kids don't like to use them. That means they can't be on the computer or on their video game, or walking around, or in their room, or whatever it is they 'do'. No -- cordless phones seem to be "it".
And.... it's not for lack of trying.
When the kids moved in 3 years ago, we had 4 cordless phones. They lost them. We went on ebay and bought some more, along with another base unit, so we would have a total of 6 cordless phones! How could we go wrong? Right?
Wrong.
We would find phones in the yard. On the back of the car. By the pool. Stuck in the sofa. Under beds. Now... we are down - again to one or two cordless phones -- when we can manage to find them. As I sit here now I only know where one is -- it's in front of me -- dead as a doornail.
I guess what bothers me most is this. We bought these phones for about $11 each on Ebay. $11 x 6 = $66.00. Then I pay about $45 a month for monthly phone service to the house. This isn't really much at all. The kids treat these phones like CRAP.
Yet their cell phones.... which I pay an arm and a leg for.... which cost me a fortune every month.... which is totally NOT a necessity.... they treat like GOLD.
I keep telling the kids that the DAY every phone in the house turns up missing again is the day I call Verizon and just turn off the house phone completely. All their friends can call their cell phones after 9pm for all I care, I'm DONE with worrying about it.
Yet it bugs me. How do you LOSE all these phones? Where do they go? How come that can be that irresponsible with our house phones -- yet treat their cell phones like gold?
It just makes me crazy. And I thought I'd share that with you.
There... two blogs in two days. And now you know why you call my house and go to voice-mail so often. Next time you call.... ask whatever kid answers the phone to get off their butt and go FIND a cordless phone. :o)
If you ever call my house and it goes to voice-mail, it's because everyone who is home is frantically running around looking for a cordless phone.
Sure, we have two corded phones, but the kids don't like to use them. That means they can't be on the computer or on their video game, or walking around, or in their room, or whatever it is they 'do'. No -- cordless phones seem to be "it".
And.... it's not for lack of trying.
When the kids moved in 3 years ago, we had 4 cordless phones. They lost them. We went on ebay and bought some more, along with another base unit, so we would have a total of 6 cordless phones! How could we go wrong? Right?
Wrong.
We would find phones in the yard. On the back of the car. By the pool. Stuck in the sofa. Under beds. Now... we are down - again to one or two cordless phones -- when we can manage to find them. As I sit here now I only know where one is -- it's in front of me -- dead as a doornail.
I guess what bothers me most is this. We bought these phones for about $11 each on Ebay. $11 x 6 = $66.00. Then I pay about $45 a month for monthly phone service to the house. This isn't really much at all. The kids treat these phones like CRAP.
Yet their cell phones.... which I pay an arm and a leg for.... which cost me a fortune every month.... which is totally NOT a necessity.... they treat like GOLD.
I keep telling the kids that the DAY every phone in the house turns up missing again is the day I call Verizon and just turn off the house phone completely. All their friends can call their cell phones after 9pm for all I care, I'm DONE with worrying about it.
Yet it bugs me. How do you LOSE all these phones? Where do they go? How come that can be that irresponsible with our house phones -- yet treat their cell phones like gold?
It just makes me crazy. And I thought I'd share that with you.
There... two blogs in two days. And now you know why you call my house and go to voice-mail so often. Next time you call.... ask whatever kid answers the phone to get off their butt and go FIND a cordless phone. :o)
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