Take Some Therapy, Pass It Around...

Last night was incredibly surreal. Doug was pretty bad (putting it mildly) - he just kept walking around the house and making demands of people. He's also now beginning to hurt us - but he doesn't realize it. He'll talk to you and grab your arm and squeeze it very very tightly, or he'll slap your back but very hard. Chris, Kayla and I all mentioned it last night - how it was really starting to hurt. Anyways... he just kept walking around, saying "I want this, I want that, I want to do this, do that for me". It got to the point about 8pm or so that he began to fall (he'd been on his feet a lot). Someone or something always caught him. But I think his little body was just so tired from being up all day, but he wouldn't listen to us telling him he needed to just sit for a little while. **sigh** At one point last night, he needed to clean off the kitchen table so he could eat (he's now completely taken over that table, which is okay with us). He had old photos and old papers scattered everywhere. He'd just move them into a pile, then they'd slide down, and he'd move them into a pile again. Photos and papers would fall on the floor, Chris would pick them up. Doug wanted no help, he wanted to do it himself. He repeated this same exact thing at LEAST four times when Chris called me in there to witness what he was doing. Again, photos and papers in a stack, slide down, in a stack, slide down, in a stack.... Chris and I agreed that if one more little thing happened (if he started to fall or made one itty bitty complaint) we were going to call 911 and get him to a hospital immediately. But he did okay and eventually he ate.

Doug now says he's happy with everyone at the moment - YEAH! But it's so confusing when he talks because I'm not sure how to help him. Last night he talked about: 1) staying with us 2) moving to Tennessee in his home 2) moving to Tenn to live in an apt there 3) moving to Tenn to live in an assisted living facility 4) finding a 1 bedroom apt here in Tampa 5) move into assisted living here in Tampa. This is just in the matter of hours at home.

Also throughout the night he discussed his funeral plans. It's a really good thing for Chris and he to talk about those things ahead of time. The funniest thing is how he feels about the French woman coming to visit with him on Monday. He can't wait for her, he is so excited. He wants to go out with her, keeps telling me to leave him some money so he can take her out to lunch. That is GREAT news! He keeps asking me, "what can she do for me?" I keep saying, pretty much anything you'd like, she can clean up for you, help you with your projects, cook for you, make your bed, wash your clothes, or just sit and talk to you." God, he's so happy. Speaking of God, now just pray that I'm going to be able to afford her. They are charging me $13.50 an hour, 4 hour minimum, to come out. So an extra $108 per week... surely I can find that somewhere, right? **Sigh** Yes, pray for him and for us. I know it may seem unethical, but pray that this money for these visits comes easily for us. I just think our days are going to be so much better if he's excited about a visit twice a week. And remember to pray for his brain scan on Friday - pray that it'll show what's going on so that we know for sure and can address it.

Onto my favorite subject, the kids! They've been doing pretty well. We have the "wow wall" up now, a big colorful wall in the dining room with "WOW WALL" in colorful letters and all their papers with A's and B's. It's funny, their friends come over, and they want to be put on the wall. No... not kidding... they really want to put their A's and B's up on the wall. Too funny! I told them - no - this is special just for our kids. So far Kayla's the only one with papers up, but the others are working on it.

Kayte was on the computer ALL NIGHT last night. She had a couple of times when she got off to do something else, but the majority of the night she was online. At one point, about 9 or so, I told her she'd been on the computer all night and needed to get off. She came down whining saying it wasn't true. I started to appease her, trying to explain how many times I walked by and saw her on the internet, how everyone else had done fun things throughout the night (basketball, etc) except her, she was online all the time. Like I said... I started to.... but then I said, "You know what Kayte, cut out the damn whining and just listen to me! I said get off the computer, I said I know you've been on it all night! You need to just tell me 'yes ma'am' and then stay off the computer! Don't come down here whining to me, just DO it! Or else I'll put you on restriction and you'll really have no computer for a while!" I felt so proud of myself for putting my foot down.

I talked to Jonathan last night about the kids going to summer camp. He told me that he'd feel really sad if they went and he stayed home. I'm afraid that some of my feelings might have influenced him, so I'm going to talk to him about it again to make sure how he feels. I mean, I do feel bad because the kids have an opportunity to go to summer camp that would have cost about $4,500 for only only $150 out of pocket. But at the same time, I feel so sad that it excludes Jonathan. **Sigh**

Okay - Just talked to Karen about something else that happened last night. Go grab some tea and come back and read this... I'll wait.................

Okay, so the other day at the Family Therapy session we discussed many things. (Won't go into all of it here, don't worry) One of the things I told Julie was that she needed to "Be Careful" when talking to the kids about David. David is an ex-boyfriend from some other state that lived with her once before. He moved in with Julie again on Wednesday this week. The kids and I have talked about it some and they have mixed feelings. Everyone seems to like David, but all of them want their mom to date someone normal, not have men (including David) move in with her to be there all the time. But my conversation at the therapy session was just to tell Julie to handle the conversation as it pertained to David carefully so as not to upset the kids. I also told Julie that with Kayla going to therapy now, and she may be extra emotional so to expect that there will be some old wounds open back up, that it was normal and to allow Kayla to work through it herself with her therapist.

So... what did Julie do yesterday first thing after school? Yep, she called the kids and asked them why they "told Auntie Tina they didn't like David". She said other things I know, but I wasn't home and didn't hear anything until Kayla buzzed me on instant messenger. She told me that she needed help - she was on the phone with her mom and her mom asked her to lie to me and to tell me that she was just kidding about the whole "David" thing. Kayla tells me "I don't want to lie to you". (Note that it was a huge step for Kayla to say that) Kayla was very upset, and I immediately called Julie. I told her to STOP talking to the kids about David, and about what we talked about. She told me that I lied in therapy, that Kayla was the only one who had a problem with David (this meaning she's asked Kayte and Justin how they feel about it - again, doing what I asked her not to do). Kayte was mad when I got home, I assume because her mom put her in the middle.... Julie asking her "why did you tell Auntie Tina this"... and Kayte feeling betrayed. God that makes my heart hurt. So Kayla and I discussed it all at length last night. Kayla is not ready for anyone to come in and take the place her daddy. I talked to her about that... telling her that "some day someone might come into your mom's life - she'll fall in love and want to get married" and that - if and when that might happen - she didn't have to love this man, but that maybe her dad was up in heaven trying to find someone right to help take care of Julie. Kayla told me that her mom told her the only reason Kayla was so upset was because she was in therapy now. First of all, that leads Kayla to believe that the therapy is causing her to feel upset. And - just my opinion here - if Julie hadn't messed up their life so terribly for so many years - they wouldn't NEED therapy, so it's not the therapist's fault, it's Julie's fault in my eyes. Anyways, I digress....

I called Karen and told her of everything that happened last night. Her words: "This is a big fat waste of time" "Julie never grew up" "She's acting like a mid-schooler" and Julie is "So incredibly juvenile". Karen had expected Julie to take the info I gave her about how the kids felt about the 'David situation' and just take it to heart and for Julie to not involve the kids. But Julie did do exactly that - brought the kids smack dab into the middle of it. Karen's words "Julie is not my priority, the kids are my legal responsibility". Karen is furious. She first called Dr. Vergeese and told him that she was taking away all unsupervised contact of the kids - phone or person, and that she might resume contact after Vergeese would put - in writing - that he feels that Julie can take information and not involve the kids, not put them in the middle. Then she called Julie and told her that phone calls were now not allowed and that Karen herself was going to supervise any and all contact, 1 hour every other week, until Julie could get some help to better understand how to be and act like a grown-up mom. Karen also said that she was beginning to feel unsure about Vergeese and Vijapuri's role in all of this. She now wonders... if they've been treating her all this time (since Julie was a teenager) and it's not worked, why would anyone expect these same doctors to be able to help Julie now? Maybe she needs to see someone else? And lastly, Karen can't find anyone to provide parenting classes for Julie. She had given the file to all of the state's resources - and every one of them rejected the case saying they could not help her. Oh Lordy... that's really not good. We're talking everything from classroom parenting classes to one-on-one parenting counseling - she doesn't know where else to go.

Anyways, I better run. Thank you for reading this, thank you for keeping us in your prayers. Pray extra hard today for Julie and for Doug. I love you all...

God is Good

Yes, God is so very good. I know things are so very hectic right now, but God keeps showing me how much He loves me.

I had a pretty funny lunch, I went home for lunch (which I usually do, it's only a mile away). I usually have time to heat something up or make a sandwich, watch a little Judge Mathis, pick up the kitchen, then head back to work. Today Doug was rather talkative and so it was pretty much just eat and try to help him. Let's see.... let me give you a quick snapshot....
I was there about 30 min and these are the things he wanted done: change his will to include Wa-hoo and her kids, wanted to call the doctor he saw yesterday so that he could tell him that he was only smoking a half a pack of cigaretts a day, he wanted me to get him a walker, he wants me to get him something he can pee in so he doesn't have to walk to the bathroom all the time (and something that won't spill if it's knocked over), he wanted me to get two pill bottles from the pharmacy (25 cents each he says) and he wants me to write something on there for him to know one is his morning pills and one is his night pills. On the pill bottles, I had 2 at home that were not being used, so I took some nail polish and wrote "AM" on one and "PM" on the other. I left it in another room to dry but shortly thereafter Doug shows up with both bottles in-hand (now smugged as they weren't dry, but he didn't care). He wanted me to change the "AM" to read "DAY", and I explain I'll get another pill bottle and do that later. He wants me to just re-use the one I had already (not possible, but he doesn't understand that). **sigh** What else... he wants me to get him a sippy cup for adults, one he can knock over and not spill it. No problem, I can do that. **checks the time, 1:00 - crap I'm gonna be late for work!**

Yes, that's the snapshot in a nutshell. Well, I get to work, totally stressed out, and in walks Amanda. **smiles** Ah, I missed her. I hear the stories of Denver, her roommate, former and current boyfriends, and anything else that's on her mind. Thanks God for sprinkling a little sunshine into my day. **grins**

Friday morning is Doug's brain scan. I know this might sound kinda strange... but... pray that his scans will show what is going on. We all know something is happening to him, and anyone who knows Doug knows how much he hates going to the doctors (he once went 20 years without seeing a doctor) - and if it takes a while to find a diagnosis it'll be really hard for him. Amanda was just here saying that she didn't think her Nana really thought Doug was all that bad, but Amanda told her that he was that bad. She doesn't want to come over to the house because he keeps asking her to drive him to Tennessee and she hates telling him 'no'. The good news with Doug, however, is that he seems to be getting along with Chris a little better. Not great, but better. Chris and I definately 'handle' Doug differently. For example, when the Dr. wanted Doug to get a brain scan, Chris (I think) just wanted to say "Dad, you need to do this". I told the Dr. to tell Doug that they wanted to do the test to see what a great looking brain he had. The doc told him this, and Doug was like "well alright then, let's go get it done". I don't mind wrapping the truth in lots of fluffly feel-good stuff because it makes him happy.

There's a company next to my work here that comes into the home and does anything from cleaning to companionship for the elderly. They've offered to give me a really great rate and I'm thinking about taking them up on it. I talked to the owner about it today. I explained that having someone come in and clean his room, make his bed, wash his sheets and clothes, and just talk to him and listen to what he has to say a few hours a week would just be --- awesome. Okay, I typed that and then decided to pull the trigger, I went across the hall and got the paperwork. We'll try twice a week, 8 hours total, and see how he does. She's a 23 year old French woman. She's a preacher's daughter who said she can very well handle 'flirting' - so I'm hoping it's a good match. She'll start on Monday... cross your fingers!

Ugg... just got a call from Amanda - all upset. Doug threw a chair, yelled at her and told her that he was disowning her. Why you ask? Well, she went to our house - Doug was outside - she went on the computer. He came in, saw she was there and 'didn't say hi to him'. Yeah, he got really upset. So, Amanda is online telling me this and I ask "where is Dad" - he's out in the camper watching TV (hiding). Chris got upset with Doug - he's in there ripping up old photos - really old photos - photos of Chris's grandfather, great grandfather, photos that can't be replaced. Doug thinks he's doing good - he's trying to sort-of 'crop' them so that he can put them in itty-bitty frames (no idea what frames he's referring to). See, you can't tell Doug what's he's doing might be wrong and can't be reversed, he is 100% positive he is right. So Chris just thought it best to get away. God I love that man. :o)

Change of topics - Summer Camp! I got word today that Kayla, Justin and Kayte might be able to go to a summer camp. It's a 2-week camp designed for foster kids and paid for ($1,400 each kid) by grants or some other way. Canoeing, kayaking, arts and crafts, swimming - just tons of fun. The problem is... it would be without Jonathan. Which totally SUCKS. I'm going to talk to Jonathan tonight and see if he's okay with it. Who knows, maybe he'll think it's okay. If he's not, the others are simply not going - I'm not going to risk any anamosity building up over something like that. Besides, they have the Fun passes for Busch Gardens, they'll have plenty to do over the summer.

That's all I can post right now. Keep us lifted in prayer.

Not Feeling Well Today

This might be a rather short and not-all-that-inspring blog today. I'm not feeling very well today.

We went to see Amanda at the Airport last night as she arrived from Denver. She looks great - and I'm so proud of her for realizing she needed to come back. As a result of her late flight, however, the kids and I all got to bed very late last night.

This morning Chris and I took Doug to a doctor's appointment. I really don't feel like going into it too much - but long story short, Doug may have Alzheimers. They took some blood and urine samples, and are going to schedule a brain scan to see what's going on there. The difficult part is, you don't really know it's Alzheimers until you know it's nothing else. (No one test for it) Doug was his usual self, sweet and nice to me and cold and mean to Chris. **sigh** Here's an example of what we're dealing with. Doug asked Jonathan last night to call Evelyn. Jonathan calls and then listens to the phone call. Jonathan said that Doug was going on and on about how Chris is stealing from him. Jonathan is in tears he's so upset. Chris has printed statements showing Doug that he HAS money, but Doug just seems to not get it. It upset Jonathan really bad.

Today is one of those days when I feel like I am drowning. Drowning in a sea of things that are beyond my control. Chris is going through some major stuff at this time which is all coming to a head in the next week or so. Julie's doctors appt is tonight (with the family, the doctor and Julie). Evelyn and I are fighting something awful. Doug is mad at Chris. Amanda is back in Tampa, albiet without a job or money.

You know what I'd like to ask of everyone reading this blog? Even if you stumbled across this on accident, or you are a reader who never comments - I could use your help. Doug loves to read and sort. He's going through old papers he's had for 50 years, but soon enough he'll run out. I'd love it if you could just write him a quick letter and send it snail-mail. He loves getting mail! You could just tell him who you are, if you have any kids, if you go to church, whatever you'd like to say. He can't write back or anything... and he probably won't read it right away (opens one or two envelopes a day) - but I know it would give him something to do. Hey... maybe you could put in a good word for Chris and/or I while you are writing. (hee hee) Our address is:

Doug Rho-des
4718 Bullock Ct.
Tampa, FL 33624

That's all for now. See... I've blogged and I'm already starting to feel better. Love you all and continue keeping us in your thoughts and prayers.

Happy Monday!

**breathes big heavy sigh**

Well, Happy Monday everyone. Let's move beyond this weekend's excitement and get back to what you all love reading about - our frantic life with the kids! HA!

Florence Nightingale is happy to report that on Sunday morning Crook, the bird, went to live with his fellow birds at the pond around the corner from our house. Funny though, he didn't fly away and really didn't seem to want to leave us. But he's better off for sure. I drove by the pond a few hours later to make sure he wasn't still standing there and that he hadn't wandered into the street and been hit again, and he was nowhere to be found. :o)

Justin got a hair cut this weekend. Frankly, he hates it. It's REALLY short, but it's what he asked for... so he'll have to live with it until it grows out a bit. I think it looks nice - he for sure looks older!

The kids started school again today - no more spring break. Jonathan and Kayte both brought their Science Project Boards with them to school. Jono did a project on which popcorn popped best, kettle corn or regular. I don't remember which was better - I just remember eating popcorn for days! **grin** Kayte's project was on whether music had an affect on your pulse (rap music versus classical). Rap music DID make your pulse race more. How 'bout that! I'm glad that they got this done over their Spring Break.

Kayla and Kayte moved back in from the camper where they had been sleeping all week long. They are anxious and excited now to go to Rainbow Springs and camp. This from the kids that would only have gone kicking and screaming only a few short months ago. Too funny.

Julie is sounding much better now. I talked to her a few times this weekend and she sounded very good. However, this exact thing is what worries me long-term. She will be very good for a while, and then get very bad later... almost as if in 'cycles' as Gwen once put it. Speaking of Gwen... I miss her. If you are reading this Gwen, how are you doing??

Three big appointments this week - tomorrow at 10:30 Chris is bringing Doug to the doctors. I may see if I can go with him for that one. Then tomorrow night I have the big "family meeting" with Dr. Vergheese, Karen, Katie, Mom, and Julie. Fun fun fun. Wednesday night Kayla has another psyc. visit with Eileen.

The big news - however - is -- AMANDA COMES HOME TONIGHT! Yeah!!! And, see how wonderful God is?? She came back because she wanted to - not because she failed or because someone told her she had to. She tried it, and she wanted to come back to Tampa. I still think she's going to end up moving away sometime soon, and I'm okay with that. I just want my baby girl happy, healthy, and self-supporting.

Speaking of God... please keep our family in your prayers. Some of you may know all of what is going on, others of you don't - but either way, please pray for us - for guidance, patience and that God will fill our hearts with love. I know that God is working in our lives every day. I don't expect that God would let it be 'smooth sailing' the entire time, and I expect that there would be some obsticles on occasion. But looking back, I still can clearly see God's work in my life.

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel

Yes, Jesus is in control. I might put my hand on the steering wheel on occasion out of fear He's leading me down the wrong road, but I feel His gentle hand and words telling me 'it'll be okay, trust Me'... and I do. I'll pull my hand away and let Him drive. Thanks for driving, Jesus. What an amazing journey.

For My (Our) Family

A couple of things I wanted to address about Doug before I went forward with any new blogs.

First and foremost, if anyone in my family - extended, married, blood or otherwise - begins to throw stones I swear to God you will regret it. Don't even get me started! I'm not going to go into the details one by one here - but in a nutshell... Yes, we know what our rights and responsibilities are about Doug - he's a man who can make his own decisions, right or wrong. If he wants to move home and we don't want him to, we can take him to court and try to declare him mentally incompetent - but that would be our only way of keeping him from doing what he wants to do. Doug can rescind his Power of Atty and everything else at any time.

Second, I will not allow anyone to throw stones at my mother when this is about me and us, not her. God will judge, not you. I'm going to delete your comment and I pray that you will never put anything like that in writing ever again. If and when Chris and I decide that a nursing home, assisted living facitily or any other place is the right place for Doug and we decide to make that happen, we will not expect our family to judge us on that decision and not tell us we've 'thrown Doug away in an awful place like that'. Any person reading this may have experienced something similar to this with your own family members - but I know for a fact that none of you were our age, raising our children, working our jobs, living our lives, living with our choices in life and having to make those decisions. What I'm saying is that - even if you have experienced something similar, there are always differences between what you may have experienced and what we are experiencing. That's not to say that one is right, one is wrong, one is easy, one is difficult - but it is to say that they are similar but not the same. That is exactly why I ask for your comments and use them to help make my decisions.

Even if my mother was living alone and decided that she wanted to try to raise Julie's kids, I would not allow it, nor would the state. Mom makes next to nothing on income, as she is collecting social security and can't make a lot of money. Mom has raised her kids, and she did a great job of it. Julie turned out the way she did - NOT because of mom or dad. Chris and I chose to help out now - our decision.

I will say nothing else about this other than to say that I am going to pray tonight for you. Pray that God will find a way to fill your heart with forgiveness and peace. For - in my opinion - this is not about Doug, Julie, the kids, Chris, or even any of you. This is about God's plan. God has a plan, surely you know that and surely you see that. I feel that God wants me to share what is going on in our lives. God wanted others to see God's magnificant work in progress. God does not want any of us fighting over any of this.

Happy Friday!

Well, we've nearly made it throug the week! Woo hoooooo!

This morning on my way into work, as I was pulling into our parking lot, I noticed a bird by the road, flopping around. I (of course) had to stop and see if he was okay. He seemed hurt, but alive and no obvious injury, so I picked him up and took him to work with me. I was hoping he was just a little stunned and that he'd be okay by this evening (able to fly on his own) but he's not. He is much better, just not able to fly on his own yet. He's a bird called a Moorehen - here's a photo of him... Yeah, my boss was just thrilled... he hadn't seen the 'rescue' side of Tina yet - ha ha ha! So anyways, this bird (we call him 'Crook' because his neck is a little crooked) is in my bedroom. Hmmmm... haven't see the cats yet tonight.......

Chris is downstairs trying to talk to Doug. He wants to move to Tenessee and live in his home alone. He thinks he can do it. No... he's sure he can do it. He can't... there is still so much that we do for him that he doesn't realize. From meds to food... cleaning up after him... washing his clothes... he can't even use the phone without our help. Yet he is adament about going. Chris and I are very upset about this. We don't want to be the ones to crush his hopes, his dreams. Yet, that's what we are doing. He refuses to go out anywhere here - he won't even walk around the corner... yet he talks about living on his own and visiting the fire department once a week, making his own food, taking a cab to visit the guys at the Fire Department. He just called his friend Alton and told him that he was coming home soon. ARGHHHHH **pulls out hair and screams into a pillow**

The kids and Chris are home from another fun day at Busch Gardens. Sure have gotten our money's worth out of those passes this week! I hear I'm going tomorrow... can't wait. But - I better get to bed to rest up!

Goodnight all.

What Goes Down....

What goes down must come up, right? Oh wait - that's backwards - except that's exactly how it's been in my life here lately. God seems to keep throwing in good and bad all the time. But not too much of one or the other -- yes, our God is an awesome God.

I went to the store today at lunch and picked up some popcorn (Jonathan's science experiment) and the Glue for Doug. I got home to drop it off but couldn't stay as I had no time to stop and eat lunch, but Doug was in a much better mood. He said that he and Chris had talked and everything was better now. Ain't that great??!! Yes, emotional rollercoaster today would be the two words of the day. **shakes head and sighs**

Speaking of rollercoaster, I'm not sure if I blogged this or not - but - we decided to get the kids passes to Busch Gardens for the year. They went on Tuesday and Wednesday - stayed home today to work on school assignments - and want to go back again tomorrow. I got money from Katie (Bennigans) for working St. Patricks day last Friday (my big 18-hour work day) - so I figured I'd sink it right back into the kids. They are certainly happy about it, and I'm glad they have something to do.

Kayla had her first Psyc visit yesterday. I don't really have much to report there because I told the lady that I didn't want to know anything that went on between the two of them. The DCF documents clearly stated that her last Psyc visit resulted in a breech of patient confidentality, so I was sure to let Kayla and the Doctor know that I was not going to allow that to happen again. Speaking of the documents I received - they were the HUGE assessments they had when the kids first moved in with us - where the ladeis (from a behavior health clinic) spent at least 6-8 hours per kid on this documentation. I really don't want to get into what specificially they said in this forum for privacy reasons. But I will tell you that it was truly apparent that these kid have been through a lot. A LOT lot.

Choir practice tonight so I won't be home again until late. **sigh** I love singing in the choir at church, but it's just not 'cutting it' for me personally - not enough anyways. I want to get back into the Toast of Tampa. I mean, locking chords with 130 of your closest friends, that level of perfection week after week, and those of you who knew how heavily involved I was (Section leader, Chorus management team leader (kinda like a president), on the Regional board of directors, as an International appointment to the board) I keep praying about it... just waiting for God to tell me it's the right time. Patiently waiting. Okay... so maybe not so patiently... but God knows I'm trying. **grin**

Maybe if I go right home from work I'd have time for a 30-min nap before Choir practice. Think I'll try that. Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. Keep 'em coming.

The Doug Deliema

Well... it's been another rough day. Doug is driving us crazy, and I'm here crying about it right now.

Yesterday Doug got upset because I went to work and didn't check on his pills for him. He takes his morning pills between noon - 1 every day. He was 'out' of pills in his pill dispenser and I didn't realize it. He got all pissed off. I came home for lunch, which I do every day, and corrected this for him. Then Doug got mad because there was cake out on the counter that he thinks should have been thrown away. When he 'thinks something should have been done' or when he wants something, he presses the issue to the point of being annoying. Chris finally yelled at him and told him if he thought it should be thrown away, then just throw it away! Doug got his feelings hurt.

So... last night (Wed)... I get off work, go to the pharmacy to pick up 4 of his daily meds which he was running low on, run home, pick up Kayla, take her to her doctor's appt, then finally go home. It's about 7:30 by this time - exhausted and wanting only to relax, I order pizza for dinner. Doug asks me if I picked up the Elmer's glue he asked me for yesterday morning (Tuesday). Now mind you, on Tuesday I went to work in the morning, then went to Julie's doctor's appt and didn't get home until after 9pm. So... NO... I didn't have time to get his Elmer's glue on Tuesday either (which he was pissed about). Yes, even today, Doug is pissed that he still doesn't have his Elmers Glue. Fucking Glue. Come on here.... give me a fricking break.

This morning I made sure to leave his meds out for him. I tried to make conversation with him, which he wanted no part of and huffed me off. He's now telling Chris he wants to move out because we can't keep his meds straight, and because Chris yelled at him. Now you have to understand, when Chris yells at Doug it's only because he's driving ALL OF US fricking nuts. When he wanted a magnifying glass, he must have asked me 10 times for it. When I told him over and over again the next time I went to the store I'd pick him up one - that wasn't good enough. He told me that he was going to keep asking until I got it for him. Sigh.........

Of course, I feel bad because as BAD as I feel, Chris has to feel WORSE. I mean, it's his DAD and we are supposed to be taking care of him.

We all know he can't live on his own. We all know that if - for some reason - he did live on his own, he could not manage his own meds any better than I could. And yet, he makes us tell him that he can't live on his own, which makes us out to be the bad guys.

So here I sit - at work - tears - looking at the clock and dreading the fact that I have to go home at lunch and deal with this. Or not deal with it and feel the anger / hurt in the house.

Right across the hall from my work is a company, Care First, who will have someone come out to the house and do things for him. Things such as shower, cook, clean, wash his clothes, or even just sit and talk to him. I think maybe I could do that... it's not all that expensive - like around $12 an hour with a 4 hour minimum once a week. Yet, I don't know how Doug would feel about it. The last thing in the world I need is for Doug to have something else to get upset about.

I should ask for Evie's help on this... are you there reading this?? I hope so. I'm at the end of my rope. Maybe Doug just needs someone to talk to to help him understand that 1) we are doing the BEST we can for him and 2) he is NOT going anywhere else to live. What would just tickle me pink is if he were happy where he is. But he's not, and I guess that's okay, but at the very least don't be mean to us and try to appreciate what we are doing for him.

Sigh.... comments... prayers... much appreciated right now.

Mentally ill

I sent the reply below to someone who posted a comment in the blog. I wanted to make sure that everyone knew how I felt as well ( think I said some really brilliant things here - hee hee), so I thought I'd post it in a new blog. I know most of you 'feel' the way you do about the situation that I'm going through because of what I write. And, it's SO hard sometimes. I get so angry, so confused, so upset - then happy and excited, and it's hard to ride that rollercoaster with me and really understand how I feel all the time.

I know what you are saying... but you also have to remember that Julie is
mentally not right - never has been. MOST of what she has been doing is
because she's really truly doing the best she knows HOW to do. In the
words of her psychiatrist, she has the mind of a 10 year old. If you could
have been there when she and I went to see Dr. Vergeese the first time you'd
have clearly seen it.... most of the time she really IS doing what she THINKS is
best. I honestly believe that she is not trying to control anything or
anyone, and I honestly believe that she WANTS to get better. But I'm not sure
that she has the mental capacity that would allow her to get better. She
hasn't called and begged to let me talk to the kids, she hasn't called and
begged me to let her see the kids. She understands that she has to follow
rules for that to happen. Again, I fully believe that she IS trying.
Just not sure that her best amount of trying is ever going to be enough. I
hope and pray that it does become enough... that she can be balanced with
medication and be a better mom... that she can grow into a mature adult and keep
away from the bad things she's been involved in in the past. Maybe she can -
maybe she can't. But she has professionals watching this and trying
to help her.
And here's a big thing I haven't talked about before...
if - God forbid - she doesn't get the kids back... I am going to want our family
to surround her with love and help her try to move on. She does not value
herself as a person, she values herself as a mom. Take away the kids and
she is going to be lost. We can't control what may or may not happen, and
we can't control what Julie does or how she reacts. But -- if they don't
give Julie her kids back - it won't be because she is a bad person or a bad
mother.... it will be because she is terribly mentally ill. She can not
control that. Medication helps and often times she is non-compliant I know
- but would you trust a 10-year old child to remember to take her medications
daily and to trust that this same 10-year old kid knows the repercussions of not
taking her meds? Of course not. And if they take her kids I don't
want anyone that I know and love to think she is a bad person. She is a mentally
sick person who honestly doesn't have the capacity to understand so much of
what's going on. I love her very much.

What's Wrong With This Picture?

So.... Julie called yesterday afternoon from the hospital. Apparently - before they let you out of the psyc ward at the hospital, they conference call a family member. Julie asked if they could call me, I said okay. (Usually they call Mom)

5:30pm we have the phone conference. It's the social worker (Cindy) from the hospital and Julie. Hospital regulations require that they call and ask a family member a few questions. Here we go.....
Cindy says: "Tina, do you think Julie is okay to be released from the hospital" Are you fricking kidding me??? Like I'm some kind of professional? Isn't that thier JOB? I haven't seen her, and rarely talked to her! So I say "How in the heck am **I** supposed to know that? She's seeing professionals there, what do they think??" She says, "Okay, how about this one... Julie, do you have any more suicical thoughts - do you want to hurt yourself" Julie says "No, it's all better". Now, you know I can't just keep my mouth shut... I say "WHAT?? Julie lied just to get into the hopsital... she didn't have suicidal thoughts going in, how can that possibly be better?" Cindy then giggles and tells me that thier "frequent flyers" do that all the time because they know the system and know what they need to say to get in. Again, unable to bite my tounge, I say "So what makes you think these same 'frequent flyers' don't know what to say just to get out?" She goes on to tell me that Memorial Hospital Psyc unit is Julie's "second home". Yep folks, she's got military benefits - which means - guess who's picking up that tab visit after visit - year after year??? Yepper... we are. Cindy then just asks the easy question... she said "You've seen Julie at her worst and at her best... would you say that she is "baseline" right now based on this conversation?" I say, "Yes". She'll be out of the hospital Tuesday.

I just can't believe the system.... it's just unreal. Cindy asked me if I'd be following up with Dr. Vergeese or if I had any questions for him. I said "I'm meeting with him tomorrow night". BIG MISTAKE. Now Julie wants to know why we are meeting and she wants to go. I explain that I don't really know what the visit is for, but that Vergeese wants to meet with me and Karen. I assumed that it was for us to all get on the 'same page'... but that I knew for a fact that he would not want her there. Julie asks why, I explain that her last visit with me and Vergeese was confrontational, and this one, I felt, was more of a 'lets just make sure we are all doing the same things for Julie and the kids' kind of meeting. She is not happy. If she shows up tonight I'm going to be furious with her.

All in all... we had a good night last night. The kids were really good - the girls ate dinner in "their home" which is still cracking me up. Gosh they love that camper!

One more bit of great news. Many of you know that, since we found our great new Church (Van Dyke - holler!) we have really been more God and Family focused. We try to listen to more Christian music (I alternate between Rap and Christian music, go figure). If for no other reason than to listen to music we're going to sing in Church so we know the words and music and are prepared (you know how competitive we are!). So, we're in the car over the weekend and a song comes on "Indescribable" comes on (Christian) - And Kayla and Kayte start singing along. Somebody - pinch me! Could it get any better? Yes it could... they then ask... "is there such a thing as Christian Rap music??" Wait, not only are they listening to our music and liking it, they want to listen to Christian Rap?? We have to find this for them!! Pinch me... it's a dream!

It's going to be a long day today. I'm going to work in a bit this morning, then right afterwards going to see Dr. Vergeese. Wish me luck... or better yet, say a quick prayer.

Love you all...

One More Thing...

I forgot to blog about. I talked to Karen about the possibility of the kids staying at Evie's house (Chris's mom) a few days this week. Karen says that can't happen - that now we'd have to do the following:

1. All family members need to have background checks done
2. All family members would need to be fingerprinted at the State office
3. The State would have to schedule an in-home evaluation to make sure their house is 'safe'.

I assume the additional step (#3) is because they have now actually read Julie's file and knew the kind of stuff the kids had been involved in at Julie's house. They don't want to take any chances. So.... they say we can start this process now, but it won't be ready in time for the kids to go over there any time soon.

The thought had crossed my mind that I could just let them go over and ignore the state's rules. But, as soon as I do that, I've opened Pandora's box, ya know? I don't want the kids to say "well if it was okay for us to go to Nana's house and not do it, why can't we go here and do the same thing". Plus if they tell anyone from the State we could be in trouble, and I don't want to risk losing the kids over that.

So, Evie, if you are reading this... the kids would LOVE to spend the day with you, but they just can't sleep over.

Damn State rules and regulations. **sigh**

Long Weekend

WOW… I didn’t post all weekend long. Did you miss me? Well, let’s talk about this weekend’s events!

Friday night I worked at Bennigan’s for their St. Patrick’s Day party. My sister, Katie (the ‘good’ sister) is a Manager there and we usually help her out that one day of the year. I sat in a booth and sold everything from t-shirts to beads. It was exhaustive, but rewarding (I got paid!). I left Friday morning for work at 7:30am and got home at 3:30am. Yepper… long 18 hour day!

Saturday was pretty uneventful. Chris and I talked about it and took the kids off restriction. Two of them that we know of (Kayla and Justin) are going to get F’s on their report cards. So why take them off restriction? You can look at their class printouts (shows the date, assignment and grade of everything done in the class) and see where they went terribly wrong. In the beginning they didn’t do a lot of their work (and/or did it and failed). I attribute that to the school change. At their last school (a D school), they could pretty much do anything they wanted to with no consequences – at this school (an A school) they must do their work and if they get into any trouble, they are sent out of the class. When you look at their printouts, you can clearly see Dec and Jan were F’s and D’s (most grades) – then Feb and Mar were A’s and B’s with a few C’s. But it’s climbing out of that hole that hurts the grade so bad. Chris and I decided to chalk it up to the learning curve and let them start over. We’d also like to finish the year (the final 9 weeks) with a lot more positive motivation, praising them for doing well and trying not to seem as if we are ‘waiting for the next F to show up’. I think we are going to make a ‘WOW Wall’ – where they can post all papers with A’s and B’s – we’ll make a big deal out of it and keep them posted all 9 weeks. (The kids are very visual)

Saturday the girls also got the camper outside set up, and they are VERY excited about it. We have this hi-low parked by the side of the house (behind a fence). The kids thought it was tiny and when Chris opened it up, the girls went nuts. It sleeps 5, has A/C, a table, sofa, fridge, oven, microwave, sink, toilet/shower, and even cable TV. They had no idea it was as nice as it is. **grins** They’ve decided to sleep out there over spring break. They call it their “home”. It’s very cool to see them so excited about something.

Saturday afternoon Jonathan had a Birthday party at QZar (laser tag!). He had a great time with his friends. I know… you’re thinking… his birthday was a month ago! Well, his quartet had gigs on his birthday weekend, so we put his party off for a few weeks.

Saturday night Chris and I had a fight, and I hated it that the kids were there to witness it. They tell me that their mom and dad only argued one time in their marriage. I’ve tried to tell them that… one argument in 14 years is not healthy for a relationship. But I guess if God wants me to show these kids what a ‘normal’ family is like, you gotta take the good with the bad.

Sunday was pretty uneventful and quiet. The boys went to Quartet practice in the afternoon and the girls went with their Grandma – Chris and I had several hours alone at home. Although we didn’t do anything together, it was nice having somewhat quite time around the house.

Speaking of quiet time… Doug! Remember that Chris’s father lives with us after suffering from a stroke a few years back. He’s always been rather quiet and ‘to himself’. Well, when Gwen came down he started to really ‘open up’ and talk more… and he hasn’t stopped since. He’s now talking to himself all day and all night long. Some may laugh at that thinking ‘at least he’s talking’ – but, I’m not sure how healthy it really is. I mean… all day long he’s in there just chatting with himself. He’s also been getting a lot more demanding and he’s doing a lot more. For example, let’s talk about his entertainment center in his living room (for those who may not know – he has his own living room, TV, chair and bedroom downstairs). For over a year now it’s just had our basic ‘entertainment center’ stuff in the shelves. Now he’s pulling stuff out, putting what he wants where he wants in it, dusting it off, etc. This IS a good thing, I know. But then he’ll come get us for every little thing. For example: Chris and I were trying to watch a recorded episode of “The Sopranos” on Saturday afternoon and we had to pause it at LEAST 5 times during the hour as he wanted me to get up immediately and fix something or look at something or tell me something. That’s an example of one of our hours in the day. Times that times all day and you get a pretty clear picture. But again I’ll say it IS a good thing most of the time. I do enjoy seeing him more engaged and talkative throughout the day. Since he can't move much on his right side, when he gets physical like he's been doing he can also make more of a mess and/or break things... so we really have to watch him. He also has no qualms about yelling at the kids and us now… no wait… yelling is the wrong word… verbalizing his feelings to the kids and to us… that’s more accurate. For example last night I was loading dishes in the dishwasher (the kids had done them after our supper, but I was cleaning up from their dessert and Doug’s dinner). He came in stating that I shouldn’t have to do that with 4 teenagers in the house. Or he’ll sternly tell the kids to get in there and clean up the kitchen.

So – I have a busy few days coming up. Tomorrow night (Tuesday) I have to go for a family meeting with Dr. Vergeese and Karen. Wednesday night I have to go take Kayla to her Psychiatrist visit (her first – I can’t WAIT!) Next month starts the dental visits… fun fun. I also need to get Kayte and Justin into the psychiatrist office – I just need to find 2 more hours to give for this. **sigh**

Chris just called – the boys have been fighting this morning and apparently it got quite bad. Chris was supposed to go to work down in Riverview to mow some lawns down there for the property company he’s working for. He decided to bring the boys with him to help him and for them to ‘work out’ their frustrations. Ha ha!

One last thing – about Julie. She sounded better the minute she got to the hospital – which is very weird. Some family members even wonder if she was ‘faking it’ to get into the hospital. It’s just – odd – that she stopped slurring and seemed much more focused as soon as she went into the hospital. We’ll see what Dr. Vergeese tells me tomorrow night. She said that the problem was that she was on too much medication and they cut her down quite a bit. I personally can’t imagine it was from taking her prescriptions as prescribed. I would, however, believe that she was taking too much of what she was prescribed. For now, since she’s talking better, I’ve allowed her to talk to the kids on the phone, but I’m still not going to allow visits yet. I’ll talk to Karen and Vergeese about this tomorrow as well and see what they think.

And lastly (boy this is a long blog, eh?) to those who have asked how I’m feeling… (my last blog was rather somber) – I’m better. I keep telling myself that God has a plan and to trust His plan. This week in Church we discussed “The Daring Raid” with some kid, Jonathan, who went after an army because he knew God “Promised” things would turn out okay. I think of that, and then think of my life. God didn’t really ‘promise’ me anything… so I think it’s okay that I sometimes wonder or worry about things. But if I keep in mind the big picture, I think I’ll be okay. Even when I’m down, I’m confident that God is working in my life. Sometimes I may doubt His work, or His plan, or my ability to play the role He has set out for me… but I don’t doubt that He is involved – and that is important.

Speaking of God and Church... I need an opinion on something. The Church has a summer camp thing that all the kids want to go to. But, there is NO way I can afford for all 4 kids to go - I can't even afford for just Jono to go right now. But... the kids said their teacher told them they might be able to get scholarships to go (from the Church). I'm not sure whether or not I should ask for this. I mean... the church has been awesome for us... and do I really want to ask for something else? **sigh** I don't know. Please let me know your comments on this.

Keep all of us in your thoughts and prayers. Pray that the kids will have a relaxing and uneventful Spring Break! And pray for Julie… Please also feel free to comment on my blogs. It's nice knowing people are out there reading about our daily ordeals, and nicer still when friends and family think we're doing a good thing here.

Shaking My Faith....

Well, Julie is in the hospital. She went to the doctor today for the slurred speech and the gaps of memory loss. She said she nearly wrecked her car yesterday driving around. Julie called me to tell me she was going to Memorial Hospital. Then Dr. Vergeese called me to tell me that she was being Baker's Acted (meaning she was going to the Psyc Ward at the hospital). He honestly believes that she is taking something. He wants to do a full workup on her at the hospital to determine what she has taken. Mom said that the Doctor she just went to see told John that they feel that she is on some kind of drugs. The doctor was also very upset with Julie because he apparently had some kind of 'contract' with her where she promised to see no other doctor to get meds (narcotics) - and of course - she broke that contract. **sigh**

Dr. Vergeese told me that he wants to have a meeting next week with Karen (the DCF lady) and myself. He said he wants to talk with us because he feels Julie can never have the kids again. I also had a conversation with Karen. She is 100% 'backing me' on my decisions thus far. She told Julie that I should not allow her to see or talk to the kids right now. She told Julie that visitations are 100% up to me, when and where I want them to happen. She also told me that she was nearly positive of the same thing Vergeese said, Julie's not getting the kids back. Now... I've heard all of this so many times and I've been okay with it. This time... I'm scared.

Why scared?

First and foremost, the thought of raising 4 kids - teenagers - scares the hell out of me. The only parts of that that makes me smile is 1) knowing they are Ron's kids and 2) knowing how much I love them. But... what if I can't do it? What if they end up hating me because of all of this? I mean, they lost their dad, then going to lose their mom, and they are naturally going to want to blame someone! I'm sure it'll be us. And to make it all worse - the thought of living 'like this' - I mean, with Julie a part of our lives like this, makes me want to vomit. It was nice when I only heard from her once in a while and I could hang up whenever I wanted to. But now I hear from her every day, and I'm so involved in her. I don't mean to be mean... she is my sister and I love her very much... but honestly - she has so many mental problems, it's difficult so often.

And... why would God give all of this to me? He thinks I can handle it, but it doesn't feel like I'm handling it so well today.

I'm just in a really weird mood today - I'm a little 'down' today - please excuse me. Chris - bless his heart - is trying to cheer me up. Sent me words to a song we both like "Jesus Take The Wheel":

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this all on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel

I think Chris and I are going to skip choir rehearsal tonight and sit down sometime tonight or - maybe this weekend and talk to the kids about what's going on with their mom. I'm thinking I should wait until we hear back from the doctors about what is really going on with her.

Next week is spring break and the kids will be out of school all week. Fun fun! I so wish we had tickets to take them someplace like Busch Gardens - right now you buy a day and get the year for free (to come back as often as you'd like). The kids would have a blast there. Katie and Tony might get them tickets, which would be awesome. We'll see.

Quick Update on Julie

I just received a call from Dr. Vergeese again. Apparently Julie showed up at his office today thinking today was last Monday (3/6/06) - the day she missed the appt. He said she was totally out of it and he had trouble convincing her that today wasn't Monday. He said she was talking very impared and seemd to 'be on something'.

I then called Mom to ask her to call and check on Julie (I'm still not talking to her - trying not to anyways). Mom called her and called me back - she couldn't believe Dr. Vergeese would let her walk out the door as impared as she was. She then called him to tell him that but had to leave him a message.

Something's going on with her, but I'm not sure what. Maybe she's just popping extra of the regular psyc pills she's on... maybe she's high... maybe she's huffing again.

Just wanted to give you that quick update.

Keep all of us in your thoughts and prayers...

Julie's Psychiatrist Just Called...

Dr. Vergeese just called... very interesting conversation. He told me that she didn't show up for her appointment with them last week and that she has not called them at all about it. He said that usually they would call her to find out what's going on, but this time - they didn't because they wanted to see how long until she finally called herself.

He referenced the letter that they wrote for the court. He told me that the letter was Julie's idea - she wanted to bring it to court with her. He told me that, although it was signed by Vijapuri, Dr. Vergeese actually wrote the letter. He told me that the letter just said that Julie had been following doctors orders; attending appointments, taking her meds, etc.

He wanted to meet with Karen and I about Julie. I told him that - honestly - I don't think Karen would be interested in that. I told him that I knew for a fact that Karen was on the phone with Julie often and that Karen was just waiting to get the court ordered evaluation to find out if they are wasting their time or not. I told him that Karen was so busy, I would be surprised if she could make an appt there, but that he should try. We'll see what happens there.

He told me that he honestly felt that Julie had the mentality of a 10 year old and that she just simply doesn't have the ability to process the seriousness of what's going on around her. Just sad....

So... the kids! Let's move on to that subject. The toilet stopped up again last night. **sigh** Of course, none of them understand why and take absolutely no responsibility for it happening. We did notice that (don't know if I should say this or not, but here goes) - the girls... how do I say it... "Aunt Flow" is visiting... and there is no garbage cans in that bathroom yet. So, we wondered what they were doing with the plastic when they were done. They claimed that every time they run downstairs and throw it away. I don't believe that's the case, but that's what they say. I'm not sure if it's toilet paper or plastic that's stopping up the toilet, but it could very well be either of them, if not both.

Speaking of excess toilet paper... let's talk about that - the excess. Here is one thing that I identified last night that I'd like to 'fix' before they go home (or someplace else). They use excess everything. Hair product, they'll go through a bottle of conditioner in days... hair gel in days (by days I mean 3 or 4)... food.... everything. Example: Chris bought 3 two liters of coke for my birthday on Monday (which we didn't open that night). Last night - Tuesday night - they got home from school about 4 and by 9pm all 3 two liters were gone. Chris bought ice cream - 2 half gallons of Edys (my favorite). We didn't have any the night of my birthday - so again - from 4pm to 9pm on Tuesday they went through 1-1/2 gallons of ice cream. Two examples of everyday things at our house. Now, in our defense, we do not usually buy these kinds of things (the ice cream and coke). We've learned to buy the big tubs of cheap ice cream and they drink crystal light or kool-aid. When they first moved in with us, they would ask permission to have anything. So we made a rule, they didn't need to ask about eating or drinking anything -- just so long as at dinnertime, they were hungry enough to eat all their dinner. They've done really well with that, but I'm wondering if we've allowed them to over-indulge (in everything not just food). Or... is this the way it is supposed to be with 4 kids?? I don't know.... if you've had lots of kids and know what I'm talking about, I'd love to hear your comment about this.

Oh, and while you are commenting on that - ponder this one we are trying to overcome as well.... they leave everything out all the time. For example, they want a drink of kool-aid. They open the fridge and take out the kool-aid, open a cabinet and take out a glass. They pour the kool-aid into the glass, drink it there. Then they leave the cabinet open (from the glass), they set the glass down on the counter, leave the kook-aid out and walk away. Times this times 4 kids and you can imagine what my kitchen looks like all the time. It's driving us nuts! And Doug is now rather vocal about it. I've heard him yell at the kids a few times. Good for him! But I'd really like to fix this habit. I know what you are thinking... don't clean it up. I usually don't! I usually yell about it, call everyone downstairs. But nobody remembers having the glass of kool-aid. So then I make everyone stay and clean up (it's never just one glass, it's always many things - just using the kool-aid as an example). But I just hate having to yell to get it done. They should just simply put things away when they are done, right??? Am I asking too much???

Today is the end of their 9 weeks at school. Now we just wait for their report cards, which they won't get for about a month. (April 10th) **sigh** Smitty, why does it take so long??? I mean, by the time we know how they did last 9 weeks we are already 4 weeks into the next 9 week grading period. Inquiring minds want to know! I guess they'll need to stay on restriction until we receive their report cards, and then we'll need to decide what to do with them if they have any "F's" on them. Sigh... I'm not looking forward to that. I wonder if they know how much Chris and I want them to succeed... how much we want them to do well in school... how much we want them to go out after they graduate and make something of themselves...

Enough pondering for today... I better run - time to get ready for work.

What a Birthday!

What an amazing Birthday - certainly one I'll always remember. Picture this...

It's after work, 6pm or so, Chris and I head out to Carrabas (my favorite place to eat). The kids are given money to order pizza for themselves, as it's adults only for dinner. Mom is there, Evie and Jimmie, of course Chris, and my best friend Debbie. Chris's 'secret plan' was that the kids would be home baking a cake for me, to surprise me after the dinner.

We order an appetizer, some drinks, have great conversations (showed everyone Brian's ass - he knows what I'm talking about!), I open presents and cards. [Somebody pinch me, this is just fabulous!] Dinner comes and Chris gets a phone call. It's the kids calling to tell him that they burned the cake. Chris tells them to look in the fridge, in the bottom drawer - he's hidden a 'back-up' cake! The kids freak out and are so happy. (Hmmmm... how did he know that was going to happen??) We finish dinner. Mom and Debbie go home, Evie and Jimmie are going to join us at the house for a little bit.

We get to the house and its pitch black inside. I think to myself "they must really want to surprise me with this cake"... too cute. I open the door and lights flip on, music starts, and there are streamers and balloons everywhere. The house looked fan-tab-u-lous!

I simply can't believe my eyes. They did just an incredible job. The living room looks like a dance floor with balloons on the floor and music playing. Balloons lined the stairwell. It's hard to describe. I'll post a photo of the place later. **grins** They were so happy!! As was I.

I don't know how I'm going to top this off when we're celebrating Chris's 40th birthday next year. **chuckles**

Here's where a funny part of the story kicks in. There was a dog outside when we got home. A beautiful well-kept, overweight, older golden retreiver. He just kinda 'walked into' our house. We tried keeping him inside for a little while - offered him some water and the back porch - but the cats wanted no part of it. We didn't want to just kick him out because he looked like someone really took good care of him. Chris went to a couple of the neighbors to ask if they knew who he belonged to, but no luck. About 9pm the girls are antsy and I tell them that they can take the dog to some neighbors to see if anyone else might know who he belongs to. The girls walk out the door and Chris immediately realizes a problem - 'neighbors' to me means folks on our block - 'neighbors' to these kids mean anyone within a 5 mile radius. (wish I were kidding) I run outside and immediately I can't find them. We're talking seconds - they've just flat-out disappeared. Katie (my sister) shows up about this time, and I tell her I've lost the girls. Great. *sigh* I walk around our block, and up one more block, still, can't find them. Justin helps me look and together we can't find them. We decide to hop in the car and look (it's now been 40 min). We drive around, looking up and down many streets. We go to a park that's probably 4 blocks away, and it's by a friend of their's house (Amanda, the girl whom they went to the mall with the night they walked home!). We went to that friend's house, not there. Circled a few more blocks and went home. I figure at 10:30 I'll call the police. When I get home I see Chris on the phone, talking to Gwen. I thought to myself, "how am I going to tell this amazing woman that I've lost her grandkids??" Geez Tina - come ON! Maybe 5 or 10 minutes later they come home. At this point they've been gone an hour. They tell us something about how they ran into a friend and her mom (that same girl, Amanda). They saw us looking for them in the park and thought they should come home. Chris and I explain that when we say 'neighbors' we mean about one square block. Katye said "a block?? What's that???" Katie (my good sister) not believing what she's hearing says "come on Kayte, you know what a block is!" Kayte and Kayla have no idea what she is talking about. Katie tried explaining it, but I don't think they grasped the concept of a 'block'. Too funny. We weren't mad at them, I was just worried. At this point, we had cake quickly and the kids went to bed because it was so late.

That was my entire Birthday bash... and I thank everyone who was there and/or anyone who thought of me that day. If you were praying for a peaceful day with just the right amount of humor, you got it! And to my wonderful husband who planned it all -- from the bottom of my heart - thank you.

Peaceful Sunday

It was a very peaceful day today. Mostly, I believe, because I blocked Julie from being able to call the house. Call me an awful person if you want to, but - she is just slurring her words like crazy and, although she apologizes profusely and says she'll flush the pills, it's the principal matter of fact that she went doctor hunting for percocet because she had a cold. Now... if you've been reading the blog you'd might remember that the last time Julie went Doctor shopping it was because her blood sugar was high. Yep, she found a doctor to give her Percoct for her high blood sugar. She uses any medical excuse to try to get Percocet (or any drug to help her get that buzz).

I talked to Karen about the whole thing today. She agrees that the kids should not see Julie right now, nor talk to her. I'm still debating over supervised visits and phone calls. It just rips my heart from my chest to see my sister and my nieces and nephews this hurt, but I feel that I'm supposed to do what I feel is right for them. And what's best for Julie. How would supervised visits (person and phone calls) help Julie? Well, I'm hoping that a trained professional would better know how to deal with some of the things that Julie does with them or says to them. I don't know what to say when Julie tells Kayla she doesn't have to go home if she doesn't want to, Julie would be happy to emancipate her if she wants to.... or the whole 'lay down with me' in a whiny whiny voice.

Jonathan just hurt his toe, I'll be back in a few...

Okay, I'm back. (4 hours later... sigh!) Hey... it's 12:22am... you know what that means? It's my birthday! Yeah!!

I talked to the kids today about their mom not coming over and them not talking to her on the phone. They listened and didn't ask questions (although I asked them for questions/concerns) - I'm pretty sure they think this is nothing (i.e. mom has done nothing wrong again). Although I will say this, of the three of them, Kayte is the one who got on the phone with her mom last night and confronted her about 'doctor shopping for drugs'. She didn't talk to her long, but she certainly did confront her about it.

Mom told me this today and you'll love it. Mom called Julie today and Julie was (again) slurring her words. Mom said something to her about it and Julie said it was okay because Dad used to slur his words. Now that's funny. I loved my dad, but, he died several years ago thanks to Alcoholism. He slurred his words because he was drunk. But Julie's rationalization is that - if Dad did it - it's okay. There's that "someone else did it at some point in their life and so it's okay for me to do it too". Julie also told Mom something about she should just go back on Pot. As if anyone is going to say to her... "no, Julie, don't do that! Go ahead, pop whatever narcotics you want, just don't smoke pot"!! Uh, Julie.... do we really want you not high, not mentally fricking crazy AND not doped up on pills all at one time? YES WE DO.

One last thing I'd really like to complain about right now, if you'll indulge me and forgive me for the complaining. (just let me vent) The fricking state system here sucks. The kids already had medical insurance thanks to Ron's military benefits. Yet, when they were taken by the state, they were given Medicaid automatically. I was told at that time that we could all apply for all the benefits and see what we qualified for. I may have told you before but we do not qualify for food stamps because we own a home. (Now, Julie was on food stamps, go figure, not sure how that worked!) I realized this weekend when all 3 kids were sick and as I've been ongoing making appointments for them (medical, dental, etc) that we should ALL be on Medicaid and have the benefits - not just Julie's kids. Hell, I've taken on all 3 kids with no additional aid from the state. Yet the state deems it necessary that the kids have medicaid. Okay, figure that I'm the only one 'working' in the family of SEVEN right now at home - surely we'd qualify for something? Nope. Not one single thing. Kayla, Justin and Kayte can all go get dental exams - but not Jonathan. Further, I applied the first week of January, and they are still processing my request for assistance (they've messed it up 3 times, and each time I've had to re-apply, which takes roughly 2 hours on the computer online to complete the application) . Yet, when the state wants something they want me to do it right away. I'm just that kind of person who likes to do things right away anyways, but what if I wasn't? Copays for all the doctors visits. Copays for the psyc visits. Copays for medication. Times theree and you can try to imagine. I'm just a little bitter with the state about all of this.

Enough complaining. How about prayer requests? Please pray for Amanda who is again looking for a job out in Colorado. Pray for the kids - for understanding and patience. Pray for Julie for healing and guidance.

I'm going to bed. Goodnight all.

Just a Weird Day...

Today was a pretty weird day. The kids got up and were sick - I ended up taking Kayla, Justin and Kayte to the Doctor's Walk In Clinic. There we found out that Kayte has asthma, and upper respiratory infection and allergies. Kayla has allergies that are causing her tonsils to swell and Justin has allergies causing his tonsils to swell as well as a broken finger.

So, I am on my way to pick up their prescriptions when Julie calls me. She's slurring her words badly. I should mention here that she had called earlier in the day to say that she went to the Emergency Room last night for the flu. She tried to get Percocet (she told me that) and they wouldn't give it to her. (She's on a non-narcotics list). She proceeds to tell me tonight that she went to an after hours pediatrician to get some percocet. I was confused - a peditrician???? She said that it took her a while to convince him she needed percocet, but she did it. First, I can't believe that she went to a kids doctor, then I can't believe she's telling me all of this. She knows I'm going to get upset with her. Later in the conversation she tells me she meant another walk in clinic, not a kids doctor. I told her that I did not walk to talk to her while she's in this 'condition'.

She called back later tonight and I really yelled at her. She said 'it's prescribed so it's okay'. I said, "JULIE IT IS NOT OKAY". Who the hell are you kidding? You went looking for drugs and wouldn't rest until you got what you wanted. Now you are slurring your words and can barely think. (Again, I'm yelling at her) She can't admit she has a problem with the drugs. I told her that I did not want her calling the house in this condition, nor talking to the kids when she's doped up like this. I told her that from now on she can come over or call only when someone from the state is here to supervise her. She took that rather hard, saying that she would 'flush her meds down the toilet' or do anything I asked her to do. I explained it wasn't the POINT. More to the point was that she was so doped up right now and she thinks it's okay. And worse than that she went searching just to ger herself a legal high, and that, to me, was a problem. I've now blocked her from calling the house, I've put a call into the DCF worker (who hasn't called me back yet, surprise, surprise) and I'm going to call her shrink Monday.

Later this week some guy is moving in with her - David I think is his name. She has 'needs'. Ugg

Dinner's almost ready... better go.

Everyone is ALMOST in bed...

Sigh... almost the end to a pretty good day. We have a new rule in the house (with regards to homework) - planners and homework on the dining room table, and if it's not (they've lost many planners so far this 9 weeks) - they have to sit in their rooms until bedtime and do nothing - no TV, radio -- nothing. So far that's really working. They need help to be focused regularly, but we can usually help them with that. For example, I got home from work and planners were on the table, kids were playing - but three of them (Jono, Justin and Kayte) hadn't finished homework. So I told them sit until it was done. Then Chris and I went to choir practice - came home and one had gotten up before it was done and needed to sit down (till a few min ago) and finish again. (Refocus) But at least it's done.

Justin got a stupid zero today. He had an assignment which he had to write a game, make a puzzle and write 100 sentences (using vocab words). He did the whole thing. But - He gave a friend of his the 100 words to turn in for a grade who had the same teacher a period before his. Then he didn't get the pages back in time to turn it in for his own grade. (We explained the teacher would certainly notice both were identical and that he should not allow his friend to cheat off of him like that - plus, LOOK who got the zero!) Then the other portion of the grade was the game and puzzle - which he did, but he didn't turn it in inside a 3 prong folder. He turned it in with a folder with no prongs. I mean... teacher here... give us a break on that one! But no, got a zero. ARGHH

So the visit yesterday with Kayla's new counselor went very well. She's a very nice woman and I think Kayla is going to like her a LOT. Her office is beautiful, decorations, fabrics, and even lit candles throughout the office. Very pretty. I explained the whole story of the kids and Julie (I also printed the blog for her to read at her leisure, although I can't imagine she will read it all). We didn't go to much into 'therapy' or anything like that. She did give me one piece of advice - to follow my gut all the time. She also told me that - although I didn't feel Julie had 'abused' the kids, I felt she 'neglected' them - she strongly felt that neglect WAS abuse. I suppose I know she's right, but I just don't like thinking of it that way.

Oh, and while I was in with this doctor, I come out to the parking lot and someone has hit my car and left. They didn't 'ram' my car... but rather maybe they were backing out and turned the wheel too hard. They knocked off the mirror and put a small dent in the door. But it was very disheartening to see. Damn good thing Chris can fix all this stuff.

One last thing that happened today. Julie went to a court hearing where the judge ordered that she have a psyc evaluation. This is going to be an evaluation to see whether the doctor feels she'll ever be able to handle the kids, mentally. I talked to Karen today about it because Julie is going to Dr. Vijapuri (who wrote her a wonderful letter to take to court today about how well she is doing), and she was going to see Dr. Vijapuri for her court ordered evaluation. I didn't understand, I mean, why bother if he wrote her a nice letter already. Karen said that the letter addressed the fact that she's been good lately, but didn't address her overall mental situation or long term possibilities. So we'll see. Pray for Julie about this please. She'll just lose it - I think - if she loses hope about getting her kids back.

So - the bathroom is still a work in progress. Chris is going to practice tomorrow 'sweating pipes'. That's right folks... he's going to attempt to do this on his own. What a guy!

Speaking of guys... Brian - if you are reading this - I'll be thinking of you tonight. (You know what I mean!) LOL **evil grin**

Oh, and Evie and Jimmie, if you are reading this as well - you guys are true angels for getting the bathroom fixtures for us. It really means a lot to us.

Speaking of meaning a lot to us and doing things for people. At Church this last week (when they played our video - EEK!) They also discussed helping people when you are 'called' to do so. You know, that gut feeling you get that tells you that you should roll down your window and give the guy a buck, or that tells you to check on your neighbor or friend who just had surgery... that gut feeling to just do something? Well, our pastor pointed out to us Sunday that - THIS WEEK, in other countries across the globe, people (Christians) are being killed because of their religion. Not way back in Jesus's time, but rather - here - now - today. He said, imagine it for a second, you are in a third-world country where you know that God is telling you to practice your religion, spread the word, whatever. And you are well aware that you may be killed for doing this, but you do it anyway because God is telling you to do so. He then went on to say that we, as Americans, are so torn because God wants us to help plan a spaghetti dinner with the Church, but we really don't want to because we have other things to do. That we know we could cook a meal for an elderly person who can't get around like they used to but we're too busy ourselves. Those little nagging things God tells us to do. How blessed are we that we are not the ones living in a country where we could be killed for being Christians - and - we should be jumping at the chance to answer God, do good things, and practice our religion openly and often. But we just don't - not nearly as much as we should. Shame on us... and that's something I've really tried to change lately. I hope that my family and friends can at least see a little more Christian in me. That I'm really trying to listen to God and do what He wants me to do. Not to the point of being obsurdly religious - but rather - that I am well aware that God's fingerprints are all over me as he's working on my life. I can see them, and I hope and pray that others can as well. I mean, I use this forum to voice my frustrations to 'get it out' so I don't bottle it up inside... but really... how blessed we are!!

Well, I guess I better go check in on the kids. Goodnight to all.

I'm Going to Kill Kayla....

Well... it WAS a good day today... the operative word there being was.

I got home tonight and everyone had done homework, planners on the table along with their homework. Kayla had done all of her chores. WOW. Kayla has also been working on her talking and coloring in class... trying not to do it. I've been very proud of her for that.

So, this guy calls the house today while I was at work. (I have a phone service that tells me everyone who calls the house). I call the house, Kayla answers and I said 'who was that who just called?" She said it was Justin's friend and she told him Justin was on phone restriction and couldn't come to the phone. Okay, that seems good.

I get home, and there is a new boy out front playing Basketball. I ask who it is, Kayla explains that it's that same guy, you know, Justin's friend. Okay then. (Note that Kayla is on restriction from having friends over because of the arrest, Justin is allowed to have friends over as he's only on restriction for internet and phones due to grades [as is each of them] Kayte, regretfully, can't have friends over either because her friends and Kaylas are the same). So, I hardly see them all night while cooking dinner.

Dinner is done about 8pm and I can't find Kayla. Calling her and calling her, and - no Kayla. I go out front, turn the corner, and what do I see? (you can feel what I'm going to say, can't you!!??) Kayla being 'snuggled' by this guy! I'm like... uh.... okay... dinner is done, ditch the guy and get your ass in the house. Now!

We have dinner and Chris and I just can't believe that she lied. Justin had not met this guy before tonight. He didn't come over for Justin (obviously). Chris and I are just so fed up with her lies. Constant lies. I realized tonight that there is not one single rule in our house that she has not broken. Not one.

What do we have left to put her on restriction from? We took away her radio. The only thing she has left now is TV. Sigh.........

Chris and I talked about it some. I have that doctors appt tomorrow night for the initial visit with the psyc doctor for Kayla. If things don't drastically improve, I mean drastically - I'm going to ask if someone else can take just Kayla. I'm not just saying that either... Chris and I had a long talk with her about it.

I honestly feel that there is only one of two possible reasons she's doing this sort of thing. One being that she has some mental issues of her own and she can't help but lie all the time. Two being that she's just being selfish and showing complete disregard for us. In either instance, she can't live here if this can't be fixed. Further, I don't think just sending her to Gwen's will work either. Kayla needs intense help, and the State is so heavily involved, I'm not sure if it'll work sending her to Maryland.

Speaking of mental issues... this is Julie's 3rd day without one single call to the kids. Mom talked to her today and thought she was doing okay - I talked to her and got a completely different impression. I guess time will tell. But I can't believe that she's not calling the kids. If my kids were taken away, I'd be on the phone with them as often as possible.

I just wanted to give a quick update. I'll post more later. Kids are still awake and I need to go yell to get them to sleep.

Just Another Day in Paradise...

Good evening everyone. Just thought I'd give a quick post (Quick? Me?? ha!) on the happenings this evening. Earlier today I received an email from one teacher explaining why Justin and Kayla got zeros for assignments before they started at Ben Hill. That sounded confusing... let me explain: I asked one of their teachers for a progress report showing all their assignments. On it I noticed they had some zeros and one 'D' on days before they even attended Ben Hill. I spoke with the kids and they agreed that they shouldn't have those grades, I emailed the teacher. She then emailed me back telling me that she gave them the assignments on their first few days of school and even gave them extra time to do the work (recognizing they were new to the school). She explained that the assignments were critical to finish because it would help them pass their end of the 9 weeks test. They chose not to do them.

Then I got a call from Kayte and Jonathan's math teacher. We talked about her grading system and why she does some things (things that drive both kids nuts) - and she explained to me her teaching 'style'. Both of them are bad about doing homework and Kayte's 'biggest problem is 100% social'. She went on to explain that she has a lot of friends and talks and is distracted in class because of it. Of course, Kayte said she had no clue what the teacher was talking about because she is great in her class. Completely, 100% refused to take a single bit of responsibility. When we said that we were going to call the school again and tell her that Kayte thinks she's lying, Kayte then said something to the effect of 'maybe she's misunderstanding when I'm trying to help this one girl do her work'. Rrrrrrright. My birthday was 3/5/06 - you know, yesterday.

So.... of course... Chris and I sat down with all 4 of them tonight and had the big long talk with them. Amanda knows the talk... the one that takes an hour at least! I hope we got through to them. The teachers all agree that they are all aware that they need to buckle down their last 9 weeks (starts in a week and a half) because if they get any "F's" their last 9 weeks, they repeat the grade.

So later in the night I realize Julie hasn't called in 2 days. I call her and she is depressed. Really depressed. Yesterday would have been their 15 year anniversary, she had been sleeping most of the day, she had her psyc doctor appt today and said she shook through the whole thing. I knew she was manic and that depression was coming... let's hope it's not too bad.

I called mom to tell her about Julie, and she asks me if I knew the kids went to Riverview. I say "no, what do you mean". Well, the girls talked Gwen into taking them to Riverview to see their friends. A couple things about this hacks me off. First and foremost, they have been told - several times - that they are not allowed to go to Riverview to see their friends. Originally, when they first moved in, I told them it was too far and that if they wanted to spend the night the people (everyone in the house) would have to have background checks and/or be fingerprinted. Later, after talking to some of the case workers (I think it was Chaka, the original DCF lady) I was told that they shouldn't go out there at all. I couldn't verify the homes were safe, I didn't know if the friends were safe (remember, they were in gangs out there), and it would 'pull on their heartstrings' to do so. We were even told that Julie wasn't allowed to talk to the kids about their friends out there for that same reason. They 100% purposly manipulated their grandmother into doing that, and I'm sure she saw no harm in it. The second thing about that which pisses me off is that - although now they say 'we didnt know' - they didn't tell us about it. I believe that was because they knew it was wrong. OMG I am so angry about this.

Chris and I both went into their room after this and told them to stop yanking our chain... if they wanted to break rules and leave, then just tell us now and we'll set it all up. But the constant rule-breaking is making US look like we are crappy at taking care of them.

And I'm so hurt because - in most cases I believe that they truly are trying to be good -- then something like this happens and I'm 100% certain they did it just because they wanted to, and could care less about the consequences. Just like the shoplifting thing... I mean like.... why???

I'm tired and going to bed. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers.

Great Weekend!

What a great weekend we had! Gwen came into town and Chris and I pretty much had the 'weekend off'. Friday night we came home from work and Gwen cooked dinner. Saturday morning she made breakfast, and Saturday evening Chris and I went to a show so she cooked them dinner then took them out roller skating. Sunday again she cooked dinner before catching her plane at 7pm. Just an awesome weekend! Gwen - if you are reading this - thank you!

Status on the mess of a bathroom in the house: parts of the ceiling began to dry out this weekend and the drywall was really sagging and still quite wet, Chris ended up pulling some of it down, so we are going to need to replace that ceiling. (grrrreeaaaatt) But there is also a horrid smell. We're not sure if it's mildew or if something died and we can smell it because of the hole. Chris really sprayed everything down with bleach, so I'm hoping it's not mildew. We're going to give it a few days and see if it gets better... then we'll know. Oh, and one of the things Gwen did when she was down was take Justin to Lowes where he bought a gift card to help with expenses towards that bathroom. He wrote a really nice apology note with it. Too sweet. :o)

Gwen told me that she really tried to talk to the kids about their behavior and their mom. She said that they truly believe that their mom has done nothing wrong. I hope their psychiatrist can help them with that. Speaking of... I finally have an appointment for Kayla to see someone (she'll be first, then the others will go after that). That appointment is Wed, but the first appointment is just for me to explain everything - then they'll see Kayla. They also all have dental appointments in April. YEAH! This will be their first ever trip to the dentist, so wish them luck. But back to the 'nothing wrong' department - Chris was going to ask them then if it was okay that he and I start doing drugs, sleeping all the time, cutting ourselves, overdosing and huffing (for starters)... because if it's okay than it must be okay for us to do. We didn't say that to them of course, but we were tempted. Julie said that 'she is perfect in their eyes, as it should be with kids'... and Chris and I talked about it as well, but, our kids know when we do something wrong and it's not okay. I guess it's that moral compass thing. Sigh

I had to save the blog, leave and come back. Kayte had to come home from school today sick. She just has a little cold - but her fever was 99 so the school called. Poor little thing!

Hey - you know what a week from today is?? That's right! It's my BIRTHDAY! LOL

So, they played the video at Church Sunday, and it was really beautiful. It started off with a drama presentation of a woman knocking on her neighbor's door. The woman knocking had noticed old photos in her trash, photos of wedding and stuff, figured something was going on so she just talked to her. The message was 'just care' - care enough to ask and do what you can. Then the choir director played a song on the piano and sang a beautiful song with the same message. He got to an interlude (just piano, no singing) and they played the video. There it is - Chris and I on 4 screens in the church, bigger than life. (Yeah, literally!) Chris talked first about Ron's death, the three kids, and a wife (my sister) who wasn't able to cope with everything so we stepped in to help where we could. Then I was talking about how much the church helped us... people brining over dinners, the prayers, just how much everyone really helped us. The pastor talked about how they had hundreds of people in the church who had been helped by others in the church, and it was difficult to narrow it down to find someone for the video. Wow... were we really chosen or what? After the service, people came up to us to tell us what a great thing they thought we were doing. It was.......... just really sweet.

On Saturday Chris and I went to a barbershop show where I saw lots of my Toast of Tampa family. Gosh, I miss them so much. I miss singing that style of music with so many people who sing that well as a group. I'm still praying for God to guide me back when He sees fit. I'm tempted to just GO tomorrow night, but I know I'll want to join and that I just can't right now. Praying that I'll know when the time is right.

Sheesh... I have to go home tonight and COOK for the first time in days. Gosh, how funny that feels. **grin**

I better run for now. Thank you all for your continued thoughts and prayers.