Out Of School Suspension

I was on my first of two vacation days yesterday... relaxing at home, putting up Christmas decorations in the yard - when the phone rang early afternoon. It was the school. An assistant principal. He said he was not calling with good news.

This can't be good I thought.

I went inside to sit down.

He proceeds to tell me that Jonathan was being suspended, out of school, for 10 days, for cursing at a school administrator. WHAT?????????????

Jonathan????????

Here's what happened....

Jonathan was already tired yesterday. He got in late after singing at Epcot with the chorus (school business). Running late, he missed breakfast. During one of his early periods, he was playing around with some friends and accidentally hit a wall. Not fighting or anything, just playing around. It was his left hand, which he writes with. His knuckle is incredibly swollen, he thinks it's broken. Great. Goes to the school nurse who tells him to ice it and he'd have to get an xray to be sure and sends him back to class. At PE, the coach says something to him about having a fight with a wall and the wall winning - everyone laughs - Jonathan is embarrassed. Bad day!! Ugg. Then in math, he has a pop quiz. His hand hurts... he's frazzled... he FAILS the quiz. But, math comes very easy to Jonathan. He gets A's on EVERY math test he ever takes. He is very upset that he has failed this math test. Very upset.

Then comes lunch. When you have free lunch, you give them a number and they punch it in and the computer tells the lunch lady you are good to go. For some reason yesterday, the computer wasn't working correctly. His lunch number wasn't working - 20 kids had to keep going past Jonathan as she kept trying to re-enter his number over and over again to see if it would work. Then he finally gets it to work and goes to sit down. Ten kids and Jonathan at the lunch table. The kids at the lunch table, while Jonathan isn't looking, hide his lunch. He turns around, lunch missing - asks where his lunch is - nobody knows. He gets upset. He's already missed breakfast. He's late for lunch because of the mess-up with his number. He's had a really bad day. His hand hurts. And the kids just keep pushing and will not return his lunch. Jonathan gets really angry and keeps asking where his lunch is. This, of course, just fuels the kids who think it's funny.

This draws the attention of teachers and administrators. An administrator (assistant principal) comes over to ask Jonathan what the problem is, but rather than answering her nicely, Jonathan turns to her and says "You don't fucking understand. They stole my shit!".

And with those words, Jonathan was automatically given 10 days out of school suspension.

In his school, using profanity to a teacher is automatic grounds for 10-days out of school suspension.

Now.... call me an overprotective mom here, but I disagree with this punishment. BUT, I do not disagree with punishment. I agree that he NEEDS to be punished. There are levels of punishment.... they could have called the parent.... they could have given him in school suspension.... they could have given him 3 days of out of school suspension... or they could have given him 10 days out of school suspension.

For a kid who has NEVER had ANY discipline problems... who was being provoked at a lunchroom table.... who didn't fight.... who didn't show any violence.... he just cursed.... for this he gets the MAXIMUM penalty? Really??? Is it just me?

I talked to the school board. I talked to the area director for the school board. I talked to the assistant principal, and I talked to the principal of Gaither. I told all of them that, I totally understand that they MUST have guidelines. I understand that they don't want kids running around cursing at the teachers and faculty.

Jonathan wasn't cursing AT this woman out of anger AT her. He wasn't violent with her. He wasn't a bad kid. He was in a difficult situation at the time. And, for that reason, I felt the punishment, for HIM, was too harsh. They are going to review the situation and call me back today with a recommendation.

What Jonathan learned from all of this is that he wants to learn to control his anger. We're going to make an appointment for him to go an see someone else. He already sees a doctor once every three months, but this will be in addition to that. He knows that he shouldn't have gotten THAT angry over kids just stealing his lunch. He knows now that it was just because of all the other things that happened throughout the day leading up to that time. He just needs to learn to deal with those things, to not let it build up to where he finds himself cursing at an adult in the middle of a lunchroom. And I think he's young enough where he can get a handle on it quickly.

So I picked him up from school, and he came home and cried pretty much ALL AFTERNOON. He sobbed in his room the rest of the day. It was so sad. But, by the end of the night, I think we were able to get through to him that he could LEARN from this, instead of feeling sorry for himself or being angry with himself.

The other really bad thing that happened yesterday was the computer, the big main computer of the house, had the 'blue screen of death' come on. Several times. Before all the kids came home, when I was alone - so I know THEY didn't do it. Yeah, the home computer is BROKEN. Not good. Just what we need, one more thing broken. An expensive thing. Great.

So, today is my second vacation day. On my to-do list is to clean house a little bit. Finish putting up Christmas lights outside, although not much more I can do myself I think. I might wash some clothes. Pick up Jonathan from the out of school suspension facility at 2:25, then take him to his doctors appointment at 4. Kayte is supposed to go for Xrays sometime, but I don't think we are going to make it today, maybe Saturday... I dunno. That's no big emergency, just 'whenever' for her allergies. They may want an xray of Jonathan's hand today, if so, UGG, that won't be good.

Hopefully tomorrow we are going to get our Christmas tree picked out and get it decorated. That's always fun.

To be brutally honest. I'm sitting here stressed beyond words. I'm thrilled that Chris's jobs have finally picked back up. But I'm stressed. I owe people money. I owe my sister. I owe my best friend. I owe Amscot. I have bill collectors calling my house for the first time in years. It's stressful. It'll be better soon, I'm sure. I'm positive actually. But in the 'here and now', it's eating me up inside. Sigh.

I should really run. So much to do....

Please say some extra prayers today for Jonathan. He could sure use them. Thanks.

Judge Not

So Sunday Kayte decides to tell me about something that happened to she and Justin on Friday when they were walking to the park on FRIDAY with friends.

Now, I'm going to say this story, and I don't mean to sound prejudice or whatever -- but -- I swear to you, this is another kind of thing that would never happen to Amanda and Jonathan. I don't know why. Because they are whiter than snow? No, I really don't think that has anything to do with it. I prefer to think it's because their friends are just different kinds of people. I mean, I've talked about it before, some of the kids that call here for Justin, Kayla and Kayte sound as if they've just robbed a liquor store - all "gangsta sounding". It's just a TOTALLY different world, I'm telling you. Anyways, the story....

Kayte and Justin are walking with friends to a park. They walk by a park bench where there is writing all over the bench. They notice a sharpie on the ground - they pick it up and try to write with it. It's out of ink, so they drop it. One of the boys walks away, going to his house, the others continue to the park to talk.

Just then a woman screeches her car and cuts off Kayte, nearly running her over. She slams on her brakes, jumps out of the car, and tells the kids that she is an undercover officer and wants to know "where is the bag with drugs in it". Kayte and the other kids have NO idea what the woman is talking about. Drugs? Bag? What??? She said that she saw them exchange drugs for money at the park bench, again explaining that she was an undercover officer, explaining the park was under camera surveillance, and asked where the drugs were. The kids started laughing, which infuriated the woman. The kids explained how they only picked up a sharpie that was out of ink, they didn't know anything about drugs.

The kids went to a friend's parent's house that lived nearby with a mom who is apparently even more protective than I am and she immediately called the police.

The police came out and they took a statement from the kids. Chris and I immediately knew that IF indeed this woman was an undercover narcotics officer she would never identify herself in that manner, nor would she nearly run the kids over with her car, and of course she wouldn't state there were hidden cameras on the property if indeed there were. The whole thing just smelled wrong. We figured it had to be a woman who lived in the neighborhood who was fed up with drug activity in her local park taking matters into her own hands.

The police, however, were not so nice to the kids when they got there. They kept asking them "did you fear for your life?" "Did you think this woman was going to kill you with her car?". When the kids said that, no, they didn't think she was trying to KILL them, the police officer began to put his pen and paper away. The other mother told the police officer that it TOTALLY was not the point, that the point was that this woman was out there harassing kids, claiming to be a police officer when she was NOT, and scared the hell out of the kids who were at the park doing NOTHING wrong. Don't you THINK the police would WANT to know when a person was PRETENDING to be a police officer? I would think so too. She told the officer to pull out his pen and little pad of paper and write down what happened. And he did. I really like this mom!!

I told Kayte that the next time she was almost run over at a park by a person claiming to be an undercover narcotics officer, and the police were called and she was questioned by a police officer, to PLEASE not wait for a couple days before she told me.

Too funny.

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So.... Kayla! She has a new boyfriend. I don't know how long this one will last as he doesn't go to her school - but I REALLY like this kid. We met him at the High School Football game last Friday night. He as a super polite kid "yes ma'am" and "yes sir" the whole time, but not in such a way that he was putting on a 'show', you could just tell it came naturally to him.

The other day Kayla had dinner over his house/apartment. He lives with his Aunt and Uncle. I had her call so I could speak with them to make sure it was okay that she eat over and I spoke with the Uncle. Well, the Uncle was JUST as polite, if you can believe that. I told him what a great nephew he seemed to have, that his manners really impressed me.

When they finished dinner, he drove Kayla home and came in to see the house and meet us. He was blown away with our home. He kept saying over and over again how big it was. Kayla pulled me into a corner and said "Auntie Tina... The ONLY thing they had in their fridge was leftover ham and red bull. NOTHING ELSE!" The kid was so impressed with our house, how big it was, and how much food we had. Our fridge of course was overflowing with food leftover from Thanksgiving.

I think Kayla finds boyfriends like this right around this time of year to REMIND me of how VERY BLESSED I truly am. I mean, this young man was a very VERY nice kid. Polite. Manners. He works. He is happy. He briefly explained at the football game that he was in college, I believe playing football if I remember correctly, and was hurt, had knee surgery, needed $5,000 for something or another, and had to move in down here with his Aunt and Uncle because he didn't have it. Now he's sharing a family member's small apartment with nothing in the fridge but leftover ham and red bull.

But my goodness he was polite. And, having reminders like that of how very fortunate we are this time of year is so very important. It's so easy for me to see people who have SO MUCH this time of year and for me to feel -- inadequate. To wish you could give the kids more. To wish you could do more. To spend half the holiday simply WISHING. When we should spend the holiday season THANKING and remembering how grateful we really are.

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Jonathan, I hope, will be going to Epcot Center with his school chorus tomorrow. He is in a HUGE chorus at school. If you've never heard the Gaither Chorus, it's really something. (Speaking of - Next Thursday, December 6th, is his Holiday Concert!)

In his Concert Chorus alone there are 87 kids. Additionally there is an all female chorus of probably 70 girls. Their Choir Director is Debbie Connelly whom I know from Toast of Tampa. I sang with her for a long time and she has been in many GREAT quartets. She has 2 crowns from singing in quartets deemed the 'best in the world'. Yeah, she's a GREAT singer, and she's teaching kids. How awesome for Jonathan, huh?

The harmonies in their songs are incredible. They were invited to go to Epcot Center to sing with the Voices of Liberty, Epcot's professional singing group. The Voices of Liberty are another Singing Group that Chris and I know from our days singing barbershop. These people are more 'best of the best'. I'd say there are usually 10 professional singers in Voices of Liberty. Jonathan's 87 member chorus is going to sing, in Epcot, with these professional singers, in front of everyone at Epcot? Holy COW!

It actually took a lot of arm-twisting to get Jonathan to go. For some reason, he didn't practice his music or turn in any of the paperwork we gave to him. Heck, it only cost us $15 for the bus, but out of it get got in free this time, PLUS two tickets to get in free for the future. (One the school keeps for a future planned trip, one he can keep.) Why on EARTH would he not want to go? I dunno... But hopefully today he turned everything in because it's a great opportunity. I'll let you know later.

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I've been debating on whether on not to blog about this. I don't want to come off as self-righteous by any means. Blogging, if it does nothing else for me, allows me to sit back and examine many sides of a situation. Sometimes I go into a blog thinking (bull-headed) one way and finish the blog thinking totally different. It's the main reason I love blogging. I enjoy thinking and examining things that much.

Last night we were with a group of fellow Christians. The subject came up about a person (not in the group) who was applying for a job, was 3 months pregnant and didn't tell them at the time of her interview. Nobody for sure knows why - did she KNOW she was pregnant? "How could she not know?" Someone said. Was she ethically and morally wrong? She's not required by law to disclose that she was pregnant, and by law, the employer doing the hiring isn't allowed to ask. There's a reason for that... Many times an employer wouldn't want to hire someone knowing they were pregnant. So, if you were pregnant, would you want to tell them at your interview? So, isn't it ethically wrong for the employer to ask, knowing that statistically your odds of being hired are then slim to none? Why was the woman, who followed the law and kept quiet (assuming she knew) morally wrong? Hmmmm....

I don't know why this has been on my mind all day today. I think because we - the group of us - judged this woman without knowing her or her circumstances. And it's bothered me all day that I judged her without knowing much about her.

Today my mind as I thought about this were two people in particular...

Jennifer who was FIVE MONTHS pregnant before she knew she was pregnant. How does that happen? Well, things were going on with her and she just assumed she was sick and gaining weight. She'd always had period problems. Had she been the one interviewing, she'd have flat out NOT KNOWN at three months. And us Christians would have had her judged and sentenced as a morally bad person.

Then I thought about one of the kids' friend's moms. She has teenage children, high school age, but has been wanting another child desperately. She just had a baby a few months ago. We didn't find out she was pregnant until she was 6 months pregnant. Why? Well, because - as she shared with us at that time - she had SO MANY miscarriages that she didn't want to 'share the good news' until she knew for sure that the baby was going to survive. Keeping a pregnancy secret at 3 months because you've had 6 miscarriages or more in the past couple of years has got to be a difficult decision. I'm sure it's one that she probably didn't make after the first few miscarriages - but probably one she made after heartaches after heartaches... It might have been the best way that SHE may have known to protect herself and her sanity, should she lose another baby.

Who is to say, if this person were the one who applied for the job and she kept a pregnancy to herself for this reason, that it was wrong? Me? Not me... Who am I to judge?

Judging is a bad idea, in my opinion. So many times I feel dirty after I hear people talk about things they are judging people for - in particular things I've done: Don't buy a lottery ticket. Don't go to Amscot. My boss is big on these things and preaches to me often times.

But ya know, I actually spent $12 the other day on scratch-off tickets. I haven't bought lotto tickets in YEARS. I spent $12 and won $28. I needed that more than you know. I am not a gambler... I don't have a problem... Don't judge. It's just a ticket.

And, yes, I went to Amscot right after Thanksgiving. If I didn't, we'd have no food for dinner tonight. Payday isn't till next week and things are not so well this time of year. (Bathroom remodels at Thanksgiving and Christmas? Some... But not many.) Am I a sinner? No, of course I am not. I am, however, providing for my family in the only way I know how, without going to a food bank.

So, I ask you all to take a little time to think before you judge. Or better yet... Don't judge at all. Leave judgment to God. He's really the only one that matters anyways, right? Compassion is a trait that I think many of us could strive towards a little more every day. Have compassion for your fellow men, and know that we will all be judged by Him when our time comes.

Luke 6:37
Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn others, or it will all come back against you. Forgive others, and you will be forgiven.

Lies, Phones and Piercings

I wanted to blog about what happened on Wednesday, the day before Thanksgiving. I was able to leave work at noon and finally do some much-needed grocery shopping for the big Thanksgiving dinner.

When I returned home, I checked mail. In the mail was Kayla's bank statement which comes addressed to both she and I as I was the Guardian who opened the account with her. I opened the statement and noticed one activity - a cell phone charge of $68 - ironically on the SAME day as Chris and I took away her cell phone.

You see, the day Kayla came home from school with a C on her report card, a C which she claimed to KNOW beyond any reasonable doubt was not possible to have, Kayla had decided to go to Metro PCS to buy her own phone - behind our backs.

Chris and I had discussed cell phones at great length prior to this. When Kayla first got her job she talked about how it was possible that she COULD buy her own phone. But Chris and I really wanted her on OUR cell phone plan so that: 1) it could be used as a reward (Kayla LOVES the phone) and 2) we could monitor her calls to make sure she doesn't use it at school or after hours. Metro PCS phone meant she was using it any time she wanted to.

Chris and I were both furious to find this out. How could she just go out, behind our backs, and buy a cell phone? Our minds raced as we talked about how many times it meant that she had 'lied' to us over the past few weeks. We had seen her with a cell phone in her pocket - "it belongs to my friend" she would say. We had noticed Chris's charger missing - never once thought it odd that it happened to be in Kayla's room. How many times she had told us "I'm working really hard to bring up my grades so that I can get a cell phone again!" -- knowing full well that she HAD ONE already that she was hiding from us. I was furious.

When all of this happened - Kayla and Kayte were not here. They had gone to cash Kayla's check and then to get Kayla's nails done. I drove up to the Metro PCS store to ask them how on EARTH they could sell a cell phone without adult consent. Isn't there some kind of rule or something?? Come to find out - after talking to Metro PCS - you can be 5 years old, walk in with cash - and walk out with a cell phone ready to go - no adult necessary. Scary thought, huh? I asked the woman behind the counter HOW and WHY they would allow this to happen! I explained that she was probably using it all during school and after hours and now that she had it and was ABLE to follow THEIR rules and hide it from her parents - we had no control over it. As a parent of a teenager (her daughter was working the store with her) I could tell that she sympathized with me... she just wasn't able to do anything about it. She did, however, give me a copy of Kayla's contract, which - since it's month-to-month isn't really a 'contract', so it's perfectly legal for a child to have and sign. This contract gave me Kayla's new cell phone number.

I smile now as I sit and try to imagine the look on Kayla's face when she looked down and her secretive cell phone and saw Uncle Chris's number come up on the caller ID. Her heart must have sunk. She answered the phone then hung up. The next few times we called, the phone went directly to voice mail. Odd, huh? Yeah, she was probably having a heart attack. Chris's message said something about Kayla being "Busted" and that she needed to call home IMMEDIATELY.

When Kayla arrived back at home, we all sat down and talked about the cell phone and the bigger issue - the lying. She claimed to see NOTHING wrong with what she did. Chris explained to her that IF she had only talked to us... tried to make a good argument about WHY she really FELT that she NEEDED a cell phone, we would probably have agreed with her and would have put her on our plan. Heck, I'm PAYING $30 a month right now for a cell phone that nobody here is using since nobody made honor roll!

We really tried to NOT be too hard on her. Just explain our side - explain how hurt we were - MORE about the lying than the actual cell phone. We learned about pushing too hard from raising Amanda - push too hard and they do EXACTLY what you don't want them to do. Now we're trying the 'fair yet responsible' approach.

Kayla talked about how she couldn't WAIT to turn 18 so she could do 'whatever she wanted' to do. She talked about turning 18 and moving back to Riverview to live with her mom. This killed me. She will still have a year and a half of high school to finish when she turns 18... she won't graduate until well after she turns 19. We talked to her some about this... about how her mom needed to focus on getting HERSELF better. About how Julie would have NO CLUE how to fill out that massive paperwork for Kayla's college education. And, I don't mean to sound like I'm being vengeful here, but if she decides to move back home with Julie, I will fully expect Julie to do this on her own - I will NOT help them do it. One of the biggest things we are trying to teach Kayla is that for every action there is a consequence.

Kayla believes that when she turns 18 everything will be just wonderful. She can get out on her own, do whatever she wants, that things will be totally different. I suppose that feeling is normal for a teenager her age. She'll be 17 in January. But - she has so many opportunities and is SO capable of messing them up if she does the wrong thing.

And of course, I was hurting inside because Kayla said that she wanted to do this because she believed in some wonderful fantasy about turning 18 and suddenly being an adult and everything changes. Nothing to do with her mom. Never took into consideration how Justin and Kayte would feel or if it was the right thing to do. She just knew it WAS a decision she was able to make when she turned 18 and she was set and determined to make it.

Course, if I know Julie, she will tell her to come on over as soon as she's 18. Julie, I believe, won't put Kayla's best interest first. The fact that she has a network of friends here and will have been at Gaither for 2 1/2 years, with a year and a half left to finish. The fact that Julie, right now, can't take care of herself, never-mind herself and a kid - not just my belief but that of the family, DCF, the courts and the Judge. I believe Julie will read this and her heart will be thrilled and filled with anticipation. And for that, again, my heart breaks.

I keep trying to tell myself that Kayla's telling me this was just because she was angry or hurt or she felt as if she were backed into a corner. I don't know. I guess we will see.

Anyways... so we sat and talked through a LOT of this stuff. I pointed out to Kayla MULTIPLE times that it was the LIES that were getting me so upset. By the end of the discussion we had agreed to allow her to have a cell phone: she will continue on the Metro PCS contract till this month's 'non-contract' period ends, then she can move over to our plan - where we can monitor her calls and text messages, to make sure she is doing what she is supposed to do.

With that just said "to make sure she is doing what she is supposed to do" - Kayla doesn't quite understand that us doing that could be a VERY good thing for her. She wants us to notice when she's doing good and notice when she's not lying. For that to happen, we need to monitor the situation. Right now, for all I know, she's up at 3am texting friends, against our rules. This way - we WILL know when she is doing the right thing. So, I hope Kayla views it as a positive thing.

Kayla will pay us $30 a month while she is not on honor roll for her phone plan ($9.99 for the phone and $19.99 for unlimited text messages). This is still cheaper than her Metro PCS plan she was on, so she comes out a winner. She just can't hide and lie. We'll see if it works. If and when she makes honor roll, we will pick up the tab and cover the cost in full.

After our discussion, Kayla called our friend Michelle outside of the house to talk. They stood in the driveway and Kayla confessed something 'else' to Michelle. "While she was being truthful" Kayla said. Michelle told Kayla that she needed to tell her Aunt and Uncle. Kayla was okay with telling Chris but wanted to wait to tell me. They call Chris out front to talk. After a while, I go outside to see what they are doing (I didn't know at this point WHAT was going on.)

Kayla is shaking and crying and tells me that she has to tell me something.

"Oh my God, you are pregnant?" I said. "NOOOOO" Kayla replied. I told her from there it was all downhill then. No biggie after that was ruled out.

Kayla was still very VERY upset. Her hands were shaking, she didn't want to say anything. Michelle says "SHOW HER"! With that my first thought was that she got another permanent tattoo. "Oh, please tell me you didn't get another tattoo!" "NOOOOO" Kayla said. "It's not that." And with that and some prompting by Michelle and Chris, she sticks out her tongue to reveal a tongue ring.

A tongue ring?

Ah jeez.

Well, at least it's temporary, right? She can take it out and all go back to normal. It's also so far back on her tongue that you really can't see it unless she shows it to you. But why????

Well, some of her friends have them. This one friend said she's do it for her. And, one night while Kayla spent the night, she pierced her tongue. I was wondering why she didn't eat much with us anymore and she stayed up in her room so much nowadays. She did this about 2 weeks ago. She hid it for TWO WEEKS.

Kayla, honest to goodness, can't tell the truth to save her life. I totally don't get it. Did she think she was going to hide all of this forever? Did she think we'd NEVER find out? I'm the cool Aunt who took her to get her belly button pierced - I don't care much about a piercing. Again, it's temporary; take it out and it's gone. At least she didn't do her eye and/or her lip where everyone would see it all the time. Those I just don't get. Why would she hide this from me?

We did talk to her at length about the diseases she might have because she got a piercing in an unsanitary place. She could get infected - she hasn't looked up how to properly care for it - she could have gotten Hepatitis from an un-sterile needle - so many things. But she's 16 and not thinking or caring about any of that.

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Julie is home from Twelve Oaks. She called me last night telling me that she was reading the blog and the number of Xanax bottles in the prior blog are wrong. She claims to have NO Xanax. I told her that was what they discussed at her intake at Twelve Oaks. She was there, but I guess she doesn't remember any of the conversation. Course, she was pretty out of it at the time.

Speaking of that... I sure hope she gets back on her medicines from Dr. Brown. Julie, if you are reading this, PLEASE tell me you are going to see Dr. Brown IMMEDIATELY to get your meds straightened out. Also, ask her if there is a way that you can NEVER EVER get back under the care of Dr. Vijapuri again. That man does nothing but dope you up!

Anyways... she is home and I suppose is coming over for Church and her visit tomorrow. I'm excited, but anxious as to which Julie will show up - the good one that was here a few weeks ago, or the drugged up person Dr. Vijapuri created.

I also hope that she follows through with the plan that Twelve Oaks told me that they wanted her to follow -- NEVER get on another NARCOTIC again. Ever. It was going to require discipline on Julie's part, but I hope and pray that she is able to do it. I know she gave it a good-hearted try when DCF was involved and her kids were at stake. I don't know if Julie loves herself enough to want to do it JUST for herself. But I hope she does.

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Thanksgiving was wonderful here. We had Chris's mom and dad over, along with his step-brother Danny. We also had a friend who used to live next door to Evie and Jimmie and her two children over. And, lest we forget - the 'traveled the furthest' award goes to Amanda and Gene! Gene had to work on Thanksgiving but was supposed to get off at 4:30. We didn't want to have dinner SUPER early so that when Amanda and Gene came over dinner was stone-cold. But we couldn't really wait until 7 either. We planned to have dinner at 5:30, but Amanda called to say Gene was cut early and they could be over about 6, so we waited and had dinner after they arrived.

Of course dinner was awesome - Turkey, Ham, Potatoes, Stuffing, Green Bean Casserole, and lots more stuff - YUMMY! But it was spending the time with family and friends that made it the best.

With that said, I leave you with this for today:

Be Thankful
Author Unknown

Be thankful that you don't already have everything you desire,
If you did, what would there be to look forward to?

Be thankful when you don't know something
For it gives you the opportunity to learn.

Be thankful for the difficult times.
During those times you grow.

Be thankful for your limitations
Because they give you opportunities for improvement.

Be thankful for each new challenge
Because it will build your strength and character.

Be thankful for your mistakes
They will teach you valuable lessons.

Be thankful when you're tired and weary
Because it means you've made a difference.

It is easy to be thankful for the good things.
A life of rich fulfillment comes to those who are
also thankful for the setbacks.

GRATITUDE can turn a negative into a positive.
Find a way to be thankful for your troubles
and they can become your blessing.

God Always Provides

So, I've been asked the question, "Why don't you change your blog title from Tina's Daily Blog to Tina's Sometimes Blog". Yeah, very funny.

Seriously though, I do blog when I can - and with limited time at work, one working computer at home and four teenagers fighting for it, I blog when I can. The reason I don't change the title is because I know that some people find the blog by googling "Tina's Daily Blog". So, the title stays as-is, capeesh? LOL

So, teenagers. Frustrating teenagers. That is what I wanted to blog about Monday but was too exhausted to get into. Justin - oh my goodness.... Justin has been having some difficulty following instructions.

When the kids first moved in we discussed the music they listened to. Rap music is fine, I'm totally okay with some of it. I listen to 98.7 here when I'm not listening to the Joy FM, oddly enough. Not all rap music is bad, I personally love the beat/rhythm and so I totally get why the kids love it. However, the kids of music the kids were listening to when they moved in here was hard-core -- the kind of music they CAN'T play on the radio. I've blogged about it before. It was frustrating.

The other day I deleted over 600 songs from my hard-drive that were just hard-core NASTY music on my home computer. Stuff I told him he could not listen to nor download but he continued to do so anyways. We've told him over and over again that listening to those kinds of things fills your head with nothing but TRASH. I'll give you some examples, but you have to excuse the cursing, okay?

"Man these niggas done come up in da mofuckin crib and got me fo my shit dawg. What you gonna do about it? Fuck you nigga! " Or how about "Shove the barrel down your throat, inhale bullets like some smoke. Ima leave you bitches dead cut a sunroof in yo head" and then it goes on to talk about how he's going to kill you with a gun. Put it to your head and pull the trigger, graphically describing the whole thing. Lovely, huh?

Another song is all about abusing prescription medications: "Slip me two Xanax bars, 11 Percocets just entered me. 15 minutes from this second, I'll be crawling on my knees. Oxycontin in my system man I'm feeling kinda strange. Oxycontin, Xanax, Percocet, Lortab, Valium, Morphine, Excasy, it's all up for grab."

What on EARTH is he doing listening to this HORRIBLE stuff? I'm really not a prude - REALLY I'm not. But - drugs, pills, shooting people - I have issues with singing about this kind of stuff. My sister Katie might think it's silly, it's just music, but wait until the day her little girl starts singing about putting a gun to someone's head or smoking some dope - we'll see if she still feels the same way. Sigh.....

Thank God Chris was able to sit down with him last night and talk to him in a 'Fatherly fashion'. He explained to him that he was sure Justin was trying to put on a certain 'persona' around his friends, but that Justin should try to be better than that. We probably talked to him for a good 30-45 minutes about it Monday night. I know the kids have changed a LOT. I drive down the road and listen to the Joy FM and all the kids will sing along to the songs like "How Great Is Our God", whereas they used to give me horrible grief about changing the station every few seconds. Justin is just -- stuck in this place right now.

He just hasn't developed willpower to be able to stand up to things that he knows to be wrong yet. Hopefully we'll get there - we'll continue to work on him. You guys can help out by continuing to pray, okay? Thanks!

********************************

Yet more broken things here around the Rhocchini house. The hot tub broke last night. The iron broke this morning. Yes, it's just not a normal day unless SOMETHING is broken.

Again, the good news is that Chris can most likely pretty easily fix the hot tub. It's just going to have to wait a while.

It just amazes me all the time how much things around here break.

********************************

I suppose I should be more stressed about Thanksgiving, but I'm just not. Not yet anyways. I haven't bought a single thing just yet. Not one potato or pie. Jeez. Okay, now I'm getting stressed!! Thankfully my mother in law is coming over with lots of stuff, including the turkey and stuffing - so a lot of the necessities are already taken care of. I'm going to try to do the potatoes and green bean casserole. I'll probably get a few pies as well, I'm sure. I've got a list ready, and I'm sure I'll add to it as the day goes on.

What I'm more stressed about is having to take that payday advance. It took me 5 minutes to type that, backspace it out, then type it again and again. I just hate getting into that loop, ya know? Truth is.... that's why I haven't bought anything yet for Thanksgiving tomorrow. Today I HAVE to. The good news is that Chris's business has several jobs lined up for after Thanksgiving, so I know things are going to get better. Indeed. I just need to focus on that, instead of feeling like a failure for not making it this month. Focus on the future - the positive. Heck, it's been an INCREDIBLE month. Chris turned 40 and we had a great party for him with lots of friends. He took 2 days and he and Michelle took Julie all the way up to the Panhandle to get her into a VERY nice rehab facility. Last month I got a raise. And all the kids are doing well in school. I have so much to be thankful for.

I think I'll spend the rest of the day trying to focus on those things - what I have to feel thankful for - rather than wallowing around in my own guilt and depression.

Because God is good.... and God always provides... and I need to do a better job of remembering that.

As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.
John F. Kennedy

Hidden Blessings

This weekend Chris was working on the Durango. The water pump went out and Chris said it was going to be a pretty easy and inexpensive fix. This was GREAT news as we didn't have a lot of time or money to fix it.

Friday Chris began working on it and quickly realized it was going to be a bigger problem than he originally thought. The nut that he needed to remove was HUGE and he didn't have a tool on-hand which was big enough to get it off. When he read the manual, he realized he needed a special tool to get the thing off.

Special tool = big bucks, right? Yeah..... great.

We had nothing in checking and $100 in savings, so I moved it over. Chris went to Advanced Auto where he was told the tool was roughly $70 - BUT - it was a "loaner tool" meaning, he would buy it, and when he returned it, we'd get the $70 back. Awesome. This was a hidden blessing for sure.

He buys the tool and comes home and tries to remove the nut, but it won't budge. He even had a neighbor come over to help, but - no luck.

While he was working on this on Friday, I really needed some groceries. Remember I thought I was going to have to pull out a payday advance? Although I still might for Thanksgiving food, I was worried at the time about things like milk, cereal and bread. I called my sister Katie who mentioned something about a credit card. This made me think about that little bitty credit card I have that I rarely use and keep for emergencies. I called to check my balance and low and behold, I had $169 available credit - so I was able to get a few groceries. Another hidden blessing! Yeah!!!

I come home Friday night and Chris has had no luck with the Durango. He calls his step-father Jimmie. Jimmie is AWESOME with cars and has taught Chris a TON about fixing them over the years. Jimmie agrees to come over on Saturday to help Chris with the Durango. Having a family member not only talented enough to repair this car, but also willing to drive over to help us out on a Saturday, hidden blessing yet again.

Saturday morning Jimmie shows up and Chris and Jimmie begin work on the Durango. I tell ya, these guys are talented. They have taken apart many engines and put them back together. However, at noon, Chris came into the house (okay, okay, I was still in bed!) and he was... what's the word.... he seemed - defeated. He was SO incredibly upset. What was supposed to be a quick and easy fix - two or three bolt/nuts removed and the water pump comes off - wasn't so easy. At noon Chris and Jimmie had the front half of the engine removed; Everything from the grill to the engine block was gone. I know it wasn't that Chris thought they couldn't get it apart and put it back together, it was just that it was supposed to be so much easier. However, Jimmie and Chris worked on it until it was done - and sure enough - by 3 pm or so - the engine was back together and the Durango was running again! YEAH! Another blessing!

I'm telling you - I am so darn proud of my husband - that Chris is capable of doing these things. I am one lucky wife, let me tell you! And, I guess that's yet ANOTHER blessing, isn't it!

I just got in from bible study. It's late and I'm exhausted. I've got more to blog about, but hopefully will have some time tomorrow to do so.

Please keep us in your prayers. Thanks!

How You Live

I called Twelve Oaks multiple times yesterday trying to find out if Julie had been approved for a full stay at their rehab center. Finally at 3 p.m. I told them that if they didn't have an answer, Chris was going to HAVE to come there and pick her up and take her home - that they simply could NOT take another day off of work to sit up there and just WAIT around for Tricare to give approval. With that, they told me that they were going to keep her. They couldn't tell me for how long (a week, 21 days, 90 days or whatever), but they did tell me that Chris and Michelle could go home.

So, they headed home and made it to Tampa shortly before Midnight last night. Those of you who kept them in your prayers, THANK YOU. I'm certain that the power of prayer works and that you helped. I really appreciate you taking the time to say a short prayer for them.

Chris told me more about Julie's trip with them. He'd never really spent THAT MUCH time with my sister alone. He said.... Well... She is much like a child. She wore Care Bear pajamas and complained quite a bit throughout the trip about being thirsty. They stopped to get her some water, but then she wouldn't drink it. However, when they stopped to eat, she had NO problem woofing that down quickly. She had a "Baconator" which Chris said is the largest Hamburger he has ever seen. She had eaten the entire thing before he had half of his smaller hamburger gone.

At one point, they were driving down the road, Julie rolled down her window and tried to take all of her trash from lunch (bag, wrappers, cup, etc) and pitch it out the window as they were driving down the highway. Chris and Michelle both yelled at her to STOP! And asked her what she was doing. She said "Throwing away my trash". They explained to her that you can't just pitch trash outside your window when you feel like it. She said that they had people that came along to pick up trash for just that reason. Sigh...

Chris said over and over again that Julie demonstrated to him that she didn't have the capabilities of an adult. His words "She doesn't have the rationality to govern herself as an adult". She acted like a big kid the whole time.

He said that he could clearly see Justin, Kayla and Kayte all rolled up into one person in Julie. Julie has Kayte's ability to justify everything, Kayla's lying ability, and Justin's slowness/immaturity.

Chris thought we really needed to have a family meeting while Julie was in the treatment facility to try to get on the same page about Julie. After spending 2 days with her, Chris just didn't understand how Julie can live on her own when she can't act like an adult.

This is a tough situation. Julie right now is NOT the same way she was a few weeks ago at my house when she was doing so well. Dr. Vijapuri has doped her to the point where she is unable to focus, communicate, and even stay awake for a period of time. But Dr. Vijapuri, I think, likes it that way. She's less able to hurt herself I suppose.

Would Chris have felt the same way if the Julie who had come over our house a few weeks ago were in that car? The one who went to Church with us and it was a pleasure to spend the entire day with her? No.... I don't think it's even the same person. I mean... It IS the same person, but the medication makes her TOTALLY different.

Which - case in point - is EXACTLY why she needs to be in a Substance Abuse program. To learn to love herself OFF all that medication. To strive to live for THOSE good days. And those good days turn into good weeks, which turn into good months, which - God willing - turn into good years.

Anyways.... Mom and I talked some about the options should Julie need some kind of long term care. We've talked about this before: where would she go? Group home? They really don't make a group home for her kind of disorder. A state mental hospital I suppose is the only place. Or a nursing home, but she's not THAT bad. In particular when she's properly medicated.

Chris and I discussed someone (us) dishing out Julie's medications FOR her. To make sure that she doesn't have too much medication at home. But then you run into the same problems... If she goes to another doctor, she keeps that medicine at home. Julie is VERY smart about those things. How else did she get all that Xanax?

Which is really funny to me....

Julie got ON the Xanax only when she got robbed. Do you remember that? She was working at Circle K in November of 2006 and was robbed at gunpoint. She was not ALLOWED to get on addictive medication, but they made an exception because of the trauma of being robbed. Actually, they made an exception because the case worker at the time screwed up. (Remember this one?) Anyways.... That was November 2006. The doctors told her that she would NOT be allowed to be on the medication for any longer than TWO WEEKS. Now here we are November 2007 and she takes them ALL THE TIME. Additionally she takes Ativan as well as normal longer-term mood stabilizers. She had 15 bottles of just Xanax at home prescribed by 4 different doctors.

The funny part to me is that normal people like me can't get the prescription. I carry around with me that ONE prescription I got in April 2007. I got Xanax at that time because Julie was on a respirator and I was having a difficult time adjusting and coping. I was given 30 pills and I still have 4 left.

Yet, someone with a medical history of substance abuse and heavy prescription abuse gets more pills than one can possibly imagine. How does that happen? I dunno.

I want Julie to get much better. She was doing SO WELL a few weeks ago. I feel like Dr. Vijapuri made her take 10 steps BACK and that's where she is starting from at Twelve Oaks. It's frustrating.

The other thing Chris talked about was Julie moving in with us. Now, I have thought of this before - it would allow her more time to spend with her kids, and it would be financially easier for Julie and maybe even for us (she could pay us rent). But, the whole dynamics of the house would change. How would the kids act on a day-to-day basis? Who would be the parent in a discipline situation? What about times when we might need to discipline Julie? (May sound odd, but those of you who know Julie personally know what I mean.) Lastly, what would that mean for the court order already in place for visitation?

Yes, I think that there are too many reason NOT to consider that as an option than there are to consider it. If things were different, I'd reconsider: If Julie's kids were younger, if Julie were about to lose her house, etc. Certainly I 'd be there for her. I love her VERY much.

That being said, Chris and my FIRST priority is to the kids. Keeping them in a safe, stable and loving environment. So for now, I think we'll just pray that all things will go well at Twelve Oaks and will be much better on her own after that.

***************

Things with the kids are going pretty well. Kayla and my relationship right now is just a bit..... Strained. After the cell-phone fiasco where she didn't get honor roll, I feel that I am being lied to on other things.

One of the kids will tell me something that Kayla is doing, and when I approach Kayla about it, she flat-out denies it. Of course, I can't say "well XXX told me" because I would NOT throw this person under the bus like that. The funny thing is, that these things she is lying about don't matter to me. For example: She's dating someone? FINE. No problem. Just don't lie about it and hide the relationship.

I told her last night that I knew she was dating 'someone'. She said she was not. I told her that I KNEW she was. She confronted me as to where I got my information, and I couldn't tell her, so of course she continued to deny it. I told her that if she were just TRUTHFUL we me about it, it would make NO DIFFERENCE at all. However, if I found out she was lying to me I would be forced to make her quit her job and I'd put her on restriction. She said "Why would I have to quit my job just because I lied?" I explained - again - that it wasn't the lie, it was being able to TRUST her. If I can't trust her to be honest with me and truthful with me about who she is simply dating, how could I trust her to go to and from work every day?

Then she said "See, this is why I don't tell you anything!" -- UGG -- I told her that I wasn't giving her a hard time about the dating thing, I was giving her a hard time about lying, and that I would ALWAYS and FOREVER give her a hard time about lying. And that not telling me something because of how I might act is a cop-out because I do NOT freak out about things. I DO freak out about her lying. Remember here that EVERY single relationship she has had to my knowledge has started off in "hidden" and "lying" mode. I 've no idea why. When we meet the guys, we are totally cool with them, invite them over for dinner, to swim in the pool or the hot tub. So saying that she withholds information because of how I am going to REACT is a bunch of crap. She's just used to lying. It's become her way of life.

It's frustrating. It breaks my heart every time I see her lie. Kayla thinks I'm just being a hard-ass meanie to her. It would be pretty easy for me to just look the other way - as long as she isn't getting into trouble, not care. But what she doesn't understand is that she is NEVER going to have any kind of a long-term relationship as long as she continues to lie. Would you folks reading this was to be dating or married to a person who lied ALL THE TIME? About big things, about little things, about everything? Of course not. It's a serious problem.

I know I probably need to get her help, and I've tried - but she doesn't talk to the counselor about it and she refuses to take the medicine that the psychiatrist gives her. She's darn near 17 years old... How much more can I do? I fear it's just too engrained at this point, sadly.

**************

Please continue to keep Chris, myself and the family in your prayers. It's a slow time of year for a guy who is in the remodeling business. There are good days and bad days, good weeks and bad weeks. Seems nobody wants a bathroom torn up over the holidays, even though it takes less than a week to get it done. I don't want to pray for money to just fall from the sky; I would like prayers that business would continue to come our way so that he can work hard at what he LOVES to do and earn a living.

I should probably leave you for today. I'm going to close with a song that Chris and I just found that we absolutely LOVE. The lyrics, the harmony, all of it - beautiful. Enjoy:

How You Live (turn Up The Music) -
Point Of Grace

Wake up to the sunlight
With your windows open
Don't hold in your anger or leave things unspoken
Wear your red dress
Use your good dishes
Make a big mess and make lots of wishes
Have what you want
But want what you have
And don't spend your life lookin' back

Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
You won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
Cuz it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live

So go to the ballgames
And go to the ballet
And go see your folks more than just on the holidays
Kiss all your children
Dance with your wife
Tell your husband you love him every night
Don't run from the truth
'Cause you can't get away
Just face it and you'll be okay

Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
You won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live

Oh wherever you are and wherever you've been
Now is the time to begin

So give to the needy
And pray for the grieving
Even when you don't think that you can
'Cause all that you do is bound to come back to you
So think of your fellow man
Make peace with God and make peace with yourself
'Cause in the end there's nobody else

Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
'Cause you won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live

'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live

Heroes In Panama & Prayers Needed

I'm back in Tampa! The flight home was pretty much uneventful. We left on time and landed early. I was quite nervous on take-off and landing, of course. Upon landing in Tampa I had the headset on that they give you on the plane. You can choose different radio stations and I had been flipping through various genres and as I was landing I came across the Celtic Women singing "How Can I Keep From Singing". Watching the lights of Tampa, knowing I was almost home, knowing my husband was on this mission that I just can't understand how he's been moved to do to help my sister, and hearing that angelic voice.... it just brought me to tears. It was a good flight.

Chris brought Julie up to the Twelve Oaks Recovery and things there have not gone so well. Her insurance, Tricare, now wonders if Julie's problem is Psychiatric or Substance Abuse. Twelve Oaks program is for Substance Abuse. I think Julie's problem is a good mix of both. Undoubtedly she abuses medications. But, does she do so because she is mentally ill? Or is her mental illness much worse because of the massive doses of medications? Who's to say really?

All I know is that Julie abuses medications like nobody I've ever seen. She doctor shops. She takes medication to sleep, to wake up, to poop, to stop pooping, to feel happy, to stop feeling so happy, she takes medications that makes her hands shake, then medications to stop making her hands shake. Taking Tylenol or Advil never crosses her mind when she's got access to Percocet or Morphine. Even the doctors have told me that she abuses medications. Those same doctors have turned around and given her medications. Funny.

What was supposed to happen was Chris and Michelle were going to drop Julie off at Twelve Oaks and come home. When they arrived however, they were told that they needed to wait an hour until Julie underwent "pre-certification". They talked to Julie for an hour or so to get a "history".

After this history, Twelve Oaks called Tricare and this is when Tricare told them that they didn't think she met the criteria of a substance abuser.

This is when Chris really stepped in. He could probably tell this story better, but I'll try. Chris goes in to talk to the people. He wants to know how it's possible that they could possibly feel this way. He said, "Jeez, she snuck Ativan into Memorial hospital because she needed a fix there, isn't that abuse?" The admissions person said Julie didn't tell them about that.

Then Chris said "What about all of her overdoses? I mean, how can she take 500 prescription pills and nobody think that she has a prescription pill problem??" They said... "She overdosed??"

It became apparent that Julie had not been truthful with them in her meeting.

I should point out here that Julie is not the same Julie that was at my house a couple weeks ago. Dr. Vijapuri has her medicated again, and he has her on TWENTY DIFFERENT PRESCRIPTIONS a day again. Not pills, prescriptions. Every day. She is slurred, unfocused, and just not herself. She slept 7 hours in the car on the way up to Twelve Oaks. Poor thing. Again, I don't think this is Julie's fault. This doctor always medicates her TREMENDOUSLY. Then she gets addicted and can't function without pills.

So, Chris presses Julie further about what she did and didn't tell them. He said, "What about her Ativan? How many a day did she tell you that she takes?" Well, Julie told them that her bottle said to take 2 a day and sometimes she takes 3. Nobody believes that... She takes way more than 3 Ativan a day. She admitted to that.

Then he said "What about her Xanax?" They said that her bottle said to take "As needed" which means she can take them whenever she thinks she needs them. Not good. So, you can't abuse this medication?? Chris said to Julie: "Julie, how many BOTTLES of Xanax do you have in your home right now?" Julie said "Fifteen". FIFTEEN??? Then he said: "Of those 15 bottles, how many different doctors prescribed them?" Julie replied: "Four". But... Julie doesn't think that's a problem, you see. Fifteen bottles. Four doctors. Not a problem?

Chris told them that he really felt that Julie was in denial about her problem and that any history that she gave them would have been inconsistent with the truth. The truth is: Julie has a problem. She abuses medication. She doesn't know how to cope with problems without popping a pill or cutting herself.

They had asked if any of Julie's abuse was documented and Chris told them about my blog. They asked if he could print it so that they could read it. He told them it would be too many pages and many pages would be irrelevant to Julie's prescription problem. But he told her that she could pull up the page (gave her the address) and just do a search on the page for key words such as "Overdose" or "slurred" or "Slurring" or "Medication" or even "Ativan or Xanax or Percocet". She agreed to try and pull up some history from the page. This might help convince Tricare... Who knows.

Julie's mental illness has opened a door that has allowed doctors to come in and overmedicate her and has allowed her easy access to medications that she otherwise probably could never have been given. I understand Tricare's hesitation at not wanting to put a label on this whole thing as "Substance Abuse". I totally get that. But - it's a piece to a big puzzle. For sixteen years Tricare has been dumping hundreds and hundreds of thousands of dollars into treatment that has NOT WORKED for Julie. Why continue to do the same? As a matter of fact, I wouldn't be at all surprised if Julie's prescriptions and hospitalizations have cost Tricare upwards of a million dollars over the years. Maybe if they get her OFF all of the addictive medications she can then clearly focus on getting herself better. Which of course means saving money in the long run, right?

Oh geez. You know what? Now I feel really bad. Julie had asked me if I thought she should go to Memorial Hospital back when she was doing so well. She wanted to get in and get some treatment that she had put off back when she had refused it. I told her it was a good idea. Now.... Now she is back with Dr. Vijapuri on massive doses of medications which have robbed her of her clarity and her mental focus. And I told her I thought she should go. Geez... I really hope Twelve Oaks keeps her and can make her better.

Oh, continuing that story....

So, they wondered if Julie was in denial. They are going to do a medical work-up on her today and call Tricare again and try to talk them into approving treatment. This threw a wrench into a lot of things.... Chris and Michelle had to get hotel rooms to stay over and wait to see if approved and they could come home today without Julie or she was denied and they take her home today. Chris misses another day of work today. Also, Amanda and Gene were to come over today to celebrate his birthday (their day off) but since he won't be here till late tonight, they cancelled. Michelle had a training day today and she had to cancel that trip as well.

All this comes at a time when we really can't afford it. Literally. Chris's birthday, Thanksgiving next week is at my house and I'm supposed to be cooking dinner. Christmas is in a month. Oh Lordy. Two days off work and an unplanned stay in a hotel is not what we need. The last thing we need actually. I'll probably going to end up doing a payday advance before this week is over. I HATE those things. They just stick it to you, ya know?

And I hate even typing that I'm worried about this kind of thing. Chris and Michelle are absolute ANGELS - angels without wings who drove Julie all the way up to Pensacola. They are heroes, who have put her needs above their own.

I'd like to ask for a favor please. Could you all please say some strong prayers today? Say bigtime prayers for Julie... That she will be able to get treatment at Twelve Oaks. That is the most important prayer of all. She needs something. And, if it isn't God's plan for her to get into Twelve Oaks, then pray for Julie to handle things okay when she returns home. Just - big prayers y'all, okay? And while you are praying, please say a quick one that things with us go okay financially. I really am quite worried. I should have faith that God will provide. I think I will go pray about that now....

"That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life - whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn't life more than food, and your body more than clothing? Look at the birds. They don't plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren't you far more valuable to him than they are? Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?

And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don't work or make their clothing, yet Solomon and all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith?

So don't worry about these things, saying, 'What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?' These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.

So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring it's own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today."

Matthew 6:25-34

From Bad To Worse

I'm safely in Chicago, although things actuallly got worse when I got here.

One of the things I neglected to tell you in sharing the story of the plane nightmare was that Tampa International pointed out to me that my Drivers License was expired.

Expired? My license? Couldn't be. Had to be a mistake. Heck, my birthday was in MARCH for goodness sake, EIGHT months ago. How could I possibly have forgotten that for EIGHT months? I've neglected it till the end of the month in the past, sure. But EIGHT months, no. There must be some mistake. Surely I must have done it online and have received the sticker thingy and just have FORGOTTEN to have placed it on the back of my license. That had to be it. I could not possibly have neglected this for EIGHT months.

At the airport they let me through, although I had to go through extra security... What they fondly called the "TSA Tickle". It didn't ticle, let me tell ya. They took out everything I had, swabed every part of my luggage, patted me down, blow tested my clothes in some chamber thingy, threw away my damn toothpaste (although IT was less than 3 ozs, the container it was IN was not, so it had to be tossed.)

Okay, fine. So I have to go through additional security. I'm okay with that. I made a mental note to myself... When I get home, I MUST check on my drivers license.

Although, it hit me when I was in the Hertz tram that I might have a problem renting my car in Chicago. Might??? Yeah....

It was a 30 mile drive from the Airport to my hotel tonight. Then another 5 miles to the training session tomorrow. Then 30 back tomorrow to the airport. A cab could cost me a FORTUNE.

I tried to sweet-talk my way into explaining that I surely had forgotten to put the sticker on the back, it wasn't REALLY expired - but nobody at Hertz bought it. They told me that if I could prove that my license was good, they could rent to me. Otherwise, I'd have to find another form of transportation. They were going to have to call me a cab.

At this point I tried to call Chris but couldn't reach him. Then I called my friend Michelle. I had her log into Florida's Driver's License check and pull up my drivers license number. Sure as heck........ Expired March 13, 2007. ARE YOU KIDDING ME???

At this point I broke into tears. Literally. How could I let this happen? I am usually SO GOOD with this kind of thing. Michelle checks at first and doesn't see where we can renew it online now and I really begin to lose it. I'm realizing the fact that I am in this HUGE city, alone, it's cold, I'm alone, did I mention this place is huge, oh and that I'm alone, and that I have crammed in one day of training, on a very tight schedule, alone, in this big city, and I just feel completely overwhelmed. Michelle checks again and low and behold, you CAN renew it online. She said... "wait a minute, I'm going to get my credit card", and before I could pull myself together long enough to say "what did you just say?" she was done.

Sixteen dollars and literally two minutes later and she had faxed Hertz in Chicago Airport the confirmation that my license was indeed valid.

I am now driivng a PT Cruiser.

It's 11 pm Chicago time - Midnight my time. I have to be in training in 8 hours, and I haven't eaten since lunch. I'm exhausted, I'm cold, I'm tired, and I'm hungry. Oh, and I am ever so thankful that I have a friend like Michelle who stepped in and immediately went into action and helped me with my drivers license. Girl, you are a true friend. Thanks.

I think I'm going to unpack. Kinda funny actually, I only brought one outfit - but I'm kinda funny about that. When I go to a hotel, I always have to unpack. Even though at 7:30 tomorrow morning I'll be checking out.

I ordered pizza. Should be here any minute. Maybe from here on out things will get better. Keep your fingers crossed. :o)

Chicago

I don't think I told you why I was going to Chicago. I have to go for a business trip, flying out Monday afternoon, was to have dinner with the group on Monday night, then an all day training session on Tuesday and I fly home on Tuesday night. Back to work on Wednesday morning. Nothing great... But flying to Chicago even for a day and a half all by myself is pretty exciting I must say.

Although, it's not so exciting right this second. I'm typing this from the plane. The flight was delayed about 30 minutes to begin with. This was a bit of a concern as I was to fly in at 5:15 and meet the group for dinner at 6. Tight, but do-able.

We sat on the runway for a while, which is always a bit uncomfortable. Crying babies, and air blowing out that is anything BUT cool. Ick. Then we start to take off.

I'm not a great flyer. I don't fly much and when I do, I'm usually uncomfortable at take-off and landing. I'm a handle-gripper and breath-holder till we are comfortably safe.

We begin take off and as we start to lift off, all the sudden we drop and the brakes go on, and the flaps on the wings (which I can see clearly from my window seat) flip up. The plane screeches and everyone on the plane begins to panic. A flight attendant comes on to tell us not to worry, everything is fine.

Fine my ass.

I don't mean to curse really (Chris I'm sure will talk to me about that) but you have to realize that I was NOT ready to meet my maker at 3:45 this afternoon. Ya know?

We stopped quickly and pulled off the runway. "Stopped quickly" is putting it mildly. We stopped so quickly that we were smoking and we blew two tires.

Needless to say, the plane is broken and we can't take this plane to Chicago. Something in the panel blinked which freaked out the pilot so he stopped the plane. Quickly. So quickly that it melted two of the tires. Geez Louise.

So, here I sit - still in sunny Florida - on an airplane awaiting further instructions.

I spoke too soon. A plane landed from New York and apparently had no place better to go, so they are using that plane and our crew is taking it and us to Chicago. Yee haw.

I'm now seated on this plane. Patiently awaiting take-off. Oh my goodness... After the last one... I'm pretty darn nervous. I'll tell ya what. Not that it matters to all of YOU, but I'm going to not close out this blog until I am safely in the air. I will let you know once we are up in the air.

Whew... As I type, I'm probably somewhere over Georgia or someplace. My 3:15 flight didn't leave until after 6 p.m., but we are now up in the air and I'm on my way to Chicago.

Please keep Chris and Michelle in your prayers tomorrow as they take Julie to Twelve Oaks. I was thinking about the trip on the way to the airport and it occurred to me that I'm not sure who's going to be able to get the gas Julie needs for her car for the trip. That... And pray for patience for Chris. He's a good hearted soul who has taken on a lot and I'm forever grateful to him for doing so.

One more thing before I go. I wanted to say a BIG HUGE thank you to Katie, Evie and Michelle who came through to help me pull off Chris's birthday party Sunday. You guys are the best and I most certainly could NOT have done it without you. Thank you so much for being there for him... For being there for us. We love you so much.

I should run. Plane ride is getting a bit bumpy.... Ugg. I'll bet I can't post this blog while up here in the plane, but I'll try. I suppose that just means that when this finally sends, you'll know I've safely landed. Albiet more than three hours late.

I'll just be thanking God that I'm safe. Remember to thank God for your blessings.

Off To Chicago

Yes, in 15 minutes or so, I'm in a car headed to the airport and off to Chicago! Yippee! Couldn't go without stopping in to blog real quick first though.

I have many praises to report... Chris had an AWESOME party yesterday. He turned 40 on 11/11 and we had lots of people over the house. Friends, family and Chick-fil-A. It was great. I'd say we had roughly 50 people here - and Chris certainly HAD to know he was LOVED. It was obvious how many new friends we've made since joining VanDyke church. Our circle of friends has grown tremendously and it's been so wonderful. I planned so much - cleaned for 2 days straight - didn't sit down hardly at all on Sunday - spent WAY over budget - but the party was a success.

The other big success is that it is about 99% probable that Julie is going up to Twelve Oaks Recovery tomorrow for a long term treatment program. I don't remember what I last blogged about here so let me quickly fill you in on the details: Originally they were going to have her go to the 90-day program here in Tampa. However, they say that it's a "State-fun facility" and that they really don't feel Julie would 'get that much' out of it really. It's full of really TRULY "crazy people" with no insurance. Twelve Oaks is a very nice facility that is better suited for Julie's kind of condition. However, Twelve Oaks in in Panama City. They wouldn't let her go from Memorial Hospital unless she could convince them that she indeed had a ride from the hospital directly to Twelve Oaks.

Well, who was going to bring her to Twelve Oaks? Who would want to sit in a car for 7-8 hours up and 7-9 hours back?

My husband, the angel, and my good friend, Michelle, volunteered to do just that. Out of the goodness of their hearts.... tomorrow the plan is this: at 6am Chris and Michelle will be at Memorial Hospital and they will pick up Julie. Chris will drive Julie in Julie's car. Michelle will follow them in HER car all the way up to Twelve Oaks. They will drop Julie off at Twelve Oaks then the two of them will drive back to Tampa in Michelle's car, leaving Julie's car at Twelve Oaks so that when she is better and is released, she can drive herself home.

I'm telling you - it HAD to be a God thing for Chris and Michelle to agree to do this. If you could have been there when they volunteered.... it was a Friday night -- we were at my house - cleaning for the big party -- Julie called for the kids and was talking about how she couldn't go to Twelve Oaks because of the drive. Chris just......... said it. "I'll take her". Unreal.

Those of you who may have known Chris and myself 3 years ago -- my goodness -- all I can say is that -- this kind of thing would have never happened 3 years ago. Chris and I have CHANGED in ginormous ways over the past few years. The kids coming to our house. God coming into our lives. Accepting Jesus into our hearts. Living Christian lives. God just came in and took OVER. And, I sometimes catch glimpses like this very one at the table that night -- and I quickly think to years ago what would have happened -- and I just have to laugh. Thank God for where we are -- and laugh, a happy laugh.

ATM

Well, Chris is gone the rest of the week for another beach job. Boy oh boy, it's such a love-hate thing. I try not to get stressed about it because I know it makes HIM stressed, and he is out there working and there isn't a darn thing he can do out there in Treasure Island for me when I'm stressed here in Tampa. So... I try to deal with it. Which means... Blog! So - here goes!

I don't know if I mentioned the Durango broke this weekend. Transmission is slipping, ball joints are torn and worn, power steering is still leaking albeit much less - and now the water pump is out. GREAT. Perfect timing, eh? Chris tells me it's a pretty easy and relatively inexpensive fix (I really do thank the Lord that he can fix all this stuff, he's truly an amazing husband). It's just... He's out of town and so I'm here with no vehicle to drive all the kids around in should we all need to go someplace. I suppose there really isn't anyplace we should need to go - which is a good thing.

So, I almost have a garage again! For Chris's birthday I bought him a HUGE shed. Plenty big enough for him to move everything that he needs for work out of the garage - PLUS tons more room. The plan is that I'll be able to get the little Mustang in the garage. That'll be nice. Since it's a convertible, it doesn't handle the rain so well. So, we'd have a garage with the two red convertibles in it - how cool is that? And Chris would have a big 'ole shed to keep all his tools and work things in. He did a great job framing in the floor and building the shed. It probably took 100 man-hours - we had Chris, Wayne and Justin working on the shed the ENTIRE day on Saturday, sun up until way after the sun went down. Then Chris worked on it a bit alone on Sunday for a little while, and on Monday he and Wayne worked one it all day again. There is still a little bit that needs to be done, but we could start moving things in any time. Course, that brings up the painful memory of the small detail that he's NOT HERE. Sigh.

Speaking of him not being here, Chris is turning FORTY on Sunday. I'm going to have a party for him here at the house. He said he didn't want anything too big, just some friends at the house would be fine. But then, when I ask him if he wants to invite someone he says "well, on YOUR birthday, I'm going to handle all that, you won't need to do anything." I suppose that means he wants me to handle it all, eh? Yeah I think so. I've invited quite a few people over, which always makes me nervous.

Our house... Isn't the cleanest house on the block, ya know? We have all these kids and I just REFUSE to do things that I know they are supposed to be doing. For example, this weekend I spent a lot of time dusting the office. I looked down and the office floors were horrible. Sure, Jonathan took a broom to them every once in a while, but he didn't really get corners or pay much attention to the dust or corners or anything. As a result, the floors, if you really look at them, look awful. Dusting I'll do because that's an 'above and beyond' chore that as a mom I do every week. The floor is their responsibility and I EXPECT them to do it.

That being said, I don't expect them to do it with the same thoroughness that I would -- I myself would get on my hands and knees with a rag, start in one corner and work my way to the other wall until the entire floor was clean. I don't expect that of them, but I do expect to not see dirt, pens, socks, shoes, hair and/or dust balls and other things on the floor untouched AFTER they are done. Ya know?

OIE

Kayte just called. She is in a class called Child Development. They learn all about babies in this class. How to care for a baby and what a HUGE responsibility they are (she even saw a full birth video). So, she just NOW tells me that she has a project that is due tomorrow. She needs me to run to the store to get her:
A 5 lb. bag of Flour
A Newborn baby outfit
A bag of cotton
Size B Pantyhose

Apparently tomorrow they are 'making' a 5 lb. baby. I'm supposed to run right out tonight and buy all this stuff? Really??? One day notice? Funds are TIGHT this month. Chris's birthday.... Thanksgiving... Christmas next month. And I have to BUY an outfit, flour, cotton and pantyhose for a pretend baby? Sigh.....

Speaking of funds being tight, Gwen emailed me today about the kids coming up in December. We discussed renting a car and driving them up, but I found airfare for $250 for all 3 kids. I can't rent a car big enough for all the kids and Chris and I, take it out of state, and buy the gas for less than that. So, we're doing the plane tickets instead. It just makes more sense, ya know?

I can't believe I have to go out after work tonight and buy baby clothes.

So, Justin went home from school sick today. Poor little guy. It's his first sick day home since he's been living with me. I don't let them come home and stay home unless they are running a fever. He had a low-grade fever, but it was enough to where the school nurse asked me to come and get him. Hopefully he'll be better tomorrow. Mister "C" man can't afford days off school. He has NO wiggle-room.

Oh, and he just called claiming to suddenly feel 'all better' and he wants to go play at the park with friends. NO WAY mister! These kids totally do NOT know my sick rules. When you are home sick, you are home SICK. No playing around, no games, no friends, nothing. You stay in bed until you get better. When you are well enough for school, THEN you are well enough to play.

Then I get home tonight - after shopping for all the 'baby stuff' and Justin tells me he needs me to run to Borders to buy him a book. Buy him a book? Today? What???? No, it's just NOT HAPPENING. It's 6pm. I've got to start dinner. I haven't even been in the house 5 minutes. Already they are needing something else. More money. I should have had "ATM" tattooed on me instead of my music note, that's kinda what I'm thinking. Oh, Evie, I'm kidding! But seriously... it's the middle of the month. I'm parenting alone. And SUDDENLY all these needs come up?

To add to the chaos tonight, Jonathan is FURIOUS. He has a D in Spanish which automatically puts him on restriction. His D is because of 3 F's and a D. TWO of those F's were Zeros, so if you ask me, he's pretty darn luck he's got a D right now, not an F. Anyways, he's HATING Spanish right now. He wants out of the class. He said he got the Zeros because he simply doesn't understand it. He's going to the guidance counselor tomorrow to discuss his options - but he's pretty sure they can't take him out until after this 9-weeks is over.

So, what does Jonathan do? Well, he's throwing things, yelling, kicking over a chair, getting all kinds of mad. As if this is anybodys fault other than his own. I mean, I'm really SORRY that he's not getting it, but even he said every single other person in the class is 'getting it' just fine. He simply is not. And that's sad... but is SURE IS NO REASON TO GET ANGRY.

Speaking of bad kids....

Tell me how bad of a daughter I am. I've told EVERYONE to make sure to call my mom today. I've been sending Amanda reminders for days. The kids and I have been talking about it. I keep a google calendar so I get email and text message reminders of things like birthdays.

I usually call when I FIRST get up and sing "Happy Birthday". This morning I awoke at 5 am. No, really. Five this morning - check my Myspace. It was way too early to call her so I got busy doing a zillion other things. Minutes passed into hours.

You see, typically my morning are VERY routine. I get up with the kids sometimes sure just to make sure they are up, but not really 'awake'. I really wake up at about 7:30 when out cat Jinx is barking at the door wanting to come in and be loved for 10 minutes. I let him in at 7:30 and at 7:40 I'm up getting dressed for work and am out the door by 7:45 or so. But not this morning, I think the time change has me out of whack.

Mid-morning I called mom as I usually do for normal chit-chat kinda stuff. Do I remember that I'd FORGOTTEN to call her first thing and sing "Happy Birthday"? No, of course I don't.

So, we are talking and she sneaks in with "So, you are just not going to wish me a happy birthday?"

GULP

How did I let that happen when I was so prepared??? I suppose it's better than last year when I blew a tire on the way to her birthday dinner and showed up SUPER late, dirty, frazzled, and totally unprepared at that point. I mean, really. Sheesh.

So.... Mom... HAPPY BIRTHDAY! This one is for you mommy:

A Wonderful Mother
By: Pat O'Reilly

God made a wonderful mother
A mother who never grows old;
He made her smile of the sunshine,
And He molded her heart of pure gold;

In her eyes He placed bright shining stars,
In her cheeks, fair roses you see;
God made a wonderful mother,
And He gave that dear mother to me.

Capable Teenagers?

Did I say I was going to have more time to blog? Ha ha ha ha ha. That totally didn't happen.

We did find out who broke the laptop though. Justin finally fessed up and told us that he tripped over the cord and it yanked out of the back, tearing out the plug which broke the connector inside and the outside connection. Frustrating. Since Justin confessed, we allowed the other kids to get on the computers and told Justin he could get back on only after he earned enough money to FIX the laptop himself. Consequences. There has be be consequences. Sheesh.

So, I had a GREAT week last week. At my job, my bosses told me that if I did my own 'job', selling enough product to close a job which generated more than $4,000 commission, I would be entitled to a "Fun Day Off" that didn't count towards company vacation or sick days. Sure enough, I recently closed out a job that I did 100% on my own in which I did a buy-resell with enough profit to bring in over $6,000 in profit. So... I got my fun day off!

We decided to go to Orlando and try the Halloween Horror Nights at Universal. We've never been there, we hear it's scary, and there is ALWAYS lots to do in Orlando to spend a day. So, Chris and his partner Wayne and our friend Michelle (who does lots of work for Chris and Wayne's company, almost to the point of being an employee of theirs!) all headed over to Orlando last Thursday.

I was super excited about it because it's not often I just take a day in the middle of the week for just me to do something for ME. It was exciting, I tell ya. I was so looking forward to it.

We left about 10 am. Typically on a Thursday night, we get home about 5:30 and head out at 6:45 for choir practice. We are usually at church singing until the kids go to bed, so they put themselves to bed on Thursday nights. Heck, they are 14, 15, 15 and 16, right?

Knowing that they would be 'unsupervised' outside of what we'd normally have been gone for on a Thursday night only less than 2 hours, it didn't occur to me that I should hire a babysitter. Not for the teenagers of their age. I mean --- really??

Well, maybe I should have! About 4 pm that afternoon my phone started ringing off the hook. I can't get into details of what the fight was about -- but lets just say that Kayte and Justin told Jonathan something that made him very upset and very angry.

Kayte and Justin had at one point in time behaved in such a way that Jonathan felt was more like the way they would have acted when they lived at home with their mother, not in our house. Not on this day, but a while ago and it came up in conversation. Jonathan got mad. He left and went to a friend's house.

In the meantime Justin and Kayte were trying to find him. We knew he had to be at this one friends house and I called his mother. Sure enough he was there. Justin and Kayte didn't' know for sure where he went... so they went looking for him. This entire time Kayla was at work, and was not a part of any of the chaos.

To say that it completely halted my fun would be an understatement. I ended up yelling at kids on the phone, to the point where one time Wayne took the phone OUT of my hands and told whatever kid he was talking to that this was their Auntie Tina's ONE DAY OFF without kids -- to DEAL WITH IT on their own.

Problem is... Justin and Kayte have lived in one world, and Jonathan lived in another. What Kayte and Justin view as 'normal' Jonathan views as horrible. But, it's because of what they were exposed to at such a young age.

Anyways, the whole thing happened while we were in Orlando. I say 'happened' -- although nothing really 'happened' while we were there. They just had an argument. A big argument. As a result, the whole extended family no longer thinks we can leave the teenagers alone ever again. How incredibly frustrating that I can't take a few hours to myself without getting someone to come over and watch the kids... As old as they are.

Family called throughout the evening to find out what was going on at the house. Problem is wires got crossed, someone said they thought Evie was going over there, someone thought Katie was going over to the house. Nobody really needed to go over - but everyone wanted to make sure things were okay.

Tony (Katie's husband) ended up driving over (thank you Tony!) to check in on them right about bed time. Sure enough... the house was clean, the kids peaceful and quiet. Kinda funny when you think about it. But it also gave Tony an opportunity to have a good "Uncle Talk" with them.

Still, it's upsetting to know that I can't leave them alone without worrying that they might get into a fight, or do something, or whatever. We went to a Buccaneers game on Sunday (Thank you Michelle) and you can bet that it crossed my mind multiple times "What are the kids doing? Are they getting into trouble? Are they behaving?"

Sigh

Okay, enough about the kids!

Julie seems to be doing very well. Better than she has done in a VERY VERY VERY VERY long time. She is still lat Memorial Hospital but has been approved for a long-term stay at Northside Treatment center for a 90-Day treatment program. She will be there over Christmas, can you believe it? I'm so happy that she is doing so well.

I keep finding the need to remind myself though that she still has a mental illness... She will always have a mental illness. It is very easy to think "it's over, she's better!" which would not be a good thing. She still has issues, and she always will - she just needs to deal with them appropriately and quickly as they come up. I mean... As well as I thought she was doing this whole month, I found out that she snuck in some medications into the Mental ward (Valium-type meds). She's trying, and she's doing GREAT. But she will always have problems that she's going to need to deal with and fight. Hopefully they'll give her the tools to do that in the long-term treatment center.

*********************

I should really run. I've been working on this blog all day and it's probably a bit disjointed because of it. Sorry about that. I will ask that you all say a prayer for me - Chris is leaving again for another beach job tomorrow. Good money, and he's getting great referrals as a result. It's just tough not having my better half home. He helps me in every way each and every day.