Schedules, Cats, Seizures, and VA

It’s been a busy week.

The kids got their schedules for school. Some of them have pretty tough schedules:

Justin has American History Honors, Chemistry Honors, Spanish 2, English 3 and Trigonometry. Tough schedule! Kayte has Drivers Ed this nine weeks, along with a pretty balanced schedule of English, Geography, Science, World History, and ROTC. Kayla also has a nice balanced schedule with History, English, Geography, Science, math and ROTC. Kayla, Justin and Kayte are all three still in “reading” classes I assume because of their FCAT scores. They have been in these basic reading classes since they’ve been living here. Jonathan has a nice schedule: Algebra 2, Drama, English 2, Science 2, World History Honors, Piano/Keyboarding, and Chorus. He needs to get out of Drama though and get into Spanish 2… I know he doesn’t ‘want’ to… but he doesn’t want to let a year go by and completely forget everything he learned last year. Plus if he and Justin were both in Spanish 2, that would be kinda cool. Maybe they could help each other.

I can’t believe we are going to have three kids with learners permits. Chris was asking Jonathan why he didn’t get Drivers Ed this nine weeks. Jonathan explained to me that he’d have to drop either Chorus or Spanish to get it. I understand – not to mention I’m in NO hurry to have all four of them driving! LOL

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We should ask for prayers for our God daughter, Isabella. Last week she had another seizure. She has these seizures whenever she runs a high fever. I had them when I was a baby as well. They call them febrile seizures and there really isn’t much you can do for them, although they are only supposed to last a few minutes at the most.

Last week, Isabella felt a little warm. My sister Katie had a feeling that she was going to have a seizure… just a gut feeling. She laid her down under a fan instead of in her crib. Sure enough – she started to seize. Katie and Tony took her to an after hours pediatric clinic. She was still having the seizure when they arrived there. Checked her in, brought her in the back – the whole time, still having the seizure. Can you even imagine? I sure can’t…. The whole thing was over 5 minutes which is a long time for one of these types of seizures.

Well – a long story longer – as my husband always points out, the way I like to tell stories – little Isabella has been to the clinic, to the doctor multiple times, to two different hospitals (St. Joes and Tampa General) and finally we know what is wrong with her.

First, the MRI showed that she had a serious ear infection and sinus infection. But, why won’t the antibiotics help her fever? That has been the question that has gone unanswered until Tampa General ran the one test that came back positive: Influenza. Little 11-month old Isabella has the flu.

Poor baby. :o(

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Oh, quick note on this. I have a cat who is addicted to TV. Grace will sit here all day long and watch TV now. At first it was just this bird show... I think it's the one from Planet Earth or something. It's in HD so it's super high quality. No talking - just birds. Yeah, she totally watches that show. But now, she'll sit here and watch whatever we are watching - all the time. Right now she's watching a commercial. Glued to the tube. Right in front of the TV. It's totally funny.

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The VA letter finally came in!

Good news and bad news. Good news because they finally moved on it. I mean, heck, it’s been since what? January?? Yeah… it’s about time they took a look at it.

Bad news is – they asked all kinds of questions: How much money do I make? What are my bills? Do they kids make any money? How much is my electric bill? How much is my grocery bill? Water bill? Phone bill? House payment? Crazy stuff. I mean… honestly…. Does it MATTER what I make? As it turns out, we are just barely making ends meet (although some months we have extra and some months we don’t make it), so I think we’ll be okay. I mean, we are not rolling in the dough. But honestly, it’s the KIDS money, and they should be getting it regardless of what it is I make.

I did get to write a statement to go along with the financials, so maybe it’ll be enough.

Here is part of what I put in that letter:

Currently my husband and I work all the time and take care of all these kids, while Julie works a day or two a week and collects this check which was enough for her to survive – so, why work? I tell you, it’s just not right! Part of that money should be going towards things the kid’s need, the way that Ron intended when he died.

When I called the VA the first time, I was told that we were not allowed to have the money that they were sending to their mother. I was told that “she would have to decide to cut us a check” every month. That was before I was given permanent custody and I didn’t realize after I was given permanent custody that it meant things would change. It wasn’t until someone told me to call the VA because they really felt that the kids deserved this money. I was then told by a staff member of the VA that the kids should be getting this money now that I had legal permanent custody.

Julie has never sent any of this money over to the children, and for years she has been getting this money, spending it only on herself. I am trying to raise them on my income, knowing that she is getting Ron’s benefits and spending them on herself, not her children. It just feels terribly wrong knowing I work full time all day all night non-stop while she sits at home and just collects the check every month knowing she didn’t ‘really’ need to work because the money would just come to her.

I’m aware that we ‘make’ more money than my sister. But it takes a TON of money to raise these kids. We care for a family of seven… my own son, my father-in-law after his stroke, my husband, myself and these three precious children. They have bills such as dental, prescriptions, the clothes they need, their school expenses are unbelievable and the food they eat is surreal. Sure, Julie should get surviving spouse benefits. But the children should have their portion split out and sent to them. If nothing else, we can get them the things they need.

I should run. Chris is starting a new job tomorrow - a commercial job. They have done a lot of home jobs, but never commercial - this is a first for them. They are building a new Coach store at the mall and he's going to be a carpenter there. We really needed this job.... and it came at just the right time. Please keep us in your prayers. Pray for the family, and for Chris and I to continue to make it through this difficult time.


Pressure is a word that is misused in our vocabulary.
When you start thinking of pressure,
it's because you've started to think of failure.
Tommy Lasorda

Rotten Horrible Day

I can't begin to tell you how horrible my day is today.

As I sit here and type this, it's hard not to cry - that's how bad my day today has been.

I thought it was going to be a good day. The kids went to bed late - VERY late. They have been 'told' to go to bed at midnight, and they do go upstairs at midnight, but they've been in their rooms up later than that. Chris didn't get to bed until after 2 am. But at 8:30 this morning my alarm clock went off and I got up for church.

I went in to make sure the kids were getting up. Jonathan wanted to get up at 8:45, which is late for him - he usually needs an hour to get ready. Church starts at 9:30. We all got ready to go... heck I had makeup on and everything... even eye liner! But Jonathan wasn't quite there. He looked horrible, his shirt was wrinkled - it looked like he just rolled out of bed. Chris told him to go iron his shirt and he'd wait for him.

Everyone else was in the car, but Chris came out and told me to go to church without him and he and Jono would follow. Well, I figured we could all be late together by just a few minutes. That shouldn't be a biggie. I went upstairs to check on Jonathan and Jono got really angry, banging the iron into the rug out of anger.

This started the bad morning. Chris came up and an argument ensued. Julie, Kayla, Justin, Kayte, and Kayla were all still waiting in the car -- thinking Jonathan was just going to quickly iron a shirt. I went out and told them that we were not going to make it to church this morning. Chris and Jono were really angry with one another. Sigh.

Julie couldn't keep her eyes open the rest of the morning, and fell asleep for much of the rest of the morning while Chris and Jono worked things out. Later, Kayla came down and said something to Julie about the money she owed her. Chris asked "what money.... for what?" Julie explained that Kayla asked her to bring over some hot fries (some chips) and that she would pay her back. (I should note here that it was 5 bags for less than $6) The kids really like to ask Julie to bring something... candy (some Lucas/Mexican candy) or now these hot fries. I think they just like knowing their mom will bring them something every once in a while.

Chris said "Julie, you are not REALLY going to make her pay you for that, are you?" Julie said that yes, she wasn't working very much, and Kayla asked her to buy them, so yes - she was going to expect to be paid for it. Chris said "Julie, don't make me say here in front of the kids why you know you should buy them at least $5 or $6 worth of chips." Julie looked puzzled.

So I said it. I said ... "Julie, you get freaking $600 a month from the VA that BELONGS TO THE CHILDREN. You know it. I know it. The VA knows it. It's just a matter of time before they finally get the paperwork right and start sending it over to them. If she wants to you take a few freaking dollars and get her a bag of chips, you should do so... happily."

Julie explained that she was saving that money. Well, hell, I don't care if she's putting it in a tree, or sending it by plane to a safe on the moon. The fact is it's HERS. She's not putting it away for them. So it doesn't matter.

She agreed, reluctantly, to not take the money from Kayla. Although I'm not sure she totally understands why this is the right thing to do. I'm not sure that her mind grasps it.

So -- there was that. Then.... well.... Chris has been snapping all day. Working around the house, but just.... upset. Little things upsetting him. Then he'll half-hearted apologize to me. And I just continue to cry inside.

So here I sit. Five minutes to five. Knowing I have to put on my happy face and get in there and cook dinner. It's going to be a great dinner. Calypso Chicken with Island Peas and Rice. Another great Publix Apron's meal.

But Jonathan is upset. Chris is upset. I've cried off all my eyeliner. And I missed the sermon at church today on Stinky Feet. Okay, that's probably the best part of my day... I hate feet.

You cannot escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today.
Abraham Lincoln

Rolling Along

Things are still rolling along here in the Rhocchini house.


I'm still stressed beyond words. Worried about things - Chris getting LLC jobs, the kids need so much to get ready for school, the kids -- well -- they have so much teenage stuff going on.

Justin is playing Football for Gaither this year. Here is just HIS schedule... Monday practice @1, Tuesday practice @ 1, Wednesday a game after work sometime, Thursday practice @ 7 am, Friday practice @ 7 am and Saturday a game sometime in the morning. Not that it consumes my schedule or anything (HA!) -- SIX DAYS A WEEK? That's just ONE of the kids.

This means that most days of the week, I get up in the morning and go to work, and instead of coming home for work for an hour lunch, I get more along the lines of 15 to 20 minutes and I have to turn around and take him (and usually one of his friends) to practice. Fortunately he has a friend who takes him to his games twice a week. I used to do that, but it got REAL old REAL quick.

Kayla is happy with her job, but is applying for jobs at the mall. She just LOVES clothes, so I get that part of it... but the girl doesn't have a CAR, therefore she can't get there! OIE. Justin has sort-of applied for jobs... but he knows that he doesn't have a lot of time with school starting and him being in football. Then today Kayte applied for a job at Publix, because she feels like she needs money too. They just can't be happy being "kids" for as long as they can... they want to get out and work. Ah... I remember that feeling.

We had a big issue with Kayla's job the other day. She was short in her drawer and they took it out of her paycheck. This has happened before, and year-to-date total, according to her check, was about $75 that they have taken away from her earnings. Chris and I have a couple of problems with this: One that they are taking money out of her check because her drawer was short, when she is not the only one who has access to the drawer at all times. Just this last check, her manager GAVE her $20 because she had actually run Kayla's register all day. Secondly, they can't take away money that she has earned. If her drawer is short, they can repremand her, write her up, pull her off the drawer and put her on the grill, or even fire her. But they can't take away money that she has earned per-hour. Do they GIVE her money when her drawer is over? No... of course they don't. Lastly, they pay her, tax her on what she made, then take it away from her. This is just wrong on so many levels.

Friday Chris and I went over to McDonalds to talk to a manager to ask them to stop doing this immediately. She was a new manager to this store... in her store she came from, they didn't do this. She said that she would speak to the head manager and see what could be done.

Is it just me? Isn't this just wrong??

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So Wedneday, Julie asked if she could come over. I had told her no... we have stuff going on every day of the week pretty much. Although Julie wasn't working and she was bored - we had tons of stuff going on. Kayte was away babysitting, Kayla was home, Justin was at the game, Jonathan and Chris were going to Quartet practice. Kayla was supposed to have a boyfriend come over. Actually, he wasn't really a boyfriend, he liked her - but she didn't like him - but just hadn't yet told him. But that's another story all together.

First thing to do was to make dinner real fast so that Chris and Jono could go to quartet practice at 7. I made and AMAZING dinner, if I do say so myself, and it was ready by 6:30. We had Chicken Carbonara, a Publix Apron's meal. I LOVE those Apron's meals you get recipes from at Publix. They are so easy and taste GREAT. Anyways... we had dinner and Chris and Jono left - so I thought I'd call Julie to see if she wanted to come over for some cake.

Yeah, in the midst of all this chaos (remember there is a not-really-boyfriend here as well), we even had time to bake a cake. Go figure.

So, I talked to her to see if she wanted to come over for some cake. She was THRILLED. This was about 8:30 pm, and she came right over. Problem was... she had taken her night meds. This was pretty funny. She was SO happy to be over, but she was falling asleep sitting up. Literally sitting in the chair and she would just fall asleep.

Watching "So You Think You Can Dance" and all the sudden..... SNNNOOORREEEEE....... gosh it was soooo funny.

So, if I ever call her again and invite her over for a snack, I'll have to remember to ask her first... "did you take your night medicine yet?" Because, let me tell ya, the thought of her driving like that is SCARY. Lucky though it wasn't very far.

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My mom is gone for a few weeks. She is on a quest to find her (our) family. Her grandmother was from Novia Scotia and, from what I remember my mom telling me, the family sent her grandmother to Amercia, but not the rest of the family. I don't know why... I'm sure I'll hear lots more later. But mom and her two sisters went to see what family history they could find.

They have founds LOTS of stuff while there. Family members that they didn't know they had... the graveyard where thier great-great-grandmother was buried. That would be Jonathan's great great great great grandmother. How COOL is that? The town they are in now has 3,000 people in it, which blows my mom's mind away. Tampa General, where she works, has 5,000 employees. This entire town has 3,000 people? The other day some person just invited them into their home. Course, they all speak French. I think the town she is in is called Cheticamp. She has even managed to find the old family home. The home our great great great grandmother lived in. Just........ wow.

She is sending emails down when she can... very cool stuff. The country, she says, and the people are just wonderful. It sounds so wonderful. I always thought of myself as half Italian, half Irish. But my mom's mom's family was from Novia Scotia. I'm part French-Canadian? How cool is that?

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For all those that are asking, no I still haven't heard anything from the VA about the kids money they are supposed to be sending to them. It's frustrating. Frustrating because they think and have told me that they can just take their time. Not knowing when we are going to get that extra money for the kids... it's just irritating. We could be buying them clothes for school. School supplies. Instead, I'm clipping coupons and eating leftovers for days.

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Another thing I keep thinking about, and I know I've said it before, I really want to get our wedding rings either re-done or new ones. I'm watching a TV show right now and I can tell the woman who is doing the designing is married. SHE has a wedding band on. Me? No, apparently I'm not. Sigh.....

For those who didn't read that blog, we bought our wedding rings when we were 17 years old. When we got 'engaged'. At 17 and 18, they fit just fine. Flash foward... now we are 40 and they just don't fit like they used to.

It bugs the crap out of me.

Next month, August 31, will be our 22nd wedding anniversary. We are going to Orlando to a big barbershop convention (Jonthan and Chris are singing in their father-son quartet) Will anyone there even know we are married? Unless they KNOW us, no they won't.

And it just BUGS me.

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So, for the Barbershop convention.... the guys were asked to sing at this BIG convention for barbershoppers. What an honor!

Check 'em out.... go here: http://www.ldj.moonfruit.com/#/showstickets/4521166681

And check out the picture "Genetix" -- that's my boys! On the same show as OC Times, Gatorland, State Line Grocery, Rounders, and Wise Guys!! What an HONOR!

We are going to drive up on Friday after work, sleep over, then on Saturday they sing. Sunday (our actual Anniversary) is the big show, and Monday we go home. The cool thing about this Labor Day Jamboree is that it's very "family friendly". There are always tons of things for everyone to do, although Kayla, Justin and Kayte won't be coming with us - Barbershop is just NOT their thing. Then at night, everyone hangs out by the pool and sings "tags" all night. Tags are the very end of a song... and four people get together and sing those tags... all night long. LOVE it.

Gosh I miss barbershopping.

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I really shoud run. I think we are going to jump in the pool. The Rays are playing but are rained out, which means it's going to be a VERY late night.

Please keep us in your prayers. Prayers for Chris's job (and CALL him if you need some work done!) and prayers that I will stop being so darn worried.

A bird does not sing because it has an answer. It sings because it has a song. - Chinese Proverb

The Joys, The Troubles

I should be posting more often. I know, I know.  My sister Katie keeps calling to remind me of this - all the time. 

 

I'm stressed.  Stressed and worried.  Stressed because Chris has had the back pain for a couple weeks and work isn't what it needs to be.  We need him to have a couple LLC jobs to keep the bills paid at home.  (LLC jobs being the big remodeling type jobs as opposed to small handyman type jobs.)  It was good that he wasn't working as hard when his back was hurting... but.... it's just........... I dunno. When you own your own business it's scary.  There is no first and fifteenth of the month.  No routine paycheck.  It's whenever the jobs roll in.  And they aren't rolling in right now.  The economy is bad right now, and people are just not spending money to remodel their homes. 

 

I'm worried because school is starting in about a month. Four weeks from today actually.  Gwen is going to send some money down for Kayla, Justin and Kayte to go get some school clothes.  That just leaves Jonathan.  Poor Jonathan... who hardly ever seems to have a lot of clothes.  He needs shoes, pants and shirts.  He is growing like a weed, and he knows it.  His nana wanted to take him shopping a few weeks ago and he didn't want to go because he knew he might grow more before school started.  Smart boy!   But August 18th school starts and he's going to need some clothes. But I don't have any money set aside for that... and I should have thought about it.  My mind races back to that shopping trip I had to Stein Mart for my own shirts a month or two ago.  DANGIT. Selfish.  I wish I could take them back.  Why couldn't I think of this then?  I'd need that money for HIS school clothes. Selfish Tina.

 

And lest we forget the school supplies.  Lots and lots of school supplies.  Two 10th graders, two 11th graders.  God... are you kidding me?  Oh, His sense of humor!  But we do have some things left over from last year, so we just have to do an assessment of what we have and what we need.  The kids always need pencils.  I don't know what they do with them.... but they always go through pencils.  I learned a long time ago that those automatic pencils are a waste of time because they lose them.  Just the standard #2 pencils work just fine. 

 

And I'm really trying not to blog about it all because the minute I blog about how stressed I am over this kind of thing, two things happen.  My husband goes into protect mode and my family and some friends go into judgment mode. Chris will try to tell me it'll be okay... he always does.  But some things he just can't do on his own -- maybe if some of my blog readers... someone from Church, or family members who may know someone who needs a paint job or a bathroom or kitchen work done, or whatever -- give me a call or drop me an email.  Then the family/friends - I know it's normal.  Heck, I do it too.... whenever someone says they are struggling it's natural to look at what they are doing and find ways that you know they could cut back.  Cut back your cable. Cut out the water cooler.  You get your nails done?  I know ~ I know... I do it too.  But we are not struggling normally... it's just a 'right now' kind of thing really.  I suppose it's "fixers" that want to jump in.  I'm a 'fixer' by nature.  I hear a problem and my mind goes to ways to try and help that person or ways in which I can suggest that person help themselves.  I hear there are actually "listeners" out there who just listen to people.  Listen and don't suggest or judge.  Imagine that.  LOL 

 

I've just kept my mouth shut... kept this all bottled up inside.  I know Chris knows that I'm worried - and we just don't talk about it.  It's the "unspoken".  But -- there.  I said it. :o(

 

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Chris and I went to Church again this week.  It's only the second time we've been in probably a month and a half.  Since they big changes to the music ministry that Chris and I are no longer a part of. 

 

I tell you, it's just odd.  It's odd to go there and praise and worship and just not feel that JOY inside that I used to feel.  That happiness.  That energy inside of me that just wanted to get out of me and tell the whole world about Jesus through music.  It's just................. gone.  And it makes me SO SAD. 

 

I miss music something terrible.  I miss being a part of something bigger and better.  I miss GIVING to people through music.  I miss that joy.  I feel like that has been plucked out of me, and dangit, I want it back.

 

Part of me wonders if I should go back to Toast of Tampa.  I know I would be SO HAPPY singing there.  But it would be expensive.  $40 a month.... minimum.  Then costumes, and when they go to International next year (which will be in Nashville).... that will cost more money.  But ~ man oh man I miss it.  And... I realize now that I miss the JOY of singing more than I miss the actual singing.  I miss the gift of giving my music... not just MY voice, but my voice combined with something else making it much more, much better than anything I could ever do on my own, and giving THAT to someone else.  That..... that is what I miss. 

 

I should run.  I have to go home for lunch.  More later Katie.  I promise!

 

Nothing is permanent in this wicked world - not even our troubles.
- Charlie Chaplin

 

 

Five More Minutes

So sorry it's been so long. So much is going on here, and I keep meaning to get online and tell you about it. This blog will probably be a little 'dis-jointed' as I'll try and go back and hit a few highlights of the past few weeks that I've been meaning to blog about. I'll " *** " so you know when I'm changing subjects. :o)

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Fourth of July was pretty uneventful for us. It was the first 4th of July that we haven't done anything or gone anywhere in, gosh, I think our entire marriage. At first we kind of were hopeful to do a little something even if it were for the weekend (a Friday/Saturday/Sunday beach trip), but it just didn't pan out. After the tenting and the screens and everything else we've done in the house... we simply couldn't see spending the money on it. Plus, we had this beautiful back yard - bug free - new screens - the pool looks GREAT because we got a new pool pump - the house has new paint everywhere inside - heck... we might as well enjoy our 4th of July HERE, right?

Well, as it happened to turn out, planning our weekend at home turned out to be a good idea. A couple of days before that Chris got hurt really bad. He had gone to take Justin to football practice at 6:35 in the morning then came back to bed. At 7:30 an alarm went off and Chris turned over to kiss me good morning. With that, he had a tremendous muscle spasm in his neck. He was screaming, dropped to the floor, and groveling around trying to figure out what to do. There was no making this any better. odd that - with as much hard labor as he does in remodeling and tile work - he pulled his back out kissing me good morning. Ah.... God's sense of humor again. Love it.

I took off work that morning and took him to the doctor. They gave him some muscle relaxers, Ibuprofen and something for pain. It took over a week for him to truly get any better. But he is finally feeling better.

So, although I had hoped we could spend the day together as a family - here's what really happened on the 4th. The kids did their own thing.... Chris slept much of the day as he could barely move, and I floated in the pool. But everyone did come together to enjoy dinner, which was nice. We grilled out some steak and it was great!

Oh, and this is funny.... so I overhear one of the kids talking about the 4th of July and how it's to celebrate the military. I said... "what exactly do you think we are celebrating today??"

Let me tell you -- not ONE SINGLE KID in this house knew what the 4th of July was celebrating. I heard things like: "Independence from Guatemala" and "When the Pilgrims came", "when Christopher Columbus found America" and "Independence from China". Not one single person here... three kids on honor roll, two now in 10th grade and two in 11th.... not one of them knew what we were celebrating on the 4th of July.

Course, when Julie came over on Sunday, I asked her the same question and she didn't know either. Jeez Louise. Scary stuff. What the heck???????

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Kayla has been working a lot this summer. Her 'goal' was to try to work this summer to be able to get a car. Not just because she wants a 'car', but for the freedom that comes from having a car. You know how it is at her age. Although Chris and I didn't want any of the kids to get their licenses until after they turned 18... she will be 18 in January. The way we figured it, if she works hard this summer, she can save enough to buy a car outright. Continue working and she can save for things like insurance.... gas money... tags.... etc.

Well, she keeps 'telling' us that she has all this money in the bank. But in reality she's been really bad about saving, and we've tried different things to help her. Initially, when she got the account, she would overdraw. So... she cut up her card. Now, in order to get money - she had to go to the bank and actually cash or deposit her check. But what would happen is she would put money in... then a few days later go in and take money out. Working as much as she has this summer... all she has saved is $120 as of Friday. Sad.

So, on Friday while home for lunch, I had a talk with her. I told her that I was concerned. I knew that when she turned 18 she really wanted a car. But, with her lack of saving - it just wasn't going to happen. I told her that I would be more than happy to help her save. I could take her checks, put them in an account where she couldn't walk in and get what she wanted any time, and just give her whatever spending money she wants every week.

She flat-out said no. She was good. She'd be fine. No problem. Shut me down fast and hard.

Alrightie then.

Well, as it happened, it rained something horrible later that day. Lightening strikes everywhere, rained buckets for a long period of time, most people kept losing power off and on during the storm. Where was Kayla during this storm? Walking to work.

My phone rings about 3 or so and she is crying hysterically. She was walking and the storm started when she was half-way there. She had been outside trying to figure out what to do for the past hour. She was now late for work. She called everyone else she could think of for help first. Lightening was striking all around her, she was wet and afraid. Of course, I jumped in my car and ran to get her - taking her the rest of the way to her work.

I didn't give her a big 'ole "I told you so" about a car... but what I did do is tell her that -- maybe God was trying to show her something. Maybe this horrible storm this afternoon was God's way of asking her to re-think her ideas on saving. And I was just going to leave it at that. And I did.

That afternoon she put $250 in the bank. Course, I don't know if she'll keep it in there or not, but we'll see.

And for those of you out there thinking it.... Chris and I don't believe in FORCING a child to save. If we did 'force' her to save enough for a car -- lets say she did buy it at 18. Then she is still totally irresponsible with money because that's just how she is. Well, now she has this car in the driveway, and the insurance payment is due... but no money in the bank because she's 18 now and I can't FORCE her anymore to save her money. So - have I really helped her? No, I don't believe so. For now... I want to encourage her to SAVE her own money, and offer to help her in ANY way that I can. Hold it for her. Open another account for her. But we'll never stop trying to stop TEACHING her how to help herself. Not until she's out of our house anyways.

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So, Julie started back to work on Friday. This is really good for her... and good for us. She's been doing really well - but at the same time I'm still waiting for the other shoe to fall. The other day she was slurring her words - she'd taken some meds. I hear she took a couple Flexaril (one Flexaril - a muscle relaxer - put Chris to sleep for hours), her Effexor and some Fioricet for a headache. Lots of stuff to make you loopy. But she's really doing so much better right now... I can't say too much about one day being loopy and slurring.

One of the things that I can say about when I get nervous about when the other "shoe is gonna fall' is that sometimes she can get a bit obsessive. I can tell you that on the 10th of this month she called the house 7 times in one day and called the kids at least once or twice on their cell phones. This is the same day, I believe, when she was taking the meds. This is when my gut starts telling me 'watch out'!

But she's been doing really well. Let's hope if things do start to turn for her that she gets help quickly and doesn't wait till it's too late.

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One of Kayla's friends just came to the house. I tell ya, what is the MATTER with parents today? This girl has been in a lot of trouble already. Failed a grade due to just not going to school. She's been in fights. She's just... gotten into quite a bit of trouble.

Tonight she is going to Club Sky in Ybor City. Club Sky? As in... the BAR?? I asked Kayla about it... she told me "she's going to a party with 20 or 30 of her friends". I said, "Kayla, she's going to a BAR, NOT to a PARTY. Let's call it what it is."

Oh.... I should mention that she is FIFTEEN.

Headed to the bar, with 20 friends or so.... and she is FIFTEEN. Where is her MOM? Why is this okay?? Why is Kayla letting her borrow clothes and not telling her that she should not be going to bars??? I'm going to tell Kayla that right now. She'll think I'm old... but I don't care. Let's see how this goes over.....

Like a ton of bricks. "Everyone does it Auntie Tina!" Oh well, still doesn't make it right. I call 'em like I see 'em. And right is still right. Legal is still legal. And moral is moral.

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Justin lost another one of his licenses and another wallet. This makes his 3rd wallet lost and the second time he's completely lost his drivers license. Unreal. If that boy's head wasn't attached, I swear he'd lose it. It's amazing. We even bought him a wallet with a chain so that he could chain it to his pants. Guess it didn't work so well. Sigh.....

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Julie is all moved into her new apartment. The apartment is much smaller than her home, of course. But - for Julie and what she needs, it's really perfect. It has a bedroom, just large enough to hold her bed, a dresser and TV. She has the bathroom, a little walk-in closet, then there is the living room and kitchen area.

It was -- odd -- moving Julie. On one hand I was SO PROUD of her because she had done a super great job of getting everything she needed gone sold and things that needed to be put in boxes were put in boxes. On the other hand, she had so little left. Much of what was Ron's was stolen or given away at some time or another. It's hard to explain... what was once a house - built by Julie and Ron personally, full of happy memories, so full of kids and family, was now... so empty.... dusty.... dirty............. It was really difficult at times.

I can only imagine that this has to have been really difficult for Julie as well. Exciting - and yet difficult as well.

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Saving Grace is starting again this week - I'm so excited. I just love this series, in an odd sort of way. I love it that TBS is bringing a show about God and an Angel helping a woman who is very edgy and does things that 'real people' actually do all the time. Curse, smoke, casual sex. I think it's an edgy show and I just love it.

My absolute favorite part of the show last year was when a guy converted to Islam. He's talking to Earl (God's angel) about his conversion and about how he's not going to worship God anymore, he's going to now start worshiping Allah. As the guy shuts his eyes and prays, he expected Earl to disappear -- but he didn't. Earl explained that God was the One. The Almighty. The Only. Call Him whatever you want... He is what He is - God. The guy could call him whatever he wanted, God would always be there to listen.

I liked that. A lot. :o)

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I really should run -- I wanted to leave you with this story tonight. It's about spending time with those you love.

Just Five More Minutes
Author Unknown

While at the park one day, a woman sat down next to a man on a bench near a playground.

"That's my son over there," she said, pointing to a little boy in a red sweater who was gliding down the slide.

"He's a fine looking boy" the man said. "That's my daughter on the bike in the white dress."

Then, looking at his watch, he called to his daughter. "What do you say we go, Melissa?"

Melissa pleaded, "Just five more minutes, Dad. Please? Just five more minutes."

The man nodded and Melissa continued to ride her bike to her heart's content. Minutes passed and the father stood and called again to his daughter. "Time to go now?"

Again Melissa pleaded, "Five more minutes, Dad. Just five more minutes."

The man smiled and said, "OK."

"My, you certainly are a patient father," the woman responded.

The man smiled and then said, "Her older brother Tommy was killed by a drunk driver last year while he was riding his bike near here. I never spent much time with Tommy and now I'd give anything for just five more minutes with him. I've vowed not to make the same mistake with Melissa.

She thinks she has five more minutes to ride her bike. The truth is, I get Five more minutes to watch her play."

Life is all about making priorities, what are your priorities?

Give someone you love 5 more minutes of your time today!

Anywhere But Here

I have to tell you - I have a TON to blog about. I'm frustrated to no end. I love Julie to death -- but her living close to us is going to have it's... side effects. She's already calling a lot more and wanting to come over a lot more.

I tried to set the ground rules up front. But more on all of this later.

I haven't blogged in a while - but I did write a poem.

I was moving Julie and thinking about how LITTLE she has left of what she and Ron had while they were together. Then I was thinking about how all of Julie's life she's spent running away from things... trying to be anywhere but where she was. What a horrible childhood she had. Then I noticed how much her kids do the same thing... trying so hard to run away from where they are into what they think they want. Never looking at what they have, always looking at what they want.

A phrase kept coming into my mind -- and thus this poem came to mind. If you hate it, remember, a poem person I am NOT.

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Anywhere But Here

by: Tina Rhodes

Julie was so young and could never get enough
Love, affection, hugs weren’t enough - Sex with any man or boy
Abused, neglected, put-down, picked-on, using drugs…
A childhood with no real joy.

A childhood runaway, raped and beaten
Come home to “tough love”, a parent’s worst fear
Not knowing she was mentally ill,
But oh how Julie wanted to be – anywhere but here.

Living on her own, she worked so hard
But still with that aching need for affection and love
All the wrong men at the wrong time
Abusing and using her in every way you can think of.

A child was conceived with an unknown father.
Julie knew the only thing to do was clear
To raise a child with any hope of future
She had to raise it - anywhere but here.

A new life born, a new man Ron.
A better life – he’d make her his wife.
But the mental illness kept showing up
With him overseas, this caused great strife.

Three children born, a husband overseas, it didn’t take long
Mom constantly depressed or manic, smoking pot, and in the hospital all the time
Department of Children and Families eventually called in
To see if there was indeed some type of crime.

It seemed best, they thought at the time
For them to be totally free and clear –
Send the children up to live with Grandma and Grandpa in Maryland –
Anywhere but here.

Julie and Ron would join them later, In Maryland they’d live.
Julie still frequently in the hospital, to be clear:
When the family would call to ask how she was we were told
She was… anywhere but here.

Doctors. Bathroom. Shopping. Went to get dinner. Out with a friend.
Looking back it’s rather clear,
All of Julie’s life has been about living
Anywhere but here.

Now I’m raising her children. Teenagers – it’s normal I know.
They all have that keen ability to want to live anywhere but where they are.
Part of me wonders what the normal teenager behavior is –
And what is left over from mom’s emotional scar.

Swim, spend the night, sleep over, just hang out and chill –
They always want to go out with their friends
Myspace, text messaging, picture messaging, chatting, hanging out at the park –
All the new hang-out trends.

In such a hurry to get jobs: get money, get your own place, move out
To start life out quickly but in arrear,
For starting out without college because you wanted to be
Anywhere but here.

It has to be hard for them – they have lost so much
A father who died at such a young age - thirty eight.
A mother mentally ill, in the hospital so much hurting herself
Then being taken away from home, they must have been irate.

I can understand them looking around their lives at times:
Daddy is so sick… has five years to live – heart full of drear –
How many times did they think…
Anywhere but here.

Daddy is so sick, his eyes are so bloody
It must be that he is full of fear.
Surely they had to think…
Anywhere but here.

Mommy won’t stop cutting herself
Slicing and dicing her stomach, wrists, arms and legs – without even a tear
Surely they have to think…
Anywhere but here.

Mommy keeps overdosing on pills
Taking so many pills her words become unclear
Surely they have to think…
Anywhere but here.

Overdosing to the point where she was on a respirator – life support,
Still she snorted and took what pills she felt she had left ‘because it was here’
Surely they have to think…
Anywhere but here.

Yet, “here” is all we have.
To live in the moment, live in the now.
We have to see the goodness and the joy
Through the hurt and the pain, somehow.

God has charged me now with raising these kids
His words and vision is very clear
Keep them safe. Teach them well. Love them even though they wish
They were anywhere but here.