Fridges and Visits

Nothing new for me to post today, but I did want to let you know that I went for a physical this week. It would be my first 'female' physical I've had since Jonathan was born. Do the math -- he's 15 going on 16... so............ yeah - it's been a while.

I'm sure everything will be just fine. She did STRESS the importance of a woman my age getting these things done yearly. Yada ~ yada. My age... did I really just say 'my age'? Did the doctor call me old? Sheesh....

She cut out one of my blood pressure pills completely. Then again she gave me a prescription for a Mammogram. Ouch ~ I think I lost out on that one. See why I don't go to these things?


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So Chris and I made a major appliance purchase this past weekend. It's a big one for us, and it hurt just a little. The only other appliance we purchased ourselves was the dishwasher years ago. This time - our refrigerator was on it's last leg.

The seal on the bottom was rotten and fallen out. This led to warm air getting into the fridge, which of course isn't good for the fridge nor our electric bill. It caused condensation in the fridge and the poor thing was working so hard to try to keep up all the time. With the amount of water collecting on the bottom every day, I knew it was just a matter of time before the thing just gave out all together. So I decided to give in and just buy a new fridge.


We looked at many different kinds: side-by-sides, freezer on the bottom, cheap replacements, new vs. craig's list - and finally decided on the Kenmore Trio. It's HUGE, let me tell ya. We got it in Stainless Steel, even though we don't have anything else in SS, eventually - we'd like to get the other appliances in Stainless, so it seemed like the thing to do.

It has many nice features - water and ice on the door of course. If the kids leave the doors open for more than a minute or two, it beeps to tell them it's open. The freezer (on the bottom) is HUGE, and it tilts to open as well. Then the fridge on top is just - huge! LOVE it!

Chris and I moved everything from the old fridge into the new one last night - so proud that we didn't 'lose' anything -- that we had done something before the old fridge died. Feeling so proud of ourselves. (Yet at the same time feeling so totally broke!)


So, this morning - the kids get up -- LATE as usual. They get up and RUN all over the house, frantically getting ready for school. God forbid they should get up in plenty of time where they wouldn't have to actually RUN like Gazelles throughout the house. Yesterday Justin actually missed the bus he was so late.

But - they've been doing this for years - they consider it 'normal'.

They ~ rush ~ rush ~ rush ~ and of course eat (because I bought TONS of breakfast foods so they could feed their brains before they start school in the mornings).

They must have been in a huge rush because they left everything a MESS when they ran out the front door this morning.

I kept hearing this *beep* *beep* *beep* all morning. Kind of like a dump truck backing up... but all morning long. Finally at about 7:30 I said something to Chris about it who got up to investigate. He goes downstairs....

And the yelling begins....

DAMN KIDS..............

OH MY GOD.................

ARE YOU KIDDING ME??????............

WHAT THE...............

First of all, the beeping. It was the dummy beep of the new fridge. All morning long, beeping. Our bedroom door was shut and we are upstairs, so it didn't sound that loud... but... all morning long it had been going off. Everything in the fridge was wet... melting.... warm-ish.....

Then there was stuff everywhere -- whatever they'd had for breakfast -- left where ever they felt like leaving it.

Bagles open and left on the counter.

Cereal bowl, dirty, out, not cleaned out or put away.

Jelly out on the counter.

Just -- stuff everywhere. Carelessly left out - because they know that I can't stand it and I'll put it away at lunch. Only, I didn't have to because Chris saw it this morning and went nuts. Boy oh boy.

They just leave stuff all the time - wherever. I'll walk past one bathroom they were just in and there is 3 feet of toilet paper unwound off the roll and laying all over the floor. WHY?? Then the other bathroom the toilet paper roll is empty - but - they got another toilet paper roll and just set it on the floor, didn't think to take the old one off and replace the new one. Oh no, that would be WAY too much too ask. In the laundry room, where we ALL have to do our clothes, I find undies and stuff all the time all over the place. Just everywhere. Leave them there all week till it's their day again is what I guess they figure. I dunno. Once there was a pair on underwear on the entertainment center next to the TV in the game room. They were there for a month and I kept asking for SOMEONE to take responsibility for them - finally I just threw them away. I mean, we have to watch TV and look at your undies? Really??

I just called the kids who just got home from school. Guess who had breakfast this morning?

Our 5th kid............ NOBODY.

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Oh - Julie has a new/old man in her life! Arthur. God I hate this guy. He's a user... he's done so many things wrong over the years I just can't begin to tell you all of them here. From living for free with Julie and taking whatever he could from her... to stealing from her... he makes my skin crawl.

And now he's back in town. In her life. Again.

Great.

The other reason I HATE this guy is that he seriously thinks he's Kayla's father. Two paternity tests say that he is not, yet he still tells Kayla that the tests are wrong and he KNOWS he is her daddy. (Julie met Ron when Kayla was a week old, so Kayla's real daddy isn't Ron, although he's the only 'father' she ever knew.) When Julie got pregnant back then... she had a couple boyfriends and couldn't really pinpoint the father... and... well.... who knows.

Years later, this guy - Arthur - SWORE he was Kayla's father. So they did the test. Proved he was not. Did ANOTHER test. Same results. Again, he thinks the test is wrong. The guy is nuts.

I want him to have NO CONTACT with Kayla. He's like a scam artist... he'll talk really nice to you, then take everything when you aren't looking. I don't trust him.

He used to tell me all this stuff about Julie -- how he'd walk in and find her cutting herself, trying to kill herself, cutting her wrists. I wondered... why didn't he take the razors away??? If he cared so much.... and he LIVED with her.... ugg

I just don't like the guy. And she's got him back in her life. Yeah Julie - who is reading this - I said it. YUCK - YUCK - YUCK. Get rid of the creep.

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Julie called the other day. She needs the paperwork from when she completed drug courses and treatment and all that good stuff and thought maybe I had copies of all of that. Of course, I didn't keep copies of all of that. I have copies of everything else... things that pertain to the kids... but nothing really that pertains to Julie.

I don't really understand what good a drug class that she took way back then would do her anyways. I mean think about it. She took those classes back when she was still abusing medications on a very regular basis. Those certificates aren't worth the paper they are printed on, in my opinion. I guess they need them to say "yup, she did that" - but... they just need to re-evaluate her now to know where she is... not use paperwork from 2 or 3 years ago, ya know? That's just my opinion that really doesn't mean squat anyways.

So... I have to start thinking about how I feel about Julie getting unsupervised visits.

It's so hard to put into words how I feel about this - but I'll try....

It's not that I am dead-set against Julie getting unsupervised visits. I think that Julie having unsupervised visits right now - as long as she is mentally okay - is an okay thing. As long as...

* she doesn't step into 'mother' role. Julie wants to be their friend. She needs to let Chris and I parent the kids and she needs to enjoy her time with them, but as an adult, not as another child. It would confuse them greatly if she tried to be their mother and we were their parents. But also, she can't totally be their friend, she has to be an adult who watches over them as any adult would do. I've said it over and over again, Julie in many respects has the mind of a 15 or 16 year old -- and she needs to recognize some of the limitations and not allow things to get out of hand.

* she doesn't let them talk her into going anyplace that is not appropriate. (i.e. someplace that Chris nor I would 'usually' not let them go... so they wait and ask their mom to take them on 'her time' because they KNOW she will let them go. That is inappropriate.

* she does not abuse time, recognizing that we have a schedule. Of course it would be completely adjusted to fit unsupervised visits, but she can't just come over any time and pick up the kids and be gone for hours at a time with them. They still have schedules, appointments, and we still have a home to run.

* she (Julie) understands that no means no. This is where it gets hard -- it's hard to say no to Julie. She means well... I want her to be happy. But if I have something else to do, or if I just don't feel like it, or if the kids have already told me for some reason they don't want to go with her, or if I feel Julie is "on something" -- I should just be able to say "no".

Yet ----- I don't know what the courts are going to allow if they allow unsupervised visits. Does it mean that she is allowed to have a certain amount of time -- regardless of if she's mentally well or not? What if she came over like she was the other night when she had taken her night medicine and wanted to pick up the kids and take them somewhere. Now... she probably wouldn't -- but let's say she did and the courts allowed it via court order -- I'd have to just let them go??

Then there's the policing thing. The terrible FEAR that Julie getting unsupervised visits means I'm going to have to start policing her again. And I HATE that.

I kinda like it now. I like it that she comes over... spends time with the kids... takes them to the store when she's having a really good day... swims with them... whatever. I know she wants to be able to take them to the movies or to her house. And again -- while she's like THIS... that's really cool.

But... what happens when she gets depressed? She hears voices? She starts cutting? She starts over-medicating again?

I wish I could just LET her take them out right now... without fear that I'd lose the kids should I get caught. Just knowing that it's the right thing to do right now. That -- she's never been healthier than she is RIGHT NOW. She may NEVER be this healthy again. Who knows? Maybe she will. Maybe it's God taking over in her life. But I wish I could give her this time with them without the courts... without the fear of getting caught. It would be the right thing to do at this moment in time, like I said.

But.... to answer the question of do I want her to go to the courts and get unsupervised visits -- I guess the answer to that is a "no" -- for the long term effects reason. I dunno... I hate to blog on the world wide web that I'm thinking about breaking a court order... but maybe Chris and I need to sit down and logically think about this. If the 'right thing' to do right now is to let Julie have some time with the kids unsupervised, while she is well. With the understanding from Julie that... when she's not well... things will change. This way... she doesn't HAVE to go to court and all of that.

Sure, I can see it now... goodie-two-shoes Tina is wanting to break a rule? But -- you can't read my blog and not know that everything I do for and about these kids is in their BEST INTEREST. And that's really what it's all about. If Julie is really mentally well right now and stays that way for another month, two, or a year -- why deny her some alone time with her kids? As long as she's given a set of rules.... and she follows them.

I dunno.... I still have to think a lot more on this............. But that's why I blog. To help me think. Any input my blog readers want to give on this - I would appreciate hearing....

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I will love you, O Lord, my strength. The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold - Psalm 18:1,2.