Tina's Daily Blog: Job Decisions

Monday, December 08, 2008

Job Decisions

Sorry I've been so long without a blog. It's been a CRAZY week.

Justin is home resting. He had surgery on Friday to repair his torn ACL. He has been in a great deal of pain, and even ran a low grade fever for a couple of days, although today said he was doing much better. He'll be going to school tomorrow. I need to wake up EARLY to do this, get home, then turn around and get ready for work. I am NOT a morning person, so I'm not really looking forward to it, but - you gotta do what you gotta do. Right now he can't climb the steps to get on the bus, so I'll need to drive him for a while. At least until he has physical therapy enough to where he can make his way up the stairs on the bus.

Everything with Kayla is still the same. She's been.... "good" to me - nice and all - I'm just not sure how long that will last. I hate to say that.. But I honestly didn't know what happened last time, so I'm a bit leery. Right now she's going out with her friends every night that she's not working. As long as she tells me where she is going, how she's getting there and getting home, and she's not out too late, I'm letting her go.

Kayte is doing great. She loves working at the church, and I know it's really good for her. It's just hard knowing that 3 - 4 days a week I've got to plan on driving her and picking her up. Many times there are conflicts, like this Wednesday when Justin has his physical therapy appointment at 6, and Kayte is supposed to be at church at 6 the same night. Thank goodness her friend works with her and has an ANGEL of a mom who picks Kayte up often

Jonathan is still in his on and off funk. He had a stack of clothes in his room probably three feet high, and I just can't motivate him to do ANYTHING, he'd rather lay in his messy room and do nothing. Yet other times he is just witty and fun. I dunno...

I read the most interesting article in the paper last week that I really wanted to blog about.

You know how often times I tell you that the kids do things that are kind of bad, but they say they are better than their friends. Like Kayla telling me that her 2.something GPA wasn't all that bad because all her friends had worse GPA's. It's frustrating to make an argument to that.

An article in the paper (associated press) discussed how students today lie, cheat and steal, but say they are better than most of the people they know. They referenced a study they did of nearly 30,000 students in randomly selected high schools nationwide, both public and private. 64 percent of students cheated on tests, 35 percent have stolen from a store in the past year, 1 out of 5 had stolen from a friend and 23 percent stole something from a parent or other relative. It discussed the lowering of ethical standards in America and how we all let kids get away with it. And the stunning statistic that followed: 93 percent of students said they were satisfied with their personal ethics and character and said that "when it comes to doing what is right, I am better than most people I know."

I was talking to Chris about this and Jonathan was in the car. Jonathan told me that HIS school just did a study as well and found that 75 percent of kids in his school cheat.

What's happening to kids? Where did we go wrong?

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I have been job hunting for so long without any responses and finally got a call for an interview. The position was for Front Office Manager for a cosmetic dentist in Temple Terrace.

I went to the interview, only to open the door and see 8 other people in the waiting room holding job applications.

Great.. A mass interview.

Well, they hand me the paperwork to fill out the job application. The first page was extremely odd. It stated that the doctor was a member of Christian Scientology, and that - although they didn't deal with 'religion' really at work, the entire office is run off Scientology principals and teachings by L. Ron Hubbard.

Obviously - I , being a devout Christian, did not get the job.

And for more bad news: my boss told me his 'plans' for me after the first of the year. I can keep my job, and they will lower my pay to what I was making when I was originally hired years ago ($10,000 less a year than what I make now.) However, he will give me an end of year bonus IF I agree to sign a contract stating that I will stay with them until the end of April.

April is when they are planning to move the office to a location closer to their homes (they build a year or two ago, one in New Port Richey and one in Dunedin). The new location will be in the Safety Harbor area... About 25 minutes drive with no traffic.

The thing I have to think about after April is can I afford to drive a 12 year old car that far every day for much less pay. Increase in gas as well as wear and tear on the old car.

I don't think it's 'legal' that they just decrease my pay - I think they technically have to fire then rehire me in at a lower rate. But am I going to comp lain about that little part of it? No... Because I am really forced to take the job, there just isn't anything else out there. What I have to think about is this: Do I want to be locked in until April? What is a better job come along and they want me to start in February or March? And... What expenses can I cut to make up for the $10,000 loss in income.

The part that really bothers me (other than working the same for much less pay) is that he wants to only give me a bonus for 2008 IF I agree to work until April of 2009 because they 'can't afford to lose me'. Well, a BONUS is something I earned from doing a kick-ass job in 2008! It shouldn't be tied to my staying at all.

It's a lot to think about. I've got to talk to Chris when he gets home from Pensacola.

I'm really trying not to stress about it. God has a plan, right? Right.

The funny thing is that I feel guilty for NOT feeling guilty about being back in Toast of Tampa, regardless of the lower pay. I just LOVE being back and singing that Barbershop harmony.

Speaking of TOT, they asked me to be a section leader my second week back as a member. How cool is that? I was honored to be asked. The difference between this time and last time I was a member though is pretty remarkable. This time family comes first... Like today Tony asked section leaders, if they could, to please be there at 6 tomorrow to go over a new song. I wrote him immediately and told him that Chris was out of town and my first priority was taking care of Justin after his first day back at school... And I might even be late.

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Oh, and it's 17 days before Christmas. 24 days till my job drastically changes and my pay lowers. No stress... No pressure.

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I had that big event that I blogged about last week and asked for prayers about. I guess you could say that I 'hit it out of the park' - the event went off without a problem.

It was a chipping /putting contest first with an open bar. I should mention here that I got a hole in one o n the chipping part - the ONLY hole in one on that hole! We then had dinner and gave out awards. Many of the principals told my boss what a great asset I was... "the heart and soul of the company". It was an awesome time and Chris learned a LOT about how power plants work!

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I just realized I should apologize if this blog is scattered or if there are horrible spelling errors. Chris took our laptop with him, and at home we have the one laptop I could us that we 'gave' the kids to use... But it's full of viruses and horrible to type on (I keep typing then losing entire paragraphs). We also have the computer that Paul from church gave to me a while back, but it got a virus (KIDS!!!!) and we need to reload windows and all that stuff, but don't own a copy of windows or whatever it is needed to wipe it clean and start over. It's been a low priority since I got my own laptop. :o) So I'm sitting here on my PHONE with a little bluetooth keyboard typing.

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Please keep Justin in your prayers and pray for my job - that I'll be able to see God's plan and that I'll trust it.

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"Whatever you do, do well. For when you go to the grave, there will be no work or planning or knowledge or wisdom." - Ecclesiastes 9:10

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In A Nutshell:

Here is a letter I sent to Dr. Phil which really sums everything up:
I am married to my high-school sweetheart (20 years this August), with two wonderful children (Amanda who is 20 and Jonathan who is 13). I have two sisters, both younger – I call them “my good sister” and “my bad sister”. My good sister is – well, good! Normal in every way. The bad one, Julie, has been in trouble since she was a kid. As a baby she cried all of the time. As a teenager she was in trouble all of the time. At the age of 14 or so I remember that she had run away from home to live with a grown man in Atlanta. This was one of many run a ways. As a teenager, she provided sexual favors to boys in school, as well as teachers. As a young adult she was arrested for prostitution. She’s done drugs ranging from marijuana to crack. She was diagnosed early on as bi-polar with personality disorder. She’s also a serious cutter to the point where she no longer hid the cuts. She’s cut things like “Ronald Cecchinni” into her arm… and “Fuck you Dr. XXX” on her stomach, in large letters. Julie is also a diagnosed sex-addict. She’s also recently (in the past year) begun ‘huffing’. (I honestly believe that this huffing has caused some permanent damage) She is currently 36yo.
Julie lost her husband Ron a year and a half ago as a result of Leukemia and Kidney Disease which the military attributed to his serving in the Gulf War. He left behind three children – Kayla who is now 15, Justin who is now 14 and Kayte who is now 13. Even when Julie was married, her psychiatric problems persisted. She has been hospitalized literally hundreds of times over the years. However, when her husband was alive, he would take care of the kids when Julie was mentally out of control. After Ron died, Julie lost control of the kids and her life. She began to spiral out of control, having pot parties at her home (to the point where the kids said a door would open and a cloud of smoke would come bellowing out of the room), smoking weed with her own kids, having sex all over the house with different men all the time, allowing young men (19 yo) to sleep over with her oldest daughter (only 14 at the time), and allowing Gang members to live in her home (she said she felt ‘safe’ with them there). In addition, she was attempting suicide daily, overdosing on medications hoping to not wake up the next morning. Mind you all of this while she was seeing her Psychologist every week and Psychiatrist once a month. Both of these Doctors knew what was going on at home, neither of them reported it to the proper authorities. I have even been told by one of them that he was told, by Julie, that she ‘heard voices telling her to hurt the children’ but that she was proud that she could ignore the voices. Still, these Doctors reported nothing.
I should add here that it was at some point in this period of time in Julie’s life when her children began suicide watches over their mom… each one taking turns to sit in a room with her at all hours (night and day) because their mom was less-likely to hurt herself while they were here. However, it didn’t always work – Julie constantly took pills in front of them trying to either dope herself up or overdose, and she would even cut herself in front of the kids.
Finally one day, she woke up furious that her last suicide attempt didn’t work. She got violent with her oldest daughter, police were called, and finally DCF was called. (I would like to add that we (other family members) had called DCF in the past to report things, but some of the cases were ‘unfounded’ and one other time the fled the state knowing CF only had jurisdiction in Florida.) DCF removed the children from the home in November 2005 and I gained custody of the Children shortly thereafter.
There are lots of things I could add here about my sister, DCF, and the horrible Foster Care or Custodial Care program we are involved with. However, that is not my main reason for writing to you.
Kayte, the youngest, seems to be adjusting pretty well. She has a tendency to trivialize what her mom has done and the seriousness of it, but I think that is normal given that it is her mom. Kayte was in counseling, but she feels it’s ‘a waste of time’.
Justin, the middle child, is okay. As a young boy I'm told he was a terror. He used to hit his mother and at one point (only 6yo) tried to jump off a building to kill himself. Since then, his anger has turned in to an endless smothering of love and caring. He does everything for his mom… from getting her whatever she needs to rubbing her feet and back. Justin has seen a psychiatrist since moving in with me who felt that his issues were brought on by trauma. It was also at that visit with the psychiatrist that he confided in myself and the Doctor that he had suicidal thoughts often while living at home with his mom in her ‘state of being’ after his dad died. However, since he moved in with me he has done so much better (and continues to improve daily) that she didn’t feel he even needed counseling at this time. He would, however, need counseling before he was reunited with his mom.
Kayla, the oldest, has serious issues. She is also currently in counseling but feels that it is ‘a waste of time’. Kayla has always lied and stolen things. Family members feel sorry for her because you can tell that she doesn’t really mean any ill will by it, but it’s been ‘the way she is’ for a very long time. By far her biggest problems are lying and her need for approval by men (young and old).
Since the kids have moved in with us, my husband and I have set up rules. The kids already had myspace accounts, so we set ground rules for it. 1) We needed the login names and passwords. 2) Profiles must be set to private. 3) The only people they were allowed to have on their friends list was people that they actually knew. When Kayla’s list climbed over 300, and she was found to have inappropriate conversations (wanting to sneak out and ‘hook up’ with young men), we made everyone cut their list down to 30 friends, which included myself. 4) All vulgar language and inappropriate photos would come off immediately and would be monitored by myself at any given time. At times, they try to put up ‘sexy’ pictures which immediately need to come down.
However recently I have found that she has multiple website things going on in an attempt to pick up young men. I'll outline a few here so that you understand the gravity of the situation: 1) I found her 'normal' myspace account set to 'public view'. She has over 11,000 profile views(meaning people looking at her pictures and wanting to know more about her). I had reset it to private many times, but she keeps going back and resetting it to public. 2) I have found another myspace account which she went by the name 'Shannon' and used it to pick up young men, tease them, then later tell them that she was 'taken' but refer them to her 'cousin, Kayla'. She'd then give them all of Kayla's information. Of course thiswas also set to public. 3) I have found another social network website that was like myspace in which she had ONLY men (mostly from other states) as her 'friends' whom she corresponded with. The emails back and forth basically said the same thing as all of the others... more on that in #4 - only these were guys that not only did she not know, but they were not even in the area! 4) All accounts that I have found had basically the same thing... her emailing guys wanting to know if she was pretty, if they wanted to 'hook up', talking about going to their 'crib' or meeting up with them somewhere, and constantly seeking approval and affirmation from these guys.
I believe she gets this from her mom. And the sad thing is, if you met her, you would love her. She is truly a GREAT kid… but she has serious issues. I’ve described to you Julie’s behavior and Kayla’s seems to be the same way. Neither can make decisions on their own that are ‘the right thing to do’, and both lack the understanding of simple values, morals and ethics. I could go into so many examples. How do I describe the utterly amazing difference between Julie’s parenting style and my own?
I know... Both Julie and I have myspace accounts set up to ‘monitor’ the kids. To illustrate the difference between Julie and myself, here is something that Julie and I both put on our myspace accounts. You are supposed to put something 'about yourself' by your picture. Here is mine: "I'm 38 years old. I have two amazing kids, Amanda who is 20 and Jonathan who is 13. I have great husband, Chris. I love to sing - and have been singing in Toast of Tampa Show Chorus for 10 years. I'm raising my nieces and nephew (12, 13 and 14). I love God and my family."And here is Julie's: "I am who I am and if you dont like me for me........FUCK YOU........ Plus if you dont like me for me....... Im gunna tell my kids and there gunna kick yer ass!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Here’s the other dilemma we are having; the two girls are in counseling that is costing me $25 EACH in co-payments every time they go. The State of Florida provides NO financial support to me as a relative caregiver, other than providing the three kids with Medicaid. They received small SSI checks because of their dad’s death, but it barely covers the food they consume. The DCF worker, having spoke with the girls and being told that therapy is ‘a waste of time’, has referred me to a clinic that DCF uses for cases such as this to seek mental care for Kayla (aswell as the others). However, the kids have TriCare as their primary insurance because their dad died from Military causes. TriCare requires the co-payment, regardless of the Medicaid secondary. Having said that, please understand that I worked in referrals in a primary care physician’s office for 16 years… I totally ‘get’ what is required for primary and secondary insurances and all the red tape. But because of the uniqueness of this situation, the kids are suffering!
I should also point out here that I have the kids for an indefinite period of time. Right now Julie is doing things that she has been told to do to get the kids back. However, she is still awaiting a court ordered detailed Psychiatric exam to determine if she can EVER parent again. Even if that Psychiatrist feels she can parent again, she’ll most likely need to be ‘clean’ and ‘episode-free’ for 6 months to a year minimum. In addition, Julie is only allowed supervised visits and one phone call a day. This came about because of her inappropriate behavior when she was with the kids and because when she was allowed to call any time she’d call 10 + times a day.
The other problem with Julie ever getting her children back is that… she doesn’t understand what she did wrong. She parents as if she were 15-years old herself. If anyone has ever done something bad and been able to ‘keep’ their kids, she sees no reason she can’t do it. She brought her daughter at the age of 13 in for a HUGE tattoo on the small of her back. It’s Tigger flipping ‘the bird’ with her gang name under it. She was also planning on getting a large tattoo on her 12yo before the kids were taken. Again, she sees nothing wrong with any of her past behavior.
So, you see, I could have these children for the rest of their teenage years. I honestly don’t know where to turn to get them the help they need.
I feel as if I am in a psychiatric nightmare and I just can’t wake up. Eight months ago I was at home, my biggest ‘kid worry’ was if my son was going to get good grades on his report card. Now I find myself in a crux worried about whether or not the lessons I teach them, this late in their young life, are going to be enough to turn these kids around and help them to be productive adults in the near future.

Tina's Daily Blog

Monday, December 08, 2008

Job Decisions

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