I'll have a little time to blog at home for a couple of days. The kids in their excessive use of the laptop have broken off the back where the charger plugs in. What's frustrating is that we JUST had this fixed while under warranty, and - of course - it is no longer covered under warranty which means --- we now have to pay to have it fixed. We are now a one-computer family until I get the cash to bring the laptop to have the thing fixed.
Sigh.......
BUT
That brings me to my really GREAT NEWS. :o)
So.... I am really good at what I do at work. I don't mean to brag - but recognizing my own strengths and weaknesses is a strength of mine. I learned a lot about that through Sweet Adeline's in my leadership training courses over the years.
I have very strong leadership skills as well as strong administrative skills. I can multi-task like nobody you've ever seen before. When I started my job, the girl I replaced was a MESS. Papers everywhere... filing very behind... checks would come in and not be posted for a month or more... jobs would be completed for months before being entered into the computer, if ever entered at all. It was a nightmare for me and I knew I HAD to change when I took over. She explained to me that this was 'the way it was in the business'. Yeah, "not when I take over" is all I kept thinking in my head.
As it is now, my boss can call at any time and know exactly what he has going on. Every check is in the bank the day it's received. It's posted within 30 minutes of being opened. Every order is placed within 30 minutes of being called in or faxed, as is every quotation. There just isn't a time when someone has to wait for something in our office, unless it's for a good reason (such as the factory hasn't listed pricing yet or we have to call to get a lead-time). Even then, I don't rest until it's completed. My boss knows right now how much money he is expecting in commissions next month. Because the last girl was so far behind, he NEVER really knew what he could expect. We are completely, 100% caught up and efficient. It's how I live and work.
He kept telling me that he would get around to giving me a review, but was really busy. He wanted me to think about some things in the meantime though... He told me that he hired me at a really high rate of pay for a person in my position and that he really wasn't comfortable giving me a pay raise. However, if I really felt I needed a 'cost of living' increase, say 2 or 3 % (yes, I nearly had to pick myself up off the floor on that one) then perhaps he could re-think it. He told me I shouldn't really worry about it though because he was going to make sure I was taken care of financially. He had given me a mid-year bonus, and that I would be getting a 'really big end of the year bonus' as well. He asked that I think about it and at my 'review' tell him what I'd like to do.... have a cost of living raise, or have the end of year bonus.
So, my review was due in late August. But we finally get around to it in October. As fate would have it, he decided to give me a quick yearly review on bosses day.
Of course, I gave him a card for bosses day - it read: Front - "I may not be the best employee in the world..." Inside - "Oh.... wait... YES I AM!" I was just PERFECT.
So, I sit down for my review. I love my boss... he's a good man, a good Christian, and very fair. Oh, and he really loves what I do. He tells me that I do everything well. I keep the place clean, I file well, I have learned everything I was to learn - and then some. I go above and beyond all the time. I am quick, professional, and excel at everything I do. I ROCK! Yes, yes, I know! LOL
"So", he says, "did you think about what you want to do on your bonus vs cost of living increase?"
"Yes", I respond. "I'd like both actually."
You see, I know that I help him make a lot of money. I don't want a piece of the pie. I don't want a boat. I don't want a bigger house. I don't want a big-olé credit card or a fancy car. I just want to be able to pay my bills and get the kids what they need. That's it. I tell him, everything is going up... electricity, water, heck - a gallon of milk at the store next door cost me almost $5 the other day. $5!!! Can you BELIEVE that??? So.... yeah. I'm worth it I think. And I thought - I need to ask for it if I really want it. How else would he know? Right??
So -- yesterday I get this letter.
Dear Tina:
Congratulations! Due to your dedication and outstanding performance at PERO Engineering and Sales Company, we are pleased to advise you that your annual salary has been increased by 10% per year. Depending on the financial success of the company, a year-end bonus may be awarded as well! We look forward to a long a mutually beneficial relationship with our company.
I love my job.
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Random Blog
Sorry I've not blogged since the big day on Sunday. I've been a wee bit sick and really don't have time right now but am going to try to squeeze in a blog to give you a quick update.
Julie decided that - while she was clear headed and before she got depressed again - she was going to go into the hospital and get into a 30-day treatment program. This program is going to try to teach her some new coping skills.
I'm still VERY happy that God has shown up in her life in a big way. I hope that she continues to walk with Him and that she takes little steps in the right direction every day. I was simply blown away by her blog comment after my last blog. For Julie to admit her prior wrong-doing and then admit that Chris and I care for these kids as if they were alone were enough to bring me to tears. Then when she said that God has a plan for her.... well, that was a true miracle. Those of us who know Julie know that Julie hasn't really felt her life really had ANY calling other than raising her kids.
****************************
Singing this last weekend at church was SO much fun. I sang with two other girls and it just - rocked. This weekend we are sing on praise team and Chris and I are singing back up harmonies with this one guy doing a solo. I really really really miss singing Barbershop.
I've had a feeling now for a couple weeks that it's time to give it a try again. That.... it's time to go back to Toast of Tampa. Time to do this 'for me'. Chorus is SO MUCH FUN for me. I get unbelievable amount of enjoyment out of it... and it fills this big place in my heart. Singing on the praise team at church is really doing a good job of filling a lot of that, but it's just different.
We'll see if and when I can do it. The chorus, Toast of Tampa, is off until January. Maybe then I can go back and give it a good-hearted try then. The new director there is much more family-oriented which is a HUGE difference now. Maybe that is what makes me think it's so much different for me now. I dunno. I just feel it now. We'll see.
****************************
Kayte and Kayla walked in from school the other day telling me they wanted to change schools. Loved that one. Kayte got into trouble with some girl who wanted to kick her butt and she thinks the only thing she can do now is run and go to a different school to avoid her wrath.
When I asked for details, it wasn't only this one girl... Kayte has more than this one girl to deal with... there are lots of other girls at her school that she's having problems with. Remember that one website she was being the 'reporter' for? The one where she was spreading rumors about people that I told her was going to come back and bite her in the butt? Yeah... that came back and bit her.
Additionally.... she is so nice and sweet that she comes off as a flirt. And it's getting her into trouble as well. Now... you HAVE to know Kayte to know that she really IS just sweet as pie and NOT a flirt. But it's being misunderstood by a LOT of people. Well, by everyone. Then, she slips into attorney mode for herself, and that isn't working so well either.
She's in a world of mess.... and doesn't know how to get out of it. I told her.... if EVERYONE around you is telling you that they do not like the way you are acting and things you are doing.... maybe you should honestly re-evaluate the way you are acting and things you are doing. She - however - feels there is nothing wrong with the way she is acting or what she is doing. In attorney mode she defends herself just fine.
So she fights it alone.
Sigh.
****************************
So, my sister Katie was almost arrested for Shoplifting. Yeah... did you almost just fall out of your chair? Me too.
Oh my God, too funny, huh?
Katie doesn't have a bad bone in her body. She wouldn't steal anything. Her daughter once put on lip-gloss in a store then put it back on the rack... Katie bought it. She is a manager of a bank. She has NEVER cursed. Ever. Can you even fathom that?
And Sweetbay thinks she purposely tried to steal something??
Here is what happened... Katie runs into Sweetbay with the two kids - a 4-year old in the back of the cart and a 6-week old in a baby carrier in the back of the cart as well with the front part collapsed. As Katie grabs food for the night she gives it to Tatiana who places it around the baby. As they check out, Tatiana places the food on the conveyor belt and Katie pays.
When they leave, just as they exit the building they are approached by two people who claim to be from the "Loss Prevention Department". They show no identification, they do not give their names, and they treat Katie like a criminal from the very beginning. The man in particular was condescending and mean to Katie throughout the ordeal.
When they told Katie they 'saw' her take something, she said she did NOT. They then produced a $4 bottle from under the baby carrier. Katie explained she was a manager of a bank and surely it was a mistake. She explained about the babies, the groceries, how it must have just gotten stuck under the carrier, she offered to go inside immediately and pay - but they would not hear any of it. They were only interested in calling the police. Katie was dumbfounded. For a $4 bottle? Are you kidding me? Katie asked to speak with the Sweetbay manager, they refused to do so. The whole thing was incredible.
Long story short, the police were called, Katie had to call her husband and Katie was issued a trespassing warning for that Sweetbay - she can no longer shop there. The funniest thing that happened was - after the long ordeal - groceries warm from being in the parking lot for over an hour throughout the ordeal - her husband took them inside and demanded a refund for them - telling him that he would take his business to a grocery store who treated their customers better. Good for you, Tony!
Poor Katie.
She's going to be mortified that I put this in the blog. But... you have to know Katie to know how incredibly WRONG it is that this happened to her. Of all people. It would be like the Pope being accused of stealing a Star magazine. Come on! No way!
Katie came over to the house last night and together with the help of mom, Michelle and myself we typed up a letter which she is going to send to the President of Sweetbay (and probably a few others in management) and demand an apology for the way she was treated.
****************************
So..... can someone please tell me at what age and at what point I will be able to stop worrying about my daughter? I mean... she's 21. She's married. She's on her own. She's working.
I know the answer to that question already. I know I will always worry about her. I know that I she has to help herself. I know that she has to work through her own problems. I know that I can offer suggestions, and she can do whatever she wants to with those suggestions and it's okay. I know all this........ I know.
And still...... it sucks.
She struggles.
She hurts.
She lives in crisis mode. 911 mode.
She cries all the time. She thinks things couldn't get much worse. And then they do.
She lives in 'the glass is half empty' kind of thinking all the time.
She doesn't believe in Jesus... she thinks there is a God I think... although, I don't really know what she really 'believes' to be honest with you. She's searching. Just as we were at her age.
She doesn't know which way to turn.
She doesn't know which decision is the right one.
And my heart breaks for her.
Sigh..............
That's all I can muster for this blog today. That last part just sucked the life right out of me. I've got to go and re-focus for tonight's singing. It's a big weekend. Here is a song we are doing tonight and tomorrow. The words are very powerful.....
Almighty God, the great I am
Immovable rock, omnipotent, powerful, awesome Lord
Victorious warrior, commanding King of Kings
Mighty conqueror, and the only time
the only time I ever saw Him run
Was when He ran to me,
He took me in His arms
Held my head to His chest, said “My son’s come home again”
Lifted my face, wiped the tears from my eyes
With forgiveness in His voice
He said,“Son do you know I still love you?”
He caught me by surprise when God ran
The day I left home I knew I’d broken His heart
And I wondered then if things could ever be the same
Then one night I remembered His love for me
And down that dusty road ahead I could see
It was the only time – it was the only time I ever saw Him run
And then He ran to me, He took me in His arms
Held my head to His chest, said “My son’s come home again”
Lifted my face, wiped the tears from my eyes
With forgiveness in His voice
He said,“Son do you know I still love you?”
He caught me by surprise as He brought me to my knees
When God ran – I saw Him run to me
I was so ashamed, all alone and so far away
But now I know He’s been waiting for this day
I saw Him run to me, He took me in His arms
Held my head to His chest, said “My son’s come home again”
Lifted my face, wiped the tears from my eyes
With forgiveness in His voice I felt His love for me again
He ran to me, He took me in His arms
Held my head to His chest, said “My son’s come home again”
Lifted my face, wiped the tears from my eyes
With forgiveness in His voice He said, “Son”,
He called me Son He said, “Son do you know I still love you?”
He ran to me and then I ran to Him
When God ran
Julie decided that - while she was clear headed and before she got depressed again - she was going to go into the hospital and get into a 30-day treatment program. This program is going to try to teach her some new coping skills.
I'm still VERY happy that God has shown up in her life in a big way. I hope that she continues to walk with Him and that she takes little steps in the right direction every day. I was simply blown away by her blog comment after my last blog. For Julie to admit her prior wrong-doing and then admit that Chris and I care for these kids as if they were alone were enough to bring me to tears. Then when she said that God has a plan for her.... well, that was a true miracle. Those of us who know Julie know that Julie hasn't really felt her life really had ANY calling other than raising her kids.
****************************
Singing this last weekend at church was SO much fun. I sang with two other girls and it just - rocked. This weekend we are sing on praise team and Chris and I are singing back up harmonies with this one guy doing a solo. I really really really miss singing Barbershop.
I've had a feeling now for a couple weeks that it's time to give it a try again. That.... it's time to go back to Toast of Tampa. Time to do this 'for me'. Chorus is SO MUCH FUN for me. I get unbelievable amount of enjoyment out of it... and it fills this big place in my heart. Singing on the praise team at church is really doing a good job of filling a lot of that, but it's just different.
We'll see if and when I can do it. The chorus, Toast of Tampa, is off until January. Maybe then I can go back and give it a good-hearted try then. The new director there is much more family-oriented which is a HUGE difference now. Maybe that is what makes me think it's so much different for me now. I dunno. I just feel it now. We'll see.
****************************
Kayte and Kayla walked in from school the other day telling me they wanted to change schools. Loved that one. Kayte got into trouble with some girl who wanted to kick her butt and she thinks the only thing she can do now is run and go to a different school to avoid her wrath.
When I asked for details, it wasn't only this one girl... Kayte has more than this one girl to deal with... there are lots of other girls at her school that she's having problems with. Remember that one website she was being the 'reporter' for? The one where she was spreading rumors about people that I told her was going to come back and bite her in the butt? Yeah... that came back and bit her.
Additionally.... she is so nice and sweet that she comes off as a flirt. And it's getting her into trouble as well. Now... you HAVE to know Kayte to know that she really IS just sweet as pie and NOT a flirt. But it's being misunderstood by a LOT of people. Well, by everyone. Then, she slips into attorney mode for herself, and that isn't working so well either.
She's in a world of mess.... and doesn't know how to get out of it. I told her.... if EVERYONE around you is telling you that they do not like the way you are acting and things you are doing.... maybe you should honestly re-evaluate the way you are acting and things you are doing. She - however - feels there is nothing wrong with the way she is acting or what she is doing. In attorney mode she defends herself just fine.
So she fights it alone.
Sigh.
****************************
So, my sister Katie was almost arrested for Shoplifting. Yeah... did you almost just fall out of your chair? Me too.
Oh my God, too funny, huh?
Katie doesn't have a bad bone in her body. She wouldn't steal anything. Her daughter once put on lip-gloss in a store then put it back on the rack... Katie bought it. She is a manager of a bank. She has NEVER cursed. Ever. Can you even fathom that?
And Sweetbay thinks she purposely tried to steal something??
Here is what happened... Katie runs into Sweetbay with the two kids - a 4-year old in the back of the cart and a 6-week old in a baby carrier in the back of the cart as well with the front part collapsed. As Katie grabs food for the night she gives it to Tatiana who places it around the baby. As they check out, Tatiana places the food on the conveyor belt and Katie pays.
When they leave, just as they exit the building they are approached by two people who claim to be from the "Loss Prevention Department". They show no identification, they do not give their names, and they treat Katie like a criminal from the very beginning. The man in particular was condescending and mean to Katie throughout the ordeal.
When they told Katie they 'saw' her take something, she said she did NOT. They then produced a $4 bottle from under the baby carrier. Katie explained she was a manager of a bank and surely it was a mistake. She explained about the babies, the groceries, how it must have just gotten stuck under the carrier, she offered to go inside immediately and pay - but they would not hear any of it. They were only interested in calling the police. Katie was dumbfounded. For a $4 bottle? Are you kidding me? Katie asked to speak with the Sweetbay manager, they refused to do so. The whole thing was incredible.
Long story short, the police were called, Katie had to call her husband and Katie was issued a trespassing warning for that Sweetbay - she can no longer shop there. The funniest thing that happened was - after the long ordeal - groceries warm from being in the parking lot for over an hour throughout the ordeal - her husband took them inside and demanded a refund for them - telling him that he would take his business to a grocery store who treated their customers better. Good for you, Tony!
Poor Katie.
She's going to be mortified that I put this in the blog. But... you have to know Katie to know how incredibly WRONG it is that this happened to her. Of all people. It would be like the Pope being accused of stealing a Star magazine. Come on! No way!
Katie came over to the house last night and together with the help of mom, Michelle and myself we typed up a letter which she is going to send to the President of Sweetbay (and probably a few others in management) and demand an apology for the way she was treated.
****************************
So..... can someone please tell me at what age and at what point I will be able to stop worrying about my daughter? I mean... she's 21. She's married. She's on her own. She's working.
I know the answer to that question already. I know I will always worry about her. I know that I she has to help herself. I know that she has to work through her own problems. I know that I can offer suggestions, and she can do whatever she wants to with those suggestions and it's okay. I know all this........ I know.
And still...... it sucks.
She struggles.
She hurts.
She lives in crisis mode. 911 mode.
She cries all the time. She thinks things couldn't get much worse. And then they do.
She lives in 'the glass is half empty' kind of thinking all the time.
She doesn't believe in Jesus... she thinks there is a God I think... although, I don't really know what she really 'believes' to be honest with you. She's searching. Just as we were at her age.
She doesn't know which way to turn.
She doesn't know which decision is the right one.
And my heart breaks for her.
Sigh..............
That's all I can muster for this blog today. That last part just sucked the life right out of me. I've got to go and re-focus for tonight's singing. It's a big weekend. Here is a song we are doing tonight and tomorrow. The words are very powerful.....
Almighty God, the great I am
Immovable rock, omnipotent, powerful, awesome Lord
Victorious warrior, commanding King of Kings
Mighty conqueror, and the only time
the only time I ever saw Him run
Was when He ran to me,
He took me in His arms
Held my head to His chest, said “My son’s come home again”
Lifted my face, wiped the tears from my eyes
With forgiveness in His voice
He said,“Son do you know I still love you?”
He caught me by surprise when God ran
The day I left home I knew I’d broken His heart
And I wondered then if things could ever be the same
Then one night I remembered His love for me
And down that dusty road ahead I could see
It was the only time – it was the only time I ever saw Him run
And then He ran to me, He took me in His arms
Held my head to His chest, said “My son’s come home again”
Lifted my face, wiped the tears from my eyes
With forgiveness in His voice
He said,“Son do you know I still love you?”
He caught me by surprise as He brought me to my knees
When God ran – I saw Him run to me
I was so ashamed, all alone and so far away
But now I know He’s been waiting for this day
I saw Him run to me, He took me in His arms
Held my head to His chest, said “My son’s come home again”
Lifted my face, wiped the tears from my eyes
With forgiveness in His voice I felt His love for me again
He ran to me, He took me in His arms
Held my head to His chest, said “My son’s come home again”
Lifted my face, wiped the tears from my eyes
With forgiveness in His voice He said, “Son”,
He called me Son He said, “Son do you know I still love you?”
He ran to me and then I ran to Him
When God ran
Sunday, October 21, 2007
BIG - HUGE - GINOROMOUS - DAY!
I have 20 minutes before Extreme Makeover Home Edition starts, which is the start of the 'get the kids to bed' routine as well.... so I better get bloggin' as I have SO MUCH GOOD NEWS I just don't know where to begin.
Let's start with Kayla.
Kayla has HONOR ROLL! Thanks to the computer program the school uses, we can tell that Kayla will end up with all A's and B's on her report card. We were so confident in fact that we activated one of the phone we had here (Kayte's cell phone that she's not been able to use since losing the privilege last time she got a C and lost the right to own the cell phone). Kayla has been working her BUNS off to work to get a cell phone and it WORKED. She's had it all weekend and she is SO HAPPY. We are so happy for her!
Kayte we think will end up with all A's and B's and ONE C. Jonathan will probably have a one or two C's, Justin has straight C's across the board. Course, with their final exams, that could change some - we'll have to wait a few days for the teachers to post their grades online. Kayla's grades were pretty rock solid all 9 weeks. Everyone else has been flirting with C's off and on. (Well, not Justin, he's not been flirting, he's been living in the land of C's and D's all 9 weeks).
*************************
Julie news.
Where to start with this????
Julie has been doing well for a couple weeks now.... I told you that last time. I've been waiting for that other shoe to fall. Well.... the other day, I sent her an email and just asked "hey, do you want to go to Church with us on Sunday?" Julie said that she really couldn't - she'd need gas money, it's so far from Riverview and such. I understand that totally.
My FIRST instinct was to IMMEDIATELY write her and tell her I'd give her gas money. But, I felt that I shouldn't do that. I felt that if it were to be a 'God thing' that I needed to let God do it His way... He would find a way to make it happen. Additionally, if Julie wanted to come badly enough, SHE would find a way to make it happen. So, I told her "I understand, no problem. Maybe some other time." And I left it at that.
No more than five minutes later she writes me back. She's thought about it some more and she would love to come to church with us on Sunday. WOW. Okay.... that's great! The plan was for her to come to our house early in the morning, drive over to church with us, she could go to the Vineyard with the kids (they buy coffee and bagels every Sunday while Chris and I warm up with the choir - we HAVE to be their favorite customer!). Then, after church (2 services as we sing for both) she'd come back to the house, have lunch, swim in the pool, relax in the hot tub, enjoy the kids all day, have dinner, then go home. Sounds good, eh?
She arrived at the house on time this morning. We went to church. I was VERY nervous. I had a trio song that I was singing Saturday and Sunday with the choir... me and two other girls on microphones and the choir backing us up. It was way cool, but I was VERY nervous. Add to that now that my sister was out there.... VERY nervous.
All morning I was thinking about Julie nearly dying SO MANY times. About how the priest had told her that she wasn't going to have that many more chances. I knew exactly what he meant by that. He didn't mean just stop trying to kill yourself. He meant... it's time to get your life straightened out... start living your life. Start living for a purpose. For His purpose. I kept praying the same prayer all morning... that God would speak to Julie's heart this morning. Not that she would be 'saved' or that she would cry or that she would have some kind of breakthrough.... just.... "Please, God, speak to her heart".
Pastor Matthew's sermon this morning COULDN'T have been more perfect. First of all, the series we are on right now is on Parables. Jesus used parables a lot in talking to the people because for simple minded people, it was easier for them to understand. Julie... well... is simple minded. Parables are PERFECT for her.
Then, the sermon itself was from Luke, about how God didn't want "perfect people" - he liked people just the way they were - imperfect. Don't think that you need to GET PERFECT before you decide to go to God.... God wants to meet you WHERE YOU ARE. Jesus extended the invitation to everyone... to come as they are. That meant everyone.
I swear at times it was like there was no one else in the room but Julie and Matthew. To me anyways, but I had no idea what Julie was feeling. At times Matthew was talking about how Jesus invited everyone regardless of their ailments: cripples - poor - blind - lame. At one point I was sure he was going to say "mentally ill" because I was so sure he was talking JUST to Julie. Of course he didn't... but I swear to you, it seemed that personal to me.
When Pastor Matthew was done with the sermon, he explained about being born again, about turning away from sin and being born again to the Lord. He asked for those who felt the calling to do so to please raise their hand.
And, up went Julie's hand.
And my tears just fell. And fell and fell. Chris held me and we were both so happy. The Lord works in mysterious ways, doesn't he?
Julie has asked to move her visits from Wednesday nights to Sundays so that she can go to Church with us every week. Of course I said yes!
Of course, I am aware that Sundays visits mean that I've gone from a 2-3 hour visit to an 11-12 hour visit. But, if all visits went like today -- who cares! Today was blissfully wonderful.
I'm not saying that Julie is cured. I know that she is not. I know she still has a terrible disease and it IS going to rear it's ugly head again, probably pretty darn soon. But, if she can keep drugs and overdoses OUT of her life and get God and Jesus INTO her life, she's got a pretty good chance of keeping things balanced out quite nicely.
I was going to end with a nice quote... but I really need to go get the kids to bed and don't have time to go search. Here is a photo of the girls from Homecoming on Friday. Are they not just the CUTEST girls EVER???
Let's start with Kayla.
Kayla has HONOR ROLL! Thanks to the computer program the school uses, we can tell that Kayla will end up with all A's and B's on her report card. We were so confident in fact that we activated one of the phone we had here (Kayte's cell phone that she's not been able to use since losing the privilege last time she got a C and lost the right to own the cell phone). Kayla has been working her BUNS off to work to get a cell phone and it WORKED. She's had it all weekend and she is SO HAPPY. We are so happy for her!
Kayte we think will end up with all A's and B's and ONE C. Jonathan will probably have a one or two C's, Justin has straight C's across the board. Course, with their final exams, that could change some - we'll have to wait a few days for the teachers to post their grades online. Kayla's grades were pretty rock solid all 9 weeks. Everyone else has been flirting with C's off and on. (Well, not Justin, he's not been flirting, he's been living in the land of C's and D's all 9 weeks).
*************************
Julie news.
Where to start with this????
Julie has been doing well for a couple weeks now.... I told you that last time. I've been waiting for that other shoe to fall. Well.... the other day, I sent her an email and just asked "hey, do you want to go to Church with us on Sunday?" Julie said that she really couldn't - she'd need gas money, it's so far from Riverview and such. I understand that totally.
My FIRST instinct was to IMMEDIATELY write her and tell her I'd give her gas money. But, I felt that I shouldn't do that. I felt that if it were to be a 'God thing' that I needed to let God do it His way... He would find a way to make it happen. Additionally, if Julie wanted to come badly enough, SHE would find a way to make it happen. So, I told her "I understand, no problem. Maybe some other time." And I left it at that.
No more than five minutes later she writes me back. She's thought about it some more and she would love to come to church with us on Sunday. WOW. Okay.... that's great! The plan was for her to come to our house early in the morning, drive over to church with us, she could go to the Vineyard with the kids (they buy coffee and bagels every Sunday while Chris and I warm up with the choir - we HAVE to be their favorite customer!). Then, after church (2 services as we sing for both) she'd come back to the house, have lunch, swim in the pool, relax in the hot tub, enjoy the kids all day, have dinner, then go home. Sounds good, eh?
She arrived at the house on time this morning. We went to church. I was VERY nervous. I had a trio song that I was singing Saturday and Sunday with the choir... me and two other girls on microphones and the choir backing us up. It was way cool, but I was VERY nervous. Add to that now that my sister was out there.... VERY nervous.
All morning I was thinking about Julie nearly dying SO MANY times. About how the priest had told her that she wasn't going to have that many more chances. I knew exactly what he meant by that. He didn't mean just stop trying to kill yourself. He meant... it's time to get your life straightened out... start living your life. Start living for a purpose. For His purpose. I kept praying the same prayer all morning... that God would speak to Julie's heart this morning. Not that she would be 'saved' or that she would cry or that she would have some kind of breakthrough.... just.... "Please, God, speak to her heart".
Pastor Matthew's sermon this morning COULDN'T have been more perfect. First of all, the series we are on right now is on Parables. Jesus used parables a lot in talking to the people because for simple minded people, it was easier for them to understand. Julie... well... is simple minded. Parables are PERFECT for her.
Then, the sermon itself was from Luke, about how God didn't want "perfect people" - he liked people just the way they were - imperfect. Don't think that you need to GET PERFECT before you decide to go to God.... God wants to meet you WHERE YOU ARE. Jesus extended the invitation to everyone... to come as they are. That meant everyone.
I swear at times it was like there was no one else in the room but Julie and Matthew. To me anyways, but I had no idea what Julie was feeling. At times Matthew was talking about how Jesus invited everyone regardless of their ailments: cripples - poor - blind - lame. At one point I was sure he was going to say "mentally ill" because I was so sure he was talking JUST to Julie. Of course he didn't... but I swear to you, it seemed that personal to me.
When Pastor Matthew was done with the sermon, he explained about being born again, about turning away from sin and being born again to the Lord. He asked for those who felt the calling to do so to please raise their hand.
And, up went Julie's hand.
And my tears just fell. And fell and fell. Chris held me and we were both so happy. The Lord works in mysterious ways, doesn't he?
Julie has asked to move her visits from Wednesday nights to Sundays so that she can go to Church with us every week. Of course I said yes!
Of course, I am aware that Sundays visits mean that I've gone from a 2-3 hour visit to an 11-12 hour visit. But, if all visits went like today -- who cares! Today was blissfully wonderful.
I'm not saying that Julie is cured. I know that she is not. I know she still has a terrible disease and it IS going to rear it's ugly head again, probably pretty darn soon. But, if she can keep drugs and overdoses OUT of her life and get God and Jesus INTO her life, she's got a pretty good chance of keeping things balanced out quite nicely.
I was going to end with a nice quote... but I really need to go get the kids to bed and don't have time to go search. Here is a photo of the girls from Homecoming on Friday. Are they not just the CUTEST girls EVER???
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Long Time No Blog
Long time no blog?
I know... I know....I've not blogged in a week or so now for two reasons, one being it's just been busy at the house and the kids are on the computers so much it's hard for me to find an hour or so alone when I can blog without interruptions. The other reason is that Julie has been doing so well that I'm almost afraid to blog. Afraid to say how hopeful I am only to be hurt/let down again. But - I have an hour or so right now... So here goes....
So, Kayla is being punished for her bicycle she had stolen by her lack of good judgment a few weeks ago. We told her that she is to WALK every single day to and from work until she's saved enough money to go buy another family bike. Out thought process was that she would appreciate the bike ever-so-much when she was forced to walk for a couple of weeks in the hot sun in the late afternoons and in the dark at night. She's asked about taking the other really bad bike we have, but we told her no. She's gotten a ride home from work once and we told her that was not allowed either.
I get it that Kayla doesn't understand the logic behind our punishment... That we really want her to LEARN from it. She'll get that years from now, I know. So, Sunday night she came home from work about 9:15 at night. She rushes upstairs to shower and go to bed.
The next day, Chris notices a bike parked in a neighbor's bush just behind our house. This bush is on the other side of our back yard fence. The bike looked like it had been just THROWN into this bush.
Chris and I immediately felt that Kayla had borrowed that bike from someone and left it there. She was in a rush... didn't want to park the bike out front because she didn't want us to know she'd ridden a bike. We just FELT it.
Chris asked Kayla about the bike. She claimed to have no knowledge of the bike... didn't know who it belonged to. I should mention here that it was in our neighbor's yard. He is an older gentleman with kids in college and not at home. We were confident the bike was NOT his.
After Kayla denied knowing anything about the bike, I walked around the corner to examine it closer. It looked just like their friend KC's bike. Then, on the handlebars I see a McDonald's hat. Where does Kayla now work? McDonald's! She just started, so she has only ONE hat. I take the hat and walk up into her bedroom to ask her again about it.
I said "Kayla, is this your hat?" She said it was and wanted to know where I found it. I told her on the bicycle. Do you know that she had the audacity to continue to deny she knew anything about the bike.
Doorbell rings. It's KC. How ironic.
I ask her if that was her bike. YES. Did she loan it to Kayla? YES.
Oh.
My.
GOD.
Kayla!!!
After 30 minutes or so of constant head-slapping "come on Kayla, geez, everyone in this room KNOWS you are lying!" Kayla finally admitted it.
WHY DOES SHE LIE SO MUCH???
One of the greatest ideas I've had of late is that Kayla needs to write a journal... a lie journal. I think I've blogged about this before. I want her to write out every lie she can think of, what happened, why she lied, what she lied about, and what the outcome was. Maybe even add things like if she REALLY thought people believed her, because it's been my experience that many times when she lies it is SO blatant that EVERYONE in the room knows it's a lie. So... I think a journal would really help her. She enjoys writing so much, she would color the pages and draw on them. And I think it would be very therapeutic for her. Not to mention I'd love to read about them all.
Julie is coming over for her visit tonight. I'm looking forward to it this time. She sounds really great. I'm just SO AFRAID of getting my hopes up too much.
She called the other day to say that her blood sugar had been below 150 for two days in a row. She was VERY excited about it. I asked her what she was doing differently. She said that she was taking her insulin the way she was supposed to. Huh... go figure. LOL
I know it sounds like a given, but Julie's brain just doesn't work that way.
Julie wrote the kids a card last week and brought it to her visit last Wednesday. The only kid who is not taking Julie's 'new' self very well is Kayla. Kayla is angry with Julie. Kayte is taking it okay but I think she doesn't believe it's going to last. Justin is Justin... supportive and loving as always.
In her letter she told the kids that she was never going to try to kill herself again. That she was sorry for all she put them through. Funny story about the card. I read it and it was hard not to laugh. The spelling and grammar was HORRID. First sentence "I'm sorry for all I put you threw" and it went downhill from there. I had flash-backs of my dad... How he would write the same way, often times doing exactly what Julie does, misspelling tons of words, leaving out punctuation and not capitalizing letters at the beginning of sentences. Dad didn't finish high school. I think he quit in the 9th grade. Julie didn't either, but she almost did - she left her Senior year. But I digress...
Kayla read the card and Julie asked what she thought. Kayla without even hesitating said "I think you misspelled a LOT of words." Yeah... That's my girl. It was sooooo funny.
For now, I remain hopeful about Julie. I am very happy that she is clear and non-drugged. She sounds so much better. I know her disease is still there, but I hope when she starts to get bad again she can seek help quickly from the right sources, not turn to food or drugs or anything else to fix her. Additionally, I'm not sure how I feel about her saying that she's not going to kill herself anymore. I don't think that she ever REALLY tried to kill herself.
So, the other day my sister Katie called me. Her 4-year old daughter, Tatiana was in the car and they were on their way home from school. Apparently in school they learned about death. On the way home they passed a cemetery and it went downhill from there. Katie called me and Tatiana was crying uncontrollably. She asked her mom what happened to people when they died. Katie explained they went to heaven. Tatiana wanted to know if they could come back to visit, and Katie told her no. This made Tatiana even more upset, so Katie called me for advice.
"We don't believe in re-incarnation, do we???" Katie asked. "Uh... No we do not. We believe you die and go to heaven" I told her. I talked to Tatiana some and she was very upset about the fact that when someone died you couldn't see them again. She wanted to know if SHE died how come she couldn't see her mommy again. I told her that when you die, you only have to wait and EVERYONE comes to YOU, just like a birthday party. You wait, everyone just shows up! She really liked that answer and was much better.
This caused me to think about religions and faith. How can Katie not know if she believes in re-incarnation or not?
What did I believe???? Am I sure of what I believe?
So, at bible study this week we were discussing people being 'saved'. Accepting Jesus as their Savior and that being the only way a person could get to heaven.
Now, I believe that to a great extent. However, I don't believe that their idea of being 'saved' is the ONLY way to get to heaven. An example I gave to the guy running bible study was my Grandma. She died many many years ago. She was a devout Catholic and a VERY VERY good person. She was faithful, she didn't just go through the motions at the Catholic church as I often did, she did it with faith and belief.
She once told us that she died at the hospital once (an operation or something and her heart stopped). She told us that she saw 'the light' and she saw family waiting there for her. She was brought back to life and HATED it because -- she knew at that very moment that she WAS indeed going to heaven. Now... she would say... she's going to keep being really good so that when she really dies she goes to heaven.
Our faith in Church tells us you can't be 'good enough' to get to heaven. That it's like a slap in the face to say you are trying to be 'good enough' to get into heaven. But, I don't think Grandma was ever trying to be 'good enough' just to get into heaven. She was being holy, religious, and a good person because it was the RIGHT thing to do. It was what God wanted her to do. I fully believe my Grandmother is in heaven. Some in my faith... in my Church... would disagree with that. Because she didn't recite some doctrine inviting Jesus Christ formally into her heart she can't go to heaven. I really don't believe that.
So... What does that make me? A bad Methodist? A bad person? I dunno.....
I do know that what I believe in. I believe in God, that Jesus came to save us from our sins. I believe that when I die and go to heaven that I will find out that there was a LOT that I thought I knew for sure was right and it simply wasn't. But, I don't think it'll matter. I think God wants us to do well, love on another, honor Him, have faith, and to bring others to Him. The rest is just gravy.
Speaking of gravy... I'm home now and must get dinner started. Please remember to thank God for all your blessings.
I know... I know....I've not blogged in a week or so now for two reasons, one being it's just been busy at the house and the kids are on the computers so much it's hard for me to find an hour or so alone when I can blog without interruptions. The other reason is that Julie has been doing so well that I'm almost afraid to blog. Afraid to say how hopeful I am only to be hurt/let down again. But - I have an hour or so right now... So here goes....
**************
So, Kayla is being punished for her bicycle she had stolen by her lack of good judgment a few weeks ago. We told her that she is to WALK every single day to and from work until she's saved enough money to go buy another family bike. Out thought process was that she would appreciate the bike ever-so-much when she was forced to walk for a couple of weeks in the hot sun in the late afternoons and in the dark at night. She's asked about taking the other really bad bike we have, but we told her no. She's gotten a ride home from work once and we told her that was not allowed either.
I get it that Kayla doesn't understand the logic behind our punishment... That we really want her to LEARN from it. She'll get that years from now, I know. So, Sunday night she came home from work about 9:15 at night. She rushes upstairs to shower and go to bed.
The next day, Chris notices a bike parked in a neighbor's bush just behind our house. This bush is on the other side of our back yard fence. The bike looked like it had been just THROWN into this bush.
Chris and I immediately felt that Kayla had borrowed that bike from someone and left it there. She was in a rush... didn't want to park the bike out front because she didn't want us to know she'd ridden a bike. We just FELT it.
Chris asked Kayla about the bike. She claimed to have no knowledge of the bike... didn't know who it belonged to. I should mention here that it was in our neighbor's yard. He is an older gentleman with kids in college and not at home. We were confident the bike was NOT his.
After Kayla denied knowing anything about the bike, I walked around the corner to examine it closer. It looked just like their friend KC's bike. Then, on the handlebars I see a McDonald's hat. Where does Kayla now work? McDonald's! She just started, so she has only ONE hat. I take the hat and walk up into her bedroom to ask her again about it.
I said "Kayla, is this your hat?" She said it was and wanted to know where I found it. I told her on the bicycle. Do you know that she had the audacity to continue to deny she knew anything about the bike.
Doorbell rings. It's KC. How ironic.
I ask her if that was her bike. YES. Did she loan it to Kayla? YES.
Oh.
My.
GOD.
Kayla!!!
After 30 minutes or so of constant head-slapping "come on Kayla, geez, everyone in this room KNOWS you are lying!" Kayla finally admitted it.
WHY DOES SHE LIE SO MUCH???
One of the greatest ideas I've had of late is that Kayla needs to write a journal... a lie journal. I think I've blogged about this before. I want her to write out every lie she can think of, what happened, why she lied, what she lied about, and what the outcome was. Maybe even add things like if she REALLY thought people believed her, because it's been my experience that many times when she lies it is SO blatant that EVERYONE in the room knows it's a lie. So... I think a journal would really help her. She enjoys writing so much, she would color the pages and draw on them. And I think it would be very therapeutic for her. Not to mention I'd love to read about them all.
***************
Julie is coming over for her visit tonight. I'm looking forward to it this time. She sounds really great. I'm just SO AFRAID of getting my hopes up too much.
She called the other day to say that her blood sugar had been below 150 for two days in a row. She was VERY excited about it. I asked her what she was doing differently. She said that she was taking her insulin the way she was supposed to. Huh... go figure. LOL
I know it sounds like a given, but Julie's brain just doesn't work that way.
Julie wrote the kids a card last week and brought it to her visit last Wednesday. The only kid who is not taking Julie's 'new' self very well is Kayla. Kayla is angry with Julie. Kayte is taking it okay but I think she doesn't believe it's going to last. Justin is Justin... supportive and loving as always.
In her letter she told the kids that she was never going to try to kill herself again. That she was sorry for all she put them through. Funny story about the card. I read it and it was hard not to laugh. The spelling and grammar was HORRID. First sentence "I'm sorry for all I put you threw" and it went downhill from there. I had flash-backs of my dad... How he would write the same way, often times doing exactly what Julie does, misspelling tons of words, leaving out punctuation and not capitalizing letters at the beginning of sentences. Dad didn't finish high school. I think he quit in the 9th grade. Julie didn't either, but she almost did - she left her Senior year. But I digress...
Kayla read the card and Julie asked what she thought. Kayla without even hesitating said "I think you misspelled a LOT of words." Yeah... That's my girl. It was sooooo funny.
For now, I remain hopeful about Julie. I am very happy that she is clear and non-drugged. She sounds so much better. I know her disease is still there, but I hope when she starts to get bad again she can seek help quickly from the right sources, not turn to food or drugs or anything else to fix her. Additionally, I'm not sure how I feel about her saying that she's not going to kill herself anymore. I don't think that she ever REALLY tried to kill herself.
***************
So, the other day my sister Katie called me. Her 4-year old daughter, Tatiana was in the car and they were on their way home from school. Apparently in school they learned about death. On the way home they passed a cemetery and it went downhill from there. Katie called me and Tatiana was crying uncontrollably. She asked her mom what happened to people when they died. Katie explained they went to heaven. Tatiana wanted to know if they could come back to visit, and Katie told her no. This made Tatiana even more upset, so Katie called me for advice.
"We don't believe in re-incarnation, do we???" Katie asked. "Uh... No we do not. We believe you die and go to heaven" I told her. I talked to Tatiana some and she was very upset about the fact that when someone died you couldn't see them again. She wanted to know if SHE died how come she couldn't see her mommy again. I told her that when you die, you only have to wait and EVERYONE comes to YOU, just like a birthday party. You wait, everyone just shows up! She really liked that answer and was much better.
This caused me to think about religions and faith. How can Katie not know if she believes in re-incarnation or not?
What did I believe???? Am I sure of what I believe?
So, at bible study this week we were discussing people being 'saved'. Accepting Jesus as their Savior and that being the only way a person could get to heaven.
Now, I believe that to a great extent. However, I don't believe that their idea of being 'saved' is the ONLY way to get to heaven. An example I gave to the guy running bible study was my Grandma. She died many many years ago. She was a devout Catholic and a VERY VERY good person. She was faithful, she didn't just go through the motions at the Catholic church as I often did, she did it with faith and belief.
She once told us that she died at the hospital once (an operation or something and her heart stopped). She told us that she saw 'the light' and she saw family waiting there for her. She was brought back to life and HATED it because -- she knew at that very moment that she WAS indeed going to heaven. Now... she would say... she's going to keep being really good so that when she really dies she goes to heaven.
Our faith in Church tells us you can't be 'good enough' to get to heaven. That it's like a slap in the face to say you are trying to be 'good enough' to get into heaven. But, I don't think Grandma was ever trying to be 'good enough' just to get into heaven. She was being holy, religious, and a good person because it was the RIGHT thing to do. It was what God wanted her to do. I fully believe my Grandmother is in heaven. Some in my faith... in my Church... would disagree with that. Because she didn't recite some doctrine inviting Jesus Christ formally into her heart she can't go to heaven. I really don't believe that.
So... What does that make me? A bad Methodist? A bad person? I dunno.....
I do know that what I believe in. I believe in God, that Jesus came to save us from our sins. I believe that when I die and go to heaven that I will find out that there was a LOT that I thought I knew for sure was right and it simply wasn't. But, I don't think it'll matter. I think God wants us to do well, love on another, honor Him, have faith, and to bring others to Him. The rest is just gravy.
Speaking of gravy... I'm home now and must get dinner started. Please remember to thank God for all your blessings.
Monday, October 08, 2007
Teenage Attitude
I should be in bed right now. Chris is gone for the week back to working at the beach. The kids are all in bed (hopefully sleeping, although I just heard someone up). I have to get up for work early in the morning as we have a big-wig coming to the office at 8 am. But... I wanted to blog really quick first.
I have so much to blog about, but need to come back to some of it later. Remind me later to tell you about Kayte and her F in English. Yeah, that's a good story. Oh, and the letter that I wrote to her teachers as a result. That's another good one for tomorrow's blog. Yes indeed.
Tonight I haven't seen Kayte hardly at ALL. And when I do see her, she's giving me big-time ATTITUDE. Hate that. I called up to her after dinner, probably about 7:00 tonight, asking her if she had washed her clothes yet. "NO!" she yells back. I said... "Well, what are you doing??" She yells back "MY HAIR!" In a teenage-attitude kinda voice.
Later in the evening she comes down (in attorney-mode) and tells me that she didn't appreciate it that I was asking her about her laundry today. She said that she KNEW it was her day to do it and that she WOULD get it done. I said... "It's two hours till bedtime, WHEN exactly were you going to do it?" She barks back at me, in a mixture of teenage-attitude and attorney-mode, telling me that as long as it's done before bed - what should I care.
Well, I DO CARE. I don't want everyone running around last minute before bed. I told her she could have thrown a load into the washer in literally 30 seconds and run back upstairs to finish her hair. (I should point out here that it takes her HOURS to straighten her hair). I ask if she really thinks she's going to have her clothes done by 9 tonight. She tells me that it should make no difference -- even IF Jonathan got up tomorrow morning to do his clothes (his day is Tuesday), that he wouldn't need the dryer. So - technically - she didn't need to have them washed/dried/folded before 9pm.
I could have smacked her little face for giving me all that attitude. Instead I asked her to leave. If Chris were here, that conversation would have NEVER happened. I just HATE THAT.
Kayla has been on the phone ALL NIGHT tonight. (She broke up with the last boyfriend and has been on the phone a LOT) I've been waiting to talk to Julie now for two days and tonight, because the phone never rang, I didn't know that Julie had called and I missed her call again. Yes, I'm a bit miffed at Kayla about that. Sigh....
I'm anxious to know what's going on with Julie. I hear she's due to get out of the hospital tomorrow and that they are going to take her at Twelve Oaks Rehab center which is up in the Panhandle. It looks like a really great place and I really want her to GO.
I'm afraid she's going to wait too long to go and that they won't have a bed for her anymore. She has to drive herself. Last I heard, Julie said that she didn't really have any addiction problems. (Yeahhhhhhh.... oooookkkkkk......) I don't want her to miss this opportunity. It's the best chance she's had in years to go to an actual rehab center.
I should run. I really do need to get to bed. I suppose I'll go call my hubby and see what he's up to. He's probably sitting on the balcony of the beach house.... drinking a beer... watching the glow of the moon out over the ocean.....
So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Isaiah 41:10
I have so much to blog about, but need to come back to some of it later. Remind me later to tell you about Kayte and her F in English. Yeah, that's a good story. Oh, and the letter that I wrote to her teachers as a result. That's another good one for tomorrow's blog. Yes indeed.
Tonight I haven't seen Kayte hardly at ALL. And when I do see her, she's giving me big-time ATTITUDE. Hate that. I called up to her after dinner, probably about 7:00 tonight, asking her if she had washed her clothes yet. "NO!" she yells back. I said... "Well, what are you doing??" She yells back "MY HAIR!" In a teenage-attitude kinda voice.
Later in the evening she comes down (in attorney-mode) and tells me that she didn't appreciate it that I was asking her about her laundry today. She said that she KNEW it was her day to do it and that she WOULD get it done. I said... "It's two hours till bedtime, WHEN exactly were you going to do it?" She barks back at me, in a mixture of teenage-attitude and attorney-mode, telling me that as long as it's done before bed - what should I care.
Well, I DO CARE. I don't want everyone running around last minute before bed. I told her she could have thrown a load into the washer in literally 30 seconds and run back upstairs to finish her hair. (I should point out here that it takes her HOURS to straighten her hair). I ask if she really thinks she's going to have her clothes done by 9 tonight. She tells me that it should make no difference -- even IF Jonathan got up tomorrow morning to do his clothes (his day is Tuesday), that he wouldn't need the dryer. So - technically - she didn't need to have them washed/dried/folded before 9pm.
I could have smacked her little face for giving me all that attitude. Instead I asked her to leave. If Chris were here, that conversation would have NEVER happened. I just HATE THAT.
Kayla has been on the phone ALL NIGHT tonight. (She broke up with the last boyfriend and has been on the phone a LOT) I've been waiting to talk to Julie now for two days and tonight, because the phone never rang, I didn't know that Julie had called and I missed her call again. Yes, I'm a bit miffed at Kayla about that. Sigh....
I'm anxious to know what's going on with Julie. I hear she's due to get out of the hospital tomorrow and that they are going to take her at Twelve Oaks Rehab center which is up in the Panhandle. It looks like a really great place and I really want her to GO.
I'm afraid she's going to wait too long to go and that they won't have a bed for her anymore. She has to drive herself. Last I heard, Julie said that she didn't really have any addiction problems. (Yeahhhhhhh.... oooookkkkkk......) I don't want her to miss this opportunity. It's the best chance she's had in years to go to an actual rehab center.
I should run. I really do need to get to bed. I suppose I'll go call my hubby and see what he's up to. He's probably sitting on the balcony of the beach house.... drinking a beer... watching the glow of the moon out over the ocean.....
So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Isaiah 41:10
Sunday, October 07, 2007
Irresponsible Kids
I'm telling ya, I have never in my life seen such irresponsible kids as these kids. I blame their inability to appreciate what they have I suppose. Let me tell you what happened Saturday.
A friend of ours, Michelle, had given a bicycle to us. We picked it up late on Friday night. Saturday morning Chris and I sang at Church at 8ish, then at Noon we were to be at a park for a school chorus picnic with the entire family. At 11:45 am we took the bike OUT of the Durango so that everyone could fit into the car.
We proceeded to the picnic which was just TONS of fun. Football, water balloon toss, tug-of-war, etc. Kayla, Justin and Kayte thought they were not going to have fun because they didn't really know anyone there - chorus kids are not really their 'crowd', ya know? But they did have a great time.
So, we get home about 3 pm and Kayla wants to go to the bank to cash her paycheck. She and Kayte take the two bikes we now have. (One from Michelle, one ours that Chris fixed.) Kayla and Kayte ride the bikes as far as CVS Pharmacy. Sun Trust bank is across the street from CVS. Kayla get the bright idea to "hide" the bikes at CVS and walk the rest of the way. Her reasoning? Riding a bike across the street is 'dangerous'. Whatever.
So, do they park the bikes in front of CVS? No... of course not. They park them in the back - where there is no customer traffic. It's not a hidden area, you can see the back of the CVS from a strip mall right next door. They 'hide' them and walk over to the bank.
The bank, of course, is closed. It's Saturday afternoon - which I tried to tell Kayla, but she doesn't listen to me. Then they decide to cross the street again and, rather than picking up their bikes, walking North a block to McDonald's (Kayla's new job).
At McDonald's Kayla meets a friend who gives her some pants. I assume they stayed there a bit then walked back to CVS to pick up their bikes.
Do you think their bikes were still there? Of course not. One of them, the NICE one that Michelle gave to us, is missing. Stolen.
It had been out of the car no less than 4 hours when they lost it.
Chris and I were FURIOUS with them. How completely irresponsible they were. Clueless to the fact that Michelle paid her hard-earned money for that bicycle. Then, out of the kindness of her heart, gave the bike to US. And less than 4 hours later, they leave it, walk away and come back only to find it stolen.
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Of course, we are going to make Kayla purchase another bike with her paychecks. It's the least she can do. I just don't know if it's going to teach her the lesson that she needs to be taught on this one. How do you teach kids appreciation? Responsibility? Respect? Especially when they are in their teenage years??
******************
It's hard to believe, but tomorrow Chris leaves for another beach shower job. It's hard to imagine him gone for another week, but - it's good that he's working.
Not that this has anything to do with Chris and his beach job... but I feel like sharing. I slept for about 15 hours last night. Nothing but college football on TV so I went to bed super early and got up late. Sheesh....... !!!!!
******************
So, last night we are having dinner - Taco night. Everyone is home - and a guy is over the house. I won't mention the guy's name for reasons that will be obvious in a minute.
Everyone else is eating, I'm on the laptop checking grades and myspace accounts. I get on one of the girl's myspace pages and read a recent thread from some guy I didn't know. The girl had just told him that she didn't want him as a boyfriend. In the message the guys says: "well damn you dont want a man....and i just want a girl to hang with and have the benifets of a g/f but with out the whole commitment...how does that sound with me and you?"
I couldn't contain myself. I said out loud "OH MY GOD, this damn guy just asked you to be a "friend with benefits" in a myspace message. I mean, he actually SAID it and everything?" I was blown away by the audacity of someone to just SAY it.
Then I find out that the guy.... is the guy who is sitting next to me right now, eating Tacos with us. WHAT???? I told him how incredibly WRONG he was and how DARE he. He tells me that I misunderstood it.
Yeah... I think not. Freaking teenage kids today. They kill me.
******************
OH - BIG NEWS!!!
The kids, Kayla, Justin and Kayte, are going to Maryland for Christmas! Chris and I are going to drive them up on 12/21 and we'll be back in time for Christmas Eve.
I am VERY excited about this.
First, I'm excited for them because I know they love their Grandma and Grandpa very much. They don't get to see them often since they live so far away. Gwen is always looking for things to do for them to be a part of their lives. When her son, Ron, died - I'm sure she must have wondered how much she was going to be able to be a part of their lives. Julie and Gwen don't really see eye-to-eye (putting it mildly). The kids have talked about going up to see Grandma Gwen and Grandpa Coley since they first moved in with me. I know Gwen will be able to provide them a memorable Christmas.
To me... that's what it's all about. More than gifts, more than Church performances, more than anything else around the holidays - it's making memories.
Secondly, I'm excited because it takes a LOT of stress and worry off of me. We can still buy them some gifts... but I don't need to worry about making this Christmas very memorable to them. It's a given that it'll be memorable to them. I don't need to worry about being the big-time provider for the entire family at Christmas. I can't tell you how much of a stress-reliever this is to me. Now it'll just be Chris, Jonathan and myself for Christmas. (Oh, and Julie. She wants to know what we are doing... but I don't want to think about that right now!)
We agreed to drive them up to Maryland to save Gwen some money on airfare. Chris said he didn't mind the drive, and hopefully I can get off on that Friday to help him with the trip. We'll probably end up renting a vehicle to make the trip since the Durango is doing so poorly at the moment. I think Nana and Papa are going to watch Jono for those couple of days. By doing so, we'll be taking 3 teenagers in the car instead of 4 and we can probably get away with renting a big car, not a minivan. This should save us some money in rental cost. Then Gwen will fly them back to Tampa on the 29th of December.
When I evaluated myself as to why I felt so ding-dang happy that the kids were going up to Maryland, I felt really good. I began to feel bad that I felt so happy - wondering if it was all to do with money and how much I could save by them not being here at Christmas. But, I thought about my motivation and feelings for a few days and realized that it was simply that I wanted the kids to have a great and memorable Christmas. I realized that I didn't NEED to be the one who gave it to them.
So often we can become so wrapped up in being the 'Savior'.... being the hero.... that it is not really healthy. I realized that I didn't care who was the hero, who made the memories, as long as the kids were happy, healthy and taken care of -- I was happy. So I give kudos to myself.
******************
I should run. The Buccaneer game starts in a bit and I've got to finish making dinner. Home-made chicken pot pie. Yummy.
I leave you with this for today:
The Paradoxical Commandments
By: Dr. Kent M. Keith
People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.
Love them anyway.
If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.
If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.
The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.
Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.
The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down
by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.
Think big anyway.
People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.
Fight for a few underdogs anyway.
What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.
People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.
Help people anyway.
Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you have anyway.
A friend of ours, Michelle, had given a bicycle to us. We picked it up late on Friday night. Saturday morning Chris and I sang at Church at 8ish, then at Noon we were to be at a park for a school chorus picnic with the entire family. At 11:45 am we took the bike OUT of the Durango so that everyone could fit into the car.
We proceeded to the picnic which was just TONS of fun. Football, water balloon toss, tug-of-war, etc. Kayla, Justin and Kayte thought they were not going to have fun because they didn't really know anyone there - chorus kids are not really their 'crowd', ya know? But they did have a great time.
So, we get home about 3 pm and Kayla wants to go to the bank to cash her paycheck. She and Kayte take the two bikes we now have. (One from Michelle, one ours that Chris fixed.) Kayla and Kayte ride the bikes as far as CVS Pharmacy. Sun Trust bank is across the street from CVS. Kayla get the bright idea to "hide" the bikes at CVS and walk the rest of the way. Her reasoning? Riding a bike across the street is 'dangerous'. Whatever.
So, do they park the bikes in front of CVS? No... of course not. They park them in the back - where there is no customer traffic. It's not a hidden area, you can see the back of the CVS from a strip mall right next door. They 'hide' them and walk over to the bank.
The bank, of course, is closed. It's Saturday afternoon - which I tried to tell Kayla, but she doesn't listen to me. Then they decide to cross the street again and, rather than picking up their bikes, walking North a block to McDonald's (Kayla's new job).
At McDonald's Kayla meets a friend who gives her some pants. I assume they stayed there a bit then walked back to CVS to pick up their bikes.
Do you think their bikes were still there? Of course not. One of them, the NICE one that Michelle gave to us, is missing. Stolen.
It had been out of the car no less than 4 hours when they lost it.
Chris and I were FURIOUS with them. How completely irresponsible they were. Clueless to the fact that Michelle paid her hard-earned money for that bicycle. Then, out of the kindness of her heart, gave the bike to US. And less than 4 hours later, they leave it, walk away and come back only to find it stolen.
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Of course, we are going to make Kayla purchase another bike with her paychecks. It's the least she can do. I just don't know if it's going to teach her the lesson that she needs to be taught on this one. How do you teach kids appreciation? Responsibility? Respect? Especially when they are in their teenage years??
******************
It's hard to believe, but tomorrow Chris leaves for another beach shower job. It's hard to imagine him gone for another week, but - it's good that he's working.
Not that this has anything to do with Chris and his beach job... but I feel like sharing. I slept for about 15 hours last night. Nothing but college football on TV so I went to bed super early and got up late. Sheesh....... !!!!!
******************
So, last night we are having dinner - Taco night. Everyone is home - and a guy is over the house. I won't mention the guy's name for reasons that will be obvious in a minute.
Everyone else is eating, I'm on the laptop checking grades and myspace accounts. I get on one of the girl's myspace pages and read a recent thread from some guy I didn't know. The girl had just told him that she didn't want him as a boyfriend. In the message the guys says: "well damn you dont want a man....and i just want a girl to hang with and have the benifets of a g/f but with out the whole commitment...how does that sound with me and you?"
I couldn't contain myself. I said out loud "OH MY GOD, this damn guy just asked you to be a "friend with benefits" in a myspace message. I mean, he actually SAID it and everything?" I was blown away by the audacity of someone to just SAY it.
Then I find out that the guy.... is the guy who is sitting next to me right now, eating Tacos with us. WHAT???? I told him how incredibly WRONG he was and how DARE he. He tells me that I misunderstood it.
Yeah... I think not. Freaking teenage kids today. They kill me.
******************
OH - BIG NEWS!!!
The kids, Kayla, Justin and Kayte, are going to Maryland for Christmas! Chris and I are going to drive them up on 12/21 and we'll be back in time for Christmas Eve.
I am VERY excited about this.
First, I'm excited for them because I know they love their Grandma and Grandpa very much. They don't get to see them often since they live so far away. Gwen is always looking for things to do for them to be a part of their lives. When her son, Ron, died - I'm sure she must have wondered how much she was going to be able to be a part of their lives. Julie and Gwen don't really see eye-to-eye (putting it mildly). The kids have talked about going up to see Grandma Gwen and Grandpa Coley since they first moved in with me. I know Gwen will be able to provide them a memorable Christmas.
To me... that's what it's all about. More than gifts, more than Church performances, more than anything else around the holidays - it's making memories.
Secondly, I'm excited because it takes a LOT of stress and worry off of me. We can still buy them some gifts... but I don't need to worry about making this Christmas very memorable to them. It's a given that it'll be memorable to them. I don't need to worry about being the big-time provider for the entire family at Christmas. I can't tell you how much of a stress-reliever this is to me. Now it'll just be Chris, Jonathan and myself for Christmas. (Oh, and Julie. She wants to know what we are doing... but I don't want to think about that right now!)
We agreed to drive them up to Maryland to save Gwen some money on airfare. Chris said he didn't mind the drive, and hopefully I can get off on that Friday to help him with the trip. We'll probably end up renting a vehicle to make the trip since the Durango is doing so poorly at the moment. I think Nana and Papa are going to watch Jono for those couple of days. By doing so, we'll be taking 3 teenagers in the car instead of 4 and we can probably get away with renting a big car, not a minivan. This should save us some money in rental cost. Then Gwen will fly them back to Tampa on the 29th of December.
When I evaluated myself as to why I felt so ding-dang happy that the kids were going up to Maryland, I felt really good. I began to feel bad that I felt so happy - wondering if it was all to do with money and how much I could save by them not being here at Christmas. But, I thought about my motivation and feelings for a few days and realized that it was simply that I wanted the kids to have a great and memorable Christmas. I realized that I didn't NEED to be the one who gave it to them.
So often we can become so wrapped up in being the 'Savior'.... being the hero.... that it is not really healthy. I realized that I didn't care who was the hero, who made the memories, as long as the kids were happy, healthy and taken care of -- I was happy. So I give kudos to myself.
******************
I should run. The Buccaneer game starts in a bit and I've got to finish making dinner. Home-made chicken pot pie. Yummy.
I leave you with this for today:
The Paradoxical Commandments
By: Dr. Kent M. Keith
People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.
Love them anyway.
If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.
If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.
The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.
Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.
The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down
by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.
Think big anyway.
People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.
Fight for a few underdogs anyway.
What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.
People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.
Help people anyway.
Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you have anyway.
Wednesday, October 03, 2007
What's A Geoduck?
Well, I spoke too darn soon on the mornings comment I made yesterday. Remember when I said mornings were going so much better? Well, they were....
I have had a migraine now for two days. This morning about 5:00 I just wasn't able to sleep. Jonathan's alarm clock kept going off and he didn't shut it off. Beep.... Beep.... Beep.... Beep.... Beep.... Drove me NUTS. With the migraine it felt SO loud to me, but he couldn't hear it at all. Finally at 5:30 I'd had enough and I went to wake him up.
He was NOT in a good mood.
He woke up and rushed downstairs to get breakfast, only to realize we are now out of cereal. I hear him downstairs slamming doors and such, so I go down to find out what's going on.
I told him about the bowls... How even yesterday morning everyone left their dirty dishes out. I explained to him what I'd told him before: he could eat breakfast at school.
Not happy.
He began throwing boxes - cereal boxes that had less than a cup of cereal left in them. (Why they insist on putting them back like that is beyond me.) He's throwing them in the general vicinity of the garbage can shouting each time "can't eat this, can't eat this..." Chris ended up coming downstairs and putting him in his place.
The best part was my son telling me "By not providing me with cereal you are depriving me of the ability to make good grades." WHAT??? He goes on to explain that by not eating a good breakfast at home, he's less focused during the day and therefore his grades are going to ultimately suffer. Yeah... Okay..... He is - without question - my son. I tell him that school provides free breakfast, to which he scowls his face and tells me that it's not a good breakfast. He then begins to pick up the dirty dishes that are in the sink from the night prior. (Albeit not nicely, he's tossing them into the sink and into the dishwasher.)
Sigh....
I hate mornings at our house.
***************
Julie called a couple times today and really does sound good. She is now at Memorial Hospital in the psyc ward. She's not sure what the actual treatment plan is going to be... Maybe she'll go to long-term treatment, maybe she'll be out in a couple weeks. She said she's not going to get her hopes up for long-term treatment anyways. I don't blame her.
***************
Julie really wants me to bring the kids up to see her. I really don't want to. Mostly because Julie did this to herself and I feel that she should wait until she's better and out of the hospital and THEN she can make arrangements to come see the kids.
I remember last time I went to Memorial... We drove for over an hour in horrible traffic (visiting hours are strictly from 6pm to 8pm, which puts me in rush hour traffic). I would have to leave work, immediately put the kids in the Durango (which isn't working well to begin with) then drive in rush hour traffic down to South Tampa. For an hour and a half or so Julie would dote over the kids, showing everyone what great and beautiful kids she has. Then we'd pile back into the car and worry about what to do for dinner since it'll be after 9 when we get home.
So, I'm spending over 2 hours in a car, without dinner, driving and wasting probably a half a tank of gas (a big deal when you drive a Durango), to have the kids visit with Julie for less time than we'd be in the car driving back and forth to see her.
And she wonders why I don't want to come and see her? Am I wrong?? Isn't that just nuts?
When she was on the respirator and her life was in danger, that was one thing. But just because she FELT like overdosing AGAIN on pills and ended up in the hospital AGAIN... Doesn't mean I want to spend my night driving to come and see her. Life threatening illness, yes - absolutely. Just another stay at the Psychiatric ward - no.
***************
I was talking earlier to our Parish Nurse Judie. She mentioned that she sometimes felt that having a mental illness was worse than cancer. With cancer... You get treatment, there are multitudes of treatment options, there is a better understanding of the disease, and there are support options. When you are dealing with mental illness, your treatment options and the support system just isn't there. It's sad really.
Mom mentioned a friend of hers who just recently lost her son in a car accident. How unfair was it that this woman lost her son at an early age when he had so much to live for... And Julie on the other hand is TRYING to kill herself every other week and can't do it. It doesn't seem fair, does it?
***************
Speaking of fair... I've got to run for today. I just found this quote when looking up quotes and/or bible verses on a fair God. I came across this from a movie database on Ma and Pa Kettle at the Fair (1952). Go figure:
Pa Kettle: [filling in for the preacher]
I don't know how to preach a sermon, I can't quote Scriptures, although I know all the words, I wouldn't know how to put them together, but I can speak from my heart.
I can say how thankful I am that I have Ma and the kids, I'm thankful for the food we get and the clothes we wear.
A lot of folks are always asking God for something instead of being thankful for what they got. I figure if He wants you to have it, it'll come to you because you deserve it. He gave us the mountains, the trees, the water and the fertile land. Gave men the ability to make things and grow things. He put gold and silver, coal and oil under the ground, all man has to do is dig them up.
Why I figure that He kind of wants you to help yourself a little, He don't want to do it all.
If I found out right now there was oil under my land, would I be lazy? No sir, right away I'd get Geoduck and Crowbar to start digging an oil well.
The whole world could be a better place to live in if everybody would do like I do. Every morning when I wake up I say "I thank you God, for letting me live to see another day" and at night when I go to sleep I say "Dear God, please let me live to see another tomorrow so I can prove to You that I can be a better man than I have been today."
Amen.
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
Hell On Earth
Well, let's try this again - shall we? I just did a HUGE blog, then accidentally deleted the ding-dang thing!
I will do my best to not make this a marathon blog, but I haven't blogged in a while and there is so much to blog about... So here goes....
***************
Justin.... Oie, Justin. He just got his learner's permit for driving. He is in drivers ed, but hasn't had much time behind the wheel. Grandma took him out around the block Sunday, which was the extent of his abilities. He didn't know how to get the car out of park... THAT is how new he is. He must have asked me 30 times if I could take him out to drive. Every time I said no... I don't want him 'practicing' just yet... I want to TEACH him, which will involve a parking lot and a lot of distance between our car and something he could potentially hit.
So... Monday I come home from work and I go to the dining room table where the kids usually put there homework. Justin has some homework papers on the table, and also on TOP of the homework is a note. A 4-page note, passed in a class between him and his friend Matt.
In this note, Justin talks about how he called Matt at 6:30 this morning (WAY too early to use a phone and call someone's house!). He was calling Matt this morning to ask if he could ride with him to school instead of taking the bus. He knows he's not supposed to be going to school in any other way other than by bus, ESPECIALLY without clearing it through us. So... the letter goes on to describe how Justin, Kayte and Jonathan all got a ride to school Monday morning from Matt. Kayla didn't want to go because she "didn't want to get into trouble". GO KAYLA!
So, there were two mistakes here - one in that they called so early. Second being that they got a ride to school by Matt without asking us for permission. To add insult to injury, Justin also rode HOME with him. Rule-breaker #3. Sheesh.
Then his note goes on to make fun of Jonathan and Kayte because they were AFRAID while JUSTIN was DRIVING.
Okay, hold it for a second. I had to go back and read it again. Justin was DRIVING? Of COURSE they were scared.
Justin knows the law: He's allowed to drive only with a TWENTY ONE year old person in the seat NEXT to him and only during daylight hours. He didn't meet either one of those requirements. He broke the law.
Chris and I were furious. And, Justin has the gall to make fun of Jono and Kayte for being afraid? Then this boy, Matt, goes on to tell Justin that he needs to learn to drive FASTER and to PASS PEOPLE. Justin said he'd work on it.
Faster? Pass people? He's been in the drivers seat less than 15 minutes. He doesn't know how to get the car out of PARK. Passing? Speed? WHAT????
Chris and I took away his license and we called his drivers ed teacher. He's not driving at school either. Here in Tampa we have had a string of young kids in car accidents killing people. 15 year old kids that think nothing is ever going to happen to them, driving against the rules, crashing, and killing friends or innocent people walking down the street. It's all over the news here.
Justin not only put HIS life in danger, he put the lives of countless kids that were waiting at bus stops along the road that he passed, and he put the lives of my son and his sister in danger.
Gosh, I'm getting all fired up just thinking about it again!!
***************
So, Kayla in that one instance did the right thing, but she's not making a habit out of it. Not yet Anyways.
Two weeks ago she was going to the movies with her boyfriend. Oddly, Chris that same night had watched some of the same movie they went to see free online through some movie site.
The next day, we are on our way to church. It went something like this:
Tina: What movie did you see, Kayla?
Kayla: We went to see Mr. Woodcock.
Tina: Well, how weird is that? Uncle Chris watched that online last night. What was the movie about, Kayla?
Kayla: Um... I don't know.
Tina: What do you mean, you don't know?
Kayla: Ummm... I fell asleep.
Tina: What about the very beginning of the movie? What was that about?
Kayla: I fell asleep when I first go there and woke up after the end of the movie.
Tina: Uh... Yeah..... Right. Chris (Kayla's boyfriend) - what was the movie about?
Chris: Um... I don't know.
Tina: What do you mean you don't know?
Chris: I..... I.... I forgot.
Now... Do I have "IDIOT" stamped on my forehead somewhere? Come on!!
Of course we got them to admit they didn't go to the movies. They did... well... they did something else. I didn't push to find out what. We were just furious that BOTH of them lied.
***************
Mornings are SO MUCH BETTER around the Rhocchini house. Thanks to all who have commented or talked to me about what you think I should do. It really helped. It helped so much in fact that I've decided to take my lunches back into my own hands.
Typically when I come home for lunch, I arrive about 12:10 and have roughly 40 minutes to make and eat lunch and relax before going back to work. However, the first 10 minutes is spent cleaning up the kids' breakfast. Typically I find all kind of cups in the kitchen, bowls, cereal and sugar out. I'm one of those people who needs to clean first before I cook or eat. So, I clean up their mess, start the dishwasher or hand-wash if the dishwasher is full of clean dishes. THEN I worry about my lunch.
I decided the other day that... if I didn't have any breakfast items at home, they couldn't eat at home. The school serves free breakfast - but they enjoy eating at home more. Too bad. Because I told them that if they can't pick up after themselves, I was simply not going to buy any more cereal, pop tarts, or oatmeal. Nothing.
Jonathan says... "Well, if I clean up after myself and nobody else does, that's not fair. Then I'd have to pick up everyone else's stuff, and it's not fair because I didn't make the mess!" I said "welcome to my world, Jonathan."
They must not be too concerned though because even today at lunch I had to clean up after them. Maybe they think I'm not serious? I dunno... I don't care. They are not going starve, so I'm sticking to my guns on this one. **grin**
***************
Julie called last night. She's been in the hospital for a week or so now. She told me she wanted to tell me what 'really happened' as long as I didn't blog about it. I told her I could NOT promise that.
She went on anyways to tell me that she was in the hospital this time for overdosing trying to kill herself. I didn't sound surprised, I figured she had done so... she's been slurring so badly recently. We all knew she was overdosing.
She went on to explain, however, that this time was very different. This time she went to the pharmacy and got ALL of her refills on anything she could get her hands on. Then she went home and took all her meds. Not wimpy medicines, but rather, heavy-duty psychotropic medicines.
She went on to tell me roughly how much of each prescription she actually took. We are talking in the neighborhood of 400-500 pills folks. Holy COW.
You remember me blogging before about just the Klonopin overdose? She took I think 27 Klonopin and it was in her system for days afterwards. This time she took about 150 Klonopin, in addition to all her other psychiatric medications, Soma, Sleeping pills. Again, the total quantity I estimate to be between 400 and 500 pills. Can you even fathom that?
When she first arrived at the ER, she promised them she hadn't taken any pills since the night before. She lied. She did this on purpose so that they wouldn't use the charcoal to pump her stomach again. She said that she was so "out of it" at the ER that she had to be helped to the bathroom, and once there, had to be helped again to... finish up (if you catch my drift). She was shocked that the doctors believed her, and she truly thought she was going to die.
Now that the extent of what she had done is known, even the doctors agree that the medications she took should have "Killed an elephant". Julie's EKG upon arrival at the ER was out of whack, but now... Now everything seems to be just fine. No long-term damage. No ill-effects from the massive quantities of medication.
It is because of this that Julie now fully believes that she DID die. That she died, went to God who refused to take her, and that He sent her to live in "Hell on earth". That -- this is some sort of punishment for her.
It's really sad talking to her about it. She is so.... Clear - no medications messing her up. And she sounds good on the phone. She is speaking so well in fact that the past few days I've allowed her to talk to the kids without my supervision. And yet... Then she talks about how she died, God didn't want her, and she's forced to live in "Hell". It's truly sad.
***************
All of this with Julie makes me think of two things....
One being that maybe Julie really does need to live in a home. An assisted living home. She could maybe work outside and yet come home every evening. A nurse there could pass out her medications when she needs them. They talked to us about this when Julie was on the respirator... That maybe she simply wasn't capable of making it on her own without hurting herself. She could eat the meals they prepare for her so that her Diabetes doesn't get out of whack, and they could make sure she doesn't overdose on pills every day.
It may sound horribly drastic.... But if you could HEAR her NOW... While she is in the hospital. Sigh. She sounds great. Clear-headed. Non-medicated. I haven't even supervised her last few phone calls. Maybe her living in a home is the only way for her to live a long, full life.
Then I wonder if it's time to try removing parental rights from her. When I think of that, I want to vomit.
But... I keep thinking one of two things will happen: either she'll view it as a wake-up call and start acting better and stop abusing everything and start taking care of herself for the sake of her kids --- or --- I will look back in 10 years and know for sure that it was the right thing to do for the kids.
These kids have become hardened as a result of all of this. Used to be when Julie went into the hospital we'd hold a family meeting... We'd all gather in the living room and sit and talk about it. Openly discuss our feelings, what happened with their mom this time, how her thinking is just not 'right', and that through it all she loved them. Yet now... When she goes in... It's more like the kids say "Let me guess, she tried to kill herself again? Yeah, okay. Whatever. Can I go out and play now?"
It's sad.
I watch enough Dr. Phil to know that what she is doing, even from her home in Riverview with them living in Carrollwood, is damaging them. Every stupid comment. Every one of Julie's attempts to cry out for help. Every pill she pops. Every one is hurting them.
And I don't want to see them hurt.
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