I have had a migraine now for two days. This morning about 5:00 I just wasn't able to sleep. Jonathan's alarm clock kept going off and he didn't shut it off. Beep.... Beep.... Beep.... Beep.... Beep.... Drove me NUTS. With the migraine it felt SO loud to me, but he couldn't hear it at all. Finally at 5:30 I'd had enough and I went to wake him up.
He was NOT in a good mood.
He woke up and rushed downstairs to get breakfast, only to realize we are now out of cereal. I hear him downstairs slamming doors and such, so I go down to find out what's going on.
I told him about the bowls... How even yesterday morning everyone left their dirty dishes out. I explained to him what I'd told him before: he could eat breakfast at school.
Not happy.
He began throwing boxes - cereal boxes that had less than a cup of cereal left in them. (Why they insist on putting them back like that is beyond me.) He's throwing them in the general vicinity of the garbage can shouting each time "can't eat this, can't eat this..." Chris ended up coming downstairs and putting him in his place.
The best part was my son telling me "By not providing me with cereal you are depriving me of the ability to make good grades." WHAT??? He goes on to explain that by not eating a good breakfast at home, he's less focused during the day and therefore his grades are going to ultimately suffer. Yeah... Okay..... He is - without question - my son. I tell him that school provides free breakfast, to which he scowls his face and tells me that it's not a good breakfast. He then begins to pick up the dirty dishes that are in the sink from the night prior. (Albeit not nicely, he's tossing them into the sink and into the dishwasher.)
Sigh....
I hate mornings at our house.
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Julie called a couple times today and really does sound good. She is now at Memorial Hospital in the psyc ward. She's not sure what the actual treatment plan is going to be... Maybe she'll go to long-term treatment, maybe she'll be out in a couple weeks. She said she's not going to get her hopes up for long-term treatment anyways. I don't blame her.
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Julie really wants me to bring the kids up to see her. I really don't want to. Mostly because Julie did this to herself and I feel that she should wait until she's better and out of the hospital and THEN she can make arrangements to come see the kids.
I remember last time I went to Memorial... We drove for over an hour in horrible traffic (visiting hours are strictly from 6pm to 8pm, which puts me in rush hour traffic). I would have to leave work, immediately put the kids in the Durango (which isn't working well to begin with) then drive in rush hour traffic down to South Tampa. For an hour and a half or so Julie would dote over the kids, showing everyone what great and beautiful kids she has. Then we'd pile back into the car and worry about what to do for dinner since it'll be after 9 when we get home.
So, I'm spending over 2 hours in a car, without dinner, driving and wasting probably a half a tank of gas (a big deal when you drive a Durango), to have the kids visit with Julie for less time than we'd be in the car driving back and forth to see her.
And she wonders why I don't want to come and see her? Am I wrong?? Isn't that just nuts?
When she was on the respirator and her life was in danger, that was one thing. But just because she FELT like overdosing AGAIN on pills and ended up in the hospital AGAIN... Doesn't mean I want to spend my night driving to come and see her. Life threatening illness, yes - absolutely. Just another stay at the Psychiatric ward - no.
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I was talking earlier to our Parish Nurse Judie. She mentioned that she sometimes felt that having a mental illness was worse than cancer. With cancer... You get treatment, there are multitudes of treatment options, there is a better understanding of the disease, and there are support options. When you are dealing with mental illness, your treatment options and the support system just isn't there. It's sad really.
Mom mentioned a friend of hers who just recently lost her son in a car accident. How unfair was it that this woman lost her son at an early age when he had so much to live for... And Julie on the other hand is TRYING to kill herself every other week and can't do it. It doesn't seem fair, does it?
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Speaking of fair... I've got to run for today. I just found this quote when looking up quotes and/or bible verses on a fair God. I came across this from a movie database on Ma and Pa Kettle at the Fair (1952). Go figure:
Pa Kettle: [filling in for the preacher]
I don't know how to preach a sermon, I can't quote Scriptures, although I know all the words, I wouldn't know how to put them together, but I can speak from my heart.
I can say how thankful I am that I have Ma and the kids, I'm thankful for the food we get and the clothes we wear.
A lot of folks are always asking God for something instead of being thankful for what they got. I figure if He wants you to have it, it'll come to you because you deserve it. He gave us the mountains, the trees, the water and the fertile land. Gave men the ability to make things and grow things. He put gold and silver, coal and oil under the ground, all man has to do is dig them up.
Why I figure that He kind of wants you to help yourself a little, He don't want to do it all.
If I found out right now there was oil under my land, would I be lazy? No sir, right away I'd get Geoduck and Crowbar to start digging an oil well.
The whole world could be a better place to live in if everybody would do like I do. Every morning when I wake up I say "I thank you God, for letting me live to see another day" and at night when I go to sleep I say "Dear God, please let me live to see another tomorrow so I can prove to You that I can be a better man than I have been today."
Amen.
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