Tina's Daily Blog: Job Changes

Friday, September 26, 2008

Job Changes

*** WARNING - THIS BLOG IS PROBABLY GOING TO BE PITIFUL ***

You have been warned. I'm pretty darn sad. Down in the dumps. Scared. Nervous. Uncertain.

I love my job. Not 'what I do' really... I mean, we sell power plants for goodness sakes. I never thought in a million years I'd be doing that. But, I just LOVE the guys I work for. They are great Christian men, devoted fathers, and good husbands. It's a joy working for them. I believe God led me to this job for several reasons... it was a mile from my home at a time when I really needed it (just getting the kids). They were sympathetic and faith-filled bosses at a time when I really needed it.

And honestly, they needed me. When I got here, they office was a MESS. Papers everywhere. Checks that were partially entered. Partially???? Yeah, partially! Orders that were received days ago that were not yet entered. Quoted received a week ago or longer not yet done. Papers literally EVERYWHERE. Just... a mess. My skin would literally ITCH. I had to wipe down the keyboard and phone to work at the desk. Ew, ew, eww!

Now quotes are done within minutes. Phone are always answered on the first two rings. Orders are entered within 10 minutes. Checks are entered immediately and ALWAYS completely. I then check and double check to make sure that the computer matches exactly what the check deposit is. There is no filing to be done, it's done immediately. Everything is done immediately. Emails are answered quickly - and the customers LOVE it. I get kudos all the time.
I had my review on Wednesday. The good news is I had a stunning review. Everything I do is great. The only thing I could do more of is Marketing. The only thing holding me back from more marketing - honestly - is lack of product knowledge on many of the things we sell here and David's micro-managing of the tiny details. (We've been working on just getting new business cards for a year now, he doesn't like colors, layout, designs, etc.) But other than that -- what I DO -- what I was HIRED to do -- I do and go "above and beyond" all the time. I give 110%. I "excel" at everything. All the customers, all the principals, everyone tells him how great I am.

Even though we lost a principal (a company who hires us to sell their line) as of October 31st, he's going to give me a raise. Because I deserve it. Good news, right?

Not so fast.

He then tells me that he expects the loss of this principal will begin to financially impact the office about January. So on January 1st, they are going to cut my position to part time.

PART TIME????

I can't feed a family of 6 on part time!

He then tells me that he's going to move the office to Tarpon Springs. So I'd have to drive a good 40 minutes every day to get to work. But -- he tells me -- maybe I could find another part-time job to fill in the pay. Oh, and the hours he wants me to work??? 10-12 and 1-3. So.... I would then get a second part time job when?? At night??? Nooooo.... I think not. I'm not a part time kind of girl.

I want a job that pays me what I'm worth. Because I'm a freaking GREAT person who can whip an office into shape. I am VERY good at what I do. I know I am.

So.... I am now looking for another job. I have 3 months to find one. Not to worry, CNN says there are only 6.5 million other people out there looking for jobs as well. :o(

**My stomach flip-flops**

For those reading this who want to know exactly what I do... I can send you my resume if you post a reply and ask me to send it to you (leave me your email address). I have had 19 years of administrative coordinator/office manager positions and the last three years have been inside sales with office administration.

I would really like to stay in North Tampa as our cars are not all that reliable. Unless I land a whale of a job that pays me so well I can afford a car payment that is! But, it's also nice being close to the kids when they are sick or need rides home from school and that sort of thing. I don't want to do the 'job fair' thing... I'd rather find a job from someone who knows of a job opening.

**Big breath**

I'm really trying to not freak out about it. Trying to remember that God led me to this job and that THIS surely must be HIS plan. That, He has a better plan for me. Maybe a better paying job... heck, maybe one that offers benefits for the whole family. Right now I only have benefits for Jonathan and I and I pay almost $550 a month for it. Crazy, huh? My boss reimburses me for $225 of that, so it helps some ~ but it's still a lot to pay for insurance that doesn't cover all that much. Heck, with Jonathan's recent problems, I just found out that our "lifetime maximum" for mental health is $3,000. Three thousand? Hey Julie, could you IMAGINE that? That's not per year, that a LIFETIME maximum. Unreal. Gotta love insurance companies.

****************************************************

Today I'm expecting the kids to come home and be really upset with me. I took both computers and hid them today. The kids rooms are horrible - the house has CRAP in every room that needs to be picked up or cleaned up - and I'm tired of the kids just coming home and doing what they want to do and not cleaning up after themselves. They blame it on one and take no responsibility for themselves. Fact of the matter, each of them has something lying someplace in the house. Katie's shoes, Justin's shirt, Jonathan's pants, Kayla's belt. Everyone's dishes and cups.

So I hid the computers and figured they could get back on them when they finally did some chores. Heck, Jonathan hasn't done laundry all week. I've been asking him to simply FOLD his clothes since Tuesday. It's now Friday and the basket finally made it's way up to his room. Still not put away.

One kid is responsible for doing towels. I refuse to do them because the kids use SO MANY towels weekly. I wash and use my own. We have roughly 35 towels. 4 kids will use all 35 towels in a week, easy. It used to make me crazy. I originally gave the job to Kayla as the oldest. There are TWO days a week in which to get all 35 towels washed. When she started working, I passed the job onto Justin. Now that he's at football practice and games 6 days a week, we had to pass the job to someone else - Jonathan being the third oldest, I gave the job to him. Guess what is not done? Yep. He tells me all he time he's just not going to do it. I remind him all the time. He just doesn't do it. I don't know what to do about it. Should I force him to do it? Force him to keep up his share -- Kayla and Justin did it. He's choosing to not do it. Sitting LITERALLY three feet away from the washer and dryer for HOURS playing a game, ignoring the fact that there should be towels washing on those days. Or... should I just let it go and -- when there are no towels left, each kid will wash their own towels. Forcing each kid to just wash their own.

Course, it could just be that I'm TERRIBLY grumpy right now.

Last night I got home after choir practice and just sat down and watched TV. I SHOULD have gone in immediately and told them everything that had not done. Checked bookbags, cleaned up dinner, laundry not done, dishes everywhere, cat litter not done in days, clothes on the floor, etc. But I didn't... I didn't want to deal with it. So I waited. Kayla was already in bed actually, Kayte was in her room. Justin got in from football and played a video game... Jono was on the computer. I chose to deal with it when they all centered around the stairs around 9:45 while getting ready for bed. Bad idea, and I know it.

Then again, I also know the kids hate it when I walk through the door and the first thing I do is complain about all the stuff they didn't do.

I'm just on edge. I suppose it would help if they would realize that I'm under terrible stress right now and pull their fair share of the housework. So I can at least come home and not think about how there is a mess everywhere I look. But I need to remind myself they are teenagers. In the "I-Me-My" generation.

Anyone want to give me advice here? Tell the kids to step up? Or should I chill out?

*************************************************************

Chris and I are going with some friends tonight to see the Fireproof Movie tonight. I'm excited about it. It looks like a really great movie, and it's been long overdue that a movie has been main-stream, Christian based, and focused on couples actually staying together through their marriage - tough times and all.

If you haven't seen it - go check out the preview: http://www.fireproofthemovie.com/

1 comment:

Anonymous said...: Hi Tina. Michael Matthew's mom. It has been a while ... I think last year's talent show at Gaither. Drop me an email at Cmatthew33612@aol.com with your number. I'd like to talk to you about a position that was just posted with my company yesterday. I can forward you the job description and the information to contact our GM. Great company and wonderful people. I look forward to hearing from you.; 8:13 PM

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In A Nutshell:

Here is a letter I sent to Dr. Phil which really sums everything up:
I am married to my high-school sweetheart (20 years this August), with two wonderful children (Amanda who is 20 and Jonathan who is 13). I have two sisters, both younger – I call them “my good sister” and “my bad sister”. My good sister is – well, good! Normal in every way. The bad one, Julie, has been in trouble since she was a kid. As a baby she cried all of the time. As a teenager she was in trouble all of the time. At the age of 14 or so I remember that she had run away from home to live with a grown man in Atlanta. This was one of many run a ways. As a teenager, she provided sexual favors to boys in school, as well as teachers. As a young adult she was arrested for prostitution. She’s done drugs ranging from marijuana to crack. She was diagnosed early on as bi-polar with personality disorder. She’s also a serious cutter to the point where she no longer hid the cuts. She’s cut things like “Ronald Cecchinni” into her arm… and “Fuck you Dr. XXX” on her stomach, in large letters. Julie is also a diagnosed sex-addict. She’s also recently (in the past year) begun ‘huffing’. (I honestly believe that this huffing has caused some permanent damage) She is currently 36yo.
Julie lost her husband Ron a year and a half ago as a result of Leukemia and Kidney Disease which the military attributed to his serving in the Gulf War. He left behind three children – Kayla who is now 15, Justin who is now 14 and Kayte who is now 13. Even when Julie was married, her psychiatric problems persisted. She has been hospitalized literally hundreds of times over the years. However, when her husband was alive, he would take care of the kids when Julie was mentally out of control. After Ron died, Julie lost control of the kids and her life. She began to spiral out of control, having pot parties at her home (to the point where the kids said a door would open and a cloud of smoke would come bellowing out of the room), smoking weed with her own kids, having sex all over the house with different men all the time, allowing young men (19 yo) to sleep over with her oldest daughter (only 14 at the time), and allowing Gang members to live in her home (she said she felt ‘safe’ with them there). In addition, she was attempting suicide daily, overdosing on medications hoping to not wake up the next morning. Mind you all of this while she was seeing her Psychologist every week and Psychiatrist once a month. Both of these Doctors knew what was going on at home, neither of them reported it to the proper authorities. I have even been told by one of them that he was told, by Julie, that she ‘heard voices telling her to hurt the children’ but that she was proud that she could ignore the voices. Still, these Doctors reported nothing.
I should add here that it was at some point in this period of time in Julie’s life when her children began suicide watches over their mom… each one taking turns to sit in a room with her at all hours (night and day) because their mom was less-likely to hurt herself while they were here. However, it didn’t always work – Julie constantly took pills in front of them trying to either dope herself up or overdose, and she would even cut herself in front of the kids.
Finally one day, she woke up furious that her last suicide attempt didn’t work. She got violent with her oldest daughter, police were called, and finally DCF was called. (I would like to add that we (other family members) had called DCF in the past to report things, but some of the cases were ‘unfounded’ and one other time the fled the state knowing CF only had jurisdiction in Florida.) DCF removed the children from the home in November 2005 and I gained custody of the Children shortly thereafter.
There are lots of things I could add here about my sister, DCF, and the horrible Foster Care or Custodial Care program we are involved with. However, that is not my main reason for writing to you.
Kayte, the youngest, seems to be adjusting pretty well. She has a tendency to trivialize what her mom has done and the seriousness of it, but I think that is normal given that it is her mom. Kayte was in counseling, but she feels it’s ‘a waste of time’.
Justin, the middle child, is okay. As a young boy I'm told he was a terror. He used to hit his mother and at one point (only 6yo) tried to jump off a building to kill himself. Since then, his anger has turned in to an endless smothering of love and caring. He does everything for his mom… from getting her whatever she needs to rubbing her feet and back. Justin has seen a psychiatrist since moving in with me who felt that his issues were brought on by trauma. It was also at that visit with the psychiatrist that he confided in myself and the Doctor that he had suicidal thoughts often while living at home with his mom in her ‘state of being’ after his dad died. However, since he moved in with me he has done so much better (and continues to improve daily) that she didn’t feel he even needed counseling at this time. He would, however, need counseling before he was reunited with his mom.
Kayla, the oldest, has serious issues. She is also currently in counseling but feels that it is ‘a waste of time’. Kayla has always lied and stolen things. Family members feel sorry for her because you can tell that she doesn’t really mean any ill will by it, but it’s been ‘the way she is’ for a very long time. By far her biggest problems are lying and her need for approval by men (young and old).
Since the kids have moved in with us, my husband and I have set up rules. The kids already had myspace accounts, so we set ground rules for it. 1) We needed the login names and passwords. 2) Profiles must be set to private. 3) The only people they were allowed to have on their friends list was people that they actually knew. When Kayla’s list climbed over 300, and she was found to have inappropriate conversations (wanting to sneak out and ‘hook up’ with young men), we made everyone cut their list down to 30 friends, which included myself. 4) All vulgar language and inappropriate photos would come off immediately and would be monitored by myself at any given time. At times, they try to put up ‘sexy’ pictures which immediately need to come down.
However recently I have found that she has multiple website things going on in an attempt to pick up young men. I'll outline a few here so that you understand the gravity of the situation: 1) I found her 'normal' myspace account set to 'public view'. She has over 11,000 profile views(meaning people looking at her pictures and wanting to know more about her). I had reset it to private many times, but she keeps going back and resetting it to public. 2) I have found another myspace account which she went by the name 'Shannon' and used it to pick up young men, tease them, then later tell them that she was 'taken' but refer them to her 'cousin, Kayla'. She'd then give them all of Kayla's information. Of course thiswas also set to public. 3) I have found another social network website that was like myspace in which she had ONLY men (mostly from other states) as her 'friends' whom she corresponded with. The emails back and forth basically said the same thing as all of the others... more on that in #4 - only these were guys that not only did she not know, but they were not even in the area! 4) All accounts that I have found had basically the same thing... her emailing guys wanting to know if she was pretty, if they wanted to 'hook up', talking about going to their 'crib' or meeting up with them somewhere, and constantly seeking approval and affirmation from these guys.
I believe she gets this from her mom. And the sad thing is, if you met her, you would love her. She is truly a GREAT kid… but she has serious issues. I’ve described to you Julie’s behavior and Kayla’s seems to be the same way. Neither can make decisions on their own that are ‘the right thing to do’, and both lack the understanding of simple values, morals and ethics. I could go into so many examples. How do I describe the utterly amazing difference between Julie’s parenting style and my own?
I know... Both Julie and I have myspace accounts set up to ‘monitor’ the kids. To illustrate the difference between Julie and myself, here is something that Julie and I both put on our myspace accounts. You are supposed to put something 'about yourself' by your picture. Here is mine: "I'm 38 years old. I have two amazing kids, Amanda who is 20 and Jonathan who is 13. I have great husband, Chris. I love to sing - and have been singing in Toast of Tampa Show Chorus for 10 years. I'm raising my nieces and nephew (12, 13 and 14). I love God and my family."And here is Julie's: "I am who I am and if you dont like me for me........FUCK YOU........ Plus if you dont like me for me....... Im gunna tell my kids and there gunna kick yer ass!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Here’s the other dilemma we are having; the two girls are in counseling that is costing me $25 EACH in co-payments every time they go. The State of Florida provides NO financial support to me as a relative caregiver, other than providing the three kids with Medicaid. They received small SSI checks because of their dad’s death, but it barely covers the food they consume. The DCF worker, having spoke with the girls and being told that therapy is ‘a waste of time’, has referred me to a clinic that DCF uses for cases such as this to seek mental care for Kayla (aswell as the others). However, the kids have TriCare as their primary insurance because their dad died from Military causes. TriCare requires the co-payment, regardless of the Medicaid secondary. Having said that, please understand that I worked in referrals in a primary care physician’s office for 16 years… I totally ‘get’ what is required for primary and secondary insurances and all the red tape. But because of the uniqueness of this situation, the kids are suffering!
I should also point out here that I have the kids for an indefinite period of time. Right now Julie is doing things that she has been told to do to get the kids back. However, she is still awaiting a court ordered detailed Psychiatric exam to determine if she can EVER parent again. Even if that Psychiatrist feels she can parent again, she’ll most likely need to be ‘clean’ and ‘episode-free’ for 6 months to a year minimum. In addition, Julie is only allowed supervised visits and one phone call a day. This came about because of her inappropriate behavior when she was with the kids and because when she was allowed to call any time she’d call 10 + times a day.
The other problem with Julie ever getting her children back is that… she doesn’t understand what she did wrong. She parents as if she were 15-years old herself. If anyone has ever done something bad and been able to ‘keep’ their kids, she sees no reason she can’t do it. She brought her daughter at the age of 13 in for a HUGE tattoo on the small of her back. It’s Tigger flipping ‘the bird’ with her gang name under it. She was also planning on getting a large tattoo on her 12yo before the kids were taken. Again, she sees nothing wrong with any of her past behavior.
So, you see, I could have these children for the rest of their teenage years. I honestly don’t know where to turn to get them the help they need.
I feel as if I am in a psychiatric nightmare and I just can’t wake up. Eight months ago I was at home, my biggest ‘kid worry’ was if my son was going to get good grades on his report card. Now I find myself in a crux worried about whether or not the lessons I teach them, this late in their young life, are going to be enough to turn these kids around and help them to be productive adults in the near future.

Tina's Daily Blog

Friday, September 26, 2008

Job Changes

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