Long Overdue Update

I'm sorry I haven't blogged in so long. It is not that I haven't had anything to blog about... Far from that actually. I have had TOO MUCH to blog about. Too much that I think I really can't share about over the blog. I know what you are thinking "geeez Tina, don't you tell your WHOLE LIFE STORY here?" Well, no, I don't. There is far more to my story than just here. I don't blog about the really personal stuff that I don't want the whole world knowing about. But I do blog about stuff that is bothering me so much that I feel as if I am going to explode or that I think I need help or prayers for. And THAT is where I am now.

It started with Julie and the unsupervised visits. I was torn SO MUCH in my last blog because I really wanted to let her have some unsupervised visits. But that would be breaking the court order. Yet, Julie has been SO GOOD since February, the last time she was found nearly dead. Since then... She's been really great. Sure, I'm still worried about her 'reasoning skills' - but for taking them to the movies or to the mall or something, I think -- I truly BELIEVE with all my heart that she would be fine.

We had a little 'disagreement' about her firs unsupervised visit. She wanted to go somplace that I didn't think was appropriate. But she was okay with my telling her no, and she found someplace different to go. I wondered if we were going to have issues with every unsupervised visit. Would she always try to go someplace inappropriate? Would I always have to tell her no? (Because I really hate saying no so much, I fell like a hard-ass.)

So, my heart had been really torn as to what to do. I wanted her to spend time with the kids alone. But, I am not a rule-breaker. I am a stickler for rules. Yet I have a HUGE HEART for these kids. So... I prayed about it... And it came to me....

I have a friend who works in the court system. Her husband is a judge. An honest-to-goodness-robe-wearing judge. They also know Julie really well. Little Kayte will often times go on trips with them. I will ask THEM their opinion. Will they take the kids away if I do this? They know Julie -- do they think it's a good idea?

Before bible study last week, I went to meet with them. I sat down, explained the WHOLE thing. They believe that - if I give Julie very SHORT periods of time, very STRICT rules, and make sure if she breaks the rules I take away the visits, that I'll be fine. They gave me suggestions about writing out rules, etc. Sure I "could" get in trouble, but the interest of the court is really in the child - and if we are always looking out for the interest of the child, I should be fine. I was sitting in a room, asking a Judge his opinion, and HE gave his approval, and I feel MUCH BETTER.

I go to bible study, and afterwards I share some of this with the group. I tell them that I was at first really worried, but that I was late tonight because I had been to actually speak with a judge about it. He told me that he thought it too was the right thing to do, given all the circumstances. I told them how I felt so much better about the whole thing, but still asked for prayer over the whole thing. One girl in the group piped up "I'm not praying for that!!" I tell you, it was hard to feel Christian right about then... That or laugh... I wasn't sure what to do.

Anyways....

Then, we've been struggling with Jonathan as of late. He has really not been doing very well. His head is stuck in his computer game, and if you just try to take it away or turn it off, he LITERALLY goes berserk.

Over the summer he began talking to a girl over this computer game. Then they exchanged cell phone numbers. This girl lives in either Chicago or Arizona (Jonathan says Chicago, her area code tells me Arizona). Wherever she lives, she's NOT local. Now they talk and text ALL THE TIME. We find him in his room talking to her at midnight, two in the morning, etc. He now has over a thousand text messages a month, mostly because of this girl. She says she loves him. He is quite obviously nuts about her. You see stuff on TV all the time about 'what not to do' with your kids and computers and phones -- this is a BIG NO-NO. Of course, just talking to Jonathan about it sets him off into another fit of depression or anger. We are trying to set rules and boundaries with him. But he is just in SUCH a horrible mood as of late, it’s difficult to talk to him.

Grades came in yesterday on Edline and Kayla, Justin and Kayte all seem to be doing okay - Jonathan, no so good. He was failing two classes and had a C in another class. When I mentioned to him that he needed to watch the zeros...they would lead to bad grades which would mean he would have the video game taken away... He then said: "Well then why the hell do I even play it? Zeros are impossible not to get. Screw this." -- In a text message. This is how he talks to me ALL THE TIME NOW.

It's impossible to talk to him right now too... Like... He was squinting the other day and Chris mentioned to him that he should really wear the contacts we bought for him (We went to Sams, had an eye exam, he needed glasses and he opted to get contacts instead.) Jonathan ARGUED that the VISION DOCTOR was flat-out WRONG, that we were WRONG, that everyone was WRONG, that - indeed - he had NO VISION PROBLEM what-so-ever. It's just that his vision is just a bit, unfocused. It's not blurry. It's not that he needs glasses or contacts. No, not at all. Nope - he doesn't have a vision problem. And you simply could NOT argue with him.

Some would say that I have the patience of a Saint I'm telling you - my patience with Jonathan is wearing thin on this whole thing. There is so much more to the story that I just can't go into here. Not because it's personal really but because there is just SO MUCH.

Then there is Kayla. Let's just say that she is - I think - really struggling to fit in with people. She seeks acceptance and love like a sponge and just keeps looking for it. She's just hanging out with a totally new group of people -- COMPLETELY different than what she had last year at this time. Last year her myspace page looked like a page from "Thugs-R-Us". Now... It is just... I don't know'. There are NO guys on her page and only a small handful as her friends. It's just -- a complete difference.

She'll be 18 in four months... And we are really trying to be there for her, love her, while still telling her firmly what we believe. It's tough. I maybe should try to feel thankful that she is not hanging out with thugs and gang members and doing drugs. I'm just not there yet.

Jonathan, Chris and I all went on a mini-vacation to "Labor Day Jamboree" which is a big Barbershop Event held in Orlando. Roughly 1,000 barbershoppers from around the country come to Florida to relax around the pool during the day, see a show in the evening, and sing tags around the pool all night and into the wee hours of the morning.

Chris and Jonathan's Father-Son quartet , Genetix, was asked to sing on this show. It was a big show... And his quartet being asked to sing on a show with the TOP THREE quartets in the WORLD (along with others) was an honor beyond words.

Let me tell you, the guys did GREAT. Jonathan and Paul (the other son - 14 years old) were given speaking parts. They were just NATURALS up there. And the quartet sounded SO GOOD, absolutely the BEST I have ever heard them sound.

Course the weekend had it's own frustrations... We didn't bring Jonathan's laptop on Friday because we wanted him to enjoy his time there. But he MOPED around all day and night, so we had Michelle bring it up Saturday for him. It rained all day Saturday, which meant we were stuck in the room pretty much all day. Jonathan of course played his game all day and night - whenever he possibly could. And usually there are more barbershoppers out by the pool singing tags. This year, that just didn't happen. I don't know if it was because of the hurricane, the weather, or what -- but we just didn't have as much fun as we have had in the past at the event.

It was good to get away though. It was also Chris and my 22nd wedding anniversary. Although I think I want to do something ELSE with him at some point - spending time with him and our 15-year old son who is just in a FUNK is just NOT ROMANTIC.

Speaking of marriage - Chris and I went on Friday and had our rings sized. My ring is actually okay now. I think it might be that I used to be 40 - 50 lbs heavier than I am now... Although I'm still not what I was when I was 18, the ring is fine. She told me if I went any bigger the ring might come off because I have no knuckles... Just really straight fingers. Chris's ring is being sized to fit him (ready to be picked up today). The two of us not wearing wedding bands has always bothered me greatly. Chris says "what does it matter what people think?" It's not really what people think... It's a symbol of our love, our commitment. It does show the world that we are together... But it binds us. I don’t know how to explain it... It just always bothered me – but now it's getting fixed.

Chris is on his way to take Jonathan to see Dr. Coniglio right now. He's the one who first diagnosed his Aspergers. We think he might need a medication change or something else... I don't know... But he needs something. Jonathan was SO SURE last night that nothing could make him feel better. I told him... What IF you could go to the doctor and they give you something, be it a pill or a diet or just something to do, but SOMETHING that makes you 1) have A's and B's in school 2) focus clearly all the time 3) would make you feel happy and 4) you wouldn't be afraid to make friends. He said such a thing would be totally impossible. (Again, his logic.) I told him that it WAS possible and he needed to give someone a try.

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It’s now a day later… Jonathan went to the doctors yesterday. He said he needed to exercise for 30 minutes every day. He didn’t want to change his medication or anything, just exercise. He’ll follow up with him in two weeks. We’ll see how he’s doing at that time.

I’m really not thrilled about the exercise only option… it’s difficult getting him to do ANYTHING right now, and to add to that I’m supposed to get him up to exercise now? Just more stuff to fight about, it would seem to me. But, I’ll give it a good-hearted try for two weeks.

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I should tell you what I did with all the kids cell phones today. I checked their usage online today and noticed they were all texting last night after hours.

Kayte had one text after 10, which was to her boyfriend at 11:33pm
Kayla had 39, from lots of people, her latest at 11:56pm
Jonathan had 45, all to/from one person, the latest at 12:23am
Justin had 75, from lots of people, his latest at 2:03am.

Two in the morning and someone is texting him? Three of Kayla’s texts were from her mom. So… I picked up my phone and I called some of these people. Mainly just the ones who called a TON of times – two girls for Justin, two girls for Kayla, and the one girl that Jonathan was talking to. I left messages for all of them telling them that phone calls or text messages after 10 were not allowed in our home, and that I would appreciate it if they would help by not sending text messages or calling after that time. The one little girl who was calling at 2 in the morning, I did say something extra to her… I asked her WHY she was up so late. I told her that SHE needed to be in BED because she had school.

Tonight I will take all cell phones at 10pm and charge them in my room. I will hold them all until their friends can manage themselves and the text messages stop. Kayla – of course – told me she thought I shouldn’t do that because she could just turn off her phone. Well… why didn’t she? Coulda, woulda, shoulda – but she didn’t. This isn’t a new problem. It’s something I’ve tolerated and I just AIN’T gonna tolerate it no more!

Justin too tried to talk his way into keeping his phone. His argument was that he had football practice until about 8 every night (not really, more like 7 or 7:30, but that’s what he said to make an argument) and so that only gave him from 8 till 10 to play games, talk on his phone and text. I told him that he could always quit football if it was interfering with his personal life too much for him. He said no… but he thought he should be allowed to use his cell in school. I told him – too bad – it’s against the rules. He said that rules are meant to be broken.

OIE

How did I get to be in a house with FOUR TEENAGERS??? And the ATTITUDE???

Their school has become very strict on cell phone use this year. If they SEE your cell phone, they will take it. If they take it, they will keep it for THREE days. At the end of school on the third day, you can go and pick it up.

I expected the kids would hate the new school policy. Or rather, their ENFORCEMENT of the policy that they have ALWAYS had. But – I didn’t expect that PARENTS would be calling and and going into the schools complaining. “I paid for my kids cell phone they should be able to use it.” Are you kidding me? These are adults? From what I have seen, it’s no wonder our kids are graduating and some can barely read. They sit in class and text or talk on phones all the time. And parents think them keeping them on for this purpose is a good idea? Just SAD.

I told the kids that if I caught them using their cells for inappropriate reasons at school (texting their friends for fun when they should be working) I would be totally willing to go into the school and sign something to give permission for the school to hold the cell phone till the end of the year. It serves them right.

Today Justin left his cell phone at home on accident. So, I took the cell to work with me to see who would call. First, one guy called him when he should have been in school. Then he’d get text messages throughout the day. I’d send text messages back “This is Justin’s Aunt. You shouldn’t be texting in school”. One girl actually texted him and asked to cheat off his paper via text message. Stupid.

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I heard great news from Julie. She got a new job working at a travel agency. She has regular hours, better pay, and if she sells great, she can make commission over her regular pay. This is really great for her, and I’m THRILLED for her.

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I’m exhausted… I’ve put a lot into this blog I know. I just feel completely overwhelmed at times. Things here are really difficult right now with the kids back at school and Jonathan being so… temperamental. I’m pouring a TREMENDOUS amount of energy, love and support into Jonathan. Chris and I both are. We could use tons of prayers for the household here. I know the other kids hate it when things aren’t ‘right’ here. So please, pray for us.