We are completely and utterly blessed.
Chris has several jobs which he's been given by a contractor that should take him into January. The work he's getting is,without a doubt, given as a blessing. Well, I mean a lot of it has to do with the fact that he's an awesome worker and does a fantastic job. But additionally, he's getting this job through a friend from our bible study group. At a time when the housing market and economy are so bad, the jobs he is getting are for commercial work. It's just a complete blessing at a time of year that is usually very scary to us.
We have Christmas decorations up at the house... but nothing outside and no tree as of yet. We also made lots and lots of Christmas cookies. Yummy!
Kayla, Chris, Julie and I all had a talk last Sunday. Actually, Chris started talking to Julie, and eventually Kayla came in the room. Chris did a good job of talking to her without getting emotional about it. First he chastised Julie about working on this with Kayla without talking to us. Then with Kayla, he basically told her that he honestly believed that her moving out now, before she finished high school, would be a mistake. He talked about the obvious pitfalls: changing schools, perhaps not being able to start a new school because she's be over 18, Julie's very small apartment, having someone there to help her if her car broke down, and other things that would be harder for her. But he did a good job of just telling her how we felt.
I got the opportunity to tell her that I was really upset that she was telling everyone that she and I were fighting all the time - when we weren't. At first she said that we DID fight all the time, but when I asked her to tell me of ONE time, she couldn't think of anything. She then told me that she was very upset with me because I wouldn't let her go to parties. I asked WHAT parties (because we rarely tell Kayla 'no'). She said that there was this one time that she asked if she could go to a party and apparently I said no. She never asked again, just assumed I'd say 'no' to any future parties. We then had a long talk about what was a party, what 'happens' at parties, and about our general rule: as long as we know where she is going, who she is going with, how she's getting there and getting home, and when she'll be home... all is good.
I can't say that I know what Kayla has planned for when she turns 18, but I do know that I feel better after talking to her and getting it all out in the open.
I have been swamped at work. This week we have a big event here in the power industry called "PowerGen". It's in Orlando every other year, and so every other year we plan a big event. Monday is a big golf day - 18 rounds of golf with the big-wigs of all the companies we represent. Then on Wednesday a chipping/putting contest, dinner and awards ceremony. I'm in charge of running this whole event, and have put it together with no real problems. However we have some big things going on here at the office which have made this quite problematic.
First, I may have told you in a prior blog, but one of my bosses - Steve - is in the reserves. He's been called to Active Duty and is to report in February. He's really trying to get out of it because he has some medical problems... but we'll see how all that goes.
Then there is my other boss, David. He's been having neck/shoulder problems for a week or so which started after he was golfing one weekend. Come to find out, he's got some ruptured vertebrae or something to that effect... he's going to need spinal surgery this week to fix it. This means he can't go to Orlando with us to give out awards, golf, do the dinner or anything! OIE
So, guess who is going to have to pick up the slack? Yepper... me. I now have a script to read when passing out awards. (We award the principals who gave us the most commission every year.) Thank goodness Chris is going with me because I think I'll be a nervous wreck. My boss rented a hotel room for us Wednesday night so we didn't have to drive back at midnight... which was nice.
All this stuff is happening at my work, and -- all the while -- I don't know what's going to happen with me in January 2009. Are my hours cut? My pay? I'm still looking for a job like crazy - but nobody - and I mean NOBODY is calling back. It sure seems to ME like a really bad time for them to cut me to part time and therefore lose me. But... I don't know what the plan is. And now with David out, I don't know how or when I'm going to get to ask him!
Geez
Okay... on to more wonderful stuff!
So I told you that Jonathan is doing horrible in school, right? Middle of the 9 weeks and he was failing 3 classes. You look in his book bag and it's HORRIBLE... papers everywhere, not in folders - his whole life from school just scattered in a book bag.
Well, I got tired of it.
Across the hall from my office is Gail Myers of Myers Tutoring. She is always SO NICE to me, and she has a beautiful office, so I went over there to ask her if she could help me somehow. She offered to give him 'organizational classes' -- for FREE!
Amazing!
We went to meet with her on Sunday and she was awesome. She looked at all the papers in his book bag and saw that his papers that were graded had good grades. In a matter of minutes she figured out that he was a "global learner". She asked how he was doing in math... he said he was doing okay, but didn't understand imaginary numbers... it didn't make sense to him. She said that she LOVED imaginary numbers and she showed him how to do them in a way that made complete sense to him. She was doing problems on the board (a really cool 'smart' board!) and at one time Jonathan corrected her answer.
She then told him that she would try to help him get organized, stay organized and get better grades, so that HE will have more FREE time.
I told her about how he didn't ever want to do his Notebook in World History because it's only 4% of his grade. He said it took up too much time to put the notebook together for that little of a grade, so he'd rather just not do it. I see a zero and freak out! Gail explained to me that - because he was a global thinker/learner - this made total sense to him and to her. But, she said and looked right at Jonathan, that means the rest of your grades have to be good enough to allow you to miss that notebook assignment.
She suggested we get him a pendflex - which is an idea he hated. But she told him to just give it a try and see how he does with it. Chris picked one up today so we'll see how he does with it.
Justin is going in for surgery on Friday. I feel kinda bad that I'm not going to be there the day of his surgery, I have to work. But Chris and Michelle will both be there, and I'll see him when I get out of work. Please keep him in your prayers!
Julie is supposed to be having surgery on her hand for a carpal tunnel type injury on December 19th. I have mixed feelings about this surgery... on one hand, if she's uncomfortable (tingling in two fingers) and they can do surgery to fix it - great. On the other hand, she'll be off work through Christmas (bad time of year) and she'll miss a lot of work - who's to say in this economy that she'll have a job to come back to? And let me tell ya... it's HARD getting a job right now anywhere. Plus I can't imagine them just doing surgery right off... not trying anything else first. But anyways... she's having surgery on the 19th so keep her in your thoughts and prayers as well.
"We love Him because He first loved us." 1 John 4:9-10
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Wonderfulizing Your Day
I can't believe how hard it is to find a job right now. *sigh* I have applied EVERYWHERE, hospitals, offices, monster.com, craigslist, heck - yesterday I applied for a job as a manager of Chuck-E-Cheese! Yes... I'm that desperate right now.
The good news is that my boss told me that they are not moving the office until April, and that he thought we could 'work something out' about my pay. But... I don't want a pay cut at all. I am PHENOMENAL at what I do... if anything, I'm underpaid. Additionally I can't AFFORD a pay cut. So -- I keep looking, hoping that the 'perfect' job will be waiting.
I'm also trying to get my sister Katie to get me an interview at Sun Trust. Kayte makes good money managing a Sun Trust. The funny thing is, how little she knows about computers and such. She's a good 'manager' but not so good in the office. Heck, she had to call me to ask me how to spell her job title for business cards! (I love you Katie!!) Whenever she needs something done on the computer or she needs something written, she'll ask me for help. Of course I help because I LOVE doing that kind of thing.
Katie said she talked to the head of H.R. the other day and actually told the woman that I should have HER job because I'm so good at it. Actually, Katie underestimates some of her strengths... she's very good with employees... something she's better at than I. Anyways, the HR manager told her to send my resume to her and maybe after the first of the year they'd have something open up for me. That would be really great!
********************************************************
Kayla and I have talked very briefly. She called me to get onto me about taking away her mom's unsupervised visits. She told me it wasn't fair for me to do that to Julie when this was about her and me. I told her that the reason I took Julie's unsupervised visits away was because she showed extremely poor judgment in not coming to talk to me. I also explained to Kayla how I went into this knowing if Julie ever did ANYTHING that made me pause and question her intent or mental ability, I would HAVE to do this. The court order said she's not allowed to see them or talk to them unless I am within eye and earshot - I'm not punishing anyone - I'm following the court order.
I also was able to express my hurt feelings to Kayla in this conversation. I told her that what hurt me the most was that she had been telling everyone that she and I are "fighting all the time" when it just wasn't true. I asked her to name ONE time that she and I argued. She recalled a time last weekend when I cursed at her in the car (the time she was baiting me for a fight... sat in the back seat all the way to Church and kept laughing at me). I told her that the fight she was talking about was AFTER the phone call from Grandma Gwen... after she had gone around telling everyone that we were fighting. I asked her to tell me ONE time prior to that in which she and I argued or fought. She - of course - couldn't recall anything.
I told Kayla that if she wanted to move out just because she wanted to be on her own when she was 18, that's one thing. But to leave in a funk - telling everyone lies so that she'd feel more justified in leaving --- that was something else entirely. She can't do that... tell everyone all those lies... and then expect me not to be upset with her.
And... why Julie? Julie's apartment is TINY. (Oh, Julie tells me that she is NOT getting a new, 2 bedroom apartment until her lease is up) There are only a few reasons that I can think of: 1) Kayla just wants to go somewhere that she can do anything she wants to do without any rules. 2) Julie is lonely and wants someone to come live with her just to keep her company. 3) Kayla has issues with Chris and myself that she hasn't expressed to us. Any one of these three reasons isn't a good reason to get up and leave your brother, sister, high school, etc. Now Julie is going to help her with college applications? Julie who didn't finish high school and can't pass a GED exam? Really??
Regardless, Kayla is leaving and I've accepted it. I don't like it, but I've accepted it.
I still pray often for God to help me with taking the emotion out of it. To just let God do His thing, and me not get upset or emotional about it. It's working, but I still struggle at times.
********************************************************************
Jonathan is not doing well in school at all. He is failing at least 3 classes right now. He's grounded, not playing any games, no computer, and no cell phone. Yet... he's still unorganized and not motivated to get good grades. We have an appointment next week to discuss with the doctor - see about changing his medicine. Maybe that will help. Can't hurt!
It's funny because he's doing SO WELL in other areas... not stuck on the computer, more interactive at home, does and says funny things, plays piano often. He's just a pleasure to be around. But then... try to get him to do homework, wash clothes or pick up his room and it becomes a different story.
I don't think it's just him being a teenager - because teenagers usually WANT to do whatever they need to do to get off restriction. So... we'll see.
The other odd thing about Jonathan that I've never blogged about (it came up in therapy the other day) is how particular he is at SOME things. For example... in the morning when he has cereal, he goes through the ENTIRE spoon drawer looking for the perfect spoon. No spots, no smudges, nothing - has to be perfect. The same thing with cups/glasses... he looks for imperfections in the glass, fingerprints, smudges, whatever - and won't use it if it's not perfect. He's VERY much rigid with routines, in particular in the morning. He won't wear something unless it's COMPLETELY clean and ironed. If the shirt has a spot on it, he won't wear it.
Yet... his room is completely and utterly TRASHED. You can't walk on his floor without stepping on clothes or other things. When he eats in the game room or office, he'll just leave everything there. There have been times when I've found 4-5 glasses sitting on the desk and lots of bowls, spoons, etc... all over the floor. It's odd how his is so particular about some things, but not others. Course, I think it just makes him very interesting.
Funny - after just writing about what a pleasure he is to be around at home right now, he just threw a massive fit. One of his teachers was supposed to have uploaded his grade from an F to a D. He said... er... yelled... "I've been working my a** off all week to get my grade up, and she didn't fix it?" Slamming things around... just pure ANGRY. Sigh....
Pray that the medication change next week will help him, please!
***********************************************************************
Panic is beginning to set in for Christmas.
I went to the mall last Saturday to pick up a couple tops for work and a choir performance we're having and the prices of things began to hit me.
Little Kayte went with us and showed me what she liked -- all pretty expensive. She's a "Hollister" kind of girl. LOL
We burned through all of our savings the past few months thanks to a tanking housing market. Course, then there's the broken tooth and the Durango broken down a few times that also hurt a bit. OIE! Course, the looming reality that the week after Christmas my monthly pay goes way down.
I figure I've got the four kids, Amanda (who now lives really close and spends more time here), and of course Julie - I'm sure they will all be here for Christmas. P-A-N-I-C. How am I going to get anything? Will what I can afford be enough? Sigh... I know it will be. The kids are really good and just happy to get anything.
********************************************************************
It's funny how much I realize, by blogging, that I hate it when I don't know things. I am unsure about my job in January. My pay come January. If we can do Christmas presents. Not knowing or understanding why Kayla is moving out. If Chris's business is going to be okay in this horrible recession we are in.
==============================
Let's talk about how we spend our time thinking when we are alone not engaging with others. Much of the time we are thinking about events that might happen in the future or digging up the past.
When we think about the future, the tendency is to feel anxious, worry, or become uptight. When we look to the past, we often feel regret, sadness, or guilt over past deeds.
Neither one of these thinking tendencies appear to be useful. Instead, why don't you try practicing "wonderfulizing." This is the practice of creating stories in your head that have happy endings. Where the internal events of the stories are full of healthy exchanges and positive interactions.
All of your characters get what they want, and sometimes even more than they would ever imagine. Since it is a story about the future, we know it has no basis in reality, it is fiction. But it is fiction with a happy ending UNLIKE the fiction you create when you awfulize or catastrophize when you become uptight about an upcoming speech, confronting a dear friend,or beginning to play a "big" game.
These stories are also fictional, but they have unhappy endings. If both are fictional or irrational, I say choose wonderfulizing. You will enjoy the experience much more, and who knows, you may get more than you ever imagined.
The good news is that my boss told me that they are not moving the office until April, and that he thought we could 'work something out' about my pay. But... I don't want a pay cut at all. I am PHENOMENAL at what I do... if anything, I'm underpaid. Additionally I can't AFFORD a pay cut. So -- I keep looking, hoping that the 'perfect' job will be waiting.
I'm also trying to get my sister Katie to get me an interview at Sun Trust. Kayte makes good money managing a Sun Trust. The funny thing is, how little she knows about computers and such. She's a good 'manager' but not so good in the office. Heck, she had to call me to ask me how to spell her job title for business cards! (I love you Katie!!) Whenever she needs something done on the computer or she needs something written, she'll ask me for help. Of course I help because I LOVE doing that kind of thing.
Katie said she talked to the head of H.R. the other day and actually told the woman that I should have HER job because I'm so good at it. Actually, Katie underestimates some of her strengths... she's very good with employees... something she's better at than I. Anyways, the HR manager told her to send my resume to her and maybe after the first of the year they'd have something open up for me. That would be really great!
********************************************************
Kayla and I have talked very briefly. She called me to get onto me about taking away her mom's unsupervised visits. She told me it wasn't fair for me to do that to Julie when this was about her and me. I told her that the reason I took Julie's unsupervised visits away was because she showed extremely poor judgment in not coming to talk to me. I also explained to Kayla how I went into this knowing if Julie ever did ANYTHING that made me pause and question her intent or mental ability, I would HAVE to do this. The court order said she's not allowed to see them or talk to them unless I am within eye and earshot - I'm not punishing anyone - I'm following the court order.
I also was able to express my hurt feelings to Kayla in this conversation. I told her that what hurt me the most was that she had been telling everyone that she and I are "fighting all the time" when it just wasn't true. I asked her to name ONE time that she and I argued. She recalled a time last weekend when I cursed at her in the car (the time she was baiting me for a fight... sat in the back seat all the way to Church and kept laughing at me). I told her that the fight she was talking about was AFTER the phone call from Grandma Gwen... after she had gone around telling everyone that we were fighting. I asked her to tell me ONE time prior to that in which she and I argued or fought. She - of course - couldn't recall anything.
I told Kayla that if she wanted to move out just because she wanted to be on her own when she was 18, that's one thing. But to leave in a funk - telling everyone lies so that she'd feel more justified in leaving --- that was something else entirely. She can't do that... tell everyone all those lies... and then expect me not to be upset with her.
And... why Julie? Julie's apartment is TINY. (Oh, Julie tells me that she is NOT getting a new, 2 bedroom apartment until her lease is up) There are only a few reasons that I can think of: 1) Kayla just wants to go somewhere that she can do anything she wants to do without any rules. 2) Julie is lonely and wants someone to come live with her just to keep her company. 3) Kayla has issues with Chris and myself that she hasn't expressed to us. Any one of these three reasons isn't a good reason to get up and leave your brother, sister, high school, etc. Now Julie is going to help her with college applications? Julie who didn't finish high school and can't pass a GED exam? Really??
Regardless, Kayla is leaving and I've accepted it. I don't like it, but I've accepted it.
I still pray often for God to help me with taking the emotion out of it. To just let God do His thing, and me not get upset or emotional about it. It's working, but I still struggle at times.
********************************************************************
Jonathan is not doing well in school at all. He is failing at least 3 classes right now. He's grounded, not playing any games, no computer, and no cell phone. Yet... he's still unorganized and not motivated to get good grades. We have an appointment next week to discuss with the doctor - see about changing his medicine. Maybe that will help. Can't hurt!
It's funny because he's doing SO WELL in other areas... not stuck on the computer, more interactive at home, does and says funny things, plays piano often. He's just a pleasure to be around. But then... try to get him to do homework, wash clothes or pick up his room and it becomes a different story.
I don't think it's just him being a teenager - because teenagers usually WANT to do whatever they need to do to get off restriction. So... we'll see.
The other odd thing about Jonathan that I've never blogged about (it came up in therapy the other day) is how particular he is at SOME things. For example... in the morning when he has cereal, he goes through the ENTIRE spoon drawer looking for the perfect spoon. No spots, no smudges, nothing - has to be perfect. The same thing with cups/glasses... he looks for imperfections in the glass, fingerprints, smudges, whatever - and won't use it if it's not perfect. He's VERY much rigid with routines, in particular in the morning. He won't wear something unless it's COMPLETELY clean and ironed. If the shirt has a spot on it, he won't wear it.
Yet... his room is completely and utterly TRASHED. You can't walk on his floor without stepping on clothes or other things. When he eats in the game room or office, he'll just leave everything there. There have been times when I've found 4-5 glasses sitting on the desk and lots of bowls, spoons, etc... all over the floor. It's odd how his is so particular about some things, but not others. Course, I think it just makes him very interesting.
Funny - after just writing about what a pleasure he is to be around at home right now, he just threw a massive fit. One of his teachers was supposed to have uploaded his grade from an F to a D. He said... er... yelled... "I've been working my a** off all week to get my grade up, and she didn't fix it?" Slamming things around... just pure ANGRY. Sigh....
Pray that the medication change next week will help him, please!
***********************************************************************
Panic is beginning to set in for Christmas.
I went to the mall last Saturday to pick up a couple tops for work and a choir performance we're having and the prices of things began to hit me.
Little Kayte went with us and showed me what she liked -- all pretty expensive. She's a "Hollister" kind of girl. LOL
We burned through all of our savings the past few months thanks to a tanking housing market. Course, then there's the broken tooth and the Durango broken down a few times that also hurt a bit. OIE! Course, the looming reality that the week after Christmas my monthly pay goes way down.
I figure I've got the four kids, Amanda (who now lives really close and spends more time here), and of course Julie - I'm sure they will all be here for Christmas. P-A-N-I-C. How am I going to get anything? Will what I can afford be enough? Sigh... I know it will be. The kids are really good and just happy to get anything.
********************************************************************
It's funny how much I realize, by blogging, that I hate it when I don't know things. I am unsure about my job in January. My pay come January. If we can do Christmas presents. Not knowing or understanding why Kayla is moving out. If Chris's business is going to be okay in this horrible recession we are in.
When I blog, I get to go back and read it and remind myself that God is in control. That He will do a much better job of things than I would and I just need to have faith.
No doubt I should blog more, even if things with the kids aren't completely chaotic - if for no other reason than to remind myself that it's all going to be okay. Because I have been a emotional/mental mess as of late - full of worry.
So, I'll leave it to God. I'll ask you for prayers. And I'll try to keep remembering that God has a plan.
Speaking of thinking positive; Chris sent this to me a few weeks ago. I thought this would be a good time to share it. Enjoy:
==============================
Try Wonderfulizing. It's.....Wonderful!==============================
Let's talk about how we spend our time thinking when we are alone not engaging with others. Much of the time we are thinking about events that might happen in the future or digging up the past.
When we think about the future, the tendency is to feel anxious, worry, or become uptight. When we look to the past, we often feel regret, sadness, or guilt over past deeds.
Neither one of these thinking tendencies appear to be useful. Instead, why don't you try practicing "wonderfulizing." This is the practice of creating stories in your head that have happy endings. Where the internal events of the stories are full of healthy exchanges and positive interactions.
All of your characters get what they want, and sometimes even more than they would ever imagine. Since it is a story about the future, we know it has no basis in reality, it is fiction. But it is fiction with a happy ending UNLIKE the fiction you create when you awfulize or catastrophize when you become uptight about an upcoming speech, confronting a dear friend,or beginning to play a "big" game.
These stories are also fictional, but they have unhappy endings. If both are fictional or irrational, I say choose wonderfulizing. You will enjoy the experience much more, and who knows, you may get more than you ever imagined.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Get Out Of God's Way
To say that I am angry with Julie right now would be a huge understatement. I found out she's going behind my back - lying to me or at the very least keeping things from me.
Remember the problem with Kayla? Well... Julie has been working with Kayla for a while now, telling her that she could just move in with her. She's even getting a 2 bedroom apartment - THAT is how much she has been working on this.
My sister Katie told me about it. Kayte and Justin sat down and talked to me about it. Seems everyone knew about it but me. Kayte and Justin actually told me that they hated it that they were doing this and I was going to be the 'last to know'. I was told that Kayla has been calling around playing the "I hate it here" card, seeing what she can get out of anyone. I guess I should expect it of a 17 year old... it wasn't too long ago that my daughter Amanda was in the same boat. But I did expect Julie to respond differently.
I was so angry that she was doing all this behind my back that I wrote her and told her that the trial run she had with unsupervised visits was now over. She's going behind my back first of all, which is immature and unacceptable. You would think that when Kayla talked to her and told her how we are always fighting and she is miserable and hates it here - Julie would have encouraged her to TALK to me. Then, a mature adult would have come and talked to me about the situation. Instead she just made plans to move her in.
If I can't trust her - if I can't trust what she is saying to the kids is a mature and appropriate conversation - then she shouldn't be able to take them unsupervised. What other inappropriate conversations is she having? Is she going to undermine me all the time? So from now on, she gets her once a week visit and that's it. Supervised - within eye and earshot at all times, just like the judge said.
Then -- early this morning she called my mom. Mom is in Hawaii, 5 hours behind us. Julie called mom at 5 am Hawaii time to ask her what MY address was. Mom didn't have it -- so Julie called our sister Katie. Katie asked her why she needed it and Julie said that she couldn't tell her because if she did... Katie would tell ME, and she didn't want that. Katie finally got it out of her -- she... no... "they" (so I assume it was her and Arthur) were at the courthouse. She was there to file paperwork to get unsupervised visits. Well, Katie didn't have my address and Julie ended up having to call me to get it.
Of course, I'm going to fight it. We'll let the courts decide.
*********************************************************************
Things with the kids otherwise are going okay.
Kayla still isn't even talking to me, but I think she is doing okay. I'm trying to be as nice as I can.
Kayte is working at the church watching kids in the nursery. She now works four nights a week.
Justin is doing SO well in school. His surgery is scheduled for December 5th.
Jonathan isn't doing well at all in school - but his personality is phenomenal. He's much more fun around the house... playing games, active, playing with friends. It's really great.
I talked to Chris about the discipline in the house. He's agreed to take the responsibility of dishing out punishment. After checking grades and checking cell phone use, we found that Jonathan's grades were really bad and that Jonathan, Kayla and Kayte are all using their phones to text long after 10 pm. So tonight we sat Jonathan down and talked to him about how we WANT him to do better... but he MUST bring up his grades. We took his cell phone until he brings his grades up to at least a C. Then we took Kayte's cell phone when she went to bed so she couldn't text, telling her that she could get it back in the morning.
I have faith that it's all going to work out. I really do. Even the Kayla thing... if/when she moves out in January, we'll give each kid a bedroom - Kayte and Justin won't have to share a room anymore. Everything will work out. God has a plan.
I was at bible study Monday night and a friend said a really neat prayer that I have been using all week. He said that his prayer was to "take the emotion out of the situation. Get out of God's way." How perfect is that? I've been saying that over and over to myself ever since.
**********************************************************************
Chris had a birthday yesterday - birthday #41. I was off for the day and we went to Busch Gardens for the day. We have year passes, so it was a beautiful way to spend the day. It was SO NEAT - we got to feed Giraffes! It was really a unique experience.
Then that night we all went to dinner, all 6 of us, which is unbelievably rare. Chris's mom and Jimmie joined us way up north at a place called Rapscallions. It was really nice, and really cool to have everyone together out to eat.
**********************************************************************
I am exhausted after a long day at work and home. I should run for the evening. Please continue to keep us in your prayers. I know God is listening!
Believe while others...
By William Arthur Ward
Believe while others are doubting.
Plan while others are playing.
Study while others are sleeping.
Decide while others are delaying.
Prepare while others are daydreaming.
Begin while others are procrastinating.
Work while others are wishing.
Save while others are wasting.
Listen while others are talking.
Smile while others are frowning.
Commend while others are criticizing.
Persist while others are quitting.
Remember the problem with Kayla? Well... Julie has been working with Kayla for a while now, telling her that she could just move in with her. She's even getting a 2 bedroom apartment - THAT is how much she has been working on this.
My sister Katie told me about it. Kayte and Justin sat down and talked to me about it. Seems everyone knew about it but me. Kayte and Justin actually told me that they hated it that they were doing this and I was going to be the 'last to know'. I was told that Kayla has been calling around playing the "I hate it here" card, seeing what she can get out of anyone. I guess I should expect it of a 17 year old... it wasn't too long ago that my daughter Amanda was in the same boat. But I did expect Julie to respond differently.
I was so angry that she was doing all this behind my back that I wrote her and told her that the trial run she had with unsupervised visits was now over. She's going behind my back first of all, which is immature and unacceptable. You would think that when Kayla talked to her and told her how we are always fighting and she is miserable and hates it here - Julie would have encouraged her to TALK to me. Then, a mature adult would have come and talked to me about the situation. Instead she just made plans to move her in.
If I can't trust her - if I can't trust what she is saying to the kids is a mature and appropriate conversation - then she shouldn't be able to take them unsupervised. What other inappropriate conversations is she having? Is she going to undermine me all the time? So from now on, she gets her once a week visit and that's it. Supervised - within eye and earshot at all times, just like the judge said.
Then -- early this morning she called my mom. Mom is in Hawaii, 5 hours behind us. Julie called mom at 5 am Hawaii time to ask her what MY address was. Mom didn't have it -- so Julie called our sister Katie. Katie asked her why she needed it and Julie said that she couldn't tell her because if she did... Katie would tell ME, and she didn't want that. Katie finally got it out of her -- she... no... "they" (so I assume it was her and Arthur) were at the courthouse. She was there to file paperwork to get unsupervised visits. Well, Katie didn't have my address and Julie ended up having to call me to get it.
Of course, I'm going to fight it. We'll let the courts decide.
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Things with the kids otherwise are going okay.
Kayla still isn't even talking to me, but I think she is doing okay. I'm trying to be as nice as I can.
Kayte is working at the church watching kids in the nursery. She now works four nights a week.
Justin is doing SO well in school. His surgery is scheduled for December 5th.
Jonathan isn't doing well at all in school - but his personality is phenomenal. He's much more fun around the house... playing games, active, playing with friends. It's really great.
I talked to Chris about the discipline in the house. He's agreed to take the responsibility of dishing out punishment. After checking grades and checking cell phone use, we found that Jonathan's grades were really bad and that Jonathan, Kayla and Kayte are all using their phones to text long after 10 pm. So tonight we sat Jonathan down and talked to him about how we WANT him to do better... but he MUST bring up his grades. We took his cell phone until he brings his grades up to at least a C. Then we took Kayte's cell phone when she went to bed so she couldn't text, telling her that she could get it back in the morning.
I have faith that it's all going to work out. I really do. Even the Kayla thing... if/when she moves out in January, we'll give each kid a bedroom - Kayte and Justin won't have to share a room anymore. Everything will work out. God has a plan.
I was at bible study Monday night and a friend said a really neat prayer that I have been using all week. He said that his prayer was to "take the emotion out of the situation. Get out of God's way." How perfect is that? I've been saying that over and over to myself ever since.
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Chris had a birthday yesterday - birthday #41. I was off for the day and we went to Busch Gardens for the day. We have year passes, so it was a beautiful way to spend the day. It was SO NEAT - we got to feed Giraffes! It was really a unique experience.
Then that night we all went to dinner, all 6 of us, which is unbelievably rare. Chris's mom and Jimmie joined us way up north at a place called Rapscallions. It was really nice, and really cool to have everyone together out to eat.
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I am exhausted after a long day at work and home. I should run for the evening. Please continue to keep us in your prayers. I know God is listening!
Believe while others...
By William Arthur Ward
Believe while others are doubting.
Plan while others are playing.
Study while others are sleeping.
Decide while others are delaying.
Prepare while others are daydreaming.
Begin while others are procrastinating.
Work while others are wishing.
Save while others are wasting.
Listen while others are talking.
Smile while others are frowning.
Commend while others are criticizing.
Persist while others are quitting.
Sunday, November 09, 2008
Teenager Troubles
For anyone who subscribes to my blog via feedblitz, it didn't send the last blog - so you might want to go check it out.
Tonight I'm still in a knot about the kids. Kayla in particular. We had a really bad night tonight. Things between us haven't been good for a while. Our communication is horrible, she doesn't talk to me, she lies to me about silly little things as well as important things. And I just HATE it.
I don't even know what happened tonight. Gwen had told me that she was going to hold off on getting Kayla a car. Kayla fully believed that at Christmas Gwen was coming down to buy her a car. Since Gwen told her that she's going to fully pay for the car, regardless of how much money she saved, as well as the insurance she'll need for the car - Kayla just hasn't been saving as much, she puts aside $100 or so every paycheck, but sometimes she just keeps the whole thing. Plus - Kayla will have a car, insurance, and not be able to drive. She hasn't taken drivers ed - and I've driven with her... she needs to practice more. She isn't home enough for us to teach her, as I think I said in the last blog.
Tonight, apparently Kayla called Gwen and I found her in her room crying quite a bit. Now Kayla tells me that she is going to get her car from Gwen. But she called Gwen just when we were sitting down for dinner. We called her to come to the table, and called her, and called her. She ignored us (she said she didn't hear us, but our house is NOT that big). Chris yelled at her for not coming to the table -- we ended up eating the entire dinner without her as she never did come down to dinner.
Later I took the kids to a goodbye party for their youth leader. On the way there, they 'baited me' into arguing with them. Justin thought I should let him listen to whatever kind of music he wants to. (I just had him take off a song he had on his Myspace that said words like "Fuc*" and "Motherfuc*er" ALL the time.) He said that he should be able to listen to whatever he wants to. That his Auntie Katie thought the song was fine and he couldn't understand why I didn't think it was okay. She listens to the same music and she's just fine. I tried telling him 'because I said so', especially because we have talked about this same thing over and over and over and over again. But Kayla sat in the back seat snickering at every thing I said. Drove me nuts, and I ended up yelling at her telling her to stop laughing at me. It was just............ horrible.
Now she's putting on her myspace that she "can't wait" and that she is "DONE fighting with this family."
I feel broken inside. I feel so sad when she is hurt or angry or unhappy. Yet I know she is struggling with this desire to be albe to do anything she wants to do.
Please pray for our relationship.
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Julie had her visit today. She hasn't been to Church with us in.... jeez... I don't know how long. Course I've missed a few weeks here and there as well. She came over about 11:30 and took Kayte and Justin to her house until about 6.
I was home making dinner when she called and said she couldn't come over for dinner because Arthur needed her. Apparently he doesn't have a car and needed someone to take him to the hospital. I guess I'm going to keep my mouth shut about how I feel about him not being able to take himself - but suffice to say I wasn't happy about making a big dinner and her canceling out at the last minute.
I guess it just added to my horrible day.
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I don't have a lot of energy to go into things too much tonight. I'm just writing to ask you to please pray for us. Pray for our family.... for Kayla.... and for me. I need to find a place of happiness even when the kids are -- acting like tough teenagers. Thanks.
Tonight I'm still in a knot about the kids. Kayla in particular. We had a really bad night tonight. Things between us haven't been good for a while. Our communication is horrible, she doesn't talk to me, she lies to me about silly little things as well as important things. And I just HATE it.
I don't even know what happened tonight. Gwen had told me that she was going to hold off on getting Kayla a car. Kayla fully believed that at Christmas Gwen was coming down to buy her a car. Since Gwen told her that she's going to fully pay for the car, regardless of how much money she saved, as well as the insurance she'll need for the car - Kayla just hasn't been saving as much, she puts aside $100 or so every paycheck, but sometimes she just keeps the whole thing. Plus - Kayla will have a car, insurance, and not be able to drive. She hasn't taken drivers ed - and I've driven with her... she needs to practice more. She isn't home enough for us to teach her, as I think I said in the last blog.
Tonight, apparently Kayla called Gwen and I found her in her room crying quite a bit. Now Kayla tells me that she is going to get her car from Gwen. But she called Gwen just when we were sitting down for dinner. We called her to come to the table, and called her, and called her. She ignored us (she said she didn't hear us, but our house is NOT that big). Chris yelled at her for not coming to the table -- we ended up eating the entire dinner without her as she never did come down to dinner.
Later I took the kids to a goodbye party for their youth leader. On the way there, they 'baited me' into arguing with them. Justin thought I should let him listen to whatever kind of music he wants to. (I just had him take off a song he had on his Myspace that said words like "Fuc*" and "Motherfuc*er" ALL the time.) He said that he should be able to listen to whatever he wants to. That his Auntie Katie thought the song was fine and he couldn't understand why I didn't think it was okay. She listens to the same music and she's just fine. I tried telling him 'because I said so', especially because we have talked about this same thing over and over and over and over again. But Kayla sat in the back seat snickering at every thing I said. Drove me nuts, and I ended up yelling at her telling her to stop laughing at me. It was just............ horrible.
Now she's putting on her myspace that she "can't wait" and that she is "DONE fighting with this family."
I feel broken inside. I feel so sad when she is hurt or angry or unhappy. Yet I know she is struggling with this desire to be albe to do anything she wants to do.
Please pray for our relationship.
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Julie had her visit today. She hasn't been to Church with us in.... jeez... I don't know how long. Course I've missed a few weeks here and there as well. She came over about 11:30 and took Kayte and Justin to her house until about 6.
I was home making dinner when she called and said she couldn't come over for dinner because Arthur needed her. Apparently he doesn't have a car and needed someone to take him to the hospital. I guess I'm going to keep my mouth shut about how I feel about him not being able to take himself - but suffice to say I wasn't happy about making a big dinner and her canceling out at the last minute.
I guess it just added to my horrible day.
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I don't have a lot of energy to go into things too much tonight. I'm just writing to ask you to please pray for us. Pray for our family.... for Kayla.... and for me. I need to find a place of happiness even when the kids are -- acting like tough teenagers. Thanks.
Thursday, November 06, 2008
Parental Funk
I'm in a funk. I feel like a horrible parent who has no control over her teenagers.
Report cards came in yesterday. First up... Kayla, who got a D in math. Kayte and Justin each got one C, and Jonathan got 4 C's. Here's my problem -- the 'consequence' for not making honor roll for Justin, Kayte and Kayla was for them to lose their phones until they DID make honor roll. However, Kayla has already told us she'd just go out and get another cell phone from Metro PCS and pay for it herself. We don't want that... we want to be able to know when she's on the phone at 2am, ya know? So... we told her that she could, instead, just pay HER portion of the cell phone bill.
However, how unfair is that to Kayte and Justin? To add to the unfairness, Jonathan wasn't given the cell phone and warned against not making honor roll... he NEVER makes honor roll. Instead he was given a phone to put in appointments and reminders. However, lately he uses his cell phone mostly for texting and talking. How can we take away their phones when Kayla and Jonathan are able to keep theirs? Heck, Kayte and Justin's report cards were BETTER than Kayla's and Jonathan's.
It's easy to say "just take all the phones away".... but.... I'm having a really hard time with it. First of all... you have to LIVE in the teenage hormone hell that we are in to know that having FOUR unhappy teenagers is going to be an awful living environment for the next 2 nine weeks. Second, I'm not a good disciplinarian, Chris is. But Chris has backed WAY off of disciplining since the big thing with Jonathan, when Jonathan started going to counseling - and that has worked to help mend the relationship between the two of them. Yet... they are all now getting away with everything. In the past, Chris would get all over the kids for doing poorly, and I'd allow it when needed and pull him back if I felt he was being unfair. Now... it's just on me.
The funny thing is that all 4 of them feel that the grades they received were, for one reason or another, "not really their fault". I suppose that's a teenager thing... but they need to own up to their grades - they earned them. Kayla's just not good in math, so it's not really her fault. Kayte had a 79.6 and the teacher, she feels, should have rounded up her grade. Jonathan isn't allowed to make up the work or for whatever reason he just can't do it. Justin was using somebody else's locker and his workbook was stolen out of the locker, allowing several zeros to bring down his grade. So.... nobody here is taking blame.
Well, I wouldn't say nobody... I'm taking all the blame. I'm a horrible parent. I feel that way anyways.
Then there is this current 9 weeks, which we are now 3 weeks into. Of the few grades that are posted, Kayla has one F, Jonathan has 2 F's. F's???????? Yeah.... F's. Both of them say not to worry, that they will bring them up. But ya know... last week I had that conference with Kayla's teacher last week, and just today I got a call from one of Jonathan's teachers. She noted that he was 'just not the same' the past week or so in math. Not doing assignments, not taking notes, not bringing his book, etc. Today she had to stand him up in the back of the class as a discipline method. Sigh..........
The funny thing about that is -- since the computer was taken away from Jonathan... he's been a pretty GREAT kid at home. He's outside playing, going to the park, hanging out with friends... it's been like a dream come true. All the kids have noticed it as well. I expected him to do as Kayla does when she doesn't get her way.... go in his room and sleep all day. But he hasn't.
I'm also worried about Kayla and the people she's hanging out with - still. I know I've mentioned it as a concern before. Kayla isn't really 'doing' anything wrong at home, but I just feel it... I just know it.... she's headed in the wrong direction. For example - one of her friends, Anne, has a boyfriend who was just "locked up" and is now in a treatment facility. Well... the guy wanted to send letters to Anne, but he and Anne didn't want Anne's mom to find out. They planned on lying to her mother when he got "passes" to come home. Their plan was to tell the mom that he was in New York. Well, he's now sent 5 letters to my house. First of all, I have a problem with Kayla giving out our address to a guy who is locked up. Chris is a retired corrections officer... we do NOT want our address known by those people. Second... this guy is NASTY in his emails. He talks about how he wants her to have his "jit"(his baby), and that if they didn't 'do it' last time, they would work on it more when he got out. He says that she should know how much he loves her because if he didn't he would have worn a condom. EWW! Oh, and he best part... not only does he smoke weed, he SELLS IT. He wrote one letter to a guy who he used to smoke with and sell with. In that letter he told the guy that he should get his grades better, focus on school for a little while, and THEN he could start "burning" (smoking weed) again. Great advice, huh? Yeah... these people, these friends of hers, are really going places, ya think?
I can't get her to see it. She thinks her friends are misunderstood. And... if I can't help her see it, then doesn't it again make me a bad parent? Again, I strike out. Fail. Sigh....
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Okay, that's pretty sad up there. Let me start telling you some good news.
Justin got a note from his teacher. He did an essay where he was asked to interview a teacher then write about it. Well, he did and in his essay he talked about how he never realized how difficult their jobs were. (Sucking up to the teachers I'd guess, but it worked!) The teacher gave him back the essay and wrote this on it:
"Justin,
This is the bet essay in all of my classes. Excellent job - you were clear, precise & creative. Thanks! :o)
P.S. - Out of 60+ papers, you were the ONLY one to get a 100% and one of the only people who deserved / received an "A". I'm SO PROUD of you! :o)"
Good stuff, huh? Of course, essay writing that these kids do is NOT what we used to have to do. The teachers, even English teachers (which was the case in this paper) didn't grade based on spelling. Kids today are ALLOWED to spell things wrong, and even not have them corrected. Teachers today feel that it's more important that kids learn to express themselves than spelling correctly. I disagree, thinking they are not going to get very far in the corporate world if they can't spell correctly. But... I'm not a teacher, and I have to trust that they know what they are doing.
Anyways, we are SO PROUD of Justin for this note from the teacher - I didn't mean to imply I wasn't when I talked about the spelling.
Speaking of Justin -- he had the MRI and saw the Orthopedic guys at USF -- he definitely has a complete tear of his ACL. Additionally he may have something wrong with his meniscus... but they can't tell for sure on the MRI. He is scheduled for surgery on 12/5/08. It was weird hearing them talk about how they were going to fix it: they were going to try to use some of his hamstring but they were going to have a cadaver part on-hand just in case they can't use his.
It was difficult scheduling this surgery for the 5th and not wait for December 12th. I'm off on Dec. 12th and would love to be there for him. It's outpatient surgery, but still... would love to be there for him. Working alone... it's not so easy to get additional days off - so Chris is going to take him. It's MORE important that he get the surgery quickly... they say that the sooner he has it done, the better and shorter his recovery will be. (There I go again, feeling like a horrible parent!)
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OMG... I'm sitting at my desk typing this and a SPIDER just walked across my chest/shirt. I think I bruised myself slapping the HECK out of it. I'm DEATHLY afraid of spiders. Usually I can't even MOVE when I see them... but to see it walking across me, I just squished it hard. And bruised myself probably. LOL
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Did I tell you that I rejoined Toast of Tampa Show Chorus? Well... I did. I've been to 5 rehearsals so far, passed my audition, choreography, and am just now waiting to be voted into the chorus. Chris loves it that I come home every Tuesday night so happy.
At lunch today I was thinking about Barbershop Competitions... both men's and women's. And my mind went to a really cool story I'd like to share with you. It shows the kindness that stems from this barbershop family.
Chris was in the Heralds of Harmony at the time. We were young... rather new to barbershop, and the kids were young. The Heralds were getting ready to go to International Competition in Nashville. We didn't have a lot of money, and certainly didn't have anything saved for emergencies (the getting married and having a baby at 18 didn't allow us to save anything).
It was the night before we were supposed to leave. The plan was that Chris was going to drive up to Nashville in his truck. But that evening, heck, I think it was actually on the way to rehearsal, his truck broke down. I remember it was something he could fix, but he couldn't fix it in a day.
I drove him up to the last rehearsal before we were supposed to leave. We were late (because of the truck breaking down) so he didn't have time to tell his director, then Tony DeRosa (who is now my chorus at director!) that he couldn't go to Nashville. So he jumped into the rehearsal and figured he'd talk to Tony after rehearsal.
I was sitting on the floor, watching them sing. I remember Chris singing and how much I enjoyed watching him sing. Then they got to "When You Wish Upon a Star" or something like that.... it was a slow song and just BEAUTIFUL. The chorus locking and ringing barbershop chords. Watching Chris sing from the heart. And my heart breaking because I was the only person in the room (other than Chris) who knew he couldn't go with them to Jacksonville. My heart began to break for him... and I felt the tears beginning to well in my eyes.
I didn't want to make a scene at ALL, and so I quietly got up in the middle of the song, and went outside to cry by myself. I was sobbing quietly when a friend of mine, Chris DeRosa, came in. She was walking past me and I tried to pretend like I was fine, but she noticed I was crying and asked me what was wrong. I tried to just smile and say I was fine, but I couldn't hold it in.
You have to know that in our Barbershop choruses, singing at an international competition level, the WORK that you put into getting everything ready for competition is a LOT of work. I could understand if he couldn't go just because we were broke... but... it was just because the truck broke down that evening.
I explained to Chris DeRosa why I was crying. Explained about the car and all of that. Well... her family is a big-ole barbershopping family. Her brother, Tony, was the director, her dad, Papa Joe DeRosa was the former director and a VERY well known barbershopper. Her mom was also a barbershopper. She understood why I was so upset.
The next thing I remember was her talking to her parents, Lois and Papa Joe. They came over to me and said "he is taking our Van to Nashville, and you are not saying no".
Uh... what?
They explained that they had a van at home that was just going to sit there. It would make it to Nashville just fine. They insisted that we take the van.
How can we borrow their car? Not to run to the store... to run up to Nashville! It seemed like WAY too much. My ears were ringing... I remember being stunned by the offer. I kept trying to say no... I mean, what if something happened on the way up to Nashville? What if, God forbid, there was an accident? Papa Joe said if there was an accident - it was meant to be, it would have happened anyways, they had insurance, and they would not hold it against us by any means... it was God's will. Again, they wouldn't take no for an answer.
It's been many years now since that contest. Chris DeRosa is now Chris Kirkman... married to a WONDERFUL man. She lost her daughter to cancer. Papa Joe passed away the year before that. And I now sing in the chorus with Tony as director and his mom and Chris.
I will never forget their graciousness. They didn't just 'let us borrow a van'... they allowed him to make that memory of the International Competition in Nashville.
If the whole world were like the DeRosa's example... we'd live in one wonderful place. God is blessing them every day I'm sure.
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“‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.”
Matthew 22:37-40
Report cards came in yesterday. First up... Kayla, who got a D in math. Kayte and Justin each got one C, and Jonathan got 4 C's. Here's my problem -- the 'consequence' for not making honor roll for Justin, Kayte and Kayla was for them to lose their phones until they DID make honor roll. However, Kayla has already told us she'd just go out and get another cell phone from Metro PCS and pay for it herself. We don't want that... we want to be able to know when she's on the phone at 2am, ya know? So... we told her that she could, instead, just pay HER portion of the cell phone bill.
However, how unfair is that to Kayte and Justin? To add to the unfairness, Jonathan wasn't given the cell phone and warned against not making honor roll... he NEVER makes honor roll. Instead he was given a phone to put in appointments and reminders. However, lately he uses his cell phone mostly for texting and talking. How can we take away their phones when Kayla and Jonathan are able to keep theirs? Heck, Kayte and Justin's report cards were BETTER than Kayla's and Jonathan's.
It's easy to say "just take all the phones away".... but.... I'm having a really hard time with it. First of all... you have to LIVE in the teenage hormone hell that we are in to know that having FOUR unhappy teenagers is going to be an awful living environment for the next 2 nine weeks. Second, I'm not a good disciplinarian, Chris is. But Chris has backed WAY off of disciplining since the big thing with Jonathan, when Jonathan started going to counseling - and that has worked to help mend the relationship between the two of them. Yet... they are all now getting away with everything. In the past, Chris would get all over the kids for doing poorly, and I'd allow it when needed and pull him back if I felt he was being unfair. Now... it's just on me.
The funny thing is that all 4 of them feel that the grades they received were, for one reason or another, "not really their fault". I suppose that's a teenager thing... but they need to own up to their grades - they earned them. Kayla's just not good in math, so it's not really her fault. Kayte had a 79.6 and the teacher, she feels, should have rounded up her grade. Jonathan isn't allowed to make up the work or for whatever reason he just can't do it. Justin was using somebody else's locker and his workbook was stolen out of the locker, allowing several zeros to bring down his grade. So.... nobody here is taking blame.
Well, I wouldn't say nobody... I'm taking all the blame. I'm a horrible parent. I feel that way anyways.
Then there is this current 9 weeks, which we are now 3 weeks into. Of the few grades that are posted, Kayla has one F, Jonathan has 2 F's. F's???????? Yeah.... F's. Both of them say not to worry, that they will bring them up. But ya know... last week I had that conference with Kayla's teacher last week, and just today I got a call from one of Jonathan's teachers. She noted that he was 'just not the same' the past week or so in math. Not doing assignments, not taking notes, not bringing his book, etc. Today she had to stand him up in the back of the class as a discipline method. Sigh..........
The funny thing about that is -- since the computer was taken away from Jonathan... he's been a pretty GREAT kid at home. He's outside playing, going to the park, hanging out with friends... it's been like a dream come true. All the kids have noticed it as well. I expected him to do as Kayla does when she doesn't get her way.... go in his room and sleep all day. But he hasn't.
I'm also worried about Kayla and the people she's hanging out with - still. I know I've mentioned it as a concern before. Kayla isn't really 'doing' anything wrong at home, but I just feel it... I just know it.... she's headed in the wrong direction. For example - one of her friends, Anne, has a boyfriend who was just "locked up" and is now in a treatment facility. Well... the guy wanted to send letters to Anne, but he and Anne didn't want Anne's mom to find out. They planned on lying to her mother when he got "passes" to come home. Their plan was to tell the mom that he was in New York. Well, he's now sent 5 letters to my house. First of all, I have a problem with Kayla giving out our address to a guy who is locked up. Chris is a retired corrections officer... we do NOT want our address known by those people. Second... this guy is NASTY in his emails. He talks about how he wants her to have his "jit"(his baby), and that if they didn't 'do it' last time, they would work on it more when he got out. He says that she should know how much he loves her because if he didn't he would have worn a condom. EWW! Oh, and he best part... not only does he smoke weed, he SELLS IT. He wrote one letter to a guy who he used to smoke with and sell with. In that letter he told the guy that he should get his grades better, focus on school for a little while, and THEN he could start "burning" (smoking weed) again. Great advice, huh? Yeah... these people, these friends of hers, are really going places, ya think?
I can't get her to see it. She thinks her friends are misunderstood. And... if I can't help her see it, then doesn't it again make me a bad parent? Again, I strike out. Fail. Sigh....
*****************************************************
Okay, that's pretty sad up there. Let me start telling you some good news.
Justin got a note from his teacher. He did an essay where he was asked to interview a teacher then write about it. Well, he did and in his essay he talked about how he never realized how difficult their jobs were. (Sucking up to the teachers I'd guess, but it worked!) The teacher gave him back the essay and wrote this on it:
"Justin,
This is the bet essay in all of my classes. Excellent job - you were clear, precise & creative. Thanks! :o)
P.S. - Out of 60+ papers, you were the ONLY one to get a 100% and one of the only people who deserved / received an "A". I'm SO PROUD of you! :o)"
Good stuff, huh? Of course, essay writing that these kids do is NOT what we used to have to do. The teachers, even English teachers (which was the case in this paper) didn't grade based on spelling. Kids today are ALLOWED to spell things wrong, and even not have them corrected. Teachers today feel that it's more important that kids learn to express themselves than spelling correctly. I disagree, thinking they are not going to get very far in the corporate world if they can't spell correctly. But... I'm not a teacher, and I have to trust that they know what they are doing.
Anyways, we are SO PROUD of Justin for this note from the teacher - I didn't mean to imply I wasn't when I talked about the spelling.
Speaking of Justin -- he had the MRI and saw the Orthopedic guys at USF -- he definitely has a complete tear of his ACL. Additionally he may have something wrong with his meniscus... but they can't tell for sure on the MRI. He is scheduled for surgery on 12/5/08. It was weird hearing them talk about how they were going to fix it: they were going to try to use some of his hamstring but they were going to have a cadaver part on-hand just in case they can't use his.
It was difficult scheduling this surgery for the 5th and not wait for December 12th. I'm off on Dec. 12th and would love to be there for him. It's outpatient surgery, but still... would love to be there for him. Working alone... it's not so easy to get additional days off - so Chris is going to take him. It's MORE important that he get the surgery quickly... they say that the sooner he has it done, the better and shorter his recovery will be. (There I go again, feeling like a horrible parent!)
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OMG... I'm sitting at my desk typing this and a SPIDER just walked across my chest/shirt. I think I bruised myself slapping the HECK out of it. I'm DEATHLY afraid of spiders. Usually I can't even MOVE when I see them... but to see it walking across me, I just squished it hard. And bruised myself probably. LOL
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Did I tell you that I rejoined Toast of Tampa Show Chorus? Well... I did. I've been to 5 rehearsals so far, passed my audition, choreography, and am just now waiting to be voted into the chorus. Chris loves it that I come home every Tuesday night so happy.
At lunch today I was thinking about Barbershop Competitions... both men's and women's. And my mind went to a really cool story I'd like to share with you. It shows the kindness that stems from this barbershop family.
Chris was in the Heralds of Harmony at the time. We were young... rather new to barbershop, and the kids were young. The Heralds were getting ready to go to International Competition in Nashville. We didn't have a lot of money, and certainly didn't have anything saved for emergencies (the getting married and having a baby at 18 didn't allow us to save anything).
It was the night before we were supposed to leave. The plan was that Chris was going to drive up to Nashville in his truck. But that evening, heck, I think it was actually on the way to rehearsal, his truck broke down. I remember it was something he could fix, but he couldn't fix it in a day.
I drove him up to the last rehearsal before we were supposed to leave. We were late (because of the truck breaking down) so he didn't have time to tell his director, then Tony DeRosa (who is now my chorus at director!) that he couldn't go to Nashville. So he jumped into the rehearsal and figured he'd talk to Tony after rehearsal.
I was sitting on the floor, watching them sing. I remember Chris singing and how much I enjoyed watching him sing. Then they got to "When You Wish Upon a Star" or something like that.... it was a slow song and just BEAUTIFUL. The chorus locking and ringing barbershop chords. Watching Chris sing from the heart. And my heart breaking because I was the only person in the room (other than Chris) who knew he couldn't go with them to Jacksonville. My heart began to break for him... and I felt the tears beginning to well in my eyes.
I didn't want to make a scene at ALL, and so I quietly got up in the middle of the song, and went outside to cry by myself. I was sobbing quietly when a friend of mine, Chris DeRosa, came in. She was walking past me and I tried to pretend like I was fine, but she noticed I was crying and asked me what was wrong. I tried to just smile and say I was fine, but I couldn't hold it in.
You have to know that in our Barbershop choruses, singing at an international competition level, the WORK that you put into getting everything ready for competition is a LOT of work. I could understand if he couldn't go just because we were broke... but... it was just because the truck broke down that evening.
I explained to Chris DeRosa why I was crying. Explained about the car and all of that. Well... her family is a big-ole barbershopping family. Her brother, Tony, was the director, her dad, Papa Joe DeRosa was the former director and a VERY well known barbershopper. Her mom was also a barbershopper. She understood why I was so upset.
The next thing I remember was her talking to her parents, Lois and Papa Joe. They came over to me and said "he is taking our Van to Nashville, and you are not saying no".
Uh... what?
They explained that they had a van at home that was just going to sit there. It would make it to Nashville just fine. They insisted that we take the van.
How can we borrow their car? Not to run to the store... to run up to Nashville! It seemed like WAY too much. My ears were ringing... I remember being stunned by the offer. I kept trying to say no... I mean, what if something happened on the way up to Nashville? What if, God forbid, there was an accident? Papa Joe said if there was an accident - it was meant to be, it would have happened anyways, they had insurance, and they would not hold it against us by any means... it was God's will. Again, they wouldn't take no for an answer.
It's been many years now since that contest. Chris DeRosa is now Chris Kirkman... married to a WONDERFUL man. She lost her daughter to cancer. Papa Joe passed away the year before that. And I now sing in the chorus with Tony as director and his mom and Chris.
I will never forget their graciousness. They didn't just 'let us borrow a van'... they allowed him to make that memory of the International Competition in Nashville.
If the whole world were like the DeRosa's example... we'd live in one wonderful place. God is blessing them every day I'm sure.
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“‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.”
Matthew 22:37-40
Sunday, November 02, 2008
Happy Birthday Mom!
I'm really upset right now with Kayte. We allowed her to borrow our digital camera to take to a Halloween party she was going to the other day. We told her, just make sure you bring it right back to us -- it's our ONLY camera and it's Uncle Chris's work camera.
She left it in Julie's glove box to her car. Somehow or another -- someone STOLE it out of Julie's glove box. As if they knew it was in there. Didn't take one single other thing... just our camera.
Chris is upset that Julie left her car unlocked... I'm upset that Kayte left it in there to begin with when we were specific about brining it RIGHT home. You might think that Kayte is the youngest... so why would we trust her with this. But... of all four kids, Kayte really is the most 'responsible'.
Usually.
Apparently not this time. Funny, I was just looking at the photos of Christmas 2007 when I got that camera from Chris. I was SO HAPPY to finally have a digital camera to be able to share photos with everyone and the family.
Sigh.... now I guess I know what to ask for this Christmas. Another digital camera. :o(
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We just had a big party at my house for my Mom's 65th birthday. I made dinner for her... Blackened Chicken Alfredo. It was a little too spicy for my taste, but still yummy. It's odd how much I enjoy cooking now. Cutting up the Basil leaves.... mixing the spices... just LOVE it. I thought it was going to be hard cooking for 14.... but... I actually have a ton left over. Probably because it was too spicy.
We had Mom and John, Katie, Tony and her two daughters, Amanda, Julie and my whole crew.
Mom got several nice things for her birthday, but I know what she loved most of all was everyone being together. She got a picture of all her grandkids in one picture. Good times!
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Here are the photos I promised you of the kids taken this year at school. I should run... still have much to do to unwind from the night.
She left it in Julie's glove box to her car. Somehow or another -- someone STOLE it out of Julie's glove box. As if they knew it was in there. Didn't take one single other thing... just our camera.
Chris is upset that Julie left her car unlocked... I'm upset that Kayte left it in there to begin with when we were specific about brining it RIGHT home. You might think that Kayte is the youngest... so why would we trust her with this. But... of all four kids, Kayte really is the most 'responsible'.
Usually.
Apparently not this time. Funny, I was just looking at the photos of Christmas 2007 when I got that camera from Chris. I was SO HAPPY to finally have a digital camera to be able to share photos with everyone and the family.
Sigh.... now I guess I know what to ask for this Christmas. Another digital camera. :o(
***********************************************************************
We just had a big party at my house for my Mom's 65th birthday. I made dinner for her... Blackened Chicken Alfredo. It was a little too spicy for my taste, but still yummy. It's odd how much I enjoy cooking now. Cutting up the Basil leaves.... mixing the spices... just LOVE it. I thought it was going to be hard cooking for 14.... but... I actually have a ton left over. Probably because it was too spicy.
We had Mom and John, Katie, Tony and her two daughters, Amanda, Julie and my whole crew.
Mom got several nice things for her birthday, but I know what she loved most of all was everyone being together. She got a picture of all her grandkids in one picture. Good times!
************************************************************************
Here are the photos I promised you of the kids taken this year at school. I should run... still have much to do to unwind from the night.
I'll leave you with this for this evening...
Gratitude
By Adelaide Aldi
Gratitude always gives back, I had been down in the dumps this week, and thinking things are just not kicking into gear. I don't know how many times I switched on to different tools to switch my mood and lift my spirits and still, things didn't seem to take shape. The 'Secret' says, find a song or memory that keeps you happy. I even tried listening to various chapters of the secret to get that focus but to no avail.
This morning I came to work, Friday should be an exciting day, it's the start of the weekend, and I still felt like I'm not making head or tail. I was up early because I felt like there was just not going to be enough time in the day for all the things I had to do; I was feeling anxious. I had a presentation to make, radio errands to run, a tender paper to write and it just seemed like my day was doomed from the start.
But as I got to work, a cousin called me with some semi good news that reflected that our relationships as kin were going to change for the better. That put a smile on my face. And soon, after that, I learned I didn't have to go for the presentation after all. So that put an even bigger smile on my face. Then I found a CD that I had been fretting about because I couldn't find it. So my day just kept getting better.
I was saying thank you silently for all these coincidental blessings. This is the process of gratitude I suspect. It's said that no matter how things can be going wrong on the outside, as long as you have a sense of gratitude flowing in you, things can turn out for the better.
I started thinking back to how I woke up this morning and didn't give thanks that I had woken up early, or that my colleague gave me a ride to work, or that the presentation could work out even if I am there or not.
I started thinking back to how I woke up this morning and didn't give thanks that I had woken up early, or that my colleague gave me a ride to work, or that the presentation could work out even if I am there or not.
The little things that we have and do in our lives, all deserve, gratitude. Gratitude begets blessings your way. I know it's not easy to stay positive all the time, and I suffer from that, many a time, but I am slowly learning that whatever, you do, always do your best, and give gratitude for the little things and experiences. Gratitude will always reciprocate with bigger blessings.
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