The good news is that my boss told me that they are not moving the office until April, and that he thought we could 'work something out' about my pay. But... I don't want a pay cut at all. I am PHENOMENAL at what I do... if anything, I'm underpaid. Additionally I can't AFFORD a pay cut. So -- I keep looking, hoping that the 'perfect' job will be waiting.
I'm also trying to get my sister Katie to get me an interview at Sun Trust. Kayte makes good money managing a Sun Trust. The funny thing is, how little she knows about computers and such. She's a good 'manager' but not so good in the office. Heck, she had to call me to ask me how to spell her job title for business cards! (I love you Katie!!) Whenever she needs something done on the computer or she needs something written, she'll ask me for help. Of course I help because I LOVE doing that kind of thing.
Katie said she talked to the head of H.R. the other day and actually told the woman that I should have HER job because I'm so good at it. Actually, Katie underestimates some of her strengths... she's very good with employees... something she's better at than I. Anyways, the HR manager told her to send my resume to her and maybe after the first of the year they'd have something open up for me. That would be really great!
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Kayla and I have talked very briefly. She called me to get onto me about taking away her mom's unsupervised visits. She told me it wasn't fair for me to do that to Julie when this was about her and me. I told her that the reason I took Julie's unsupervised visits away was because she showed extremely poor judgment in not coming to talk to me. I also explained to Kayla how I went into this knowing if Julie ever did ANYTHING that made me pause and question her intent or mental ability, I would HAVE to do this. The court order said she's not allowed to see them or talk to them unless I am within eye and earshot - I'm not punishing anyone - I'm following the court order.
I also was able to express my hurt feelings to Kayla in this conversation. I told her that what hurt me the most was that she had been telling everyone that she and I are "fighting all the time" when it just wasn't true. I asked her to name ONE time that she and I argued. She recalled a time last weekend when I cursed at her in the car (the time she was baiting me for a fight... sat in the back seat all the way to Church and kept laughing at me). I told her that the fight she was talking about was AFTER the phone call from Grandma Gwen... after she had gone around telling everyone that we were fighting. I asked her to tell me ONE time prior to that in which she and I argued or fought. She - of course - couldn't recall anything.
I told Kayla that if she wanted to move out just because she wanted to be on her own when she was 18, that's one thing. But to leave in a funk - telling everyone lies so that she'd feel more justified in leaving --- that was something else entirely. She can't do that... tell everyone all those lies... and then expect me not to be upset with her.
And... why Julie? Julie's apartment is TINY. (Oh, Julie tells me that she is NOT getting a new, 2 bedroom apartment until her lease is up) There are only a few reasons that I can think of: 1) Kayla just wants to go somewhere that she can do anything she wants to do without any rules. 2) Julie is lonely and wants someone to come live with her just to keep her company. 3) Kayla has issues with Chris and myself that she hasn't expressed to us. Any one of these three reasons isn't a good reason to get up and leave your brother, sister, high school, etc. Now Julie is going to help her with college applications? Julie who didn't finish high school and can't pass a GED exam? Really??
Regardless, Kayla is leaving and I've accepted it. I don't like it, but I've accepted it.
I still pray often for God to help me with taking the emotion out of it. To just let God do His thing, and me not get upset or emotional about it. It's working, but I still struggle at times.
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Jonathan is not doing well in school at all. He is failing at least 3 classes right now. He's grounded, not playing any games, no computer, and no cell phone. Yet... he's still unorganized and not motivated to get good grades. We have an appointment next week to discuss with the doctor - see about changing his medicine. Maybe that will help. Can't hurt!
It's funny because he's doing SO WELL in other areas... not stuck on the computer, more interactive at home, does and says funny things, plays piano often. He's just a pleasure to be around. But then... try to get him to do homework, wash clothes or pick up his room and it becomes a different story.
I don't think it's just him being a teenager - because teenagers usually WANT to do whatever they need to do to get off restriction. So... we'll see.
The other odd thing about Jonathan that I've never blogged about (it came up in therapy the other day) is how particular he is at SOME things. For example... in the morning when he has cereal, he goes through the ENTIRE spoon drawer looking for the perfect spoon. No spots, no smudges, nothing - has to be perfect. The same thing with cups/glasses... he looks for imperfections in the glass, fingerprints, smudges, whatever - and won't use it if it's not perfect. He's VERY much rigid with routines, in particular in the morning. He won't wear something unless it's COMPLETELY clean and ironed. If the shirt has a spot on it, he won't wear it.
Yet... his room is completely and utterly TRASHED. You can't walk on his floor without stepping on clothes or other things. When he eats in the game room or office, he'll just leave everything there. There have been times when I've found 4-5 glasses sitting on the desk and lots of bowls, spoons, etc... all over the floor. It's odd how his is so particular about some things, but not others. Course, I think it just makes him very interesting.
Funny - after just writing about what a pleasure he is to be around at home right now, he just threw a massive fit. One of his teachers was supposed to have uploaded his grade from an F to a D. He said... er... yelled... "I've been working my a** off all week to get my grade up, and she didn't fix it?" Slamming things around... just pure ANGRY. Sigh....
Pray that the medication change next week will help him, please!
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Panic is beginning to set in for Christmas.
I went to the mall last Saturday to pick up a couple tops for work and a choir performance we're having and the prices of things began to hit me.
Little Kayte went with us and showed me what she liked -- all pretty expensive. She's a "Hollister" kind of girl. LOL
We burned through all of our savings the past few months thanks to a tanking housing market. Course, then there's the broken tooth and the Durango broken down a few times that also hurt a bit. OIE! Course, the looming reality that the week after Christmas my monthly pay goes way down.
I figure I've got the four kids, Amanda (who now lives really close and spends more time here), and of course Julie - I'm sure they will all be here for Christmas. P-A-N-I-C. How am I going to get anything? Will what I can afford be enough? Sigh... I know it will be. The kids are really good and just happy to get anything.
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It's funny how much I realize, by blogging, that I hate it when I don't know things. I am unsure about my job in January. My pay come January. If we can do Christmas presents. Not knowing or understanding why Kayla is moving out. If Chris's business is going to be okay in this horrible recession we are in.
When I blog, I get to go back and read it and remind myself that God is in control. That He will do a much better job of things than I would and I just need to have faith.
No doubt I should blog more, even if things with the kids aren't completely chaotic - if for no other reason than to remind myself that it's all going to be okay. Because I have been a emotional/mental mess as of late - full of worry.
So, I'll leave it to God. I'll ask you for prayers. And I'll try to keep remembering that God has a plan.
Speaking of thinking positive; Chris sent this to me a few weeks ago. I thought this would be a good time to share it. Enjoy:
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Try Wonderfulizing. It's.....Wonderful!==============================
Let's talk about how we spend our time thinking when we are alone not engaging with others. Much of the time we are thinking about events that might happen in the future or digging up the past.
When we think about the future, the tendency is to feel anxious, worry, or become uptight. When we look to the past, we often feel regret, sadness, or guilt over past deeds.
Neither one of these thinking tendencies appear to be useful. Instead, why don't you try practicing "wonderfulizing." This is the practice of creating stories in your head that have happy endings. Where the internal events of the stories are full of healthy exchanges and positive interactions.
All of your characters get what they want, and sometimes even more than they would ever imagine. Since it is a story about the future, we know it has no basis in reality, it is fiction. But it is fiction with a happy ending UNLIKE the fiction you create when you awfulize or catastrophize when you become uptight about an upcoming speech, confronting a dear friend,or beginning to play a "big" game.
These stories are also fictional, but they have unhappy endings. If both are fictional or irrational, I say choose wonderfulizing. You will enjoy the experience much more, and who knows, you may get more than you ever imagined.
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