Schedules, Cats, Seizures, and VA

It’s been a busy week.

The kids got their schedules for school. Some of them have pretty tough schedules:

Justin has American History Honors, Chemistry Honors, Spanish 2, English 3 and Trigonometry. Tough schedule! Kayte has Drivers Ed this nine weeks, along with a pretty balanced schedule of English, Geography, Science, World History, and ROTC. Kayla also has a nice balanced schedule with History, English, Geography, Science, math and ROTC. Kayla, Justin and Kayte are all three still in “reading” classes I assume because of their FCAT scores. They have been in these basic reading classes since they’ve been living here. Jonathan has a nice schedule: Algebra 2, Drama, English 2, Science 2, World History Honors, Piano/Keyboarding, and Chorus. He needs to get out of Drama though and get into Spanish 2… I know he doesn’t ‘want’ to… but he doesn’t want to let a year go by and completely forget everything he learned last year. Plus if he and Justin were both in Spanish 2, that would be kinda cool. Maybe they could help each other.

I can’t believe we are going to have three kids with learners permits. Chris was asking Jonathan why he didn’t get Drivers Ed this nine weeks. Jonathan explained to me that he’d have to drop either Chorus or Spanish to get it. I understand – not to mention I’m in NO hurry to have all four of them driving! LOL

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We should ask for prayers for our God daughter, Isabella. Last week she had another seizure. She has these seizures whenever she runs a high fever. I had them when I was a baby as well. They call them febrile seizures and there really isn’t much you can do for them, although they are only supposed to last a few minutes at the most.

Last week, Isabella felt a little warm. My sister Katie had a feeling that she was going to have a seizure… just a gut feeling. She laid her down under a fan instead of in her crib. Sure enough – she started to seize. Katie and Tony took her to an after hours pediatric clinic. She was still having the seizure when they arrived there. Checked her in, brought her in the back – the whole time, still having the seizure. Can you even imagine? I sure can’t…. The whole thing was over 5 minutes which is a long time for one of these types of seizures.

Well – a long story longer – as my husband always points out, the way I like to tell stories – little Isabella has been to the clinic, to the doctor multiple times, to two different hospitals (St. Joes and Tampa General) and finally we know what is wrong with her.

First, the MRI showed that she had a serious ear infection and sinus infection. But, why won’t the antibiotics help her fever? That has been the question that has gone unanswered until Tampa General ran the one test that came back positive: Influenza. Little 11-month old Isabella has the flu.

Poor baby. :o(

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Oh, quick note on this. I have a cat who is addicted to TV. Grace will sit here all day long and watch TV now. At first it was just this bird show... I think it's the one from Planet Earth or something. It's in HD so it's super high quality. No talking - just birds. Yeah, she totally watches that show. But now, she'll sit here and watch whatever we are watching - all the time. Right now she's watching a commercial. Glued to the tube. Right in front of the TV. It's totally funny.

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The VA letter finally came in!

Good news and bad news. Good news because they finally moved on it. I mean, heck, it’s been since what? January?? Yeah… it’s about time they took a look at it.

Bad news is – they asked all kinds of questions: How much money do I make? What are my bills? Do they kids make any money? How much is my electric bill? How much is my grocery bill? Water bill? Phone bill? House payment? Crazy stuff. I mean… honestly…. Does it MATTER what I make? As it turns out, we are just barely making ends meet (although some months we have extra and some months we don’t make it), so I think we’ll be okay. I mean, we are not rolling in the dough. But honestly, it’s the KIDS money, and they should be getting it regardless of what it is I make.

I did get to write a statement to go along with the financials, so maybe it’ll be enough.

Here is part of what I put in that letter:

Currently my husband and I work all the time and take care of all these kids, while Julie works a day or two a week and collects this check which was enough for her to survive – so, why work? I tell you, it’s just not right! Part of that money should be going towards things the kid’s need, the way that Ron intended when he died.

When I called the VA the first time, I was told that we were not allowed to have the money that they were sending to their mother. I was told that “she would have to decide to cut us a check” every month. That was before I was given permanent custody and I didn’t realize after I was given permanent custody that it meant things would change. It wasn’t until someone told me to call the VA because they really felt that the kids deserved this money. I was then told by a staff member of the VA that the kids should be getting this money now that I had legal permanent custody.

Julie has never sent any of this money over to the children, and for years she has been getting this money, spending it only on herself. I am trying to raise them on my income, knowing that she is getting Ron’s benefits and spending them on herself, not her children. It just feels terribly wrong knowing I work full time all day all night non-stop while she sits at home and just collects the check every month knowing she didn’t ‘really’ need to work because the money would just come to her.

I’m aware that we ‘make’ more money than my sister. But it takes a TON of money to raise these kids. We care for a family of seven… my own son, my father-in-law after his stroke, my husband, myself and these three precious children. They have bills such as dental, prescriptions, the clothes they need, their school expenses are unbelievable and the food they eat is surreal. Sure, Julie should get surviving spouse benefits. But the children should have their portion split out and sent to them. If nothing else, we can get them the things they need.

I should run. Chris is starting a new job tomorrow - a commercial job. They have done a lot of home jobs, but never commercial - this is a first for them. They are building a new Coach store at the mall and he's going to be a carpenter there. We really needed this job.... and it came at just the right time. Please keep us in your prayers. Pray for the family, and for Chris and I to continue to make it through this difficult time.


Pressure is a word that is misused in our vocabulary.
When you start thinking of pressure,
it's because you've started to think of failure.
Tommy Lasorda

Rotten Horrible Day

I can't begin to tell you how horrible my day is today.

As I sit here and type this, it's hard not to cry - that's how bad my day today has been.

I thought it was going to be a good day. The kids went to bed late - VERY late. They have been 'told' to go to bed at midnight, and they do go upstairs at midnight, but they've been in their rooms up later than that. Chris didn't get to bed until after 2 am. But at 8:30 this morning my alarm clock went off and I got up for church.

I went in to make sure the kids were getting up. Jonathan wanted to get up at 8:45, which is late for him - he usually needs an hour to get ready. Church starts at 9:30. We all got ready to go... heck I had makeup on and everything... even eye liner! But Jonathan wasn't quite there. He looked horrible, his shirt was wrinkled - it looked like he just rolled out of bed. Chris told him to go iron his shirt and he'd wait for him.

Everyone else was in the car, but Chris came out and told me to go to church without him and he and Jono would follow. Well, I figured we could all be late together by just a few minutes. That shouldn't be a biggie. I went upstairs to check on Jonathan and Jono got really angry, banging the iron into the rug out of anger.

This started the bad morning. Chris came up and an argument ensued. Julie, Kayla, Justin, Kayte, and Kayla were all still waiting in the car -- thinking Jonathan was just going to quickly iron a shirt. I went out and told them that we were not going to make it to church this morning. Chris and Jono were really angry with one another. Sigh.

Julie couldn't keep her eyes open the rest of the morning, and fell asleep for much of the rest of the morning while Chris and Jono worked things out. Later, Kayla came down and said something to Julie about the money she owed her. Chris asked "what money.... for what?" Julie explained that Kayla asked her to bring over some hot fries (some chips) and that she would pay her back. (I should note here that it was 5 bags for less than $6) The kids really like to ask Julie to bring something... candy (some Lucas/Mexican candy) or now these hot fries. I think they just like knowing their mom will bring them something every once in a while.

Chris said "Julie, you are not REALLY going to make her pay you for that, are you?" Julie said that yes, she wasn't working very much, and Kayla asked her to buy them, so yes - she was going to expect to be paid for it. Chris said "Julie, don't make me say here in front of the kids why you know you should buy them at least $5 or $6 worth of chips." Julie looked puzzled.

So I said it. I said ... "Julie, you get freaking $600 a month from the VA that BELONGS TO THE CHILDREN. You know it. I know it. The VA knows it. It's just a matter of time before they finally get the paperwork right and start sending it over to them. If she wants to you take a few freaking dollars and get her a bag of chips, you should do so... happily."

Julie explained that she was saving that money. Well, hell, I don't care if she's putting it in a tree, or sending it by plane to a safe on the moon. The fact is it's HERS. She's not putting it away for them. So it doesn't matter.

She agreed, reluctantly, to not take the money from Kayla. Although I'm not sure she totally understands why this is the right thing to do. I'm not sure that her mind grasps it.

So -- there was that. Then.... well.... Chris has been snapping all day. Working around the house, but just.... upset. Little things upsetting him. Then he'll half-hearted apologize to me. And I just continue to cry inside.

So here I sit. Five minutes to five. Knowing I have to put on my happy face and get in there and cook dinner. It's going to be a great dinner. Calypso Chicken with Island Peas and Rice. Another great Publix Apron's meal.

But Jonathan is upset. Chris is upset. I've cried off all my eyeliner. And I missed the sermon at church today on Stinky Feet. Okay, that's probably the best part of my day... I hate feet.

You cannot escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today.
Abraham Lincoln

Rolling Along

Things are still rolling along here in the Rhocchini house.


I'm still stressed beyond words. Worried about things - Chris getting LLC jobs, the kids need so much to get ready for school, the kids -- well -- they have so much teenage stuff going on.

Justin is playing Football for Gaither this year. Here is just HIS schedule... Monday practice @1, Tuesday practice @ 1, Wednesday a game after work sometime, Thursday practice @ 7 am, Friday practice @ 7 am and Saturday a game sometime in the morning. Not that it consumes my schedule or anything (HA!) -- SIX DAYS A WEEK? That's just ONE of the kids.

This means that most days of the week, I get up in the morning and go to work, and instead of coming home for work for an hour lunch, I get more along the lines of 15 to 20 minutes and I have to turn around and take him (and usually one of his friends) to practice. Fortunately he has a friend who takes him to his games twice a week. I used to do that, but it got REAL old REAL quick.

Kayla is happy with her job, but is applying for jobs at the mall. She just LOVES clothes, so I get that part of it... but the girl doesn't have a CAR, therefore she can't get there! OIE. Justin has sort-of applied for jobs... but he knows that he doesn't have a lot of time with school starting and him being in football. Then today Kayte applied for a job at Publix, because she feels like she needs money too. They just can't be happy being "kids" for as long as they can... they want to get out and work. Ah... I remember that feeling.

We had a big issue with Kayla's job the other day. She was short in her drawer and they took it out of her paycheck. This has happened before, and year-to-date total, according to her check, was about $75 that they have taken away from her earnings. Chris and I have a couple of problems with this: One that they are taking money out of her check because her drawer was short, when she is not the only one who has access to the drawer at all times. Just this last check, her manager GAVE her $20 because she had actually run Kayla's register all day. Secondly, they can't take away money that she has earned. If her drawer is short, they can repremand her, write her up, pull her off the drawer and put her on the grill, or even fire her. But they can't take away money that she has earned per-hour. Do they GIVE her money when her drawer is over? No... of course they don't. Lastly, they pay her, tax her on what she made, then take it away from her. This is just wrong on so many levels.

Friday Chris and I went over to McDonalds to talk to a manager to ask them to stop doing this immediately. She was a new manager to this store... in her store she came from, they didn't do this. She said that she would speak to the head manager and see what could be done.

Is it just me? Isn't this just wrong??

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So Wedneday, Julie asked if she could come over. I had told her no... we have stuff going on every day of the week pretty much. Although Julie wasn't working and she was bored - we had tons of stuff going on. Kayte was away babysitting, Kayla was home, Justin was at the game, Jonathan and Chris were going to Quartet practice. Kayla was supposed to have a boyfriend come over. Actually, he wasn't really a boyfriend, he liked her - but she didn't like him - but just hadn't yet told him. But that's another story all together.

First thing to do was to make dinner real fast so that Chris and Jono could go to quartet practice at 7. I made and AMAZING dinner, if I do say so myself, and it was ready by 6:30. We had Chicken Carbonara, a Publix Apron's meal. I LOVE those Apron's meals you get recipes from at Publix. They are so easy and taste GREAT. Anyways... we had dinner and Chris and Jono left - so I thought I'd call Julie to see if she wanted to come over for some cake.

Yeah, in the midst of all this chaos (remember there is a not-really-boyfriend here as well), we even had time to bake a cake. Go figure.

So, I talked to her to see if she wanted to come over for some cake. She was THRILLED. This was about 8:30 pm, and she came right over. Problem was... she had taken her night meds. This was pretty funny. She was SO happy to be over, but she was falling asleep sitting up. Literally sitting in the chair and she would just fall asleep.

Watching "So You Think You Can Dance" and all the sudden..... SNNNOOORREEEEE....... gosh it was soooo funny.

So, if I ever call her again and invite her over for a snack, I'll have to remember to ask her first... "did you take your night medicine yet?" Because, let me tell ya, the thought of her driving like that is SCARY. Lucky though it wasn't very far.

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My mom is gone for a few weeks. She is on a quest to find her (our) family. Her grandmother was from Novia Scotia and, from what I remember my mom telling me, the family sent her grandmother to Amercia, but not the rest of the family. I don't know why... I'm sure I'll hear lots more later. But mom and her two sisters went to see what family history they could find.

They have founds LOTS of stuff while there. Family members that they didn't know they had... the graveyard where thier great-great-grandmother was buried. That would be Jonathan's great great great great grandmother. How COOL is that? The town they are in now has 3,000 people in it, which blows my mom's mind away. Tampa General, where she works, has 5,000 employees. This entire town has 3,000 people? The other day some person just invited them into their home. Course, they all speak French. I think the town she is in is called Cheticamp. She has even managed to find the old family home. The home our great great great grandmother lived in. Just........ wow.

She is sending emails down when she can... very cool stuff. The country, she says, and the people are just wonderful. It sounds so wonderful. I always thought of myself as half Italian, half Irish. But my mom's mom's family was from Novia Scotia. I'm part French-Canadian? How cool is that?

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For all those that are asking, no I still haven't heard anything from the VA about the kids money they are supposed to be sending to them. It's frustrating. Frustrating because they think and have told me that they can just take their time. Not knowing when we are going to get that extra money for the kids... it's just irritating. We could be buying them clothes for school. School supplies. Instead, I'm clipping coupons and eating leftovers for days.

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Another thing I keep thinking about, and I know I've said it before, I really want to get our wedding rings either re-done or new ones. I'm watching a TV show right now and I can tell the woman who is doing the designing is married. SHE has a wedding band on. Me? No, apparently I'm not. Sigh.....

For those who didn't read that blog, we bought our wedding rings when we were 17 years old. When we got 'engaged'. At 17 and 18, they fit just fine. Flash foward... now we are 40 and they just don't fit like they used to.

It bugs the crap out of me.

Next month, August 31, will be our 22nd wedding anniversary. We are going to Orlando to a big barbershop convention (Jonthan and Chris are singing in their father-son quartet) Will anyone there even know we are married? Unless they KNOW us, no they won't.

And it just BUGS me.

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So, for the Barbershop convention.... the guys were asked to sing at this BIG convention for barbershoppers. What an honor!

Check 'em out.... go here: http://www.ldj.moonfruit.com/#/showstickets/4521166681

And check out the picture "Genetix" -- that's my boys! On the same show as OC Times, Gatorland, State Line Grocery, Rounders, and Wise Guys!! What an HONOR!

We are going to drive up on Friday after work, sleep over, then on Saturday they sing. Sunday (our actual Anniversary) is the big show, and Monday we go home. The cool thing about this Labor Day Jamboree is that it's very "family friendly". There are always tons of things for everyone to do, although Kayla, Justin and Kayte won't be coming with us - Barbershop is just NOT their thing. Then at night, everyone hangs out by the pool and sings "tags" all night. Tags are the very end of a song... and four people get together and sing those tags... all night long. LOVE it.

Gosh I miss barbershopping.

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I really shoud run. I think we are going to jump in the pool. The Rays are playing but are rained out, which means it's going to be a VERY late night.

Please keep us in your prayers. Prayers for Chris's job (and CALL him if you need some work done!) and prayers that I will stop being so darn worried.

A bird does not sing because it has an answer. It sings because it has a song. - Chinese Proverb

The Joys, The Troubles

I should be posting more often. I know, I know.  My sister Katie keeps calling to remind me of this - all the time. 

 

I'm stressed.  Stressed and worried.  Stressed because Chris has had the back pain for a couple weeks and work isn't what it needs to be.  We need him to have a couple LLC jobs to keep the bills paid at home.  (LLC jobs being the big remodeling type jobs as opposed to small handyman type jobs.)  It was good that he wasn't working as hard when his back was hurting... but.... it's just........... I dunno. When you own your own business it's scary.  There is no first and fifteenth of the month.  No routine paycheck.  It's whenever the jobs roll in.  And they aren't rolling in right now.  The economy is bad right now, and people are just not spending money to remodel their homes. 

 

I'm worried because school is starting in about a month. Four weeks from today actually.  Gwen is going to send some money down for Kayla, Justin and Kayte to go get some school clothes.  That just leaves Jonathan.  Poor Jonathan... who hardly ever seems to have a lot of clothes.  He needs shoes, pants and shirts.  He is growing like a weed, and he knows it.  His nana wanted to take him shopping a few weeks ago and he didn't want to go because he knew he might grow more before school started.  Smart boy!   But August 18th school starts and he's going to need some clothes. But I don't have any money set aside for that... and I should have thought about it.  My mind races back to that shopping trip I had to Stein Mart for my own shirts a month or two ago.  DANGIT. Selfish.  I wish I could take them back.  Why couldn't I think of this then?  I'd need that money for HIS school clothes. Selfish Tina.

 

And lest we forget the school supplies.  Lots and lots of school supplies.  Two 10th graders, two 11th graders.  God... are you kidding me?  Oh, His sense of humor!  But we do have some things left over from last year, so we just have to do an assessment of what we have and what we need.  The kids always need pencils.  I don't know what they do with them.... but they always go through pencils.  I learned a long time ago that those automatic pencils are a waste of time because they lose them.  Just the standard #2 pencils work just fine. 

 

And I'm really trying not to blog about it all because the minute I blog about how stressed I am over this kind of thing, two things happen.  My husband goes into protect mode and my family and some friends go into judgment mode. Chris will try to tell me it'll be okay... he always does.  But some things he just can't do on his own -- maybe if some of my blog readers... someone from Church, or family members who may know someone who needs a paint job or a bathroom or kitchen work done, or whatever -- give me a call or drop me an email.  Then the family/friends - I know it's normal.  Heck, I do it too.... whenever someone says they are struggling it's natural to look at what they are doing and find ways that you know they could cut back.  Cut back your cable. Cut out the water cooler.  You get your nails done?  I know ~ I know... I do it too.  But we are not struggling normally... it's just a 'right now' kind of thing really.  I suppose it's "fixers" that want to jump in.  I'm a 'fixer' by nature.  I hear a problem and my mind goes to ways to try and help that person or ways in which I can suggest that person help themselves.  I hear there are actually "listeners" out there who just listen to people.  Listen and don't suggest or judge.  Imagine that.  LOL 

 

I've just kept my mouth shut... kept this all bottled up inside.  I know Chris knows that I'm worried - and we just don't talk about it.  It's the "unspoken".  But -- there.  I said it. :o(

 

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Chris and I went to Church again this week.  It's only the second time we've been in probably a month and a half.  Since they big changes to the music ministry that Chris and I are no longer a part of. 

 

I tell you, it's just odd.  It's odd to go there and praise and worship and just not feel that JOY inside that I used to feel.  That happiness.  That energy inside of me that just wanted to get out of me and tell the whole world about Jesus through music.  It's just................. gone.  And it makes me SO SAD. 

 

I miss music something terrible.  I miss being a part of something bigger and better.  I miss GIVING to people through music.  I miss that joy.  I feel like that has been plucked out of me, and dangit, I want it back.

 

Part of me wonders if I should go back to Toast of Tampa.  I know I would be SO HAPPY singing there.  But it would be expensive.  $40 a month.... minimum.  Then costumes, and when they go to International next year (which will be in Nashville).... that will cost more money.  But ~ man oh man I miss it.  And... I realize now that I miss the JOY of singing more than I miss the actual singing.  I miss the gift of giving my music... not just MY voice, but my voice combined with something else making it much more, much better than anything I could ever do on my own, and giving THAT to someone else.  That..... that is what I miss. 

 

I should run.  I have to go home for lunch.  More later Katie.  I promise!

 

Nothing is permanent in this wicked world - not even our troubles.
- Charlie Chaplin

 

 

Five More Minutes

So sorry it's been so long. So much is going on here, and I keep meaning to get online and tell you about it. This blog will probably be a little 'dis-jointed' as I'll try and go back and hit a few highlights of the past few weeks that I've been meaning to blog about. I'll " *** " so you know when I'm changing subjects. :o)

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Fourth of July was pretty uneventful for us. It was the first 4th of July that we haven't done anything or gone anywhere in, gosh, I think our entire marriage. At first we kind of were hopeful to do a little something even if it were for the weekend (a Friday/Saturday/Sunday beach trip), but it just didn't pan out. After the tenting and the screens and everything else we've done in the house... we simply couldn't see spending the money on it. Plus, we had this beautiful back yard - bug free - new screens - the pool looks GREAT because we got a new pool pump - the house has new paint everywhere inside - heck... we might as well enjoy our 4th of July HERE, right?

Well, as it happened to turn out, planning our weekend at home turned out to be a good idea. A couple of days before that Chris got hurt really bad. He had gone to take Justin to football practice at 6:35 in the morning then came back to bed. At 7:30 an alarm went off and Chris turned over to kiss me good morning. With that, he had a tremendous muscle spasm in his neck. He was screaming, dropped to the floor, and groveling around trying to figure out what to do. There was no making this any better. odd that - with as much hard labor as he does in remodeling and tile work - he pulled his back out kissing me good morning. Ah.... God's sense of humor again. Love it.

I took off work that morning and took him to the doctor. They gave him some muscle relaxers, Ibuprofen and something for pain. It took over a week for him to truly get any better. But he is finally feeling better.

So, although I had hoped we could spend the day together as a family - here's what really happened on the 4th. The kids did their own thing.... Chris slept much of the day as he could barely move, and I floated in the pool. But everyone did come together to enjoy dinner, which was nice. We grilled out some steak and it was great!

Oh, and this is funny.... so I overhear one of the kids talking about the 4th of July and how it's to celebrate the military. I said... "what exactly do you think we are celebrating today??"

Let me tell you -- not ONE SINGLE KID in this house knew what the 4th of July was celebrating. I heard things like: "Independence from Guatemala" and "When the Pilgrims came", "when Christopher Columbus found America" and "Independence from China". Not one single person here... three kids on honor roll, two now in 10th grade and two in 11th.... not one of them knew what we were celebrating on the 4th of July.

Course, when Julie came over on Sunday, I asked her the same question and she didn't know either. Jeez Louise. Scary stuff. What the heck???????

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Kayla has been working a lot this summer. Her 'goal' was to try to work this summer to be able to get a car. Not just because she wants a 'car', but for the freedom that comes from having a car. You know how it is at her age. Although Chris and I didn't want any of the kids to get their licenses until after they turned 18... she will be 18 in January. The way we figured it, if she works hard this summer, she can save enough to buy a car outright. Continue working and she can save for things like insurance.... gas money... tags.... etc.

Well, she keeps 'telling' us that she has all this money in the bank. But in reality she's been really bad about saving, and we've tried different things to help her. Initially, when she got the account, she would overdraw. So... she cut up her card. Now, in order to get money - she had to go to the bank and actually cash or deposit her check. But what would happen is she would put money in... then a few days later go in and take money out. Working as much as she has this summer... all she has saved is $120 as of Friday. Sad.

So, on Friday while home for lunch, I had a talk with her. I told her that I was concerned. I knew that when she turned 18 she really wanted a car. But, with her lack of saving - it just wasn't going to happen. I told her that I would be more than happy to help her save. I could take her checks, put them in an account where she couldn't walk in and get what she wanted any time, and just give her whatever spending money she wants every week.

She flat-out said no. She was good. She'd be fine. No problem. Shut me down fast and hard.

Alrightie then.

Well, as it happened, it rained something horrible later that day. Lightening strikes everywhere, rained buckets for a long period of time, most people kept losing power off and on during the storm. Where was Kayla during this storm? Walking to work.

My phone rings about 3 or so and she is crying hysterically. She was walking and the storm started when she was half-way there. She had been outside trying to figure out what to do for the past hour. She was now late for work. She called everyone else she could think of for help first. Lightening was striking all around her, she was wet and afraid. Of course, I jumped in my car and ran to get her - taking her the rest of the way to her work.

I didn't give her a big 'ole "I told you so" about a car... but what I did do is tell her that -- maybe God was trying to show her something. Maybe this horrible storm this afternoon was God's way of asking her to re-think her ideas on saving. And I was just going to leave it at that. And I did.

That afternoon she put $250 in the bank. Course, I don't know if she'll keep it in there or not, but we'll see.

And for those of you out there thinking it.... Chris and I don't believe in FORCING a child to save. If we did 'force' her to save enough for a car -- lets say she did buy it at 18. Then she is still totally irresponsible with money because that's just how she is. Well, now she has this car in the driveway, and the insurance payment is due... but no money in the bank because she's 18 now and I can't FORCE her anymore to save her money. So - have I really helped her? No, I don't believe so. For now... I want to encourage her to SAVE her own money, and offer to help her in ANY way that I can. Hold it for her. Open another account for her. But we'll never stop trying to stop TEACHING her how to help herself. Not until she's out of our house anyways.

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So, Julie started back to work on Friday. This is really good for her... and good for us. She's been doing really well - but at the same time I'm still waiting for the other shoe to fall. The other day she was slurring her words - she'd taken some meds. I hear she took a couple Flexaril (one Flexaril - a muscle relaxer - put Chris to sleep for hours), her Effexor and some Fioricet for a headache. Lots of stuff to make you loopy. But she's really doing so much better right now... I can't say too much about one day being loopy and slurring.

One of the things that I can say about when I get nervous about when the other "shoe is gonna fall' is that sometimes she can get a bit obsessive. I can tell you that on the 10th of this month she called the house 7 times in one day and called the kids at least once or twice on their cell phones. This is the same day, I believe, when she was taking the meds. This is when my gut starts telling me 'watch out'!

But she's been doing really well. Let's hope if things do start to turn for her that she gets help quickly and doesn't wait till it's too late.

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One of Kayla's friends just came to the house. I tell ya, what is the MATTER with parents today? This girl has been in a lot of trouble already. Failed a grade due to just not going to school. She's been in fights. She's just... gotten into quite a bit of trouble.

Tonight she is going to Club Sky in Ybor City. Club Sky? As in... the BAR?? I asked Kayla about it... she told me "she's going to a party with 20 or 30 of her friends". I said, "Kayla, she's going to a BAR, NOT to a PARTY. Let's call it what it is."

Oh.... I should mention that she is FIFTEEN.

Headed to the bar, with 20 friends or so.... and she is FIFTEEN. Where is her MOM? Why is this okay?? Why is Kayla letting her borrow clothes and not telling her that she should not be going to bars??? I'm going to tell Kayla that right now. She'll think I'm old... but I don't care. Let's see how this goes over.....

Like a ton of bricks. "Everyone does it Auntie Tina!" Oh well, still doesn't make it right. I call 'em like I see 'em. And right is still right. Legal is still legal. And moral is moral.

***********************************************************

Justin lost another one of his licenses and another wallet. This makes his 3rd wallet lost and the second time he's completely lost his drivers license. Unreal. If that boy's head wasn't attached, I swear he'd lose it. It's amazing. We even bought him a wallet with a chain so that he could chain it to his pants. Guess it didn't work so well. Sigh.....

***********************************************************

Julie is all moved into her new apartment. The apartment is much smaller than her home, of course. But - for Julie and what she needs, it's really perfect. It has a bedroom, just large enough to hold her bed, a dresser and TV. She has the bathroom, a little walk-in closet, then there is the living room and kitchen area.

It was -- odd -- moving Julie. On one hand I was SO PROUD of her because she had done a super great job of getting everything she needed gone sold and things that needed to be put in boxes were put in boxes. On the other hand, she had so little left. Much of what was Ron's was stolen or given away at some time or another. It's hard to explain... what was once a house - built by Julie and Ron personally, full of happy memories, so full of kids and family, was now... so empty.... dusty.... dirty............. It was really difficult at times.

I can only imagine that this has to have been really difficult for Julie as well. Exciting - and yet difficult as well.

*********************************************************************

Saving Grace is starting again this week - I'm so excited. I just love this series, in an odd sort of way. I love it that TBS is bringing a show about God and an Angel helping a woman who is very edgy and does things that 'real people' actually do all the time. Curse, smoke, casual sex. I think it's an edgy show and I just love it.

My absolute favorite part of the show last year was when a guy converted to Islam. He's talking to Earl (God's angel) about his conversion and about how he's not going to worship God anymore, he's going to now start worshiping Allah. As the guy shuts his eyes and prays, he expected Earl to disappear -- but he didn't. Earl explained that God was the One. The Almighty. The Only. Call Him whatever you want... He is what He is - God. The guy could call him whatever he wanted, God would always be there to listen.

I liked that. A lot. :o)

*********************************************************************

I really should run -- I wanted to leave you with this story tonight. It's about spending time with those you love.

Just Five More Minutes
Author Unknown

While at the park one day, a woman sat down next to a man on a bench near a playground.

"That's my son over there," she said, pointing to a little boy in a red sweater who was gliding down the slide.

"He's a fine looking boy" the man said. "That's my daughter on the bike in the white dress."

Then, looking at his watch, he called to his daughter. "What do you say we go, Melissa?"

Melissa pleaded, "Just five more minutes, Dad. Please? Just five more minutes."

The man nodded and Melissa continued to ride her bike to her heart's content. Minutes passed and the father stood and called again to his daughter. "Time to go now?"

Again Melissa pleaded, "Five more minutes, Dad. Just five more minutes."

The man smiled and said, "OK."

"My, you certainly are a patient father," the woman responded.

The man smiled and then said, "Her older brother Tommy was killed by a drunk driver last year while he was riding his bike near here. I never spent much time with Tommy and now I'd give anything for just five more minutes with him. I've vowed not to make the same mistake with Melissa.

She thinks she has five more minutes to ride her bike. The truth is, I get Five more minutes to watch her play."

Life is all about making priorities, what are your priorities?

Give someone you love 5 more minutes of your time today!

Anywhere But Here

I have to tell you - I have a TON to blog about. I'm frustrated to no end. I love Julie to death -- but her living close to us is going to have it's... side effects. She's already calling a lot more and wanting to come over a lot more.

I tried to set the ground rules up front. But more on all of this later.

I haven't blogged in a while - but I did write a poem.

I was moving Julie and thinking about how LITTLE she has left of what she and Ron had while they were together. Then I was thinking about how all of Julie's life she's spent running away from things... trying to be anywhere but where she was. What a horrible childhood she had. Then I noticed how much her kids do the same thing... trying so hard to run away from where they are into what they think they want. Never looking at what they have, always looking at what they want.

A phrase kept coming into my mind -- and thus this poem came to mind. If you hate it, remember, a poem person I am NOT.

**********************************************

Anywhere But Here

by: Tina Rhodes

Julie was so young and could never get enough
Love, affection, hugs weren’t enough - Sex with any man or boy
Abused, neglected, put-down, picked-on, using drugs…
A childhood with no real joy.

A childhood runaway, raped and beaten
Come home to “tough love”, a parent’s worst fear
Not knowing she was mentally ill,
But oh how Julie wanted to be – anywhere but here.

Living on her own, she worked so hard
But still with that aching need for affection and love
All the wrong men at the wrong time
Abusing and using her in every way you can think of.

A child was conceived with an unknown father.
Julie knew the only thing to do was clear
To raise a child with any hope of future
She had to raise it - anywhere but here.

A new life born, a new man Ron.
A better life – he’d make her his wife.
But the mental illness kept showing up
With him overseas, this caused great strife.

Three children born, a husband overseas, it didn’t take long
Mom constantly depressed or manic, smoking pot, and in the hospital all the time
Department of Children and Families eventually called in
To see if there was indeed some type of crime.

It seemed best, they thought at the time
For them to be totally free and clear –
Send the children up to live with Grandma and Grandpa in Maryland –
Anywhere but here.

Julie and Ron would join them later, In Maryland they’d live.
Julie still frequently in the hospital, to be clear:
When the family would call to ask how she was we were told
She was… anywhere but here.

Doctors. Bathroom. Shopping. Went to get dinner. Out with a friend.
Looking back it’s rather clear,
All of Julie’s life has been about living
Anywhere but here.

Now I’m raising her children. Teenagers – it’s normal I know.
They all have that keen ability to want to live anywhere but where they are.
Part of me wonders what the normal teenager behavior is –
And what is left over from mom’s emotional scar.

Swim, spend the night, sleep over, just hang out and chill –
They always want to go out with their friends
Myspace, text messaging, picture messaging, chatting, hanging out at the park –
All the new hang-out trends.

In such a hurry to get jobs: get money, get your own place, move out
To start life out quickly but in arrear,
For starting out without college because you wanted to be
Anywhere but here.

It has to be hard for them – they have lost so much
A father who died at such a young age - thirty eight.
A mother mentally ill, in the hospital so much hurting herself
Then being taken away from home, they must have been irate.

I can understand them looking around their lives at times:
Daddy is so sick… has five years to live – heart full of drear –
How many times did they think…
Anywhere but here.

Daddy is so sick, his eyes are so bloody
It must be that he is full of fear.
Surely they had to think…
Anywhere but here.

Mommy won’t stop cutting herself
Slicing and dicing her stomach, wrists, arms and legs – without even a tear
Surely they have to think…
Anywhere but here.

Mommy keeps overdosing on pills
Taking so many pills her words become unclear
Surely they have to think…
Anywhere but here.

Overdosing to the point where she was on a respirator – life support,
Still she snorted and took what pills she felt she had left ‘because it was here’
Surely they have to think…
Anywhere but here.

Yet, “here” is all we have.
To live in the moment, live in the now.
We have to see the goodness and the joy
Through the hurt and the pain, somehow.

God has charged me now with raising these kids
His words and vision is very clear
Keep them safe. Teach them well. Love them even though they wish
They were anywhere but here.

Termite Free

We are officially TERMITE FREE in the Rhocchini house. We were able to move back in about 3 pm on Saturday and start unpacking the bags and bags of groceries that were boxed up and/or bagged up.

Monday we paid for a cleaning crew to come in and clean the house top to bottom. Let me just tell you... it was wonder-flipping-ful. It was nice to get everything really cleaned up once and for all. I mean... we knew we had termites in our bedroom on the floor, for example, but we couldn't see them. Our vacuum is broken so it did a pretty lousy job in the bedroom. It is really truly awesome to sit here in my house right now, as I type this, and know that my house is somewhat clean. Sure, the kids have stuff to pick up -- but the tubs are clean, the toilets are clean, the floors are clean. As a person who is slightly O.C.D. about cleanliness... it feels REALLY good.

Today is Kayte's 15th birthday. She had a pretty laid back day today. Tomorrow we are going to cook Crab Legs for her and Stuffed Shells for Justin (who turns 16 on Friday). By "We" of course I mean Michelle, because I can't cook crab legs nor stuff my own shells (I'll buy 'em frozen and cook 'em!). It should be fun! We have family coming over.... Auntie Katie, Amanda, Evie and Jimmie. Julie has to work and mom is teaching rap to kids in bible study. Later, the end of July or beginning of August, we'll have a BIG party for them with all their friends (many of whom are out of town now for summer break). It's always a problem when your birthday falls over summer break.

Hey, speaking of Julie... I got a bit mad tonight... and I'm going to quickly blog about that and then leave for tonight.

Tonight - Julie called me and sounded "loopy". I thought it was kind of funny because it has been a LONG time since Julie sounded loopy. Of course, I knew she was on some kind of pill - it was extremely obvious. She wasn't 'high'... she was just loopy. Slurring a little and loopy sounding in her words and the things she said.

After I got off the phone with her, I checked the caller ID and saw that she had called earlier in the day. I asked the kids if they had talked to her and they said they had. I could tell by the WAY they said it that they knew why I was asking... they knew something wasn't quite right with her as well. They told me that she had gone to the doctor the day before and gotten medicine for her back.

Justin told me that when he talked to his mom about it - she told him not to get medicine. She told him it was none of his business and that she wasn't getting a narcotic. Well, this really HACKED me off because it is TOTALLY his business. He CARES.

Besides... let's be honest here. No, Julie should not be taking Narcotics. BUT... Narcotics are NOT the only thing Julie abuses. She abuses Insulin. Regular pills. Soma. Food. Sleeping pills. Anything she can take one pill of, she can abuse by taking more.

She went to the doctor yesterday and got Skelaxin and Neurontin. A muscle relaxer and a medicine used to treat Epilepsy. Nothing big - nothing horrible. She's not 'off the wagon'. She's not doing anything awful. She's not overdosed or anything.

But I'd be lying to say I'm not concerned.

She has a LOT going on, I know. She's working a lot. She is moving out of her house on Sunday and into her own little apartment. She has to be excited and stressed.

I'm worried and ask that you all please keep her in your prayers. Thanks.

"You have to find something that you love enough to be able to take risks, jump over the hurdles and break through the brick walls that are always going to be placed in front of you."
-George Lucas-

Jackpot!

Last I left you, I told you that I had to leave because Justin had an accident. Well - I thought I should update you on that.

He was out playing "manhunt" which is like hide-and-go-seek only in the dark. Because we live on a dead end road off a dead end road... it's the perfect neighborhood for this kind of game. About 10 neighborhood kids got together to play, Justin included. I told him NOT to go into people's yards. However....

Justin came in and we knew something was very wrong. He was bleeding and his face was all cut up.

Apparently one of our neighbors three doors down had two trees they were trying to grow close together. To do this - they strung them together with fishing wire. This fishing wire was right about eye-level.

Justin was running away from someone and decided to run between these two trees for some reason. IN the neighbors yard.

The result of which you can see in the photo.

At first we wondered if we were going to spend all night in the emergency room - but - most of the cuts are really more like burns, not actual slices in his skin. The worst one was on the bridge of his nose, but even that one after looking at it after we had ice on it for a while and the initial swelling went down, didn't look like a deep cut. Nothing that sutures could fix anyways.

I don't think he'll be running around in neighbors yards in the dark anymore.

**************************************************************************

Tonight was a good night - it's Father's Day. Amanda's plan was to take Chris to the Hard Rock for a total body Massage. It was a complete surprise for him!

She took me with her so that while she was waiting for his massage, she had someone to walk around with. Amanda and I decided to play some slot machines. I found these one machines that Evie had been playing while on the cruise and loved (not exactly the same but similar) - you bet money (nickel slots) and either win on the 'pay lines' -- or you might randomly get to do this ' spin' thing where an arrow spins around and lands in a spot. Whatever that number is tells you how many extra credits you get. Well, Amanda put in $40 and won $100 - not bad at all. I put in $100 and had about $43 left. L-O-S-E-R. Ugg.

When his massage was done... we had another surprise for Chris - we had reservation at Floyds at 5 (in the VIP section I might add!). But that left another 45 minutes to kill... so we walked around and blew more money in the slot machines. Didn't win... but didn't lose - just played around with that same money basically.

After dinner, I still had this voucher for $43, so I asked if we were going to cash it out before we left or if he wanted to go play it out (give it back to the casino). He decided to go back to the machines with it.

Chris hit the Jackpot. 50,000 credits for $2,500! Woo hooooooooooo!

This means that we can now have our house tented worry free.

What a blessing. A true blessing.

*********************************************************************

As I type that, Chris just came down from the bedroom. The termites are swarming so badly in our bedroom that they are all over our bed, our pillows, our floor, EVERYWHERE in our room.

How the HECK am I supposed to sleep in there?

The house is being tented on Thursday. Gosh, I wish it were tomorrow. But it really can't be. We have so much prep to do.... and we've got to plan where all the kids are going... so much to think about.

But right now - all I'm thinking about are those termites.

In my bed.

God bless the Indians who helped pay for our tenting. I know some think gambling is wrong... immoral... whatever. But - I don't see it. We were just out having a little fun with our daughter for Father's Day. We were blessed to have hit the Jackpot.

Morals and Visits

So… Let me tell you, before I delve into something not really happy and joyous – how SIMPLY WONDERFUL Julie was at my house on Sunday. We were busy all day re-doing the two bedrooms, moving furniture, painting, grocery shopping, going to the hardware store, doing laundry, steam-cleaning the carpet, cooking dinner , painted a wall downstairs – and Julie must have asked 20 times what she could do to help. It was very nice to have her so involved and asking so often what she could do to pitch in and help. It was very much appreciated.

I had a very uncomfortable conversation last night with Julie. Uncomfortable because it’s something that I don’t WANT to talk about. I want to continue enjoying these good weeks without thinking about much more. I want to just living ‘in the moment’ so to speak.

You see, I’ve been trying not to blog much about Julie on purpose. She has been doing SO well… she really has. I know she is trying really hard. The other day I heard her talking to the kids about her not working too much so that she wasn’t overworked to the point where it put her over the top and back into the mental hospital. I can appreciate that she is trying that hard. She admitted that she still gets depressed… still has good days and bad days, of course. But fact of the matter is – she still has this Diagnosis. She still has Bipolar with Borderline Personality Disorder. Still has periods of time where she hears voices and can’t make them stop. She still Self-Mutilates. She is still a diagnosed “addict”. She will always be these things… and it will always have to be monitored… even when she’s much older, and if she has years of a ‘good history’ behind her… she’ll still have to be mindful of it. It’s not like an alcoholic who simply has to stay away from alchohol (well, not simply, but you know what I mean.) She has a mental condition and will always have this.

What is hard to explain to people is that… it’s almost harder at times when she is doing good. Because I still see LITTLE things. Tiny things. Things I would dare not talk about because I would not want to bring her down when she’s on an upswing. We usually only get a few months with Julie like this. As Gwen once said to DCF, the longest she’s ever seen Julie well was 9 months. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Julie go for a whole 9 months… but then again, things might have been going really well for them when they moved up to Maryland at the time. Who knows. But the little things are still there. Even when Julie is well – her MIND simply does not have the capability of thinking as an ADULT would think. It never has. Her mind still functions as if she were a teenager. And, for the most part, that’s okay. Sometimes it gets frustrating… for example:

There was an incident when we went to the river on Memorial Day. We needed to take 3 cars. Michelle drove one, Julie took hers, and we took the Durango. Julie had FOUR kids in the car with her. We gave Julie a MAP, printed DIRECTIONS and she had her cell phone. Additionally, several of the kids in the car with her had cell phones. We are driving down the interstate, doing maybe 60 mph… Chris in front, Michelle behind us, then Julie behind her. I look and I don’t see Julie. Where is Julie? Well, Julie is RIGHT on Michelle’s BUMPER. Like, ONE CAR LENGTH BACK. 60 MPH, and ONE car length back. The WHOLE TRIP. Michelle was TERRIFIED the whole time… and did her best to NEVER slow down. God forbid something jump in the road or something, Julie would have had NO time to break.

At one point, when we couldn’t take it anymore… we pulled off the road into a convenience store. Michelle and I both JUMPED out of the car and went RUNNING to her window to YELL at her. Chris was yelling too. It was bad enough to just follow that close…. But to do so with FOUR precious lives in the car with you – there was just no excuse. Speaking of excues – her excuse for following that close? “I didn’t want to get LOST” With that, Amanda said: “You had PRINTED DIRECTIONS, A MAP, AND A FREAKING CELL PHONE!” That’s my daughter. We’re not talking about leaving her behind a few blocks, we’re just asking for a few car lengths. SAFE, LEGAL distance is all.

The other thing that jumps to the front of my mind is the guy from Miami that was going to MOVE IN with her when she got her new apartment. See, Julie HATES to be alone. I’ve said before that she’s a sex addict, but she’s also just... lonely. She likes to BE with someone. She likes having someone there, even if that someone treats her like crap and STEALS from her. (Arthur!) Some guys treat her that way… steal from her over and over and over again, and she just keeps having them come back – over and over and over again. I don’t get it. Anyways – she met this guy on the Internet from Miami. She belongs to several dating sites, probably where she met him. She decided to let him move in with her so that she wouldn’t be lonely. Mind you – she has NEVER MET HIM. Well… apparently now things have changed and he’s not moving in with her, but still – what kind of a person think’s that it’s a good idea to move someone in that you have NEVER MET BEFORE? Scary stuff, let me tell ya.

But there are tiny little things too… not just big things. Little things that remind me that she’s just not well. Like… the kids birthdays are coming up in two weeks. Julie, being their mom and working now, went out and bought them presents. This is GREAT for her, and VERY thoughtful. She bought them bathing suits, again – thoughtful. But Julie, being in the ‘teenage’ state of mind, couldn’t possibly wait until their birthdays… she wanted to give them their presents right away. This ended up being okay because it is summer and they could use them early anyways. But Julie has also always been like this, she’s rarely been able to buy a gift and keep it until the time when it’s supposed to be given. It’s just – the way it is… the way it’s always been.

These are just some examples that come to my mind of the little things that I don’t talk about and keep to myself when she’s being really good.

Okay, so more to the point of what I started with here… the uncomfortable conversation….

Julie tells me that she’s going to go to the courthouse and ask for unsupervised visits and overnight visits. How do I feel about that?

How do I feel about that?

I feel sick about that. But how do I tell JULIE that without hurting her?

I know what Julie wanted me to say. She wanted me to say that I thought it was a great thing for her to do... that she should absolutely go and get the court's blessing for unsupervised visits and overnight visits. It's just not that easy. My mind thinks WAY longer than just the last 3, 6, 9 months or even the last year. My mind thinks big picture... long term... down the road as well as past history. The full history and the big picture.

Here’s my concern….

Right now – Julie is doing well. But – this is just the time when she’s doing well. History – a VERY LONG HISTORY has shown us that she WILL get depressed again. She will hurt herself again. She will overdose again. She will abuse medications again. This isn’t a “What if”… it’s a “WHEN”. It WILL happen. She has been doing it since she was a KID.

Even IF she can tell the courts that she’s been clean for 6 months… does that negate a twenty something year history of abuse? REALLY?

If the courts give her unsupervised visits and OVERNIGHT visits (which is what I have the most concern with) – this will be HORRIBLE when she is back in a depressed / overdosed / abusing state. What am I supposed to do then?

What I kind of like about the set-up now is that I don’t have to be the “bad guy” and be the one to tell Julie “no” when she asks if she can go somewhere with the kids. Although – truth be told – when she is doing THIS well, and she asks if she can bring them to McDonalds or drive them to Church or something – I do tell her that she can do it. But, the court order, as it’s written, makes it so that I don’t HAVE to be ‘the bad guy’, ya know?

But, I would totally and completely object to Julie having overnight visits at this point. Should she try to get overnight visits I’d have to bring up a lot of stuff that I don’t want to bring up. The fact that she would even ENTERTAIN the thought of someone moving in with her that she didn’t know. The fact that a year ago the police were investigating her for solicating a young man on the internet. Turned out he was 18, but – eww. He was only 18, and Kayla – her daughter - at one time was dating his TWIN BROTHER! Additionally, he was mentally handicapped. There are so many examples of how she just doesn’t think like an adult. Not totally WRONG, as Julie often points out – not like it was illegal or anything… just… not like a rational adult. Julie could always say some of this is ‘old’… but again, we’re talking a long history of abuse and mental illness – a few months of being ‘good’ doesn’t mean that she’s ‘better’ by any means.

I’m not sure how I’d feel about unsupervised visits… I’d have to wait and see how I feel down the road a bit. Right NOW, I wouldn’t MIND her taking them to the movies or to dinner alone. She will always be mentally ill and at the same time, she will always be their mom. So, as long as she’s having GOOD days – I’d be open to, with the court’s approval (or maybe without it if I could get away with it and not risk losing the kids), allowing Julie to take them out to dinner or out to a movie. Again, when she’s doing really well and having these good periods of time. But – what I don’t like about that is that it puts me in the middle of having to be the one to determine WHEN those “good times” are. Of determining when she calls and she’s slurring and she says she’s “just tired” and I know she’s lying and I have to be the one to call her on it… I have to call her a liar and tell her she can’t take them out to dinner. THAT would be difficult.

Oh, I almost forgot to tell you – in our uncomfortable conversation – she mentioned that she didn’t consider the kids to be “kids” anymore if they had… well… sex. I find this VERY odd that Julie would feel this way and that she would keep bringing it up (she has said it on more than one occasion to me). I asked her WHY she keeps saying that. She said that – in her mind – once you have “done it”, you are no longer a KID, you are an adult. All grown up.

I told her that I felt the COMPLETE OPPOSITE. That… I felt that a KID who chose to have intercourse, in particular IF they chose to have it at a young age, needed their PARENTAL GUIDANCE then more than EVER. They needed to NOT be abandoned and left to be treated like an adult… they needed the wisdom and guidance of their adults and parents THEN MORE THAN EVER in their lives. The LAST THING THEY NEEDED was for their mom to just say… That’s it… you are an adult now. SEE YA!

I just don’t get it!

There again, that is the difference in our parental style of raising kids I suppose, now isn’t it?

Which bring up an interesting point. What IS IT with parents today?

This teenager has a mother who actually LET her have this dress MADE for her high school prom… then let her WEAR IT…

Mind you – there IS an actual DRESS CODE… and enforced DRESS CODE at school functions. I don’t know what part of this dress the mother or the daughter thought this dress might pass dress code – the top that just BARELY covers her or the bottoms that barely cover her.

What are we doing as parents today? Are we raising moral children?

Speaking of children… I have to run. Justin just got in from playing “manhunt” with the neighborhood kids. It night time and he was running between some trees and hit some fishing wire strung up between two trees – and really hurt his face. I need to take care of him.

Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers.

About morals, I know only that what is moral is what you feel good after and what is immoral is what you feel bad after. Ernest Hemingway

Messed Up Medicaid and New Rooms

I just got off the phone with the Medicaid office after calling 6 different numbers and spending 2 hours on the phone between dentists offices and Medicaid offices - I'm FRUSTRATED.

Kayla saw the dentist this morning - she has four wisdom teeth coming in. The dentist this morning said they need to come out and she needs to see an Oral Surgeon for that to happen. Well, she has Medicaid - thanks to DCF providing their 'excellent level of care'... you know... DCF wanting to make sure that the kids were completely taken care of and all. (Yeah, I'm totally being sarcastic)

Well, there is only ONE oral surgeon in Tampa who will take Medicaid patients. I was warned that they are not 'friendly' on the phone... 'when they pick up the phone'. They were right about that... it took me almost 2 hours to just get someone there to answer the phone; then I held for 25 minutes before someone came to talk to me. When she did talk to me, I said "good morning, I need to make an appointment for my Niece". She said "NIECE? Let me guess... you are her legal guardian?" I smiled and responded, "Well, yes I am." She snapped back with "Well then, we won't take you. Get a pen and write down this number. Got it? Good. 800-633-3953. That's the University of Gainesville - you have to drive her to GAINESVILLE to have her wisdom teeth removed. We do not do Guardianships here." Did I mention that she had a HORRIBLE attitude with me? She was very snippy on the phone.

I said... "Gainesville?" She said - yes, Gainesville. So - I said - what if her mom just brought her in? Will you take her then? She said "If you are the Legal Guardian, then obviously the mom lost parental rights, so NO, the mom can NOT bring her in. You have parental power, YOU must be the one to bring her in as the Legal Guardian. So, YOU have to drive her to GAINESVILLE to get her Wisdom Teeth removed."

I snapped back "Well, you are incorrect on that one on the "obviously the mom lost parental rights" statement - the mom has NOT lost parental rights, I simply have permanent guardianship over the children." She said - "Then take her to Gainesville, we can't see them here." Again, her attitude was HORRIBLE, but then she had the AUDACITY to ask me... "Is there anything else I can help you with?"

Give me a break.

I called back the Dentist who referred me to this quack. They confirmed this was the ONLY Oral Surgeon in the area who was taking Medicaid. I then called the 6 different Medicaid numbers talking to anyone with a pulse trying to plead my case -- because SURELY they don't really expect me to drive from Tampa to Gainesville for a simple tooth extraction.

Six phone numbers and two hours later I find out that -- they DO indeed expect me to drive to Gainesville to have any type of Oral Surgery done that the kids may need. The next closest Oral Surgeon who doesn't see guardian cases either is Orlando. I suppose I am fortunate that this is JUST a simple wisdom tooth removal. At this point, Kayla's four teeth have broken through and appear to have come in without issue. They are not impacted. There appears to be 'room' for them to grow in without issue.

Lesson learned here though -- should one of the kids HAVE a dental emergency and need emergency Oral Surgery -- I will make SURE that Julie is the one to make the appointment or that I say I'm their mom or something like that. NO WAY am I even going to MENTION the word "Guardian" again.

My friend Michelle said I should call back, since I didn't give my name, and try to make an appointment for her now. Ya know.... I just don't know about it. They were SO HORRIBLE. Kayla now tells me she's in no pain. I told Michelle -- I don't know that I would bring her DOG into see this Doctor unless I had NO other options. Truly my experience with them was THAT BAD.

Uncaring. Unkind. Snippy. Barking at me as if I were an idiot who didn't know how to find a pen and paper and I didn't know what a Guardian was.

This doctor HAS to be overworked... no doubt. But -- if our government can't do SOMETHING to get our dentists / Oral Surgeons to accept Medicaid rates -- where there is ONE in the Tampa 'area' - the next "closest one" being flipping ORLANDO, and the ONLY ONE who will take a poor child who is being raised by anyone other than his or her mother is the Oral Surgeons out at the University of Gainesville.... something is wrong with that system I'd say. Someone needs to look into this. Raise the pay. Entice the doctors. Do SOMETHING to get more Doctors on board.

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Sunday we had a SUPER busy day. We all went to Church, then went to Home Depot to pick up some supplies. The intention was to paint Kayla's room while she was at work. She TOLD us she had prepped her room, knowing we were going to do it. Well.........

Kayla really does have the NEATEST room in the house (other than ours) - but - it's not 'clean' by any means. There is the hair GOOP everywhere... hair everywhere... papers... notes... earrings... just stuff EVERYWHERE. But if you look in her closet - clothes are organized by color and size. Hair products - all 20 or 30 bottles - are all lined up neatly on the counter.

The prep for the room took FOREVER. Patching holes - pulling off the tape on the walls - taking everything out of her room - then we rented a steam cleaner and tried our best to clean all the hair gel and hair spray out of her carpet.

Once we got everything out of her room, we thought.... ya know - this room is really big. Kayte and Justin are CRAMMED in their little room. Kayla is all by herself in this big ole room. We should switch them.

Then I thought -- WAIT -- what am I crazy?? That means moving two rooms!

We got the big room all painted - it was a dark blue, so we had to do primer, then paint. Baseboards, trim, and FINALLY it was done. We moved all of Kayte and Justin's stuff into the BIG room and WOW it looked FANTASTIC! They had SO MUCH more room. BUT finishing this room (at dinner time I might point out) meant it was time to start on the smaller room.

We couldn't very well move Kayla into the small room and not paint it. The small room was also blue. It wasn't nearly as bad as the bigger one was - but it did need a paint job.

We painted the smaller room. It looked FANTASTIC as well. What a difference a coat or two of paint makes, I'm telling ya.

Kayte and Justin have so much more room in the bigger room. Kayla is squished in the smaller room because she has SO much furniture (queen size bed, dresser, and two end tables) but - it looks like a hotel room. Or a dorm. It looks FANTASTIC.

I should take a moment to publicly thank my wonderful husband and good friend Michelle who both worked their tails off. ALL. DAY. LONG. Julie worked as well. Amanda came over and helped out late afternoon. But - by far and large - Chris and Michelle worked all day and all night long. Thanks so much you guys. :o)

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I should run for now. Chris wants the laptop! I have to go think about getting to bed.

The termites are swarming in our bedroom. Flying all around. I have to think about how to sleep with them flying all around.

Eww

Ewww

Ewwww

I think if I just kill what's there and then turn off all the lights - I'll be good.

Chris on the other hand probably won't sleep at all tonight.

Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.
Mahatma Gandhi,

Summer Rules

So, Chris and I came up with some summer rules for the kids. We wanted them to know that there would still have to be rules over the summer, even though they were home from school.

Here is what Chris and I came up with:

1. No sleeping past 10 a.m. Set your alarm clocks if need be. (This was because they kept sleeping in till 2 pm)
2. Eat breakfast daily. Clean up after yourself. Put cereal boxes away. Put dirty dishes in the dishwasher. No dirty dishes in the sink!
3. Take a shower if needed and get dressed.
4. Do your daily chores. Pick up your rooms. Start your laundry if it's your day. Finish your laundry by 5pm. Sweep and mop floors, etc.
5. Absolutely no one is allowed in the house without permission.
6. You must get verbal authorization to go anywhere.
7. Keep in mind that we work. Please plan your Bush Gardens and Adventure Island days wit us in mind.
8. No excessive phone calls to us. We are working.
9. Limit your time on the video games. It's not healthy to be inside all day. Go outside and get some fresh air. Go to the park (but get permission first).
10. Do Wii fit daily.

Well, Justin thought he'd be funny and RE-DO the rules. He re-wrote them as follows... I thought you'd all get a kick out of his version....

1. Sleeping past 10 AM is totally AWESOME.
2. Never eat breakfast daily. Don't bother to clean up after yourself. Put dirty dishes on the floor for Jinx and Grace (our cats). They need some good food too. And Malcom. (A small kid who lives across the street the kids pick on often)
3. Never take a shower. You don't need to put clothes on, walk around with your boxers on if you want. It's SUMMER.
4. NO MORE CHORES! It's Summer.
5. Everyone is allowed in the house without permission. Parties are a necessity.
6. Who needs verbal authorization to go anywhere? Just go - but make sure you are back by 8 AM the following morning.
7. Don't keep in mind that we work -- call us ALL THE TIME! We LOVE hearing from our children even though we are very busy.
8. Don't limit your time on video games. You can play all day, as long as you don't get owned. THAT will result in punishment!
9. Never go outside - the sun is a bad person.
10. Make sure Jonathan gets.... well.... a date by the end of summer. (I'll keep it clean because I know some folks from Church read this - Justin may have been a bit more graphic however in his 'exact' wording!)

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Things here are going pretty well. I have pretty much decided that we are going to get Justin and Kayte Metro PCS phones when we get their "reward phones" for their awesome honor roll report cards.

I've been thinking about what to do with AT&T for a while now. I like being able to get online and look and see what the kids are doing - how late they are on the phone, if they are texting at school, etc. However, we can only have 5 lines on the family plan. Additionally, we are already paying a LOT for our 5 phones we have now. We'd have to break out and get another plan, then add another line to that. It would cost quite a bit more.

There is a LOT to this whole thing. AT&T has been mixing up our bill for months... we haven't been able to look at anything online in months anyways. Then there's the problem with the 'accidental internet' usage. Since Kayte got her cell phone, she has been accidentally going online. To check the weather, to look at things, to download free ringtones, etc. But that costs money every single time as it's 'pay per use', there is no way on AT&T to turn that off. Every month I pay between $10 and $20 for these 'per use' charges.

With Metro PCS, there is no accidentally getting on the Internetring-tonesInternet and pay-per-use. And, with Metro PCS, it's unlimited talk and text - UNLIMITED! That's just AWESOME for teenagers. Not to mention, it's cheaper per month than AT&T. Oh, and with no contract required - it's month-to-month. So... if they mess up on report cards, we can just not pay for them for the month.

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I should mention big news from Chris. I don't usually post about stuff about anything other than news about me or the kids... but this kinda involves me.

Chris quit the praise team. Remember... he had made it, and I didn't. It was hard - hard for me... hard for him too I can imagine. We've always done this together, ya know?

He felt it was the right thing to do, and I couldn't agree more. I would have done the same thing.

There's just lots of stuff going on there, but I can't really get into all that right now. It's really late - it's actually midnight on Thursday and I've got to get to bed.

Work has been HOT HOT HOT. Our air conditioner at the office has been broken for 3 weeks now. We found out yesterday that it's because our AC ducts are completely full of MOLD. So much mold in fact that it's completely collapsed some of he ducts in places.

And I'm breathing that stuff in every day. Lovely.

Gee, wonder why I have had sinus problems and headaches for the past couple years?

It's been 85 in the office every day for 3 weeks now, and although I get to wear jeans an tee shirts most days, I can't wear shorts. I might wear Capri's tomorrow though. We'll see.

Please continue to keep us in your prayers, they keep us going all the time.

Spread love everywhere you go. Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier.
Mother Teresa

Court Date

Kayla had her first ever court date today. Heck it was my first ever as well for that matter. I promised you all I would tell you what all that was about today, so here goes...

A while ago, Kayla was dating this guy. This boy had been in trouble before, even been arrested several times. She's of course not seeing him now. Back when they were dating there was a fight that broke out at school. This guy got really mad at some other kids. According to Kayla, he got REALLY upset and was physically and verbally worked up. Well, Kayla said she 'held him back' and didn't let him hit this boy. The school officials came over, as well as the school police officer. The boy got really upset and very disrespectful with the police officer. Kayla said he puffed up his chest 'as if he was going to do something to the cop' -- and that he was literally centimeters from his face -- but that he didn't actually TOUCH the police officer.

Well, the boy got arrested for the whole thing. Today was his trial and Kayla was called in to testify on behalf of the defense. She was called in to say that the kid didn't touch the police officer, which contradicts the testimony of all the school officials as well as the police officer.

I was really afraid they were going to come down on her pretty hard today. That they were going to make her trip over her words... mix up her story... catch her in a lie... or something. But it ended up being okay.

They did get her to mix up one thing - which probably completely voided most of her testimony anyways. She told the defender that she was NEXT to the police officer and her boyfriend the whole time, so she could clearly see that at no time did her boyfriend put his hands on the cop. But when the prosecutor cross examined her, she said: "So, you were saying that you were standing behind the police officer, correct?" And Kayla responded: "Yes." And the attorney responded again with: "And then you walked around and stood next to your boyfriend?" Kayla said: "Yes, that's right." I saw the boy's mom sitting there, crossing her arms, getting very uncomfortable and upset. I immediately knew Kayla had been worked into saying something that wasn't correct, for their benefit.

Of course, the prosecutor ended Kayla's session with: "So, he was your ex-boyfriend you said? Is that correct?" Kayla said yes. And she said, "But, you don't really want to see him get into any trouble, now - do you?" Kayla said, "well, of course not." But it was the WAY she said it.... that you knew that she meant that Kayla was talking to try to keep her friend out of trouble. Jeez.

So, that's how I spent much of my day today. Tons of fun there, huh?

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I'm really worried about Julie's upcoming move. I'm afraid she's not going to be ready for the move. Mom and Katie keep telling me not to expect Julie to do anything -- to just go over there and that we should all go do everything FOR her.

But -- dag-nabbit -- I don't wanna. She's home most of the time... she has time to sit out by the pool all ding-dang day and work on her tan.... why shouldn't she be expected to pack her own boxes?

I know she's never moved before all by herself. I get that. She's always had someone else do all the moving for her (moving companies). But -- heck, if I told Jonathan, who is 15, that he was moving from here to his Aunt Katie's house and he needed to pack everything he needed to live in a box - I'm betting he'd do it just fine.

I know Julie can do this. She's moving into a 2 room apartment for goodness sake, how hard could THAT be? I would think it would be harder to sell the things that she's NOT bringing with her, and that she has been doing - or at least I think she has been doing anyways.

I don't know, I'm just a bit worried about it. Moving date is end of the month next month -- after Amanda's birthday, Kayte's birthday, Justin's birthday and father's day. It'll be a busy month!

I should run, I just wanted to post a quick blog to let you know about the court thing today with Kayla. As promised... more soon as I have much to catch you up on.

Please continue to keep us in your prayers. Thank you

Loooooooong Time No Blog

I know it's been a long time since my last blog. Soooooo much has gone on, I'm sure so many of you, even those of you who are with me all the time wonder what the HECK is going on. I know, I know.

Many of you have asked if 'just nothing is going on' because I'm not blogging. That wouldn't be true. In fact, tons of stuff has gone on. But the computer a friend from church who was generous enough from church to give us is again full of Trojan viruses ~ love kids! Even with virus protection, it got in. Chris keeps trying to clean it, but we can't get rid of it. Not yet anyways.

The laptop, the only other computer we have which we've told the kids they can 'use' but not really put anything on as far as downloading on or anything because the laptop is completely full as far as space on the hard-drive. We have told them this, sat them down - shown them how full it was - explained it was Chris's 'work' computer and not to put stuff on it. Yet, we keep finding pictures and stuff that the kids keep putting on the hard drive. Their friends........ lunch pictures............... pictures of them in the bathroom..... with their friends....... with their bathing suits..... etc...... just kills me. Of course, it too had a Trojan but we managed to remove it off the laptop. I just find it very difficult to use this laptop for several reasons... the touch pad is very sensitive.... it's hard drive is full... so much on it doesn't work, from the CD drive not opening anymore to the power cord not plugging in. I've blogged before about this one "limping along".

Anyways.... with Mr. Bush's tax stimulus check received last week, I decided to go to Sam's club and get an inexpensive laptop. A small one that Chris and I can use - NOT the kids. E-V-E-R. We didn't get a docking station, it's not going to go into the office, it's just something that Chris and I can use for our own personal use (well, Chris for business use of course). Sweet, huh?

So.... with computer on my lap - let's get down to business, shall we?

Things here are pretty good - and sometimes bad - just as usual, huh?

On the good side, the kids have dong a phenomenal job in school. There is a darn good chance -- like maybe as much as a 95% probability - that all three of Julie's kids are going to have honor roll this last 9 weeks. Jonathan, we believe, is going to have all A's and B's and only 1 C. This is just... unreal. We had NO IDEA that this could really happen. The problem is that we promised the kids if they got honor roll that they could have something they wanted as a reward. All the kids have wanted cell phones. We are going to be a cell phone family, let me tell ya. We are going to have to either get two plans (maximum number of phones you can have on one plan is 5, so we can't have 6 without adding a whole other plan) -- or we might have a friend add Justin to her cell plan as that would be easier.

Justin's grades have just gone WAY UP since getting on his new medication. It's amazing to see the difference that little pill has made. It hasn't changed anything in his personality or anything about him in any way other than in his ability to focus at school.

Kayla and I are still having 'issues'. Tonight we had another big talk. It started because she wanted to go to a different school. The same school that her boyfriend goes to. It's a technical 'career' school. She started off the conversation saying that she wanted to go because it was close to her mom, and since she was moving there when she was 18, she might as well start going there now.

Well, you can imagine this sat real well with us. (NOT!) However, we wanted to be adults about it and sit down with her and discuss it. However, Kayla was SUPER upset that we were not totally excited and willing to immediately sign the paper without even thinking twice. She got up, grabbed her paper, balled it up into a wad and started to leave.

Chris and I were really upset with her. What we wanted to do was sit down and create a pros and cons list for this change in schools. We also found out that this school she's asking to go to is a drop out prevention school. A last resort for kids who have been failing in the regular schools. Is that really supposed to be right for Kayla? She's now an honor roll student! They did tell her that she could graduate early. Because it's a dropout prevention school, they don't have to stick to the same rules/guidelines as regular schools. They don't have to have X number of math credits and English credits and so on in order to graduate.

So we argued a bit. Yelled a bit. Then talked for a long time.

This time Chris was much more upset about Kayla saying she was going to move out when she was 18. Last time we spoke, Kayla said she wasn't going to do this... now, she's telling us that she's not only going to move out, but that everyone knows all about it - including Julie.

Pause here for me to say how incredibly pissed off I am that Julie is going behind my back and making these plans with Kayla. FURIOUS. I am just FURIOUS with Julie over this. I don't know what to do about it. I want to punish her, but am not sure how to do so. Do I tell her she can't come over for visits for a while? That's what Katie says I should do. But the, for how long? Ooooooo it just makes me SO MAD. Okay - unpause.

So, we talk to Kayla about this whole thing. First thing we talk about is her grand plan of moving in with Julie. We talked about all kinds of things. Has she thought through that completely? How small Julie's apartment is.... high crime neighborhood.... what's going to happen when she gets manic or depressed and needs to go back into the hospital....

Then we talked about the school. Chris read all the requirements for the school. You have to agree to go into their work program after high school, meaning they place you into a job in your career field. And the career field isn't one that she's actually wanting to get into after high school. What about college? Well, since this school is DESIGNED for kids who are about to drop out of high school, they aren't college material. Kayla IS going to college. The whole school setup isn't right for her.

I created a pros and cons list with her help. The biggest things she had on her pros list was that she'd graduate early and that she'd be going to school with her boyfriend. The cons list however was quite long - that it was a drop out prevention school, she'd have to go into the career field, not college, she'd lose her friends, and that although it's a career oriented school, it doesn't have the career that SHE wants in it.

So, end result, we are not signing the paper. If she wants to move in with her mom in January and she wants to sign her up - go for it.

Then we created a pros and cons list for Kayla moving in with Julie. The only thing Kayla could give me for "Pros" was "I can do whatever I want" and "My boyfriend can sleep over". Two grand reasons I'd say... real mature. On the "Cons" list were: Mom's mental health-cutting/suicide attempts, snoring, being there when Julie has men over, it being a very SMALL apartment, high crime neighborhood, no privacy, leaving all her friends and sister and brother behind, the apartment is right NEXT to the pool (which has no hours people can't be in it), and changing schools mid-year.

I asked Kayla at one point.... if your dad were to come down for just a minute... and he was standing in our living room talking to you about all of this.......... WHERE would HE want you to live while you finished school? Then Chris asked her to answer honestly. She said he would want her to finish here. I know he would, I know he would be SO PROUD of her. He would NOT want her living at Julie's house just to push her buttons and seeing how much she can get away with. He knows that we have given her stability and fair yet firm discipline.

I don't honestly know anymore what Kayla is going to do when she's 18. I'm really trying not to care. TRYING.

I should run for tonight. Now that I have the laptop, I'll post a lot more often. I have so much more to catch you all up on. Kayla is going to court tomorrow to testify against what a police officer and the assistant principal of her school is going to say is true. This will take a while to blog about... but I'm tried tonight. I'll blog tomorrow on this one!

Please keep us in your prayers. Pray for Chris and I in particular, that we stay connected. We've had a bit of disconnect lately and could use some prayers in this area. Thanks!