Yes I know… “Tina, do you know how long it’s been since you blogged?” Yes… I know.
Honestly I think I’m not blogging as much anymore because I know Julie and sometimes the kids read the blogs. I really hate that, and feel like I’m forced to hide my feelings. So I stuff them down and every week or two they just bubble up and I have to get something out. It was never my intention to blog in order to talk bad about anyone… it was to get out my feelings, put them on paper, and in doing so, relieve some of my inner stress. It works – but Julie and Kayla have both talked to me about the blog recently and I feel bad that they interpret it that way. So… I blog less. Not because Julie is doing so much better – but because I am stuffing my feelings. Stuff still happens around the house all the time – trust me on that one.
I had a scary episode about two weeks ago. First you have to know I get headaches.
All.
The.
Time.
Migraines run in the family, and I just get them often. I was on medicine to prevent them, but it cost too much and that’s a whole different story. So… I’m at work in the morning and I start to feel --- weird. I get a headache, but not a sinus headache… not a migraine… not a stress headache… I have no idea what it IS – but I do know what it’s not.
By the time I got home for lunch I had taken my second Fioricet (medicine for headaches). The first one didn’t touch it, so I didn’t expect that the second one would do much good either. This pain in my head was – different. It was a very localized and very sharp pain right over my left eye. At times it throbbed something horrible… if I bent over even the slightest – I could feel every beat of my heart feeling like it was going directly to the spot in my head and that my head might just explode. I thought to myself… “Jeez, I’m gonna stroke out or something and nobody is going to know I was hurting or what medicine I’ve taken!” So, I called Chris to just let him know that I wasn’t feeling so good and I wanted to describe the pain to him “Just in case something happened.”
Well, I quickly found out that those were NOT the right words to tell your husband. He FREAKED out. He and Wayne were on a job, but he was coming home. I told him not to… but he wouldn’t listen. He insisted I stay home and call a doctor. Well, I didn’t want to stay home – but I would agree to make an appt at the doctors to see what was up. Later that afternoon the two of us went to the doctors together. Sure enough… it wasn’t a headache. Well, not a normal headache anyways. My blood pressure was sky high.
She gave me a pill to take at the office and I had to wait for the blood pressure to start coming down to a safe level before they would let us leave. They added another medicine to what I’m already taking. I knew it wasn’t good when she was talking to Chris about the signs to look for to take me to the emergency room: half of my face not moving, drooling, etc. Yuck.
Well, it’s been two weeks now and – thankfully – my blood pressure is better. I know this because I was deathly ill last Monday and had to go BACK to the doctors. Test showed I had two flus… type A and type B. They told me they had never seen anyone test positive for BOTH types of flu before. Guess I’m just lucky like that, eh?
Honestly, I’ve just been SO stressed lately. The biggest stressor would be my office move that is to happen in four weeks. Four! My boss JUST signed the lease for the new location in Safety Harbor earlier this week. Now he’s on vacation for the next week and a half. He made me “project manager” for this move… which I honestly hate. It’s not that I can’t figure out what to do – it’s that he is SO particular, he is SO careful with his money, and he is a hoarder who has a huge room full of stuff that needs to be either tossed or moved. By far, that is the thing that has me all tied up in knots the most. This room is something that **I** cannot do. My two bosses need to go back there and determine what needs to be saved and what needs to be tossed. There is a whole story to further demonstrate how particular he is about this kind of stuff… but I shouldn’t go into that online. LOL
The second biggest stressor would be Kayla. She doesn’t THINK she is doing anything wrong. But – I feel it. She is making bad choices. I think I told you already that she was almost fired from work for giving away food. Well, she is now working again, albeit not a whole bunch of hours. She was also skipping classes in school a LOT. She had at least 10 skipped classes in Jan and Feb, and so far in March (since we’ve talked to her about it) she’s only had one. She isn’t saving her money… in the past month she has cashed out her paychecks and put in a whopping $50. But then, she’s withdrawn over $150… so she’s going the wrong way towards saving for a car.
She also got upset with me the other day, sending me a text message (while she was in school) telling me that she feels that I don’t love her anymore. Well – she isn’t HERE. She leaves for school at 6:30 in the morning. She sends me a text message about 2 every afternoon informing me of where she is going to be for the evening, and then I see her about 10 at night as she’s running up the stairs, into the shower, and then into bed.
Here was my weekend with Kayla.
Friday at 3:30 a text “Sleeping over Jessikas. Love you”.
Saturday at 8:31pm a text “Going to the club K”.
Sunday at 1pm a text “Going to Kevins for dinner after work.”
Monday at 2pm a text “Hey after school I’m going to Jessica’s house. We are baking a cake for a friends birthday then going to USF. Be home by 10”. Right after that text message I got one saying “I love you even though you NEVER say that to me anymore.” Well – I don’t usually text the kids “I love you” notes… I talk to them in person… but whatever. An hour and a half later on Monday she sent me another text asking ME to bake the cake for her and her friends. “Can you please bake me a cake and I will put the frosting on it. Pllllllleeeeeeeaaaaaaseeeee BEST AUNT EVER”. Of course, I did bake the cake.
Tuesday night she worked and the only text message I received was one asking to pick her up at work. I was out at chorus rehearsal, but Chris did pick her up.
Wednesday, I got at 2:10pm “Going to Jessica’s after school. We are going to chill at USF.”
Then my sister Katie calls me. She was managing another branch of SunTrust today. Who came through the door at noon? You know – smack dab in the middle of the school day? Kayla!! As soon as Kayla heard that her Aunt Katie was there she bolted out the door. Did she actually think my sister wouldn’t call me and tell me that Kayla skipped school today? Funny.
We also got a call from the school last Monday. They said she wasn't in school. She said she was... and with all of her skipped days/classes - I don't believe her. Chris is going to talk with her when she gets home tonight. I don’t know what more we can do for her. She’s choosing not to go to school and not to stay at home.
Ya know… the more I think about it the more upset I get. I’m sitting here at work – nearly in tears (and sometimes actually IN tears) because of things that are going on at home for us financially. And… on top of that, I have to worry about if Kayla is getting into trouble and if she’s choosing to stay in school? That’s just basic common sense. That should NOT be something I have to worry about.
The financial stuff is frustrating because I think it’s all things that I shouldn’t worry about. I know God has ALWAYS provided. And yet – here I am worried about what’s going to happen.
The jobs that Chris had been doing are slowing down. He needs some work… and he is SO GOOD at it, so it’s really frustrating that he’s not working. He wants to get his General Contractors license – but that takes money and time off work for schooling. So we have to actually get ahead. But he should get it because he is so good and he'd make an awesome GC. I pray about it often… but sometimes I get concerned if my ‘fear’ cancels out the prayers. I’m supposed to be trusting in Him… and if I don’t – maybe He won’t listen to my prayers.
Then we got news today on Chris’s dad’s house up in Tennessee. We received a nice letter from a woman at Century 21 who knew Doug. She said that she’d be happy to try to get his house sold for us. We had her go and take a look at the house and she described it as “scary” when she first walked in. The first thing she saw was a big hole in the floor. She said we couldn’t possibly sell it for more than 25-30k. Well, we need to clear 45k on it to come out even… so……… ARGHHHHHHH
It needs work, and Chris CAN do the work…but he would need to go up to Tennessee and do the work himself. Pay for it himself (including turning on all utilities for the time in which he is there). And then hope that the work he does means the house can sell for more. A LOT more. But… I doubt that repairing a hole in the floor is going to increase the value of the home by 20k. I know the little town where the house is just isn’t doing very well. They’ve had several factories shut down. I think Chris said they were down to 8,000 people living in the town now.
Maybe we could have a renter move in for free and he fix up the house in lieu of paying rent. That would be perfect for us… it would still cost us every month as we’d have to pay the mortgage, insurance and taxes still… but at least someone would be living in it and fixing it up. But… the last time we tried that the place was destroyed. What the heck is wrong with people today? Sigh…
Maybe we should just sit on the house for the next couple of years and then, when all the kids graduate, we just move up and live in that house. I mean – heck – do you think you could even FIND a home in Tampa for $25k? Or even $45k?? Absolutely not. But then… it’s such a small town. There is a reason people don’t want to live there, right? It snows. They think ‘cow tipping’ is fun. They put pig tongues and feet on the counter at the local Circle K. But then again, the mortgage payment is like $300 a month. I can’t live HERE for that. And… surely the two of us could make enough to cover mortgage and utilities and have enough left over for pretty much anything, right? I dunno……
Well, look at the time. I really have to run.
If you could all please say a prayer for us. Or twenty. That would be great.
"Remember, success is not measured by heights attained but by obstacles overcome. We're going to pass through many obstacles in our lives: good days, bad days. But the successful person will overcome those obstacles and constantly move forward."
-Bruce Jenner-
Wednesday, April 01, 2009
Monday, March 02, 2009
Lost Cards and Making Money From Nothing
I had one heck-of-a-weekend, let me tell ya. Saturday I decided I was completely and utterly fed up with my hair color and decided to pay to have it done right. I went to a woman who was recommended to me at a local Fantastic Sam’s, and she picked out a color for me that is a little darker than what I had, but not so dark that you look and go “WHAT?”. I like it!
Saturday I did some grocery shopping. Afterwards Kayte had to work, so I let her drive for the first time. She’s in Drivers Ed in school, so I thought “why not?” Well… she isn’t road-ready quite yet. She kept going into the oncoming traffic lane, then would overcompensate and go into the dirt/shoulder on the right hand side of the road. She did do well at 15 mph, but anything faster and she couldn’t keep control of the car. Lesson learned: more time on the range before taking my car again. Later that night we had company over for dinner. Kayte had some friends over and we, of course, invited them to stay for dinner. One – I think – is supposed to be a potential boyfriend. Whenever you hear “he’s just a friend” but they are really interested in what you thought of him… it’s usually a good clue! We also had two other friends of hers over for dinner. I love having lots of kids around the dinner table… it just feels SO rewarding. It helped that it was an awesome dinner: steaks with a sauce/glaze I found a recipe to, baked potatoes, and pecan roasted green beans. Yummy. After dinner the kids went into the hot tub and Chris and I were able to relax for a while.
Sunday we had Church and then Julie came over for the afternoon and dinner. Chris and I decided to run over to AT&T to see if I could get my iPhone a week early. I’ve been waiting for my contract to run out so I can qualify for a discount. Alas… they wouldn’t let me have it a week early, I have to wait until next weekend. While we were out, Julie was going to let Justin drive to the store to pick up some tissues for Kayte’s school and sodas for dinner (I don’t usually have coke in the house, but Julie really likes it for dinner). I gave Julie my debit card and when we returned, Julie and the kids were just getting back. I asked for my debit card – and guess what? She can’t find it. She had JUST used it at CVS… it couldn’t have gone far, right? We called CVS – they didn’t have the card. Looked in her car (new car I might add), and it wasn’t there. Not in her pocket. Not in her purse. Not on a counter. Not in the sofa. It’s just… gone. I decided to run back to CVS to make sure it wasn’t still sitting on the counter and they missed it.
Julie decided to drive so I could check out her new car. She’s driving down the road and the car is LOUD. Really loud. I tell her something is wrong with her car, and she said it was fine. I told her over and over again that something wasn’t right – even to the point where I hung my head out the window to see if a tire was flat. It didn’t make the ‘whomp-whomp-whomp’ noise, but clearly something was wrong with the car. Julie turned up the radio and said it was fine.
At one point on the drive, Julie pointed out that there was a dummie light lit up on her dash and she wanted to know what it was for. It was an exclamation point – I’d never seen it before on another car, so I didn’t know. I said “easy enough… let me get your book”. I open the glove box – no book. She bought the car yesterday, and immediately took the book OUT of the car? Figures.
We get to CVS and I realize that – sure enough – the tire is flat. Great. Must be what the dummie light was on for, I’d imagine. I go inside CVS to ask about my card and Julie said she’d get on the phone with AAA. It was difficult talking to the guy at the counter – Julie was a little loud on the phone with AAA. Actually, it wasn’t even AAA – she was trying to give them the address of where she was when she realized she was on the phone with the operator who still had to give Julie the number to AAA. That was kinda weird, but whatever.
Julie then realizes that she didn’t bring her purse. No purse. No ID. No AAA card. No nutten. Grrrrrreat.
The guy at the CVS counter tells me there was no card turned in. I go outside to call Chris and tell him to please call the bank for me and cancel my card. Now I have to either get off work to go to the bank during office hours and get a temporary card – or wait 7-10 days for a card to come in the mail. Fantastic.
Julie, realizing that she needs her purse for AAA, calls Chris to ask if he’d bring it up to us. He does, but he’s a bit grumpy about it. Lovely.
Julie is still trying to reach AAA, and I tell her that I can certainly change a tire. By the time Chris shows up, I’m just getting the jack under the car. It took me FOREVER to figure out how to get the ding-dang jack out of the trunk. Chris takes over for me though and has it up in no time. Figuring out how to get the ding-dang hubcap off was awful. Chris asked for the book so we could see how to do it without breaking the hubcap. Where is the book? At Julie’s house. Of course.
Well, he gets it off and the lug nuts were on there TIGHT. Chris couldn’t get them off by himself without a big ole’ torque bar that he needed to use for leverage. There would have been no way that I could have done that on my own had he not shown up. That was two times over the weekend he rescued me – Saturday I needed his help at Publix and he came right up.
It’s about then that Julie shares with us why she thinks the tire went flat. Kayte was driving and she kept driving off the road and hit MANY pot holes. Apparently Julie was screaming telling her to stay in the lane… the screaming just made Kayte more upset… and it was probably one of those pot holes – in addition to old tires – that cause the flat tire. The funny thing is – I had TOLD Julie that Kayte was NOT yet “road-ready”. I had told her that she couldn’t keep it between the lines and that she needed more time on the range before driving on the streets again. Regardless, Kayte drove and the flat tire was a result.
Chris and I told Julie that she should talk to Drivetime – telling them that the car she bought YESTERDAY got a flat tire within 24 hours, and that they should replace the tires for her. They were closed, so she ended up taking the car to Tire Kingdom to get a tire put on.
She came back to the house and apologized many times for losing my credit card. I told her over and over again that it was okay. And really – it is. I mean… I’m upset that it happened. I’m frustrated that I have to get another card and give that information to all the people who direct-debit my bank account. We don’t write any checks anymore… we pay everything electronically – so there are going to be a lot of people who try to use the card and can’t. I’m frustrated, but not angry.
As Julie sat there and we talked (Mom came over and we had a nice little chat – the three of us), I realized that Julie is doing absolutely the BEST she can. She’s working – has a job where she sells vacation packages. When she sells one, she makes a small bonus – in addition to being paid $8 an hour hourly rate. She’s lost a lot of weight – 80 lbs to be exact. She’s just “not eating”, she says. I’m certain this can’t be good for her… but at the same time… she really needed to lose weight. The sad thing is that she has lots of hanging skin now. Mom talked to her about seeing if Tricare would pay for skin removal if she ‘lost it all and kept it off’. I can’t imagine this is something Tricare would pay for… but who knows.
The one thing in our conversation with mom that gave me pause was Julie’s boyfriend. It came out that he had some court stuff going on. Now… I don’t really care if you stole something, or if there is some other kind of non-violent crime. What I do worry about is either 1) a violent crime or 2) drug abuse. Either one of these could and would greatly impact my sister. She wouldn’t tell us what exactly happened – I just know he was arrested for having a gun. What he was doing with the gun and why they stopped him I don’t know. Was it used in a crime? Was he just walking around with a gun on him and the police decided to talk to him? I don’t know. I don’t even know his real name to be able to look it up. Needless to say… I worry about my sister given this new information. But she’s a grown woman and is going to do whatever she wants. I am – however – thrilled that the kids can’t go to her house with him there. Obviously there is something to this guy and we don’t know it all.
One thing I forgot to mention… it’s good news for Julie, but makes me shake my head. Remember she hasn’t paid a house payment in well over a year now. When she closed on her house – they sent her a check for $1,200.
Twelve hundred dollars? Really??
How did that happen?
I can’t say that I totally understand it myself. The house sold for less than she owed. She had tremendous debt from not paying her homeowners fees. All of that was wiped clean… and like I said before, I’m thrilled for Julie in that regard. Although she says she didn’t make any money – in my mind, she did profit from the mortgage payments she kept instead of giving to her mortgage company. But that’s all a wash and that’s cool. But… how do you get a $1,200 refund? It was supposed to be something about her homeowners insurance. I just… am flabbergasted. Huh… I don’t think I’ve ever typed that word before. LOL
The good news for Julie is that she was able to take that money and pay off her car and she was able to get a new one from Drivetime. So basically, she’s back on the same footing she was a month ago, before her car was stolen. Except that she has a newer car and no house worries.
Well, Jonathan made it home from New York. His flight was delayed about two hours because of the snow. They were able to take off though and get him home about 11 last night. He was SO happy that he was able to see snow. He had a great time, but was too tired to tell us ALL the stories of his trip.
I should run… it’s 10 and I need to get the kids to bed. I know I usually ask you to say a prayer for us… but tonight, I’d like to ask you to pray for a friend of mine, Jenn. She is having some surgery on Wednesday for breast cancer. She is an amazing woman, a good friend, an excellent teacher (was teacher of the year a few years ago), and a strong Christian. We are praying that she will be cancer free after the surgery.
“Please God, bring healing.” – Exodus 12:13
Saturday I did some grocery shopping. Afterwards Kayte had to work, so I let her drive for the first time. She’s in Drivers Ed in school, so I thought “why not?” Well… she isn’t road-ready quite yet. She kept going into the oncoming traffic lane, then would overcompensate and go into the dirt/shoulder on the right hand side of the road. She did do well at 15 mph, but anything faster and she couldn’t keep control of the car. Lesson learned: more time on the range before taking my car again. Later that night we had company over for dinner. Kayte had some friends over and we, of course, invited them to stay for dinner. One – I think – is supposed to be a potential boyfriend. Whenever you hear “he’s just a friend” but they are really interested in what you thought of him… it’s usually a good clue! We also had two other friends of hers over for dinner. I love having lots of kids around the dinner table… it just feels SO rewarding. It helped that it was an awesome dinner: steaks with a sauce/glaze I found a recipe to, baked potatoes, and pecan roasted green beans. Yummy. After dinner the kids went into the hot tub and Chris and I were able to relax for a while.
Sunday we had Church and then Julie came over for the afternoon and dinner. Chris and I decided to run over to AT&T to see if I could get my iPhone a week early. I’ve been waiting for my contract to run out so I can qualify for a discount. Alas… they wouldn’t let me have it a week early, I have to wait until next weekend. While we were out, Julie was going to let Justin drive to the store to pick up some tissues for Kayte’s school and sodas for dinner (I don’t usually have coke in the house, but Julie really likes it for dinner). I gave Julie my debit card and when we returned, Julie and the kids were just getting back. I asked for my debit card – and guess what? She can’t find it. She had JUST used it at CVS… it couldn’t have gone far, right? We called CVS – they didn’t have the card. Looked in her car (new car I might add), and it wasn’t there. Not in her pocket. Not in her purse. Not on a counter. Not in the sofa. It’s just… gone. I decided to run back to CVS to make sure it wasn’t still sitting on the counter and they missed it.
Julie decided to drive so I could check out her new car. She’s driving down the road and the car is LOUD. Really loud. I tell her something is wrong with her car, and she said it was fine. I told her over and over again that something wasn’t right – even to the point where I hung my head out the window to see if a tire was flat. It didn’t make the ‘whomp-whomp-whomp’ noise, but clearly something was wrong with the car. Julie turned up the radio and said it was fine.
At one point on the drive, Julie pointed out that there was a dummie light lit up on her dash and she wanted to know what it was for. It was an exclamation point – I’d never seen it before on another car, so I didn’t know. I said “easy enough… let me get your book”. I open the glove box – no book. She bought the car yesterday, and immediately took the book OUT of the car? Figures.
We get to CVS and I realize that – sure enough – the tire is flat. Great. Must be what the dummie light was on for, I’d imagine. I go inside CVS to ask about my card and Julie said she’d get on the phone with AAA. It was difficult talking to the guy at the counter – Julie was a little loud on the phone with AAA. Actually, it wasn’t even AAA – she was trying to give them the address of where she was when she realized she was on the phone with the operator who still had to give Julie the number to AAA. That was kinda weird, but whatever.
Julie then realizes that she didn’t bring her purse. No purse. No ID. No AAA card. No nutten. Grrrrrreat.
The guy at the CVS counter tells me there was no card turned in. I go outside to call Chris and tell him to please call the bank for me and cancel my card. Now I have to either get off work to go to the bank during office hours and get a temporary card – or wait 7-10 days for a card to come in the mail. Fantastic.
Julie, realizing that she needs her purse for AAA, calls Chris to ask if he’d bring it up to us. He does, but he’s a bit grumpy about it. Lovely.
Julie is still trying to reach AAA, and I tell her that I can certainly change a tire. By the time Chris shows up, I’m just getting the jack under the car. It took me FOREVER to figure out how to get the ding-dang jack out of the trunk. Chris takes over for me though and has it up in no time. Figuring out how to get the ding-dang hubcap off was awful. Chris asked for the book so we could see how to do it without breaking the hubcap. Where is the book? At Julie’s house. Of course.
Well, he gets it off and the lug nuts were on there TIGHT. Chris couldn’t get them off by himself without a big ole’ torque bar that he needed to use for leverage. There would have been no way that I could have done that on my own had he not shown up. That was two times over the weekend he rescued me – Saturday I needed his help at Publix and he came right up.
It’s about then that Julie shares with us why she thinks the tire went flat. Kayte was driving and she kept driving off the road and hit MANY pot holes. Apparently Julie was screaming telling her to stay in the lane… the screaming just made Kayte more upset… and it was probably one of those pot holes – in addition to old tires – that cause the flat tire. The funny thing is – I had TOLD Julie that Kayte was NOT yet “road-ready”. I had told her that she couldn’t keep it between the lines and that she needed more time on the range before driving on the streets again. Regardless, Kayte drove and the flat tire was a result.
Chris and I told Julie that she should talk to Drivetime – telling them that the car she bought YESTERDAY got a flat tire within 24 hours, and that they should replace the tires for her. They were closed, so she ended up taking the car to Tire Kingdom to get a tire put on.
She came back to the house and apologized many times for losing my credit card. I told her over and over again that it was okay. And really – it is. I mean… I’m upset that it happened. I’m frustrated that I have to get another card and give that information to all the people who direct-debit my bank account. We don’t write any checks anymore… we pay everything electronically – so there are going to be a lot of people who try to use the card and can’t. I’m frustrated, but not angry.
As Julie sat there and we talked (Mom came over and we had a nice little chat – the three of us), I realized that Julie is doing absolutely the BEST she can. She’s working – has a job where she sells vacation packages. When she sells one, she makes a small bonus – in addition to being paid $8 an hour hourly rate. She’s lost a lot of weight – 80 lbs to be exact. She’s just “not eating”, she says. I’m certain this can’t be good for her… but at the same time… she really needed to lose weight. The sad thing is that she has lots of hanging skin now. Mom talked to her about seeing if Tricare would pay for skin removal if she ‘lost it all and kept it off’. I can’t imagine this is something Tricare would pay for… but who knows.
The one thing in our conversation with mom that gave me pause was Julie’s boyfriend. It came out that he had some court stuff going on. Now… I don’t really care if you stole something, or if there is some other kind of non-violent crime. What I do worry about is either 1) a violent crime or 2) drug abuse. Either one of these could and would greatly impact my sister. She wouldn’t tell us what exactly happened – I just know he was arrested for having a gun. What he was doing with the gun and why they stopped him I don’t know. Was it used in a crime? Was he just walking around with a gun on him and the police decided to talk to him? I don’t know. I don’t even know his real name to be able to look it up. Needless to say… I worry about my sister given this new information. But she’s a grown woman and is going to do whatever she wants. I am – however – thrilled that the kids can’t go to her house with him there. Obviously there is something to this guy and we don’t know it all.
One thing I forgot to mention… it’s good news for Julie, but makes me shake my head. Remember she hasn’t paid a house payment in well over a year now. When she closed on her house – they sent her a check for $1,200.
Twelve hundred dollars? Really??
How did that happen?
I can’t say that I totally understand it myself. The house sold for less than she owed. She had tremendous debt from not paying her homeowners fees. All of that was wiped clean… and like I said before, I’m thrilled for Julie in that regard. Although she says she didn’t make any money – in my mind, she did profit from the mortgage payments she kept instead of giving to her mortgage company. But that’s all a wash and that’s cool. But… how do you get a $1,200 refund? It was supposed to be something about her homeowners insurance. I just… am flabbergasted. Huh… I don’t think I’ve ever typed that word before. LOL
The good news for Julie is that she was able to take that money and pay off her car and she was able to get a new one from Drivetime. So basically, she’s back on the same footing she was a month ago, before her car was stolen. Except that she has a newer car and no house worries.
Well, Jonathan made it home from New York. His flight was delayed about two hours because of the snow. They were able to take off though and get him home about 11 last night. He was SO happy that he was able to see snow. He had a great time, but was too tired to tell us ALL the stories of his trip.
I should run… it’s 10 and I need to get the kids to bed. I know I usually ask you to say a prayer for us… but tonight, I’d like to ask you to pray for a friend of mine, Jenn. She is having some surgery on Wednesday for breast cancer. She is an amazing woman, a good friend, an excellent teacher (was teacher of the year a few years ago), and a strong Christian. We are praying that she will be cancer free after the surgery.
“Please God, bring healing.” – Exodus 12:13
Friday, February 27, 2009
In Memory, Uncle Bob
I’ve come to realize that I truly miss blogging at work. When I was at work blogging, I’d have time to sit down in a quiet environment, type up a long blog, and think about what I was writing long before I’d hit the ‘publish’ button. When I blog from home, I generally only have a little bit of time – or there is so much going on in the house that I am distracted and I just try to give quick updates.
*********************************************
Tomorrow morning at 5am we get up to take Jonathan to the airport. Originally Chris was going to bring him, but he’s been working nights changing out store signs at local malls – so I get to take him. Chris is MUCH more of a morning person than I am. Additionally he does better on only a little sleep than I do. If I don’t get at least 7 hours… I’m a walking zombie throughout the day. You can never tell how much sleep Chris has had… he’s just built different I suppose. Anyways, I’ll get home tonight – get him packed – go to bed early – then get up at the crack of dawn and see him off at the airport.
I have to admit I’m terrified of my son being in New York City. It’s SUCH a big place… and he has time nearly every day to go out and explore the city on his own (or rather in small groups with a chaperone). What if he gets lost? What if he loses his money? What if he doesn’t have enough money? What if he’s too cold? What if I forget to pack something?
ARGH!
I know… I shouldn’t worry about him – he’ll be fine. Yeah… I get that. But he’s still my baby, and I’m going to worry about him!
*********************************************************
Speaking of worries – Kayla got a letter in the mail last week. Apparently she applied for a phone with T-Mobile and denied her because of her credit. The reasons given were 1) too many recent inquiries 2) types of credit she had and 3) delinquent credit accounts. Well, she just turned 18 a couple weeks ago… she doesn’t HAVE any delinquent accounts, nor does she have any credit!
My mind immediately remembered when the kids first moved in. We filed their tax return (something Julie never did) and – low and behold – the IRS came back and said someone else was claiming them as dependents. I immediately called Julie who just told me that someone had stolen their social security cards some time ago. Great.
Can I just tell you how HARD it is to get credit information on minors? I tried to get Kayte and Justin’s credit reports for ‘free’ – that once a year thing – but you can’t do that for minors. Then I tried to put them on the fraud notification system, but for some reason they won’t go through and I have to mail all the info into them. So… we’ll see what happens with the two of them. For Kayla, we just requested a copy of her credit report from the free hole-in-the-wall place that denied her. I suppose she will have to pull it from Equifax and the other big-name places… but I haven’t done that yet… I mean – I haven’t helped her with that yet. LOL
I am quite certain that some skuz-bucket that Julie used to hang out with took those social security cards and is using them illegally. Without question. Hell, I know at the very least this person was illegally claiming them as dependents on their tax return.
It just makes me so mad that here these kids are… turned around… doing well… about to enter the adult stage of their life… and their credit is now messed up ALREADY.
********************************************************************
I’m so torn as to what to do with Kayla right now. I want to treat her as a mature young adult. I want to start teaching her the things she’s going to need to know to make it out in the world – such as cooking, balancing her checkbook, etc. But – she is never home.
Every day after school, she hangs out with friends. On Friday she goes to a friend’s house for the entire weekend. I rarely see her, unless it’s on the stairs as she is making her way up to her room. Which… if she was doing great might be one thing. But she’s not.
She’s skipping classes in school. A lot of classes. Get this… I looked at the handbook and you would need to have 5 absences recorded for your parents to be sent a letter. 10 absences and they have a meeting with your parents and the principal to discuss what’s going on. 15 absences and it’s considered “truancy” where legal action can be taken. However… if you show up LATE to class 3 times – you are on in school suspension. After that, it’s out of school suspension for 5 days.
Does that many ANY sense to you? It doesn’t to me either.
Then she got suspended from work for giving away free food. She’s darn lucky she wasn’t fired given the times and how many people would be lined up for her job! Kayla said she cried a lot and told them she’d never do it again, so they just suspended her until this next Monday.
Course, I still need to see her to help teach her to drive as well. Which – the car thing is another problem. Last time she talked to me about it, she said she was getting a car over spring break. But Gwen said she needed $2,000 to get a car. Additionally Kayla isn’t saving enough right now to even pay for gas for a car, never mind insurance or anything else. She now has $100 less in the bank than she had last month at this time. Sigh…
Her not having a car is “not my monkey” as Chris always says. However, her mood swings because she’s miserable for not having one really does become my monkey.
*****************************************************************
Julie finally sold her house. The closing is on Friday. The funny thing about this is that – when I asked her how much it sold for, she had NO idea. How do you sell your home, the home that you and your deceased husband had built for your family, and not have any clue how much it sold for? I totally get it that she is happy to be out from under that obligation (they are not going to ask her for any more money), but seriously… how can you not have any idea how much money they are selling the house for?
******************************************************************
Tomorrow morning, after I take Jonathan to the airport at the crack of dawn, I have my first dental appointment in YEARS. I’m talking… a lot of years. I take very good care of my teeth, so I’m not worried about cavities. Maybe I’ll have one, especially since I haven’t been in 10 years or so… but I’m much more concerned about my gums. I brush twice a day. I floss. And yet my gums seem to be receding. I think they are… I know my mom has that same problem, and I’m pretty sure mine are as well. I’ve looked it up online and there are only a couple of options for this… one is surgery. I can’t afford gum surgery. I mean… I don’t WANT it either – but I can’t imagine dumping money into my stupid gums. ARGH. Wish me luck… and I’ll let you know how it goes.
***************************************************************************
Remember when I used to tell you that we kept losing all the cordless phones? Well, they are all gone now. The only phones left in the house are the four that have cords. Kitchen, living room, office and our bedroom. The kids use our bedroom phone all the time… it’s easy to lay in our bed and chat all night long. I get that… really I do.
The other night I go to bed. I pulled up the covers and *smack* something hits my knee. Followed by a sprinkle of what felt like little plastic sprinkles all over my legs. I get up to see what on earth it was… toenail clippers. Oh. My. Goodness. That means that the sprinkle was… yeah… toenails. All over my legs and now inside my sheets. YUCK YUCK YUCK.
I remember thinking to myself at the time “Does this kind of thing really happen to other people?” Yeah… I suppose it does.
**********************************************************************
It’s now Thursday morning. The plan was to get up at 5am and get ready. At 5:30 I was to drive Jonathan to the airport and hang out with him until his whole group arrived; We were supposed to be there at 6am. I have a dentist appointment at 9… so depending on how long I was at the airport was whether I was going to come home or go straight to the dentist from there.
Well… I had a HORRIBLE night sleep. I was up packing Jon last night, and he was clearly excited. We discussed wake-up time. Usually Jonathan needs a whole hour to get ready but since we were leaving at 5:30, he thought 30 min would do just fine. I went to bed – without Chris who is working at night for the next week or so – about 11:30pm. As I said… I didn’t sleep well. It was one of those nights when you just keep waking up and looking at the clock. 1:30am. 4:00am. 4:20am. 4:35am. The next time I saw the time it read: 5:23am.
WHATTTTTT????? Oversleep today? Forgot to set the alarm – for TODAY?
I run to Jon’s room and he too is asleep. To say he FREAKED out would be a massive understatement. He was very upset. I tried to tell him just to get dressed and we could just leave, but he was still VERY freaked out. He barked at me over and over again, and finally I told him – at 5:35am – that I was not leaving until he calmed his ass down. This just made him more freaked out. Finally Chris woke up and came down and calmed Jonathan down… giving him a hug and telling him that it would be okay. He explained to Jonathan that the plane didn’t actually leave until 7:35am… so he really did have time. And with that we left.
When we got in the car and Jonathan saw the time of 5:38am he said “It’s not after 6:30??” --- The poor kid thought when I woke him up it was actually 6:30 not 5:30.
I dropped him off at the airport and had time to come home. I get home and thought to check the kid’s rooms for some reason. It’s now 6:45am – their bus comes at 6:35 and school starts at 7:10 or so. Laying in the bed sound asleep is Kayla. I ask her if she’s planning on going to school today. (I dunno…maybe she was going to decide to skip the whole day.) She said yes… but ‘nobody woke her up’. Apparently her sister and brother usually wake her up. I told her that she is 18 years old and perfectly capable of setting an alarm and getting up on her own – and that now she needed to find a ride to school. (I assumed one of the many people she’s always out with could take her to school on their way.)
My plan was to lie down for 20 minutes or so… then get up and take a shower… then go to the dentist.
Gosh I hate the dentist.
Sure enough… a knock on the door and Kayla tells me that she needs a ride to school. I guess resting was out of the question for this morning.
I got Kayla off to school, came home, took a shower, and went to the Dentist.
Well, the dentist appointment went MUCH better than I thought it would. Having not been for 10 years or so… I thought for SURE I would have cavities. I know I have gum problems (a receding gum line), and I’ve researched what to do about it – which can entail surgery. I went in expecting them to hit me with a bagillion dollar price-tag for what I needed done… but he told me that my teeth were in excellent shape. No cavities or anything like that. He told me I brush too much/too hard and I needed to stop that (I am a little OCD at times, ya know?) He did not recommend the gum surgery at this time – he recommended I brush less since I’m actually removing enamel when I do it. I’ll need two cleanings – and all 4 of my very, very old fillings have cracks in the teeth – but he recommended we just watch them for now to see what they do down the road. I’m liking that! So I had one of my cleanings today and will go back for the deep cleaning in April sometime.
*************************************************************
I got a very sad phone call today from Julie. She was actually crying, which broke my heart. Julie has not been ‘smart’ about money with things like her house and her car. When her car was stolen recently, we tried to tell her that she should pay off that car and go to a better dealership for a replacement car. Drivetime is charging her a fortune, financing it themselves at a high interest rate, and now they want her to sign something saying that she will only go to Drivetime next time she needs a car. I thought this was ridiculous – she could have a car offered to her from a friend for what she can afford in cash – but she’d be locked in by contract to purchase her next vehicle from Drivetime. Julie’s reasoning is that she will “always have car payments” so why not. In other words… she’s always going to be throwing money into a car… so she might as well pay way too much in the cost of the car and in interest to Drivetime. That just… makes no sense to me.
Well, now Drivetime is telling her that they want her $500 deductible paid as well as $900 for ‘prior damage’. Julie sure as heck DID have prior damage to her car… but I think she hoped it would be covered by the insurance when her car was stolen. Apparently she spent so much money on the rental car, she no longer has $1,400 to give to them to cover the car.
I feel bad for her… but she’s making her choices and has to live with them. It was her choice to be irresponsible by letting a guy that she barely knew into her apartment. Her choice of where to go to get a car – and not caring if she pays too much for it.
Ya know, I was talking to Chris about something. The other day Julie called me about needing a ride to Drivetime. It was Sunday, the day of Jonathan’s birthday. First she wanted to know if I could drive her to Brandon on Monday night, after she finished work. After thinking about it, I knew I couldn’t get from North Tampa at 5pm, to Brandon, and back to Tampa to make it to bible study. I told her I could not bring her there and that she needed to find another ride. This conversation went back and forth for a while – and then she said that she would look into riding the bus.
What you should know about Julie is that – years ago, she would ride the bus EVERYWHERE. Need to go to St. Pete? Julie could tell you how to get there, or figure it out. Brandon – there’s a bus for that too. Julie asked if I would look up the information for the bus and tell her how to get there. My mind went back to all the times she’s asked for this kind of thing recently. If she needed to get to the kid’s school – she would ask me for step-by-step directions on exactly how to get there. Telling her that it’s North on Dale Mabry, North of Ehrlich and just past Northdale on the left – isn’t good enough. Then I remembered what she was like years ago… would go anywhere on the drop of a dime and not need step-by-step instructions.
I asked her if she could look it up, and she said she tried but couldn’t find it. I typed “hart line bus Tampa” into Google and it came up right away. You can just plug in your address, and then the address where you are going, and it tells you what bus to take, times, and what the walking distance is from where the last bus drops you off. But she couldn’t find it when she looked it up? It just didn’t make sense. I realized that… and I don’t mean this to sound mean… she used to be a lot smarter than this. I wondered if the huffing and overdosing all that time really did kill some brain cells. It’s sad to think about that, but – maybe.
***************************************************************
I just got word that my Uncle Bob died. He wasn’t really an uncle, but he was more like and uncle than some of our actual uncles. Mom and dad had best friends up in Massachusetts – Carol and Bob. They had kids around the same time, and when they decided to move away from Mass, they moved together. Aunt Carol and Uncle Bob moved in two doors down from mom and dad. I think if they could have gotten houses next to each other, they certainly would have.
We grew up with love, discipline and friendship from mom and dad, and from Aunt Carol and Uncle Bob. They were my sister Katie’s Godparents. They are good people. Their Daughter Lisa is my age, and their daughter Charmaine is Katie’s age. Although I don’t see them much – Katie and mom still see them all the time. And… I know I can always count of them for anything. They are family.
I remember my dad always drinking. Not Uncle Bob... I don't know why he didn't follow my dad down that dark road... but he didn't - thank God. I remember how we could just walk into their house and it was like being home. I remember Aunt Carol and my mom working together at Maas Brothers. Funny... I don't recall what line of work Uncle Bob was in... I just remember him always being at home.
Sigh......
He’s been very sick lately. Both he and Aunt Carol have not been well. This morning Uncle Bob passed away. I don’t know how he passed… I’m hoping it was in his sleep. I know he was home.
I need to run. I need to gather myself. I’m at work, and I really need to pull myself together. I hoped that blogging would help, but… not yet…….
2 Corinthians 4:16-18
That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.
*********************************************
Tomorrow morning at 5am we get up to take Jonathan to the airport. Originally Chris was going to bring him, but he’s been working nights changing out store signs at local malls – so I get to take him. Chris is MUCH more of a morning person than I am. Additionally he does better on only a little sleep than I do. If I don’t get at least 7 hours… I’m a walking zombie throughout the day. You can never tell how much sleep Chris has had… he’s just built different I suppose. Anyways, I’ll get home tonight – get him packed – go to bed early – then get up at the crack of dawn and see him off at the airport.
I have to admit I’m terrified of my son being in New York City. It’s SUCH a big place… and he has time nearly every day to go out and explore the city on his own (or rather in small groups with a chaperone). What if he gets lost? What if he loses his money? What if he doesn’t have enough money? What if he’s too cold? What if I forget to pack something?
ARGH!
I know… I shouldn’t worry about him – he’ll be fine. Yeah… I get that. But he’s still my baby, and I’m going to worry about him!
*********************************************************
Speaking of worries – Kayla got a letter in the mail last week. Apparently she applied for a phone with T-Mobile and denied her because of her credit. The reasons given were 1) too many recent inquiries 2) types of credit she had and 3) delinquent credit accounts. Well, she just turned 18 a couple weeks ago… she doesn’t HAVE any delinquent accounts, nor does she have any credit!
My mind immediately remembered when the kids first moved in. We filed their tax return (something Julie never did) and – low and behold – the IRS came back and said someone else was claiming them as dependents. I immediately called Julie who just told me that someone had stolen their social security cards some time ago. Great.
Can I just tell you how HARD it is to get credit information on minors? I tried to get Kayte and Justin’s credit reports for ‘free’ – that once a year thing – but you can’t do that for minors. Then I tried to put them on the fraud notification system, but for some reason they won’t go through and I have to mail all the info into them. So… we’ll see what happens with the two of them. For Kayla, we just requested a copy of her credit report from the free hole-in-the-wall place that denied her. I suppose she will have to pull it from Equifax and the other big-name places… but I haven’t done that yet… I mean – I haven’t helped her with that yet. LOL
I am quite certain that some skuz-bucket that Julie used to hang out with took those social security cards and is using them illegally. Without question. Hell, I know at the very least this person was illegally claiming them as dependents on their tax return.
It just makes me so mad that here these kids are… turned around… doing well… about to enter the adult stage of their life… and their credit is now messed up ALREADY.
********************************************************************
I’m so torn as to what to do with Kayla right now. I want to treat her as a mature young adult. I want to start teaching her the things she’s going to need to know to make it out in the world – such as cooking, balancing her checkbook, etc. But – she is never home.
Every day after school, she hangs out with friends. On Friday she goes to a friend’s house for the entire weekend. I rarely see her, unless it’s on the stairs as she is making her way up to her room. Which… if she was doing great might be one thing. But she’s not.
She’s skipping classes in school. A lot of classes. Get this… I looked at the handbook and you would need to have 5 absences recorded for your parents to be sent a letter. 10 absences and they have a meeting with your parents and the principal to discuss what’s going on. 15 absences and it’s considered “truancy” where legal action can be taken. However… if you show up LATE to class 3 times – you are on in school suspension. After that, it’s out of school suspension for 5 days.
Does that many ANY sense to you? It doesn’t to me either.
Then she got suspended from work for giving away free food. She’s darn lucky she wasn’t fired given the times and how many people would be lined up for her job! Kayla said she cried a lot and told them she’d never do it again, so they just suspended her until this next Monday.
Course, I still need to see her to help teach her to drive as well. Which – the car thing is another problem. Last time she talked to me about it, she said she was getting a car over spring break. But Gwen said she needed $2,000 to get a car. Additionally Kayla isn’t saving enough right now to even pay for gas for a car, never mind insurance or anything else. She now has $100 less in the bank than she had last month at this time. Sigh…
Her not having a car is “not my monkey” as Chris always says. However, her mood swings because she’s miserable for not having one really does become my monkey.
*****************************************************************
Julie finally sold her house. The closing is on Friday. The funny thing about this is that – when I asked her how much it sold for, she had NO idea. How do you sell your home, the home that you and your deceased husband had built for your family, and not have any clue how much it sold for? I totally get it that she is happy to be out from under that obligation (they are not going to ask her for any more money), but seriously… how can you not have any idea how much money they are selling the house for?
******************************************************************
Tomorrow morning, after I take Jonathan to the airport at the crack of dawn, I have my first dental appointment in YEARS. I’m talking… a lot of years. I take very good care of my teeth, so I’m not worried about cavities. Maybe I’ll have one, especially since I haven’t been in 10 years or so… but I’m much more concerned about my gums. I brush twice a day. I floss. And yet my gums seem to be receding. I think they are… I know my mom has that same problem, and I’m pretty sure mine are as well. I’ve looked it up online and there are only a couple of options for this… one is surgery. I can’t afford gum surgery. I mean… I don’t WANT it either – but I can’t imagine dumping money into my stupid gums. ARGH. Wish me luck… and I’ll let you know how it goes.
***************************************************************************
Remember when I used to tell you that we kept losing all the cordless phones? Well, they are all gone now. The only phones left in the house are the four that have cords. Kitchen, living room, office and our bedroom. The kids use our bedroom phone all the time… it’s easy to lay in our bed and chat all night long. I get that… really I do.
The other night I go to bed. I pulled up the covers and *smack* something hits my knee. Followed by a sprinkle of what felt like little plastic sprinkles all over my legs. I get up to see what on earth it was… toenail clippers. Oh. My. Goodness. That means that the sprinkle was… yeah… toenails. All over my legs and now inside my sheets. YUCK YUCK YUCK.
I remember thinking to myself at the time “Does this kind of thing really happen to other people?” Yeah… I suppose it does.
**********************************************************************
It’s now Thursday morning. The plan was to get up at 5am and get ready. At 5:30 I was to drive Jonathan to the airport and hang out with him until his whole group arrived; We were supposed to be there at 6am. I have a dentist appointment at 9… so depending on how long I was at the airport was whether I was going to come home or go straight to the dentist from there.
Well… I had a HORRIBLE night sleep. I was up packing Jon last night, and he was clearly excited. We discussed wake-up time. Usually Jonathan needs a whole hour to get ready but since we were leaving at 5:30, he thought 30 min would do just fine. I went to bed – without Chris who is working at night for the next week or so – about 11:30pm. As I said… I didn’t sleep well. It was one of those nights when you just keep waking up and looking at the clock. 1:30am. 4:00am. 4:20am. 4:35am. The next time I saw the time it read: 5:23am.
WHATTTTTT????? Oversleep today? Forgot to set the alarm – for TODAY?
I run to Jon’s room and he too is asleep. To say he FREAKED out would be a massive understatement. He was very upset. I tried to tell him just to get dressed and we could just leave, but he was still VERY freaked out. He barked at me over and over again, and finally I told him – at 5:35am – that I was not leaving until he calmed his ass down. This just made him more freaked out. Finally Chris woke up and came down and calmed Jonathan down… giving him a hug and telling him that it would be okay. He explained to Jonathan that the plane didn’t actually leave until 7:35am… so he really did have time. And with that we left.
When we got in the car and Jonathan saw the time of 5:38am he said “It’s not after 6:30??” --- The poor kid thought when I woke him up it was actually 6:30 not 5:30.
I dropped him off at the airport and had time to come home. I get home and thought to check the kid’s rooms for some reason. It’s now 6:45am – their bus comes at 6:35 and school starts at 7:10 or so. Laying in the bed sound asleep is Kayla. I ask her if she’s planning on going to school today. (I dunno…maybe she was going to decide to skip the whole day.) She said yes… but ‘nobody woke her up’. Apparently her sister and brother usually wake her up. I told her that she is 18 years old and perfectly capable of setting an alarm and getting up on her own – and that now she needed to find a ride to school. (I assumed one of the many people she’s always out with could take her to school on their way.)
My plan was to lie down for 20 minutes or so… then get up and take a shower… then go to the dentist.
Gosh I hate the dentist.
Sure enough… a knock on the door and Kayla tells me that she needs a ride to school. I guess resting was out of the question for this morning.
I got Kayla off to school, came home, took a shower, and went to the Dentist.
Well, the dentist appointment went MUCH better than I thought it would. Having not been for 10 years or so… I thought for SURE I would have cavities. I know I have gum problems (a receding gum line), and I’ve researched what to do about it – which can entail surgery. I went in expecting them to hit me with a bagillion dollar price-tag for what I needed done… but he told me that my teeth were in excellent shape. No cavities or anything like that. He told me I brush too much/too hard and I needed to stop that (I am a little OCD at times, ya know?) He did not recommend the gum surgery at this time – he recommended I brush less since I’m actually removing enamel when I do it. I’ll need two cleanings – and all 4 of my very, very old fillings have cracks in the teeth – but he recommended we just watch them for now to see what they do down the road. I’m liking that! So I had one of my cleanings today and will go back for the deep cleaning in April sometime.
*************************************************************
I got a very sad phone call today from Julie. She was actually crying, which broke my heart. Julie has not been ‘smart’ about money with things like her house and her car. When her car was stolen recently, we tried to tell her that she should pay off that car and go to a better dealership for a replacement car. Drivetime is charging her a fortune, financing it themselves at a high interest rate, and now they want her to sign something saying that she will only go to Drivetime next time she needs a car. I thought this was ridiculous – she could have a car offered to her from a friend for what she can afford in cash – but she’d be locked in by contract to purchase her next vehicle from Drivetime. Julie’s reasoning is that she will “always have car payments” so why not. In other words… she’s always going to be throwing money into a car… so she might as well pay way too much in the cost of the car and in interest to Drivetime. That just… makes no sense to me.
Well, now Drivetime is telling her that they want her $500 deductible paid as well as $900 for ‘prior damage’. Julie sure as heck DID have prior damage to her car… but I think she hoped it would be covered by the insurance when her car was stolen. Apparently she spent so much money on the rental car, she no longer has $1,400 to give to them to cover the car.
I feel bad for her… but she’s making her choices and has to live with them. It was her choice to be irresponsible by letting a guy that she barely knew into her apartment. Her choice of where to go to get a car – and not caring if she pays too much for it.
Ya know, I was talking to Chris about something. The other day Julie called me about needing a ride to Drivetime. It was Sunday, the day of Jonathan’s birthday. First she wanted to know if I could drive her to Brandon on Monday night, after she finished work. After thinking about it, I knew I couldn’t get from North Tampa at 5pm, to Brandon, and back to Tampa to make it to bible study. I told her I could not bring her there and that she needed to find another ride. This conversation went back and forth for a while – and then she said that she would look into riding the bus.
What you should know about Julie is that – years ago, she would ride the bus EVERYWHERE. Need to go to St. Pete? Julie could tell you how to get there, or figure it out. Brandon – there’s a bus for that too. Julie asked if I would look up the information for the bus and tell her how to get there. My mind went back to all the times she’s asked for this kind of thing recently. If she needed to get to the kid’s school – she would ask me for step-by-step directions on exactly how to get there. Telling her that it’s North on Dale Mabry, North of Ehrlich and just past Northdale on the left – isn’t good enough. Then I remembered what she was like years ago… would go anywhere on the drop of a dime and not need step-by-step instructions.
I asked her if she could look it up, and she said she tried but couldn’t find it. I typed “hart line bus Tampa” into Google and it came up right away. You can just plug in your address, and then the address where you are going, and it tells you what bus to take, times, and what the walking distance is from where the last bus drops you off. But she couldn’t find it when she looked it up? It just didn’t make sense. I realized that… and I don’t mean this to sound mean… she used to be a lot smarter than this. I wondered if the huffing and overdosing all that time really did kill some brain cells. It’s sad to think about that, but – maybe.
***************************************************************
I just got word that my Uncle Bob died. He wasn’t really an uncle, but he was more like and uncle than some of our actual uncles. Mom and dad had best friends up in Massachusetts – Carol and Bob. They had kids around the same time, and when they decided to move away from Mass, they moved together. Aunt Carol and Uncle Bob moved in two doors down from mom and dad. I think if they could have gotten houses next to each other, they certainly would have.
We grew up with love, discipline and friendship from mom and dad, and from Aunt Carol and Uncle Bob. They were my sister Katie’s Godparents. They are good people. Their Daughter Lisa is my age, and their daughter Charmaine is Katie’s age. Although I don’t see them much – Katie and mom still see them all the time. And… I know I can always count of them for anything. They are family.
I remember my dad always drinking. Not Uncle Bob... I don't know why he didn't follow my dad down that dark road... but he didn't - thank God. I remember how we could just walk into their house and it was like being home. I remember Aunt Carol and my mom working together at Maas Brothers. Funny... I don't recall what line of work Uncle Bob was in... I just remember him always being at home.
Sigh......
He’s been very sick lately. Both he and Aunt Carol have not been well. This morning Uncle Bob passed away. I don’t know how he passed… I’m hoping it was in his sleep. I know he was home.
I need to run. I need to gather myself. I’m at work, and I really need to pull myself together. I hoped that blogging would help, but… not yet…….
2 Corinthians 4:16-18
That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Gargantuan Update
Let me start off by talking about my last blog. I didn't intend to get anyone upset... the reason I love living in the USA is because we are ALL allowed to have our own views and opinions and still be friends. With regard to the reader who commented about my quote, citing that I didn't know enough about Rush and his views on women before quoting him... I'm just going to say this: I don't know much of anything about anyone whom I quote. I use the quote because I feel that it pertains to what I am saying or thinking at the moment. Just that simple. He talked about housing... I was (and am still) extremely frustrated about my housing concerns - so I used the quote. Nuff said about that!
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Things at home are going pretty well. Justin and Kayla both got their schedules for their Senior year, and both of them - although completely different - suit what they want to do their senior year.
Justin has mostly honors and AP classes. Kayla has pottery and other fun classes, two 'core classes' that she needs to graduate, and her last two periods of the day are OJT (credit for leaving school and going to work). Both kids are extremely happy.
Justin and Kayte are doing VERY well in school right now. Both are getting mostly A's and B's. Kayla needs to be reminded often to keep her grades up. Jonathan's report card was horrid, and he currently has a D and several C's.
The kids are THRILLED, however, because a friend of ours bought the kids a new computer. The last computer they had completely died earlier this week. It already had a ton of viruses and trojans on it... and Chris and I had decided to just leave it because we couldn't get them all off. But this time the hard drive actually failed.
The new computer they have now has a TON of parental controls. We LOVE it... if they can't get on the internet, we can just block that. Certain websites can be blocked. They can't install ANY programs without our approval. Hopefully these limitations will help them NOT infect this new computer.
Jonathan has been told that if he can keep his grades up, he will be allowed to, once again, play World of Warcraft -- with the understanding that he is NOT allowed to go overboard. We'll see how that works. I'm HOPING that it will motivate him.
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Kayla has been having a bit of a rough time. Julie told me the other day that Kayla got mad at her because Julie wouldn't take her out to dinner. This just SOUNDED odd. Julie called me upset because Kayla was "mad at her", and Julie didn't want her to be mad. Julie only had $20 to last the rest of the month (which, I might add, she got from us) and so Julie couldn't take her out to eat. I thought it was odd that Kayla would be upset with her over this, but Julie didn't want me to talk to Kayla about this.
I left it alone for a couple days, but at one point (when the time seemed right) I asked her why she got upset with her mom. She said that she was upset because when Julie talked to her, she was slurring. I told her that her mom thought it was about dinner, which Kayla said was completely wrong because she can eat anytime at McDonalds for free. We talked about it some more, and I realized that Kayla was very upset with Julie for some reason. According to Kayla, "she was never like this when daddy was alive". I told her that was not true. She wasn't like she was the first year after Ron died... but the way she is right now - doing pretty well, holding a job between hospital visits that are many months apart, although still taking a lot of meds - is exactly like she was when Ron was alive. I reminded her of when Julie shipped them up to Grandma's in Maryland to escape DCF possibly taking them away when they were young. Then how many times we would call up to Maryland and they would all lie about where Julie was - saying she was at the store or something when she was, in fact, in the hospital. Kayla remembers none of it. I remember Julie smoking weed at that time - throughout their young years as a matter of fact. I remember that Julie could never be 100% faithful to Ron when he was away so much. But Kayla doesn't remember any of that... and so she's angry with Julie.
I found a note in which she wrote "Dear Daddy" followed by how upset she was that he died and that her mom 'went crazy' afterwards. Overdosing and sleeping with multiple men. I didn't talk to her about the letter... nor did I read the whole thing completely enough to tell you any more than just that. I think it's good that she's putting her feelings into words. That's what I do here!
Then on Wednesday night, I had dinner almost done. Turkey, stuffing, corn... yummy. Literally 5 minutes before it was ready, Julie called. She asked if she could take Kayla to dinner. I told her I'd have to call her back (which I now remember I never did - oops). I called Kayla down and asked her if she wanted to go to dinner with her mom, or did she want to eat here - it was going to be ready in 5 minutes. She said she wanted to eat here... and so I asked why she told her mom to call me. Kayla said that she didn't tell her to call me - that her mom asked her if she wanted to go to eat, and that Kayla said "sure". According to Julie's story - Kayla said she wanted to go, but that I would never let her go out. (Funny... I so rarely tell her 'no'.) When Julie called I found the whole thing odd because of 1) the understanding that Julie didn't have any money before and 2) I knew Kayla was upset with Julie and I wondered if Kayla just can't talk to her about it.
I told Kayla - if you want to go with your mom, go with her. If you want to eat here, eat here. But just tell your mom one way or the other. She ended up eating with us.
I'm unsure of this whole thing.... I THINK what is happening is that Julie is sensing something is wrong with Kayla, and Julie is trying to do anything she can to make Kayla feel better. I'm not sure what's going on with Kayla on this... she's been VERY self-absorbed lately. But I fear that Julie is going to overdo it trying to make things better. I told Julie... if she's going to get mad at you because you can't take her out to dinner - LET her get mad at you! It's more important that you not overspend on something as silly as dinner when we have so much food at home - the girl is NOT going hungry... let me tell ya!
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Kayla hasn't put money in the bank in 4 weeks. She has actually taken out $250 and then cashed her next paycheck and spent it all. Since she turned 18, she's been quite the party animal... going to Ybor with the girls. She has a TON of new clothes. I looked in her room the other day and there were at LEAST 10 shirts with new tags on them, most cost over $20 each. I didn't even look at the pants that went with them. Some of the shirts were cheap little $6 shirts... but lots were more expensive. Then, of course, there are the new shoes. Just -- trust me when I tell ya that Kayla has spent her money shopping, for sure.
We keep trying to remind her - if she wants a car, she HAS to save. She had over $1,000 when Gwen was here... she has a little over $800 now, 3 weeks later. But -- we are NOT harping on her... I just told her that I wanted to see her meet her OWN goals, and she couldn't do that spending a lot of money.
Ooooooooo.... a big thing here! --- When I went into her room and saw all the new clothes... I thought I would GENTLY talk to her about it. Not chastise her for spending a ton of money, because it IS her money -- but rather -- just tell her that I know she wants a car... and all the pretty clothes in the world are not going to buy her that car. USUALLY what would happen (because we HAVE had this conversation before) is that Kayla would tell me that she didn't buy all the clothes or shoes or whatever. I've told you before that she has probably $1,000 worth of shoes in her closet -- she has told me before that she gets $100 pairs or shoes for $10 which I KNOW can't be right. ** However ** This time, she told me "I know Auntie Tina. I should stop shopping." It wasn't until later when I was just sitting down thinking about it that I realized that she didn't lie to me or hide the fact that she had made these purchases. Last night, I told her about this and let her know that I was proud of her. :o)
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Another problem we had with - and I hate to say her again, but here goes: Kayla - is her going to her bank.
Kayla has always been very flirtatious. When she was younger (16 and 17) I got very upset when she was Myspace friends and talking in the evening (after 10) with her banker. A young, attractive, yet older banker. I told my sister Katie how upset I was (it was another SunTrust bank, and since Katie manages a branch, I talked to her about it).
Now she is 18. Her first check after turning 18... she goes into the bank and passes out her phone number, telling him that she's 18 now and so he could call her.
Katie calls me and tells me that Kayla not only did that, but also her boyfriend usually goes with her and he has severely intimidated the other tellers. Intimidated to the point where he is no longer welcome in their bank. Additionally, this other manager tells Katie, it's inappropriate for her to come into a bank - regardless of her 'legal' age - and use it as a place for her to flirt with people and pick up men. A bank is a professional location, and they deserved better than that. If Kayla couldn't "control herself" they were going to be forced to close her account.
WOW
So... Chris and I talked to Kayla. She said she would do better, but -- she didn't believe that she had done anything wrong. She said her boyfriend was only there once, and that she didn't just give him her phone number... that HE asked her for it. Regretfully, if she doesn't see anything she did as wrong, it'll be hard to change her behavior. I'm just going to let it go and if they close her account, she has to move her money and hopefully then learn a lesson. We'll see.
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Speaking of learning lessons... Justin lost more money. This time, our friend Michelle gave him $50 cash for making honor roll. Justin brings it to the bowling alley where he took it out of his pocket to pay, but a friend told him not to pay, that he would get it. Justin THOUGHT he put it in his pants... but missed - apparently. $50 gone - that fast.
Sigh........... Justin!!!! :o)
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Chris is going away for the weekend. He is driving the bus full of high school kids to a retreat center. Usually our kids don't go on retreats ($100+ per kid = expensive!) - but this time... since Chris is going anyways.... we thought we'd try to sign at least Jonathan up. I almost had him completely signed up, THEN told him about it, and he freaked out!
Valentine's day is Saturday and he wanted to spend it with his girlfriend. Justin wanted to be with his girlfriend as well. Kayte works at Church and I assumed Kayla would never want to go... so -- none of our kids are going with him.
Yeah........... he'll be gone for Valentine's day. But... I think Valentines day is overrated. First of all... most of our marriage we were singing on Valentines day - he in a quartet with guys singing for girls... and me in a quartet with women singing for guys. All day... out making OTHER couples happy. Sometimes we'd meet up... I'd sing for him ~ then he'd sing for me.... it was cute. But we never got into Valentines day ourselves. For us... every day is Valentine's day: you shouldn't wait for that one day a year to show the person you love how much they mean to you.
We've had some good memories doing that. My most memorable was with my mom. We were driving around South Tampa and came to a neighborhood with TONS of cars, vans, catering trucks, TV crews, etc. Mom said "Hmmm... I wonder what all this is about? Let's go see." So - she parked her van and went to see what all the excitement was about.
There we were... four women dressed alike (in red and white) on Valentines Day. We came across a VERY nice yard with cameras and stuff on it. Mom asked someone what was going on and the guy told us that they were shooting a commercial with Joe Namath! Well, mom - being bold - asked if we could sing for him. They said "YES"!
We went on the set, and there he was... the most beautiful blue eyes I've seen (2nd only to my husband of course) and extremely tan. They had these BIG cameras on us... and microphones on these really long poles. Joe smiled the WHOLE time, then thanked us for coming. We had a picture taken with him, and off we went.
I'm sure Chris has his own memorable experiences. I remember him once telling me about the woman who opened the door to her house in a see-through nightie - then invited them IN to sing for her... and she didn't get changed. He said it was a wee bit hard to focus.... I can only imagine. :o)
Anyways, I'm booked tomorrow to do Singing Valentines with a quartet, if we get any orders. We are the last quartet signed up... so we'll see if they get lots of orders. I figured - Chris is out of town... I might as well go out and make some other people happy this Valentine's Day, right?
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Two weeks from now, Jonathan will be on a class trip to New York! Holy moly! How exciting for him!! His school chorus is going, and I'm so happy he is able to go with them. If he's anything like me... he is going to LOVE New York. I went to visit and didn't want to come home.
We just need to come up with a little more cash for his trip and go out and buy him some real winter clothes. I'm going to try Plato's closet first, and if they don't have anything - go to JC Pennys. Hopefully they'll have what he needs. One of the forecasts I saw had now flurries that week. Woooooooooooooooooow!!!!!
We are so blessed that he was able to do this. Some family members chipped in money for his trip... heck, even my boss threw in a little money! I'm sure it's something that he'll remember for a very long time.
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Well, I really should run. I have ANOTHER headache which I need to get rid of quickly. I've been sick for 2 weeks now with a cold and sinus headaches. I'm going to a Robinson High School Happy Hour down in South Tampa tonight. Apparently, tons of friends who went to RHS and are on Facebook have put together a monthly happy hour where anyone who went to RHS is welcome to come. This will be my first one attending (without Chris! BOO HISS!) and I'm really excited to see some old friends.
Sorry for the long time between blogs. I'll really try to be better!
The thought manifests as the word.
The word manifests as the deed.
The deed develops as habit.
And the habit hardens into character.
So watch the thought and its ways with care.
And let it spring from love,
Born out of concern for all beings.
Buddah
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Things at home are going pretty well. Justin and Kayla both got their schedules for their Senior year, and both of them - although completely different - suit what they want to do their senior year.
Justin has mostly honors and AP classes. Kayla has pottery and other fun classes, two 'core classes' that she needs to graduate, and her last two periods of the day are OJT (credit for leaving school and going to work). Both kids are extremely happy.
Justin and Kayte are doing VERY well in school right now. Both are getting mostly A's and B's. Kayla needs to be reminded often to keep her grades up. Jonathan's report card was horrid, and he currently has a D and several C's.
The kids are THRILLED, however, because a friend of ours bought the kids a new computer. The last computer they had completely died earlier this week. It already had a ton of viruses and trojans on it... and Chris and I had decided to just leave it because we couldn't get them all off. But this time the hard drive actually failed.
The new computer they have now has a TON of parental controls. We LOVE it... if they can't get on the internet, we can just block that. Certain websites can be blocked. They can't install ANY programs without our approval. Hopefully these limitations will help them NOT infect this new computer.
Jonathan has been told that if he can keep his grades up, he will be allowed to, once again, play World of Warcraft -- with the understanding that he is NOT allowed to go overboard. We'll see how that works. I'm HOPING that it will motivate him.
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Kayla has been having a bit of a rough time. Julie told me the other day that Kayla got mad at her because Julie wouldn't take her out to dinner. This just SOUNDED odd. Julie called me upset because Kayla was "mad at her", and Julie didn't want her to be mad. Julie only had $20 to last the rest of the month (which, I might add, she got from us) and so Julie couldn't take her out to eat. I thought it was odd that Kayla would be upset with her over this, but Julie didn't want me to talk to Kayla about this.
I left it alone for a couple days, but at one point (when the time seemed right) I asked her why she got upset with her mom. She said that she was upset because when Julie talked to her, she was slurring. I told her that her mom thought it was about dinner, which Kayla said was completely wrong because she can eat anytime at McDonalds for free. We talked about it some more, and I realized that Kayla was very upset with Julie for some reason. According to Kayla, "she was never like this when daddy was alive". I told her that was not true. She wasn't like she was the first year after Ron died... but the way she is right now - doing pretty well, holding a job between hospital visits that are many months apart, although still taking a lot of meds - is exactly like she was when Ron was alive. I reminded her of when Julie shipped them up to Grandma's in Maryland to escape DCF possibly taking them away when they were young. Then how many times we would call up to Maryland and they would all lie about where Julie was - saying she was at the store or something when she was, in fact, in the hospital. Kayla remembers none of it. I remember Julie smoking weed at that time - throughout their young years as a matter of fact. I remember that Julie could never be 100% faithful to Ron when he was away so much. But Kayla doesn't remember any of that... and so she's angry with Julie.
I found a note in which she wrote "Dear Daddy" followed by how upset she was that he died and that her mom 'went crazy' afterwards. Overdosing and sleeping with multiple men. I didn't talk to her about the letter... nor did I read the whole thing completely enough to tell you any more than just that. I think it's good that she's putting her feelings into words. That's what I do here!
Then on Wednesday night, I had dinner almost done. Turkey, stuffing, corn... yummy. Literally 5 minutes before it was ready, Julie called. She asked if she could take Kayla to dinner. I told her I'd have to call her back (which I now remember I never did - oops). I called Kayla down and asked her if she wanted to go to dinner with her mom, or did she want to eat here - it was going to be ready in 5 minutes. She said she wanted to eat here... and so I asked why she told her mom to call me. Kayla said that she didn't tell her to call me - that her mom asked her if she wanted to go to eat, and that Kayla said "sure". According to Julie's story - Kayla said she wanted to go, but that I would never let her go out. (Funny... I so rarely tell her 'no'.) When Julie called I found the whole thing odd because of 1) the understanding that Julie didn't have any money before and 2) I knew Kayla was upset with Julie and I wondered if Kayla just can't talk to her about it.
I told Kayla - if you want to go with your mom, go with her. If you want to eat here, eat here. But just tell your mom one way or the other. She ended up eating with us.
I'm unsure of this whole thing.... I THINK what is happening is that Julie is sensing something is wrong with Kayla, and Julie is trying to do anything she can to make Kayla feel better. I'm not sure what's going on with Kayla on this... she's been VERY self-absorbed lately. But I fear that Julie is going to overdo it trying to make things better. I told Julie... if she's going to get mad at you because you can't take her out to dinner - LET her get mad at you! It's more important that you not overspend on something as silly as dinner when we have so much food at home - the girl is NOT going hungry... let me tell ya!
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Kayla hasn't put money in the bank in 4 weeks. She has actually taken out $250 and then cashed her next paycheck and spent it all. Since she turned 18, she's been quite the party animal... going to Ybor with the girls. She has a TON of new clothes. I looked in her room the other day and there were at LEAST 10 shirts with new tags on them, most cost over $20 each. I didn't even look at the pants that went with them. Some of the shirts were cheap little $6 shirts... but lots were more expensive. Then, of course, there are the new shoes. Just -- trust me when I tell ya that Kayla has spent her money shopping, for sure.
We keep trying to remind her - if she wants a car, she HAS to save. She had over $1,000 when Gwen was here... she has a little over $800 now, 3 weeks later. But -- we are NOT harping on her... I just told her that I wanted to see her meet her OWN goals, and she couldn't do that spending a lot of money.
Ooooooooo.... a big thing here! --- When I went into her room and saw all the new clothes... I thought I would GENTLY talk to her about it. Not chastise her for spending a ton of money, because it IS her money -- but rather -- just tell her that I know she wants a car... and all the pretty clothes in the world are not going to buy her that car. USUALLY what would happen (because we HAVE had this conversation before) is that Kayla would tell me that she didn't buy all the clothes or shoes or whatever. I've told you before that she has probably $1,000 worth of shoes in her closet -- she has told me before that she gets $100 pairs or shoes for $10 which I KNOW can't be right. ** However ** This time, she told me "I know Auntie Tina. I should stop shopping." It wasn't until later when I was just sitting down thinking about it that I realized that she didn't lie to me or hide the fact that she had made these purchases. Last night, I told her about this and let her know that I was proud of her. :o)
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Another problem we had with - and I hate to say her again, but here goes: Kayla - is her going to her bank.
Kayla has always been very flirtatious. When she was younger (16 and 17) I got very upset when she was Myspace friends and talking in the evening (after 10) with her banker. A young, attractive, yet older banker. I told my sister Katie how upset I was (it was another SunTrust bank, and since Katie manages a branch, I talked to her about it).
Now she is 18. Her first check after turning 18... she goes into the bank and passes out her phone number, telling him that she's 18 now and so he could call her.
Katie calls me and tells me that Kayla not only did that, but also her boyfriend usually goes with her and he has severely intimidated the other tellers. Intimidated to the point where he is no longer welcome in their bank. Additionally, this other manager tells Katie, it's inappropriate for her to come into a bank - regardless of her 'legal' age - and use it as a place for her to flirt with people and pick up men. A bank is a professional location, and they deserved better than that. If Kayla couldn't "control herself" they were going to be forced to close her account.
WOW
So... Chris and I talked to Kayla. She said she would do better, but -- she didn't believe that she had done anything wrong. She said her boyfriend was only there once, and that she didn't just give him her phone number... that HE asked her for it. Regretfully, if she doesn't see anything she did as wrong, it'll be hard to change her behavior. I'm just going to let it go and if they close her account, she has to move her money and hopefully then learn a lesson. We'll see.
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Speaking of learning lessons... Justin lost more money. This time, our friend Michelle gave him $50 cash for making honor roll. Justin brings it to the bowling alley where he took it out of his pocket to pay, but a friend told him not to pay, that he would get it. Justin THOUGHT he put it in his pants... but missed - apparently. $50 gone - that fast.
Sigh........... Justin!!!! :o)
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Chris is going away for the weekend. He is driving the bus full of high school kids to a retreat center. Usually our kids don't go on retreats ($100+ per kid = expensive!) - but this time... since Chris is going anyways.... we thought we'd try to sign at least Jonathan up. I almost had him completely signed up, THEN told him about it, and he freaked out!
Valentine's day is Saturday and he wanted to spend it with his girlfriend. Justin wanted to be with his girlfriend as well. Kayte works at Church and I assumed Kayla would never want to go... so -- none of our kids are going with him.
Yeah........... he'll be gone for Valentine's day. But... I think Valentines day is overrated. First of all... most of our marriage we were singing on Valentines day - he in a quartet with guys singing for girls... and me in a quartet with women singing for guys. All day... out making OTHER couples happy. Sometimes we'd meet up... I'd sing for him ~ then he'd sing for me.... it was cute. But we never got into Valentines day ourselves. For us... every day is Valentine's day: you shouldn't wait for that one day a year to show the person you love how much they mean to you.
We've had some good memories doing that. My most memorable was with my mom. We were driving around South Tampa and came to a neighborhood with TONS of cars, vans, catering trucks, TV crews, etc. Mom said "Hmmm... I wonder what all this is about? Let's go see." So - she parked her van and went to see what all the excitement was about.
There we were... four women dressed alike (in red and white) on Valentines Day. We came across a VERY nice yard with cameras and stuff on it. Mom asked someone what was going on and the guy told us that they were shooting a commercial with Joe Namath! Well, mom - being bold - asked if we could sing for him. They said "YES"!
We went on the set, and there he was... the most beautiful blue eyes I've seen (2nd only to my husband of course) and extremely tan. They had these BIG cameras on us... and microphones on these really long poles. Joe smiled the WHOLE time, then thanked us for coming. We had a picture taken with him, and off we went.
I'm sure Chris has his own memorable experiences. I remember him once telling me about the woman who opened the door to her house in a see-through nightie - then invited them IN to sing for her... and she didn't get changed. He said it was a wee bit hard to focus.... I can only imagine. :o)
Anyways, I'm booked tomorrow to do Singing Valentines with a quartet, if we get any orders. We are the last quartet signed up... so we'll see if they get lots of orders. I figured - Chris is out of town... I might as well go out and make some other people happy this Valentine's Day, right?
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Two weeks from now, Jonathan will be on a class trip to New York! Holy moly! How exciting for him!! His school chorus is going, and I'm so happy he is able to go with them. If he's anything like me... he is going to LOVE New York. I went to visit and didn't want to come home.
We just need to come up with a little more cash for his trip and go out and buy him some real winter clothes. I'm going to try Plato's closet first, and if they don't have anything - go to JC Pennys. Hopefully they'll have what he needs. One of the forecasts I saw had now flurries that week. Woooooooooooooooooow!!!!!
We are so blessed that he was able to do this. Some family members chipped in money for his trip... heck, even my boss threw in a little money! I'm sure it's something that he'll remember for a very long time.
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Well, I really should run. I have ANOTHER headache which I need to get rid of quickly. I've been sick for 2 weeks now with a cold and sinus headaches. I'm going to a Robinson High School Happy Hour down in South Tampa tonight. Apparently, tons of friends who went to RHS and are on Facebook have put together a monthly happy hour where anyone who went to RHS is welcome to come. This will be my first one attending (without Chris! BOO HISS!) and I'm really excited to see some old friends.
Sorry for the long time between blogs. I'll really try to be better!
The thought manifests as the word.
The word manifests as the deed.
The deed develops as habit.
And the habit hardens into character.
So watch the thought and its ways with care.
And let it spring from love,
Born out of concern for all beings.
Buddah
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Living In A Bubble
Okay, I never - EVER - blog about politics. However, today I simply can't help myself.
We are all struggling. My pay was cut $10,000 a year - my daughter just called me and was told she had two choices: move to part time or take a severance package of 3 weeks pay - it's EVERYWHERE. We are in a recession. And the things our taxpayer money is going towards makes me sick.
It was bad enough the day after Obama was elected that Taxpayer money was now funding abortions. I suppose that means that I may possibly be viewed by God as an accomplice to murder since some of my money is going towards this. This troubles my soul in ways I can't put into words.
Then Obama started talking about the TV Converter Boxes. He said that he wanted the date pushed back because everyone in America wasn't ready for the 'all digital' upgrade. In particular low income people. For this reason, the rest of America, and all of the people who have been preparing for it by getting their boxes or going to cable, have to wait for the upgrade. I was pleased when they announced that the date was going to remain the same. Frankly - I'm sick and tired of seeing the blurb across the bottom of my screen warning me of the upcoming date.
And please don't misunderstand. I'm not a rich person who could care less about the low-income family. I've been that low income family for more years than I care to talk about.
Now, with the new stimulus bill.... $650 MILLION is being given for these stupid converter boxes. Yes... now everyone in that low income bracket will be able to get their converters.
Oh Joy. $650 million of our tax dollars to give low-income families TV.
Tell me........... when did television become a NECESSITY? It has always been a luxury item, hasn't it? I will try to refrain from spouting my thoughts on why Obama is so set on this... but you know he relies on the media to help support him - and if millions of people didn't have TV's - how would they get their Obama fix? That's all I'll say about that.
There were days when, if you wanted to hear what was going on in the news and you couldn't afford a TV, your family huddled around a radio. Some say times then were better. Simple. Happy.
What's next? Are we going to buy TV's for anyone without a TV? Seriously... if the government is now saying that it is a necessity... then surely every family in America is entitled to a TV as well, right? And then... at some point down the road... does cable TV become a necessity? I mean... you do get more stations, such as CNN. So, will the government then start paying for cable if you can't afford it? Where does it end?
Entitlement is a problem right now. Everyone is entitled to so many things.
I'm furious that my pay is going down and the government is spending all this money on STUPID shit.
They already gave the banks tons of money in an effort to allow more American's the opportunity to get better rates on their mortgages. Wasn't that the reason for the huge checks - millions of dollars (or was it billions? I forget...) written to banks?
Well, for two months now I've been trying to refinance my home with 5.5% interest, because the government says I should be able to. The banks are giving me all kinds of hassles. I pay every single bill on time. I have VERY little credit card debt. I have a steady job and make decent money, as does Chris. Heck, the kids we are raising get SS and VA benefits. And yet.... I've been jumping through hoops for months. The woman doing the paperwork just told me "The guidelines have changed drastically and it takes a lot more to get things done."
Isn't the purpose of lowering the interest rate so that my payment goes down... so when they cut my pay 20% I can still afford to live in our family home? Isn't the government decreasing the federal rate to ZERO in an effort to 'get credit flowing'? Given ALL of this, shouldn't this be easy?
Oh, and also on CNN.... "Uncle Sam Wants To Sell You A Car". Really? Who can afford a car payment right now? They have a "cash for clunkers" program floating around right now... where you turn in your car that is paid for and buy a new car - they give you a rebate check of some sort. But still... you then have monthly payments on a vehicle. I consider myself blessed to have every car we own paid for. I'm buying generic everything to save cash - Uncle Sam thinks I can afford a new car?
Are politicians living in a bubble? TV's are no longer a luxury but something every American should have. Abortions are funded by tax dollars. They give money to the banks without a promise from the banks of sharing that with their customers. And now everyone - in a recession - needs to buy a new car. And this is just a start to the madness.
Sorry about a political blog here... but I'm just so frustrated. Thanks for listening. :o)
"You could afford a house without the government if it weren't for the government."
Rush Limbaugh
We are all struggling. My pay was cut $10,000 a year - my daughter just called me and was told she had two choices: move to part time or take a severance package of 3 weeks pay - it's EVERYWHERE. We are in a recession. And the things our taxpayer money is going towards makes me sick.
It was bad enough the day after Obama was elected that Taxpayer money was now funding abortions. I suppose that means that I may possibly be viewed by God as an accomplice to murder since some of my money is going towards this. This troubles my soul in ways I can't put into words.
Then Obama started talking about the TV Converter Boxes. He said that he wanted the date pushed back because everyone in America wasn't ready for the 'all digital' upgrade. In particular low income people. For this reason, the rest of America, and all of the people who have been preparing for it by getting their boxes or going to cable, have to wait for the upgrade. I was pleased when they announced that the date was going to remain the same. Frankly - I'm sick and tired of seeing the blurb across the bottom of my screen warning me of the upcoming date.
And please don't misunderstand. I'm not a rich person who could care less about the low-income family. I've been that low income family for more years than I care to talk about.
Now, with the new stimulus bill.... $650 MILLION is being given for these stupid converter boxes. Yes... now everyone in that low income bracket will be able to get their converters.
Oh Joy. $650 million of our tax dollars to give low-income families TV.
Tell me........... when did television become a NECESSITY? It has always been a luxury item, hasn't it? I will try to refrain from spouting my thoughts on why Obama is so set on this... but you know he relies on the media to help support him - and if millions of people didn't have TV's - how would they get their Obama fix? That's all I'll say about that.
There were days when, if you wanted to hear what was going on in the news and you couldn't afford a TV, your family huddled around a radio. Some say times then were better. Simple. Happy.
What's next? Are we going to buy TV's for anyone without a TV? Seriously... if the government is now saying that it is a necessity... then surely every family in America is entitled to a TV as well, right? And then... at some point down the road... does cable TV become a necessity? I mean... you do get more stations, such as CNN. So, will the government then start paying for cable if you can't afford it? Where does it end?
Entitlement is a problem right now. Everyone is entitled to so many things.
I'm furious that my pay is going down and the government is spending all this money on STUPID shit.
They already gave the banks tons of money in an effort to allow more American's the opportunity to get better rates on their mortgages. Wasn't that the reason for the huge checks - millions of dollars (or was it billions? I forget...) written to banks?
Well, for two months now I've been trying to refinance my home with 5.5% interest, because the government says I should be able to. The banks are giving me all kinds of hassles. I pay every single bill on time. I have VERY little credit card debt. I have a steady job and make decent money, as does Chris. Heck, the kids we are raising get SS and VA benefits. And yet.... I've been jumping through hoops for months. The woman doing the paperwork just told me "The guidelines have changed drastically and it takes a lot more to get things done."
Isn't the purpose of lowering the interest rate so that my payment goes down... so when they cut my pay 20% I can still afford to live in our family home? Isn't the government decreasing the federal rate to ZERO in an effort to 'get credit flowing'? Given ALL of this, shouldn't this be easy?
Oh, and also on CNN.... "Uncle Sam Wants To Sell You A Car". Really? Who can afford a car payment right now? They have a "cash for clunkers" program floating around right now... where you turn in your car that is paid for and buy a new car - they give you a rebate check of some sort. But still... you then have monthly payments on a vehicle. I consider myself blessed to have every car we own paid for. I'm buying generic everything to save cash - Uncle Sam thinks I can afford a new car?
Are politicians living in a bubble? TV's are no longer a luxury but something every American should have. Abortions are funded by tax dollars. They give money to the banks without a promise from the banks of sharing that with their customers. And now everyone - in a recession - needs to buy a new car. And this is just a start to the madness.
Sorry about a political blog here... but I'm just so frustrated. Thanks for listening. :o)
"You could afford a house without the government if it weren't for the government."
Rush Limbaugh
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Answered Prayers
Julie and I went to court this morning for Julie's request of unsupervised visits. The more I think about it... I believe that the outcome was the best thing for the kids.
We went to court at 9:30 this morning and waited a LONG time. When we went in, Julie stated that she had been out of the hospital for a 10 month period of time and that she deserved unsupervised visits. He asked me how I felt about it and I told him that I agreed that she certainly could have unsupervised visits. I explained that there were many times that I - or any family member - could tell when Julie was not well... and that during those times... she shouldn't be able to take them. But when she is doing well... she could be just fine with them. The district attorney did a GREAT job of saying what it was that I was feeling. She told the judge that she recommended that Julie be given unsupervised visits at my complete discretion.
One thing that was kind of weird is that Julie told the judge that Justin was 17 and Kayte was 16. They are not... Justin is 16 and Kayte is 15. Sure... they have a birthday later this year, but when he asked how old they were now... she said they were older. I told the judge their actual ages and that their birthdays were in late June. I think she did that so that the kids would seem older in the judges eyes, but I don't know exactly why.
We then talked about some difficult stuff. The Doctor from Hillsborough Kids stated that he had concerns after reading Julie's discharge summary from her recent bakers act in Tampa General. In that summary he said that, among other things, Julie would self medicate. We then explained to the judge what her mental conditions were. I also told him that my other concern that I wanted to mention was that - even when she was doing well, she didn't think and rationalize consequences of her actions as an adult. Not because she was being mean or hard-headed, but often times she just isn't capable of that level of reasoning.
There were two times when I thought the judge was going to stop and not allow any visitations what-so-ever... one when I told him about her lack of reasoning skills and two when he heard what was in her discharge paperwork from TGH.
The funny thing is... what I prayed would happen is that I would give my opinion, Julie give her opinion, and the judge takes all of that and makes a determination that is solely based on the best interest of the kids. I now believe that is exactly what happened.
Julie is allowed to see the kids unsupervised for a maximum of 3 hours, however, she is never allowed to drive with them and she must have her visits in a public place. Julie nor I were expecting these stipulations. Julie at one point said "Sir, I am a very good driver." The judge just replied "I don't care, with the amount of medication you take, you are not driving with the kids." When he talked about the public place, Julie was very upset. She really wanted to take the kids back to her apartment. The judge just said no... that she had to take them someplace public such as the mall, a park, the movies, McDonald's, the Zoo, etc. Julie said she didn't have money to take them to those kinds of places, and he named several places, such as a park, that she could take the kids to for free.
I've been pretty shocked about the outcome all day. However, I now think that this was the answer to my prayers. The judge certainly didn't do exactly what I wanted him to do... he took the information and did what he thought best.
So, that was our day in court.
The kid's grandma and grandpa (Ron's mom and dad) came down this last weekend. It was a great visit... Friday we had dinner at Olive Garden - 20 family members for Kayla's birthday. Gwen decided not to get Kayla a car just yet. We found out the insurance was going to be very expensive and Kayla really needs to save up for that. Saturday Gwen took Kayla to try to get her license, but the place was closed so they all went to the mall. We had dinner Saturday night - 10 of us around the table. The on Sunday my mom came over and we had a late lunch (11 of us). It was a busy weekend, but I know the kids loved seeing Gwen and Coley.
Chris has been working SO HARD, it's unreal. He left for work at 8pm on Sunday night and worked all night and all the next day and came home about 10pm on Monday. He looked HORRIBLE when he got home... dragging tail for sure. Tuesday morning he was back out at the crack of dawn and didn't get home again until after 10pm. He did the same thing today and will be working again until late tonight. Poor guy. Although he LOVES what he is doing. He's standing in as the General Contractor on a remodel of a big chain bookstore. It's only a week of work - a very LONG week with long hours - but he's enjoying it. If nothing else, he absolutely knows he wants to get his license to become a contractor. I'm great with that, as long as he doesn't always work those long hours. I miss him!
My chorus is going SUPER well. I joined and was made tenor section leader immediately. I love that... the respect I get from the section and leaders of the chorus. We were just riser placed... which is a really big deal in our chorus. My FAVORITE spot is in the middle of the chorus with the three other parts around me - no other Tenors. I was a little worried they wouldn't put me in the middle. They usually put the tenors in little 'pods' on the sides, but they have done that before and just put me in the middle, which was AWESOME. We have another tenor in the chorus who has WON an international quartet contest as a tenor... so surely she'd go there. Well, they put her in the middle - as well as me. We have a bass singing between us, and I'm surrounded by all three other parts - LOVE it. I'm trying to deal with the fact that I am going to pick and choose what competitions I go to... like - I'm not going to go to Regional competition in April, but I am going to the International competition in October. I just love singing with them and feel so blessed to be a part of the group.
Well, I should run for tonight. I have to start dinner, take Kayte to work at church, then pick her up and bring her to her school, and somewhere in there finish cooking dinner and eat. Need to get started now to get done in time.
Thank you all for your prayers! It means the world!
"Your living is determined not so much by what life brings you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens."
-Lewis L. Dunnington-
We went to court at 9:30 this morning and waited a LONG time. When we went in, Julie stated that she had been out of the hospital for a 10 month period of time and that she deserved unsupervised visits. He asked me how I felt about it and I told him that I agreed that she certainly could have unsupervised visits. I explained that there were many times that I - or any family member - could tell when Julie was not well... and that during those times... she shouldn't be able to take them. But when she is doing well... she could be just fine with them. The district attorney did a GREAT job of saying what it was that I was feeling. She told the judge that she recommended that Julie be given unsupervised visits at my complete discretion.
One thing that was kind of weird is that Julie told the judge that Justin was 17 and Kayte was 16. They are not... Justin is 16 and Kayte is 15. Sure... they have a birthday later this year, but when he asked how old they were now... she said they were older. I told the judge their actual ages and that their birthdays were in late June. I think she did that so that the kids would seem older in the judges eyes, but I don't know exactly why.
We then talked about some difficult stuff. The Doctor from Hillsborough Kids stated that he had concerns after reading Julie's discharge summary from her recent bakers act in Tampa General. In that summary he said that, among other things, Julie would self medicate. We then explained to the judge what her mental conditions were. I also told him that my other concern that I wanted to mention was that - even when she was doing well, she didn't think and rationalize consequences of her actions as an adult. Not because she was being mean or hard-headed, but often times she just isn't capable of that level of reasoning.
There were two times when I thought the judge was going to stop and not allow any visitations what-so-ever... one when I told him about her lack of reasoning skills and two when he heard what was in her discharge paperwork from TGH.
The funny thing is... what I prayed would happen is that I would give my opinion, Julie give her opinion, and the judge takes all of that and makes a determination that is solely based on the best interest of the kids. I now believe that is exactly what happened.
Julie is allowed to see the kids unsupervised for a maximum of 3 hours, however, she is never allowed to drive with them and she must have her visits in a public place. Julie nor I were expecting these stipulations. Julie at one point said "Sir, I am a very good driver." The judge just replied "I don't care, with the amount of medication you take, you are not driving with the kids." When he talked about the public place, Julie was very upset. She really wanted to take the kids back to her apartment. The judge just said no... that she had to take them someplace public such as the mall, a park, the movies, McDonald's, the Zoo, etc. Julie said she didn't have money to take them to those kinds of places, and he named several places, such as a park, that she could take the kids to for free.
I've been pretty shocked about the outcome all day. However, I now think that this was the answer to my prayers. The judge certainly didn't do exactly what I wanted him to do... he took the information and did what he thought best.
So, that was our day in court.
The kid's grandma and grandpa (Ron's mom and dad) came down this last weekend. It was a great visit... Friday we had dinner at Olive Garden - 20 family members for Kayla's birthday. Gwen decided not to get Kayla a car just yet. We found out the insurance was going to be very expensive and Kayla really needs to save up for that. Saturday Gwen took Kayla to try to get her license, but the place was closed so they all went to the mall. We had dinner Saturday night - 10 of us around the table. The on Sunday my mom came over and we had a late lunch (11 of us). It was a busy weekend, but I know the kids loved seeing Gwen and Coley.
Chris has been working SO HARD, it's unreal. He left for work at 8pm on Sunday night and worked all night and all the next day and came home about 10pm on Monday. He looked HORRIBLE when he got home... dragging tail for sure. Tuesday morning he was back out at the crack of dawn and didn't get home again until after 10pm. He did the same thing today and will be working again until late tonight. Poor guy. Although he LOVES what he is doing. He's standing in as the General Contractor on a remodel of a big chain bookstore. It's only a week of work - a very LONG week with long hours - but he's enjoying it. If nothing else, he absolutely knows he wants to get his license to become a contractor. I'm great with that, as long as he doesn't always work those long hours. I miss him!
My chorus is going SUPER well. I joined and was made tenor section leader immediately. I love that... the respect I get from the section and leaders of the chorus. We were just riser placed... which is a really big deal in our chorus. My FAVORITE spot is in the middle of the chorus with the three other parts around me - no other Tenors. I was a little worried they wouldn't put me in the middle. They usually put the tenors in little 'pods' on the sides, but they have done that before and just put me in the middle, which was AWESOME. We have another tenor in the chorus who has WON an international quartet contest as a tenor... so surely she'd go there. Well, they put her in the middle - as well as me. We have a bass singing between us, and I'm surrounded by all three other parts - LOVE it. I'm trying to deal with the fact that I am going to pick and choose what competitions I go to... like - I'm not going to go to Regional competition in April, but I am going to the International competition in October. I just love singing with them and feel so blessed to be a part of the group.
Well, I should run for tonight. I have to start dinner, take Kayte to work at church, then pick her up and bring her to her school, and somewhere in there finish cooking dinner and eat. Need to get started now to get done in time.
Thank you all for your prayers! It means the world!
"Your living is determined not so much by what life brings you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens."
-Lewis L. Dunnington-
Friday, January 16, 2009
Live The Questions
I have so much to get off my chest, I don't even know where to start.
Let's start after my last blog... with all the things that have helped me feel like I'm going insane the past two weeks.
On Sunday, 1/4, we all knew Julie was a little depressed. She kept to herself... didn't say much. Heck, Justin had even asked her to please not go home and hurt herself. Julie seemed pretty 'clear'... she didn't seem to be on anything... but she wasn't quite right.
Mom, I found out later, had also talked to Julie sometime on Sunday. Mom knew she was depressed and told her that she should go to the hospital. (We can't ever fool mom... she knows how I'm feeling just talking to me on the phone!) Julie told her that IF she ever did decide to go to the hospital, she wouldn't tell anyone. Monday afternoon mom calls me and asks me if I'd heard from Julie all day. I had not. Her cell phone was going directly to voice mail, so we knew it was off. Nobody was answering at home. I went to bed Monday night afraid that Julie was dead on her apartment floor. I thought about going over there to check on her... but I was afraid to do that. I figured if she was still 'missing' on Tuesday afternoon... we'd call the police and file a report - they could then go look for her at her apartment.
Later on Tuesday I finally hear that Julie did go into the hospital. She was depressed and the doctor sent her to Tampa General ER. The ER said her levels were off and they Bakers Acted her to take care of it. She was there until Friday, the 9th.
Julie can say all she wants to that she should be able to go into a hospital and not tell anyone and none of us should worry... but the amount of times she's overdosed and tried to kill herself - we certainly DO worry. If we didn't worry, that would mean we've given up on her... and we haven't done that.
So, she's in the hospital... and the first person / family member that she calls to notify that she is in the psych unit is who? Justin... of course. Not an adult. Justin. Amazing.
So... the rest of my week that week, as you saw from my last blog, was full of teenage drama. Chris was out of town and I was just up to my eyeballs in it. Nuff said about that.
Sunday Julie comes back over to visit - this would be the 11th, 2 days after she gets out of the hospital. I was going to make sloppy joes for dinner, but Julie really wanted my chicken alfredo, so I went to the grocery store and we had - of course - the chicken alfredo. At one point, I was making dinner and Julie was in the kitchen and we were talking about Justin. Julie talked about how she wanted Justin to take care of her when he grew up. I asked her "don't you want him to grow up, go to college, get married and have kids?" She responded by telling me that he HAD to take care of her... "what else am I supposed to do?" she asked. I continued to try to tell her that she needed to not pressure Justin into thinking this way... but she was really quiet so I left it alone after a little while.
At one point on Sunday she lifted up her shirt and I could see fresh cut marks on her stomach.... many of them. I assume she did this earlier in the week when she was either going to or in the hospital. She told me they were not new, which was funny given the fact that it had blood on it still... but she also gave me that 'look' telling me that of course they were new. So sad....
On Monday I think it was, she has a one-night-stand with some guy she really didn't even know. She wakes up on Monday morning to her phone ringing. It's the landlord telling her that her front door to her apartment was open. At first Julie didn't tell us anything about the guy that was with her. Her story at first was that she went to bed with the apartment door unlocked and when she got up, she found her keys and car missing. We found out later in the day that when she woke up, her keys were gone, her car was gone... as was the guy that she didn't really know. Coincidence? I don't think so.
Julie did file a police report... which was really good for her. She did tell them all about the guy who was with her the night before, so now they are looking for him and her car.
On Tuesday, Julie's boyfriend - that I hear she has known for 10 days, doesn't work, doesn't own a car, and receives a disability check every month - tells her that he wants to "go steady" as Julie puts it. He wants to move in and take care of her. She moves him in immediately and - although she says he's going to help her with rent... no specific dollar figure was discussed nor the date it would be paid. I just thought it was funny that she was with some guy on Monday, then Tuesday moves her 'boyfriend' into the apartment.
I can't say that I'm surprised. Julie has been labeled a 'sex addict' - although what I really think is that she needs love and physical attention very badly. My sister Katie was WAY more upset about this than I was. Katie grilled her on everything (as only a sister would do!) - and was shocked to hear that she was doing all of this unprotected. Julie's response: "I was tested last year, and I'm a good person, so nothing will happen to me." Utterly amazing. My mom too was very upset. Funny thing is that I think I was the least upset of the three of us in this instance. Of course, I worry about her, and I certainly worry about the kids if they were to be able to go over there and hang out with these people. I mean, if the guy moved in that day... he obviously wasn't under a lease somewhere else... which means he's living with someone else now - not on his own - at the age of 48.
Then there is the rental car / her car deal. She got a rental car deal from someplace by the airport... but had no way to get there. Then she had to pay a week in full to get the deal (if they find her car tomorrow... she's out of luck for insurance reimbursement). My sister Katie was talking to Julie about looking for a job (she didn't get her job back at Walmart). Katie told her that she needed to look for something around her house that she could walk to. Julie asked why she'd need to walk... and Katie replied that - if they didn't find her car, she'd have no vehicle. Julie thought she could use insurance money to buy herself a new car. But the car she's driving isn't paid off... and she's most likely upside down. It's more likely that they'll pay off some of her car loan and Julie will still have a payment due to the bank for the car. Julie never thought she'd have to pay off the loan if the car was stolen. I don't know how she'd think this... but she did.
Earlier this week I got a phone call from a Doctor from "Family Matters". He is the guy who will be making a recommendation to the courts as to what to do about Julie's motion to have unsupervised visits. We talked for a long while... I explained to him about how I had already allowed her to have some unsupervised visits when she was doing well. I told him that Julie actually stated that it could be used against me in court. He said it wouldn't. He knew that she had been Bakers Acted and that she was discharged on the 9th. He started off by telling me that Julie needed to have completed her case plan. If she didn't do that - then they would throw the whole thing out of court to begin with. Then with the new Baker's Act... well... he wasn't sure how it would look.
I told him this about that: Although I do not appreciate how she went into the hospital (not telling anyone and the family worried sick about her) - I told him that I thought it was extremely important that she DID go in when she needed help. I explained that she has many mental health issues that would never go away. The rest of her life, she'll have ups and downs... and that she needed to go to the hospital at certain times. Penalizing her for this was not 'right' in my opinion. Julie already has it in her head that when she goes to the hospital it's "bad". As her sister, I don't WANT her to think that way... I want her to seek help the very day that she realizes that she needs help - not feel like she has to hide it. The courts could determine whether or not Julie is well enough to have the kids unsupervised given her mental conditions... but please don't use the bakers act alone as any kind of reason.
He talked about the possibility of having Julie have unsupervised visits only when I deem it appropriate. I know that will be really hard because there are many times when Julie is slurring and she SWEARS that she is okay. This is going to put me in the role of being the 'bad guy'... and I totally HATE that. But if it's the only way this can happen for her, and what the court wants... of course I'd do it.
He explained to me that the courts view me - as the permanent guardian - the "parent". And that they usually take the views of the "parent" in these cases. I explained that I honestly didn't know what was best. I think that when she IS well, she's okay to take them for certain things. But at the same time still doesn't always think things through completely... so I don't know. I explained EVERYTHING to him and think that he really got the way I feel.
Other news: Jonathan tried out for the talent show at Gaither. He played a song he wrote on the piano... and then his quartet sang a song called "Moondance". He made the talent show for BOTH things! Amazing... he is SO TALENTED!
I have to run as I'm really not feeling all that well. I want to leave you with something I heard on... of all places... the Ellen Degeneres show. A Doctor who is apparently really well known came on to share some new year resolutions with everyone and he said the most profound thing that I loved - I had to write it down.
Live The Questions:
Focus less on consumption and more on relationships.
What do I find important?
Who am I?
What do I want?
How can I be a good friend?
What gives me meaning and purpose?
What are the things I look for in a relationship?
Live the questions and you won't need to worry about the answers.
Let's start after my last blog... with all the things that have helped me feel like I'm going insane the past two weeks.
On Sunday, 1/4, we all knew Julie was a little depressed. She kept to herself... didn't say much. Heck, Justin had even asked her to please not go home and hurt herself. Julie seemed pretty 'clear'... she didn't seem to be on anything... but she wasn't quite right.
Mom, I found out later, had also talked to Julie sometime on Sunday. Mom knew she was depressed and told her that she should go to the hospital. (We can't ever fool mom... she knows how I'm feeling just talking to me on the phone!) Julie told her that IF she ever did decide to go to the hospital, she wouldn't tell anyone. Monday afternoon mom calls me and asks me if I'd heard from Julie all day. I had not. Her cell phone was going directly to voice mail, so we knew it was off. Nobody was answering at home. I went to bed Monday night afraid that Julie was dead on her apartment floor. I thought about going over there to check on her... but I was afraid to do that. I figured if she was still 'missing' on Tuesday afternoon... we'd call the police and file a report - they could then go look for her at her apartment.
Later on Tuesday I finally hear that Julie did go into the hospital. She was depressed and the doctor sent her to Tampa General ER. The ER said her levels were off and they Bakers Acted her to take care of it. She was there until Friday, the 9th.
Julie can say all she wants to that she should be able to go into a hospital and not tell anyone and none of us should worry... but the amount of times she's overdosed and tried to kill herself - we certainly DO worry. If we didn't worry, that would mean we've given up on her... and we haven't done that.
So, she's in the hospital... and the first person / family member that she calls to notify that she is in the psych unit is who? Justin... of course. Not an adult. Justin. Amazing.
So... the rest of my week that week, as you saw from my last blog, was full of teenage drama. Chris was out of town and I was just up to my eyeballs in it. Nuff said about that.
Sunday Julie comes back over to visit - this would be the 11th, 2 days after she gets out of the hospital. I was going to make sloppy joes for dinner, but Julie really wanted my chicken alfredo, so I went to the grocery store and we had - of course - the chicken alfredo. At one point, I was making dinner and Julie was in the kitchen and we were talking about Justin. Julie talked about how she wanted Justin to take care of her when he grew up. I asked her "don't you want him to grow up, go to college, get married and have kids?" She responded by telling me that he HAD to take care of her... "what else am I supposed to do?" she asked. I continued to try to tell her that she needed to not pressure Justin into thinking this way... but she was really quiet so I left it alone after a little while.
At one point on Sunday she lifted up her shirt and I could see fresh cut marks on her stomach.... many of them. I assume she did this earlier in the week when she was either going to or in the hospital. She told me they were not new, which was funny given the fact that it had blood on it still... but she also gave me that 'look' telling me that of course they were new. So sad....
On Monday I think it was, she has a one-night-stand with some guy she really didn't even know. She wakes up on Monday morning to her phone ringing. It's the landlord telling her that her front door to her apartment was open. At first Julie didn't tell us anything about the guy that was with her. Her story at first was that she went to bed with the apartment door unlocked and when she got up, she found her keys and car missing. We found out later in the day that when she woke up, her keys were gone, her car was gone... as was the guy that she didn't really know. Coincidence? I don't think so.
Julie did file a police report... which was really good for her. She did tell them all about the guy who was with her the night before, so now they are looking for him and her car.
On Tuesday, Julie's boyfriend - that I hear she has known for 10 days, doesn't work, doesn't own a car, and receives a disability check every month - tells her that he wants to "go steady" as Julie puts it. He wants to move in and take care of her. She moves him in immediately and - although she says he's going to help her with rent... no specific dollar figure was discussed nor the date it would be paid. I just thought it was funny that she was with some guy on Monday, then Tuesday moves her 'boyfriend' into the apartment.
I can't say that I'm surprised. Julie has been labeled a 'sex addict' - although what I really think is that she needs love and physical attention very badly. My sister Katie was WAY more upset about this than I was. Katie grilled her on everything (as only a sister would do!) - and was shocked to hear that she was doing all of this unprotected. Julie's response: "I was tested last year, and I'm a good person, so nothing will happen to me." Utterly amazing. My mom too was very upset. Funny thing is that I think I was the least upset of the three of us in this instance. Of course, I worry about her, and I certainly worry about the kids if they were to be able to go over there and hang out with these people. I mean, if the guy moved in that day... he obviously wasn't under a lease somewhere else... which means he's living with someone else now - not on his own - at the age of 48.
Then there is the rental car / her car deal. She got a rental car deal from someplace by the airport... but had no way to get there. Then she had to pay a week in full to get the deal (if they find her car tomorrow... she's out of luck for insurance reimbursement). My sister Katie was talking to Julie about looking for a job (she didn't get her job back at Walmart). Katie told her that she needed to look for something around her house that she could walk to. Julie asked why she'd need to walk... and Katie replied that - if they didn't find her car, she'd have no vehicle. Julie thought she could use insurance money to buy herself a new car. But the car she's driving isn't paid off... and she's most likely upside down. It's more likely that they'll pay off some of her car loan and Julie will still have a payment due to the bank for the car. Julie never thought she'd have to pay off the loan if the car was stolen. I don't know how she'd think this... but she did.
Earlier this week I got a phone call from a Doctor from "Family Matters". He is the guy who will be making a recommendation to the courts as to what to do about Julie's motion to have unsupervised visits. We talked for a long while... I explained to him about how I had already allowed her to have some unsupervised visits when she was doing well. I told him that Julie actually stated that it could be used against me in court. He said it wouldn't. He knew that she had been Bakers Acted and that she was discharged on the 9th. He started off by telling me that Julie needed to have completed her case plan. If she didn't do that - then they would throw the whole thing out of court to begin with. Then with the new Baker's Act... well... he wasn't sure how it would look.
I told him this about that: Although I do not appreciate how she went into the hospital (not telling anyone and the family worried sick about her) - I told him that I thought it was extremely important that she DID go in when she needed help. I explained that she has many mental health issues that would never go away. The rest of her life, she'll have ups and downs... and that she needed to go to the hospital at certain times. Penalizing her for this was not 'right' in my opinion. Julie already has it in her head that when she goes to the hospital it's "bad". As her sister, I don't WANT her to think that way... I want her to seek help the very day that she realizes that she needs help - not feel like she has to hide it. The courts could determine whether or not Julie is well enough to have the kids unsupervised given her mental conditions... but please don't use the bakers act alone as any kind of reason.
He talked about the possibility of having Julie have unsupervised visits only when I deem it appropriate. I know that will be really hard because there are many times when Julie is slurring and she SWEARS that she is okay. This is going to put me in the role of being the 'bad guy'... and I totally HATE that. But if it's the only way this can happen for her, and what the court wants... of course I'd do it.
He explained to me that the courts view me - as the permanent guardian - the "parent". And that they usually take the views of the "parent" in these cases. I explained that I honestly didn't know what was best. I think that when she IS well, she's okay to take them for certain things. But at the same time still doesn't always think things through completely... so I don't know. I explained EVERYTHING to him and think that he really got the way I feel.
Other news: Jonathan tried out for the talent show at Gaither. He played a song he wrote on the piano... and then his quartet sang a song called "Moondance". He made the talent show for BOTH things! Amazing... he is SO TALENTED!
I have to run as I'm really not feeling all that well. I want to leave you with something I heard on... of all places... the Ellen Degeneres show. A Doctor who is apparently really well known came on to share some new year resolutions with everyone and he said the most profound thing that I loved - I had to write it down.
Live The Questions:
Focus less on consumption and more on relationships.
What do I find important?
Who am I?
What do I want?
How can I be a good friend?
What gives me meaning and purpose?
What are the things I look for in a relationship?
Live the questions and you won't need to worry about the answers.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Today
Today might be the lowest I've felt in the three years since the kids moved in. I feel sad. I feel beaten. I feel like there is no hope for some things.
It's a long story about last night... and I'm not going to blog about it now. I want to because I want to explain how I'm feeling, but I'll try without getting into last night.
First of all, I got a blog comment from my daughter. She didn't understand that the last blog was really about more than the kids not going to bed when "I" tell them to. There are many reasons for the 10 PM bedtime - the most important being that they have school the next morning. But it wasn't about the 'time'... it was about how they don't listen to me. About them trying to justify somehow and to some extent talking back. All of THAT is the underlying problem. So... I don't think the appropriate motherly thing for me to do is 'relax'.
Chris is gone... and I am a horribly leniant disciplianarian. Something happened yesterday and I punished one of the kids - wait... I'm going to get into what happened and I said I wasn't going to do that. Sigh.....
I feel horrible today. I feel weak and beaten. I am up before 9 on a Saturday because I have to go into work this morning so they can finish installing the carpet in the office. What I want to do is go back to bed and cry the rest of the day.
Please say a prayer for me. Thanks.
It's a long story about last night... and I'm not going to blog about it now. I want to because I want to explain how I'm feeling, but I'll try without getting into last night.
First of all, I got a blog comment from my daughter. She didn't understand that the last blog was really about more than the kids not going to bed when "I" tell them to. There are many reasons for the 10 PM bedtime - the most important being that they have school the next morning. But it wasn't about the 'time'... it was about how they don't listen to me. About them trying to justify somehow and to some extent talking back. All of THAT is the underlying problem. So... I don't think the appropriate motherly thing for me to do is 'relax'.
Chris is gone... and I am a horribly leniant disciplianarian. Something happened yesterday and I punished one of the kids - wait... I'm going to get into what happened and I said I wasn't going to do that. Sigh.....
I feel horrible today. I feel weak and beaten. I am up before 9 on a Saturday because I have to go into work this morning so they can finish installing the carpet in the office. What I want to do is go back to bed and cry the rest of the day.
Please say a prayer for me. Thanks.
Thursday, January 08, 2009
Bedtime Struggles - Yet Again!
Yes... it's back-to-school time after the long (and I mean REALLY long) Christmas break - which means the kids have set bedtimes again. Of course, they hate having a bedtime so they give me a hard time about it - which means I get to vent about it here. :o)
Chris has been gone all week, which leaves me home to take care of everything that needs to be done after work. Last night I took Justin to physical therapy, dropped Kayte off at work, went home to start dinner, left again to pick up Justin, home to continue cooking dinner, Church to pick up Kayte from work, then home to eat... all between 5:30 and 8:00. Fun stuff....
First of all... I absolutely hate being responsible for getting Kayte to work 3 - 4 times a week. I know that might sound awful... but... I do. We didn't take Kayla to work this much - why Kayte? Kayla didn't mind walking to work when she needed to. Kayte's job at the church is 1.7 miles from our house... she totally could walk this or ride a bike. But she said... if we make her do so - she will just quit. Sigh.... Last night she told me that she has training at work on Friday from 6 - 9.... so any plans I had for the evening are now out of the question - unless I make her find some other way to get to work. I hate doing that because then she asks the mom of her friend Michelle, who lives quite a distance from our house and the church. This mom always takes Kayte when she asks... Kayte told me last night that her mom 'doesn't mind driving all the time for her'. Well... EVERYONE minds spending a lot of money on gas nowadays, don't they? I think what I'll do is... when she turns 16 in June tell her she must find another job within walking distance of the house so she can get there herself.
So... the bedtime stuff....
Remember the bedtime rule now? 9:30 they turn off all electronics and get ready for bed (which seems to take them forever), then at 10 they are to be IN bed.
Well, at 9:30 I tell the kids to get off the computer and off the video games. Kayla was on the computer and Justin was on the video game. I went back to check on them just before 10 and they were both still on. I told them to get off and get up to bed. Justin was 'just finishing' a game. Kayla got off and went upstairs. At a little after 10:05 I go in there and Justin is STILL on the video game. He tells me that he's in the middle of a football game and can't get off. I said not to start a game so late... he said he started it at 9:00 or so. I told him I didn't care and he needed to get off. He again said 'just a minute'.
I then went into the computer room and rebooted the router. Of course, this booted him from his game right away and he was none-to-happy, let me tell ya. Oh well....
I then went upstairs at 11 to go to bed myself and I can hear Justin talking and I see their bedroom light on. I go in there and Kayte is putting on pajamas and Justin is sitting on his bed, which is still completely made up.
I of course 'went off' on both of them. Kayte says, in her sweet yet attorney voice "but I had to put my pajamas on!". I told her she SHOULD have done so over an HOUR ago. Justin tells me "Auntie Tina, I AM in bed!" I looked at him... sitting there fully dressed, ice pack on his knee, sitting UP in bed. I told him that "in bed" meant like he was going to sleep.
I asked these two why I ALWAYS have to come in there and talk to them. They are always talking, washing their faces, putting on pj's, sorting clothes, etc - after bedtime. LONG after bedtime. Perhaps we needed to separate them. (They HATED hearing this) I told them we could always turn the downstairs game room back into a bedroom like it was for Grandpa and Justin could sleep down there.
Again Justin tells me that he's okay because he "is in bed". I looked at him and said "can you sleep like that?" He looks at me confused and said that he guesses so. I told him - fine... sit up all night long and sleep in THAT position. Do NOT lay down! If this was what "in bed" looked like... I wanted to SEE him sleep like that.
Sigh..............
Oh, and Julie called last night and is getting out of the hospital on Friday. She thought it was completely wrong for me or mom to be worried about her the other day... saying that she should be able to go somewhere for a while and us not have to check up on her all the time. Whatever... she should be happy that she has family that loves and cares about her.
I'm supposed to be going to Choir tonight, but Kayla keeps messing up my night. She wanted to have her boyfriend come over tonight... so I planned a roast. I got it all ready to go this morning and it's in a pan waiting to be cooked now. Then she called and told me that I never told her it was okay for him to come over - which is wrong, we had a long conversation about it... I would cook dinner, she would make brownies... etc. Okay - I figure we'll just have the roast without him. But she asks if her friend Jessica can come over and eat with us. I tell her that's fine... we'll have plenty anyways.... dinner would be ready about 7:00 or or 7:30 I figure. I hang up the phone with her and literally 2 minutes later I get a text message - she now wants to go to the school basketball game tonight. No, I didn't plan my night around you. Twice. Cancel choir... started cooking this morning.
Kids.... make me crazy sometimes.
Now... Jonathan is at school for quartet practice and I have to pick him up after work. At 5:30 he has piano practice. I need to continue working on dinner, and then figure out what I'm going to do about Kayla. Pick Jono up at 6. Hopefully dinner will be ready by 7 or 7:30 if I can get my act together quickly enough.
Oie.
Hurry home Chris! :o)
I should run.... need to finish up some stuff before I dive into my evening. Thanks for listening to my ranting today!
That which does not kill you makes you stronger. - Neitzsche
Chris has been gone all week, which leaves me home to take care of everything that needs to be done after work. Last night I took Justin to physical therapy, dropped Kayte off at work, went home to start dinner, left again to pick up Justin, home to continue cooking dinner, Church to pick up Kayte from work, then home to eat... all between 5:30 and 8:00. Fun stuff....
First of all... I absolutely hate being responsible for getting Kayte to work 3 - 4 times a week. I know that might sound awful... but... I do. We didn't take Kayla to work this much - why Kayte? Kayla didn't mind walking to work when she needed to. Kayte's job at the church is 1.7 miles from our house... she totally could walk this or ride a bike. But she said... if we make her do so - she will just quit. Sigh.... Last night she told me that she has training at work on Friday from 6 - 9.... so any plans I had for the evening are now out of the question - unless I make her find some other way to get to work. I hate doing that because then she asks the mom of her friend Michelle, who lives quite a distance from our house and the church. This mom always takes Kayte when she asks... Kayte told me last night that her mom 'doesn't mind driving all the time for her'. Well... EVERYONE minds spending a lot of money on gas nowadays, don't they? I think what I'll do is... when she turns 16 in June tell her she must find another job within walking distance of the house so she can get there herself.
So... the bedtime stuff....
Remember the bedtime rule now? 9:30 they turn off all electronics and get ready for bed (which seems to take them forever), then at 10 they are to be IN bed.
Well, at 9:30 I tell the kids to get off the computer and off the video games. Kayla was on the computer and Justin was on the video game. I went back to check on them just before 10 and they were both still on. I told them to get off and get up to bed. Justin was 'just finishing' a game. Kayla got off and went upstairs. At a little after 10:05 I go in there and Justin is STILL on the video game. He tells me that he's in the middle of a football game and can't get off. I said not to start a game so late... he said he started it at 9:00 or so. I told him I didn't care and he needed to get off. He again said 'just a minute'.
I then went into the computer room and rebooted the router. Of course, this booted him from his game right away and he was none-to-happy, let me tell ya. Oh well....
I then went upstairs at 11 to go to bed myself and I can hear Justin talking and I see their bedroom light on. I go in there and Kayte is putting on pajamas and Justin is sitting on his bed, which is still completely made up.
I of course 'went off' on both of them. Kayte says, in her sweet yet attorney voice "but I had to put my pajamas on!". I told her she SHOULD have done so over an HOUR ago. Justin tells me "Auntie Tina, I AM in bed!" I looked at him... sitting there fully dressed, ice pack on his knee, sitting UP in bed. I told him that "in bed" meant like he was going to sleep.
I asked these two why I ALWAYS have to come in there and talk to them. They are always talking, washing their faces, putting on pj's, sorting clothes, etc - after bedtime. LONG after bedtime. Perhaps we needed to separate them. (They HATED hearing this) I told them we could always turn the downstairs game room back into a bedroom like it was for Grandpa and Justin could sleep down there.
Again Justin tells me that he's okay because he "is in bed". I looked at him and said "can you sleep like that?" He looks at me confused and said that he guesses so. I told him - fine... sit up all night long and sleep in THAT position. Do NOT lay down! If this was what "in bed" looked like... I wanted to SEE him sleep like that.
Sigh..............
Oh, and Julie called last night and is getting out of the hospital on Friday. She thought it was completely wrong for me or mom to be worried about her the other day... saying that she should be able to go somewhere for a while and us not have to check up on her all the time. Whatever... she should be happy that she has family that loves and cares about her.
I'm supposed to be going to Choir tonight, but Kayla keeps messing up my night. She wanted to have her boyfriend come over tonight... so I planned a roast. I got it all ready to go this morning and it's in a pan waiting to be cooked now. Then she called and told me that I never told her it was okay for him to come over - which is wrong, we had a long conversation about it... I would cook dinner, she would make brownies... etc. Okay - I figure we'll just have the roast without him. But she asks if her friend Jessica can come over and eat with us. I tell her that's fine... we'll have plenty anyways.... dinner would be ready about 7:00 or or 7:30 I figure. I hang up the phone with her and literally 2 minutes later I get a text message - she now wants to go to the school basketball game tonight. No, I didn't plan my night around you. Twice. Cancel choir... started cooking this morning.
Kids.... make me crazy sometimes.
Now... Jonathan is at school for quartet practice and I have to pick him up after work. At 5:30 he has piano practice. I need to continue working on dinner, and then figure out what I'm going to do about Kayla. Pick Jono up at 6. Hopefully dinner will be ready by 7 or 7:30 if I can get my act together quickly enough.
Oie.
Hurry home Chris! :o)
I should run.... need to finish up some stuff before I dive into my evening. Thanks for listening to my ranting today!
That which does not kill you makes you stronger. - Neitzsche
Tuesday, January 06, 2009
Quick Update
I'm headed out to chorus in a few minutes... but I did want to try to get in a quick post.
Julie is in the hospital and didn't want anyone to know.
I hadn't heard from her since yesterday afternoon. Julie and I had actually had a bit of an argument. She called me and told me that we should really talk about what's going to happen in court about the unsupervised visits so we could get on the same page. I agree with that, and in many aspects: I liked what she said. She talked about how she didn't want to just be able to take them 'whenever' but rather, on Sundays if she wanted to go to the mall with them... she could. I like that idea to some extent, but again - only if she is in a good condition to do so. I was working and both bosses were in the office (our first day back at work after being off for nearly 2 weeks... so we were rather busy). I told Julie I really couldn't talk much about it now and said something about the courts would, I'm sure, do what's best. This I think got her a bit upset.
She then started telling me "Tina, there are things that I'M SURE you wouldn't want to come up in court."
What?????
She continued on with telling me that it 'could come out' that I got drunk the other night. Saturday night we had a family get together at the beach. Chris and I rented a room so that - if we did drink... we did not drive. I had wine... actually no more than I would usually have at an all-day event - but I didn't eat much. I had two small hot dogs for an early dinner with a very small amount of chips... and I think it just wasn't enough in my tummy. ANYWAYS... she's thinking I wouldn't want them to know I drank.
Whatever.... I told her that I would be happy to tell them myself. I have nothing to hide.
Then she said "well, you wouldn't want them to know that you allowed me to take the kids when you weren't supposed to". I can't even believe she had the balls to say it - let alone that she would try to use that AGAINST me.
I told her that I had no problems telling them all about it. While we were at it... we could talk about how those visits went. How DARE SHE try to do that to me!!
I was livid. She actually tried to blackmail me? WHAT??? I told her we could talk about it later that night, after 6:30 as Justin had physical therapy that I had to bring him to.
Mom called me last night and told me she was worried about her. She hadn't heard from her yet (nor had I) and that her cell phone was going right to voice mail. Mom thought she had gone into a hospital, checked herself into a mental unit.
To say the next few hours were upsetting would be an understatement. I went to bed wondering if my sister was unconscious on her bedroom floor due to an overdose. Or maybe she did go to a hospital. I didn't know.... I didn't sleep much.
Today I thought - if we can't find her by late this afternoon, we'll call the police and file a missing person's report. They'll find her that way, I'm sure. Well, we found out that she IS in a hospital. She had told mom "If I do go into a hospital, I'm not going to tell anyone", and sure as heck - she didn't. As a result we were all worried sick.
The funny thing is... I'm not really angry with her about this. I'm actually HAPPY that she went into a hospital because she felt she needed it. I'm just upset that she did it and purposely didn't tell anyone. I am still angry, however, about her phone call to me yesterday afternoon.
I believe now that mom, my sister Katie and I are all on the same page now as far as unsupervised visits. We all realize that Julie is not the best judge of when she's 'okay' or 'not okay'. Someone else has to be able to tell her 'no' if she calls slurring and wants to pick up the kids. The only one who doesn't realize it is Julie.
She's probably really upset because she did so good for so long.... but as I've said before, she will always have mental problems, and will always be an addict. She will have GOOD days, and she will have BAD days. I want nothing more than for Julie's 'good days' to be spent with her kids. Someone just has to tell us how to make that happen.
I should really run... I've got to get dressed for chorus. I suppose at some point while I'm back I'll go all grungy and stuff... but for now... I enjoy getting dressed nice and putting on make up to hang out with the girls all night.
Please everyone... say a prayer for Julie. Thanks!
Julie is in the hospital and didn't want anyone to know.
I hadn't heard from her since yesterday afternoon. Julie and I had actually had a bit of an argument. She called me and told me that we should really talk about what's going to happen in court about the unsupervised visits so we could get on the same page. I agree with that, and in many aspects: I liked what she said. She talked about how she didn't want to just be able to take them 'whenever' but rather, on Sundays if she wanted to go to the mall with them... she could. I like that idea to some extent, but again - only if she is in a good condition to do so. I was working and both bosses were in the office (our first day back at work after being off for nearly 2 weeks... so we were rather busy). I told Julie I really couldn't talk much about it now and said something about the courts would, I'm sure, do what's best. This I think got her a bit upset.
She then started telling me "Tina, there are things that I'M SURE you wouldn't want to come up in court."
What?????
She continued on with telling me that it 'could come out' that I got drunk the other night. Saturday night we had a family get together at the beach. Chris and I rented a room so that - if we did drink... we did not drive. I had wine... actually no more than I would usually have at an all-day event - but I didn't eat much. I had two small hot dogs for an early dinner with a very small amount of chips... and I think it just wasn't enough in my tummy. ANYWAYS... she's thinking I wouldn't want them to know I drank.
Whatever.... I told her that I would be happy to tell them myself. I have nothing to hide.
Then she said "well, you wouldn't want them to know that you allowed me to take the kids when you weren't supposed to". I can't even believe she had the balls to say it - let alone that she would try to use that AGAINST me.
I told her that I had no problems telling them all about it. While we were at it... we could talk about how those visits went. How DARE SHE try to do that to me!!
I was livid. She actually tried to blackmail me? WHAT??? I told her we could talk about it later that night, after 6:30 as Justin had physical therapy that I had to bring him to.
Mom called me last night and told me she was worried about her. She hadn't heard from her yet (nor had I) and that her cell phone was going right to voice mail. Mom thought she had gone into a hospital, checked herself into a mental unit.
To say the next few hours were upsetting would be an understatement. I went to bed wondering if my sister was unconscious on her bedroom floor due to an overdose. Or maybe she did go to a hospital. I didn't know.... I didn't sleep much.
Today I thought - if we can't find her by late this afternoon, we'll call the police and file a missing person's report. They'll find her that way, I'm sure. Well, we found out that she IS in a hospital. She had told mom "If I do go into a hospital, I'm not going to tell anyone", and sure as heck - she didn't. As a result we were all worried sick.
The funny thing is... I'm not really angry with her about this. I'm actually HAPPY that she went into a hospital because she felt she needed it. I'm just upset that she did it and purposely didn't tell anyone. I am still angry, however, about her phone call to me yesterday afternoon.
I believe now that mom, my sister Katie and I are all on the same page now as far as unsupervised visits. We all realize that Julie is not the best judge of when she's 'okay' or 'not okay'. Someone else has to be able to tell her 'no' if she calls slurring and wants to pick up the kids. The only one who doesn't realize it is Julie.
She's probably really upset because she did so good for so long.... but as I've said before, she will always have mental problems, and will always be an addict. She will have GOOD days, and she will have BAD days. I want nothing more than for Julie's 'good days' to be spent with her kids. Someone just has to tell us how to make that happen.
I should really run... I've got to get dressed for chorus. I suppose at some point while I'm back I'll go all grungy and stuff... but for now... I enjoy getting dressed nice and putting on make up to hang out with the girls all night.
Please everyone... say a prayer for Julie. Thanks!
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Nuts For Christmas
I've been so busy I honestly haven't had time to blog. There is so much going on... I'll fill you in on the big things.
First things first: to those who get emails when I post a blog: Please know that it is NOT working very well right now. I've noticed I post blogs and then I don't get the email telling me a new one is posted. If any of you have a better application I could use instead of the Feedblitz, please let me know and I'll be happy to try it.
My boss decided to give me the $10,000 per year pay cut, but I told him I wanted my hours cut 20% as well. He wanted me to sign something saying that I would stay until April - but with that he would give me a larger year-end bonus. I disagreed with that, telling him that any year-end bonus I get is what I earned and should NOT be tied to the time that I work in 2009. We agreed that I wouldn't have to sign anything, but the bonus will be significantly less. This gives me the freedom to continue to look for a job now, without having to promise him I'd stay until April. If the 'perfect' job comes up in March, I'm able to take it.
Cutting our living expenses over $800 a month will be extremely difficult. Eating out and getting my nails done are things we are going to have to cut out for a while. We'll go from there and see what else we can cut. It's going to hurt - sure - but given the economy, I'm just going to have to do what I can.
The house here has been busy with kids anticipating Christmas and doing their own shopping. Kayte and Kayla both have jobs so they have been out buying their own presents. We decorated for Christmas and got a small Christmas tree for the living room. We got one small enough this year so that we didn't need to move any furniture.
The kids are doing pretty well. With the exception of Jonathan and his grades in school. He is going to actually make an F on this report card. Frustrating. Additionally, Kayla will have at least one D on hers. Neither of them seem to care much about their grades - unlike Kayte and Justin who care a great deal about what they make in school.
Oh - here's a great story. Remember the girl who was having letters sent to our house? Her boyfriend was in a court-ordered rehab facility and he didn't want the girlfriend's mom finding the letters, so he had them sent to OUR house? Well, one Sunday night about a week and a half ago, the doorbell rings. It's a woman about my age, and her son who is 22. Apparently this girlfriend had run away from home and the last place she was seen was MY house, as the brother dropped her off here on Saturday morning.
When I found out who she was, I asked her if she knew where her daughter's boyfriend was. Now... I knew that he was locked up in the facility, that he was going to get out on weekends, and that their 'cover story' that they were going to tell her mom was that he was in New York (so that the mom didn't know where he really was). She responded with "He's in New York" and then asked why I asked. I took a deep breath, walked outside (where she was) shut the door behind me, and began to tell her all I knew about the letters, her daughter and her daughter's boyfriend.
She was at our house for a good hour I'd say. We discovered that the boyfriend HAD been in town, but had to go back to the facility on Sunday afternoon. We tried to find out where she was, but none of her friends were helpful at all. We finally told her that, since her daughter had been missing for more than 24 hours, she should call the police and report her. It was about this time Julie made her way downstairs and asked me if I was still cooking dinner and if so, when it would be ready. I laughed at her immaturity and felt a little sad that she could not empathize with this mom at all. I mean... I'd never had a runaway child... but I can at least show some empathy towards her in the midst of her crisis.
They ended up finding her later that night over a friend's house. I did, indeed, make dinner after the mom left.... in case you were wondering. LOL
Other news is Julie. She reads these blogs and I know she's going to be upset... but here goes.
She has been good for a while - since February, her last severe overdose. Julie decided to get some surgery done on her hand. She was having some numbness in two of her fingers, so she went to a doctor who told her at her first visit she needed surgery. I don't get that and I know I've blogged about my feelings on the whole thing: no second opinion, no trial of other things prior to surgery - but whatever. Julie decided to do it just before Christmas.
Mom tried to talk her out of it - explaining that she would lose her job and would get pain medicine over Christmas. For a person who lost her husband, lost custody of her children, is mentally ill (bipolar with borderline personality disorder), who is a cutter and who often overdoses on whatever she can get her hands on.... to start pain pills and have surgery over Christmas seemed like horrible timing. Myself and my other sister felt that Julie probably just... 'needed' to go to the hospital. It's hard to explain but - if you go to the hospital and get medical treatment that often... sometimes it feels like it's 'needed'. I saw it often when I worked in the medical field.
Julie's visits have been really good in the recent past. Then, after the surgery, she started acting a bit odd. Her first visit was.... well.... funny. She was EXTREMELY loving - planting a big wet kiss on me and telling me how much she loves me while hugging me hard. She was talkative and even a little outgoing. Like I said - it was funny - and yet I was thrilled that she wasn't slurring so badly that we couldn't understand her - a giant fear which I had when I knew she was going in for surgery and being discharged with medication. But, Julie said that she asked them NOT to give her Percocet because she knew she 'liked it' too much and would abuse it - they gave her Vicoden instead. That's really good.
On Wednesday night we had a family get-together at my house with Julie, Katie and family, Amanda and Gene, Michelle, Evie, Jimmie and Danny. At last year's get together of the same group - Julie showed up bleeding with over 50 self-inflicted gashes across her stomach. (Not to even mention the ones on her arms) I have to admit, I thought about that a LOT and was hoping and praying that this year would be better.
Julie showed up that evening, and the first thing she did was chastise me for telling mom she was 'loopy' at her last visit. Well.... she WAS... but I explained to her how I felt she was so much different in this 'loopy' versus the other pain pills. As she spoke to me, she was slurring her words badly, and getting progressively worse. Before long, she was COMPLETELY out of it.
By the time Amanda and Gene arrived, Julie was sitting on the sofa, yelling simple words which made no sense. She's yell for Gene, multiple times, then not have anything to say... stumbling over words that made no sense when put together.
We kept asking her what she took... and how much she took... not knowing if she had overdosed - but she SURE was on something. She kept saying that she "only took one pill". Everyone in the house (which was everyone who was coming at this point) knew she was lying. I'd seen her several times after taking one Vicoden... this was NOTHING like that. She became agitated when everyone kept asking how much she took... and her kids (Kayla, Justin and Kayte) were getting VERY upset. They hadn't seen their mom this bad in a very long time.
My sister Katie took charge and told Julie that she was NOT going to ruin this Christmas party for everyone else and that Julie was going to bed. At first Julie refused, trying to say she was "fine"... but Katie insisted and told her to get upstairs and 'sleep it off'. As Julie got up from the sofa it was apparent that she was now unable to even walk on her own (she went downhill very quickly) -and so Katie and Chris both helped Julie upstairs. She almost fell down the stairs once, but Chris guided her and helped her keep her balance.
The next few hours were wonderful - spending time with my mother and father in law... Danny... Gene (who I rarely get to see because he works so much) and Amanda. Michelle who has become like a second mother to the kids. Katie and her kids looked fantastic and having the little kids in the house made the whole evening energized. There really is nothing like watching kids at the age of 5 and 1 rip open presents, happy with whatever is packed inside... heck, sometimes just thrilled to see a box!
We had tried to wake Julie up for the presents being opened, but she just wouldn't wake up. Three or four hours later, she made her way downstairs. I fully expected that she had slept off much of whatever she took, but she didn't - she was still EXTREMELY bad. Watching her try to look at photos taken on the camera... she'd hold up the camera to look at it, then her head would fall back and she'd fall asleep sitting up and she'd drop the camera. Then she'd repeat the same thing a dozen times or so. I kept asking her what she had taken. Finally she admitted that she had taken an extra strength Soma along with the pain pill. She claimed her surgeon gave her both.
Why would the surgeon give a very powerful muscle relaxer? That didn't make sense. Additionally... if she thought enough to tell him she can't have Percocet (she didn't tell HIM why, just told him she didn't want the Percocet) - then why did she take the Soma when she knows that she gets equally addicted to that pill? I told her that I felt we should call the doctor because -- perhaps she was having some kind of allergic reaction. The whole time I said this... I knew it wasn't a reaction -- everyone knew she had taken too much of something, and it sure as heck wasn't one or even two pills.
Her kids were now extremely agitated... Kayla wanting to call 911, Justin and Kayte not wanting to look at her. At one point, with Julie sitting on the sofa and the three kids there, Justin said "maybe she really did just take one pill and she's just tired". Everyone looked at him... and I looked that poor baby in the eye and said "Justin... look at her. Do you honestly believe she's 'just tired'?" Of course, he said no. But in that poor boy's heart he wanted so badly to believe it.
Julie kept wanting to leave and I knew I couldn't let her drive in her condition. I was going to let her sleep over, but the kids wanted no part of that - and I was going to respect their wishes. My options were to call 911 and have her evaluated - or to drive her home. Chris, Michelle and I decided to drive her home.
I have to admit that at one point I thought: if Julie had unsupervised visits, and she was in THIS condition... would she drive the kids somewhere? I thought about video taping her in this condition to show the court, or heck - to even show Julie later, what she looked like in this horrible condition. But I decided out of love and respect not to do that.
The next day Julie was calling and apologizing. She texted the kids multiple times asking for forgiveness. I think all of us were thinking the same thing: WHY would you do this before a party? The kids and I are in different places about the incident: the kids were mad, I try to be compassionate as I understand it's part of her mental illness - and to some degree, she can't control some of the things she does.
Julie later admitted that the hand surgeon is not the one who gave her the Soma - which just means that she's getting medication from multiple doctors and taking them how she sees fit. Not good... and I hope and pray that she's learned from it.
Christmas day Julie came over again. This time she didn't take ANYTHING but Advil or something like that for pain. She was a completely different person. My mom came over and -- heck -- at one point Julie got up and was doing karaoke with us! Too funny.
Our Christmas, none-the-less, was wonderful. We spent time together, shared the good times with our family and loved ones, and even though at times there was drama, everything worked out in the end.
I do hope that all of you had a blessed Christmas and that you kept in mind the entire time the REAL meaning of Christmas. The birth of our savior, Jesus Christ. One of my favorite Christmas decorations in my house is the "Kneeling Santa". It brings both worlds together, with Santa, hat in hands, kneeling over the baby Jesus in a straw bed. It reminds me so often of the true meaning of Christmas.
KNEELING SANTA PRAYER
The sleigh was was all packed, the reindeer were fed,
But Santa still knelt by the side of his bed,
"Dear Father, " he prayed, "Be with me tonight.
There's much work to do and my schedule is tight.
My sack will hold toys to grant all kids' wishes.
The supply will be endless like the loaves and the fishes.
I can do all these things, Lord, only through You.
I just need your blessing, then it's easy to do.
I do this only to honor the birth of the One,
That was sent to redeem us, Your most Holy Son.
So to all of my friends, lest Your glory I rob,
Please, Lord, remind them who gave me this job.
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