Tina's Daily Blog: Off The Ventilator

Saturday, April 14, 2007

Off The Ventilator

Good news! Julie is OFF the ventilator! They took her off yesterday, and the kids and I went up to see her last night. She looked tired, but a heck of a lot better than she has the past few days. She's still having quite a problem breathing... but I'm told that's to be expected. If all goes well, they are going to move her out of ICU tomorrow and into a regular room.

I'm still hopeful she can get into TGH though. I think she needs a total psychological workup before she's sent home again. I also think that she needs to have another doctor look at her condition and prescribe her medications appropriately... not give her 20+ prescriptions to take home. I should mention that she has been off all psychiatric medications this whole time. She'll need to be put back on them then watched as they monitor her and adjust her dosage to make sure it's 'right' for her. This should be done at a psychiatric wing of a hospital (in my opinion).

A sad story is that Friday, after they took her off the vent, Julie was exhausted and sore - as well as icky and in need of a good washing. Her hair was all icky from the stuff they put her on when they did a brain wave test and she was just generally grungy from all the equipment and tape and stuff. A nurse's aid brought Julie a set-up to wash up with. Shampoo, soap, lotion, etc. After she set it all up, she started to leave. Julie said (in a whisper) "aren't you going to help me?" The aid turned and said to her "Is there something wrong with your hands?" I'm telling you, I HATE this hospital. Hate hate hate. I want her out of there and into good hands - the sooner the better.

Mom has been a trooper since this whole thing with Julie started. She's been up there ALL the time; morning noon and night - whereas I've just been going up after work and when the kids are together and all want to go up. Julie said something to me last night and mom asked me about it today... and I'm not sure how I feel about it. I know and completely agree that Julie did not overdose on purpose. However, I do not believe she had been taking her medications exactly as directed. As I stated a few days ago... when she got to the hospital and a pill count was done, there was some stuff that had too many pills gone. Not a ton, but probably an extra dose taken here and there. I don't believe that Julie was taking only medication that she needed and only exactly the amount as prescribed. (example of 'needed' is Flexaril, a muscle relaxer, doesn't need to be taken around the clock, but I'm betting she was taking it daily if not several time a day). Anyways... I believe that Julie's medical breakdown - her body basically 'giving up on her' - was because she was on massive amounts of prescriptions taken too many times a day. I do realize that she took her morning dose close (if not with) her afternoon dose that day... and perhaps that was her ONLY mistake that day. But I truly believe that he blood stream just had too much prescriptions in it for the body to deal with.

And, I don't blame Julie for this really. I warned the hospital when they tried to discharge her when her insurance ran out... I warned them that 1) she was on too many medications 2) she hadn't learned to deal with things without medication yet and 3) she wasn't compliant with her medications to the degree that they could send her home with massive quantities and her be 'safe'. And... this - in my opinion - is not Julie's fault. I believe Julie is mentally incompetent when it comes to her medical care. What I meant by #2 here is that... when Julie's back hurts when she sleeps wrong, it doesn't occur to her to sleep with a pillow or some other adjustment... she thinks there has to be a pill to make it better. When she's stressed, she doesn't think of things to do to relieve the stress, she thinks about what pill she can take to ease the stress. As I said earlier (while she was still in the mental ward) - I believe that Julie needs to be completely retrained on how to deal with this kind of thing. And sending her home without it was negligent, in my opinion.

But then again... the hospital knew all of this. I went through that whole "it's been 12 days since she was declared mentally incompetent, and NOW you think she's fixed?" thing... and the whole damn thing makes NO SENSE what-so-ever.

This damn system keeps failing. Over and over. And it's driving me nuts.

One of the things that they talked about at the mental ward, and has again come up, was Julie going to an assisted living facility. No doubt Julie would HATE that. But... mom, Katie and I have been talking about how to help Julie control her medications when she gets out this time. I don't think we can send her home with a dozen bottles of 100 pills each. I think we need to fill up a weekly pill container and send her home with that. If she takes too much, she'll run out early and won't have any for the end of the week. I hope that will at least HELP. Course, she can always then start doctor shopping again. But - at least we can feel like we are doing something to help.

As to all of us here at the Rhocchini family, we are holding up okay. I went to Sam's today for groceries... and didn't buy ANY meat yet. Spent $411. It's simply AMAZING to me every single time I go.

I'm DIGGING having the rental van to drive around in. It's a 2007 Toyota Sienna... and it's WONDERFUL. Big enough for all of us and drives well. I LOVE it. Course it's a 30 thousand dollar vehicle. That's an insane amount for a car. For a while we were unsure what Geico was going to do about our Durango... total it or fix it. If they totaled it, it would have been good and bad. Good because we'd be forced to get another vehicle (the transmission is still going so we know it doesn't have a lot of time left) - but bad because we are only 6 payments away from having NO car payments. If we had to get another car, we'd have to finance again for another 3-5 years. ICK ICK ICK. Plus my credit is in the crapper - when the kids moved in I got behind with the mortgage. Never more than a month, but it KILLED my credit rating which would kill us when it came to financing. Course if Geico just fixed the Durango it'd be good and bad as well. Good because we're still only 6 payments from being car-payment free. Bad because we still have to deal with the transmission. But Geico told us on Friday that they are going to fix it. Don't know how long it's going to take... they can take their sweet time... I'm LOVING the rental!! :o)

I better run... have to go make dinner for the family. Please continue to keep Julie in your thoughts and prayers.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...: Yeah for Julie being off the vent and breathing on her own, that' so great. I really hope the transfer to TGH happens for her quickly. Sounds like she really needs out of St. Pete.

Glad the claim is progressing with Geico, bet that van is a nice change, huh?

HOLY SHAMOLY! $411 and no meat??? WOW--What are you feeding all those kids? :) :) Certainly hope that lasts til next month???

Can't wait to see you guys and hear ya on Praise Team...see ya soon!

Keeping all of you in my prayers,

Michelle; 11:56 AM

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In A Nutshell:

Here is a letter I sent to Dr. Phil which really sums everything up:
I am married to my high-school sweetheart (20 years this August), with two wonderful children (Amanda who is 20 and Jonathan who is 13). I have two sisters, both younger – I call them “my good sister” and “my bad sister”. My good sister is – well, good! Normal in every way. The bad one, Julie, has been in trouble since she was a kid. As a baby she cried all of the time. As a teenager she was in trouble all of the time. At the age of 14 or so I remember that she had run away from home to live with a grown man in Atlanta. This was one of many run a ways. As a teenager, she provided sexual favors to boys in school, as well as teachers. As a young adult she was arrested for prostitution. She’s done drugs ranging from marijuana to crack. She was diagnosed early on as bi-polar with personality disorder. She’s also a serious cutter to the point where she no longer hid the cuts. She’s cut things like “Ronald Cecchinni” into her arm… and “Fuck you Dr. XXX” on her stomach, in large letters. Julie is also a diagnosed sex-addict. She’s also recently (in the past year) begun ‘huffing’. (I honestly believe that this huffing has caused some permanent damage) She is currently 36yo.
Julie lost her husband Ron a year and a half ago as a result of Leukemia and Kidney Disease which the military attributed to his serving in the Gulf War. He left behind three children – Kayla who is now 15, Justin who is now 14 and Kayte who is now 13. Even when Julie was married, her psychiatric problems persisted. She has been hospitalized literally hundreds of times over the years. However, when her husband was alive, he would take care of the kids when Julie was mentally out of control. After Ron died, Julie lost control of the kids and her life. She began to spiral out of control, having pot parties at her home (to the point where the kids said a door would open and a cloud of smoke would come bellowing out of the room), smoking weed with her own kids, having sex all over the house with different men all the time, allowing young men (19 yo) to sleep over with her oldest daughter (only 14 at the time), and allowing Gang members to live in her home (she said she felt ‘safe’ with them there). In addition, she was attempting suicide daily, overdosing on medications hoping to not wake up the next morning. Mind you all of this while she was seeing her Psychologist every week and Psychiatrist once a month. Both of these Doctors knew what was going on at home, neither of them reported it to the proper authorities. I have even been told by one of them that he was told, by Julie, that she ‘heard voices telling her to hurt the children’ but that she was proud that she could ignore the voices. Still, these Doctors reported nothing.
I should add here that it was at some point in this period of time in Julie’s life when her children began suicide watches over their mom… each one taking turns to sit in a room with her at all hours (night and day) because their mom was less-likely to hurt herself while they were here. However, it didn’t always work – Julie constantly took pills in front of them trying to either dope herself up or overdose, and she would even cut herself in front of the kids.
Finally one day, she woke up furious that her last suicide attempt didn’t work. She got violent with her oldest daughter, police were called, and finally DCF was called. (I would like to add that we (other family members) had called DCF in the past to report things, but some of the cases were ‘unfounded’ and one other time the fled the state knowing CF only had jurisdiction in Florida.) DCF removed the children from the home in November 2005 and I gained custody of the Children shortly thereafter.
There are lots of things I could add here about my sister, DCF, and the horrible Foster Care or Custodial Care program we are involved with. However, that is not my main reason for writing to you.
Kayte, the youngest, seems to be adjusting pretty well. She has a tendency to trivialize what her mom has done and the seriousness of it, but I think that is normal given that it is her mom. Kayte was in counseling, but she feels it’s ‘a waste of time’.
Justin, the middle child, is okay. As a young boy I'm told he was a terror. He used to hit his mother and at one point (only 6yo) tried to jump off a building to kill himself. Since then, his anger has turned in to an endless smothering of love and caring. He does everything for his mom… from getting her whatever she needs to rubbing her feet and back. Justin has seen a psychiatrist since moving in with me who felt that his issues were brought on by trauma. It was also at that visit with the psychiatrist that he confided in myself and the Doctor that he had suicidal thoughts often while living at home with his mom in her ‘state of being’ after his dad died. However, since he moved in with me he has done so much better (and continues to improve daily) that she didn’t feel he even needed counseling at this time. He would, however, need counseling before he was reunited with his mom.
Kayla, the oldest, has serious issues. She is also currently in counseling but feels that it is ‘a waste of time’. Kayla has always lied and stolen things. Family members feel sorry for her because you can tell that she doesn’t really mean any ill will by it, but it’s been ‘the way she is’ for a very long time. By far her biggest problems are lying and her need for approval by men (young and old).
Since the kids have moved in with us, my husband and I have set up rules. The kids already had myspace accounts, so we set ground rules for it. 1) We needed the login names and passwords. 2) Profiles must be set to private. 3) The only people they were allowed to have on their friends list was people that they actually knew. When Kayla’s list climbed over 300, and she was found to have inappropriate conversations (wanting to sneak out and ‘hook up’ with young men), we made everyone cut their list down to 30 friends, which included myself. 4) All vulgar language and inappropriate photos would come off immediately and would be monitored by myself at any given time. At times, they try to put up ‘sexy’ pictures which immediately need to come down.
However recently I have found that she has multiple website things going on in an attempt to pick up young men. I'll outline a few here so that you understand the gravity of the situation: 1) I found her 'normal' myspace account set to 'public view'. She has over 11,000 profile views(meaning people looking at her pictures and wanting to know more about her). I had reset it to private many times, but she keeps going back and resetting it to public. 2) I have found another myspace account which she went by the name 'Shannon' and used it to pick up young men, tease them, then later tell them that she was 'taken' but refer them to her 'cousin, Kayla'. She'd then give them all of Kayla's information. Of course thiswas also set to public. 3) I have found another social network website that was like myspace in which she had ONLY men (mostly from other states) as her 'friends' whom she corresponded with. The emails back and forth basically said the same thing as all of the others... more on that in #4 - only these were guys that not only did she not know, but they were not even in the area! 4) All accounts that I have found had basically the same thing... her emailing guys wanting to know if she was pretty, if they wanted to 'hook up', talking about going to their 'crib' or meeting up with them somewhere, and constantly seeking approval and affirmation from these guys.
I believe she gets this from her mom. And the sad thing is, if you met her, you would love her. She is truly a GREAT kid… but she has serious issues. I’ve described to you Julie’s behavior and Kayla’s seems to be the same way. Neither can make decisions on their own that are ‘the right thing to do’, and both lack the understanding of simple values, morals and ethics. I could go into so many examples. How do I describe the utterly amazing difference between Julie’s parenting style and my own?
I know... Both Julie and I have myspace accounts set up to ‘monitor’ the kids. To illustrate the difference between Julie and myself, here is something that Julie and I both put on our myspace accounts. You are supposed to put something 'about yourself' by your picture. Here is mine: "I'm 38 years old. I have two amazing kids, Amanda who is 20 and Jonathan who is 13. I have great husband, Chris. I love to sing - and have been singing in Toast of Tampa Show Chorus for 10 years. I'm raising my nieces and nephew (12, 13 and 14). I love God and my family."And here is Julie's: "I am who I am and if you dont like me for me........FUCK YOU........ Plus if you dont like me for me....... Im gunna tell my kids and there gunna kick yer ass!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Here’s the other dilemma we are having; the two girls are in counseling that is costing me $25 EACH in co-payments every time they go. The State of Florida provides NO financial support to me as a relative caregiver, other than providing the three kids with Medicaid. They received small SSI checks because of their dad’s death, but it barely covers the food they consume. The DCF worker, having spoke with the girls and being told that therapy is ‘a waste of time’, has referred me to a clinic that DCF uses for cases such as this to seek mental care for Kayla (aswell as the others). However, the kids have TriCare as their primary insurance because their dad died from Military causes. TriCare requires the co-payment, regardless of the Medicaid secondary. Having said that, please understand that I worked in referrals in a primary care physician’s office for 16 years… I totally ‘get’ what is required for primary and secondary insurances and all the red tape. But because of the uniqueness of this situation, the kids are suffering!
I should also point out here that I have the kids for an indefinite period of time. Right now Julie is doing things that she has been told to do to get the kids back. However, she is still awaiting a court ordered detailed Psychiatric exam to determine if she can EVER parent again. Even if that Psychiatrist feels she can parent again, she’ll most likely need to be ‘clean’ and ‘episode-free’ for 6 months to a year minimum. In addition, Julie is only allowed supervised visits and one phone call a day. This came about because of her inappropriate behavior when she was with the kids and because when she was allowed to call any time she’d call 10 + times a day.
The other problem with Julie ever getting her children back is that… she doesn’t understand what she did wrong. She parents as if she were 15-years old herself. If anyone has ever done something bad and been able to ‘keep’ their kids, she sees no reason she can’t do it. She brought her daughter at the age of 13 in for a HUGE tattoo on the small of her back. It’s Tigger flipping ‘the bird’ with her gang name under it. She was also planning on getting a large tattoo on her 12yo before the kids were taken. Again, she sees nothing wrong with any of her past behavior.
So, you see, I could have these children for the rest of their teenage years. I honestly don’t know where to turn to get them the help they need.
I feel as if I am in a psychiatric nightmare and I just can’t wake up. Eight months ago I was at home, my biggest ‘kid worry’ was if my son was going to get good grades on his report card. Now I find myself in a crux worried about whether or not the lessons I teach them, this late in their young life, are going to be enough to turn these kids around and help them to be productive adults in the near future.

Tina's Daily Blog

Saturday, April 14, 2007

Off The Ventilator

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