Suck The Life Right Out Of You

I'm better today and thought I should post since I was quite angry in my last blog.

I thought I'd tell you about a conversation I had with the kids last night. Chris was watching TV, Jono was on the computer. Kayte still out at her friends house. Kayla and Justin are out in the pool/hot tub/back porch. We'd not yet decided on what to do for dinner yet, but the frozen lasagna in the deep freeze seemed to be the best option for the night. Kayla's boyfriend was over as well, out back having a blast. I thought I'd go out back to relax and to spend some quality time with Kayla and Justin.

Now... Kayla and Justin know darn right well that we are eating what we HAVE for breakfast/lunch/dinner (i.e. not eating out). We've been saving for vacation, and things have been very tight the past few months.

Although I wanted to just sit by the plants out back and relax and spend time with the kids; Kayla and Justin had other ideas, apparently. The conversations went something like this:

Justin: Auntie Tina, let's have Pizza for dinner!
Tina: Justin , you know we can't do that. We're having Lasagna.
Justin: What about my baseball games the two weekends we are going to be at the beach? Can't you leave the beach and drive me to my game those days?
Tina: Justin, that's somewhere around 3 hours driving time - no. Plus it's on the day of check-in and check-out, so we'll be crazy busy.
Justin: But I don't want to miss my games.
Tina: Then you should have thought about that before you tried out for the team.
Justin: Can't we have pizza for dinner tonight?
Tina: NO!
Justin: I really don't like riding my bike to my friend's house for baseball practice. Can't you drive me?
Tina: Yes of course, but you'd have to be there at 5:15 or so, (practice starts at 5) which means you'll be a little bit late. I can't take you till I get out of work.
Justin: But then I have to do laps. I don't want to be late.
Tina: Then talk to your coach about why he schedules all of the practices at the exact time when most folks are just getting off work.
Justin: Forget it. Are you sure we can't have pizza?
**Kayla's boyfriend gets a text message about Chinese food**
Kayla: Auntie Tina! Can we have Chinese food for dinner?
Tina: You guys KNOW we can't do this! We're having what we have here!
Justin: So, I really have to miss my games while we are on vacation?
Kayla: What's for dinner?
Justin: I think it's pizza.

So much for quality time and relaxing, huh? Sometimes kids have a way of just sucking the life right out of you, don't they? Jeez!

Update on Julie... I'm told that they want to keep her for 6 months. This would be awesome because she's at the place where they keep you without insurance. Bad because it's state run, but good in that it won't cost her anything! Julie of course wants nothing to do with being there that long. She (of course) thinks she's just fine. They are going to have some kind of a court hearing thing tomorrow to decide if she can be kept for the 6 months. I wonder if they are going to try to do the bakers act like they did before (where they only let her out because her insurance ran out). Come to think of it, that's got to be what it is. I really hope she stays this time... the whole 6 months. Just give it a try for the simple reason that she hasn't tried it yet.

I'm still VERY upset with Julie, although am trying to refrain from 'punishing' her through any words or actions. She called the day after the big day and none of the kids were home. She said she was going to call Kayte on her cell. I said, "Julie, remember what I told you about not talking to the kids unless I talk to a mental health professional there who tells me that they think you are not going to upset or mentally damage the kids? Well, we still need for that to happen." She said "sir... can you please talk.... .... no?..... Okay. Tina, he doesn't want to talk to you." I respond "who??" She said: "The guy working at the desk. He won't talk to you." I said, "Julie, I really meant a mental health professional as in your psychiatrist and I didn't mean right this SECOND." She said, "I've got to go. I'm going to call Kayte." And she hung up.

I looked at Chris. He was fuming mad. We talked about it. It's not that I think she's going to 'hurt' them like she did the other day... I just want to prevent it from happening again. But I don't know how to do that. Because I don't know what else to do, she's been calling every day and talking to the kids. I watched Justin talking to her on Sunday. We were all outside in the pool having a great time. He was inside on the kitchen phone, in a chair, curled up in a blanket looking outside the sliding glass door at everyone else having a fund day, while he's inside talking to Julie for at least an hour. Poor kid. And it wasn't the only call of the day... he talked to her several times. I really think that he hurts her more than he helps her when he talks to her like that. And I don't know how to stop this.

I should tell you something funny. Funny to me anyways. When Julie got out of the hospital this last time (when she was cutting herself in front of everyone) -- she said they loved her there so much that they told her to come back in 6 months to apply for a job.

She says... this place, this mental hospital, will consider hiring you if you've not been 'inpatient' for longer than 6 months. I told her there was no WAY I thought a mental hospital would hire her given her mental history. She mentioned that they didn't need to know about all her other hospitalizations - just what she was in their hospital for. Them finding anything else would be 'illegal' or against her rights or something like that. She mentioned how good it would be to talk to patients and try to help them.

Can you IMAGINE?? You are depressed and get admitted to the hospital and the employee giving you advice has more mental illness than you do. She can tell you how to cut yourself so you don't kill yourself. How much medication to take without killing yourself. How to doctor/hospital shop to get medications you want. I simply can't imagine they'd hire her. She mentioned how well I thought she did when she lived in Maryland and she worked in the old folks home... and she did very well there. Painting fingernails. Brought her kids (very little at the time) in to sit with them. Brought her birds in for them. She did very well. But we're talking about a mental hospital. I just can't imagine.....

What else is new with us? Chris is working like CRAZY right now.

I wrote to the care minister at our church and asked for prayers for finances for us. Chris just started his own real business, and things got very tight and we were stressed about it. Stressed to the point where it was showing in our day-to-day lives. I told the care minister that... I knew this is what God wants him to do right now (his own business). I know because I pray about it all the time. I pray "God, surely you want him to go get a 9-5 job that cuts checks twice a month. Right??" And every time I 'feel' the same answer "Stay on track, give it a little time, things will be better." And I know it HAS to be God because it's not what I wanted to hear.

Almost immediately after writing to the care minister, the jobs started coming in. One woman who he works for about once a month in 'handyman' kinds of jobs around her Hyde Park home has two houses on the beach worth 2.5 million - each. She needed Chris to go over and take care of the places. They've had nobody living in the houses (directly ON the beach) and they needed work - the city sent a letter giving them 10 days to fix it up or else be fined. They called him up and said: "We'll pay gas, give you mileage, trip fee, $40 an hour AND you can stay in the places for free if you'd like." HELLO. Chris took care of her right away! Now he has jobs lined up for weeks and it feels GREAT. The money hasn't started rolling in yet, but I feel it.... it's going to happen.

Remember way back when I said I was thinking about getting that part-time job while at home to help make ends meet? Well, the more I see him doing things like this, the more I know me making $10.75 an hour at night isn't the answer. I might bring home a $200 paycheck after 2 weeks of working every night after work (and the family/dinner time suffers) - but Chris can make more than that spending 4 hours pressure washing a house.

Well, I should run. I've got dinner just about done. I remember the time in the not so distant past when I didn't cook hardly at all. Now we are having kitchen-sink chicken (seasoned with everything but the kitchen sink), kitchen-sink potatoes (potato wedges with the same), and corn. Yummy.

Please say a prayer tonight for the kids. They still have so much going on, and I know they have to be torn inside.

…in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 3:6 NIV