Tina's Daily Blog: Sleeping All Day

Monday, November 27, 2006

Sleeping All Day

I've got a really bad feeling about Julie folks. In the past few days, she's been going downhill (in my opinion) and I'm really scared for her.

I found out that she went to bed on Saturday night at about Midnight then didn't wake back up until around 6pm on SUNDAY night. That's 30 hours of sleep. I called her about 1 pm today and woke her up. Just.... something is not right with her right now.

She says that her head hurts and she needs something else. But yet when you talk to her (other than when she's sleeping and she sounds tired) she seems fine. I'm sure those who saw her on Thanksgiving day didn't think she was going to leave and go directly to the ER again. Sigh... I don't know...............

I called Jay earlier. I told him that I was very concerned. I told him that Julie was now on two narcotics - and that she had been to the ER several times already. I explained how it was part of Julie's case plan that she NOT see any other physician unless an extreme emergency. The funny thing about her tripst to the ER is that she keeps complaining about a headache, yet fails to do anything about her blood sugar which is routinely over 300. Think that would make your head hurt? I'll bet so. The facts are that she is going to the ER for headache treatment and getting medications, she is admittedly depressed, she already asked for 'permission' to go to the hospital for psychiatric treatment, and now she's sleeping all of the time. Jay.... was completely and utterly lost. He told me he was going to read the case file and call me back - and - of course he hasn't as of yet. He also said that he had not yet read the report from her physician.

I then called Dottie to talk to her. She listened to the whole thing... gave me advice... but told me that when it came to Julie, Jay was the only one who could do anything. Grrrrrrrreat. I also scheduled a therapy appointment for Kayla and Kayte next month to talk about what happened with the necklaces and how to best handle the grief over their dad in a healthy manner. We'll see how that goes. Dottie told me that if I didn't hear back from Jay later this morning that I should call his boss. I just HATE doing that....

So this afternoon I decided to call Dr. Virgeese. I didn't know that Julie has not yet scheduled anything to come in and see him. When the other doctor saw her, he said that he couldn't take her as a 'patient' - that he could only do the test - and that she should follow up with Dr. Virgeese for regular therapy... but she's not been in to see him. He then told me that he had a 45 minute conversation with this other doctor and that he wanted to see me (and my mom) sometime to talk about everything. He said... nothing has changed... everything is still the same.... and that he too was very concerned about Julie. When I told him to let Dr. Vijapuri know that Julie was telling people that he said that she was not 'allowed' to go and seek classes on how to deal with the trauma of being robbed... he told me it was absurd that Dr. Vijapuri would say or even suggest that. He believes that Julie has twisted his words to fit what Julie wants to believe - as usual. And, I think he's right about that. I also think that - if Julie went from seeing a therapist once a week to not at all recently, it might account for why she is so depressed.

Come to think of it... I know Julie said that she hasn't been to therapy in a while because of her work schedule (back before she quit obviously). She told me that because she was working 10 hour days 6-7 days a week she didn't have time to go. Now I find out that she's not been to see Dr. Virgeese at all. But yet, at the court hearing last week she told them she WAS seeing her therapist every single week. Wonder what that's all about.

I tell you why I'm blogging about all of this...............................
Part of me is telling myself that I should leave it alone and let Julie go off the deep end. She's end up drugged or depressed and in the hospital. And then I'll be 'right' in feeling and believing that Julie just can't go a while without getting into some sort of drug or psychiatric trouble. This part of me is what I consider to be the"'easy-way-out and bad Tina".

But the other part of me is wanting so badly for my sister to keep herself UP and out of trouble. I honestly believe that if Jay had called Julie when she went to the ER the first time and reminded her that she wasn't allowed to do that, that Julie wouldn't have gone a second time. For this, I'm angry and I don't know what to do about it. This part of me wants to wake Jay up and get him involved in Julie's plan... to get him to stay on top of her so that she behaves well. This is the "controlling-yet-loving Tina".

Usually after I finish blogging something like this I have a more clear understanding of what it is I need to do. Yet today............ that is not the case.

You have to understand that all of this is just in ADDITION to the normal stress of our daily lives. After the oven episode and buying Jono the ONE gift I really wanted to buy for him, I'm financially spent for the month already. Chris and I have a lot of singing to do the next few weeks - which is exciting and terrifying at the same time. There is a lot of new stuff to remember... our duet... "In the first light" with our regular praise team.... all the songs for the Christmas performance with the choir... it's totally fun and very fulfilling, but it's also scary. Then there's Christmas. I think with the one gift we bought for Jonathan, on top of whatever his Nana and my family are going to do for him, it'll be a good Christmas for him. I'm really praying it won't be as lop-sided as my gut keeps telling me it's going to be. And besides - I've said it before and I'll say it again - Jonathan has been one AMAZING young man through all of this. It was my intention to - if I couldn't afford anything else - get Jonathan ONE thing that he really wanted. At least that is now done. :o)

Tonight the high-schoolers are going to their Youth Director's house for dinner. Mark is an AMAZING guy. He invited SIX kids to his house to have a home-cooked dinner with him tonight. Of those six kids, two are mine. The kids are SO LOVING church... Justin even wants to start going to Sunday School on Wednesday nights. We might start doing that after Christmas. Heck - the whole family can eat for about 20 bucks at Church on a Wednesday night - can't beat that! Add to that diving deeper into the word of God.... it doesn't get any better than that! Why after Christmas? Glad you asked.... Monday night we are at Church for Christmas praise team, Tuesday nights is TOT, Wed nights is usually Julie's night, Thursday is Choir and sometimes Praise Team, Friday is high-school sporting event night, Sunday we go to and from Church 8 times total already. So, it's pretty hectic right now, but should be better after the holidays when we don't have the Christmas praise team and I'm most likely leaving TOT (that's another story for another day...)

Just got off the phone with Mom who called Julie just a minute ago. It's now after 4 pm and Julie is up and in the shower. Mom said she "sounds good" and that she's getting ready for a date tonight.

Oh boy.... maybe things are looking up. **falls over laughing**

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In A Nutshell:

Here is a letter I sent to Dr. Phil which really sums everything up:
I am married to my high-school sweetheart (20 years this August), with two wonderful children (Amanda who is 20 and Jonathan who is 13). I have two sisters, both younger – I call them “my good sister” and “my bad sister”. My good sister is – well, good! Normal in every way. The bad one, Julie, has been in trouble since she was a kid. As a baby she cried all of the time. As a teenager she was in trouble all of the time. At the age of 14 or so I remember that she had run away from home to live with a grown man in Atlanta. This was one of many run a ways. As a teenager, she provided sexual favors to boys in school, as well as teachers. As a young adult she was arrested for prostitution. She’s done drugs ranging from marijuana to crack. She was diagnosed early on as bi-polar with personality disorder. She’s also a serious cutter to the point where she no longer hid the cuts. She’s cut things like “Ronald Cecchinni” into her arm… and “Fuck you Dr. XXX” on her stomach, in large letters. Julie is also a diagnosed sex-addict. She’s also recently (in the past year) begun ‘huffing’. (I honestly believe that this huffing has caused some permanent damage) She is currently 36yo.
Julie lost her husband Ron a year and a half ago as a result of Leukemia and Kidney Disease which the military attributed to his serving in the Gulf War. He left behind three children – Kayla who is now 15, Justin who is now 14 and Kayte who is now 13. Even when Julie was married, her psychiatric problems persisted. She has been hospitalized literally hundreds of times over the years. However, when her husband was alive, he would take care of the kids when Julie was mentally out of control. After Ron died, Julie lost control of the kids and her life. She began to spiral out of control, having pot parties at her home (to the point where the kids said a door would open and a cloud of smoke would come bellowing out of the room), smoking weed with her own kids, having sex all over the house with different men all the time, allowing young men (19 yo) to sleep over with her oldest daughter (only 14 at the time), and allowing Gang members to live in her home (she said she felt ‘safe’ with them there). In addition, she was attempting suicide daily, overdosing on medications hoping to not wake up the next morning. Mind you all of this while she was seeing her Psychologist every week and Psychiatrist once a month. Both of these Doctors knew what was going on at home, neither of them reported it to the proper authorities. I have even been told by one of them that he was told, by Julie, that she ‘heard voices telling her to hurt the children’ but that she was proud that she could ignore the voices. Still, these Doctors reported nothing.
I should add here that it was at some point in this period of time in Julie’s life when her children began suicide watches over their mom… each one taking turns to sit in a room with her at all hours (night and day) because their mom was less-likely to hurt herself while they were here. However, it didn’t always work – Julie constantly took pills in front of them trying to either dope herself up or overdose, and she would even cut herself in front of the kids.
Finally one day, she woke up furious that her last suicide attempt didn’t work. She got violent with her oldest daughter, police were called, and finally DCF was called. (I would like to add that we (other family members) had called DCF in the past to report things, but some of the cases were ‘unfounded’ and one other time the fled the state knowing CF only had jurisdiction in Florida.) DCF removed the children from the home in November 2005 and I gained custody of the Children shortly thereafter.
There are lots of things I could add here about my sister, DCF, and the horrible Foster Care or Custodial Care program we are involved with. However, that is not my main reason for writing to you.
Kayte, the youngest, seems to be adjusting pretty well. She has a tendency to trivialize what her mom has done and the seriousness of it, but I think that is normal given that it is her mom. Kayte was in counseling, but she feels it’s ‘a waste of time’.
Justin, the middle child, is okay. As a young boy I'm told he was a terror. He used to hit his mother and at one point (only 6yo) tried to jump off a building to kill himself. Since then, his anger has turned in to an endless smothering of love and caring. He does everything for his mom… from getting her whatever she needs to rubbing her feet and back. Justin has seen a psychiatrist since moving in with me who felt that his issues were brought on by trauma. It was also at that visit with the psychiatrist that he confided in myself and the Doctor that he had suicidal thoughts often while living at home with his mom in her ‘state of being’ after his dad died. However, since he moved in with me he has done so much better (and continues to improve daily) that she didn’t feel he even needed counseling at this time. He would, however, need counseling before he was reunited with his mom.
Kayla, the oldest, has serious issues. She is also currently in counseling but feels that it is ‘a waste of time’. Kayla has always lied and stolen things. Family members feel sorry for her because you can tell that she doesn’t really mean any ill will by it, but it’s been ‘the way she is’ for a very long time. By far her biggest problems are lying and her need for approval by men (young and old).
Since the kids have moved in with us, my husband and I have set up rules. The kids already had myspace accounts, so we set ground rules for it. 1) We needed the login names and passwords. 2) Profiles must be set to private. 3) The only people they were allowed to have on their friends list was people that they actually knew. When Kayla’s list climbed over 300, and she was found to have inappropriate conversations (wanting to sneak out and ‘hook up’ with young men), we made everyone cut their list down to 30 friends, which included myself. 4) All vulgar language and inappropriate photos would come off immediately and would be monitored by myself at any given time. At times, they try to put up ‘sexy’ pictures which immediately need to come down.
However recently I have found that she has multiple website things going on in an attempt to pick up young men. I'll outline a few here so that you understand the gravity of the situation: 1) I found her 'normal' myspace account set to 'public view'. She has over 11,000 profile views(meaning people looking at her pictures and wanting to know more about her). I had reset it to private many times, but she keeps going back and resetting it to public. 2) I have found another myspace account which she went by the name 'Shannon' and used it to pick up young men, tease them, then later tell them that she was 'taken' but refer them to her 'cousin, Kayla'. She'd then give them all of Kayla's information. Of course thiswas also set to public. 3) I have found another social network website that was like myspace in which she had ONLY men (mostly from other states) as her 'friends' whom she corresponded with. The emails back and forth basically said the same thing as all of the others... more on that in #4 - only these were guys that not only did she not know, but they were not even in the area! 4) All accounts that I have found had basically the same thing... her emailing guys wanting to know if she was pretty, if they wanted to 'hook up', talking about going to their 'crib' or meeting up with them somewhere, and constantly seeking approval and affirmation from these guys.
I believe she gets this from her mom. And the sad thing is, if you met her, you would love her. She is truly a GREAT kid… but she has serious issues. I’ve described to you Julie’s behavior and Kayla’s seems to be the same way. Neither can make decisions on their own that are ‘the right thing to do’, and both lack the understanding of simple values, morals and ethics. I could go into so many examples. How do I describe the utterly amazing difference between Julie’s parenting style and my own?
I know... Both Julie and I have myspace accounts set up to ‘monitor’ the kids. To illustrate the difference between Julie and myself, here is something that Julie and I both put on our myspace accounts. You are supposed to put something 'about yourself' by your picture. Here is mine: "I'm 38 years old. I have two amazing kids, Amanda who is 20 and Jonathan who is 13. I have great husband, Chris. I love to sing - and have been singing in Toast of Tampa Show Chorus for 10 years. I'm raising my nieces and nephew (12, 13 and 14). I love God and my family."And here is Julie's: "I am who I am and if you dont like me for me........FUCK YOU........ Plus if you dont like me for me....... Im gunna tell my kids and there gunna kick yer ass!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Here’s the other dilemma we are having; the two girls are in counseling that is costing me $25 EACH in co-payments every time they go. The State of Florida provides NO financial support to me as a relative caregiver, other than providing the three kids with Medicaid. They received small SSI checks because of their dad’s death, but it barely covers the food they consume. The DCF worker, having spoke with the girls and being told that therapy is ‘a waste of time’, has referred me to a clinic that DCF uses for cases such as this to seek mental care for Kayla (aswell as the others). However, the kids have TriCare as their primary insurance because their dad died from Military causes. TriCare requires the co-payment, regardless of the Medicaid secondary. Having said that, please understand that I worked in referrals in a primary care physician’s office for 16 years… I totally ‘get’ what is required for primary and secondary insurances and all the red tape. But because of the uniqueness of this situation, the kids are suffering!
I should also point out here that I have the kids for an indefinite period of time. Right now Julie is doing things that she has been told to do to get the kids back. However, she is still awaiting a court ordered detailed Psychiatric exam to determine if she can EVER parent again. Even if that Psychiatrist feels she can parent again, she’ll most likely need to be ‘clean’ and ‘episode-free’ for 6 months to a year minimum. In addition, Julie is only allowed supervised visits and one phone call a day. This came about because of her inappropriate behavior when she was with the kids and because when she was allowed to call any time she’d call 10 + times a day.
The other problem with Julie ever getting her children back is that… she doesn’t understand what she did wrong. She parents as if she were 15-years old herself. If anyone has ever done something bad and been able to ‘keep’ their kids, she sees no reason she can’t do it. She brought her daughter at the age of 13 in for a HUGE tattoo on the small of her back. It’s Tigger flipping ‘the bird’ with her gang name under it. She was also planning on getting a large tattoo on her 12yo before the kids were taken. Again, she sees nothing wrong with any of her past behavior.
So, you see, I could have these children for the rest of their teenage years. I honestly don’t know where to turn to get them the help they need.
I feel as if I am in a psychiatric nightmare and I just can’t wake up. Eight months ago I was at home, my biggest ‘kid worry’ was if my son was going to get good grades on his report card. Now I find myself in a crux worried about whether or not the lessons I teach them, this late in their young life, are going to be enough to turn these kids around and help them to be productive adults in the near future.

Tina's Daily Blog

Monday, November 27, 2006

Sleeping All Day

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