So, they headed home and made it to Tampa shortly before Midnight last night. Those of you who kept them in your prayers, THANK YOU. I'm certain that the power of prayer works and that you helped. I really appreciate you taking the time to say a short prayer for them.
Chris told me more about Julie's trip with them. He'd never really spent THAT MUCH time with my sister alone. He said.... Well... She is much like a child. She wore Care Bear pajamas and complained quite a bit throughout the trip about being thirsty. They stopped to get her some water, but then she wouldn't drink it. However, when they stopped to eat, she had NO problem woofing that down quickly. She had a "Baconator" which Chris said is the largest Hamburger he has ever seen. She had eaten the entire thing before he had half of his smaller hamburger gone.
At one point, they were driving down the road, Julie rolled down her window and tried to take all of her trash from lunch (bag, wrappers, cup, etc) and pitch it out the window as they were driving down the highway. Chris and Michelle both yelled at her to STOP! And asked her what she was doing. She said "Throwing away my trash". They explained to her that you can't just pitch trash outside your window when you feel like it. She said that they had people that came along to pick up trash for just that reason. Sigh...
Chris said over and over again that Julie demonstrated to him that she didn't have the capabilities of an adult. His words "She doesn't have the rationality to govern herself as an adult". She acted like a big kid the whole time.
He said that he could clearly see Justin, Kayla and Kayte all rolled up into one person in Julie. Julie has Kayte's ability to justify everything, Kayla's lying ability, and Justin's slowness/immaturity.
Chris thought we really needed to have a family meeting while Julie was in the treatment facility to try to get on the same page about Julie. After spending 2 days with her, Chris just didn't understand how Julie can live on her own when she can't act like an adult.
This is a tough situation. Julie right now is NOT the same way she was a few weeks ago at my house when she was doing so well. Dr. Vijapuri has doped her to the point where she is unable to focus, communicate, and even stay awake for a period of time. But Dr. Vijapuri, I think, likes it that way. She's less able to hurt herself I suppose.
Would Chris have felt the same way if the Julie who had come over our house a few weeks ago were in that car? The one who went to Church with us and it was a pleasure to spend the entire day with her? No.... I don't think it's even the same person. I mean... It IS the same person, but the medication makes her TOTALLY different.
Which - case in point - is EXACTLY why she needs to be in a Substance Abuse program. To learn to love herself OFF all that medication. To strive to live for THOSE good days. And those good days turn into good weeks, which turn into good months, which - God willing - turn into good years.
Anyways.... Mom and I talked some about the options should Julie need some kind of long term care. We've talked about this before: where would she go? Group home? They really don't make a group home for her kind of disorder. A state mental hospital I suppose is the only place. Or a nursing home, but she's not THAT bad. In particular when she's properly medicated.
Chris and I discussed someone (us) dishing out Julie's medications FOR her. To make sure that she doesn't have too much medication at home. But then you run into the same problems... If she goes to another doctor, she keeps that medicine at home. Julie is VERY smart about those things. How else did she get all that Xanax?
Which is really funny to me....
Julie got ON the Xanax only when she got robbed. Do you remember that? She was working at Circle K in November of 2006 and was robbed at gunpoint. She was not ALLOWED to get on addictive medication, but they made an exception because of the trauma of being robbed. Actually, they made an exception because the case worker at the time screwed up. (Remember this one?) Anyways.... That was November 2006. The doctors told her that she would NOT be allowed to be on the medication for any longer than TWO WEEKS. Now here we are November 2007 and she takes them ALL THE TIME. Additionally she takes Ativan as well as normal longer-term mood stabilizers. She had 15 bottles of just Xanax at home prescribed by 4 different doctors.
The funny part to me is that normal people like me can't get the prescription. I carry around with me that ONE prescription I got in April 2007. I got Xanax at that time because Julie was on a respirator and I was having a difficult time adjusting and coping. I was given 30 pills and I still have 4 left.
Yet, someone with a medical history of substance abuse and heavy prescription abuse gets more pills than one can possibly imagine. How does that happen? I dunno.
I want Julie to get much better. She was doing SO WELL a few weeks ago. I feel like Dr. Vijapuri made her take 10 steps BACK and that's where she is starting from at Twelve Oaks. It's frustrating.
The other thing Chris talked about was Julie moving in with us. Now, I have thought of this before - it would allow her more time to spend with her kids, and it would be financially easier for Julie and maybe even for us (she could pay us rent). But, the whole dynamics of the house would change. How would the kids act on a day-to-day basis? Who would be the parent in a discipline situation? What about times when we might need to discipline Julie? (May sound odd, but those of you who know Julie personally know what I mean.) Lastly, what would that mean for the court order already in place for visitation?
Yes, I think that there are too many reason NOT to consider that as an option than there are to consider it. If things were different, I'd reconsider: If Julie's kids were younger, if Julie were about to lose her house, etc. Certainly I 'd be there for her. I love her VERY much.
That being said, Chris and my FIRST priority is to the kids. Keeping them in a safe, stable and loving environment. So for now, I think we'll just pray that all things will go well at Twelve Oaks and will be much better on her own after that.
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Things with the kids are going pretty well. Kayla and my relationship right now is just a bit..... Strained. After the cell-phone fiasco where she didn't get honor roll, I feel that I am being lied to on other things.
One of the kids will tell me something that Kayla is doing, and when I approach Kayla about it, she flat-out denies it. Of course, I can't say "well XXX told me" because I would NOT throw this person under the bus like that. The funny thing is, that these things she is lying about don't matter to me. For example: She's dating someone? FINE. No problem. Just don't lie about it and hide the relationship.
I told her last night that I knew she was dating 'someone'. She said she was not. I told her that I KNEW she was. She confronted me as to where I got my information, and I couldn't tell her, so of course she continued to deny it. I told her that if she were just TRUTHFUL we me about it, it would make NO DIFFERENCE at all. However, if I found out she was lying to me I would be forced to make her quit her job and I'd put her on restriction. She said "Why would I have to quit my job just because I lied?" I explained - again - that it wasn't the lie, it was being able to TRUST her. If I can't trust her to be honest with me and truthful with me about who she is simply dating, how could I trust her to go to and from work every day?
Then she said "See, this is why I don't tell you anything!" -- UGG -- I told her that I wasn't giving her a hard time about the dating thing, I was giving her a hard time about lying, and that I would ALWAYS and FOREVER give her a hard time about lying. And that not telling me something because of how I might act is a cop-out because I do NOT freak out about things. I DO freak out about her lying. Remember here that EVERY single relationship she has had to my knowledge has started off in "hidden" and "lying" mode. I 've no idea why. When we meet the guys, we are totally cool with them, invite them over for dinner, to swim in the pool or the hot tub. So saying that she withholds information because of how I am going to REACT is a bunch of crap. She's just used to lying. It's become her way of life.
It's frustrating. It breaks my heart every time I see her lie. Kayla thinks I'm just being a hard-ass meanie to her. It would be pretty easy for me to just look the other way - as long as she isn't getting into trouble, not care. But what she doesn't understand is that she is NEVER going to have any kind of a long-term relationship as long as she continues to lie. Would you folks reading this was to be dating or married to a person who lied ALL THE TIME? About big things, about little things, about everything? Of course not. It's a serious problem.
I know I probably need to get her help, and I've tried - but she doesn't talk to the counselor about it and she refuses to take the medicine that the psychiatrist gives her. She's darn near 17 years old... How much more can I do? I fear it's just too engrained at this point, sadly.
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Please continue to keep Chris, myself and the family in your prayers. It's a slow time of year for a guy who is in the remodeling business. There are good days and bad days, good weeks and bad weeks. Seems nobody wants a bathroom torn up over the holidays, even though it takes less than a week to get it done. I don't want to pray for money to just fall from the sky; I would like prayers that business would continue to come our way so that he can work hard at what he LOVES to do and earn a living.
I should probably leave you for today. I'm going to close with a song that Chris and I just found that we absolutely LOVE. The lyrics, the harmony, all of it - beautiful. Enjoy:
How You Live (turn Up The Music) -
Point Of Grace
Wake up to the sunlight
With your windows open
Don't hold in your anger or leave things unspoken
Wear your red dress
Use your good dishes
Make a big mess and make lots of wishes
Have what you want
But want what you have
And don't spend your life lookin' back
Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
You won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
Cuz it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live
So go to the ballgames
And go to the ballet
And go see your folks more than just on the holidays
Kiss all your children
Dance with your wife
Tell your husband you love him every night
Don't run from the truth
'Cause you can't get away
Just face it and you'll be okay
Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
You won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live
Oh wherever you are and wherever you've been
Now is the time to begin
So give to the needy
And pray for the grieving
Even when you don't think that you can
'Cause all that you do is bound to come back to you
So think of your fellow man
Make peace with God and make peace with yourself
'Cause in the end there's nobody else
Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
'Cause you won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live
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