Lies, Phones and Piercings

I wanted to blog about what happened on Wednesday, the day before Thanksgiving. I was able to leave work at noon and finally do some much-needed grocery shopping for the big Thanksgiving dinner.

When I returned home, I checked mail. In the mail was Kayla's bank statement which comes addressed to both she and I as I was the Guardian who opened the account with her. I opened the statement and noticed one activity - a cell phone charge of $68 - ironically on the SAME day as Chris and I took away her cell phone.

You see, the day Kayla came home from school with a C on her report card, a C which she claimed to KNOW beyond any reasonable doubt was not possible to have, Kayla had decided to go to Metro PCS to buy her own phone - behind our backs.

Chris and I had discussed cell phones at great length prior to this. When Kayla first got her job she talked about how it was possible that she COULD buy her own phone. But Chris and I really wanted her on OUR cell phone plan so that: 1) it could be used as a reward (Kayla LOVES the phone) and 2) we could monitor her calls to make sure she doesn't use it at school or after hours. Metro PCS phone meant she was using it any time she wanted to.

Chris and I were both furious to find this out. How could she just go out, behind our backs, and buy a cell phone? Our minds raced as we talked about how many times it meant that she had 'lied' to us over the past few weeks. We had seen her with a cell phone in her pocket - "it belongs to my friend" she would say. We had noticed Chris's charger missing - never once thought it odd that it happened to be in Kayla's room. How many times she had told us "I'm working really hard to bring up my grades so that I can get a cell phone again!" -- knowing full well that she HAD ONE already that she was hiding from us. I was furious.

When all of this happened - Kayla and Kayte were not here. They had gone to cash Kayla's check and then to get Kayla's nails done. I drove up to the Metro PCS store to ask them how on EARTH they could sell a cell phone without adult consent. Isn't there some kind of rule or something?? Come to find out - after talking to Metro PCS - you can be 5 years old, walk in with cash - and walk out with a cell phone ready to go - no adult necessary. Scary thought, huh? I asked the woman behind the counter HOW and WHY they would allow this to happen! I explained that she was probably using it all during school and after hours and now that she had it and was ABLE to follow THEIR rules and hide it from her parents - we had no control over it. As a parent of a teenager (her daughter was working the store with her) I could tell that she sympathized with me... she just wasn't able to do anything about it. She did, however, give me a copy of Kayla's contract, which - since it's month-to-month isn't really a 'contract', so it's perfectly legal for a child to have and sign. This contract gave me Kayla's new cell phone number.

I smile now as I sit and try to imagine the look on Kayla's face when she looked down and her secretive cell phone and saw Uncle Chris's number come up on the caller ID. Her heart must have sunk. She answered the phone then hung up. The next few times we called, the phone went directly to voice mail. Odd, huh? Yeah, she was probably having a heart attack. Chris's message said something about Kayla being "Busted" and that she needed to call home IMMEDIATELY.

When Kayla arrived back at home, we all sat down and talked about the cell phone and the bigger issue - the lying. She claimed to see NOTHING wrong with what she did. Chris explained to her that IF she had only talked to us... tried to make a good argument about WHY she really FELT that she NEEDED a cell phone, we would probably have agreed with her and would have put her on our plan. Heck, I'm PAYING $30 a month right now for a cell phone that nobody here is using since nobody made honor roll!

We really tried to NOT be too hard on her. Just explain our side - explain how hurt we were - MORE about the lying than the actual cell phone. We learned about pushing too hard from raising Amanda - push too hard and they do EXACTLY what you don't want them to do. Now we're trying the 'fair yet responsible' approach.

Kayla talked about how she couldn't WAIT to turn 18 so she could do 'whatever she wanted' to do. She talked about turning 18 and moving back to Riverview to live with her mom. This killed me. She will still have a year and a half of high school to finish when she turns 18... she won't graduate until well after she turns 19. We talked to her some about this... about how her mom needed to focus on getting HERSELF better. About how Julie would have NO CLUE how to fill out that massive paperwork for Kayla's college education. And, I don't mean to sound like I'm being vengeful here, but if she decides to move back home with Julie, I will fully expect Julie to do this on her own - I will NOT help them do it. One of the biggest things we are trying to teach Kayla is that for every action there is a consequence.

Kayla believes that when she turns 18 everything will be just wonderful. She can get out on her own, do whatever she wants, that things will be totally different. I suppose that feeling is normal for a teenager her age. She'll be 17 in January. But - she has so many opportunities and is SO capable of messing them up if she does the wrong thing.

And of course, I was hurting inside because Kayla said that she wanted to do this because she believed in some wonderful fantasy about turning 18 and suddenly being an adult and everything changes. Nothing to do with her mom. Never took into consideration how Justin and Kayte would feel or if it was the right thing to do. She just knew it WAS a decision she was able to make when she turned 18 and she was set and determined to make it.

Course, if I know Julie, she will tell her to come on over as soon as she's 18. Julie, I believe, won't put Kayla's best interest first. The fact that she has a network of friends here and will have been at Gaither for 2 1/2 years, with a year and a half left to finish. The fact that Julie, right now, can't take care of herself, never-mind herself and a kid - not just my belief but that of the family, DCF, the courts and the Judge. I believe Julie will read this and her heart will be thrilled and filled with anticipation. And for that, again, my heart breaks.

I keep trying to tell myself that Kayla's telling me this was just because she was angry or hurt or she felt as if she were backed into a corner. I don't know. I guess we will see.

Anyways... so we sat and talked through a LOT of this stuff. I pointed out to Kayla MULTIPLE times that it was the LIES that were getting me so upset. By the end of the discussion we had agreed to allow her to have a cell phone: she will continue on the Metro PCS contract till this month's 'non-contract' period ends, then she can move over to our plan - where we can monitor her calls and text messages, to make sure she is doing what she is supposed to do.

With that just said "to make sure she is doing what she is supposed to do" - Kayla doesn't quite understand that us doing that could be a VERY good thing for her. She wants us to notice when she's doing good and notice when she's not lying. For that to happen, we need to monitor the situation. Right now, for all I know, she's up at 3am texting friends, against our rules. This way - we WILL know when she is doing the right thing. So, I hope Kayla views it as a positive thing.

Kayla will pay us $30 a month while she is not on honor roll for her phone plan ($9.99 for the phone and $19.99 for unlimited text messages). This is still cheaper than her Metro PCS plan she was on, so she comes out a winner. She just can't hide and lie. We'll see if it works. If and when she makes honor roll, we will pick up the tab and cover the cost in full.

After our discussion, Kayla called our friend Michelle outside of the house to talk. They stood in the driveway and Kayla confessed something 'else' to Michelle. "While she was being truthful" Kayla said. Michelle told Kayla that she needed to tell her Aunt and Uncle. Kayla was okay with telling Chris but wanted to wait to tell me. They call Chris out front to talk. After a while, I go outside to see what they are doing (I didn't know at this point WHAT was going on.)

Kayla is shaking and crying and tells me that she has to tell me something.

"Oh my God, you are pregnant?" I said. "NOOOOO" Kayla replied. I told her from there it was all downhill then. No biggie after that was ruled out.

Kayla was still very VERY upset. Her hands were shaking, she didn't want to say anything. Michelle says "SHOW HER"! With that my first thought was that she got another permanent tattoo. "Oh, please tell me you didn't get another tattoo!" "NOOOOO" Kayla said. "It's not that." And with that and some prompting by Michelle and Chris, she sticks out her tongue to reveal a tongue ring.

A tongue ring?

Ah jeez.

Well, at least it's temporary, right? She can take it out and all go back to normal. It's also so far back on her tongue that you really can't see it unless she shows it to you. But why????

Well, some of her friends have them. This one friend said she's do it for her. And, one night while Kayla spent the night, she pierced her tongue. I was wondering why she didn't eat much with us anymore and she stayed up in her room so much nowadays. She did this about 2 weeks ago. She hid it for TWO WEEKS.

Kayla, honest to goodness, can't tell the truth to save her life. I totally don't get it. Did she think she was going to hide all of this forever? Did she think we'd NEVER find out? I'm the cool Aunt who took her to get her belly button pierced - I don't care much about a piercing. Again, it's temporary; take it out and it's gone. At least she didn't do her eye and/or her lip where everyone would see it all the time. Those I just don't get. Why would she hide this from me?

We did talk to her at length about the diseases she might have because she got a piercing in an unsanitary place. She could get infected - she hasn't looked up how to properly care for it - she could have gotten Hepatitis from an un-sterile needle - so many things. But she's 16 and not thinking or caring about any of that.

**********************************************

Julie is home from Twelve Oaks. She called me last night telling me that she was reading the blog and the number of Xanax bottles in the prior blog are wrong. She claims to have NO Xanax. I told her that was what they discussed at her intake at Twelve Oaks. She was there, but I guess she doesn't remember any of the conversation. Course, she was pretty out of it at the time.

Speaking of that... I sure hope she gets back on her medicines from Dr. Brown. Julie, if you are reading this, PLEASE tell me you are going to see Dr. Brown IMMEDIATELY to get your meds straightened out. Also, ask her if there is a way that you can NEVER EVER get back under the care of Dr. Vijapuri again. That man does nothing but dope you up!

Anyways... she is home and I suppose is coming over for Church and her visit tomorrow. I'm excited, but anxious as to which Julie will show up - the good one that was here a few weeks ago, or the drugged up person Dr. Vijapuri created.

I also hope that she follows through with the plan that Twelve Oaks told me that they wanted her to follow -- NEVER get on another NARCOTIC again. Ever. It was going to require discipline on Julie's part, but I hope and pray that she is able to do it. I know she gave it a good-hearted try when DCF was involved and her kids were at stake. I don't know if Julie loves herself enough to want to do it JUST for herself. But I hope she does.

**********************************************

Thanksgiving was wonderful here. We had Chris's mom and dad over, along with his step-brother Danny. We also had a friend who used to live next door to Evie and Jimmie and her two children over. And, lest we forget - the 'traveled the furthest' award goes to Amanda and Gene! Gene had to work on Thanksgiving but was supposed to get off at 4:30. We didn't want to have dinner SUPER early so that when Amanda and Gene came over dinner was stone-cold. But we couldn't really wait until 7 either. We planned to have dinner at 5:30, but Amanda called to say Gene was cut early and they could be over about 6, so we waited and had dinner after they arrived.

Of course dinner was awesome - Turkey, Ham, Potatoes, Stuffing, Green Bean Casserole, and lots more stuff - YUMMY! But it was spending the time with family and friends that made it the best.

With that said, I leave you with this for today:

Be Thankful
Author Unknown

Be thankful that you don't already have everything you desire,
If you did, what would there be to look forward to?

Be thankful when you don't know something
For it gives you the opportunity to learn.

Be thankful for the difficult times.
During those times you grow.

Be thankful for your limitations
Because they give you opportunities for improvement.

Be thankful for each new challenge
Because it will build your strength and character.

Be thankful for your mistakes
They will teach you valuable lessons.

Be thankful when you're tired and weary
Because it means you've made a difference.

It is easy to be thankful for the good things.
A life of rich fulfillment comes to those who are
also thankful for the setbacks.

GRATITUDE can turn a negative into a positive.
Find a way to be thankful for your troubles
and they can become your blessing.