Tina's Daily Blog: Julie - Overdose

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Julie - Overdose - Again

I was going to sit down today and tell you another story about the kids not going to bed on time. About how I was trying so hard to get the kids to go to bed on Saturday night at a reasonable hour... but just couldn't. The almost funny nature of walking into Justin's room, after having told him at LEAST four times earlier to 'go to BED!!', and seeing him still up - at MIDNIGHT - trying on his baseball uniform just to see how good he looked in it. (His first game is Tuesday, but why it couldn't be done earlier in the day or sometime the next day, I don't know.)

It was going to be a funny blog about something like that.

Was.

Today is Sunday - Julie's normal day to come over. After her oversleeping many times recently (job interviews/orientation and even Church last Sunday) I made a point to let her know SEVERAL times this week that she REALLY needed to get up on time and get to our house this week for the sermon.

This week's sermon was on Addictions. And Julie always gets a lot out of hearing things said at our Church -- so I thought it was very important that she be there this week. I knew God would want her in that pew.

Julie called at about 8 this morning to tell me that she had a flat tire and so she wouldn't be able to make it to Church, but she would fix the flat and come by afterward. My heart sank... but - I thought - she could watch it online later. Might not have the same impact, but -- it's a flat tire, right?

In my heart, I kind of felt something wasn't quite right. She sounded tired, as if she overslept, but I didn't question her on it.

Later on in the day I learned the whole truth. And here is the whole truth.....

Julie............ sigh...........................

Just before going to get her tire fixed - Julie took TWO of her EXTREMELY strong pain pills, I think they are called Oxymorphone (remember, 5 times stronger than Oxycontin), she crushed them, then she snorted them.

Why she snorted them I have no idea - I assume someone told her she could get a quick 'high' from it. But that's an assumption. Why else would you snort something, right?

Anyways, she snorted these two pills, and after that time, she has no recollection/memory.

The 'black-out' time she went and fixed her car at Walmart and came home. She sat in a chair.

In the chair is where her roommate's little girl found her.

The little girl is young. I don't know how young, I'd guess at 5 or 6, based on what Julie's told me in the past, but it's just a guess.

Julie sat in that chair and -- well -- she stopped breathing. She turned blue and cold. Foam was coming out of her mouth. And it was in THIS CONDITION that this poor little innocent child found my messed up sister. I don't think I'll ever forgive her for that, because that will stick in that poor innocent child's mind forever.

Anyways.... when the little girl couldn't wake up Julie, she went and got her mommy (Julie's roommate). She works for Doctors, thankfully. She called 911 and the Ambulance came.

Julie was NOT breathing when they arrived. They intubated her there and revived her before she arrived at the hospital.

She is now alert at the hospital and breathing on her own.

Her main concern is what her kids think.

I'm.......................... numb. I'm angry. I'm hearing Julie say in the background (Mom has been with Julie all day and I can hear her on the cell) "I'm not going to do this again".... and I am sick and tired of hearing that. Sick and tired. I don't believe her.

I don't believe she tried to KILL herself. But I'm SICK and TIRED of her doing whatever the heck she wants to do with her pills whenever the heck she wants to.

Oh wait - there's more.

First of all..... I have not blogged to tell you that Julie has now decided to go back and see Dr. Vijapuri again. My problem with this is that Vijapuri gives her TONS of PILLS all the time. This is the EXACT reason she was on the respirator last year. Vijapuri gives Julie LOTS of pills.

Remember.... Julie's goal in changing psychiatrists???? To find one that will give her prescriptions that she wants. The last one took her OFF a lot of pills and she didn't like it. She said she wanted to find one that would put her on other stuff. Vijaprui will certainly give her what she wants. No doubt about it. He's been doing that since she was a teenager.

Secondly.... her pain management Doctor. I have blogged before about how this particular doctor was CRAZY for giving my sister, a KNOWN ABUSER a prescription as strong as this Oxymorphone. He's also prescribing Soma and Lord only knows if there are any other pills he's giving her. He's a well-known physician in the area for giving a lot of narcotics. And - Julie sure found him.

Well, when Julie overdosed and was admitted to the hospital and they pulled up her history and then saw that she was actually PRESCRIBED that particular PILL, they said that it was "CRIMINAL" for a physician to prescribe that pill to an abuser like Julie. Someone who has willfully overdosed as many times as Julie has.

It was CRIMINAL.

You can bet he'll be getting a call from me on Monday morning.

My sister Katie and I both feel at this point that Julie needs to be in a group home. Someplace where some nurse can physically HAND Julie her pills three times a day. Otherwise, she will continually overdose. Or maybe not even 'overdose' - but at no time does Julie ever take pills EXACTLY as directed. Ever.

The other day she was at my house talking about taking a pain pill for diarrhea. I wish I were kidding. I asked her if she'd like an Immodium. I mean.... wouldn't Immodium come to mind first??? Not to Julie.

Honest to goodness, her stomach kinda hurt because she had diarrhea. Stopping the diarrhead didn't really occur to her. First thought? "Oooo... my wonderful pain pills!" Her mind just doesn't THINK like ours.

And.... it's for that reason that I really think that she CAN'T do this on her own.

Not that she is doing a lot of this on purpose. By 'this' I mean that I understand that she didn't take 400 pills on purpose today with the intent to kill herself. She fully intended to snort some pills to get high, then drive over to my house and go to Church. And crushing up the pills and SNORTING them is blatantly doing something wrong on purpose.

Mom was at the hospital trying to convince Julie she was an addict. Julie is sitting there, having been on death's door hours ago, denying it.

I find it inconceivable that she could NOT believe it. I really wish she had been at today's service at church.

And the really sad thing is still that - there is noplace in Florida where a person with Julie's psychiatric mental condition can go to get help. Such a place does not exist. We've looked... you've all read about it through my blogs. It's just a sad, sad situation.

Please keep Julie in your prayers. Also continue to keep Chris and myself in your prayers. Thank you.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...: I feel that you may want to look into malpractice for the doctors/psychiatrists, etc. who are constantly prescribing pills and not addressing her serious issues. There is no excuse for her to continually get meds from all over the Bay area. Think about it, it could help her. She needs all different doctors, and needs to NEVER see the ones she can "count on"...

Thoughts and prayers,
Debi; 8:28 AM

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In A Nutshell:

Here is a letter I sent to Dr. Phil which really sums everything up:
I am married to my high-school sweetheart (20 years this August), with two wonderful children (Amanda who is 20 and Jonathan who is 13). I have two sisters, both younger – I call them “my good sister” and “my bad sister”. My good sister is – well, good! Normal in every way. The bad one, Julie, has been in trouble since she was a kid. As a baby she cried all of the time. As a teenager she was in trouble all of the time. At the age of 14 or so I remember that she had run away from home to live with a grown man in Atlanta. This was one of many run a ways. As a teenager, she provided sexual favors to boys in school, as well as teachers. As a young adult she was arrested for prostitution. She’s done drugs ranging from marijuana to crack. She was diagnosed early on as bi-polar with personality disorder. She’s also a serious cutter to the point where she no longer hid the cuts. She’s cut things like “Ronald Cecchinni” into her arm… and “Fuck you Dr. XXX” on her stomach, in large letters. Julie is also a diagnosed sex-addict. She’s also recently (in the past year) begun ‘huffing’. (I honestly believe that this huffing has caused some permanent damage) She is currently 36yo.
Julie lost her husband Ron a year and a half ago as a result of Leukemia and Kidney Disease which the military attributed to his serving in the Gulf War. He left behind three children – Kayla who is now 15, Justin who is now 14 and Kayte who is now 13. Even when Julie was married, her psychiatric problems persisted. She has been hospitalized literally hundreds of times over the years. However, when her husband was alive, he would take care of the kids when Julie was mentally out of control. After Ron died, Julie lost control of the kids and her life. She began to spiral out of control, having pot parties at her home (to the point where the kids said a door would open and a cloud of smoke would come bellowing out of the room), smoking weed with her own kids, having sex all over the house with different men all the time, allowing young men (19 yo) to sleep over with her oldest daughter (only 14 at the time), and allowing Gang members to live in her home (she said she felt ‘safe’ with them there). In addition, she was attempting suicide daily, overdosing on medications hoping to not wake up the next morning. Mind you all of this while she was seeing her Psychologist every week and Psychiatrist once a month. Both of these Doctors knew what was going on at home, neither of them reported it to the proper authorities. I have even been told by one of them that he was told, by Julie, that she ‘heard voices telling her to hurt the children’ but that she was proud that she could ignore the voices. Still, these Doctors reported nothing.
I should add here that it was at some point in this period of time in Julie’s life when her children began suicide watches over their mom… each one taking turns to sit in a room with her at all hours (night and day) because their mom was less-likely to hurt herself while they were here. However, it didn’t always work – Julie constantly took pills in front of them trying to either dope herself up or overdose, and she would even cut herself in front of the kids.
Finally one day, she woke up furious that her last suicide attempt didn’t work. She got violent with her oldest daughter, police were called, and finally DCF was called. (I would like to add that we (other family members) had called DCF in the past to report things, but some of the cases were ‘unfounded’ and one other time the fled the state knowing CF only had jurisdiction in Florida.) DCF removed the children from the home in November 2005 and I gained custody of the Children shortly thereafter.
There are lots of things I could add here about my sister, DCF, and the horrible Foster Care or Custodial Care program we are involved with. However, that is not my main reason for writing to you.
Kayte, the youngest, seems to be adjusting pretty well. She has a tendency to trivialize what her mom has done and the seriousness of it, but I think that is normal given that it is her mom. Kayte was in counseling, but she feels it’s ‘a waste of time’.
Justin, the middle child, is okay. As a young boy I'm told he was a terror. He used to hit his mother and at one point (only 6yo) tried to jump off a building to kill himself. Since then, his anger has turned in to an endless smothering of love and caring. He does everything for his mom… from getting her whatever she needs to rubbing her feet and back. Justin has seen a psychiatrist since moving in with me who felt that his issues were brought on by trauma. It was also at that visit with the psychiatrist that he confided in myself and the Doctor that he had suicidal thoughts often while living at home with his mom in her ‘state of being’ after his dad died. However, since he moved in with me he has done so much better (and continues to improve daily) that she didn’t feel he even needed counseling at this time. He would, however, need counseling before he was reunited with his mom.
Kayla, the oldest, has serious issues. She is also currently in counseling but feels that it is ‘a waste of time’. Kayla has always lied and stolen things. Family members feel sorry for her because you can tell that she doesn’t really mean any ill will by it, but it’s been ‘the way she is’ for a very long time. By far her biggest problems are lying and her need for approval by men (young and old).
Since the kids have moved in with us, my husband and I have set up rules. The kids already had myspace accounts, so we set ground rules for it. 1) We needed the login names and passwords. 2) Profiles must be set to private. 3) The only people they were allowed to have on their friends list was people that they actually knew. When Kayla’s list climbed over 300, and she was found to have inappropriate conversations (wanting to sneak out and ‘hook up’ with young men), we made everyone cut their list down to 30 friends, which included myself. 4) All vulgar language and inappropriate photos would come off immediately and would be monitored by myself at any given time. At times, they try to put up ‘sexy’ pictures which immediately need to come down.
However recently I have found that she has multiple website things going on in an attempt to pick up young men. I'll outline a few here so that you understand the gravity of the situation: 1) I found her 'normal' myspace account set to 'public view'. She has over 11,000 profile views(meaning people looking at her pictures and wanting to know more about her). I had reset it to private many times, but she keeps going back and resetting it to public. 2) I have found another myspace account which she went by the name 'Shannon' and used it to pick up young men, tease them, then later tell them that she was 'taken' but refer them to her 'cousin, Kayla'. She'd then give them all of Kayla's information. Of course thiswas also set to public. 3) I have found another social network website that was like myspace in which she had ONLY men (mostly from other states) as her 'friends' whom she corresponded with. The emails back and forth basically said the same thing as all of the others... more on that in #4 - only these were guys that not only did she not know, but they were not even in the area! 4) All accounts that I have found had basically the same thing... her emailing guys wanting to know if she was pretty, if they wanted to 'hook up', talking about going to their 'crib' or meeting up with them somewhere, and constantly seeking approval and affirmation from these guys.
I believe she gets this from her mom. And the sad thing is, if you met her, you would love her. She is truly a GREAT kid… but she has serious issues. I’ve described to you Julie’s behavior and Kayla’s seems to be the same way. Neither can make decisions on their own that are ‘the right thing to do’, and both lack the understanding of simple values, morals and ethics. I could go into so many examples. How do I describe the utterly amazing difference between Julie’s parenting style and my own?
I know... Both Julie and I have myspace accounts set up to ‘monitor’ the kids. To illustrate the difference between Julie and myself, here is something that Julie and I both put on our myspace accounts. You are supposed to put something 'about yourself' by your picture. Here is mine: "I'm 38 years old. I have two amazing kids, Amanda who is 20 and Jonathan who is 13. I have great husband, Chris. I love to sing - and have been singing in Toast of Tampa Show Chorus for 10 years. I'm raising my nieces and nephew (12, 13 and 14). I love God and my family."And here is Julie's: "I am who I am and if you dont like me for me........FUCK YOU........ Plus if you dont like me for me....... Im gunna tell my kids and there gunna kick yer ass!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Here’s the other dilemma we are having; the two girls are in counseling that is costing me $25 EACH in co-payments every time they go. The State of Florida provides NO financial support to me as a relative caregiver, other than providing the three kids with Medicaid. They received small SSI checks because of their dad’s death, but it barely covers the food they consume. The DCF worker, having spoke with the girls and being told that therapy is ‘a waste of time’, has referred me to a clinic that DCF uses for cases such as this to seek mental care for Kayla (aswell as the others). However, the kids have TriCare as their primary insurance because their dad died from Military causes. TriCare requires the co-payment, regardless of the Medicaid secondary. Having said that, please understand that I worked in referrals in a primary care physician’s office for 16 years… I totally ‘get’ what is required for primary and secondary insurances and all the red tape. But because of the uniqueness of this situation, the kids are suffering!
I should also point out here that I have the kids for an indefinite period of time. Right now Julie is doing things that she has been told to do to get the kids back. However, she is still awaiting a court ordered detailed Psychiatric exam to determine if she can EVER parent again. Even if that Psychiatrist feels she can parent again, she’ll most likely need to be ‘clean’ and ‘episode-free’ for 6 months to a year minimum. In addition, Julie is only allowed supervised visits and one phone call a day. This came about because of her inappropriate behavior when she was with the kids and because when she was allowed to call any time she’d call 10 + times a day.
The other problem with Julie ever getting her children back is that… she doesn’t understand what she did wrong. She parents as if she were 15-years old herself. If anyone has ever done something bad and been able to ‘keep’ their kids, she sees no reason she can’t do it. She brought her daughter at the age of 13 in for a HUGE tattoo on the small of her back. It’s Tigger flipping ‘the bird’ with her gang name under it. She was also planning on getting a large tattoo on her 12yo before the kids were taken. Again, she sees nothing wrong with any of her past behavior.
So, you see, I could have these children for the rest of their teenage years. I honestly don’t know where to turn to get them the help they need.
I feel as if I am in a psychiatric nightmare and I just can’t wake up. Eight months ago I was at home, my biggest ‘kid worry’ was if my son was going to get good grades on his report card. Now I find myself in a crux worried about whether or not the lessons I teach them, this late in their young life, are going to be enough to turn these kids around and help them to be productive adults in the near future.

Tina's Daily Blog

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Julie - Overdose - Again

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