Tina's Daily Blog: Prayers for Justin

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Prayers for Justin

Well... it's official - Justin has a torn ACL in his knee.

Chris took him to see the doctors out at USF on Thursday and they confirmed what the initial thought was - torn ACL. He has to do pre-surgical physical therapy, and they - again - told him to keep walking on it. He is moving around much better on it now though. The swelling has gone down quite a bit and he is really careful about using it. He takes the stairs at home nice and slow... keeps it wrapped most of the time... etc.

Justin tells me that they are going to schedule the surgery on 11/4. I don't yet know the exact date of the surgery, but I'll let you know when I hear.

He could actually go his entire life and NOT have the surgery... but he would never again be able to play sports of any kind. And... Justin is a VERY active boy who loves all kinds of sports... we need to have this fixed. They say if he works hard at therapy, it's possible he could resume playing football next year - his Senior year of high school. I know he would very much like that - he was just getting to be really good at his position.

I was worried about the therapy at first... how to schedule it three times a week when we are already so busy. I mean... we'd make time for it of course, but it seemed a little overwhelming when I looked at the calendar and realized that we'd need to schedule this three times a week after work for a while (both pre-surgical and post-surgical therapy). But... something really neat happened.

Justin went to football practice on Saturday, because he is still a part of the team. He couldn't work or play of course, but he could be there to support his team. Well - Gaither High School has a trainer there from USF. She worked with him on Saturday and suggested that he do his pre-surgical therapy there with her. Justin knows her, he likes her, and he's already THERE 6 days a week. She's going to call his doctor on Monday and clear it with her. I'm sure the doctor will be fine with it... she's trained for this sort of thing and she has all the therapy equipment right there at the school. This is a wonderful solution for us!

Speaking of wonderful... I know I told you all that Chris was fortunate enough to go to the World Series last blog. Our best friend Michelle, who's company is a sponsor for the Rays, got two tickets for the first game. She brought Chris along since it was actually Chris who told her initially to partner with the Rays this year. What a great year it was to partner up with the Rays, huh?

Well, I know I was a bit bummed about it last blog, but honestly - I was happy for them. their tickets were AWESOME - two tickets in the Whitney Bank Club, where they have leather seating, TV's, and tons of free food and drinks. Not hot dogs and chips... we're talking Salmon, Prime Rib and lots of other great stuff. Plus all the free beer you could possibly want. Incredible! Then... they were given two more seats once there, right on top of the Rays' dugout! They went down to sit on the dugout about the 6th inning or so.

Justin and Jonathan had a big fight today. They don't usually fight anymore - they did when Justin first moved in, but not much anymore. This morning, Jonathan was trying to make breakfast, which was toaster strudels. He needed the toaster. Our toaster is kinda weird, it's on the side/built into the microwave. You can only cook 2 at a time... but I like the toaster as it's good on space on my counter. Jonathan couldn't figure out how to work it.

Justin came down and saw how much trouble Jonathan was having. Justin convinced Jonathan that the toaster was 'broken' but that he knew how to fix it. He offered to fix it, as long as Jonathan let Justin eat first. Jonathan didn't want that... he just wanted to toast the things. Justin refused to help him unless he offered to let him go ahead of him.

A big fight ensued - so our morning today was off to a pretty bad start. I talked to both boys... telling Jonathan that his reaction of anger was 'over the top' and inappropriate - and I told Justin he should have just helped his cousin, not tried to get something out of it. I told him - if you love someone, especially family, you don't offer to fix something ONLY if you personally get something in return. He should have just showed Jono how to toast it. Justin couldn't grasp the concept that he did anything wrong. Sigh....

I've had a horrible headache for days now. Been sick on top of it with some kind of cold/flu. I actually took a half sick day on Friday - which is only my 3nd sick day of the entire year. The headache is because I'm once again out of my Topamax (preventative medicine for migraines). I swore I wouldn't run out again... but I get my pills from Julie. It's a long story about how come I get them from Julie... but I found out today I can't do that anymore, so I have to go back to my doctor and get the refills. I'll do that tomorrow.

The Durango is fixed (again) thanks to Chris. He actually fixed two things, replaced the power steering pump and fixed a seal that was causing the radiator to leak. The funny thing was that the Durango has been.... squeaking I guess you'd call it.... in the engine for a while now. We didn't know why... just figured that it was because the poor thing was so old. When Chris replaced the power steering pump, the squeaking went away! Go figure!! It's so quiet now, it's almost like driving a new car. Wait... I don't know what that's like... it's like driving a MUCH better car now.

Still nothing on the job search. I'm trying not to get discouraged... really I am. But I could still use prayers - specifically prayers for me to not lose faith.

I should run... I still hear the kids awake upstairs and it's nearly 11 pm. Thank you for your continued prayers and support. It means the world to us.

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6

5 comments:

Anonymous said...: I read a GREAT book over the weekend. It's a life-changing book and will only take you a couple hours to read. Your faith will be re-born, I guarantee it.

"The Shack" by Wm. Paul Young

Debi; 12:37 PM
Anonymous said...: hi. i've never commented on your blog before but i've been reading it for a while. you are an amazing woman and inspire me to be a better person.

i read you get migraines and wanted to tell you that my mom used to get really bad ones and took the same meds you took and would get shots when she got a really bad one. well the past year she got off all her migraine meds because she has been getting botox in the back of her neck for the headaches. her girlfriend told her about it and she talked to her doctor. with what she was paying for her meds it was cheaper for her to get the botox (insurance doesn't cover much). the botox lasts for about 8-12 months. she was amazed that she was headache free for so long.

i know you are looking for a job and didn't know if you had looked into being a judges assistant. they are always looking for people. they start out kind of low but the pay does increase and its free medical for you and really cheap for family. i don't know details but i'd bet if you called the court house they could give you more information.

again, thanks for inspiring me. you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers; 1:18 PM
Anonymous said...: Response to Judge's Assistant comment: Being a legal assistant to litigators for the past 20 years, you really should have some type of legal background as you will be dealing with answering questions about pleadings of all types, as well as setting hearings for matters. Good idea, but go to school first.; 8:47 AM
Anonymous said...: to the above comment. you actually don't need any legal background. all you really need is to know how to organize and type and keep a judges book in order. a lot of the judges would rather hire someone who they can "train" there way. just my two cents but i think it is worth looking in to.; 10:29 PM
Anonymous said...: I understand that you don't need to know anything, but when I call a JA and she's clueless, it's nothing but frustrating.; 12:09 PM

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In A Nutshell:

Here is a letter I sent to Dr. Phil which really sums everything up:
I am married to my high-school sweetheart (20 years this August), with two wonderful children (Amanda who is 20 and Jonathan who is 13). I have two sisters, both younger – I call them “my good sister” and “my bad sister”. My good sister is – well, good! Normal in every way. The bad one, Julie, has been in trouble since she was a kid. As a baby she cried all of the time. As a teenager she was in trouble all of the time. At the age of 14 or so I remember that she had run away from home to live with a grown man in Atlanta. This was one of many run a ways. As a teenager, she provided sexual favors to boys in school, as well as teachers. As a young adult she was arrested for prostitution. She’s done drugs ranging from marijuana to crack. She was diagnosed early on as bi-polar with personality disorder. She’s also a serious cutter to the point where she no longer hid the cuts. She’s cut things like “Ronald Cecchinni” into her arm… and “Fuck you Dr. XXX” on her stomach, in large letters. Julie is also a diagnosed sex-addict. She’s also recently (in the past year) begun ‘huffing’. (I honestly believe that this huffing has caused some permanent damage) She is currently 36yo.
Julie lost her husband Ron a year and a half ago as a result of Leukemia and Kidney Disease which the military attributed to his serving in the Gulf War. He left behind three children – Kayla who is now 15, Justin who is now 14 and Kayte who is now 13. Even when Julie was married, her psychiatric problems persisted. She has been hospitalized literally hundreds of times over the years. However, when her husband was alive, he would take care of the kids when Julie was mentally out of control. After Ron died, Julie lost control of the kids and her life. She began to spiral out of control, having pot parties at her home (to the point where the kids said a door would open and a cloud of smoke would come bellowing out of the room), smoking weed with her own kids, having sex all over the house with different men all the time, allowing young men (19 yo) to sleep over with her oldest daughter (only 14 at the time), and allowing Gang members to live in her home (she said she felt ‘safe’ with them there). In addition, she was attempting suicide daily, overdosing on medications hoping to not wake up the next morning. Mind you all of this while she was seeing her Psychologist every week and Psychiatrist once a month. Both of these Doctors knew what was going on at home, neither of them reported it to the proper authorities. I have even been told by one of them that he was told, by Julie, that she ‘heard voices telling her to hurt the children’ but that she was proud that she could ignore the voices. Still, these Doctors reported nothing.
I should add here that it was at some point in this period of time in Julie’s life when her children began suicide watches over their mom… each one taking turns to sit in a room with her at all hours (night and day) because their mom was less-likely to hurt herself while they were here. However, it didn’t always work – Julie constantly took pills in front of them trying to either dope herself up or overdose, and she would even cut herself in front of the kids.
Finally one day, she woke up furious that her last suicide attempt didn’t work. She got violent with her oldest daughter, police were called, and finally DCF was called. (I would like to add that we (other family members) had called DCF in the past to report things, but some of the cases were ‘unfounded’ and one other time the fled the state knowing CF only had jurisdiction in Florida.) DCF removed the children from the home in November 2005 and I gained custody of the Children shortly thereafter.
There are lots of things I could add here about my sister, DCF, and the horrible Foster Care or Custodial Care program we are involved with. However, that is not my main reason for writing to you.
Kayte, the youngest, seems to be adjusting pretty well. She has a tendency to trivialize what her mom has done and the seriousness of it, but I think that is normal given that it is her mom. Kayte was in counseling, but she feels it’s ‘a waste of time’.
Justin, the middle child, is okay. As a young boy I'm told he was a terror. He used to hit his mother and at one point (only 6yo) tried to jump off a building to kill himself. Since then, his anger has turned in to an endless smothering of love and caring. He does everything for his mom… from getting her whatever she needs to rubbing her feet and back. Justin has seen a psychiatrist since moving in with me who felt that his issues were brought on by trauma. It was also at that visit with the psychiatrist that he confided in myself and the Doctor that he had suicidal thoughts often while living at home with his mom in her ‘state of being’ after his dad died. However, since he moved in with me he has done so much better (and continues to improve daily) that she didn’t feel he even needed counseling at this time. He would, however, need counseling before he was reunited with his mom.
Kayla, the oldest, has serious issues. She is also currently in counseling but feels that it is ‘a waste of time’. Kayla has always lied and stolen things. Family members feel sorry for her because you can tell that she doesn’t really mean any ill will by it, but it’s been ‘the way she is’ for a very long time. By far her biggest problems are lying and her need for approval by men (young and old).
Since the kids have moved in with us, my husband and I have set up rules. The kids already had myspace accounts, so we set ground rules for it. 1) We needed the login names and passwords. 2) Profiles must be set to private. 3) The only people they were allowed to have on their friends list was people that they actually knew. When Kayla’s list climbed over 300, and she was found to have inappropriate conversations (wanting to sneak out and ‘hook up’ with young men), we made everyone cut their list down to 30 friends, which included myself. 4) All vulgar language and inappropriate photos would come off immediately and would be monitored by myself at any given time. At times, they try to put up ‘sexy’ pictures which immediately need to come down.
However recently I have found that she has multiple website things going on in an attempt to pick up young men. I'll outline a few here so that you understand the gravity of the situation: 1) I found her 'normal' myspace account set to 'public view'. She has over 11,000 profile views(meaning people looking at her pictures and wanting to know more about her). I had reset it to private many times, but she keeps going back and resetting it to public. 2) I have found another myspace account which she went by the name 'Shannon' and used it to pick up young men, tease them, then later tell them that she was 'taken' but refer them to her 'cousin, Kayla'. She'd then give them all of Kayla's information. Of course thiswas also set to public. 3) I have found another social network website that was like myspace in which she had ONLY men (mostly from other states) as her 'friends' whom she corresponded with. The emails back and forth basically said the same thing as all of the others... more on that in #4 - only these were guys that not only did she not know, but they were not even in the area! 4) All accounts that I have found had basically the same thing... her emailing guys wanting to know if she was pretty, if they wanted to 'hook up', talking about going to their 'crib' or meeting up with them somewhere, and constantly seeking approval and affirmation from these guys.
I believe she gets this from her mom. And the sad thing is, if you met her, you would love her. She is truly a GREAT kid… but she has serious issues. I’ve described to you Julie’s behavior and Kayla’s seems to be the same way. Neither can make decisions on their own that are ‘the right thing to do’, and both lack the understanding of simple values, morals and ethics. I could go into so many examples. How do I describe the utterly amazing difference between Julie’s parenting style and my own?
I know... Both Julie and I have myspace accounts set up to ‘monitor’ the kids. To illustrate the difference between Julie and myself, here is something that Julie and I both put on our myspace accounts. You are supposed to put something 'about yourself' by your picture. Here is mine: "I'm 38 years old. I have two amazing kids, Amanda who is 20 and Jonathan who is 13. I have great husband, Chris. I love to sing - and have been singing in Toast of Tampa Show Chorus for 10 years. I'm raising my nieces and nephew (12, 13 and 14). I love God and my family."And here is Julie's: "I am who I am and if you dont like me for me........FUCK YOU........ Plus if you dont like me for me....... Im gunna tell my kids and there gunna kick yer ass!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Here’s the other dilemma we are having; the two girls are in counseling that is costing me $25 EACH in co-payments every time they go. The State of Florida provides NO financial support to me as a relative caregiver, other than providing the three kids with Medicaid. They received small SSI checks because of their dad’s death, but it barely covers the food they consume. The DCF worker, having spoke with the girls and being told that therapy is ‘a waste of time’, has referred me to a clinic that DCF uses for cases such as this to seek mental care for Kayla (aswell as the others). However, the kids have TriCare as their primary insurance because their dad died from Military causes. TriCare requires the co-payment, regardless of the Medicaid secondary. Having said that, please understand that I worked in referrals in a primary care physician’s office for 16 years… I totally ‘get’ what is required for primary and secondary insurances and all the red tape. But because of the uniqueness of this situation, the kids are suffering!
I should also point out here that I have the kids for an indefinite period of time. Right now Julie is doing things that she has been told to do to get the kids back. However, she is still awaiting a court ordered detailed Psychiatric exam to determine if she can EVER parent again. Even if that Psychiatrist feels she can parent again, she’ll most likely need to be ‘clean’ and ‘episode-free’ for 6 months to a year minimum. In addition, Julie is only allowed supervised visits and one phone call a day. This came about because of her inappropriate behavior when she was with the kids and because when she was allowed to call any time she’d call 10 + times a day.
The other problem with Julie ever getting her children back is that… she doesn’t understand what she did wrong. She parents as if she were 15-years old herself. If anyone has ever done something bad and been able to ‘keep’ their kids, she sees no reason she can’t do it. She brought her daughter at the age of 13 in for a HUGE tattoo on the small of her back. It’s Tigger flipping ‘the bird’ with her gang name under it. She was also planning on getting a large tattoo on her 12yo before the kids were taken. Again, she sees nothing wrong with any of her past behavior.
So, you see, I could have these children for the rest of their teenage years. I honestly don’t know where to turn to get them the help they need.
I feel as if I am in a psychiatric nightmare and I just can’t wake up. Eight months ago I was at home, my biggest ‘kid worry’ was if my son was going to get good grades on his report card. Now I find myself in a crux worried about whether or not the lessons I teach them, this late in their young life, are going to be enough to turn these kids around and help them to be productive adults in the near future.

Tina's Daily Blog

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Prayers for Justin

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