Tina's Daily Blog: World Series Night

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

World Series Night - Go Rays!

Oie, I'm having a bad day.

First, the Durango - the one we just fixed - broke again last night. Thank goodness that it's something Chris can fix this time. The power steering pump went out. It's getting to the 10-year mark, so I guess it's time that things are going to really start going out on it. But... we really need the Durango to last a few more years. I feel very fortunate that my little Mustang, now going to be 12 years old, is holding up well. I don't drive it far, which I guess helps. I might gripe about it now and again... heck, it has a spray-painted door, and when it rains the inside of my car gets very wet... but it sure does a good job of getting me from point A to point B.

I've applied for a LOT of jobs... and not had any calls yet for an interview. Bummer! Several of the jobs I've applied for using Craig's list have been for employment companies, not actually 'jobs' as they advertised for. One guy I called today was looking for an inside sales person for a plumbing company up in the North Dale Mabry/Lutz area. His ad said his company was 'recession proof'. Sounded like something I could do easily, so I called. In talking with the owner, he told me that he owned two companies, one a coffee shop of some kind (small), and the plumbing company. The plumbing company was doing so poorly that he closed the office, 'downsized' staff, and moved into the coffee shop to run the day-to-day business. He was hoping to hire someone to build the plumbing company back up. I kept thinking... if his business was down and he had to downsize his staff already - why did he advertise that his company was 'recession proof'? He told me I could come by the coffee shop to meet him... but I don't think that's something I want to do anymore.

And then I went to the school tonight to pick up Justin after football practice. He tells me that he hurt his knee and the trainer wants to talk to me. I pull up to the school and see Justin with this HUGE knee. They had an ice pack wrapped with an ace wrap around his knee. The trainer tells me that Justin was practicing football, went for a catch (he's a wide receiver) and jumped really high to catch the ball, fell on it wrong followed by someone falling on his knee. The trainer thinks he might have torn his ACL. Something about how his knee was moving and how quickly his knee swelled up. UGG

This means I need to get him to the doctors tomorrow. Only... tomorrow is a HORRIBLE day for me to miss any work. Remember that company that dropped us... the one that caused me to be told that my position is going to part time in January? Well, another company - a competitor for the one who is dropping us - wants to hire us. They are coming to our office tomorrow to meet with us first thing in the morning.

But - sometime tomorrow - I have to call the primary care doctor. He will probably want to see Justin. Maybe get an X-Ray of his knee. Then he'll probably refer us to the Orthopedic doctors. When the heck am I going to be able to do all this?????

And the Rays, so far - top of the 5th - are not winning. Sigh....

Chris and Michelle are AT the World Series. Michelle, who's company is a corporate sponsor with the Rays, got the call yesterday that her guy there was going to give her two tickets to the game tonight. Oh... not 'just' tickets. They get tickets to the Whitney Bank Club seats. Free food (good food!), free drinks, leather seats............. sigh. But I'm happy they are there enjoying the game. What a great friend that - when given extra tickets, even for the flipping World Series - calls us to go with her. :o) Usually she gets four seats, but - this being the World Series - she only got two.

I'm here with the four kids... which I took to dinner. It was going to be just Jono and I... but then Kayla and Kayte came home, and Justin called to be picked up. So we all had dinner.

So, I'm here - watching the game on the sofa all by myself.

I just put all the kids to bed. By 'put to bed' I mean that I told them for the past 20 minutes to go to bed... then went upstairs to get them to turn off TV's and lights and all that stuff. Sheesh.

Justin tells me he doesn't feel well... he thinks that he is running a fever. I check it - and sure enough... low grade fever. On top of everything else... a FEVER!?!?

Chris just called - their Rays guy just moved them to seats 116, which have been 'our seats' all year long - right on top of the Rays' dugout. He wants me to watch for them on TV. From the Whitney Banks Club where they get to eat and drink all they want... and now on top of the dugout? SHEESH!

I sure hope the game doesn't go on too long tonight. I have to get some sleep - Justin, who can barely hobble around on his knee - has to get going early tomorrow morning in order to catch the bus. He is usually the last one up, the last one out the door - and only ONCE, I'm told, he's actually made it to his bus stop in time to catch the bus to school. He usually ends up missing it and having to run and catch the bus at another stop. No running tomorrow... and I have a bad feeling that he's going to be knocking on my door at 6:45 in the morning telling me that he's missed the bus completely. We'll see....

I think it's time to open a bottle of wine, pour a glass, and get in the hot tub. LOL There' s a TV out there, I can watch and relax at the same time. :o)

I think this is the quote I need to focus on whenever I get frustrated about finding a job. I'll leave you with this for the night...

"Focus more on your desire than on your doubt, and the dream will take care of itself. You may be surprised at how easily this happens. Your doubts are not as powerful as your desires, unless you make them so." -Marcia Wieder-

2 comments:

Anonymous said...: Justin should NOT be walking at all on that leg. The coach is probably right, and torn ligaments get worse with use. I've had 2 knee surgeries involving torn ligaments; it really hurts, and that's probably why he's running a fever also.

You will find a job, may not be ideal for now, but it will happen. Keeping a positive outlook will help.
Deb; 12:29 PM
Anonymous said...: You wouldn't have been alone last night if you had brought me over there... *hmph*; 4:33 PM

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In A Nutshell:

Here is a letter I sent to Dr. Phil which really sums everything up:
I am married to my high-school sweetheart (20 years this August), with two wonderful children (Amanda who is 20 and Jonathan who is 13). I have two sisters, both younger – I call them “my good sister” and “my bad sister”. My good sister is – well, good! Normal in every way. The bad one, Julie, has been in trouble since she was a kid. As a baby she cried all of the time. As a teenager she was in trouble all of the time. At the age of 14 or so I remember that she had run away from home to live with a grown man in Atlanta. This was one of many run a ways. As a teenager, she provided sexual favors to boys in school, as well as teachers. As a young adult she was arrested for prostitution. She’s done drugs ranging from marijuana to crack. She was diagnosed early on as bi-polar with personality disorder. She’s also a serious cutter to the point where she no longer hid the cuts. She’s cut things like “Ronald Cecchinni” into her arm… and “Fuck you Dr. XXX” on her stomach, in large letters. Julie is also a diagnosed sex-addict. She’s also recently (in the past year) begun ‘huffing’. (I honestly believe that this huffing has caused some permanent damage) She is currently 36yo.
Julie lost her husband Ron a year and a half ago as a result of Leukemia and Kidney Disease which the military attributed to his serving in the Gulf War. He left behind three children – Kayla who is now 15, Justin who is now 14 and Kayte who is now 13. Even when Julie was married, her psychiatric problems persisted. She has been hospitalized literally hundreds of times over the years. However, when her husband was alive, he would take care of the kids when Julie was mentally out of control. After Ron died, Julie lost control of the kids and her life. She began to spiral out of control, having pot parties at her home (to the point where the kids said a door would open and a cloud of smoke would come bellowing out of the room), smoking weed with her own kids, having sex all over the house with different men all the time, allowing young men (19 yo) to sleep over with her oldest daughter (only 14 at the time), and allowing Gang members to live in her home (she said she felt ‘safe’ with them there). In addition, she was attempting suicide daily, overdosing on medications hoping to not wake up the next morning. Mind you all of this while she was seeing her Psychologist every week and Psychiatrist once a month. Both of these Doctors knew what was going on at home, neither of them reported it to the proper authorities. I have even been told by one of them that he was told, by Julie, that she ‘heard voices telling her to hurt the children’ but that she was proud that she could ignore the voices. Still, these Doctors reported nothing.
I should add here that it was at some point in this period of time in Julie’s life when her children began suicide watches over their mom… each one taking turns to sit in a room with her at all hours (night and day) because their mom was less-likely to hurt herself while they were here. However, it didn’t always work – Julie constantly took pills in front of them trying to either dope herself up or overdose, and she would even cut herself in front of the kids.
Finally one day, she woke up furious that her last suicide attempt didn’t work. She got violent with her oldest daughter, police were called, and finally DCF was called. (I would like to add that we (other family members) had called DCF in the past to report things, but some of the cases were ‘unfounded’ and one other time the fled the state knowing CF only had jurisdiction in Florida.) DCF removed the children from the home in November 2005 and I gained custody of the Children shortly thereafter.
There are lots of things I could add here about my sister, DCF, and the horrible Foster Care or Custodial Care program we are involved with. However, that is not my main reason for writing to you.
Kayte, the youngest, seems to be adjusting pretty well. She has a tendency to trivialize what her mom has done and the seriousness of it, but I think that is normal given that it is her mom. Kayte was in counseling, but she feels it’s ‘a waste of time’.
Justin, the middle child, is okay. As a young boy I'm told he was a terror. He used to hit his mother and at one point (only 6yo) tried to jump off a building to kill himself. Since then, his anger has turned in to an endless smothering of love and caring. He does everything for his mom… from getting her whatever she needs to rubbing her feet and back. Justin has seen a psychiatrist since moving in with me who felt that his issues were brought on by trauma. It was also at that visit with the psychiatrist that he confided in myself and the Doctor that he had suicidal thoughts often while living at home with his mom in her ‘state of being’ after his dad died. However, since he moved in with me he has done so much better (and continues to improve daily) that she didn’t feel he even needed counseling at this time. He would, however, need counseling before he was reunited with his mom.
Kayla, the oldest, has serious issues. She is also currently in counseling but feels that it is ‘a waste of time’. Kayla has always lied and stolen things. Family members feel sorry for her because you can tell that she doesn’t really mean any ill will by it, but it’s been ‘the way she is’ for a very long time. By far her biggest problems are lying and her need for approval by men (young and old).
Since the kids have moved in with us, my husband and I have set up rules. The kids already had myspace accounts, so we set ground rules for it. 1) We needed the login names and passwords. 2) Profiles must be set to private. 3) The only people they were allowed to have on their friends list was people that they actually knew. When Kayla’s list climbed over 300, and she was found to have inappropriate conversations (wanting to sneak out and ‘hook up’ with young men), we made everyone cut their list down to 30 friends, which included myself. 4) All vulgar language and inappropriate photos would come off immediately and would be monitored by myself at any given time. At times, they try to put up ‘sexy’ pictures which immediately need to come down.
However recently I have found that she has multiple website things going on in an attempt to pick up young men. I'll outline a few here so that you understand the gravity of the situation: 1) I found her 'normal' myspace account set to 'public view'. She has over 11,000 profile views(meaning people looking at her pictures and wanting to know more about her). I had reset it to private many times, but she keeps going back and resetting it to public. 2) I have found another myspace account which she went by the name 'Shannon' and used it to pick up young men, tease them, then later tell them that she was 'taken' but refer them to her 'cousin, Kayla'. She'd then give them all of Kayla's information. Of course thiswas also set to public. 3) I have found another social network website that was like myspace in which she had ONLY men (mostly from other states) as her 'friends' whom she corresponded with. The emails back and forth basically said the same thing as all of the others... more on that in #4 - only these were guys that not only did she not know, but they were not even in the area! 4) All accounts that I have found had basically the same thing... her emailing guys wanting to know if she was pretty, if they wanted to 'hook up', talking about going to their 'crib' or meeting up with them somewhere, and constantly seeking approval and affirmation from these guys.
I believe she gets this from her mom. And the sad thing is, if you met her, you would love her. She is truly a GREAT kid… but she has serious issues. I’ve described to you Julie’s behavior and Kayla’s seems to be the same way. Neither can make decisions on their own that are ‘the right thing to do’, and both lack the understanding of simple values, morals and ethics. I could go into so many examples. How do I describe the utterly amazing difference between Julie’s parenting style and my own?
I know... Both Julie and I have myspace accounts set up to ‘monitor’ the kids. To illustrate the difference between Julie and myself, here is something that Julie and I both put on our myspace accounts. You are supposed to put something 'about yourself' by your picture. Here is mine: "I'm 38 years old. I have two amazing kids, Amanda who is 20 and Jonathan who is 13. I have great husband, Chris. I love to sing - and have been singing in Toast of Tampa Show Chorus for 10 years. I'm raising my nieces and nephew (12, 13 and 14). I love God and my family."And here is Julie's: "I am who I am and if you dont like me for me........FUCK YOU........ Plus if you dont like me for me....... Im gunna tell my kids and there gunna kick yer ass!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Here’s the other dilemma we are having; the two girls are in counseling that is costing me $25 EACH in co-payments every time they go. The State of Florida provides NO financial support to me as a relative caregiver, other than providing the three kids with Medicaid. They received small SSI checks because of their dad’s death, but it barely covers the food they consume. The DCF worker, having spoke with the girls and being told that therapy is ‘a waste of time’, has referred me to a clinic that DCF uses for cases such as this to seek mental care for Kayla (aswell as the others). However, the kids have TriCare as their primary insurance because their dad died from Military causes. TriCare requires the co-payment, regardless of the Medicaid secondary. Having said that, please understand that I worked in referrals in a primary care physician’s office for 16 years… I totally ‘get’ what is required for primary and secondary insurances and all the red tape. But because of the uniqueness of this situation, the kids are suffering!
I should also point out here that I have the kids for an indefinite period of time. Right now Julie is doing things that she has been told to do to get the kids back. However, she is still awaiting a court ordered detailed Psychiatric exam to determine if she can EVER parent again. Even if that Psychiatrist feels she can parent again, she’ll most likely need to be ‘clean’ and ‘episode-free’ for 6 months to a year minimum. In addition, Julie is only allowed supervised visits and one phone call a day. This came about because of her inappropriate behavior when she was with the kids and because when she was allowed to call any time she’d call 10 + times a day.
The other problem with Julie ever getting her children back is that… she doesn’t understand what she did wrong. She parents as if she were 15-years old herself. If anyone has ever done something bad and been able to ‘keep’ their kids, she sees no reason she can’t do it. She brought her daughter at the age of 13 in for a HUGE tattoo on the small of her back. It’s Tigger flipping ‘the bird’ with her gang name under it. She was also planning on getting a large tattoo on her 12yo before the kids were taken. Again, she sees nothing wrong with any of her past behavior.
So, you see, I could have these children for the rest of their teenage years. I honestly don’t know where to turn to get them the help they need.
I feel as if I am in a psychiatric nightmare and I just can’t wake up. Eight months ago I was at home, my biggest ‘kid worry’ was if my son was going to get good grades on his report card. Now I find myself in a crux worried about whether or not the lessons I teach them, this late in their young life, are going to be enough to turn these kids around and help them to be productive adults in the near future.

Tina's Daily Blog

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

World Series Night - Go Rays!

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