Tina's Daily Blog: Jonathan's Birthday and Schtuff...

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Jonathan's Birthday and Schtuff...

Wow! I haven't gone one day without a full post since I started this blog. Whew... it truly was that crazy of a day yesterday!

It started with a fiasco involving Julie. (doesn't it always start that way?) You see, I offered to pay Julie's mortgage for her, as long as she gives me money from the VA (which the VA should be giving to the kids anyways, but they won't for some reason). On February 1st, I paid her mortgage for Feb. using my online billpay with Bank of America. Julie gave me an account number, and address which included a building number and a suite number. Well, her mortgage company called her yesterday because they never received the payment. (When you pay with billpay, the money is deducted from you account immedaitely, so I didn't know this). Long story short - the account number, address, building number and suite number that Julie gave me were all wrong. My bank had to stop payment on that check, and in a few days they will credit my account again. Of course, Julie called again and begged me to pay it immediately - she couldn't wait the 48 hours it was going to take, and I ended up paying it. But I told her that 1) this was her mistake and 2) not to bother me too much about it because I still haven't paid my own Feb mortgage and I was pissed off about it. But she's happy now because she is taken care of. Those of you who know her know, it's always about Julie. I spent roughly 2 hours on this yesterday. I didn't have 2 hours to give, but I did it.

Then we had to go to Church where we became new members and were introduced. It was very nice, and it was wonderful having Evie, Jimmie and Mom there with us. We were supposed to get up after the introductions and leave (I had even cleared this with the pastor) - but - right at that time, the guest speaker was talking. He was a young high school Sunday school teacher. And... he was very very nervous. His opening prayer to God was about how he knew he wasn't good at talking in front of people and asking God to help him. He was visably insecure - and I could only think, "how would this young man feel watching 9 people (an entire pew) get up and walk out". LOL Needless to say - we stayed put and left afterwards. This put us eating a little late, but, we still got done about 10pm. Not too bad. :o)

So... there is a buzz around my office here at work today. Not a buzz like 'talking' -- but rather -- a real buzz! Yesterday we had a serious honey bee problem outside our windows here at work. They managed to get into the ceiling and kept hitting the drop-down tile till they got into the office. Dozens of them. I have two bosses (brothers) Steven and David. David is highly allergic to Bees and thank goodness he wasn't here. Steve and I probably killed 50 bees yesterday. We called the landlord and turned the AC down before leaving for the night (figuring the bees wouldn't like it). This morning we come in to many more bees. First of all, there were all these bees all over the place dead (or nearly dead) - I suppose they really didn't like the AC. Probably more than 100 dead bees. But outside and inside on the window a totally different story. There's a swarm who've made a home outside on the overhang over the window by David's office. Hundreds of bees. So, I call the landlord again. It'd difficult to get her to understand that they are IN the office everywhere. Outside yes, but inside as well. She calls her bug guy - but guess what? He doesn't do honey bees and suggests she call a beekeeper. (Now I'm feeling like I'm on animal planet television!) She calls a bee company and they'll be out after lunch. Great! So... I try to go to lunch, and I can't. The swarm is 'swarming' and they are all over the stairs (the only way to the parking lot). It's not just me, people in the other offices are afraid to go down as well. Finally it calms down and I go to my car only to look up and see our window overhang covered with bees - like - you see no building - only bees - layer and layer of bees. *shivers*

So, the bee guy comes right after lunch. He's like really impressed with the swarm. He finds it 'cool'. We just want them dead. He said he'll be back later to get them. This should be fun to watch. I just went into David's office to look at them. There are hundreds of them just laying there - which appear to be dead. I touched one - and guess what? You guessed it. Not dead. They must be hybernating because it's so freezing in here. (down to 60 at the moment). But not dead. Still dozens and dozens others flying into the glass trying to get out (the windows don't open) - it sounds FREAKY. The funny thing is that, for the most part, these little guys are kind of nice. I mean, it looks and sounds horriffic. But, you can walk right up to them swarming and they (so far) haven't stung me. *knocks on wood*

Back at home now (saved my blog so I could work on it later). I'm really not feeling all that well right now, have a horrible headache. But wanted to share one quick thing with you before I go to bed.

Chris and I have talked to the kids about common courtesy. In particular when it comes to doing clothes. They have a schedule and are all to do their clothes once a week. So.... tonight... we run out of towels. Yes, 40 towels - all dirty and in their rooms. We tell them they HAVE to do towels tonight, and tell them that if they HAD been doing their chores as was on the chart, this would not be an issue. So... they start towels (I have a load in the dryer from last night I hadn't finished). When it comes time to put the towels in the dryer - Kayte sees the clean clothes in there and what does she do? Bring them to me? No. Fold them? No. Put them in a hamper to be folded later? No. Tosses them all over a dirty floor, mixed with dirty clothes that are on the floor (because there has not once since they moved in been a time when all the clothes were ever done and nothing was in the laundry room). Just pure inconsiderate. And... we've had this talk before - about helping out in the house - pulling your weight - being considerate. It just plain and simply doesn't sink in. Not to mention they couldn't even finish one load of towels and now nobody has any for the morning. Sigh.

I'm frustrated and not feeling well so am going to bed. Goodnight!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...: Tina, I am afraid that you will be hitting a brick wall with your talks. The kids need to be taught from scratch, as if infants. They really have no clue, don't care and I worry that this burden is too much for you. Are there any places where the kids can go to learn by professionals?; 11:25 AM

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In A Nutshell:

Here is a letter I sent to Dr. Phil which really sums everything up:
I am married to my high-school sweetheart (20 years this August), with two wonderful children (Amanda who is 20 and Jonathan who is 13). I have two sisters, both younger – I call them “my good sister” and “my bad sister”. My good sister is – well, good! Normal in every way. The bad one, Julie, has been in trouble since she was a kid. As a baby she cried all of the time. As a teenager she was in trouble all of the time. At the age of 14 or so I remember that she had run away from home to live with a grown man in Atlanta. This was one of many run a ways. As a teenager, she provided sexual favors to boys in school, as well as teachers. As a young adult she was arrested for prostitution. She’s done drugs ranging from marijuana to crack. She was diagnosed early on as bi-polar with personality disorder. She’s also a serious cutter to the point where she no longer hid the cuts. She’s cut things like “Ronald Cecchinni” into her arm… and “Fuck you Dr. XXX” on her stomach, in large letters. Julie is also a diagnosed sex-addict. She’s also recently (in the past year) begun ‘huffing’. (I honestly believe that this huffing has caused some permanent damage) She is currently 36yo.
Julie lost her husband Ron a year and a half ago as a result of Leukemia and Kidney Disease which the military attributed to his serving in the Gulf War. He left behind three children – Kayla who is now 15, Justin who is now 14 and Kayte who is now 13. Even when Julie was married, her psychiatric problems persisted. She has been hospitalized literally hundreds of times over the years. However, when her husband was alive, he would take care of the kids when Julie was mentally out of control. After Ron died, Julie lost control of the kids and her life. She began to spiral out of control, having pot parties at her home (to the point where the kids said a door would open and a cloud of smoke would come bellowing out of the room), smoking weed with her own kids, having sex all over the house with different men all the time, allowing young men (19 yo) to sleep over with her oldest daughter (only 14 at the time), and allowing Gang members to live in her home (she said she felt ‘safe’ with them there). In addition, she was attempting suicide daily, overdosing on medications hoping to not wake up the next morning. Mind you all of this while she was seeing her Psychologist every week and Psychiatrist once a month. Both of these Doctors knew what was going on at home, neither of them reported it to the proper authorities. I have even been told by one of them that he was told, by Julie, that she ‘heard voices telling her to hurt the children’ but that she was proud that she could ignore the voices. Still, these Doctors reported nothing.
I should add here that it was at some point in this period of time in Julie’s life when her children began suicide watches over their mom… each one taking turns to sit in a room with her at all hours (night and day) because their mom was less-likely to hurt herself while they were here. However, it didn’t always work – Julie constantly took pills in front of them trying to either dope herself up or overdose, and she would even cut herself in front of the kids.
Finally one day, she woke up furious that her last suicide attempt didn’t work. She got violent with her oldest daughter, police were called, and finally DCF was called. (I would like to add that we (other family members) had called DCF in the past to report things, but some of the cases were ‘unfounded’ and one other time the fled the state knowing CF only had jurisdiction in Florida.) DCF removed the children from the home in November 2005 and I gained custody of the Children shortly thereafter.
There are lots of things I could add here about my sister, DCF, and the horrible Foster Care or Custodial Care program we are involved with. However, that is not my main reason for writing to you.
Kayte, the youngest, seems to be adjusting pretty well. She has a tendency to trivialize what her mom has done and the seriousness of it, but I think that is normal given that it is her mom. Kayte was in counseling, but she feels it’s ‘a waste of time’.
Justin, the middle child, is okay. As a young boy I'm told he was a terror. He used to hit his mother and at one point (only 6yo) tried to jump off a building to kill himself. Since then, his anger has turned in to an endless smothering of love and caring. He does everything for his mom… from getting her whatever she needs to rubbing her feet and back. Justin has seen a psychiatrist since moving in with me who felt that his issues were brought on by trauma. It was also at that visit with the psychiatrist that he confided in myself and the Doctor that he had suicidal thoughts often while living at home with his mom in her ‘state of being’ after his dad died. However, since he moved in with me he has done so much better (and continues to improve daily) that she didn’t feel he even needed counseling at this time. He would, however, need counseling before he was reunited with his mom.
Kayla, the oldest, has serious issues. She is also currently in counseling but feels that it is ‘a waste of time’. Kayla has always lied and stolen things. Family members feel sorry for her because you can tell that she doesn’t really mean any ill will by it, but it’s been ‘the way she is’ for a very long time. By far her biggest problems are lying and her need for approval by men (young and old).
Since the kids have moved in with us, my husband and I have set up rules. The kids already had myspace accounts, so we set ground rules for it. 1) We needed the login names and passwords. 2) Profiles must be set to private. 3) The only people they were allowed to have on their friends list was people that they actually knew. When Kayla’s list climbed over 300, and she was found to have inappropriate conversations (wanting to sneak out and ‘hook up’ with young men), we made everyone cut their list down to 30 friends, which included myself. 4) All vulgar language and inappropriate photos would come off immediately and would be monitored by myself at any given time. At times, they try to put up ‘sexy’ pictures which immediately need to come down.
However recently I have found that she has multiple website things going on in an attempt to pick up young men. I'll outline a few here so that you understand the gravity of the situation: 1) I found her 'normal' myspace account set to 'public view'. She has over 11,000 profile views(meaning people looking at her pictures and wanting to know more about her). I had reset it to private many times, but she keeps going back and resetting it to public. 2) I have found another myspace account which she went by the name 'Shannon' and used it to pick up young men, tease them, then later tell them that she was 'taken' but refer them to her 'cousin, Kayla'. She'd then give them all of Kayla's information. Of course thiswas also set to public. 3) I have found another social network website that was like myspace in which she had ONLY men (mostly from other states) as her 'friends' whom she corresponded with. The emails back and forth basically said the same thing as all of the others... more on that in #4 - only these were guys that not only did she not know, but they were not even in the area! 4) All accounts that I have found had basically the same thing... her emailing guys wanting to know if she was pretty, if they wanted to 'hook up', talking about going to their 'crib' or meeting up with them somewhere, and constantly seeking approval and affirmation from these guys.
I believe she gets this from her mom. And the sad thing is, if you met her, you would love her. She is truly a GREAT kid… but she has serious issues. I’ve described to you Julie’s behavior and Kayla’s seems to be the same way. Neither can make decisions on their own that are ‘the right thing to do’, and both lack the understanding of simple values, morals and ethics. I could go into so many examples. How do I describe the utterly amazing difference between Julie’s parenting style and my own?
I know... Both Julie and I have myspace accounts set up to ‘monitor’ the kids. To illustrate the difference between Julie and myself, here is something that Julie and I both put on our myspace accounts. You are supposed to put something 'about yourself' by your picture. Here is mine: "I'm 38 years old. I have two amazing kids, Amanda who is 20 and Jonathan who is 13. I have great husband, Chris. I love to sing - and have been singing in Toast of Tampa Show Chorus for 10 years. I'm raising my nieces and nephew (12, 13 and 14). I love God and my family."And here is Julie's: "I am who I am and if you dont like me for me........FUCK YOU........ Plus if you dont like me for me....... Im gunna tell my kids and there gunna kick yer ass!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Here’s the other dilemma we are having; the two girls are in counseling that is costing me $25 EACH in co-payments every time they go. The State of Florida provides NO financial support to me as a relative caregiver, other than providing the three kids with Medicaid. They received small SSI checks because of their dad’s death, but it barely covers the food they consume. The DCF worker, having spoke with the girls and being told that therapy is ‘a waste of time’, has referred me to a clinic that DCF uses for cases such as this to seek mental care for Kayla (aswell as the others). However, the kids have TriCare as their primary insurance because their dad died from Military causes. TriCare requires the co-payment, regardless of the Medicaid secondary. Having said that, please understand that I worked in referrals in a primary care physician’s office for 16 years… I totally ‘get’ what is required for primary and secondary insurances and all the red tape. But because of the uniqueness of this situation, the kids are suffering!
I should also point out here that I have the kids for an indefinite period of time. Right now Julie is doing things that she has been told to do to get the kids back. However, she is still awaiting a court ordered detailed Psychiatric exam to determine if she can EVER parent again. Even if that Psychiatrist feels she can parent again, she’ll most likely need to be ‘clean’ and ‘episode-free’ for 6 months to a year minimum. In addition, Julie is only allowed supervised visits and one phone call a day. This came about because of her inappropriate behavior when she was with the kids and because when she was allowed to call any time she’d call 10 + times a day.
The other problem with Julie ever getting her children back is that… she doesn’t understand what she did wrong. She parents as if she were 15-years old herself. If anyone has ever done something bad and been able to ‘keep’ their kids, she sees no reason she can’t do it. She brought her daughter at the age of 13 in for a HUGE tattoo on the small of her back. It’s Tigger flipping ‘the bird’ with her gang name under it. She was also planning on getting a large tattoo on her 12yo before the kids were taken. Again, she sees nothing wrong with any of her past behavior.
So, you see, I could have these children for the rest of their teenage years. I honestly don’t know where to turn to get them the help they need.
I feel as if I am in a psychiatric nightmare and I just can’t wake up. Eight months ago I was at home, my biggest ‘kid worry’ was if my son was going to get good grades on his report card. Now I find myself in a crux worried about whether or not the lessons I teach them, this late in their young life, are going to be enough to turn these kids around and help them to be productive adults in the near future.

Tina's Daily Blog

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Jonathan's Birthday and Schtuff...

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