Last night was incredibly surreal. Doug was pretty bad (putting it mildly) - he just kept walking around the house and making demands of people. He's also now beginning to hurt us - but he doesn't realize it. He'll talk to you and grab your arm and squeeze it very very tightly, or he'll slap your back but very hard. Chris, Kayla and I all mentioned it last night - how it was really starting to hurt. Anyways... he just kept walking around, saying "I want this, I want that, I want to do this, do that for me". It got to the point about 8pm or so that he began to fall (he'd been on his feet a lot). Someone or something always caught him. But I think his little body was just so tired from being up all day, but he wouldn't listen to us telling him he needed to just sit for a little while. **sigh** At one point last night, he needed to clean off the kitchen table so he could eat (he's now completely taken over that table, which is okay with us). He had old photos and old papers scattered everywhere. He'd just move them into a pile, then they'd slide down, and he'd move them into a pile again. Photos and papers would fall on the floor, Chris would pick them up. Doug wanted no help, he wanted to do it himself. He repeated this same exact thing at LEAST four times when Chris called me in there to witness what he was doing. Again, photos and papers in a stack, slide down, in a stack, slide down, in a stack.... Chris and I agreed that if one more little thing happened (if he started to fall or made one itty bitty complaint) we were going to call 911 and get him to a hospital immediately. But he did okay and eventually he ate.
Doug now says he's happy with everyone at the moment - YEAH! But it's so confusing when he talks because I'm not sure how to help him. Last night he talked about: 1) staying with us 2) moving to Tennessee in his home 2) moving to Tenn to live in an apt there 3) moving to Tenn to live in an assisted living facility 4) finding a 1 bedroom apt here in Tampa 5) move into assisted living here in Tampa. This is just in the matter of hours at home.
Also throughout the night he discussed his funeral plans. It's a really good thing for Chris and he to talk about those things ahead of time. The funniest thing is how he feels about the French woman coming to visit with him on Monday. He can't wait for her, he is so excited. He wants to go out with her, keeps telling me to leave him some money so he can take her out to lunch. That is GREAT news! He keeps asking me, "what can she do for me?" I keep saying, pretty much anything you'd like, she can clean up for you, help you with your projects, cook for you, make your bed, wash your clothes, or just sit and talk to you." God, he's so happy. Speaking of God, now just pray that I'm going to be able to afford her. They are charging me $13.50 an hour, 4 hour minimum, to come out. So an extra $108 per week... surely I can find that somewhere, right? **Sigh** Yes, pray for him and for us. I know it may seem unethical, but pray that this money for these visits comes easily for us. I just think our days are going to be so much better if he's excited about a visit twice a week. And remember to pray for his brain scan on Friday - pray that it'll show what's going on so that we know for sure and can address it.
Onto my favorite subject, the kids! They've been doing pretty well. We have the "wow wall" up now, a big colorful wall in the dining room with "WOW WALL" in colorful letters and all their papers with A's and B's. It's funny, their friends come over, and they want to be put on the wall. No... not kidding... they really want to put their A's and B's up on the wall. Too funny! I told them - no - this is special just for our kids. So far Kayla's the only one with papers up, but the others are working on it.
Kayte was on the computer ALL NIGHT last night. She had a couple of times when she got off to do something else, but the majority of the night she was online. At one point, about 9 or so, I told her she'd been on the computer all night and needed to get off. She came down whining saying it wasn't true. I started to appease her, trying to explain how many times I walked by and saw her on the internet, how everyone else had done fun things throughout the night (basketball, etc) except her, she was online all the time. Like I said... I started to.... but then I said, "You know what Kayte, cut out the damn whining and just listen to me! I said get off the computer, I said I know you've been on it all night! You need to just tell me 'yes ma'am' and then stay off the computer! Don't come down here whining to me, just DO it! Or else I'll put you on restriction and you'll really have no computer for a while!" I felt so proud of myself for putting my foot down.
I talked to Jonathan last night about the kids going to summer camp. He told me that he'd feel really sad if they went and he stayed home. I'm afraid that some of my feelings might have influenced him, so I'm going to talk to him about it again to make sure how he feels. I mean, I do feel bad because the kids have an opportunity to go to summer camp that would have cost about $4,500 for only only $150 out of pocket. But at the same time, I feel so sad that it excludes Jonathan. **Sigh**
Okay - Just talked to Karen about something else that happened last night. Go grab some tea and come back and read this... I'll wait.................
Okay, so the other day at the Family Therapy session we discussed many things. (Won't go into all of it here, don't worry) One of the things I told Julie was that she needed to "Be Careful" when talking to the kids about David. David is an ex-boyfriend from some other state that lived with her once before. He moved in with Julie again on Wednesday this week. The kids and I have talked about it some and they have mixed feelings. Everyone seems to like David, but all of them want their mom to date someone normal, not have men (including David) move in with her to be there all the time. But my conversation at the therapy session was just to tell Julie to handle the conversation as it pertained to David carefully so as not to upset the kids. I also told Julie that with Kayla going to therapy now, and she may be extra emotional so to expect that there will be some old wounds open back up, that it was normal and to allow Kayla to work through it herself with her therapist.
So... what did Julie do yesterday first thing after school? Yep, she called the kids and asked them why they "told Auntie Tina they didn't like David". She said other things I know, but I wasn't home and didn't hear anything until Kayla buzzed me on instant messenger. She told me that she needed help - she was on the phone with her mom and her mom asked her to lie to me and to tell me that she was just kidding about the whole "David" thing. Kayla tells me "I don't want to lie to you". (Note that it was a huge step for Kayla to say that) Kayla was very upset, and I immediately called Julie. I told her to STOP talking to the kids about David, and about what we talked about. She told me that I lied in therapy, that Kayla was the only one who had a problem with David (this meaning she's asked Kayte and Justin how they feel about it - again, doing what I asked her not to do). Kayte was mad when I got home, I assume because her mom put her in the middle.... Julie asking her "why did you tell Auntie Tina this"... and Kayte feeling betrayed. God that makes my heart hurt. So Kayla and I discussed it all at length last night. Kayla is not ready for anyone to come in and take the place her daddy. I talked to her about that... telling her that "some day someone might come into your mom's life - she'll fall in love and want to get married" and that - if and when that might happen - she didn't have to love this man, but that maybe her dad was up in heaven trying to find someone right to help take care of Julie. Kayla told me that her mom told her the only reason Kayla was so upset was because she was in therapy now. First of all, that leads Kayla to believe that the therapy is causing her to feel upset. And - just my opinion here - if Julie hadn't messed up their life so terribly for so many years - they wouldn't NEED therapy, so it's not the therapist's fault, it's Julie's fault in my eyes. Anyways, I digress....
I called Karen and told her of everything that happened last night. Her words: "This is a big fat waste of time" "Julie never grew up" "She's acting like a mid-schooler" and Julie is "So incredibly juvenile". Karen had expected Julie to take the info I gave her about how the kids felt about the 'David situation' and just take it to heart and for Julie to not involve the kids. But Julie did do exactly that - brought the kids smack dab into the middle of it. Karen's words "Julie is not my priority, the kids are my legal responsibility". Karen is furious. She first called Dr. Vergeese and told him that she was taking away all unsupervised contact of the kids - phone or person, and that she might resume contact after Vergeese would put - in writing - that he feels that Julie can take information and not involve the kids, not put them in the middle. Then she called Julie and told her that phone calls were now not allowed and that Karen herself was going to supervise any and all contact, 1 hour every other week, until Julie could get some help to better understand how to be and act like a grown-up mom. Karen also said that she was beginning to feel unsure about Vergeese and Vijapuri's role in all of this. She now wonders... if they've been treating her all this time (since Julie was a teenager) and it's not worked, why would anyone expect these same doctors to be able to help Julie now? Maybe she needs to see someone else? And lastly, Karen can't find anyone to provide parenting classes for Julie. She had given the file to all of the state's resources - and every one of them rejected the case saying they could not help her. Oh Lordy... that's really not good. We're talking everything from classroom parenting classes to one-on-one parenting counseling - she doesn't know where else to go.
Anyways, I better run. Thank you for reading this, thank you for keeping us in your prayers. Pray extra hard today for Julie and for Doug. I love you all...
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