Saturday, January 06, 2007

Soulmates

It's Saturday! Yeah.... a day to sleep in.... a day of rest......... NOT! LOL

I woke up at 8:30 this morning, Chris has gone to work and he took Jonathan with him to help out. Justin is still sleeping as is his friend who slept over last night. Kayte has been up for a while now and has checked her myspace probably 20 times already. Kayla is trying to figure out what to have for breakfast: cereal, waffles, or sausage biscuits. I thought it would be a good time to blog!

Julie came over for a visit last night and it was probably our best visit ever. She did very well, and asked multiple times if what she was doing was okay. She was extremely guarded, but it worked I guess because she did very well. She was going to bring over the movie "Jackass 2" but after watching half of it at home, she decided that she didn't want to bring it to my house. She described several of the scenes, and I'm VERY glad she didn't bring it. But... she did say that the kids could watch the movie at her house once they got home.

The only kind of weird conversation we had was about Kayla taking prescription medication for whatever is wrong with her. Julie doesn't want her on it. She says that it may start with Prozac, but that before long she'll be on all kinds of medication and Julie doesn't want her on the same road that she is traveling. Julie said that Kayla is diagnosed bi-polar, which is not true... they don't know for sure what she has. Julie kept saying she couldn't be bi-polar because she's never tried to kill herself. Again, not true for all bi-polar people, but you can't convince Julie of that. Julie believes that Kayla may end up exactly like her one day... and I think it scares the hell out of her. We tried to get Julie to see that Kayla is NOT exactly like her... but she wouldn't see it. It's sad really. What was odd was that she was contradicting herself... saying in one breath that she (Julie) wished that SHE had been diagnosed as a teenager because it might have made all the difference in the world.... she might be more normal now. But then when her daughter is diagnosed with something - Julie doesn't want her taking the medications. What is the benefit of knowing the diagnosis if you refuse to take the treatment for it? Does Julie think "just knowing" would have been what made the difference? I don't know... I can't fathom how Julie thinks... it makes my brain hurt to try.

I'm not sure what to do with Justin and baseball. He wants to try spring league baseball. There are a couple of problems with this - the first being that he can't play where he did for fall ball... we technically don't live in their district - we are supposed to go to Citrus Park. When I registered him for fall at Northside, they told me then that he shouldn't be playing there but they let him in the fall because it's more of a learning experience than being competitive, but explained very well that in the Spring he would HAVE to go to Citrus Park to play. All his friends from school go to Northside... he really wants to play there. But the rules state that he must go to Citrus Park. So, now he wants me to register him at Citrus. The problems are: he's not very good right now in baseball. (Remember his first hit of the fall season was the very last game) None of his friends go to Citrus Park. And it costs $120 just to sign him up. What if he gets there and realizes he hates it? What if we can't bring him to all the practices and games? I know that people with regular kids have a busy schedule when their kids play baseball... but take whatever normalcy there is in raising FOUR teens, and add to it Court dates, DCF visits, Guardian ad litem visits, Psychiatric appointments and therapist appointments -- it's gonna be CRAZY. And... do I really WANT to put myself and the family into this situation?? But then again... what if we do, and Justin goes, and he loves it and begins to do well in it? Sigh............... I really don't know what to do here. Anyone have advice????

So many times I feel so bad for all these kids. They are so terribly unsure of their future and where they are going to be. Sometimes I'll hear them talking about 'when they go home' they are going to do this or do that. Then other times I hear them making plans for a year from now when they are still here. It has to be hard on them mentally. I only hope that they know that wherever they are going to be... they are going to be loved and safe. These should be the two most important words for them... loved and safe.

AARRGGHHHH... the scale! I've been trying to lose one more pound for a BIG goal of mine... but can I do it??? Nooooooo of course not! One stinkin pound. Maybe I should get out and walk today.... or jump on the trampoline with the kids... geez I'm tired of waiting for this big pound to come off! Ha ha... maybe that's just it; 'waiting' for the pound to come off. The first 45 did indeed just fall off, maybe now I need to work a little. Sheesh!

I can't think of much else to blog about... so I'm going to share another funny story. My apologies to James who's already heard the story recently. :o) This is the story of something that happened to me when I was younger. Young. Naive. That was me.

Chris and I had been married - I guess about 10 years at this point in time. I had been trying to lose weight and I finally did it thanks to TOPS (Taking Off Pounds Sensibly)! Down to my goal weight and looking good back then I might add. I had a friend who was.... manly looking I guess is a good word for it... but we were friends since birth! We decided, with my husband's blessing, to go out to a bar. This would be my first bar experience and I was quite excited about it. Bringing along my friend that I'd known all my life was perfect.

I dressed rather cool, hip, and dare I even say sexy. (Half of the top was see-through) We went to a local sports bar... it was close and not 'club-like' so we thought it would be perfect. We sit down at the bar and nobody even knows I'm there. My friend, on the other hand, has guys talking to her and buying drinks left and right. I'm like... "WHAT is up with this??" And please understand.... I didn't want to get 'picked up', as I was perfectly happily married... but I'd been married to the man I met when I was 16 years old. I just wanted to see what it FELT like... He'd offer to buy me a drink or just sit and try to talk to me and then I'd turn him away, telling him I was happily married.

There I sit.... dejected.... alone... while all the guys are swarming my friend who doesn't look nearly as good as I did at the time! What the??....... then I realized...... my RING! Surely it had to be the ring!

So.... I took a deep breath, thought of my hubby whom I loved very much, and slipped the ring into my pocket.

Sure enough.... a man approaches. OH MY GOSH.... my heart is racing.... I think.... what am I going to say??? I've got to make sure I make it clear I'm married.... but he's ACTUALLY going to TALK to me!! (as my heart races)

He sits down next to me and tells me something cliche like "what's a woman like you doing in a place like this?" He thought two women looked a bit out of place in a sports bar. I said that I came here with my friend. He continues talking small talk and I'm trying to find the right time to break the news to him. He reaches over to whatever he had been holding in his left hand and puts it up onto the bar. Oh my GOSH... it's a bible! He then says "Let me tell you about Jesus."

No need to tell him I was married... this man PREACHED to me ALL night long. (Which was NOT long as I wanted nothing more than to get out of there.) In my heart of hearts I thought Chris had surely sent this man to me; My punishment for even thinking about taking off my ring.

Course, more than 10 years after this... I look back and totally laugh. I know I wasn't bad and I know that I didn't need to be punished. Innocent naive curiosity is all it was. And funny. Oh my goodness, if you could have seen my face when he whipped out that bible and began to preach to me. Not in a good Pastor Matthew kind of way... but in a Evangelistic speaking tongues kind of way. If anything, I now don't believe Chris sent that man to me... I believe God did. Because my God has a WONDERFUL sense of humor. :o)

Course it's ironic now that Chris and I don't wear our wedding bands. It's what happens when you pick out your wedding bands when you are 17 years old - things change - as do finger sizes!

And so I leave you with this quote I just found. It epitomizes how I feel about marriage. Chris and I didn't think we were soulmates when we met in High School. I thought he was cute. He thought... well... that's another story! Amanda happened... we married... and how is it possible that we are still in love and together after over 20 years???

People think they have to find their soulmate to have a good marriage. You're not going to "find" your soulmate. Anyone you meet already has soulmates. Their mother. Their father. Their lifelong friends. You get married, and after 20 years of loving, bearing and raising children, meeting challenges - then you'll have "created" your soulmate. Diane Sollee

2 comments:

jrflorance said...

While the preacher story is amusing, I really though the Applebee's experience was down right hilarious! I'm not sure how you work that into a blog, but I still laugh when I think about it.

Anonymous said...

Spring ball is extremely competitive. He will "try out" and be drafted by a team. If he is not good, he will not be drafted. Game over. Find out if you still would have to pay the $$ for the try outs. It may be a great learning experience for him, but a costly one for you. Don't think of the what-if's. If he makes the team, there will be ways of getting him to the games and practice. You should try to give them the opportunity to have as normal a time as possible.