I hate Myspace. Often times I hate computers. Part of me thinks that internet access should be in the same category as driving requirements - when you become of a certain age and are aware and have proven (by testing) that you are well aware of the consequences of poor decisions -- THEN you can do it.
Sigh ~
We had a problem with... of all people... Kayte. She's on Myspace very little now. Since she got a cell phone, and since we stopped the kids from using the home computers at ALL, she's not been on it much. (For the record, none of the kids being allowed on the home computer is a dream come true!) She can access her Myspace from friends houses mainly, which we did not object to and it's just every few days for a limited amount of time. As usual, I check their accounts on occasion.... Kayte's not-so-often because she's pretty 'kiddish' in her conversations: "what are you doing this weekend?" "I'm bored" "I love lip gloss", etc. But this past week I found some disturbing conversations as well as too many 'friends'. They are allowed to have 30 or so friends. She had 76. She is required to only add people she personally knows. She has a couple of guys whom she clearly didn't know.
One guy asked to be her friend, she said "do I know you?" and he said 'no' then made mention of how beautiful she was. She added him and the conversation that ensued was every parent's nightmare.
She told him she lived in Tampa, where she went to school, what mall she goes to, what she was doing, those kinds of things. Clearly a HUGE no-no. Additionally this guy continued to make references to her age (she told him she was only 13) and even at one point, when he was trying to 'hook up' with her said "I sure hope you are worth going to jail for" in which she replied "LOL. You are sweet." SWEET??? My heart stopped.
I just responded to this jerk as follows:
Hello. I am Kayte's legal guardian and I am writing from her account to tell you that I have read everything written to and from you to Kayte. Clearly she told you she was 13. Clearly you continued to make remarks about "going to jail" and "hooking up" with her - at one time stating "I hope you are worth going to jail for". Clearly you are an internet predator of some sort. I wonder if your employer, Verizon, is aware that you are attempting to pick up 13 year old girls? I wonder if the task force in Tampa that is assigned to this very thing would be interested in reading your conversations as well. I'm quite sure they would. I have one request for you - crawl back under the rock in which you came out from and never - EVER talk to my child or to any other child under age again.
Oh my lord my blood is boiling. What kind of a man hits on 13 year old kids? The answer is, only ONE kind of man... and for that very reason, this guy deserves harsh treatment if not criminal mischief charges.
We sat down and talked to Kayte about this. In her typical 'lawyer' fashion she defended herself. She said that she was aware that it was wrong, but did not think she was being stupid and said that it was "a very long time ago". Apparently Kayte's definition of a long time ago is 2 weeks. Then we told her that she, by her actions, was the epitome of "stupid" in what she did. In every single way possible what she did was wrong and against every rule we ever made for the kids. Don't give out personal info. Don't add people you don't know. I guess we left out the part about flirting with adult men... silly me. Although if she hadn't broke the first two rules, the third couldn't have happened.
Because this was an isolated incident and 99% of what she DOES do online on Myspace is okay.... we allowed her to keep her account. However, I'm going to check it DAILY now. And... I can't WAIT for the perv to write me back.
Okay... on to another conversation.
Chris and I are really trying to step up the physical love shown in our house. Hugging the kids often. Kissing them goodnight. I'll text Kayte in the middle of the day to tell her I love her. Writing something for Kayla saying I love you. Chris and I really thought that it was probably a big thing that they were missing since being away from their mom. It might seem like a 'given' that you'd do these things, but they are not OUR kids, ya know? We just didn't do it as much as we probably should. And with Jonathans' Asperger Syndrome, he's prone to be less affectionate to begin with. So... it's a good thing happening here at the Rhocchini house.
I didn't blog that Julie was out of the hospital - Palms of Pasadena - I think just one day, and had to go back to the emergency room. She went to Tampa General and was admitted for a couple of days. They couldn't believe that PoP discharged her without some kind of steroid for her lungs. (Remember, they didn't want to give her anything). Her breathing has been HORRIBLE since this whole thing started. The really weird thing is that her oxygen levels are okay... but her breathing is extremely labored.
She originally thought she was still going to be in the hospital last night and asked if I could bring the kids down to see her. Julie doesn't realize what her hospitalization has cost me.... the gas and food and other expenses. I told her I'd have to think about it, but I knew there would be no way I could spend the gas needed to get down there again. Then she found out she was getting discharged. She called wanting to see the kids for a visit. We had choir practice that night... which leaves me with one hour to get home, clean house, check homework, follow-up on chores, get dinner cooked, on the table, eaten and put away. Have you ever tried doing that for a family of 6 that included 4 teenagers? Tough stuff. So, I clearly told her NO... she could not come over. I knew when I hung up that wasn't going to be the last of it. I know my sister all too well.
She called back saying that she wanted to just 'swing by the house for 5 minutes to pick up a purse'. I said yes.... and made a mental note that if she tried to do anything more it was going to mean we'd have to re-discuss any kind of future visits. I don't mean to be mean here... but even 5 minutes given what I had to cram into an hour was almost too much. But I love my sister and wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt that she could "just swing by."
As it turned out, she wasn't able to come by. I think she was discharged from the hospital later that expected. I talked to her at 5-ish and she was on a breathing treatment still in the hospital. I guess it was for the best, ya know? I really didn't want to put her to the test. She's been through so much... we all have.
Really good news about Julie though is that she has decided to try to change psychiatrists! Away from Dr. Vijapuri and into the care of Dr. Pages who had treated her at TGH and Memorial. Granted Dr. Pages was the one that wrote out the dozen or so prescriptions that nearly killed Julie, but he was following orders from Julie's primary psychiatrist, Vijapuri. If this Dr. Pages will see her and will CARE about her and try treating her with more intense therapy and less medication... it'll be a great thing. At the same time, they recommend she find a new primary care doctor. Right now her doctor is the clinic in Brandon that every Military person needs to go to. They are SWAMPED and rarely can see her when she needs them. This change, too, could be a good thing.
The downfalls to all of this is that Julie is starting 'from scratch' with doctors who don't know her. They don't know her quirks, addictions, personality, her manipulative ways, etc. Julie even made mention of seeing Dr. Pages and just "starting all over". The only question I have is this... can you really start all over from the here and now and progress forward without really knowing and fully understanding what happened in the past? I'm sure that's completely debatable. But I tend to think no. I think this because both Mom and I clearly see when Julie is headed for disaster LONG before the paid professionals do. And that comes from one thing and one thing only: a clear understanding of Julie's past. Perhaps if Julie could find a way to make the family (Mom, Katie and I) fully participate in her psychiatric care from the beginning it might be beneficial to the doctor. Help with his 'learning curve', ya know? But then I fear that Julie might view it as some sort of attack. And truly, all anyone wants is the best for Julie.
But.... as I talk about this (or type is better worded I suppose).... I clearly know that absolutely none of this is in my control. And... I'm perfectly okay with that. If Julie were still in the process of 'getting her kids back' I would for sure have to play a role in her treatment. But - I think everyone at this time - and perhaps even Julie - realizes that it's not going to happen.
I was in contact with one of Julie's good friends while she was in the hospital when things were 'touch and go'. She told me that she was going to have a conversation with Julie when she was better... talking to her about what to let go of, what to hold on to, and what changes she could make to have a better and closer relationship with her kids - even though they are living with me. I explained to her my theory of how Julie could have sold her house, moved into a small apartment up in Carrollwood, and been around a lot more for the kids this past year. Been there for football games, baseball games, school meetings, etc. Yes, she still has to be supervised by me at all times, but -- when you are 5 minutes away vs. 60 minutes away... it's just logical that you're going to be around more. She completely agreed with this. But then she also made mention of Julie taking the equity from her home and putting it into an account for the kids college.... which we all know would never happen. But this friend does think like that... well educated... college degree... career woman.... it's almost odd that she is such good friends with Julie. But then again, Julie does tend to draw in a unique group of friends. I think that's because - if you really got to know her - you'd clearly see her HUGE heart of gold. :o)
What else is new?
Destruction of the house continues as a result of all the teenagers. Kayla's floor in her bedroom... once a nice white-ish gray peppered Berber Carpet is completely covered in hair gel gook. The furniture, dresser, night stand, carpet, everything has this ICK on it. I've told her that when she gets a job, the FIRST thing she is doing with the money is paying for a company to come in and clean that carpet. Then we'll have to get a throw rug of some sort in there to protect the clean carpet (assuming they are actually able to clean it). I say it all the time... but you really CANT imagine how much hair stuff that girl uses. And... it's EVERYWHERE. The funny thing is that she has the 'cleanest' room. Neat-wise that is, not goopy floors and furniture-wise.
Chris and I decided at lunch today that we are going to HAVE to get a lock for our bedroom door. I keep losing things... not big things, small things. Hair dryer. Iron. Socks. Tweezers. The sock problem is crazy because I should be able to find them! Surely they are WASHED with someone's clothes every week, right? But I find socks everywhere. One on the floor. Three on in my car. One by the pool. Five by the trampoline. One under the sofa. Never pairs left somewhere.... just multiple odd socks everywhere. And the tweezers drive me INSANE. I am one of those people who has a place for everything and everything in it's place. I keep everything in the same spot and always put it back when done. Extremely anal about that. And since, once again, my tweezers have grown legs and walked out of my room, I'm now going to have to purchase my 8th pair of tweezers. Yeah, yeah... only cost - what - $5? But that's not the point! I know what some of you are thinking.... "go into their room and find them and take them back!" To those I say... you haven't seen their room. It's often a miracle they can find their beds! Some might say "Just ask who took them and ask them to bring them back!" To those I say.... NOBODY ever does it. I swear to God, I am waiting for the one day that I know this will happen... I will see someone with it IN THEIR HANDS and ask why they took it, and that person will say they didn't do it. I just know it'll happen! LOL
Well, I better run for now. I leave you with this on this happy Friday:
If you want happiness for an hour - take a nap.
If you want happiness for a day - go fishing.
If you want happiness for a year - inherit a fortune.
If you want happiness for a lifetime - help someone else.
Chinese Proverb
My sister has had mental problems all of her life. In December 2005 she was into drugs and gangs and consequently lost custody of her three kids, ages 12, 13 and 14. Her kids were going to be sent to foster care and I knew we had to take them in. With the addtion of the kids plus our son, our Daughter and Chris's father we were suddenly a family of eight! I thought it would help to keep a journal of the daily happenings of our lives as it seems that every day holds something new for us.
Have Tina's Daily Blog sent to your email address:
Followers
About Me
- Tina
- Someday, from your mansion in heaven, you will look back on this day and smile, because you will realize that your light and momentary troubles were achieving for you an eternal glory that far outweighs them all in comparison. (2 Corinthians 4:17-18)
My Favorite Places and People
Blog Stats
In A Nutshell:
Here is a letter I sent to Dr. Phil which really sums everything up:
I am married to my high-school sweetheart (20 years this August), with two wonderful children (Amanda who is 20 and Jonathan who is 13). I have two sisters, both younger – I call them “my good sister” and “my bad sister”. My good sister is – well, good! Normal in every way. The bad one, Julie, has been in trouble since she was a kid. As a baby she cried all of the time. As a teenager she was in trouble all of the time. At the age of 14 or so I remember that she had run away from home to live with a grown man in Atlanta. This was one of many run a ways. As a teenager, she provided sexual favors to boys in school, as well as teachers. As a young adult she was arrested for prostitution. She’s done drugs ranging from marijuana to crack. She was diagnosed early on as bi-polar with personality disorder. She’s also a serious cutter to the point where she no longer hid the cuts. She’s cut things like “Ronald Cecchinni” into her arm… and “Fuck you Dr. XXX” on her stomach, in large letters. Julie is also a diagnosed sex-addict. She’s also recently (in the past year) begun ‘huffing’. (I honestly believe that this huffing has caused some permanent damage) She is currently 36yo.
Julie lost her husband Ron a year and a half ago as a result of Leukemia and Kidney Disease which the military attributed to his serving in the Gulf War. He left behind three children – Kayla who is now 15, Justin who is now 14 and Kayte who is now 13. Even when Julie was married, her psychiatric problems persisted. She has been hospitalized literally hundreds of times over the years. However, when her husband was alive, he would take care of the kids when Julie was mentally out of control. After Ron died, Julie lost control of the kids and her life. She began to spiral out of control, having pot parties at her home (to the point where the kids said a door would open and a cloud of smoke would come bellowing out of the room), smoking weed with her own kids, having sex all over the house with different men all the time, allowing young men (19 yo) to sleep over with her oldest daughter (only 14 at the time), and allowing Gang members to live in her home (she said she felt ‘safe’ with them there). In addition, she was attempting suicide daily, overdosing on medications hoping to not wake up the next morning. Mind you all of this while she was seeing her Psychologist every week and Psychiatrist once a month. Both of these Doctors knew what was going on at home, neither of them reported it to the proper authorities. I have even been told by one of them that he was told, by Julie, that she ‘heard voices telling her to hurt the children’ but that she was proud that she could ignore the voices. Still, these Doctors reported nothing.
I should add here that it was at some point in this period of time in Julie’s life when her children began suicide watches over their mom… each one taking turns to sit in a room with her at all hours (night and day) because their mom was less-likely to hurt herself while they were here. However, it didn’t always work – Julie constantly took pills in front of them trying to either dope herself up or overdose, and she would even cut herself in front of the kids.
Finally one day, she woke up furious that her last suicide attempt didn’t work. She got violent with her oldest daughter, police were called, and finally DCF was called. (I would like to add that we (other family members) had called DCF in the past to report things, but some of the cases were ‘unfounded’ and one other time the fled the state knowing CF only had jurisdiction in Florida.) DCF removed the children from the home in November 2005 and I gained custody of the Children shortly thereafter.
There are lots of things I could add here about my sister, DCF, and the horrible Foster Care or Custodial Care program we are involved with. However, that is not my main reason for writing to you.
Kayte, the youngest, seems to be adjusting pretty well. She has a tendency to trivialize what her mom has done and the seriousness of it, but I think that is normal given that it is her mom. Kayte was in counseling, but she feels it’s ‘a waste of time’.
Justin, the middle child, is okay. As a young boy I'm told he was a terror. He used to hit his mother and at one point (only 6yo) tried to jump off a building to kill himself. Since then, his anger has turned in to an endless smothering of love and caring. He does everything for his mom… from getting her whatever she needs to rubbing her feet and back. Justin has seen a psychiatrist since moving in with me who felt that his issues were brought on by trauma. It was also at that visit with the psychiatrist that he confided in myself and the Doctor that he had suicidal thoughts often while living at home with his mom in her ‘state of being’ after his dad died. However, since he moved in with me he has done so much better (and continues to improve daily) that she didn’t feel he even needed counseling at this time. He would, however, need counseling before he was reunited with his mom.
Kayla, the oldest, has serious issues. She is also currently in counseling but feels that it is ‘a waste of time’. Kayla has always lied and stolen things. Family members feel sorry for her because you can tell that she doesn’t really mean any ill will by it, but it’s been ‘the way she is’ for a very long time. By far her biggest problems are lying and her need for approval by men (young and old).
Since the kids have moved in with us, my husband and I have set up rules. The kids already had myspace accounts, so we set ground rules for it. 1) We needed the login names and passwords. 2) Profiles must be set to private. 3) The only people they were allowed to have on their friends list was people that they actually knew. When Kayla’s list climbed over 300, and she was found to have inappropriate conversations (wanting to sneak out and ‘hook up’ with young men), we made everyone cut their list down to 30 friends, which included myself. 4) All vulgar language and inappropriate photos would come off immediately and would be monitored by myself at any given time. At times, they try to put up ‘sexy’ pictures which immediately need to come down.
However recently I have found that she has multiple website things going on in an attempt to pick up young men. I'll outline a few here so that you understand the gravity of the situation: 1) I found her 'normal' myspace account set to 'public view'. She has over 11,000 profile views(meaning people looking at her pictures and wanting to know more about her). I had reset it to private many times, but she keeps going back and resetting it to public. 2) I have found another myspace account which she went by the name 'Shannon' and used it to pick up young men, tease them, then later tell them that she was 'taken' but refer them to her 'cousin, Kayla'. She'd then give them all of Kayla's information. Of course thiswas also set to public. 3) I have found another social network website that was like myspace in which she had ONLY men (mostly from other states) as her 'friends' whom she corresponded with. The emails back and forth basically said the same thing as all of the others... more on that in #4 - only these were guys that not only did she not know, but they were not even in the area! 4) All accounts that I have found had basically the same thing... her emailing guys wanting to know if she was pretty, if they wanted to 'hook up', talking about going to their 'crib' or meeting up with them somewhere, and constantly seeking approval and affirmation from these guys.
I believe she gets this from her mom. And the sad thing is, if you met her, you would love her. She is truly a GREAT kid… but she has serious issues. I’ve described to you Julie’s behavior and Kayla’s seems to be the same way. Neither can make decisions on their own that are ‘the right thing to do’, and both lack the understanding of simple values, morals and ethics. I could go into so many examples. How do I describe the utterly amazing difference between Julie’s parenting style and my own?
I know... Both Julie and I have myspace accounts set up to ‘monitor’ the kids. To illustrate the difference between Julie and myself, here is something that Julie and I both put on our myspace accounts. You are supposed to put something 'about yourself' by your picture. Here is mine: "I'm 38 years old. I have two amazing kids, Amanda who is 20 and Jonathan who is 13. I have great husband, Chris. I love to sing - and have been singing in Toast of Tampa Show Chorus for 10 years. I'm raising my nieces and nephew (12, 13 and 14). I love God and my family."And here is Julie's: "I am who I am and if you dont like me for me........FUCK YOU........ Plus if you dont like me for me....... Im gunna tell my kids and there gunna kick yer ass!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Here’s the other dilemma we are having; the two girls are in counseling that is costing me $25 EACH in co-payments every time they go. The State of Florida provides NO financial support to me as a relative caregiver, other than providing the three kids with Medicaid. They received small SSI checks because of their dad’s death, but it barely covers the food they consume. The DCF worker, having spoke with the girls and being told that therapy is ‘a waste of time’, has referred me to a clinic that DCF uses for cases such as this to seek mental care for Kayla (aswell as the others). However, the kids have TriCare as their primary insurance because their dad died from Military causes. TriCare requires the co-payment, regardless of the Medicaid secondary. Having said that, please understand that I worked in referrals in a primary care physician’s office for 16 years… I totally ‘get’ what is required for primary and secondary insurances and all the red tape. But because of the uniqueness of this situation, the kids are suffering!
I should also point out here that I have the kids for an indefinite period of time. Right now Julie is doing things that she has been told to do to get the kids back. However, she is still awaiting a court ordered detailed Psychiatric exam to determine if she can EVER parent again. Even if that Psychiatrist feels she can parent again, she’ll most likely need to be ‘clean’ and ‘episode-free’ for 6 months to a year minimum. In addition, Julie is only allowed supervised visits and one phone call a day. This came about because of her inappropriate behavior when she was with the kids and because when she was allowed to call any time she’d call 10 + times a day.
The other problem with Julie ever getting her children back is that… she doesn’t understand what she did wrong. She parents as if she were 15-years old herself. If anyone has ever done something bad and been able to ‘keep’ their kids, she sees no reason she can’t do it. She brought her daughter at the age of 13 in for a HUGE tattoo on the small of her back. It’s Tigger flipping ‘the bird’ with her gang name under it. She was also planning on getting a large tattoo on her 12yo before the kids were taken. Again, she sees nothing wrong with any of her past behavior.
So, you see, I could have these children for the rest of their teenage years. I honestly don’t know where to turn to get them the help they need.
I feel as if I am in a psychiatric nightmare and I just can’t wake up. Eight months ago I was at home, my biggest ‘kid worry’ was if my son was going to get good grades on his report card. Now I find myself in a crux worried about whether or not the lessons I teach them, this late in their young life, are going to be enough to turn these kids around and help them to be productive adults in the near future.
I am married to my high-school sweetheart (20 years this August), with two wonderful children (Amanda who is 20 and Jonathan who is 13). I have two sisters, both younger – I call them “my good sister” and “my bad sister”. My good sister is – well, good! Normal in every way. The bad one, Julie, has been in trouble since she was a kid. As a baby she cried all of the time. As a teenager she was in trouble all of the time. At the age of 14 or so I remember that she had run away from home to live with a grown man in Atlanta. This was one of many run a ways. As a teenager, she provided sexual favors to boys in school, as well as teachers. As a young adult she was arrested for prostitution. She’s done drugs ranging from marijuana to crack. She was diagnosed early on as bi-polar with personality disorder. She’s also a serious cutter to the point where she no longer hid the cuts. She’s cut things like “Ronald Cecchinni” into her arm… and “Fuck you Dr. XXX” on her stomach, in large letters. Julie is also a diagnosed sex-addict. She’s also recently (in the past year) begun ‘huffing’. (I honestly believe that this huffing has caused some permanent damage) She is currently 36yo.
Julie lost her husband Ron a year and a half ago as a result of Leukemia and Kidney Disease which the military attributed to his serving in the Gulf War. He left behind three children – Kayla who is now 15, Justin who is now 14 and Kayte who is now 13. Even when Julie was married, her psychiatric problems persisted. She has been hospitalized literally hundreds of times over the years. However, when her husband was alive, he would take care of the kids when Julie was mentally out of control. After Ron died, Julie lost control of the kids and her life. She began to spiral out of control, having pot parties at her home (to the point where the kids said a door would open and a cloud of smoke would come bellowing out of the room), smoking weed with her own kids, having sex all over the house with different men all the time, allowing young men (19 yo) to sleep over with her oldest daughter (only 14 at the time), and allowing Gang members to live in her home (she said she felt ‘safe’ with them there). In addition, she was attempting suicide daily, overdosing on medications hoping to not wake up the next morning. Mind you all of this while she was seeing her Psychologist every week and Psychiatrist once a month. Both of these Doctors knew what was going on at home, neither of them reported it to the proper authorities. I have even been told by one of them that he was told, by Julie, that she ‘heard voices telling her to hurt the children’ but that she was proud that she could ignore the voices. Still, these Doctors reported nothing.
I should add here that it was at some point in this period of time in Julie’s life when her children began suicide watches over their mom… each one taking turns to sit in a room with her at all hours (night and day) because their mom was less-likely to hurt herself while they were here. However, it didn’t always work – Julie constantly took pills in front of them trying to either dope herself up or overdose, and she would even cut herself in front of the kids.
Finally one day, she woke up furious that her last suicide attempt didn’t work. She got violent with her oldest daughter, police were called, and finally DCF was called. (I would like to add that we (other family members) had called DCF in the past to report things, but some of the cases were ‘unfounded’ and one other time the fled the state knowing CF only had jurisdiction in Florida.) DCF removed the children from the home in November 2005 and I gained custody of the Children shortly thereafter.
There are lots of things I could add here about my sister, DCF, and the horrible Foster Care or Custodial Care program we are involved with. However, that is not my main reason for writing to you.
Kayte, the youngest, seems to be adjusting pretty well. She has a tendency to trivialize what her mom has done and the seriousness of it, but I think that is normal given that it is her mom. Kayte was in counseling, but she feels it’s ‘a waste of time’.
Justin, the middle child, is okay. As a young boy I'm told he was a terror. He used to hit his mother and at one point (only 6yo) tried to jump off a building to kill himself. Since then, his anger has turned in to an endless smothering of love and caring. He does everything for his mom… from getting her whatever she needs to rubbing her feet and back. Justin has seen a psychiatrist since moving in with me who felt that his issues were brought on by trauma. It was also at that visit with the psychiatrist that he confided in myself and the Doctor that he had suicidal thoughts often while living at home with his mom in her ‘state of being’ after his dad died. However, since he moved in with me he has done so much better (and continues to improve daily) that she didn’t feel he even needed counseling at this time. He would, however, need counseling before he was reunited with his mom.
Kayla, the oldest, has serious issues. She is also currently in counseling but feels that it is ‘a waste of time’. Kayla has always lied and stolen things. Family members feel sorry for her because you can tell that she doesn’t really mean any ill will by it, but it’s been ‘the way she is’ for a very long time. By far her biggest problems are lying and her need for approval by men (young and old).
Since the kids have moved in with us, my husband and I have set up rules. The kids already had myspace accounts, so we set ground rules for it. 1) We needed the login names and passwords. 2) Profiles must be set to private. 3) The only people they were allowed to have on their friends list was people that they actually knew. When Kayla’s list climbed over 300, and she was found to have inappropriate conversations (wanting to sneak out and ‘hook up’ with young men), we made everyone cut their list down to 30 friends, which included myself. 4) All vulgar language and inappropriate photos would come off immediately and would be monitored by myself at any given time. At times, they try to put up ‘sexy’ pictures which immediately need to come down.
However recently I have found that she has multiple website things going on in an attempt to pick up young men. I'll outline a few here so that you understand the gravity of the situation: 1) I found her 'normal' myspace account set to 'public view'. She has over 11,000 profile views(meaning people looking at her pictures and wanting to know more about her). I had reset it to private many times, but she keeps going back and resetting it to public. 2) I have found another myspace account which she went by the name 'Shannon' and used it to pick up young men, tease them, then later tell them that she was 'taken' but refer them to her 'cousin, Kayla'. She'd then give them all of Kayla's information. Of course thiswas also set to public. 3) I have found another social network website that was like myspace in which she had ONLY men (mostly from other states) as her 'friends' whom she corresponded with. The emails back and forth basically said the same thing as all of the others... more on that in #4 - only these were guys that not only did she not know, but they were not even in the area! 4) All accounts that I have found had basically the same thing... her emailing guys wanting to know if she was pretty, if they wanted to 'hook up', talking about going to their 'crib' or meeting up with them somewhere, and constantly seeking approval and affirmation from these guys.
I believe she gets this from her mom. And the sad thing is, if you met her, you would love her. She is truly a GREAT kid… but she has serious issues. I’ve described to you Julie’s behavior and Kayla’s seems to be the same way. Neither can make decisions on their own that are ‘the right thing to do’, and both lack the understanding of simple values, morals and ethics. I could go into so many examples. How do I describe the utterly amazing difference between Julie’s parenting style and my own?
I know... Both Julie and I have myspace accounts set up to ‘monitor’ the kids. To illustrate the difference between Julie and myself, here is something that Julie and I both put on our myspace accounts. You are supposed to put something 'about yourself' by your picture. Here is mine: "I'm 38 years old. I have two amazing kids, Amanda who is 20 and Jonathan who is 13. I have great husband, Chris. I love to sing - and have been singing in Toast of Tampa Show Chorus for 10 years. I'm raising my nieces and nephew (12, 13 and 14). I love God and my family."And here is Julie's: "I am who I am and if you dont like me for me........FUCK YOU........ Plus if you dont like me for me....... Im gunna tell my kids and there gunna kick yer ass!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Here’s the other dilemma we are having; the two girls are in counseling that is costing me $25 EACH in co-payments every time they go. The State of Florida provides NO financial support to me as a relative caregiver, other than providing the three kids with Medicaid. They received small SSI checks because of their dad’s death, but it barely covers the food they consume. The DCF worker, having spoke with the girls and being told that therapy is ‘a waste of time’, has referred me to a clinic that DCF uses for cases such as this to seek mental care for Kayla (aswell as the others). However, the kids have TriCare as their primary insurance because their dad died from Military causes. TriCare requires the co-payment, regardless of the Medicaid secondary. Having said that, please understand that I worked in referrals in a primary care physician’s office for 16 years… I totally ‘get’ what is required for primary and secondary insurances and all the red tape. But because of the uniqueness of this situation, the kids are suffering!
I should also point out here that I have the kids for an indefinite period of time. Right now Julie is doing things that she has been told to do to get the kids back. However, she is still awaiting a court ordered detailed Psychiatric exam to determine if she can EVER parent again. Even if that Psychiatrist feels she can parent again, she’ll most likely need to be ‘clean’ and ‘episode-free’ for 6 months to a year minimum. In addition, Julie is only allowed supervised visits and one phone call a day. This came about because of her inappropriate behavior when she was with the kids and because when she was allowed to call any time she’d call 10 + times a day.
The other problem with Julie ever getting her children back is that… she doesn’t understand what she did wrong. She parents as if she were 15-years old herself. If anyone has ever done something bad and been able to ‘keep’ their kids, she sees no reason she can’t do it. She brought her daughter at the age of 13 in for a HUGE tattoo on the small of her back. It’s Tigger flipping ‘the bird’ with her gang name under it. She was also planning on getting a large tattoo on her 12yo before the kids were taken. Again, she sees nothing wrong with any of her past behavior.
So, you see, I could have these children for the rest of their teenage years. I honestly don’t know where to turn to get them the help they need.
I feel as if I am in a psychiatric nightmare and I just can’t wake up. Eight months ago I was at home, my biggest ‘kid worry’ was if my son was going to get good grades on his report card. Now I find myself in a crux worried about whether or not the lessons I teach them, this late in their young life, are going to be enough to turn these kids around and help them to be productive adults in the near future.
2 comments:
OMG--some of this I don't think I can comment on, maybe via email, might just have to wait til my visit!
First and foremost you totally did the right thing in the response to 'the guy' from Kayte's myspace page. I can't imagine what he must have been thinking when he read that! Good for you!
I'm sorry to hear Julie was back in the hospital but glad she's home now and trying to get the help she needs. I totally agree with her moving to Carrollwood, it would be so much easier on EVERYONE :)
Can't wait to see the action packed house next Saturday & Sunday!
Hang in there-the prayers continue!
~M
Did you contact the Police about this MySpace dude? I bet they would LOVE this information. You seem to be handling things quite well. Proud of you. Maybe Kayla needs a job as soon as school is over and she can also pay for the hair products; maybe once she sees how expensive they are, she'll keep the goop on her hair and not her room ;-)
Post a Comment