Fish, Fights, Friends and Gifts of Love

My Mother’s Day was absolutely wonderful. I just couldn’t wait to get a moment to write about it.

Julie was okay – her blood sugar was okay at the ER and they told her she could go back. Good news there – so our plans for going to the beach were still on.

I awoke on Sunday morning to Jonathan at my bedside, with a TV tray and breakfast served. Eggs, bacon, biscuit, cheese, chocolate milk; I could tell he worked a while that morning making things ‘just right’. Also served were cards and some flowers. Absolutely positively wonderful! We went to Church Sunday morning then straight over to the beach – Jonathan, Kayla, Kayte, Justin and I.

Although it seemed a bit overcast, there was just enough sun to get sunburn if not careful. Jonathan stuck by my side all day… we went looking for Sharks teeth… something I taught him to do some time ago. They are found along the shoreline in with shells and whatnot. It takes a keen eye to spot them – but he’s gotten good at it over the years. We found a total of 24 teeth! He also gave some away to little kids who were shell-hunting on the beach… he said “It’s so much fun to give them away”. That’s my boy!!

After a while mom came up to join us. Kayla, Justin and Kayte spent some time with their mom, although not as much as I’d have liked. Kayla and Kayte went to a hotel a few doors down to get in their hot tub. I asked them if they’d rather be there with their mom, but they wanted to go, so I let them. Ah… teenagers! (More on that later!)

Later that afternoon, Jonathan, Justin and I found some really cool things in the ocean that we put in a bucket to save to show around for a while. First we came across these “Pike” fish. They are long and thin and float straight up and down to make themselves look like seaweed. Once we realized they were cool looking fish, we caught some. A lot of them actually. We probably caught 15 of them with our hands before deciding we had too many for our little bucket.

Then we found “puffer” fish. You know - the ones when they get scared puff up really big. They were totally cool! They looked like little round marshmallows floating in the water as we caught them and put them in the pail. We had maybe 7 or 8 of them. They were swimmers and a little more difficult to catch with our bare hands.

Then Jonathan found a Seahorse. VERY cool! He was clinging to some seaweed that was floating in the ocean. Once he found one, he figured there must be more… and he kept looking. Sure enough, Jono and Justin together caught about 5 of them. They were SO cute!

Of course, as we’d come across little kids playing in the ocean, they’d want some of what we had and Jonathan just had to share with him. The one little girl that put a little seahorse in a clear cup… you’d have though we just gave her a million dollars – she was SO happy. **big sigh** I just love kids.

So… the last thing the two boys caught was a flying fish. Yeah, we looked it up when we got home, and that’s really what it’s called – a flying fish. The two were out looking for more ‘stuff’ when something flew by them. It flew for a while, then landed in the water and skirted ever so quickly on the top of the ocean water until it took flight again. They boys were like – “Now THAT is cool!” Of course, being boys, they chased it. The fish was fast… but the boys were determined. They chased the fish until he came to the shoreline and ‘cornered him in’ I guess you’d say. They call me over… and I saw it for the first time. It was absolutely amazing. Almost beached but not quite was this… thing… fish I guess… but it looked like a butterfly. It had a fish body, but instead of fins – it had what looked like butterfly wings. It also had a gorgeous tail that looked like the wings. It was stunning. Gently the boys picked it up and placed it in the pail. Now they had everything they could possibly want and more. It was, no doubt, the ‘icing on the cake’ of our day. We brought the pail up to the pool to show to Grandma, Julie, Kaye and whoever else wanted to look at the ‘treasure’.

The boys had a wonderful time showing everything off at the kid’s pool. Some of these kids vacationing here in Sunny Florida will probably never ever see these kinds of things again. Heck, it was just last year when I – a Floridian resident of over 30 years – caught my first Seahorse. The kids got lots of enjoyment out of it and then Jonathan and Justin brought the pail back out to the ocean and let them all go free.

I wish you could all feel my heart right now… filled with happiness and joy. Jonathan did a GREAT job for Mother’s Day.

I hate to transition from that right into the problems I had that day – but – with four teenagers, I suppose it’s bound to happen. Good with the bad, right?

I had some issues with Kayte yesterday. It started early in the morning. She was grumpy and EVERYONE asked her what was wrong and then told her that she was grumpy. Fast forward to the beach. I'm sitting in the car waiting for Kayla to arrive with the parking pass. I said something that was supposed to be ‘funny’ but nobody laughed. Two minutes later, Kayte said the same thing and just laughed and laughed and laughed, and everyone else in the car of course laughed along with her. I thought nothing of it at the time. We get to the room and Julie tells them all NOT to make a mess. They all go into the bathroom one by one, change and head to the pool where their mom is. I'm the last one and I notice that there are kids clothes all over the bathroom floor – boys and girls – shirts, shoes, shirts, everything just laying wherever they kicked them off. Great! So when I get downstairs I say to ALL the kids “Your mom asked you not to make a mess and there are clothes and shoes in the middle of the bathroom floor!” Kayte looks at me and says “I did that on purpose!!!” I said “what??” She repeats herself “I said I did it on purpose”– staring at me HARD as if to say ‘so, what are you gonna do about it?’ I said, “but your mom asked you not to make a mess!” to which she replies “well, what else am I supposed to have done with it?” **strong sense of sarcasm in her voice** I said “fold them up, put them together, up on a counter, on a chair, on a table, anywhere except for the middle of the floor!” She just looked at me and repeated “I did it on purpose” and stared at me…. For what seemed like forever. Were this Amanda or Jonathan, I would have smacked them in the mouth for mouthing off at me in such a tone. But – not my kid, ya know? So I just said to her “I'm going to walk away from you right now so that I do not hurt you”. And… I walked away.

It bothered me all day. Later, at dinner, we were all talking and Kayte brought up the subject about her attitude or something related to it. She said “I looked at you for I think two minutes, stared you down, to see what you’d do”. I said… “Why would you push me like that?” No response… or maybe her response was just because she wanted to. Then she brought up the incident in the car. She said that she told everyone not to laugh when I said what I did… then she said it and everyone laughed and she wanted to see if I would feel bad/hurt because of it. WHY? Why would she do this to me??? I just can’t fathom a reason… other than to think that she’s either 1) hormonal at the moment or 2) she’s going to be that one teenager who pushes their parent to the extreme. I’d have NEVER thought that child would be Kayte… she’s so quiet and loving. So, I’m hoping it’s just hormones.

Later that night Chris and I talked about it and he told me I’ve GOT to be firm with them… don’t let them push me around. Like when they wanted to go to the hot tub at the other hotel, I should have told them not to go, it was Mother’s Day, and they should enjoy their time with their mom. And of course with Kayte mouthing off at me. I should have done a lot of things differently. But – it’s so difficult when they are NOT your kids, ya know?

Update: I just sat Kayte down and talked to her about this. She said she was just being mean to be mean and that she was sorry. I had done something that kinda hurt her feelings earlier, and rather than her telling me, she lashed out. Sigh.... I feel so much better now. We hugged and all is good. :o)

Speaking of not your kids… did you see Extreme Makeover Home Edition last night? It was about a family just like US, only not exactly. A mother of 4 had a sister who had some problems and the state took away her kids. The mother of 4 took in her Nieces and Nephews – FIVE of them – to keep them out of the foster care program. Oh, and they had her dad, the kids Grandpa, living with them as well (he slept on the floor every night). The kids that were removed from the home were different though – they were abused. And of course the poor woman had 12 people living under one roof… 9 kids, mom and dad, and Grandpa. They had been living in 900 square feet of home. Amazing. But I could relate to everything this mom said… how much she loved her sister’s kids. How much she loved her sister and how much it broke her heart that this whole thing happened.

Then they showed the Dad at times. Here is this man with NINE kids and his father-in-law living on his paycheck alone, under his roof. Surely he had to wonder what he did so wrong that he was being ‘punished’. But, he had an amazing spirit about him. He loved everyone there; you could see it in his eyes. Chris and I found ourselves crying through much of the show.

All I could think about is how truly blessed we are. Sure I struggle to make my mortgage payment; sure the Durango is on its last leg. But we have a roof over our heads and transportation for the whole family. We have enough room for all the kids. Heck, if Doug (Chris’s dad) got to the point where he didn’t need 24-hour nursing, we’d have room for him as well! How much has God blessed us? More than what I deserve, for sure.

Yet at the same time I find myself worrying ALL the time still. I'm a month behind on the Durango payment, 3 weeks behind on the mortgage, and a little behind on a couple very small little things. Not a lot, just a little. I just keep thinking… if that SS check would come… it would be perfect. Not so much that we could splurge, but enough to catch up on everything and give a fair share to the church. I found myself praying over the mailbox before I opened it today, hoping it was in there. (Turn-around in a week? Nah…. But a girl can hope, right?) Course it wasn’t there. Maybe a month or two or maybe even three. They owe us $3,850 without question, another 2k when Julie finishes paying them off (4 years). Geez. God has a reason for everything, right? I believe that. Mom said I should be taking my ‘happy pills’… but I reserve those for times when I'm truly having a panic attack, not just worried. (Maybe 3 or 4 since I went to the doctors) But maybe I should take them a little more often. Heck, I paid for the prescription, right? Maybe God’s reasoning then was to give me a little ‘rest’ from my worrying while I'm waiting for Social Security. Yeah… maybe not. Surely God has more important things to worry about than that!

Speaking of God’s reasons, after the death of a friend from Church, my husband and I decided to get serious about getting more involved spiritually. He joined a men’s small group that meets at 6am on Monday mornings (ICK! But he loves it) and tonight we have our first couple’s small group meeting. I'm nervous as heck, but at the same time, can’t wait. If I come home half as ‘filled spiritually’ as he does after his 6am group, it’ll be awesome. I'm a little nervous because I don’t know if we’ll do bible study or not. Don’t get me wrong, I would NEED bible study – I'm a cradle Catholic who didn’t own a bible. We have the same readings from the bible every 3 years in pre-printed books for us. Why own a bible? Well, come to find out… they didn’t put everything in those readings I got at Church all those years going to church. There is a LOT more to the bible than that. I felt like a complete idiot for weeks when I first joined VanDyke because I didn’t know where to find anything in the bible. I couldn’t tell you where to find Matthew, Luke, John or the Psalms if my life depended on it. I did know Genesis was the beginning and Revelations was at the end. Ha ha ha. I wish you could know how I am totally not kidding here. Anyways… I'm sure I’ll get through it.

The biggest thing I think Chris is getting out of it is sharing. Bonding and sharing. That’s what I hope to get out of tonight as well. I know I say it all the time, but there is sooooo much MORE going on in my life than what I just blog about here. This is my walk with the kids since what happened back in 05 with Julie. But it is not all about me, there is so much more. Maybe sometime I’ll write a book. Wait….. that would mean I’d have to use proper grammar and such… maybe not. :o)

I've got to run.... need to get ready for my first ever couples small group. **grin** I'll leave you with this. I first received this last week, and I thought it was sappy... but I found myself thinking about it all weekend long, so I thought I'd share it with you.

A Gift of Love

"Can I see my baby?" the happy new mother asked. When the bundle was nestled in her arms and she moved the fold of cloth to look upon his tiny face, she gasped. The doctor turned quickly and looked out the tall hospital window. The baby had been born without ears. Time proved that the baby's hearing was perfect. It was only his appearance that was marred. When he rushed home from school one day and flung himself into his mother's arms, she sighed, knowing that his life was to be a succession of heartbreaks.

He blurted out the tragedy. "A boy, a big boy . . . called me a freak." He grew up, handsome for his misfortune. A favorite with his fellow students, he might have been class president, but for that. He developed a gift, a talent for literature and music. "But you might mingle with other young people," his mother reproved him, but felt a kindness in her heart.

The boy's father had a session with the family physician. Could nothing be done? "I believe I could graft on a pair of outer ears, if they could be procured" the doctor decided. Whereupon the search began for a person who would make such a sacrifice for a young man. Two years went by. Then, "You are going to the hospital, son. Mother and I have someone who will donate the ears you need. But it's a secret" said the father.

The operation was a brilliant success, and a new person emerged. His talents blossomed into genius, and school and college became a series of triumphs. Later he married and entered the diplomatic service. "But I must know!" He urged his father. "Who gave so much for me? I could never do enough for him."

"I do not believe you could," said the father, "but the agreement was that you are not to know . . . not yet." The years kept their profound secret, but the day did come . . . one of the darkest days that ever pass through a son. He stood with his father over his mother's casket. Slowly, tenderly, the father stretched forth a hand and raised the thick, reddish-brown hair to reveal . . . that the mother had no outer ears.

"Mother said she was glad she never let her hair be cut," he whispered gently, "and nobody ever thought mother less beautiful, did they"?

Real beauty lies not in the physical appearance, but in the heart. Real treasure lies not in what that can be seen, but what that cannot be seen. Real love lies not in what is done and known, but in what that is done but not known.