Un-Motherly Mother

****** WARNING - Angry woman blogging ******

Let me tell you about my day. I awoke at 7 am this morning to a phone call from Julie. She is at South Bay Hospital's Emergency Room. She tells me that she wanted to hurt herself last night... she wanted to cut herself... and that she called Justin who talked her into going to the hospital. She was 'so proud' of her son for helping her. I was in a sleep-stupor at the time, and I didn't say much back to her.

After I awoke, got dressed and went to work, I started to digest what she had told me.

You see... Justin, Kayte and Jonathan are all sleeping elsewhere at the moment. Justin was over his friend's house. Apparently she saw him online in the wee hours of the morning and somehow or another got him to call her or she called him - that part is fuzzy to me right now.

She called Justin on this other kid's cell phone and told him that she wanted to hurt herself. That she was 'afraid' for her life or something like that. Basically -- that she was going to kill herself. So... did she think of calling her psychiatrist? No. Did she think of calling her therapist? No. Calling the hospital? No. Crisis line? No. A friend? No. How about that support group she belongs to? No. She thought - "Hey, I'll call my 14 year old son! You know, the one who worries about me all the time. He'll know what is best to do!"

I called Julie to talk to her about how I felt. I told her that I found it HIGHLY INAPPROPRIATE for her to call her teenage son, or any of her kids, when she felt that way. I told her all the people she COULD have called. I should mention here that Julie sounded PITIFUL... she's in the depressed "oh-woe-is-me" state of mind. She tells me that she thought to call Justin because "We are all mourning his daddy". WHAT????? All mourning?? I told Julie that her kids were not "all mourning" their father. They love him. They miss him. They cherish every moment they remember with him. But they no longer mourn him. Then she started bawling.... "Well, I do mourn him. I miss him. I want him to be here. I'm in mourning. We can all mourn together. I sit at home and watch his video over and over again. I listen to music called 'missing you' and I just look at photos of him." And on and on and on.

Sad.

Pitiful.

I told her that she should NOT drag the kids down with her. If she's mourning, FINE, get the help you need. But don't grab onto them and bring them down with you! It's just WRONG. And frankly, it's un-motherly. I then said "If you are in such a mourning state why do you sleep with all these other guys?" She said she only does one and it's not 'love'. Whatever! When she's in this state of mind, she'll say anything to make people feel sorry for her, and I was in NO mood for it.

After I hung up with Julie I called Kayte. I asked if she'd talked to her mom yet today, she said no. I explained to her what was going on with her mom... and that she was VERY down right now and that I did not want her talking to her mom in this condition. I said... "In the year and a half you've been with me, I've never told you that you can NOT talk to your mom. This time - today - I'm telling you, if she calls, let it go to voice mail - she's in horrible shape mentally right now." A little while later Kayte calls me nearly in tears. "She just keeps calling me and calling me! I can't take it! She's called me 8 times already and she just keeps hanging up and calling back. Now it's NINE times. Auntie Tina.... what am I supposed to do?" I tell her not to worry I would take care of it.

I then called the hospital's Emergency Room and told them what was going on and asked them to take AWAY her phone. I said, "go pull it out of the wall if that's what you need to do, but she needs to stop calling people in her mental condition." They apparently told her NOT to call her kids anymore. But they did let her call me....

The next call I get is from Julie... crying.... very upset. I told her that I was sick and tired of it. I tried to explain why I felt it was wrong for her to call Justin at 3 am about her mental condition... wanting to hurt or kill herself. She just kept justifying it... she said "I never said I was going to kill myself. What I said was that I was afraid I was going to hurt myself and that I was afraid for my life." I asked her what ANY PERSON would deduct from that statement?! It meant the SAME THING as saying "I want to kill myself". I asked her if she ever even ONCE wondered how her son slept for the night after talking to her. Was he up worried about her? Crying? In fear for her? I already know the answer to that.... she didn't care. Julie does what JULIE wants to do -- all the time.

I then asked about Kayte. I told her... "You already know Kayte is upset from the last time you cut yourself. She's with friends on her summer break - she doesn't want to deal with this now. She shouldn't HAVE to deal with this now." I then asked Julie how MANY times did SHE think it would take before it could be called 'excessive' to call and hang up and call back and hang up and call back and hang up.... Three? Four? Six? Nine? She couldn't answer. Of COURSE she couldn't answer. Julie was again doing what Julie wanted to do -- regardless of what her daughter was feeling on the other end of that ringing phone. Did she once consider that maybe she was doing something else and couldn't get the phone? Or maybe she really just didn't want to talk to her. But calling her back NINE times in a row? Come ON Julie!

I told her that if she and I could not agree upon what is 'appropriate' discussions she has with the kids, and I think her conversations with them are NOT in their best interest -- then she could not talk to the kids. Again she began with the poor-pitiful-me thing and the justifications. I told her, Julie, if you can't understand, I will simply get a restraining order and make it so that you CAN'T call the kids. And with that I hung up. Angry.

She of COURSE called back. "Don't do that" she urged over and over again. I simply told her that if she couldn't GET IT, then what choice did I have?? I told her that it is my JOB --- my RESPONSIBILITY to keep these kids safe. To do things in THEIR best interest. By all means what she did all day today was NOT in anyone's best interest other than her own. I told her that I didn't want to take her out of their lives, but if I had to in order to protect them, I certainly WOULD do so. I told her that when she got to the mental hospital, she should have a mental health professional call me and I would explain everything to them. If THEY could assure me that they've explained it to you so that you TRULY understand, that's good.

And that's where I left things with Julie.

I realize I didn't tell you about what all happened with Julie during her recent hospitalization. She was SUCH a danger to herself that they had to watch her 24 hours a day while she was there. She was not allowed to even shower alone. At one point - in the wee hours of the morning, the tech who was supposed to be watching her fell asleep, so she got some plastic and cut herself. Of course, this got the tech in huge trouble and they had to watch her even more closely.

She hated being there... the gowns didn't fit her and she couldn't wear two (one in front/one in back) because she couldn't get her arms into any of the arm holes. Sad.

At one point she had them convinced that she was going to be okay. She said that she WAS going to go home and cut herself, but not KILL herself. They were going to let her go home under that statement, but then Julie said she 'wanted it in writing' so that -- if she DID cut herself 'too deep' and hurt or kill herself, they could be held liable. Of course, with this - they decided to just keep her until she 'said' she was not going to hurt herself, even minor cutting. They discharged her on Tuesday, two days later she's on the phone with Justin trying to kill herself.

I am SOOOOOOOOOOO angry with her right now.

Breathe in -- breathe out. Hey, where is that Xanax? -------------

Let me tell you about my wonderful night LAST night. That'll help my mood.

Kayte was sleeping over a friends house. Jono was at his Nana's house. Kayla was at work until 11:30 pm. Justin was at baseball practice. We were going to have grilled chicken for dinner - and only 6 breasts since we were only feeding 4 people. (Saving some for Kayla. Remember I told you each teen counts as 2 portions - totally wasn't kidding about that!) So... 8 pm on my way to the ballpark to get Justin from his practice he calls me. He wants to sleep over his friend's house whom he plays baseball with. I talk to the kids mom, work everything out, good to go. Then I realize... until 11:30 tonight -- Chris and I are A-L-O-N-E.

I decided to run by Sweetbay and pick up something smaller for dinner. (Everything at home is for lots of people - nothing for just 2.) I pick up 2 Fillet's.... some Asparagis.... and we grilled the Fillet, I tossed the Asparagus in some butter, garlic, and the seasoning which we put on the Fillet, mashed potatoes, Hawaiian King dinner rolls - opened a bottle of wine. It was Fan-freaking-tastic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Chris and I had a wonderful evening. And so I wonder... is that what it's going to be like after all the kids are gone???

Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:6-7