First Visit In Ages

Last night Julie came over for her first visit in - I don't even know how long - I'd have to go back and look at my blogs. It seems like forever since Julie was last at the house for a visit.

Things went pretty well, all things considered. The night before she was talking to Justin on the phone (I was listening in of course) and she mentioned that she was hungry because the only thing she'd eaten all day was BROWNIES. I un-muted the phone and began giving her the riot act. She's been out of the hospital a whole day and a half, her Diabetes was totally out of control, even while in the hospital under 24 hour a day nursing, doctors care, and lest we forget the strict Diabetic diet she was forced to adhere to. Even under THOSE circumstances, they couldn't keep her blood sugar in the 'safe zone'. Yet one day home and she's eating nothing but brownies? Come on!!

She talked about how she 'needed' it. She deserved it. She hadn't had good food in so long, at the hospital they made her eat such icky food, she 'needed it'. Sigh...

I could hear Arthur (her live-in 'boy-toy') in the background yelling, trying to tell us what she had purchased at the grocery store that day: brownies, chocolate, junk food, etc. Nothing healthy. He said over and over again that we were wasting our breath trying to talk Julie into choosing to eat healthy at home. So... We dropped it.

When we hung up the phone, Justin made mention of how - when it comes to things like this (food/eating) that his mom sometimes acts like a child. I explained that I honestly felt that his mom couldn't TRULY understand the long-term effects of her decisions in the here and now. And, yes, that is very much like a child. But... She's 38, and that is harder to swallow. Common sense tells you that if you blood sugar is over 500 you should not eat brownies for breakfast/lunch/dinner. But, I suppose she lacks that sense. Sigh...

She asked that we PLEASE have birthday cake for her at her dinner Wednesday night. After hearing all of this... I was reluctant, and even gave her a hard time - telling her I was tempted to get a banana and put birthday candles in it. But I knew I would end up making her a cake, and I vowed to just give her one piece.

She came over for her visit last night and -- I don't know how to say this nicely -- she was the largest I have ever seen her. Ever. She said that she's not really at the heaviest weight she's ever been... She has been heavier. I told her that perhaps it was the steroids she was on that was causing her to look more 'swollen' - but that she looked extremely heavy. Our other sister Katie came over as well and said the same thing. Katie and I were both extremely concerned for Julie's health when we saw her.

Funny story here is that after dinner, we had the birthday cake. Julie insisted on having a second piece. We all told her no, and she made a fuss about it. She really really really wanted another piece of chocolate cake. My sister Katie then said "How about I just hand you a gun Julie, that would be faster!" Oh my GOSH I laughed my butt off at that one. End result, we gave her the cake and she ate what she wanted.

Julie's major complaint after getting out of the hospital has been "My feet and ankles hurt". Julie thinks it might be from being in a hospital bed for two weeks and now she's up and about; I agree that it might be that, but I also think it might have everything to do with her weight. You really can't put an extra 200 lbs. on a body and expect no repercussions. The feet and ankles support all the added weight.

Julie stressed over and over again that she needed a job - she needed money -- BADLY. I really did feel sorry for her. She pretty much begged Katie to get her a job at SunTrust bank. Katie tried to explain to Julie that she was not 'bank' material... That she needed to look into other kinds of work.

The problem with Julie's working (other than the fact she doesn't have a diploma or GED) is that she needs a job where - when she goes into the hospital for a week because of her blood sugar, she won't lose the job. But what kind of a job offers that?? Hardly any. Julie kept saying "I'm not going back into the hospital!" and stated that she was going to stay out of the mental hospital. I tried to explain to her that she's had a LOT of medical hospitalizations as of late... And that she needed to prepare for those kinds of things - to think about it before she takes the job and is fired a few weeks later because they didn't expect her to be gone so much. To which Julie replied "I haven't been in the hospital a lot lately because of medical problems". There were 4 of us in the room when she said that, Katie, myself, Chris and one of the kids.... All of us - pretty much at the same time - said "WHAT????" Sometimes she just lives in her own little world... Her own reality.

Later in the night, after Katie had left, the kids were upstairs playing, and it was just Chris, Julie and I sitting in the living room, we were able to talk some more. I told Julie that she needed to face reality... She IS going to be in the hospital for SOMETHING often. Medical. Mental. Something. She needs to keep that in mind when looking for a job. We threw out several ideas... Going to get her GED - trying to go to college (which we explained the government would pay for) - working from home - or working in the nursing field.

I then remembered that when the kids were younger, Julie worked from home on the phone. She did a few things - one of them being an operator on a 'chat line'. People call up and want to talk to someone who will just listen. Julie was VERY good at this.

I'll never forget the one time she patched me through via 3-way call on a guy who lived in Texas or something like that. He wanted someone to listen to the music he wrote. He wanted someone to tell him he was good. He wanted someone to just sit and listen and at the end of the song applaud and tell him that he should cut an album or something because he has talent.

He played guitar and sang. Julie listened. In the background I could hear small children playing and a wife who sounded like she was working on dishes. I assume the wife didn't want to hear him play. I could picture this man, working a 'real job' and strumming guitar at night hoping to catch a break. The wife, wanting only for him to work 9 - 5 and bring home enough money to support the family, probably didn't want to encourage him to sing/play guitar. But, for only $3.99 a minute (or whatever they charged) Julie was there on the other end... Encouraging... Applauding... Listening. And then she'd ask for another song - and the clock kept ticking and she was making money. She was good at it, she really was.

Sure, she did other things... I know she did a sex line once. I don't know if she ever did the Psychic line, but it wouldn't surprise me if she did. But... Here is a job she could do, she's good at, and she could work her own hours. Heck, she could be in the hospital even and have calls forwarded to her cell phone!

Julie did like this idea and she is currently looking into it. I really hope she does get this job because I think it fits her --- circumstances and limitations. :o)

At one point Julie broke into tears talking about how she had no money. Chris and I both felt terrible for her. At the same time, Chris and I both looked at each other and knew... We wanted to give her whatever money we had in our pockets. I know other people in the family might think that it was stupid, or maybe even wrong. She had money to go out and buy boxes of brownies, right? But... all I can tell you is that it felt God-Guided. For Chris and I -- the two who have been through EVERYTHING with Julie in recent years -- the two who could easily be the two most fed-up with her -- for us both to have the same thought at the same moment without saying a word to each other -- felt God inspired. So we did just that. Gave her what little money we had on us. She was extremely grateful and I feel very fulfilled having helped her in some small way.

There was was one other thing that happened that was quite odd. Julie sat down with Chris and my sister Katie and myself. She had something she wanted to tell us about Kayla. What 'it' was is not important - but Julie seemed.... How do I describe it?... She seemed smug in the knowledge that she knew something about Kayla that we did not know. She made mention several times about how she's "known about this for years" but we knew nothing about it. To the point where my sister Katie asked her what her problem was... she seemed to be gloating about that fact that she knew something we didn't. Again, what 'it' was was nothing earth-shattering and us now having the knowledge changes nothing... It was just very ODD the way she acted about having the 'information' to begin with.

Then there is the phone calls. Sigh....

Julie KNOWS that she is not allowed to talk to the kids unless I am supervising. The court has told me that it's already "implied" that way in the court order, and that we could 'go to court to make it more well defined'... However... We would risk the judge getting upset and terminating parental rights all together. Chris and I are really trying to do the BEST thing for the kids in allowing them to talk to their mom while simply supervising the conversation. Even Kayte's therapist said that "supervised" conversations would be beneficial, and that non-supervised conversations could be damaging - as could not talking to her mom at all. So... We are TRYING to do the 'right thing' here.

Last night Julie said something at the table about talking to Kayte on the phone. (Kayte is in Miami for 2 weeks) My sister Katie asked how we were monitoring the phone calls, given the fact that it's her cell phone, she is in Miami and we are in Tampa. Julie said that she "couldn't possibly be expected to not talk to her for the two weeks" and so that she HAD to talk to her.

I sat quietly... I know Julie is breaking the rules. I know she calls when I'm not there. I know she calls Kayte on her cell phone, I know she has called for Justin on his friend Sean's cell phone (I've been there before when Sean received the call). I'm not an idiot. Yet... I allow this to happen and say nothing. I've been really bad about that, and frankly, I'm not sure WHY?!

Part of me thinks Julie wouldn't say anything to really 'hurt' the kids. Then I think about the countless things that have been done and said over the past two years. SURE she could. Granted not purposely to hurt them, but it happens none-the-less.

Simply allowing all of them the time to 'parent' Julie by them telling her that she needs to eat better... Needs to take care of herself... Needs to take her medication as directed... Needs to go to the Doctor's or Hospital when she's instructed by medical professionals to do so. That IS detrimental to their well-being. I know this.

Yet... Still I allow the calls. Okay... Now I'm getting down on myself. I think I'm going to take a moment and send Julie a note telling her exactly how I feel about it. Or better yet, just simply stating "don't do this again".

Okay, that's exactly what I just did, and I do feel better! It's funny... I can almost hear Julie telling me how much 'better' she is right now. How much 'better' everything is right now. It's hard to fathom that only a month ago one of her kids was slitting their wrists. I was just reading a blog from May, only 2 months ago, where the police were looking for her to baker's act her and she was hiding - they were going to take down the door. It's amazing how quickly things around here change. Mind boggling. That, I suppose, is one of the reasons I started keeping the blog. Every day seemed to be a month long in the events that happened.

Sigh...

I wanted to take a moment as well to publicly thank a long-time blog reader, Charmaine, who 'donated' lots of food last night. Milk, cereal, cheese, juice, peanut butter, all important staples in our home. Thanks so much girl! Tell that mean-old boss of yours that you are doing 'God's work' when you read my blog at work and she should cut you some slack! LOL (My sister Katie is her boss)

Everything else with us Rhocchini's is going well. The kids are going a wee bit stir crazy being out of school so long with no summer camp or anything, but they'll be fine. As we gear up for school, I would like to ask that if anyone wants to donate anything for the kids school, I am more than grateful. All four will be headed to high school and two of them are in dire need of school clothes. An entire wardrobe worth of school clothes. Then there is the school supplies... Oh lordy... I just can't think about all this right now.

I'm sitting her laughing at myself... I can't believe I told you all the St. Dymphna story. Gosh that just cracks me up every time I think of it. I do hope you all enjoyed that as much as I enjoyed sharing it.

UGG... I've been working with Doug's health care provider to get him a power wheelchair. I just got off the phone with them. They put in the order for the power wheelchair in May. But first they required Doug do physical therapy to see how much better he could get. His last day of Physical Therapy was 6/22. "How did he do?" you ask? He's actually worse... Weaker... Less able to move about. It's really sad. He NEEDS a power wheelchair to be able to zip around that Assisted Living Facility, he'd be a much happier guy. So she tells me that 'thank goodness you called because we appear to have dropped the ball'. Ya THINK? Come on... This poor guy needs a little help.

Also, I didn't report that Chris and I went to see him again this past weekend and Doug was pretty angry. When asked why he was so angry he said that it was because we haven't been to see him in 6 months. But in reality, it had been a little over a week (we were on vacation remember)... And Doug just simply forgot. How sad he must be thinking that it's been such a long time. But Chris was GREAT with him, reminding him about things they talked about at the last visit. He's so patient with his dad, so loving and so patient. :o)

I better run. We have a ton to do tonight. Chris and I have rehearsal for Praise Team at Church and I can't WAIT. It seems like forever since we last sang, and I miss it terribly. Also going on tonight, Jono has a doctors appointment, Kayla is going to work, Justin has baseball practice. And Chris, bless his heart, is taking care of ALL of this. What a GUY!

Please keep Julie and the kids in your prayers, as well as Doug. And while you are at it... Please say a prayer for Chris. He's going through a lot of stress (having nothing to do with any of this stuff) right now and I'm sure your prayers will uplift him.