Chris came home last night - Wednesday - and is done with the one job he was doing at the beach. YEAH! Tomorrow, Friday, we are packing up for Chris and I to go back to the house for our anniversary. We have a good friend (Thanks Michelle!) coming over to stay with the kids in the house while we are gone. They'll come up to visit and sleep over one night.
I was going to write some really cool stuff here, but - my mom just called me and my sister Katie is on her way to the hospital to have her baby. She's only 3 minutes apart... so I need to get to the hospital now!
I'll leave you with this - if it works (new video feature in blogger). Jonathan just put his first video on Youtube. He definitely shares my sense of humor. So, I'm just going to leave you tonight with this video.... enjoy......
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Day Two Of A Whole New Week
Today is day two of the second week with Chris working out of town. Yeah, me - alone - with the kids again. Fun fun.
I finally received the cell bill for the month, and I have to tell you - I'm at a loss as to what to do with Kayte. When I first saw her using the cell phone 'after acceptable hours' she eluded to the fact that it was a rare occurrence. "Okay then", I told her, "when I get the bill I'll put you on restriction one day for every 'after hours' violation." So... when I got the bill today I sat down with a highlighter and assumed I'd find a few here and there.
Let me interrupt my own story to tell you what I consider to be 'inappropriate after hours calls'. Anything after 10pm and before dawn. Call me crazy, but if my phone rang at these hours I'd think someone I loved was in an accident. The kids try to tell me "but my friends all have cell phones and it's different".... I don't care if it's a cell phone or a house phone, you DO NOT CALL someone after 10 at night. If that makes me a mean old prude, so be it!
So... the phone bill........ are you ready for this.............
In one month...................
Just Kayte............
Between the times of 10:01 pm and 5 am
882 text messages
160 phone calls which totaled 1,142 minutes.
HOLY COW... are you KIDDING ME????
So.... using my pre-determined sentencing, this would mean I'd have her cell phone taken away for 1,042 days.... roughly 3 years. This is for ONE MONTH of violation folks. Jeez..........
At first Kayte tried to say that they were 'mostly' calls received and she didn't answer. But... she apparently didn't realize that I could plainly see all the times that she had called out and been on the phone for 43 minutes (or whatever she was on at the time). B-U-S-T-E-D.
So... it's been a heck of a day today dealing with that.
Then we have Jonathan going through a little 'crisis' of his own. Girl-related, and I promised him I wouldn't go into it here in my blog. Suffice to say that it's been a tearful night for both of us.
Speaking of Jonathan: This morning I tried to let him get up on his own. Usually I wake him up at 5am, then go back to check on him to make SURE he's up. I put his daily medicine in his hand to make sure he takes it, and I even do his hair for him. He and I both agree it's time for him to get more independent... so to start with he tried to get up on his own today.
I set my alarm for 6:25 thinking I could just get up and make sure the kids made it out the door at 6:30 to catch the bus. At 6:25, Jonathan was still in bed. Buzzing around his room are three CLUELESS teenagers who allowed him to oversleep, thinking only of what THEY needed to do to get ready for school. Obviously Jonathan was upset, as was I. I then spent the next 5 minutes pushing everyone else out the door.
At 6:28 I was going to go downstairs and I noticed that Justin and Kayte were still in their pajamas. I walked down the steps and when I got to the bottom (noted the time) I asked them WHY they were not dressed as of 6:28 when they had to leave for the bus at 6:30. Kayte yells from her bedroom "I AM DRESSED!!" She rounded the corner seconds later and sure enough was dressed. Obviously she had gone into her room and literally THROWN on clothes. I told her that waiting till 2 minutes before they have to leave is too late to be throwing on clothes - and that NO, she was NOT dressed at the time. Little attorney, I'm telling ya.
Julie is now home again by the way. She called tonight and actually sounded very good. None of the kids seemed overly upset about the day today.... being the day of Ron's passing. They knew about it, but were not upset. It's a good thing.
I should run... I hear kids still up upstairs and I need to get them in bed before 10 tonight.
Please say a prayer for us........... and one for Chris - hopefully he'll be home tomorrow night!
I finally received the cell bill for the month, and I have to tell you - I'm at a loss as to what to do with Kayte. When I first saw her using the cell phone 'after acceptable hours' she eluded to the fact that it was a rare occurrence. "Okay then", I told her, "when I get the bill I'll put you on restriction one day for every 'after hours' violation." So... when I got the bill today I sat down with a highlighter and assumed I'd find a few here and there.
Let me interrupt my own story to tell you what I consider to be 'inappropriate after hours calls'. Anything after 10pm and before dawn. Call me crazy, but if my phone rang at these hours I'd think someone I loved was in an accident. The kids try to tell me "but my friends all have cell phones and it's different".... I don't care if it's a cell phone or a house phone, you DO NOT CALL someone after 10 at night. If that makes me a mean old prude, so be it!
So... the phone bill........ are you ready for this.............
In one month...................
Just Kayte............
Between the times of 10:01 pm and 5 am
882 text messages
160 phone calls which totaled 1,142 minutes.
HOLY COW... are you KIDDING ME????
So.... using my pre-determined sentencing, this would mean I'd have her cell phone taken away for 1,042 days.... roughly 3 years. This is for ONE MONTH of violation folks. Jeez..........
At first Kayte tried to say that they were 'mostly' calls received and she didn't answer. But... she apparently didn't realize that I could plainly see all the times that she had called out and been on the phone for 43 minutes (or whatever she was on at the time). B-U-S-T-E-D.
So... it's been a heck of a day today dealing with that.
Then we have Jonathan going through a little 'crisis' of his own. Girl-related, and I promised him I wouldn't go into it here in my blog. Suffice to say that it's been a tearful night for both of us.
Speaking of Jonathan: This morning I tried to let him get up on his own. Usually I wake him up at 5am, then go back to check on him to make SURE he's up. I put his daily medicine in his hand to make sure he takes it, and I even do his hair for him. He and I both agree it's time for him to get more independent... so to start with he tried to get up on his own today.
I set my alarm for 6:25 thinking I could just get up and make sure the kids made it out the door at 6:30 to catch the bus. At 6:25, Jonathan was still in bed. Buzzing around his room are three CLUELESS teenagers who allowed him to oversleep, thinking only of what THEY needed to do to get ready for school. Obviously Jonathan was upset, as was I. I then spent the next 5 minutes pushing everyone else out the door.
At 6:28 I was going to go downstairs and I noticed that Justin and Kayte were still in their pajamas. I walked down the steps and when I got to the bottom (noted the time) I asked them WHY they were not dressed as of 6:28 when they had to leave for the bus at 6:30. Kayte yells from her bedroom "I AM DRESSED!!" She rounded the corner seconds later and sure enough was dressed. Obviously she had gone into her room and literally THROWN on clothes. I told her that waiting till 2 minutes before they have to leave is too late to be throwing on clothes - and that NO, she was NOT dressed at the time. Little attorney, I'm telling ya.
Julie is now home again by the way. She called tonight and actually sounded very good. None of the kids seemed overly upset about the day today.... being the day of Ron's passing. They knew about it, but were not upset. It's a good thing.
I should run... I hear kids still up upstairs and I need to get them in bed before 10 tonight.
Please say a prayer for us........... and one for Chris - hopefully he'll be home tomorrow night!
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Great Weekend
This is going to be a short post. Chris just left to pick up the kids from Church... but I wanted to write and tell you all that I AM alive and well. Thank you all so much for your thoughts and prayers and checking up on me while Chris was out. It really does help so much to know that I have so many people out there truly WANTING things here to go well.
Friday night after work, I grabbed a few things and headed over to the beach where Chris is staying/working. I got to see the job they are doing (They are AWESOME at bathrooms I might add!) and I just had a great time relaxing at the beach. Friday night was a "boy's poker night" and I just drank a little wine, watched the guys, enjoyed the ocean-front view and crashed early. Saturday I didn't get up till ELEVEN in the morning - which felt GREAT after 5 days of getting up at 5! Then I put on my suit and went to the beach for the day. Hurricane Dean apparently made quite a stir here on the beach a few days prior and there were TONS of shells and already-bleached-out sand dollars all over the beach. It was GREAT. I found a couple sharks teeth as well, but gave most of them to tourists who hadn't seen them before.
We came back Saturday night. I should take a moment to thank Judi who came over and called to check in on the kids. I didn't want to leave for a day and a half with the kids 'thinking' that nobody would be there to check in on them. I thought if they THOUGHT someone might come over at any time... they'd be better behaved. And they were... the kids called in often to check in.
Saturday night Chris and I floated around the pool and enjoyed the hot tub for a couple hours - Chris talked to Jonathan about his first week of high school for probably an hour or so. It was just GREAT.
Oh how I missed my husband. My partner. My love.
It's good to have him home - but - tomorrow he is gone again. He'll be back at the beach until the tile job is done... they hope it will be Tuesday. I sure hope it'll be Tuesday!!! Maybe when they get back they can patch my hole so we can keep the squirrels out of the attic. Oh, that's a funny story....
Chris knew he wasn't going to have time to fix the attic while here this weekend... so... in order to mask the sound so he didn't hear them up there - (remember he's TERRIBLY afraid of rodents) - he plugged in a HUGE stand up fan in the bedroom. Totally overkill for any kind of 'fan' needs... but totally works to mask the sound.
Kids just got in from Church. Frustrating... but in a good way really. I gave them a $20 bill to eat with while there. My reasoning for that was so that I could have $16 in change when they were done for tomorrow: Justin needs $8 for a book and locker, Kayla needs $2 for a locker, Kayte needs $2 for a locker and Jonathan needs $4 for a regular locker and a PE locker. Equals $16 - see how well-planned out that was?
They got in and told me that the church was collecting money for a dad who was having a very hard time and unable to make ends meet. They gave them the $16. So much for the best of plans.....
So I wrote 4 checks. I'm ALWAYS terrified writing tiny checks like that. One company tries to suck too much out of my bank account and it's all gone - and I'm looking at enormous fees for tiny locker rentals. OIE. But I'm sure it'll be fine. It was God's will that they give away the last $16 I had... right?
The one day I'm worried about this next week while Chris is again gone is Tuesday. Tuesday is the anniversary of Ron's passing. It'll be three years on Tuesday. Julie is at a Psychiatric hospital (and hopefully will continue to stay until at least then as she ALWAYS has a rough time on this day). The kids... I think they'll be fine, but I'd like to make sure they are in a routine and that I am there for them IF they need me.
I should run. I've got to enjoy my last few hours with my hubby before he packs up and leaves for another few days! Please continue to keep us in your thoughts and prayers.
We love because he first loved us.
1 John 4:19
Friday night after work, I grabbed a few things and headed over to the beach where Chris is staying/working. I got to see the job they are doing (They are AWESOME at bathrooms I might add!) and I just had a great time relaxing at the beach. Friday night was a "boy's poker night" and I just drank a little wine, watched the guys, enjoyed the ocean-front view and crashed early. Saturday I didn't get up till ELEVEN in the morning - which felt GREAT after 5 days of getting up at 5! Then I put on my suit and went to the beach for the day. Hurricane Dean apparently made quite a stir here on the beach a few days prior and there were TONS of shells and already-bleached-out sand dollars all over the beach. It was GREAT. I found a couple sharks teeth as well, but gave most of them to tourists who hadn't seen them before.
We came back Saturday night. I should take a moment to thank Judi who came over and called to check in on the kids. I didn't want to leave for a day and a half with the kids 'thinking' that nobody would be there to check in on them. I thought if they THOUGHT someone might come over at any time... they'd be better behaved. And they were... the kids called in often to check in.
Saturday night Chris and I floated around the pool and enjoyed the hot tub for a couple hours - Chris talked to Jonathan about his first week of high school for probably an hour or so. It was just GREAT.
Oh how I missed my husband. My partner. My love.
It's good to have him home - but - tomorrow he is gone again. He'll be back at the beach until the tile job is done... they hope it will be Tuesday. I sure hope it'll be Tuesday!!! Maybe when they get back they can patch my hole so we can keep the squirrels out of the attic. Oh, that's a funny story....
Chris knew he wasn't going to have time to fix the attic while here this weekend... so... in order to mask the sound so he didn't hear them up there - (remember he's TERRIBLY afraid of rodents) - he plugged in a HUGE stand up fan in the bedroom. Totally overkill for any kind of 'fan' needs... but totally works to mask the sound.
Kids just got in from Church. Frustrating... but in a good way really. I gave them a $20 bill to eat with while there. My reasoning for that was so that I could have $16 in change when they were done for tomorrow: Justin needs $8 for a book and locker, Kayla needs $2 for a locker, Kayte needs $2 for a locker and Jonathan needs $4 for a regular locker and a PE locker. Equals $16 - see how well-planned out that was?
They got in and told me that the church was collecting money for a dad who was having a very hard time and unable to make ends meet. They gave them the $16. So much for the best of plans.....
So I wrote 4 checks. I'm ALWAYS terrified writing tiny checks like that. One company tries to suck too much out of my bank account and it's all gone - and I'm looking at enormous fees for tiny locker rentals. OIE. But I'm sure it'll be fine. It was God's will that they give away the last $16 I had... right?
The one day I'm worried about this next week while Chris is again gone is Tuesday. Tuesday is the anniversary of Ron's passing. It'll be three years on Tuesday. Julie is at a Psychiatric hospital (and hopefully will continue to stay until at least then as she ALWAYS has a rough time on this day). The kids... I think they'll be fine, but I'd like to make sure they are in a routine and that I am there for them IF they need me.
I should run. I've got to enjoy my last few hours with my hubby before he packs up and leaves for another few days! Please continue to keep us in your thoughts and prayers.
We love because he first loved us.
1 John 4:19
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Day Four, I Think I Need Xanax
Today is the first real day that I have truly realized the potential disaster that could come from having FOUR moody and hormonal teenagers under one roof.
We have simple rules in our house. Rules which Chris and I are good at sticking to and making them well-known to the kids. I've talked about this often in prior blogs. Remember our favorite motto: "firm yet fair"?
One of the rules is, you come home directly after school, every day. If you want to go hang out with your friends, that's all well and good, but it'll happen after you get home, do homework and/or study and you do your chores.
Another rule is that the kids do not go to someone else's house during the day unless we 1) know an adult is going to be home and 2) we have talked to that adult. We used to have the rule where we had to go over the house and meet the parents and all that, but we have relaxed on that part of it once DCF wasn't involved anymore. But we are not going to allow our kids to go to someone else's house, during the day, with no parents home and those parents not knowing. I don't want it in MY house and therefore I don't want them doing it in someone else's house.
Another rule is cell phones. You do NOT talk or text on a cell phone at school. The possible exception to that is at lunch, but certainly NEVER during a class. It's rude. It's disrespectful. And it's against the school rules.
These all sound like VERY simple rules, right? Reasonable?? Clear?? One would think...
Kayla sends me a text message today during school. (Using someone else's phone obviously) She wants to know if she can go to some girl's house after school. She said she'll be home by five.
My first reply to her was "no" and she didn't like that answer, so I asked her to call me. I figured, if she was a LUNCH and 'allowed' to use the cell, she would call. She couldn't - she was in class. Kayla's FIRST reply back to me was "I was only going to go for a few hours. Why can't you trust?" The TRUST word... I HATE IT when kids use this word. It has NOTHING to do with trust. I replied back to her and eventually talked to her on the phone.
I told her that... first, it wasn't a matter of trust, she NOT supposed to go to someone else's house directly from school. School is out at 2:45 and they are home from the bus at 3:30. She is to work at 4 today (she now tells me they changed her to 5 pm), which gives her very little time to do homework or study then walk to work. She claims (mind you this is at noon) that she HAS NO homework. I'm thinking she must be some kind of fortune teller to know this at noon, but I keep that to myself.
Then I tell her that she's not allowed to go to someone else's house without parents after school. She tells me that "Uncle Chris always lets me". I called Chris, of course, who tells me that the word "always" in not correct. He then reminds me that this girl is the same one that she worked with before to sneak out of the house a few months ago to go meet a guy at the park. So... do I trust this girl?? No I really don't. I don't trust either of them actually. But for no real other reason than they are 16-year-old girls. I remember being 16 and I was nowhere NEAR as pretty or as popular as them. And frankly, at the age of 39 I've still not been in some of the trouble that Kayla's been in. So trust is relative, ya know?
Oh, I almost forgot the best part. I told her that she is NOT supposed to be using a cell phone in class. She said "I wasn't, texting. I was asking a question!" WHAT??? So... That's different - HOW? I told her just that. She explained that she wasn't talking or texting really... She was asking a question. Somehow, in her mind, that's different.
Of course, Kayla thinks I said all this because I'm mean and I don't trust her. Forget the simple fact that it's just the way the rules have been since they moved in here in November 2005. Isn't that called "Teenage Logic" or something? Or is it just called "hormonal"?
Here's the problem with my disciplining: When I say "no" they say "why?" and/or they challenge me. When Chris says "no" they say "okay". It's truly that different and that simple. It's not that I DID or SAID anything differently than Chris would have. When Kayla first sent me the text message saying "can I do this?" I simply replied back "no". With that, she had a cow and the slew of messages followed.
Do you think Kayla understand how her doing this affects me? Does she know that it's 2 in the afternoon, I'm at work, and it's ALL I can think about?? That it's upset me this badly? That I keep reading her messages and my messages back wondering where the mis-communication happened... or if I showed any weakness in my initial response? That I sit here thinking about the days since November 2005 - wondering if I'm am still certain that we were truly as CLEAR with the rules as I think we were.
And as I think of all these things... I am certain that we HAVE been doing the right things, I HAVE been saying the right things, that the rules have NOT changed, and that she is just acting out in typical 16-year-old teenager fashion. And knowing that makes me more upset with her.
So.... if anyone is keeping score this week.... in the "How many kids can Tina tick off" category, it's now up to two. But fear not, there are still a couple more days till Chris gets home, so maybe I can work on the other two and making it a whole house-full before he gets back. Oh - I kid, I kid... share in my sense of humor, will ya?
As I type this I realize that I am in NO hurry to go home tonight and deal with all of this. And then I realize... tonight is open house. FOUR teenagers. One school. THIRTY TWO classes I need to attend. Alone. Sigh.... I was going to ask my sister Katie to come to help me - maybe attend some of the classes and pick up the paperwork, but she's darn near 9 months pregnant and can't get around. Sigh..... So - I'm going to have to suck it up and get over there myself. Thirty two classes.
Okay, I just called the school because the paperwork they sent home has a different date for open house than their website does. The Open House has been RESCHEDULED until September 20th. Yes, there is a God, and He is watching out for me! "Thank you, God!"
Since I started this blog, I've also just talked to Kayla. She sounds very chipper... very happy.... very over whatever horrible mood she was in at lunch today. Oh yes, MOODY, I remember that as being a part of that teenage-hormonal thing. Gosh, I don't know if I'm ready for this. If I'm ready to deal with all the stressors of teenagers all in High School. Any of y'all got advice to help me through this?
And now another update. Since that last paragraph - last typed nearly 5 hours ago - I've been home, to the park, to church, and to pick Kayla up from work.
First thing I noticed when I got home after work was that there was FOOD -- ON Kayla's bed. Checkers fast food. By this time Kayla was at work, and I made mention to Kayte and Justin about the "no food upstairs rule" that apparently NOBODY is following anyways. SIGH
Then it hit me as I was about to jump in the shower... HOW did Kayla - who was told to ride the bus home from school - get Checkers? I call the kids into the bedroom and ask them if Kayla rode the bus home with them. Kayte and Justin both looked incredibly confused. Justin, stuttering, is saying "I.... I..... I..... I.... didn't see her, but sh-sh-sh-she must have been there". I knew he was lying. Kayte looked like she was looking for a reasonable thing to say. Both of them stammering, trying to find some logic. Both of them trying to convince me that they could get on the bus from school, drive all the way home, get off the bus, and walk a few blocks home and NOT REALLY NOTICE if Kayla was or was not there.
They were lying.
I knew it with every fiber in my body.
I finally got the truth out of them. (Kayte trying to bargain the "TRUTH" for her cell phone to be returned - but I did NOT give into that!) The truth was that Kayla got a ride home from school by same guy who took her home yesterday when she went missing for an hour and a half. The truth is she asked them to cover for her. The truth is she KNEW it was wrong and she DID IT ANYWAYS.
I picked Kayla up from work today, and once again, told her the rules: come DIRECTLY home from school - on the bus. Homework. Study. Chores. Then we'll talk about 'what else'. We also talked about the lies. She still claims to not really see any big deal in it.
I've seen a pattern and I'm waiting to see if it's going to come true this time. Usually when Kayla runs out, sneaks around, lies about where she is or who she is with... usually that means that she has an interest in a new guy. Which is sad really. Why can't she have interest in a guy and just... be normal. Why sneak around? Why lie? Have him over... heck, I'll cook him one HECK of a great meal. But that would also mean her current boyfriend Chris would be history - which would be very sad. Chris is another very nice guy (she usually does date really great guys!) who works with her at KFC. He has been at KFC - not working - but just sitting in the dining room from 4 this afternoon till she got off at 9 so that he could just 'talk to her' when she got off work, even if for just a little bit. Sweet huh? But... I know it's coming. Or I sense it anyways.
Anyways, that's it for today's excitement. How many days until Chris gets back???
Xanax!?!?!?!
“When I said, "My foot is slipping," your love, O LORD, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul.”- Psalm 94:18-19
We have simple rules in our house. Rules which Chris and I are good at sticking to and making them well-known to the kids. I've talked about this often in prior blogs. Remember our favorite motto: "firm yet fair"?
One of the rules is, you come home directly after school, every day. If you want to go hang out with your friends, that's all well and good, but it'll happen after you get home, do homework and/or study and you do your chores.
Another rule is that the kids do not go to someone else's house during the day unless we 1) know an adult is going to be home and 2) we have talked to that adult. We used to have the rule where we had to go over the house and meet the parents and all that, but we have relaxed on that part of it once DCF wasn't involved anymore. But we are not going to allow our kids to go to someone else's house, during the day, with no parents home and those parents not knowing. I don't want it in MY house and therefore I don't want them doing it in someone else's house.
Another rule is cell phones. You do NOT talk or text on a cell phone at school. The possible exception to that is at lunch, but certainly NEVER during a class. It's rude. It's disrespectful. And it's against the school rules.
These all sound like VERY simple rules, right? Reasonable?? Clear?? One would think...
Kayla sends me a text message today during school. (Using someone else's phone obviously) She wants to know if she can go to some girl's house after school. She said she'll be home by five.
My first reply to her was "no" and she didn't like that answer, so I asked her to call me. I figured, if she was a LUNCH and 'allowed' to use the cell, she would call. She couldn't - she was in class. Kayla's FIRST reply back to me was "I was only going to go for a few hours. Why can't you trust?" The TRUST word... I HATE IT when kids use this word. It has NOTHING to do with trust. I replied back to her and eventually talked to her on the phone.
I told her that... first, it wasn't a matter of trust, she NOT supposed to go to someone else's house directly from school. School is out at 2:45 and they are home from the bus at 3:30. She is to work at 4 today (she now tells me they changed her to 5 pm), which gives her very little time to do homework or study then walk to work. She claims (mind you this is at noon) that she HAS NO homework. I'm thinking she must be some kind of fortune teller to know this at noon, but I keep that to myself.
Then I tell her that she's not allowed to go to someone else's house without parents after school. She tells me that "Uncle Chris always lets me". I called Chris, of course, who tells me that the word "always" in not correct. He then reminds me that this girl is the same one that she worked with before to sneak out of the house a few months ago to go meet a guy at the park. So... do I trust this girl?? No I really don't. I don't trust either of them actually. But for no real other reason than they are 16-year-old girls. I remember being 16 and I was nowhere NEAR as pretty or as popular as them. And frankly, at the age of 39 I've still not been in some of the trouble that Kayla's been in. So trust is relative, ya know?
Oh, I almost forgot the best part. I told her that she is NOT supposed to be using a cell phone in class. She said "I wasn't, texting. I was asking a question!" WHAT??? So... That's different - HOW? I told her just that. She explained that she wasn't talking or texting really... She was asking a question. Somehow, in her mind, that's different.
Of course, Kayla thinks I said all this because I'm mean and I don't trust her. Forget the simple fact that it's just the way the rules have been since they moved in here in November 2005. Isn't that called "Teenage Logic" or something? Or is it just called "hormonal"?
Here's the problem with my disciplining: When I say "no" they say "why?" and/or they challenge me. When Chris says "no" they say "okay". It's truly that different and that simple. It's not that I DID or SAID anything differently than Chris would have. When Kayla first sent me the text message saying "can I do this?" I simply replied back "no". With that, she had a cow and the slew of messages followed.
Do you think Kayla understand how her doing this affects me? Does she know that it's 2 in the afternoon, I'm at work, and it's ALL I can think about?? That it's upset me this badly? That I keep reading her messages and my messages back wondering where the mis-communication happened... or if I showed any weakness in my initial response? That I sit here thinking about the days since November 2005 - wondering if I'm am still certain that we were truly as CLEAR with the rules as I think we were.
And as I think of all these things... I am certain that we HAVE been doing the right things, I HAVE been saying the right things, that the rules have NOT changed, and that she is just acting out in typical 16-year-old teenager fashion. And knowing that makes me more upset with her.
So.... if anyone is keeping score this week.... in the "How many kids can Tina tick off" category, it's now up to two. But fear not, there are still a couple more days till Chris gets home, so maybe I can work on the other two and making it a whole house-full before he gets back. Oh - I kid, I kid... share in my sense of humor, will ya?
As I type this I realize that I am in NO hurry to go home tonight and deal with all of this. And then I realize... tonight is open house. FOUR teenagers. One school. THIRTY TWO classes I need to attend. Alone. Sigh.... I was going to ask my sister Katie to come to help me - maybe attend some of the classes and pick up the paperwork, but she's darn near 9 months pregnant and can't get around. Sigh..... So - I'm going to have to suck it up and get over there myself. Thirty two classes.
Okay, I just called the school because the paperwork they sent home has a different date for open house than their website does. The Open House has been RESCHEDULED until September 20th. Yes, there is a God, and He is watching out for me! "Thank you, God!"
Since I started this blog, I've also just talked to Kayla. She sounds very chipper... very happy.... very over whatever horrible mood she was in at lunch today. Oh yes, MOODY, I remember that as being a part of that teenage-hormonal thing. Gosh, I don't know if I'm ready for this. If I'm ready to deal with all the stressors of teenagers all in High School. Any of y'all got advice to help me through this?
And now another update. Since that last paragraph - last typed nearly 5 hours ago - I've been home, to the park, to church, and to pick Kayla up from work.
First thing I noticed when I got home after work was that there was FOOD -- ON Kayla's bed. Checkers fast food. By this time Kayla was at work, and I made mention to Kayte and Justin about the "no food upstairs rule" that apparently NOBODY is following anyways. SIGH
Then it hit me as I was about to jump in the shower... HOW did Kayla - who was told to ride the bus home from school - get Checkers? I call the kids into the bedroom and ask them if Kayla rode the bus home with them. Kayte and Justin both looked incredibly confused. Justin, stuttering, is saying "I.... I..... I..... I.... didn't see her, but sh-sh-sh-she must have been there". I knew he was lying. Kayte looked like she was looking for a reasonable thing to say. Both of them stammering, trying to find some logic. Both of them trying to convince me that they could get on the bus from school, drive all the way home, get off the bus, and walk a few blocks home and NOT REALLY NOTICE if Kayla was or was not there.
They were lying.
I knew it with every fiber in my body.
I finally got the truth out of them. (Kayte trying to bargain the "TRUTH" for her cell phone to be returned - but I did NOT give into that!) The truth was that Kayla got a ride home from school by same guy who took her home yesterday when she went missing for an hour and a half. The truth is she asked them to cover for her. The truth is she KNEW it was wrong and she DID IT ANYWAYS.
I picked Kayla up from work today, and once again, told her the rules: come DIRECTLY home from school - on the bus. Homework. Study. Chores. Then we'll talk about 'what else'. We also talked about the lies. She still claims to not really see any big deal in it.
I've seen a pattern and I'm waiting to see if it's going to come true this time. Usually when Kayla runs out, sneaks around, lies about where she is or who she is with... usually that means that she has an interest in a new guy. Which is sad really. Why can't she have interest in a guy and just... be normal. Why sneak around? Why lie? Have him over... heck, I'll cook him one HECK of a great meal. But that would also mean her current boyfriend Chris would be history - which would be very sad. Chris is another very nice guy (she usually does date really great guys!) who works with her at KFC. He has been at KFC - not working - but just sitting in the dining room from 4 this afternoon till she got off at 9 so that he could just 'talk to her' when she got off work, even if for just a little bit. Sweet huh? But... I know it's coming. Or I sense it anyways.
Anyways, that's it for today's excitement. How many days until Chris gets back???
Xanax!?!?!?!
“When I said, "My foot is slipping," your love, O LORD, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul.”- Psalm 94:18-19
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Day 3 Alone
I had more drama after my post last night at home. Sigh... why can't it be EASY? Chris leaves for a week or so and everything is great? Why not???
Last night while trying to sleep, I kept hearing someone talk. We have 102 inches of horrible windows in our bedroom, and I at first assumed it was a neighbor voice I was hearing through that window. The room was so quiet and the only sounds were the squirrels trying to eat into the room and this talking. The talking continued for a long time, and I noticed it was a one-way conversation. Eventually I got up to investigate because it just wouldn't STOP and it was driving me nuts. I walked by Kayte/Justin's room and sure enough.... talk, talk, talk, talk. It was KAYTE.
I stood quietly at the door and listened for about 5 minutes trying to hear what she was talking about. I guess I tried to give the benefit of the doubt that maybe she was sleep-talking - although by this time it had been a VERY long time. (I later found it the conversation was an hour and a half) I opened the door and asked her "WHO are you TALKING TO?" She said, "I'm not talking to anybody". I said, "Kayte, I've been outside the door listening to you, YES you have. Who are you talking to??" Again she tried to proclaim her innocence, and in the middle of that proclamation her cell phone lit up giving away her lie. I said "GIVE ME THE PHONE!!" I might have put a curse word in there. Might? Ha ha ha ha.
Anyways, she did - in her typical "attorney-like" fashion - try to somewhat defend herself, saying to me that she really didn't talk much, she spent a lot of time "listening". I told her that it was AFTER 11 pm -- I didn't care WHAT she was doing, she shouldn't be on a phone that late.
To make matters worse, I found out from checking her cell phone history that she SOLD Kayla time using her cell phone. Now... Kayte has a cell phone ONLY because it was a REWARD for HER good grades at school. We PAY our hard-earned money every single month for her to continue with that phone. She's going to try and TURN A PROFIT?? I felt like she had slapped me in the face. I was furious.
I need to calm down before I see her tonight. I'm getting so angry again just THINKING about the whole thing again. Calm down, Tina... Calm down........
Julie has a visit tonight and I'm really struggling with how to FEEL. She's called a couple times already today - yes she is out of the hospital.
She has (surprise, surprise) decided NOT to do the 6-month program. Her reasoning for this was two-fold. One because the beds were hard and not-so-nice (she said she heard they were like prison beds) and two because they won't let her see family while she is there. I asked her if they told her WHY they wouldn't allow family to see her, she said "Because they say they want me to work on JUST ME while I am there." Well, that sounds like a darn good reason to me! Why would that be a problem? But - to Julie - who thinks as short-term as she does, this is a long time. I told her that it took her 38 years to get into this mess... she wasn't going to get out of it without dedicating lots of time and effort into it.
She has now turned her focus onto a place in Clearwater that has a 21 day program. They have much nicer beds and it's a much more fancy place. Sure it is, but... 21 days? What are they going to do in 21 days? I think she's been in Memorial hospital's psyc ward once recently about that long.
Without boring you with crummy details, let me tell you why I think Julie is making a mistake:
1) With everything she is doing right now, there is some LIE attached to it. Two examples are: Financial in that she has lied and is going to lie about what she makes for some reason or another and medical (she's going to have to purposely overdose in order to get admitted). If you begin something with a lie, it's bound for failure.
2) Julie doesn't need drug rehab. She is not a 'druggie' in my opinion. She USES whatever she has on hand to coax her emotional wounds and to deal with stressors in her life. Food, people, medications. She doesn't need to be off medications for 21 days to 'get it out of her system' so she doesn't "Jones" again.... she needs to be completely re-trained on how to deal with things. How to worry about her inability to pay the water bill without going off the deep end or popping a fist full of pills. How to miss her husband who died too young without cutting her arms with razors to feel better. She needs to know what to do when she WANTS to go to the emergency room and tell them she wants morphine for her headache -- and she needs to not pester them or manipulate them into giving her what she wants.
This CAN NOT happen in 21 days. In my opinion that is.
So... Julie is coming over tonight and as I sit here and think about her visit, I wonder how I want to act around her. Already today I've felt that she wants me to feel sorry for her... she's talking about "walking away" from her home - giving it to the bank. Talking about how she can't make ends meet on just her VA income alone. And I do NOT want to pity her. I'm angry with her.
But... at bible study this week we talked about people who have a hardened heart. I don't want to do that either... but... it's emotionally too much to be sucked into her life ALL THE TIME. It's emotionally exhausting to care MORE about HER life than SHE does... that is an uphill battle. And - I do love her. But I feel that her constant "it's all about me" attitude is actually hurting ME. Additionally I think that a little tough-love might help her.
Take for example the few frustrations I have listed below:
1) Julie can't work a stable job because she is hospitalized dozens of times ever year. Option: File for disability through the state. Julie refuses. (She now says that they won't pay her disability because she has money from the VA - she said that she called and was told this. I was told differently. Anyways....)
2) Julie can't afford her house payment and bills on what she makes. Option 1 - sell home and move into small apartment. Option 2 - collect money from the guy who is living there free of charge to help cover expenses. Option 3 - cut off cable, cell phone, Zephyrhills water and any other non-emergency bills she has. Julie refuses any of these options.
These are two examples -- my sister and mother could give you a dozen more I'm sure. It's soooo frustrating.
Last night while trying to sleep, I kept hearing someone talk. We have 102 inches of horrible windows in our bedroom, and I at first assumed it was a neighbor voice I was hearing through that window. The room was so quiet and the only sounds were the squirrels trying to eat into the room and this talking. The talking continued for a long time, and I noticed it was a one-way conversation. Eventually I got up to investigate because it just wouldn't STOP and it was driving me nuts. I walked by Kayte/Justin's room and sure enough.... talk, talk, talk, talk. It was KAYTE.
I stood quietly at the door and listened for about 5 minutes trying to hear what she was talking about. I guess I tried to give the benefit of the doubt that maybe she was sleep-talking - although by this time it had been a VERY long time. (I later found it the conversation was an hour and a half) I opened the door and asked her "WHO are you TALKING TO?" She said, "I'm not talking to anybody". I said, "Kayte, I've been outside the door listening to you, YES you have. Who are you talking to??" Again she tried to proclaim her innocence, and in the middle of that proclamation her cell phone lit up giving away her lie. I said "GIVE ME THE PHONE!!" I might have put a curse word in there. Might? Ha ha ha ha.
Anyways, she did - in her typical "attorney-like" fashion - try to somewhat defend herself, saying to me that she really didn't talk much, she spent a lot of time "listening". I told her that it was AFTER 11 pm -- I didn't care WHAT she was doing, she shouldn't be on a phone that late.
To make matters worse, I found out from checking her cell phone history that she SOLD Kayla time using her cell phone. Now... Kayte has a cell phone ONLY because it was a REWARD for HER good grades at school. We PAY our hard-earned money every single month for her to continue with that phone. She's going to try and TURN A PROFIT?? I felt like she had slapped me in the face. I was furious.
I need to calm down before I see her tonight. I'm getting so angry again just THINKING about the whole thing again. Calm down, Tina... Calm down........
Julie has a visit tonight and I'm really struggling with how to FEEL. She's called a couple times already today - yes she is out of the hospital.
She has (surprise, surprise) decided NOT to do the 6-month program. Her reasoning for this was two-fold. One because the beds were hard and not-so-nice (she said she heard they were like prison beds) and two because they won't let her see family while she is there. I asked her if they told her WHY they wouldn't allow family to see her, she said "Because they say they want me to work on JUST ME while I am there." Well, that sounds like a darn good reason to me! Why would that be a problem? But - to Julie - who thinks as short-term as she does, this is a long time. I told her that it took her 38 years to get into this mess... she wasn't going to get out of it without dedicating lots of time and effort into it.
She has now turned her focus onto a place in Clearwater that has a 21 day program. They have much nicer beds and it's a much more fancy place. Sure it is, but... 21 days? What are they going to do in 21 days? I think she's been in Memorial hospital's psyc ward once recently about that long.
Without boring you with crummy details, let me tell you why I think Julie is making a mistake:
1) With everything she is doing right now, there is some LIE attached to it. Two examples are: Financial in that she has lied and is going to lie about what she makes for some reason or another and medical (she's going to have to purposely overdose in order to get admitted). If you begin something with a lie, it's bound for failure.
2) Julie doesn't need drug rehab. She is not a 'druggie' in my opinion. She USES whatever she has on hand to coax her emotional wounds and to deal with stressors in her life. Food, people, medications. She doesn't need to be off medications for 21 days to 'get it out of her system' so she doesn't "Jones" again.... she needs to be completely re-trained on how to deal with things. How to worry about her inability to pay the water bill without going off the deep end or popping a fist full of pills. How to miss her husband who died too young without cutting her arms with razors to feel better. She needs to know what to do when she WANTS to go to the emergency room and tell them she wants morphine for her headache -- and she needs to not pester them or manipulate them into giving her what she wants.
This CAN NOT happen in 21 days. In my opinion that is.
So... Julie is coming over tonight and as I sit here and think about her visit, I wonder how I want to act around her. Already today I've felt that she wants me to feel sorry for her... she's talking about "walking away" from her home - giving it to the bank. Talking about how she can't make ends meet on just her VA income alone. And I do NOT want to pity her. I'm angry with her.
But... at bible study this week we talked about people who have a hardened heart. I don't want to do that either... but... it's emotionally too much to be sucked into her life ALL THE TIME. It's emotionally exhausting to care MORE about HER life than SHE does... that is an uphill battle. And - I do love her. But I feel that her constant "it's all about me" attitude is actually hurting ME. Additionally I think that a little tough-love might help her.
Take for example the few frustrations I have listed below:
1) Julie can't work a stable job because she is hospitalized dozens of times ever year. Option: File for disability through the state. Julie refuses. (She now says that they won't pay her disability because she has money from the VA - she said that she called and was told this. I was told differently. Anyways....)
2) Julie can't afford her house payment and bills on what she makes. Option 1 - sell home and move into small apartment. Option 2 - collect money from the guy who is living there free of charge to help cover expenses. Option 3 - cut off cable, cell phone, Zephyrhills water and any other non-emergency bills she has. Julie refuses any of these options.
These are two examples -- my sister and mother could give you a dozen more I'm sure. It's soooo frustrating.
***************************
I'm home now and Julie has left for the night. I'm working on getting the kids to bed, but I hear them still up (it's 10:05 now). I really wanted to go in the hot tub tonight -- I didn't go in the hot tub or pool last night... remember my fear of spiders? Yeah... they live out there! Chris is usually my big strong man to save me should I see one outside. :o)
Julie's visit tonight was kind of......... odd. She was good really, I guess you could say. I got home and immediately went into the kitchen because I was late, Julie was there, and I knew I needed to get dinner started if we were going to eat at a reasonable time. The kids came in and told me that their mom was acting kinda weird. They were right.... she wasn't slurring, she wasn't completely out of it.... she was just kinda -- "blah" is all I can say to describe it. Like a cross between depressed and tired maybe. She said she was tired and hopefully that was all that was wrong. I think the kids thought as I did... that it was going to be an awesome visit because she just got out of the hospital.
After her visit tonight I do feel really sad for her. No money. Can't get a job. Lost her husband, now her kids. So many mental illnesses. Diabetes. Oh how my heart breaks for my little sister. Yeah, after I typed that last line, I sat and thought about it for a long while... watching the cursor blink....
It's funny how you can go from so angry to so sad in such a short period of time. I know that Julie is going to do whatever Julie is going to do, regardless of what I want or think or say. And I know that I can only do what I can do... I can stay here and raise these kids, keep on top of them to make sure they are making good decisions, and be a good role model. Then just hope and pray that it's enough.
Just looking up positive quotes or bible verses to put in here and came across this:
"I think it's an honor to be a role model to one person or maybe more than that. If you are given a chance to be a role model, I think you should always take it because you can influence a person's life in a positive light, and that's what I want to do. That's what it's all about."
Tiger Woods
Yeah, Tiger... I couldn't have said it better myself. I'm exhausted and going to bed. Goodnight all! Thanks for keeping us in your thoughts and prayers.
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Day Two Alone
I've almost made it through day #2 parenting alone. YEAH!
Of course had a couple of somewhat big things happen...
I lost Kayla today for about an hour and a half as she got a ride from a guy she didn't know all that well from school home, then went to the bank to cash her paycheck - without telling me where she was. For almost and hour and a half I called every friend I could think of trying to find her. Scary shit, let me tell ya. I was worried SICK.
Then tonight getting the kids ready for bed... I had to yell at Kayte and Justin pretty bad. They had just done two loads of clothes that took 2 days to do, which with our new dryer setup is completely not necessary! (Mind you, that means it cuts into someone else's laundry day) After their two loads... I go up to their bedroom tonight and see that they had a closet FULL of dirty clothes. THREE loads easily... three full hampers plus clothes all over the floor. Drives me N-U-T-S.
Kayte explains that one of the hampers is the clean clothes she did yesterday and that she just had no time to do them. Kayte really should be an attorney. I explained to her that she got out of school EARLY today, she got home, had TONS of time to play around on Myspace, and went to the park to boy-watch for 3 hours.... HOW did she have "no time" to take 5 minutes to fold this load of clothes? It's a load of you-know-what is what it is!!
Sigh............ other than that -- yelling at Kayla telling her to 'go to bed!' at 10:05 as I type to -- everything is going okay.
Jonathan is having a GREAT time in high school. He's in chorus and his teacher is a great woman named Debbie Connelly. Debbie is a two time lead quartet champion in Sweet Adeline's. She's also a member of an octet I belonged to and a friend. She's simply AMAZING. Christian. AWESOME singer. Great mom. And now I am not surprised to find out, awesome teacher. Jonathan has her for Chorus at Gaither.
There is Chorus I for beginners, Chorus II for intermediate kids who 'graduated' from Chorus I. And then there is Chorus III for those who have passed both Chorus I and Chorus II. Most of the kids in Chorus III are Juniors and Seniors. And then, there's Jonathan! Yep, she put him right in this class, and he is SOOOOO HAPPY. His Asperger syndrome usually means he doesn't interact with kids all that well, but in music - he excels. So... he's in chorus yesterday, first day of school, and one of the girls in his class recognizes him from his little quartet. She asks him if he could get his quartet to come sing at her birthday party later this year. He was SO happy! Then today, Ms. Connelly was telling the class about the Hillsborough County Music Festival. This is an all-day workshop hosted by the Barbershop Harmony Society and Sweet Adeline's. They take high-school kids from all over the county on a one day workshop and teach them all barbershop. It's COOL. Jonathan has been to it many times as a performer in his barbershop quartet (as have Chris and myself actually). So, Ms. Connelly is asking the class about who wants to go to the festival.... and she says "Jonathan, you've actually performed there, haven't you?". Jonathan beams with pride and nods 'yes'. Ms. Connelly says "Jonathan, you sure have gotten tall in the past year since I've seen you last!" And a girl sitting behind Jonathan says "And he's gotten much cuter!" I can only imagine how Jonathan must have felt! How cool for him... he was totally in his element there! They are having tryouts for a barbershop quartet at his high school.... keep him in your prayers there as I know this is something he wants to do badly. I'll keep you updated as I learn more.
What else???
We had a squirrel break-in today. Kayla's bedroom is on one corner upstairs overlooking the pool on the second floor... our bedroom is on the other corner of the house upstairs overlooking the pool. Kayla had a squirrel eat through the mesh overhang and ate THROUGH her bedroom ceiling last week. Hmm... I didn't blog about that, did I? Chris fixes SO MUCH around here I'm telling ya. Well, Chris (who as I've explained in prior blogs is HORRIBLY afraid of squirrels) got up on the roof and patched the mesh with a nice hard plastic guard. He only did about a foot or two... surely the squirrel wouldn't go further than that, right?
He didn't... he went to the OTHER corner of the house and this evening I could hear him above my bed in the bedroom chewing and digging into the ceiling. EWWWWW.
I'm all alone.
Just me and the kids.
And there is a squirrel eating his way into my bedroom. OVER my bed.
Oh
My
Goodness!!!!!!
Yeah.... kinda freaky, right????????? Right.
Moving on............. I was reading in the paper today and horrible statistic that I just can't imagine. In India - SIXTY-TWO percent of women feel it is sometimes acceptable to be beaten by their husbands. SIXTY-TWO percent???!!! Then the newspaper article took it down beyond that saying what the women felt defined acceptable -- ONE in FIVE women believe that husbands are ENTITLED to hit them for cooking a lousy dinner.
WHAT?????????????
Entitled? I mean... I saved the macaroni and cheese to have on a night when Chris wasn't here to complain about it... but entitled to beat me because he didn't like dinner? Entitled? REALLY???
I'm so happy that I live here. Really I am. Although I also wonder if I had been born in India or someplace like that... would I be one of the women who tolerate... or one of the women who insisted on changes. I'm certain I'd be the latter.
Funny... as I think about it... I'm certain that - no matter where I was born or where I live in my life -- I WILL make a difference somehow. Huh. Funny to think about that and actually say it. Because... normally I don't think what I'm doing here is all that commendable. But I do, without question, know it's making a difference.
Speaking of making a difference.
Julie is getting out of the hospital tomorrow. She doesn't yet know that I'm mad at her.... that I'm totally not buying the "oh woe is me, I'm going to try to kill myself AGAIN this week" schmuck she's been spewing. Nope, not me. Not again. But anyways.... she'll be over tomorrow night for dinner. The good news is that she is usually really 'good' after getting out of the hospital -- so she should behave really well for the kids.
I should run.... I'm thinking about going into the pool. It's late. It's dark. The kids are in bed. I have a $9. bottle of wine and a float in the pool calling my name. Should I answer????
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Of course had a couple of somewhat big things happen...
I lost Kayla today for about an hour and a half as she got a ride from a guy she didn't know all that well from school home, then went to the bank to cash her paycheck - without telling me where she was. For almost and hour and a half I called every friend I could think of trying to find her. Scary shit, let me tell ya. I was worried SICK.
Then tonight getting the kids ready for bed... I had to yell at Kayte and Justin pretty bad. They had just done two loads of clothes that took 2 days to do, which with our new dryer setup is completely not necessary! (Mind you, that means it cuts into someone else's laundry day) After their two loads... I go up to their bedroom tonight and see that they had a closet FULL of dirty clothes. THREE loads easily... three full hampers plus clothes all over the floor. Drives me N-U-T-S.
Kayte explains that one of the hampers is the clean clothes she did yesterday and that she just had no time to do them. Kayte really should be an attorney. I explained to her that she got out of school EARLY today, she got home, had TONS of time to play around on Myspace, and went to the park to boy-watch for 3 hours.... HOW did she have "no time" to take 5 minutes to fold this load of clothes? It's a load of you-know-what is what it is!!
Sigh............ other than that -- yelling at Kayla telling her to 'go to bed!' at 10:05 as I type to -- everything is going okay.
Jonathan is having a GREAT time in high school. He's in chorus and his teacher is a great woman named Debbie Connelly. Debbie is a two time lead quartet champion in Sweet Adeline's. She's also a member of an octet I belonged to and a friend. She's simply AMAZING. Christian. AWESOME singer. Great mom. And now I am not surprised to find out, awesome teacher. Jonathan has her for Chorus at Gaither.
There is Chorus I for beginners, Chorus II for intermediate kids who 'graduated' from Chorus I. And then there is Chorus III for those who have passed both Chorus I and Chorus II. Most of the kids in Chorus III are Juniors and Seniors. And then, there's Jonathan! Yep, she put him right in this class, and he is SOOOOO HAPPY. His Asperger syndrome usually means he doesn't interact with kids all that well, but in music - he excels. So... he's in chorus yesterday, first day of school, and one of the girls in his class recognizes him from his little quartet. She asks him if he could get his quartet to come sing at her birthday party later this year. He was SO happy! Then today, Ms. Connelly was telling the class about the Hillsborough County Music Festival. This is an all-day workshop hosted by the Barbershop Harmony Society and Sweet Adeline's. They take high-school kids from all over the county on a one day workshop and teach them all barbershop. It's COOL. Jonathan has been to it many times as a performer in his barbershop quartet (as have Chris and myself actually). So, Ms. Connelly is asking the class about who wants to go to the festival.... and she says "Jonathan, you've actually performed there, haven't you?". Jonathan beams with pride and nods 'yes'. Ms. Connelly says "Jonathan, you sure have gotten tall in the past year since I've seen you last!" And a girl sitting behind Jonathan says "And he's gotten much cuter!" I can only imagine how Jonathan must have felt! How cool for him... he was totally in his element there! They are having tryouts for a barbershop quartet at his high school.... keep him in your prayers there as I know this is something he wants to do badly. I'll keep you updated as I learn more.
What else???
We had a squirrel break-in today. Kayla's bedroom is on one corner upstairs overlooking the pool on the second floor... our bedroom is on the other corner of the house upstairs overlooking the pool. Kayla had a squirrel eat through the mesh overhang and ate THROUGH her bedroom ceiling last week. Hmm... I didn't blog about that, did I? Chris fixes SO MUCH around here I'm telling ya. Well, Chris (who as I've explained in prior blogs is HORRIBLY afraid of squirrels) got up on the roof and patched the mesh with a nice hard plastic guard. He only did about a foot or two... surely the squirrel wouldn't go further than that, right?
He didn't... he went to the OTHER corner of the house and this evening I could hear him above my bed in the bedroom chewing and digging into the ceiling. EWWWWW.
I'm all alone.
Just me and the kids.
And there is a squirrel eating his way into my bedroom. OVER my bed.
Oh
My
Goodness!!!!!!
Yeah.... kinda freaky, right????????? Right.
Moving on............. I was reading in the paper today and horrible statistic that I just can't imagine. In India - SIXTY-TWO percent of women feel it is sometimes acceptable to be beaten by their husbands. SIXTY-TWO percent???!!! Then the newspaper article took it down beyond that saying what the women felt defined acceptable -- ONE in FIVE women believe that husbands are ENTITLED to hit them for cooking a lousy dinner.
WHAT?????????????
Entitled? I mean... I saved the macaroni and cheese to have on a night when Chris wasn't here to complain about it... but entitled to beat me because he didn't like dinner? Entitled? REALLY???
I'm so happy that I live here. Really I am. Although I also wonder if I had been born in India or someplace like that... would I be one of the women who tolerate... or one of the women who insisted on changes. I'm certain I'd be the latter.
Funny... as I think about it... I'm certain that - no matter where I was born or where I live in my life -- I WILL make a difference somehow. Huh. Funny to think about that and actually say it. Because... normally I don't think what I'm doing here is all that commendable. But I do, without question, know it's making a difference.
Speaking of making a difference.
Julie is getting out of the hospital tomorrow. She doesn't yet know that I'm mad at her.... that I'm totally not buying the "oh woe is me, I'm going to try to kill myself AGAIN this week" schmuck she's been spewing. Nope, not me. Not again. But anyways.... she'll be over tomorrow night for dinner. The good news is that she is usually really 'good' after getting out of the hospital -- so she should behave really well for the kids.
I should run.... I'm thinking about going into the pool. It's late. It's dark. The kids are in bed. I have a $9. bottle of wine and a float in the pool calling my name. Should I answer????
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Monday, August 20, 2007
Weird - Sad - Funny - Loving
Wow... What a day! I'm at work, trying to gather my thoughts and writing them down to blog to you later about... Where shall I start?
I know, I have so much going through my head today I think I'm going to title this blog "Weird, Sad, Funny and Loving"... Then give you a bit of everything going through my mind.
First, the weird part I guess. My boss is out this afternoon. I work in an office where I am alone most of the time if one of my two bosses isn't in. I was at home at lunch, trying to think about how I was going to get everything done that needed to be done tonight actually DONE in time. The 'work' part while I'm working is fine... I move very fast and multi-task. Additionally the phone doesn't ring much when the guys aren't in.
I get out of work at 5. There's the dinner I have to make, and I can't rush that unless I started a crock-pot meal - which I didn't. Jonathan has piano lessons at 5:30 and that gives me from 6 to 6:45 to make dinner for all four of my first-day-of-high-schoolers, because at 6:45 I have to go to bible study. When I get out of bible study at 9 tonight, it'll be the "yell-fest" as I try to get them all to listen to me and go to bed before 9:30. Oh, and since I - the anti-morning person - have to get up at 5:30 with them -- I need to get to bed as well. Sigh...
Needless to say, all of this is pretty normal for me which is why I am such a great multi-task person. So... I'm trying to think of how I can multi-task and get things done. As I'm thinking, I notice... err... I feel the hair on my legs rubbing against my jeans. Yeah, I need a shave THAT bad. That's when multi-tasking came to mind! No bosses, nobody in the office but me, we HAVE a bathroom with a little sink here... "I KNOW!" I thought to myself.... "I'll shave my legs at work!" What the heck... Nobody is here, right? Yeah, I know... I'm weird! But I'm weird with clean shaven legs! Ha ha ha ha.
The sad part of my blog today is how very sad I was this morning as I took all the kids to the bus stop. I was up at 5:30 with them, orchestrated the chaos that can only be understood if you've seen four teenagers trying to get ready at the same time. But we managed; I got them all up and out the door by 6:30 and I followed behind them as they went to their bus stop. (Not too closely, I didn't want them to look 'un-cool', ya know?)
I wanted to see Jonathan, my baby, get on his first bus for high school.
The flood of memories that washed over me was almost uncontrollable. I remembered Amanda's first day of elementary school, little lunch box in tote. Jonathan's first day looking SO cute with his bright blond hair. Amanda's first day of Junior High with her little leopard outfit looking entirely too old for middle school, yet cute and utterly adorable at the same time.
Oh, the memories..... And I thought... What memories do I have to look forward to from this moment on? No more 'first day of a new school' memories... Unless he goes to college. No more cute memories or cute first time sorts of things... From here on out all the firsts are things like driving -- don't even GET me started on my memories of Amanda and her driving experience! OIE!!
No... All the memories are going to be young-adult kind of memories.
My mind flashed to Jonathan's bedroom this morning... Clothes tossed around the room like a messy teenager, but Simba - his life-long stuffed animal friend was sitting neatly at the foot of his bed. Surely Simba isn't going to make it much longer, is he? And my mind flashes to Pretty in my closet. Pretty was my stuffed animal as a child... A yellow elephant. He went through everything with me, even the fire when Julie set my bedroom on fire - we washed him and all the smoke eventually came off. I still kept Pretty... Maybe Jonathan will keep Simba? Maybe there will be childhood memories that will leak over into his adult life. Sigh. I sure hope so.
But as I watched him interact with all the other high schoolers, my heart broke, because I knew that the days of his childhood memory-making days were gone. But don't get me wrong.... It's not that I don't know that there are going to be GREAT memories from here on out... I'm experiencing them now with Amanda who is now 21. Heck, one month from today she'll be a married woman! But... Those kinds of memories just............ feel different. I don't know why -- they just do.
And - I suppose - in a strange kind of way - I'm mourning the loss of childhood memories. Gosh... So sad right now even thinking about it.
Let me move on with the funny I was going to share with you. You know how I like to share stories of past things that have happened to us. This is my memory of Amanda's first day of high school.
Chris and I graduated from Robinson High School (RHS) together in 1986. Two weeks later Amanda was born. In 2000 Amanda was set to start her first day of high school, at OUR Alma Mater... RHS! We knew everything about RHS, including the rules on the "senior parking lot", you know... The spot where you park only if you are a Senior?! Amanda wanted to be dropped off in front of the school, but Chris told her that he know of a better place to be dropped off... And he took her to the senior parking lot. Of course, he failed to mention to Amanda what the parking lot was, she just thought it was another spot to drop off the kids.
Chris looked horrible. It was early morning, he hadn't shaved yet, his clothes looked like he slept in them (probably because he did), hair all scraggly and sticking up... He just looked a mess. I'm quite sure Amanda was just as happy to not have to get out of the car in front of the school with all the other sophomores that she knew.
Chris dropped her off, and asked her to give him a kiss goodbye. Of course, Amanda refused saying something about not kissing your daddy in public now that she was a high-school girl. That was a mistake on Amanda's part. :o)
Chris allowed her to get out of the car and Amanda began to walk away very quickly, trying her best to be invisible I'm sure. With that, Chris gets out of the car, stands up on the inside of the door jam to the car and in his best 'retarded' voice screams.... "Amanda! Come give your daddy a kiss! Amanda!! Amanda Rhodes!! Come give daddy a kiss!!" Needless to say, she ran like hell.
Poor thing.
But... It is something we can laugh about now. Actually, we could even laugh about it shortly thereafter because it was SO over-the-top that it was hysterical. Of course, Amanda shares my sense of humor, so... You know she thought it was funny!
What was my last thought of this blog? Oh yes, loving.
This morning, after Chris read my blog, he decided to pray with me. Wow... That was really -- I don't know how to describe it if you've never prayed with someone you love for 'daily' kind of things (not something huge or massive I mean). Just day to day "dear Lord please bless us" kind of prayers. It was just... Good.
It caught me off guard because I had laid back down after the kids went to school, and Chris had just come in from his men's small group meeting. We were laying, cuddling, and I said "ready?" as in... Ready to get up? And he just ........ started praying. When he was done, he asked if I wanted to add anything to it, and I did all I could at the time, I added "AMEN". Wow... It was quite a spiritual time for us. Thanks for that Chris. I love you baby.
And I suppose that is it for now. I've got to go pick up Jonathan who is at piano class, then get dinner started before heading over to bible study. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers this week.
I know, I have so much going through my head today I think I'm going to title this blog "Weird, Sad, Funny and Loving"... Then give you a bit of everything going through my mind.
First, the weird part I guess. My boss is out this afternoon. I work in an office where I am alone most of the time if one of my two bosses isn't in. I was at home at lunch, trying to think about how I was going to get everything done that needed to be done tonight actually DONE in time. The 'work' part while I'm working is fine... I move very fast and multi-task. Additionally the phone doesn't ring much when the guys aren't in.
I get out of work at 5. There's the dinner I have to make, and I can't rush that unless I started a crock-pot meal - which I didn't. Jonathan has piano lessons at 5:30 and that gives me from 6 to 6:45 to make dinner for all four of my first-day-of-high-schoolers, because at 6:45 I have to go to bible study. When I get out of bible study at 9 tonight, it'll be the "yell-fest" as I try to get them all to listen to me and go to bed before 9:30. Oh, and since I - the anti-morning person - have to get up at 5:30 with them -- I need to get to bed as well. Sigh...
Needless to say, all of this is pretty normal for me which is why I am such a great multi-task person. So... I'm trying to think of how I can multi-task and get things done. As I'm thinking, I notice... err... I feel the hair on my legs rubbing against my jeans. Yeah, I need a shave THAT bad. That's when multi-tasking came to mind! No bosses, nobody in the office but me, we HAVE a bathroom with a little sink here... "I KNOW!" I thought to myself.... "I'll shave my legs at work!" What the heck... Nobody is here, right? Yeah, I know... I'm weird! But I'm weird with clean shaven legs! Ha ha ha ha.
The sad part of my blog today is how very sad I was this morning as I took all the kids to the bus stop. I was up at 5:30 with them, orchestrated the chaos that can only be understood if you've seen four teenagers trying to get ready at the same time. But we managed; I got them all up and out the door by 6:30 and I followed behind them as they went to their bus stop. (Not too closely, I didn't want them to look 'un-cool', ya know?)
I wanted to see Jonathan, my baby, get on his first bus for high school.
The flood of memories that washed over me was almost uncontrollable. I remembered Amanda's first day of elementary school, little lunch box in tote. Jonathan's first day looking SO cute with his bright blond hair. Amanda's first day of Junior High with her little leopard outfit looking entirely too old for middle school, yet cute and utterly adorable at the same time.
Oh, the memories..... And I thought... What memories do I have to look forward to from this moment on? No more 'first day of a new school' memories... Unless he goes to college. No more cute memories or cute first time sorts of things... From here on out all the firsts are things like driving -- don't even GET me started on my memories of Amanda and her driving experience! OIE!!
No... All the memories are going to be young-adult kind of memories.
My mind flashed to Jonathan's bedroom this morning... Clothes tossed around the room like a messy teenager, but Simba - his life-long stuffed animal friend was sitting neatly at the foot of his bed. Surely Simba isn't going to make it much longer, is he? And my mind flashes to Pretty in my closet. Pretty was my stuffed animal as a child... A yellow elephant. He went through everything with me, even the fire when Julie set my bedroom on fire - we washed him and all the smoke eventually came off. I still kept Pretty... Maybe Jonathan will keep Simba? Maybe there will be childhood memories that will leak over into his adult life. Sigh. I sure hope so.
But as I watched him interact with all the other high schoolers, my heart broke, because I knew that the days of his childhood memory-making days were gone. But don't get me wrong.... It's not that I don't know that there are going to be GREAT memories from here on out... I'm experiencing them now with Amanda who is now 21. Heck, one month from today she'll be a married woman! But... Those kinds of memories just............ feel different. I don't know why -- they just do.
And - I suppose - in a strange kind of way - I'm mourning the loss of childhood memories. Gosh... So sad right now even thinking about it.
Let me move on with the funny I was going to share with you. You know how I like to share stories of past things that have happened to us. This is my memory of Amanda's first day of high school.
Chris and I graduated from Robinson High School (RHS) together in 1986. Two weeks later Amanda was born. In 2000 Amanda was set to start her first day of high school, at OUR Alma Mater... RHS! We knew everything about RHS, including the rules on the "senior parking lot", you know... The spot where you park only if you are a Senior?! Amanda wanted to be dropped off in front of the school, but Chris told her that he know of a better place to be dropped off... And he took her to the senior parking lot. Of course, he failed to mention to Amanda what the parking lot was, she just thought it was another spot to drop off the kids.
Chris looked horrible. It was early morning, he hadn't shaved yet, his clothes looked like he slept in them (probably because he did), hair all scraggly and sticking up... He just looked a mess. I'm quite sure Amanda was just as happy to not have to get out of the car in front of the school with all the other sophomores that she knew.
Chris dropped her off, and asked her to give him a kiss goodbye. Of course, Amanda refused saying something about not kissing your daddy in public now that she was a high-school girl. That was a mistake on Amanda's part. :o)
Chris allowed her to get out of the car and Amanda began to walk away very quickly, trying her best to be invisible I'm sure. With that, Chris gets out of the car, stands up on the inside of the door jam to the car and in his best 'retarded' voice screams.... "Amanda! Come give your daddy a kiss! Amanda!! Amanda Rhodes!! Come give daddy a kiss!!" Needless to say, she ran like hell.
Poor thing.
But... It is something we can laugh about now. Actually, we could even laugh about it shortly thereafter because it was SO over-the-top that it was hysterical. Of course, Amanda shares my sense of humor, so... You know she thought it was funny!
What was my last thought of this blog? Oh yes, loving.
This morning, after Chris read my blog, he decided to pray with me. Wow... That was really -- I don't know how to describe it if you've never prayed with someone you love for 'daily' kind of things (not something huge or massive I mean). Just day to day "dear Lord please bless us" kind of prayers. It was just... Good.
It caught me off guard because I had laid back down after the kids went to school, and Chris had just come in from his men's small group meeting. We were laying, cuddling, and I said "ready?" as in... Ready to get up? And he just ........ started praying. When he was done, he asked if I wanted to add anything to it, and I did all I could at the time, I added "AMEN". Wow... It was quite a spiritual time for us. Thanks for that Chris. I love you baby.
And I suppose that is it for now. I've got to go pick up Jonathan who is at piano class, then get dinner started before heading over to bible study. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers this week.
Sunday, August 19, 2007
One Day!
Tomorrow at this time... the kids will be attending Gaither High School. YIPPEEEE!
I have to tell you, I am both excited and nervous about tomorrow. Tomorrow at 5:30 am the alarms in the house will go off and four teenagers will be getting dressed for their first day of high school. Chris will go off to his 6 am men's group at Church, and then he will come home and leave for the next 8-9 days.... leaving 100% of the kid's responsibility squarely on my shoulders.
It's terrifying, I'll tell ya.
I am NOT a morning person. Typically I'll get up at 7:45 in order to be out the door for work by 7:50. Yes... literally 5 minutes - I hate mornings THAT bad. And now, my mornings will start off at 5:30??? GULP! How on earth am I going to do it?
More importantly, HOW am I going to get the kids to LISTEN to me every night? I've GOT to get them into bed early so that they are able to get up in the mornings. And... how am I going to get them back into a routine quickly? Homework first, then playing/computers/games!
Eight to Nine days Chris will be gone! Oh, and did I mention that he'll be gone for 9 days or so, come back to work a week or so at home, then go away AGAIN for another 9 days? UGGG Please pray for me!! As thrilled as I am that he'll be making good money, I'm still scared to death.
But the good news is, the kids are all ready for school. I've haven't been this broke in YEARS, but they are ready.
Come to think of it... with Chris gone, I can choose to have Macaroni and Cheese EVERY night for dinner if I want! I simply LOVE Mac and Cheese... I'd eat it every day if I could get away with it. :o)
Things at home are going pretty well, all things considered. Chris has been fixing a LOT around the house, and his being a handyman has become SO perfect for us! Just recently he fixed the pool pump... when Pinch A Penny told us that we would need to replace the whole thing for $600 -- we FREAKED. But Chris... fixed it! Yeah!! Which reminds me.... Chris needs to show me how to clean the pool and hot tub while he is gone! OIE!!!!!!!!!!
We had a GREAT speaker in church today. He talked about four things we should do to improve our marriage... and I completely and thoroughly believe all four points. They were:
1) Hold hands when you walk together. Chris and I are already really good at this. :o)
2) Men, open her door for her. He explained: "you are living with a queen and don't ever forget it". Yeah, I LOVED this point he made. Love it, loved it, loved it!
3) Real kissing - stop the peck, poofy lipped and sound effect kisses and kiss real kisses every time.
4) Pray together as a couple; put God where he belongs in the marriage. Yes... I loved this point, and Chris and I need to do this. So far, we pray around the dinner table and that's all. No doubt we could pray more privately as a couple.
Yes, it was a great sermon today. :o)
Update on Julie... I've decided that I'm upset with her. I've talked to a couple of friends of hers as well as family... and I now firmly believe that she is NOT really trying to 'kill herself'. (I forget... did I tell you that she was again in the hospital for overdosing?) No... if Julie were trying to kill herself by overdosing on pills, she'd have taken every single one of them.
Instead, she takes a LOT of them. Enough to where she is slurring and completely and utterly impaired. I now believe that she is doing it for attention and that she is doing it for the buzz she is getting from it. And it HACKS ME OFF that she is doing this.
I'm finished with feeling horrible because my little sister keeps trying to kill herself. I'm over that feeling now. Now... now I'm angry. Angry that she chooses to take 20+ Klonipin at a time. Angry that she has doctors who keep giving her the massive doses of the pills. Angry that she puts HER feelings ahead of her kids.......... ALL THE TIME.
And I'm angry knowing that a week after she gets out of the hospital this time she's going to say she's all BETTER again. I'm sick of it. Tired and sick. And angry.
Angry. That's how I feel. There, I said it. She's going to read this (I hope) when she gets out of the hospital and there will be no doubt in her mind. Julie, you are a user, and abuser and a coward. And for this, I am angry with you. Very angry.
With that said... I think I'm going into the pool! Maybe float on a raft and drink a Margarita on the last day of summer vacation. The last day before Chris leaves for 9 days. EEEEKKKKKK
The LORD is my strength and song, and He has become my salvation; He is my God, and I will praise Him. Exodus 15:2
I have to tell you, I am both excited and nervous about tomorrow. Tomorrow at 5:30 am the alarms in the house will go off and four teenagers will be getting dressed for their first day of high school. Chris will go off to his 6 am men's group at Church, and then he will come home and leave for the next 8-9 days.... leaving 100% of the kid's responsibility squarely on my shoulders.
It's terrifying, I'll tell ya.
I am NOT a morning person. Typically I'll get up at 7:45 in order to be out the door for work by 7:50. Yes... literally 5 minutes - I hate mornings THAT bad. And now, my mornings will start off at 5:30??? GULP! How on earth am I going to do it?
More importantly, HOW am I going to get the kids to LISTEN to me every night? I've GOT to get them into bed early so that they are able to get up in the mornings. And... how am I going to get them back into a routine quickly? Homework first, then playing/computers/games!
Eight to Nine days Chris will be gone! Oh, and did I mention that he'll be gone for 9 days or so, come back to work a week or so at home, then go away AGAIN for another 9 days? UGGG Please pray for me!! As thrilled as I am that he'll be making good money, I'm still scared to death.
But the good news is, the kids are all ready for school. I've haven't been this broke in YEARS, but they are ready.
Come to think of it... with Chris gone, I can choose to have Macaroni and Cheese EVERY night for dinner if I want! I simply LOVE Mac and Cheese... I'd eat it every day if I could get away with it. :o)
Things at home are going pretty well, all things considered. Chris has been fixing a LOT around the house, and his being a handyman has become SO perfect for us! Just recently he fixed the pool pump... when Pinch A Penny told us that we would need to replace the whole thing for $600 -- we FREAKED. But Chris... fixed it! Yeah!! Which reminds me.... Chris needs to show me how to clean the pool and hot tub while he is gone! OIE!!!!!!!!!!
We had a GREAT speaker in church today. He talked about four things we should do to improve our marriage... and I completely and thoroughly believe all four points. They were:
1) Hold hands when you walk together. Chris and I are already really good at this. :o)
2) Men, open her door for her. He explained: "you are living with a queen and don't ever forget it". Yeah, I LOVED this point he made. Love it, loved it, loved it!
3) Real kissing - stop the peck, poofy lipped and sound effect kisses and kiss real kisses every time.
4) Pray together as a couple; put God where he belongs in the marriage. Yes... I loved this point, and Chris and I need to do this. So far, we pray around the dinner table and that's all. No doubt we could pray more privately as a couple.
Yes, it was a great sermon today. :o)
Update on Julie... I've decided that I'm upset with her. I've talked to a couple of friends of hers as well as family... and I now firmly believe that she is NOT really trying to 'kill herself'. (I forget... did I tell you that she was again in the hospital for overdosing?) No... if Julie were trying to kill herself by overdosing on pills, she'd have taken every single one of them.
Instead, she takes a LOT of them. Enough to where she is slurring and completely and utterly impaired. I now believe that she is doing it for attention and that she is doing it for the buzz she is getting from it. And it HACKS ME OFF that she is doing this.
I'm finished with feeling horrible because my little sister keeps trying to kill herself. I'm over that feeling now. Now... now I'm angry. Angry that she chooses to take 20+ Klonipin at a time. Angry that she has doctors who keep giving her the massive doses of the pills. Angry that she puts HER feelings ahead of her kids.......... ALL THE TIME.
And I'm angry knowing that a week after she gets out of the hospital this time she's going to say she's all BETTER again. I'm sick of it. Tired and sick. And angry.
Angry. That's how I feel. There, I said it. She's going to read this (I hope) when she gets out of the hospital and there will be no doubt in her mind. Julie, you are a user, and abuser and a coward. And for this, I am angry with you. Very angry.
With that said... I think I'm going into the pool! Maybe float on a raft and drink a Margarita on the last day of summer vacation. The last day before Chris leaves for 9 days. EEEEKKKKKK
The LORD is my strength and song, and He has become my salvation; He is my God, and I will praise Him. Exodus 15:2
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Almost Time For School
I just can't wait for school to start. Monday the 20th... I can't WAIT!
I'm working so hard to get the kids to go to bed by 10 pm now in preparation, but that doesn't go so well all the time. The kids just don't see the logic in it. To Chris and I it makes total sense.
We were just talking the other day about how much we have NO "us" time while they are out of school. They are up in the morning.... home all day.... and up till very late at night. At least when school starts I can scream "GO TO BED" from 9 to 10 pm then have from 10 till we go to bed as "us time", ya know?
Chris has been very busy and will continue to be busy. He's actually leaving to live on the beach while doing a condo remodel. He and his partner will stay at a house across the street from the condo they are remodeling - and the house is right ON the beach. It seemed more logical to stay there and finish the job for a week or so, rather than spending 2 hours a day driving to and from the job site. The only down side to it is that they are leaving the day school starts. So, all of y'all do me a favor and make sure to keep me in your prayers that week, okay?
We were hoping to stay at my bosses condo on the weekend of our 21st wedding anniversary, but those plans fell through. They got a renter for the weekend and money talks! I'm hoping that maybe we can go back to the house he'll be staying at next week for that weekend. Heck, it's free - and free is good! I took off work for the day of our anniversary (August 31st) and we are going to make a long weekend out of it. That Monday following is Labor Day, so I'll get a 4 day weekend! Woo hoo!!
Julie has not called all day. Actually, now that I think about it, I don't think she called yesterday either. If she weren't IN the hospital, I would be worried about her. But she's in so I assume she's safe.
I'm tired, I still hear kids upstairs NOT sleeping, so I need to run. Please say a prayer for us. For Chris's work.... for the kids and school... and for me. Thanks so much.
Any mans life will be filled with constant and unexpected encouragement if he makes up his mind to do his level best each day.
Booker T. Washington
I'm working so hard to get the kids to go to bed by 10 pm now in preparation, but that doesn't go so well all the time. The kids just don't see the logic in it. To Chris and I it makes total sense.
We were just talking the other day about how much we have NO "us" time while they are out of school. They are up in the morning.... home all day.... and up till very late at night. At least when school starts I can scream "GO TO BED" from 9 to 10 pm then have from 10 till we go to bed as "us time", ya know?
Chris has been very busy and will continue to be busy. He's actually leaving to live on the beach while doing a condo remodel. He and his partner will stay at a house across the street from the condo they are remodeling - and the house is right ON the beach. It seemed more logical to stay there and finish the job for a week or so, rather than spending 2 hours a day driving to and from the job site. The only down side to it is that they are leaving the day school starts. So, all of y'all do me a favor and make sure to keep me in your prayers that week, okay?
We were hoping to stay at my bosses condo on the weekend of our 21st wedding anniversary, but those plans fell through. They got a renter for the weekend and money talks! I'm hoping that maybe we can go back to the house he'll be staying at next week for that weekend. Heck, it's free - and free is good! I took off work for the day of our anniversary (August 31st) and we are going to make a long weekend out of it. That Monday following is Labor Day, so I'll get a 4 day weekend! Woo hoo!!
Julie has not called all day. Actually, now that I think about it, I don't think she called yesterday either. If she weren't IN the hospital, I would be worried about her. But she's in so I assume she's safe.
I'm tired, I still hear kids upstairs NOT sleeping, so I need to run. Please say a prayer for us. For Chris's work.... for the kids and school... and for me. Thanks so much.
Any mans life will be filled with constant and unexpected encouragement if he makes up his mind to do his level best each day.
Booker T. Washington
Monday, August 13, 2007
The Party!
Well, we are alive and well! On Saturday night, Chris and I hosted a party for the kids - a 'back-to-school / end of the summer / birthday bash' kind of party. We planned on having everyone swim and play music/dance all night. The party was to go from 6-10 at night, with an "after party" where they were allowed to have only 10 people stay until 11. (Yeah, I was trying to be the 'cool Aunt' - ha ha ha!)
All week long I was asking the kids how many people they anticipated being here - all week long the number was 20-ish. We did not panic too much... cleaned up a little - Chris pressure washed the back porch... but nothing major. Chris had been working on the pool and hot tub all week so that it would look really great for the party. (Guess I'm saying there that Chris busted his butt really and I didn't do much myself!)
Earlier in the day on the Saturday of the party Chris had purchased this really cool blue pool dye. You put it in your pool and it turns the water a DEEP BLUE color, but it doesn't dye your clothes or anything, it's just to make it look good for a party. Our pool is pretty darn big... 9 feet at the deep end - Chris estimates the pool to hold 50 thousand gallons.
I should mention here that the pool pump broke earlier in the day. Sigh........
So, about 5 pm, an hour before the party starts, Chris puts the dye in the pool. It looked really great. He had to stir the darn pool, all 50,000 gallons by hand though because the pool pump wasn't working. Poor guy. It looked really awesome! Then Chris thought, "Hey, I should put more in, make it deeper blue"... so he did just that. Added much more. The label says to use a couple cap fulls - Chris used half a bottle.
Then again... it looked STUNNING. A deep blue that seemed to be just perfect. All of us marvled at the awesomeness of the pool, patted Chris on the back, and walked inside.
About 10 minutes later, I'm in the kitchen picking up and I look at the pool.
My jaw drops........
I can't believe my eyes.............
The pool...................
The color...............
Is ---------- BROWN. Icky........ poopy......... nasty.......... dark brown.
What on EARTH happened????
Chris goes outside and everyone is holding their breath. Is he going to get really MAD????? With that he just.................. laughed. What else could you do?????? We all just laughed.
I mean, the pool was clean, it just looked like well water... or lake water.
Chris goes to read the back of the bottle: "Warning: Do not use on chlorinated pools". Or something to that effect.
OOPS
Well.... lucky for us the color was short-lived. By 6:30 or so, the pool turned back to a clear color.
By 6:30 though Chris and I realized that we were going to have more than 20-something kids. We picked up Little Caesars Pizza (as advised by a blog-reader, thank you very much!) - 8 pizzas and a TON of crazy bread.
Long story short (oops, too late!) we had roughly 35 kids in our house that night. Add to that my sister Katie and her daugher, my friend Charmaine and her daughter, my friend Michelle, Chris and myself -- there were 42 total -- we had a HOUSE FULL.
The kids - all between the ages of 14 and 17 (kill me now!) really were very well behaved. Some rough-housing sure, but nobody was 'bad'. At one point we counted 14 kids in the hot tub. What a night. Thanks to all our friends who came over to help!
I've got to run for tonight, I'm determined NOT to let this be a monster-long blog. But I did want to let you know that Julie is - again - in the hospital. She overdosed, again. She's at Tampa General Hospital. Today she was talking about going to a 6-month program. I'm not holding my breath... I've heard that so much in the past that I really don't want to get my hopes up.
For now.... I've got to run. We've been trying - unsuccessfully - to get the kids ready for bed early to gear up for school. Last night at midnight I was STILL telling them all to "go to bed"... I figure if I start now, at 8pm, I might have a better chance of it actually happening.
All week long I was asking the kids how many people they anticipated being here - all week long the number was 20-ish. We did not panic too much... cleaned up a little - Chris pressure washed the back porch... but nothing major. Chris had been working on the pool and hot tub all week so that it would look really great for the party. (Guess I'm saying there that Chris busted his butt really and I didn't do much myself!)
Earlier in the day on the Saturday of the party Chris had purchased this really cool blue pool dye. You put it in your pool and it turns the water a DEEP BLUE color, but it doesn't dye your clothes or anything, it's just to make it look good for a party. Our pool is pretty darn big... 9 feet at the deep end - Chris estimates the pool to hold 50 thousand gallons.
I should mention here that the pool pump broke earlier in the day. Sigh........
So, about 5 pm, an hour before the party starts, Chris puts the dye in the pool. It looked really great. He had to stir the darn pool, all 50,000 gallons by hand though because the pool pump wasn't working. Poor guy. It looked really awesome! Then Chris thought, "Hey, I should put more in, make it deeper blue"... so he did just that. Added much more. The label says to use a couple cap fulls - Chris used half a bottle.
Then again... it looked STUNNING. A deep blue that seemed to be just perfect. All of us marvled at the awesomeness of the pool, patted Chris on the back, and walked inside.
About 10 minutes later, I'm in the kitchen picking up and I look at the pool.
My jaw drops........
I can't believe my eyes.............
The pool...................
The color...............
Is ---------- BROWN. Icky........ poopy......... nasty.......... dark brown.
What on EARTH happened????
Chris goes outside and everyone is holding their breath. Is he going to get really MAD????? With that he just.................. laughed. What else could you do?????? We all just laughed.
I mean, the pool was clean, it just looked like well water... or lake water.
Chris goes to read the back of the bottle: "Warning: Do not use on chlorinated pools". Or something to that effect.
OOPS
Well.... lucky for us the color was short-lived. By 6:30 or so, the pool turned back to a clear color.
By 6:30 though Chris and I realized that we were going to have more than 20-something kids. We picked up Little Caesars Pizza (as advised by a blog-reader, thank you very much!) - 8 pizzas and a TON of crazy bread.
Long story short (oops, too late!) we had roughly 35 kids in our house that night. Add to that my sister Katie and her daugher, my friend Charmaine and her daughter, my friend Michelle, Chris and myself -- there were 42 total -- we had a HOUSE FULL.
The kids - all between the ages of 14 and 17 (kill me now!) really were very well behaved. Some rough-housing sure, but nobody was 'bad'. At one point we counted 14 kids in the hot tub. What a night. Thanks to all our friends who came over to help!
I've got to run for tonight, I'm determined NOT to let this be a monster-long blog. But I did want to let you know that Julie is - again - in the hospital. She overdosed, again. She's at Tampa General Hospital. Today she was talking about going to a 6-month program. I'm not holding my breath... I've heard that so much in the past that I really don't want to get my hopes up.
For now.... I've got to run. We've been trying - unsuccessfully - to get the kids ready for bed early to gear up for school. Last night at midnight I was STILL telling them all to "go to bed"... I figure if I start now, at 8pm, I might have a better chance of it actually happening.
Thursday, August 09, 2007
Life Changes
I've had a pretty good couple of days. Justin is still not home... Let me start with him...
Justin has been at his friend's house over in Apollo Beach for the past week. It's CLOSE to where Julie lives, but not TOO close. We know this kid, have met his parents, he's stayed with us... we trust them and so allow him to go to this kid's house.
Monday I was reading Julie's myspace comments and saw one from a friend of Julie's who lives right behind her. She mentioned in her comment to Julie that she really wished "The Aunt" would let Justin visit sometimes. I decided to drop this woman a line myself. I wrote to her and explained why the kids couldn't go back into the neighborhood. I explained about the drugs, the gangs, the trouble, etc. I then told her that Justin and the girls were doing very well at our house, and they were adjusting very well. I told her about all the kids getting good grades and about Justin making the baseball team.
She wrote me back and told me that she really understood what I was talking about - that she lived right behind Julie while all this was going on. Her husband is a Deputy with the Sheriff's office and knew very well what was going on there. They would allow Justin to come over to their house, but would not allow their kids in Julie's house for that reason. She explained that she worked for doctors and so she was sympathetic to Julie and was really hoping Julie could get the medical/mental help she needed. She seemed like a GREAT lady.
I had a really strong gut feeling and so I talked to Chris about it. Justin was staying less than 5 miles from this woman's house. I was supposed to pick him up Tuesday night. Additionally, Julie was staying out at St. Pete beach for the week and wasn't even home. Chris and I discussed it, and we decided to let Justin stay over this other woman's house. Her husband being a Sheriffs Deputy, I'm sure there will be no trouble. They were all SO happy... you just can't imagine how happy Justin was.
In the meantime, things with Julie are the same. She was at the beach Tuesday and her blood sugar spiked to over 500 again so - again - she went to the hospital. They gave her some other kind of Insulin that brought it back down and she went back to the penthouse.
Julie was very perturbed about my comment to her the other day and made mention of it a few times while we were on the phone. You know the comment... when I had said that 'the family is getting very tired of your abuse and we just don't care anymore if you go into the hospital or not'. She was deeply hurt by this... I could tell. She kept asking if it was the WHOLE family or just me. Well, I've talked to Mom and Katie and I know how they feel, but I'm not going to speak for them... I told her that without a doubt I myself was sick and tired of the day-to-day drama. I'm tired of wondering if she had eaten something that is going to put her into a coma or if she's going to take too many pills and overdose... accidentally OR on purpose!
She again commented on how very depressed she was... how she wanted to end her life... how she had no money and no way to make ends meet. Yet, still, she refuses to even think about SS Disability (because again I asked her). It's funny, when I was filling out the paperwork for Julie's emergency help, I realized that she is really not all that far behind. She's overdue on a water bill. Electricity is up to date, as are the phone, internet, and house payment. I realized that Julie's idea of being 'behind' was WAY different than mine. If she were as overdue as I have been in the recent past, I think she'd have a better outlook on how good a one month behind water bill really is. Heck, I happen to know, sadly - from experience - that they can shut off your water and you can turn it back on yourself at the street. You'll buy about 3 or 4 days in which you really have to pay it before they shut it off for real and you can't turn it back on yourself. I know... because I've been there. Too many times to say without shame. But to Julie, her perception is that she is living in a horrible mess right now being a little behind on one bill. And... perception really is what you make of it.
Speaking of perception... I was thinking the other day about how much my life has changed. HUGE changes. I'd like to note some of them here...
A few years years ago I was a workaholic who enjoyed getting ahead and being at the top of management. I dressed up every day for work, make-up, panty hose and everything. When I had a job that was not management, I moved up very quickly. Dinner was fast food or store-bought -- rarely home-cooked... I didn't have the time for that. I was a hard-working business woman who happened to have a family.
Today, I enjoy doing what I need to do at work so that I can get home to my family. I think about what I'm going to make for dinner while I'm at work, often times starting dinner at lunch so it's ready early. I no longer have the drive to work hard to be at the top of management... I don't want to have to work that hard. And, I've realized I don't NEED to work that hard. I make the same money now as I did back then... while now being focused on family.
A few years ago, I was very involved in Sweet Adeline's. I was president of our 120 member championship chorus for many years. I was appointed by the International Organization as the Communications / Technology Coordinator (again, for many years). I attended many training classes on management. While in chorus, our attitude was very much "BE THE BEST". Everything was the best... The best costumes, the best makeup, the best singing, the best director, the best members. When we sang a song, every single note, word, breath, rhythm, EVERYTHING, had to be 100 percent perfect. This was for EVERY song sung. And, we taped it so that someone else could listen and determine if it was 100 percent perfect. One wrong breath, one wrong word or note, and you had to do it again until it was 100 percent. I was not only good at what I did in management and in singing, I was also the section leader and would tell other members if their tapes were 100 percent perfect. Our chorus also danced... and - you guessed it - I was an assistant teacher showing the chorus members how to do moves. Dancing also had to be perfect. It was cut-throat and yet AMAZINGLY rewarding.
Now the only time I sing it's for God at Church. It doesn't ever need to be 'perfect' but it does need to be filled with His spirit. I still admit though, I very VERY much so miss singing with the Toast of Tampa. But, my life is so much less 'perfect' now... So much less 'complicated' now... and I love it.
A few years ago, Chris and I were in a very tough spot in our marriage. The biggest 'question marks' in our marriage and our lives were: trust, values and morals.
Now I can tell you that -- you would have a difficult time trying to find two people who have a better grasp on trust, value and morals than Chris and myself. We have worked through it, learned, and boy oh boy have we ever grown. And it was worth every bit of effort.
And of course, a few years ago I'd have never even IMAGINED that we would have Kayla, Justin and Kayte living with us. NEVER would have thought of it.
The funny thing is, on much of this stuff, I don't think I'm a 'better' person really... Just different. I don't think there was anything wrong with being a workaholic and striving for management... Nor with the cut-throat mentality of the chorus. It's just different now.
Then I think about how it was God who came into our lives 2 years ago and orchestrated this entire thing. He came in, He took charge. He didn't have time for us to ponder whether or not we were going to go to church and turn our lives around. I didn't understand at the time it was happening WHY everything happened so fast. Why 3 people in ONE day told me I NEEDED to go to Van Dyke Church that next Sunday. Despite my anger, my stubbornness, my reluctance - we went, and things haven't been the same since. Now I know God NEEDED to move fast. Julie was on a path of destruction and within weeks Chris and I would have 3 traumatized, troubled, and grieving kids move into our home. Jeez... God is so good. And I must say that God does a much better job of running my life than I do. That very thing makes it so much easier to let go of things now (giving worries to God).
Speaking of worries... I took Jonathan shopping last night! We went with Kayla, her boyfriend and another friend to the store. We did everything we needed to do in about an hour. We just went in and GRABBED clothes. There was a big sale... 50 - 70 percent off. Of course it's also "tax-free" week so nothing had tax. This made it possible to get designer labels. He didn't even have time to try anything on (but that's much less important with boys I'm learning!) We got him 9 shirts and 5 pants. He was SO happy! He now feels that he is totally ready for High School. And... I couldn't be happier.
That was Jonathan taken off my list of kids to worry about. Kayla had saved money from her job so she took her own money and went clothes shopping for school. I took Kayte to get a few things recently, so she's pretty much good to go. That just leaves Justin, who's not been home anyways. But, he had a lot of clothes from last year that are still really good. So, I'm pretty much worry-free.
Thanks again to James, Michelle and Kaye who sent gift certificates to make this possible. I am so grateful that you are a part of our 'village'. (You know, the village it takes to raise all these teens!)
Saturday is the day of their big party. Oh my goodness... I can't WAIT. (Can't wait for it to be over that is!) They are expecting 20 kids so far. 20 teenagers, blaring hip-hop music, swimming, pizza... Oh Lordy I hope I make it through okay! The really funny thing is that my sister Katie is coming over to help 'supervise'. In her words... I was a goodie-two-shoes in school. I didn't go to parties. I didn't have friends that were anything other than other goodie-two-shoes. Katie on the other hand was prom queen, a starlette dancer, a cheerleader, and very popular. SHE had the parties that everyone wanted to go to. She said that she KNOWS first hand what goes on at these parties and she is going to be here to squash any of that. I think it's AWESOME that Katie wants to help out with this. I welcome any help she can give. My friend Michelle might come over to help ME during the party. You know, keeping me sane.
I have two more things to tell you about. I just LOVE going to bible study with our new small group. I've never been to bible study. As a Catholic, I didn't own a bible, I read what they had printed in the books every week. So, I'm really enjoying reading things that I've NEVER read before. But more-so I am enjoying the friends we are making while there.
This past Monday I wasn't supposed to go. Chris was working late, and I had a HORRIBLE day. (This was the time that Julie was overdosing and I was hours and hours trying to get her help). I had emailed the group to let them know we wouldn't be there. For sure Chris was working late, and I... Well... I just didn't feel up to going there alone that night and I thought I would take the time to go home and lay down for a while.
That didn't happen. I got home and felt that I needed to go anyways. I'm pretty sure I looked horrible when I got there, hair all kinda crazy, I had that frazzled look, ya know? Chris, knowing I was there, came home late, but jumped in the shower and came to bible study late so he could be there with me.
One of our friends in this group, Davd, owns a plane and offered to take Chris up on Wednesday. Chris, who LOVES to fly and would love nothing more than to become a pilot for fun, jumped at the chance. Dave then called and asked if Chris wanted to take Jonathan with him. Jonathan hasn't done much this summer... And - I know I say it all the time, but - he has given up SO MUCH for us to have Kayla, Justin and Kayte at our house, so we jumped at the chance for Chris and Jonathan to have some father-son time. The boys had a GREAT time together. David, if you are reading this, thanks so so so so much! You are an angel!
Then, while going around the room stating praise reports and/or things to pray about, Chris tells the group he needs prayer to help him sleep at night. He hasn't been sleeping well lately and wasn't sure why. Well, I think I knew why... The mattress we have is VERY old. It belonged to Chris's grandmother who let us have it years ago. It's uneven, lumpy in places, and just... Very worn. When I took off the top mattress, you can see the box spring under it is incredibly wavy - when it's supposed to be even.
Mattresses in our house are a luxury. When the kids moved in we needed three beds fast. Spending the money on a new mattress is far from a priority for Chris and I.
Anyways... I mentioned that I thought it might be the mattress. Another guy (our teacher), Jeff, said "we just purchased a new King and put a Queen size in our garage just today. Do you want it?" Uh.... YESSSSSS!!
Chris picked it up yesterday and let me tell ya, it's AWESOME. It's HUGE -- pillow top on both sides so you can flip it. You just fall into it when it's time for bed. LOVE it.
I really think God puts people in our lives at the right moments for a reason. I think he must get a kick out of being up there watching all the pieces fall into place. Like that good feeling you get when you are putting together a puzzle and you place a piece in and it just snaps ever so perfectly into place.... Yeah... That's how I envision God up there watching everything he's done in our lives.
I need to run - we are going to choir tonight - I think! Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers.
CHRISTIAN WAYS TO REDUCE STRESS
1. Pray
2. Go to bed on time.
3. Get up on time so you can start the day unrushed.
4. Say No to projects that won't fit into your time schedule, or that will compromise your mental health.
5. Delegate tasks to capable others.
6. Simplify and unclutter your life.
7. Less is more. (Although one is often not enough, two are often too many.)
8. Allow extra time to do things and to get to places.
9. Pace yourself. Spread out big changes and difficult projects over time; don't lump the hard things all together.
10. Take one day at a time.
11. Separate worries from concerns. If a situation is a concern, find out what God would have you do and let go of the anxiety. If you can't do anything about a situation, forget it .
12. Live within your budget; don't use credit cards for ordinary purchases.
13. Have backups; an extra car key in your wallet, an extra house key buried in the garden, extra stamps, etc.
14. K.M.S. (Keep Mouth Shut). This single piece of advice can prevent an enormous amount of trouble.
15. Do something for the Kid in You everyday.
16. Carry a Bible with you to read while waiting in line.
17. Get enough rest.
18. Eat right.
19. Get organized so everything has its place.
20. Listen to a tape while driving that can help improve your quality of life.
21. Write down thoughts and inspirations.
22. Every day, find time to be alone.
23. Having problems? Talk to God on the spot. Try to nip small problems in the bud. Don't wait until it's time to go to bed to try and pray.
24. Make friends with Godly people.
25. Keep a folder of favorite scriptures on hand.
26. Remember that the shortest bridge between despair and hope is often a good "Thank you Jesus."
27. Laugh.
28. Laugh some more!
29. Take your work seriously, but not yourself at all.
30. Develop a forgiving attitude (most people are doing the best they can).
31. Be kind to unkind people (they probably need it the most).
32. Sit on your ego.
33. Talk less; listen more.
34. Slow down.
35. Remind yourself that you are not the general manager of the universe.
36 . Every night before bed, think of one thing you're grateful for that you've never been grateful for before.
Justin has been at his friend's house over in Apollo Beach for the past week. It's CLOSE to where Julie lives, but not TOO close. We know this kid, have met his parents, he's stayed with us... we trust them and so allow him to go to this kid's house.
Monday I was reading Julie's myspace comments and saw one from a friend of Julie's who lives right behind her. She mentioned in her comment to Julie that she really wished "The Aunt" would let Justin visit sometimes. I decided to drop this woman a line myself. I wrote to her and explained why the kids couldn't go back into the neighborhood. I explained about the drugs, the gangs, the trouble, etc. I then told her that Justin and the girls were doing very well at our house, and they were adjusting very well. I told her about all the kids getting good grades and about Justin making the baseball team.
She wrote me back and told me that she really understood what I was talking about - that she lived right behind Julie while all this was going on. Her husband is a Deputy with the Sheriff's office and knew very well what was going on there. They would allow Justin to come over to their house, but would not allow their kids in Julie's house for that reason. She explained that she worked for doctors and so she was sympathetic to Julie and was really hoping Julie could get the medical/mental help she needed. She seemed like a GREAT lady.
I had a really strong gut feeling and so I talked to Chris about it. Justin was staying less than 5 miles from this woman's house. I was supposed to pick him up Tuesday night. Additionally, Julie was staying out at St. Pete beach for the week and wasn't even home. Chris and I discussed it, and we decided to let Justin stay over this other woman's house. Her husband being a Sheriffs Deputy, I'm sure there will be no trouble. They were all SO happy... you just can't imagine how happy Justin was.
In the meantime, things with Julie are the same. She was at the beach Tuesday and her blood sugar spiked to over 500 again so - again - she went to the hospital. They gave her some other kind of Insulin that brought it back down and she went back to the penthouse.
Julie was very perturbed about my comment to her the other day and made mention of it a few times while we were on the phone. You know the comment... when I had said that 'the family is getting very tired of your abuse and we just don't care anymore if you go into the hospital or not'. She was deeply hurt by this... I could tell. She kept asking if it was the WHOLE family or just me. Well, I've talked to Mom and Katie and I know how they feel, but I'm not going to speak for them... I told her that without a doubt I myself was sick and tired of the day-to-day drama. I'm tired of wondering if she had eaten something that is going to put her into a coma or if she's going to take too many pills and overdose... accidentally OR on purpose!
She again commented on how very depressed she was... how she wanted to end her life... how she had no money and no way to make ends meet. Yet, still, she refuses to even think about SS Disability (because again I asked her). It's funny, when I was filling out the paperwork for Julie's emergency help, I realized that she is really not all that far behind. She's overdue on a water bill. Electricity is up to date, as are the phone, internet, and house payment. I realized that Julie's idea of being 'behind' was WAY different than mine. If she were as overdue as I have been in the recent past, I think she'd have a better outlook on how good a one month behind water bill really is. Heck, I happen to know, sadly - from experience - that they can shut off your water and you can turn it back on yourself at the street. You'll buy about 3 or 4 days in which you really have to pay it before they shut it off for real and you can't turn it back on yourself. I know... because I've been there. Too many times to say without shame. But to Julie, her perception is that she is living in a horrible mess right now being a little behind on one bill. And... perception really is what you make of it.
Speaking of perception... I was thinking the other day about how much my life has changed. HUGE changes. I'd like to note some of them here...
A few years years ago I was a workaholic who enjoyed getting ahead and being at the top of management. I dressed up every day for work, make-up, panty hose and everything. When I had a job that was not management, I moved up very quickly. Dinner was fast food or store-bought -- rarely home-cooked... I didn't have the time for that. I was a hard-working business woman who happened to have a family.
Today, I enjoy doing what I need to do at work so that I can get home to my family. I think about what I'm going to make for dinner while I'm at work, often times starting dinner at lunch so it's ready early. I no longer have the drive to work hard to be at the top of management... I don't want to have to work that hard. And, I've realized I don't NEED to work that hard. I make the same money now as I did back then... while now being focused on family.
A few years ago, I was very involved in Sweet Adeline's. I was president of our 120 member championship chorus for many years. I was appointed by the International Organization as the Communications / Technology Coordinator (again, for many years). I attended many training classes on management. While in chorus, our attitude was very much "BE THE BEST". Everything was the best... The best costumes, the best makeup, the best singing, the best director, the best members. When we sang a song, every single note, word, breath, rhythm, EVERYTHING, had to be 100 percent perfect. This was for EVERY song sung. And, we taped it so that someone else could listen and determine if it was 100 percent perfect. One wrong breath, one wrong word or note, and you had to do it again until it was 100 percent. I was not only good at what I did in management and in singing, I was also the section leader and would tell other members if their tapes were 100 percent perfect. Our chorus also danced... and - you guessed it - I was an assistant teacher showing the chorus members how to do moves. Dancing also had to be perfect. It was cut-throat and yet AMAZINGLY rewarding.
Now the only time I sing it's for God at Church. It doesn't ever need to be 'perfect' but it does need to be filled with His spirit. I still admit though, I very VERY much so miss singing with the Toast of Tampa. But, my life is so much less 'perfect' now... So much less 'complicated' now... and I love it.
A few years ago, Chris and I were in a very tough spot in our marriage. The biggest 'question marks' in our marriage and our lives were: trust, values and morals.
Now I can tell you that -- you would have a difficult time trying to find two people who have a better grasp on trust, value and morals than Chris and myself. We have worked through it, learned, and boy oh boy have we ever grown. And it was worth every bit of effort.
And of course, a few years ago I'd have never even IMAGINED that we would have Kayla, Justin and Kayte living with us. NEVER would have thought of it.
The funny thing is, on much of this stuff, I don't think I'm a 'better' person really... Just different. I don't think there was anything wrong with being a workaholic and striving for management... Nor with the cut-throat mentality of the chorus. It's just different now.
Then I think about how it was God who came into our lives 2 years ago and orchestrated this entire thing. He came in, He took charge. He didn't have time for us to ponder whether or not we were going to go to church and turn our lives around. I didn't understand at the time it was happening WHY everything happened so fast. Why 3 people in ONE day told me I NEEDED to go to Van Dyke Church that next Sunday. Despite my anger, my stubbornness, my reluctance - we went, and things haven't been the same since. Now I know God NEEDED to move fast. Julie was on a path of destruction and within weeks Chris and I would have 3 traumatized, troubled, and grieving kids move into our home. Jeez... God is so good. And I must say that God does a much better job of running my life than I do. That very thing makes it so much easier to let go of things now (giving worries to God).
Speaking of worries... I took Jonathan shopping last night! We went with Kayla, her boyfriend and another friend to the store. We did everything we needed to do in about an hour. We just went in and GRABBED clothes. There was a big sale... 50 - 70 percent off. Of course it's also "tax-free" week so nothing had tax. This made it possible to get designer labels. He didn't even have time to try anything on (but that's much less important with boys I'm learning!) We got him 9 shirts and 5 pants. He was SO happy! He now feels that he is totally ready for High School. And... I couldn't be happier.
That was Jonathan taken off my list of kids to worry about. Kayla had saved money from her job so she took her own money and went clothes shopping for school. I took Kayte to get a few things recently, so she's pretty much good to go. That just leaves Justin, who's not been home anyways. But, he had a lot of clothes from last year that are still really good. So, I'm pretty much worry-free.
Thanks again to James, Michelle and Kaye who sent gift certificates to make this possible. I am so grateful that you are a part of our 'village'. (You know, the village it takes to raise all these teens!)
Saturday is the day of their big party. Oh my goodness... I can't WAIT. (Can't wait for it to be over that is!) They are expecting 20 kids so far. 20 teenagers, blaring hip-hop music, swimming, pizza... Oh Lordy I hope I make it through okay! The really funny thing is that my sister Katie is coming over to help 'supervise'. In her words... I was a goodie-two-shoes in school. I didn't go to parties. I didn't have friends that were anything other than other goodie-two-shoes. Katie on the other hand was prom queen, a starlette dancer, a cheerleader, and very popular. SHE had the parties that everyone wanted to go to. She said that she KNOWS first hand what goes on at these parties and she is going to be here to squash any of that. I think it's AWESOME that Katie wants to help out with this. I welcome any help she can give. My friend Michelle might come over to help ME during the party. You know, keeping me sane.
I have two more things to tell you about. I just LOVE going to bible study with our new small group. I've never been to bible study. As a Catholic, I didn't own a bible, I read what they had printed in the books every week. So, I'm really enjoying reading things that I've NEVER read before. But more-so I am enjoying the friends we are making while there.
This past Monday I wasn't supposed to go. Chris was working late, and I had a HORRIBLE day. (This was the time that Julie was overdosing and I was hours and hours trying to get her help). I had emailed the group to let them know we wouldn't be there. For sure Chris was working late, and I... Well... I just didn't feel up to going there alone that night and I thought I would take the time to go home and lay down for a while.
That didn't happen. I got home and felt that I needed to go anyways. I'm pretty sure I looked horrible when I got there, hair all kinda crazy, I had that frazzled look, ya know? Chris, knowing I was there, came home late, but jumped in the shower and came to bible study late so he could be there with me.
One of our friends in this group, Davd, owns a plane and offered to take Chris up on Wednesday. Chris, who LOVES to fly and would love nothing more than to become a pilot for fun, jumped at the chance. Dave then called and asked if Chris wanted to take Jonathan with him. Jonathan hasn't done much this summer... And - I know I say it all the time, but - he has given up SO MUCH for us to have Kayla, Justin and Kayte at our house, so we jumped at the chance for Chris and Jonathan to have some father-son time. The boys had a GREAT time together. David, if you are reading this, thanks so so so so much! You are an angel!
Then, while going around the room stating praise reports and/or things to pray about, Chris tells the group he needs prayer to help him sleep at night. He hasn't been sleeping well lately and wasn't sure why. Well, I think I knew why... The mattress we have is VERY old. It belonged to Chris's grandmother who let us have it years ago. It's uneven, lumpy in places, and just... Very worn. When I took off the top mattress, you can see the box spring under it is incredibly wavy - when it's supposed to be even.
Mattresses in our house are a luxury. When the kids moved in we needed three beds fast. Spending the money on a new mattress is far from a priority for Chris and I.
Anyways... I mentioned that I thought it might be the mattress. Another guy (our teacher), Jeff, said "we just purchased a new King and put a Queen size in our garage just today. Do you want it?" Uh.... YESSSSSS!!
Chris picked it up yesterday and let me tell ya, it's AWESOME. It's HUGE -- pillow top on both sides so you can flip it. You just fall into it when it's time for bed. LOVE it.
I really think God puts people in our lives at the right moments for a reason. I think he must get a kick out of being up there watching all the pieces fall into place. Like that good feeling you get when you are putting together a puzzle and you place a piece in and it just snaps ever so perfectly into place.... Yeah... That's how I envision God up there watching everything he's done in our lives.
I need to run - we are going to choir tonight - I think! Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers.
CHRISTIAN WAYS TO REDUCE STRESS
1. Pray
2. Go to bed on time.
3. Get up on time so you can start the day unrushed.
4. Say No to projects that won't fit into your time schedule, or that will compromise your mental health.
5. Delegate tasks to capable others.
6. Simplify and unclutter your life.
7. Less is more. (Although one is often not enough, two are often too many.)
8. Allow extra time to do things and to get to places.
9. Pace yourself. Spread out big changes and difficult projects over time; don't lump the hard things all together.
10. Take one day at a time.
11. Separate worries from concerns. If a situation is a concern, find out what God would have you do and let go of the anxiety. If you can't do anything about a situation, forget it .
12. Live within your budget; don't use credit cards for ordinary purchases.
13. Have backups; an extra car key in your wallet, an extra house key buried in the garden, extra stamps, etc.
14. K.M.S. (Keep Mouth Shut). This single piece of advice can prevent an enormous amount of trouble.
15. Do something for the Kid in You everyday.
16. Carry a Bible with you to read while waiting in line.
17. Get enough rest.
18. Eat right.
19. Get organized so everything has its place.
20. Listen to a tape while driving that can help improve your quality of life.
21. Write down thoughts and inspirations.
22. Every day, find time to be alone.
23. Having problems? Talk to God on the spot. Try to nip small problems in the bud. Don't wait until it's time to go to bed to try and pray.
24. Make friends with Godly people.
25. Keep a folder of favorite scriptures on hand.
26. Remember that the shortest bridge between despair and hope is often a good "Thank you Jesus."
27. Laugh.
28. Laugh some more!
29. Take your work seriously, but not yourself at all.
30. Develop a forgiving attitude (most people are doing the best they can).
31. Be kind to unkind people (they probably need it the most).
32. Sit on your ego.
33. Talk less; listen more.
34. Slow down.
35. Remind yourself that you are not the general manager of the universe.
36 . Every night before bed, think of one thing you're grateful for that you've never been grateful for before.
Sunday, August 05, 2007
Hospitals, Cars, Teeth and Dryers
A quick update on Julie then I'll move on. (Short post tonight, I'm rather tired!)
Julie told the hospital... she 'promised'... that she would never try to kill herself ever again. They let her go this morning. I simply don't GET IT. Drives me crazy. Other family members have said "ya know, next time, we'll just let her try to kill herself and we just won't do anything." I actually told Julie this tonight and she was bothered by this statement. But.... what does she expect us to do? I've been jumping through her emotional hoops since - what - Thursday? Come on!! We try to get her help and she lies her way out of that assistance. She is VERY good at getting exactly what she wants. And I'm so very tired of playing HER game.
Tonight I also told Julie that she upset Kayte when she told her on the phone "you know I'll always love you, no matter what happens" over and over and over again. Julie does not remember this conversation at all. Nor did she remember most of the other conversations we had. I'm emotionally exhausted about this whole thing.........
This morning I nearly had a break down. Actually, 'nearly' is an understatement. Why?
Julie was in the hospital after multiple days of the whole 'overdose' ordeal.
The Durango... well... it has problems. The power steering is now completely leaking. It had problems before, but now you put a bottle in and before you go 2 miles it's empty again. So... we are all getting ready for church with no real idea of how we were going to get there.
The dryer has been broken at home. This is a tough one to explain... the dryer is in the middle of the house, NO exterior walls. The dryer vent is vented up a wall, to the ceiling of the first floor, below the floor of the second story. (You know, sandwiched between the first and second story of the house.) The vent, in all, travels about 20 feet before it vents outside to the back porch. Well... we have been having problems with the dryer. Since we moved in it has always taken 2 full cycles to dry. Lately it's taken more like 3.... so I called a dryer vent cleaning company to come up and clean that vent. While they were out they noted that the dryer vent was 'broken' somewhere between outside and the dryer. Saturday I tried to do a load and the inside of my laundry room was covered with a dew-like dampness and the clothes were not drying at all. Something Chris should be able to repair, right? Well... yes and no. To repair it would mean removing the CEILING in the kitchen or the FLOOR in Kayla's room to get to it. Holy COW. Not a simple fix.
Add to that Chris got up in pain this morning... he's been having dental issues. He's been trying not to tell me, but I know. I've known. We've been married 21 year later this month, I know what he's feeling much of the time. He needs a lot of work, but we can barely afford for him just to have the teeth in question pulled. He doesn't want to do that, he wants them fixed. So, he's waiting. Waiting I suppose for a big job to come in so he can get the needed work done.
I --- well --- honestly --- I cried most of the morning. I was totally stressed to my eyeballs and just couldn't take it. To make matters worse, I was to sing this weekend on praise team. I messed my make up totally up!! Stinks! But I did manage to pull that off.... although I wasn't as 'there' as I would like to be, emotionally speaking. I found myself throughout service and even between services having to quietly cry to myself.
Then, I suppose I could say, the Lord stepped in. Chris, feeling better after Church, decided he could try to temporarily fix the dryer situation.
I had to attend my sister Katie's baby shower, and while I was gone he worked on the dryer. He went to Home Depot and bought some duct - and when I got home, the dryer is pushed out a bit, a silver tube is sticking up, out a door in the laundry room, through the office and OUT a window in the office. Now... let me tell you right now, it's nothing short of ugly. But.... it's a fix.
So, I'm thinking... I could live like this for a little while.
Then... I tried doing laundry. Since we moved into this house, laundry has taken a LONG time. When I say long, I meant that one load can take up to 3 hours to dry. Times that by the multiple laundry loads that are done every SINGLE day... and you can only imagine why laundry is a big normal stressor in my life here at home. When we first moved in I called Sears. They told me that because the vent exit is more than 10 feet away from the dryer, they can not guarantee that their dryer will work to it's 'full potential'. Today, after the temporary 'fix'... it look less than an hour for one load. And... they were DRY the first time through!!
Less than an hour?? I'm thinking this fix may not just be temporary. I may end up loving it. I am nothing short of ecstatic.
I can't WAIT to see what this does to my electric bill next month. Totally CAN'T WAIT!
It truly was the silver lining in my day today.
I'm really tired tonight though, and need to get to bed. I leave you with this short story I received a couple of weeks ago:
The Empty Chair
Author Unknown
A man's daughter had asked the local minister to come and pray with her father. When the minister arrived, he found the man lying in bed with his head propped up on two pillows. An empty chair sat beside his bed. The minister assumed that the old fellow had been informed of his visit. "I guess you were expecting me," he said. "No, who are you?" said the father.
The minister told him his name and then remarked, "I see the empty chair; I figured you knew I was going to show up."
"Oh yeah, the chair," said the bedridden man. "Would you mind closing the door?" Puzzled, the minister shut the door. "I have never told anyone this, not even my daughter," said the man. "But all of my life I have never known how to pray. At church I used to hear the pastor talk about prayer, but it went right over my head. I abandoned any attempt at prayer," the old man continued, "until one day about four years ago my best friend said to me, "Johnny, prayer is just a simple matter of having a conversation with Jesus". "
Here is what I suggest." "Sit down in a chair; place an empty chair in front of you, and in faith see Jesus on the chair. It's not spooky because he promised, "I'll be with you always." "Then just speak to him in the same way you're doing with me right now."
"So, I tried it and I've liked it so much that I do it a couple of hours every day. I'm careful though. If my daughter saw me talking to an empty chair, she'd either have a nervous breakdown or send me off to the funny farm."
The minister was deeply moved by the story and encouraged the old man to continue on the journey. Then he prayed with him, anointed him with oil, and returned to the church.
Two nights later the daughter called to tell the minister that her daddy had died that afternoon. "Did he die in peace?" he asked.
"Yes, when I left the house about two o' clock, he called me over to his bedside, told me he loved me and kissed me on the cheek. When I got back from the store an hour later, I found him dead.
But there was something strange about his death. Apparently, just before Daddy died, he leaned over and rested his head on the chair beside the bed. What do you make of that?"
The minister wiped a tear from his eye and said, "I wish we could all go like that."
Julie told the hospital... she 'promised'... that she would never try to kill herself ever again. They let her go this morning. I simply don't GET IT. Drives me crazy. Other family members have said "ya know, next time, we'll just let her try to kill herself and we just won't do anything." I actually told Julie this tonight and she was bothered by this statement. But.... what does she expect us to do? I've been jumping through her emotional hoops since - what - Thursday? Come on!! We try to get her help and she lies her way out of that assistance. She is VERY good at getting exactly what she wants. And I'm so very tired of playing HER game.
Tonight I also told Julie that she upset Kayte when she told her on the phone "you know I'll always love you, no matter what happens" over and over and over again. Julie does not remember this conversation at all. Nor did she remember most of the other conversations we had. I'm emotionally exhausted about this whole thing.........
This morning I nearly had a break down. Actually, 'nearly' is an understatement. Why?
Julie was in the hospital after multiple days of the whole 'overdose' ordeal.
The Durango... well... it has problems. The power steering is now completely leaking. It had problems before, but now you put a bottle in and before you go 2 miles it's empty again. So... we are all getting ready for church with no real idea of how we were going to get there.
The dryer has been broken at home. This is a tough one to explain... the dryer is in the middle of the house, NO exterior walls. The dryer vent is vented up a wall, to the ceiling of the first floor, below the floor of the second story. (You know, sandwiched between the first and second story of the house.) The vent, in all, travels about 20 feet before it vents outside to the back porch. Well... we have been having problems with the dryer. Since we moved in it has always taken 2 full cycles to dry. Lately it's taken more like 3.... so I called a dryer vent cleaning company to come up and clean that vent. While they were out they noted that the dryer vent was 'broken' somewhere between outside and the dryer. Saturday I tried to do a load and the inside of my laundry room was covered with a dew-like dampness and the clothes were not drying at all. Something Chris should be able to repair, right? Well... yes and no. To repair it would mean removing the CEILING in the kitchen or the FLOOR in Kayla's room to get to it. Holy COW. Not a simple fix.
Add to that Chris got up in pain this morning... he's been having dental issues. He's been trying not to tell me, but I know. I've known. We've been married 21 year later this month, I know what he's feeling much of the time. He needs a lot of work, but we can barely afford for him just to have the teeth in question pulled. He doesn't want to do that, he wants them fixed. So, he's waiting. Waiting I suppose for a big job to come in so he can get the needed work done.
I --- well --- honestly --- I cried most of the morning. I was totally stressed to my eyeballs and just couldn't take it. To make matters worse, I was to sing this weekend on praise team. I messed my make up totally up!! Stinks! But I did manage to pull that off.... although I wasn't as 'there' as I would like to be, emotionally speaking. I found myself throughout service and even between services having to quietly cry to myself.
Then, I suppose I could say, the Lord stepped in. Chris, feeling better after Church, decided he could try to temporarily fix the dryer situation.
I had to attend my sister Katie's baby shower, and while I was gone he worked on the dryer. He went to Home Depot and bought some duct - and when I got home, the dryer is pushed out a bit, a silver tube is sticking up, out a door in the laundry room, through the office and OUT a window in the office. Now... let me tell you right now, it's nothing short of ugly. But.... it's a fix.
So, I'm thinking... I could live like this for a little while.
Then... I tried doing laundry. Since we moved into this house, laundry has taken a LONG time. When I say long, I meant that one load can take up to 3 hours to dry. Times that by the multiple laundry loads that are done every SINGLE day... and you can only imagine why laundry is a big normal stressor in my life here at home. When we first moved in I called Sears. They told me that because the vent exit is more than 10 feet away from the dryer, they can not guarantee that their dryer will work to it's 'full potential'. Today, after the temporary 'fix'... it look less than an hour for one load. And... they were DRY the first time through!!
Less than an hour?? I'm thinking this fix may not just be temporary. I may end up loving it. I am nothing short of ecstatic.
I can't WAIT to see what this does to my electric bill next month. Totally CAN'T WAIT!
It truly was the silver lining in my day today.
I'm really tired tonight though, and need to get to bed. I leave you with this short story I received a couple of weeks ago:
The Empty Chair
Author Unknown
A man's daughter had asked the local minister to come and pray with her father. When the minister arrived, he found the man lying in bed with his head propped up on two pillows. An empty chair sat beside his bed. The minister assumed that the old fellow had been informed of his visit. "I guess you were expecting me," he said. "No, who are you?" said the father.
The minister told him his name and then remarked, "I see the empty chair; I figured you knew I was going to show up."
"Oh yeah, the chair," said the bedridden man. "Would you mind closing the door?" Puzzled, the minister shut the door. "I have never told anyone this, not even my daughter," said the man. "But all of my life I have never known how to pray. At church I used to hear the pastor talk about prayer, but it went right over my head. I abandoned any attempt at prayer," the old man continued, "until one day about four years ago my best friend said to me, "Johnny, prayer is just a simple matter of having a conversation with Jesus". "
Here is what I suggest." "Sit down in a chair; place an empty chair in front of you, and in faith see Jesus on the chair. It's not spooky because he promised, "I'll be with you always." "Then just speak to him in the same way you're doing with me right now."
"So, I tried it and I've liked it so much that I do it a couple of hours every day. I'm careful though. If my daughter saw me talking to an empty chair, she'd either have a nervous breakdown or send me off to the funny farm."
The minister was deeply moved by the story and encouraged the old man to continue on the journey. Then he prayed with him, anointed him with oil, and returned to the church.
Two nights later the daughter called to tell the minister that her daddy had died that afternoon. "Did he die in peace?" he asked.
"Yes, when I left the house about two o' clock, he called me over to his bedside, told me he loved me and kissed me on the cheek. When I got back from the store an hour later, I found him dead.
But there was something strange about his death. Apparently, just before Daddy died, he leaned over and rested his head on the chair beside the bed. What do you make of that?"
The minister wiped a tear from his eye and said, "I wish we could all go like that."
Saturday, August 04, 2007
The Battle That Few Would Have Survived
I didn't want to go to bed without giving you the latest update on Julie.
The hospital is going to keep her for now. They are going to run tests to see if she damaged anything - heart, lungs, kidney, liver, etc. Additionally her blood pressure was very low and her blood sugar was very high - so they are going to try to stabilize all of that as well.
Mom said that she told the ER about the police going out to Julie's house twice and Julie lying to them to get them to leave her alone. I think the nurses were surprised that they did that. It makes me wonder though.... if my sister had long-term damage because she waited all this time to get checked out - what would I hold the Sheriff's office responsible for? They received two phone calls from two different people within hours telling them that Julie had overdosed. They went out to her house twice. Both times they left her there. Alone. That just... seems wrong to me. Very wrong.
I emailed my pastor and our prayer minister tonight about the situation. The prayer minister, Bill, told me that "Julie is in a battle that few would have survived at this point". Is that not exactly correct or what?? Julie is probably the luckiest woman I know right now. The fact that she has overdosed as many times as she has and that she still has working kidneys, liver and such is a miracle in and of itself.
Anyways....
The hospital is keeping Julie tonight to check her out fully. Then tomorrow they will call in psychiatric and see if she needs to be bakers acted for the depression. If they do that, they'll send her over to Bay Life, which Julie HATES. But... she's got to do what they want her to do if she wants to get any better.
A funny story about mom leaving the hospital. Mom spent all afternoon on the phone with me as I was trying to convey how worried I was about Julie to her. She drove from Tampa over to St. Pete to go see how Julie was. When she too thought Julie needed to go to the hospital, she convinced Julie to leave the penthouse of the beach resort (you can imagine that was NOT an easy task) and to go with her to an emergency room. Mom did her best to help Julie... she brought her clothes with her. Julie thought she left her cell phone charger in the car so mom checked for it (and it was not there). Keep in mind mom just had a total knee replacement - and she's doing all this running around. Anyways....
When they say they are going to keep Julie, mom and her husband go to leave for the evening. Julie asks them to leave the door open. As mom walks out, the nurses say something about them transporting an inmate and that they needed all doors closed. They asked mom to close Julie's door, which she did.
Mom gets out to the car and her cell phone rings. It's Julie. What does she want?? To express gratitude to mom for worrying about her all day? To tell her she loves her? To say 'thank you' for going all those miles to come and take care of her? For going above and beyond in getting everything together for her (list of medications, bag of clothes, etc)? Nooooo.... Julie wanted to chastise them for shutting her door when she said she wanted it open.
Funny.
On to not-so-funny news. While dealing with the Julie crisis earlier today, I was also dealing with a Kayte crisis. Kayte got a message on her cell phone. It was a friend of hers crying uncontrollably. She said, in this recording, that she was very upset and that she was 'cutting' herself and she needed to talk to Kayte. Kayte was beside herself - she was SO UPSET. I could tell Kayte wanted me to do something, but I wasn't sure what. I know she usually thinks she can take care of anything herself (ah, teenagers). But I wanted to help if she gave me permission to do so.
So... I asked Kayte... "Do you want me to call her mom?" She said - much to my surprise - yes.
So, Kayte calls the mom and gives me the phone. I tell this mom about the phone call. I tell the mom that her daughter is a cutter. She doesn't believe me. I told her that she had just left a voice mail and that I heard it for myself. She told me that her daughter was just upset because she was not allowed to go to the mall. I was shocked at this woman's lack of really caring about the information I gave to her. Although, she wasn't rude about it, she was cordial and thanked me for calling. Still I was shocked at her lack of caring. Hopefully it was shock or she was holding it in... and hopefully she's done something about it. But Kayte and I both think it was the right thing to do.
So.... do you think I had a pretty mentally tough day? Yeah... I sure did. And on that note, I'm going to BED!
Thank you all for your continual prayers!
Never give in, never give in, never, never, never, never--in nothing, great or small, large or petty--never give in except to convictions of honor and good sense. --Winston Churchill
The hospital is going to keep her for now. They are going to run tests to see if she damaged anything - heart, lungs, kidney, liver, etc. Additionally her blood pressure was very low and her blood sugar was very high - so they are going to try to stabilize all of that as well.
Mom said that she told the ER about the police going out to Julie's house twice and Julie lying to them to get them to leave her alone. I think the nurses were surprised that they did that. It makes me wonder though.... if my sister had long-term damage because she waited all this time to get checked out - what would I hold the Sheriff's office responsible for? They received two phone calls from two different people within hours telling them that Julie had overdosed. They went out to her house twice. Both times they left her there. Alone. That just... seems wrong to me. Very wrong.
I emailed my pastor and our prayer minister tonight about the situation. The prayer minister, Bill, told me that "Julie is in a battle that few would have survived at this point". Is that not exactly correct or what?? Julie is probably the luckiest woman I know right now. The fact that she has overdosed as many times as she has and that she still has working kidneys, liver and such is a miracle in and of itself.
Anyways....
The hospital is keeping Julie tonight to check her out fully. Then tomorrow they will call in psychiatric and see if she needs to be bakers acted for the depression. If they do that, they'll send her over to Bay Life, which Julie HATES. But... she's got to do what they want her to do if she wants to get any better.
A funny story about mom leaving the hospital. Mom spent all afternoon on the phone with me as I was trying to convey how worried I was about Julie to her. She drove from Tampa over to St. Pete to go see how Julie was. When she too thought Julie needed to go to the hospital, she convinced Julie to leave the penthouse of the beach resort (you can imagine that was NOT an easy task) and to go with her to an emergency room. Mom did her best to help Julie... she brought her clothes with her. Julie thought she left her cell phone charger in the car so mom checked for it (and it was not there). Keep in mind mom just had a total knee replacement - and she's doing all this running around. Anyways....
When they say they are going to keep Julie, mom and her husband go to leave for the evening. Julie asks them to leave the door open. As mom walks out, the nurses say something about them transporting an inmate and that they needed all doors closed. They asked mom to close Julie's door, which she did.
Mom gets out to the car and her cell phone rings. It's Julie. What does she want?? To express gratitude to mom for worrying about her all day? To tell her she loves her? To say 'thank you' for going all those miles to come and take care of her? For going above and beyond in getting everything together for her (list of medications, bag of clothes, etc)? Nooooo.... Julie wanted to chastise them for shutting her door when she said she wanted it open.
Funny.
On to not-so-funny news. While dealing with the Julie crisis earlier today, I was also dealing with a Kayte crisis. Kayte got a message on her cell phone. It was a friend of hers crying uncontrollably. She said, in this recording, that she was very upset and that she was 'cutting' herself and she needed to talk to Kayte. Kayte was beside herself - she was SO UPSET. I could tell Kayte wanted me to do something, but I wasn't sure what. I know she usually thinks she can take care of anything herself (ah, teenagers). But I wanted to help if she gave me permission to do so.
So... I asked Kayte... "Do you want me to call her mom?" She said - much to my surprise - yes.
So, Kayte calls the mom and gives me the phone. I tell this mom about the phone call. I tell the mom that her daughter is a cutter. She doesn't believe me. I told her that she had just left a voice mail and that I heard it for myself. She told me that her daughter was just upset because she was not allowed to go to the mall. I was shocked at this woman's lack of really caring about the information I gave to her. Although, she wasn't rude about it, she was cordial and thanked me for calling. Still I was shocked at her lack of caring. Hopefully it was shock or she was holding it in... and hopefully she's done something about it. But Kayte and I both think it was the right thing to do.
So.... do you think I had a pretty mentally tough day? Yeah... I sure did. And on that note, I'm going to BED!
Thank you all for your continual prayers!
Never give in, never give in, never, never, never, never--in nothing, great or small, large or petty--never give in except to convictions of honor and good sense. --Winston Churchill
Julie At the Emergency Room
It's 8:20 at night and I am sitting by the phone waiting to hear from my mom.
Julie called me today about 2 this afternoon. She was getting ready to go to the beach for her big weekend. She was SLURRING her words very badly, and she was not making any sense. She wasn't able to complete a thought... she would forget what she was just going to say. She sounded horrible. I asked her why she was still slurring. She told me that the Klonopin was still in her system from her unsuccessful suicidal attempt 2 days ago. STILL???? I asked her if she was continuing to take her normal medicine on top of what was in her system, she said yes.
I worried about her big-time. Remember that yesterday the doctors office told me that her normal meds on top of what she has in her system now could put her into another 'accidental overdose' situation.
I called Mom. I called my sister Katie. I called her friend Kaye. Kaye felt that once she got Julie to the beach everything would be fine. I was not so sure... I was horribly afraid that they would end up back and that horrible hospital where Julie was on the respirator and nearly died only a few months ago. That was another overdose. Sigh....
I called Julie several times throughout the day - each time she sounded worse and worse. At one point Kayla and Kayte were in my bedroom. I let them listen to her try to talk... they were nearly in tears. She sounded the worst they had heard her in a long time. They confirmed my biggest fear, that something was very wrong with Julie. Again I pleaded with Julie to call a doctor and get some help. Again she refused.
At one point today mom asked me why I was so worried about her 'this time'. I didn't even need to hesitate to think about that answer. My gut was telling me that something was very wrong. And I had visions of her on that respirator - AGAIN. It wasn't as much 'worry' as it was a really REALLY bad feeling. I just knew something was wrong.
It was about 4 or so.... Chris and I were getting ready to be at church by 4:30 to sing on praise team. Kaye called and said that I needed to come over. She too now felt that something was 'very wrong with Julie'. She was afraid if Julie went to sleep she wouldn't wake up. She thought I needed to come over and take her to the hospital. I called mom who was in St. Pete anyways... she was there in minutes.
Long story short, mom picked up Julie and convinced her to get checked out at Tampa General Hospital. That is where they are now... and why I am waiting for the phone to ring.
I want to hear she is okay. I'm so worried about her.
Please keep Julie in your prayers tonight. Thank you.
Julie called me today about 2 this afternoon. She was getting ready to go to the beach for her big weekend. She was SLURRING her words very badly, and she was not making any sense. She wasn't able to complete a thought... she would forget what she was just going to say. She sounded horrible. I asked her why she was still slurring. She told me that the Klonopin was still in her system from her unsuccessful suicidal attempt 2 days ago. STILL???? I asked her if she was continuing to take her normal medicine on top of what was in her system, she said yes.
I worried about her big-time. Remember that yesterday the doctors office told me that her normal meds on top of what she has in her system now could put her into another 'accidental overdose' situation.
I called Mom. I called my sister Katie. I called her friend Kaye. Kaye felt that once she got Julie to the beach everything would be fine. I was not so sure... I was horribly afraid that they would end up back and that horrible hospital where Julie was on the respirator and nearly died only a few months ago. That was another overdose. Sigh....
I called Julie several times throughout the day - each time she sounded worse and worse. At one point Kayla and Kayte were in my bedroom. I let them listen to her try to talk... they were nearly in tears. She sounded the worst they had heard her in a long time. They confirmed my biggest fear, that something was very wrong with Julie. Again I pleaded with Julie to call a doctor and get some help. Again she refused.
At one point today mom asked me why I was so worried about her 'this time'. I didn't even need to hesitate to think about that answer. My gut was telling me that something was very wrong. And I had visions of her on that respirator - AGAIN. It wasn't as much 'worry' as it was a really REALLY bad feeling. I just knew something was wrong.
It was about 4 or so.... Chris and I were getting ready to be at church by 4:30 to sing on praise team. Kaye called and said that I needed to come over. She too now felt that something was 'very wrong with Julie'. She was afraid if Julie went to sleep she wouldn't wake up. She thought I needed to come over and take her to the hospital. I called mom who was in St. Pete anyways... she was there in minutes.
Long story short, mom picked up Julie and convinced her to get checked out at Tampa General Hospital. That is where they are now... and why I am waiting for the phone to ring.
I want to hear she is okay. I'm so worried about her.
Please keep Julie in your prayers tonight. Thank you.
Friday, August 03, 2007
My Heart Breaks For Her
The "Worst Sister Of The Year Goes To...."
ME.
Sigh.... Last night Julie called the house. Chris was reading the blog at the time (often times he doesn't know the details of the day-to-day happenings until he reads the blogs!) and Julie was on the phone with Kayte and Kayla. I was supervising the phone call and could tell that Julie was VERY depressed. She was also slurring her words VERY badly. I heard her tell Kayte in a very pathetic voice "You know I love you very much and that I will always love you, no matter what, right?" I was worried about her and this struck me as an odd thing to say, but I chalked it up to her being depressed and needing loving/attention.
Julie had a horrible day, as highlighted by my blog yesterday. After I blogged, she had even gone out to three places looking for a job. Three places she may not normally try to work, but she knew she needed to do something. Good for her! But still... Julie was completely and utterly depressed. My heart was breaking for her.
After reading the blog and reading about Julie talking to Justin, Chris got on the phone with Julie and pretty much told her NOT to call Justin or any of the kids unless we were on the phone with her. He... well... he yelled at her as if she was a kid. But... you sometimes HAVE to talk to Julie like that.
Julie was too impaired really to comprehend much, I knew that very well from the many years of dealing with Julie through her cycles and medication moments. And I felt worse for Julie. My heart was breaking.
Throughout the phone conversations, it was obvious that Julie was... Impaired. She was slurring her words VERY badly. Remember the post from Christmas morning 2 years ago? Yeah... THAT bad. I asked her WHY she was slurring her words so badly. She told me that she had taken her 'night-time' pills very early because she wanted to get to bed early after such a bad day. I didn't blame her and I left it at that.
Yet... Still I worried about her.
Today, it's 2 in the afternoon. Julie just called me. She is STILL slurring her words. Now I know something is wrong, so I asked her.... "Why are you still slurring Julie?" She proceeded to tell me that she was very depressed last night.
She tried to kill herself.
She took 24 Knonopin (normal dose is one or two at bed time). TWENTY FOUR!!! She said that she had 78 in the bottle, but only took 24 because that's all she thought she needed to kill herself. My heart is breaking.
She tells me that she was on her 'chat line' last night and told someone there what she had done. THEY called the police, who showed up at her door last night. She convinced the policeman that she was fine... that she had just taken her 'normal' bed time medicine and she'd be fine.
Then she went to sleep hoping to not wake up again.
I asked Julie.... "Why are you telling me this???" In my mind... I knew I couldn't hear all of this and do NOTHING. She said "Because you asked me, so I told you".
So the questions running through my head are... Would the 24 Klonopin still obviously in her system hurt her? Should I call the police? And... what about her beach vacation she's supposed to start tomorrow???
My little sister just tried, unsuccessfully again, to kill herself. And then she told me that she had done and and how.
I called her friend Kaye, the friend taking her to the beach. I couldn't reach her and left a message. Then I called Julie's psychiatrist office. I spoke with a nurse there who told me that I needed to call the police right away. I asked if it was still possible for Julie to die even though she took them at 8pm last night. She mentioned something about continued effects and mentioned about Julie taking her normal morning/afternoon/evening medicine on TOP of what she had just taken. Absolutely she said, I needed to call the police and get them out to see her immediately.
I called my sister Katie. I feel HORRIBLE.
First of all, I knew something was wrong last night. Then I didn't call Julie at all this morning and I probably should have. Now, I'm supposed to call the police where she will be baker's acted and will MISS her vacation on the beach??? After just blogging about how I felt she shouldn't go to the beach... surely some might think I had other intentions for calling, right?
Then the visions of Julie on the respirator came into my mind. I do NOT want my sister to die, nor to be on a respirator the rest of her life either.
Katie said... She would call the police herself and get them out there. Good.. out of my hands, and it was the right thing to do for Julie. And still... my heart breaks.
Katie just called to say that she called Julie right away to tell her the police were going to come... And they were already there!! Talk about fast. Katie wanted Julie to know that SHE was the one who called.
We (the family - mom, Katie and myself) need to talk about getting those medications OUT of her house!! What the hell was she doing with 78 Knonopin in her house to begin with??
Then the Doctor's office called me back with their 'formal' call. They told me (again) that I needed to call the police. I told her that I had. She said "You are probably going to have to bakers act her... Do you know what that is?" Yeah... They don't know her history very well, do they? Then I asked the nurse how come Julie had 78 pills on her that she's only taking a couple a day on. She told me that she couldn't discuss Julie's case with me. I told her I understood that... But that they might have well just given her a loaded gun, it was the same thing. A person overdoses all the time, constantly takes too much medication, and she is 2 weeks into her prescription and has 78 left??? Are you KIDDING me??? She again told me she couldn't talk to me about it. I told her that I would have plenty to say if my sister was on a respirator again because of this and I hung up.
I'm angry, and still my heart is breaking for Julie.
Okay, now Katie just called again. Julie told the police she had only taken 5 pills and that she was fine. That she did not try to kill herself. They are leaving her there.
Now I'm fricking furious. Why did she do this to me today???? I'm sitting at my desk fuming mad and crying my eyes out at the same time. It's been 38 minutes and it feels like it's been days. I'm an emotional WRECK. Jeez, I can't stop crying. Okay Tina, pull it together. Pull it together...
Mom just called and now I'm just ANGRY. I can't believe Julie just did this. Why???
I swear, if she ends up on a respirator again, I'm NOT going to let the kids go see her. OMG I am so angry. And yeah, I know I wouldn't REALLY do that. I don't think I would anyways. But I am SO ANGRY. I'm so tired of Julie not taking care of herself. Medically. Mentally. Eating. Working. Nothing she does is for her best interest.
Think about that statement for a moment... Absolutely NOTHING Julie does is for her own best interest. Nothing she eats. Nothing she takes. Nothing she does during the day (not working and either watching TV or talking in her chat room for other people who are mentally ill). Even when she was going to go on her beach vacation... Even that was not truly in HER best interest. The pills she takes, not always in her best interest. How sad...
And again... My heart breaks for her.
And yet... I'm still angry and need to calm down.
I'm too emotionally tired to even go looking for a wonderful bible verse to put in here. I'm just.. Angry and upset. Please say a prayer for me. And then say two for Julie. Thanks.
ME.
Sigh.... Last night Julie called the house. Chris was reading the blog at the time (often times he doesn't know the details of the day-to-day happenings until he reads the blogs!) and Julie was on the phone with Kayte and Kayla. I was supervising the phone call and could tell that Julie was VERY depressed. She was also slurring her words VERY badly. I heard her tell Kayte in a very pathetic voice "You know I love you very much and that I will always love you, no matter what, right?" I was worried about her and this struck me as an odd thing to say, but I chalked it up to her being depressed and needing loving/attention.
Julie had a horrible day, as highlighted by my blog yesterday. After I blogged, she had even gone out to three places looking for a job. Three places she may not normally try to work, but she knew she needed to do something. Good for her! But still... Julie was completely and utterly depressed. My heart was breaking for her.
After reading the blog and reading about Julie talking to Justin, Chris got on the phone with Julie and pretty much told her NOT to call Justin or any of the kids unless we were on the phone with her. He... well... he yelled at her as if she was a kid. But... you sometimes HAVE to talk to Julie like that.
Julie was too impaired really to comprehend much, I knew that very well from the many years of dealing with Julie through her cycles and medication moments. And I felt worse for Julie. My heart was breaking.
Throughout the phone conversations, it was obvious that Julie was... Impaired. She was slurring her words VERY badly. Remember the post from Christmas morning 2 years ago? Yeah... THAT bad. I asked her WHY she was slurring her words so badly. She told me that she had taken her 'night-time' pills very early because she wanted to get to bed early after such a bad day. I didn't blame her and I left it at that.
Yet... Still I worried about her.
Today, it's 2 in the afternoon. Julie just called me. She is STILL slurring her words. Now I know something is wrong, so I asked her.... "Why are you still slurring Julie?" She proceeded to tell me that she was very depressed last night.
She tried to kill herself.
She took 24 Knonopin (normal dose is one or two at bed time). TWENTY FOUR!!! She said that she had 78 in the bottle, but only took 24 because that's all she thought she needed to kill herself. My heart is breaking.
She tells me that she was on her 'chat line' last night and told someone there what she had done. THEY called the police, who showed up at her door last night. She convinced the policeman that she was fine... that she had just taken her 'normal' bed time medicine and she'd be fine.
Then she went to sleep hoping to not wake up again.
I asked Julie.... "Why are you telling me this???" In my mind... I knew I couldn't hear all of this and do NOTHING. She said "Because you asked me, so I told you".
So the questions running through my head are... Would the 24 Klonopin still obviously in her system hurt her? Should I call the police? And... what about her beach vacation she's supposed to start tomorrow???
My little sister just tried, unsuccessfully again, to kill herself. And then she told me that she had done and and how.
I called her friend Kaye, the friend taking her to the beach. I couldn't reach her and left a message. Then I called Julie's psychiatrist office. I spoke with a nurse there who told me that I needed to call the police right away. I asked if it was still possible for Julie to die even though she took them at 8pm last night. She mentioned something about continued effects and mentioned about Julie taking her normal morning/afternoon/evening medicine on TOP of what she had just taken. Absolutely she said, I needed to call the police and get them out to see her immediately.
I called my sister Katie. I feel HORRIBLE.
First of all, I knew something was wrong last night. Then I didn't call Julie at all this morning and I probably should have. Now, I'm supposed to call the police where she will be baker's acted and will MISS her vacation on the beach??? After just blogging about how I felt she shouldn't go to the beach... surely some might think I had other intentions for calling, right?
Then the visions of Julie on the respirator came into my mind. I do NOT want my sister to die, nor to be on a respirator the rest of her life either.
Katie said... She would call the police herself and get them out there. Good.. out of my hands, and it was the right thing to do for Julie. And still... my heart breaks.
Katie just called to say that she called Julie right away to tell her the police were going to come... And they were already there!! Talk about fast. Katie wanted Julie to know that SHE was the one who called.
We (the family - mom, Katie and myself) need to talk about getting those medications OUT of her house!! What the hell was she doing with 78 Knonopin in her house to begin with??
Then the Doctor's office called me back with their 'formal' call. They told me (again) that I needed to call the police. I told her that I had. She said "You are probably going to have to bakers act her... Do you know what that is?" Yeah... They don't know her history very well, do they? Then I asked the nurse how come Julie had 78 pills on her that she's only taking a couple a day on. She told me that she couldn't discuss Julie's case with me. I told her I understood that... But that they might have well just given her a loaded gun, it was the same thing. A person overdoses all the time, constantly takes too much medication, and she is 2 weeks into her prescription and has 78 left??? Are you KIDDING me??? She again told me she couldn't talk to me about it. I told her that I would have plenty to say if my sister was on a respirator again because of this and I hung up.
I'm angry, and still my heart is breaking for Julie.
Okay, now Katie just called again. Julie told the police she had only taken 5 pills and that she was fine. That she did not try to kill herself. They are leaving her there.
Now I'm fricking furious. Why did she do this to me today???? I'm sitting at my desk fuming mad and crying my eyes out at the same time. It's been 38 minutes and it feels like it's been days. I'm an emotional WRECK. Jeez, I can't stop crying. Okay Tina, pull it together. Pull it together...
Mom just called and now I'm just ANGRY. I can't believe Julie just did this. Why???
I swear, if she ends up on a respirator again, I'm NOT going to let the kids go see her. OMG I am so angry. And yeah, I know I wouldn't REALLY do that. I don't think I would anyways. But I am SO ANGRY. I'm so tired of Julie not taking care of herself. Medically. Mentally. Eating. Working. Nothing she does is for her best interest.
Think about that statement for a moment... Absolutely NOTHING Julie does is for her own best interest. Nothing she eats. Nothing she takes. Nothing she does during the day (not working and either watching TV or talking in her chat room for other people who are mentally ill). Even when she was going to go on her beach vacation... Even that was not truly in HER best interest. The pills she takes, not always in her best interest. How sad...
And again... My heart breaks for her.
And yet... I'm still angry and need to calm down.
I'm too emotionally tired to even go looking for a wonderful bible verse to put in here. I'm just.. Angry and upset. Please say a prayer for me. And then say two for Julie. Thanks.
Thursday, August 02, 2007
Julie's Crisis
Julie had her weekly visit last night. The visit went just fine. Julie offered to help in the kitchen a couple of times, but there was really nothing to do to 'help'. We had Shepherd's pie and it was awesome, if I do say so myself. :o) It's just...... So exhausting after her visits. I work and work and work to try and make things just right for her visit so that she can enjoy her time with the kids. It makes for an exhausting morning on Thursdays for sure.
We had a bit of an argument with Kayla last night that is still upsetting me as of today.
She wants to do something. What IT is in unimportant, and I'm sure over their teenage years there will be many 'its' and 'things' we disagree on. "Been there done that" with Amanda. But Chris and I fully agree that allowing her to do what SHE wants to do in this case would be irresponsible on our parts.
Kayla thinks we should trust her. Se thinks that SHE knows exactly what is best for her. But some things are not entirely a matter of trust. There is cut-and-dry, black-and-white "don't let the kids do this" in parenting... And sometimes it's just THAT simple.
Kayla said over and over again that we do not TRUST her. I guess that is what breaks my heart the most.
We HAVE been trusting her more and more every day. We give her things and TRUST that she is doing the right thing without even checking to make SURE that she is all the time. For example: other family members told me that I should check Kayla's time-sheet at work to make sure she's not getting there early or staying late just to hang out with her boyfriend. We trust her on this issue and have told her many times that we "assume/trust" that she is doing the right thing. We let her go out with her friends or even her boyfriend as long as we know where she is going, what time, and who she will be with. I don't follow her to Busch Gardens to make sure she went... I TRUST her. She let me down on that trust just recently by hanging out with her boyfriend for a whole day NOT telling us where she was. She was punished for a week for that - not allowed to go anywhere but to and from work. Now that it's over, we give her the same level of trust as before.
Yet... Over and over again she said that we don't trust her. Chris and I tried to get Kayla to see our side. We even got her to the point where she agreed that if Justin, Kayte or Jonathan were in the same situation - our 'rule' would be right. But for whatever reason - she believes the same rule applied to HER should be different. I suppose that's being a 16-year old, huh? Jeez... This stinks!!!
Kayla was crying a lot. But... As my sister Katie just pointed out - we are here to make rules that will help them become responsible adults and to keep them safe - NOT to be their friends. She's right. But still sometimes it makes "Auntie Tina" feel like a really bad person.
I got a call from Julie today. She is trying to get help paying her bills. She's behind... Way behind. I told her to try calling the St. Vincent dePaul society. Instead she called some office that is tied to the food stamp office.
She called me to ask me which lie she should use... That she didn't make ANY money and that Arthur (the live-in boy-toy) was paying her $700 a month (he pays nothing currently)... or lie about how much she makes from the VA. I told her she should tell the TRUTH and see what help she can get. She said "If I tell the truth, they won't help me because I make enough money." I said, "if you make enough money, WHERE DID IT GO?" Think about it for a minute... She's been in the hospital for weeks out of the past month or two... That should have cut down on her electric, water, and food bill greatly. She doesn't lose any money because her income is from the VA, so she is unaffected by the amount of times she is in the hospital.
It was just a striking reminder this morning of how Julie will work SO HARD to get AROUND the system. Julie does this all the time, as do her kids.
Oh jeez.... Julie has been calling ALL morning. A second ago up in this blog is was she just called, and now she's called half a dozen times. First she was trying to get aid from the Food Stamp office folks, then she called the St. Vincent de Paul people. They said she needed to call the crisis line because everything was due to be turned off on Tuesday, August 7th. She called the crisis line and they will fax over the paperwork, but it COULD take three days to do so. She's going to have them fax it to me (ya know, since she's going to the penthouse and all, she'll be unavailable until Tuesday). I'll fill it out for her (and I will NOT lie) and send it back. But that could be Monday... So who knows.
She's been crying all morning. As I type this, I'm fielding all kinds of calls... Julie... Mom... Katie.... I'm mad and worried at the same time. Worried because she was so manic before (she hasn't been sleeping much which is one of her bad signs when we know something is going to go bad for her.) Then I'm mad because she's in this situation to begin with. I know she has been trying to get phone jobs... But maybe she needs to cut grass or walk some dogs to make quick money. Or maybe she needs to be making more of an effort to rent out the rooms in her house. She could start by making Arthur pay rent! She could be out this weekend looking for jobs... Instead of soaking up the sun at the beach while knowing when she returns the electric/water will be shutoff. I just don't GET IT.
Then she thought she was going to have to pawn the ring that Ron gave to her. It is a REALLY nice and very expensive ring. I think it's worth between $5,000 and $10,000 dollars. She might see if her friend will 'borrow' it from her and give her cash in exchange. Although I warned her against this because we both know that she's not going to be able to save enough to repay for whatever she borrows.
The other funny yet sad story about this ring is that - Julie and Ron had it insured and once filed a claim stating it was stolen. It wasn't.... And that's all I'll say about that.
Ya know, I was just here thinking about the whole thing some more. Here is another great example of how utterly different Julie and I are. When Chris and I were hit financially hard, my first thought was to go to a free financial counselor through a Christian agency to discuss everything and see what we could do to better make ends meet. When Julie was hit hard... Her first thought was to go out and lie about what she makes so that she can receive help. Second thought was to pawn her wedding ring. At no time (even in the conversation I just had just now with Julie again, probably my 6th of today) at no time does she think about anything beyond this week or this month. And again, sadly, I don't fault Julie for this. It's her mental condition... Her mental status... Her mental capabilities. And with that, I suddenly feel bad about being angry. But... It is what it is... And that's part of my reason for keeping the blog... To work through my mixed-bag of emotions when it comes to all of this.
Along those same lines, I just talked to the social security office about Julie. I explained her situation... She receives VA benefits (which stop in 2 years by the way... When her youngest child turns 16). Julie has always been insistent that she could not receive VA and SSI.
What Julie was referring to is a meeting she had with SSI back after Ron first died. At THAT time, YES, she was receiving SSI benefits. But she was receiving them because she had the kids living with her. Now she only receives VA money.
I explained to SS that Julie couldn't work. First of all, she was always in the hospital for something - mental or physical. And that... When she did have a job, she lost it because she wasn't able to keep it and be hospitalized as much as she had been. She SSI lady felt confident Julie could get on SSI.
She said that there are some instances where you can't receive VA and SSI, but that it could not hurt at all to try. She even asked if I wanted to start a claim right now for her. I didn't... But I took the information for Julie.
Then the woman told me that if Julie really didn't apply because she had good reason to THINK that she really didn't qualify,they COULD back-date her starting date for SSI.
I really really hope Julie gives them a call. When I talked to her about it just now, she said she couldn't do it because she'd need an attorney and she couldn't afford one. (Why is it that Julie's first response is always how she CAN'T do something?) I told her that first of all, she might be able to do it on her own. Second of all, if she needed an attorney that often times they will take their payment when you win your case and they take it out of the money you receive at that time. She mentioned that she could not do it on her own as she knew that she would have to list EVERY single hospitalization for God only knows how long. Yes.... that could be a problem. My other sister Katie told me that I could probably do it for her. Although I'm sure I 'could', I'm pretty sure I shouldn't. First of all, I'd bet that the paperwork on her hospitalizations is probably 5 feet high. Secondly, I do not think I should see all the things that went on in the hospital. I'd see all the times she had Morphine and such and I'd probably just get really mad. So... No... This truly would be best left to someone like an attorney. And really... what does Julie have to lose??? I hope she does call them.
And if anyone is worried about Julie for next week, her friend did offer to pay that one month's bill so they don't shut everything off. So... Julie is taken care of for this crisis. Yeah!
The other thing I was going to touch on today was that -- I talked to Justin and the mom where Justin is staying this week. She told me that Julie HAD been calling Justin quite a bit -- most of the time when she wasn't there. I explained to her why Julie wasn't allowed to talk to the kids without me on the other line. She had no idea. I told her that I didn't want to say anything to the kids about it, that I expected to tell Julie and HER follow the rules. She told me that she would make sure that it didn't happen again and she appreciated me calling her.
But it does greatly add to the frustration that I know that she's been trying to work around the rules. And it drives me N.U.T.S.
Time to get to work. I leave you with this for today:
Children pay little attention to their parents' teachings, but reproduce their characters faithfully. Mason Cooley
We had a bit of an argument with Kayla last night that is still upsetting me as of today.
She wants to do something. What IT is in unimportant, and I'm sure over their teenage years there will be many 'its' and 'things' we disagree on. "Been there done that" with Amanda. But Chris and I fully agree that allowing her to do what SHE wants to do in this case would be irresponsible on our parts.
Kayla thinks we should trust her. Se thinks that SHE knows exactly what is best for her. But some things are not entirely a matter of trust. There is cut-and-dry, black-and-white "don't let the kids do this" in parenting... And sometimes it's just THAT simple.
Kayla said over and over again that we do not TRUST her. I guess that is what breaks my heart the most.
We HAVE been trusting her more and more every day. We give her things and TRUST that she is doing the right thing without even checking to make SURE that she is all the time. For example: other family members told me that I should check Kayla's time-sheet at work to make sure she's not getting there early or staying late just to hang out with her boyfriend. We trust her on this issue and have told her many times that we "assume/trust" that she is doing the right thing. We let her go out with her friends or even her boyfriend as long as we know where she is going, what time, and who she will be with. I don't follow her to Busch Gardens to make sure she went... I TRUST her. She let me down on that trust just recently by hanging out with her boyfriend for a whole day NOT telling us where she was. She was punished for a week for that - not allowed to go anywhere but to and from work. Now that it's over, we give her the same level of trust as before.
Yet... Over and over again she said that we don't trust her. Chris and I tried to get Kayla to see our side. We even got her to the point where she agreed that if Justin, Kayte or Jonathan were in the same situation - our 'rule' would be right. But for whatever reason - she believes the same rule applied to HER should be different. I suppose that's being a 16-year old, huh? Jeez... This stinks!!!
Kayla was crying a lot. But... As my sister Katie just pointed out - we are here to make rules that will help them become responsible adults and to keep them safe - NOT to be their friends. She's right. But still sometimes it makes "Auntie Tina" feel like a really bad person.
I got a call from Julie today. She is trying to get help paying her bills. She's behind... Way behind. I told her to try calling the St. Vincent dePaul society. Instead she called some office that is tied to the food stamp office.
She called me to ask me which lie she should use... That she didn't make ANY money and that Arthur (the live-in boy-toy) was paying her $700 a month (he pays nothing currently)... or lie about how much she makes from the VA. I told her she should tell the TRUTH and see what help she can get. She said "If I tell the truth, they won't help me because I make enough money." I said, "if you make enough money, WHERE DID IT GO?" Think about it for a minute... She's been in the hospital for weeks out of the past month or two... That should have cut down on her electric, water, and food bill greatly. She doesn't lose any money because her income is from the VA, so she is unaffected by the amount of times she is in the hospital.
It was just a striking reminder this morning of how Julie will work SO HARD to get AROUND the system. Julie does this all the time, as do her kids.
Oh jeez.... Julie has been calling ALL morning. A second ago up in this blog is was she just called, and now she's called half a dozen times. First she was trying to get aid from the Food Stamp office folks, then she called the St. Vincent de Paul people. They said she needed to call the crisis line because everything was due to be turned off on Tuesday, August 7th. She called the crisis line and they will fax over the paperwork, but it COULD take three days to do so. She's going to have them fax it to me (ya know, since she's going to the penthouse and all, she'll be unavailable until Tuesday). I'll fill it out for her (and I will NOT lie) and send it back. But that could be Monday... So who knows.
She's been crying all morning. As I type this, I'm fielding all kinds of calls... Julie... Mom... Katie.... I'm mad and worried at the same time. Worried because she was so manic before (she hasn't been sleeping much which is one of her bad signs when we know something is going to go bad for her.) Then I'm mad because she's in this situation to begin with. I know she has been trying to get phone jobs... But maybe she needs to cut grass or walk some dogs to make quick money. Or maybe she needs to be making more of an effort to rent out the rooms in her house. She could start by making Arthur pay rent! She could be out this weekend looking for jobs... Instead of soaking up the sun at the beach while knowing when she returns the electric/water will be shutoff. I just don't GET IT.
Then she thought she was going to have to pawn the ring that Ron gave to her. It is a REALLY nice and very expensive ring. I think it's worth between $5,000 and $10,000 dollars. She might see if her friend will 'borrow' it from her and give her cash in exchange. Although I warned her against this because we both know that she's not going to be able to save enough to repay for whatever she borrows.
The other funny yet sad story about this ring is that - Julie and Ron had it insured and once filed a claim stating it was stolen. It wasn't.... And that's all I'll say about that.
Ya know, I was just here thinking about the whole thing some more. Here is another great example of how utterly different Julie and I are. When Chris and I were hit financially hard, my first thought was to go to a free financial counselor through a Christian agency to discuss everything and see what we could do to better make ends meet. When Julie was hit hard... Her first thought was to go out and lie about what she makes so that she can receive help. Second thought was to pawn her wedding ring. At no time (even in the conversation I just had just now with Julie again, probably my 6th of today) at no time does she think about anything beyond this week or this month. And again, sadly, I don't fault Julie for this. It's her mental condition... Her mental status... Her mental capabilities. And with that, I suddenly feel bad about being angry. But... It is what it is... And that's part of my reason for keeping the blog... To work through my mixed-bag of emotions when it comes to all of this.
Along those same lines, I just talked to the social security office about Julie. I explained her situation... She receives VA benefits (which stop in 2 years by the way... When her youngest child turns 16). Julie has always been insistent that she could not receive VA and SSI.
What Julie was referring to is a meeting she had with SSI back after Ron first died. At THAT time, YES, she was receiving SSI benefits. But she was receiving them because she had the kids living with her. Now she only receives VA money.
I explained to SS that Julie couldn't work. First of all, she was always in the hospital for something - mental or physical. And that... When she did have a job, she lost it because she wasn't able to keep it and be hospitalized as much as she had been. She SSI lady felt confident Julie could get on SSI.
She said that there are some instances where you can't receive VA and SSI, but that it could not hurt at all to try. She even asked if I wanted to start a claim right now for her. I didn't... But I took the information for Julie.
Then the woman told me that if Julie really didn't apply because she had good reason to THINK that she really didn't qualify,they COULD back-date her starting date for SSI.
I really really hope Julie gives them a call. When I talked to her about it just now, she said she couldn't do it because she'd need an attorney and she couldn't afford one. (Why is it that Julie's first response is always how she CAN'T do something?) I told her that first of all, she might be able to do it on her own. Second of all, if she needed an attorney that often times they will take their payment when you win your case and they take it out of the money you receive at that time. She mentioned that she could not do it on her own as she knew that she would have to list EVERY single hospitalization for God only knows how long. Yes.... that could be a problem. My other sister Katie told me that I could probably do it for her. Although I'm sure I 'could', I'm pretty sure I shouldn't. First of all, I'd bet that the paperwork on her hospitalizations is probably 5 feet high. Secondly, I do not think I should see all the things that went on in the hospital. I'd see all the times she had Morphine and such and I'd probably just get really mad. So... No... This truly would be best left to someone like an attorney. And really... what does Julie have to lose??? I hope she does call them.
And if anyone is worried about Julie for next week, her friend did offer to pay that one month's bill so they don't shut everything off. So... Julie is taken care of for this crisis. Yeah!
The other thing I was going to touch on today was that -- I talked to Justin and the mom where Justin is staying this week. She told me that Julie HAD been calling Justin quite a bit -- most of the time when she wasn't there. I explained to her why Julie wasn't allowed to talk to the kids without me on the other line. She had no idea. I told her that I didn't want to say anything to the kids about it, that I expected to tell Julie and HER follow the rules. She told me that she would make sure that it didn't happen again and she appreciated me calling her.
But it does greatly add to the frustration that I know that she's been trying to work around the rules. And it drives me N.U.T.S.
Time to get to work. I leave you with this for today:
Children pay little attention to their parents' teachings, but reproduce their characters faithfully. Mason Cooley
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