Life Changes

I've had a pretty good couple of days. Justin is still not home... Let me start with him...

Justin has been at his friend's house over in Apollo Beach for the past week. It's CLOSE to where Julie lives, but not TOO close. We know this kid, have met his parents, he's stayed with us... we trust them and so allow him to go to this kid's house.

Monday I was reading Julie's myspace comments and saw one from a friend of Julie's who lives right behind her. She mentioned in her comment to Julie that she really wished "The Aunt" would let Justin visit sometimes. I decided to drop this woman a line myself. I wrote to her and explained why the kids couldn't go back into the neighborhood. I explained about the drugs, the gangs, the trouble, etc. I then told her that Justin and the girls were doing very well at our house, and they were adjusting very well. I told her about all the kids getting good grades and about Justin making the baseball team.

She wrote me back and told me that she really understood what I was talking about - that she lived right behind Julie while all this was going on. Her husband is a Deputy with the Sheriff's office and knew very well what was going on there. They would allow Justin to come over to their house, but would not allow their kids in Julie's house for that reason. She explained that she worked for doctors and so she was sympathetic to Julie and was really hoping Julie could get the medical/mental help she needed. She seemed like a GREAT lady.

I had a really strong gut feeling and so I talked to Chris about it. Justin was staying less than 5 miles from this woman's house. I was supposed to pick him up Tuesday night. Additionally, Julie was staying out at St. Pete beach for the week and wasn't even home. Chris and I discussed it, and we decided to let Justin stay over this other woman's house. Her husband being a Sheriffs Deputy, I'm sure there will be no trouble. They were all SO happy... you just can't imagine how happy Justin was.

In the meantime, things with Julie are the same. She was at the beach Tuesday and her blood sugar spiked to over 500 again so - again - she went to the hospital. They gave her some other kind of Insulin that brought it back down and she went back to the penthouse.

Julie was very perturbed about my comment to her the other day and made mention of it a few times while we were on the phone. You know the comment... when I had said that 'the family is getting very tired of your abuse and we just don't care anymore if you go into the hospital or not'. She was deeply hurt by this... I could tell. She kept asking if it was the WHOLE family or just me. Well, I've talked to Mom and Katie and I know how they feel, but I'm not going to speak for them... I told her that without a doubt I myself was sick and tired of the day-to-day drama. I'm tired of wondering if she had eaten something that is going to put her into a coma or if she's going to take too many pills and overdose... accidentally OR on purpose!

She again commented on how very depressed she was... how she wanted to end her life... how she had no money and no way to make ends meet. Yet, still, she refuses to even think about SS Disability (because again I asked her). It's funny, when I was filling out the paperwork for Julie's emergency help, I realized that she is really not all that far behind. She's overdue on a water bill. Electricity is up to date, as are the phone, internet, and house payment. I realized that Julie's idea of being 'behind' was WAY different than mine. If she were as overdue as I have been in the recent past, I think she'd have a better outlook on how good a one month behind water bill really is. Heck, I happen to know, sadly - from experience - that they can shut off your water and you can turn it back on yourself at the street. You'll buy about 3 or 4 days in which you really have to pay it before they shut it off for real and you can't turn it back on yourself. I know... because I've been there. Too many times to say without shame. But to Julie, her perception is that she is living in a horrible mess right now being a little behind on one bill. And... perception really is what you make of it.

Speaking of perception... I was thinking the other day about how much my life has changed. HUGE changes. I'd like to note some of them here...

A few years years ago I was a workaholic who enjoyed getting ahead and being at the top of management. I dressed up every day for work, make-up, panty hose and everything. When I had a job that was not management, I moved up very quickly. Dinner was fast food or store-bought -- rarely home-cooked... I didn't have the time for that. I was a hard-working business woman who happened to have a family.

Today, I enjoy doing what I need to do at work so that I can get home to my family. I think about what I'm going to make for dinner while I'm at work, often times starting dinner at lunch so it's ready early. I no longer have the drive to work hard to be at the top of management... I don't want to have to work that hard. And, I've realized I don't NEED to work that hard. I make the same money now as I did back then... while now being focused on family.

A few years ago, I was very involved in Sweet Adeline's. I was president of our 120 member championship chorus for many years. I was appointed by the International Organization as the Communications / Technology Coordinator (again, for many years). I attended many training classes on management. While in chorus, our attitude was very much "BE THE BEST". Everything was the best... The best costumes, the best makeup, the best singing, the best director, the best members. When we sang a song, every single note, word, breath, rhythm, EVERYTHING, had to be 100 percent perfect. This was for EVERY song sung. And, we taped it so that someone else could listen and determine if it was 100 percent perfect. One wrong breath, one wrong word or note, and you had to do it again until it was 100 percent. I was not only good at what I did in management and in singing, I was also the section leader and would tell other members if their tapes were 100 percent perfect. Our chorus also danced... and - you guessed it - I was an assistant teacher showing the chorus members how to do moves. Dancing also had to be perfect. It was cut-throat and yet AMAZINGLY rewarding.

Now the only time I sing it's for God at Church. It doesn't ever need to be 'perfect' but it does need to be filled with His spirit. I still admit though, I very VERY much so miss singing with the Toast of Tampa. But, my life is so much less 'perfect' now... So much less 'complicated' now... and I love it.

A few years ago, Chris and I were in a very tough spot in our marriage. The biggest 'question marks' in our marriage and our lives were: trust, values and morals.

Now I can tell you that -- you would have a difficult time trying to find two people who have a better grasp on trust, value and morals than Chris and myself. We have worked through it, learned, and boy oh boy have we ever grown. And it was worth every bit of effort.

And of course, a few years ago I'd have never even IMAGINED that we would have Kayla, Justin and Kayte living with us. NEVER would have thought of it.

The funny thing is, on much of this stuff, I don't think I'm a 'better' person really... Just different. I don't think there was anything wrong with being a workaholic and striving for management... Nor with the cut-throat mentality of the chorus. It's just different now.

Then I think about how it was God who came into our lives 2 years ago and orchestrated this entire thing. He came in, He took charge. He didn't have time for us to ponder whether or not we were going to go to church and turn our lives around. I didn't understand at the time it was happening WHY everything happened so fast. Why 3 people in ONE day told me I NEEDED to go to Van Dyke Church that next Sunday. Despite my anger, my stubbornness, my reluctance - we went, and things haven't been the same since. Now I know God NEEDED to move fast. Julie was on a path of destruction and within weeks Chris and I would have 3 traumatized, troubled, and grieving kids move into our home. Jeez... God is so good. And I must say that God does a much better job of running my life than I do. That very thing makes it so much easier to let go of things now (giving worries to God).

Speaking of worries... I took Jonathan shopping last night! We went with Kayla, her boyfriend and another friend to the store. We did everything we needed to do in about an hour. We just went in and GRABBED clothes. There was a big sale... 50 - 70 percent off. Of course it's also "tax-free" week so nothing had tax. This made it possible to get designer labels. He didn't even have time to try anything on (but that's much less important with boys I'm learning!) We got him 9 shirts and 5 pants. He was SO happy! He now feels that he is totally ready for High School. And... I couldn't be happier.

That was Jonathan taken off my list of kids to worry about. Kayla had saved money from her job so she took her own money and went clothes shopping for school. I took Kayte to get a few things recently, so she's pretty much good to go. That just leaves Justin, who's not been home anyways. But, he had a lot of clothes from last year that are still really good. So, I'm pretty much worry-free.

Thanks again to James, Michelle and Kaye who sent gift certificates to make this possible. I am so grateful that you are a part of our 'village'. (You know, the village it takes to raise all these teens!)

Saturday is the day of their big party. Oh my goodness... I can't WAIT. (Can't wait for it to be over that is!) They are expecting 20 kids so far. 20 teenagers, blaring hip-hop music, swimming, pizza... Oh Lordy I hope I make it through okay! The really funny thing is that my sister Katie is coming over to help 'supervise'. In her words... I was a goodie-two-shoes in school. I didn't go to parties. I didn't have friends that were anything other than other goodie-two-shoes. Katie on the other hand was prom queen, a starlette dancer, a cheerleader, and very popular. SHE had the parties that everyone wanted to go to. She said that she KNOWS first hand what goes on at these parties and she is going to be here to squash any of that. I think it's AWESOME that Katie wants to help out with this. I welcome any help she can give. My friend Michelle might come over to help ME during the party. You know, keeping me sane.

I have two more things to tell you about. I just LOVE going to bible study with our new small group. I've never been to bible study. As a Catholic, I didn't own a bible, I read what they had printed in the books every week. So, I'm really enjoying reading things that I've NEVER read before. But more-so I am enjoying the friends we are making while there.

This past Monday I wasn't supposed to go. Chris was working late, and I had a HORRIBLE day. (This was the time that Julie was overdosing and I was hours and hours trying to get her help). I had emailed the group to let them know we wouldn't be there. For sure Chris was working late, and I... Well... I just didn't feel up to going there alone that night and I thought I would take the time to go home and lay down for a while.

That didn't happen. I got home and felt that I needed to go anyways. I'm pretty sure I looked horrible when I got there, hair all kinda crazy, I had that frazzled look, ya know? Chris, knowing I was there, came home late, but jumped in the shower and came to bible study late so he could be there with me.

One of our friends in this group, Davd, owns a plane and offered to take Chris up on Wednesday. Chris, who LOVES to fly and would love nothing more than to become a pilot for fun, jumped at the chance. Dave then called and asked if Chris wanted to take Jonathan with him. Jonathan hasn't done much this summer... And - I know I say it all the time, but - he has given up SO MUCH for us to have Kayla, Justin and Kayte at our house, so we jumped at the chance for Chris and Jonathan to have some father-son time. The boys had a GREAT time together. David, if you are reading this, thanks so so so so much! You are an angel!

Then, while going around the room stating praise reports and/or things to pray about, Chris tells the group he needs prayer to help him sleep at night. He hasn't been sleeping well lately and wasn't sure why. Well, I think I knew why... The mattress we have is VERY old. It belonged to Chris's grandmother who let us have it years ago. It's uneven, lumpy in places, and just... Very worn. When I took off the top mattress, you can see the box spring under it is incredibly wavy - when it's supposed to be even.

Mattresses in our house are a luxury. When the kids moved in we needed three beds fast. Spending the money on a new mattress is far from a priority for Chris and I.

Anyways... I mentioned that I thought it might be the mattress. Another guy (our teacher), Jeff, said "we just purchased a new King and put a Queen size in our garage just today. Do you want it?" Uh.... YESSSSSS!!

Chris picked it up yesterday and let me tell ya, it's AWESOME. It's HUGE -- pillow top on both sides so you can flip it. You just fall into it when it's time for bed. LOVE it.

I really think God puts people in our lives at the right moments for a reason. I think he must get a kick out of being up there watching all the pieces fall into place. Like that good feeling you get when you are putting together a puzzle and you place a piece in and it just snaps ever so perfectly into place.... Yeah... That's how I envision God up there watching everything he's done in our lives.

I need to run - we are going to choir tonight - I think! Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers.


CHRISTIAN WAYS TO REDUCE STRESS

1. Pray
2. Go to bed on time.
3. Get up on time so you can start the day unrushed.
4. Say No to projects that won't fit into your time schedule, or that will compromise your mental health.
5. Delegate tasks to capable others.
6. Simplify and unclutter your life.
7. Less is more. (Although one is often not enough, two are often too many.)
8. Allow extra time to do things and to get to places.
9. Pace yourself. Spread out big changes and difficult projects over time; don't lump the hard things all together.
10. Take one day at a time.
11. Separate worries from concerns. If a situation is a concern, find out what God would have you do and let go of the anxiety. If you can't do anything about a situation, forget it .
12. Live within your budget; don't use credit cards for ordinary purchases.
13. Have backups; an extra car key in your wallet, an extra house key buried in the garden, extra stamps, etc.
14. K.M.S. (Keep Mouth Shut). This single piece of advice can prevent an enormous amount of trouble.
15. Do something for the Kid in You everyday.
16. Carry a Bible with you to read while waiting in line.
17. Get enough rest.
18. Eat right.
19. Get organized so everything has its place.
20. Listen to a tape while driving that can help improve your quality of life.
21. Write down thoughts and inspirations.
22. Every day, find time to be alone.
23. Having problems? Talk to God on the spot. Try to nip small problems in the bud. Don't wait until it's time to go to bed to try and pray.
24. Make friends with Godly people.
25. Keep a folder of favorite scriptures on hand.
26. Remember that the shortest bridge between despair and hope is often a good "Thank you Jesus."
27. Laugh.
28. Laugh some more!
29. Take your work seriously, but not yourself at all.
30. Develop a forgiving attitude (most people are doing the best they can).
31. Be kind to unkind people (they probably need it the most).
32. Sit on your ego.
33. Talk less; listen more.
34. Slow down.
35. Remind yourself that you are not the general manager of the universe.
36 . Every night before bed, think of one thing you're grateful for that you've never been grateful for before.