Mentally ill

I sent the reply below to someone who posted a comment in the blog. I wanted to make sure that everyone knew how I felt as well ( think I said some really brilliant things here - hee hee), so I thought I'd post it in a new blog. I know most of you 'feel' the way you do about the situation that I'm going through because of what I write. And, it's SO hard sometimes. I get so angry, so confused, so upset - then happy and excited, and it's hard to ride that rollercoaster with me and really understand how I feel all the time.

I know what you are saying... but you also have to remember that Julie is
mentally not right - never has been. MOST of what she has been doing is
because she's really truly doing the best she knows HOW to do. In the
words of her psychiatrist, she has the mind of a 10 year old. If you could
have been there when she and I went to see Dr. Vergeese the first time you'd
have clearly seen it.... most of the time she really IS doing what she THINKS is
best. I honestly believe that she is not trying to control anything or
anyone, and I honestly believe that she WANTS to get better. But I'm not sure
that she has the mental capacity that would allow her to get better. She
hasn't called and begged to let me talk to the kids, she hasn't called and
begged me to let her see the kids. She understands that she has to follow
rules for that to happen. Again, I fully believe that she IS trying.
Just not sure that her best amount of trying is ever going to be enough. I
hope and pray that it does become enough... that she can be balanced with
medication and be a better mom... that she can grow into a mature adult and keep
away from the bad things she's been involved in in the past. Maybe she can -
maybe she can't. But she has professionals watching this and trying
to help her.
And here's a big thing I haven't talked about before...
if - God forbid - she doesn't get the kids back... I am going to want our family
to surround her with love and help her try to move on. She does not value
herself as a person, she values herself as a mom. Take away the kids and
she is going to be lost. We can't control what may or may not happen, and
we can't control what Julie does or how she reacts. But -- if they don't
give Julie her kids back - it won't be because she is a bad person or a bad
mother.... it will be because she is terribly mentally ill. She can not
control that. Medication helps and often times she is non-compliant I know
- but would you trust a 10-year old child to remember to take her medications
daily and to trust that this same 10-year old kid knows the repercussions of not
taking her meds? Of course not. And if they take her kids I don't
want anyone that I know and love to think she is a bad person. She is a mentally
sick person who honestly doesn't have the capacity to understand so much of
what's going on. I love her very much.