Yes, it's going to be a good day. I just love being able to post positive things like this. **grin**
I received the letter from Medicaid about Doug yesterday (the 'denied' letter), and - believe it or not, it's good news. His Medicaid was denied because, at the time he applied he was living in a nursing home (the rehab center), and now he's moved to an Assisted Living Facility and he needs to apply for a different kind of benefit. So... not horrible news really. The worst part is that 1) it's yet MORE paperwork and that 2) the paperwork I'd already done (took literally hours to do) is now no good. So next is a call to the CARES office (the Department of Elder Affairs) who is supposed to guide me in the proper direction. Pray that all of this will run smoothly, please.
Better news... I had my 6-month job review yesterday and guess what?? Well, it went well (because I am the BEST employee/worker EVER) and I got a raise. Now, it's not much - 5% - but... I was praying about how on Earth was I going to be able to afford to rejoin Toast of Tampa, and then - I get a raise??!!! How great is God? He ROCKS! Granted it's not enough to where my woes are over, but still - it's something!
And the best news... we go on vacation Friday! I'll be off work tomorrow all day packing and taking kids to appointments - but on Friday we are outta here! I know some of you have been worried about 'how' we are going to be able to do a vacation right now with all that is going on... yes, Mom... I know, I know. All I can tell you is that........... God provides. Yes, you'll probably get a frantic "oh my gosh how are we going to be able to afford anything" post from me at the end of the month, and I'll probably think back to this post and try my best to remember that faith I had then and I'll try to remember how much we needed this vacation. It's not much... it's a hotel on St. Pete beach thanks to my awesome sister Katie... but it's time away from the every day hustle and bustle of life. Course, I fully realize that I have never been on a vacation with FOUR teenagers, so I anticipate some bumps in the road there, but I'm sure all will be fine in the end. I've already told them that they are going to have rules while we are away, things such as curfews and knowing where they are and who they are with at all times.
Just got another call from Julie. She's been really wanting to see the kids, unsupervised. But Karen is going to supervise a visit tomorrow, before we go on vacation. That's good. Ooooohhhh... I just remembered, I didn't blog about Julie's newest boyfriend (of sorts). I think I've told you that she's got a 'buddy' who is 21 that she sleeps with. But she sleeps with all sorts of men, and the kids have told me that she's been with men as young as 17 before. Now she's been asked out on a date by a guy who is 20 years older than she. Wait... it gets better... he's white. (Julie does NOT date white men). And even better, he's retired. Oh, and better than that, he's a golf guy who hangs out in those plaid golfer uniforms all day long. I'm like "Julie... why????" She told me, point blank, he's got money - and she needs to be 'taken care of'. WHAT? She would really date a guy for this reason??? A guy who is 100% different in every single way of what she finds 'normal'?? Oh, and it just keeps getting better - I know, and she dated this guy the day after she went to lesbian clubs with her lesbian friends. Now... I'm not going to get into that kind of stuff here... and you are entitled to your opinions on that sort of thing, and I have my opinions that I won't share here. My ONLY problem with this is that it seems to me that Julie is having a manic episode right now. That would explain a lot of things... the club... the really young guy.... the really old guy.... and others whom the kids tell me about (their friends see people come in and out of the house and report back to the kids what they've seen). I haven't talked to Karen about any of this. I wouldn't really know what to say - I mean, it's nothing earth-shattering... it's not like she's huffing again... or doing drugs... or hanging out with gang members again (although I understand they are still hanging around). So what on earth would I say?? It's no surprise that Julie has a sex addict problem, and it's certainly no great surprise that she is incredibly needy and sucks whatever it is she needs out of whomever she can get it from. I just shake my head and thank God that I have a somewhat normal life. And I pray to God that He can help me to help those kids see that this kind of stuff is not normal... and that they will learn right from wrong while with us.
I'll leave you with a motivational quote for the day. I'll try to keep blogging over our vacation on anything interesting that happens. Lord knows.... 4 teens... something interesting is bound to happen, eh? Love you all, and remember to praise God for you blessings today and every day.
Man can live for about forty days without food, and about three days without water, about eight minutes without air ... but only for one second without hope. Hal Lindsey
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Saturday, May 27, 2006
In A Word.... DENIED
I pulled up the website to check on the status of Doug's Medicaid benefits (they were going to put him on Medicaid to help supplement and pick up the remainder of the cost for his Assisted Living Facility) - and there is was... "DENIED". Now... I don't know why or anything like that, I haven't received any paperwork in the mail yet. It may be that we need to appeal to show a few things... it may be that he has too many assets or something, I don't know yet. But I guess we'll find out soon enough.
Chris and I were just talking about what to do if he's really denied and we can't do anything about it. I suppose he's going to have to move back in with us. Which... isn't all that bad really - his new meds have him very controlled. He's not angry and aggressive right now. The worst thing is the wheelchair and fall risk. We don't have anywhere in the house where someone with a wheelchair can easily navigate around. His old living room is small and has a step down to get to his bed. (A rather large step actually) But I guess we'd have to manage. Plus the fall risk... someone is supposed to be with him 24 hours a day to make sure he doesn't fall. But that just can't happen if he were here. Then again, he does seem better now than he did over Easter. But I don't know how weak he is... the fall risk is probably still very very high. He'd have to do a lot of walking if he moved back home.
And I keep telling myself.... God has a plan. I KNOW IT. So maybe the plan was that he went to the ALF to get better, stronger, mentally stable, then he comes to live with us... who knows. Please pray that God's hand is at work with all of this... that His will be done.
Speaking of Doug, I did get up to see him the other day. I didn't stay long as I've been home sick for 2 days and I didn't want to get him sick. But the ALF said they were going to throw him out on Noon Friday if I didn't bring them money... so I did. He looked good - except the beard. He won't use the razor, and wants his electric razor, which the last facility lost. We don't have a spare, so he's just not shaving. Looks like Grizzly Adams... boy am I dating myself there or what?? hee hee The kids all went to see him as well, but they wanted to leave quickly. It's weird, when Chris and I went up there to see the facility, it didn't have that 'nursing home smell' -- you know the smell. When we went to visit him this week it was a profound smell... that nursing home smell. But of course it's not a nursing home, all of the residents are up and about as they just need 'assistance' just like Doug. But my Lord... the smell. Ugg
I got a call on Friday from the school. ALL FOUR KIDS PASSED!!! Yeahhhhhhhhh!!!! Not only that, but she mentioned how well they had done, how much they had brought their grades up - she could tell that they had been working hard. I'm so proud of them. Now - if I can just keep them busy this summer!!
We received some bad news yesterday - Chris's Uncle Donald (Doug's only living brother) passed away Thursday night. He'd had lung cancer which spread to his brain, and in 5 weeks he was gone. If you remember from a prior post, they didn't know how to tell Doug, so they waited and waited, then called us and told us to find a way to tell him. Now they tell us that it was Donald's wish that Doug not know he's passed away until after he's buried. He didn't want him to worry about how to get up for the burial (not having a funeral, just a small burial), so he thought it best that he find out afterwards. Which I really appreciate as there is no way Doug could sit in a car for 24 hours for the drive up and back!
Well, it's Saturday morning... Chris is gone to work... all the kids are still in bed... I'm the only one up here at the house. Boy is it quiet. I think I'm going back to bed. Don't think I can sleep as my mind is reeling over the whole medicaid thing... but maybe I'll just take some time to pray for a bit.
Chris and I were just talking about what to do if he's really denied and we can't do anything about it. I suppose he's going to have to move back in with us. Which... isn't all that bad really - his new meds have him very controlled. He's not angry and aggressive right now. The worst thing is the wheelchair and fall risk. We don't have anywhere in the house where someone with a wheelchair can easily navigate around. His old living room is small and has a step down to get to his bed. (A rather large step actually) But I guess we'd have to manage. Plus the fall risk... someone is supposed to be with him 24 hours a day to make sure he doesn't fall. But that just can't happen if he were here. Then again, he does seem better now than he did over Easter. But I don't know how weak he is... the fall risk is probably still very very high. He'd have to do a lot of walking if he moved back home.
And I keep telling myself.... God has a plan. I KNOW IT. So maybe the plan was that he went to the ALF to get better, stronger, mentally stable, then he comes to live with us... who knows. Please pray that God's hand is at work with all of this... that His will be done.
Speaking of Doug, I did get up to see him the other day. I didn't stay long as I've been home sick for 2 days and I didn't want to get him sick. But the ALF said they were going to throw him out on Noon Friday if I didn't bring them money... so I did. He looked good - except the beard. He won't use the razor, and wants his electric razor, which the last facility lost. We don't have a spare, so he's just not shaving. Looks like Grizzly Adams... boy am I dating myself there or what?? hee hee The kids all went to see him as well, but they wanted to leave quickly. It's weird, when Chris and I went up there to see the facility, it didn't have that 'nursing home smell' -- you know the smell. When we went to visit him this week it was a profound smell... that nursing home smell. But of course it's not a nursing home, all of the residents are up and about as they just need 'assistance' just like Doug. But my Lord... the smell. Ugg
I got a call on Friday from the school. ALL FOUR KIDS PASSED!!! Yeahhhhhhhhh!!!! Not only that, but she mentioned how well they had done, how much they had brought their grades up - she could tell that they had been working hard. I'm so proud of them. Now - if I can just keep them busy this summer!!
We received some bad news yesterday - Chris's Uncle Donald (Doug's only living brother) passed away Thursday night. He'd had lung cancer which spread to his brain, and in 5 weeks he was gone. If you remember from a prior post, they didn't know how to tell Doug, so they waited and waited, then called us and told us to find a way to tell him. Now they tell us that it was Donald's wish that Doug not know he's passed away until after he's buried. He didn't want him to worry about how to get up for the burial (not having a funeral, just a small burial), so he thought it best that he find out afterwards. Which I really appreciate as there is no way Doug could sit in a car for 24 hours for the drive up and back!
Well, it's Saturday morning... Chris is gone to work... all the kids are still in bed... I'm the only one up here at the house. Boy is it quiet. I think I'm going back to bed. Don't think I can sleep as my mind is reeling over the whole medicaid thing... but maybe I'll just take some time to pray for a bit.
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
What A Week
Well, I've had a pretty awful week. I hate opening the blog in that way... but honestly, it's how I feel. I don't want to say that I'm depressed... but I think I'm close to it. I spent pretty much most of the day yesterday at my desk - working, and sobbing. Chris asked me questions... "do you feel hopeless... want to hurt yourself..." and the answer is a resounding "no". I don't feel that hope is gone, I don't feel that things are so awful and they are never going to get any better. I know that God has a plan, and that the things we are going through right now are a part of His plan... and I have faith that things will get better. But for right now... in this moment... I am not happy with where things are right now and I am scared to death.
Okay, I just typed a whole bunch of stuff here about the Doug situation - how the Assisted Living Facility has been trying to get money from Chris and I - all kinds of stuff. And then I read a website for my good friend, Chris Kirkman - who's daughter, Christal, has a brain tumor and just went through surgery. (I think this was surgery #17 or 18). Here is an edited snip from her website journal:
It was right about this point that for the 1st time of the day Christal said to me, “Mommy… I’m going to die… I can’t breathe.” I went out and told Dr. Guedes. If she had only said this one time, I might have blown it off… but she kind of continued with it. Shortly after this I was sitting with her holding her hands and we were talking, I asked her if there were angels with her…. She said no…. I asked her if God was with her and she said yes. I then asked her if she wanted to pray and she nodded, “Yes.” That she did want to… so we prayed. I usually try to hide it when I’m upset, but I cried openly in front of her at this point. She really didn’t seem concerned that I was crying, but she put her hand up and wiped away some of the tears from my face. Then she started to sing. It seemed almost like she was singing to herself, because it was so soft. I couldn’t really make out the words, but it wasn’t familiar to me… I didn’t think it was a song I had ever heard before. She continued, and I heard her say, “He has made me glad…. He has made me glad….” And the song continued. I thought, “Oh my gosh… this is it… maybe she is going to die. You have to know that, Christal has never talked about dying… no mention of it even though she is one sick little girl. And it was the WAY she was saying it that made me think she wasn’t kidding, like she knew something the rest of us didn’t…. and I couldn’t ignore it. She stopped singing and I asked her why she was singing. She said, “I thought it would make you happy.” Which was soooo sweet of her, since I was crying. This wasn’t a situation of she was picking up on my tension… because I didn’t start the day like this… I was really going off of her feelings at this point. I went to the room and they said they were on the way to get her to take her down to surgery. We quickly got the paperwork signed and we were ready to be on our way. I already had this NOT good feeling because of what Christal had said about dying. We get to the elevator, and as we’re standing there waiting… the transport person, the nurse, Christal and I… Christal grabs my hand and pulls me towards her to lean down. She says, “I just want to thank you for being the best Mommy ever;” Now she didn’t just say this once or twice… she said it several times… “Remember Mommy… you’re the best Mommy a girl could ever have,” “I love you Mommy, and I wouldn’t want any other Mommy ever.” I couldn’t help but think that she maybe did know that she was going to die and was saying good-bye or something.
Long story short... she came through surgery okay and is now home. (The surgery, however, was not a cure, but rather a fix for a shunt) And here I am all worried about MY problems and feeling terribly hopeless??!! That journal helped me to feel that - at the very least - my problems are not all that terrible. I mean, sure... the ALF is going to be very expensive... sure we have lots going on and a tremendous amount of financial stress right now... but my Lord... if this friend of mine can come through her problems with true faith in God, certainly I can as well.
Let's move on to the 'update' part of my blog... maybe that will make me feel better.
Julie keeps calling wanting to set up another unsupervised visit with the kids. I just CAN'T do that right now. And frankly, on my 'worry level' this is so far away from anything I want to worry about, I don't want to think about it. I let Julie in on some of the things going on with us right now so that she knew when I said "I'm too stressed to think about it right now", she knows why. She said she understood after I told her some of the stuff we're dealing with. So that's good.
Dottie (the Guardian Ad Litem) called at work yesterday. She could tell by my tone of voice that something wasn't right, and she openly asked if she had somehow offended me. What she didn't know is that I had been crying at my desk for at least 30 min before she called, and when the phone rings, I 'turn it off' and sound chipper. When I realized it was a 'friend' I kind of let down my 'happiness' on the phone and she could sense something was wrong. I just told her I'd been having a horrilbe day. We talked a little more and I began to sob on the phone, so she let me go. She is coming over tonight to visit with the kids.
I found another instant message from Kayla to this guy - Maurice. It's so sad because she is throwing herself AT this guy. His side of the conversation was pretty much like this: "I'm going to be a senior in high school, I want a football scholarship so I have to focus on things after school, and I don't have time for a real 'girlfriend'. If you want to 'hook up' (teen slang for sex) we can do that, but I can't put any more into it". Kayla's side of the conversation: "Please... I'll do anything. I want you to call me your girlfriend. I want to be your only one. I'll hook up, and I'll do anything. I love you. Why don't you ever say you love me too? I'll do anything - please!" Yeah.... she's throwing herself at him, don't you think? It's sickening.... And here's the really sad part... My wish for her is that she could meet a guy... they were FRIENDS... good friends - common interests, they like a lot of the same people and things in life... then they date - and they either fall in love or they realize they had sparks but no fire and break up. And I know that it continues to break her heart... she often writes poems about it.... how she can't meet a great guy or anything like that. Well, I believe that her dating style is a learned behavior from her mom. I fully believe that. And... who knows... she may be too old to change it now. She may be one of those people who always falls for the wrong guy. The girl who goes 'out' with a lot of guys but is never really happy.
Yep... Julie just instant messenged me and asked (again) about seeing the kids next. UGG
Kayte told me last night that she thinks seeing the therapist is a big fat waste of time because the lady was making judgments about her and didn't really know her or understand her. I told her that she needed to give it more time.
Justin had a project due today for Language Arts. It was supposed to be a poster about "My 8th Grade Memories". He tells us about this at about 9pm last night. He needs a poster board and ideas. ARE YOU KIDDING?? I tell him that I am not running to the store and that he'll need to make due with things we have there at the house. We had big size board (about 12" x 14" each poster board material) in loud colors, and if you tape 4 of them together, it made a nice size board. I told him he'd need to do this as I was not going out this late. Come to find out later that this project was supposed to be a group project (he and 3 or 4 other guys). So... not only is this HIS grade, but it's also the grade for these other guys. (Who cares about them really though because they didn't want to do any of the work, they wanted Justin to do all of it). So he throws something together (literally) the best he can. Oh, I should mention there is no computer paper for this because the girls have gone through a ream (500 sheets) of paper in the past month or so. Printing CRAP! So - Justin is really having to improvise here. He works on it for an hour and a half last night and an hour or so this morning before school. He heads out the door today, and Chris asks to see the project. There is is... his big project for Language Arts (modern day English class) big letters at the top "My 8th Grade Memorys" . Yepper... he misspelled Memories - in the title - on his English class project. Perfect start to our day, eh?
I won't throw a pity-party and fill you in on all the details of the how and why things are so incredibly financially stressful for us now. But I will ask you all to pray for us. And pray for FAITH. You know, I missed Church this week... mostly because I have been so sad (not going to say depressed) and I just wanted to sleep in on Sunday morning. Yesterday I had the thought creep into my head "maybe God is punishing me for not going to Church"... but I know God isn't like that. I know that thinking that way is just us trying to blame God. Not going to do that. Any church members who may be reading this... please keep us in your thoughts and prayers. We love you and just feel incredibly overwhelmed right now.
One last thing... I began subscribing to something that will send positive quotes and such to you daily. I used to do this a long time ago... and it was odd how many times the 'right' message came to you at the 'right' time. Here was mine for today -- the day after my all-day-crying-session yesterday:
"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your oldnonsense." --Ralph Waldo Emerson
Okay, I just typed a whole bunch of stuff here about the Doug situation - how the Assisted Living Facility has been trying to get money from Chris and I - all kinds of stuff. And then I read a website for my good friend, Chris Kirkman - who's daughter, Christal, has a brain tumor and just went through surgery. (I think this was surgery #17 or 18). Here is an edited snip from her website journal:
It was right about this point that for the 1st time of the day Christal said to me, “Mommy… I’m going to die… I can’t breathe.” I went out and told Dr. Guedes. If she had only said this one time, I might have blown it off… but she kind of continued with it. Shortly after this I was sitting with her holding her hands and we were talking, I asked her if there were angels with her…. She said no…. I asked her if God was with her and she said yes. I then asked her if she wanted to pray and she nodded, “Yes.” That she did want to… so we prayed. I usually try to hide it when I’m upset, but I cried openly in front of her at this point. She really didn’t seem concerned that I was crying, but she put her hand up and wiped away some of the tears from my face. Then she started to sing. It seemed almost like she was singing to herself, because it was so soft. I couldn’t really make out the words, but it wasn’t familiar to me… I didn’t think it was a song I had ever heard before. She continued, and I heard her say, “He has made me glad…. He has made me glad….” And the song continued. I thought, “Oh my gosh… this is it… maybe she is going to die. You have to know that, Christal has never talked about dying… no mention of it even though she is one sick little girl. And it was the WAY she was saying it that made me think she wasn’t kidding, like she knew something the rest of us didn’t…. and I couldn’t ignore it. She stopped singing and I asked her why she was singing. She said, “I thought it would make you happy.” Which was soooo sweet of her, since I was crying. This wasn’t a situation of she was picking up on my tension… because I didn’t start the day like this… I was really going off of her feelings at this point. I went to the room and they said they were on the way to get her to take her down to surgery. We quickly got the paperwork signed and we were ready to be on our way. I already had this NOT good feeling because of what Christal had said about dying. We get to the elevator, and as we’re standing there waiting… the transport person, the nurse, Christal and I… Christal grabs my hand and pulls me towards her to lean down. She says, “I just want to thank you for being the best Mommy ever;” Now she didn’t just say this once or twice… she said it several times… “Remember Mommy… you’re the best Mommy a girl could ever have,” “I love you Mommy, and I wouldn’t want any other Mommy ever.” I couldn’t help but think that she maybe did know that she was going to die and was saying good-bye or something.
Long story short... she came through surgery okay and is now home. (The surgery, however, was not a cure, but rather a fix for a shunt) And here I am all worried about MY problems and feeling terribly hopeless??!! That journal helped me to feel that - at the very least - my problems are not all that terrible. I mean, sure... the ALF is going to be very expensive... sure we have lots going on and a tremendous amount of financial stress right now... but my Lord... if this friend of mine can come through her problems with true faith in God, certainly I can as well.
Let's move on to the 'update' part of my blog... maybe that will make me feel better.
Julie keeps calling wanting to set up another unsupervised visit with the kids. I just CAN'T do that right now. And frankly, on my 'worry level' this is so far away from anything I want to worry about, I don't want to think about it. I let Julie in on some of the things going on with us right now so that she knew when I said "I'm too stressed to think about it right now", she knows why. She said she understood after I told her some of the stuff we're dealing with. So that's good.
Dottie (the Guardian Ad Litem) called at work yesterday. She could tell by my tone of voice that something wasn't right, and she openly asked if she had somehow offended me. What she didn't know is that I had been crying at my desk for at least 30 min before she called, and when the phone rings, I 'turn it off' and sound chipper. When I realized it was a 'friend' I kind of let down my 'happiness' on the phone and she could sense something was wrong. I just told her I'd been having a horrilbe day. We talked a little more and I began to sob on the phone, so she let me go. She is coming over tonight to visit with the kids.
I found another instant message from Kayla to this guy - Maurice. It's so sad because she is throwing herself AT this guy. His side of the conversation was pretty much like this: "I'm going to be a senior in high school, I want a football scholarship so I have to focus on things after school, and I don't have time for a real 'girlfriend'. If you want to 'hook up' (teen slang for sex) we can do that, but I can't put any more into it". Kayla's side of the conversation: "Please... I'll do anything. I want you to call me your girlfriend. I want to be your only one. I'll hook up, and I'll do anything. I love you. Why don't you ever say you love me too? I'll do anything - please!" Yeah.... she's throwing herself at him, don't you think? It's sickening.... And here's the really sad part... My wish for her is that she could meet a guy... they were FRIENDS... good friends - common interests, they like a lot of the same people and things in life... then they date - and they either fall in love or they realize they had sparks but no fire and break up. And I know that it continues to break her heart... she often writes poems about it.... how she can't meet a great guy or anything like that. Well, I believe that her dating style is a learned behavior from her mom. I fully believe that. And... who knows... she may be too old to change it now. She may be one of those people who always falls for the wrong guy. The girl who goes 'out' with a lot of guys but is never really happy.
Yep... Julie just instant messenged me and asked (again) about seeing the kids next. UGG
Kayte told me last night that she thinks seeing the therapist is a big fat waste of time because the lady was making judgments about her and didn't really know her or understand her. I told her that she needed to give it more time.
Justin had a project due today for Language Arts. It was supposed to be a poster about "My 8th Grade Memories". He tells us about this at about 9pm last night. He needs a poster board and ideas. ARE YOU KIDDING?? I tell him that I am not running to the store and that he'll need to make due with things we have there at the house. We had big size board (about 12" x 14" each poster board material) in loud colors, and if you tape 4 of them together, it made a nice size board. I told him he'd need to do this as I was not going out this late. Come to find out later that this project was supposed to be a group project (he and 3 or 4 other guys). So... not only is this HIS grade, but it's also the grade for these other guys. (Who cares about them really though because they didn't want to do any of the work, they wanted Justin to do all of it). So he throws something together (literally) the best he can. Oh, I should mention there is no computer paper for this because the girls have gone through a ream (500 sheets) of paper in the past month or so. Printing CRAP! So - Justin is really having to improvise here. He works on it for an hour and a half last night and an hour or so this morning before school. He heads out the door today, and Chris asks to see the project. There is is... his big project for Language Arts (modern day English class) big letters at the top "My 8th Grade Memorys" . Yepper... he misspelled Memories - in the title - on his English class project. Perfect start to our day, eh?
I won't throw a pity-party and fill you in on all the details of the how and why things are so incredibly financially stressful for us now. But I will ask you all to pray for us. And pray for FAITH. You know, I missed Church this week... mostly because I have been so sad (not going to say depressed) and I just wanted to sleep in on Sunday morning. Yesterday I had the thought creep into my head "maybe God is punishing me for not going to Church"... but I know God isn't like that. I know that thinking that way is just us trying to blame God. Not going to do that. Any church members who may be reading this... please keep us in your thoughts and prayers. We love you and just feel incredibly overwhelmed right now.
One last thing... I began subscribing to something that will send positive quotes and such to you daily. I used to do this a long time ago... and it was odd how many times the 'right' message came to you at the 'right' time. Here was mine for today -- the day after my all-day-crying-session yesterday:
"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your oldnonsense." --Ralph Waldo Emerson
Friday, May 19, 2006
End-Of-The-Week Update
Where to start....
Julie came over for a visit on Wednesday, unsupervised. I needed to get a dress she had at home for Kayla's 8th grade dance on Friday night and Julie would bring it over, but wanted to make a visit out of it. So... we did. It was okay - Julie didn't do anything bad or anything like that. There was one thing that happened that made me thing Julie was clueless, but the rest of the visit was good. The one little thing was this... We were watching a taped show of Dr. Phil, in which this kid was in jail for doing drugs. He shared with everyone how to pass a urine drug test even if you were doing drugs. With this, Justin walked by. He said "you know mom, I used to have to pee in a cup all the time for Ryan and his cousins and his brother" (or some family members like that). Julie said "What? Well, you know Justin, when you get home you better not do that again!" I remember thinking of the horrible position Justin must have been in... mom takes in these really BAD guys to live with her. The ones that don't 'live' there still come over all the time to 'hang-out'. Justin, a kid, is asked to pee in a cup. What is Justin supposed to think? Mom is upstairs either doped up on prescriptions or high... mom has allowed these people to come into their home.... and Justin is doing what he's told by the Adult role-models in his home. He was NOT to blame in this... Julie was. So I mention something to Julie about the "Ryans" that used to live with her and ask something about them not hanging out any more. She mentions to me that they live in the neighborhood, so they will still be a part of their lives. This makes me want to vomit just thinking about it. I really wish Julie would just totally move and start over again. Sigh.....
So last night - I have to tell you what happened last night! Katie has 5 extra tickets to the Devil Ray's baseball game (playing the White Sox, current world champions). So... Chris and ALL FOUR kids go to the game. Chris is saying "are you sure you don't want to go??" -- and I was like "nope, I'm fine, ya'll have fun!" So I stayed home, ate mac and cheese and watched Law and Order. Life is good! LOL The kids had a great time, and I'd really like to thank Katie for taking everyone to the game. You're the BEST sister ever!
Today Jonathan is singing at his school. His Drama teacher gave him a project to do, and he chose to do it on "The Lion King". He did a poster board on the Lion King and his little Quartet (Growing Pains) is going to sing for his report (this is their final exam for the 9 weeks). His quartet sings "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" - and it fit! The bestest thing is that the other 3 parents are really working to help him - the moms had to take off work to pick up their sons from other schools and bring them to Jono's school to sing. WOW. I am taking off work today at 2:45 to go and see this, it should be great - I'll let you know how it goes!
"People are unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered.
Love them anyway.
If you do good, people may accuse you of selfish motives.
Do good anyway.
If you are successful, you may win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.
The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.
Honesty and transparency make you vulnerable.
Be honest and transparent anyway.
What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.
People who really want help may attack you if you help them.
Help them anyway.
Give the world the best you have and you may get hurt.
Give the world your best anyway."
--Mother Teresa
Julie came over for a visit on Wednesday, unsupervised. I needed to get a dress she had at home for Kayla's 8th grade dance on Friday night and Julie would bring it over, but wanted to make a visit out of it. So... we did. It was okay - Julie didn't do anything bad or anything like that. There was one thing that happened that made me thing Julie was clueless, but the rest of the visit was good. The one little thing was this... We were watching a taped show of Dr. Phil, in which this kid was in jail for doing drugs. He shared with everyone how to pass a urine drug test even if you were doing drugs. With this, Justin walked by. He said "you know mom, I used to have to pee in a cup all the time for Ryan and his cousins and his brother" (or some family members like that). Julie said "What? Well, you know Justin, when you get home you better not do that again!" I remember thinking of the horrible position Justin must have been in... mom takes in these really BAD guys to live with her. The ones that don't 'live' there still come over all the time to 'hang-out'. Justin, a kid, is asked to pee in a cup. What is Justin supposed to think? Mom is upstairs either doped up on prescriptions or high... mom has allowed these people to come into their home.... and Justin is doing what he's told by the Adult role-models in his home. He was NOT to blame in this... Julie was. So I mention something to Julie about the "Ryans" that used to live with her and ask something about them not hanging out any more. She mentions to me that they live in the neighborhood, so they will still be a part of their lives. This makes me want to vomit just thinking about it. I really wish Julie would just totally move and start over again. Sigh.....
So last night - I have to tell you what happened last night! Katie has 5 extra tickets to the Devil Ray's baseball game (playing the White Sox, current world champions). So... Chris and ALL FOUR kids go to the game. Chris is saying "are you sure you don't want to go??" -- and I was like "nope, I'm fine, ya'll have fun!" So I stayed home, ate mac and cheese and watched Law and Order. Life is good! LOL The kids had a great time, and I'd really like to thank Katie for taking everyone to the game. You're the BEST sister ever!
Today Jonathan is singing at his school. His Drama teacher gave him a project to do, and he chose to do it on "The Lion King". He did a poster board on the Lion King and his little Quartet (Growing Pains) is going to sing for his report (this is their final exam for the 9 weeks). His quartet sings "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" - and it fit! The bestest thing is that the other 3 parents are really working to help him - the moms had to take off work to pick up their sons from other schools and bring them to Jono's school to sing. WOW. I am taking off work today at 2:45 to go and see this, it should be great - I'll let you know how it goes!
"People are unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered.
Love them anyway.
If you do good, people may accuse you of selfish motives.
Do good anyway.
If you are successful, you may win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.
The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.
Honesty and transparency make you vulnerable.
Be honest and transparent anyway.
What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.
People who really want help may attack you if you help them.
Help them anyway.
Give the world the best you have and you may get hurt.
Give the world your best anyway."
--Mother Teresa
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
Great News and new "Top 5"
We received some GREAT news today. All four kids were accepted to the Florida Sheriff's Youth Ranch Summer Camp! Woo hoooooo! This means they will be away at camp from 6/25 until 6/30. I'm so excited, and I'll bet the kids are going to be as well. Hmmm... what will Chris and I do for 6 days while we are in the house alone??!!!! **giggles**
As I blogged/explained before, I've been mulling over putting out a new "Top 5" list. Again... this is not a 'we are so poor, we need so much help' list... this is for the people who have ever read the blogs and thought... "what on earth can I do to help". Some have told me that they felt a calling to 'do something' but they didn't know what on earth they could do to help. So... here it comes...
TOP 5 LIST
1. Food. Yes I know I say it all the time, but these kids eat a TON. They once went through an entire loaf of bread in 6 hours. This food can be pantry food, but even better is quick meals, meats, frozen pizzas, chicken, jars of pasta sauce, etc.
2. Gift certificates to McDonalds and/or any kind of pizza delivery place. As I said before, we are no longer doing delivery/carry out as it's just too expensive for us. But if you wanted to buy the Rhocchini's a dinner at McDonalds or Pizza Hut one night as a treat, that would be awesome.
3. Eye exam/contacts for Jonathan. He had his physical for camp in which we found out he's nearly blind as a bat. I need to take him to Walmart to get his vision checked and get him into some contacts, but I simply can't do that right now. If you have a hook-up at Walmart (cheapest place I've found so far) - that would be a great help.
4. Towels. Yes, summer is upon us and the kids are using all of the family towels out by the pool. It'll only get worse when school ends and friends start coming over as well. Of course I don't mean brand new towels, but used is perfect.
5. Prayer. This one thing is the most powerful and most rewarding thing you could do. It is only by the power or prayer and by the grace of God that we are able to do any of the things we need to do to care for these kids.
Lord, I thank you for all that you have done for me in my life, and I ask that you would keep me true to You in all that I do. Please Lord provide us prosperity - financial prosperity for the finances and 'things' that are needed to care for these children as well as spiritual prosperity so that we may always remember that it is not at all about us, but rather that it is all for You and in Your glory. I pray for faith and strength as Satan puts hurdles in front of us, for I know that when we face these trials we are growing in faith. Lord I ask that you come into the heart of any person reading this and show Your love and Your plan. I ask you to bless each person who helps us in any way. I know I am not worthy; but, I willingly accept You as my Lord and my Savior, and I thank You for Your blessings over my family and me. Amen.
As I blogged/explained before, I've been mulling over putting out a new "Top 5" list. Again... this is not a 'we are so poor, we need so much help' list... this is for the people who have ever read the blogs and thought... "what on earth can I do to help". Some have told me that they felt a calling to 'do something' but they didn't know what on earth they could do to help. So... here it comes...
TOP 5 LIST
1. Food. Yes I know I say it all the time, but these kids eat a TON. They once went through an entire loaf of bread in 6 hours. This food can be pantry food, but even better is quick meals, meats, frozen pizzas, chicken, jars of pasta sauce, etc.
2. Gift certificates to McDonalds and/or any kind of pizza delivery place. As I said before, we are no longer doing delivery/carry out as it's just too expensive for us. But if you wanted to buy the Rhocchini's a dinner at McDonalds or Pizza Hut one night as a treat, that would be awesome.
3. Eye exam/contacts for Jonathan. He had his physical for camp in which we found out he's nearly blind as a bat. I need to take him to Walmart to get his vision checked and get him into some contacts, but I simply can't do that right now. If you have a hook-up at Walmart (cheapest place I've found so far) - that would be a great help.
4. Towels. Yes, summer is upon us and the kids are using all of the family towels out by the pool. It'll only get worse when school ends and friends start coming over as well. Of course I don't mean brand new towels, but used is perfect.
5. Prayer. This one thing is the most powerful and most rewarding thing you could do. It is only by the power or prayer and by the grace of God that we are able to do any of the things we need to do to care for these kids.
Lord, I thank you for all that you have done for me in my life, and I ask that you would keep me true to You in all that I do. Please Lord provide us prosperity - financial prosperity for the finances and 'things' that are needed to care for these children as well as spiritual prosperity so that we may always remember that it is not at all about us, but rather that it is all for You and in Your glory. I pray for faith and strength as Satan puts hurdles in front of us, for I know that when we face these trials we are growing in faith. Lord I ask that you come into the heart of any person reading this and show Your love and Your plan. I ask you to bless each person who helps us in any way. I know I am not worthy; but, I willingly accept You as my Lord and my Savior, and I thank You for Your blessings over my family and me. Amen.
Monday, May 15, 2006
Happy Mother's Day
It was a good weekend! Sunday Chris did all the laundry for me so that I didn't have to worry about doing that this weekend, the kids did their chores, and I was able to float around the pool for pretty much the entire day. For dinner, Chris, Amanda, Jono and I all went to dinner. I couldn't have possibly asked for a better day than I had on Sunday.
The rest of the weekend also went pretty well. We did lose the girls for a couple of hours. They had a friend come over to the house to sleep over on Friday night and they were going to 'meet her half-way' between her house and ours. Two hours later, they weren't home, so Chris and I went to find them. Of course, we didn't find them and they ended up back at the house before we did. They ended up meeting her AT her house, and the girl didn't have a phone at home (they use only cell phones and her mom wasn't home with her cell phone). They stayed at her house to help her clean up her bedroom, then came back home. We explained to them that they needed to call us when something like this happened, and that - if it was impossible to ever call and check in from this girl's house - then they simply couldn't go there any more. But everything was okay, we were just scared for a bit.
Because Chris has now lost his unemployment, we're having to really tighten the belt around home. We told the kids that they were no longer getting allowances, and they were pretty much okay with that. We also told them we were not going out or ordering in for dinner any more. This actually surprised me at how much it cost for all of us to eat out (or order in) a couple times a week. Pizza alone for two adults and 4 teens is a minimum of $50. Chris and I used to go out for dinner every week after Choir rehearsal on Thursdays (our 'date night'). But - we were averaging - are you ready for this? - $600 a month on average in food cost outside of Walmart/Publix/Kash n Karry/etc. Average! Ordering pizza was always good on nights when we have choir rehearsal or nights when I get home and am too tired to cook and the nights when we all go to see Doug and we stop and eat at McDonalds on the way was always good... but to save $600 a month I'd say make sandwiches or heat up leftovers!! Holy cajolie!!!!!
Doug is settled into his new home at Central Tampa Assisted Living. I haven't been to see him there yet, but I hope to get out there tonight. The problem is simply this.... get home at 5:30 or so... find something for dinner.... defrost.... help kids with homework.... begin to cook.... finish homework with kids.... clear homework table so we can eat on it.... kids set table.... eat dinner... clear table.... and by now it's 8:30 or so at night. Then it's kinda too late to go out and see Doug. Sigh... this is why it was easier to grab McDonalds on nights we went out there. But, we'll have to find a way to make it work.
Well... what's the latest and greatest with Julie? Oh - you'll love this. Friday afternoon I get a call from Julie. She's starving and has no food and no money. She tells me that she talked to Karen and that any food she'd get from Salvation Army or some food bank wouldn't really be enough for her (she is about 300 lbs) - so Karen was going to lie for her and tell them that she was feeding not only herself but also the 3 kids. I immediately called Karen and voiced my concern. First concern being that Julie was so quick and willing to pick up the phone and say "Karen is lying for me to be able to get more food". Second concern being that Julie needs to be able to do things on her own. Frankly, Julie does make enough money to survive. She makes roughly 30k alone (without the kids) tax free money, and has military benefits and insurance all paid for. Not too shabby I think. Anyways, the short version of the story is that Karen did not lie for her.
At church this week Pastor Matthew talked about stress - and how to manage it (or rather, not managing it yourself, but giving it to God instead). It's really odd how his sermons typically tie to what's going on in our lives. I am so incredibly stressed right now it's not even funny. Pastor Matthew emailed me back to tell me that "We never totally eliminate fear from our lives. We simply learn to face our fears with faith – an understanding that God is bigger than our problems.". It's really kind of funny... I'm so afraid right now of so many things that I really can't even put my finger on. Can't put my finger on because it starts off as one or two fears, then it engulfs your life to where you don't feel anything other than worry every day and every night. And I know that I have two choices to make... I can 1) let this fear continue to petrify me and feel 'like this' day in and day out - or - 2) I can give it to the Lord... allow Him to take my stress and my fears... and simply live day to day 'doing the right thing' and listening to what He wants me to do. Now... writing that it seems like it's such a very simple choice... but I lived petrified with fear and stress for many many years. In a way.... it seems like you are 'dealing with it' more when you live that way. Giving it to God seems as if you are simply choosing not to deal with it, which seems rather naive. I mean, I either have the money to pay bills or I don't. I either get out to see Doug regularly or I don't. I either do things and say things that have a positive impact on the kids daily or I don't. When you worry about things... like paying bills for example... it seems as if you need a VERB in there somewhere. If I WORRY about it, and it's still not paid, then I at least feel better when the collection letter comes knowing that I haven't been able to sleep in weeks because of the worry. I wonder what would happen if the collection letter came and I had slept fine for weeks... and I felt fine inside knowing that I had given this worry over to God. I suppose.... nothing physically changed - it's either paid or it's not. It's just how I feel mentally about it. And if I had to choose, of COURSE I should choose the non-worry way. Hmmmm... see how blogging helps? I feel better already!!!
I have to sit down and do another "Top 5" list... but I'm kind of hesitant to do so. It really helps people who want to do something to help our situation out in some way - big or small. However, the down side is that some people take it as a 'cry for help' and it becomes everyone's business what we do. It feels like God tells me to put it out there and what will happen is just part of 'the plan'. But it's an awful feeling being judged... I was even hesitant to put in my blog what I realized we were spending in outside food a month. But you know what I've learned?? 1) Feeding four growing teenagers is surreal. 2) Everything may not happen the way you want, but always the way God planned. 3) It doesn't matter what other people think, but it matters a great deal what God thinks.
I pray that God will come into my heart and take away my stress and worry. I pray that God will guide me with each decision I make every day, big or small. I pray that God will bless each and every person who thinks about us, prays for us, and comforts us. I pray that the Father will provide protection, provision and guidance for me and everyone who knows us. Amen.
The rest of the weekend also went pretty well. We did lose the girls for a couple of hours. They had a friend come over to the house to sleep over on Friday night and they were going to 'meet her half-way' between her house and ours. Two hours later, they weren't home, so Chris and I went to find them. Of course, we didn't find them and they ended up back at the house before we did. They ended up meeting her AT her house, and the girl didn't have a phone at home (they use only cell phones and her mom wasn't home with her cell phone). They stayed at her house to help her clean up her bedroom, then came back home. We explained to them that they needed to call us when something like this happened, and that - if it was impossible to ever call and check in from this girl's house - then they simply couldn't go there any more. But everything was okay, we were just scared for a bit.
Because Chris has now lost his unemployment, we're having to really tighten the belt around home. We told the kids that they were no longer getting allowances, and they were pretty much okay with that. We also told them we were not going out or ordering in for dinner any more. This actually surprised me at how much it cost for all of us to eat out (or order in) a couple times a week. Pizza alone for two adults and 4 teens is a minimum of $50. Chris and I used to go out for dinner every week after Choir rehearsal on Thursdays (our 'date night'). But - we were averaging - are you ready for this? - $600 a month on average in food cost outside of Walmart/Publix/Kash n Karry/etc. Average! Ordering pizza was always good on nights when we have choir rehearsal or nights when I get home and am too tired to cook and the nights when we all go to see Doug and we stop and eat at McDonalds on the way was always good... but to save $600 a month I'd say make sandwiches or heat up leftovers!! Holy cajolie!!!!!
Doug is settled into his new home at Central Tampa Assisted Living. I haven't been to see him there yet, but I hope to get out there tonight. The problem is simply this.... get home at 5:30 or so... find something for dinner.... defrost.... help kids with homework.... begin to cook.... finish homework with kids.... clear homework table so we can eat on it.... kids set table.... eat dinner... clear table.... and by now it's 8:30 or so at night. Then it's kinda too late to go out and see Doug. Sigh... this is why it was easier to grab McDonalds on nights we went out there. But, we'll have to find a way to make it work.
Well... what's the latest and greatest with Julie? Oh - you'll love this. Friday afternoon I get a call from Julie. She's starving and has no food and no money. She tells me that she talked to Karen and that any food she'd get from Salvation Army or some food bank wouldn't really be enough for her (she is about 300 lbs) - so Karen was going to lie for her and tell them that she was feeding not only herself but also the 3 kids. I immediately called Karen and voiced my concern. First concern being that Julie was so quick and willing to pick up the phone and say "Karen is lying for me to be able to get more food". Second concern being that Julie needs to be able to do things on her own. Frankly, Julie does make enough money to survive. She makes roughly 30k alone (without the kids) tax free money, and has military benefits and insurance all paid for. Not too shabby I think. Anyways, the short version of the story is that Karen did not lie for her.
At church this week Pastor Matthew talked about stress - and how to manage it (or rather, not managing it yourself, but giving it to God instead). It's really odd how his sermons typically tie to what's going on in our lives. I am so incredibly stressed right now it's not even funny. Pastor Matthew emailed me back to tell me that "We never totally eliminate fear from our lives. We simply learn to face our fears with faith – an understanding that God is bigger than our problems.". It's really kind of funny... I'm so afraid right now of so many things that I really can't even put my finger on. Can't put my finger on because it starts off as one or two fears, then it engulfs your life to where you don't feel anything other than worry every day and every night. And I know that I have two choices to make... I can 1) let this fear continue to petrify me and feel 'like this' day in and day out - or - 2) I can give it to the Lord... allow Him to take my stress and my fears... and simply live day to day 'doing the right thing' and listening to what He wants me to do. Now... writing that it seems like it's such a very simple choice... but I lived petrified with fear and stress for many many years. In a way.... it seems like you are 'dealing with it' more when you live that way. Giving it to God seems as if you are simply choosing not to deal with it, which seems rather naive. I mean, I either have the money to pay bills or I don't. I either get out to see Doug regularly or I don't. I either do things and say things that have a positive impact on the kids daily or I don't. When you worry about things... like paying bills for example... it seems as if you need a VERB in there somewhere. If I WORRY about it, and it's still not paid, then I at least feel better when the collection letter comes knowing that I haven't been able to sleep in weeks because of the worry. I wonder what would happen if the collection letter came and I had slept fine for weeks... and I felt fine inside knowing that I had given this worry over to God. I suppose.... nothing physically changed - it's either paid or it's not. It's just how I feel mentally about it. And if I had to choose, of COURSE I should choose the non-worry way. Hmmmm... see how blogging helps? I feel better already!!!
I have to sit down and do another "Top 5" list... but I'm kind of hesitant to do so. It really helps people who want to do something to help our situation out in some way - big or small. However, the down side is that some people take it as a 'cry for help' and it becomes everyone's business what we do. It feels like God tells me to put it out there and what will happen is just part of 'the plan'. But it's an awful feeling being judged... I was even hesitant to put in my blog what I realized we were spending in outside food a month. But you know what I've learned?? 1) Feeding four growing teenagers is surreal. 2) Everything may not happen the way you want, but always the way God planned. 3) It doesn't matter what other people think, but it matters a great deal what God thinks.
I pray that God will come into my heart and take away my stress and worry. I pray that God will guide me with each decision I make every day, big or small. I pray that God will bless each and every person who thinks about us, prays for us, and comforts us. I pray that the Father will provide protection, provision and guidance for me and everyone who knows us. Amen.
Friday, May 12, 2006
Julie's Weekly Visit
Well, Julie came over for her weekly visit last night, with Karen supervising. The visit went okay - Julie acts much better with someone here watching her... she's just more.... guarded.
Couple things happened yesterday. In the morning, you should try to understand what our house is like with Chris and I getting ready for work and four teens getting ready for school. All of us have different schedules: Justin gets up at 7am and takes a shower. He finishes and wakes up Jonathan at 7:15. Jonathan finishes and wakes up Kayla who showers at 7:30, and Kayla finishes and wakes up Kayte at 7:45. Add to this myself who gets up at 7:30, and I wake up Chris about 7:40 when I leave for work. Chris gets up and gets ready for work and makes sure the kids are out the door by 8:30, then he goes to work. It's organized but nobody really sees eachother all at one time because everyone is on a different schedule. And... it works!
Well, yesterday Chris had a job interview scheduled at 9am. So, he's up and getting ready to leave - I'm already gone - and he yells something up to the kids about them getting out in time to catch the bus (as he had to leave early). He hears from Jonathan... he hears from Kayte... but nothing from Kayla and Justin. So... he says "I'm missing two 'yes sirs'" or something to that effect. Again, no response. So... Chris asks the question... where are Kayla and Justin? "McDonalds" the kids tell him. McDonalds???? WHAT??? How??? Why????
He calls and reschedules his interview. He hops in the car and drives to McDonalds. Apparently their plan was to go to McDonalds, and then to school (which is just down the road from McDonalds) The kids see him coming and drop their food... stunned that Uncle Chris has shown up at McDonalds. He tells them to get their asses in the car. Now... they rode bikes up there. What bikes?? One is ours - the other belongs to a neighbor. See... they borrowed the bike yesterday when they did the same ding-dang thing! WHAT??? Does this neighbor know that they brought the bike to school and didn't lock it up? Did the neighbor know they were going to have it for a couple days? (No, actually we found out the neighbor thought they were getting it back that afternoon). He brings the kids home and they catch the bus to school like they are supposed to do.
A few thins to point out here. First and foremost, they know they are not allowed to just leave and go where they want. We need to know where they are at all times. Second, they can't bring the bike(s) to school as neither have locks and could very easily be stolen. Third, they caused Chris to miss a job interview. UGG We talked to them about it, and they are pretty much used to sneaking out and doing what they want to do. They did it all the time with their mom at home. We explained - again - that it wasn't going to happen here! When I got home from work last night, there were apology notes written and taped all over our bedroom doors. When Julie came over last night, the only thing she could say was how much stuff SHE did when she was a kid... so she understood what they did and why. **Sigh**
Lots of people have expressed surprise that Justin snuck out with Kayla. Now... Kaya did tell him that she got permission from us, but this is not Justin's first time sneaking out. Last night all the stories came out! Justin previously snuck out at home to go and egg houses with friends. (They even egged their own home so that it didn't look like it was possible they did it) Lovely! They each told stories of sneaking out and having friends in the house when mom was passed out sleeping hard (probably from meds or dope).
I missed chorir rehearsal last night as we were hanging out with Julie at her visit all night. Bummer man... I'm just loving singing!!! God - I am so happy that I have decided to re-join Toast of Tampa!!! But singing at Church will keep me God-focused, no doubt. It's all for Him and all because of Him and I can't ever lose sight of that.
One last thing happened yesterday. I'm supposed to write some kind of a note to the courts about Julie's hearing next month for reunification. (She'll have one every 6 months until she gets her kids back) Here's what I sent:
Re: Julie
Case No: 508000
Court Date: 6/01/06
To Whom It May Concern:
I wanted to express my opinions to the court regarding Julie’s case plan and eventual reunification with her three children, Kayla, Justin and Kayte.
I am Julie’s oldest sister and have known her since birth, and I have known the children all of their lives as well. Julie has always suffered from mental health issues. Prior to Ron’s passing, Julie was still suffering from all of the same mental health problems as she does today, and had exhibited many of the same neglectful issues that she has lost custody of her children for (i.e.: prescription abuse, drug abuse, overdosing, suicidal attempts, sexual addictions, and self-mutilation). While her husband (Ron) was alive, the family unit was better equipped to deal with her actions and frequent hospitalizations. After Ron passed, the family began to spiral out of control and Julie had lost the one person who held the family together for years. I won’t comment on all of the things that Julie ‘did’ because it is all in her case file – but I can assure you that every accusation in her case file is true and correct.
I have attended a few therapist appointments with Julie, and I was shocked at what I learned while there. In a nutshell, Julie parents and acts as if she were 15 years old. She seems to have no morals, values or ethics. Julie believes that – if something was once done by someone, somewhere, at some time – that it is then okay for her to do the same thing. She has absolutely no problem with putting a large tattoo on her 12 year old daughter, and has already put a very large tattoo (Tigger flipping ‘the bird’ with her gang-name under it) on her 14 year old daughter. When originally told that she was not allowed to see the children, her very first words to me were… “When are they going to be in a public place so that I can go there and run into them and see them then?” Julie allowed a 19-year-old gang leader sleep, not only in her house, but in the same bed as her 14 year old daughter. (In her daughter’s words: “he cuddled with me every night and we only had sex a few times.”) There are dozens more examples I could give, but I will leave it at that.
I honestly do not know why the children were not taken from Julie sooner. I know, for a fact, that in the past Julie has told her psychiatrist and/or therapist that she heard voices that were telling her to hurt her children, but that she was able to not act upon those voices. (She was proud of the fact that she was able to ignore the voices) Every family member that I know of believes that Julie needs to stay in a long-term facility and get treatment. I believe, as do these other family members, that Julie’s mental problems long precede this recent event leading up to her children being taken away. I also feel that, while Julie may be working on issues that relate to her children being taken away, that the underlying issue of Julie’s poor mental health and a long-term mentally stable treatment plan are what Julie needs most. Being a mother myself, I completely understand Julie’s desire to have her children back in her home as soon as possible so that she is able to raise them for the few short years she has left of their childhood. However, as her sister, it is my desire for Julie is to take this opportunity to completely and thoroughly address her mental health issues and for Julie to be stable enough to be able to live long enough to see her Grandchildren. Finding a long-term treatment plan, I feel, is of the utmost importance at this time.
I also have great concern about Julie’s current psychiatrist and therapist being able to properly help Julie. They both have been treating Julie since 1991. Frankly, if they haven’t been able to get her on the right track in the past 15 years, what makes anyone think that they will be able to do something in a few months or even a year? Furthermore, I am extremely concerned about the fact that both doctors were aware of neglect and abuse and failed to report it to the proper authorities – and that these same physicians are the ones that are supposed to treat her enough to be able to report back to the court that she is capable now of raising her children. I believe that it would be in everyone’s best interest for Julie to see other physicians through this process. I have been told the only reason that Julie continues to see these doctors is because they do not charge her the co-payment they are required under contract with TriCare to charge her. To that end I will simply state that I currently have to pay co-payments for her three children to see each and every one of the physicians and therapist needed. A simple co-payment should not be the determining factor of Julie seeing ‘the right’ doctor for her care.
I have had the children in my home full-time since the first of January 2006. Since that time, Julie has had many setbacks. Although I know that she loves her children, she also breaks or bends rules to fit what “Julie” wants. It was her actions that caused me to have to stop phone calls and unmonitored visits. From 6-10 phone calls a day to wanting the kids to lie down in bed and cuddle with her while at a party, Julie continues to exhibit a complete lack of understanding of right and wrong. After one of the therapist visits, in which I confided how one of her children felt about a man whom Julie was having move into her home, Julie’s first phone call (while I was still at work) was to that child to ask why she said what she did to me. She then proceeded to question all three children until it got to the point where I was called by one of them in tears. This was completely unacceptable behavior in my opinion and phone calls were stopped. However, Julie – to this day – still lacks a basic understanding of how what she is saying to the children is going to affect them. She does things (from staying off drugs and having the gang members move out of her house, to what she can or can not say to the kids) simply because she is told to… not because she understands why. This is my concern with reunification. In my opinion, Julie not only needs to demonstrate that she can do things properly as she is told to do, but also that she has a clear understanding of why. Otherwise I fear that after reunification Julie will go back to doing what she has always done in the past and the children will be taken once again.
Julie also continues to lack a basic understanding of why her children were removed in the first place. Although she can tell you ‘why’ and it will be exactly what you want to her, she constantly complains about why other bad mothers (crack-heads, abusers, etc) still have their children and she does not. Julie simply does not see the severity of what she has done and/or is doing and how it affects her children. In addition, Julie is currently treating her case plan as if it were a simple checklist. For example, she is more concerned with finding a parenting class that she can attend for free than she is finding one that can teach her to better parent her children. In her eyes, as soon as she attends those parenting classes, she is ‘fixed’ in that area. She does not realize that she needs to learn from it and completely change the way she parents her children. I believe that is simply because she truly doesn’t understand that things she did and decisions she made were wrong. Again, this is a part of the underlying issue that needs to be addressed.
I love my sister very much, and I would like nothing better than for her to be with her children, safe and happy. However, I also have witnessed first hand the reasons why her children were first removed as well as the events that lead up to that. My simple wish is that Julie will get the long-term mental health care that she needs that will allow her to grow up and grow old a happy and productive member of society.
I thank you for all the effort that is being put into the well-being of the children. I am doing my best to make sure they are safe and well taken care of.
In harmony,
Tina
Guardian / Aunt for Kayla, Justin and Kayte
4718 Bullock Ct.
Tampa, FL 33624
Couple things happened yesterday. In the morning, you should try to understand what our house is like with Chris and I getting ready for work and four teens getting ready for school. All of us have different schedules: Justin gets up at 7am and takes a shower. He finishes and wakes up Jonathan at 7:15. Jonathan finishes and wakes up Kayla who showers at 7:30, and Kayla finishes and wakes up Kayte at 7:45. Add to this myself who gets up at 7:30, and I wake up Chris about 7:40 when I leave for work. Chris gets up and gets ready for work and makes sure the kids are out the door by 8:30, then he goes to work. It's organized but nobody really sees eachother all at one time because everyone is on a different schedule. And... it works!
Well, yesterday Chris had a job interview scheduled at 9am. So, he's up and getting ready to leave - I'm already gone - and he yells something up to the kids about them getting out in time to catch the bus (as he had to leave early). He hears from Jonathan... he hears from Kayte... but nothing from Kayla and Justin. So... he says "I'm missing two 'yes sirs'" or something to that effect. Again, no response. So... Chris asks the question... where are Kayla and Justin? "McDonalds" the kids tell him. McDonalds???? WHAT??? How??? Why????
He calls and reschedules his interview. He hops in the car and drives to McDonalds. Apparently their plan was to go to McDonalds, and then to school (which is just down the road from McDonalds) The kids see him coming and drop their food... stunned that Uncle Chris has shown up at McDonalds. He tells them to get their asses in the car. Now... they rode bikes up there. What bikes?? One is ours - the other belongs to a neighbor. See... they borrowed the bike yesterday when they did the same ding-dang thing! WHAT??? Does this neighbor know that they brought the bike to school and didn't lock it up? Did the neighbor know they were going to have it for a couple days? (No, actually we found out the neighbor thought they were getting it back that afternoon). He brings the kids home and they catch the bus to school like they are supposed to do.
A few thins to point out here. First and foremost, they know they are not allowed to just leave and go where they want. We need to know where they are at all times. Second, they can't bring the bike(s) to school as neither have locks and could very easily be stolen. Third, they caused Chris to miss a job interview. UGG We talked to them about it, and they are pretty much used to sneaking out and doing what they want to do. They did it all the time with their mom at home. We explained - again - that it wasn't going to happen here! When I got home from work last night, there were apology notes written and taped all over our bedroom doors. When Julie came over last night, the only thing she could say was how much stuff SHE did when she was a kid... so she understood what they did and why. **Sigh**
Lots of people have expressed surprise that Justin snuck out with Kayla. Now... Kaya did tell him that she got permission from us, but this is not Justin's first time sneaking out. Last night all the stories came out! Justin previously snuck out at home to go and egg houses with friends. (They even egged their own home so that it didn't look like it was possible they did it) Lovely! They each told stories of sneaking out and having friends in the house when mom was passed out sleeping hard (probably from meds or dope).
I missed chorir rehearsal last night as we were hanging out with Julie at her visit all night. Bummer man... I'm just loving singing!!! God - I am so happy that I have decided to re-join Toast of Tampa!!! But singing at Church will keep me God-focused, no doubt. It's all for Him and all because of Him and I can't ever lose sight of that.
One last thing happened yesterday. I'm supposed to write some kind of a note to the courts about Julie's hearing next month for reunification. (She'll have one every 6 months until she gets her kids back) Here's what I sent:
Re: Julie
Case No: 508000
Court Date: 6/01/06
To Whom It May Concern:
I wanted to express my opinions to the court regarding Julie’s case plan and eventual reunification with her three children, Kayla, Justin and Kayte.
I am Julie’s oldest sister and have known her since birth, and I have known the children all of their lives as well. Julie has always suffered from mental health issues. Prior to Ron’s passing, Julie was still suffering from all of the same mental health problems as she does today, and had exhibited many of the same neglectful issues that she has lost custody of her children for (i.e.: prescription abuse, drug abuse, overdosing, suicidal attempts, sexual addictions, and self-mutilation). While her husband (Ron) was alive, the family unit was better equipped to deal with her actions and frequent hospitalizations. After Ron passed, the family began to spiral out of control and Julie had lost the one person who held the family together for years. I won’t comment on all of the things that Julie ‘did’ because it is all in her case file – but I can assure you that every accusation in her case file is true and correct.
I have attended a few therapist appointments with Julie, and I was shocked at what I learned while there. In a nutshell, Julie parents and acts as if she were 15 years old. She seems to have no morals, values or ethics. Julie believes that – if something was once done by someone, somewhere, at some time – that it is then okay for her to do the same thing. She has absolutely no problem with putting a large tattoo on her 12 year old daughter, and has already put a very large tattoo (Tigger flipping ‘the bird’ with her gang-name under it) on her 14 year old daughter. When originally told that she was not allowed to see the children, her very first words to me were… “When are they going to be in a public place so that I can go there and run into them and see them then?” Julie allowed a 19-year-old gang leader sleep, not only in her house, but in the same bed as her 14 year old daughter. (In her daughter’s words: “he cuddled with me every night and we only had sex a few times.”) There are dozens more examples I could give, but I will leave it at that.
I honestly do not know why the children were not taken from Julie sooner. I know, for a fact, that in the past Julie has told her psychiatrist and/or therapist that she heard voices that were telling her to hurt her children, but that she was able to not act upon those voices. (She was proud of the fact that she was able to ignore the voices) Every family member that I know of believes that Julie needs to stay in a long-term facility and get treatment. I believe, as do these other family members, that Julie’s mental problems long precede this recent event leading up to her children being taken away. I also feel that, while Julie may be working on issues that relate to her children being taken away, that the underlying issue of Julie’s poor mental health and a long-term mentally stable treatment plan are what Julie needs most. Being a mother myself, I completely understand Julie’s desire to have her children back in her home as soon as possible so that she is able to raise them for the few short years she has left of their childhood. However, as her sister, it is my desire for Julie is to take this opportunity to completely and thoroughly address her mental health issues and for Julie to be stable enough to be able to live long enough to see her Grandchildren. Finding a long-term treatment plan, I feel, is of the utmost importance at this time.
I also have great concern about Julie’s current psychiatrist and therapist being able to properly help Julie. They both have been treating Julie since 1991. Frankly, if they haven’t been able to get her on the right track in the past 15 years, what makes anyone think that they will be able to do something in a few months or even a year? Furthermore, I am extremely concerned about the fact that both doctors were aware of neglect and abuse and failed to report it to the proper authorities – and that these same physicians are the ones that are supposed to treat her enough to be able to report back to the court that she is capable now of raising her children. I believe that it would be in everyone’s best interest for Julie to see other physicians through this process. I have been told the only reason that Julie continues to see these doctors is because they do not charge her the co-payment they are required under contract with TriCare to charge her. To that end I will simply state that I currently have to pay co-payments for her three children to see each and every one of the physicians and therapist needed. A simple co-payment should not be the determining factor of Julie seeing ‘the right’ doctor for her care.
I have had the children in my home full-time since the first of January 2006. Since that time, Julie has had many setbacks. Although I know that she loves her children, she also breaks or bends rules to fit what “Julie” wants. It was her actions that caused me to have to stop phone calls and unmonitored visits. From 6-10 phone calls a day to wanting the kids to lie down in bed and cuddle with her while at a party, Julie continues to exhibit a complete lack of understanding of right and wrong. After one of the therapist visits, in which I confided how one of her children felt about a man whom Julie was having move into her home, Julie’s first phone call (while I was still at work) was to that child to ask why she said what she did to me. She then proceeded to question all three children until it got to the point where I was called by one of them in tears. This was completely unacceptable behavior in my opinion and phone calls were stopped. However, Julie – to this day – still lacks a basic understanding of how what she is saying to the children is going to affect them. She does things (from staying off drugs and having the gang members move out of her house, to what she can or can not say to the kids) simply because she is told to… not because she understands why. This is my concern with reunification. In my opinion, Julie not only needs to demonstrate that she can do things properly as she is told to do, but also that she has a clear understanding of why. Otherwise I fear that after reunification Julie will go back to doing what she has always done in the past and the children will be taken once again.
Julie also continues to lack a basic understanding of why her children were removed in the first place. Although she can tell you ‘why’ and it will be exactly what you want to her, she constantly complains about why other bad mothers (crack-heads, abusers, etc) still have their children and she does not. Julie simply does not see the severity of what she has done and/or is doing and how it affects her children. In addition, Julie is currently treating her case plan as if it were a simple checklist. For example, she is more concerned with finding a parenting class that she can attend for free than she is finding one that can teach her to better parent her children. In her eyes, as soon as she attends those parenting classes, she is ‘fixed’ in that area. She does not realize that she needs to learn from it and completely change the way she parents her children. I believe that is simply because she truly doesn’t understand that things she did and decisions she made were wrong. Again, this is a part of the underlying issue that needs to be addressed.
I love my sister very much, and I would like nothing better than for her to be with her children, safe and happy. However, I also have witnessed first hand the reasons why her children were first removed as well as the events that lead up to that. My simple wish is that Julie will get the long-term mental health care that she needs that will allow her to grow up and grow old a happy and productive member of society.
I thank you for all the effort that is being put into the well-being of the children. I am doing my best to make sure they are safe and well taken care of.
In harmony,
Tina
Guardian / Aunt for Kayla, Justin and Kayte
4718 Bullock Ct.
Tampa, FL 33624
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
Time for Tina...
Well, I did it... I went to chorus last night. I prayed about it, and felt like I just needed to go. I asked God to show me some sign or something telling me that this is something I should be doing... that it's part of His plan. Now, it would have been nice if a lightening bolt had come from the sky and landed in front of me with a note saying "this is what I want you to do"... but that's not going to happen, obviously. But I went to chorus and I do believe God gave me a sign. Everyone else who joins the chours auditions to the song Charleston... which I learned already. So... my audition song is "Goodbye World, Goodbye". Now, Toast of Tampa does not generally sing religious songs. But this just so happens to be my audition song. Lyrics include: "I walk and I talk with my Lord, and I feast every day on His word. I won't have the blues anymore, not when I step across to that shore. I'll never pine for I leave behind my heartaches and tears forever more." I remember thinking... uh... God... is this your sign?? Too funny. So... I'm going to try it and we'll see what happens. Right now, I am planning on just going on Tuesday nights.
Of course, as usual, there are ups and downs - Chris and I are going through things right now and I'm scared to death to sign up for something new. Do you think it's possible to have faith and yet to still be terribly afraid? I don't know, I always assumed that someone with faith was fearless. But if that's true... does that mean that I really don't have faith? No - I know I have faith. God is so very good to me - He has come into my life in such a way that you look back and just know He was at work - His fingerprints all over the story of my life since November of last year. Hmmm... just thought about something and I thought I'd go back and check my email logs. Yes... November of 05 is when I first asked Pastor Matthew to pray for us. November 16th to be exact. Since that time, God showed up in a HUGE way. I'm sitting here shaking my head... reading that first email, how terribly lost and afraid I was.... and I'm thinking... He came into my life when I asked for it. How good is God?? He's GREAT! So, of course I had to just email Pastor Matthew again and ask him to keep us in his prayers once again. Heck, it worked so well last time (he must have a hotline directly to God, I'm sure of it) - I'd be a fool not to ask for prayer!
Have you identified God's fingerprints in your life? It may be that you just don't see them... but I'm sure they are there. Take a few minutes and think about it... what has God done in your life lately? Maybe some things you've chalked up to 'good luck' were actually God at work. Have you thanked Him? From experience I can tell you that - once you've seen His work, and acknowledged that it is indeed His work - it's exciting when you see the next one happening.
Of course, as usual, there are ups and downs - Chris and I are going through things right now and I'm scared to death to sign up for something new. Do you think it's possible to have faith and yet to still be terribly afraid? I don't know, I always assumed that someone with faith was fearless. But if that's true... does that mean that I really don't have faith? No - I know I have faith. God is so very good to me - He has come into my life in such a way that you look back and just know He was at work - His fingerprints all over the story of my life since November of last year. Hmmm... just thought about something and I thought I'd go back and check my email logs. Yes... November of 05 is when I first asked Pastor Matthew to pray for us. November 16th to be exact. Since that time, God showed up in a HUGE way. I'm sitting here shaking my head... reading that first email, how terribly lost and afraid I was.... and I'm thinking... He came into my life when I asked for it. How good is God?? He's GREAT! So, of course I had to just email Pastor Matthew again and ask him to keep us in his prayers once again. Heck, it worked so well last time (he must have a hotline directly to God, I'm sure of it) - I'd be a fool not to ask for prayer!
Have you identified God's fingerprints in your life? It may be that you just don't see them... but I'm sure they are there. Take a few minutes and think about it... what has God done in your life lately? Maybe some things you've chalked up to 'good luck' were actually God at work. Have you thanked Him? From experience I can tell you that - once you've seen His work, and acknowledged that it is indeed His work - it's exciting when you see the next one happening.
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
To Go or Not To Go... That is the question....
Chorus is tonight, and I still haven't decided if I'm going. There is so much going on right now I feel overwhelmed most of the time.
Had a long talk with all the kids last night around the homework table... talked to teachers and the principal yesterday, last night, and today. Guess I'll start there with this blog... the kids grades....
Jonathan is not doing well in class - he had one progress report be brought home yesterday with THIRTEEN zeros... 13! He's (obviously) failing that class. But the work he does do in class he has received high grades on... so I don't know what the deal is with him. We put him on lock-down restriction until he brings it up to at least a D. Meaning... comes home from school, does homework and any possible make-up work, goes to his room, comes down for dinner, then back to his room. Once he brings it up to a D, I'm okay with leaving him on restriction from computer and games, but he can come out of his room. Thirteen zeros.......... sigh............
Kayte is doing well in school, but I'm not sure how good she's going to do on her final exams. Between you, me and these walls only, I fear that she is copying work. Last night the teacher asked me to give them a question which they were working on in class , answer the question and bring it in the next day for class and get a grade - she had not one clue what the answer was (Jonathan, who is failing the same class knew the answers). This along with a couple other little things here and there... but she's getting good grades, so I'm leaving it alone for now. Oh and last night I did talk to the teacher who accused her of cheating. She says that Kayte always talks to this girl and it was obvious someone was cheating, she couldn't tell if it was Kayte or the other girl, so they both didn't get credit for the test. I told Kayte it was going to stay a zero and that if she didn't want to get accused of cheating any more, STOP talking in class. Still she feels very wronged.
Kayla seems to be doing well in class - she is always very organized, keeps up with what is due, stuff like that - but, she still has 4 D's. So I'm just keeping a close eye on her.
Justin... sigh.... I talked to his guidance counselor today. If he doesn't pass Science, no doubt he'll be held back. However, the guidance counselor also told me of a way to appeal things if Justin or Kayla (or both) don't pass - and she feels that we could easily have them promoted with a visit to the school board's appeal department. Yeah, another visit to some form of governmental folks - I'm really looking forward to that. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it.
Here's the funny thing.... I always thought the kids did pretty well in school. In particular Justin. Even Gwen was saying yesterday how well he used to do in school. Yet... this whole year for these kids has been awful - as I said, Justin has not passed ONE singe 9 weeks of his history class - F's each 9 weeks! So I asked Julie about it, and she tells me that - since Ron died - they are doing very bad in school. Now... I'm totally not surprised by this - I'm upset that she did nothing about it, but I'm not surprised. See, I'm the kind of person who falls on her sword when I feel that something is my fault - and knowing that the kids used to do better in school and now they are not -- well, I'm just taking it a little too much to heart. The ball was in motion long before I got the kids. And for Jonathan, well... ya'll don't know how much things have changed for him. He's been so good, but I know all of this is a major adjustment for him.
So that's the deal with the kids.
The other stuff going on is that Doug is being discharged tomorrow. He'll be going to the Central Tampa facility - but all of his paperwork hasn't yet gone through. Meaning he's not yet been approved for medicaid, meaning there is still a chance that we could be responsible for footing this bill. Ugg.... Chris has to drive over there tomorrow and pick him up and take him to the new place. Oh, and we need to get him a wheelchair pronto. (home health is working on that). Just lots of stuff going on and I'll feel so much better once he is situated someplace where he is happy and safe.
And lastly, Chris's unemployment stopped this week, and that has been a nice help. He's been the one home in the mornings to make sure they get off to school on time and in the afternoons helping with homework... which he could do because of unemployment. Of course there are other things going on in our lives that I don't blog about here... Just trust me when I tell you - overwhelmed is the best word to describe it.
Add to that my strong desire to sing in a chorus that is going to -- gosh, should I just come out and say it how I mean it?? I think I should -- a chorus that is going to suck a lot of my money and a lot of my free time. However, in return, I get out of it a tremendous amount of joy and 'Tina Time' - time just for me being fulfilled. And that... my friend... feels really selfish. So... to go or not to go, that is the question.
You know what I need here? I need a little prayer and a little faith. Who's driving this car anyways? God is.... He knows what he is doing! But at the same time, I want to make sure that he is truly driving and that I'm not turning the wheel then letting go - I want to make sure I'm doing the things God wants me to do.
Speaking of... that's another scary thing for me. I went to chorus last week and testified a lot about God's impact in my life. There are a few scary things about that - first and foremost, I don't want to fall into my old ways... living for me... living for the moment... oblivious to God's work around me. Second, there are 130 of my closest friends up on those risers (my heart just lept with joy when I typed that)... what if some of them think I'm just a windbag, not really a changed person? I mean, I don't really care what others thing, but, I don't want God to get the short end of the stick there. I feel my heart telling me to just speak His word, and all else will fall into place. Do you think that's just my mind talking... or God talking to me. Hmmmmm
I will pray about it after work and see where God leads me............
Had a long talk with all the kids last night around the homework table... talked to teachers and the principal yesterday, last night, and today. Guess I'll start there with this blog... the kids grades....
Jonathan is not doing well in class - he had one progress report be brought home yesterday with THIRTEEN zeros... 13! He's (obviously) failing that class. But the work he does do in class he has received high grades on... so I don't know what the deal is with him. We put him on lock-down restriction until he brings it up to at least a D. Meaning... comes home from school, does homework and any possible make-up work, goes to his room, comes down for dinner, then back to his room. Once he brings it up to a D, I'm okay with leaving him on restriction from computer and games, but he can come out of his room. Thirteen zeros.......... sigh............
Kayte is doing well in school, but I'm not sure how good she's going to do on her final exams. Between you, me and these walls only, I fear that she is copying work. Last night the teacher asked me to give them a question which they were working on in class , answer the question and bring it in the next day for class and get a grade - she had not one clue what the answer was (Jonathan, who is failing the same class knew the answers). This along with a couple other little things here and there... but she's getting good grades, so I'm leaving it alone for now. Oh and last night I did talk to the teacher who accused her of cheating. She says that Kayte always talks to this girl and it was obvious someone was cheating, she couldn't tell if it was Kayte or the other girl, so they both didn't get credit for the test. I told Kayte it was going to stay a zero and that if she didn't want to get accused of cheating any more, STOP talking in class. Still she feels very wronged.
Kayla seems to be doing well in class - she is always very organized, keeps up with what is due, stuff like that - but, she still has 4 D's. So I'm just keeping a close eye on her.
Justin... sigh.... I talked to his guidance counselor today. If he doesn't pass Science, no doubt he'll be held back. However, the guidance counselor also told me of a way to appeal things if Justin or Kayla (or both) don't pass - and she feels that we could easily have them promoted with a visit to the school board's appeal department. Yeah, another visit to some form of governmental folks - I'm really looking forward to that. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it.
Here's the funny thing.... I always thought the kids did pretty well in school. In particular Justin. Even Gwen was saying yesterday how well he used to do in school. Yet... this whole year for these kids has been awful - as I said, Justin has not passed ONE singe 9 weeks of his history class - F's each 9 weeks! So I asked Julie about it, and she tells me that - since Ron died - they are doing very bad in school. Now... I'm totally not surprised by this - I'm upset that she did nothing about it, but I'm not surprised. See, I'm the kind of person who falls on her sword when I feel that something is my fault - and knowing that the kids used to do better in school and now they are not -- well, I'm just taking it a little too much to heart. The ball was in motion long before I got the kids. And for Jonathan, well... ya'll don't know how much things have changed for him. He's been so good, but I know all of this is a major adjustment for him.
So that's the deal with the kids.
The other stuff going on is that Doug is being discharged tomorrow. He'll be going to the Central Tampa facility - but all of his paperwork hasn't yet gone through. Meaning he's not yet been approved for medicaid, meaning there is still a chance that we could be responsible for footing this bill. Ugg.... Chris has to drive over there tomorrow and pick him up and take him to the new place. Oh, and we need to get him a wheelchair pronto. (home health is working on that). Just lots of stuff going on and I'll feel so much better once he is situated someplace where he is happy and safe.
And lastly, Chris's unemployment stopped this week, and that has been a nice help. He's been the one home in the mornings to make sure they get off to school on time and in the afternoons helping with homework... which he could do because of unemployment. Of course there are other things going on in our lives that I don't blog about here... Just trust me when I tell you - overwhelmed is the best word to describe it.
Add to that my strong desire to sing in a chorus that is going to -- gosh, should I just come out and say it how I mean it?? I think I should -- a chorus that is going to suck a lot of my money and a lot of my free time. However, in return, I get out of it a tremendous amount of joy and 'Tina Time' - time just for me being fulfilled. And that... my friend... feels really selfish. So... to go or not to go, that is the question.
You know what I need here? I need a little prayer and a little faith. Who's driving this car anyways? God is.... He knows what he is doing! But at the same time, I want to make sure that he is truly driving and that I'm not turning the wheel then letting go - I want to make sure I'm doing the things God wants me to do.
Speaking of... that's another scary thing for me. I went to chorus last week and testified a lot about God's impact in my life. There are a few scary things about that - first and foremost, I don't want to fall into my old ways... living for me... living for the moment... oblivious to God's work around me. Second, there are 130 of my closest friends up on those risers (my heart just lept with joy when I typed that)... what if some of them think I'm just a windbag, not really a changed person? I mean, I don't really care what others thing, but, I don't want God to get the short end of the stick there. I feel my heart telling me to just speak His word, and all else will fall into place. Do you think that's just my mind talking... or God talking to me. Hmmmmm
I will pray about it after work and see where God leads me............
Saturday, May 06, 2006
Are We Having Fun Yet?
Pretty busy weekend for me - Chris is up in Jacksonville watching the Men's District competition... he's rooming with Amanda. I'm kinda jealous that he got to go the Men's and I missed the women's... but - eh - I'm not really upset about it. He'll be back tomorrow afternoon.
I had a very busy day today. Katie gave me a massage gift certificate for my birthday which I used this morning... my LORDY it was simply wonderful! So so so so very relaxing! Then I met mom and Julie for lunch for kind of an early mother's day brunch kinda thing. Then Julie and mom came over and swam for a while with the kids. It was good - chaotic - but good. Jonathan was kind of bouncing off the walls and had to be punished often, but he'd forgotten to take his medicine this morning, so it's pretty normal when that happens. The house was pretty clean before everything 'started' at the house... but then the kids got hungry and made themselves lunch, and you wouldn't believe the mess. Plates and cups everywhere - food everywhere - nothing put away - peanut butter on surfaces from the counter top and cabinet doors to the patio floor outside. Ice cream dropped on the kitchen floor and melted. Just...... stuff everywhere. Sometimes I almost forget how exhausting it is to keep on top of all four of them to get them to clean up after themselves, but I was quickly reminded while mom and Julie were here. Julie was telling them that 'they never made a mess at home'.... yeah... that makes me feel really good. Sigh....
Julie was pretty good with them. She cuddled a lot with them - and it was funny - at one point, mom jumped into Julie's arms (in the pool) just like the kids were - telling them she wanted them to see how silly it looked. Julie and the kids didn't get it, but I did. See, Julie sometimes acts with them and treats them like they are still babies with the whole cuddle with me - love on me, kind of thing. But that's Julie's neediness. Oh.... and then Julie had them do her feet... EWWWWW. Now --- I hate feet to begin with -- but Julie's feet are really ICKY! Anyways... next subject!
I'm still debating on Chorus (Toast of Tampa). They raised their dues to $40 a month - just to sing - that doesn't include costume cost, initial joining fees, retreats, competitions.... it's just to sing. At first I thought -- I'd just go on Tuesday nights to sing and make up my mind not to compete or go to any retreats or anything extra. Honestly, it would be worth the $40 a month if I could just fill the void in my life by singing with them only on Tuesday nights. But, I know the pressure to compete - it's why everyone works so hard on Tuesday nights. So, I'm really not sure what to do right now... but I'll continue to pray about it. God will let me know, I just know He has the answers.
Kayte went to the therapist on Friday night. I think it went pretty well... but Kayte told her that she honestly didn't want to be there. Kayte doesn't really think she has problems... and she really doesn't have 'problems' -- what she does have (as the therapist pointed out to me) is learned behavior from her mom. I told the therapist that there are a few areas I'd like worked on for Kayte... her whining and making us explain things over and over and over again that we know she already knows..... her inner belief that she is going home to live with her mom very soon..... and her deceptive behavior (lying about things that happen at school, lying about her age to young men, trying to figure out how to sneak out of the house to hook up with friends). Those were the main things.... of course we'll see how things progress. The therapist couldn't be happier about Kayla's progress.
Oooooo-- speaking of progress.... let me tell you something else Julie did today.....
So I've told Julie that the kids are now listening to Christian music quite a lot, and that they even know the words to them, sing along with them, and ask for certain songs to be played in the car. Julie's response... "Okay guys, so when you come home to live with me, you still want to listen to this kind of music?" The kids reply "yes". Julie says "oh really.... so when I drop you off at school it's okay if I pull up with the windows down blasting this music really loud - you'd be okay with that?". Now... I'm sorry... that's just not a fair question. What you have to understand about Julie's music is that she listens to things they CANT play on a radio. Now... a known fact about me is that I like Rap music. My car radio is programmed as #1, 98.7 (rap) and #2 91.5 (Christian). And I listen and sing Barbershop... go figure, I'm a freak, I know. But Julie doesn't listen to just the dirty versions of songs they play on the radio (radio edit versions have the bad words missing) -- Julie listens to music that is nothing short of vulgar and explicit, so much so that they can not bleep out enough of the song to be able to play any of it on the radio. Why.... WHY would she not be happy that her kids were experiencing something different and just....... simply........... appreciate it, even if it's just short-term? I don't expect them to go back home and blast Christian music as they pull up to school... but I am hoping to instill the values in them to where they will know that the lyrics of the songs their mom listens to is unacceptable - certainly unacceptable for public listening, but hopefully unacceptable for what they want to listen to. But again I ask... why would Julie even say something like that??
I was at this moment today when I felt that -- what I'm doing here might really be in vein -- that there really is a possibility that they will go home and go right back to doing things that they used to do. And... not just talking music here by any means... but the bad friends... the gangs... drugs.... sex... unsupervised and free to do whatever they want. Sigh... I guess I really shouldn't think like that. Faith, Tina... have faith.
Well, it's late and I need to get four kiddos to bed. Pray for all of us, and pray for Chris and Amanda that they will have a safe journey home from Jacksonville tomorrow afternoon.
I had a very busy day today. Katie gave me a massage gift certificate for my birthday which I used this morning... my LORDY it was simply wonderful! So so so so very relaxing! Then I met mom and Julie for lunch for kind of an early mother's day brunch kinda thing. Then Julie and mom came over and swam for a while with the kids. It was good - chaotic - but good. Jonathan was kind of bouncing off the walls and had to be punished often, but he'd forgotten to take his medicine this morning, so it's pretty normal when that happens. The house was pretty clean before everything 'started' at the house... but then the kids got hungry and made themselves lunch, and you wouldn't believe the mess. Plates and cups everywhere - food everywhere - nothing put away - peanut butter on surfaces from the counter top and cabinet doors to the patio floor outside. Ice cream dropped on the kitchen floor and melted. Just...... stuff everywhere. Sometimes I almost forget how exhausting it is to keep on top of all four of them to get them to clean up after themselves, but I was quickly reminded while mom and Julie were here. Julie was telling them that 'they never made a mess at home'.... yeah... that makes me feel really good. Sigh....
Julie was pretty good with them. She cuddled a lot with them - and it was funny - at one point, mom jumped into Julie's arms (in the pool) just like the kids were - telling them she wanted them to see how silly it looked. Julie and the kids didn't get it, but I did. See, Julie sometimes acts with them and treats them like they are still babies with the whole cuddle with me - love on me, kind of thing. But that's Julie's neediness. Oh.... and then Julie had them do her feet... EWWWWW. Now --- I hate feet to begin with -- but Julie's feet are really ICKY! Anyways... next subject!
I'm still debating on Chorus (Toast of Tampa). They raised their dues to $40 a month - just to sing - that doesn't include costume cost, initial joining fees, retreats, competitions.... it's just to sing. At first I thought -- I'd just go on Tuesday nights to sing and make up my mind not to compete or go to any retreats or anything extra. Honestly, it would be worth the $40 a month if I could just fill the void in my life by singing with them only on Tuesday nights. But, I know the pressure to compete - it's why everyone works so hard on Tuesday nights. So, I'm really not sure what to do right now... but I'll continue to pray about it. God will let me know, I just know He has the answers.
Kayte went to the therapist on Friday night. I think it went pretty well... but Kayte told her that she honestly didn't want to be there. Kayte doesn't really think she has problems... and she really doesn't have 'problems' -- what she does have (as the therapist pointed out to me) is learned behavior from her mom. I told the therapist that there are a few areas I'd like worked on for Kayte... her whining and making us explain things over and over and over again that we know she already knows..... her inner belief that she is going home to live with her mom very soon..... and her deceptive behavior (lying about things that happen at school, lying about her age to young men, trying to figure out how to sneak out of the house to hook up with friends). Those were the main things.... of course we'll see how things progress. The therapist couldn't be happier about Kayla's progress.
Oooooo-- speaking of progress.... let me tell you something else Julie did today.....
So I've told Julie that the kids are now listening to Christian music quite a lot, and that they even know the words to them, sing along with them, and ask for certain songs to be played in the car. Julie's response... "Okay guys, so when you come home to live with me, you still want to listen to this kind of music?" The kids reply "yes". Julie says "oh really.... so when I drop you off at school it's okay if I pull up with the windows down blasting this music really loud - you'd be okay with that?". Now... I'm sorry... that's just not a fair question. What you have to understand about Julie's music is that she listens to things they CANT play on a radio. Now... a known fact about me is that I like Rap music. My car radio is programmed as #1, 98.7 (rap) and #2 91.5 (Christian). And I listen and sing Barbershop... go figure, I'm a freak, I know. But Julie doesn't listen to just the dirty versions of songs they play on the radio (radio edit versions have the bad words missing) -- Julie listens to music that is nothing short of vulgar and explicit, so much so that they can not bleep out enough of the song to be able to play any of it on the radio. Why.... WHY would she not be happy that her kids were experiencing something different and just....... simply........... appreciate it, even if it's just short-term? I don't expect them to go back home and blast Christian music as they pull up to school... but I am hoping to instill the values in them to where they will know that the lyrics of the songs their mom listens to is unacceptable - certainly unacceptable for public listening, but hopefully unacceptable for what they want to listen to. But again I ask... why would Julie even say something like that??
I was at this moment today when I felt that -- what I'm doing here might really be in vein -- that there really is a possibility that they will go home and go right back to doing things that they used to do. And... not just talking music here by any means... but the bad friends... the gangs... drugs.... sex... unsupervised and free to do whatever they want. Sigh... I guess I really shouldn't think like that. Faith, Tina... have faith.
Well, it's late and I need to get four kiddos to bed. Pray for all of us, and pray for Chris and Amanda that they will have a safe journey home from Jacksonville tomorrow afternoon.
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
Call Me Grumpy...
Okay, I'm going to vent a little bit here today... so please excuse the negativity... I just want to vent out some anger.
So I'm sitting at work, trying to squeeze everything possible into the day. Working my best at work, doing quotes and orders while trying to totally re-arrange two rooms in the office while the bosses are out - and trying to still manage to fit in the things I need to do for the kids. I talked to Karen about Justin's psychiatric visit: see, the initial psyc evaluation said that, due to a prior history of depression and such, Justin needed to see a psychiatrist. Now, Kayla and Kayte are seeing a counselor, but not a psychiatrist. So, I need to find him a Psychiatrist. Karen referred me to one place whom I called but they wouldn't take his Medicaid because he had Tricare, so I had to take care of calling Tricare to get a list of doctors, call each one and see if they are accepting new patients, if so how far out are they scheduling, then once I made an appt, I have to call and get authorization from Tricare and then call the doctor's office back with that info. So I do all of this. Then I run home at lunch and clean up the mess from the kids having breakfast and try to figure out what I'm going to cook for dinner, before having to run back to work to finish out my afternoon. Also between working, phones and all that good stuff I am trying to write a letter to an attorney who is trying to sue Kayla in a civil suit regarding her shoplifting experience. They had already told us they would drop it and not require us to pay them any money (they said they would simply 'go away' for a mere $200 immediately), and now they say we never responded so they are proceeding with the lawsuit. Karen and I both talked to this attorney, so I sent him over a letter. Again... still working my butt off at work. So - I look at Julie's status message on Yahoo and she's "laying down watching TV, leave a message"... and all I can think is... I'm working my ASS off here providing everything I can for her kids. She wants their allowance money to buy them freaking candy... and she's laying down all fricking day watching TV? I mean... if she simply worked at 7-11 FOUR hours a week, she'd have earned what the three kids make in allowance money. FOUR FLIPPING HOURS. But no... she has no money... she needs their allowance money to buy them candy.... and she's laying down watching TV as I'm sitting here stressed up to my EYEBALLS.
Sigh
Breathe in... breathe out....
I really don't know why the candy - of all things - is a 'hot button' for me. I mean, it's their allowance and the kids can spend it on whatever they want. That's not the issue and I know it. It's how come Julie can't just realize that this is something the kids want from her - something that only she can provide (as they don't sell it up here) and just do what it takes to buy it for them, if that's what they want and what she wants to do. Like I said, she could earn the $30 she'd have taken from them by simply working a tiny little job.
Okay, now I feel somewhat better. Thanks for letting me vent.
So I went to a rehearsal last night for Toast of Tampa. It was really good to see everyone there. No... not good... it was awesome. I immediately felt like I needed to work and sing, as soon as I got there. Too funny. But we didn't do any singing last night... and they raised the monthly dues! Sheesh! I talked to everyone who would listen about how God has come into my life and has been working so much on the kids and my family. I found myself recognizing how different that was from the last time I was there. And... funny... how happy it made others to hear how wonderful God is.
I wanted to grab music last night and say 'sign me up for the audition process right now!'... but I felt God telling me to just be patient. It was the right time... the right chorus... and that a week from now would make no difference. I really don't want to begin again and have to quit again shortly thereafter... I want to make sure this is something I can commit to. They are going to Calgary for International Competition... and that's going to be expensive, but it won't be until 2007.... so I have time.
Speaking of time... I really should run. Say a prayer for Doug and the kids. And... I guess say a prayer for me... that I can get the not-so-nice thoughts (as I was just vening about) out of my head.
So I'm sitting at work, trying to squeeze everything possible into the day. Working my best at work, doing quotes and orders while trying to totally re-arrange two rooms in the office while the bosses are out - and trying to still manage to fit in the things I need to do for the kids. I talked to Karen about Justin's psychiatric visit: see, the initial psyc evaluation said that, due to a prior history of depression and such, Justin needed to see a psychiatrist. Now, Kayla and Kayte are seeing a counselor, but not a psychiatrist. So, I need to find him a Psychiatrist. Karen referred me to one place whom I called but they wouldn't take his Medicaid because he had Tricare, so I had to take care of calling Tricare to get a list of doctors, call each one and see if they are accepting new patients, if so how far out are they scheduling, then once I made an appt, I have to call and get authorization from Tricare and then call the doctor's office back with that info. So I do all of this. Then I run home at lunch and clean up the mess from the kids having breakfast and try to figure out what I'm going to cook for dinner, before having to run back to work to finish out my afternoon. Also between working, phones and all that good stuff I am trying to write a letter to an attorney who is trying to sue Kayla in a civil suit regarding her shoplifting experience. They had already told us they would drop it and not require us to pay them any money (they said they would simply 'go away' for a mere $200 immediately), and now they say we never responded so they are proceeding with the lawsuit. Karen and I both talked to this attorney, so I sent him over a letter. Again... still working my butt off at work. So - I look at Julie's status message on Yahoo and she's "laying down watching TV, leave a message"... and all I can think is... I'm working my ASS off here providing everything I can for her kids. She wants their allowance money to buy them freaking candy... and she's laying down all fricking day watching TV? I mean... if she simply worked at 7-11 FOUR hours a week, she'd have earned what the three kids make in allowance money. FOUR FLIPPING HOURS. But no... she has no money... she needs their allowance money to buy them candy.... and she's laying down watching TV as I'm sitting here stressed up to my EYEBALLS.
Sigh
Breathe in... breathe out....
I really don't know why the candy - of all things - is a 'hot button' for me. I mean, it's their allowance and the kids can spend it on whatever they want. That's not the issue and I know it. It's how come Julie can't just realize that this is something the kids want from her - something that only she can provide (as they don't sell it up here) and just do what it takes to buy it for them, if that's what they want and what she wants to do. Like I said, she could earn the $30 she'd have taken from them by simply working a tiny little job.
Okay, now I feel somewhat better. Thanks for letting me vent.
So I went to a rehearsal last night for Toast of Tampa. It was really good to see everyone there. No... not good... it was awesome. I immediately felt like I needed to work and sing, as soon as I got there. Too funny. But we didn't do any singing last night... and they raised the monthly dues! Sheesh! I talked to everyone who would listen about how God has come into my life and has been working so much on the kids and my family. I found myself recognizing how different that was from the last time I was there. And... funny... how happy it made others to hear how wonderful God is.
I wanted to grab music last night and say 'sign me up for the audition process right now!'... but I felt God telling me to just be patient. It was the right time... the right chorus... and that a week from now would make no difference. I really don't want to begin again and have to quit again shortly thereafter... I want to make sure this is something I can commit to. They are going to Calgary for International Competition... and that's going to be expensive, but it won't be until 2007.... so I have time.
Speaking of time... I really should run. Say a prayer for Doug and the kids. And... I guess say a prayer for me... that I can get the not-so-nice thoughts (as I was just vening about) out of my head.
Monday, May 01, 2006
Busy Weekend - Sort-of
Well, it was a good weekend. Saturday the chorus I used to sing with, Toast of Tampa, (gave you all that info in the last post) competed and kicked BUTT! They got a super high score - highest ever for our region! I wanted to be there, but my car is still dying on me, so I was afraid to go. Amanda went though and she said LOTS of people asked about me (laughing as she said they didn't ask how SHE was doing, they asked how her mom was). I was an International Appointment to the Regional Management Team, so lots of people from the Region know me, and in the chorus I was their Prez and the Tenor section leader - so everyone there knows me. I miss it all so very much. But - I think God is opening that door for me very soon. I just... feel it.
Saturday we took the kids to Busch Gardens for a little while. It was fun but tiring. It didn't help that I have a cut on my foot - but I really do need to get some of my weight off. For those of you who may not know this, 3 years ago I was about 120 lbs. Yeah... I know I know. See, I had Gallbladder surgery and lost a TON of weight. It hurt to eat, so I simply didn't. Then after the surgery, I had tummy 'problems' (called Dumping Syndrome) every time I ate something, so I continued to not eat. I did eat sweets and pasta. For some reason, when I ate sweets and some carbs in pasta, I didn't have the problems. So, I would go for literally days without eating a 'meal' and eat an occasional cookie or ice cream bar. When I was this thin, I quite literally thought I was going to die. I saw many doctors but nothing seemed to help. This continued for 2 years after my GB surgery. Then I began working at a job where they told me I should eat lunch every day with 'the team' and they tied it to a financial goal (bonus) for me. Now... those of you who know my work ethic - if you tell me to set a goal and once I achieve it I'm going to get money, I'm doing it! So I did... and I found out that when I ate more often - guess what? I didn't have the problem. That whole time, I was in a vicious cycle - spiraling down. However, as I ate lunch every day for the first time in - again quite literally - years, I began to gain weight. I saw a nutritionist about a year and a half ago who told me that this behavior for years had totally messed up my metabolism and that it could take me years to get my body back to normal. Well, it's been a couple years, and I'm ready to get back to it. I never - ever - ever want to feel like I felt back then. Wondering every night if this was the night I wasn't going to wake up and see my kids or husband again... I would be so tired throughout the day, I slept either under my desk or in my car every day at lunch... I knew not to exercise because eating 150 calories every few days meant I had no extra calories to give to exercising so it would take muscle mass from me. Again, I never want to go there again, but I don't want to be heavy all my life either. And Chris has been so supportive of me over the years - through thin and fat. LOL Love you baby! Okay... enough about that!
So Sunday we went to Church. There was a new girl up singing in the Praise Team, which I really wanted to do as well. It was kind of good though, because I felt really happy for her and when the thought crossed my mind of 'why not me', I felt God was telling me not to worry, that Barbershop was my true gift and I would be there very soon. Then I think - next international competition is in Canada, which should be very expensive, so how am I going to do that? But... I know God has it already planned out and I trust Him. Laughing at myself here... I'm thinking to myself "Yes, God, I trust You and will patiently wait for You... just hurry up!"
We then went to visit a place where they want Doug to live. It's called Central Tampa Assisted Living. It's listed as a "Memory Support Facility specializing in Alzheimer's & Dementia care." Again, there is so much to consider when these kinds of decisions have to be made. I've been trying to leave as much as possilbe in Chris's hands - I tend to have a 'take charge and take over' kind of attitude. Then we got some really bad news... Doug has one living brother who is 5 years older than he, his name is Donald. Donald's wife called to tell us that he's been diagnosed with Lung and Brain cancer... he only has about 3 months. She wanted us to pray that the Lord would take him quickly and as painless as possible. They actually found out 2-1/2 weeks ago, but didn'tk now how to tell Doug. So they figured they'd call us and have Chris tell Doug. It's very sad... I think Chris is going to see his dad today so maybe he'll find a way to tell him. We considered not telling him - but we also want him to call his brother while he still can and there's no way to do that without him knowing. So... we're going to have to tell him.
So, Sunday night the kids go to JAM - and this week they had something special for the parents as well. They had counselors there to educate parents about their teenage kids. So, they give us this list of common words kids use... huffing, friends with benefits, recreational use of prescription drugs, serial sex, cutters.... just lots of things that were intended to freak out parents because Parents didn't know anything about this stuff, but their kids have heard all about it. I laughed when I saw it because it was more of a checklist for Julie's kids and nothing on it freaked me out because... 'been there, done that'. I did talk to one of the counselors afterwards about things... and I told her a little about the kids and how I got them, and then I asked a question I didn't know was bothering me so much. I asked... "If principals and values are instilled in kids at a young age and I'm just now trying to get these kids on a good path, am I fighting a lost cause?" She said to me simply "With God, all things are possible"... and I nearly cried right there because I think I needed to hear that from a licenced professional so badly. So it went very well. It's really great how much the kids love going to Church. The morning sermon was on Addictions... and I found myself the whole time thinking about Julie, and about how - if Julie lived up here instead of down in Riverview, she'd benefit so much from our Church. Our members are just awesome and loving and it's a contemporary service - she'd just love it I think. God is good, and maybe we could all pray that Julie could find a church like Van Dyke in her own neighborhood... and she could begin her work on her relationship with God while the kids are still with me. Yeah... that would be really good.
Well, I should really run. Pray for Chris's Uncle Donald... pray for God's speed - that he'll send His angels quickly to take him to the gates of heaven. Pray for Julie and the kids. And say a special prayer for Jonathan who has been so good and patient with all the extra stuff going on at home.
Saturday we took the kids to Busch Gardens for a little while. It was fun but tiring. It didn't help that I have a cut on my foot - but I really do need to get some of my weight off. For those of you who may not know this, 3 years ago I was about 120 lbs. Yeah... I know I know. See, I had Gallbladder surgery and lost a TON of weight. It hurt to eat, so I simply didn't. Then after the surgery, I had tummy 'problems' (called Dumping Syndrome) every time I ate something, so I continued to not eat. I did eat sweets and pasta. For some reason, when I ate sweets and some carbs in pasta, I didn't have the problems. So, I would go for literally days without eating a 'meal' and eat an occasional cookie or ice cream bar. When I was this thin, I quite literally thought I was going to die. I saw many doctors but nothing seemed to help. This continued for 2 years after my GB surgery. Then I began working at a job where they told me I should eat lunch every day with 'the team' and they tied it to a financial goal (bonus) for me. Now... those of you who know my work ethic - if you tell me to set a goal and once I achieve it I'm going to get money, I'm doing it! So I did... and I found out that when I ate more often - guess what? I didn't have the problem. That whole time, I was in a vicious cycle - spiraling down. However, as I ate lunch every day for the first time in - again quite literally - years, I began to gain weight. I saw a nutritionist about a year and a half ago who told me that this behavior for years had totally messed up my metabolism and that it could take me years to get my body back to normal. Well, it's been a couple years, and I'm ready to get back to it. I never - ever - ever want to feel like I felt back then. Wondering every night if this was the night I wasn't going to wake up and see my kids or husband again... I would be so tired throughout the day, I slept either under my desk or in my car every day at lunch... I knew not to exercise because eating 150 calories every few days meant I had no extra calories to give to exercising so it would take muscle mass from me. Again, I never want to go there again, but I don't want to be heavy all my life either. And Chris has been so supportive of me over the years - through thin and fat. LOL Love you baby! Okay... enough about that!
So Sunday we went to Church. There was a new girl up singing in the Praise Team, which I really wanted to do as well. It was kind of good though, because I felt really happy for her and when the thought crossed my mind of 'why not me', I felt God was telling me not to worry, that Barbershop was my true gift and I would be there very soon. Then I think - next international competition is in Canada, which should be very expensive, so how am I going to do that? But... I know God has it already planned out and I trust Him. Laughing at myself here... I'm thinking to myself "Yes, God, I trust You and will patiently wait for You... just hurry up!"
We then went to visit a place where they want Doug to live. It's called Central Tampa Assisted Living. It's listed as a "Memory Support Facility specializing in Alzheimer's & Dementia care." Again, there is so much to consider when these kinds of decisions have to be made. I've been trying to leave as much as possilbe in Chris's hands - I tend to have a 'take charge and take over' kind of attitude. Then we got some really bad news... Doug has one living brother who is 5 years older than he, his name is Donald. Donald's wife called to tell us that he's been diagnosed with Lung and Brain cancer... he only has about 3 months. She wanted us to pray that the Lord would take him quickly and as painless as possible. They actually found out 2-1/2 weeks ago, but didn'tk now how to tell Doug. So they figured they'd call us and have Chris tell Doug. It's very sad... I think Chris is going to see his dad today so maybe he'll find a way to tell him. We considered not telling him - but we also want him to call his brother while he still can and there's no way to do that without him knowing. So... we're going to have to tell him.
So, Sunday night the kids go to JAM - and this week they had something special for the parents as well. They had counselors there to educate parents about their teenage kids. So, they give us this list of common words kids use... huffing, friends with benefits, recreational use of prescription drugs, serial sex, cutters.... just lots of things that were intended to freak out parents because Parents didn't know anything about this stuff, but their kids have heard all about it. I laughed when I saw it because it was more of a checklist for Julie's kids and nothing on it freaked me out because... 'been there, done that'. I did talk to one of the counselors afterwards about things... and I told her a little about the kids and how I got them, and then I asked a question I didn't know was bothering me so much. I asked... "If principals and values are instilled in kids at a young age and I'm just now trying to get these kids on a good path, am I fighting a lost cause?" She said to me simply "With God, all things are possible"... and I nearly cried right there because I think I needed to hear that from a licenced professional so badly. So it went very well. It's really great how much the kids love going to Church. The morning sermon was on Addictions... and I found myself the whole time thinking about Julie, and about how - if Julie lived up here instead of down in Riverview, she'd benefit so much from our Church. Our members are just awesome and loving and it's a contemporary service - she'd just love it I think. God is good, and maybe we could all pray that Julie could find a church like Van Dyke in her own neighborhood... and she could begin her work on her relationship with God while the kids are still with me. Yeah... that would be really good.
Well, I should really run. Pray for Chris's Uncle Donald... pray for God's speed - that he'll send His angels quickly to take him to the gates of heaven. Pray for Julie and the kids. And say a special prayer for Jonathan who has been so good and patient with all the extra stuff going on at home.
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