Tina's Daily Blog: Strep Going Around The House

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Strep Going Around The House

Sorry I haven't blogged in a few days. I began feeling a little sick on Tuesday with a sore throat. I pretty much have lost my voice at this point - it's there, but raspy.

This morning, Kayla and Justin woke me up before school to tell me they didn't feel good either. I looked in their throats and both of them were just swollen nearly shut. Justin insisted on going to school, Kayla stayed home and I took her to the doctors. He thinks she has strep throat.

Just lovely.

No pressure or anything... my throat hurts so that means I most likely have strep as well. I am supposed to be performing in the biggest barbershop show of the year in 3 days. At Toast of Tampa rehearsal Tuesday night I found out that only 4 tenors qualified to sing on SRO. A chorus of 100+ singers, and only 4 tenors singing. Now they might have only 3 if I can't get better before then. I've GOT to get better before then -- I worked so hard to qualify to sing on the show... passing 7 songs in 3 months. That's a really big deal because, as I explained before, passing means every single note, word, breath, rhythm, intonation, dynamic, everything must be 100%. Not one wrong note anywhere. And I did it. And now.......... sigh...........

Julie had a visit yesterday which went really well. She bought Chinese food which was just AWESOME with me. I've been CRAVING Chinese food... and since we don't eat out or order in... well.... it was a real treat! Couple of things happened that we need to address, but not with the State - nothing 'wrong' at all - just some thing we need to work on.

One of the things I noticed was that all three kids got 'onto' their mom for talking with her mouth full of food. (Why she can't wait 30 seconds to chew and swallow I don't know, but she doesn't.) We've done a great job at correcting the kids to the point where they now notice it with other people. Granted, it IS gross for Julie to do this at the table... food will fall out of her mouth while she's doing it. However, we need to teach the kids that it's not okay to discipline their mom or any other adult for that matter. For example, we are sitting around the table and Chris tells Justin to get his elbows off the table. Even IF my elbows are on the table, as an adult - it's not okay for him to say something to me about it. The kids haven't learned this yet... but I think it is the next logical step for them.

Secondly, I feel compelled to help the kids help their mom with her weight, without 'parenting' their mom or disciplining her or judging her. Example... Julie was on her third full plate of food. Julie asked Justin to bring in the dessert she bought. Chris mentioned something to her about how much she was eating, Julie mentioned that she "still had food left on her plate... that she didn't eat it all" and was still hungry. The kids immediately chimed in with "mom never eats all her food." Now... we've talked to the kids about this before - they honestly believe their mom's weight problem has nothing to do with food. And frankly... I'm very worried about my sister. She's getting bigger and bigger.

What would I like to see? I'd like to see the kids encourage her to eat better. They don't have to 'get onto' their mom when she's on her 3rd plate of food, but they don't have to encourage it either by defending her the way they did. Also, when they go places they could encourage her to take stairs or walk a little more than she normally would. She could not use the stolen handicap tag she has and walk a little further to get into a store, for example. Today at the doctors office, I was thinking about what Julie would do if she were there. The office was on the second floor, and there was a nice leisurely set of stairs to get up there. But I knew Julie would have taken the elevator were she there.

Okay... took a break from the blog (takes longer to blog when I'm not feeling all that well) and went to pick up a prescription at the pharmacy. They STILL do not have all the kids insurance correctly at DCF. It's KILLING me that they still have this messed up and that I haven't been able to correct in in the 10 plus months I've had the kids. I mean... I worked for 16 years doing insurance in a medical office, this is a no-brainer. Here's what's going on:

The kids have Tricare because their dad passed away in the military. DCF gives them Medicaid because they are technically wards of the state at this time. Tricare should be primary, Medicaid should be secondary. Whatever Tricare doesn't pay, Medicaid should pick up.

What has happened is DCF told the Medicaid office that the kids didn't have any insurance. Because of this, Medicaid put them on an HMO which we can't use with the Tricare. As a result, all co-payments are my responsibility. TEN MONTHS I've been trying to get this corrected.

I have faxed their Tricare cards to them multiple times... called them every month. And right now I am on the phone with a woman who tells me that "their cards don't look like insurance cards". I want to reach through the phone and strangle her.

TEN MONTHS.

Oh, and she is LOOKING at the cards I faxed to them LAST month trying to get it straightened out. She's says "I've got it right here, I'll submit them for you now." Yes, she just told me "now" as in... they are sitting her and nobody has submitted them yet. I of course say "You'll submit them NOW? What happened that it didn't happen LAST month? Or maybe when I submitted the cards months prior to that?" Frrrrrrrrrrrrustrating.

I'm going to call the new DCF case worker (once I find out who he is) and tell him that if he doesn't get this fixed in one week... I'm going to submit every single medical and prescription bill I've paid since they've been with me and demand reimbursement.

Yeah............. that'll never happen.

Freaking government.

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In A Nutshell:

Here is a letter I sent to Dr. Phil which really sums everything up:
I am married to my high-school sweetheart (20 years this August), with two wonderful children (Amanda who is 20 and Jonathan who is 13). I have two sisters, both younger – I call them “my good sister” and “my bad sister”. My good sister is – well, good! Normal in every way. The bad one, Julie, has been in trouble since she was a kid. As a baby she cried all of the time. As a teenager she was in trouble all of the time. At the age of 14 or so I remember that she had run away from home to live with a grown man in Atlanta. This was one of many run a ways. As a teenager, she provided sexual favors to boys in school, as well as teachers. As a young adult she was arrested for prostitution. She’s done drugs ranging from marijuana to crack. She was diagnosed early on as bi-polar with personality disorder. She’s also a serious cutter to the point where she no longer hid the cuts. She’s cut things like “Ronald Cecchinni” into her arm… and “Fuck you Dr. XXX” on her stomach, in large letters. Julie is also a diagnosed sex-addict. She’s also recently (in the past year) begun ‘huffing’. (I honestly believe that this huffing has caused some permanent damage) She is currently 36yo.
Julie lost her husband Ron a year and a half ago as a result of Leukemia and Kidney Disease which the military attributed to his serving in the Gulf War. He left behind three children – Kayla who is now 15, Justin who is now 14 and Kayte who is now 13. Even when Julie was married, her psychiatric problems persisted. She has been hospitalized literally hundreds of times over the years. However, when her husband was alive, he would take care of the kids when Julie was mentally out of control. After Ron died, Julie lost control of the kids and her life. She began to spiral out of control, having pot parties at her home (to the point where the kids said a door would open and a cloud of smoke would come bellowing out of the room), smoking weed with her own kids, having sex all over the house with different men all the time, allowing young men (19 yo) to sleep over with her oldest daughter (only 14 at the time), and allowing Gang members to live in her home (she said she felt ‘safe’ with them there). In addition, she was attempting suicide daily, overdosing on medications hoping to not wake up the next morning. Mind you all of this while she was seeing her Psychologist every week and Psychiatrist once a month. Both of these Doctors knew what was going on at home, neither of them reported it to the proper authorities. I have even been told by one of them that he was told, by Julie, that she ‘heard voices telling her to hurt the children’ but that she was proud that she could ignore the voices. Still, these Doctors reported nothing.
I should add here that it was at some point in this period of time in Julie’s life when her children began suicide watches over their mom… each one taking turns to sit in a room with her at all hours (night and day) because their mom was less-likely to hurt herself while they were here. However, it didn’t always work – Julie constantly took pills in front of them trying to either dope herself up or overdose, and she would even cut herself in front of the kids.
Finally one day, she woke up furious that her last suicide attempt didn’t work. She got violent with her oldest daughter, police were called, and finally DCF was called. (I would like to add that we (other family members) had called DCF in the past to report things, but some of the cases were ‘unfounded’ and one other time the fled the state knowing CF only had jurisdiction in Florida.) DCF removed the children from the home in November 2005 and I gained custody of the Children shortly thereafter.
There are lots of things I could add here about my sister, DCF, and the horrible Foster Care or Custodial Care program we are involved with. However, that is not my main reason for writing to you.
Kayte, the youngest, seems to be adjusting pretty well. She has a tendency to trivialize what her mom has done and the seriousness of it, but I think that is normal given that it is her mom. Kayte was in counseling, but she feels it’s ‘a waste of time’.
Justin, the middle child, is okay. As a young boy I'm told he was a terror. He used to hit his mother and at one point (only 6yo) tried to jump off a building to kill himself. Since then, his anger has turned in to an endless smothering of love and caring. He does everything for his mom… from getting her whatever she needs to rubbing her feet and back. Justin has seen a psychiatrist since moving in with me who felt that his issues were brought on by trauma. It was also at that visit with the psychiatrist that he confided in myself and the Doctor that he had suicidal thoughts often while living at home with his mom in her ‘state of being’ after his dad died. However, since he moved in with me he has done so much better (and continues to improve daily) that she didn’t feel he even needed counseling at this time. He would, however, need counseling before he was reunited with his mom.
Kayla, the oldest, has serious issues. She is also currently in counseling but feels that it is ‘a waste of time’. Kayla has always lied and stolen things. Family members feel sorry for her because you can tell that she doesn’t really mean any ill will by it, but it’s been ‘the way she is’ for a very long time. By far her biggest problems are lying and her need for approval by men (young and old).
Since the kids have moved in with us, my husband and I have set up rules. The kids already had myspace accounts, so we set ground rules for it. 1) We needed the login names and passwords. 2) Profiles must be set to private. 3) The only people they were allowed to have on their friends list was people that they actually knew. When Kayla’s list climbed over 300, and she was found to have inappropriate conversations (wanting to sneak out and ‘hook up’ with young men), we made everyone cut their list down to 30 friends, which included myself. 4) All vulgar language and inappropriate photos would come off immediately and would be monitored by myself at any given time. At times, they try to put up ‘sexy’ pictures which immediately need to come down.
However recently I have found that she has multiple website things going on in an attempt to pick up young men. I'll outline a few here so that you understand the gravity of the situation: 1) I found her 'normal' myspace account set to 'public view'. She has over 11,000 profile views(meaning people looking at her pictures and wanting to know more about her). I had reset it to private many times, but she keeps going back and resetting it to public. 2) I have found another myspace account which she went by the name 'Shannon' and used it to pick up young men, tease them, then later tell them that she was 'taken' but refer them to her 'cousin, Kayla'. She'd then give them all of Kayla's information. Of course thiswas also set to public. 3) I have found another social network website that was like myspace in which she had ONLY men (mostly from other states) as her 'friends' whom she corresponded with. The emails back and forth basically said the same thing as all of the others... more on that in #4 - only these were guys that not only did she not know, but they were not even in the area! 4) All accounts that I have found had basically the same thing... her emailing guys wanting to know if she was pretty, if they wanted to 'hook up', talking about going to their 'crib' or meeting up with them somewhere, and constantly seeking approval and affirmation from these guys.
I believe she gets this from her mom. And the sad thing is, if you met her, you would love her. She is truly a GREAT kid… but she has serious issues. I’ve described to you Julie’s behavior and Kayla’s seems to be the same way. Neither can make decisions on their own that are ‘the right thing to do’, and both lack the understanding of simple values, morals and ethics. I could go into so many examples. How do I describe the utterly amazing difference between Julie’s parenting style and my own?
I know... Both Julie and I have myspace accounts set up to ‘monitor’ the kids. To illustrate the difference between Julie and myself, here is something that Julie and I both put on our myspace accounts. You are supposed to put something 'about yourself' by your picture. Here is mine: "I'm 38 years old. I have two amazing kids, Amanda who is 20 and Jonathan who is 13. I have great husband, Chris. I love to sing - and have been singing in Toast of Tampa Show Chorus for 10 years. I'm raising my nieces and nephew (12, 13 and 14). I love God and my family."And here is Julie's: "I am who I am and if you dont like me for me........FUCK YOU........ Plus if you dont like me for me....... Im gunna tell my kids and there gunna kick yer ass!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Here’s the other dilemma we are having; the two girls are in counseling that is costing me $25 EACH in co-payments every time they go. The State of Florida provides NO financial support to me as a relative caregiver, other than providing the three kids with Medicaid. They received small SSI checks because of their dad’s death, but it barely covers the food they consume. The DCF worker, having spoke with the girls and being told that therapy is ‘a waste of time’, has referred me to a clinic that DCF uses for cases such as this to seek mental care for Kayla (aswell as the others). However, the kids have TriCare as their primary insurance because their dad died from Military causes. TriCare requires the co-payment, regardless of the Medicaid secondary. Having said that, please understand that I worked in referrals in a primary care physician’s office for 16 years… I totally ‘get’ what is required for primary and secondary insurances and all the red tape. But because of the uniqueness of this situation, the kids are suffering!
I should also point out here that I have the kids for an indefinite period of time. Right now Julie is doing things that she has been told to do to get the kids back. However, she is still awaiting a court ordered detailed Psychiatric exam to determine if she can EVER parent again. Even if that Psychiatrist feels she can parent again, she’ll most likely need to be ‘clean’ and ‘episode-free’ for 6 months to a year minimum. In addition, Julie is only allowed supervised visits and one phone call a day. This came about because of her inappropriate behavior when she was with the kids and because when she was allowed to call any time she’d call 10 + times a day.
The other problem with Julie ever getting her children back is that… she doesn’t understand what she did wrong. She parents as if she were 15-years old herself. If anyone has ever done something bad and been able to ‘keep’ their kids, she sees no reason she can’t do it. She brought her daughter at the age of 13 in for a HUGE tattoo on the small of her back. It’s Tigger flipping ‘the bird’ with her gang name under it. She was also planning on getting a large tattoo on her 12yo before the kids were taken. Again, she sees nothing wrong with any of her past behavior.
So, you see, I could have these children for the rest of their teenage years. I honestly don’t know where to turn to get them the help they need.
I feel as if I am in a psychiatric nightmare and I just can’t wake up. Eight months ago I was at home, my biggest ‘kid worry’ was if my son was going to get good grades on his report card. Now I find myself in a crux worried about whether or not the lessons I teach them, this late in their young life, are going to be enough to turn these kids around and help them to be productive adults in the near future.

Tina's Daily Blog

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Strep Going Around The House

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