Tina's Daily Blog: There's Nuts In the Fudge!

Friday, December 15, 2006

There's Nuts In the Fudge!

Just wanted to give a quick update. Julie is still in the hospital. Today she was so doped up on Morphine AND Percocet that I could barely understand her. She begged me to please bring the kids to the hospital to see her this weekend, but I do NOT want the kids seeing her in this condition.

Okay - all of ya'll are going to fall over laughing at this newest development. Julie has belonged to this bi-polar chat room for quite some time. You have to try to understand that she isn't on this chat room only when she has a problem - she's on it HOURS a day, and at times for days. If she is manic she has many times been up all night and all day long because she was 'chatting with her friends'. These people know Julie VERY well. Remember months back the one chat room friend flew her to Los Angeles to be at her wedding? Yeah... they know here THAT well.

So... set your mind on the picture: Julie in this chat room with all of her friends. These friends all have her same mental illnesses... some worse, some better. All crazy by my standards. Well, let me explain that last statement. I don't think that anyone who is bi-polar is crazy. I believe mental illness are true illnesses. But these people in particular have been there with Julie, supporting her throughout her gang and drug addicted history. I have been in her chat room and these people are a unique click of people all very much like Julie. They live in some other plane of reality that I just can't understand. This is what makes them crazy in my book.

So... Julie tells them recently that she is going to be in the hospital for a while, and since she doesn't have custody of the kids, she'd really love it if these 'friends' would send cards and stuff to their house. Yes MY house. She gave my physical address to mentally unstable people in a world-wide chat room. HELLO!

So... today a package arrives. It's fudge from some lady from New Hampshire. One of Julie's friends. Do I give it to the kids? What if she's nuts and she laced it with something? The funny thing is that I called my sister Katie and asked her and she said, "it's probably fine - give it to them" -- and I said, "so - you'd give it to your daughter?" She said... yeah, maybe you should just throw it away. Too funny.

Then in talking to my daughter Amanda she could care less about the food, she was FURIOUS that Julie gave out my home address to mentally ill people all over the world. She said "what if she loses the case for her kids and shares her despair with them, and one of them decides you're better off dead?" Hmmm... good point!

I really can't talk to Julie about it now - it would be pointless. But I think I will bring it up to her sometime when she is non-drugged and can understand what I'm saying. Regardless she'll think I'm being silly - but I don't care - she needs to know how I feel about it and that I do not want her to do that EVER again.

So... I've prepared my letter which I hope to submit to the court next Friday should Julie and her attorney ask for unsupervised visits:

I am writing concerning the request for unsupervised visits that I assume Julie will be asking for at today’s court hearing. I do not believe unsupervised visits should happen at this time. Julie has demonstrated time and time again that she has no control over herself and her actions, and the thought of entrusting her with the three children frightens me. Julie continues to show very little reasoning skills. In addition, and of even more concern to me, Julie continually shows that she does not understand or does not care about the consequences of her actions.

It was the end of September when Julie offered the kids alcohol while under my supervision at my house. Since that time she has spiraled out of control with her health and mental well-being. As of the time I am writing this letter, Julie has
seen a physician of some sort (Doctor’s office, Hospital, Clinic, Emergency room visit or admission to the hospital) no less than eleven times in the past two weeks (which includes her hospital days.) During these visits (which were supposed to have been for only her high blood sugar) she asks for and received pain medications and nerve pills. Often times in talking to Julie, she is either sleeping all hours of the day or her speech is slurred as a result of medications she has taken.

Julie will tell you that all the medicine she has received was prescribed by doctors, so “it’s okay”. What you must keep in mind is that –she always had medication that was prescribed by her doctors. She just took as much as she needed to take for a
recreational high. Her theory was: if one is good, three or four is better. In addition, Julie would rather take medication such as Percocet or Morphine for a simple headache than an Advil or Tylenol. Julie tends to get addicted to medications with any kind of addictive features to them such as Percocet, Klonopin, Xanax, Fioricet. As her sister, I get very concerned when Julie begins taking medications such as these; in Julie’s adult life she has NEVER had these medications and not abused them.

Julie’s blood sugar is not out of her control, which is what she would like everyone to
believe. Julie eats whatever she wants to eat. While in the hospital for high blood sugar, she had a friend bring her in fast food. Just this past Sunday afternoon her blood sugar was over 400 and she stated that she was unable to get it to go down (she’d had 9 insulin shots). I asked her what she had eaten that day and she responded “the only thing I’ve had all day are M&M’s”. What rational person knows their blood sugar is over 400 and then grabs a bag of M&M’s to eat? She refuses to believe that her eating habits are contributing to her out of control Diabetes and has told family members on multiple occasions “I’m going to eat whatever I want to eat. I don’t care.” When she was finally put on Insulin, she saw it as permission to
eat whatever she wanted to eat because the insulin injection would then ‘fix’ her blood sugar. I often times wonder if this is another form of self-mutilation for Julie, or if she is attempting to kill herself in what would seem like a legitimate way. Without question, I am certain that her behavior with her health and Diabetes directly correlates with her Mental Illness.
Of utmost importance to me is that the kids not be alone with Julie while her blood sugar is out of control and/or while she is on these addictive medications. A person with a blood sugar of 300, 400 or 500 is a walking time-bomb and could slip into a diabetic coma at any time. Additionally they exhibit symptoms such as blurred vision, dizziness, and irrational behavior. God forbid she would be driving her kids to the movies and lose consciousness or slip into a diabetic coma.

In harmony,
Tina Rhodes

We'll see how that goes over. Mom said to try to keep it short - and you have NO idea how hard that was to do! I talked to Dottie (Guardian Ad Litem) today about everything and she kept saying 'put that in your letter' over and over again... but I knew I wanted and needed to keep it short and brief for the Judge. I'll get MUCH more detailed if we have a staffing and are in the similar situation.

The good news is that I feel okay. I'm stressed about a LOT of things right now, but don't feel like I'm losing my mind right now. I believe that it is thanks to the prayers of my family and friends... ya'll are just awesome. Thanks for always lending an ear and letting me vent through this blog.

Live simply
Love generously
Care deeply
Speak kindly
Leave the rest to God

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In A Nutshell:

Here is a letter I sent to Dr. Phil which really sums everything up:
I am married to my high-school sweetheart (20 years this August), with two wonderful children (Amanda who is 20 and Jonathan who is 13). I have two sisters, both younger – I call them “my good sister” and “my bad sister”. My good sister is – well, good! Normal in every way. The bad one, Julie, has been in trouble since she was a kid. As a baby she cried all of the time. As a teenager she was in trouble all of the time. At the age of 14 or so I remember that she had run away from home to live with a grown man in Atlanta. This was one of many run a ways. As a teenager, she provided sexual favors to boys in school, as well as teachers. As a young adult she was arrested for prostitution. She’s done drugs ranging from marijuana to crack. She was diagnosed early on as bi-polar with personality disorder. She’s also a serious cutter to the point where she no longer hid the cuts. She’s cut things like “Ronald Cecchinni” into her arm… and “Fuck you Dr. XXX” on her stomach, in large letters. Julie is also a diagnosed sex-addict. She’s also recently (in the past year) begun ‘huffing’. (I honestly believe that this huffing has caused some permanent damage) She is currently 36yo.
Julie lost her husband Ron a year and a half ago as a result of Leukemia and Kidney Disease which the military attributed to his serving in the Gulf War. He left behind three children – Kayla who is now 15, Justin who is now 14 and Kayte who is now 13. Even when Julie was married, her psychiatric problems persisted. She has been hospitalized literally hundreds of times over the years. However, when her husband was alive, he would take care of the kids when Julie was mentally out of control. After Ron died, Julie lost control of the kids and her life. She began to spiral out of control, having pot parties at her home (to the point where the kids said a door would open and a cloud of smoke would come bellowing out of the room), smoking weed with her own kids, having sex all over the house with different men all the time, allowing young men (19 yo) to sleep over with her oldest daughter (only 14 at the time), and allowing Gang members to live in her home (she said she felt ‘safe’ with them there). In addition, she was attempting suicide daily, overdosing on medications hoping to not wake up the next morning. Mind you all of this while she was seeing her Psychologist every week and Psychiatrist once a month. Both of these Doctors knew what was going on at home, neither of them reported it to the proper authorities. I have even been told by one of them that he was told, by Julie, that she ‘heard voices telling her to hurt the children’ but that she was proud that she could ignore the voices. Still, these Doctors reported nothing.
I should add here that it was at some point in this period of time in Julie’s life when her children began suicide watches over their mom… each one taking turns to sit in a room with her at all hours (night and day) because their mom was less-likely to hurt herself while they were here. However, it didn’t always work – Julie constantly took pills in front of them trying to either dope herself up or overdose, and she would even cut herself in front of the kids.
Finally one day, she woke up furious that her last suicide attempt didn’t work. She got violent with her oldest daughter, police were called, and finally DCF was called. (I would like to add that we (other family members) had called DCF in the past to report things, but some of the cases were ‘unfounded’ and one other time the fled the state knowing CF only had jurisdiction in Florida.) DCF removed the children from the home in November 2005 and I gained custody of the Children shortly thereafter.
There are lots of things I could add here about my sister, DCF, and the horrible Foster Care or Custodial Care program we are involved with. However, that is not my main reason for writing to you.
Kayte, the youngest, seems to be adjusting pretty well. She has a tendency to trivialize what her mom has done and the seriousness of it, but I think that is normal given that it is her mom. Kayte was in counseling, but she feels it’s ‘a waste of time’.
Justin, the middle child, is okay. As a young boy I'm told he was a terror. He used to hit his mother and at one point (only 6yo) tried to jump off a building to kill himself. Since then, his anger has turned in to an endless smothering of love and caring. He does everything for his mom… from getting her whatever she needs to rubbing her feet and back. Justin has seen a psychiatrist since moving in with me who felt that his issues were brought on by trauma. It was also at that visit with the psychiatrist that he confided in myself and the Doctor that he had suicidal thoughts often while living at home with his mom in her ‘state of being’ after his dad died. However, since he moved in with me he has done so much better (and continues to improve daily) that she didn’t feel he even needed counseling at this time. He would, however, need counseling before he was reunited with his mom.
Kayla, the oldest, has serious issues. She is also currently in counseling but feels that it is ‘a waste of time’. Kayla has always lied and stolen things. Family members feel sorry for her because you can tell that she doesn’t really mean any ill will by it, but it’s been ‘the way she is’ for a very long time. By far her biggest problems are lying and her need for approval by men (young and old).
Since the kids have moved in with us, my husband and I have set up rules. The kids already had myspace accounts, so we set ground rules for it. 1) We needed the login names and passwords. 2) Profiles must be set to private. 3) The only people they were allowed to have on their friends list was people that they actually knew. When Kayla’s list climbed over 300, and she was found to have inappropriate conversations (wanting to sneak out and ‘hook up’ with young men), we made everyone cut their list down to 30 friends, which included myself. 4) All vulgar language and inappropriate photos would come off immediately and would be monitored by myself at any given time. At times, they try to put up ‘sexy’ pictures which immediately need to come down.
However recently I have found that she has multiple website things going on in an attempt to pick up young men. I'll outline a few here so that you understand the gravity of the situation: 1) I found her 'normal' myspace account set to 'public view'. She has over 11,000 profile views(meaning people looking at her pictures and wanting to know more about her). I had reset it to private many times, but she keeps going back and resetting it to public. 2) I have found another myspace account which she went by the name 'Shannon' and used it to pick up young men, tease them, then later tell them that she was 'taken' but refer them to her 'cousin, Kayla'. She'd then give them all of Kayla's information. Of course thiswas also set to public. 3) I have found another social network website that was like myspace in which she had ONLY men (mostly from other states) as her 'friends' whom she corresponded with. The emails back and forth basically said the same thing as all of the others... more on that in #4 - only these were guys that not only did she not know, but they were not even in the area! 4) All accounts that I have found had basically the same thing... her emailing guys wanting to know if she was pretty, if they wanted to 'hook up', talking about going to their 'crib' or meeting up with them somewhere, and constantly seeking approval and affirmation from these guys.
I believe she gets this from her mom. And the sad thing is, if you met her, you would love her. She is truly a GREAT kid… but she has serious issues. I’ve described to you Julie’s behavior and Kayla’s seems to be the same way. Neither can make decisions on their own that are ‘the right thing to do’, and both lack the understanding of simple values, morals and ethics. I could go into so many examples. How do I describe the utterly amazing difference between Julie’s parenting style and my own?
I know... Both Julie and I have myspace accounts set up to ‘monitor’ the kids. To illustrate the difference between Julie and myself, here is something that Julie and I both put on our myspace accounts. You are supposed to put something 'about yourself' by your picture. Here is mine: "I'm 38 years old. I have two amazing kids, Amanda who is 20 and Jonathan who is 13. I have great husband, Chris. I love to sing - and have been singing in Toast of Tampa Show Chorus for 10 years. I'm raising my nieces and nephew (12, 13 and 14). I love God and my family."And here is Julie's: "I am who I am and if you dont like me for me........FUCK YOU........ Plus if you dont like me for me....... Im gunna tell my kids and there gunna kick yer ass!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Here’s the other dilemma we are having; the two girls are in counseling that is costing me $25 EACH in co-payments every time they go. The State of Florida provides NO financial support to me as a relative caregiver, other than providing the three kids with Medicaid. They received small SSI checks because of their dad’s death, but it barely covers the food they consume. The DCF worker, having spoke with the girls and being told that therapy is ‘a waste of time’, has referred me to a clinic that DCF uses for cases such as this to seek mental care for Kayla (aswell as the others). However, the kids have TriCare as their primary insurance because their dad died from Military causes. TriCare requires the co-payment, regardless of the Medicaid secondary. Having said that, please understand that I worked in referrals in a primary care physician’s office for 16 years… I totally ‘get’ what is required for primary and secondary insurances and all the red tape. But because of the uniqueness of this situation, the kids are suffering!
I should also point out here that I have the kids for an indefinite period of time. Right now Julie is doing things that she has been told to do to get the kids back. However, she is still awaiting a court ordered detailed Psychiatric exam to determine if she can EVER parent again. Even if that Psychiatrist feels she can parent again, she’ll most likely need to be ‘clean’ and ‘episode-free’ for 6 months to a year minimum. In addition, Julie is only allowed supervised visits and one phone call a day. This came about because of her inappropriate behavior when she was with the kids and because when she was allowed to call any time she’d call 10 + times a day.
The other problem with Julie ever getting her children back is that… she doesn’t understand what she did wrong. She parents as if she were 15-years old herself. If anyone has ever done something bad and been able to ‘keep’ their kids, she sees no reason she can’t do it. She brought her daughter at the age of 13 in for a HUGE tattoo on the small of her back. It’s Tigger flipping ‘the bird’ with her gang name under it. She was also planning on getting a large tattoo on her 12yo before the kids were taken. Again, she sees nothing wrong with any of her past behavior.
So, you see, I could have these children for the rest of their teenage years. I honestly don’t know where to turn to get them the help they need.
I feel as if I am in a psychiatric nightmare and I just can’t wake up. Eight months ago I was at home, my biggest ‘kid worry’ was if my son was going to get good grades on his report card. Now I find myself in a crux worried about whether or not the lessons I teach them, this late in their young life, are going to be enough to turn these kids around and help them to be productive adults in the near future.

Tina's Daily Blog

Friday, December 15, 2006

There's Nuts In the Fudge!

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