We had another episode late last week with Kayla. Kayla has been on phone restriction until she brings her grades up to a minimum of a C. She had ONE D left in Science, and we were doing everything we could to help her get this grade up to a C. She was ONE point away - and had a big DNA project to do. She had to create a DNA strand, so Chris and I bought her a Knex set (about $60) because it made a really COOL looking DNA strand, and cool and nice meant a better grade which meant bringing up her grade. Kayla turned it in, got an A, and that grade should now go up to a C. BUT.... Kayla apparently didn't want to wait for the grade to go up.
I went to tuck her in while she was sleeping, I reached around to hug her and what do I feel under her pillow? A flipping CELL PHONE - again!!! I was FURIOUS. Chris and I examined the phone, determined that she had it for at least 4 days and woke her up to talk about it. At first she said she got the phone the day before, but when confronted with the evidence, she admitted to having it all week. She'd been using the phone to keep in touch with an ex-boyfriend she just hooked back up with. She also used it to take and send photos to lots of different people and she made and received calls from lots of her friends all hours of the day and night. We JUST went through this a little over a month ago... and now we're going through it AGAIN? To know that Kayla will willfully and knowingly completely disregard our rules to do whatever it is that she wants to do just -- INFURIATES me. We talked to her at length and I can tell you that she honestly believes that she should be able to do whatever she wants to do (including get whatever grades she wants to get) with no restrictions or rules. At one point she told me that she was trying in school and the D was the best grade she could get. But then in the next breath she says that if her dad were alive, she would never have a D.
Julie came over on Saturday morning for her weekly visit. It was HORRIBLE... the whole thing. Let me explain.
It started off good... she stopped by McDonald's and picked up breakfast for the kids. They LOVE McDonald's and we rarely let them eat there. We are sitting around the kitchen table and Gwen calls to talk to the kids. (Gwen being 'Grandma', Ron's mom). Of course, I had already told Gwen what happened with the kids (Justin and Kayla). She spoils them rotten when they are good, and in my opinion, as their grandmother, should know when they are both good AND bad. She talks to each of them and tells Kayla that, due to her behavior and willful and repeating pattern of disrespect and rule-breaking, she is not going to buy her a Christmas present this year.
Kayla came back to the table, crying. I explained to her that Christmas presents were never to be 'expected' that they are GIFTS that people give -- that adults work very hard for their money and choose what to buy and for whom. That I know she didn't like it, but it was her Grandma's decision and Kayla had deal with it.
I should add here that Gwen has witnessed Kayla's behavior all her life. Stealing, lying, etc. Gwen has NEVER put her foot down and done something this seriously before. But - she and I talked about it and agree that Kayla has TWO YEARS until she is a legal adult... there isn't much time left to 'hope' that Kayla understands the seriousness of her actions. If this one thing did it, that would be awesome. If it didn't... it was well worth the try.
So... Kayla is sitting at the table sobbing. Julie tell her 'not to worry about it' that she (Julie) is buying lots of presents for her and Julie will make SURE she has a 'good Christmas'. I told Julie that she shouldn't be trying to 'undo' the lesson that her Grandma is trying to teach her.
As the other kids came to the table they were talking about their presents from last year. They said - "Auntie Tina, how did you afford to give us that last year" and I told them that I didn't buy anything for them last year, Santa did. Again, Santa - to me - is the spirit of Christmas. The Rush family adopted them last year and bought them presents. Julie balked at that, saying that she would NEVER say a present was from Santa... that when she bought her kids presents she wanted to make sure they knew that SHE bought it for them. It's hard to explain the whole story unless you were there, but I can promise you that it was the most selfish thing I've heard Jule talk about in a long time.
There was one other thing that Julie did that really TICKED me off. In front of Kayla she tells me that - by my punishing Kayla that Kayla felt as if I didn't love her unconditionally. And that Julie thought I was being too hard on her. (Mind you - we've not really even DECIDED what to do with Kayla yet.. we are going to talk to her therapist about it and see what she thinks. This is because the restrictions we've put her on before have obviously not worked and we don't want to restrict her just to restrict her, we want her to LEARN from it!) So she tells me all this... I'm too hard on her and that I don't love her unconditionally. I yelled at Julie with that. I told her that she had 15 years to screw everything up and that I only had been given (so far) one year to try to fix it. As long as she kept sticking her nose in it and telling me what to do, that I couldn't do that! Again, I was furious.
Shortly after that, Julie left. Late that night I get a call from Julie because her blood sugar is (again) high. It was 380 at home, and her doctor wanted her to go to the Urgent Care Clinic to get some insulin. Of course, what did Julie just eat before this?? Several brownies. She had eaten out twice that day (fast food), had leftovers for dinner, God only knows how many cokes, and the brownies. Of COURSE her sugar was high. Anyways... she goes to Urgent Care where they say her blood sugar is now over 400 and that they have to send her by Ambulance to the emergency room.
Long story short, this is now her 4th ER trip in a little over a week. I was told that she was given Ativan while there and also given more Fioricet for headaches while there. What either of those has to do with her blood sugar I've no idea... but that's what I heard.
Oh, news about the Jay thing. Julie tells me that originally he told her that she could go wherever she wanted and take whatever medication she wanted... but that after that Jay called Karen Fletcher (original DCF worker) and she told Jay that he was wrong. Jay then told Julie the correct rules. This is good. Oh, and did I tell you that Julie got another job?? She's starting at Publix later this week. Working is VERY good for Julie.
I just got another call from Julie. Her FASTING blood sugar this morning is 479. Yep... nearly 500 FASTING. Holy cow. She's going BACK to the ER. She told me that her BS was over 400 yesterday and they told her to go back to the ER (which would mean she would have gone 3 times in 3 days), but she didn't go, instead she took some meds and went to bed... woke up this morning to that very high blood sugar. She said that she is afraid to call Jay... afraid he is going to yell at her. She said that, after he talked to Karen - he was really yelling at her for all her medications and doctors. I told her that Jay needed to know FROM HER what was going on, that if he found out 'after-the-fact' that it might seem like she was trying to hide it. She agreed and called him. Well, Julie called me right back and said that Jay is just furious that she's going back to an emergency room. He said that before she goes to the ER that she needed to stop by his office and bring paperwork showing what happened at the last few ER trips. As thrilled as I am that Jay is finally taking this seriously, telling a woman who's blood sugar is almost 500 to go anywhere besides an Emergency room immediately is not a good idea... not in my book anyways. Well, I say that, but I'm still feeling rather torn by the whole thing. I mean, I do fully believe she is doing this TO herself. Sigh...
Okay, here's something ironic. I talked to a friend of mine who is a nurse and doesn't really know Julie. (She doesn't really know that Julie used to try to kill herself all the time and about her sorted mental health history). I ask my friend about Julie's blood sugar... what her chances are with a blood sugar level of 400+ on a regular basis. She told me: "Refusing to eat better..... with glucose levels this high...... is it's own type of suicide." Hmmm... that was rather odd I think. I wonder if anyone else is considering that concept. When I told her something about them not having an opening for her to come in for an appointment for 4 weeks, she said that it sometimes happens that way when a patient has an "unwillingness to comply with any of his recommendations." Boy oh boy... does that sound like Julie or what??!!
About how all of US are doing... I guess we are okay. I got most of the inside Christmas decorations done, with the exception of the tree which we still have to go pick out. We took a vote in the house of 'real' vs 'fake' tree and the real tree won. (I was the only one who voted for fake actually). Chris worked on Sunday so we still have the tree to do together and outside which Chris usually does on his own. I still feel really awkward when someone says "you must be doing a ton of shopping with all those kids" and I think about how I've only bought ONE present, with no money and therefore no intentions to buy any more. But I'm okay with that. I can't allow myself to get sucked into the retail side of Christmas... especially not now given our financial position. And ya know what?? We have so much.... so much love... so much gratitude... health... happiness... we are SO BLESSED. I wouldn't be at all surprised to hear that God planned this entire Christmas season for us. Sure we don't have much money, but we have family and love galore!
Yesterday (Sunday) Chris and I sang with 4 others a song that really moved people at church. We're talking - people crying and thanking us over and over again - as if we had given them a gift or something. And it made me think... isn't that what we are supposed to be doing as Christians this time of year... filling people with the Holy Spirit in our own way? Some people blessed financially help people less fortunate and both of them are filled with happiness and love. People help out in soup kitchens, or help our people or families that they otherwise wouldn't really pay attention to - again sharing the love of Jesus and spreading that joy and.... hope. And then there is Chris and I who have very little to GIVE ourselves right now; no time, no money... but we can sing. So we give that to others through the church, and watch as the Lord works through us to talk to people. It's utterly amazing.
The whole thing causes me to once again look back and reflect on the past year. And.... God's plan so PERFECT. You can go back to the prior posts when I've talked about it... but it's really truly amazing to look back and see His plan and how totally perfect it was... or rather IS!
Please keep Julie in your thoughts and prayers. Pray that she will begin to take care of herself and stop hurting herself in one way or another (with drugs, knives (cutting), medications, or even food). Pray that Julie will stop trying to be the center of attention and experience the wonderful feeling of giving and watching others. Pray that she will improve both physically and mentally. Thank you.
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