I’d like to start off with a great big THANK YOU to everyone who said a little prayer for our cars. Chris has fixed my ac/heat in the Mustang and then he was just traveling down the road the other day in the Durango, hit a bump, and his was fixed. Sure…. It’s likely it was a loose wire or something, but I’d much rather prefer to think of it as the power of prayer. Now… if the transmission holds out a few years longer… that would be perfect!
We looked at vehicles while at the Fair and couldn’t BELIEVE the cost of a new car today. When you add the fact that it needs to hold no less than 6 people, the price gets outrageous. I’ll bet it was more than what my mom paid for her home when she first moved to Florida. It’s shocking and was somewhat depressing knowing we could never get something like that, but at the same time it made me so very grateful to have the little cars we have now, with only a few payments left on the Durango. So… come on Durango… give me a few more years. Then I can buy a small, sensible, economical vehicle. :o)
On the “Julie News”… she is back in the hospital. She went to a Health Fair with my mom. She got all kinds of information on how to help control her Diabetes, even a computer program to help guide her and help her stay on track. Her blood sugar at the time tested over 250. So… where does Julie decide to go on the way home?? She goes to get Chinese food. SIGH. She then couldn’t keep her blood sugar under 500, and after multiple calls to doctors, was told to go to the ER.
She explained to them that Brandon Hospital might not take her again. Apparently (according to Julie) they are upset that she is there all the time. This is the one she left 'Against Medical Advice' last time. She said that, even before she left, the doctors and nurses kept making comments about how often she was in the hospital and it ‘made her feel bad’ so she didn’t want to go back there. So… she went to Memorial Hospital.
She didn’t want to call me and tell me – she was afraid I was ‘going to be mad at her’. I honestly don’t know how to feel about it anymore. I definitely don’t have that ‘mother’ attitude I had before… she can admit herself once a week and it no longer really affects me. But as her sister, I hate to see her killing herself like this. She told me that she did not want to tell Dr. Vergeese that she was in again. I think this is a HUGE mistake. There is ONE person whom she is supposed to be working with to help her get back on track. ONE person… and that’s Dr. Vergeese. Lying to him or hiding things from him is not going to help her.
Oh, and I think I found out why Julie is thinking that she couldn’t possibly die from her blood sugar. My other sister Katie told me that Julie told her last night that her blood sugar would have to be over 1,000 in order for her to die. Where she got that number from I have no idea. I don’t know if someone really told her that or if she’s just saying it…. Well…. I don’t really know why else she would say it.
I had a talk with the kids of course when I got home yesterday telling them about their mom again. I had a rather serious talk with Justin though, because… I think he enables her. He caudles her and tells her what she wants to hear. The other day when Julie was over my house, she was talking to the kids. Kayla said “mommy, just stop going to the hospital!” Julie said, “What do you mean? I’ve only been twice!” Kayla told her to stop lying and Justin stood up for Julie saying that he believed her when she said she’d only been two times. Now… I know he could not POSSIBLY believe that. I know that he believes he is helping her by agreeing with her, but I really don’t think he is. So, I just told him what I felt and tried to guide him. I told him that I know that he loves his mom very much and that he wants her to get better, and that was so awesome. But that his mom really needed to step up and start working on getting herself better. And what she needed most was encouragement to do just that.
Speaking of encouragement, I need to go on the record here about my blog.
Dr. Vergeese asked me about why I keep an online blog. Mom has mentioned from time to time about how it's 'out there' for everyone. So let me go on record one more time about why I do this and what it means to me.
I originally started this blog as a way to give information to Katie, Mom and even Chris without repeating the same things multiple times. State visits and phone calls were continuous. Information was overwhelming. And the stress was nearly intolerable. When the DCF person would come to visit, instead of having to explain everything several times, I referred them to the blog. Of course, in the beginning, things happened multiple times a day, 7 days a week.
Then others began finding the blog. Friends. Family. Church members. They left messages (some posted on the blog, others personal to me) that we EXACTLY what I needed... inspirational.... supportive.... and positive. When I had a problem with Kayla and was at my WITS END as to what to do... these people gave me ideas on ways to help or ways to cope. When I thought I was going to lose my mind because I was being torn limb to limb - at one end the mother of the kids I was raising who was overdosing and incoherent many times --- at the other end the my little sister who was crying out for help. My heart BREAKS almost every single day. And these friends.... family.... church members.... all pray for me when I need it most. Their prayers give me strength.
I am VERY careful not to divulge information that is too personal. I am VERY careful as to what I do and do not blog about here, trying my best to keep it just about the kids and how that has affected our lives. I am VERY careful as to say things in here only as I would say directly TO Julie so that if she stumbles across the blog (and she has!) that she would not be blown away.
Then there have been a few 'outside' readers who have been very inspirational as well. One woman from Thailand or something like that wrote me and told me that she found my blog on accident, and was feeling very down and out. She thought her life was not going so well. She read the blog... felt the Christian undertones within it. Felt my strength and perseverance. And she wrote to me to tell me that it made a difference in her life. SHE now had strength to go out and face her challenges.
My blog isn't right or wrong. It isn't the "Gospel According to Tina". It is my feelings. My heart. My worries. My concerns. My fears. My love. All written very carefully. I'm not here to say Julie is bad and Tina is good. God continues to give me tools to walk me through this turmoil. Heck, this blog is one of those tools. When I blog about something that is troubling me, I FEEL better. When I talk about how the Lord is giving me strength to do things I didn't think I could possibly do, I feel even stronger.
But most of all I am here blogging to say that - there are many times, many many times, when I don't think that I should be caring for these kids. We had a lot going on in our own lives. Adding three teenagers to the mix is scary. It's straining every resource I have and mostly straining emotionally. I'm here to say that I don't know why God gave this to me, but more importantly I know that He did indeed give this to me. I believe that His reasons are right and His timing is perfect. I am a witness to His works and to the power of prayer. Were it not for the people who pray for me as a direct result of this blog, I honestly don't know where I would be right now.
It's so easy to think that you would for sure do something one way if something happened. It's so easy to look at how someone is handling something and think to yourself that if you were handling that problem, you'd handle it totally different (and of course, better). It's so easy to see someone stressed and think, 'if that were me, I wouldn't worry about this or that and my stress would be way less'. I know this... I've lived this. But -- until you've walked IN those shoes, you really have no idea.
So... thank you to each one of you who reads and prays.
Thank you for each one of you who reads and then supports and encourages me and our family.
And to anyone who doesn't think I should blog about this, my shoes are a size 7 and I'd be happy to let you wear them for a little while.
Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.
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You go girl!You are entitled to blog, If it helps you then don't let anyone tell you differently. You and your famiy are in my prayers and you wear the biggest size 7 shoe I have ever seen. I couldn't even begin to fill the big toe! ----------> your ever-lovin fan and supporter.
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