Give Your Worries To The Lord

I'm home sick today. Initially, I was just having a 'worrisome' day. Chris pointed out this morning that I usually get this worried at this time of the month. It's nearly time for his payday and - well - with him doing his own thing (his own business), it's not like a payroll check is cut by anyone, ya know? Although he's been really busy lately, with the new business and all. God is going to... I mean... God IS taking care of us. I know that. And still... I worry.

This morning, at work, feeling not so well and knowing I needed to just give my worry over to God, I actually went into the bathroom at work, shut the door, got on my knees and prayed. I prayed that God would just take my worry from me. I felt it -- I felt that I was trying to 'give it to God' but that my fingertips were just barely hanging on... trying desperately not not let go and by doing so trying to have at least SOME control. Yet, I know, it's better in His hands. Surely He knows better than I.

I felt better when I got up. A little silly for getting on my knees in a small and cold bathroom... but still better. Better spiritually -- but still had a headache so I came home for the day sick.

And I sit here blogging... laughing at myself. I'm sitting at the kitchen table on a laptop, looking outside at the pretty porch, pool, hot tub, plants, Pedro cleaning the pool (Pedro is our automatic pool cleaner guy... don't ask why we call him Pedro - we just do!). My bible is open to my left, kitchen looks clean enough. Clothes tossing gently in the dryer. Then my mind wanders to other things... the electric bill from laundry running ALL the time.... the kitchen cabinets with cracked wood and the refacing peeling.... knowing that termites have been eating at this back wall for over a year now and we NEED to get this place tented.... knowing I have only $45 in the bank and am going out to dinner with my mom tonight for Mothers day. And I laugh at myself... saying "Jeez Tina, just ENJOY the good stuff". I don't focus on the bad most of the time - I just know it's there. Sure, sometimes I tend to focus more... such as this morning... but I always come around and see the brighter side. God's gifts. God's blessings. They are everywhere.

I know I'm not alone in this. Yesterday on CNN they carried a story about a young man who is in high school, dying of cancer. He kept a blog that CNN says is a "magnet for people searching for ways to relish the simplicity of a single good day." How sad really that we are all really searching for ways to recognize and enjoy a simply good day.

This weekend a friend from church ended his life at the age of 41. It was horrible, tragic, and life-changing all at the same time. It's really not hard to imagine how someone could get depressed in today's time. Both parents working, prices going up everywhere, kids today dealing with things our parents could never even imagine them having to deal with, and so many faithless people out there... looking for something. But how does someone get so depressed that they don't know any way out other than death? Sadly, I understand that. Someone I love dearly has had suicidal thoughts in the past (long time ago). And no, not Julie! But clearly it happens and I've seen it first hand. When your mind isn't thinking right, it just isn't working right.

I was telling a friend of mine the other day how people just don't... talk... about bad things. As if speaking these things might make them 'less' in someone else's eyes. When in fact, in my eyes, talking about such things makes them bigger. I'm not talking about earth-shattering things here... we all have things we can not say to others. But certain experiences we have in life, if shared with other people, might make others think that they are not alone.

For example, my husband and I on a somewhat regular basis (spread out over nearly 21 years) have had marriage problems. Things are not always perfect. We are not always happy. But those bumps in the road HAVE made us stronger. Another thing I put in a Myspace survey that I don't ever talk about, but it asked for "the most tragic thing that ever happened TO me" -- in high school I was molested by 3 guys at one time; held captive in a room for over an hour while everyone was in class. Shocking? It happens. I thank God it was just a molestation. But do I ever talk about it? Nope.

When we were at the Mothers/Daughters luncheon, they had a speaker talk about staying 'pure' until you were married. I felt and OVERWHELMING urge to share my story. I didn't (not much anyways). But - maybe there are teens out there who need to know that if they have sex, and get pregnant, there are happy endings at times. That they have options. That they have choices. And that they should do as I did... listen to their heart. Pray. And make every decision with love in your heart. Not everyone will end up married, I know. And... maybe the talk I'm supposed to have is to tell girls that it (pregnancy) CAN happen on your VERY first time ever. Do you KNOW how many kids to this day don't know that? Shocking.

Other things have happened over the course of my life that I can not and will not talk about unless I need to. My relationship with my mom is... strained... at times; but not without cause. But I love my mother with all my heart and soul. Dr. Phil talks all the time about 'boundaries' and how they really help with any relationship. He's exactly correct. Everyone needs boundaries, and mom and I have made our relationship strong and loving in the face of difficult times. I love you mom.

My father died an alcoholic. He left my mom when I was 18, married another alcoholic, bought a bar up in North Carolina (a strip club bar) and there he drank himself to death. Tragic, yes. But there were a LOT of life lessons in what happened because of those things. Things that made ME a stronger person.

Funny story about my dad and his dying that I'll share with you. My sisters and I had not seen and very rarely heard from him in 15 years. When he did call, he was drunk. Anyways... we got the news that he was in the hospital dying. My sisters and I decided to go up and see him. "No regrets" my husband kept telling me.

Dad had been unconscious before we got there, but woke up and the doctors said seemed to improve the 2 or 3 days we were there. While visiting, we got to see his 'bar' - it was then we realized it was a little hole-in-the-wall strip club.

At this time you should picture this... Katie, the youngest sister, was very pretty and thin. Former prom queen, popular, dancer, the works. Julie, the middle sister, was morbidly obese. I, the oldest (and wisest!) was somewhere in the middle.

Dad wakes up when we are there... and looks at us. He yells at Katie for wearing makeup, saying she was too young. (I think he still thought we were the kids we were when he left home maybe, I dunno.) Then he looked at the three of us... he said to Katie.... "You could come to my club and work. You could work weekends and nights and make a lot of money." He then looks at me and says... "You could work weeknights and make decent money." Then he looks at Julie and says....... "You could work days." How funny is that.... one of the last things our dad wanted us to do is pole dancing at his strip club! Even assigned us times based on what he thought it would do for his business. Oh my LORDY that's funny.

I have another funny story about when my Nana passed away. One I just recently shared with Pastor Matthew's wife, and she just couldn't even believe it. It's a good one I'll share for another day.

I've got to run. Need to take Kayla to a job interview then get ready to go meet mom and my sisters for Mother's Day dinner.

Psalm 55: 22
Give your worries to the Lord. He will take care of you. He will never let good people down.

And here is a photo from this weekend's mother/daughter luncheon. Enjoy: