Tina's Daily Blog: Things I Learned While On Vacation

Sunday, July 08, 2007

Things I Learned While On Vacation

This vacation was simply wonderful. Let me tell you about one of our days:

We get up in the morning and soak up the beach in the early morning. It's quiet, not too many people out on the beach just yet. If I drank coffee, sitting on the balcony sipping a cup of coffee would seem perfect. But I don't, so I sip my water and enjoy the morning.

Chris and I take the kids down to John's Pass. It's a little shopping village right on the water. This is where Jonathan went Parasailing. Kayla has her first ever boat ride and prays she'll see one dolphin. Instead she sees 5 playing nearby and she thanks God for letting her see so many.

We get back to the condo by noon and by 12:15 I'm on the beach with a bucket of Margaritas. The guys are playing horse shoes all day, others are under one of the 3 tents we have on the beach. I park my chair on the waters edge and sit to enjoy the day.

The kids come looking for me after a while and we go looking for shells and shark teeth. We of course find tons. Back to margaritas on the beach. Jono comes up after a while and wants to go catch fish (with our hands) - which we do for a while. The water feels great, and we catch so many fish that other kids on the beach want to see what we are doing. We show them, share some of the fish with them, then teach them how to catch them on their own. Occasionally throughout the day we also hit the pool and the hot tub of course.

Just before dinner/sunset we go up to the room and shower. Another couple has graciously made dinner for the 'crew' (about 30 of us total) and we go to their room to eat. These people are so wonderful and so generous it is heart-warming and inspiring.

After dark we go back down to the beach where all the adults have gathered around our tents and pull our chairs into a circle. At this point I'm drinking a nice glass of wine. (Bottle of course in tow for refills!) We sit, talk, drink, and enjoy good family and friends until we just can't stay up any longer. We then retreat to the room where we play a few hands of Gin Rummy with the kids till bedtime.

I had similar days to this every single day for 6 whole days. I am truly blessed.

Thinking of this on the day I returned, I began to compile a list of things I learned while on vacation. Some funny. Some honest. Some just realizing how blessed I am. But I thought it would be good to share my list with you. So here they are in no particular order:

Margaritas taste better in the hot sun on the beach in the middle of the day.
Nothing beats sitting on the beach at sunset.
Absolutely no doubt, I love all the kids - Jonathan, Kayla, Justin and Kayte. Without question God put them in our lives on purpose. And I thank Him.
Good friends and family are hard to find and should be told how great they are more often.
I am convinced Kendalle is an Angel.
Kids eat like crazy, even on vacation.
A glass (or four) of a good red Zin after sunset adds a whole new level of relaxation to vacation.
I miss Brian and Jennifer terribly.
The moon-lit ocean waves crashing at night is heavenly.
Men play horseshoes better than women. Damnit.
Kayla, Justin, Kayte and Jonathan amaze more every day; in both good ways and bad ways!
The more I spend time with this whole group of wonderful people, the more I like them.
A door left open in the condo can turn the temp from 72 to 80 within minutes.
Kids leave doors open in the condo all the ding-dang time.
Letting a kid spend their money on something they wanted to do and they saved for is actually more rewarding than if I had paid for it myself. (Jono's para-sailing)
A non-working cell phone while on vacation is not necessarily a bad thing.
I miss barbershop and singing in an A level chorus.
Getting a tattoo really doesn't hurt all that much.
Vacationing with 9 other families means the kids can eat in other rooms, but yet they STILL come back to ours to eat more afterwords.
They should build a Sams Club right by the beach.
Gray Goose is far better than other Vodkas.
Tequila Sunrises are icky.
Kayla is GREAT with kids.
Generous people are amazing. More people (myself included) should aspire to be generous with whatever they can. The world would be a better place.
Senator Nelson is GREAT for getting our social security money to us quickly.
Everyone changes around babies - for the better.
You should not go into a hot tub with a sunburn.
Amanda needs a tan. Badly.
Teenagers talk and text on phones WAY WAY WAY too much.
Brandon hospital is enabling Julie.

It's after midnight now and I've got to work tomorrow. Please continue to keep us in your thoughts and prayers! Lots going on and the rat-race is getting back into full swing with work starting back tomorrow.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...: I so needed a laugh and I love your 'Things I learned' list...they are all so true!

I am so blessed to have the great friendship I have with you and the extension of the invite to come join you guys and your great group of friends and family on this vacation. YOU GUYS ROCK! And yes, the kids eat EVERYWHERE and Sams Club would be good :) LOL and when Amanda reads this, sorry I have to agree with mom, you need a tan! :)

Love ya!
M~; 12:03 AM
Anonymous said...: :-(

Things you also learned:
-Gene makes one hell of an omelet.
-Omelet is spelled o-m-e-l-e-t. Look it up.
-Rum with milk is actually quite tasty.
-Amanda knows she needs a tan, but doesn't care what other people think.
-Gene and Amanda are going to make a great addition to the married couples at the beach next year.; 8:09 AM
Tina said...: Right about Gene Amanda - he sure can make one heck of an omelette - and it's spelled either way fartknocker: Omelet or Omelette... see below from Dictionary.com

omelette
noun
beaten eggs or an egg mixture cooked until just set; may be folded around e.g. ham or cheese or jelly [syn: omelet]; 11:01 AM
Anonymous said...: This is great :)

Michelle Learned:

~Amanda's right-milk and rum are good
~Tattoos really don't hurt that much
~Gene does make good EGGS and Michelle spelled Omelette wrong the first time!
~Margaritas don't mess you up as much when you drink them in the sun!; 3:26 PM

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In A Nutshell:

Here is a letter I sent to Dr. Phil which really sums everything up:
I am married to my high-school sweetheart (20 years this August), with two wonderful children (Amanda who is 20 and Jonathan who is 13). I have two sisters, both younger – I call them “my good sister” and “my bad sister”. My good sister is – well, good! Normal in every way. The bad one, Julie, has been in trouble since she was a kid. As a baby she cried all of the time. As a teenager she was in trouble all of the time. At the age of 14 or so I remember that she had run away from home to live with a grown man in Atlanta. This was one of many run a ways. As a teenager, she provided sexual favors to boys in school, as well as teachers. As a young adult she was arrested for prostitution. She’s done drugs ranging from marijuana to crack. She was diagnosed early on as bi-polar with personality disorder. She’s also a serious cutter to the point where she no longer hid the cuts. She’s cut things like “Ronald Cecchinni” into her arm… and “Fuck you Dr. XXX” on her stomach, in large letters. Julie is also a diagnosed sex-addict. She’s also recently (in the past year) begun ‘huffing’. (I honestly believe that this huffing has caused some permanent damage) She is currently 36yo.
Julie lost her husband Ron a year and a half ago as a result of Leukemia and Kidney Disease which the military attributed to his serving in the Gulf War. He left behind three children – Kayla who is now 15, Justin who is now 14 and Kayte who is now 13. Even when Julie was married, her psychiatric problems persisted. She has been hospitalized literally hundreds of times over the years. However, when her husband was alive, he would take care of the kids when Julie was mentally out of control. After Ron died, Julie lost control of the kids and her life. She began to spiral out of control, having pot parties at her home (to the point where the kids said a door would open and a cloud of smoke would come bellowing out of the room), smoking weed with her own kids, having sex all over the house with different men all the time, allowing young men (19 yo) to sleep over with her oldest daughter (only 14 at the time), and allowing Gang members to live in her home (she said she felt ‘safe’ with them there). In addition, she was attempting suicide daily, overdosing on medications hoping to not wake up the next morning. Mind you all of this while she was seeing her Psychologist every week and Psychiatrist once a month. Both of these Doctors knew what was going on at home, neither of them reported it to the proper authorities. I have even been told by one of them that he was told, by Julie, that she ‘heard voices telling her to hurt the children’ but that she was proud that she could ignore the voices. Still, these Doctors reported nothing.
I should add here that it was at some point in this period of time in Julie’s life when her children began suicide watches over their mom… each one taking turns to sit in a room with her at all hours (night and day) because their mom was less-likely to hurt herself while they were here. However, it didn’t always work – Julie constantly took pills in front of them trying to either dope herself up or overdose, and she would even cut herself in front of the kids.
Finally one day, she woke up furious that her last suicide attempt didn’t work. She got violent with her oldest daughter, police were called, and finally DCF was called. (I would like to add that we (other family members) had called DCF in the past to report things, but some of the cases were ‘unfounded’ and one other time the fled the state knowing CF only had jurisdiction in Florida.) DCF removed the children from the home in November 2005 and I gained custody of the Children shortly thereafter.
There are lots of things I could add here about my sister, DCF, and the horrible Foster Care or Custodial Care program we are involved with. However, that is not my main reason for writing to you.
Kayte, the youngest, seems to be adjusting pretty well. She has a tendency to trivialize what her mom has done and the seriousness of it, but I think that is normal given that it is her mom. Kayte was in counseling, but she feels it’s ‘a waste of time’.
Justin, the middle child, is okay. As a young boy I'm told he was a terror. He used to hit his mother and at one point (only 6yo) tried to jump off a building to kill himself. Since then, his anger has turned in to an endless smothering of love and caring. He does everything for his mom… from getting her whatever she needs to rubbing her feet and back. Justin has seen a psychiatrist since moving in with me who felt that his issues were brought on by trauma. It was also at that visit with the psychiatrist that he confided in myself and the Doctor that he had suicidal thoughts often while living at home with his mom in her ‘state of being’ after his dad died. However, since he moved in with me he has done so much better (and continues to improve daily) that she didn’t feel he even needed counseling at this time. He would, however, need counseling before he was reunited with his mom.
Kayla, the oldest, has serious issues. She is also currently in counseling but feels that it is ‘a waste of time’. Kayla has always lied and stolen things. Family members feel sorry for her because you can tell that she doesn’t really mean any ill will by it, but it’s been ‘the way she is’ for a very long time. By far her biggest problems are lying and her need for approval by men (young and old).
Since the kids have moved in with us, my husband and I have set up rules. The kids already had myspace accounts, so we set ground rules for it. 1) We needed the login names and passwords. 2) Profiles must be set to private. 3) The only people they were allowed to have on their friends list was people that they actually knew. When Kayla’s list climbed over 300, and she was found to have inappropriate conversations (wanting to sneak out and ‘hook up’ with young men), we made everyone cut their list down to 30 friends, which included myself. 4) All vulgar language and inappropriate photos would come off immediately and would be monitored by myself at any given time. At times, they try to put up ‘sexy’ pictures which immediately need to come down.
However recently I have found that she has multiple website things going on in an attempt to pick up young men. I'll outline a few here so that you understand the gravity of the situation: 1) I found her 'normal' myspace account set to 'public view'. She has over 11,000 profile views(meaning people looking at her pictures and wanting to know more about her). I had reset it to private many times, but she keeps going back and resetting it to public. 2) I have found another myspace account which she went by the name 'Shannon' and used it to pick up young men, tease them, then later tell them that she was 'taken' but refer them to her 'cousin, Kayla'. She'd then give them all of Kayla's information. Of course thiswas also set to public. 3) I have found another social network website that was like myspace in which she had ONLY men (mostly from other states) as her 'friends' whom she corresponded with. The emails back and forth basically said the same thing as all of the others... more on that in #4 - only these were guys that not only did she not know, but they were not even in the area! 4) All accounts that I have found had basically the same thing... her emailing guys wanting to know if she was pretty, if they wanted to 'hook up', talking about going to their 'crib' or meeting up with them somewhere, and constantly seeking approval and affirmation from these guys.
I believe she gets this from her mom. And the sad thing is, if you met her, you would love her. She is truly a GREAT kid… but she has serious issues. I’ve described to you Julie’s behavior and Kayla’s seems to be the same way. Neither can make decisions on their own that are ‘the right thing to do’, and both lack the understanding of simple values, morals and ethics. I could go into so many examples. How do I describe the utterly amazing difference between Julie’s parenting style and my own?
I know... Both Julie and I have myspace accounts set up to ‘monitor’ the kids. To illustrate the difference between Julie and myself, here is something that Julie and I both put on our myspace accounts. You are supposed to put something 'about yourself' by your picture. Here is mine: "I'm 38 years old. I have two amazing kids, Amanda who is 20 and Jonathan who is 13. I have great husband, Chris. I love to sing - and have been singing in Toast of Tampa Show Chorus for 10 years. I'm raising my nieces and nephew (12, 13 and 14). I love God and my family."And here is Julie's: "I am who I am and if you dont like me for me........FUCK YOU........ Plus if you dont like me for me....... Im gunna tell my kids and there gunna kick yer ass!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Here’s the other dilemma we are having; the two girls are in counseling that is costing me $25 EACH in co-payments every time they go. The State of Florida provides NO financial support to me as a relative caregiver, other than providing the three kids with Medicaid. They received small SSI checks because of their dad’s death, but it barely covers the food they consume. The DCF worker, having spoke with the girls and being told that therapy is ‘a waste of time’, has referred me to a clinic that DCF uses for cases such as this to seek mental care for Kayla (aswell as the others). However, the kids have TriCare as their primary insurance because their dad died from Military causes. TriCare requires the co-payment, regardless of the Medicaid secondary. Having said that, please understand that I worked in referrals in a primary care physician’s office for 16 years… I totally ‘get’ what is required for primary and secondary insurances and all the red tape. But because of the uniqueness of this situation, the kids are suffering!
I should also point out here that I have the kids for an indefinite period of time. Right now Julie is doing things that she has been told to do to get the kids back. However, she is still awaiting a court ordered detailed Psychiatric exam to determine if she can EVER parent again. Even if that Psychiatrist feels she can parent again, she’ll most likely need to be ‘clean’ and ‘episode-free’ for 6 months to a year minimum. In addition, Julie is only allowed supervised visits and one phone call a day. This came about because of her inappropriate behavior when she was with the kids and because when she was allowed to call any time she’d call 10 + times a day.
The other problem with Julie ever getting her children back is that… she doesn’t understand what she did wrong. She parents as if she were 15-years old herself. If anyone has ever done something bad and been able to ‘keep’ their kids, she sees no reason she can’t do it. She brought her daughter at the age of 13 in for a HUGE tattoo on the small of her back. It’s Tigger flipping ‘the bird’ with her gang name under it. She was also planning on getting a large tattoo on her 12yo before the kids were taken. Again, she sees nothing wrong with any of her past behavior.
So, you see, I could have these children for the rest of their teenage years. I honestly don’t know where to turn to get them the help they need.
I feel as if I am in a psychiatric nightmare and I just can’t wake up. Eight months ago I was at home, my biggest ‘kid worry’ was if my son was going to get good grades on his report card. Now I find myself in a crux worried about whether or not the lessons I teach them, this late in their young life, are going to be enough to turn these kids around and help them to be productive adults in the near future.

Tina's Daily Blog

Sunday, July 08, 2007

Things I Learned While On Vacation

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