Long Time - No Blog?

It's been a while since I've posted, and that was on purpose. I needed to NOT blog for a little while because I didn't want to say something that would be too emotional. Julie reads all my blogs now and I didn't want to say something that I would regret her reading. So I waited a good week... now I think I'm ready.

So here goes.

After my last blog, the one about the VA... I received the following message from one of Julie's friends:

I think its terrible that you r taking money away from Julie just so u can have more money for the kids that u use to pay ur bills with. That extra 800 a month was being used to pay the mortgage on a house that Ron wanted Julie to have. But because of you Julie is having to sell her house. you suck. and as far as i know ive been told that the kids r moving back in with Julie when they all turn 18 and that u refused to help them get into college if they decide to live with Julie when they turn 18. So u messing things up with the va is making Julie have to sell her house. id be ashamed of myself if i were u

First and foremost, let me say that - I don't know how much money we are talking about here. I don't really think it's $800 a month, but I don't really know. The entire time that I myself have talked to the VA, the conversation has been about 'paperwork'. When Julie talks about the VA, her angle/thought process is about 'money'. Don't get me wrong... I understand WHY she talks about it, she's afraid, and I'm not saying it's wrong. But.... I'm going to say something here, and this is where Julie's not going to like it.... nor is the friend I suppose for that matter.

From day 1 - it was wrong for Julie to have kept money that was supposed to have gone to the KIDS. Yes - indeed - Ron wanted the house for him, his wife and his children to live in. No doubt. But... it didn't happen. Things changed - he died. His wife is terribly mentally ill and not able to care for the kids. They are living with us now - permanently. Their 'home' is no longer the home that he had built. Julie is living a good 45 minutes away from her kids -- for what reason? To live in a big empty house?? I am sad that this happened..... I am very sad. But I don't feel at guilty. Guilty is just the wrong word for it.

My taking money to pay bills that Ron wanted to pay the mortgage for Julie to have was what she said, right? Well, I SERIOUSLY doubt that this girl really knew Ron at all. I however knew Ron very well. If Ron were alive, he would wish that Julie would sell her house and buy the one next door to us if she could. But she can't. What's more possible? It's more possible and more likely that she can sell the house and buy and apartment up here to be CLOSE TO HER KIDS. Julie has to drive an hour and a half every time she wants to see her kids. Ron would want her closer. And, furthermore, I'm not TAKING Julie's money. I'm not TAKING anything. The money is the KIDS money. It always has been. The VA has money ear-marked to go TO THE KIDS. Flat-out set aside for the kids. I'm not paying MY bills -- I'm paying bills for THEM. She should come try to pay a $2,300 a month mortgage payment, or $400 a month electric bill, or $150 water bill, or $175 little league fee, or $500 at the grocery store every week or countless other things that go on here. Are you KIDDING me? She has to be kidding.

Lastly about the kids moving in with Julie when they turn 18. I've had talks with Julie about this. I have talked with Julie at length about this and made my feelings on the matter very clear. I have ALWAYS said that my #1 priority has always been that JULIE needs to take care of JULIE first. She needs to get HERSELF under control FIRST. The worst thing in the WORLD she could do is get her kids under her roof and into her chaos while she is still not in control of her life. She needs to have a good year or so where she is not in the hospital and not hurting herself. In the meantime... the kids have PLENTY to do. They have high school to finish. They have college to think about. They are going to be BUSY. She needs to encourage them to stick with college and not come into her home. She knows that he life is destructive and not the best option for them. You, as her friend, should applaud Julie for recognizing that (as she has) and putting the kids interest above her own.

Yet I found myself crying over this comment. Why? Because I am Julie's sister and this whole situation tears me up. She's my sister first. The kids are my nieces and nephews second. And God placed them in my care, thinking I'd know what to do. But it's not easy. There are TONS of emotions and feelings. If this were 'some woman' whos kids I were raising that was not my sister, it'd be pretty black and white. But it's not. It's my sister. My flesh and blood. The one who used to pick my scabs when I was little. Who set my bedroom on fire. Who'd scratch my back all night long if I begged her to.

So.... after crying about this blog comment for a whole day or two.... quite literally. Then thinking about it for a good week... I just want to tell this blog reader that - I know you have the best of intentions for Julie. But trust me when I tell you that you don't know all sides.

You know.... I think about the fact that Julie might be losing about $600 a month or so (I think that's closer to the amount, but then again, I'm not sure) and I wonder.... why can't she work just a little to make this up? I mean.... really? She'd have to work, what part time for $7 bucks an hour. She wouldn't even have to work a full time job.

I met Chris when I was probably 16 years old. Pregnant at 17, had Amanda at 18 and I have worked no less than 40 hours a week, every single week, since then. I have worked no less than one job, and at times 2 jobs and even once or twice 3 jobs in order to make ends meet. We did what we had to do to pay the bills. I vacuumed rugs on the side - cleaned houses - babysat for rich folks - worked at convenience stores - did many odd jobs here and there. I have never taken more than a weeks vacation at a time, and never more than 2 weeks off in a year. Ever.

Yet, if you added it all up, I'll bet you that one year's worth of my work experience would equal Julie's lifetime experience. She just.... hasn't worked all that much - because she hasn't really had to. Or wanted to.

It's funny - because at times I still find myself feeling sad for her. I suppose that's the sister in me. But then I get really angry because I realize that I'm over here busting my ASS working all ding-dang day working hard and she's over there doing NOTHING but popping pills and chatting online. Then I remember... yeah... she really needs to do something like get a job.

But then I remember that she's not going to be able to keep the job for very long. I mean - she will go back into the hospital soon enough. She will get depressed, suicidal, overdose, cut herself, or something... and she'll go back into the hospital and she'll lose the job.

I've talked to Julie about getting onto Disability. There are two kinds of Disability in Florida:
* Low income disability (which because of the VA money - even without the kids money, she doesn't qualify for)
* Social Security Disability

Now, for the SS disability, this one would be perfect - perfect in that it doesn't matter how much money you make, you qualify based on the fact that you have worked before and if you qualify you can collect. However, the only problem is, your check amount is based in 'credits' which you get based on work history. The more you work, the more money you make, the more SS you can potentially collect. For example, I just received something from the SS office saying if I were to become disabled today, I could receive benefits in the amount of about $1,500 a month. Julie, because of her very little work history, would probably qualify for a very small amount.

However, you never know till you apply! And -- when I talked to Julie about this she said... "it's probably not much... like what $200 or $400 a month? What am I gonna do with that?" Well, heck, I dunno? Pay a bill with it? Why turn down money???

Anyways, after a day of gut wrenching crying at my office over the email above telling me what a horrible person I was and that I was practically ripping the home out of my sister's hands, I sent it to my pastor at Church and asked for advice. I explained everything. The whole thing. He told me that there was only one thing to do.... I needed to let the VA do their thing, I needed to let the kids get the money, if that was what the VA decided to do, and that Julie would need to figure out her own thing if happened. I needed to stop enabling her. It was the legal thing to do, and it was the moral thing to do. Plain and simple.

So -- I did give the VA the paperwork. I met with them and the meeting went pretty well. They told me that everything would go very slow. Very, very very slow. Funny. The main point of our meeting was to discuss the kids college stuff. He told me some very interesting things....

He told me that the biggest mistake kids and parents make is that they go into their first meeting with the VA rep and tell them what they want to accomplish, and they set low expectations. They say, "I want a 4-year degree in criminal justice" for example. But then, after they are in college, they realize they LOVE it and they want to go for a Masters or a PHD. Well, once that bar is initially set, there is no moving it higher. It's as high as it'll go. You can walk into your first meeting and tell him you want a masters and change your mind later and settle for a 4 year degree with no problem, but you can't go the other way. Very good information to keep in mind!

Speaking of colleges............. I have AWESOME NEWS!!!!!!!!!!

Kayla is doing so well in school that she has been approved to take night classes 2 nights a week and hopefully, if all goes well, she will graduate next year with the class of 2009!

Can you even BELIEVE IT???

I'm utterly amazed at this girl. She is doing so well - I'm so proud of her. :o)

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One last thing and then I'm out of here because it's super late.

Keep Julie in your prayers. She's starting a new job. And I'm -- worried. Happy, very happy for her - but at the same time worried.

Yesterday she overdosed on some pills again. Not 'gonna kill myself' overdose. But just 'gonna take lots and lots of pills because I just feel like swallowing lots of pills today for the fun of doing it for not apparent reason, I suppose' kind of thing. All I know is the rescue squad was at her house twice yesterday but she convinced them she was fine.

She lied.

We all knew she had taken too many pills. We always know. Julie thinks she's fooling people, but -- fools nobody. Even the kids knew. It's really sad. She tries to say she's 'tired'... but... you can tell.

I don't know where she's getting the prescriptions from. I'm not sure if this is something I want to dive into right now - finding out who's prescribing her excessive pills. I know she's seeing a pain management doctor who gives massive medications. She's on a new pain medicine that is FIVE TIMES stronger than Oxycontin. That's tremendously strong. I can't even fathom it. She doesn't even have a slipped disc or anything, I can't even imagine why he'd put her on something so strong....

Judging from her slurred speech when I talked to her, I'd say she was on Soma or Trazadone. Probably Soma, it's easier to get, and she likes it. It's very easy to abuse.

But she's starting a new job so -- let's hope this new job will give her something to keep 'on track' for! So, please keep her in your prayers. Thanks.

Luke 12:22-26
Then Jesus said to his disciples: "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?