Sometimes Life Doesn't Seem Fair

Yes, it's true... sometimes life doesn't seem fair.

I used to think there were two things you never talked about with people if you didn't want to get into a heated debate: religion and politics. I've since learned that 'care for the elderly' ranks up there as well. When it comes to Doug, everyone has an opinion and thinks we need to know what it is. For the record and so that I can 'say it' (remember this is my opinion, my feeling) - I personally want nothing more than Doug to live a long happy life with us or at home on his own. When Chris and I took him into our home, it wasn't temporary - we thought he would live with us all the rest of his days. We bought this particular house for him, it had an area just for him - his own living area and bedroom, bathroom nearby - at no time did it occur to me that he would have mini strokes and be where he is now. We prepared ourselves for the possibility of another big stroke and waking up one morning to find him with the heavenly Father, but were not prepared for what is happening to this wonderful man now. Four years ago, on this day, at this time - this man was most likely on a bicycle riding for hours and hours - between 30-40 miles every day. How wrong it feels that he can't get up anymore, he can't remember what he did a few hours ago, he can't eat, he drools constantly, his poor little brain is so busy he does things like cut up all of his clothes just because it's what his brain tells him is the right thing to do, and his brain... oh Lord... his brain is mostly gone because of the strokes. It's not fair that this has happened to Doug. Right now, the best thing for Doug - per all the doctors, nurses, social workers, and everyone involved in his medical care - say that he needs ongoing physical therapy and skilled nursing care around the clock, and say that he can not be left alone. It's just that simple in our minds - he needs that care, he requires that care, and frankly - he deserves that care. Chris and I, of course, hope that Doug will do exactly as he did after his first stroke - go to rehab and get better like he did before. He couldn't walk after his last stroke either, and with the nursing care and rehab, he was able to get so much better he was actually able to live on his own for several months. Again, everyone has their opinions and tells us about them. What people don't realize is that, when you are a person in this state of mind - a caregiver, grieving because this person whom you love so very much is now so very sick - words and opinions can cut like knives. Support and prayer are the two biggest things a person in this position needs. Support and prayer.

Okay, onto the kids! We had so much fun last night!! It was a beautiful night outside and Chris had worked all day yesterday on the pool area and it looked awesome outside, so we ate dinner together on the patio by the pool and then went swimming together until about 10pm. Jonathan had so much fun; as I watched him play with his cousins I couldn't help but think of how different things would have been if we did not have the kids and Amanda was out of the house. He's really enjoying the kids being there for the most part. I then put the kids to bed and went on the computer for a few minutes. Now remember, I'm really pleased with the kids progress, but I'm not saying they are total angels -- they still need to be watched carefully to make sure that they don't fall into old behaviors again. So, I'm reading Kayla's archive on instant messanger. She's emailed some guy and she tells him that she wants to date him. They are trying to figure out how they are going to hook up, meet, etc. She invites him to our house (I like that a lot, as I want to meet everyone she's 'hanging' with). Problem is... this kid will be 20 next month. TWENTY. She's 15. Chris and I had a talk with her and told her, not only did we 'have a problem with this' but -- it's simply illegal. He may think she's cute... he may really want to date her... but he HAS to wait a few years! I think she got it. But you know... how wonderful it is that we are dealing with normal teenage problems with the kids. Considering where they came from - considering where they were and what they were doing 6 months ago - they are doing awesome!

So let me tell you about Jonathan's doctors appt yesterday. I got a call from the school telling me that Jonathan was having chest pain and I had to go and pick him up. He's had this problem in the past, even as a very young boy. He says it feels like his heart has stopped for a minute... he can't breathe, it hurts, and feels like a million needles stabbing into his chest/heart. So I bring him to the doctors. When he was little and this happened, they did an EKG and said he was fine, but he wasn't able to give us a good description of how he felt as he was too young. So he explains it to the doctor, and she totally understands what is wrong. She gets him to tell her exactly where it hurts and how it feels... and it wasn't his heart, it was the upper center of his chest/ribs. She tells us she's pretty sure it's one of two things: Costochondirtis or Mitral Valve Prolapse. Costochondritis is inflammation of the junctions where the upper ribs join with the cartilage that holds them to the breastbone or sternum. It presents with all of Jonathan's symptoms - it happened yesterday 4 times in 3 hours, it lasted only seconds long, and went away with no after-affect. This is what we are pretty sure it is. The second possible (and less-likely) diagnosis is Mitral Valve Prolapse. She gave us a prescription to simply rule it out and told me that we could wait until school was over (summer break) to have it done. I get home and tell Chris about it and he tells me that this is the condition his dad had that he needed open heart surgery for years and years ago. Grrrrrrreat. We'll get the test done and see.

I was talking some to mom and Karen yesterday about Julie. I told mom that I felt the problem with Julie is this... nobody is fixing the underlying problem. Even IF Julie behaves herself and does what she's supposed to and as she's told to do, she doesn't comprehend why. This creates a problem for after she gets the kids back and she's on her own to make decisions - if she didn't understand why to do something and she's left to make her own decision, she's going to make the wrong decisions. I told her that it feels to me like everyone is just waiting for Julie to get better. She goes to see Vergeese every week, sees Vijapuri once a month or every other week (I don't remember how often) for her meds, but nobody is trying to or able to fix the underlying problem. Julie didn't have Gang members living with her because she wanted to be bad. Julie didn't allow the kids to do whatever they wanted because she wanted to be a bad mom. She doesn't want to tattoo her 12 year old to show everyone how bad of a parent she is. She doesn't have sex with any man because she wants to be bad. She has serious problems making decisions involving morals, ethics or values. She thought doing all of this stuff was okay to do! That's the difference between her and all the other crack heads out there that have their kids taken away. Those addicts know what they are doing is wrong and are simply addicted to the drug. All of Julie's addictions... drug... pot... sex... are because of the underlying issue of her mental health problems. If they can't fix that problem, everything else will still be there - even if she's not acting out at the moment. My biggest fear is that Julie is going to 'behave' long enough to get the kids back and then slip back into her old patterns. I honestly do not believe that Virgeese or Vijapuri can help Julie. They've been trying to since she was 16. Why would it be any different now? Sigh............

Okay, I had better run and get my day started. Love to you all and keep all of us in your thoughts and prayers.